#the only reason I don't get matcha as much lately is

[luxites]

Can I PLEASE request a drawing of Muichiro Tokito with some boba so I can live up to my username?

Also I'm in LOVE with your artstyle

It's so pretty ❤

doodle request rules

hello!! AAAA thank you so much!!! (and thanks for waiting!)

idk what his usual order would be 🤔 I had a large strawberry milk slush boba yesterday so it was still on my mind... but my usual order is brown sugar milk tea or matcha latte with cream cheese foam

[hannie-dul-set]

모기 / MOGI — [c.bg].

SYNOPSIS. in which all of your life, you and beomgyu have been stuck together like glue whether you liked it or not. and as much as you want to change that, life seems to have different plans.

PAIRING. choi beomgyu x female! reader. GENRE. childhood friends to not quite friends (derogatory) to not quite friends (endearment), romance, humor, very light-barely there angst, pining idiots, college! au with flashes to high school, featuring an ensemble of 01z idols. WARNINGS. swearing, many many (fake) death threats, so much secondhand embarrassment, mentions of sex, mentions of blood and gore, the worldly problems of a teenager, mc has anger issues, gossip. WORD COUNT. 14k.

TAGLIST. @matcha-binz @bgomtori @lotties-posts @bearbeom @bbinwrld @beomies-world @baekberrie @20-cms @jenodreamer

NOTE. it is here! alternatively titled: all the reasons you don't like choi beomgyu (but maybe you do). this is just a v quick v fun read (i hope HAHHAHA). parts in past tense and within parenthesis are set in the past! hope you enjoy mosquito gyu and please let me know what you think! begging for crumbs of feedback plspls.

YOU DON’T LIKE CHOI BEOMGYU. He’s been a thorn in your side for as long as you can remember— a far too nimble mosquito for you to catch and swat away, constantly buzzing around your ears like a mild annoyance. Mild, but annoying all the same.

The problem is, you can’t get rid of him. Not when both your families have been friends before either of you were even born. Not when you’ve been half-living in his house for the better part of your life and he’s been half-living in yours. Not when you’ve always been magically assigned to the same class for twelve god damned years and somehow, you’re now even set out to go to the same university.

It’s like the world just wants to stick the both of you together.

“Hey, fuckface.”

“What do you want, dipshit?”

Unfortunately for the world, you don’t want the same thing.

“Remember when I hauled your ass to the emergency room after you broke your leg at the skatepark in 9th grade?”

Beomgyu lets out a grunt upon hearing your question at the same time as he drops down to the ground with a thunk on the playground seesaw. “Right. That happened.” It’s late at night, the streetlights are dimming, and it’s a week before high school graduation. Not the most appropriate time to be playing around the kid-sized rides tucked in the corner of your apartment complex, but things have been penting up, and there currently seems to be no better way to deal with your physical and emotional exhaustion than by being sprung up to the air, down, and back up again.

“You also said— whoa!” You glue your feet firmly to the chalky ground before dangling your legs up once more. “You also said you’d do anything I ask after saving your ass. I’m here to collect your debt.”

The next instance, you aren’t see’d or saw’d back up. Beomgyu stays grounded, looking at with an expression you can only describe as oozing of suspicion. It is weird, you have to admit, bringing up a spur of a moment promise he made three years ago, possibly under the influence of anesthetics. You’d be suspicious of yourself, too. “Alright,” he relents after a long moment of thought. Beomgyu leans forward, resting his arms over the seesaw handle and burying his chin into his sleeves. “Spit it out. What do you want? I’ll buy it for you.”

You press your lips together. “It’s not something you can buy.”

Now, that definitely doesn’t help your case. Your crypticness is causing his brows to furrow, and Beomgyu is deep in thought wondering what the hell kind of favor your fucked up head is thinking of (especially after the shrimp incident). You can save him from misery and just spit it out right then and there, but it’s not easy for you to pull out of your mouth either. Once this night is over, your throat will be littered with sores and cuts and it’ll all be self inflicted.

“Wait.” Beomgyu suddenly jolts up and sits straight, causing the seesaw to wobble a little. His ears are peeking out the mess of his hair. It’s already way past the school policy length— a privilege of a graduating student, he says. And despite the shadowed sky cloaking the playground lot, you can clearly see the tinge of red painting the thin skin. What is he thinking? you narrow your eyes at him. The blush has spread all over his neck. "You—you—you’re not trying to ask—”

“Beomgyu,” you cut him off, sparing him from an aneurysm. “We’re starting college next month, right?”

His expression tells you he’s completely missed the mark. “Yeah...?” he sounds out, confusion riddled in his tongue. You bite down yours— an early repentance before finally throwing it out in the air.

“Can you do me a favor?” you squeak out. “Can you pretend like you don’t know me?”

Quiet washes over. You preemptively wince, expecting the impending torrent of swear words from your friend, but he doesn’t say anything. He says nothing for a long while, filling the quiet with tension-filled agony before finally saying, “I don’t understand.”

You swallow down a lump in your throat.

“What are you saying?”

There are uneasy creaks on the hinges of the seesaw set, as if it’s unsure whether to go up or down. The scent of iron seeps into your palms with how tightly you’re holding the handle. “Please pretend like we aren’t friends when we enter university,” you inhale sharply. “Better yet, act like you don’t know me at all, okay? Treat me like I was a ghost and I’ll do the same with you.” 

You don’t have the guts to look Beomgyu in the eye. You train your eyes to the graveled ground and hold in your breath, listening as the creaks of the rusty hinges slowly come to a still. He’s not saying anything. He isn’t saying anything and you’re starting to grow scared.

The seesaw finally stops rocking, and you finally hear Beomgyu’s response—

“Fine.”

—all while your ass gets dropped to the ground with an even louder thunk when Beomgyu gets off the damned thing. You let out a yelp as your body gets jerked back by the sudden recoil. 

“Hey!” you yell out, stumbling to get off the seesaw in a panic because he’s starting to walk. “Choi Beomgyu— wait up!”

“What?” he snaps his head back, and you flinch. He doesn’t look great. He doesn’t look happy at all. Guilt overhauls your entire being with a single, ringing punch and your tongue is weighed down by sand and soot and it’s difficult to swallow without the threat of choking. “I thought you wanted me to pretend like I don’t know you?”

You frown. “I did, but I didn’t mean it to be—”

Words fail when he turns his back to you once again. You can’t say anything. You can’t bring it in you to justify yourself. You can’t even find the shame to call him back. So all you can do is watch as Beomgyu slowly disappears into the evening, leaving behind more things in the playground than just you.

It’s fine, you inhale sharply. You can give him some space tonight and just talk it out on the way to school tomorrow. And it’s not like you didn’t expect him to be mad at you. It just hurt a lot more than you thought it would.

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” you yell at his disappearing figure.

It stings, sure. But still. It’s something you feel like you need to do, because you don’t like Choi Beomgyu, and all the things he’s cost you.

#1: YOU DON’T LIKE HIM FOR WASTING SO MUCH OF YOUR TIME. You’re pretty sure at least three years of your lifespan has wilted away into nothingness because of how long it takes for him to answer the door. It takes two rounds of incessant knocking and a yell of his name. Even then, his mom is more likely to answer than the fucker himself.

He’s been like that ever since. Though you can’t exactly pinpoint when that ever since begins— you can’t remember how you met him because his stupid face has always been present in all of your earliest memories.

(Knock, knock, knock!

“Choi Beomgyu!”

Knock, knock, knock!

“Open the door!”

Classes ended early today, and your teachers at the academy are having a seminar so you don’t have to go there today. This was a rare opportunity in your life as a middle schooler— where every day runs from waking up, to eating, to studying, to eating, to studying again, studying some more, and wanting to quit studying. Today you had free time, and you’re going to spend it wisely.

At least that was the plan. But then Beomgyu called your landline while you were watching TV, saying that he had “something super, duper, insanely cool to show you and you’ll regret it if you don’t come over.” 

It’s probably something lame.

You hurried over to the unit right across yours.

But like usual, it took a good five minutes until you heard Beomgyu’s hurried footsteps padding louder and closer and closer. He didn’t give you an opportunity to be annoyed by him— he quickly tugged you into his home and shut the door lock with a kick, running into and out of the living room like it was a racing track, and before you knew it, you were in his room and he was all giddy and excited and it served as a sign that he was up to no good.

“You’re being suspicious,” you leered at him as he dug through his school bag, already taking the liberty to plop down on his bed. “What’s that?”

There was a proud grin on his face when he pulled it out and showed it off to you. You weren’t as impressed. In fact, you were terrified. 

Specifically because of the 18+ label on the CD container he’s holding.

“Why do you have that?!” you screeched. “Holy crap. You idiot. Are you trying to get us into trouble?!”

“We won’t get in trouble as long as you stop freaking out like a little wuss,” he reasoned, already slotting the forbidden CD into his conveniently placed laptop right at the foot of the bed.

Your houses shared an internet line, and most websites have been blocked as per both your parents’ request so it “doesn’t get in the way of your studying,” they say. You thought it was crap. Beomgyu thought  it was crap. So you’d been trying to find ways to subvert that restriction by whatever means you can get your hands on (i.e. going to PC rooms and getting dragged back home by your parents).

But that didn’t mean you were fine with watching a movie you legally weren’t allowed to watch.

This was absurd.

“Yeonjun hyung lent it to me. Hey, stop overreacting. You said you wanted to watch this and wouldn’t quit whining about it the past two weeks. I’m doing you a favor!”

“We’re not allowed to watch this! If our parents find out, they’re gonna—” You made the mistake of letting your eyes wander to the laptop screen. It’s all blood and guts and gore from the very beginning. You were taken. “Whoa. Move over.”

Beomgyu was grinning at his success. The equally bloody CD container found itself tucked underneath his bed, and before you knew it you were both hiding under the blankets, sharing a pair of earphones because there’s too much screaming and squelching from the off-brand slasher film your friend smuggled from a sketchy high schooler. Maybe that was just the right amount of screaming. You wouldn’t know. You’ve never watched anything like this before.)

To be frank, you don’t remember much about the film. You do remember nearly pissing yourself in fear and screaming along to the cries of agony whenever someone was killed on screen. Beomgyu was unfazed though— that freak. How was he not pissing himself when a severed limb flew into the frame?

But he wasn’t as calm when his brother came home early, and your constant screams of terror elicited understandable concern. (“Shut up! You’re going to get us caught,” he hissed, trying to smack his palm over your mouth but you’re already burying your face into his comforter and blindly shoving him off).

Long story short, you both got caught and got grounded for a week.

So much for having free time.

“Congrats on finishing your last exam!”

You grunt, shoving past Heeseung as you exit the classroom, a stack of scratch papers pressed to your chest. He trails behind you with an evident bounce in his step. You’d be just as excited had you not been brutally murdered by midterms week. It’s only your third month of university and you’re already ready to drop out. Why is this normalized? This is structural, systemic violence.

“Jieun and the rest are planning a night out tomorrow,” he mentions. “You coming?”

“No. I’m going to sleep for forty-eight hours and die.”

He tells you you’re no fun and you flip him off. Three months have passed and you feel like you’ve aged thirty years, but Heeseung is still fucking energetic and you’re sure it’s because the girl from computer science he’d been flirting with for the past two weeks finally agreed to go on a date with him. The stupid grin on his face as he’s typing on his phone is annoying you to no end. “What?” he asks, looking up from his phone, still all smiley and irksome. 

“You’re insufferable,” you deadpan. His expression morphs into confusion, then realization, then pity, then circles back into being incredibly annoying again. 

“If you beg, I can set you up with one of my friends.”

“Eat ass.” 

You smack the top of his head with the stack of papers. He is unfazed. “I know a few guys! C’mon! Instead of being bitter, why don’t I help you out? I don’t do this for everyone, you know. I’m only offering because you’re my friend.”

Well, the past three months haven’t been entirely bad. Your freshman batch was fairly easy to get along with— Heeseung specifically, whom you hit off with during the orientation. You’ve also been doing pretty well with all of your classes despite the back-breaking workload. And now that midterms are over, your uni has this policy to cancel classes for a whole week after every major exam (for the students’ “mental health” they say), so now you have the chance to finally fucking rest.

“Beomgyu!”

You flinch upon hearing Heeseung yell out his name. You can’t get used to it.

The space next to you becomes empty as Heeseung excuses himself for a moment to join Beomgyu and the little group he’s appeared with. You take the opportunity to shove the scratch papers you have into your bag, taking a few glimpses here and there— regretting doing that when Beomgyu happens to meet your gaze at one point, and you quickly avert your eyes to the posters on bulletin boards stuck on the hallway wall. E-Sports Fest 2023. Sign up for your respective departments now! 

“Later,” Heeseung waves them off and runs back to you. “Hey. We’re fucked. Beomgyu’s playing in like half of the games next, next week. The ICT fuckers have practically won already. This is too much of a skill gap. This isn’t fair.”

You give him a look. “Okay?”

Heeseung pouts. “At least pretend like you’re interested. Jeongin said yes, but I still have to get Chenle onboard so we can at least get second place, but he says he doesn’t wanna waste our short break so— hey, are you listening?”

No, you’re not. Because you met eyes with Choi Beomgyu once more before he left with his friends, and even if it’s been three months since you’ve last talked to him, there’s still a weird feeling in your gut every time you happen to cross paths.

It’s been easy for him to keep his promise. The both of you have different majors, and though you two share a few mutual friends, Heeseung doesn’t know shit about your history, and nobody seems to suspect anything. 

Still. You can’t completely avoid him. Not when you two are literally still neighbors. 

The both of you moved out since your campus is a two hour commute from your homes, but you also moved into the same apartment building in the city as per your parents’ request. (“Now, I’m more at ease knowing you’re still living next to her, Beomgyu,” your mother remarked the day his dad drove you both to your new building). Your mom didn’t know how not at ease you are with him still floating around you with a seeming permanence, especially after what happened in the playground that night. 

“Anyway, I have to go,” Heeseung tells you, probably off to meet the compsci girl he refuses to tell you the name and identity of. You fear she may be one of your friends. “How about you?”

“Off to have lunch with Sungchan and Minjeong,” you hum. “Have fun. Don’t come crying to me when you eventually get your heart broken.”

“You’re just bitter. Don’t worry. I’ll get you a date to save you from your misery.”

“Go to hell.”

“See you.”

The both of you part ways, and you meet up with the aforementioned two at the campus cafeteria because fast food is outside of your budget after splurging all your allowance on caffeine and energy drinks this week. Your two friends seem to have also been hard fucked by midterms. Lunch was filled with quiet complaints and you immediately took the first bus home after eating.

“You stopped by?” you speak into your phone, wedging the device between your cheek and shoulder as you punch in the code to your unit’s door. “You should’ve told me. I could’ve come home earlier.”

“It’s alright. I just left you some side dishes for the week. They’re in the fridge. Who knows what kind of junk you’re putting into your body without me on the watch.”

“I am eating perfectly well!” you exclaim, shutting your door with a click. You love your mom and her food but she’s as protective as ever. “I just got home. I’ll send photo evidence of me enjoying your kimchi, madam.”

You hear her laugh a little at the end of the line, and you hum out a smile. “I’m hanging up. You must be tired so get some rest.”

“Yeah, alright.” Upon entering the living room, you can see the familiar, reusable blue shopping bag on the open kitchen counter, its unreasonably gigantic size taking up too much of the space. You narrow your eyes and walk towards it. When you take a peek inside, there are still full containers and tupperwares. The rolled omelets look particularly good. “I thought you put them in the fridge,” you say. Without waiting for your mother’s response, you’ve already produced a pair of chopsticks and have pried a box open, stuffing a roll inside your mouth.

“Oh, those are for Beomgyu.” 

The eggs suddenly taste like sand.

“He mentioned on call last time that he was missing some of my home cooked dishes. Why haven’t you been sharing with him? Greedy child. Anyway, drop them off at his place later when he gets back. He wasn’t around when I visited earlier. Okay?”

First of all, why does your mother keep calling Choi Beomgyu behind your back? Second of all, the guilt of eating what is supposed to be Beomgyu’s food shot your appetite back down into oblivion, so you quickly close the container and stuff it back into the bag in a zip. “Okay. I’ll do that.” You throw the chopsticks into the sink. He isn’t gonna notice that one omelet is missing, right?” “Bye.”

“Come back home during your break.”

Then again. Why do you have to waste this perfectly good food on a guy like him?

The line ends. You fall to the floor with an anguished cry. “Ugh,” you groan, forehead hitting the counter body a few too many times that a bruise could form. “The bastard might snitch on me if I don’t do it. Fuck. Fine.”

You feel like a reanimated corpse when you force yourself back on your feet, a series of grunts as you begrudgingly lug the large bag of side dishes that won’t even end up in your stomach. This is fine, you exhale. You can do this. You’re gonna knock on the door, throw the bag to his face, and say goodbye without talking. This is fine. This is easy. 

But with Beomgyu, it’s never easy. The simplicity of the act ends after you’ve left your unit. What came after was the short, dreadful walk across the hallway because shit— in the past three months you’ve moved here, you have never actually gone up to his door. 

Knock, knock, knock.

No answer.

Knock, knock, knock.

Still no answer. This bastard never fucking grows.

“Choi Beomgyu!” Your light knocks quickly transition to a heavy banging. “Choi Beomgyu, open up—”

There’s a click and a creak. Your knuckles don’t land on the familiar hardwood— they land on his chest because the momentum made you keep knocking even after he’d opened the door. “Oh,” he flatly starts. A brow raised and arms crossed, he leans against the door frame and looks at you like you’re an unwelcome guest. “What do we have here?”

He’s insufferable. He’s totally insufferable.

“Who are you again?”

“Cut the crap, Beomgyu,” you grunt, absolutely not in the mood for this. You know that it’s a pretty shitty thing for you to ask him to pretend to be strangers. You really do, so you didn’t hold it against him for being mad at you at first. He’s been doing his end, sure, but you don’t remember him acting like a big fucking bitch to you in private as a part of the deal. 

You thought his anger would subside after three days. It’s been three months and at this point you’re convinced that this relationship is now irreparable, and neither of you are making the effort to resuscitate it. “You’re the one who came to my door. Why are you swearing at me?” he huffs. You grit your teeth, shoving the bag to him and his act of arrogance falters from surprise. You don’t miss how his eyes widen and how his scrunched up brows suddenly disappear under the messy bangs he’s decided to grow out.

“Here. I’ll take back the containers next week. Make sure you’ve washed them by then. Goodbye.”

That, in fact, wasn’t a good bye because you stomp back into your unit without giving him a second look. 

Dammit, dammit, dammit it all. The door is cold against your back when you retreat inside. You hate him. You really do. This would’ve been easier if your lives weren’t so irrevocably tangled— messed up in all sorts of knots and ties that even a fucking boyscout can’t tear it apart. 

You left your phone on the counter when you left and you can see it buzzing and lighting up. There’s a few messages. Hi, dear. How have you been? It’s from his mother. There is no escape to this. Absolutely none.

#2: YOU DON’T LIKE HIM FOR FORCING YOU TO SWALLOW SO MUCH OF YOUR PRIDE. Somehow, he’s always there at the lowest points of your life— moments where you wouldn’t even want any of your family to see you, but he’s there. He always is, and you’d always wish to evaporate along with the rain. 

Maybe he has a signal whenever you’re on the verge of doing something stupid. Or losing face. Or being absolutely dumped. Or all of the above at the same time. Maybe he’s there on purpose so he can have one more thing on his belt of things to hold against you.

(“I like you.”

The words squeezed out of your throat like a choke, more than anything. Maybe it was because of the fact that you sounded so pathetic that Jiwoong couldn’t even reject you properly. Maybe if he were to be frank, he was afraid that you’d end up crying.

“Um, there’s...there’s somewhere I have to be for a moment. You don’t mind waiting for a bit, right?”

But it wasn’t you that ended up in tears. It was the sky. You weren’t sure how long you’d been waiting, frozen still in an abandoned corner behind the school where your pink-stained note had asked him to come— him, your desk partner for the semester that you’d been unfortunately struck by— but it was long enough for the afternoon sky to be inked by gray clouds. Long enough for it to start pouring in on your behalf.

You sniffled. Ah, shit. This is stupid. You said you weren’t going to cry but fuck, your eyes suddenly started to sting, and you’re looking up at the clouds because gravity might help in preventing them from falling, but all it did was pool saltwater in your tearducts and now they’ve overflown, mixing into the raindrops cascading down your face.

“Until when are you going to keep standing there like an idiot?”

Instead of the gray, pouring sky, your vision is cloaked by a jarring electric blue. It was the same obnoxious color as the umbrella Beomgyu brings around. Then again— that was just his voice, too. Your cheeks started burning. That was enough to bring you back to your senses. “Did—did you see—”

“Let’s go home.”

It was one thing to be caught crying by your friend-slash-neighbor-slash-annoyance. It was another thing to be caught getting rejected by him. That was double the shame and embarrassment soiled. But Beomgyu hasn’t made a mention of it throughout your walk back to the building, much to your relief and suspicion. This man would make fun of you to the ends of high hell just for keeping a plushie to bed until you were thirteen— you weren’t sure when he started developing the emotional intelligence to stay in the comfort of silence throughout your walk home.

Of course, you didn’t expect him to hold his tongue for too long. It was an empty road, and the rain was still pouring. Beomgyu held up his umbrella above your head, and started with a low voice, “Want me to beat him up?”

Your steps lagged, faltering a little in mild surprise. “You?” An invisible force started tugging on the corners of your lips. “With your lanky ass and noodle arms? Keep dreaming, loser.”

“Hey—” You had to hold back a snort when you saw his face, an evident look of unbridled offense taking over, and he stopped in his tracks just to passionately defend himself. “You take that back. I’m strong. I’m pretty sure I can lift you up with just one arm. I can beat the shit out of Jiwoong if I wanted to.”

“Sure,” you snickered. “That is if you want to end up in the hospital. You’re all skin and bones, Beomgyu. You’re weak as hell. Remember the last time we arm wrestled? I’m pretty sure it ended up with me as the winner, and you as the— eep!”

You yelped, eyes widening. Suddenly, the ground wasn’t touching your feet anymore, you could feel the rain on your skin, and the bright, blue umbrella was now on the ground. You can see nothing but the fabric of Beomgyu’s dark and drenched uniform blazer and glimpses of the upside down pavement. Your face started to heat up. You could feel his firm grip around your waist and legs.

“That was in sixth grade, doofus. Keep up,” he snorted. 

“What the hell? Put me down!” you let out a grunt and tried to wiggle yourself free, but he’s unyielding— continuing the walk back home while carrying you like a sack of potatoes. “If you don’t put me down, I am going to bite you.”

“Nuh-uh.” The bastard gave your body a rough shake as a warning, and you screamed. “Not until you take back what you said earlier.” You balled your hands into a fist and hit his back. “Wow, you’re so ungrateful. I’m giving you a free ride home yet you decide to assault me. Your mother will be so disappointed when she hears this.”

“Your mother will shave your head if she finds out your haircut received a warning this morning.”

“Oooo—kay. Down you go. Ride over.” The moment Beomgyu settled you back on the ground, you gave him the nastiest glare you could muster. He gave you a grin. “Your hair is a mess.”

“Whose fault is it?” you sneer.

“Jiwoong’s,” he answered, matting down the top of your head with his hands. You winced when his fingers got caught between the wet, tangled strands. Beomgyu’s lips pursed as he tried to unravel them, brows furrowed in concentration. “I’m uninviting him to our game night tomorrow. He can eat shit.”

“He’s gonna talk shit if you do that,” you replied.

“Who cares.” He was finished tinkering with your hair. It was still pouring. “Done. Let’s go home.” You didn’t know if he made it better or worse.

“Okay,” you replied, feeling the top of your head. “But your umbrella ran away. Idiot.”

“Does it matter?” his lips quirked. “We’re already drenched, anyway.”)

The ice in your service water has already melted. You are going to kill a man named Lee Heeseung.

Why isn’t this motherfucker answering your calls? You let out a mental swear. It’s the second Saturday of your one-week break after midterms, and Heeseung organized a blind date for you and his friend today. The problem is, that said friend is nowhere to be seen. The customers next to your table have already changed thrice already. You’re not pathetic. You’re not gonna wait for him.

Right when you muster the willpower to get up, Heeseung finally answers your call. He’s quick to overtake your possible threats by immediately rambling, “Okay. Before you get mad—”

“You’re dead to me.”

“I’m sorry!” he screams-slash-pleads. “Eunseok canceled at the last minute because of this thing with his— nevermind. That’s not important. I’m gonna kick his ass the next time I see him, but please tell me you haven’t left the cafe yet.”

You bite your bottom lip. You want to lie. You want to tell him that you’ve already left thirty minutes ago and are now in your apartment with cozy pajamas and a cucumber face mask. “I’m around the area,” you reply. “Why?”

“Oh, good. Great.”

This is brow raising. The bell above the door entrance rings, catching your attention and you look up. “Why?”

“You’re still going on a date,” he tells you. “I promise you, your time definitely won’t be wasted—”

Heeseung’s voice disappears into the background. Entering the cafe is the person you want to see the least. He’s wearing the hooded sweater you got him for Christmas last year, and around his neck are the headphones you got him for his birthday.

“—so I called another friend. Don’t think of him as just a second option, okay?! I think he’s more your type anyway, and—”

He’s looking around. He still hasn’t noticed you. He’s standing in the middle of the shop and he pulls out his phone. 

“—and he’s headed there right— oh! He says he’s there already!”

Beomgyu has spotted you and you want to kill yourself. Your head drops down and you bite down a scream of agony and despair. “You’ve heard of Choi Beomgyu, right? From BSEMC? I’ve mentioned him a few times. Haha. Anyway. I hope you enjoy your da—”

“Heeseung told me his friend got stood up and needed a backup.” He’s now in front of you. He’s looking down at you from behind the opposite chair. “I didn’t expect that that friend would be you.”

You’re going to kill yourself after you kill Heeseung. Better yet, why not murder Beomgyu as well so you can all rot in bloody fucking hell? 

“Hello?”

“Shut up,” you grunt, trying your best to subtly hide the burning embarrassment on your face without making it obvious that your pride is now in perfectly tattered shambles. Of all people, why him? Why? For the love of god, why? “Just leave. I doubt you even want to be here. Let’s just spare each other the headache, alright?”

Beomgyu stifles a scoff. You watch as his knuckles flex while clutching the back of the chair. “I canceled a game for this.” He pulls it back and plops down on the seat like a petulant child. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Your face contorts into an unabashed grimace. You take your bag and stand up. “Okay. Then, I’m leaving.” 

“You could’ve left an hour ago.”

Pause. He looks up at you, arms crossed and confident. Your upper lip twitches. You sit back down. Heeseung has already died twice in your head.

“I guess even someone as heartless as you is desperate for a little romance,” he hums, leaning back against his seat and completely at ease— a stark contrast to your end of the table: hot and bothered for all the wrong, not very sexy reasons. You’re trying to feign calmness, but the sweat dripping down your forehead from the heat of shame is ratting you out. This is the worst. This is the absolute worst.

You’re only able to breathe again when Beomgyu gets up to order something. Maybe you should order something too because your throat is as dry as bone. He returns not long after with a tray in hand. He settles it down on the table, revealing two glasses of iced tea and a plate of matcha tiramisu.

“Quit sulking,” he says. “You’re ugly when you sulk.”

With one hand, you flip him off. With the other, you use to grab one of the forks and dig into the dessert. Beomgyu mirrors your actions (minus the middle finger part), and grimaces after a spoonful lands in his mouth. “How are you eating this?” You hover a hand over your lips, pressing down a laugh. “It tastes like grass. Are you a cow? Is that it?”

Offended, you pull the plate closer to you. “Then why did you buy matcha if you’re just gonna insult it?”

“Because you like it.” Beomgyu reaches an arm over to get another bite, gags, then continues to try again. “Your tastebuds are really fucking weird. You should get them checked. I think they’re broken.”

You settle with an eye roll before taking a sip from the iced tea. This is odd. This feels like you’ve been transported back into time prior to your three-month long cold war. Choi Beomgyu is sitting in front of you and tapping on his phone laid on the table, and you’re sitting in front of him enjoying a nice piece of dessert he bought. There’s an odd cacophony inside your stomach— like butterflies and glass shards fluttering and cracking in a single enclosed space. 

“I heard you’ll be playing for the E-Sports Fest next week,” you mention, trying to dig a deeper hole into this crack that managed to resurface. Beomgyu gives you a weird, insinuating look in response. “Shut your face. I just keep hearing your name being mentioned. Heeseung is obsessed with you, I think.”

“Why are you asking?” he snorts, passing you a napkin. “You want to cheer for me?”

“Ew. Why would I?” you reply, blindly wiping at the corner of your mouth. “We’re not even from the same department.”

Beomgyu’s eyebrows knit together, trained on the lower half of your face. “Tch. Then why even bring it up, you—”

Time stops. For some reason, Beomgyu has reached his arm over the table and is now touching your face, thumb pressed against the side of your lip with a napkin, the opposite side of where you were trying to wipe off. 

Your eyes meet. It gets warm.

“Sorry,” he coughs out, retracting his hand to wipe the green-dusted cream off his fingers. Now, you know all of Choi Beomgyu’s tells like the back of your hand— and he’s not hiding those blushing ears from anyone. You’ve caught him. You knew his son of a bitch act was gonna crumble at some point (no, you didn’t. You thought he was gonna stay mad at you forever so now your heart is racing in glee). “If you’re done, let’s go. Come pick up your mom’s containers from my place.”

“Oh,” you breathe out. “Right.”

“I washed them.”

“Congratulations.”

He sneers. “Get up. I’m leaving you.”

The one thing you regret about making the deal with Beomgyu is missing out the opportunity of taking advantage of him and the car his parents’ gifted for graduation. Seriously. Had you known he’d be driving a private vehicle to and from campus everyday, you might have never asked for that favor in the first place. Those three months worth of bus fares could’ve been spent on your daily doses of coffee instead.

“Seatbelt,” he reminds while pulling out of the driveway. You’re mildly impressed and your face isn’t hiding it, and neither is the bashful tint on the tips of his ears. “Quit staring, you weirdo.”

“You can be kind of cool after all.” You give him a thumbs up. He grunts, and now you’re on the road back to your apartment.

It’s a quiet drive— the hum of the engine filling the early evening silence. You steal a few glances here and there, sneaking a few peeks at a new side of your friend(?) that you’ve never witnessed before. Since when was he so good at driving? He’s got only one hand on the steering wheel. It’s weird, you think. You’ve known everything about him for as long as you can remember, and finding out something new for the first time in a while— and not being the first one to find out about it— is making odd twists and turns inside your gut.

When you reach the apartment building, it’s still quiet. And when you ride up the elevator all the way to your floor, walking up the space between both of your doors, silence still permeates the walls and it makes you wonder— has it ever been this quiet between you two? 

“I’ll go get the stuff. Stay here.”

You’re left behind with your messy thoughts in the hallway and before things can get even more tangled up, Beomgyu shows up again with the bright blue shopping bag you dropped off last week. “Tell the madam that her seasoned spinach is perfect as usual.” He returns the bag, a faint smile on his face.

“Go tell her that yourself,” you huff, retrieving it from him. “I’m pretty sure she calls you more often than she calls me.” The tupperwares and containers look clean. You should give him a treat for doing a good job.

“Your mother is constantly worried about her young, impressionable daughter taking her first steps of independence, but doesn’t want to be called overbearing by her only child, so she asks me about you instead.” Beomgyu’s tone is nagging. You shoot him a glare and he simply steps closer to jab a finger into your forehead. “You have no idea how hard it is to make up bullshit about what you’ve been up to. You owe me a lot, dipshit.”

You wince, smacking his hand away. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

The corners of his mouth twitch. His eyes leer away for a moment, and he lets out a huff of air through his nose. “Why? Do I know you?”

Oh god. Here he goes again.

“Why do you keep—” You stop, squeezing your eyes and taking in a deep inhale because for a moment there, you were just about to yell again. “Okay,” you restart. You should do something about your temper. “Okay. I apologize for troubling you, and I’ll tell her to quit bothering you, so—”

It was going well. It was going so well. Only if you had missed the very subtle, very irritating roll of his eyes upon your remark. 

“—so you should quit being an absolute dickhead too, asshole!”

Then maybe you could’ve lived in happy ignorance, and all your progress today wouldn’t have to restart.

“Oh, so I’m the asshole?” he scoffs, incredulous. “You’re the one who told me to distance myself. You’re the one who asked. I’m just doing what you told me to do. Why am I in the wrong?” Your throat tightens, a familiar choke the moment you try to swallow. 

“I never asked you to stop being friends with me, Beomgyu! I just—”

Asked you to keep our friendship hidden because I’m selfish. Because I’m insecure. Because I hate you just as much as you mean the world to me. 

But you can’t tell him any of these things, can’t you?

His disappointment is clear from the look on his face. Beomgyu lets his fingers rake through his hair with a sigh. “Just go home. Thanks for the food.”

There’s something twisting inside your stomach, churning at an uncomfortable pace. It’s gnawing and grating. You’re only able to pinpoint it when Beomgyu turns back to his apartment, prompted by the resounding click of his door lock.

Ah, you realize amid the silence of the now empty hallway. It’s guilt.

#3: YOU DON’T LIKE HOW MUCH OF YOUR IDENTITY HE’S STRIPPED AWAY. You know it’s not on purpose. You know he doesn’t know. But it’s something that’s plagued you until your last few weeks of high school— the time for last chances, and final opportunities. It’s for this reason that you can’t stand him the most.

(“Hey!”

It was an unfamiliar voice that called out your name from behind you in the hallway, so you ignored it assuming that maybe they were calling someone else. It gets repeated, and you stop in front of your locker to retrieve your shoes, paying no mind to it. You’re going home alone today because Beomgyu’s out with his guy friends. “We’re having dinner together at my house later! Don’t forget!” was the last thing he yelled at you before running off. An unconscious smile crawls onto your face at the thought of it.

You felt a tap on your shoulder and heard the same voice that’d been repeating your name. You spin around, and are a little surprised to see the group standing behind you. “Hi!” 

It was Haena, one of your classmates, and she was joined with two more of the girls from your class, and one that you didn’t quite recognize. 

“Oh, sorry,” you bowed a little. “I didn’t know I was the one you were calling. I wasn’t trying to ignore you, sorry.” Your surprise stemmed from the fact that you weren’t really close with Haena or her friends. Not that you were on bad terms. You greeted each other from time to time, but your friend circle really just consisted of Choi Beomgyu, your deskmate Chaeryeong, and Ryunjin from the broadcasting club.

“It’s alright,” she smiled. “Do you…maybe have any plans today?”

You pulled out your shoes from the locker and closed it tightly. “No, not really.”

“Great! There’s a new cafe that opened near the school. Wanna join us?”

Well. This was unexpected. You didn’t have any other plans besides the joint family dinner you had with the Choi’s, so going on a cafe detour wouldn’t hurt. Beomgyu was also out with his other friends right now. Who says you couldn’t do the same? “Sure,” you replied. “I’ll join.”

It was a cute, cat-themed cafe with the only disappointment being that there were no actual cats— just the cat-shaped whipped cream on your strawberry drink, and the cat-shaped tiramisu on your plate. Cats weren’t usually green or pink, but you digress.

The girls were friendly. Conversation ranged from the universities you’ll all be attending, the classes you’re all about to finish, sprinkled with topics on shopping and clothes and the names of the rest of your classmates here and there. You’d started to zone out after a good while, stirring the contents of your half-empty drink as you stared at the glass windows, tinted orange by the sunset sky.

Haena cleared her throat. “So,” she started. You turned your attention back to your companions, and your eyes widened a little when you were met with all their eyes on you. Haena pronounced your name. “I’ve always been curious about something.”

You blinked. “About what?”

She leaned closer, a smile playing on her lips. “Are you and Beomgyu dating?”

You nearly choked on the sweet, strawberry drink. “What? No!” 

“Really?” Seohyun nudged herself closer next to you on the seat.

“Everyone thinks you’re dating him,” said Bora. “You’re always together.”

“Ah, that’s ridiculous! I’m really not dating him!” Your face has started to warm up. Gosh, what was this? What kind of situation was this? A few of them weren’t convinced, you could tell. You pressed your lips together before breathing out, “We’ve known each other since we were like toddlers. There’s no way in hell I’d be dating him. I don’t know where you're getting all these assumptions from.”

There was a glint in Haena’s eyes that you didn’t fail to notice.

“So, you don’t have any feelings for him?” This was getting weird.

“No. No, I don’t.” And even if you did, what the hell would they be interrogating you about it?

Haena visibly brightened. “Really? Then can you set me up with him?”

You were dumbfounded.

“I’m— I’m sorry?”

Things started to click. Senior high school was almost over, and your classmates whom you’ve barely even shared a conversation with for the past three years, were taking their last chance to start something with their crushes, or some shit, under the guise of half-hearted friendliness. You’ve understood now— and you’re nothing less than offended.

“Actually, I’ve liked Beomgyu for a while now,” Haena bashfully admitted. Seohyun inserted that her friend has had a crush on him since the beginning of the year. “I thought there was something going on between the two of you so I never acted on it. But I’m so happy to hear that you two are just friends!”

You shouldn’t be annoyed. But you were. You were very annoyed.

“You’ll help me right?”

Needless to say, you went home that day with your cat tiramisu in a paper box as takeout. The next morning, the three girls greeted your classroom entrance with unabashed glares. You paid no mind and headed over to your seat at the back, where an out of place box of chocolate milk was gingerly resting on the table.

You were mildly suspicious that Choi Beomgyu was the one who put that there, so you held it in your hands with caution, examining the box closer when you took a seat. 

The alleged perpetrator suddenly showed up from behind you. Your head felt heavier. Beomgyu was resting his arms on the top of your head, leaning down all of his weight onto you. “Oh wow,” he started. “Looks like someone has a secret admirer.”

You elbowed him and he let out a sharp yelp. You could see Haena giving you dirty looks from afar. “Go back to your seat,” you scolded him. “Class is starting soon.” Beomgyu listens to you well, but not after messing up your hair even further and greeting Seungmin who had just walked in.

“Are we still going after class?”

Choi Beomgyu was always surrounded by people. This was something you noticed a few months into your second year of middle school. He was like a lamp, flocked by so many buzzing insects in the night— just like right now, his face barely visible from inside the crowd at the middle of the classroom where his seat was. Even your seating assignments placed him at the center. That’s just where he’s meant to be.

“Hey, did you and Haena get into a fight?” 

You looked up to see Chaeryeong barely arriving in time before the bell, pulling her seat back and plopping down right next to you.

“Don’t mind it.” You sunk your face into your arms on the desk, elbow grazing the still unopened chocolate milk on the line dividing yours and your friend’s desk. “Hey,” you let your face peek out a little from your makeshift cocoon. “From an outsider’s perspective...do Beomgyu and I give the impression that we’re, um, dating?”

She snorted. “Haven’t your parents arranged your marriage, already?”

“This is a serious question!”

Honestly, this has never crossed your mind. Not until Haena mentioned it yesterday. It took a while for things to click inside your brain, but if this misunderstanding was really not singular, then that would really explain why you have never received any confession, any valentine’s day chocolate, or love letter, or anything for the past three years of highschool. It was all Beomgyu’s fault. He’s been unknowingly sabotaging your love life and if you end up sad and dying alone, it’s all on him.

Well, I guess it’s not completely ruined. Your cheeks pressed against your arms, looking at the milk carton on your desk. 

When you got up to your desk the next morning, there was another milk carton on your table.

“Hey.”

You looked up to see Seungmin hovering in front of your table. “What?”

“Not even a good morning? Beomgyu was right. You do have an attitude.” You rolled your eyes and stuffed the drink into your bag, and Seungmin decided to keep talking. “Anyway, where is he? You two usually arrive at the same time.”

“He slept through his alarm,” you replied. Then you furrowed your brows. “Why are you asking me? Couldn’t you just text him?”

“Well, it would be quicker to just ask you. Anyway, thanks.”

With that, he left. The bell rang, and your teacher arrived. You decide to save the drink until lunch time and when you got back to the classroom from the cafeteria, there was another snack on your table. For the next following days, you would find snacks suddenly spawning on your table. It was starting to get curious.

“Whoa. Holy crap. Someone might actually have a crush on you.”

It was now Friday, the end of the week, and you have accumulated a total of four milk boxes, three melon breads, and one pack of cookies all throughout. You and Beomgyu were staring down at the latest addition: a grape juice box and a packet of chocopie. He started muttering, “Does your admirer know that you snore when you—”

You gave him a kick. Beomgyu matched it with a harsh pull on your bag. He quickly ran away before you could retaliate, the rest of his body having already left, and his head peeking from the door to give you one last message.

“I’m going first! We have a raid in a while. What time is dinner later?”

“I’ll message you.”

“Alright,” he hummed. “See you. Text me if something comes up.”

This must be why people think you were dating. You were tired of it. When you were younger, people paid no mind to how much time and space you two were spending together— now that you’ve gotten a little older, maybe some things couldn’t be perceived as platonic forever.

But you don’t have any feelings for him, and neither does he for you. The only feeling you have for him is a penetrating sense of irritation. You mulled it over as you left the school building, clutching your bag straps as you walked. However, you paused upon seeing a familiar face standing at the edge of the entrance stairs. He looked like he was waiting for someone. 

“Oh! Um,” he suddenly exclaimed upon noticing your approaching presence. A cough stifled out from his throat, followed by a nervous smile. “Hi.”

It was Lim Jimin, one of your classmates and one of the boys that were usually rallying up every afternoon after class to the internet cafe with Beomgyu and Seungmin like a bunch of nerds. “Hey?” you greet back. “Didn’t you guys have a raid or something today? I think they already left.”

“No, I uh, I stayed behind,” he mumbled. “Can we talk for a bit?”

The chocolate milk carton he was holding had not gone unnoticed by you. Your narrowed eyes flitted over to his fidgeting fingers. His nerves were spilling right out. “Have you been the one leaving food on my desk?”

He flinched. “Yeah— well—” A smile curled on your lips. “Damn, this is a little embarrassing. Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you hummed. “I enjoyed them. Thanks.”

There was a tinge of pink on his cheeks, a sheepish hand on the back of his neck and it looked as if he was running through a million thoughts in his head at once. “I’ve...I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” he finally started after a moment’s silence. “Can you do me a favor?”

Your heart jumped. Holy shit. This is happening, this is actually happening. 

“Y—yeah?”

Your breath hitched inside your throat. Oh my god. You might actually end your curse of lovelessness today. Oh my fucking god.

“Can you convince Beomgyu to help me get to Platinum in League?”

What?

“I—I know this sounds dumb, and it’s kinda pathetic that I had to bribe you with snacks just to get to this— but he’s been refusing to help any of us because he leaves after like three games!” Jimin exclaimed, and, upon noticing the flat look on your face, quickly gathered himself back together. “Ahem. I thought…maybe you could convince him since you’re like, his girlfriend and all.”

Your brain was a loading screen. You blinked but saw nothing but red. Beomgyu goes home after three games because you guys eat dinner at six in the evening. Jimin was giving you food as a bribe. You were not getting a confession.

All at once, the blood rose to your face,

“W-wait— is that a yes? Are you gonna ask him—”

Your shame couldn’t keep you standing there like an idiot for any longer. Every hurried step you took was a testament of your misery, and you left behind in your wake a fucking wave of turmoil and embarrassment. Fuck, your cheeks were burning. Fuck, why did Beomgyu have to entertain that idea and muddled your brain.

“Oh, you’re home?” your mother greeted the moment you kicked open your apartment door and started stomping to your room. “Where’s Beomgyu? Why didn’t you come home toge—”

“Ugh!” you groaned. “Enough about him, please!”

Did you only exist as an extension of him? As a part of him? As Choi Beomgyu’s friend, girlfriend, whatever, as the girl who’s always been around him for the past seventeen years to the point where that was all you’re known for?

You were fucking sick of it.

Your mom was scolding you for yelling at her, but you were far into your emotions to stay behind and say sorry. Your bag was left on the living room floor, and you were once again stomping out of your apartment unit, only to bump your face into Choi Beomgyu. “Whoa,” he remarked, quickly grabbing onto your shoulders. “Where are you going?”

“Out.” You shoved yourself off him.

“Someone’s cranky,” he mused, trailing behind you as you continued bulldozing down the hallway, down the stairs, out the building and on the dim and chalky path towards the playground. Beomgyu kept chattering. “What’s up? Why are you mad? Did you leave something behind in the classroom? Okay, you aren’t talking to me. That’s fine. I was gonna ask you what flowers you wanted for our graduation ceremony, but I guess I’ll just pick and choose whatever I—”

Smack!

You’ve spun around. You’ve got his face smacked in between your palms, promptly shutting him up. His eyes flew open, mouth firmly and tightly closed. “Can you stop talking for a second?” you guttered out.

Beomgyu stared at you, eyes still wide, then nodded once, still sandwiched between your palms. You bit down your bottom lip. Your ribcage was starting to squeeze in on itself. “Sorry,” you mumbled, arms falling back to your sides and you resumed your march towards the playground. 

He stayed silent for the rest of the time, following you on the see-saws and the both of you exchanged ups and downs for a few moments— quiet moments— until you were the one to break it.

“Hey, fuckface,” you called out,

“What do you want, dipshit?” he replied.

“Remember when I hauled your ass to the emergency room after you broke your leg at the skatepark in 9th grade?”)

YOUR MORNING STARTED OFF NICELY. It’s the first day back to uni after your one week break. You woke up before your alarm and had the time to make a really stir-fried rice meal for breakfast (your first breakfast in a week, mind you). Your clothes are fresh from the dryer, mascara unclumpy, and you arrive at the bus stop at the same time as your bus to campus arrives, right on the dot. 

Today is going great. That is until Heeseung shows up at the library after sending you a text that he’s on the way, and ruins everything with one, single statement.

“Did you sleep with Beomgyu the other night?”

The orange juice you’re drinking nearly dribbles out of your mouth.

“What the fuck?”

Your voice is louder than you thought. Heeseung shushes you and sits and pulls out the seat next to yours, ready to explain. “The guys from the coding club blew up the GC last night. A few of them saw you come out of his car and enter his apartment building together last Saturday. I think there were pictures.” Your mouth is agape. You’re speechless. “I didn’t tell them anything! Some of the guys were just around the neighborhood and happened to see you.”

Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no no.

“But, I guess...the blind date went well?”

God, fuck no.

Your worst nightmare has finally come crashing into reality.

“We live in the same building, get your mind out of the gutter!” you hiss, pulling him by the collar. Heeseung is very visibly terrified. You never wanted him to find out about your living situation in the first place because you know that he’d force you to hang out with them whenever he’s crashing at Beomgyu’s. You’re starting to regret hitting up a conversation with him during the orientation. These men are the banes of your existence. “Who is it? Who the fuck is spreading that stupid fucking rumor?”

“Please let go of me,” he squeaks out. You grunt, releasing the fabric of his shirt. He takes in a breath and fixes his clothes. “I’m not a snitch. Sorry.”

Heeseung is avoiding your eyes. He’s twiddling with the top button of his button up, nervously pressing together his lips. You run through the members of their “coding club” (it’s just a cover so they can play games in a cushy campus office). It doesn’t take long for you to come up with a name.

“Yang Jeongin.” Your friend’s panic tells you that you’re on the nail. 

“He only sent the photo!” he quickly exclaims. “He never said that you two were hooking up or anything! Please, spare him, please—”

So much for a perfect morning. It’s not even nine and you’re already fucking drained.

You let out a groan, massaging your temples and balancing yourself with your elbows on the study table. Heeseung is spewing out a million apologies and you’re not taking shit. “You’re not gonna go to our clubroom and destroy our computers, right?”

“Thanks for the idea.”

“You’re a demon,” he grumbles. “What’s the big deal, anyway? You yourself said you and Beomgyu didn’t fuck. But you two went home together and you haven’t complained about him yet. That means your date went really, really—”

“Can you please just quit it?!” 

That’s it. You’ve had enough. You shoot up from your seat, quickly gathering your things before you actually start throwing punches. “I’m sick and tired of hearing his name!” Heeseung gulps. He quickly scoots away to evade your haphazardly swinging bag. “Why the fuck do you all keep mentioning that piece of shit? It’s like everyone’s obsessed with him, it’s like everyone wants a chance to ride on his di—”

The words get cut off. Because when you turned around to make your leave, Choi Beomgyu was right there, behind you, and you bump into him and his blank face of terror.

“Oh.”

Yang Jeongin is also there, looking mildly scared of you.

But you’re more horrified than anyone in this hall.

Hiccup!

Your face flushes, searing hot and visibly enflamed.

“I, uh—” hiccup! “I’m about to leave anyway so you guys can—” hiccup! “—shit, fuck, fucking hell—”

You quickly swerve away, head down, but an arm swooshes over to barricade your exit path. There’s a water bottle in front of your heated face. Your line of sight follows towards the owner of the arm. Beomgyu is looking at you straight in the eye.

“Drink some water first.”

Hiccup!

Fuck, this is so embarrassing.

“Whoa. She’s so fast.”

The three boys watch your speedily retreating figure, pausing once or twice because of a hiccup, but your pace is still abnormally fast as you escape from the premises. There is no trace of you, save for the orange juice container you’d been drinking since earlier.

“There’s this tension between the two of you, you know.” Beomgyu turns his head to Heeseung who made the observation, a single eyebrow raised. “Do you two really live in the same building, or is she just making up an excuse? Seriously. Tell me how it went with you two. I was the one who set you up. I think I have the right to know.”

Beomgyu holds back a snort. He leans closer to Heeseung, a subtle smile playing on his lips. “You wanna know?”

Heeseung’s eyes sparkle. “Dude, I’m dying of curiosi—”

Smack!

“That’s none of your business.”

Beomgyu swipes the juice box from the table and promptly leaves the library despite the protests of his two friends. Out in the hallway, he doubts he could catch up to you after running away like a white collar convict, but who knows? He might get lucky— just like last Saturday.

“Hey, dude, wait up!”

An arm is hooked around his neck, and he gets pulled down with a grunt. He might be unable to catch up to you, but his friends definitely can with him. Now all his chances are gone, slipping out of his fingers like the juice container that he drops when caught between Heeseung and Jeongin shoving each other around, and it’s now completely lost upon the arrival of the people from his major.

“Hey, classes are canceled.”

“What are we having for lunch?”

“Are we having a practice run later for the festival?”

“Wait, I have to update my story— hey, look at the camera!”

They talk, but it’s all white noise. He gets carried off by static for the rest of the day. He hopes to bump into you when he gets home, but Beomgyu doesn’t even know what time you usually get home.

All the years you’ve spent mastering the perfect bitch face have finally come to fruition when you visited the programming club during lunch to make sure none of the bullshit they’re speculated escapes their clubroom doors. They all apologized— apparently Beomgyu also told them to quit their gossiping. 

However not even fear can stop an inherently stupid man. Because the next day, Minjeong suddenly tells you, “hey, I didn’t know you and Choi Beomgyu were a thing!”

Now, which rat managed to slip through the door crack?

“No, we’re not,” you scrunch your nose. “Where did you get that from?”

From a friend of a friend of a friend, she says. Sungchan asked you the same thing earlier. So did some guy from one class whom you don’t even know the name of. Your head is hurting. Crap that blind date was a stupid fucking idea. Seriously, why does no one know how to mind their own business? What is it about Choi Beomgyu that people just can’t keep his name out of their mouths? He’s not even a celebrity. He’s just a freshman with a pretty face and the social skills of an annoyingly loud butterfly.

“I’m going home,” you tell her.

“Why? I thought we were having barbecue with the rest of the guys!”

Not when you’re sure you’re gonna be barraged by another slew of questions about your dumb childhood friend. You bid Minjeong goodbye and exit the campus, hopping on the bus back to your apartment with a dead set agenda in mind. You’re going to fix this. You’r gonna bring things back to normal once and for all. So when you arrive at your floor, you don’t make a left like you usually do— you turn to your right and make three hard knocks on the sturdy door.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Choi Beomgyu.”

Knock, knock, knock.

“Beomgyu, are you ho—”

It gets opened sooner than you’re used to.

“Listen. We need to talk,” you quickly start, ignoring the surprise on his face upon seeing you, ignoring the way he almost shuts the door again right into your face. You hold back a scoff, but a sneer manages to sneak out. “Things have gotten messy since last Saturday. You should’ve kept your clubmates in check. What’s the point of acting like we’re strangers when people I don’t know keep asking me if I’m your fucking girlfriend, and Lee Heeseung keeps badgering me about what’s going on between us, and— oh my fucking god. Heeseung is right there.”

Beomgyu’s body is shielding you from the view of his living room. It’s not doing a good job because Heeseung waves at you from inside. Jeongin is there too. You can’t do this anymore. You’re cursed. You’re cursed with a plague called Choi Beomgyu and his ten million friends.

Your shaking eyes flit over back to Beomgyu. He looks panicked. Your heart is threatening to jump out of your throat and shrivel up like a pathetic dried grape.

“Fuck.”

At this point, running away feels like muscle memory to you now.

“Wait, I— hold on. I’ll be back,” you hear him say right before the door clicks and there’s another pair of pattering footsteps down the hallway right behind yours. The rhythm is familiar— a lag by one step, catching up, then slowing down as if he doesn’t want to overtake you all while you bulldoze through the hallway until you reach the flight of stairs, down three floors, and you’re met with the cold wind of the outside.

It’s only now that you realize your lungs are shaking.

“Hey—”

You smack away his attempt to settle a hand on your shoulder, but you’re far too embarrassed to look up and look him in the eye. Your face is burning. It’s been burnt so many times within the span of two weeks and it’s a miracle it hasn’t been charred. “Go away. Go back upstairs,” you sniffle. All you can see is the cement ground and the worn out slippers on his feet.

He stifles out something sort of a sigh. “No.” There’s a tug on the hem of your shirt. You wobble forward. Beomgyu holds onto your arms. You finally snap your head up and see his face. “You said we needed to talk. Let’s talk.”

It’s a little pathetic how you’re so near to breaking into tears. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to.”

“Is that really what you should be saying after completely screwing yourself over?”

“Shut up.” All the strength you had in your legs has been stripped away. Beomgyu is tugging your limp body to your complex’s gazebo with ease. “How could I have known your friends would be there?” you drawl out, allowing yourself to be dragged under its overhead roof.

He settles you down onto the stairs. “Isn’t Heeseung your friend too?”

“Not anymore.” You plop down on the wood, shoulders slacked, legs outstretched. Beomgyu is standing before you with his arms crossed. “From now on, he is nothing to me.”

There’s a frown on his face. “You should’ve called before deciding to blow up like that. I did my best. You’re the one that ruined your whole stranger agenda.”

“Fuck off, I’m still trying to cope.”

You kick out your foot like a child throwing a tantrum, and Beomgyu definitely doesn’t look impressed. He walks up, signaling you to scoot over, and squeezes right next to you on the narrow stair step of the gazebo. 

Shoulders pressed together, he leans slightly forward, elbows on his lap, and all you can see is the side of his face as you incline backwards so you don’t suffocate from the sudden tightness of air. “Am I like, too lame for you, or something,” he suddenly says. You blink once, failing to comprehend his words the first time. When he cocks his head back, you see the look in his eyes— earnest and raw.

You can’t help but crack out a snort.

“I’m— I’m sorry,” you sputter out. Your plaster your hands over your face, trying to suppress your misplaced chimes. “I just didn’t think you could make that kind of face. Wow, you can be serious too, huh?”

“You’re laughing,” he deadpans. “I’m trying to be serious here and you’re laughing.”

“I said I was sorry! Okay, let’s try again, let’s try again.” You clear your throat, sitting up straight and patting your palms on your lap, but something keeps tugging on the corners of your mouth and it’s hard to sit still. “No, you are not ‘too lame’ for me, Beomgyu. Where did that even come from?”

His expression bitters, unconvinced. “Then are you ashamed of me?”

“No.”

“Did I do anything abhorrently wrong?”

“What? No—”

“Am I not cool enough to be considered your friend?”

“Beomgyu, what are you talking about?” It was funny the first time, but now you’re just concerned. “Would I have stuck around your ass for almost twenty years if I thought any of that? Things haven’t been the best between us lately, but I still think we’re friends, Beomgyu, I—”

There’s a crack in your voice. Your face flushes. He’s looking at you so intently that you instinctively drop your head down before prying out the words that’s been lingering in your throat for months overdue.

“I…I hope we still are,” you mutter. “I really do.”

“Then why did you want to act like we’re not?” 

There it is.

“I didn’t want to keep it up for a long time!” you reason. “I just— I just wanted to keep my distance until I’ve adjusted to uni and until I’ve made a few friends of my own because for most of my life, I’ve only been known as the girl who’s always around you and nothing else.”

It takes a gnaw at your pride to be finally saying this out loud. It’s a bitter taste on your tongue— ugly and unpalatable and you’re glad that you won’t ever have to swallow it ever again. 

When you look up, you see Beomgyu make another new face you never expected from him.

“I doubt you noticed how people would only approach me because of you, but I really don’t blame you for anything. It was an unreasonable request and you had every right to be mad. I might have taken it back had we stayed around on the playground for a little longer.” You take a pause. “But then you started acting like a dick to me so I decided to be a dick to you too.”

You expect him to bite back but he doesn’t and it worries you. Shit, maybe you’ve unhauled too much. Maybe this wasn’t the right time be all vulnerable and crap but Beomgyu isn’t telling you you’re a big fucking idiot, so maybe it’s fine.

Instead, he stays quiet for a little longer, your words simmering in the air. 

“I wasn’t just angry. I was hurt,” he finally says. “Like you said, you’ve been with me for all my life and you suddenly tell me to reverse all of that. How the fuck did you expect me to act like you’re nobody when we both know that at this point I can’t live without you.”

Oh.

“Shit.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widen.

“I didn’t mean— I didn’t want to say—” He’s covering the bottom half of his face with his fist. He’s turning his head away as much as he can but you can still see enough to notice. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to say that. Forget about it.”

You lean closer. “Beomgyu, are you crying?”

“No. Fuck off.”

His right shoulder is serving as his shield as you try to dig your nose further, completely turning away from you, but you don’t miss it. You can’t miss it. “Oh my god, you’re crying.” Beomgyu leers back at you ever the slightest. There’s red tinting his eyes. You expect him to scurry off back into the building after that— but, no. Instead, pulls you by the forearm, and lets his head fall onto your shoulder, his forehead pressed firmly down. 

“Eat shit and die,” he mutters in between sniffles. After your initial surprise, you lift up the arm he isn’t grabbing onto to give him a few pats on the back, circles over his shoulder blades, and you stay like that for a while, for maybe too long because the sky is now darker than when you first went outside.

“Beomgyu,” you start.

“What do you want?” he muffles, as if he isn’t still draped over you like an oversized rag.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was selfish and inconsiderate.”

You hear him sniffle again. Heeseung wouldn’t believe you if you tell him Choi Beomgyu is actually a big baby. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize the way other people were treating you,” he says. “I can’t help being such a cool guy that you get overshadowed, you know. So I’m not sorry for that— ow! Ow, what the heck!”

You pry him off by the hair. You’re sure a few strands got plucked off, but a realization you didn’t expect to glean from this was the fact that his stupid shaggy hair is actually really soft. “I think this is enough. We should head back.”

In spite of his complaining, Beomgyu trails behind you when you stand up and dust yourself before making your way back inside. It’s still quiet, save for the hisses and grunts and swears whenever Beomgyu would step on your shoes, whenever he’d bump into you and feign innocence, whenever he’d get on your nerves immediately after just reconciling with you. 

It’s annoying. It’s annoying and it’s better than everything that’s been these past three months.

“Are you twelve?” you shoot him a glare, ready to punch in your door code before you get the urge to punch him instead.

“Come inside,” he tells you, nosing at his side of the apartment. “Let’s watch a movie.”

You raise a brow and cross your arms. “All of a sudden?”

“Yeah.” He mimics your pose. “Got a problem with that?”

You roll your eyes, but somehow you’re now a few steps away from your front door, and are now a few steps closer to his. “I do have a problem with it. Your fucking friends are in there.”

“I’ll deal with them.”

“Wow,” you snort. “So reliable.”

Still, you follow. Beomgyu twists his door knob and you’re suddenly nervous for the possible bullshit Heeseung would barrage you about your relationship with Beomgyu, but that doesn’t happen. The moment Beomgyu cracks open the door, his voice bounces around the inside of his apartment’s walls. “Anyone who doesn’t leave after the count of five will be banned from my apartment forever. Five. Four—”

Holy crap. You’re more surprised to see it actually work because Heeseung and Jeongin who’d been laying on the floor and tinkering with their playstation controllers have suddenly catapulted from the ground. “Wait, what about her?!” Heeseung protests as he’s being shoved by Jeongin out the door.

“She’s exempted,” Beomgyu responds. “Three. Two—”

“Whatever’s going on between you two, I take credit! You better spill the beans tomorrow. I can’t stand—”

“One.” 

With that, the door is shut.

Quiet washes over. Beomgyu turns to face you. “Good?” he asks. You give him a pat on the head.

“Good.” He’s like a puppy, you think, and retract your arm before spinning around to look around his living space. “What are we watching?”

It’s your first time inside, and the first thing you notice is how freaking dark it is inside his apartment. The windows are covered by blackout curtains, the television’s blue light and the light bulb from the kitchen island being the only light sources inside. You take the liberty to plop down on the floor in front of the sofa, further welcoming yourself to turn off the game the two were playing to scroll through Netflix.

“Remember the movie we got in trouble for watching?” Beomgyu rouses. He’s in the kitchen and cracking open the cupboards. “It was in eighth grade, I think.”

“The one that our parents thought was porn?” you question. Anyone would have thought it was porn with the word Bodies and the 18+ label on the CD case. “I don’t really recall the plot.”

“Me neither. All I can remember were your pissbaby screams.” 

“I was fourteen!”

He throws you a bag of chips and settles down right next to you. “Yeah, and so was I. Gimme the remote, scaredy cat.”

This guy is a perpetual test on your patience, but you continue to let him test you anyway. Before long, the television is shrouded by the familiar graphic imagery that scared you shitless early into your teenhood, and Beomgyu’s warmth is seeping into your side. His face is outlined by the bright red douses onscreen, melting into the contours of his face. “What are you looking at?” he asks, eyes absentmindedly still on the screen, hand mechanically digging into the bag of chips resting on your lap. “Don’t tell me you’re still scared? Wow, what a baby.”

“Coming from you? Your eyes are still red, Beomgyu. Your big baby tears have stained my shirt.” You swat his hand away. A creak rips out from the speakers. “Maybe you’re the one acting all tough.” Suspenseful music builds up. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell your friends and fans that the great Choi Beomgyu is actually— eek!”

There’s a jumpscare. And Beomgyu is laughing his ass off as you unbury your face from his shoulders, ungripping the wrinkled fabric of his shirt with a sharp glare and flushed cheeks. “Not a single word from your whore mouth,” you warn. He’s grinning like crazy as he looks down at you. 

“You haven’t changed a bit.”

“Neither have you,” you sneer, trying to play off how you flinched at the sudden loud noise from the screen, but he’s probably noticed. How could he not notice every jitter from your bones when your legs are practically tangled together, when he keeps reaching out an arm over you to steal from the chip bag you keep nestled on your side away from him. 

The next moments are filled with nothing but the noise of guts ripping, limps splattering, and blood-curdling screams. 

“Can we watch something else?!”

“No way. Quit being lame and suck it up.”

Yet— in spite of the jumps and squirms and suppressed squeaks from your person— you haven’t felt this comfortable in months.

YOU DON’T LIKE CHOI BEOMGYU. You don’t like how much of your time he’s wasted. You don’t like how much of your pride he’s forced you to swallow. You don’t like how much of your identity he’s inadvertently stripped away.

You don’t like him for all those things, but here you are— dressed in his department’s colors, carrying a sign with his stupid face printed on, and waiting for the past thirty god damned minutes because he was supposed to be here ages ago for the stupid fucking E-Sports Fest that you’re not even remotely interested in.

If you don’t show up in five, I’m going home, you angrily mash on your phone. You’re risking it all here. If Heeseung sees you in this traitor outfit, he’s going to give you the silent treatment for a week. The bastard still owes you two more weeks of lunch to repent. You can’t lose the upper hand. You can’t lose your leverage.

Your phone buzzes. Had to piss. Be there in a bit, his reply says.

“I don’t need to be informed about your bladder activities, you freak,” you grumble to yourself. Your bright orange ensemble has been catching unwanted attention. That or his face on your sign. Any minute longer, you’re going to bury yourself alive.

“Excuse me.”

You feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn around and see an unfamiliar face. He’s wearing the same shirt color as you. “Are— are you friends with Choi Beomgyu?” he asks. The bastard has collected another fanboy. You feel a throb in the side of your head.

“Yes. Yes, I’m fucking friends with Choi Beomgyu. What about it? What do you want?”

“Whoa, there.” 

The said bastard swoops in and swings an arm over your shoulder and presses you to his side. “Sorry about that,” he tells the guy. Your sneer deepens. Beomgyu gives you a subtle pinch on the arm. “My friend is just grumpy because we lost a game to the engineering department earlier. Anyway, how can I help you?”

Orange number two wanted to ask for a picture with him because he was so cool in the Sudden Attack match earlier. Beomgyu excuses himself for a moment and they take a quick photo. “Tangerines are supposed to look pretty, you know,” your stupid friend announces once he gets back to you. You start making your way to the venue for his next match. It’s in a closed classroom. There’s a projector screen outside to livestream it. “Quit scowling. You’re scaring the kids.”

“That’s the plan,” you tell him. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head.

“If you keep acting like that, I might get the wrong idea,” he says. You look at him. There’s a subtle smile on his face and you don’t like it. “It’s like you only want me for yourse— ow! Joking! Joke— it was a joke! Jeez.”

“Go win, or whatever.” You shove him off seeing that you’ve arrived. It’s already pretty crowded. You’re scanning the area for a good spot to squeeze into.

“I better be hearing your cheers from inside the classroom.”

“Don’t bet on it,” you send him off with a smile. “If you lose, I’m unfriending you.”

“Not the first time you’d be doing it.”

“Fuck off. Good luck.”

He nods with a salute and an expression that mirrors yours before disappearing off into the classroom, and you’re left with two dozen bodies uncomfortably wedged in the hallway just to watch him play a game you don’t even know the god damned rules for. 

You don’t like Beomgyu. His face is something you’re sick of seeing after nearly twenty years of being stuck with him.

You don’t like him. Not even when he seems to always pick you despite having a million other options. Not even when he single-mindedly bulldozes straight into you despite having a whole army cheering for him on the sides after he’s won another game for his department, waiting for your praise and the usual swears you spit on his face with a bright smile.

“Congrats, fuckface,” you say, receiving him in your arms as he engulfs you in a tight hug. You give him a few pats on the back for good measure.

“You’re treating me to dinner, dipshit,” he grins, pulling away, but keeping a hold of your shoulders.

“Spoiled brat,” you sneer.

You don’t like him. He keeps buzzing around you like an immortal mosquito that just doesn’t die even after being swatted away tens of thousands of times. 

“Only to you,” he hums, looping an arm around your neck and starting dragging you along forward. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.”

You don’t like Choi Beomgyu. 

“Where do you wanna eat?”

You don’t. You really don’t.

모기 / MOGI. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

[py-dreamer]

Yea!!! Can you tell I have favorites lol

so since it's the 20th in my time, it is officially my birthday today!

But I wanted to get this out regardless so kinda count it as the previous day's ig

I will be posting something later today probably but it will most likely just be a compilation of all the cakes I've done thus far.

Ok but um on with the cake!

It's like a cheesecake and I basically copied Tengen's cake with like a jelly filling with fruit suspended in it, peaches (obviously), strawberries and blueberries cause I like them and sod it I'll put them on this goddamn cake!

The thing Wukong's sitting on is one of those peach ice creams that's gotten so popular lately with the sprinkle of pink dust thingy on top.

On either side of the cake is the fillet from the journey and the hat from the brotherhood era, one from his reckless past and one from his redemption and I just think that's neat.

The blue puffy stuff is meant to be his nimbus clouds represented as cotton candy.

I have the baiju jar in there as reference to Wukong becoming immortal again due to the all the wine made from the peaches of immortality at the festival.

The staff as a little candle was so fun! And I like pocky so I chucked them on there to fill space and it looks good so sue me

The grey thing behind the staff and balloon is meant to be the Buddha's hand that trapped him under the mountain and a reference to his imprisonment under 5 phases mountain.

Peach popsicle! Of course I had too! A lil something from the present for our (shadow) peachy friend

Mk's stone as well, had to add his son in there too. The baby ever.

(probably just a cookie but it's the thought that counts)

The two sugar cookies are meant to be his logo (aka the lmk logo) and fireworks, again taken from Tengen's cake.

The sun is a candied/tanghulu esque orange thing. Like an orange slice coated in yellow melted sugar shaped like a sun and the phoenix feather cap since I consider it iconic enough to put in here. I didn't want to put it on him, blocking a lot of the decorations so I just hung it to the side and I think I'm happy with that.

A lot more monkeys here! It was very fun popping them in! I know I only gave Mac 1 but I mean Wukong's the monkey king for a reason. Let him be a loving grandpa and invite his subjects on the cake with him. He granted them immortality by ripping their names out the book of dead, let them have a place on the cake too

Also, yes that is the origami pilgims in the bottom left, I couldn't leave them alone could I?

Now the elephant in the room (or at least in my head), yes I did use @maplesleep's matcha pancake design for flower fruit mountain.

Cake on cake. Bit much but hey, I like cake and pastries better than candy normally so win for me.

And I couldn't just make cake about Sun Wukong without mentioning his home/origins of ffm. I do genuinely love the inginuity and adorableness factor of the pancake design and hope they don't mind me slapping it on my...cheesecake? Jelly cake? Jelly-cheesecake?

(also I have to ask @maplesleep, did you watch the 3rd emirichu anime cafe video, specifically the urusei yatsura cafe as inspiration for the 'sun wukong's strawberry sponge cake punishment' parfait thingy, gorgeously drawn btw I used those drawings as inspiration quite a bit for these cakes, or saw the urusei yatsura collab anime cafe

cause I couldn't help but notice the similarities between that and the 'shinobu's maiden strength parfait' cause if you didn't that be a pretty funny coincidence lol)

So what do you think? You think I could make it as another lmk food chef for lego? Can I join the club lmao?

I do realize in retrospect the disrespect I did Mk by making his cake so plain by comparison to his mentor's. But I think that's a testament to my improvement and attention to detail when making these cakes as the days have progressed!

I consider Mk's in particular to be the most lacking and I lowkey feel so bad for my boi for not giving him the main character status he deserves.

I might draw him again, idk. Not anytime soon though, like I said, I'm quite busy now more than before and I need a break, still glad I could serve y'all another slice of cake though!

[mythicalage]

Maybe This Was All A Mistake - HKS

synopsis: things aren't looking so good in your relationship after 3 years of being with your bf

characters: bf!shota x fem!reader

a/n: i've never published anything on tumblr so pls bear w me as i try to figure things out 😞 also dont know when to add warnings and stuff (non-idol au btw)

everything was totally fine for the past 3 years. perfect even. so why was there so much tension between you and shota?

well you knew why; the constant arguing over stupid shit which would then snowball into bigger things. usually you guys were so good at dealing with arguments and would end with a mutual understanding.

it's gotten to the point where you're tired of shota's mixed signals. he'd distance himself from you, get angry whenever you wanted attention so when you returned the favor, suddenly he'd turn into a clingy bf.

after 5 months of ranting about the issue to your friends, they were completely over it. reasonably so. they'd always give advice and voice their opinions but you never listened.

"break up with him"

"i dont think i can give up 3 years this easily. he's been better recently."

"yeah and then hes gonna go back to being an asshole"

"we don't know that. maybe its just those situations where we have a few struggles in the relationship and everything will be better again."

"girl— oh my gosh."

maybe you were actually stupid to believe that. nothing changed. it was the same never-ending cycle. did you actually waste 3 entire years on him? 1,239 days if you want to get specific. was the time actually wasted if you were happy with him for the first two years? did the love just wear off?

you both had gone out to downtown, walking around and stopping at a cafe where you two had your first date together. you guys came here pretty often, usually happy, but today was just rather sad. shota only scrolled on his phone as you both were sat right by the large window, waiting for your drinks.

you sighed, biting the inside of your cheek as your chest began to feel heavy. you watched soul mindlessly scroll on his phone, occasionally texting. he still had the polaroid picture of you behind his phone case but you wondered why he even bothered keeping it there. or maybe he simply didn't care enough to take it out.

"order for an iced matcha latte and an iced americano!" the worker placed the two drinks over the counter to which shota looked over and then glanced at you.

"i'll get it." you pushed your chair back and went over to grab the drinks. "thank you," you forced a smile at the worker and received a nod.

you don't really know why you ordered the most basic, kind of disgusting, drink ever. you weren't in the mood to drink or eat anything. as you sat back down, you slid the green latte over to shota and he finally placed his phone down, taking the drink into his hands. "thanks."

"its been a while since we've last been here," your voice was soft but had little to no emotion to it.

"yeah, it has been." shota took a sip of his drink before moving the cup in his hand in a circular motion, probably to mix everything.

it was depressing to see him this way. he was normally very silly, making random noises or rambling on and on about things he's into. it'd be an understatement to say you missed it. maybe it's too late to get that version of haku shota back. maybe you're just not the person who can bring it out of him anymore.

you didn't realize tears had brimmed your eyes until you felt the huge lump in your throat. you shouldn't cry. not in front of him at least and definitely not in public.

shota looked up at you from his drink. he stayed quiet for a moment before finally speaking. "you okay?" he reached for your hand and interlaced your fingers together. part of you wanted to snatch your hand away but the other part wanted to feel the warmth of his hand for as long as you could — before you commit to your decision of breaking away from him.

"shota," you choked on your voice, biting your bottom lip afterwards as tears begin to finally slip down your cheeks. you looked at his face before looking down at your hands, "lets.. break up."

although you didn't see it, shota's face dropped, his mouth slightly gaped. "you.. want to break up...?" his grip on your hand loosened but he didn't let go completely.

you only nodded to his response, biting your lip to prevent any sobs from becoming audible, simultaneously trying to stop the tears to no avail.

"baby, what? why? please, let's just talk about this." shota pleaded quietly but loud enough for you to hear.

you looked back up, your eye makeup slightly ruined by the tears. you sniffled as you took your hand away from his, "shota, you know why." you fought to not let your voice crack, carefully dabbing the tears off your cheeks and from underneath your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt.

"no, i don't know why. sure we have these small moments where we're upset but that's normal. we always go back to how it used to be, do we not?" he leans over the table and cups your cheek with his hand, his sad eyes looking into your teary ones.

you think about it. maybe he is right. you might've been thinking a little irrationally.

no. this can't happen again.

you shake your head, pushing his hand away from your face and you get up from your chair. "no shota. i'm tired of feeling this way. you give me attention when you feel like you're losing me but after a while, you go back to being a dickhead." you frown, taking your drink into your hand.

he gets up as well but leaves his drink on the table. at this point a few people are staring but it doesn't matter. "please y/n. don't leave me. we can fix this."

"there's no 'we' anymore, shota. i'm sorry." you drop your head.

shota only stays quiet. he grabs his drink and tosses it into the nearby trashcan and does the same to the cup in your hand. he knows you don't even like americanos.

when you guys came in not too long ago and ordered the drinks, he was confused as to why you had bought it. it doesn't matter anyway.

he swallows the lump that had now formed in his throat, taking a deep breath before talking.

"can i at least hug you for one last time?"

your heart shatters. you look into his eyes with blurry vision due to the tears and you wrap your arms around his body.

his face meets the top of your head as his arms hug your waist, rocking both of your bodies side to side as you silently sob into his chest.

"i'm sorry i couldn't be a better boyfriend to you."

after the hug you couldn't get yourself to say goodbye to him. you simply let go and walked outside and got yourself an uber.

this is going to be a bitch to get over.

a/n: definitely not my best work but i somewhat tried whidkwkd if this is total shit lmk 😭😭 wattpad-esque ahh story omg

[putschki1969]

Live Title & Promo Visuals Revealed

To commemorate the 5th Anniversary of Wakana’s solo debut, a special band live will be held for the first time in 3 years! The official title for the live was announced today!

Title: 『Wakana 5th Anniversary Live ～The “VOICE” Stories～』 Date: May 12, 2024 ◆1st Stage◆ Open 14:45 / Start 15:30 ◆2nd Stage◆ Open 18:15 / Start 19:00 Venue: I’M A SHOW (capacity: 398 seats) Starring: Wakana, Satoshi Takebe (Music Director/Piano), etc. 【Ticket price】 All seats reserved 8,500円 ※An additional 600円 drink fee will be charged at the venue Advanced Ticket Lottery: March 11~March 17 General Sale: March 30~

Botanical Land Post | Instagram Post | Tweet

2024/03/08 Instagram post by Wakana

I went to a wonderful studio the other day🌿 It was a lovely room with lush greenery and plenty of light. It was fun to fantasise about where I would place my furniture if I lived there 😌💕(Source)

2024/03/10 Blog post by Wakana おしゃべりガーデン第7回目‼︎〜卒業とチョコチップと「The “VOICE” Stories」〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Talk Garden Vol.7!! ~Graduation, Chocolate Chips, and 「The “VOICE” Stories」 ~

The 7th episode of "Wakana's Talk Garden" has been uploaded! Thank you for sending me your "graduation memories"~(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o))) Maybe the topic was a bit tricky this time so there weren't a lot of submissions🤣 But I definitely related to a lot of your stories about things that you want to graduate from and finally leave behind 😭✨ (I certainly want to get rid of my late-night cravings for Korean food)

By the way, I was surprised that I couldn't recall which song our choir was singing at one of my graduation ceremonies even though I was sure that I would remember such a detail. I vividly remember singing at the graduation ceremony as a member of my junior high school choir. I had a pretty loud voice but most of the other members were rather quiet so I would always hide somewhere in the back because otherwise I would stand out too much with my singing😂 (Sorry teacher, please forgive the antics of an adolescent). However, back then there was a boy in our local boys' and girls' choir and he would always make sure to sing with a loud and firm voice. I looked up to him with great respect and thought he was incredibly courageous, he honestly was my hero✨😂 (I was still hiding in the back but he encouraged me to sing with all my might) All the parents mentioned that they were amazed by how well our voices could be heard (*´-`) Despite all of that, I totally forgot what song it was 🤣🤣 That's the most important part! ! *laughs* Oh well, that's how life is...(I'll ask a friend next time💌)

Before I read all of your graduation stories , I went on a tangent about Baskin-Robins ice cream. It went on for quite some time so please be prepared! ! 😂 It was about my favourite chocolate chip ice cream which I had to get as soon as it came out! ♡ it was my first time in years to eat this flavour ♡ (If you add your favourite ice cream flavour in the Baskin-Robins app, you'll receive a notification when it's released). I also tried the newly released matcha brownie flavour 🍨 It was so delicious! 😳 But for some reason...I can't really recommend this particular combination of flavours🤣 It’s better to eat them individually!!👍

Well, the next talk theme is... there will be NO talk theme! 😂 I feel like everyone was having a hard time thinking of stories for the talk themes🥺 I didn't intend to inconvenience anyone...😇Please forgive me...😇 So next time, just throw some random messages at me! Don't even think about it, no matter what it is, just submit it and let me talk about it. So if you have anything you want to ask me or want me to talk about, please don't hesitate! ＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／ Really anything is fine! 🤗💕 I’ll be waiting💕

Also, the official title for my upcoming 5th Anniversary Live has been announced✨ The full title is Wakana 5th Anniversary Live ~The “VOICE” Stories~! The title of my first tour after my solo debut was ``VOICE'', it was about having my “voice” heard and expressing my “voice”. Back then, there were so many things that felt new to me, and I'm sure it was the same for all of you. Five years have passed since then and I have come across several new "voices" within me. New thoughts and feelings were born within my heart and expressed through my "voice". And of course I've been supported by the voices of encouragement from many people throughout all these years. For these reasons, I decided to name the live The “VOICE” Stories, I want to create an environment for people to hear my new “VOICE”. I will be sharing various thoughts and sing songs from the past five years. I would be happy if you came to experience this special moment together with me. Please come to “I'M A SHOW” in Yurakucho on May 12th! ! The live promo visual has also been released🤗✨

All right, that’s it for today! Until next time~☆( *'▽'*)/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

Wakana’s Talk Garden #7

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Episode #7 »»—— CLICK ME 🎁 CLICK ME ——««

Vol 7 Topic “Memories of Graduation”

For next month’s episode which is scheduled to air on April 10th, the topic is “Something I Want to Ask Wakana/Something I Want Wakana to Talk About” The submission deadline is 03/31.

[uniquegamers21]

Supernatural AU

(Genshin Impact Private roleplay one x one)

[ Pantalone ] & [ Childe ] & [Wriothesley]

Wriothesley knows that he is in trouble right now. He saw the Fatui delegation leaving Neuvilette office. When he touched the doorknob, he could feel his murderous intent from inside. "Come in" his cold voice made him take a deep breath before opening the door. He could see the table that was prepared for the meeting. It has wonderful tea scents and matcha slice cake on the table. "What is it?" His indifferent attitude to what happened made him mad. However, he remains calm as he taps the table. "Is that all you can say?" Standing up, Neuvilette grabs the paper from his table and throws it to his face. "I disappoint in you, Wriothesley. I thought at least, you can hold back yourself and do the right thing." Wriothesley picked up the paper, one by one. He read it slowly, per sentence.

"Trial?! How can the news reach this fast? I will go back to that place, I can't let them have her-" SLAP!! There's a red mark on his right cheek, Neuvilette slapped him hard, his expression wasn't like usual his emotionless self. He felt angry because no one he could trust to handle such a trivial trouble and let Fatui get what they wanted. The situation there was so intense that even Melusine didn't dare to walk in. "This isn't too late, we can still arrange the trial. After all, he made his mark on her. We still can save one of them. Though, I can't say for another one, we still can save her from Fatui's grasp" A soft yet stern voice made two of them turn their head. It was no other than chlorinde. The duelist champion, the vampire was known for her agility and precision. 

"we should go now" her expression showed nothing, sometimes wriothesley had a hard time talking with her. Their relationship goes to the tea buddy and nothing more. After all, she often breaks his door whenever she comes in. 

----------

In front of the new apartment building, Alhaitham met someone he recognized. After all, he used to stay in Sumeru before. How come he is here now? "You are that...Hat guy?" Said Alhaitham with his stoic expression. "I should have been the one who asked you. Why are you here and what are you doing here? I never thought the reason you moved from Sumeru was to stay in Fontaine." He crossed his arm with a small frown on his flawless face. He wondered why is he near this building. Is he after Demetra too? He had been told by Kaveh before about the awakening. Today should be the day when they unleash their potential and it is also the highest peak of their blood. Their blood is rare enough, that no supernatural creatures would want to miss them. However, during this day, it was holding much more power than before. "Don't tell me...are you after her too?" There is one reason why would she worried about his soon-to-be partner more than Kaveh's relative. That is because of her origin. Those who were marked by bravery will burn everything once the power is unleashed from her body. It might even burn the entire city and have a bad after-effect on her body. He didn't feel any of her presence around her. There's only one human and one vampire in that apartment building. Since he is half-human, his abilities are quite limited. Suddenly, the water pipe in that building lost control, and water leaking out in everywhere. That must be Rayne. "Crap, I'm too late! Where's the secret alleway?! Take me there and I will-" Before he finished a loud explosion could be heard from afar, a huge fire swirling around the building that is not far from there. No, he is too late to find her. Alhaitham ran in the fire direction, as fast as he could, hoping that is not too late. 

[A few minutes before the accident]

Childe and Pantalone enjoyed their time, devouring her, sinking their fangs into her soft, delicate skin, and drinking her blood. The rich taste of her blood made their body grow even stronger than before. Childe can feel it, if this keeps up, he will be able to master the foul legacy in no time. As Pantalone, he never thought he would feel such a power like this in his veins. His sense of smell, his sights, and hearing had been shaper than before. Such a magnificent power, yet a fragile host. It is a shame that she knows nothing about it. Taking his time admiring her, Pantalone's hand slowly caressed her cheeks gently. "You should blame Diluc for this. After all, he is the one who hides the truth from you" Crawling on top before positioning himself above her, Pantalone leans forward as his lips embrace hers passionately. Enjoying this sinful moment between them. Pulling away, he left a trail of kisses down to her chin, running across her jawline until he reached her neck. His lips pressed gently against her skin, so gentle like a lover. 

Flashing his fangs to brush them against the tender area he wished to scar. Wasting no time, he sinks his fangs deeply into her neck.  The sweetness of her blood filled his mouth, a soft moan escaping his lips, as expected of the legendary hunter lineages.

Continuing what he did, Pantalone slithered off the bed and made his way in between her thighs. Positioning his tip near her entrance, his body trembling with excitement. With both hands gripping each side of her hips, in one thrust he pushed his entire length inside of her. He didn't even give hera chance to take a break. He positioned his hands just under the back of her knee. Lifting her thighs, repositioning her legs just enough to have them hover in the air. He won't give her a chance to take a breath and keep pushing his length till it hits her spot. with one final thrust forward, he finally reached his climax. If it wasn't because of protection, his thick, hot loads of liquid would fill her to the brim of her entrance. Groaning softly, Pantalone slowly pulled away from her, watching her expression as she slowly slipped away into the dreamland. "I think that is enough for the night" Pantalone grabbed the blanket and covered her body. This room is quite a mess now. He didn't even remember how long they played, but the time to enjoy this will end soon. "Hey, what do you mean by 'it's enough'? Are you f****ng kidding me?!" Pantalone eyes colour glowed for a moment, making him pause his action. "You know what? Screw this, why don't we finish it by fighting outside. The winner shall take her" However, this won't make him cower in fear. Tartaglia loves battle and the feeling of adrenaline, no matter how strong he is. Though he only drank her blood a little, he could always do a quick test with his foul legacy. Instead of fighting, Pantalone threw his phone at him, it was showing the location of Wriothesley who seemed to head back there. "With the current me, I will welcome you anytime. However, he won't be back here alone. You know what this means don't you?" Childe hated to admit it, but he couldn't fight the entire Fontaine alone. Besides, it will make their nation's relationship worse. "Tch. Fine" both of them quickly clean themselves and wear their clothes. What they didn't know is, the fire mark on her body glowed a little. As it glowed, the fire started to appear near the drawer. "Hey, I smell something- wait, fire?" Childe used his water element, unfortunately, it wasn't the end. One by one, the fire started to appear around them. "This..." Pantalone saw how the fire started to expand yet not a single flame touched her body. Is this her awakened power? He wanted to grab her but as soon as his hand touched her body, it burned his skin. "Gah! " Pantalone stared at the wound, his healing process was too slow. Is this because of the hunter's power? The fire swirling around her. "She might burn the entire building at this point, no, with this power she might even try to burn the entire city" 

Pantalone saw the fire swirling around her body as if forming into armor with wings of fire on her back. Slowly the fire lifted her body and broke the rooftop. Pantalone and Childe rush outside, everyone scrambles to leave this place. 

As the chaos erupted, the water formed around her like a tornado, swirling against her fire, slowly putting it out of the way.

"I'm glad we arrived on time. Wriothesley, Clorinde."  Neuvilette stands there, in his usual formal attire. Everyone was surprised to see Monsieur Neuvilette there. 

"Yes, sir" Wriothesley ran towards her as the fire slowly devoured her fire, but being careful not to drown her. He used his water and carve a path for him and Clorinde to get her. Once he closed enough, he grabbed her body. His mark on her body glowed and the fire reduced a little bit. "Ah, I get it now. So, I need to take down the fire and touch her at the same time" Wriothesley grinned, knowing he had a massive chance to get her. "Still thinking about that?" As if reading her mind, Clorinde touched the mark of fire on her and whispered something in other languages before everything turned to normal. Before Wriothesley caught her, Clorinde kicked him away and carried her in her arms, covering her body with her jacket. She made eye contact with Neuvilette who nodded at her and left that place in an instant. Heading towards her apartment. However, on the way there, she met someone. His clothes showed that he was from Sumeru. Half humans and Half Vampire. 

"Wait, I'm Alhaitham from Sumeru. I'm here for her. I've been looking for her everywhere. Thankyou for taking care of her"

"You should have protected her better," said Clorinde with coldness in her tone. "Show me, where is her place?" Alhaitham shook her head, knowing that apartment was...in a mess right now. "I don't think we can take her there. Another one awakens just like her. Water is flooding in everywhere. its better to take her to my place." Clorinde thought for a while before she shook her head. "My place. You come with me"

In the end, they took her to Clorinde's personal house, a large house that has a good aesthetic in it. She placed her in her guest room and covered her with a blanket before she closed the door. "Now, Alhaitham. Tell me what you know" Alhaitham seemed hesitant, but he had no choice. It is for her own good. 

​​​​​​In her dream, she was in the middle of a strange place. Filled with cracked ground, magma around her and a strange floating red stone in front of her. The stone has the prism shape, floating in front of her. The moment she set her eyes on that stone, the images of her past appeared around her. 

'why?' A male voice spoke within her head.

'Why can't you feel my presence, Demetra?'

'Why?' The stone glowed as if signalling that it was indeed the stone that talked to her. However, the moment she was about to touch it, someone grabbed her hand and choked her neck. "I got ya...Princess" The man was full of black liquid around his body, slowly that liquid fell from her body, revealing a handsome man with red eyes. "I won't let you get away again, Demetra!" The prism shone brighter this time, it made the man release his grip on her and send her back to her own world. She can hear the man's voice screaming in anger when he no longer gets his hand on her. 

[ Rayne ]

Everything seemed like a dream to her, a pleasant dream that she never had before. Everything he had done, pushed her to the edge. Every time, he sinks his fang, her body reacts differently. It's like her body is on fire, it's too much for him to handle. It's like his touch is her water. He is the only one who can take these feelings away from her. "W-wait Dottore...slow down-" a soft moan escaped her lips, in normal situations, she would probably lash out like a female lion. However, she couldn't think straight. Never in a million times that she would spend her first time like this. Her heart beating so fast, her lewd voice filled the room. She could feel her legs tremble, her body losing all its strength every time he drank her blood. The way he kept hitting her sensitive spot, made her wrap her legs around him, not wanting to let go. She wanted more of him. "D-dottore, I wanna come..." Reaching climax, she moaned in pleasure calling his name. The moment, Rayne reached a climax, she became quiet. Her breathing turned to be more stable unlike before. Everything turns hazy, maybe his venom is too much for her for the first time. She stared at Dottore's face for one last time before she fell unconscious. Unknown to her, her hydro mark was slowly visible on her neck. It glows slightly, as a sign that she will awaken her power soon. It all started from the water pipe on the first floor, the water from the sink, and the bathroom started to come up. It flooded the apartment and even started to make their way to the street. The second floor, the third floor and next is the fourth floor, the place where she stayed.

"What the hell is this?! The water pipe is out of control!" A loud voice was heard from outside. Then suddenly, the water pipe in her room also did the same. It's like the water turned to life and even tried to nearly drown everyone. The water slowly surrounds the person's body and goes into their head, blocking their sources of oxygen. However, the water didn't even touch her. Instead, it goes around her. "Someone please save me!" Many people scream outside asking for help while Rayne falls unconscious.

Meanwhile, Rayne had a strange dream. She opens her eyes to see the fallen city. Everything is drowned by water, she wants to come out when she realized that she is in the water. However, someone pulled her back. "You can breathe in here, don't worry" a male voice made her turn her head. She never saw him before. "Who are you?" The man didn't say anything and pointed at the strange prism floating behind her. It has a hydro symbol in it. "What is this? Who are you? What is happening here?!" Since the man kept silent, she decided to touch the prism and in an instant the memories of her past flooded her mind. "I...don't want to remember"

the man shook his head as he turned his back against her. "You had to....after all, you are a hunter. Not a prey. You shouldn't let them leave their mark on you, otherwise...they might have control over your power soon.." This makes her confused even more. What kind of power? Suddenly, the man in front of her, choked her with such strength. "Wake...up"

Rayne jolts awake, she can feel the sensation on her neck. Why the hell is he doing that?! "Geez...what a bad dream- wait, what the hell are you two doing here?!" She is surprised to see Dottore and Scara in her room, they look like about to start a war with each other. Her eyes landed on her belongings, only to see her room condition in chaos. everything is wet, her book, her clothes, and even her blue bandage. She even doubted that she had something to wear tonight- wait, something to wear? She took a peek at her blanket and realized that she didn't wear anything. "Both of you...OUT!" She throws anything at them, whether a pillow or anything she can find in her room. At least, when they were out of her room, she quickly closed the door and looked for any dried clothes to wear. Her face still turns red from embarrassment.  "Remember, none of you leave this place! We still had something to talk about!"

[feytouched]

Hi!! I sent the ask about somber scents and I didn't get the notification that it was answered! I'll most likely pick out a few from your recommendations - the zoologist snowy owl is one I was eyeing already!

Regarding my samples, they came in last week and I absolutely adore them. My sense of smell isn't that great but I love having the ability to pick out different scents based on the vibe of the day, and your reviews have really helped me appreciate them in a way I wouldn't have been able to otherwise!

Harvest mouse and Lolita Lempicka are my absolute favorites. I might have to get full bottles of those two. I adore the green scents of the L'ombre. It reminds me of my fey OC and I've felt a little giddy every time I've worn it. The only reason it's ranked third on my list is that I realized I don't like rose scents too much. The Libre is interesting. It really does feel distinctly like a masculine woman, and it boosts my confidence under the right circumstances, but it's a bit sharp for me, so definitely not one i'd wear too often. And even though the matcha was my least favorite of the bunch, I do still quite like it! I can't discern much from it other than just 'vaguely perfumey', so I was a little disappointed that I couldn't pick out any of the tea or fig scents that i chose it for. That being said, I still enjoy what I can smell from it, and I'll likely wear it pretty often!

Anyway thank you so much for taking the time to share your reviews and poetry and art! They all really brighten my day, and I'm sure many others feel the same ^_^

oh thank you for updating me on your sampling experience, i loved reading your thoughts! i've also been vibing hard with lolita lempicka lately, it just seems so appropriate for this time of year! and i kinda wanna know about your fey OC now hehe l'ombre makes for an enticing scent descriptor! indeed it's a unique rose scent but still quite rose-y. and yeah!! libre was always rec'd to me as a feminine scent but i feel like it smells quite gender-subversive - i agree that it's rather intense (soapy, to me) especially at the top. && i agree, matcha meditation is only briefly matcha-y before it goes very floral. a pretty floral though, but i'm still searching for the perfect green tea scent.

your words brighten my day as well, thank you! 🌸

[neon-moon-beam]

I hope you enjoy the dlc! I liked it a lot, and as someone who just likes your opinions, i'm looking forward to seeing what your thoughts are.

Spinarak is adorable!

Spoilers ahead.

Pros:

The story felt a lot stronger than the mainline game for the most part. Maybe it was because it was shorter but Arven and Nemona's storylines really felt like too little too late.

The plot twists were interesting enough, and I'm interested to see where the cliffhanger goes.

I liked that it starts off looking like Carmine is going to be a bully and a problem, but it turns out she's actually rather complex and shows her true personality really quickly. And whereas you think Kieran is going to grow in a different way (like standing up to Carmine), he instead turns out a bit worse off (which is also nicely complex characterization!) Both of them also seem to have some kind of issues going on the background, so I'm curious to see if the second DLC covers it.

It's nice to see some Pokemon that had stayed Dexit'd for a while. Yes, some were in BDSP, but BDSP is a top down game and it doesn't feel like it's happening in...let's just say a more organic space. There's also no way to interact with you Pokemon in BDSP other than just talking to them if they're walking with you.

I liked getting new clothes and hairstyles with the Teal card. I changed into one of the new hairstyles.

Poltchageist and Sinistcha are nice. They make me want to drink matcha more.

It was nice to get a new area to explore. Part of the reason I stopped really playing Violet at all post-game was Paldea felt very empty with nothing to do.

Mossui really does feel like a rural Japanese town.

Ogrepon is cute.

Cons: Not a lot of new music. The main theme plays nearly everywhere and after 20 mins or so it gets very boring.

Not happy about the PLA stuff at all. I don't want an Adaman descendant, I don't want Hisuian variants, I don't want an event similar to PLA with music remixed from it. I don't want any PLA. The game caused too much damage.

Kieran feeling betrayed seemed a bit forced? Like, the player is just honoring his grandfather's wish to not share the story with him yet due to his age and he goes from feeling betrayed to practically resenting the player when he cannot defeat them. Him comparing himself to Ogrepon when Carmine and the player left him out of the loop (again, honoring what Carmine and Kieran's grandfather asked) felt overdramatic and...not comparable at all? (But then again kids just do that kind of thing) Also he expected Ogrepon to just go with him when he hadn't bonded with it at all. Carmine even says that Ogrepon's feelings are also important but he just ignores it. He's got a lot to learn, and I hope we see him learn it.

The glitchy backgrounds are still happening. My Eelektross breaks the ground revealing the massive ocean that is responsible for a lot of glitches (the ocean is literally too big for the game), and the walls sometimes do that jiggly thing that makes some people feel queasy when they see it.

The festival stalls are disappointing. At first I was excited to see what new foods they have. I mean yeah, it's annoying that most shops in SV just open up a menu and make you feel like Paldea favors cooking over everything else, but sometimes it's nice to see the worldbuilding with the food. However there are only 8 stalls, one of which you can't even interact with, and 4 of them are the same! There's two candied fruit stalls and two shaved ice stalls! They really couldn't just make two more new stalls, or at least change the menus on two of them? I've been to carnivals and festivals IRL and yeah, there are often repeat stalls (though usually at bigger events), but there are also stalls that sell similar things but are made by different brands.

I was hoping for a bigger variety of jinbei and masks. I really don't want Pikachu and Eevee things again. I'm very much over those two. And while I liked being able to switch from the uniform to the jinbei, I still don't like that I'm forced to wear between a handful of pre-created outfits that clash horribly with most of the accessories.

The landscape feels old fast, and empty like Paldea. A lot of it is the same kind of landforms, just arranged differently. The only unique thing was the Infernal Pass.

[one-sided-bbl]

hi blog...

its me kylie :P

the past week has been full of intense self discovery, and that is because MY BOYFRIEND IS OUT OF TOWN.

i know what youre thinking.

kylie, how have you survived that long without your boyfriend?

the truth is, i underwent some major changes in order to survive the last nine days i've gone without seeing him.

i am living at his house while he's gone. yes i'm here to take care of the dogs/house but i am also here to combat the impending doom/feeling he's going to forget about me while he's gone. sensing a fear of abandonment? then i just go lay in his bed and remind myself he's not going to randomly start hating me while on vacation!

i started reading again. i've been reading Mosfegh's "My Year of Rest and Relaxation" after months of putting it off. i know i'm late to the trend but i haven't read a book in years and i have to catch up somehow.

picking up housewife duties. i've been tending to the garden (aka watering the plants once a day) which has given me a great sense of duty. i've also been washing my dishes, which i also do at home but for some reason doing it at someone else's house makes me feel domestic

became a chicken whisperer

restarted animal crossing on my switch after dreading it for weeks. having to restart your island is so annoying!

buying starbucks matcha every day. normally i don't do this bc starbucks matcha tastes like fish. for some reason i havent been able to stop buying it ever since my bf left and i refuse to start my day until i've driven to the nearby starbucks and spent $7 on my shitty starbucks strawberry matcha latte

starting this blog lolz!

finally bought myself a new journal. i've only written in it once and i spent the majority of my journal time decorating it with lace and diamond stickers

got back into painting but every painting i do pisses me off and i put them into a discard pile

discovered maybe i dont like painting as much as i thought.

in all seriousness, being in a secure relationship where ur not getting cheated on is swag and i never thought i would be able to go this long away from my s/o without have a mental breakdown but its been surprisingly easy! still miss him tho obvi 🎀

anyways ill be back soon baiiii

[andstilliam]

my breakfast is too cute not to post :)

calories: 281

matcha latte ingredients:

-2 tsp matcha

-1 cup vanilla almond milk

-1/4 tsp each of cinnamon, ginger and turmeric

-several drops of chlorophyll

-1 tsp of omega 3 fish oil

-frozen strawberries

i'm on a berry kick lately because i just bought nature's path summer berries granola and there's 20g in my silk coconut (vanilla flavoured) yogurt. i was going to try dairy yogurt because i miss yogurt and oats so much but funny story, i could only find the non dairy kind so i figured that was a sign. and i decided to get granola instead of both granola and oats because obviously granola is made of oats and i'm trying to keep it to a minimum so i don't upset my stomach. i decided i'll get quaker maple brown sugar oatmeal when i'm done this pack of granola.

I am not doing omad anymore for a few reasons. 1) i don't want to trigger my BN (which I'm 3 years free as of next month!!!) with food scarcity. 2) i can't stand the idea of being hungry and shoving food in my mouth after everything i've been through with it. i just physically can't do that anymore. 3) my digestion is better eating scarily little. I mean seriously, i had 2 bms 2 days in a row with no help! i did take prune juice the other day which was awful. all the constipation remedies irritate me heavily and make me miserable. i get way too gassy and my most unproductive days come from trying to help rid constipation. it seems i'll need some kind of remedy every now and then but for some reason eating under 600 calories (aside from candy teehee) and basically burning it all off is doing wonders for my digestion at the moment than eating one meal a day for that amount. it's actually quite terrible. i am doing really well for restricting this low. i'm brushing my teeth x2 a day every single day, i'm showering daily, i'm sleeping well for the most part, even if the duration is short, the quality of sleep has been up according to my Garmin.

[theallseeingrc-blog]

Hey Aj

I'm feeling kind of anxious, writing this in a Starbucks here in our hometown, with two women in their (most likely) late fifties enjoying what looks like matcha green tea latte, sitting adjacent from where i sit. not to mention the woman on my left outside (i'm by the glass wall) who gratefully seems busy with her phone.

There's a reason the first paragraph was that long, because I know you'll never get to read this, albeit there might be a small chance I exude a moment of vulnerability and send you the link, but seeing as to how your last message was "fuck you, leave me alone." the chances of that happening are as close to me getting hit by lightning.

But, in the small chance that you would...

I can't recall the person who told me that having something to regret in life is bad, and can result in future problems, but I've always carried that guilt and regret like a backpack in the sahara dessert that seems stitched to my back, and taking it off would just peel the drying skin off my body, bleeding me to death and to my fictional demise.

But nonetheless, this regret I'm referring to is the regret of not treating you well. I feel like I've done nothing but give you trauma and unnecessary suffering in your life. I've come to realize (when it was already too late) how much I behaved like a total fool, and took your love for granted.

I'm sorry it took me a really long time to realize how wrong I was for acting the way I did towards you, when all you wanted was to just fulfill my lifelong dream of marrying my first love. I wasn't yours, and in some ways it hurt, but it was something at the time was effortless to overlook.

I remember how we started. I literally let go of a relationship where I was to settle. Don't get me wrong, I loved Pau, I did. For the first time, I didn't feel like I would be the one leading the relationship to new experiences, and for once that was nice, but I was willing to let go of everything just to have a chance with you, because that's how long I've loved you. Through the unknown, carelessly clutching ignorance at the same time, I loved you from the very beginning.

And I continue to love you. I think of you whenever I come back home. I stopped parking outside your house, in hopes that you'd come out and catch me, and strike a conversation and try again because I realized how creepy that was, and I'm sorry.

I guess in a way, whenever we talked and I kept telling you "I'm not here to try and get back together" there was a part of me that knew it was the only way to still keep you in my life. That I asked nothing but the bare minimum and having the thought of trying again, I knew it would remind you of the horrendous times I put you through.

God, I can barely remember the good times we had. I forgot how much I made you laugh, I can't remember when I had your interest, and that you adored me. I loved your attention. I craved for it. Until the time it started becoming troublesome for a reason that bewilders me up until this day as to how it started.

Okay this is getting kind of long for a letter I know you'll never get a chance to read anymore anyways. But let me end it with this.

In every universe, in every reality, I know I'll love you in every single one of them. And I hope that in at least one of them, We're both happy. I hope that I get to be the best "worth the wait" person for you. I hope I get to be the one to carry you when you're too tired to be strong. I hope I get to be the one to hug you after a stressful meeting. I hope I get to be the one to fuck you good, and tell you how beautiful you are, and that it matters even if you hear it from other people on a regular basis. I hope I get to be the one to brew you coffee before your day starts. I hope you get to be the one Friday calls her "loving mother". I hope, if it's not possible in this universe, that somewhere out there, we found each other, at a time where nothing made sense.

except our love.

I love you, Sun Girl.

Mahal kita, Aj.

Our love will be my biggest regret I let go.

Goodbye.

[thecairomuse]

How I live a healthy lifestyle - Part 1: Nutrition and Diet

''In this mini series I'll be detailing everything I do and plan to do to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I'll only be discussing nutrition and physical activity although there is a lot more to health than that, but they tend to be the most important aspects.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional/ a dietitian I just love sharing what works for me. Not all things mentioned in this post will be applicable to you. Use this post as a starting point/ for ideas; Please do your own research.

There's so much more to nutrition than the amount of calories you eat. Lately I have been very mindful of what foods I put into my body and if they actually nourish my body and make me feel good. But this is not to say I don't enjoy the occasional treat. After all I am human.

Fasting

I could go on and on about the many benefits of fasting, but I'll keep it short and sweet: it's a miracle. There are so many different ways of fasting and for different intervals of time. I'll discuss the ones I do.

Intermittent fasting: every day I eat for 8 hours and fast for 16, the window of time I choose will remain somewhat constant but may move around to accommodate events/ schedule. During my 16 hour fast I mostly drink water, I'll also have zero calorie drinks like black coffee and matcha green tea or any other tea (without sugar!!)

Weekly 24 hour water fasts: One day of the week I'll fast for 24 hours, even though it's called a water fast I also include zero calorie drinks as well as they don't break your fast.

Monthly 48/72 hour water fast: I'll do one extended fast per month, very similar to the 24 hour water fast but just for an extended period of time, I also include zero calories drinks in this fast. I might occasionally skip this one depending on how I feel/ my schedule

I have been fasting for years, for religious reasons, so I am quite used to it, but if you are new I would definitely recommend going slow and working your way up.

I don't do fasts longer than 72 hours because things can get complicated and I don't really feel the need to.

It's very important to break your fast with a liquid (especially extended fasts), I drink ACV and celery juice (see below) first thing and then some fruits and work my way up to actual meals.

Mediterranean Diet

Considering I am from the Mediterranean, I tend to eat a lot of the foods found in the Mediterranean 'diet'. It's not so much of a diet but more of a lifestyle; I have always eaten this way.

I find the Mediterranean diet really enjoyable, the food is delicious and there are many healthy benefits.

I love eggplant dishes (there are SO many), Egyptian fava beans, Couscous, Hummus, Baba Ganoush (my absolute favorite Lebanese dip) and of course ALOT of seafood.

No snacking in between meals

I would much rather eat filling meals than have to mindlessly snack thought the day. If you HAVE to snack, it's a good sign you are under-eating or you are not eating filling foods.

Snacking spikes your insulin and raises your blood pressure and blood glucose levels, which makes you feel hungry all the time and increases your appetite and the calories from snacking add up very easily. Plus it's way more convenient to skip snacking and instead eat filling meals.

Please note, if you have low blood pressure then of course snacking can be helpful. But for me, my blood pressure really doesn't need to be any higher.

No restriction of Food groups

I have not cut out protein/ carbs/ fats. I eat all three in moderation and I believe that all three are essential for a healthy diet; they all provide the body with different things that it needs. I have also not cut out dairy. I will always seek out 'healthier' alternatives when possible (eg. lettuce as a substitute for bread in a sandwich or coconut milk as opposed to regular milk, although I don't do this too often)

I do however restrict sugar. Which brings me to my next point.

Sugar free, No junk food, No fizzy drinks, No candy/ processed snacks

The four mentioned above have little to no benefits to your health and can be quite detrimental, so I have decided to cut them out. They tend to be very un-filling and can mess with your blood glucose levels.

I have also never had much of a sweet tooth, most of the times i crave something savory, but there is sugar in pretty much everything nowadays and that's what I mostly focus on, for example do we really need sugar in Ceaser salad dressing? yet in some sauces the amount of sugar per serving is way more than the recommended daily amount of sugar intake.

With that being said I definitely do break the rules a bit because I still do enjoy life. But I am mindful about it, for example I can't resist fries from Mcdonalds or a macaron form Laudree but I'll be fine if I don't have a granola bar packed with sugar.

Added/ refined sugar is so bad for your body and your organs (especially your liver) and there are much healthier alternatives. I have mostly cut out sugar/ junk food/ candy/ fizzy drinks and processed snacks. I don't drink Diet coke or any other diet drinks of the sort (they contain an artificial sweetener that is worse than sugar). I drink my tea unsweetened (I love the taste of tea) and I'll either have an americano with no sugar or an (iced) black coffee, and if i feel like having an iced latte I'll ask for coconut milk and no sugar. Every once in a while I'll make sugar free cookies/ brownies/ cake etc. there are so many recipes online. You can use Stevia, Xylitol, Erythritol and Monk fruit. I do eat a good amount of fruits as well as pure honey (with no added sugar).

High Beta-carotene diet

What is Beta-carotene you ask? It's a magic elixir. Okay seriously, it's a pigment that gives plants their color.

Beta-carotene is converted into retinol (vitamin A) in the body and can help you get a natural 'tan' or more accurately a sun-kissed glow.

All you have to do to achieve the beta-carotene glow is to eat 5-7 portions of fruits/ vegetables for one to two months.

The fruits and vegetables high in beta-carotene are:

CARROTS!!

Kale

Celery

Cantaloupe

Broccoli

Most dark colored/ vibrant fruits/ vegetables, especially those that are orange

The way that I make sure to get the beta-carotene I need is, I drink celery juice, kale juice/ smoothie and eat fruits during breakfast if i can (Acai bowl/ oatmeal with fruits/ etc.) and then a salad with my lunch/ dinner and I find that is enough.

Even if you aren't looking to get a natural 'tan' I would still recommend eating a diet high in beta-carotene because it improves your health and prevents diseases. After incorporating more fruits and vegetables I definitely felt my skin looked healthier and was more glowy.

Please do your own research once again; eating TOO much beta-carotene can make your skin look VERY yellow so be careful with that.

Matcha Green tea

I have a matcha green tea every morning during my fast (since it's zero calories). Matcha is vey high in anti-oxidants and has less caffeine than coffee. Matcha in general is very good for your health and I look forward to having it every morning.

Celery/Kale Juice

I absolutely love celery juice. I have one before breakfast. Celery has numerous health benefits and I am a huge fan of drinking it everyday (I'll definitely be posting how I like to make it soon)

I usually drink a kale juice or smoothie around lunch/ dinner time before I start my fast. I don't have this everyday and some days I'll have a different type of juice depending on how I feel and the ingredients I have at home.

Apple Cider Vinegar

I drink ACV to break my fast. I will say it doesn't work for everyone but I have found, through trial and error, that ACV makes me feel much much better. I will usually add some ACV, lemon and cinnamon to some water and drink it to break my fast.

via doseofraw.com and others

It's important to eat nutritious foods that nourish your body, improve your focus and overall make you feel and look good. Food really is a source of medicine and wellness. Every once in a while I will break some of the rules, because life is meant to be enjoyed at the end of the day, and what's good for your soul is good for you. I never feel like I am depriving myself of the foods I love; I always find healthier alternatives. I no longer crave 'unhealthy foods' and I don't feel like I am restricting when I turn down a slice of cake or anything of the like.

Your diet matters!

Serena

xx

[theautumnisnoble]

we'll learn to swim in the oceans you made

After listening to Shirtsleeves by Ed Sheeran this scenario immediately came into mind, also heavily inspired by Jenn Im's pregnancy youtube video titled, "We're Pregnant!"

[Also a very big thank you to A (@solhwippedsubs on twt and holdoutandwin on ao3) for beta-reading this. I love you my solhwi fluff confidant!]

Word Count: 2k words

"Wake up!" Sol removes the comforter that was covering his husband's body and started shaking him. "Han Joon Hwi, ireona!"

"Mmm, Sol-ah. Why?" Joon Hwi covered his eyes with his arm to shield them from the rays of sunlight and wondered why the love of his life was forcing him out of their bed so early in the morning.

"Ireona! Jebal.." Joon Hwi immediately shot up as Sol's voice started to crack and he examined her face. Sol teared up and Joon Hwi noticed she was holding something tightly, stick close to snapping into half.

"Babe, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Joon Hwi held both of her arms and looked up at her.

Sol had been so emotional these days, well, more than she usually is. Sol always has been a passionate ball of fury, but Joon Hwi especially had it rough this week. He doesn't find Sol annoying or tiring for any of that matter, but he would wonder why Sol would suddenly cry or get mad at him for absolutely no reason, and if there was, then he avoided asking it as when he did that one time, Sol only got more mad at him. There was also yesterday when Joon Hwi sprayed on himself the perfume that Sol gifted to him on their wedding anniversary last April and Sol suddenly pinched her nose close and walked outside of their bedroom. And now, Sol was in tears, sobbing, at 7 am in the morning.

"Babe.. I'm starting to worry. What's wrong?"

"I told you to be careful!!!" Sol lightly punched his shoulder and bawled.

Joon Hwi raised his arm and wiped her tears using the sleeves of his sweater, pulling on the cloth with his fingers. "What did I do wrong? Calm down for a sec and tell me.."

"Don't tell me to calm down!"

"O-okay." Joon Hwi surrendered for a while and let Sol release all of her emotions. Moments later, her sobs started to simmer down and Joon Hwi opened his arms wide. "C'mere."

Sol bended down and let Joon Hwi's arms circle around her. Her lower body slowly went closer to him and then she sat on his lap, her shoulder against his chest. Joon Hwi wiped down the dampness on her face and caressed her arm. "Now, babe, talk to me, okay? I'm never gonna know what I did wrong if you won't tell me."

Sol faced him and tried to form intelligent words. "Well, you—"

"Hmm?"

"I'm—" Her mouth started to form into a pout and tears started fall again from her eyes. "Joon Hwi-ah." She released sobs again and buried her face into his neck. Joon Hwi sighed and patted her arm.

"Babe—"

"I'm pregnant."

Joon Hwi paused his movements and pulled his head back away, lightly pushing Sol by her shoulders, to let Sol face him. Sol's eyes wandered down to her left hand and Joon Hwi followed them, then he grabbed the stick from her hand.

It was a pregnancy test. Two red-dyed lines. Positive.

Joon Hwi faced Sol, his lips starting to form into a smile. "Babe—"

"I told you to be careful!!" Sol again whimpered, tears still falling.

"W-what? Is it because I—"

"Nevermind!" Sol wiped her tears in a rash way and breathed out to calm herself down. "I-it's actually not your fault." Sol now realized the irrationality of her internal reasoning.

Joon Hwi held back a chuckle and tucked a hair behind his wife's ear.

"Remember April?"

"When we shared a sloppy kiss under the rain?" Joon Hwi tried to lighten the mood by reminding her how they had to walk all the way to the bus stop under the heavy pouring rain, just right after they had their wedding anniversary date at a fine dining restaurant four months ago. It was a funny, but sweet memory.

"No! Before that, when I got diagnosed with PCOS."

"Aah."

It left Sol and Joon Hwi almost hopeless for a child when she was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. But Sol, even before that, was convinced she didn't need to have kids and that she was satisfied with her life with Joon Hwi, content that they'd be that couple with no children. They were already busy with their very time-demanding jobs and Sol— she convinced herself she wouldn't be competent with the whole mothering a child thing. But after knowing her condition, the question, "should I?" turned to "could I?". The condition that would possibly rob her of the choice eventually made her think about how it wouldn't be so bad, because Joon Hwi was there. So after the news of her condition, she decided on one thing.

"A-after that I got off birth control." Joon Hwi nodded and listened to Sol, who was still tearing up a bit, and he also wiped down those tears when he could.

"Then yesterday, when I realized I wasn't on my period yet, I got to read my period calculator and saw that I- I was 16 days late." Sol exhaled for courage.

"Then I bought the pregnancy test." Sol paused and looked at Joon Hwi, and her face looked like she was about to burst again. Her lips were shaking and her eyes were still crystal with tears ready to fall. She was scared.

"You can take it slow, I'll be here. I won't stop listening." Sol released a small smile, tidied her face and tucked in her stray hairs, preparing to tell Joon Hwi more while also now trying to relax herself.

"I didn't know if I should take it though. I mean, everything would change if I was pregnant. But I did wanna know, I wanted to be certain. And it said that I should use my morning pee for it so I waited until morning."

"But you hardly even slept.." Joon Hwi recalls her wife tossing and turning beside him, and then ultimately giving up trying to sleep then went downstairs. He bets on Sol reading up on her cases, which works as an alternative sleeping pill for her.

Ever since she was diagnosed with PCOS, Sol really took effort into having a more healthy lifestyle— like exchanging coffee for matcha, this among other things, and also trying to get some more sleep. So Joon Hwi knew that Sol would definitely try to catch up on sleep.

"I did, a bit." She smiled. "So, after that I took it just earlier. A-and I tested positive." Sol's emotions now returned to her and she closed her eyes, her eyebrows furrowed and tears started to fall again.

"I'm scared." She looked at him. "I don't know if I'm gonna be a good mother. I feel like I should be happy or something, but I'm just really scared." Sol now covered her face with both palms and cried, Joon Hwi pulled her in to embrace her.

"Babe.." He patted her back.

"What if I try my best, and our kid still doesn't love me?" That was it. Sol released another wave of sobs and her body shook against Joon Hwi's embrace.

Sol thought she wasn't ready. Even if it was her choice to get off birth control, she didn't think she would immediately become pregnant. After all, her doctor said it was now almost impossible to be. In her mind, pregnancy would change everything— from how much devotion she has to her work to maybe how her and Joon Hwi's relationship would change, and maybe for the worst. And she didn't like change, her idealistic plans for her future would need to be altered, and she also didn't like how it would most likely change their marriage. She couldn't have that, she couldn't live with a ruined marriage because she didn't want anything to change between Joon Hwi and her, and she also couldn't live with her child possibly having to live through all that. And what if he gets tired of taking care of me? And tons of other doubts and insecurities showered her.

Why does my mind do this? Sol asked herself. Why can't I just be excited? Joon Hwi is the father of this child. I'm sure he's disappointed in me right now.

Joon Hwi pulled away after she calmed down. He wiped her face, again with his already damp shirtsleeves. He placed short kisses on her wet cheeks and cupped her face. "Sol, I believe in you."

Sol melted and her lips turned into a pout, her face still showing fear and uncertainty.

"I'm with you, whatever your decision is. I will be always there for you as I always have. If you arrive to whichever decision, I will give you my opinion but at the end I will always support you. If you don't want to have the baby, I'll still be here. If you want to try and see it through the end, I will be happy and help you every step of the way. I'm your husband Sol-ah. I know you don't trust yourself that much yet, but trust in me. "

Sol put her arms around him and hugged him tight. "I love you Sol. We'll take it slow, step by step. I know you're panicking right now, but there's no rush. We'll do it together. You're never gonna be alone. I'll be there every single step of the way. And I'm sure our kid will love you. You were an amazing older sister to Byeol and you still are, she adores you so I'm sure our kid will, too."

"I love you Joon Hwi. I love you so much. I love you."

"You love me that much?"

Sol pulled away, annoyed. Joon Hwi released a chuckle.

"I love you too."

"You sure I can do it?" Sol asked. "Being a mom? What if I'm going to be too busy for it?"

"We can always ask Byeol to babysit. Or your mom, she has said she already wants a grandchild."

"You always know the solution to things don't you?" Sol rolled her eyes.

"That's why I'm the perfect husband to the ever worrier Eomma Sol."

"Eomma Sol?" Sol raised her voice, taken aback by the sudden nickname.

"And I'm Appa Joon Hwi. " Then Sol bursted out, laughing. Her tears were now drying on her cheeks and she was more relaxed now.

"See? It's cute." I just wanted to see you smile. Joon Hwi thought.

Sol pulled him into a hug again. "You better not regret being a father to our child, Han Joon Hwi-ssi."

Joon Hwi let himself fall into bed, taking down Sol with her. They both laughed and Joon Hwi pulled her into a kiss, tasting the bitterness and sadness of her tears. They made out, feeling at home and Sol, feeling assured and loved by the person in front of her. Joon Hwi kissed her, tasting the ocean, drowning in the one she made.

"I will never regret it. I will fulfill all the promises I made on our wedding day, to be by your side, To support you, to be a loving husband, to be always there to annoy you—" Sol laughed, remembering his one-liner during their exchange of wedding vows. "To always wake and sleep beside you whenever I can, and to never leave your side." They both smiled at each other and Joon Hwi placed a kiss on her forehead. They pull each other close, feeling each other's warmth. And Sol is now close to slumber, fatigued after her nonstop crying.

"I'll be the happiest father to our child. Of course I will, you're the mother, after all."

[royadventures]

april 1st, 2022--4:42pm and just remembered it's april fool's

previous log

i left off on march 27th. that day, T and i both felt sick during the day. later, i realized i just had a headache because i was thirsty. nonetheless, we went to the sameE café ^-^

we first took a look at the md floor (merch floor) downstairs. they had a whole treasure section! a ton of treasure stuff left from the DO TREASURE exhibit that i couldn't go to 'cause i don't have my arc ;-; (alien registration card aka id card for foreigners).

we had our drinks upstairs. the yg café is very white and futuristic while remaining simple--it isn't super colourful/full of stuff. there is a huge screen playing snippets of yg mvs, a balcony where you can sit outside, and also a window facing the yg building if you want to look out while eating.

p.s.! it's a card-only spot! no cash!!

the creme brulee donut was so good :") althp the mocha i got was not very to my liking.

T was really not feeling well so we headed home, but i remember not feeling so well, either. not physically, but mentally. i think i had reached my breaking point after my friend wasn't texting me back.

it got so bad to a point where i was genuinely holding in tears on the subway home.

there was a Jonghyun birthday ad in hyehwa station (which took me by surprise because there aren't really ever any kpop ads in the station nearest us). seeing him and his song, i'm sorry, coming on shuffle made the tears very risky of overflowing. so, T and i only had time to quickly rush in and out of daiso, buy covid tests (just in case!) and get some food for T.

Jonghyun is a reminder for me that loneliness is temporary, that i'm not alone, for reasons i won't explain here. seeing him when i felt so lonely truly sent me over the edge. he came to me when i needed him the most :")

at home, i cried it out, took a covid test (negative!!) and ate some food. i spent most of the night in my room, just relaxing and recovering.

quite frankly, i don't remember what happened on the 28th. i usually take photos so i can remember what to write here, but i genuinely can't recall. i know i did my 9am class online that day, just in case, but felt better and went to campus for my other classes. then, i returned home and had another simple day?

march the 29th, i went to the yg cafe again by myself after class. i felt as though i wasn't able to enjoy it to the fullest when i went with T, so i went alone this time! i felr super happy to be going. i stayed there for 3 hours, studying in the balcony. the weather was so nice!! the pistachio butter donut and choco latte that i got were also heaven.

it was less busy there than when i went with T, so i enjoyed it a lot before returning home. i think on this day, i made a late-night (9:30pm T.T) run to the nearby 7eleven to buy jjapaghetti :P it hit the spot!

march 30th was Eunwoo day. T had tested negative for covid 4 times and felt it was safe to go to class, so after class, we went to hongdae to scope out some cupsleeve events. they were cute but supee pricey for the limited freebies... prolly cause it's Eunwoo T.T

(photos will be posted separately b/c i'm at photo limit again!)

we (T) were starving, but all the food around us was super pricey. still, we settled on chicken (₩20,000 per person T.T) and ate to our heart's content! it was pretty damn good... worth the price i guess? it was a more high end, classy spot, so maybe that's why it cost so much.

we then returned home and rested up!.. only after having bingsu :D we tried the chocolate cookie oreo monster... or something and were disappointed. it was choco powder, oreo and whipped cream. not good.

here's my bingsu ranking so far, best to worst:

matcha

strawberry

mango

tiramisu

oreo monster

march 31st, yesterday, T and i went to hongdae (again TT) to see a pomeranian café she's been wanting to go to. it was hella sketch, not even a café 'cause the drink system was weird (you order on a screen and can't even see how/where it's made), it smelled bad and the building looked run-down. waste of ₩12,000, but the dogs were cute, i guess. super, super, super sketch tho.

then, we went to a harry potter café (T kinda day! she likes harry potter). it was 4 floors and very dim, full of random paintings of old european people, super pricey, but oh well! the harry potter soundtrack was on loop, one of the floors was full of couples cause beds were used instead of tables/chairs, and idk...

we then ate at ichimen which was a highlight for me!!! 8,000 won for some yummy ramen, rice, and side dishes of your choice (kimchi or pickled radish). if you don't know, it's a spot famous for eating alone when you're on work break. you can open up a wal between you and who's next to you, sit at a counter, eat up, and leave. there's one menu and you just choose the level of spice.

we headed home after that :>

i'm sorry if this has been rushed so far ! maybe i'll come back and edit? probably not T.T i just wanna leave this café so bad but wasn't letting myself 'till i was done writing, heh.

i've been solo today but have had fun! i'll write about it later~ also, ptg is tomorrow!!!!

next log

[yostresswritinggirl]

I'm so sorry if I'm too late for this but I finally remembered the community survey you posted... so!

1. I don't quite remember, but I was prolly searching through the x reader tags like most everyone else

2. Probably Tales of the Ghost Writer, since that's the only one I remember offhand (my memory sucks 😭)

3. I don't think anyone I know if is offering them at the moment (though I might offer them on my writing blog once I hit 100 followers. Probably wouldn't be worth it though 😔) but other than that from what little I know about you I'd match you with someone chaotic like Venti or Kaeya.

4. I'm... probably a little too anxious to vibe very much with any of them :(

5. I dunno but I hope Mona would offer classes on how she does hydromancy because I am curious

6. Description!! Well, it might be a bit of a selfish reason but since description is something I absolutely suck at, reading more descriptive writing helps me get better 😊 but also it's quite entertaining.

~ Matcha

Woah Matcha-! I didn't expect for people to actually like Ghost Writer after I made it like that ahaha and it's ironic how I did not expect these results but it seems I'm matched a lot with Kaeya and Venti *tackles shota* I'll take my original wa- husbando tho uwu

Hydromancy/Astrology is a good class to put up hmmm, now that you say it, I'm wonder if we're incorporating the GI characters to it hmm. And thank you, oh I do hope my writing helps you on that matter! Thanks for participating!!

[paradox-psyc-hoe-sis]

Bruce Banner headcanons Babey

Bruce Banner x reader, slight Tony Stark x reader (platonic)

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: none!!!

A/n: hi! These aren't any specific category of headcanons, it's just stuff that dating Bruce would include. There's stuff about how you both would spend christmas, quarantine, etc. Just some cute fluff. Love ya'll - Aphro-frickin-dite

• Bruce is obsessed with tea.

• You will NEVER catch him without a mug in his hand. Whether it's earl grey, chamomile, matcha or English breakfast, he'll always be drinking tea.

• He also knows the different properties of tea and when you should drink them because he just loves tea so much.

• "Babe, look at this! I just found out that berry herbal tea can help with migraines."

• He also loves to cook, it's one of his biggest passions.

• He'll cook you dinner all the time, constantly buying new books to spot any new recipes.

• When he's stressed, the first place he goes is the lab. Being around the technology and whiteboards packed with equations brings him peace, for some reason.

• You both kiss in the lab so often that Tony often doesn't let you inside.

• "Open the fucking door, Antony."

"Fine, but if you start making out with Brucey then you'll have to give me a kiss too!"

• You and Tony having this weird frenemy kind of relationship. He didn't like you two being at such close proximity first because he thought it would distract Bruce, but he sees how you make him so much happier so he can't help but like you.

• Okay so we all know Bruce doesn't sleep much, the poor dude's an insomniac.

• But he always sleeps so much better when he has you in his arms, just knowing that you're there and he can keep you safe.

• But on those nights where he just cannot drift off, he likes to do something fun.

• He'll wake you up just after midnight and will (quietly) play some old fashioned music, and you'll both sleepily slow dance in the middle of your room.

• In fact, it was more Steve's music taste who influenced Bruce than Tony's, Bruce was never a fan of the whole 90s rock thing.

• He mainly listens to music from the late 30s, classical music like Tchaikovsky, or 70s dance music. He has three moods.

• Sometimes you'll walk into the kitchen to find Bruce, dancing to Gimme Gimme Gimme by Abba, while cooking dinner.

• He's such a cuddler omg.

• Although he isn't a big fan of PDA, he is a monster for affection when it's only the both of you.

• Cold winter mornings, cuddling in bed under 50 million blankets. Your legs intertwined, just a messy tangle of limbs.

• Bruce is always warm. No matter what the weather, he's practically a human radiator.

• He loves it when you play with his hair.

• Just loosely running your fingers through it will drive him insane.

• He's always so scared to kiss you! Even ages after you both spent your first intimate night together, he always gets really nervous to come and kiss you, so usually you have to initiate it.

• Despite this, he loves giving you tiny pecks on the lips and nose. Never really one for making out, but he just loves planting tiny kisses across your face.

• Coming back from a mission is when he needs affection most. He'll hug you so tight against your chest, desperate to get you closer to him every second.

• He loves your singing voice, and whenever he gets really anxious you'll sing to calm him down.

• Even if you don't think you can sing very well, he could spend his entire life having you sat next to him, quietly singing some of his favourite songs.

• Although the man has two left feet, he LOVES to dance. But only around you. He'd never let any of the avengers catch him dancing, but with you, he feels truly comfortable and will dance forever.

• He loves watching and analysing movies, so expect lots of movie nights together.

• You always force him to watch musicals and disney movies and he pretends to hate it, but secretly he absolutely loves it.

• Pulling all nighters together in the lab can be a mixed bag.

• One time you pulled an all nighter, you were both super serious and put all of your attention on your work, not wasting any time to fuss about each other.

• Another time you pulled an all nighter, Tony left the lab to grab some coffee and returned to find you and Bruce re-enacting the scene from titanic on top of one of the tables, both of you screaming "My Heart Will Go On" at the top of your lungs.

• Whenever the holidays come around you both go all out. Even if neither of you actually celebrate them religiously, you love to put loads of decorations up and play Christmas music all the damn time.

• It kinda drives the rest of the avengers crazy.

• But on Christmas day, you and Bruce plan all the festivities for the group. He'll cook christmas lunch, you'll be in charge of movies and presents, and you'll both definitely be wearing matching ugly Christmas sweaters.

• He's your biggest supporter, and you're his. He just adores you and worships every fibre of your being, and he often wonders how he managed to get someone as beautiful as you. And when he's had a rough day and is full of insecurities, your the first person to remind him of how intelligent and kind he is.

• Y'all are a power couple I'll tell you that.

• When quarantine started, it wasn't easy for either of you. It made you both super stressed and paranoid, but you were self isolating together and that was all that mattered.

• Bruce kinda getting a cult following on Tumblr and Twitter, having over 12k followers. Because his fans (well, technically the Hulk's fans) love you so much, you both like to release little videos to let them know you're doing well while in lockdown.

• "Hey guys, it's Bruce and y/n here, we just wanted to let you all know that we're healthy and happy at home."

"Yeah, although it's been driving us up the wall, staying at home is the most important thing for us and the world. So stay home and stay safe! And don't forget to wash your hands. Unlike Bruce, who doesn't wash his hands after he pees..."

"Hey! I wash my hands after I pee!"

[Incoherent laughing]

• You both learn from each other so much and inspire the other to be a better person.

• I want 🤧