#the old mental health was awful through all of 2022

[thebibliosphere]

When I tell you this meme has been living rent-free in my head for the last week, and then having to edit it to include that I won because Tumblr showed up has been nothing short of a mind fuck for the old Imposter Syndrome.

Thanks, gang. I know it was a fun silly poll, but it means a lot to me 💖

Also, if you’re on Twitter go give Queer Liberation Library a follow. They’re doing good work trying to make it safer and more accessible for LGBTQ+ folks to access queer media across the US.

[venusvity]

Chloe is the only member with a SoundCloud account, and even then, she's not very active on it nor makes it publicly known she has it. It's a public secret among constellations; either you know about Chloe's SoundCloud, or you don't.

2020 ; YOU WERE BORN BACKWARDS

This song had actually been online for a couple of months before constellations found it. Even then, they questioned if this was actually Chloe as it sounded nothing like her typical style of music, using much heavier and darker themes than anyone expected from the bubbly idol. Despite this diverging greatly from her idol image, many of Chloe's fans greatly appreciated "you were born backwards" because to them it felt like a look into the "real chloe" not the image presented to them.

2020 ; HE WILL NEVER CHANGE

HE WILL NEVER CHANGE garnered attention for the album cover as well as this being the first song Chloe publicly claimed and promoted. She posted a link to the song on her Instagram story, saying, "I made this all by myself :)" but fans would be more interested in the unreleased photo of then Cicada member Hyojin, silently confirming the rumors that the two were dating at the time. Though fans did find it peculiar, she confirmed their relationship through a song about a toxic and co-dependent relationship.

2021 ; GIRLHOOD, WOMANHOOD

GIRLHOOD, WOMANHOOD is about the very human state of dissatisfaction and the fact that Chloe is always chasing something, which has been all her life. This song is about the feeling of not being able to fully control your life. Shockingly, this was the song that got fans worried about Chloe's wellbeing, as if all the other songs before this weren't a clear sign of something going on, but the concerns were mainly directed at the company mistreating Chloe instead of her mental health.

2021 ; GOOD MEN DIE QUICK

GOOD MEN DIE QUICK is Chloe's thoughts about toxic masculinity and masculine norms in society. The lyrics can be interpreted as representing how men view women as objects, as well as depicting beauty standards and the pressure on women to always appear pleasant. This song would get Chloe the "feminist" label and have her receiving backlash for months, though she never publicly responded to it or claimed to be a feminist.

2022 ; IN THE BACK OF HIS CAR

What is called her most disturbing song, IN THE BACK OF HIS CAR, is described by fans as a horror movie experience from its haunting sound production to its horrifying lyrics. You're either in awe of it or concerned for Chloe's well-being. This would be another song she promoted on her Instagram story, many constellations deeming this a cry for help from her, with the caption, "i'm very proud of this one :) i composed, produced, and wrote it all by myself" this is also the song that gained Chloe her "coquette" status on Tumblr and Tiktok.

2022 ; WORD VOMIT

WORD VOMIT is another one of Chloe's songs that just makes you worry for her. There's something about how abuse, especially childhood abuse, often makes its survivors believe that with love comes pain. That love laced with pain is what they deserve, so they subconsciously seek it out. It's what feels familiar despite how destructive it actually is. Though the song is beloved by many, some interpret it as Chloe glamorizing abuse, which her fans will dox you for saying.

2023 ; CYCLECYCLECYCLE

After a year of nothing, CYCLECYCLECYCLE would hit Chloe's SoundCloud, taking a much softer and more raw production than her previous releases. The song has been interpreted as releasing old fears and accepting that they will always be a part of you instead of closing the door. It's a song about healing that leaves you feeling hollow due to its melancholic and bare instrumental. This song would have brief virality on Tiktok for its heart-jerking lyrics, making some of the saddest edits you've ever seen.

2024 ; OBSESSED

After another year of forgetting the password, Chloe would log back into her SoundCloud to release her most well-known track there, OBSESSED. Being a relatable Pop-Rock banger about being too invested in your man's past relationships, many people demanded an official release, which Chloe has yet to give. Fans were happy to see Chloe release something on her SoundCloud that has them dancing instead of worrying about her well-being.

[wisecrackingeric-2]

LONG ASS MESSAGE UNDER CUT!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A MASSIVE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!! I’ll tag everyone whose made a star for this drawing in the replies- if I’ve missed anyone or if you wanna be added, PLEASE LET KNOW!!!!!!!

At the time of writing this, there’s about 40 minutes let of 2023, and I’m VERY DETERMINED to get this posted before 2024 so I am in a bit of a rush so alas, this may not be as well-written as I’d like it to be but that’s the price I must pay alas HDNEHENEJDN

I wanna start this by saying I’ve always had a lot of anxieties surrounding the New Years, and things changing- even just seeing posts that were from the year prior always seems to give me anxiety. Things change, people move on, while I stay with the same interests- it’s always been something I’ve struggled with, but making this has helped me come to terms with all of that and I’m glad.

Theres no better words I can say right now other than; Thank You. Thank you so, so, SO much to my friends, both new and old- my friends who’ve been here since the very beginning and have stuck by me through this whole rollercoaster- and to all of my new friends, who it sometimes feels like I’ve known you all for at LEAST five years and not like, five months or something HDBWHNWUDNDHDJS thank you to everyone who has ever been kind to me, supported me and enjoyed what I’ve created- I’ve recieved probably the kindest words I’ve ever heard in my entire life this year. Thank you to the people who stuck by me when times got tough and helped me through my own seemingly very insignificant or silly problems HDNEJENSK

This year has easily been one of the best years of my life. 2022, to keep it short, was awful- I came out as a Transgender gay man to my parents and it went awful. I was dealing with the worst mental health of my entire life and there were times it felt like there was no hope. On top of all of that, my childhood dog passed away- so all and all, I wasn’t looking forward to the future. But my loving partner introduced me to Resident Evil, and as a result the community as a whole- and to say it changed my life would be an understatement.

I know it’s obviously no secret that I have a favourite character, Luis Serra Navarro- but to say his character has changed me as a person for the better would also be a MASSIVE understatement. I’ve never ever in my entire life resonated with a character so profoundly before- as a queer and trans man, I saw myself reflected in his performance, and that means more to me than words can even describe. His character encapsulated me in a way no other has done before, and genuinely helped me accept my autism, my queerness and my trans identity as a good thing- I could write absolutely ESSAYS on his character and I have. I’ve consumed more Don Quixote media than I think I ever would have otherwise HDNEHENEJD and to say I’ve genuinely become a more confident and happier person because of his character would, again, be SUCH an understatement. It’s truly hard to describe how much he means to me, but I hope my words give a good idea.

For the first time in a very, very long time, I get to look forward to my future. I don’t see my Queerness or my Trans identity as a setback anymore; I have things to look forward to, plans I’ve made and a future I can look towards. And I cannot thank my friends- all of you know who you are- André and Andrea and everyone in my life and this small little community I’ve unintentionally formed for giving me that opportunity. Words will never be able to describe how grateful I truly am, but I hope this is close enough.

Thank you for letting me fully indulge in my autism and enjoy Luis’ character to the fullest. I’ve never felt happier enjoying something in my entire life.

Thank you everyone. For everything. May you all successfully defeat your own windmills <3

[ukrfeminism]

3 minute read

Imagine it. You’re at the end of your tether. Perhaps it’s an undiagnosed or untreated mental health problem, or maybe a financial or family disaster has pushed you to the edge. You do the unthinkable and try to end your life. The police are called, you survive. But because we do not have enough mental health beds in this country, you are sent to prison as a “place of safety” or “for your own protection”. 

This is completely legal and happened to six women in three months from May to July 2022. While most of us enjoyed the warmest summer in over 10 years, they were sent to HMP Styal during one of the lowest periods in their lives. This was in addition to seven other women who were sent there solely on mental health grounds.

HMP Bronzefield, another women’s prison, was sent 75 women by the courts between 2021 and 2022, because there were not enough mental health beds in the community. That was more than double the number of women that they received the year before.

The cases above were highlighted by the Independent Monitoring Board’s (IMB) latest report on mental health concerns in women’s prisons, which came out earlier this month. But this awful phenomenon is not a new one. About a year ago, Her Majesty’s Inspectorate of Prisons reported concerns to the all party-parliamentary group (APPG) on women in the penal system.

At the time, politicians called for a change to laws that give courts the power to remand people in prison “for their own protection” under the 1976 Bail Act (meaning you can be sent to prison if you are considered a danger to yourself, which could include a suicide attempt). 

And now, the the reformed Mental Health Act is set to end the use of prison as a “place of safety” too, which sometimes happens under the 1983 Mental Health Act (this law permits the authorities to put people with severe mental health needs in prison until there is space for them to be admitted to hospital). 

That law change cannot come soon enough. There’s no doubt it will make all the difference for women who are not legally “guilty” of any crimes but find themselves in prison because they are mentally unwell. 

From oversubscribed healthcare and specialist units at HMP Eastwood Park and HMP Bronzefield, to mentally unwell women who are segregated because the necessary support is not available, and prison staff who are struggling because they are not trained mental health professionals, the IMB report makes it clear that prisons are no place for vulnerable women who need mental health support. 

However, the real question is where women with mental health needs will go if they don’t end up in our prisons. Mental health services outside prisons are also oversubscribed. Last year, an 18-year-old woman going through a mental health crisis had to wait eight-and-a-half days in A&E before she got a bed in a psychiatric hospital. Right now, 23 per cent of adults with a mental illness must wait more than three months to start treatment.

To truly break the link between mental health needs and women in prison, we must expand our mental health services on a grand scale. 

More than 80 per cent of women in prison told a Justice Inspectorate Survey they had some form of mental health problem (compared with 59 per cent of men). That means people in prison without mental health problems are the minority.

Pavan Dhaliwal, the chief executive of Revolving Doors, a charity that aims to reduce reoffending said: “All evidence points to a clear solution: the end to short prison sentences and instead well-funded, trauma-informed, and personalised support in the community that addresses the root causes of crime.

“Yet, over four years after the Female Offender Strategy’s promise of fewer women entering the criminal justice system and better management of their needs in the community, the Government continues to fall short.” 

Women in the prison estate are some of the most vulnerable and overlooked women in our society. I have heard first hand from a woman who had such a difficult and unstable life that prison was the first place she had any semblance of security. 

I once interviewed a woman in prison with schizophrenia. When I asked her for examples of kindness she’d received from prison staff, worryingly, her best example was when a nurse had let her miss taking her medicine five times so she could get to her prison job on time.

A woman who served time in prison for murder wrote for iabout witnessing self-harm on a massive scale, and group therapy sessions that left her suicidal. She tried to take her own life during her sentence in 2016.

When asked about her experience of prison and mental health, Natalie* said: “When I was sent to prison, I spent 24 hours in a cell and found myself experiencing an anxiety attack. I rang the alarm bell six times, asking to speak to a healthcare professional, but no one came. It wasn’t until the next morning that a prison officer came to find me in my room. I was on the floor and I hadn’t gotten any sleep because of how distressed I was. Things didn’t get any better during the rest of my sentence. In fact, my mental health just spiralled, and I was in an even worse place than when I came in. 

“When you’re having mental health issues before being charged, prison does nothing to help – it just turns your life upside down.” 

This is the truth. Whether they are innocent or guilty, women in prison with mental health needs desperately need so much better than what is currently on offer. The question is whether our Government will do anything about it. 

Natalie* is an alias 

[merlumina]

hi there, tumblr

So after quitting all other social media (twitter, instagram, facebook), I found myself 1) pretty lonely tbh and 2) at a loss for how to keep myself creatively motivated and inspired with nowhere to share my work. I'd heard from several people that tumblr is way more chill these days, and while I hesitated at first, I finally decided to give it a try. After a few weeks of waiting from tech support to regain access to my account (pro tip: don't sign up for anything important with your college email address), I regained access yesterday and spent some time doing some tidying up (i. e. deleting most of my old posts and likes).

So...hi! Feels weird to be back. Life has changed so much in the past seven years. It was interesting going back through old posts to relive those times. Since I was last here, this is what I've been up to:

hollowforest and I got married in 2020. While he was unfortunately not able to propose to me at MAGFest after a particularly victorious round of Gundam Xtreme VS, which would have been rad, we settled for eloping at county jail, which is also a cool story.

Ringo, my cat, is still with us! But now we also have a dog, Haru (named after Persona 5 Haru). Yeah I like dogs now. I like pitt bulls now. 2012 me would never.

After years of self-doubt and self-loathing about my life choices, I actually became what I wanted to be when I grew up - a software developer! In late 2020 I took the plunge to do a coding bootcamp and got really lucky being hired into an apprenticeship program before I'd even graduated. Now I'm making those big coding $$$ working from home, literally living the dream and still kind of in awe.

I joined the Diagnosed with ADHD in My 30s club! (Also, I'm in my 30s now)

We bought a house in October, 2022! I did not think it would be possible for the longest time, but due to the big job upgrade we were finally able to afford it.

I've played a lot of video games, but not beaten that many.

I picked up game dev as a hobby and have made a few small games during game jams.

My mental health is overall a lot better now! Part of that is from therapy, part of that is from self reflection, part of that is maybe just growing up. See also: quitting aforementioned social medias.

Improved mental health aside, my hangups about my artistic abilities and creative capacity still haven't improved any in the past 10 years. It's one of my biggest personal insecurities, but also one of the reasons I'm trying Tumblr again! I wanted somewhere to post my practice routine to keep myself accountable, as well as a place to get inspiration from other artists.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to keep this blog focused on art and personal things that make me happy. After I left Tumblr in 2016 I started working on myself and trying to focus on bringing more empathy into my interactions with others. Whether or not I've been successful at that is another matter, but in general it has helped me be a happier person. I am not interested in participating in Discourse. I don't think you can judge the "goodness" of a human based on a handful of things they've said/done online, and I won't be made to cast judgment on anyone. I think we should spend less time tearing down people in our own communities and more time asking why it's so easy for the people in power to trick us into fighting each other. In general, the overall vibe that everyone's social media account is a personal soapbox where they can make declarations about what is Right and what people Should be doing makes me uncomfortable. So I'm going to try not to do any more of that here. I do like still having those discussions sometimes, but I prefer a more personal venue, where I feel like I'm talking with people rather than at them.

Let's be cool to each other! -Liz / merlumina

[sunflorable]

Missouri AG order

ANYWAY this is what I wanted to rant about.

As someone with the time, means, and interest to research the sources used in the Missouri AG's emergency order to stop gender-affirming care, I did that.

Well, I'm about halfway through, but it's a lot of repeating sources after this point, and I've been at this for hours now. Neglecting all the other things I was supposed to do today.

This is the first part of my analysis, which is going to be very long, because this hardly made a dent in my notes.

So, we know that in general these transphobic extremists use junk science and cherry pick their data, that's not new. But it's hard and rare to get them to give sources, and so many. So I jumped on the opportunity to look through these sources, and also the AG cited a lot of the figures I've been interested in finding out the origins of. So yeah. This might help some people, might not, but I did the research, so here I am.

First of all, the AG switches between the old and current WPATH (World Professional Association of Transgender Health) standards of care, whenever it suits him.

The old SOC, SOC 7, were published in 2011, probably the same ones I looked at early in my transition when I was figuring out what the hell to do. It's a 68 page document.

The SOC 8, by contrast, is 260 pages, published in 2022. Obviously, between 2011 and 2022 the healthcare profession and people in general learned a lot about trans people. The Missouri AG didn't like this, so continuously cites the SOC 7 when they say things like they don't know the long term effects of puberty blockers, etc. A lot of the unsure language that casts doubt on the legitimacy of trans people's identities and the benefits of transition disappeared between the 7 and 8...because we learned so much in that time.

He also writes about WPATH like they're begrudgingly admitting uncomfortable facts. He thinks any acknowledgement of not knowing something is some kind of gotcha moment.

As you could also imagine, the AG is misinterpreting a lot of the citations he makes. Seriously, if I didn't know it was intentional I'd think this person was just awful at research and reading comprehension. Things in quotes in the AG's order are actually not quotes from sources. Some are, but a lot of the WPATH ones that are supposed to be direct quotes are not. He misrepresents what the WPATH was trying to say (in the SOC 7) here:

"Often this care takes the form of psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy, rather than any chemical or surgical intervention. As the World Professional Association for Transgender Health has previously put it, this therapy often involves exploring the many influences on a person’s gender identity, including 'peer and other social relationships,' and ensuring that 'gender dysphoria is not secondary to, or better accounted for, by other diagnoses.'"

The page he is quoting from is not discussing psychotherapy, but rather an assessment as a precursor to receiving hormones and other medical treatments for gender dysphoria. He lifted the "peer and other social relationships" (not actually a direct quote, despite his quotations) part not from a request to explore "influences on a person's gender identity" but rather from a request to determine history of gender dysphoria, the impact of stigma against trans and gender nonconforming people, and the availability of peers, family, relationships as a support system.

The AG goes on to say that WPATH recommends doing talk therapy to ensure that gender dysphoria is not secondary to, or better accounted for, by other diagnoses. What WPATH (once again, the SOC 7, not the current one) actually says is that "the role of mental health professionals includes making reasonably sure that gender dysphoria is not secondary to, or better accounted for, by other diagnoses."

A recurring theme throughout this document is an insistence that any other mental health condition is an automatic exclusion of being eligible for gender-affirming care, and the AG tries to make it seem like the research supports this assumption. It does not, and it will emerge as a topic again and again with different sources.

As a source of comparison, the 2022 SOC 8 describes the same situation differently: "The role of the assessor is to assess for the presence of gender incongruence and identify any co-existing mental health concerns,..." Importantly, the SOC 8 says that the provider should be able to distinguish between gender dysphoria, incongruence, and diversity vs any of these coexisting conditions. It does not say that any conditions are grounds for excluding someone from care. WPATH even asks for the provider to ensure that any mental or physical health condition that could impact the outcome of gender-affirming treatment is assessed, and risks and benefits are discussed with the patient, before deciding to move forward.

And goes on, very importantly, to acknowledge the agency of both the trans patient and the health care provider and present a patient-provider relationship that is honestly so relieving to see. Chef's kiss.

"...the decision to move forward is shared between the TGD (transgender and gender diverse) person and the assessing HCP (healthcare provider), with both playing a key part in collaborative decision-making."

It goes on to mention that counseling and psychotherapy can be helpful for people who want it, but it is not a requirement. Which is huge. (but that's a different discussion, just mentioned here because obviously if you're trying to gatekeep gender-affirming care you'll refer to the old version that doesn't say that).

This is going to be much longer than I intended it to be, this is just a discussion of the first source. I'll bring more up later.

Part 2 Here

[psychsounds]

Aftersun (2022)

Found this film profoundly moving and a few tears were shed. It made me reminisce about my own very similar experiences during the summer of 1997, (I am the same age as the director and had similar cultural experiences by the sounds of it).

Money not going far with a single parent

Sophie loses the expensive diving goggles and her Dad tries to mask his irritation and appear neutral, which Sophie picks up on.  Awe man!  That feeling that you’ve disappointed your parent - especially when money is tight - is the worst.  Working class children and the children of single parents become keenly aware of this - and I would say become hyper aware or hyper-vigilant of it - seeing economic uncertainty throughout your childhood following through to your own adulthood and learning to not make undue demands on your parent, but in later life, feeling like this contributes to a lack of opportunity and self-esteem, heightened in particular when competing against others for jobs.

Melancholic Dad

A few examples point how Sophie’s Dad is going through something, either financial trouble, a mental health crisis or general existential anguish, though never fully articulated.  There is the emphasis he places on Sophie having all her life in front of her - interesting when we age and feel like opportunities are lessening.  I think it’s interesting that these events are unspoken by the characters - almost pointing to how young he and Sophie are, he as a young Dad and Sophie as an 11 year old, mired in emotional complexity yet innocence.  As Sophie is gaining self-awareness, her Dad is perhaps lacking in self-awareness, as the film hints the end of the holiday is the last time they see each other.

Emerging sexuality, older kids, sun on his back by Camera Obscura

Sophie is watching all the older teenagers interacting with each other kissing, flirting, talking etc. and then jumps into the water with them and they are all clambering on each other.  Think this is a particularly vivid way of articulating that feeling of longing to grow up and be part of a sensual, older world.  

Emotional sensitivity, intellect

Sophie is emotionally intelligent, perhaps more than people her age, as she picks up on her Dad’s melancholia, and the intricacies of why her parents, though, split up, still say “love you” at the end of the phone call. Sophie senses her parents are still emotionally connected in some way, but also that their relationship is definitely over, which increases her awareness of complexity, loss and maturity as a person. 

Soundtrack

I loved, loved, loved the soundtrack.  I liked the sparse post-rock being punctuated by slices of 1997 pop - Macarenna, B-witched, Cranberries etc,

[decayingblorg]

31/12/2022

I know I am posting this after midnight so it’s technically my 1/1 post, but we shall let this one slide!

Not much happened today really. Just spent the most of it chomping on sweets, drinking alcohol and playing my 3DS

But there is something I would like to reflect on. Truth be told I have always found it incredibly difficult to make friends (it doesn’t help with other issues I have). And has always been a struggle. I grew up feeling “different” and not like I fit in anywhere! I wanted to impress people to they’d like me and want to be “friends” with me. (In later life I was diagnosed with Aspergers. Explains the lack of social etiquette and seeing the world rather differently than the majority of others) and when I left school and a year into college all the people I thought were my friends decided to stab many a knife in my back and stay befriended with the manipulative prick incase they upset him. A grown man can only get friends by bulling people? Says alot about you, arse wipe. All my so called “friends” abandoned me for him incase they made him upset. This boy and his behaviour wasn’t just pointed at me. He used to insult and pick on other kids who were maybe abit bigger than others and or had some form of disability, he was that wretched and disgusting and I was the only one who would tell him to stop bullying people just because they look abit different. Everyone else around us would just play along and laugh at his disturbing ways. (His bullying has gone onto affect me in adulthood which has lead into mental health issues) and I wasn’t afraid to be without all of them. They’re fine to stick with the fat cunt all they like! And continue to be blind to his manipulative machinations! Anyway, getting abit off track there. Even writing about the pratt does still kinda get under my skin. But new year coming up, new start for sure!

Anyway! I have always had that struggle and never truly understood why. But when I was younger my sibling played a game series called Final Fantasy and I was in awe of it because it was something I’d never properly got into before! There was this whole world in several disks for exploring!? Hell yeah, let’s go! And there is what started my love for Final Fantasy as a whole. I was originally bummed I could never get FF11 (I was only a teenager when it came out and obviously wasn’t old enough to play the game and or have a subscription).

So my love of Final Fantasy remained a constant in my life. Through all the hard ships, the constant bullying, the insults and even some of the fights I’ve gotten into. There was that one happiness which spurred me onto keep going, that excitement of escaping to another world and not be in the shite known as reality… I sort of didn’t really think much about it much through most of my teens/older teens and was just into all sorts of anime/manga and things happened and I got abandoned a second time. But that is a story for another day. Obviously from it happening a second time, it really took its toll on me and just made me feel like a loner and an odd one out. Luckily come college I found a few friends and they were great and I still talk to one of them even now (I’ll use the term talk rather loosely there) and a girl there; Louise really did make me feel okay to continue to be different, she wasn’t put off by me or any of my strange behaviour! (It was Autism the entire time)! Sort of went own ways after college but we send each other gifts on Pokémon Go! Real friendship right there! Anyway!

But I’d sort of started drifting away from anime/manga and found myself turning to a game called Final Fantasy XIV which hadn’t long been released and I remember watching my sibling playing it and I really wanted to play it! Always so much hype over a main line Final Fantasy game! (Although we don’t talk about the XIII trilogy) But then the game shut down and that was an end of 1.0 and then I remember a few years later in 2012 they’re were relaunching FFXIV but as A Realm Reborn and I knew that I was going to get into this! I was determined to! A main line Final Fantasy game? Sign me up! Especially meaning that I can experience the game finally! Brought the collectors edition, installed it onto my PS3 and away we go.

Instantly got into it and remember making my first character. He was on Odin and I loved him. A male, blue and white haired Miqo’te (a playable cat race in XIV) and I instantly fell in love with him. I completed everything in that but wanted to go again. So I made the same named character over on Moogle and goodness me am I glad I decided to do that.

I met someone ingame shouting about a free company (XIVs version of a guild) and unbeknownst to myself I was letting myself into a whole different world! I met a friend called “Vapa” and this was in like 2013 we met and became fast friends and got into the game and knowing the leaders and that and we were all firm friends, raiding for awhile and then people started getting bored of playing and would sort of just go off for awhile and randomly appear one day in the future. So I decided to make a Tumblr account for other Moogle players to communicate with and that (there was a whole linkshell made and everything for that, but then stuff happened and it sort of died off) anyway, and Vapa was also a admin for that page and he found two people on Tumblr, on our server that wanted to meet others aswell! (This was all before discord! Back in our day we used teamspeak xD) and so Aida and Mia appeared and now we ended up just chatting and also went onto chatting on PlayStation (Aida also played on ps3 so understands the hardships of XIV on such a console lol) and then Aida came his new boyfriend Lupus who Aida introduced to the game and that was the start of something truly exceptional and remarkable for me. (I also joined a free company before meeting these four and I ended up changing my character from make to female because it felt like “I was living a lie” and now she is female and I haven’t changed it back)!

But still. Meeting them all was great! We’d chat often! Have a laugh and a joke and it was real nice just being yourself and just having a laugh with your friends. Now that is a curious word, with my friends? I barely understood the concept after all the shit I’ve had to endure! But it was the start of a genuine friendship and I never knew how far it would go! But it continued! We played, laughed and just enjoyed playing the game and each others company. Sadly Vapa and I had been out of touch and stuff happened which meant I have to leave him behind for awhile (he had gotten in deep with a particular ginger haired twat being manipulative. I was afraid of being abandoned again and had to just take that step away from him for awhile).

And then it would be that I met a new FC which was shouting saying they were looking for members. And it had happened again. A friendship started emerging from that. Arty, Papa, Hek, Elora and after awhile; Joey would lead onto something just as great as what happened with Mia, Aida and Lupus. It was the start of a friendship that I didn’t think I was ever capable! But they’re a real thing! We all started talking as a group, chatting, laughing and having fun evenings playing all sorts of games and even though I’d not met any of them in person, I knew I wanted them to continue being my friend! And I think that was in like 2015? (That is also the year Aida and Lupus became best friends ;)).

They’ve been there through some of the darkest times in my life. When I went to go and jump off a multi-storey car park because I was just not coping with the continued progress of OCD and how it completely took over my life and I didn’t want to live that way, I couldn’t cope with the constant anxiety in your head, having to do things in certain ways, doing things in even numbers, even avoid going out at a certain time of day was the scariest thing in the world! And I had come to that conclusion that I didn’t want this life, I wanted to end it all, I wanted to die.

Something stopped me that day and I do believe it is their influence/friendship was one of the thing that made me pull back and call for the help that I needed. I ended up calling the police, they come and blocked off the road below and got me away from the tiny wall which was blocking me from my certain demise below. Ended up being sectioned and spent the best part of 2 months in a mental health ward. Then covid struck and was sort of forced out of hospital early so I didn’t get the proper care needed. Went on for sometime and I went to go and top myself again, once more knowing this could be it. But again, called for help. Did a short stint in hospital and was out. Was back in again about 2-3 weeks later. Spent my 2020/21 Christmas and new year in a hospital ward and because I didn’t have my mobile, it was alot harder than you think.

But despite it all, they were my constant. They were my means to go on and strive to get a handle on this. Their love and kindness was one of the things that spured me to continue fighting and get stronger. Truth be told it was all their support (and my family) which wanted me to keep getting stronger. I love each of them very much and all mean a great deal to me. And these were friends who DIDNT abandon me, despite the things I was saying and doing. Their beings transcend such a beacon of light to my life I never knew was capable. Hek, Arty, Papa, Mia, Lupus, Elora and Aida are all extra special and amazing and their love is what makes life worth living alot more. Alot more than wanting to take my own life.

My long standing friend Vapa we did finally talk again and I am so glad we did. He’d gotten himself out of the grasp of that ginger haired twat and we started speaking again. Full glad am I that it happened. He has been there since the beginning and will hopefully continue to be in the future! (It’s been like nearly 9-10 years we’ve known each other haha).

Even after being friends with these people for a good number of years now, I’d always felt I was somewhere I belong. They’ve never been a judgemental bunch of people, just loving and embracing each other for who we are. Being unproblematic themselves and embracing everyone else just for who they are. I longed when I was a kid to find that place I belonged. It took like 22 years, but it happened. Finally, after searching for so long. I can be somewhere I won’t be judged for being different and I can just be myself. Everyone to be honest has their own unique traits aswell and we don’t judge each other for it, we just love each other as we are, just ourselves. We all come from such different walks of life and it just seemed right place, right time happened. I can be my autistic, asexual self and feel liked and wanted. I know this is overly mushy and I usually only save these moments when I’ve had one to many to drink, SO HERE WE ARE! They are each unique, special and wonderful. Each individual has played a part in my life to make it for the better for sure!

But I went from being a lost, 20 year old adult, with no job, high anxiety and just being alone. To actually realising that people do, out there, like you and can be accepting of who you are. To again, that one constant. It all comes back to Final Fantasy. My need to play XIV for myself brought these people into my lives and it’s why I love Final Fantasy so much. In dark times. I looked to the light of FF and found a whole new world, including amazing friends and my blue and white haired cat girl! My WoL is one of my favourite characters because without her, I wouldn’t of met anyone like I have.

If you’ve made it through that long essay then bloody hell, wtf you wasting your time here for!? I’ve been at this for like 45 minutes, I’ve just not wanted to stop writing about my friends. I care for them all and it’s nice to have the feeling returned! (Atleast I hope so xD)

It’s like 2 in the morning here, but I just wanted to get that off my chest/out of my head. I do have other friends I’ve met through various different stages in life but they are a story for another day.

I have other friends also, but they’re in abit of a different category. (Nothing bad I should note! It’s more meeting loads of new people and making new friends on Instagram and they’re totally a story did another day also)

To cut a long story short, I’m super lucky to have these people in my lives and I hope they continue to for years to come! I will be back at blogging tomorrow when it’s 1/1 and it’s my XIV OCs Birthday! I always enjoy celebrating it because she just means a huge deal for me.

AGAIN. FINAL FANTASY. CENTER OF THE WORLD!

[dramashii]

A 2022 Recap: A run through of all the dramas I’ve seen this year

2022 is finally coming to a close. Just like any year, there were some great dramas, while there were also others that should have never left the drawing room. 

I laughed, fell in love, got frustrated, and cried many times for the past 12 months. I had some epiphanies and learned some new things (e.g. the best way to solve your problems is to live in a coastal town). 

I consider 2022 a decent drama year for me. I have managed to finish 44 dramas which helped me reached my goal of completing 300 dramas before this year ends. 

I wished I could write longer reviews about each drama but I genuinely forgot about most of them by this time of writing. Anyways, here are the 44 dramas I watched and my short commentary on them. (Disclaimer: This list is subjective. These are only my opinions based on my experience while watching these shows.)

1. Melancholia (Kdrama, 2021)

You+Me=Love. This drama made math really interesting. However, I wished this wasn't romance at all.

2. The Red Sleeve (Kdrama, 2021)

The most heartbreaking part of this drama was knowing the lead characters at some point existed in history.

3. Our Beloved Summer (Kdrama, 2021)

Everything about this show was amazing: the aesthetics, music, and the chemistry between the leads.

4. Twenty-Five Twenty-One (Kdrama, 2022)

Iconic.

5. A Business Proposal (Kdrama, 2022)

Reminded me so much of old-school romcoms therefore, I was obsessed.

6. Reset (Cdrama, 2022)

Interesting and unique time travel/time loop drama.

7. The Bad Kids (Cdrama, 2020)

Watched this for the hype but I was kind of confused at the end.

8. Soundtrack #1 (Kdrama, 2022)

Friends to lovers supremacy.

9. Shining for One Thing (Cdrama, 2022)

Tries to answer the question: "If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?"

10. Dali and the Cocky Prince (Kdrama, 2021)

Solid romcom where both leads were rich.

11. Crazy Love (Kdrama, 2022)

Everything about this drama was crazy: the leads, the side characters, the plot but I didn't like this kind of crazy.

12. You Are My Heartbeat (Thai Drama, 2022)

Expected my heartbeat to go crazy watching this, but it really didn't.

13. The Oath of Love (Cdrama, 2022)

The key takeaway from this is that Xiao Zhan looks really good in modern clothes therefore he needs to do more modern dramas.

14. Sword Snow Stride (Cdrama, 2021)

Wuxia.

15 Who Rules the World (Cdrama, 2022)

Okay but the second half went downhill. Yang Yang needs to do more costume dramas.

16. Tomorrow (Kdrama, 2022)

Too simplistic approaches to mental health.

17. A River Runs Through It (Cdrama, 2021)

The one-sided love story went on for too long.

18. Love All Play (Kdrama, 2022)

Cute but it dragged.

19. Sh**ting Stars (Kdrama, 2022)

Interesting concept of having the story set in the entertainment industry but this was boring.

20. Woo Ri the Virgin (Kdrama, 2022)

I haven't watched a drama this bad for so long.

21. Bloody Heart (KDrama, 2022)

Bloody amazing cinematography but the story dragged because they kept replaying the same scene in different angles. Rooted for the villain.

22. Kiss Sixth Sense (KDrama, 2022)

They need to cast older actors and actresses in romcoms because the chemistry here was great. I didn't really like the ending though.

23. A Dream of Splendor (Cdrama, 2022)

One of my favorites from this year!

24. Dear M (KDrama, 2022)

Waited long to see this, was disappointed in the end.

25. Link: Eat, Love, Kill (KDrama, 2022)

Incorporated too much genre in one drama that the execution failed.

26. Love Like the Galaxy (Cdrama, 2022)

Red flags everywhere the biggest one being Li Bu Yi.

27, Love Between Fairy and Devil (Cdrama, 2022)

Xianxia drama of the year!

28. Big Mouth (Kdrama, 2022)

The second half wasn't as good as the first half. The ending was awful.

29. Today’s Webtoon (KDrama, 2022)

Should have been a 12 eps drama instead.

30. Animals (Jdrama, 2022)

Short but enjoyable.

31. Love in Contract (KDrama, 2022)

Got me out of a drama slump but this was a train wreck.

32. Lighter & Princess (Cdrama, 2022)

Objectively not the best, but I was obsessed over this during its whole run that I bought a Youku subscription.

33. New Life Begins (Cdrama, 2022)

Cute.

34. Bulgasal: Immortal Souls (KDrama, 2021)

Interesting concept but the writing just didn't make it work.

35. Snowdrop (Kdrama, 2021)

Decent.

36. Cheer Up (KDrama, 2022)

Went into this thinking it will be a cute youth drama but that weird mystery-thriller and love triangle ruined my watching experience.

37. May I Help You (KDrama, 2022)

1st half>2nd Half.

38. The Day of Becoming You (Cdrama, 2021)

Good body-swapping romance drama.

39. Summer Strike (Kdrama, 2022)

I was promised healing but the last 1/4 of the drama had a different tone from the rest.

40. Love In Time (Cdrama, 2022)

Interesting concept but mediocre.

41. She and Her Perfect Husband (Cdrama, 2022)

I wished they continued to show that mature relationship the leads had in the beginning until the end, but alas the last 10 eps happened and it just wasn't it.

42. Extraordinary Attorney Woo (KDrama, 2022)

An extraordinary drama about an extraordinary lawyer trying to find her place in the world. One of the best this year!

43. Rainless Love in a Godless Land (Taiwanese Drama, 2021)

The best thing about this drama is the title. Also, very unique and thought-provoking. 

44. Alchemy of Souls Season 1 (Kdrama, 2022)

Might be the most interesting Hong sisters' fantasy drama yet. 

[sadtaho]

Obviously doctor you’ve never been an 18yr old girl.

“Obviously doctor, you’ve never been a 13yr old girl.” this line from Celia Lisbon struck me because being a teenage girl is one hell of a crisis. At such a young age, barely even turning 16, I could hardly believe that I would experience awful things such as having a boyfriend for the first time, fake friends, and a very deteriorating mental illness. Had my first attempt at age 15 and wow, was it funny that people suddenly cared. A lot happened for example my mom found out I was in a relationship she didn’t approve of, and the fact that I wasn’t treated like a human with their own feelings. I was pushed to the edge to end it all.

Throughout that time, I could say I went through such a tough battle, to the point that everything that has been put together made me feel like the world is ending. Added the fact that at the time, it was still quite a stigma to my mom the topic of mental health still and the instances of it. What mostly caused my mental illness was the trauma from my parents. Pretty sad, I know. But don’t we all have issues with our parents? Generational trauma is quite common nowadays and I feel like it’s such a hard cycle to end or get out of.

From what I’ve read from a mental health website, parents with PTSD may be emotionally unavailable, neglectful, overprotective or abusive. They may have symptoms like always feeling on guard or reliving horrible experiences that make it difficult to parent effectively. And it really has no root to it because it's all a big cycle. It really just depends if you end or break the cycle to it. I grew up being abused and punished for being a kid, doing kid-like things. Eventually, it stopped when I was 15 when I and my mom went to therapy. It really helped both of us to be a better mother and daughter. Therapy helped my mom to see mental health from a less stigmatized point of view. My mom became more aware of what she should do as a parent or what she should do to be a better one. For me, one of the reasons why parents are in a generational trauma cycle is because some of them are not aware of their actions or what they do, or how they make others feel.

At the age of 16, online classes started due to the pandemic of COVID19 happening. It was dreadful and unmotivating to do online classes. Every weekday I did not look forward to opening my laptop and being in a one-hour call of a boring discussion. The amount of piled schoolwork or projects made me even more stressed and caused me to attempt several times because of how depressing it was to handle. The pandemic plus online classes really took a toll on my mental health. No amount of high dosages of antidepressants will make you feel better. That’s when I decided to take a gap year after my first year of being a senior high school student. With the disappearance of the draining pressure that the online class has given me that year, I was able to refreshen my mind from it. Although my mental health was still at rock bottom, therapy helped a bit. But, I must say, it was quite hard to really open up about everything because of the fact that it was only an hour therapy session. I wish there was more than an hour to let out my feelings but therapy really is expensive.

So, gap year came around at 17. I had fun in my gap year hanging out with my friends, I had fun going to different places or traveling really far. It made me spend more time with my family and friends. I developed a few hobbies like digital drawing, collecting crystals, playing around with makeup and fashion, and listening to more music. And then my birthday eventually came around. I had a lot of fun at that time because I spent my day with the people I love and who are special to me.

Then there I was, an 18-year-old legal teen. It was also 2022 already. I got into a situationship with my childhood friend and boy was it such a bad decision. I wasted 6 months waiting on a person who is a narcissistic nonchalant robot that never felt the same way as I did. Embarrassing I know. I just got back from my gap year school started. I would lie if I said school wasn’t fun for the first few months. It started in August of 2022. My relationship ended on August 1, and my friends cut me off on the second day of school on August 9. So August was another depressing month for me but I put all my emotions focused on school. I forced myself not to feel emotions or be vulnerable. That ended badly by the time it was the end of September. All my repressed emotions devoured my head.

For the past two months, I felt like my soul was floating above my body and that I am detached from reality. I bottled up my emotions, held back my tears, and made myself be numb from anything negative. I ended up ending my 7-month clean streak. I relapsed again. I ended up relapsing every day as a result of not being able to let myself feel anything. I just want to tell you that it is definitely okay to feel these negative emotions and it is so much easier to let them all out. Bottling your feelings will make you explode and be more of a mess.

I really want to put a stop to the stigma on mental health. I read another thing about mental health stigma being harmful to everyone. “Stigma, prejudice, and discrimination against people with mental illness can be subtle or it can be obvious—but no matter the magnitude, it can lead to harm. People with mental illness are marginalized and discriminated against in various ways, but understanding what that looks like and how to address and eradicate it can help.”

Mental health is a level of psychological well-being or an absence of mental illness. Mental health is what helps us to be at peace, be able to make proper decisions, and be able to live life joyfully. In this time and generation, there is still a stigma around mental health. If you are mentally disabled it is “all in your head” or “you just need to pray more”. Ever heard those lines? Sadly in the Philippines, we grew up in a household where mental health discussions are taboo. We need to change that for our younger future generations. We need to put a stop to being ignorant when it comes to being a mental health advocate.

One of the things to stop the stigma is to educate ourselves. Study the facts and what you can do best as a mental health advocate. Being a support system to someone can be such a big help to people with mental illnesses. We should also think about what we say to others because you’ll never know it could become harmful to others when the wrong words come out of our mouths.

Having a mental health problem is not shameful. It is totally normal to have them. You are not different than others for having them. Speaking openly about your own mental health struggles, can help to normalize conversations about mental health and create an atmosphere of openness and trust for others to feel safe in sharing their own mental health concerns. Let us normalize mental health in any circumstances. Be an advocate,

[bloominglately]

Waking Up

There is a fine line between self improvement and acceptance. I would like to have both. I would like to be a better person while also loving and accepting myself for who I am now. I don’t know, is that possible? I have missed out on so much in life due to an anxiety fuelled propensity for avoidance. I am a very young 30 years old. I don’t have a driver’s license, and I have never been on a date. There are many other things that I am embarrassed to admit, I have never done. I would like to change my life and put myself out there. I avoid out of fear, self loathing, and depression. I escape in food and YouTube and social media and Netflix and I am done doing that. I think I am finally at a place in my life to work on myself in a meaningful way. I am starting a l glow up journey and would like to share my progress with others who may relate or be in a similar situation.

I would like to improve every aspect of my life including:

Physical Health/Weight: I would like to lose about 70-80 pounds. Right now, I am around 210 pounds. I was 220 pounds at my highest weight; I have lost about ten pounds since May 2022. I also have PCOS, sleep apnea, aching knees, digestive issues, and constant fatigue. Right now, I see both a general practitioner, and a naturopathic doctor as well as a few specialists. They have encouraged me to lose weight in a non-judgemental way at my own pace. I am very fortunate to have access to healthcare. I have all the right tools and knowledge, just need to actually apply myself, as they say. Overall, I’d like to have more energy, lose weight, heal my fatty liver, and get rid of my sleep apnea. I just want to feel better and look better.

Mental Health: I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, social anxiety disorder and major depression. I have a therapist and it’s going well. I am not currently on any medication but have been in the past. My goal is to feel less anxious and depressed, and to be able to function at a high level and feel well. I truly believe this is something I can accomplish. I just want to wake up with enough energy to get through the day. I would like to not hate myself. I’d like to feel secure and have a little self esteem.

Beauty/Skin: My skin is AWFUL right now. I have both trichotillomania and excoriation disorder (hair pulling and skin picking disease). I almost never pull my hair out anymore (which is great because I didn’t used to have eyebrows or lashes) but I still pick at my face, A LOT. It does not help that my hormonal imbalance from PCOS is causing me to have intense acne. As soon as I turned 30 a hormone bomb went off and I haven’t recovered since. My skin has always been pretty bad, but lately it has been so awful that I’ve kind of given up on it. I am getting back into the skin care routine now, but it’s been a huge hurdle. I am caught in a never-ending cycle of acne, in grown hairs and dark spots. Please skincare gods I humble myself before thee. Imagine having wrinkles, cystic acne, and hirsutism. What a joke.

Career & Education: I work in higher education and am in the process of applying for a master’s in education. I would like to also do a master’s in music as this is what I studied for my undergrad, however right now an M ED. Is a little more practical. Since I work in higher ed, the college I work at will cover my tuition, which is fantastic. Honestly, I think this is the only part of my life that is going relatively well. I have a decent job which is why I think now is the best time for me to really try to tackle my goals. I at least have a bit of money to finance them. I would also love to start a side hustle as a producer/composer. I am a little rusty though but also determined.

Personal/Social Life: I have a few close friends and live at home still. I don’t mind being at home though, as my mom is not well, and I like to be there for her. I also enjoy spending time with my siblings. I just wish everyone would clean up after themselves. Other than that, no complaints. I do wish I had some more friends and a more exciting social life; however, I think I need to nurture the relationship I have with myself as well as my existing friendships.

Romantic Life: LOL. DNE. I don’t think I am ready for this right now. I would like to work on the other aspects of my life first.

Finances: I have a shit ton of student debt. Like 70k. But no credit card debt. I want to pay this off as quick as I can. I would like to own a house some day, but I don’t know if that is possible in this economy. I would really love to be debt free and have a decent chunk of savings. Right now, I have very limited savings, and a whole lot of debt.

Those are the areas I’ll be focusing on. Anyone in a similar boat? I feel like I have been sleeping under the veil of depression and have just woken up. I am realizing now how much I’ve missed and how much I regret. I have definitely experienced some sort of arrested development (it’s one banana Michael, what could it cost? Ten dollars?). Does anyone else fell like they are playing catch up? Would anyone like to join me on this journey?

[pearonthegas]

act 2, scene 1; april

a walk in albert park (ausgp '22)

ent. aus gp 2022

hey hello hi!! it's been a hot minute but here i am ,, back with my first update after the long drought :,) ausgp was the first race of the season i actually go to properly watch - and ohman!! it was quite something

unfortunately i missed out on all the fp sessions because i've been busy with school, but quali was quite a run! the one takeaway i've gotten from the bits and pieces i've managed to gather over the weeks? none of these cars are safe from any issues whatsoever - everyone seems to be struggling with something (except maybe ferrari??) it's going to be quitee the season

i love how the rest of the field is getting a lot more competitive with each other !! seeing more battles other than just the one for first made me appreciate the event so much more!! it feels a lot more exciting this way <33

i cannot begin to express first of all. how in AWE i am of albon?? sir really went for a whole race with a SINGLE set of tyres like HELLO a) what were you trying to do bby and b) THE FACT THAT HE STILL KEPT IT UP THERE IN THE POINTS THE WHOLE TIME - that williams seems more promising than otherwise shown,,i think there are some good things coming

the aston martins did NOT have luck on their side this weekend :/ absolutely insane the way their weekend went - universe rlly said <3 no; but it did increase my love for seb so that's a plus!!

i think my main. thing with this whole thing might be with rbpt tbh!! i hate that acronym its so ugly im sorry but unfortunately im an alphatauri girl so i have to live w it. that engine is literally giving me heartache every single weekend!! the fact that max had to retire made me want to YELL because if he's having issues with the engine that means that there's chances of all the other three having issues too and i'm not excited for that!! how're we going to make it through the whole season this way wails

the ats did not look too great this weekend but i still have the slightest sliver of hope for them. i think we can still pull through it's still early in the season!! yuki and pierre have also the best relationship ever (the not boyfriends, with their perfectly synchronised race starts? soulmates.) but someone needs to tell pierre to get a new hairdresser. sir. i love you but please. you are balding.

to bring the wonderful weekend to a close sir lewis hamilton and george russell are a three hour drive from me, and a friend of a friend spotted them at the gas station - mercedes amg (and lewis for that matter) will always be a national treasure to us tbh!! not even racing under our flag but we all feel so much pride for them <3 (thank you petronas for being the one good thing to come out of this gov)

exit aus gp 2022.

ent. small life update (below the break)

past few months have been HECTIC - but i think a new chapter of my silly little life begun at some point (not sure when) hence the beginning of act 2!! i'm glad to still be able to have this space - tumblr unironically makes me feel the safest on any social media

rundown of everything that's happened since i've last made a proper post? i'm preparing for my first two AS exams next month, i've made more friends in the past month than i have in the past two years (many of which don't even attend our school, and are seniors who old me would have actually absolutely detested maybe), i'm figuring out what it means to love someone, and what it means to actively choose to love them, i'm trying to be a bit kinder to myself, to not be so inherently wrapped up in grades and numbers

ramadan started more than a week ago <3 ramadan mubarak to my lovely muslim friends here

my mental health is a mess right now. but it has its good days. i hope to share as many of those with you as possible :)

as ever, with lots of love,

iman.

[tanglesandcrystals]

07/25/2022 10:28am Home

We had a very busy weekend.

Between applying for jobs, applying for new apartments, and having to drive over an hour to see Wellesley’s aunt for a little while, there was very little fun time to be had.

Wellesley and I are officially in grind mode. We applied to our old jobs at the liquor store in hopes of picking up a few part time hours here and there. If all goes well, we could bring home an additional $200 a week. An extra grand a month each would work wonders for our debt and for our ability to move.

Not to mention, it’s always good to have extra cash when you’re broke.

This is the poorest I’ve ever been. Living so close to the edge of poverty is not only terrifying, but one hell of a wakeup call. Prior to this year, there was always an opportunity, or at least a backup plan. Now there’s nothing, mostly because I’m not making the same kind of money I was making when I had a salaried office job.

But honestly? Fuck that job.

I stayed there out of necessity for five years and hated every second of it. The bosses were awful, the commute atrocious, and my mental health suffered. I was depressed, anxious, overweight, and just all-around miserable. Switching to manufacturing has done wonders for my mentality. I have more energy, more time, more life within me. The only payoff to that awful job was that I was never this broke, never this scared. I’d rather be scared but happy than stable and miserable.

It’s times like these that show us who we really are. It’s time to buckle down, to focus, and to do what we need to do. This is a time to rewire myself. I’m no longer leaning on a vice to make it through tough times. My problems are my responsibility and that is that. It’s okay to melt down, it’s okay to be stressed, it’s okay to take a day to rage and storm and bluster; it’s healthy to let out those emotions.

I have faith in myself, in my boyfriend, and in the greater plan that is made for us. Comfortability and stability over these last few years have given me the opportunity to forge new habits, new mentalities, and new perspectives. It is time to put those into action. 

There is no point in worrying about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today is the only day that matters.

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/health/telemedicines-challenge-getting-patients-to-click-the-app/

Telemedicine's challenge: Getting patients to click the app

Walmart workers can now see a doctor for only $4. The catch? It has to be a virtual visit.

The retail giant recently rolled back the $40 price on telemedicine, becoming the latest big company to nudge employees toward a high-tech way to get diagnosed and treated remotely.

But patients have been slow to embrace virtual care. Eighty percent of mid-size and large U.S. companies offered telemedicine services to their workers last year, up from 18 percent in 2014, according to the consultant Mercer. Only 8 percent of eligible employees used telemedicine at least once in 2017, most recent figures show.

“There’s an awful lot of effort right now focused on educating the consumer that there’s a better way,” said Jason Gorevic, CEO of telemedicine provider Teladoc Health.

Widespread smartphone use, looser regulations and employer enthusiasm are helping to expand access to telemedicine, where patients interact with doctors and nurses from afar, often through a secure video connection. Supporters say virtual visits make it easier for patients to see a therapist or quickly find help for ailments that aren’t emergencies. But many still fall back to going to the doctor’s office when they’re sick.

Health care experts have long said that changing behavior can be hard. In telemedicine’s case, patients might learn about it from their employer and then forget about it by the time they need care a few months later. Plus emotions can complicate health care decisions, said Mercer’s Beth Umland.

“My little kid is sick, I want them to have the best of care right away, and for some people that might not register as a telemedicine call,” she said.

Some patients, especially older ones, also just prefer an in-person visit.

“Going to the doctor’s office is a big event in their life and something they look forward to,” said Geoffrey Boyce, CEO of InSight Telepsychiatry, which provides virtual mental health services.

Tom Hill is among that crowd. The 66-year-old from Mooresville, Indiana, said he’s never used telemedicine and has no plans to.

“I believe in a handshake and looking a guy in the eye,” said Hill during a recent shopping break at a downtown Indianapolis mall. “I don’t buy anything online either.”

But the practice does gain fans once patients try it.

Julie Guerrero-Goetsch has opened her MDLive telemedicine app several times since first using it about a year ago to get help for a sinus infection.

The Fallon, Nevada, resident was skeptical, but she didn’t have time to go in person. MDLive connected her to a doctor soon after she opened the app. She said he started asking questions about symptoms “just as if I was sitting in a doctor’s office” and prescribed an antibiotic.

Caitlin Powers tried telemedicine recently after hearing about it through a friend. The Columbia University graduate student was feeling stuffed up and worried she might be coming down with the flu. She said her appointment started on time, lasted 10 minutes, and she spoke by video with a doctor in Florida while never leaving her Brooklyn apartment.

“As a student, I don’t really have time to spend three hours waiting to see a doctor, and this was so easy,” she said.

Doctors have used telemedicine for years to monitor patients or reach those in remote locations. Now more employers are encouraging people covered under their health plans to seek care virtually for several reasons.

Telemedicine can reduce time spent away from the job, and it also can cost half the price of a doctor’s visit, which might top $100 for someone with a high-deductible plan. However, those savings can be negated if telemedicine’s convenience causes people to overuse it.

Walmart said it cut the cost for virtual visits to give another care option to the more than one million people covered by its health benefits.

Employers aren’t the only ones pushing the technology.

The drugstore chains CVS Health and Walgreens are promoting apps that let customers connect to doctors. Some insurers like Oscar Health are offering it for free to customers as a first line of treatment.

Ease of use is one of the reasons researchers and telemedicine providers think the practice will become more widespread in several areas of care. Those include dermatology and follow-up doctor visits after a surgery or medical procedure.

Mental health visits are another area ripe for virtual care because patients can feel more comfortable talking to a therapist in their own home, said Boyce of InSight Telepsychiatry, which delivers mental health care in about 30 states.

Boyce said people also like the anonymity of a virtual visit.

Mental health visits were the most common use of telemedicine by patients until primary care overtook that specialty a few years ago, Harvard’s Dr. Ateev Mehrotra and other researchers found in a recent study of claims data from a large insurer.

Research firm IHS Markit estimates that telemedicine visits in the U.S. will soar from 23 million in 2017 to 105 million by 2022. But even then, they will probably amount to only about one out of every 10 doctor visits, said senior analyst Roeen Roashan.

MDLive CEO Rich Berner said telemedicine is like the digital video recorder TiVo, which took a while to catch on with viewers.

“People were so used to doing things the other way that it just took a little while to kind of really go mainstream,” he said. “But when it did, it went mainstream big-time.”

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Follow Tom Murphy on Twitter: @thpmurphy

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The Associated Press Health & Science Department receives support from the Howard Hughes Medical Institute’s Department of Science Education. The AP is solely responsible for all content.