#the name isnt me. their cuteness isnt me
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Heya. Bit of an announcement incoming.
In recent weeks, I've done a lot of introspection and a acquired a newer understanding of myself that continues even now, but it led me to a conclusion that hurt to realize and yet is sort of freeing for me.
I've had the same main fursona/mascot for eight years now!! That's a really long time to stick with a character, and I did so for a reason. I think they're my longest-lived fursona that has been in active rotation the whole time and got drawn often. I love them to bits. I will never stop loving them to bits. They helped me with a lot and for a very long time they felt the most me that a character could be. I could not think of a design that was more me through it all.
However, about a year or two ago I've been struggling with my sense of self in personal ways I won't get too into. And ever since starting HRT especially, I've learned a lot.
Now when I look at them, I don't really see myself as clearly. Now when people call me Rainy, I don't really feel like they're addressing me. It doesn't fit how I see myself anymore or who I know myself to be right now. I decided just over a week ago that there was a reason for it, and that maybe it's time to put them in the background. I have little desire to draw them as often anymore, and I feel kind of sad when I try.
Fittingly, today marks exactly 8 years since I posted their initial design. This is entirely a coincidence in that I only realized it would be coming up last week. That honestly made me sadder, but felt even more like a sign of some sort.
I made a little slideshow of most of the art I posted of them to a song that means a lot to me as a sort of 'parting' gift, if you want to see them over the years. Bit of a rapid image warning as some of them go by fairly fast, but no intense strobes or effects were added.
youtube
I am not getting rid of them, and I am not even saying they're being completely left behind. I think the way I see them right now is as a secondary fursona, so if anything they're more just joining the ranks of the other characters I don't draw as consistently but still love and keep around.
I'm just being dramatic about it because it feels like a major change for me, but I am also excited to see what happens next.
sorry
#apologies if this post makes anyone sad but honestly nobody's sadder about this than me#i legit cried when i realized i was done with them#and i cried again making the little video#i was gonna try to get a fursuit of them one day! i wanted plushies of them! but now im like. actually i dont know#and its so weird to think that way but if i force it ill start to resent them#i mean maybe id still have a plushie of them at least#but i just dont want to Be Them as much anymore#im taking the new year new me thing way too literally this 2025#i was going to keep trying to revamp them into feeling like me again but i realized they never can#the name isnt me. their cuteness isnt me#i cant seem to rough them up enough to be how i feel right now...i got close but it still just didnt work#anyway i hope youll like New Character when you see Character but if not thats ok#i like Character very much and have been drawing Character all the time#and thats a good sign that a sona design has struck a chord with me again#long post#rainy rambles#Youtube
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I love this book to death, so here's some things I noticed <3
#hyde being short is quite possibly my favourite thing ever#this isnt me jabbing at the takes that stray from the book#just btw XD#i think thats a big reason why i love it so much is that theres a WEALTH of inspiration that can be taken from the jekyll and hyde trope#theres so much out there i love#that being said#ive been buzzing about jekyll n Hyde recently because of this game that blindsided me with a jekyll n hyde trope#its always fun seeing it out in the wild#as seldom as that is LMAO#if anyones curious though its called vampire therapist and its a character named dr drayne#very cute and very fun game 💕💕#jekyll and hyde#the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde#dr jekyll#mr Hyde#also talking about blindsided by gothic lit blorbos#saw an animated Jekyll and hyde movie at the DOLLARSTORE for 5 smackaroos#easiest 5bucks i ever spent#literally the funniest shiy ive ever seen highly recommend watching it pals#its also on youtube for free and its in that so bad its good category for me
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shut the fuck upppppppppppp
#this panel layout is sickening lol. anyway holding true to my belief that loop is belligerent about name changing because:#''im not letting that rat fuck the change god win. im not fucking letting them'' and yet. they keep accruing bonus names#isat spoilers#sifloop#isat fanart#isat#in stars and time fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#lucabyteart#anyway HURK. this is too fluffy. let me outttt. i cant even tell you that my mild 'isnt it funny that nicknames fill out the vaugarde many#names thing. its kinda cute right. loop change god grudge moments' justifies it. it doesnttt.#this is barely a character read its just a cute exchange so take it and dont look at me
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does a lil dance
#cookie run kingdom#crk#hollyberry cookie#burning spice cookie#dark cacao cookie#pitaya dragon cookie#d.art#i dont tag ships butlike. i think burningberry is a cute name :3#beast x aincents isnt just limited to like. counterparts to me.#its 2 polycules getting merged n nothing good coming out of it
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Sunday - Love Hypnosis
Sunday hypnotises you (consensually) to relax you.
No spoilers.
No description of reader or readers troubles so project what you are personally struggling with as you see fit.
No angst just fluff. I thought this concept would be cute. I've seen many a yandere Sunday hypnotises you, and that's great but consider - consent and fluff.
(This isn't a jab, I too enjoy a yandere fic from time to time but I also want to see fluff and I haven't seen this done in a fluffy way yet.)
I don't know why I'm mildly obsessed with this man but I am. (Cough Cough, I read maximum ride as a kid and now I automatically fall in love with winged characters. Cough Cough.) I need him to hypnotise me please and thank you.
(I have a few fics in the works that I need to finish but I'm struggling.)
As usual enjoy. Love ya 💙
"Darling?" Came the light and airy tone of your beloved. Though there was a hint of worry in his voice as he took in your face down, slumped form. "Are you alright?"
He could tell very well that you were not alright. But he would coax an answer out of you one way or another. Though the only answer he received was a groan.
"Darling." He sighs but chuckles at your obviously aggravated self. "Allow me to help you."
Your body goes limp as you let him move you from a sofa to your shared bed. "My darling. Tell me what's gotten into you."
He chuckles as you groan out a single word relating to your issues. "Life."
"Oh, my darling. You'll let me soothe you for the night won't you?" He only felt it was right after the many nights you had soothed him.
Patient, kind, understanding. Three words that when asked by others what you think about each other, you'd both say about each other. A pure give and take without a scoreboard, that's how you operated. You were both busy or stressed for one reason or another so that's how things had to be.
The simple love you shared was enough most days but sometimes things went wrong.
Sunday had performed hypnosis on you before so he knew it worked but he'd never engage unless you agreed. You knew the question he asked meant he wanted to soothe you via hypnosis, and with the state of your mind you would happily agree.
"Please do."
He wouldn't offer if he didn't have the energy you knew this, a rather large argument took care of that when he'd overworked himself then passed out after hypnotising you once and a medic had to be rushed in. Needless to say, you weren't happy with his carelessness. And seeing how upset you were he agreed to be more careful with his health.
You didn't want to think anymore so as you lay there looking up at him with your tired eyes and weary mind, he smiles. He caresses your face and hair before taking a deep breath and reciting that familiar chant.
"Oh triple faced soul, allow me to take hold of this one's mind and soothe them of all worries and burdens. The word Beloved will be the catalyst for control."
With that simple incantation your mind belonged to Sunday for a short while. Your mind felt fuzzy and slow but not unpleasantly, the way it would when you achieved complete relaxation.
Like he had done before, he would take you through your nightly routine with this hypnosis.
"Beloved, follow me to to the bathroom." He helped you up while your body automatically followed his words and stood up.
Walking was about the most complex task you could complete, he wasn't Xipe Themself, so his power only went so far.
"Beloved, lift your arms."
You do as told and he aids in stripping you, ready to be cleaned.
"Beloved, sit on this stool and close your eyes."
You again do as told his voice muffled through the layers of hypnosis, but soothing nonetheless. "I am going to wash your face first darling." He always narrates what he does before doing it as not to startle you.
You felt a cool, wet, cloth glide over your face and you can't help but sigh with satisfaction. You feel it gently caress your cheeks and softly rub your eyes tickle behind your ears. You hear the cloth being rinsed and wrung, the muffled sounds of the water soothing you further.
"I am going to wash your upper body now darling." And, as before, you feel the damp cloth glide over your neck and upper body, letting him move you has he sees fit. Soft humming coming from him lulls you deeper into his hypnosis. The cloth glides down and caresses your chest before moving to wash your back. You'd make sounds of relaxed satisfaction if you could but your exhausted body coupled with the hypnosis has made your brain devoid of any thought or control. Just how you want it.
He moves back to the front of you with a new cloth. "Beloved, spread your legs, I need to clean you."
Your body complies without hesitation and that's what he does, making sure to be extra gentle around this sensitive area. He is thorough but doesn't linger long this time, not wanting to spark anything in you this evening.
Standing to switch the cloth again, "I'm going to wash your legs and feet now darling." Still being as gentle as ever his hands and the cloth slowly makes their way down your legs massaging them as they go. A light massage is given to your feet as well before he finishes and pats you dry with a towel before he deems your body clean.
"Beloved, open your mouth wide."
He orders next, your mind too fuzzy to think of what else could be doing. You hear more water then feel a hand on your chin. "I'm going to brush your teeth darling." Then light scrubbing of your teeth and tongue can be felt, he is thorough with this area too. Not wanting to be the reason you have cavities he takes his time. Not too long later he finishes with you. You can hear things being put away and muffled sounds of him walking around you, maybe inspecting you. Before he stops in front and,
"Beloved, open your eyes and stand up. Its time to go to bed."
You're led back into the bedroom now that he is satisfied that you are clean. "Beloved, are you ready to sleep?"
Compelled to answer, you do. "yes"
"Beloved, do you want to sleep with me?"
"Yes"
"Good, let's get to sleep then shall we."
The sounds of fabric and draws is all you hear for a moment before he guides you into bed with him.
"Beloved, lay down."
When he's satisfied you are comfortable You feel his soft skin against yours, the wings on his head lightly brushing your face in reverence before he pulls them back. It isn't often he blesses you with his naked body, the vulnerability gets to him at times.
Once you've laid down and he's pulled you close he asked one more question.
"Beloved, are you ready to be released from hypnosis?"
"Yes"
As the words leave your lips he begins the incantation to remove his influence on your mind.
"Oh triple faced soul, this one has completed this ones tasks and can now be freed from the shackles of my control with no burden."
Everything goes still as your senses return slowly, reacclimating you to reality. A few minutes pass of him softly stroking your head and neck while you come back to him.
"Thank you Sunday" a soft whisper conveying how grateful you are before you promptly pass out the exhaustion and relaxation hitting you full force as you melt into the bed and his arms.
"Oh my beloved, I'd do anything to see you happy and relaxed like this more often. I am grateful for all you do for me so it's only natural. I love you, so much my beloved."
He whispers to your sleeping self, pressing small kisses to your forehead, cheeks and nose. Watching the small twitches at the contact makes his evening and he feels like he too can finally relax.
#hsr x reader#hsr sunday#hsr sunday x reader#sunday x reader#honkai star rail x reader#i needed fluffy hypnosis so i wrote it myself yay#i headcanon him as someone who would excessively use pet names because he finds them cute#and a sense of ownership but shush#but hes really just a tired dude whose life is spiralling out of control and i just want to hug him and stroke his wings#maybe reverse comfort for him next#i have a Neuvillette amd a clive rosfield fic in the works#i want to write for Aventurine but im a bit scared#also ratio#i love him more than i did when he was introduced thanks 2.1#anyway excited for patch 2.2 Sunday. wanna see him go even crazier but also see him nice and relaxed you know?#the duality of man#this isnt my best work ever but im happy ish with it and just want to get it out.#if you do have constructive criticism thats fine please and thank you#they could never make me hate you sunday#i love him even more after 2.2
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Could you perhaps draw how Penelope and Odysseus met in your monster AU?
it was a pretty friendly meeting i think
#file name for this was meet cute btw#ALSO I THOUGHT FIREALPACA WAS GOING TO CRASH AT THE END GENUINELY BC IT WAS LAGGING SO HARD#like it was STRUGGLING i would draw a line and there was a 4 second delay#but its fine i got it#fiddled with the lighting a lot here#sighh still not all that happy with it but i dont wanna look at this anymore and also im convinced firealpaca will explode if i keep drawin#anyways art tags time#doodles#epic the musical#epic monster au#odysseus#penelope#uhh do i odypen tag this#yknow what its odypen at heart <3 to me#odypen#uhh to be clear this isnt really canon#i dont have an actual idea yet#like i said before this au doesnt really have much story atm#if anyone feels like making stuff up go ahead#for me i just sorta made this au because its fun to draw!#anyways i do hesitantly have as part of odys backstory for this au that he used to be a monster hunter before he got bit#so this is actually pretty plausible#ok done rambling now eheh
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they would get divorced in one universe just to find eachother in another one
alternatively titled: sometimes you're the level-headed token flesh-head impulse-control-and-polycule-member of a stubborn, eccentric, and hearty telephone-headed drug addict, and there's cruelty in the world you deem fit to suicidally fight, and that either goes about as well as you'd expect it to, or you learn about love and the value of your life and junk along the way
#scribbles#milton r wallace#callum crown#phonegingi#sgt norm allen#norm allen#dialtown#dialtown a phone dating sim#..uh idk if callum and milt have a ship name orz#normgingi#milton norm parallels save me. Save me milton norm parallels#very specific but its why i prefer to look at the callum-milt-marla situation as like tragic polyamory#as opposed to a cheating one#it adds to the callum-gingi parallels. theyv both got polycule situations C:#though i suppose you could call a cheating situation a dark parallel to gingi's polycule the same way you could call#milton's entire deal a dark parallel to their relationship with norm/the narrator#However i just like tragic polyamory. my visions of milton and marla ALSO being in love yet having the mutual#realization that they hate callum more than they love eachother (esp milton) is highly specific yet also everything to me#misery loves company and all that jazz. a THIRD combination of people having divorce shit going on#this guys ruining my life IM GONNA FUCK HIS WIFE! (They are already in a consensual polyamorous relationship milton is just making it weird#Sorry these tags were going to be like meaningful discussion about this art and then i was enabled to talk about THIS AGAIN#OH YEAH this art in particular i discovered halftones and also started actually using blending brushes#milts face isnt drawn. obviously. but im imagining a kind of 'oh you!' exasperated fondness#as opposed to norm who's just a cranky little tsundere. jokes on milt though HIS relationship is HEALTHIER#also i will never pass up the chance to draw gingi and callum together#theyr both characters i adore drawing gingi's round shapes and different textures and callums cute little bolts#but also they do look soooo similar and yet so different its always really fun to do#and theyr just. my favs lol. my top 3 favs go gingi-mingus-callum hehe#Ok thats all. thank you for coming to my rambles#fig said i should post my art at better times and so i am and that means when i post my art im AWAKE ENOUGH TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT LOL
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They made hyoga look so much cooler in the anime hes just standing there , in the manga theyre all dripping wet and bedraggled and senku is dying as usual
#Dr stone#isnt it cute that he was holding onto tsukasa for dear life for that whole sequence .....#after hearing his name called so weakly im sure he would not have let go of tsukasa come hell or high water ... he was covering his wound#with such a shaky hand like he was so fucking stressed out but he couldnt let tsukasa be swept away from him he had to keep both their head#afloat the whole time they were fighting against the current and tsukasa is also twice his size and complete dead weight#ALSO HANG ON WAIT I JUST REALISED SOMETHING#HYOGA... wanted to get senku alone to talk to him but he attacked tsuaksa ... and when hyoga wanted to hit tsukasa he attacked mirai#thats scary because he immediately identified that theyre ride or die together ... hyoga is the original tsukasen shipper#hes like oh you guys love each other ? Well that makes it easier for me#also this was the first time i noticed he wears short shorts and leather thigh high boots. omg slay queen where did you get your boots !#they wanted to make him a classic withdrawn coolguy with a samurai-esque work ethic but actually hes mega camp and a sweety (killed someone
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POST MORE HORRORS ITS AWESOME 💥💥💥
I mentioned briefly in my tags Huzzle was the first to find out about Click clack in the au so I find it fitting to draw it doing exactly that [thumbs up] hope it's horrors enoughs.
Imagine locating a hidden away spot in your missing friend's domain and you find the reanimated form of his partner all alone while he's gone without a word. I think Huzzle Mug gets to earn the ensuing upset, personally.
#great god grove#ggg love and loss au#ggg click clack#ggg huzzle mug#Huzzle about to enter kill mode /silly /joke#Chat do you think huzzle entered angry mamamug mode or nah#god of innovation VERY VERY UPSET to see this type of inventmaking being abused by a god who then left with no further word#and this not being brought up to the other gods AT ALL#also yeagh#my click clack is named Cliff. its really stupid#Is cliff a shortened version of a name in his case? who knows. not me#its a silly reference to Cliff notes. which isnt used in editing but i thought it was cute and it sounds like click so i can see it evolvin#into his canon name#i didnt know if u specifically wanted Love and loss au stuff or not so i drew that jic since thats where i used the term horrors#but i do have other crimes lolol
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The extremely niche crossover only I want to see... Kingdom Hearts x Monark.
#kingdom hearts#monark#riku#vanitas#if you do not know about the game the mc in monark is some white haired guy#and you get this lil black stuffed rabbit with a yellow button eye but hes missing one eye#and his name is literally vanitas#so yeah sorry that i wanted to play kh2 and got DENIED bc cloud gaming isnt good#so i started playing monark as like well i own it but have never played it may as well#and get dunked on by vanitas real fast is like oh you lil -#and then the white haired guys first ally is a cute lil red haired girl that made me think of kairi a bit ???#and you may be asking well ok but thats not reaally enough to have a niche crossover spawn in your brain#ok the dean lady is named sora thank you case closed i just wanted to play kh2 and was made to do something else#ive played it for like five hours and have been SHAMED by vanitas for being too asexual during the lust quiz thank you kindly#and that actually is what his dialogue bubble is from!#his dialogue is like you know for a quiz to test your lust you have like NO carnal desires huh#and then i get no points added to my lust rank and then 120 added to sloth#also when he says hes not judging you its in the most judging tone#vanitas as a lil floating mascot with bunny ears as i alone deserve#anyway hi im salmon and i like chess themes and seven deadly sin themes and conveniently#monark has both ! hooray once again for me alone#also there are personality quizzes which are also things i like to take for no real reason its fine
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ah, the homoerotic relationship between a human social outcast and an abomination against nature
#gravity falls#lisa frankenstein#please give me more examples if you can think of them#stanford pines#bill cipher#the creature lisa frankenstein#'but thats a man and a woman. how is that homoerotic!' you smallminded fool.!#any relationship with gay enough energy is homoerotic to me#and by gay enough energy i literally just mean any relationship that i enjoy in fiction HFHFGHGF#no seriously everytime i see a relationship in fiction being cute i go 'ohh gay!' even when its straight#lisa swallows#i forgot for a minute that her name isnt lisa frankenstein#my post#tropes
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What if we kissed in the gay chair?? hehe just kidding...unless..???!?!?
#AWWW THE S3 OUTFITS!!!!#so cutee!!!#'call me by my full name'#oh this isnt mine btw#idk whose it is#byler#byler endgame#stranger things#stranger things s3#mike wheeler#will byers
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The general public doesnt even know i ship starwhirl as my favorite starscream ship.
#making rarepairs so rare there isnt even fics for them#not even fanart#im the number one fan#i just think starscream and whirl is a fun dynamic and i like them#what if we were both volitile fliers with bpd and we kissed#theyre aroace-spec4aroace-spec to me as well cause im right#also if anyone has cool ship name suggestions? ive been using starwhirl cause it sounds cute#maccadams#starscream#transformers#transformers starscream#mtmte whirl#idw whirl#transformers whirl#starwhirl
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everyone congratulate dami on finding herself!!
#jupi art#i know dami isnt as much of a fan favorite on tumblr as she is on twitter. but everyone has to know about my darling cracking her egg#damião chaves#dont mind me screenshotting from twitter also. too lazy to retype#also umh. “thancred's wife” is (sighs) not just a cute little pet name. they um. might have eloped. oopsiesssss#sorry. they make me SICK (positive.)
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This is my 9/11 goodbye
#electro#max dillon#marvel#maxwell dillon#marvel comics#dude…#someone please take the pen away from whoever wrote this#i cant do this anymore#im no. 1 hater of that woman why are they doing this to me#a thing ever piss you off so much you dont even got words#dude. what#they aint all that#its cute wahwah leave them alone NO! ITS NOT THISSSSSS#i love my men suffering. please stop#what the hell#he is supposed to end up lonely#this the most random shit ever#selfcest between the electros this isnt even anything#SHE IS EVIL#SHE KILLED ELECTRO ON PURPOSE#THEN TOOK HIS FIT#AND HIS POWERS#AND HIS NAME#AND HES FOR WHATEVER REASONG YEARNING FOR HER#WHO WROTE THISSSSS#take the pen break the pen and throw the whole script away#they dont know you like i do electro#this only ‘works’ because the writers didnt understand the story from the beginning#ts pmo icl#2021 me would k themselves. 2025 me as well. Goodbye????
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I'm gonna word vomit about the nightmares because GOD I'm listening to great escape on loop and i feel like I'm going insane so yeah if you wanna read that im gonna put it under the cut because its probably gonna be LONG TLDR: I love them and they make my head hurt
We know the nightmares are not good people, like at all. The very first instance we see them is in the episode literally titled "BONNIES NIGHTMARE" and yeah, they sure are his nightmare.
They harass him for money as a "tradition", Bonnie doesn't have any, they try and take his guitar, until there they’re pretty standard random assholes, then meg says "they know where you live" when Bon tries to intervene and refers to them as a complete group, "the *nightmares* know where you live" and then the stakes become weirder. Because aside from just very visibly being horrible people, they already have a reputation of being actually dangerous besides just mugging, they know where people live. You can argue they know where Meg, Fox and Spring live based on past history with all of them, and they could know where Bonnie lives based on how they harass him and all of that; but for them to know where Bon lives? someone who they appear to have literally no biases against and who is, up to that point, just completely unrelated to any of what's happening? It’s weird
You could say it's because he's friends with Meg, but I sort of doubt Bon would bring anyone over with how his dad is, so we are back at "why the actual hell would they know that" If they are mindless thugs it’s a bit weird that they would keep track of specifics like that. And I like to think that that’s the point. They make it a point to know sensitive information about people so that they are less inclined to go against them, just like Meg was.
Then Fox appears and they seem really put off by it. The series tries really hard to sell that Fox is angry, violent and just a hot head. Which I don't really agree with? as in rewatches I've found myself going "yeah that's a valid reason to be angry" but whatever, going off the series alone and what they intend with each character, Fox is someone who is sort of dangerous, guy who gets into fights and all of that, they seem sort of familiar with each other too. "this is low even for you guys" and then Deuz calling Fox by his name.
So they are 1) known 2)violent 3) actively make a show out of it. They scare people by knowing their private information yet they don’t seem to do anything with it at all, they could harass Bonnie closer to his house and not at the literal school entrance full of people but they don’t. They could drag him out to somewhere more hidden to not get bothered, but they don't, it's almost as if they want people to see. It's performative, speaking loud and laughing louder, in direct contrast to Bonnie's quiet voice who tries to leave in the least showy way possible.
We don't see them go to school, hell we don't even see them in uniform until after camp, so I used to think they were older and that the entire thing with the nightmares vs spring was sort of "the adult drama" outside of school and its teenagers. Their entire group just felt heavier than the rest of the kids, probably fueled by being antagonists.
The next time we see them it's with the aforementioned Spring, they are graffiting a wall and Spring tells them to not do it and to go do it in the "legal area" the artistic zone made for that.
This is really interesting to me, mostly because even though spring grew up in a similar situation to them, he carries completely different moral values. It even seems as if he's overcompensating. Spring is a hard worker, he has jobs upon jobs and tries to live honestly, and to see other people get by in the direct opposite way he does, he wants to be as separated as possible, have nothing in common because he is a “good” person and they are “bad” people.
There is no way that his entire area isn't drowning in graffiti already, because even sub-urban areas have graffiti, both actual art and the standard weird drawings of dicks or random curse words. And while the latter are not exactly great to see, they are also inherently thoughtless. People walk around and go "yeah this would be funny" and do it without thinking twice.
With the way that Onnie and Onyx (I call oxy that) talk about it, what they were about to do wasn't thoughtless, they were literally looking for a nice wall. it seemed like they just wanted to do actual artistic graffiti which is a pastime that seems inherently way less morally evil than just harassing random kids at school. They aren't actively looking for Spring either, they are just there. Spring picks the fight, the police come
They run away from the police, there's a ruckus with the police after (as said by Fox). They didn't actually vandalize anything, hell they didn't even have any paint on them throughout that entire exchange. But they still run? They could have done something before going over there, but in that case it'd be strange that they would be so calm and giddy about it knowing full well someone could come, they don't seem to be carrying anything at all either, robbing school kids may be possible with only your fists but they were just around streets without any knife or anything at night, so i doubt they could mug someone if they tried.
So why would they run? I think it’s because they are all mostly just show, and that their lives shaped them to be that way. The police are scary not on the basis of "they can imprison me for this wrong thing I did" but on the basis of "the police hates people like us." The police hates the poor, the police hates queer people, it hates anyone who fails to fit in the box of what"an upstanding citizen" should look like. Of course they leave with their theatrics still there, telling Spring to "be grateful they saved you!!!" trying to save face. But it's clear they didn't actually do something to warrant fleeing, and this is supported by Spring also hiding.
The next episode, "the birth of evil" is where everything crumbles and by crumbles i mean comes together. Spring, Fox and Bonnie go to a talent show and they meet the nightmares there, once again the whole act starts again. An obnoxious laugh, a confident pose, an ensemble of people behind you to be able to have your back. Deuz calls them dogs and the other 2 bark, its a performance. Deuz adresses the group, Onyx talks to Spring, Onnie talks to Bonnie.
They don’t seem to acknowledge Bonnie in specific as anything important, they don’t blink and demand he gives them the money he still “owes”, they don’t tell him he’s lucky that he’s not alone. They pick a fight with the conglomerate and that's it.
The way Spring and Fox carry themselves in the exact same situation seems just fundamentally different. They insult back of course, but they are way less vitriolic with it, and they don't accompany it with an air of grandiose superiority or an encore of background laughs or barks to drive their point home. They seem honest with their comeback, they have fun with it. Onyx and Onnie GROWL.
Deuz stands in front of them, he has been doing that this entire time, and the other two behind him growl, genuinely upset or threatened by a comeback that let's be honest. Was not even that good. "You smell that? envy?" and "the rats came out to eat, shame we didn't bring cheese"
But it not being good is sort of the point, it feels less practiced, less rehearsed and less of an act, a stupid comeback that reads more like a 3rd grader fight than anything, compared to the more antagonistic "look at the stray dogs. though this was a talent show not a barking one." "give me paw, have you learned to play dead yet?" Those are way stronger, and yet it seems like they just lose the exchange, immediately get defensive and growl, and look genuinely upset.
Funny thing is that their insults apply to them more than they apply to those three. Both Onnie and Onyx have been shown constantly barking and growling, to call someone a stray dog implies some level of poorness or a lack of belonging. They put down what may seem wrong with them, and apply it to other people to get a leg up.
Maggie tells them to drop it, they go and perform what they came here to perform. Deuz says "dont waste your energy, let's prove what real talent is" which can certainly just be read as another insult, as a way to call them talentless, but i chose to interpret it as masking a sore spot. We HAVE talent, even if people say we don't.
And this is the main attraction. Great escape. My love.
With all we know about them, you would imagine their music would follow through with the image they've been constantly pushing. Rough around the edges, loud, obnoxious, full of self adulation. But it's just... Not that.
Song starts, and it seems like they will follow through. It's strong, it's loud, it's overwhelming and yet awestrucking, the guitar is at the forefront and is going crazy. And then it suddenly becomes soft, not weak or pacifying by any means, but soft nonetheless.
Deuz’s voice is calm, he’s not screaming and he’s not making himself louder than necessary, the mic is there and it WILL pick what he says up. So he’s just singing, he’s not struggling to be heard. The very first line is “if i wasn’t the one who i thought I was, could you show with conviction who you really are?” It’s weirdly wordy and self introspective for someone who is supposedly just evil, who has presented himself as an unmovable wall, as someone strong, foul mouthed and completely used and comfortable with his way of life. As someone who poses a real danger.
If I wasn't who I thought I was, if I wasn't strong and if I wasn't at the forefront, could you really show who you are? If he wasn’t like this, if he seemed soft or weak, could his group live in peace? Could they be who they want to be? It’s not like they are 100% free to be who they are right now. They too, keep an appearance of being unbothered, strong, but at least they get to live, they get to present themselves how they want and not be scared of someone hurting them because of it, because they ARE the harm, and they have a leader. He’s the pillar, and he has to be who he THINKS he is. He has to be there.
“Will you be able to not fall today without your costume? your heart breaks just like a fragile glass” The idea of costumes, of keeping an appearance, making “the nightmares” a single intimidating entity that no one can mess with, could they live without it? Chances are not, life is cruel and they seem to know that. It’s a dog eat dog world, and they act as if they are on the top of that food chain.
The song is for all of them, it’s ADDRESSED to them, Deuz uses first person and second person, me and you against whatever is put in our way. And that is what makes the song so special to me, in a show were we see the protagonists in the process of becoming friends the nightmares have been together since forever. And this song is for them, to find hope in hopelessness and to simply state how important all of them are to each other. “and in the distance I can hear that your voice started to call me”.
And we see what has led them down this way of thinking. Not a justification, but an explanation.
We start with Deuz, whose first memory appears to be literally working. Working to sustain himself, working to be able to live better, “I know that I will wake up.” I know that I can get out of here somehow, people are horrible to a literal child trying to live, we see how it lasted a long while too. From the candy selling to when his hands are curled into a fist we can see that he visibly grew up, he kept living in those conditions and he never actually experienced sympathy for it, people laughed, people insulted him, people seemed to be grossed out by the mere idea of a kid who was BORN into poverty, because how dare he try and survive? “I fell into an dark abysm without an end”
With this it would make sense for him to become cynical, to assume it’s him against the world forever, and that people are inherently evil. But the lyrics are hopeful. “I escaped swiftly and I saved my life, I felt as if i were finally breathing again. Today let’s break the walls at once” Life is cruel, people are cruel, but it gives him a frame of reference of what type of people stay at the top of the chain, to be mean, to be violent, not out of enjoyment but necessity, camouflage to survive and breathe again, make sure people don’t mess with him again. The image of a little kid with scratches throughout all his body looking angrily at the camera
“In a place of the world where light goes away and doesn’t want to come back. Could you be sure that you’ll find it?” He could stay alone, he could dish out the same disdain and disgust that people showed him when he was at his lowest, but despite it all he still has empathy, and despite everything he wants to help, “evil” was born through how he lived, but his true nature is still there. And when he sees someone his age at his lowest, he doesn’t hesitate to help. He doesn’t fall in the idea of “everyone should have it as bad as me, i had it worse, it’s not my problem.” He extends the kindness that he never had, and he helps. Could you really find light when everything seems dark? find hope in what seems hopeless?see a A scared little kid being beat in a closed alleyway, amongst all the trash. Could you be fine with it? Have any hope in such a situation?
“if everything breaks slowly and with pain. Could you pick up the pieces that fall?” He stops it, he becomes the light that went away, a sense of hope and belonging, he offers a hand that was never offered to him. Onnies expression in this always gets me, he looked scared when he was alone, but once someone stands up for him he doesn’t look glad or happy. He seems shocked, in complete disbelief. Both Onyx and Maggie seem to be relieved when they are saved, but Onnie is just shocked. Why would someone just intervene or care? this was not a one time thing, he already had the bruises before any hit ever connected, he fled into a dead end and expected it to end like that. And it didn’t. Everything was already broken, why would someone pick up the pieces?
“In the distance I can hear the quake of the world and its end. Today you’ll start from zero. I have to say see you later” I’ve seen some people be confused by this part or even laugh at it. Deuz just appears, punches onyx, and they become friends. But the very first shot is Onyx sitting slumped on the ground as if he had been beat up and was barely conscious. But he wasn’t, he had no injuries at all, the lyric talks about the end of the world, he had given up. We don’t know the circumstances of this, but given how clean his clothes are and how he lacks any injuries, it’s my personal headcanon that he got kicked out. A kid alone in the streets kicked out, he should give up, because what else could he do? how else could he live? A wake up call in the form of a fist, this place is dangerous and not what you are used to. But today you’ll start from zero, you just have to say goodbye to what you had.
The chorus changes, it’s no longer a dark abyss, but a dark path. In the name of not being at the very bottom he has become something he isn’t, all of them have, their lives shaped them to be rougher, they are like the people who hurt them in the past. This is especially true to Onnie becoming a bully. And the path seems endless, because dropping the fake bravado doesn’t seem like a possibility. The world is cruel to those it perceives as weak, so they can’t show themselves to be. That's why we are shown the three of them looking angry, unbothered, the strength their life demanded but at the very least as a group; making themselves bigger, with Deuz at the forefront.
And we cut to Maggie (who I use he/him for), screaming and trying to get away from someone who is clearly bigger, an adult. From the song “closer” at the camp arc, we can see how that person was enjoying causing distress, a crooked and mocking smile on their face “there will be people who think this is pure hypocrisy” To go from being the kid suffering at the hands of someone stronger, to the one causing said pain onto another kid, all to not be weak and not be a target again.
The group doesn’t only defend Maggie, fight back against someone bigger than all of them. But Deuz goes out of his way to try and cheer him up, and gives him a sweet to calm down. “incapable of forgetting the beast that’s hungry yet again” this world, it’s difficulties that feel like sharp teeth mauling at people who have not done any sin but to exist yet, people feed on others being miserable, on feeding on those who seem weaker and their suffering, like beasts. You can’t ignore it, you have to fight back, bare your own teeth.
“Beyond the storm my hand is waiting for you. That sword pierced depression with all it’s strength” After the suffering, after the hardships and the pain, my hand will be there waiting for yours. Together we are stronger, and together we can be happy despite what everyone else can say. “Before just falling like that…” before giving up, before falling, we have each other.
And it’s the chorus again, I fell in a dark abyss, but now what saved his life is not making himself scarier, it’s not the realization of what act he should put on, it’s not his anger freeing him. It’s having his group. And once they break the walls, once they break through their self imposed image, through “the wall” , they can live without fear or grudges.
Next we see them is at camp, and it seems as if Deuz already started to try to break through said wall, they are actually going to school now, they are at a camp. And when Onyx and Onnie start with the theatrics, when they try to immediately establish themselves as stronger and crueler. He reminds them that they are not on the streets. They aren’t in that horrible environment they’ve always lived in, not everyone is bound to be outright hostile, and they try.
Later on Deuz says “If being at this camp and learning to work in a team makes my boys finally get accepted by society. Then I’ll do it.” and after that “I’ll show them that we can all change for the better.” They all became hostile because of where they grew up, but if there’s a chance to not be like that, to live in peace, then he’ll take it. He wants the best for them.
And that’s not to say Deuz has always been the pillar of morality. He participated in Bonnies harassment as much as all of them, but their thing is to change, to let go of that gut reaction of cruelty to avoid being hurt. And Deuz also changes with time. At the start, anyone who participated in the event, who went to the docks which is their territory, he would have been annoyed, he would have called them talentless, insult them and their craft and claim he and his crew were better before completely disregarding them as a whole. He would have been defensive about the only place where he can actually showcase his thoughts and feelings. But no! Later on he has respect for Fred, calls him “the king of the docks” and tries to be friendly. Of course after that Freddy is completely confused and he gets pissed, but I think it’s because he tried, he attempted to be friendly and swallow his pride and his defensiveness about the one thing they all have, and he got (in his head) made fun of. It made his instinct of “be the one on the top of the interaction always” kick in, because they WERE on the streets at that time and it’s suddenly the same it always has been.
Right after that pup kills him on a single punch and that didn’t happen ^^. no waaaay he would go down so easy to a person like pup whose most athletic skill is gymnastics. Deuz has shown he's had to fight and fight dirty/lawlessly to survive since he was little. it just doesn't make sense and it’s not real TOT Pup is built like a twig
“pia what about onnies song” also didn't happen ^^. After this point the series tries to soften Onnie to be less of a willing participant of the group’s actions, and I just really do not like it. Let him have blue hair and pronouns AND evil in his heart.
I think that’s all for all, i need to be tazed. I know i kept it very neutral till now but guys please tell me you see why i ship them all so hard. God. I need to kill them all
i hate them you need to be put down <3 like the dogs u like (the nightmares) - Loops
#πa art#fhs fanart#fnafhs fanart#fnafhs#fnafhs nightmares#Deuz fnafhs#Maggie fnafhs#fhs#fnafhs au#our au#Onnie fnafhs#Oxy fnafhs#they have matching nails and are cute and i want to kill them all ^^#paw pads prints on the hands tehee my weird dogs#onnie doesnt have that cause rabbits dont get to have any fun (they dont have paw pads)#extra thoughts for the word vomit:#why do onnie and onyx growl so much it drives me crazy. Something something stray dogs. ughgghghhg#why was maggies song sung by felix??? who invited him this isnt ABOUT YOUUUUUU YOUVE KNOWN HIM FOR 2 SECONDS WHY ARE YOU SINGING THIS#Onnies guitar has devil horns. And his name is really close to being oni. Japanese folklore creature similar to demons#“porque todo en ingles q te crees gringo” ESCRIBIR EN INGLES SE SIENTE COOL. TENGO DERECHOS#Thats all good night tri-state area
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