#the pain that you had brought the pain that has been brought on you all the things you now have to live with and an understanding of what

[strange-aeons]

hi strange i’ve been enjoying yr videos for about four years thank u for giving me giggles for so long. however i am writing as i am not totally sure who else to ask…

my boyfriend had a traumatic pneumothorax last week and about 80% of his right lung collapsed. i don’t really know anything about pneumothorax (although i have learned so much recently lol) aside from hearing you mention it and as such i don’t know how to help him :(

i know it’s a shot in the dark but i was wondering if there are any comforts or ways to alleviate pain you could share? thank you so much strange you are super tough btw to have gone through this several times this Sucks big time

many good wishes to you and your sweet hairless babies in the new year!

If it happened one week ago he’s already gotten through the worst part! I’m assuming he’s still hospitalized with a chest tube in right now??

When I was in that situation it helped a lot having frequent visits from my partner and family. Especially when they brought snacks!!!!!! Hospital meals can be borderline inedible and there’s no way of escaping to the food court when you have a chest tube in (unless you plan to deceive multiple nurses and risk life threatening infection through the OPEN HOLE IN YOUR CHEST. Don’t do that).

Good food can be a relief in an otherwise horrible time, so finding out what he really wants to eat and brining it will definitely help. If he has no appetite then things like smoothies or drinkable soup can be very helpful. I often live off booster juice and Tim Hortona chicken noodle soup when hospitalized.

Finding the right media to keep sane is also very important!!! Your sleep schedule disintegrates entirely when laying on your back full of tube for multiple days. 2AM listening to alarms go off and 6AM getting woken up for x-rays and 1pm having the lunch slop delivered and 3pm being woken up for x-rays and 9pm visit from your surgeon all become basically indistinguishable, especially if you have no windows. Podcasts were ideal for me because it can be very hard to find a comfortable position with a chest tube / pneumothorax and looking at a screen was often too much of a hassle. Queer as fact and fall of civilizations are both excellent if you want non fiction btw. Old gods of Appalachia or welcome to nightvale if you want fiction.

There’s not a lot that you as a loved one can do about his physical pain, but I will share some of my pneumothorax expertise with you and anyone else who might go through this.

There’s no nerve endings in the lungs so all the pain/ discomfort related to a pneumothorax has to do with pressure in the chest cavity.

The pain is the absolute worst when your lung is actively collapsing so when that feeling starts SHOVE SOME EXTRA STRENGTH ADVIL OR TYLENOL DOWN YOUR THROAT, then lay down and wait for it to finish collapsing. It may seem tempting to rush to the hospital as fast as possible (or rush your loved one who’s lung is collapsing to the hospital) but trust me the last thing you want to do with a lung that is actively deflating like a sad balloon is exert yourself (this is how I collapsed my lung the full 100% and could not move my upper body for an hour. Quirky). Give it at least 30 minutes of floor time before you try to move. You will have a way better time getting to the hospital.

Wait sorry I lied lung re-inflation hurts sometimes more than the initial collapse. The sometimes are the times when ER nurses do not know how to do it properly. Immediately after they put the chest tube in, they attach it to a suction machine to suck out the excess air in your chest cavity. I do not know if these machines are the same internationally (I’m Canadian) but if you’re dealing with one where the settings are percentages, the one you want is 20% suction. NOT 100%!!! that just causes unnecessary excruciating pain without being more effective. I have had to fight numerous nurses while in the worst pain of my life to TURN THE PAIN MACHINE DOWN. fuck the pain machine. Anyway. After the pain machine they leave the tube in for a few more days to make sure the lung stays inflated. Nearing the end of that process, most of the discomfort is caused by the tube itself, so as horrible disgusting the worst getting that thing ripped out is, just know you will feel so much better after.

Throughout the healing process (and in the case of small pneumothoraxes not requiring chest tubes — I’ve had over 10 of those ones) I’ve noticed that heightened discomfort lasting a few minutes results from going from laying down to standing up or vice verse, or from bending over. This is why I have pioneered the sophisticated technique know as the pneumothorax squat. It is just as cool and hot as you’re imagining.

This post was supposed to be about how to support a loved one with a pneumothorax what the heck am I even talking about now.

Most of what he’s going to need will seem boring or insignificant. Companionship. Food. Medication. Toiletries. COMPANIONSHIP. podcast recommendations. But it absolutely is not insignificant. Abruptly losing mobility, independence, and bodily autonomy as a young person is really fucked up and I cannot fathom doing it without my family and my partner, even if most days that consisted of talking to me and bringing me smoothies and underwear.

Wishing a quick recovery to your boyfriend! Good luck with everything!!

[theeroins]

If I say that I'm not used to people misinterpreting my favorite characters, I'd be lying. But the way they get so many things wrong about Inho's character is kinda pissing me off because you KNOW that most of them do it to cancel out the possibility of InHun being *something* more than what's shown so far. You don't ship them, that's fair, frankly I don't care. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion UNTIL your opinion is wrong.

Let's talk about a couple of things I've seen being talked about on tiktok (🙄)

“Inho joined the games because ilnam said that it'd basically be more fun to play than to watch so he followed his example." loud incorrect buzzer ! Inho has joined the games before, and not only that, he's also a previous winner, so therefore he's very much aware of what it's like to be a part of it, he's experienced them first hand, just like he's experienced the atrocities of it. they've changed him for the worst and possibly caused him a huge trauma —they're the reason he's lost faith in humanity after all— so, why would he crave to relive it just for the thrill of it? i, personally doubt he even enjoys watching the game.

“Inho didn't look at Gihun with love, he likes to watch him suffer” Short answer is no. He doesn't like to watch him suffer, neither he looked at him with love, not the pure kind of love at least. Two things can be true at once. Inho spent half the season staring at Gihun because everything about the man intrigued him; His determination, his stubbornness, his kindness, his hope, his heart that's full of love despite the pain he suffered, even the pain in his eyes every time someone got eliminated in front of him as if it was the first time it had happened, as if the cruelty of it all surprised him every damn time. How can someone, who's been through the same things Inho has been through, be the polar opposite of him?

now, the reason(s) that I think Inho actually joined the games for..

(yes I am an Inhun shipper, does that make my opinion a little biased? maybe. do i still believe I'm right? absofuckinglutely.)

Let me clarify this: Inho is NOT a good man, no matter the redemption arc he might get in s3, he'll continue to be a terrible person because nothing will ever erase the blood he's spilled and the evil men he's worked for. BUT at the same time, he's not ALL bad, not like the VIPS and ilnam. See, Inhun are the average "yin-yang" trope in fictional romance, (which I eat up every time and I find it very interesting when it's done the right way, don't get me wrong) Inho is bad but there's some goodness somewhere deep inside him. And the only person who's brought it to the surface is Gihun. Sure, he does think Gihun is naive, but he's also the only person who's actually challenged him, who's "forced" him to get his stupid head out of the dirt and look around him, even for a short while and Inho definitely liked what he saw. Honestly, it wasn't even that hard for Gihun to do so because the goodness in Inho wanted and waited for someone to pull him out of the dirt, he wished for someone, something to give him hope for humanity or.. anything. Anything that'll help him escape from his misery.

You can definitely argue that he joined the games to befriend Gihun, to gain his trust and stop his plans when the time comes, which is half true. But keep in mind that he needed to justify his choice to join the games. He's not a VIP nor the mastermind to simply get to do that without consequences. He's the frontman, the one who controls and manages everything. He's needed for the games to work and go by smoothly and successfully without unnecessary losses and problems. Gihun would only cause problems, Inho knew that very well and yet he chose to put him in it once again. He recklessly made that choice, risking pretty much everything because of his inner conflict. A part of him wanted Gihun to prove himself to him, that there's indeed good that'll save the world and the rest of him wanted to prove to Gihun that everything he so strongly believes in is merely a fantasy.

Joining the games and befriending Gihun was the only way for Inho to see the real him, without the heroic mask he puts on every time he faces the frontman. I think he believed that someone as extraordinary as Gihun will either break in front of him and he will end up disappointed by the human kind once again, or Gihun will change everything about the way he thinks for the better. But the problem is that Inho hopes for both of those things at the same time.

And that was Inho's arc in season 2. His inner conflict and how it will affect him, the game and Gihun later on.

[fadelbison]

Of Boats and Drama; The Turning Tides on Kant and Bison's Compatibility

obsessed with how when its during their make believe phase, when fadel says "I think I love you" to Style, Style doesn't say it back and instead just kisses him at the end of ep. 6 and during the kantbison parallel at the start of ep7 when Bison says "I love you" to Kant, Kant says "I love you" back but clearly there's baggage even if he's not lying outright.

But after the brothers kidnap their respective lovers its Style that fronts with the I love you that perplexes Fadel

and its bison that wants to hear it

but Kant jumps into the ocean instead (like you can see the beach front okay Bison is clearly devoid of killing intent here) instead of lying to him or say the same things he's been saying to dupe him.

I really think this is where the Kant and Bison compatibility is finally starting to show. Bison clearly loves his little fantasies and make belief of romance (just like style dear fucking god). I've joked before about how bison has given to his brother the lover he had envisioned for himself - the one who will plead his love, cajole and give in.

But that guy is wrong for him.

We've seen that slightly off dynamic between Kant and Bison for 6 whole episodes. And it's killed me that people kept trying to interpret them with the same rose tinted glasses that we do for Fadel and Style. Because the FadelStyle and KantBison relationship parallels aren't meant to highlight the similarities between the couples but rather the differences, that's where the information about these characters come from.

The audience knows something that Kant doesn't in the boat scene; which is that he has this in the bag already. I think this is the infamous island Bison inherited from his dad and he's brought him here to literally just talk. I know I mentioned this already but bison literally looks like he just untied the boat from shore and let it drift on its own while waiting for Kant to wake up.

Like that has got to be the minimum legal distance that a boat needs to be from shore to be considered unmoored lol. This is 'I am using your vulnerabilities against you because love is pain' shore distance not 'dead body dumping' shore distance. The body will wash up on shore before the boat even makes it back.

But for Bison, Fadel's reasonable precautions while we talk approach was not enough. He needed the ropes, the guns, the added ocean trauma because the guns didn't feel enough to instill fear, the pretty necklace he put on just so he could rip it off his throat, everything is already high drama high fantasy for him. Bison set the stage for desperate begging and tearful confessions, things he already got at the hospital btw but that wasn't enough either.

Because.

Bison doesn't need to be sold on fantasies. He had that and it sucked for everyone involved, what he needs when he's totally out of control like this is this guy:

[screenshots of Kant telling bison he wants to talk on land and he's scared of the ocean]

For six whole episodes I saw Kant be wrong for Bison and not be able to pinpoint exactly why people cawing over how cute KantBison are bothered me so much. Until, of course, Kant finally does something right and all of a sudden it just all clicks together. Bison is boisterous, headstrong and because of his unique skillset also irresponsibly dangerous. The BDSM scene also shows that despite his best intentions, Bison can and will abuse power if given to him irresponsibly.

He doesn't need the Kant that plays along with everything he does. He needs the Kant that Kant is to everyone but him. The person that Kant is when they're together is barely even Kant. He needs the calm, level headed but fiercely devoted older brother, he needs the guy that helps a hookup out because that's his duty as a human being, he needs the guy that stole cars to keep his family fed. And I'll be really honest, that's the guy that Bison loves anyway, the one he hears about from Babe and Style and James.

What Bison needs is the quiet devotion of Kant choosing his own personal hell over playing this game and furthering any deception between them even though technically it wouldn't even be a lie (Bison is literally poised to believe him); the dogged resolve that once he's decided to do this on his own terms, it happens on his own terms.

[squidwriting]

SILENT GAME - #1: Welcome To The Team

⇥ Synopsis After a terrible accident, you had lost your memory. After years of struggling with your identity, a lucky coincidence brought everything back - only to find your life in shambles, and your husband missing.

⇥ Pairing Hwang In-ho x fem!reader

⇥ Warnings Spoilers for Season 1 & 2, angst, violence, graphic descriptions of injuries & death

⇥ A/N: Changed In-ho's backstory (obviously lul) so no spoilers there. :3 Hope you enjoy! 💕

✁ — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

"Come again..?"

Your voice was barely above a whisper. Jun-ho's story was as grotesque as it was unbelievable. There was no proof, no way to know if he was actually telling the truth. On the other hand, Jun-ho has never lied to you. He had been there ever since you woke up from your coma.

"What is it your not telling me?" you asked quietly, searching his face with your eyes. You had known him ever since he was a little boy. You knew when he was lying - or hiding something.

"Hyung didn't just participate in the games. He...," Jun-ho swallowed thickly, averting his gaze, "...became a part of it. He's the leader now."

The conversation replayed in your mind as you watched Player 456 talk with the man in question: Player 001, Hwang In-ho - your husband of almost 20 years.

Jun-ho had obviously opposed your idea of joining the games. But you were too stubborn to listen to him, too stubborn for your own good. That's what In-ho always said anyway. Maybe he was right. Still, you lost almost ten years of your life to amnesia. If there was even the slightest chance for a way back to how things were... you would take it.

Ryuk Su-Yun. That was the name you chose for the registration. The name you had chosen after you left the hospital to start over, away from everything and everyone you knew - well, except for Jun-ho. You attempted to cut ties with him several times, too ashamed to let him in, when you absolutely refused to see your husband. But Jun-ho was persistent - even more so than you were.

You pushed the rice around in the tin lazily, thinking about your current situation. Thanks to Player 456, you survived the first game without a scratch. It would probably be wise to stick close to him going forward. Then again, that meant you had to face In-ho sooner or later.

A loud commotion ripped you out of your train of thoughts. Looking up, you found In-ho confronting two players who were ganging up on a third one. In a matter of seconds, the two bullies were silenced and groaning in pain, rolling on the floor dramatically. You bit your lip, trying not to chuckle. In-ho had always been a savage when dealing with bullies. The room erupted in applause, with him being the center of attention. You looked up slowly and found him staring directly at you. His face was like a mask, showing no emotion, betraying no thought of his. Swallowing thickly, you forced yourself to smile at him quickly, before immediately turning your attention back to your lunch.

Sleep did not come easy to you that night. In-ho had not approached you after the incident - and you thought about what to do when you two would eventually come face to face.

Funnily enough, you never thought about that possibility when you chased down the recruiter to enter this hell. Judging by Jun-ho's report, In-ho was working behind the scenes, observing these so-called "games". Why was he a participant? Did he recognize your name after all? Or was it because of Player 456 who claimed to be there for the second time?

In-ho... You sighed quietly and turned onto your side. It was strange to suddenly remember your life with him before you lost your memory. That day you regained it was like a fever dream, all the emotions and images from years ago flooding your mind - as if they were never gone in the first place. It was scary, knowing that you lost nearly 10 years of your life. How would your life be now, had not been run over by a truck? Certainly, you would not find yourself in a room with 400 other people literally gambling for your life. "Shit," you whispered angrily, rolling onto your back again, your eyes glued to the ceiling. What had you gotten yourself into? 

The light was almost blinding when the beginning of a new day was announced. Music sounded from the speakers, a melody far too happy and cheerful for a grim place like this. You climbed down from the bed carefully, stretching your limbs a bit. 

"You are... a strange one," a voice behind you said. "Pardon me?" You turned around, tilting your head slightly. The woman grinned, her eyes widening slightly. "Your aura is different from everybody else's. You're not here for the money, are you?" 

Before you could answer, another voice sounded through the speakers, telling all players that the second game was about to begin. As quickly as the woman appeared, she was gone again, leaving you behind confused and slightly startled. 

Your eyes scanned your surroundings, making out a few already familiar faces - including Gi-hun and In-ho. You bit your lip, contemplating your next move. It would be unwise to approach him directly. If Jun-ho's report was accurate, In-ho was nothing like the man you used to know anymore. What if he felt threatened by your presence? What if he snapped? 

Using a fake name was only a small part of your act. You had to be the woman whose name you were carrying. It was easy when you were still without memories. Now, it was more than complicated. What if you messed up? In-ho was smart, a former high ranking member of the Police. It would be easy for him to debunk your charade if he wanted to. Damn it, why did he have to pose as one of the players anyway? It complicated things to an impossible extent. 

"Hey 371! Come on, let's get going," you heard as you were pushed down the stairs gently. Looking behind you, you saw Player 388 smiling brightly at you. "Right," you nodded, letting him lead you down and outside to follow the guards to the next room. 

"A playground?" you whispered as you took in the scenery around you. "It's as nostalgic as it is morbid." 

Your mumbles remained unheard between the voices of the other ones - and Player 100 who apparently only possessed the ability to scream. The recipient of his ranting was Player 456 again. "That poor guy," you chuckled dryly, shaking your head a bit. 

"Players, welcome to the second game. We will begin shortly." Everytime you heard that voice through the speakers, your insides clenched painfully, for it never brought any joy or good news. "This game will be played in teams. Please take the next ten minutes to divide into groups of five."

You cursed quietly. Teams? There was no such thing in this place. Nobody really knew each other, nobody could be trusted; even more so since you still did not know which game you would play this time. How would you ever find good, reliable team mates? What if your team mates let you down and you would all die? What if-

"Hello again," the familiar voice from before spoke to you once more. 388. 

"Hi," you answered with a small smile. "Looking for a team to join?" 

"Uh, no, actually," he stuttered, rubbing his hands nervously, "we have a team, but we need one more member. If you're interested," he lowered his voice slightly, "we have two Marines and the guy who already won the games," he grinned. 

"And...? Who else?" 

"Oh," he answered quickly, "the guy who beat up those other two yesterday."

In-ho. 

Two marines, a former winner, and a former Policeman. That was probably the best team you could find in this place. Without hesitation, you took 388's outstretched hand and followed him to your new team.

The three men looked at you as 388 approached with you in tow. "This is... 371," 388 said proudly, "a... uhm..." "Taekwondo Instructor," you continued the introduction for him.

"Remind me not to mess with you then," the voice that was still terribly familiar to you said. You would recognize his voice anytime. Chuckling lightly, you bit your lip and willed yourself to look up at him again. He outstretched his hand to you slowly as he spoke up once more.

"Welcome to the team, 371." 

[lastoneout]

They were also SO weird about my daily meds. I wasn't allowed to take them on my normal schedule that my regular doctors have signed off on, apparently this hospital has a special rulebook for when and how often I'm "actually" supposed to be taking any given medication which takes priority over my current regular medication schedule and thus I was forced to adhere to it, so between that and the whole "the nurses are so busy they are constantly late bringing me my meds which HAVE to be taken at a specific time each day, meant I felt extra mega like shit. (Like I'm on Lamictal and you CANNOT just fucking stop taking Lamictal and they wanted me to skip a dose and take it in the morning "like I'm supposed to" even though my actual fucking psychatrist said I can take it morning or night, whichever is more comfortable for me, it literally doesn't matter at all. I also kept missing the times for my Propranolol which meant my POTs was out of wack and making me dizzy and my heart race.)

Also the on-site pharmacy didn't carry one of my usual medications so they gave me a choice between switching to an "equivalent" one the doctor approved of(a decision I was not present for so I couldn't even give informed consent, like I didn't get any info on this other med aside from it's name and the assurance that "it would do the same thing" which I found dubious at best given that this was prescribed by a specialist and my assigned doctor was not trained in that field at all) or just not taking it at all, and I was explicitly forbidden from touching my meds from home(my usual hospital has no such rule so idk why they were being like this about it, I had no reason to think me bringing them was against the rules) and they nearly forced my fiancé to take the ones I brought—since I knew I'd be there for two days and figured I'd like need my meds—back to my house, so I couldn't even just take my usual meds which I literally had in my bag, I was forced to take something else.

So yeah like the constant inability to sleep or eat given the cycle of intense nausea and excruciating pain no one cared to treat correctly was already stressing me out to the point that I knew I was going to have a fibro flare that would make it harder to recover, plus the whole "ignoring me for several hours when I was sobbing from how badly I had to pee despite being unable to on my own because they just didn't believe it was possible for me to have to pee that bad until my fiancé was pissed enough he went and found them(literally actively shit talking me when he walked up too) and essentially forced them to check again, which the assistant who was in charge of that did so carelessly it make the pain so much worse and she refused to even speak to or really look at me while she did it too, and then they had to rush to give me a catheter which meant they couldn't find a smaller tube(my urologist has told me I have an uncommonly small urethra and bladder opening) or be careful so it hurt really bad" thing, AND the saying they'd give me enough pain meds to help at home only to change the dose to a lower, less effective one which I only found our about after they discharged me and I was told because I'd been discharged the doctor wouldn't speak to me(the pharmacist literally said once you're discharged you're treated as "out of sight, out of mind" like he said those exact words) AND the surgery team just straight up not returning any of my calls today to try to get the medication thing fixed, I think this hospital is run by inhumane monsters who don't give a shit about their staff or patients, which in turn makes their staff unwilling to care for their patients basically at all and they should probably face serious consequences for treating people this way.

Oh, also I just remembered the surgeon said they would tell me what setting my shunt was at because I would absolutely need that information, but no one ever told me and right as we were leaving we realized that and mentioned it and the nurse was like "idk I can't find it written in your chart so I guess you'll just have to call the neurosurgeon" and then lectured me again about the dangers of pain meds before vanishing and not returning. Which I'm sure is fine and normal.

God I fucking hate that hospital with every fiber of my living being. Also they should decriminalize all drugs and I'm not kidding.

And I'm filing a fucking grievance.

I'm home from the hospital and I can confirm that the opioid crisis has made these places fucking insane about literally all medications.

[sunfire-shield]

I know it kinda gets resolved in the same ep it was brought up in but I really did enjoy Janai’s little breakdown and paranoia at the beginning of s6, like it definitely tracks, being kidnapped and nearly assassinated by your brother, then utterly betrayed by a trusted individual, and the ultimate loss of the thing you had pinned all your dreams for the future on will do that to you, but I particularly enjoyed how it plays into Janai’s general characterisation as a whole. Like, I have deeply enjoyed the exploration of Janai in arc two as, on the whole, a cautious, deliberate, thoughtful leader who considers well and carefully what course to take, but the private anxiousness and self doubt she has has also been wonderful to explore. And what we see in s6 ep2, the wild paranoia, the lashing out, the rollercoaster of insecurities, the dark destructive thoughts, is directly an expansion of the nature thus far established for her, the dark side of the coin, triggered by the rage, grief and fear she feels that are the legacy of her recent experiences. Whilst it hurts to see her in pain and lashing out, even at loved ones, it’s a relatable experience; and it’s lovely to see the way she pulls herself back from that spiral, with the help of those she loves

[oh-sturg]

TADC is about suicide and here’s why

TW : Suicide

CW : Spoilers

Okay so. First of all, this might be a cold take. Someone else might’ve done this already or come up with this theory, I haven’t watched any videos EXCEPT for the actual show. So maybe I’m late to this

Additionally, we’re only on episode 4 of season 1 I could be COMPLETELY wrong on this. I might be looking too deep, so give me a grain of salt

The circus itself is giving very. Place after death vibes. Not purgatory, or heaven, or hell. But just… somewhere people go after they die. Yes I know in the first episode Pomni says she can’t get this stupid headset off so hey, maybe she’s still alive?? I DONT KNOW FOR SURE but maybe the headset is giving her a glimpse into the afterlife?

That, or it’s some kind of therapy program

IGNORING THAT

All of the main cast act like stereotypes of suicide victims, maybe it’s just me

Jax is an asshole, that much is obvious. We haven’t been given many inclinations into whether or not he has a softer side, but he seems to be compensating for something. It could be insecurity

Gangle is assumed to have been a shift manager at either a fast food restaurant or some other similar chain job, and it’s implied she wanted artist only to be told her dreams were unrealistic. Something that some people don’t know about people who are suicidal is that they can become extremely happy before going through with it, which we see with Gangle in episode 4 before she’s hit by a truck. Now the truck thing could be an accident, but she literally leans into the road. She looks surprised to see the truck, and maybe she was unaware of her surroundings at the time, but it could be that she also was surprised to go through the same experience again. She literally says that she snapped under the pressure of the job and responsibility. Could be headcanon. There’s also the whole masking emotions thing which is quite literal in its presentation

Ragatha is obviously toxicly positive. She tries to make things better and look on the bright side of things. She’s courteous and compassionate, but there’s no way she can be like that constantly. It’s just not humanly possible. Gangle says in episode 4 it’s hard to tell when she’s being genuine after you spend a lot of time with her, so perhaps it’s a coping method? Or a habit? In the pilot episode/episode 1, she literally tells Pomni she understands if she leaves her behind while she’s in pain. Maybe I’m misremembering, but she values others over herself. After a certain point that becomes exhausting. You can’t do it anymore

Zooble clearly goes through body dysmorphia as seen in episode 3. They don’t like their body, no matter how many times they can change it. This could also be a gender dysphoria thing, but we don’t see a lot of their relationship with their gender other than their pronouns being non-binary

Kinger is one I struggle with a little bit. We know he had a relationship with Queenie, and now she’s gone, but we don’t know if that relationship started in the circus or before either of them were brought into it. What we do know for sure is that he’s paranoid. In his first appearance the cast literally speculates that he will be the one to abstract next, with abstraction being the product of heavy dissociation. Sure, he’s not all paranoia and fear, but he’s wary. He’s a kind soul who broke under everything

Caine’s influence in all this is that he’s someone who isn’t depressed or suicidal. He’s the person who tries to fix those people, but goes about it in the wrong way. He’s trying to take their mind off of what makes them suicidal by shifting their attention. When they try to open up to him, he doesn’t understand their issues because he just isn’t suicidal like they are/were. Like Ragatha, he’s toxicly positive and tries to change the topic when things like that come up. Think of someone who doesn’t want you to show symptoms of mental illness around them because they “don’t like it” or “are offput” by it

That’s really all I’ve got on this. Again, I could be wrong or I might be totally late to the party but I can’t get this out of my head so

[holyguardian]

Somnus made a move that blossomed a smile on her face. It tickled her that he played right into her risk-taking — she looked more pleased than a cat who got the canary when she claimed that piece. She was honestly too puffed up happy to consider the reason behind his play.

Aerith had stepped into his territory. She would probably soon realise where she had landed herself, all while talking his ear off.

"Cute that you think you're winning." she shot back, far too proud as she motioned to him for his turn.

"Ouhf. My arms hurt just thinking about it." she then half-heartedly complained. She would rather climb a mossy wall slick from morning fog than be stuck at the mortar and pestle grinding away. "My favourite is called the forest banquet, and I think we call it that because it's only something you would serve at a banquet. It can be made with boar but venison is best." If she wasn't careful she'd end up explaining the whole process and bore him to tears. "The main parts are you have to grind up everything in the marinade until it's smooth. It doesn't work otherwise, and you have to make so much of it to cover the dish too, it's such a pain. Then the meat has to marinate for days. Someone has to keep turning it so all of it remains well coated. It's so good though."

She sat back a little in her chair and shifted from watching his hands as he contemplated his next move, to actually looking up to his face. Did he not realise how verbal his hands were? It was... kind of endearing.

As he got more serious her own expression gentled. If he tried to tell her this in the morning, she probably wouldn't have been as open to listen. Because then, it would have felt... like politics... but here and now, it felt real. It felt human. They were connecting and she believed in his words, even exhaled a small amused breath through her nose when he brought up the dragon.

"Your way?" she naturally asked, giving a curious tilt of her head. There were still more mysteries about him. She knew little of his abilities, even if part of his magic had travelled up her arm, she didn't know what he was capable of.

Aerith's posture straightened a little, and she half-turned to briefly look over to Nidhogg who still had a half-lidded eye trained on them. She turned back with an almost guilty smile. "For what it's worth, I didn't mean to surprise you with the dragon either. I'm a bit protective of him, I don't like to introduce him to just anyone, not unless I have to. I was going to warn you about him but it didn't feel like the right time." Then... Nidhogg just dropped in.

Aerith wasn’t the first princess he met. Far from it. And with Aera around, Somnus felt that most princesses had been similar to her. Maybe behind their walls they all were different, but usually there was a healthy distance und just exchanges of formal pleasantries. Like the court rules foresaw.

With her though? She just talked. And made him talk.

She claimed she had a hand in the relationship of the queen and king. She did not fault him for hunting, even if she did not like meat so much. She knew she was cheating with her abilities to fish. She was so open about everything and offered perspectives that were… refreshing. That did not fit into the very strict and oldschool views the court here often applied to everything.

Somnus eyed the chess board for a moment. She was baiting him, wasn’t she? But he would do as she wished. With a smile, he slowly lifted the figure on his side that she apparently intended to strike next.

“Well. You will have to tell me about your favourite labour-intensive meal dish now. And of course you will have to show me the fishing trick after I won here.”

And he sat the figure down, gesturing towards her then.

“The ocean… it’s beautiful. Wild. So endlessly more than a lake or river. I need to show it to you...”

Though this had him leaning back a bit, the smile fading for a more serious expression.

“Yesterday evening, when we were by the cliffs… Aerith, I did not intend to lead you on, or what ever it is you believed. I was just- I was afraid you would actually try to climb down there and would end up hurt. Back then I did not know you could climb any wall. Or control plants and water. I also did not know your family had a dragon, which they would probably have gladly fed me to, if you had gotten injured in my company.”

The last sentence painted a little streak of mischief into his eyes again.

“I wanted to get you down there – but… safer. My way.”

[ashblooddragons]

The Red Queen (Chapter 14/?)

Series Masterlist

Kingslanding 

113 ac

Your pov

I try to ignore the wails and screams that fills the halls. The swish of maids dresses as they rush down the halls with bloody rags trying to find clean ones. The whispers of courtiers trying to decide if the babe will be a boy or not. 

I try, but I find even a deaf man would hear the wails that fill the keep. 

All this pain for a babe? I think solemnly looking down at my flat belly. To think that one day a babe would one day grow there is baffling. 

“Her Grace needs more hot water.” I hear a frantic maid say most likely to another maid. 

I remember how happy I was finding out I was gonna be a big sister, now I wish I wasn't if only for her. 

Papa and Ali asked for me to come to his chambers. I try to figure out on the way what it could be about. 

Maybe there's gonna be another wedding? Nyra is betrothed to Laenor. I think just before the doors to Papa’s chambers open. 

“Ah wonderful you're both here!” Papa says when I enter. I notice Nyra sitting next to him scowling towards Ali who only hangs her head and twists her fingers.

“Yes we're both here, now what do you need?” Nyra asks in that tone of hers. She's been speaking this way ever since Ali married Papa. I don't get why she blames Ali, Ali said she couldn't stop it even if she wanted to, and it seemed like she wanted to. 

Papa grimaces at Nyras tone before smiling again. 

“I-no we have wonderful news. The Queen is with child!” Papa exclaims taking Ali's hand in his not even looking at her.

I smile ear to ear when I hear this. “I'm gonna be a big sister?” I ask excitedly as I rush over to Ali touching her belly.

I never got the chance before, Papa said Mama was too sick that it just wouldn't happen for a while. But then she did, but then she passed. 

With that thought I look up at Ali worriedly and she seems to notice my fears as she speaks next. 

“The Maesters say it should be a healthy pregnancy. No complications, at least from what they can tell as of now.” 

I smile wider, staring at her still flat belly trying to figure out if I'm gonna have a sister or brother. But then Nyra scoffs and glares at Ali.

“It's only been three moons since your wedding, and you're already with child? Interested.” She says as if she knows some dark secret and is all too happy about it. 

I'm confused why the time between their marriage and the baby being here is important. I mean we all saw them kiss at the wedding, and many times after. It was only a matter of time those kisses made a baby. 

Before Ali can cry from Nyras cruel words or Papa yell at Nyra I decide to speak. 

“This is great, do we know if it's a boy or a girl?” 

This makes Ali laugh as she looks down at me stroking my wild hair back. I know she knows own. I just went for a fly, I had told her that Srromchaser has been sad lately and I hoped a fly would help.

“We won't know until they are born. But what do you hope for?” 

My immediate thought is that I hope Ali lives and doesn't pass away like Mama. But I know I can't say that, this is a happy moment, no sad thoughts allowed. 

“I want a,” I start stopping to think one last time before responding. “Sister!” I decide with a nod.

She smiles down at me, she finally seems happy again. Like the Ali I knew before Nyra was mad at her and Papa married her. 

“Oh but a son would be helpful, don't you want a brother, Darling?” Papa says with a forced grin.

I try not to frown at his words, Papa always wanted a son I never understood why though. 

But what made me the most upset was how his words took away Alis smile. She was finally happy and he just had to ruin it. 

I'm brought back when the screams finally stop, I feel my heart stop, I can't breathe.

Why is it so quiet? Shouldn't there be a babe crying? Surely if I can hear her screams all the way across the keep I would hear a babes cries? I think frantically as I climb out of bed clutching my Caraxes plush. 

I move to open the door only to find Ser Criston. He doesn't seem to have noticed me having seemingly also been co fused by the sudden quiet. 

“Is she alright, oh please say she's alright Criston.” I beg tears rolling down my cheeks. 

He looks down at me frowning before kneeling and taking my hands in his much larger ones. 

“I don't know, but I am going to find out. Stay here, a guard will be in front of your door. I will be back as soon as I can with news.” Ser Criston says before standing and turning down the hall in search of a maid or maester with news.

I try not to think about how he didn't say good news, only news. I know there is a chance she could die, but I prayed, I prayed so much she wouldn't. I prayed to the Seven like she taught me, to the old gods, I even tried to pray to the Valyrian ones like Kepus taught me. So surely one of them heard me and will follow my prayers. 

I turn back into my chambers wiping my tears walking towards Orchid. She quickly sits me in her lap showing me the new hat she made for her son Noah. 

“I was thinking of putting little stars along the hem, and for his sister Clover well she will have flowers. She says trying to distract me from the cruel wait to know if all is well. 

I nod my head as I move Caraxes wings up and down pretending he is actually in the skins and not just a plush in my arms. 

Kepus wouldn't make me wait this long, he'd let me know right away. I think eyeing the door for any moment when finally after what feeling like moons a knock comes to the door.

“The Queen awaits you, Your Grace.” I hear Criston say through the door. 

Orchid quickly sets me on my feet and slips my wool slippers on as well as my silk shawl ‘to keep the cold away’ she says. Before running to the door with Caraxes still clutched in my arms.

“Is she alright? Is the babe? Oh please tell me they are alright!” I plead as he takes my hand in his guiding me towards the Queen's chambers. 

He smiles down at me before nodding and I feel all the worry leave my body. I fight the tears of relief that they are alright, that they are still breathing, that they hadn't passed like Mother and Baelon did. 

I can't help but notice all the courtiers who stand outside the Queen's chambers. I hear them whisper about how if it's a boy it would be the heir. 

If it's a boy it would be heir? I wouldn't feel all this stress anymore? I wouldn't have all of court watching me? I think excitedly before remembering that if it is a boy it will feel all this stress, fear, and crushing weight on him.

No please don't let it be a boy, I don't want anyone to feel this, let alone a innocent babe. I pray to any gods that will hear me.

Ser Ceiston pushes them all out of our way until we yet to the doors. 

“The Queen and King are excited to see you.” He says before opening the door and letting me in.

I step in taking in the sight of Papa talking to maester about something, and of Ali holding a bundle of blankets in her arms. I watch with bated breaths as she lifts her head to look at me. Her smile lights the room from its pure joy. 

“Come here.” She says waving me over. 

I waste no time running over to her tears of relief finally rolling down my cheeks. I climb into the bed sluggling into her side crying into her chest.

“What's wrong, Sweetheart?” She asks stroking my hair back so she can wipe my tears as they fall.

“I thought something bad happened, that you would be like-like.” I can't even finish the sentence but thankfully she seems to understand as she hums before responding.

“Me and your brother are perfectly fine.” She says and I can't help but look up at her wide eyed.

“I have a baby brother?” I ask looking down at the black and gold blanket again. 

“Yes, his name is Aegon.” 

I smile big as I move the blanket to the side to see his chubby cheeks and silver gold wisps. 

“Like the conquer. I love it.” I say stroking his cheek. 

His skin feels so soft, so fragile, like the finest silk. His cheeks are red and he seems to be asleep as his eyes are closed and he has yet to open them. 

“I'm glad you like them, now I have two wonderful children. You and Aegon.” She says and I freeze turning to look up at her. 

I see the joy bit also the fear in her eyes. But I don't know why she is afraid, I would be over joyed to be her child as well.

“Well we are lucky to have such a good Mama.” I respond and I see her wipe at her eyes fighting tears. At first I think she is sad but then she smiles and kisses my brow and I know they are happy tears. 

“Can I hold him?” I ask to which she nods telling me to sit with my back against the head board and hold my arms out in front of me. 

When Aegon is set into my arms I'm shocked how heavy he is. He's so tiny surely he isn't that heavy? I think looking down at him once he is in my lap. 

“He's so cute.” I whisper excitedly to Ali.

“He truly is.” She says shifting her position only to whince in pain. 

I frown going to ask if she is alright when she kisses my cheek and looks down at Aegon again.

“He looks just like you. Just with Papa’s hair, and I don't know what his eyes look like.” I whisper to her.

“You think so? All of the men say he looks like the King. And I hadn't gotten a close look at his eyes, but I do know they are purple.” She says stroking Aegons nose making him scrunch it up in annoyance making us both giggle.

It always strikes me as odd how she always refers to Papa as ‘the King', they are married and yet they only call each other by their titles. King, Queen, Wife, Husband, anything but their names or a sweet nickname. But instead of bringing it up I shrug it off like always looking down at my little brother again.

“I'm your big sister, I'll always protect you. Even when your big and strong, I'm gonna protect you from the bad people here. I'll guide you, teach you Valyrian, I even have toys you can pick from. Just not my Caraxes and Stormchaser plushes. Oh and not my dolly either, she looks just like me, even had my eyes.” I whisper down to him excitedly.

In my excitement I miss how Nyra walks in only to storm out once she hears its a son. But what I wish I didn't miss was how Papa stares at Aegon with disdain, and how the Hand looks at him like a tool. But Ali does, and because of this she holds me and Aegon closer silently swearing to the gods to always protect us even if it meant her demise.

Special thanks to my bestie @sugutoad for making the header for this fic! I swear I'd be lost without you girly!

TAGLIST: @sugutoad @ilikefelines @classicsimpforaaronwarner @sachaa-ff @mmogurl @athzhowakar @themoonlitquill @thelastemzy @fallenxjas

[live-laugh-lenney]

could you do Arthur tv helping r with her anxiety/period symptoms? Either in a separate fic or together love youuu

he would be such a softie, for sure.

she hears him, his footsteps thudding and echoing down the hallway, before she sees him.

the door to his bedroom creaks open from it's ajar position, a rustling sound of a plastic bag coming soon after, and she can feel him enter the room by the warming presence of his figure now standing in the doorway. she sniffles softly, wiping her face in the sleeve of his grey jumper and leaving damp stains in the cuff from where she wiped her tears and running nose, sitting up on the mattress and looking at him as his eyes held sympathy and sadness behind them.

his heart aches at the sight before him; how she looked so small on his bed, hood pulled up and the strings pulled to keep it tight to her head, jumper almost swallowing her whole and she had red cheeks with tear-stained skin and blood-shot eyes from how she struggled to keep her emotions at bay throughout the afternoon. the bag in his hand felt heavier and he was instantly reminded how she would most definitely want the contents hidden behind the orange plastic.

"god, menstruation sucks."

"i'm not in the mood for your stupid jokes right now," she grumbles and his lips purse tightly together, a frown forming on her face before her eyebrows pinch together, eyes forming a sheen of tears that went shiny under the flickering candles filling the room with a yellow hue, "i didn't mean that, arthur. i'm sorry."

"don't cry, you silly goose," he laughs softly, stepping closer to the bed and perching down on the empty side of the mattress, "i've got some stuff for you. i went to the shops when you were asleep."

"i didn't sleep," she mumbles truthfully, pulling her knees to her chest and she could feel the pit of her stomach begin to cramp and the way her muscles tightened made her feel achy and sore, "i just couldn't."

he sets the bag upon the bed and lets her have a rummage through the things he'd brought for her.

her favourite box of chocolates, a tub of her favourite ice-cream (that he was, for sure, going to help her finish off), some tampons and a variety of pads that she could use and keep under his bathroom sink for the future week she would struggle with, some paracetamol and some stronger ibuprofen for when she was really dealing with strong cramps and pains, and a lavender bubble bath that she took a sniff of once she saw the scent.

"an old lady actually helped me pick this out," he admits sheepishly, a blush on his cheeks that she found so endearing as he pulled out a heating pad and some lavender oil, her eyes welling up with tears again as how thoughtful he had been for all aspects of how she was feeling, "i told her i was buying for my girlfriend who has it really bad, she took one look at my basket and told me to get this heating pad because it makes you feel relaxed and helps with the cramping. the lavender oil is for massaging purposes," he grins cheekily, "she said that when her and her husband were young, he used to rub this into her tummy and it made her feel a lot calmer."

she wipes her eyes with the sleeves of the jumper, shaking her head with a soft smile on her lips, and he reaches for her hands.

"i figured you could have a bath, i'll make some dinner, you could get into some clean clothes and feel a little more fresh and we could just have a cuddle on the sofa," he suggests, squeezing her hands tightly, "we could move everything into the living room, make the sofa into a bed, eat all the chocolate and ice-cream i brought today... what do you think?"

she shrugs softly and looks at their joined hands.

"will you have a bath with me?" she asks quietly, almost coming out as a whisper, "i just want to be near you. wanna be held today."

"of course i can."

-

the water lapped against her skin and the warmth kept her from the cold air of the bathroom, with arthur's arms tight around her, holding her against his chest. her legs were bent up to her chest, his legs were stretched out either side of her, and she was comfortably in a position to lay her head back against his shoulder without feeling she was going to slip away. the smell of lavender filling the air and the gentle sound of the bubbles and the foam popping could be heard over the silence of the room.

"how are you feeling now?"

she nods softly, turning her face and letting his nose brush against the skin of his neck, and she smiles a genuine smile that gave him a sense of a little satisfaction; he'd accomplished what he had set out to do and he could only hope she continued feeling this way for the rest of the day.

"so much better," she says, "not sure if it's just being around you or whether the water and the lavender scent is helping."

he presses a kiss to her forehead and lets his lips linger a little longer than normal, feeling her melt under his touch, a soft hum leaving her throat and filling the room.

"it's you," she whispers after a while, turning her upper body so she could look him face-on, the water sloshing either side of her, "it's always you who makes me feel better. i'm lucky. so lucky."

"anything for you, lovie." x

[aishangotome]

[Azel] Loving Devoutly in God's Harem - Part 1

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this!

This is a "what if" story.

You, a book merchant, visit Tanzanite and catch the eye of the Living God. You end up imprisoned in the "harem"...

Emma: Prince Azel, thank you for everything up until now.

Azel: Rejected. Why are you casually trying to escape? Wait!

Azel grabs my hand as I try to leave the room with my luggage.

(I guess I can't just suddenly run away without any explanation.)

Azel: Have you forgotten your debt to me?

Azel: You promised to repay the debt you owe me by acting as a shield against women, didn't you?

Emma: If all I have to do is repay the debt, there are other ways to pay.

Emma: For example, I could do other work and repay in installments...

Azel: Rejected.

Emma: Stingy!

Azel: Stingy is fine. Please get to work today.

Azel confiscates my luggage and looks down at me with a frown.

Emma: Then please listen to my earnest plea.

Azel: I'll listen, but that's it.

Emma: The other day, I heard from a merchant acquaintance...

Emma: That the story of the only woman to receive the sole affection of the Living God has already spread throughout the continent.

Azel: And?

Emma: If I were to fall in love with someone in the future, the rumors might become a hindrance.

Azel: Poor you.

Emma: Yes, poor me, right?

Azel: However, even if it's a pity for you, you have an obligation to pay your debt.

Azel: I have no choice but to tearfully bind you to the God's harem.

Emma: ...In the first place, that debt is due to your fraud, Prince Azel.

Emma: You only said you would introduce me to customers looking for books, but then you suddenly demanded a commission fee...

Azel: It's your fault for not confirming beforehand. It was a good learning experience, wasn't it?

(It's no use saying anything else.)

Emma: I've decided! I'm running away tonight!

Azel: Don't declare it so boldly! I'll put a collar on you.

Emma: ...I never knew Prince Azel had such a hobby...

Emma: Eek... W-w-wait a minute!

Azel pinches my cheeks, and when I resist, he picks me up.

Azel: This conversation is over. Let's go to sleep.

Emma: Are we together again today? I don't want to!

Azel: That's how a harem works, isn't it?

(What do you expect from a fake lover?)

The Living God is famous for keeping women at bay.

The harem's caretaker had been racking his brains about this for years, but the situation changed when Azel suddenly brought in a foreign girl.

(I've heard that he wants to do something about the current situation where countless women are flocking to enter the harem...)

(I wonder how long Azel intends to keep me tied down.)

Originally, we were more than acquaintances but less than friends, a book merchant and a customer.

I don't even know why I was targeted by the God.

I'm thrown onto the bed and he embraces my prone body. The warmth enveloping my back makes my heart pound.

(He probably imprisoned me for some baseless reason like, "I'm sure she won't fall for me"... )

(I wish he would realize that's not the case.)

Azel: Let me tell you, this is a measure to prevent you from escaping.

Azel: It's not like I want to sleep with you, so don't get the wrong idea.

(...There are plenty of other ways to keep me from escaping.)

(Since coming to the harem, I've been repeatedly swayed by Azel's suggestive behavior.)

(At first, I could easily brush it off, but as time goes by, it's becoming more difficult...)

(...It's painful to be told I can't fall in love with him.)

-

The next day, my plan to run away at night ended in failure.

Since I'm the only woman confined in the Living God's harem, the people around me are always going out of their way to try and win his favor by any means necessary.

It escalates day by day...

Emma: ...Sigh...

Azel: Don't sigh so obviously. It's contagious.

Emma: I never thought I'd be thrown into the bath while Prince Azel is bathing!

Even though the spacious bath allows for distance between us, soaking in the same water while wearing only a thin cloth is nothing short of an ordeal.

(What will happen if this keeps escalating?)

Azel: Just don't mind it.

Emma: Doesn't it bother you, Prince Azel?

Azel: If it's harmless, I don't care.

(Certainly, if we're this far apart, it doesn't really matter...)

(...That's impossible, isn't it?)

I sneak a glance at Azel, and he's completely averted his gaze from me.

Is this an "I'm not interested" attitude, or is it shyness...?

Either way, there's a prickling pain in my chest.

(Right now, it's just a bath, but there's a possibility that it could become a serious situation.)

(I gave up yesterday, but I really should try to escape, even if it's forced.)

(...)

(...In the first place, I'm a decoy to ward off women.)

(Azel was supposed to hate women who approach him.)

(In other words, if I become like those women, he might get fed up and kick me out.)

(That's right... Why didn't I think of this sooner?!)

The brilliant idea that popped into my head seems like a long shot if I think about it calmly, but...

Cornered, I have no other choice.

Emma: Prince Azel, since we're here, shall I wash your back?

Azel: Huh?

Emma: Or perhaps I could wash your hair?

Azel: ...Ah, so you're trying to get kicked out by deliberately harming me.

(Ugh... He saw through me in an instant.)

Emma: N-no, I wouldn't think of doing something so straightforward.

Emma: It's just that, if I'm going to play the part of the favored woman, even if it's a lie, I thought I should be able to do at least this much.

(Don't be shy. Just a little... just a little more to endure.)

I inhale the steamy air and move closer to Azel through the water.

When I close the distance enough to touch him, his mystical eyes, filled with the starry sky, suddenly turn towards me.

(...!)

Azel: Unfortunately, that's not even enough to be considered harassment.

Emma: ...I'm not trying to harass you.

Emma: It's just... well...

Emma: I just want to love the Living God!

Azel: ...Is that so?

(Huh, he's calmer than I expected—)

(!?)

He puts his hand on my waist in the water and pulls me closer.

Before I know it, our bodies are touching through the thin cloth.

Azel: Then please do your best.

(...Eh?)

.

.

.

Part 2

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!

[askhezureviews]

no spoilers/specifics but when you get to Ghostfuckers it becomes so obvious Brandon is doing the writing again

it's the closest helluva has gotten to its season 1 self in all of s2, and it's still not fantastic, if I'm being honest

there's only so much he can do to right the ship

ep11&12 ping right back into Goetia melodrama, because of course

OKKKKkkkk finally sat down and watched this episode!

Hey! Look, it's like, their first actual job in forever!!! They're actually going to the human world again, great!

I'm very relieved Brandon was brought in to rewrite this. I know some Viv fans were upset about the leaks, but I think it was actually a good thing these leaked and sparked enough outrage for Viv to cave in and change it because Millie unaliving herself for being a bad wife is completely inappropriate. I'd personally feel ashamed and embarrassed if I had wrote that. She claimed they had plans for Millie, that she will get her episode in season 2, but she didn't. Even with Brandon's assistance here, she really didn't. I'd say those leaks are proof she lied to her audience, however... at this point, Vivziepop is merely not self aware of her writing and doesn't comprehend the stereotyping she does to her own characters and their stories. So I don't think she lied, she's unable to comprehend that she isn't delivering on what she claims she will.

The episode establishes: -Blitz's business is now bankrupt. He has not paid his employees in over a month. -Wally Wackford knows IMP and hangs out with them?? / wants to hang out with them?? -Ghosts aren't real in Helluva / Hazbin universe -There's infestor demons that eat off angst I guess? First time we're ever seeing one

Seems like a good portion of this episode is a scooby doo reference. The montage scene was unnecessary, you could have cut it for time / budget.

~~~

Regarding Millie: She claims the most screen time, but this episode actually isn't about her. The main focus is on Blitz. It's Blitz's trauma, Blitz's pain, Blitz's melodrama, and she just happens to be on screen dealing with it. We get a small pinch of something, but I'll talk about it after this analysis:

Millie asks Loona to take care of Moxie for her. These two still haven't passed the bechdel test yet. The only thing I recall them talking about outside of the men in their life is when Loona takes a jab at Millie's age in season 1, which also isn't ideal.

Millie claims she "always has fun with Blitz" and that he is her "best friend" which is news to the audience. This is the first time they've ever hung out in an episode. "I've never had a real friend that I didn't wanna f*ck." But you DO want to f*ck her. Earlier in the episode, he had Millie punch a card he's used frequently. Unwavering loyalty in exchange for leaving Moxie and Millie alone on 1 date. In a single episode he seems to have changed his mind quite suddenly and I'm unsure why.

Millie's backstory is chalked up to "She left the farm to become a hitman in Wrath. The market for assassin's is actually inflated in Wrath, it's high competition, so she was in between jobs. Blitz finds her after she stole their kill, and offers to pay her double. She accepts (Even though he went back on this, he does not pay her double. In fact, she barely gets enough to survive between both her and Moxie.)" She's hired by IMP to do various assassin jobs, and then Blitz decides to move to a different ring and use humans as their new clientele. This is an extremely smart move for his business, because there's quite literally zero competition for this. Millie for some reason thinks she "won't fit in"(??? you don't need to?) because imps are only good for their muscle" This doesn't make sense for Millie to say here. If anything she should have been more insecure staying in Wrath BECAUSE she would be actively compared to the higher competition of her birthplace. Here, they've hit a gold mine.

"Blitz, you made me realize I could be anything! Not just a simple farm girl or underpaid goon." But you are. Millie IS a simple farm girl and underpaid goon. Assassins are extremely common jobs for imps in wrath. She has not subverted people's expectations nor does she have a unique job to that of an imp.

"My mom said sweat, blood, and hard work washes the tears right off!" - Okay now THIS is the first piece of Millie development we have received in perhaps ever!! This implies that Millie's mother/family were emotionally unavailable to her as a child. That whenever she was upset/miserable, she was taught to bury her sadness with work. Which indicates she's a workaholic who probably needs therapy / has trouble expressing emotions properly. This would be a direct cause/effect action that shaped her into who she is today. This is an actual real Millie moment, and it comes from a passing comment. I don't think the writers caught on to what they did here, but THIS is good Millie development! THIS is a genuine character trait that is all hers!

~~~

Some stuff that did get a genuine chuckle out of me:

"I should have been a theater critic, I have objectively correct opinions!"- Moxie , It's also nice to see Moxie attempting to be the brains of the operation again, trying to solve their financial crisis, even if there's no way to save it.

"Your husband is still a little fuckable." - That actually made me laugh too despite the context being a little confused

Anyhow, overall the episode felt like it could have been 15 min long. They should have shortened it. We didn't really get much Millie backstory or character development. Instead of being insecure about her womanhood due to stereotypes(bad wife), she's now insecure about her race/species due to stereotypes (inbred brute). It's still not the best, but it's better than the leaked storyboard. Otherwise the entire episode was basically Blitz wanting to fuck a ghost. Also Blitz's trauma... again. Felt like filler you could frankly delete.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

ooh okay i want to pitch a couple ideas, scraping from the text!! these aren’t mutually exclusive but

- cogita dislikes and mistrusts volo, implying with vague disapproval that he spends his time doing Other Things instead of his job. she also knows a lot about ancient history and magic, and her cottage has a witchy aesthetic. maybe volo came to her at some point and inquired about god-summoning or appeasing rituals, trying to connect through their shared celestican heritage. said ritual could be something you’re referring to, like blood sacrifice, that cogita could know volo has at least attempted, maybe even attempted herself at some point. given that the celestica people are associated with immortality, and cogita herself is implied to be immortal and very melancholy about her state of existence, it would make sense for her to act the way she does around volo whether or not she knows about giratina. she might just think he’s trying to become immortal too (which to be fair, he is, just not like her). but the ritual actions she associates with celestican immortality might also have proven useful in volo’s “courtship” of giratina, whether through crafting or sacrifice or prayer

- the plates. this is a simple one but that line might have just meant that volo brought the (at first) compliant player physically to the temple, with the plates that he had instructed them to gather, basically doordashing them to giratina for their evil plan

- volo is coping, like in the internet slang sense of the word. he’s super mad that he’s failed and been humbled by two gods and a random fifteen year old, and so he insists that he somehow had power over or provided power to giratina to save face

- volo manipulated a god. it’s clear through volo’s manipulation of the player character that he emphasizes the injustice of situations that have harmed his allies in order to earn their loyalty and favor. the way he delivers his speech about giratina’s ousting by arceus is very similar to the way he speaks of the galaxy team kicking out the player, and obviously also about himself and arceus (can’t be a volo analysis if projection isn’t mentioned at least once). the schroedinger’s characterization of volo is whether we can consider this strategic empathy as legitimate attempts to make connection and show care, even if it’s subconscious and he himself would say it’s all for the plan, or if he is only feigning his passionate disdain for injustice. if he’s capable of so deeply feeling and caring about these injustices, can he truly be considered heartless? given his reasons for doing what he does once he’s taken off the mask, i tend to believe that there’s more to his manipulation than just, like, heartless villainy. he doesn’t say “i’ve pretended to be your friend so i can hurt you and destroy the world,” he says “i’ve pretended to be your friend so i can subjugate your godly patron, who has caused us and the entire world pain, and make a better world.” obviously he’s insane and wants to meet those ends through means of erasing reality and also hurting our feelings, but those ARE his ends. maybe giratina sees that complexity and insanity, and it further endears volo to it—or simply makes volo seem easier to manipulate in turn. or maybe giratina just likes what volo is selling. this also explains why volo is not visibly heartbroken when they separate, because he actively tries not to admit that he has any friends or connections. again there are definitely parallels to be made between giratina and the player, the way volo just walks away after the fight when the player looks so sad to see him go, and only gives any sort of goodbye through laventon. maybe giratina would have liked to find closure with volo—and i mean, maybe it did, and we just didn’t see that interaction—and it could have even been the impetus for volo leaving. i think that is implied to happen, right, since a section of volo’s parting sentiment regarded giratina’s new motivations in siding with the player?

basically, what i mean is that “the power” that volo feeds giratina could be a lie or manipulation that volo has intentionally or unintentionally convinced giratina he’s providing. the power of friendship, leveraged. could come with a physical manifestation—an object or ritual—or simply be something that is promised or felt. as mentioned before, i think the most endearing question re: volo’s overall character is whether we can consider that leveraged friendship to be friendship all the same. pla is in a lot of ways a game about belonging, and both volo and giratina (and the player!) try to handle their lack of belonging in vastly different ways. volo by isolating himself and trying to wipe the slate clean, ignoring the friendships and bonds he’s made along the way; the banished god giratina, by decisively siding with not one but two (!!!) humans throughout the course of the game; and the player, by trying to become a member of the foreign community that they’ve been dropped into, even as that community mistreats them. with volo and giratina, it’s like we have two characters who are telling each other and themselves that they are giving each other what they Want, all while the companionship they share is the thing they actually Need. and they both lose it, because volo can’t handle failure and dips. dude, his character is so sad. what did they put in this game. i’m going insane

- as someone else said, volo was giratina’s rare candy supplier

we need to talk more about how insane it is that volo and giratina partnered up tbh. like we’ve seen pokémon villains making use of legendaries for their schemes before but it is usually not like. a friendly or even consensual relationship. but like those two were homies. bona fide partners in crime for a while

"It was in an attempt to answer this question that I originally sought out Giratina and had it tear open that rift in space and time... After all, Giratina wished to stand against Arceus. But that didn't do the trick..."

he says this so casually. bestie how did you even find it. did you have to do a dark summoning ritual or do you have the deity of antimatter who was banished to a parallel dimension on speed dial

"Turning tail and running? From this puny HUMAN? Pathetic! I was the one to feed you the power you needed so that you could take on Arceus! I was the one who gave you the chance to claw open that space-time rift, driving the deity of space and time mad so that you could drag the creator out from hiding!"

i NEED to know who or what volo is, that he could give the legendary pokémon giratina more power than it already had itself, to convince it to do something it’s evidently wanted to do for a while. what could he possibly have to offer. maybe giratina was always capable of doing all that but volo just convinced it to finally act on its desire? like hey you don’t have to go alone i’ll be your buddy? there is no way all giratina was after was friendship or whatever bc specifically what does it mean that volo ‘fed it power’. just who are the celestica. RRRRAAAHHHH

[beeandthescreen]

In Unholy Matrimony

E | Vampyr!Ellen x Thomas | Canon Divergence | 2/?

Ao3 | She is born from a wooden womb, hungry.

All ch. | 1 | 2

She is cloaked in white, suffocated in a gilded corset. Lilies are stuffed into the gaps surrounding her, shifting with the spasms of her waking body. 

Her hair is pulled into a scalp ripping braid atop her head. It smells of wilting flowers and humid death. Ellen feels she should be most uncomfortable, however, there is little that can overshadow the intruder in her throat.

It is wretched. It sinks its sharp spindly barbs into soft meat, leaving hellfire in its wake. The walls of her prison shake with her attempts at clawing the parasite from her being. She presses her fingers into her mouth, reaching into its depths, fishing, to no avail.

She burns.

Her frenzy dissipates when the fire is reduced to a smolder. It curls away, burrowing into her chest. Her fingers are wet, and her mind a thick fog. Harried choking turns into soft sobs. Time eludes her, but even in her stupor, she comes to realize she is in a closet of some sorts.

It is dark, oh so dark-

“Thomas!”

She calls for him, once, twice, three times. She has no more air in her lungs to call out a fourth. She presses against what feels like varnished wood and pushes with whatever might she can muster.

Her exit is pain. She is crawling out of the dark, dragging on her belly. Her gown must be in ruins. Mother will be furious, father even more so. No, she is married now. Her Thomas will understand. He has never scolded her. Never took her to his belt. Where is he- where? 

She is lead at the bottom of a glass, drowning, moaning, writhing, sinking. She is reminded of a snail in salt, of a rabid stray gnawing at its tail. She uses cobbled stone to haul herself forth. 

Ellen finds herself knelt in front of a coffin. 

The ornately carved lid has snapped off its hinges, Petals litter the path of her escape. Her breath catches- Thomas will be distraught, wondering. She prays for his continued slumber. Her melancholy has brought her to strange places before- but this, how has she managed to become entombed?

She knows it is the work of the creature. Yet, she is not undressed and there is no pain between her legs. She is most grateful.

Ellen rises.

There is not a moment more to spare. Thomas will wake soon. He is getting increasingly punctual, her Thomas. He works so very hard. For you- and you repay him with a wife most undesirable. He will meet with Herr Knock tomorrow, to vouch for his absorption into the firm. He mustn't be troubled. I will return with haste.

She offers less than a passing glance at the scene before she is turning away. She pushes the tall stone doors to welcome in a moon-lit night. Bathed in blue, her flesh begins to buzz, and home calls to her.

She has yet to gather herself. Perhaps she has become too accustomed with the peace her Thomas has gifted her with. It is not unusual for even her name to elude her. 

Her affliction is not a stranger. 

For most of her life, it has been more than just her in this body. She has seen horrors from within that have calloused her from any gentle disposition. It is most odd, most unseemly, though, the way her feet find their way to her door- for the sight of it is presented in front of her almost as instantaneously as she had thought of returning to it. 

A low, rhythmic sound fills her ears.

Something within her awakes. An instinct, perhaps, one not known to her previous. It’s his breath. It tells her. Give chase. It commands.

Forward. He awaits. Enter. The door is bolted, push. Let nothing stand in your way. 

It surges her forward. At the expense of her senses, she gains an incredible strength. 

Ellen is unable to acknowledge the sudden ache behind her teeth, one that demands to be soothed by something.

Her Thomas is awake.

The instinct is sated at the sight of him, lifting the fog from her mind just enough so she may gaze upon her love with clearer eyes. With the return of her awareness, shame follows suit. 

He looks horrid. Unkempt, pale, eyes ringed with the color of desperation and terror. He scrambles off his feet, and threatens her so thoroughly that she is left winded. How distraught he must have been, to say such vile things. She wishes to plead for his forgiveness, to be sheltered by his goodness once more.

Instead, She calls to him, softly. 

His name is an echo of a thousand words. All delightful, all loving. She conveys this now, in a feeble attempt to soothe her husband. He comes to her, on his knees, begging her to remain with him. She holds him, petting the sick away, paying no heed to his increasingly concerning mutterings. She feeds him only sweetness, as he has always done to her. 

I will sleep no more. She tells herself, kissing the tip of his ear. For I risk bearing you to the ugliness it brings.

His breathing has slowed, but she knows he is awake. It is of no matter, for she is content in the silence. There is little to protest when her husband is in her lap. He had forgiven her so quickly, her good Thomas. Her treasure. She shan’t do wrong by him any longer. 

Well into the night, her fingers find themselves in his hair. It has grown quickly. Their honeymoon had only lasted a fortnight, and yet, it has grown well past his ears. She finds it very handsome, but she will trim it come morn, for he does enjoy being well-groomed. 

The sight of him, subdued, head buried in her stomach, stirs a heat in her belly. She blinks it away, sucking in a soft breath. It does not do her well, for the scent of him brings about a line of thought that is most indecent. 

Take him. 

Her tongue wets, and saliva begins to pool.

“My love?” He calls to her, and Ellen settles. He squeezes the small of her back, and she attends to him once more. 

Their exchange leads to his arms around her.

He engulfs her so well. His head is tucked into her neck, breath warming her skin. She almost preens, almost presses even closer so she may feel him all. 

Wanton whore. Her father’s voice rings.

“Your arms soothe me. I would be most upset should you let go.” she whispers, attempting to quell the heat that washes over her. He replies, she is sure, but Thomas turns his neck just so that the soft skin of his jugular is presented to her, and something within Ellen slips.

It returns, the instinct, and it craves.

Her eyes roll into her skull. The flesh of her gums retract. Her mouth parts, a gaping maw. Ellen becomes a singular purpose, a singular want. Life- to take it. To taste it on her tongue. To let it run down her throat and satiate the beast entangled within her being-

Thomas kisses her.

It is soft, Insignificant, right on the skin nearest to his lips. It is enough.

-

He feels Ellen tense.

“Thomas.”

“Yes, my darling?” He will do it right, this time. He will give her all that is good, all that will purge any memory of this terror from her mind.

“Thomas, something is…something is wrong.” She insists, beginning to pull away. He does not give in, gently coaxing her closer. She covers her nose and mouth, her brow furrowing harshly.

No, Thomas thinks, not anymore. He shakes his head, smoothing his hand over her loosening braid. “Forgive me, I am overwhelmed.” He kisses her brow. “I have not fared well without you.” The pressure behind his eyes is unceasing. 

“How is this possible?” He croaks. It is truly the question of the age, and it has yet to be answered.

At this, she stands. A quick, unrelenting force. His arms are thrown from her. He tilts his head upward, rapt. She is real. She is standing in front of me, whole. 

She does not meet his eyes. Her attention is taken. Ellen is looking at the door of their- of that room. The haphazardly nailed boards are ugly against the soft pastel of their patterned walls. Would she be displeased with him? No, she will understand. It is not theirs anymore, only a grave.

Her arm raises to a point.

His euphoria dissipates. He rises, brain rattling between his ears. He glances at the room, and then steps in front of it to shield her view. “Do not look at it.” He wouldn’t have her stricken by its presence. “We will leave this place, you needn’t be plagued any longer.”

No. They will go far. He will make her want for naught. She will smile, and read, and enjoy herself so fully. “I will keep you safe.” It is both an assurance and a promise. Still, she hears nothing, for her face is frozen in the horror of a sudden epiphany.

The look strikes his heart. He wishes to collect her in his arms, to take her from the evil that remains here, but something keeps him in place. It is a slow constriction. He strains to move, to no avail.

A menacing hum fills the room. “Tell me it is not so.” She whispers, eyes so far away, witnessing a terrifying recollection. “Tell me, Thomas.” He pushes at the force that holds him, and finds it almost suffocating to bear. His eyes blur around the edges. “Ell-” pain, tenfold. Things fall and clatter to the floor. 

“Tell me!” 

Thunder rattles and lightning strikes. Rain begins to pour from the heavens, deafening him to the long, mournful wail that leaves her lips. Ellen doubles over, clutching at her chest. At her descent, he is released.

He goes to her.

“Ellen, my Ellen.” His comfort is spurned with a push to his chest, but he persists. “I will tell you all, I will tell you.” He grasps at her wrists, holding them firm. She shakes her head, to which he answers with fervent nodding. “All is well.” he says, soft and coaxing. “You are safe, we are safe.” He is unsure of it, but for her, he would make it true. 

Their eyes meet, and Thomas notes the utter clarity in them.

“I’ve become death.” she declares. 

There is little else Thomas can do but take her into his embrace and feed her the warmth she now lacks- so perhaps she may feel alive once more.

-

Ellen and Thomas, upstairs neighbor core. Alright everyone! Ellen’s noodle brain is starting to catch up to speed on the events of the film. She was very much in a state of intense confusion the last two chapters- as per the fact that she’s been resurrected and all that. She is very real because if a man was begging and whimpering in my lap I too would be bricked up. Also, Thomas being more concerned with the fact that his baby is in distress rather than the very obvious supernatural abilities she now has?? > That’s tea. He loves his woman guys, like, a lot. If anyone is wondering, yes, she took an uber home. It was 5 pence or whatever

[angelstrawbabie420]

in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.

[widowshill]

r/v + loneliness.

102 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch. 4 / 4 / 8 / Art Wallace, Shadows on the Wall / 603 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch 4. / 473 / Richard Sherman, Demo: "Lovely, Lonely Man/Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Finale" / 2