#the mysteries was just whatever which is why i wrote so little abt it

[nyctarian]

Best (and otherwise) Reads of 2024

I don't anticipate finishing any more things this year (let alone any I would add to this) so I'm posting it now.

I'm gonna be honest folks: this year wasnt my best reading year. if i were to sum it up in an image it would be this one:

I was so stop and start with reading this year, I didn't really curate this list at all as much as I have in the past, and kept 3 separate lists for best, had potential (ie things that were good but i didnt finish them), and biggest let downs (ie things i wanted to be good but were bad).

Best:

Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett: I previously read the Moist von Lipwig trilogy of discworld books but never got around to other discworld books. While I didn't finish the city watch series (due to being so stop and start with reading this year) the ones I did get to did broadly live up to the hype. While I do disagree with people who go "it manages to definitely always avoid being copaganda!!!" it does still manage to avoid a lot of the worst pitfalls of mystery stories told thru police departments, especially aided by the discworld fantasy setting. I enjoyed the mystery and while i did not love all of the characters on the watch, i did really enjoy vimes (a very interesting character and, in this first book, a very different one than i had understood him to be thru pop cultural osmosis), i thought carrot was great, and i always love getting to spent time with vetinari (tho i . dont really understand people who ship him and vimes lol). I still want to finish the rest of the series at some point. (when reading it i did miss moist von lipwig terribly tho)

The Night is Short Walk on Girl by Tomihiko Morimi: It took me 8 million years to read this book and it was very much not the book i sort of expected it to be, vibes-wise, based on plot summary. For one, i had gone in assuming it took place across a single night (which was why i was interested in reading it, i love that type of story see also: untold night and day by bae suah which is a guaranteed best of list book whenever i finally finish it [and much better than this one tbh]), but in fact the first of four sections is the only one that takes place during the first night. The story was less surrealism-comma-vibey and more surrealism-comma-weird jokes. It is about two college students, a boy in love from a girl from afar (and hes only. sometimes. weird about it) as they keep bumping into each other in bizarre magical surrealist situations. The jokes were at times crass and weird, the setting and people were very almost blunt in their presentation, but it still worked for me. The section at night was always very At Night, the section at a crowded summer book market was humid and packed, the frantic energy was always there, and even tho the mmc was at times lowkey a weirdo, the fmc was also a bizarre guy who loved drinking kept choosing to engage with the bizarre scenarios she was presented, and it felt earned that they were choosing to be involved with each other. But like, some of the recurrent choices were at times very bizarre and inappropriate (a recurring side character has a key part of his initial introduction being gr/oping the fmc, something that isnt really addressed when he returns in the narrative), so very ymmv what you are narratively willing to ignore for the sake of the larger story.

Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz AND Calling a Wolf a Wolf by Kaveh Akbar: Lumping these two together because I never really know how to describe poetry books, but especially as my reading experience with these two (as different as the actual poems are) was very similar: two books I have read poems (& poem excerpts) from for ages that my library had available to read so i finally read them, and they were as good as the parts of them i had already read led me to believe they were. Highly recommended books of poetry

Tiny Moons: A Year of Eating in Shanghai by Nina Powles: Beautifully written collection of food/travel/culture/personal essays, the exact type of thoughtful and evocative experience I want when reading books of that genre. I stumbled across the book when i was planning on finally reading the collection of poetry by the author that one of my fav poem excerpts is from:

and also after reading a positive review of it from one of the few goodreads reviewers whose opinion im willing to occasionally consider. The book is about the author connecting with her identity (chinese-malaysian, and living in new zealand) exploring her thoughts on culture and her place in the world, her life and experiences, through food as the anchor of memory. The anchoring narrative is, as the title indicates, based around a year she lived in Shanghai, but she uses that framework to branch out and discuss memories of her childhood brought about by the city around her, and then how her experiences in Shanghai still shape how she lives life after leaving. Beautifully written my epub was heavily highlighted when i was done. (I was going to insert a photo of a few of the highlight but it got too long even just skimming my annotations so you can find those here and here)

The Sigh by Marjane Satrapi: A picture book by the author most famous for Persepolis that I stumbled across on archive.org when just looking through a bunch of other random books uploaded on their (my once fav past time before they all started being marked as unable to be borrowed), this was a unique fairy tale type of picture book, with a distinct standout icon:

This wasn't an earthshaking read or anything, but i love getting to engage with different types of fairy tales, esp those that play on typical tropes of the genre, and the weird guys character design absolutely made him stand out in my memory of what i read this year

Eastbound by Maylis de Karangal: [ETA: note that i wrote this immediately after finishing the book but unlike one hundred shadows which i thought about constantly after reading it, i bascially only have thought about this in the context of either seeing it at the lib i work at or when people do 'what books did you read this year' q's. thought it would linger more but it hasnt.] In continuing the theme of my best books this year not quite being as great as previous best books, this one didn't quite live up to the 2022 best of the year de Karangal book i read, The Cook, but i still really enjoyed it. A contemporary (presumably to 2012 whne it was first published in the original french) novel about a Russian would-be soldier trying to desert his conscription and the french woman who ends up helping him, all set on a train, this was different from The Cook, in that the characters were a lot more defined, but it still maintained a contemplative and dreamy atmosphere, only broken up towards the end when it does get unexpectedly (to me) tense. Interpersonally, while much of the novel the way the two main characters interact is Not the same as what is still my book of all time that I read last year, Hwang Jungeun's One Hundred Shadows, it did towards the end make me think of One Hundred Shadows in the way the characters interacted, which for me is a huge compliment.

Actually, One Hundred Shadows Interlude:

while a number of factors contributed to my reading experience this year being more scattered and less tremendous than last year, i will blame OHS for being so good that it completely reframed what i want out of any book and setting an unattainable standard that all books since have been unable to me. i emphasize both that everyone should read this but also that if you feel even a little differently about it than me i do Not want to hear it!

What Could Have Been:

Mox by Jon Moxley: I started reading this in february of 2022 and conceded that I would not be finishing it in march of 2024. The book has anecdotes I referenced for discourse reasons multiple times, and was very funny. Just couldnt finish it for some reason or another (this phrase will be key in the what could have been section!) (my slowly diminishing interest in wrestling during the time period i was trying to read it also definitely contributed to my dwindling interest in it lol)

Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler: Annoying at times in the start but an interesting period piece for the moment of time it captured, and a good amount of interpersonal characterization stuff, semiautobiographical iirc, and i am always compelled by books about food and restaraunts. I started reading something else during a lull in the plot and just never found my way back for some reason or another.

Perfect Sound Whatever by James Acaster: SUch a good book, a really unique type of music writing thats also personal essay, but unique in that it didn't annoy me the way that type of format can frequently be. I stalled out on this one because I kept highlighting too many of the albums he was recommending to check out, and it just kind of halted my progress for some reason or another. I do want to revisit this one someday and highly recommend it!

10 Minutes 38 seconds in this strange world by Elif Shafak: This book had been on my to read list for approximately 8 million years. It was slightly different than my expectations when I finally tackled it but not in a bad way. I just never sunk my teeth into and had to concede eventually that, for some reason or another, I wasn't going to finish it.

The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa: I loved this one, it was so good and I read more than enough of it that I could have snuck it onto my normal best of list by the standards I have at times used for other books in past years, but i made a mistake of skipping to the end and (spoiler big spoiler) it made me sad (in a way i should have expected it was narratively coherent and consistent!) so i just. kept putting off reading the rest of it to connect where i left off to how it gets to the end (plus I had been reading it on archive dot org and oh boy did that resource getting nerfed also heavily impact my reading this year!) and so i just never finished it. Still a big recommendation tho!

Let downs:

Penance by Eliza Clark: This book fucking suuuuuckeeddddd. This website will tell you it was good and clever but thats because people are easily flattered by niche tumblr references. I don't disagree with its ideology that true crime can be bad but it fails to tell a compelling narrative or do anything interesting with its framing devices. the book also is inspired by a real life tragedy but never actually cites the real life tragedy, and even has a character off hand refer to the real life tragedy in a highly derisive way for how the real mother of the real victim coped with her loss. I wanted to like it but jesus christ did it suck.

Funny Story by emily henry: Emily henry has lost the juice i fear. i didn't like the happy ending second chance romance book she did but i hoped it was a one off but i. hated this book. There were way too many characters (theres a side character for whom i could name like, 6 different extended family members for no real reason that didnt add to the book at all). the main characters almost had chemistry but never quites, their exes never were sensical in how they were used, and as a librarian i hated how the library job was presented. ms henry you were my last reliable turn my brain off romcom author i pray you find someone who will take a red pen to your books, please, for their own good.

The Mysteries by bill watterson: i was excited when i heard about this book, and further excited when i saw my library acquired it, but in the end it was a boring political allegory (not that i disagreed w the politics bc iirc it was a tr*mp bad and/or environmentalism good thing i dont remember it was just boring and like, not well done) and the art was bad.

IN CONCLUSION:

I like reading and want to read more and want to read good books and my new years resolution for the second year in a row is to try and clear off the books from my currently reading list. i am still going to set my annual goal for 2025 to a lower one than i did for 2024. The shifting availability of reading books online, legal or otherwise, has had a definite impact on how much i read, but thats not the only thing i can really point to as to why ive read less. idk. happy reading in 2025

[willowistic22]

The pleasure’s all mine... Prince Romeo

A grand party is held in the palace tonight, but one of the royal family member isn’t in the mood to indulge in it like how they’d usually be. Luckily, a stranger comes to save them. It just so happens that this stranger is so dangerously handsome. 

Word count : 4688

Part : -

Warnings : light mentions of alcohol, cursing, and that should be it. it’s nothing too serious. 

A/N: HIIII this is my gift for @s9da (well technically for paranormalsoup... i think you can piece in together why i asked you abt paranormalsoup in the wormsie discord server hehe) for the @newsiesgiftexchange i had fun making this bcs i absolutely love newsies royal au, so i hope you don’t mind i wrote a somewhat self indulgent fic for your gift hehe. it was still spromeo like you asked, but uhh idk i hope you like it bcs half of me think it’s not as great as i thought it was in my head. But anyways enjoy!!! :D

“Romeo! Get your ass out of there!” 

“How long does it take for you to get dressed?!” 

The two muffled voices turned into banging on the door. Romeo rolled his eyes, deciding to ignore his brothers and continuing to adjust his tuxedo in front of his full length standing mirror. 

His bedroom door swung open with no warning. In turns, two boys formally dressed came storming in. 

“Race! Crutchie! You could have at least waited for me to let you two in!” Romeo protested, adjusting sleeves under his dark blue blazer. 

“My God, Ro! You’re not even ready yet!” Crutchie commented, walking over as fast as he could with his crutch to get to where Romeo is standing. He takes the silver tie from the dresser and slings it around Romoe’s shirt collar, “The party is supposed to start right now and you know dad would want all of his sons to be present!”  

“He was probably too busy talking to the cat, weren’t you?” Race flops on the big bed, causing the dozens of velvet pillows to jump. It also seems to have awakened a huge white fluffy cat in the midst of the pillows. 

“Racetrack! Snowy was getting his beauty sleep!” Romeo protested, seeing the scene unfold from the mirror. 

Crutchie flipped both of his brothers off, telling Race to be careful so he doesn’t mess his own outfit up and making Romeo stand still while he helps him get ready. In under five minutes and Romeo is properly dressed just like his brothers. 

Crutchie places Romeo’s crown on top of his black locks, the magnificent silver object goes perfectly with the intricate silver curlicue designs on the shoulder and back of his dark blue blazer. With the tiny silver crown lapel pin and its tiny chain draping on the fabric to wrap up the dashing outfit. 

The three head out of the room. They strut through the grand hallway like it’s a fashion week runway, feeling confident with every step following the red velvet carpet till they reach the grand ballroom decked to the nines just like them. 

A huge chandelier hanging above the open space. A few tables and chairs neatly organized for the awaiting guests but still leaving enough space for a dance floor. The huge glass doors wide open to make use of the huge balcony for the party, also letting the evening breeze through the door. 

“About damn time you three show up!” Jack, the oldest brother exclaimed. 

“Jack! Do mind your language!” Their father protested. 

His three younger brothers walk up onto the podium, greeting their father who’s sitting on the only throne present. 

“It was all Romeo’s fault. He didn’t know how to tie his own tie!” Race joked. 

The brothers have their little silent squabble as they stand behind the throne. Crutchie decides to not get himself involved in it and tries to break it up, “Oh, grow up you guys!” 

Those words did nothing to help. In turn, Crutchie turns to their father in hopes to ignore those three. 

“Jackie-love! Listen to your brother, please!” A different voice chimed in. 

The three turn their focus away towards it and see Jack’s husband already fully dressed up. In a classy dark purple suit with a grey tie in the same shade as Jack’s own suit. 

“We’re celebrating our sixth anniversary and Sarah is finally home from her travels. The least you could do is to keep yourself presentable!” 

Jack pushes aside the squabble, switching on his loving smile for Davey. Romeo and Race pulled away from the squabble right after Jack. Their father silently sighed in relief to see his sons finally deciding to act like fully grown adults. 

He tells the royal guards to let the guests in. In under five minutes, the ballroom was instantly filled with guests in formal attire. Some fill their assigned seats for the dinner that was promised in the invitation while others mingle with each other. The band, playing lovely tunes loud and clear but it wasn’t time for the guests to get up and dance. 

The princes have also indulged themselves in the party. Jack and Davey can be seen mingling with the guests they’ve invited, listening to their congratulations on their sixth anniversary. Crutchie has gone to god knows where, which is surprising because he’s wearing a flashy yellow and black suit in the midst of all the mostly dull colored outfits in the ballroom. Race had gone off to fulfilling his promise to their father of introducing his new lover, the future king of Brooklyn. 

Romeo is left to slump on the round table with leftovers sitting idly on his plate. An odd thing for him to do, and he’s quite aware of it too. Romeo adores mingling, making new friends, or even catching up with some old friends that he has indeed spotted somewhere amongst the crowd this evening. Though, his energy to do so doesn’t seem to be there in this particular moment. 

The young prince watches from afar as his big brother finally introduces Spot Conlon to their father. Spot’s dark red suit is really contrasting to Race’s own outfit, a bright blue suit with golden curlicue designs on the shoulders and back which is a bit like Romeo’s. It matches perfectly with his blond messy curls and electric blue eyes. 

Romeo smiles, seeing his brother’s face lighting up as their father seemingly approves of the dashing Brooklyn boy that he has so helplessly fallen in love with for the past two years. Romeo doesn’t linger on it though. He returns his focus towards his empty table and plate, a sad smile painting his face as he observes his own reflection on the ceramic. 

“Well, aren’t you the life of the party!” A voice interrupted his thoughts, causing him to lift his head up, “But if I do say so myself, and I mean no offense to his royal highness, you’re quite the tragic sight sitting here all alone” 

His eyes landed on a gentleman standing proud and tall in a maroon suit, a black tie neatly tucked under his blazer. His complexion reminded Romeo of the topaz rocks in some of the castle’s intricate decorations, rich with brown but always glowing bright with the rest of the gems. In this case, his glow comes from the simple smile and the lovely brown eyes behind the silver framed spectacles. 

The initial comment brought a smile to Romeo’s face and a little laugh along with it. He fixes his sitting posture, eyeing the stranger with a head tilt while his head tries to figure out who this guest could be. 

“And you’re what? Here to be my savior from my little slump?” Romeo replied to match with the stranger’s cleverness. 

Seeing the success his opening line has brought, the gentleman pulls out an empty chair next to Romeo and sits himself down, “Well, you’re the prince here. Whatever it is you command me to be, I’m pretty sure I need to follow” 

Romeo lets out a small fit of laughter through his smile, looking away from the man’s eyes. It also makes the stranger laugh along with him. 

Romeo returns his sight back to the man in front of him. He walked right into a gaze-off he cannot look away from. In no means for intimidation, but a brief yet firm infatuation through the art of eye contact with the man he just met. Only now did Romeo realize how dangerously handsome this stranger is. 

“Romeo!” The call of his name pulled him away from the gaze and back to the world around him. 

He spots Crutchie zipping through the crowd. A smile painted on his face, just as bright as the yellow and black suit he’s currently rocking in. Romeo stands up to give his brother a hug. 

“I see you’ve met one of my friends from the lab!” Crutchie gestured back to the stranger Romeo was just previously speaking to, already slightly bowing his head to pay his respects to the two members of the royal family. 

“Oh, you work in the lab!” Romeo concluded, turning back to face the stranger who’s already on his feet. 

“Yeah. We call him Specs!” Crutchie giggled, making the other man laugh along while Romeo looks back to where he’s currently standing, “And Specs, this is my brother, Romeo!” 

Specs pulls up a simple smile for Romeo and a firm head nod. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you two!” Crutchie apologized, a few moments after remembering they were previously having a conversation. He adjusts his crutch to get ready to leave, “I’ll leave you two to it, okay?” 

Romeo watches as his brother walks away to mingle into another group. It leaves him with the previous gentleman he was talking to. The only differences now, he’s not much of a stranger anymore. 

“So... That’s what they actually call you? ‘Specs’?” 

“Well, it’s because, if you can’t already tell…” 

Specs gestures towards his spectacles that rests on the bridge of his nose. Romeo chuckles, playfully rolling his eyes. But the smile tells Specs he’s still in the clear from offending a royal family member. 

“What’s your actual name? Unless you don’t have one” 

He laughs, parting his lips to let it out before saying, “It’s Julian. But now people mostly refer to me as Specs” 

Romeo nods, staring directly into his sparkly brown eyes. Whatever is gleaming under it is very inviting, and Romeo isn’t opposed to this mysterious invitation. He’s rather pleased by its presence. Before he knows it he’s already engaged with it, letting his own obsidian gemstone eyes linger in the gaze. 

“A pleasure to meet you... Specs” 

“The pleasure’s all mine... Prince Romeo” 

- 

Soon enough the sun has fully set. The night sky takes over the heavens above, thread by sparkling pearls to break up the deep blue. But the party didn’t stop. The royal family’s favorite performer, Ms. Medda Larkin, has finally arrived in the most fashionably late way. Her grand entrance was welcomed with warm arms by King Denton himself. 

With the presence of the superstar, the band picked up its lack of entertainment as Ms. Medda picked up the microphone after a quick dinner. The jazzy upbeat tune sends all the guests roaring for the dance floor. 

Romeo though? He has his own entertainment, in the huge balcony by the bar with his own partner. 

“No dance?” 

Romeo pries his eyes away from the dance floor he’s observing from outside. He glues them onto Specs, leaning his shoulder on the shiny bar top while twirling his glass of scotch. 

Romeo shakes his head, making a semi weird face, “Not really up for it” 

“Huh, you’re nothing like what Prince Charlie says” Specs commented, taking a gulp from his glass to finish his drink off, “He says that you’re very energetic and flirty” 

The comment makes him scoff through his smile, “I can’t say that he’s wrong. But… I’m just not feeling it tonight” 

The little silence between them is giving Romeo the impression that he should explain even further. But he takes this chance to finish his own drink and change the subject, “So, you work in Crutchie’s lab?”  

The subject of Specs’ profession quickly did the trick. It also reveals some basic facts about him. As it turns out, Davey was the one that pushed him to work in the royal lab. He’s been friends with Davey since college and has been partners in crime ever since. Davey was first to get the job as a chemical engineer at Crutchie’s lab after a year of switching jobs to match his preferences, while Specs was still continuing his studies for a masters degree. Since he’s been an A+ student at a young age, the first application he sent got him the call for the job interview and got in quickly. 

Romeo was very impressed by the story. Half way through it he starts to question as to why he’s been given the honor to talk to Specs. There is no way Specs is anywhere close to Romeo's league. 

Regardless, Specs doesn’t seem to question all of that. While there’s a noisy ballroom in the background, they’re having a party of their own. Smiling, laughing, and basically having a great time in their private little universe. Romeo is very much infatuated by the gentleman and wouldn’t want anything in the world to ruin the moment. 

“Y’know, you should probably just drop all the formalities at this point” Romeo lightly mentioned, between sipping his third drink he had only touched after half an hour upon asking the bartender for one, “It’s just me” 

“Just you?” Specs questioned, lips wrapping up into a warm smile that makes Romeo’s heart melt. 

He froze in place, admiring the wonder to behold. It makes Romeo smile wider as he slowly nods at the question. 

Before he could say anything else, the loud sound coming from inside took over their center of attention. A loud cheering of guests over something neither Specs or Romeo knows about, as the view was blocked by dozens of backs. 

Romeo turns his head away from it, focusing back to where he is currently at. He glances over at Specs and says, “Let’s get out of here” 

Specs looks back at Romeo, a little confused with his offer, “And go where, exactly?” 

Romeo sips the remaining liquid in his glass, setting it back with a loud clang against the bar top. He spontaneously grabs Specs’ hand and drags him away, leading him to the stairs on the side of the huge balcony. With every step down, the twinkling Manhattan view slowly fades away from their eyes. 

It was soon replaced by the view of the royal garden in the dark. A cobblestone path stretching to as far as the eyes can see in the dark, pass the green trees with overgrowing plants hanging over it, and various shapes of bushes strategically placed all around the settlement. The smell of the grass is so fresh and different, unlike anything Specs has ever encountered before. 

However, Romeo drags him to the other direction. They walked under a dimly lit tunnel, under where the balcony and the ballroom is. They can barely see each other in this kind of lighting, though Romeo’s crown was able to let the tiniest ray of light reflect on its figure. At the end of the tunnel, they can see an opening which would lead them to the center of the palace where another garden is located. 

“Where are we going, if I may ask?” Specs returned to his previous unanswered question. 

“Just… around, I guess” 

The two smile at each other, Specs nodding along to whatever bullshit he was just fed but still getting entertained by it anyways. 

“So… are you gonna tell me why you decide to detach yourself from the party?” 

So he noticed. Well, it isn’t like Romeo has been sneaky about it but he was hoping it wouldn’t be brought up. 

“That party isn’t for me so…” Romeo started, fiddling the hem of his blazer, “... It didn’t felt right if I were to mingle in there” 

“Because that party wasn’t for you?” 

Romeo stops in his tracks, realizing how wrong that sounds, “Okay, wait, I take that back umm…” 

“No, it’s okay if you’re a little… self centered” Specs half teased. 

Romeo scoffs at that, playfully shoving his arms with his shoulders that sends the taller boy laughing. He recollects his composure and re-explains himself, “I mean… Jack, Race, and Crutchie are up there because they have…’something’” 

The two continue to walk through the tunnel, Specs fixated to Romeo as he explains himself. 

“You see Jack, already living up to his reputation from being a good leader. Charismatic, fearless, all of that. He’s just waiting for our father to step down from the throne so he can unleash his full potential” Romeo started out, which made no sense to Specs question but he kept listening anyways, “And then you got Race. However big of a dumbass and a troublemaker he is, he’s smart! He doesn’t work full time at the lab but you’ve seen him there a few times, right?” 

Specs nods, recalling the memory of him seeing prince Anthony while he was working. 

“A great problem solver. Despite being the one that causes the most problems in the castle” Romeo added, making Specs chuckle a bit. He lets himself smile at that but it didn’t linger long. 

“And you know Crutchie. He’s smart and wants nothing more than to help others. Hearing the voices of the little people” Romeo continued. 

He stops walking, causing Specs to do the same. They’ve almost made it through the tunnel, just a few more steps away. The moonlight can reach just far enough to illuminate their faces and highlight their main features. 

Romeo looks up to the other boy, “I’m almost 23 and I haven’t really done shit” 

Specs fully turns his body towards Romeo, his words from before finally clicking in his head. 

“I thought you were a performer” Specs said, “Isn’t that something to be proud of?” 

“It is something I’m proud of. But people talk, Specs” 

His older brothers are famous for what they’ve achieved that are viewed as ‘useful’ with their title as royalty. Romeo, on the other hand, is a famous Broadway performer. Whether it’s playing the lead role, a side character, or just a part of the ensemble, no one will deny his talent. But people still talk badly about his title mixed with his love for theatre. 

Specs stays silent while waiting for Romeo to continue. He let’s Romeo walk out the tunnel first, letting the glow of the night illuminate his whole body along with the garden he’s in. Though, his heart doesn’t seem to be enjoying it the way that he should. 

Romeo turns around to face Specs, already slowly stepping out of the shadows of the tunnel. He takes his crown off his head, letting it dangle freely in his right hand, “Living here has its perks. But the downside is people expect you to be a leader of some sort” 

The taller boy stands next to Romeo, observing one side of the castle. The bright lights from the chandeliers clear as day through the huge windows. 

“So you’re really going to let the stupid comments old people say about you affect the rest of your life?” Specs questioned, letting a small smile creep up his face, “I mean, you’re the one that gets all the girls drooling” 

“I guess, but I prefer guys anyways” Romeo half chuckled, his smile yet to return. 

“Then it looks like the odds are with me” Specs said in a cheeky manner, taking a few steps ahead of Romeo. 

It caught him off guard. He dumbfoundedly stared at the boy for a good few seconds while his back was facing him. Heart beating very fast. Heat rising up his cheeks. The corner of his lips picks up on the tiniest bit of joy and excitement his heart is indulging in. 

Specs turns around and Romeo shakes away any obvious adoration towards the boy, pretending to admire his crown in his grasp. 

“I mean, I think you’re a very talented actor” 

“So you’re a fan?” Romeo asked cleverly, looking up to meet his eyes again while placing his crown back on his head, “Is that why you came up to me in the first place?” 

“Among other things… yes” 

Well, that’s something to know. 

Romeo and Specs roam around the garden in the dark, though they stay quiet in fear that other people might hear their presence. The laughing felt more personal and heartfelt when it’s secretive like this. Somehow Romeo is falling out of his usual confident nature, getting shier with every giggle that escapes their lips or clever remark Specs added on to the conversation. 

Romeo brought up the idea for the two to head to his bedroom after spotting a glimpse of his balcony on the second floor. Well, from the ground it’s three floors up. Regardless, they were still able to utilize their environment to work in their favor on climbing to the balcony. 

Romeo avoided entering his bedroom because it was embarrassingly messy. So they stayed where they are, carefully sitting on the balcony railing and continuing their conversation. They picked it up so easily that they’re soon laughing together like before. This time, they get a view of the garden below, a glimpse of Manhattan, and closer to the night sky. The warmth of his bedroom through the open balcony doorway defeats the freezing temperatures from outside. 

Specs was interrupted mid sentence after an odd feeling came by his leg. Fluffy and warm, like it’s a living being. 

“Who’s this?” Specs looks down to see a white fluffy cat looking back up to him. He gently picks up the white furball and cradles it close to his chest with a loving smile. 

“About time he decides to wake up from his nap” Romeo commented, scooching closer towards Specs so that they’re shoulder to shoulder so he can pet his little feline companion, “His name is Snowy” 

Snowy purrs at the love he’s receiving, giving the two boys long and slow blinks with every pet they provide. 

“Do you have any pets, Specs?” Romeo asked. 

“My apartment doesn’t allow pets. It actually sucks because it can get a little lonely” Specs replied. He lets Snowy go after the cat starts stirring in his grasps. Specs cleans any excessive fur that got stuck on his blazer before turning back towards Romeo, “I’m glad I get to have my own space after needing to live in a foster home for the majority of the time. But I got used to having lots of people around so…” 

“Not courting anybody?” Romeo asked again, “You look like the kind of guy who’d win a lot” 

Romeo you fucking idiot. His mind was yelling at him for saying that. No one with common sense would blatantly say that to someone they just met that day. 

Specs chuckles through his smile, staring at Romeo with a little twinkle hidden in his brown eyes. It could just be the stars from the sky reflecting in his eyes, but it’s not possible because there was a meaning behind his glimmer. 

“Not really my style” Specs replied, a flirtatious smirk making its way up to his face, “Though, I met a guy recently and… I’m trying my best to impress him” 

Oh. My. God. 

Romeo didn’t realize how close their faces were getting. Hot breaths circulate the small gap between their faces. Romeo diverts his eyes away from Specs’, but it absentmindedly went to stare at his lips. He imitated the way Specs has his lips slightly parted. 

“A-and how’s that going for you?” Romeo dared to ask, stopping the gravitational pull towards each other. Any closer and Specs might know how fast his heartbeat is going. 

“Not sure” He replied breathlessly, “You’ll have to tell me” 

If stomach butterflies could explode then that is definitely how Romeo is feeling right now. But they stayed still. Neither quite seem to have the courage to take the next step. 

Specs took the initiative, slowly guiding his hand up to cup Romeo’s cheeks. He then whispers, “Can I-” 

“Romeo!” A muffled voice interrupted their little moment. They quickly pull apart and stare at Romeo’s bedroom door inside the dimly lit bedroom. Violent knocking followed after the voice and it continued, “Romeo, are you in there?” 

It didn’t take long for Specs to catch on to what’s happening. He scrambles himself away behind the brick wall of the balcony, just next to the doorway. Romeo fixes his suit and answers the door. 

Just as he expected it, it was Race. No one in the family knocks as violently as he does. 

“My God, Race! Can I ever get some time alone in my room?” Romeo answered the door. 

“Why are you even in here? You’re supposed to be at the party!” Race said, “Dad was looking for you, y’know” 

“I just needed a little air but I’ll be right there, I promise” 

He flips Race away and turns around, seeing the previous boy he was with coming out of his previous hiding spot. He smiles sheepishly at Specs, which was met with his own chuckling. 

“Guess, we better head back” Romeo said, looking up to meet Specs’ eyes, “But you’re gonna have to use the balcony” 

“I figured” 

Specs sits back on the balcony before swinging both legs over the railing to climb down. Romeo leans his body against the railing, held up by his arms. It’s only polite to wait for Specs to climb down before he leaves to get to the ballroom himself. 

“By the way… thanks for keeping me company” Romeo felt like he owed him a thank you. After all, Specs could’ve had some fun or gained more than just a casual get-to-know-me conversation if he were to fully participate in the party. 

Specs looks up from minding his steps down, back up to Romeo’s eyes with a loving gaze towards him, “Of course. When else will I get the chance to be this close to you?” 

Rome looks down to his hands to hide away his blush and bashful little smile. He notices Specs hands are still on the railing, placed quite close to his own. 

“But how did I do? Were you impressed?” 

Romeo looks up, finding the other boy’s face is already two inches away from his own. The exact same position they were in before getting interrupted by his brother, just this time Specs is hanging on the balcony.

“Is that something you want to know?” Romeo questioned back with a little giggle following it. He thought it would be fun to tease him around before they finally part ways. 

“It’s not usual for me to straight up ask but… “ Specs caught on with the teasing, “... technically you were the one that ask” 

Romeo giggles along with him. He nods to his question and answers properly, “Yes. I was very much impressed by you, Specs” 

The next seconds were filled with silence. The high from their little banter turned into adrenaline to do something with how they’re positioned now. They both realize it, as both smiles slowly fade to parted lips with hot and heavy breaths hitting each other’s faces. Romeo glues his eyes on Specs’ lips, he could only imagine the other boy did the same. 

“Do I get the permission to kiss you?” Specs asked, barely above a whisper while his hands traced up Romeo’s arm until it reached his cheek once again. 

Romeo stuttered through his next few words before replying with a little giggle, “Permission granted” 

Specs wasted no time, softly crashing his lips on the other boy’s. Fireworks set off in their heads as the feelings developed for each other from this short period of time are released in one gentle kiss. Romeo moves one hand to hold his neck, as a means to deepen the kiss and to secure Specs from falling. 

They part with heavy breaths escaping their lips. The heavy breathings turned into giggles and giggles turned into goodbyes. 

Romeo watches as a giddy looking Specs makes it to the ground and walks towards the previous tunnel. Before finally escaping his vision, Specs glances back up to Romeo. Despite the distant Romeo can see a stupid grin on his face, which only made him laugh. 

As Specs finally escapes his view, Romeo lets out a long and adoring sigh and melts into the moment. Lowering his body and placing his head on top of his hands that are gripping on the balcony. 

He hears his beloved fur ball meow near him, but he’s far gone for that boy to even care what the cat wants. 

“I know, Snowy,” Romeo said, as if understanding the language his cat speaks, “He’s such a dream…” 

[icharchivist]

first: WAHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭 I got so emotional!!! so emotional!!!! so much that I can’t even do this first second pattern bc I have SO MANY thoughts!!!!!!! I’m writing this in my notes instead of straight into the askbox so u know it’s serious business™

ok so debut night!!! I was like ahah yeah it’s a tragedy whatever it’ll be fun to start out with and then the voice acting was SO good that it knocked me out of the park and I almost cried haha. it’s crazy how good the voice acting in a3 is like I love how the dialogue and voice acting works well together bc like it’s limited but so effective!! u can so very clearly see and understand the style they’re going for. especially like tsumugi’s death scene... the Talent jumped out it really did... uh and ok so. I think I may be a littleeee confused abt the play bc I had always interpreted tasukus last lines as raphael to be like abt his being secretly in love with michael. but now that I’m actually reading the line that’s like oh don’t fall for a human it only ends in misery I know that all too well or whatever... ig the implication is that raphael was in love with another human / the same lady michael was in love with in the play. side note I had to go back and edit the proper names in instead of tasuku and tsumugi lol... but speaking of!! speaking of the voice acting and the play itself I 1) love how blatantly obvious it is when tsumugi goes for that grander, tasuku like style of delivery!! like u could just so easily feel the difference it was wild... and 2) tsuzuru is once again spot on with his writing, lol... I felt that like raphaels inability to save or help michael really parallels how tasuku feels abt tsumugi so well, and it’s wonderful that they r able to resolve things and tasuku can properly compliment him on his acting where the angels fail to do so. it’s very good. and I think the play rly highlights (for me at least) that like. to tasuku, it was tsumugi who was sort of an unreachable existence. like were he to idolize and respect someone’s acting, it would be tsumugi. and I think that like caring carries over into their roles really well, because I think in michael’s love for a human tasuku sees like... tsumugi’s style of acting. the heart that he’d lost while within the god troupe. mb I’m losing my mind a little but ah. the play rly works with their relationship so well!! im very excited to see the other winter ppl get main roles tho—same for all the troupes!!! now this ask is too long so I’ll have to do another part lol

going to start off this second part of the ask abt hisoka bc oh my GOD. hisoka. like I was just thinking “hm where r the winter troupe cgs anyways” and then BAM. hisoka CRYING???? especially since he doesn’t seem that emotional it was a really hard hit!!! and who tf is august.... ok well actually theory time!! skipping ahead to the end theres that note that like mentions December and April and. not to expose my friend but very many years ago (a couple years before a3 was launched, at the very least) she wrote this story where there were like 12 orphan assassins and they were all named after months. I remember the main dude was named dec lol. coupled with my “hisoka is capable of murder” bit? listen.... I’m not saying anything but I’m also not not saying anything if u feel me. also I feel like assassin / thief with mysterious background is a common trope!! that was silver from the pokémon adventures manga too... why is this my reference point lmao. anyways I’m unclear if assassins would make it into a3 but like.... if the yakuza and supernatural stuff makes it in...

okay moving away from conspiracy theories and into emotions!!! the quotes from like EVERY mankai actor before the final production made me SO emo... and yay!!! they won!!!! (though admittedly I almost had a heart attack when no one clapped) but they won!!!! that ending cg!!!! and I adore how sakyo immediately goes after god troupe man (I know his name is reni I just don’t feel like calling him that) for the money lol it’s just so sakyo-like. also I love the lil mixed troupe interactions!! I found the game night ch so fun.... ahh, now I wanna reread that ch since it was so good lol

all in all I was super satisfied ahh!! I am SO excited to start up spring troupe again (HELLO character development!!! and chikage) and I’m even MORE excited to get thru all the act 1 events!!!! as a final note, is there any way to reread or replay the flair conversations? I didn’t want any spoilers for the plays while I was doing the practices for them so I kinda sped thru the first time ahah...

HELLO FRIEND IM SO HAPPY TO GET SUCH A LENGHTY ASK ABOUT WINTER IM LKDJFLKDJFLKFD  Winter makes me feel shrimps emotions (i know the whole “shrimps can see more colors than humans can’t comprehend” thing has been disproved but i’m not letting go of that expression, i REALLY feel emotions humans can’t comprehend anymore and i’m going to make it everyone else’s problem)

1) First about the voice acting, rIGHT this is just so fascinating to me!!! I remember after act 2 i came back to reread the main act 1 chapter and i was so thrown out by how GOOD the voice acting was, especially for the first few troupes having to convince you they’re not comfortable or good at acting yet. Winter whole thing is that they’re more subtle and mature and you really feel that with their voice acting, Tsumugi’s voice especially knock it off the park anytime he’s on screen. 

2) Second: what does it say about me that i’ve never, ever considered your reading a possibility because i was so set on “oh Raphael you’re in love with Michael sooooo bad you see it as a tragedy already because you can see him throw his life away” i didn’t even consider “maybe Raphael went through that too”. Though i guess if we’re going with that reading i can totally see “The Woman” they let themselves consumed by easily be a representation of acting or even more the God Troupe, with Raphael/Tasuku knowing to step away before it consumes him completely while Michael/Tsumugi, by his love and passion, pushed himself until he broke, which fits and it hurtsssss god Winter plays hits so hard.

3) Third: oh god yeah when Tsumugi goes for Tasuku’s acting it’s just. It makes me SO uncomfortable, i’ve experienced this scene like three times by now and the third time i was just “can i skip it i can’t go through this again i can’t Tsumugi i love you i can’t do this”. It doesn’t match the play at all and it just throws everyone off balance, and Tsumu you could have told theM YOU WANTED TO DO THAT.... god

4) Fourth: I LOVE YOUR READING SO MUCH I LOVE IT I LOVE IT YES YOU’RE RIGHT!!! Just as we follow Tsumugi let his passion consumes him until he breaks, Tasuku’s character arc really jumps out in Raphael, like, everything you say!!!  The way Tasuku/Raphael knew how the feelings Tsumugi/Michael felt would hurt him on the long run but he didn’t know what to do about it until it was too late, the regrets and the way Raphael voices his frustrations.... Tasuku struggles to be honest without acting (Tasuku pls i love you) but having such a role really help him expressing all he feels about Tsumugi and i’m HHHH this is so good so so good!!! but yeah i also love that Tasuku finally manages to actually compliment Tsumugi naturally, that he understands he can’t let him destroys himself again and it’s just gnhhhhh Tasuku is so kind and considerate and i care about him so much....!!!

5) Fifth: “i’m losing my mind a little” winter mood, winter mood winter mood- (though every troupe’s mood tbh but Winter is gnhhhhh kdhd hdhjf??? you feel me) (i am BIASED i can’t help it TwT) but yeaH i’m looking forward to see how you react to the others plays because the roller coaster juST BEGUN!!!

Onto part 2... Winter Troupe Chapter Feels... 2!

6) Sixth: DLFJDFKLDF HISOKAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHH. Hisoka crying fucked me up so bad!! so so bad!! Like on my first read i didn’t know what to think of him as he starts out very apathic to his troupe and then the more it goes on the more you can feel he starts to open up and i’m soft for this sort of slow burn, but then this whole scene happened and it HIT ME IN THE FACE, he was crying, i was crying, we were all crying, the Unopening Door opened a flood of emotions i can’t cope with. He sounds SO VULNERABLE during that scene and i know all of the Winter Troupe united on “taking care of him” but that’s really the moment i went “i care you and i will keep taking care of you” and look at me now. Thanks funky little scene for ruining my life. I’m glad you liked it i’m aldhjflkjdfkd Hisokaaaaa.....

7) Seventh: I am not commenting on the theory but 👀 that’s so highly specific your friend has a galaxy brain i love it. and i love the idea of “well we have yakuza and supernatural entity what’s an assassin adding himself to it” dLKFJDLKF i know everyone in Mankai calls Izumi out everytime someone joins but that’d be peak. I’m not going further about what December and August and April are all about but i love this plotline sO much, the few mentions of August when Hisoka regained his memories for a minute still haunts me, the guilt he seems to feel and this pain i’m just... godddd such a good set up. I love this plotline.

8) Eigth: EMOTIONS!!  Oh GOD YEAH THE ENDING WITH ALL THE OTHER ACTORS... I cried so hard it’s just. It really shows you it’s not just the culmination of the Winter chapter but of all the act 1 main plot and it really makes you feel how much of a journey you’ve been onto!! A3 is so good at showing you the growth of its characters that especially by the end of Winter you really saw how all of them grew in their respective chapters and how cozy they felt in their new home in the remaining chapters, and the fact this chap has those defining character arc’s lines really drive home “oh my god that was a journey” i love them sO MUCH.... 

9) Ninth: wE WOOOON!!! They’re all so good i just. i’m gonna cry just thinking about it dlfdjlfk i know like, the game has so many content so you know it can’t end at the end of Winter but the suspense really was there. BUT YEAH LMAO I LOVE SAKYO DOING THAT IMMEDIATLY, man sure has the eyes on the prize and we love him for that.  AND THE GAME NIGHT SCENE they are all sO CUTE and sWEET and they’re a family now and i’m hHHHHH i love a3 a normal healthy amount that isn’t just making me cry thinking about how all of them grew so close even through mixed troupes.

10) Tenth: I am SO happy you were satisfied with the plot so far!! I’m genuinely so happy that you decided to take that journey with us and that you shared all of this with me, and i’m so so happy you liked it!! There is still so much content and all of it is so worth it! 

11) Eleventh: Yes!! The flair conversations are all readable on the Mini-Chat tab! So they’re easily accessible and they’re sorted in a way that’s easy to read so you can feel comfortable skipping the flairs if you want until you have seen the stories the flairs are all about. They’re all kinda set during the rehearsals (except for some crosstroupe conversation that wouldn’t make sense if they were like how the Summer Troupe talks with the Spring Troupe in their Flairs DKLFJDF but it’s okay what is a timeline anyway) so some of them are set pre-development and it’s wild to get back to them. I love rereading Flairs i get emotional everytime.

ANND That’s it for this ask! i had a blast reading through your thoughts and i’m so happy and excited!! i’ll send you the drive now so you can start digging through it whenever you feel like it :3c good luck grinding for act 2, meanwhile i hope you’ll have fun with all the act 1 events i compiled for you!!

(side note i need to update the drive too but it’s mostly act 2 content anyway, the only two act 1 things i need to update on it is Sakuya’s birthday card i think?? i think Itaru’s is already in act 2 so i’ll try to get around to it eventually but it’s so far away anyway) (edit: i forgot that the three cards i got for the latest revival are from act 1 DLKJFD okay so i’m missing three cards -)

The drive has backstages and event stories and it may be a lot and overwhelming ahah. Focus on the event stories for the plot and go back to the backstages whenever you feel like it, no need to read them at the same time, unless you want to in which case everything is set up for you :3c and there’s a file with cards that aren’t associated to events too so... lots of goodies hanging around. I’ll send it to you in DM ;O 

Take care and thank you so much for all your thoughts! my inbox remains wide opened for any others thoughts you may have as you go further into it :3c

[eijiroukiriot]

i don’t have a fancy name for it or anything but this is my kirishima playlist

I posted about my krbk playlist a little while ago but since it’s Boy Day I wanted to finally post about my solo Kirishima playlist too!! The only other thing I have to say is that I Love The Boy and that’s what this playlist is for :) 

Spotify Link

song descriptions under the cut!

(bc of how i want to format the explanations, this list will be out of order with the actual playlist but that doesn’t actually matter that much!)

i. Teenage Icon - The Vaccines 

“Oh look at me, so ordinary

No mystery with no great capabilities”

-I guess it’s pretty fitting to start the list off with a very Middle School Kirishima kinda song! Something I really love about this one is that it’s very steeped in this idea that “oh I’m not great, I’ve been blown up my whole life but I’m really nothing special, I should just stop pretending to be” but then the choruses and the bridge are so upbeat that it feels like it’s made peace with it! Maybe even like it’s celebrating it? Like, this isn’t wallowing in self hatred, it’s an anthem and I feel like it’s the kind of thing Kirishima would listen to in middle school and think “yeah, I’m not special, so what, who cares” 

ii. Whatta Man - I.O.I 

the one w the classic “whatta man whatta man whatta man” hook but a kpop song

-as kirishima is the only boy alive, this song talking about a very good man must be dedicated to him

-put in the ioi ver instead of the classic one bc i love girls 

iii. Embers - Owl City

“And we'll watch the sky as it fills with light

And though the embers are new, whatever you do just don't let the fire die” 

-Something you are gonna learn very quickly about me is that I Love Owl City 

-A lot of Owl City songs are about overcoming hard times and facing forward and this one hits me more than a lot of other generic Encouraging Songs because “don’t let the fire die” feels like such a genuine sentiment, like more than “you’re a firework” or whatever because it encapsulates the idea of “this is your decision to make and something you’re gonna have to put in the effort but you can turn your life around, you don’t have to hate yourself, you can make the decision not to” which I feel is a very Kirishima sentiment

iv. I’m Gay - Bowling For Soup 

“It sells records when you're sad these days, it's super cool to be mad these days -

I think rock and roll is really funny when it's serious” 

-now. there is the very obvious meaning here

-But mostly this feels like a very Kirishima-ish song to me since it’s all about getting out of the “everything sucks and talking about that all the time makes you cool” mentality and not taking things so seriously, focusing on the positives and trying to make other people happy too!

v. I’ll Make a Man Out of You - Mulan

(picking a lyric to express kirishima in this one feels dumb when all you need to see this as a Him song is to imagine him belting it out) 

-the 12 year old that still lives somewhere inside of me and spent hours watching videos w titles like Total Drama Character Theme Songs on youtube is Extremely proud of herself for this one 

vi. The Squip Song - BMC 

“Freshman year, I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue

I was a loser, just like you”

-Look the fact of it is this song has extreme Kirishima Energy and to convince you of that I could write a lot of stuff or I could just link you the animatic I made please watch it I worked very hard

-Lyrical content aside I think the funky guitar and the horns and the amount of screaming in this song are Very kirishima 

vii. Fiji Water - Owl City 

“If I only knew then what I know now, I’d stand like a one man band, and I’d say

‘All this is new to me, but here’s how it’s gonna be - there is more to me than meets the eye” 

-owl city part 2! It’s about him seeing himself as a regular kid but getting called by a record label and flown out to talk about a record deal, and it’s cast in this light of “I didn’t see myself as much then and I was surprised it could all happen to me” but trying to make the most of it anyway, which reminds me a lot of Kirishima still doubting himself but getting to UA anyway

-The last line “I laughed when I got back home and I thought, ‘there’s no such thing as luck’” is my absolute favorite part of the song and when I imagine that as kirishima getting home after crushing the entrance exam and falling face-first onto his bed laughing...well! a bitch is soft!

viii. I Wanna Meet Richard Dreyfuss - Gabriel Gundacker (the guy who made the “you are my dad” vine)

“Hello, don’t mean to interrupt your flow

But I’ve got something you need to know, and it’s very specific, so here we go:

I wanna meet Richard Dreyfuss” 

-This song is from an album dedicated to a fan’s process of wanting to meet, NEEDING to meet, giving up on, trying to forget about, (brief intermission about saddles as he forgets about), apologizing to, finally meeting, and saying a satisfied goodbye to Richard Dreyfuss and it’s one of my favorite albums of all time

-At first I just thought the song sounded pretty Kirishima in terms of earnest effort and slightly-soulful high notes but then someone sent me an ask like “WHY IS THE RICHARD DREYFUSS SONG ON YOUR KIRISHIMA PLAYLIST” and I realized it would totally make sense for Kirishima to write an entire album about wanting to meet Crimson Riot, so, checkmate 

ix. Angel, Please - Ra Ra Riot 

“Long as I feel I can tell the danger did it - oh, you guard yourself, you do

I wasn't hurt but I know you're the curse, I know you were” 

-i am not gonna lie the first time i heard this song I just wanted so so badly to make it abt kirishima bc 1) album cover is red 2) band name has riot in it

-Anyway so after a month of listening to it w that mindset I can say pretty confidently that this song makes me think of Kirishima’s big fat crush on bkg so really it should be in the krbk playlist instead of this one but I do what I want 

x. Beautiful Times - Owl City

“My heart's burning bad and it's turning black but I'm learning how to be stronger” 

-Owl City part 3 :)

-This one is the most focused on the dark side of things and the “struggling through the depression” angle but I really do think the ending is a beautiful sentiment and that line up there reminds me of him

-I feel like...things never get easy right away and there’s always gonna be some doubt there no matter how good you feel, and the only thing we can do about that is to keep trying to make things better

Songs that are also in my krbk playlist which I wrote about here that I won’t describe at length again but that I mostly associate with Kirishima: 

xi. Hooked on a Feeling - Blue Swede

xii. Kimi Janakya Dame Mitai - Masayoshi Oishi

xiii. Knock Three Times - Tony Orlando & Dawn 

xiv. If You Wanna - The Vaccines 

xv. Slayers - Matt Fishel (I do want to say that this one is a big one bc it literally feels like what Kirishima would come up with if he tried to write bkg a song) 

xvi. I’m Totally Obsessed With Him - Matt Fishel 

xvii. Television/So Far So Good - Rex Orange County

xviii. Mamma Mia - ABBA

Aaaand, songs that all remind me of Kirishima just because they’re bops filled with loud, boisterous, cheerful, and at times comedic Kirishima Energy:  

xix. Young Volcanoes - Fall Out Boy

xx. Flyers - Bradio 

xxi. Don’t Stop Me Now - Queen

xxii. Mr. Brightside - The Killers

xxiii. Sincerely Me - Dear Evan Hansen

xxiv. Uptown Funk - Bruno Mars

[heckinhacker]

True Damage!Yasuo x reader - I’m glad you’re evil too.

A/N: I was inspired by Ashe's cover of “I'm glad you're evil too” and I absolutely loved it. Here goes nothing! There might be some errors, I’ve read it many times and can’t find anything anymore, but can happen. Sorry.

word count: 6,311 requested: no. warnings: Cursing, as in most of my posts. Welp~!^^ + It can be messy, I never wrote a long fic and english is being hard for me :(

Yasuo loved music since forever, and knew he was talented himself. Everyone around him praised him if he had shown them his own beats. He was DJ for every school party hosted, even volunteered to be on his own prom night, but everyone said he’s fine to go and party for once. 

He didn’t want to party, nor to dance.  He wanted to be behind the laughs and screams, making it fun for others.  He knew that he wasn’t very social. I mean, he was friendly, sometimes flirty, but social? He prefered reading mangas, watching animes and making music, this was all he wanted.

And that’s how the popular DJ works alone since forever. Loner genius who was out of reach for most of musicians. No one was worthy working with him. One didn’t had enough passion, other just wasn’t it. And he searched for something. 

Musical something was found with a rise of “Giants”, or so called “True Damage” group. They had something he searched in music, but why he still felt empty? 

Ekko and girls always asked him out: -After-party maybe, Yas? - Akali smiles while bending down a little to make that ‘sneaky-happy’ pose. - As if, I had some beat idea I need to work on, Akali. - he gives her a hand with a motion of ‘stop’ while saying no. And some other time: - Yo, bro, you up for a drink after recording? - Ekko stopped him before he went off for his break. - You can manage without me, Ekko. You have fun anyway. - murmured long haired man, avoiding eye contact. And another after some: - Don’t act all cold and mysterious, ninja, while you’re drooling over some drawn big-eyed girls and come on, you have nothing better to do! - huffed Qiyana, crossing her arms on chest. - Thanks for your not-asked-for opinion, princess. - and he added nothing more. That lasted, and the longer he avoided friendly meetings, Senna tried to talk up: - I’m worried about you, Yasuo. Want to take a walk? - you could feel her concern only by looking her into eyes. That’s kind of her, but... - Thank you, Senna, but you have bigger problems than my own on your head. How is your husband, by the way? - he didn’t meant to be rude, and Senna understood. - Lucian’s fine, he’d appreciate you asking, even though you talked only once. And you’re never a problem, remember. He only waved her away, heading to home, to do his own  things. He prefered it that way, or so he thought. 

With time, things he enjoyed stopped meaning anything. For example, which hurt him the most: He was so enthusiastic for Star Guardian series, but damn it, he stopped feeling happiness with every single update from mangaka. It hurt. He knew something was off, so he thought he’ll find himself correspondence buddy. Join some group connected to the series, noone will know he’s popular and will chat about Guardians as he’d love someone to and that’s what he did! TheUnforgiven01: hi. TheUnforgiven01: i’ll let myself into convo, if that’s fine. ezpezlemonsquez: That’s what that chat is for, of course! We were just discussing which group was better in many aspects, then compared aspect to the other. TheUnforgiven01: sounds fun, i guess? but it’s obvious ahri team’s better, they had more morality about disappearing, and ahri as the leader took a step of redemption for her stars, nothing to even try to compare to. [nick]: Oh okay. Your opinion is valid but actually is not. 

Yasuo raised his brow. Oh, someone’s mad? “Valid”, he’s mad now too. 

TheUnforgiven01: and that means? i’m right and you’re not, i suppose. you’re mad abt it? [nick]: Okay, Unforgiven, listen to me now. I am longer in this group and always argued morally about everything, but plain and stupid, unexplained opinions of stubborn kids like you just piss me off. What if someone find staying by rules more morally-right, huh? Ever consider that? TheUnforgiven01: if you’d like to die just because you were chosen by some glitter and glory of first star then fine, but some weren’t, they were normal teenagers under disguise, what about their families? ezpezlemonsquez: Guys, you’re starting to fight and it’s not cool, can you chill?? [nick]: They knew about the risk by agreeing! Being chosen is one, but agreeing is their own fucking choice!!!  TheUnforgiven01: and YOU’D be fine with dying, [nick] ? [nick]: Of course not! But anyone can die while saving the world, not because of losing a light, you know? If not that, there is the risk of being corrupted, like Xayah and Rakan, isn’t that right?? TheUnforgiven01: and it hurt, but they can be saved, and by dying officially you cannot do shit about it, yeah?  ShiningBrightTonite: If you won’t stop acting up I’ll have to mute you both until tomorrow, keep it down! TU, you just joined and make a fight right away, can you give me a reason to let you stay?

Yasuo’s hands twitched. He ALMOST dissed admin, and that would be it, poof and no corresponding buddy for him. He sighed deeply, took himself some longer moments and only typed. TheUnforgiven01: sorry. i’ll join next discussion and be all innocent and sweet, like newborn baby. [nick]: Newborns are wrinkly and ugly.  ShiningBrightTonite: [nick] !! [nick]: Just saying. TheUnforgiven01: aight, ama head out. 

~TheUnforgiven01 has left the chat~

That was it for today. 

Yasuo just took a quick shower, ate one sandwich and went to sleep, while blasting music on his headphones. Way to deal with his nerves.

About your side…

Generally you’re the angel of this community, you’re always passionate and calm about others opinion, but this dude just pressed the wrong button by his like...third message? No one saw you this mad, and this group had many dramas which YOU were most of the times reason to stop, but now? Some admins laughed about that in admin chatroom with you about it, but let you be with a slight warning, friendly nudge on the arm with ‘don’t do that next time, he’s new and doesn’t know how to hang on things, ya kno?’ So you went with it. Even decided to apolagize to this dude in pm. The question was: today or tomorrow? Tomorrow sound more appealing, but if you do it now, you won’t have to do that tomorrow, so it’s now. You sighed deeply, it’s been an hour and a half, so you hoped he’s cooled down too. 

[nick]: Sorry to bother you in your “private message” zone, but I thought about all this situation and I’m sorry for how I acted, really? Not like all fault was mine, we both know that, it’s just...I shouldn’t had curse and stuff. I’m not generally bad, I hope you don’t hold any grudge to me. We’ll chat on a group, ye? 

…

And no answer. Maybe he is that furious? You sure hoped he wasn’t. Or she. Or anyone that was. With a heavy sigh you stood up, got yourself warm cup of tea to chill a little bit more. You’ll go to sleep...eventually. 

By sleep you mean passing out on your desk, face down. Your poor arms...and back...it’ll hurt, that’s for sure. Watching Netflix till late was a bad idea. Good thing it’s weekend, right? Your day of freedom from responsibilities! 

What time is it…?

You locked your eyes on your room’s clock which was 6 minutes late from time but you’re too lazy to fix that. It was - according to your always late clock - 01:06 pm. You still felt sleepy, but it’ll be fine, right? Slowly, you rubbed your wake-up tears from your eyes and looked at screen in front of you. A few pings from group chat from admin role and one private message. Huh, neat, time to eat- hold on, wait a minute. Private message? You sat up straightly and clicked on it right away. This is this unforgiven fella! After you wrote this short message you grinned weakly and went off of your room to wake up properly.

TheUnforgiven01: no problem, it’s nice how you defend what you believe in.  TheUnforgiven01: am sorry too.  TheUnforgiven01: not sure if i am good at chatting in group, but we always can hit each other up here? TheUnforgiven01: if you want to TheUnforgiven01: and i didn’t mean to sound weird TheUnforgiven01: ah whatever, answer here if you want or not, bye.

You made yourself your favourite breakfast, ate and thought about this little spam that person did. Kinda cute, maybe they’re self-concious, and joining chatting group was overhelming? You’ll answer after refreshing cup of [coffee/tea/hot chocolate], you promised yourself. You never write to anyone before morning cup. To summarize  your morning routine, the hot drink had to be in your now favourite cup. Earlier one got shattered into pieces by your unaware of consequences cat. You weren’t mad at it, but at yourself for leaving the cup on windowsill instead of hiding it properly. That kind of sad event for you made you buy this cup from that new music group you enjoyed listening to. True Damage, wasn’t it? You never liked rap, but this boy Ekko nailed stuff. You loved everyone equally in this group, but never understood that long-haired, masked (you assumed) asian man and his influence. He was there, maybe he made the music in the background, compositor? He seemed too mysterious for you, but meh. He fit group’s aesthetic, and you were sure he had his place in there, and it’s fine. Maybe you figure it out once you see them live, since, what a shocker, they had a tour around the world and were not only in your country, but in your town too! They'll be here in like… 6 months from now? You can't wait! Bonus to that: No long trip ahead of you, just buying tickets and going, you were hyped for that.

Meanwhile this waterfall of thoughts you managed to drink and eat everything, and as responsible as you can get, you washed the dishes right away, going back to your PC to answer this maybe-shy fella.

[nick]: Didn’t figured you’d like to talk ‘privately’, but whatever floats your boat ;)  TheUnforgiven01: i changed my mind, don’t write to me again. [nick]: Hey, hey! I was just joking around, don’t be like that! :(( TheUnforgiven01: i am unforgiven, and you are too in this situation. TheUnforgiven01: i honestly joined to make one friend in this group and leave TheUnforgiven01: and didn’t got any chance of meeting anyone else but you TheUnforgiven01: and you wrote to me first into priv, so that’s the start. TheUnforgiven01: can it stay like that?  TheUnforgiven01: if we won’t like each other it’s chill to just say oficial bye and stop, just sayin. [nick]: As for someone who types so fast you don’t make that much of typos, isn’t that amazing?  TheUnforgiven01: maubie. TheUnforgiven01: maybe* TheUnforgiven01: fuck you just jinxed it. 

You genuely laughed by this little mistake, you didn’t saw that coming and it amused you. You weren’t much of a talkative person yourself, but writing to someone, not seeing their face and such was much easier. And consequences of making yourself of a fool are much smaller than knowing someone from the same - let’s assume - town. [nick]: I’m sorry I did, but the moment I picked to say that was funny, wasn’t it? Nothing to be ashamed off, it often happens to me too! TheUnforgiven01: didn’t saw you make a typo yet. [nick]: Because I’m giving way too much attention not to do a typo since I want to make a good impression on you. Sounds good? TheUnforgiven01: … TheUnforgiven01: sounds good, relatable actually. 

Well, now at least you know you’re stuck in the same situation. 

And that awkward situation was two weeks ago. 

Now? Now you’re talking daily. From all you know, your, as he called it - corresponding buddy - is a very busy he. He didn’t revealed his real name, which you assumed that he’s embarassed about it. You told him what you’re doing in life generally, while he just said he’s normal, let me quote: “big-ass adult who lives with parents but work in some fast-food, at least i’m trying.” which was cool for you, at least he didn’t lock himself in his parents’ basement. Unforgiven was a chill dude and at the beginning you thought he’d only hit you up with Star Guardian topics, but later? You started talking about yourselves, about other interests. 

[nick]: Hey? [nick]: I assume you’re busy today, again… [nick]: I was wondering, what are you busy with? I mean, you said you work on some fast-food place, then sit in your room, are you gaming? I’d understand that, I was just...thinking. [nick]: Sorry if I seem pushy, it’s just that I really grew on chatting with you and was wondering when are you free again! Heh.  [nick]: We’ll talk later, then, hit me up when you can!

You pushed yourself back on your chair, groaning. You totally were pushy, but didn’t meant to - that’s what you thought, but it’s totally normal, you’re just interested with someone you just met. You chatted with a lot of persons in the group, etc. but no one had your interest pointed directly at them, that’s a big something. You kinda felt like you’re opening too fast for him too, and you had no clue if that’s ok. You cover your eyes with hands, overthinking your situation with unnamed male. When your thoughts started to be not too pleasant you heard your communicator's sound going off. As fast as you pushed yourself back, you were that fast in front of your PC. 

TheUnforgiven01: i have a break now.  TheUnforgiven01: i'm sorry [nick], I am not ignoring you on purpose.  TheUnforgiven01: i enjoy talking to you too, don't ever think oterwide  TheUnforgiven01: otherwise* TheUnforgiven01: we'll talk about that later.  TheUnforgiven01: now, how are you? i hope i didn't made you sad.  [nick]: No, no! It's OK! I understand you have a real life too, I assume a real life friends too. That's normal, that's okay.  TheUnforgiven01: i like you. i can consider you as my friend, but.  [nick]: But?  TheUnforgiven01: but you should not consider me as yours.  [nick]: What t? Why?/?? / TheUnforgiven01: my break's over, i gtg. i'll catch you later.  [nick]: Okay, later! 

Your hands twitched uncontrollably after that weird message. What did he mean? You're his friend but he's not yours? It kinda worried you, but you went to do your stuff until he has time to talk. Maybe it sounds cliché but you wait impatiently until he starts a chat with you and you know each other for only two weeks. 

It made you worry about your friend. Maybe he has some troubles you don't know about for sure? You only had to hope it's not gang involved. You were sure to later tell a few words to him. 

You ate out with one of your friends, just to eat, chill around. As you weren't sure what to do generally about "unforgiven situation", you decided to ask her:  - Uh,  it's kinda awkward, but can I ask you for advice? -  you ask.   - Oh of course! What's going inside of your pretty little head?   - So I met someone on my group-  - Nerd group? -  she interrupted.   - Yeah, that one. -  you admitted with defeat. Honestly, no matter what you say, she still keeps on going with nerd club. -  And there was that guy, he started arguing with me. Later we apologized to each other and now we're chatting for two weeks everyday, but about how much do we write depends if he's free or not. Today he said something odd, have a look. 

You moved your phone so your friend can see mysterious message from Unforgiven. She sighed and then looked at you with that pity look of hers.   - What?   - Honey, swettie… you have two options. One: he's really trying to make you think of him. Two: he really means it. You should start off with "I'm worried about you!" and tell him how you really feel.   - Okay. Okay… I just. I don't know what's going on with him.   - Why are you so moved of that? You know each other for only two weeks. Are you… Crushing on him?!?!   - WHAT? Nonononono, you got that wrong, I just want to get to know him! That's all, really!   - Uh-huh! When he's free today, you get him, tiger! Just won't get into any trouble, sweetheart. 

You sighed, then smiled at her, closing your eyes in satisfaction.  You're a lot calmer now.  "Thank you, [friends name].” You said, until you both went back on chatting about everything. 

And when you were back? You dressed yourself to home wearing, sat down comfortably on the couch and checked your phone. Unforgiven actually wrote to you first! And a lot. 

TheUnforgiven01: hey. TheUnforgiven01: sorry I had to go all of sudden, work stuff, had shorter break.  TheUnforgiven01: i don’t want you to think i don't want to get to know you, i do.  TheUnforgiven01: it's just hard for me, ‘n stuff.  TheUnforgiven01: we'll get to it, please give me some time.  TheUnforgiven01: you'll know everything about me in no time, just give me some and we'll be friends, true ones.  TheUnforgiven01: if you'd want to, ofc.  TheUnforgiven01: hit me up when you're back from your little date. 

You gave into every single message a lot of focus. You weren't sure what to say at first, but decided to just go for it. 

[nick]: It's OK! I was worried about you, but if you say I'll get to know all the things about you in time, I'll go with it! But remember this one thing: I consider you as my friend, no matter what. We'll get through your insecurities and secrets, I'll be patiently waiting! 

[nick]: And it was NOT a DATE. I was out with my friend!! >:( TheUnforgiven01: yeah, sure, you playa. TheUnforgiven01: better be good.  [nick]: Very funny!  TheUnforgiven01: for me it is.  [nick]: Aren't you tired after work? You don't want to sleep?  TheUnforgiven01: i thought you genuinely missed me, buy you want me out right now.  TheUnforgiven01: now i'm sad.  [nick]: It's not like that! I'm just worried about you, goofball.  TheUnforgiven01: sure, explain yourself even more. TheUnforgiven01: only guilty explain themselves.  [nick]: Come on!! D: TheUnforgiven01: i can chat for a bit and then go. 

You chatted and chatted, slowly getting to know his character, but he still remained as Unforgiven, unnamed boy you slowly, but in agony, fell for. It's been three months from your first encounter. 

You wonder how are you going to ask him about a next step in your friendship. It is, indeed, hard. Good question is why are you the first to ask? It almost hurt imagining yourself with blank space, nor even voice known to begin with. You fell hard for dude you only know behind Unforgiven, and wanted to hear his voice. You were ready for him to decline, but you won't know without trying. 

He said he'll be back pretty late today, and he may not write, but he left you a warning pretty early in the morning. You weren't sure why did he woke up so early, but you just shrugged it, saying that he must be in some other time zone. You didn't even knew where he is from, this man is a big mystery for you.

You waited for him to come back in your bed, before sleeping.  You had to ask that question now or never, you know if you'll put it for tomorrow you want do that anytime soon. It has to be done. It was 2am now and your eyelids were getting heavy. Reading books or literally anything wasn't helping at all, and when your body demands rest. You almost drifted to sleep, but then

Ding! 

It was him, before sleep you assumed. No matter what you did you always wrote to each other, even stupid "goodnight for later, I'm going to sleep now, be sure to rest enough." was there. 

Your eyes were wide open and you moved your hand to the phone way too fast as for almost sleeping person. 

TheUnforgiven01: hey.  TheUnforgiven01: i'm aftwr work TheUnforgiven01: i am really tires ya kno TheUnforgiven01: fuck typos in lsrticilar  [nick]: Particular?  TheUnforgiven01: you're not asleep yet? damn  [nick]: I was kinda waiting for you, you know?  TheUnforgiven01: oh really? what's the occasion? [nick]: It's… I have a question for you.  TheUnforgiven01: aight, give me your shot.  [nick]: Would you like to… agh it's stupid.  TheUnforgiven01: no, go ahead.  [nick]: We write with each other for a while now and I was wondering if…  [nick]: If you'd like to make a phone call, maybe? Or, voice call, anything really? No personal questions, just five minute chatting about anything. Promise? 

Yasuo hesitated for a longer bit. Should he agree? He don't use his voice in his recordings, so maybe he should? He treats this person like someone close, so why should he avoid them like a plague? He saw little mark above chat window which suggested you furiously were typing. He sighed, smiling softly to his phone's screen. 

TheUnforgiven01: it's alright,don't worry.  TheUnforgiven01: we can chat a bit.  TheUnforgiven01: we can call here, you know. for you to avoid any additional payment. 

You sigh with relief. Okay, he did agree. What now?? Holy shit. You were more than nervous. You didn't saw that coming and because of all of this you forgot to answer him. You almost jumped when you got another message. 

TheUnforgiven01: i'll call first, since i see you're nervous.  TheUnforgiven01: i'll hit you up in 5 min. answer me by then. 

It maybe was stupid, but you checked yourself in the mirror, almost like before date. You fixed your hair, checked if nothing was stuck between your teeth, wash your face, and your time slipped between your fingers, your phone was ringing with typical for your communicator song. You jumped, then panicked, then jumped beside your phone and slowly answered your call before it ended sending a signal.

- H...hello? - your voice croaked out of nervousness. You mentally slapped your forehead, classical facepalm. - Hi. - you heard calm voice with that tune of tiredness, that little growl at the end. His voice was soft, warm, pleasant. You smiled right away. - Damn, you sound so chilled out while I am...wow. I am a blushing mess right now, I wanted this but don’t know what to say to you! Like, wow!   - Maybe start with how was your day? I’d love to hear that. - that was just an excuse, but you didn’t knew that.  - Oh...kay. It was fine. Boring, to be honest. Woke up, drank [tea/coffee/hot chocolate] from this True Damage cup I once told you about, went out, made my boring everyday routine, was thinking how I should ask you about talking, then went back home, bored my ass off on some documentaries and here we are, talking!  - Sounds fun. - he commented shortly. Even if it might sound like he doesn’t care, you understood that he just was like that. That stupid feeling.  - Maybe you’ll tell me something you did today? - Something I’d love to do, but I must avoid that. Not today, [nick]. - Call me [y/n], okay? That’s my real name. You don’t have to tell me yours! I’d like you to call me [y/n] though. - That’s a nice name. Like the sound of it. - his goddamn voice will be the end of yours. You sighed loudly with this goofy smile. - Thank you so much. So, if not the day, tell me something you actually can share. - I was thinking about you today. - he shot these words right through your heart.  - O-Oh? Re-really? - you stuttered, hating yourself for that.  - Heheh, yeah. - he chuckled, making you forget about hating your stutter since it made him laugh in this tone. This goddamn tone. - Was thinking if you were alright. And because your pathetic ass was distracting me from work, my boss forced me to go on break! Used it to smoke, but none then less, thanks. - Hey, your bad for wandering off in work! And quit smoking, dumbass! - you scolded him, ending this “”very serious”” scold with a laugh, which Yasuo answered with louder, honest laugh. You were all red by now. - God, it’s good talking to you. Let’s do that more often. Not every day, but...you know. More often. - O-okay. Okay, sure. Cool. - you answered,trying to kill this little squeal in your throat. - I’ll have to go to sleep, [y/n]. Sleep well, ok? - No promise, but you have a rest. Thank you, again. For agreeing. - Heh. No problem, I am glad I did agree too. Sleep tight. - another chuckle, then hanging up sound.

Well, what can I say. This was the most emotion-forcing call you ever had. He wished you good night, you had trouble falling asleep. 

Generally speaking, you had a talk like that once in three days. The big day of concert was coming, so you decided to ask Unforgiven if he is interested in coming too. You’re searching for a chance of meeting him in real life. 

Yasuo expected from incoming call anything but question what was awaiting him. He was having a flight with a band to [town’s name] in next three days, so he had to tell you he can’t really talk as you both always do. When he heard a communicator’s song, he pressed answer button right away, smiling to his phone like you could see he’s happy to see you. - Hewwo? - he answered in very forced squeaky voice, which made you erupt with laughter. - Hey, goofball. How was your day? - Lazy. Was distracted a lot, I was waiting for out call before sleep. So, what’s new? - Today was okay’ish, you know? I’m not even that tired. Maybe being excited makes me go cray-cray.  - Psh, good. - he looked at himself in the mirror, seeing how wide his smile was. Almost concerning.  - Hey, dude? - Hm?  - Are you...by any chance, going to see True Damage in [Town’s name]? I never asked you about your music taste but I was wondering. Wondering that if you’d be here...maybe we’ll meet? ‘Cuz, you know. I’ll be here.  - I- - his voice was stuck in his throat. Oh. Shit. Fuckfuckfuck. Not good. What now?  -...you? Are you okay?  - Ahm- yes, it’s just that. You’re...hella right. I will be there.  - OH REALLY? - you asked unecessarly too loud, then cleared your throat. - A-and...you’d like to meet?  - Uhhh… - fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck -  Yeah. Sure. I’d love to finally see you. Can you imagine this feeling? We don’t know how we look, so finding each other would be insane, but can you imagine the result?  - Me, asking some random dudes “Hey, are you Unforgiven?” ? No, let’s send each other selfies, maybe? - Nah, I’d love to see you embarrass yourself. - HEY!  - Okay, okay. I promise we’ll find each other. I won’t go home until we do. - Promise you won’t leave me out? - Promise.  - Thank you. I’ll go to sleep, so we’ll catch up later, ok? By- he cut you out. - Wait, [y/n]. I have to tell you something real quick.  - Yeah? - you pulled your phone back to ear. - I won’t be too available around these days. But at the day of concert I’ll call you in the morning. I won’t be in any reach of connection, I hope you understand. - Uh..okay. Thank you for telling me. Good night, sleep tight. - ‘Night. 

You hung up. It’s alright, it’s ok. Nothing to sweat. You’ll only meet your crush in three days only. 

OKAY NEVERMIND IT IS AMAZING. You - thankfully - fell asleep pretty fastly. 

To be fair, these three days? Were going through slow in agonizing way, but when the day of concert hit up, your heart was racing since you woke up. You had that five minute talk with Unforgiven, as he promised, assuring you that he is going to be there for sure. After you hung up, you started preparing yourself! You wore your best clothes, made sure you look stunning but not too overrated and just dived into it! You gladly told your friend you’re meeting your crush, informing her with that she’s not forced to go see True Damage with you anymore. She was more of Pentakill person, and it was alright. She wanted to go along since she knew how “un-funny” would it be without her, but you knew her real motive was you not feeling alone. So when she acknowledged that you’re not going to be alone, she said she’s glad she doesn’t have to listen to Ekko and Qiyana’s rapping. Well, good noone is forced.

At first,you wanted to find Unforgiven right away, but gave up and focused on music experience. You wanted to be there beside him, but well, maybe he lost connection again and couldn’t hit you up. And you had hell of a fun in there! But somewhere deep inside you were worried that he just tricked you and will never show up or tell you where he is exactly. 

True Damage’s crew said final goodbyes and after some stumbles, it was quiet on stage. Everyone kept cheering or talking, sometimes screaming unecessarly. Still, not a single sight of Unforgiven. Well, at least you got to know what this long haired guy was doing in the crew. Epic T-pose and manipulated music with this sword looking thingy. Amazing effects. You decided to find yourself sitting place somewhere, staring at your phone screen. No message, no missed calls, not anything. It made you sad, that’s true, but maybe he’ll catch up? You waited. And waited.

And waited.

And the more you waited, the more you felt tears getting into your eyes. You were ready to burst into sobbing mess, but then your phone rang. This stupid communicator song. You answered up right away with little sniff” - Where the hell are you? You said that- - I know, [y/n]. I am here, let me instruct you where I am right now. Where are you? - You should be one searching for me, you know? I almost thought you weren’t coming, what’s up with that? - you unintentionally raised your voice, letting out a sob meanwhile that. Yasuo felt so bad now. - Listen...I’ll tell you everything. Everything will be explained when you’ll see me. I hope you’ll forgive me. If not, it’ll be this “official goodbye” moment, can you trust me this one last time? - ...fuck. Fuck, okay. I am on the bench close to food truck. You? - Stand up then, go to the barriers understage.  - Understage…? Alrigt, wh-atever you say.

You blindly went in there, trusting this man “for the last time”, as he said. You’d give him the last chance he’s begging for. You stood here like an idiot, alone with stages lights shining on your face. No one in sight. - I hope you’re not joking… - How would I know where should you go then? - Point...it’s just that- - Shh. It’s ok. You head to the left now if you’re facing the stage. Tell me when you’re done. - … done…? - Okay. now open this little metal gate and get through. - Wha-what?? Why would I? Securities will kick me out if they find out! - They won’t. It’s ok.  -You’re...one of the security guards, right?  - Information when you get there. come on in.  - You were so anxious about this situation. It just seems sketchy. He never revealed any information about him, maybe spread some lies you believed in. Who was this dude now? Was everything you knew a lie? - And? I don’t see anyone. - Are you wearing [your fav. hoodie/flannel/whatever you want it to be!]?  - U-uh? Yeah, and you’re…? - Turn around, goof. I am standing right there. - … - you felt your heart stop, you weren’t able to breathe. You slowly turned around to see noone else than this mysterious japanese DJ you had a chance to see on stage. What- how- that were questions which were going almost like on loop in your head. - Stunned, huh? - he commented into the phone, then took it off of his face and ended call. It confirmed that it was him too - at the same time his phone went dark after single tap, your call ended. 

You didn’t even got to give out bigger reaction. You just met him! Screw that he’s popular and hid his identity from you! For now. You ran into his arms and squeezed him, now sobbing like mad. 

- You FUCKER! You could’ve said ANYTHING! All these secrets, what for! I kinda understand but- FUCK! - you shouted into his shoulder while he squeezed you in almost bone crushing hug. - I’m sorry, ok? - and it was his voice, sounded almost the same. Holy shit. - I’m so, so sorry, [y/n]. But at least I can be honest? - Then please be. Tell me everything you wanted to say. - It’ll be long, trust me, but well. Here goes nothing. - he put his hand on your cheek and clears your face from those tears you shed because of him. - I...wanted to tell you my name after like two weeks. I got worried you’ll find out after we talk some, so I did avoid personal information. While I was at it, I never wanted to lie. About my work and my day. I just lied at the beginning, then regret it deeply, but felt like I couldn’t take that back. [y/n]- fuck- I just- I didn’t wanted to be treated differently. I am popular and most people stop seeing a human in me because I’m a celebrity! It hurt me to avoid you getting to know me - heck, it hurt me to see you avoiding asking me about personal stuff because you understood. I appreciated it, but it hurt you had to remain silent while you were curious as hell, I assume. You wanted to hear me out, treated me like I am just like you, reached out to me. I grew on that, I want… I don't want to lose you. Please, forgive me.  - I… it's… it's okay. I should call you…  - Yasuo. It's Yasuo, [y/n].  - I'll get to know you all over, just be honest with me.  You're still human and I want to be close to you. I… ah. I'll just let it out pleasedon'thateme. I… fell for you. Hard. You were a bug mystery for me but still wanted to be around me. I kept still since you're pretty important to me. Thank you for being there by this 6 months, let's continue whatever we have between each other. Please. 

… 

Yasuo moved his mask down to capture your face between his hands and kissed you, it seemed like a rough start, but kiss was soft, magical. You just smoothed, nibbling on your lips. Yasuo was now thanking you a lot, which you only replied with weak laughs and pats on his back. He promised he'll keep you as close as he can. 

Yasuo had to continue his tour around the world with True Damage, but promised he'll take a lot of day off so he can work up lost time with you. It's been a month and you wait for him almost like wife waiting for her husband's return after military duty. 

Yasuo took two weeks off, but if he'll need more -  it'll be for you to decide. You were spending today inside since it was raining. It was dark outside already, the only source of light was candles in living room. Yasuo was holding you close to himself, moving side to side, swaying gently, adoring your every inch of face. - Lately I found this song on youtube, it was originally from vocaloid.it kind off remind me of us.  - Vocaloid song? You know true meaning of lyrics for sure, tell me about it then!  - I can sing a part of it for you, if you'd want to?  - You can sing?  - Of course! I just don't use it for my songs. Everyone else sing much better, my voice is too…  - Too sexy for the world?  - Hahaha, maybe! Want to check out for sure? I'll sing in English for you.  - Sheesh, what a nerd. Okay, give me your best shot. 

Yasuo took a deep breath in, and made sure before he starts to sing he looks into your eyes. He started like he was unsure, but with time he sang wholeheartedly. 

"Though both of us will die one day

Though this life is useless anyway

When you're here by my side, you make me feel like it'll be okay

And yet we laughed despite it all

At this life which has no meaning at all

Two lonely and broken souls leaning on each other's sides

I'm glad that you're you, that I'm me, and for us two

I'm kinda glad that you're evil too"

While he was pouring his emotion on you, you felt your chest clench and tear up after intensity of his voice, he gave it out truly like he meant it.  You saw he wasn't done, so you tried to remain calm. 

"When the day starts anew, hope I spend it with you-" 

You felt your cheeks burn with your tears pouring down whole you smiled widely at him. He was singing loudly, forgetting about embarrassment. 

"I'm glad that I fell in love with you."

From today, this song made by PinnocchioP was more than important for both of you. It felt like it was especially made for you, and you both loved it. 

[maoist-mizer]

okay so i read through your post multiple times and i still don't understand everything abt the plot but whatever skjdks it does sound really cool tho and not childish! so what are your fave characters in the series and what made you so drawn to the series (other than the heavy plot etc, like what made you go 'this is THE series for me'?)

I originally started reading the books because it was actually part of our curriculum in primary school lol, and we ended up watching some of the anime when it was a rainy day at school.

I think I loved it because of Jasmine, she was just such a cool character. She literally lived in a dangerous forest and didn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion of her, and her sarcasm was always on point. I guess it goes back to the whole idea of why we need strong female characters, and not just strong physically, but also emotionally.

There was also this character that gets introduced in book 4 of the first series, he was this really mysterious and dangerous dude named Doom of the Hills. Okay so I need to give a little explanation here as well. In Deltora, the Shadow Lord lives in the Shadowlands to the north. There also was an arena there where for entertainment, people would fight against his experimentations and monsters he created. My man here Doom ended up there, and during a fight, he got knocked about pretty badly and ended up experiencing amnesia. He was the first person that managed to escape the Shadowlands, but on his way down through the mountains he took the name Doom since he couldn’t remember his own, and from then on, he started the Resistance movement against the Shadow Lord. I really found him in particular interesting once we start figuring out who he was (which is especially important for the plot), and how he got there to begin with. He was definitely a morally grey character, but it was nice to watch him slowly recover, and deal with his mental health as the series continued even though he was emotionally constipated sometimes. Idk how much I should spoil since it’s a major plot point, but uh yea, it’s some good shit right there 👌🏼

The villains and guardians in general had me interested, like the Shadow Lord, we don’t see much of in Deltora Quest, and there’s this whole aura of mystery. However, once you read the Three Doors Trilogy, also by Emily Rodda, it provides a backstory on who he was before he basically became a god. Idk, I just really appreciated that everything was rounded off, and as far as my memory serves me, I don’t remember any plot holes.

(Sorry you’re asking about characters and I keep on referring to plot lmao)

Anyways, they were mainly the characters that made me go ooOoooh, and I think apart from being forced to read the first book for school, I enjoyed it because of how things were written out. Rodda said herself that she wrote it in a way that a video game is structured with plot and side plots, so I can understand how that would make the reading fast paced and immersive.

Thanks for asking 💕💕

[coolspacequips]

I am too tired to think of actual scenarios and details but imagine Kinkade, Shiro, and Lance have been together and living together for a while and they decide to take the next step: adopting a pet! What do each of them want: cat, dog, bird, snake?? Do they get more than 1? How many places do they look at, do they run into problems? Do they fall in love with something unexpected? What do they name it!

hey anon ok here we go with attempt 2 with answering this question!! i wrote a long ass response to this ask and then accidentally navigated away from the page somehow (typing too frantically? no conclusive science on this) and lost the whole thing :’)

but im bringing the same enthusiasm and mostly remember what i said so here we go again! (came back to say.... this got even longer idk why i am just rambling abt pet meta this is ridiculous)

so, we all know that i want shance to be married with a cat, but moving into ot3 territory things are getting a little bit more complicated. 

pet discussions probably open up as a joke, with lance complaining about wanting a little buddy to play with around the house, and the others agreeing that they could use someone to keep their energy up and their laps warm whenever hes away. but whenever lance sighs and moans for a pet, it tends to be a different animal depending on the situation. 

so what do they actually want?

starting w lance naturally, i feel like hes a much more traditional pet type of guy. wants a cat to snuggle and play with, or a dog to run and swim with, something soft that he can get his hands on and smother in smooches. something thatll do well in a family home! whatever they get though, he would shower it with love and attention

shiro strikes me as more of a traditional pet guy, too, and we already know that he likes cats. if he had more time, i feel like he would like smaller pets, like a bunny or a bird, something he can keep nearby and speak softly too while just enjoying how cute and pretty it is. but the level of poop from both of those animals requires a lot of upkeep, and they need more specific care, and birds can get loud, which kinkade is not the hugest fan of, anyway

kinkade is the odd one out here, though. i mean, of course he likes your traditional house pet just as much as the next guy, and animals actually Love him for reasons beyond his comprehension, but he actually likes reptiles. we know hes a reflective guy, one who seems to value having control, and idk i think he would find a lot of comfort in the routine of caring for a high maintenance pet like that! he likes reptiles because theyre stoic but full of so much personality, and he just enjoys kind of watching them do their own thing in their habitat, showing his care by keeping their temp and humidity under control, decorating their tanks to a ridiculous degree to make them as comfortable and immersive as he can for them. he spoils them a little with treats, and you might even catch him murmuring softly to them while he feeds and cleans and handles them.

he knows its a weird sort of pet, though, so he doesnt speak up about it when they really start to consider their pet options. naturally, they eventually settle on a cat that they love to pieces. lance loves to play with it, it makes kinkade smile and laugh, it pulls shiro out of his thoughts when he gets lost in them, and they all spoil it!!

lance remembers way back at the garrison, though, that kinkade had a ‘secret’ tank that he kept in his dorm for a while before getting caught, in the earlier days. it was a whole schoolyard scandal, just another layer of kinkade mystery. he brings this up one day, and it all comes out that actually, kinkade just has a soft spot for those scaly little guys, and both lance and shiro want to know why he didnt just tell them that before! 

really, kinkade still has trouble opening up, even to them, even after all this time. he just kept it to himself, he couldnt really say why, not wanting to derail the conversation when they probably wouldnt want some gross reptile anyway. but they are on board!! if this is a modern au, they probably get something not TOO difficult, like a bearded lizard or a pretty cornsnake, maybe a turtle if the commitment is real, but omg can you imagine them giving him a cool little alien reptile that becomes his bff??? please!

but yeah they decide they want to learn more about this special interest of kinkades, and get together with him to research different breeds and the stuff that theyre gonna need to take care of their new reptile! shiro is actually, surprisingly, a little more twitchy about them, a cross between being uneasy with them and being wary because theyre small and delicate once kinkade has gently coaxed the little thing into his hand. he warms up to them, though. lance is v enthusiastic to touch it and feed it, even though he puts on a big production of bravado when he has to put his hand close to its mouth and it snatches whatever he has out, jerking his hand back and then putting it on his hip with a big laugh like he meant to do it

theres a bit of an adjustment period as their cat is Fascinated with their new housemate, but they quickly condition her not to stress the lil thing out

also if its a modern au i just decided that they land on getting a turtle and name it atlas, because its carrying the world on its back, and because theyre nerds, and atlas.

so thats it lol, thanks for coming to my ted talk!!

[modernlcve]

little info dump of lizzie’s la muses

ADELAIDE LINDHOLM  :   they still need a last name but . whatever. i was gonna make her like really boring n a lil mean but. i changed me mind. she’s still uninterested in fame but im pulling her out of management she did it for like 3 years and then realized it brought her nothing but stress and pain so she quit and is doing temp work for the time being she’s trying to figure some stuff of her own out but deflects it onto still trying to boss around her siblings all the time. this sounded more interesting in my head. know it all, bossy, putting on a front of being in control of her miserable life

plots for her include  :  former clients she completely abandoned when she snapped, im working on more but sometimes... being a big sister is a full time job am i right girls

ALISON COLLINS  :  a woman at a crossroads . wants to follow her big artistic ambition of [redacted] but it just hasnt worked out for her yet so she’s teaching elementary art classes at a Hippie School to pay the bills til something comes her way , but its hard to be the edgy artist type when u got the school breathing down ur back and checking 2 make sure ur on the straight and narrow.

plots for her include  :  another big sister im ltrying to think of plots for but . sometimes things arent easy you know. she could have art circle friends who make fun of her for Selling Out and making pipe cleaner crafts for a living now

BRUNO VARGAS  :   i’m copy pasting the fc meme. he bought a “capitalism is unsustainable” sticker off of amazon. prime example of that “little confused but he’s got the spirit” meme. he threw himself into the social activism scene after he dropped out of college and ran away to the city to really make something of himself. he really wants to do good things for good reasons his heart is in the right place he’s just a dumbass. grew up in a traditional catholic military family but hasn’t had contact w them for a minute. lives in the fold because he thinks its cool 2 force people 2 hang out with him. works for an indie underground news publication.

plots for him include  :  yeah  maybe i am still stuck on the boyfriend/girlfriend plot. im not married to it being bf n gf if it just works 2 be 2 gfs or 2 bfs anyways. plot would be that one partner bruno has had longer and has openly been with for a minute now. second partner would be more recent and bc of that less of the whole official We’re Together :) kind of thing. both partners would know he’s seeing other people, but he hasnt gone out of his way to specifically out either of them, p2 just knows about p1 bc they were openly w bruno whereas they arent yet. if that makes literally any sense

COLE EDWARDS  :  bit of a weirdo. she does something behind the scenes i was thinking like set design because thats something that weirdly really interests me. anyways shes a doormat but in a different way than molly could be read that way she really just likes to be involved in things and help people. ~quirky~ but one day , she will snap. u can tell when u see her at craft night and she gets so much hot glue on her hand but doesnt even react. its like she cant feel it... feel better cole...

plots for her   :  cole could work for laguna beach or as the mystery novak stepsib im not married to her being on the show or not yet. i figured she could be fun there because she would be a light addition to all these Reality Tv Bastards u know. her bg and plots will fit whichever subplot i use her for so . tba

HOLLIS MESSINA   :   kill him NOW .   hollis is a bad man. not to godmod michele but in my head their parents are also like weird arsty types not necessarily famous but always very into the arts all thru their childhood. they grew up eating a lot of kale and maybe thats why hollis is the way he is. he’s vapid and very insecure because he wants so bad to be cool and funny and talented and suffers from major impostor syndrome which contributes to his online shopping addiction. take a nap hollis...

plots for him  :  we know im always looking for a plot where my musician writes a song about how crusty their ex is and their ex doesn’t appreciate it, or in general just maybe someone who got past the Phony Fakeass Cool Hollis act but then he decided to be very mean to them because soemtimes it hurts to let people in

JAMES ZAMORA   :  instagram model and youtuber. new media thot. she makes beauty, fashion, lifestyle, and travel related content. her entire brand is being A Sexy Little Trollop for people to envy. came from humble beginnings believe it or not, but she will never tell anyone that. as far as they need to be concerned shes been toddling around in heels since day one. lives in the fold because it makes for quirky content but once a month she threatens to get the hell out of here.. no one knows why she stays..

plots for her  :  frankly between the Novak Boyz and the mean girl squad im happy w her plots for now but shes always around to *cheryl blossom voice* create a little chaos if needed...

MOLLY SEKULIC   :   for the first week he lived at the fold noah thought she was a ghost :0  jadede film school student who thought she would get to do real documentary work at a place like b*zzfeed news but got put on projects shes not as passionate about 2 put it kindly. constantly planning her escape from the fold and worth it and all of that but 2 depressed to actually put any of it into play so she just sticks around and hopes one day she’s tapped for something with Substance

plots for her  :  she just doesnt get out much. shes got her Horrible sons (alec and [redacted]) and the girlies she hangs out with at the fold so shes not a completely friendless loser. with muses also working in film i think it could be fun to have a plot where they went to school together/worked on a project earlyo n together but now shes doing this and is embarrassed to talk to them abt it not that its even that real of a plot..

NOAH FITZGERALD  :  i wrote an intro for him in fold and im just gonna link it here. tldr hes very shy,, be gentle,, he wants to be liked and validated which is a common theme for me becuase yeah maybe in my core i dont believe anyone pursuing art does it for any reason but validation i sure know i do 

plots for him  :   he’s got a little going on but other fun stuff could be musicians he jams with that could catch onto his and bradys Scam, maybe some other dorks to commiserate with ive obvisosuly not got as many ideas as i let on huh,

WYATT SONG   :   gay writer bitch. came from money so he’s just casually pursuing writing full time minus the time he spends on the show (bit less than everyone else just because watching him sit in his home office and do nothing for hours just isnt interesting) but i kinda like the idea of him being a Villain within the show like idk what dynamics we were wanting to set up but i feel ike since he’s more reclusive than the others and when he is around hes Annoying he could be someone the show kinda frames as Not Likable which mostly doesnt bother him but . stings a little

plots   :  someone whos really nice 2 him off cam but plays to that villain thing on cam, which could work for a few muses on different levels like a friend whos just flighty to someone he’s ~ secretly dating ~ bc it would mess up the current plot of the show if they were fucking just yet

[professional-anti]

Chapter Eight: Weapon of Choice

Heyyyyy!! Sorry, life has been cray, and it’s never gonna change, unfortunately. But guys, dw, I am dedicated. Also, weirdly, doing this has made me appreciate books even more? It’s so much fun to talk abt books, and I learn so much, even if it’s a book I hate. Okay, getting started (pray for me):

We last left off with Clary jumping thru the surprise door, like one does. Jace lands on top of her, yay, OTP moment, gag me. There’s a nice little detail where “Clary coughed hair (not her own) out of her mouth” which kind of captures the chaos and would be cute if it were an actual good ship. I hate when that happens. Jace criticizes Clary, FINALLY for a valid reason.

It turns out they’re at Luke’s house. Oh, classic, he lives in Williamsburg, the gentrified hipster paradise. Where else would a man who wears flannel live? Even more classic, he lives behind a bookstore. Clare is obviously one of those heavy-handed authors who has exactly two professions for her Intellectual Men™: bookseller and evil Giles.

I’m going to shake Clary. She doesn’t know why they’re here, despite having thought “I want to go where my mom would have gone” right before jumping. Like, bitch??? Do you have a brain? I’m cryingfff

Clary decides she wants to leave, even though there’s cleary something super sketch abt Luke. He’s so obviously protecting her, so he must know something, right? Well, Clary rubs her two brain cells together and decides, nope, nothing to see here! Time to go home!

Jace, being reasonable for once, is like, yo, maybe we should stay. They run into Simon, so you know there’s gonna be Dramaz. Jace and Simon apparently devolve into primordial wild dogs driven by the intense urge to fight for the girl dog so they can screw and produce puppies that are as annoying as they are. Here is what everyone is doing:

Clary is fixing Simon’s hair bc she’s a Woman Simon is pushing Clary’s hand away bc he’s Annoyed Jace is using his stele to file his nail bc he’s Not Paying Attention

There’s some horrible forced tension between Simon and Clary, where he’s all, “Clary, you ran away from me, I thought I and my dick upset you,” and Clary’s all, “Never, Simon, I love you,” and Simon cums. Not actually, instead he slut shames Clary:

“Yeah, well, you clearly also couldn’t be bothered to call me and tell me you were shacking up with some dyed-blond wanna-be goth you probably met at Pandemomonium”

On the one hand, draaaaag him, Simon!! Jace IS a peroxide blond who listens Evanescence (I almost wrote MCR before googling it and learning that if I wrote that, about a million punks would stream into my inbox in tears).

Simon’s eyes are “dark with suspicion”. which is just annoying. Yes, I would be so fucking annoyed if my friend ran out on me and then disappeared and then reappeared with a blond guy. But I’d also do some more questioning of the situation. Is she okay? Why is she with such a rude guy? Is he hurting her? Was she kidnapped? Is she being held against her will? Is this a drug thing? Does she need my help? Why did Luke cover for her? Is something deeper going on? Instead Simon is all possessive Nice Guy.

Apparently Simon spied on Luke packing a duffel bag of weapons. So he couldn’t give Clary any benefit of the doubt? It sounds like her family is caught in a bad situation! Maybe she had to hide for her life! Simon, use your brain!!

kajlkfaklsdjfalksdflk Clary tells Simon everything, and Simon asks if they kill all these different magical creatures, and Jace says ONLY WHEN THEY’VE BEEN NAUGHTY a;dlfjals;kdjfl;asdjfl;aksdjf hahahahahahahah This image that Clare is going for is just sooooo overdrawn. This dialogue, omfg.

Simon loses his mind and excitedly compares everything that’s been going on to D&D. Let’s totally forget abt the fact that Clary’s mom is missing, or that Luke just filled a duffel bags with murder sticks, shall we?

Jace and Simon have a bizarre conversation, and then they walk. In. The. Back. Door. Bc Luke doesn’t lock his back door. Bc that’s totally not something that someone who fills a duffel bag with weapons would do. At least the door to the bookstore is locked, though Jace opens it pretty easily with his stele. Why didn’t Luke have Jocelyn fix up some wards or something?

Simon asks Clary how she stands Jace, and she’s like “he saved me life” and he’s like “huh?” even though she told him everything that happened. Why is Simon so dumb. I guess all his blood is in his dick? Wouldn’t surprise me.

They find manacles in the wall, so either Luke and Jocelyn have (even more) hidden depths, or Luke practices

Luke’s apartment is filled with books. Of course. Look, I love books. I have about 500 in my room at this moment. I buy them constantly, I get from the libarary, I read and read and read. I think most of us on booklr do. But when every single Good Character in your book has books, it’s boring. And no one has unique book taste. What if all of Luke’s books were nature books? Jack London? Travel guides? That would paint a picture. Instead he has a bunch of fantasy and other fiction. That’s boring. I learn nothing, bc every goddamn person in this goddamn book reads fantasy. It’s so fucking generic. I totally approve of “good” characters admiring and liking reading bc that’s how you get ideas, and that’s how Lemony Snicket rolls, but there are more books than fantasy and mystery (the other main type that Lucas has) in the world. Justice Strauss has an inexhaustive library. Uncle Monty has all those books about snakes. Lucky Smells just has that one history of Lucky Smells. Already, you know so much abt each person (and place) by what books they have. We learn nothing about Luke.

Clary finds the overnight bag she leaves at Luke’s and changes clothes. I mention this only bc she puts on “a blue tank top with a design of Chinese characters across the front” bc of COURSE she is That Bitch. I hope it translates to something like “Radishes” or “Bridge”.

Luke’s bedroom has a shelf of “Indian statues and Russian icons” which, idk, makes me a little uncomfortable. These sound like things that are holy to someone. But I think the worst part is that Clary says, “Luke collects stuff. Art objects. You know … Pretty things.” I just googled it, and Hindu statues, like the one Luke has of Kali, are seen as actual avatars of gods. Clary is diminishing someone’s god to a “pretty thing”. It’s not a nick-nack or a trinket. (If you know more abt this, like if I’m wildly off-base, feel free to send me an ask!)

Jace finds the Metaphor known as a smashed picture of Luke, Jocie, and Clary, which Clary threw at the Ravener in her apartment, so realize that Luke went back through the apartment. Jace says that Luke must have gone through the Portal-potty last, so it brought them here. I’m still team Clary Asked to Go Where Her Mother Would Have Gone and Therefore the Portal did What it Was Supposed to Do and Brought Her Where She Wanted.

Luke and some warlocks show up, so Clary and co. hide behind the super convenient silk screen. Jace uses his sonic stele to make the screen transparent and we get this gem:

Jace shook his head at them both, mouthing words: They can’t see us through it, but we can see them.

Bc mouthing works that well. You don’t mouth compound sentences!! You mouth something simple like they can’t see us. Simon and Clary already know they can see Luke and the warlocks bc they’re looking at them right now! And this spell or whatever that Jace did takes the tension in the scene waaaaaay down. If they can’t see Luke, then everything becomes more tense. Are the voices getting closer to the screen? Is somebody about to reveal them? Instead, all the tension is drained in a dumb quick-fix.

Bc Clare thinks we’re stupid, she adds “It was frightening even though [Clary] knew [Luke] couldn’t see her, that the window Jace had made was like the glass in a police station interrogation room: strictly one-way.”

GD ARE YOU THERE??????? STOP THIS.

Jace realizes that the warlocks are actually Shadowhunters dressed as warlocks. Idk how he can tell, but whatever. He conveys this by whispering, so I don’t know what the mouthing nonsense was earlier.

The Shadowhunters are named Blackwell (redhead) and Pangborn (gray mustache). What sorts of names. It’s like Clare used a fantasy-name-generator. Who are we kidding, that’s totally what she did. Pangborn picks up the Kali statue and this conversation happens:

“Ah,” said Pangborn, taking the statue from his companion. “She who was created to battle a demon who could not be killed by any god or man. ‘Oh, Kali, my mother full of bliss! Enchantress of the almighty Shiva, in they delirious joy thou dancest, clapping thy hands together. Thou art the Mover of all that moves, and we are but thy helpless toys.’” “Very nice,” said Luke. “I didn’t know you were a student of the Indian myths.” “All the stories are true,” said Pangborn, and Clary felt a small shiver go up her spine. “Or have you forgotten even that?” “I forget nothing,” said Luke.

So the Shadowhunter mythology is that all religions are true? Inch resting. I vaguely remember this. Idk how I feel about this. The Shadowhunters are still gonna be super Christian no matter what lip-service Clare pays to other religions. She has angels! And demons! She’s trying to be inclusive, but it’s never really gonna work, bc she’s doing it in name only. But at the same time, I wouldn’t want her to mess with any religion but Christianity or, sigh, Judaism. Christianity bc it’s the dominant religion and can’t be marginalized (different denominations can be, but not Christianity as a whole) and Judaism bc she’s Jewish. There’s not very much Jewish in these books, though. Yeah, there are angels in Judaism, but it’s not really the Jewish Vibe. A book influenced by Judaism would have a lot of magic based on specific wording, and arguments, and Hebrew and Hebrew-derived languages. This book uses Latin and is into angels. It’s Christian-influenced, which is fine, I guess, but the lip-service to other religions doesn’t ring true. But also, saying “Christianity is the one religion!” is super upsetting and she shouldn’t do that. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, I’m literally thinking on the page. Do you guys have any thoughts on this? Please hit up my ask box or talk about this in the notes! This discussion really interests me, and I want to get diverse opinions.

Luke asks if Valentine sent them (he did) and if their clothes “are official Accord robes” “from the Uprising?” (they are). Wow. The Uprising. What a descriptive name! We don’t call things “the Uprising” in real life. It’s more like, “The French Revolution.” “The Cultural Revolution.” “The Revolutionary War.” “The Civil War.” Am I being unfair?” I guess someone right after one of the French Revolutions might just say “the Revolution.” But something about The Uprising is so boring. And aren’t there more than one Uprising? There should be. The Warlock Uprising. The Vampire Uprising. It doesn’t have to be all internal. Any organized group would rise against the Clave. The Clave is legit the worst.

It turns out Luke’s real name is Lucian AND. I. AM. DYING. Luke is Lucius Malfoy, confirmed!! Let’s do a list of what we know so far:

Clary: Ginny Jace: Draco Jocelyn: I’m getting Bellatrix vibes? Bc of the whole in-love-with Voldemort thing? Valentine: I don’t know?? I can’t think of who he could be??? We’ll have to leave this blank for now I guess :/ Hodge: Giles. Not a HP character, but this is a crossover event with Buffy. Isabelle: Pansy Parkinson Alec: I actually don’t know here. He’s the GBF. Simon: Does Harry make sense? They’re both boring nice guys (don’t @ me!)

This game is getting boring, let’s move on. Luke apparently used to fight with B and P, so we know he’s a Shadowhunter (or, if you’ve read this book before, you know he used to be one). Then he tells them he doesn’t know where the Mortal Cup is (they think Jocelyn hid it).

CLARY IS SO FUCKING DUMB OMFG. P and B talk about how Jocelyn hasn’t regained consciousness and Valentine wants to see her again (using her name) and Clary goes:

Jocelyn? Can they be talking about my mother?

NO THE OTHER FUCKING JOCELYN. CLARY HOW RU STILL ALIVE.

CC must think her readers are really dumb and can’t figure anything out on their own:

“I’ve never felt any way about [Jocelyn], particularly,” said Luke. “Two Shadowhunters, exiled from their own kind, you can see why we might have banded together. But I’m not going to try to interfere with Valentine’s plans for her, if that’s what he’s worried about.”

He might as well have said, “Jocelyn and I were both exiled. EXILED. We were exiled. We were exiled as fuck. Do you get it? Reading context clues is hard, so I’m saying WE WERE EXILED.” The quasi-warlocks should have responded like, “Yeah? We know you both were exiled? We were there?”

Blackwell refers to Jocelyn as “that bitch” bc institutionalized mysoginy is the absolute best! I love when vicious sexism is included for no reason! Bc also these guys aren’t any worse than Luke! Bc may I remind you that Luke was basically a supremacist! Just like them!

For some reason, these idiots believe Lucius when he tells them that he’s not close with Jocie. Then please explain why you both live in Brooklyn.

P and B threaten to make Luke stay in the city, and Luke threatens them, and somehow they let this happen? In other news, Clary is still dumb as rocks. She’s super hurt that Luke said that he doesn’t care about Jocie bc she has about 0 critical thinking skills. We’re talking none. She could have someone whispering the answers in her ear and still bomb the SAT.

Jace thinks that P and B think Luke “knows more than he’s telling” so why would they let him go???? Then Jace reveals that P and B murdered his dad, and this chapter is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone bring me a Bloody Mary. It’s how I feel inside.

[hyungkyun]

(^:

HENLO!!! this is ur actual bday present, not that Gross thing i sent earlier lol. again, do whatever u want with it!! u dont have to post it or anything. it’s just easier to submit stuff like this than to, idk, send u an email like a señora lol.

ok so im doing this in bullet point format bc the last time I wrote a coherent, well-written paragraph was like 5 years ago or smth. anyway!! since u hated soooo much my beautiful, amazing, unique goths au im going with the loser couple au… which was also a college au of sorts?? dskjhksjdf this isn’t even an au, since y’all are already losers tbh (^: this also got out of hand…. this shit is eight pages long. idk enjoy bithc.

first of all, ck the kind of dude everyone’s lowkey scared of bc he’s silent and serious af. also he does seem kind of a weirdo, tbh?

youve seen him around, maybe you’re in the same dorms but u have absolutely no idea what he’s majoring in :o and u ask around but no one has any idea either!! oh wow a mystery~~

BUT he’s kinda cute hmmm (^: and u probably find the weirdo vibe interesting

however it’s so hard to get to talk to him. u always run into him when you’re out with friends or in a hurry to get to class so :///

but destiny works in mysterious ways~~~ and once u meet it’s rly. so unexpected.

actually, it’s awful since u get locked out of ur dorm sound familiar?? during winter break, rly late at night after a long study session at the library yes, the library, fight me. so u kinda just. sit down miserably outside ur room, since ur roommates are gone, cursing everything and everyone. u will eventually go looking for someone to help u out or smth but right now u need to Whine.

but oh my!! enter mister im changkyun!!! that weirdo who actually lives a couple of doors away from u (how come you never found out wtf???)

he sees u basking in ur misery and actually. finds u rly cute??? bc you’re pouting, cursing a little under ur breath, fumbling with ur phone. but u also look angry as fuck, ready to kill a man??? and yet you’re really fucking cute what the hell!!!!

so he comes up to u and asks u what’s wrong, to which u answer not so nicely without even looking up from ur phone, bc you’re rly so done with this situation ://

but then u look up and u See who it is fuck fuck fuck fuckfucbicvufkhkcfj

but since ck’s Nice and he understands that u must be having an awful time (and also bc he thinks youre cute) he offers to help u. you’re kind of skeptical since he’s just another student, what could he do???

until he tells u he knows how to pick locks lmaoaoaoaoa. that lil weirdo (‘:

anyway he saves ur night. but since he’s an annoying lil shit he’ll tease u abt it every time he runs into u for the rest of winter break.

since that day y'all basiclly become an old, bickering, married couple fnsdjdj

u never stop annoying each other…. you’re wearing a hoodie? he’ll probably pull the hood all the way down until it covers ur eyes, and u get him back by messing up his hair which, by the way,is so soft….. hmmmm

u call each other nerd and loser and dumbass all the time lmao. he’ll constantly bring up the way u met just to jokingly say that you’d be lost without him :/// he rly is a lil shit.

it’s funny bc everyone figures out u are falling for each other… except u two. and i rly do mean everyone. ur friends. his friends. ur roommates. ur cat. the janitor, too, probably. it’s so obvious it hurts.

one time someone implies u would be a cute couple and y'all literally go all ‘no???? haha me??? liking that loser??? pfft not in a million years’

it’s the biggest lie, of course (: and ever since that person suggested u would look good together, both of u kind of realize it’d be… nice. more than nice. actually, super nice.

but since both of u are dumb tsunderes,  as ive said before, u will literally be the embodiment of this scene… except it goes both ways. honestly u are so gone for each other it’s GROSS.

but we need some angst up in here so y'all dont get together for a reaaaaaaally long time :/ smh. the pining is Real. ppl come and go in ur lives, and each person u go out with sees that u already fell for someone else—and that’s why all potential relationships don’t last much–, but sdjkfhksjdhk!!! neither of u want to openly admit it.

it’s A Mess bc u are actually good friends and u tell each other abt ur dates and stuff—secretly hoping the other will do something—but y'all looove being dumb so u act like it’s all cool and be like ‘o rly!! good for u, i hope it works out’. right. :/

y’all keep dancing around each other for several months until one Merciful Soul gets tired of ur shit and forces u to sort things out. im talking abt locking u up in some room and not letting u out until u stop pretending u aren’t disgustingly in love with each other. or smthequally cheesy (: u know ilove cheese

((obviously everyone eavesdrops through the door bc cmon, theyve been waiting for this for sooooo long))

at first u two are just annoyed at the Merciful Soul betchait was minhyuk, and u spend ur time yelling and cursing them for doing this (all while claiming that this is pointless, since u have NO feelings for each other. none. nada!)

after a very long time, it’s ck the one that confesses first lmao. youve been whining and being grumpy the whole time youve been locked up together and it kinda reminded him of the way u met… damn. here come The Feelings.

he’s tired, and there’s nothing left to lose. so he tells u The Truth.

[suspenseful pause….. what’s going to happen next?? :OOOOO]……… tune in next year to find out, in the continuation of Cristina’s Cheesy Birthday Present!!!

jk, proceed to the next bullet point pls.

obviously u tell him u feel the same way [insert ppl crying in the background] and he’s actually shocked when u say u like him back…. and gosh, he does look cute when he’s surprised…

so yeah!!! it’s until then that u FINALLY go on a date during the weekend!!. hallelujah. thanks minhyuk,u beautiful soul.

so!!! ok!! first date!!! a rly cute fairground in the evening!!!

u try to be fake mean to each other like u used to but everything feels different~~~ (^:

so instead y’all act bashful as hell, and blush at everything jjdfghjfhd. hands brushing accidentally?? BLUSH. eyes meeting? BLUSH. BLUSH BLUSH BLUSH!!! u also laugh at everything bc both of u are so nervous oh gmhg fdknjjkdsfjoidf this is gross.

he’ll tell bad jokes to make u laugh and they’re rly so so so bad that he actually keeps u in stitches. if u look rly closely you’ll see his huge ass heart eyes bc !!!! he made u laugh!!!! and u look so pretty when u laugh omg!!!! dis-gos-tinnnnn

it’d be such a cute date tbh im crying just thinking abt it (‘’’’: obviously he’s a gentleman and he lets u choose what to eat, which ride to go to first, etc. u could literally tell him ‘hey let’s just sit down and do nothing’ and he’d say yes. he’s so gONe, ifmgfjdmf.

he’s kinda quiet and a lot shier than u wouldve expected but youre literally melting bc that’s a new side to him that you’d never thought you’d see.

u end up having so much fun (‘: u gross lil idiots, u.

oh and he’s def the type to ask if he can kiss u at the end of the night EYYYYYY

even if u find that incredibly endearing you’ll probably roll ur eyes with a huge ass smile on urlips lmaoaoaoao and call him a dummy for even asking when you’ve literally be in cloud nine since ur date started kjkhwjeqdkwjlk  

[hello, brief break to clarify that from this point i forgot this was actually a college au lmao, so the rest of the bullet points are literally just. random facts abt u two dating hhhhhh. We dont even know what ck’s major is odjfngnfdj]  

at first things are a lil awkward in ur relationship tbh

catch ck googling ‘how to relationship’ on a daily basis dnfndkfjdncn he is sort of clueless abt how to handle The Feelings. mostly bc this is Important and the last thing he wants is to mess it up )^:

that goes away eventually, tho!! he’ll start being his weird little self real fucking soon, so Get Ready

u still call each other nerd and all that stuff, but ur voices are dripping with fondness when u say it… literally everyone around u gets cavities from it, ew.

he’s not that big on planning dates but from time to time he’ll take u to rly cool, unexpected, interesting places :o  and eventually he’ll show u his favorite secret spots ((’:

study dates are a thing. i bet he’s that type of person that enjoys reading in weird ass positions… his legs are like, halfway off the couch and his arm is bent in a way that looks almost painful… what the hell….?? but it’s fine (: it goes so well with ur study methods, those that are Too Weird for the library, yeah?? (:

he will also stare at u a lot bc u look cute when you’re rly focused on smth that is, when u stop  whining abtstudying…

every time u catch him doing that you’ll go all ‘stop staring at me!!! wtf are u looking at u weirdo’ and he’ll answer ‘you’re so pretty~~~ ♥️♥️♥️’. you’ll blush like a lil idiot, naturally (^: hmmmm

and yea, yea. nap dates are a thing too :/// with sleepy forehead kisses and raspy voices and tangled limbs. all that sappy stuff. he’s a lil shit tho, so he’ll sometimes poke ur ribs to tickle u lmao.

buuuut he’ll also take a lot of pics of u sleeping bc he thinks youre cute )))): his faves always end up being his wallpaper for months.

he’ll get strange gifts for u, like rly bizarre plushies and rare books on topics he thinks u will like,  tacky anime memorabilia, etc. he’ll always give them to u at random times bc he just saw them and reminded him of u ♥️  

he makes a lot of playlists for u too!!! pls listen closely, he puts a lot more thought into them than he lets on.

u like his selfies??? well he’ll send u a lot of those. unfortunately, bc he’s a lil shit, he’ll mostly send double chins and weird ass faces from equally weird angles  

from time to time he’ll send u a Nice One tho ((((^: and u know, tongue selfies since youreSO fond of his(and I quote) “5ft tongue”. and oh gosh! is that a tongue piercing…??? eyyyyyy

if u want to take couple selfies then you’re gonna have a real hard time bc he’ll always be making weird faces and poses just to be annoying. eventually u will make dumb faces too tho (’: what a couple of losers

expect weird random texts: he loves telling u abt whatever is on his mind—probably aliens. he thinks a lot abt aliens and the universe. throw some conspiracy theories in there, too—. he’ll also send obscure memes. and a lot of russian cats!!

he’ll love ur cosplay hobbie. he thinks it’s super cool. he’ll call u a nerd but don’t be fooled! he totally brags abt it with his friends (^:

oh! and this is unrelated but at some point y'all will look like an emo goth couple. u won’t even realize that you’re both wearing black and looking Edgy, it’ll just happen spontaneously. tragic 😔

there are a lot of comfortable silences when u hang out, but late night deep convos are also fundamental :o!!! bc y'all are Smort.

he’ll act like f*cboi from time to time tbh?? he’ll tell lots of dirty jokes LMAO. u roll ur eyes at him a lot bc they’re rly. so bad.

if he winks or does Eyebrow Things then u can’t rly roll ur eyes and act like you’re annoyed bc (: u like it (: and u think it suits him (: and he knows it (: (: (:

u get back at him by telling him he’s cute tho, and he’ll get all shy and he’ll stutter and saying “noooooo” while also fighting back a smile

he will also howl or bark at u to annoy u jdfhkjdf. damn f*rry ://

on that note, he loves to embarrass u in front of ur friends bc he’s a lil shit :DD

But he’s also the sweetest??? whenever he sees you’re feeling down he’ll start doing weird shit to make u laugh. if that doesn’t work then he’ll hug u real tight without saying anything else, bc that’s Enough, u know?? (’:

ok time to get Domestic lads!!!

Idk who the hell is going to cook bc y'all are a damn mess in the kitchen. u two try to cook Nice Meals sometimes. seven times out of ten u end up ordering takeout lmao.

be prepared: he sings in the shower, and he does so terribly. (he might do it a little louder and a little more off-key sometimes bc he knows it makes u laugh)

random kisses are a thing!!! he kisses ur cheek or ur shoulder or ur nape or literally. any body part he can get his lips on when u two are just hanging out, watching movies or smth. it’s so soft and cute )^: wtf im crying

but also stolen kisses!! he’ll kiss u at the most unexpected of times and it alwaysleaves u breathless

he’ll constantly put his head on ur shoulder and make this face at u (^:  

can’t sleep??? don’t worry!!! he’ll sing to u with that pretty, soothing voice of his

anyway. what I meant is that y’all would be such cute little idiots together this was long af. wow. im so sorry. happy birthday??? lmao

I HAD TO PUT THIS UNDER A READ MORE BC ITS SO FUCKING LONG NAT U DUMBASS ICB U DID THIS KFJSKFJSLKDJFLKJ THIS IS SO CHEESY AND GROSS and it also made me realize that u know too much shit abt me. what was that t*ngue part. im not talking to u ever again. aNYWAY U RLY ARE AN IDIOT I WAS SMILING SO BIG THRU THIS WHOLE THING MAYBE I SCREAMED A LITTLE?????????? FUCK U!!!!!!!! WHATS WITH ‘The Feelings’ PART I HATE THAT I ALMOST DIED FUCK OFF IM NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE FEELINGS!!!!!! U CANT DO THIS TO ME SKJFHSKJDHFKSLDJFH 

icb u rly did the fairground first date i rly fucking hate u why did i even tell u these things i knew it was gonna fire back im fjjgjkknknnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ur ‘tragic 😔’ when we become a goth couple :/ u dont understand goth love

why the fuck did u make him howl. i wanna fucking die rn. what the fuck. he fucking would. fuck off.

i dont wanna talk abt all that domestic shit how did u even write all of that without dying i literally wanna rip all my limbs off i wont make any comment. i didnt need to know what that would be like but u looooove ruining my life so :)

i rly hate u ksdjfhskdjhfksjh icb u did this thank u i wanna die??????????? wtf nat !!!!! no but rly thank u :( u took the time to write this long ass college au (is it????? whats cks major tho rly :/ ) and just skdfjsjk u remembered all the weird shit i told u thats cute and also Really Bad what else do u know that i forgot i told u skdfksjh im literally always screaming at u abt this shit how did u !!! remember all of this!!!!! dldskfjshljhlakjsh this is so cute and horrible nat wtf how could u :( now im gonna cry :(

[channiekyun]

assigned//seventeen// minghao

pairing: xu minghao/reader genres: fluff, bullet-fic! , high school au! word count: 1016 summary: what being in a group project with minghao would be like a/n: it is now 3am and i am supposed to be writing my own script for class, how ironic

so you know minghao

k, like you guys are on good terms n’ stuff

but, also you like don’t talk to him bc reasons

like ok, you guys are part of one huge group and so yeah

so when you have to make a play in a week abt history you got assigned groups

which was disappointing bc you wanted to be with your bff, soonyoung, but whatever this is cool too

everything was not ok guys

the group consisted of people who either had no idea what they were doing or the ridiculously hard try hard kids

THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN

YOU ARE THE INBETWEEN

Minghao was the only guy you personally knew so when everyone else was messing around, you stroke a conversation

guys, did you know minghao can balance a pencil on his nose for a minute??

you dead-ass timed him

yea, you guys hit it off pretty well

well better than expected

anyway, your group was supposed to write scripts but you all didn’t get anything done in the past week

well, the try-hards wrote scripts and they were literally the textbook

so you were like ‘guys no’

you ended up taking leader and started writing your own scripts

not forgetting to throw everyone else's scripts in the trash

Minghao helped you bc he was caring ok, don’t question

‘we should have some comedy’

‘yea, yea, got it’

you actually had fun bc of him

but there were some moments

‘(y/n), erase that part. it’s stupid.’

‘ok, how ‘bout you write it them, Mr. comedy man?’

‘why’

‘bc you’re so obviously funny’

‘lol that’s funny’

let’s not forget unnecessary dabbing guys

whenever you stopped writing to look up from the paper, you saw him smiling at you

like-hOLY F-JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL

your heart was doing multiple 180s

the way his smile shined was adorable

you can’t fite me on this, k

across the classroom, you could see Soonyoung giving you a thumbs up

you are killing that weirdo later omg

(little did you know that Minghao was staring at how cute you were when you began scratching your head whenever you got stuck in ideas)

outside of class you start talking more too

you took absent-minded walks through empty hallways together

you sat close at lunch together

you peeled his oranges for him when dk wasn’t there to peel them for him

let’s just say you’re otp goals to everyone m8

you got people to actually play their part and on the day of the skit you did the whole intro to it by yourself

minghao was on the side clapping and giving approving looks like a proud mom

the skit went well 

and that was good

what else was good??

you and minghao’s relationship

how you guys ended up together is a mystery (actually not really ha)

it was an accident lol

someone put a notebook on your desk

you were obvs going to return it so you looked through it during one of your free periods

you opened it to a random page

‘ideas on how to confess to her’

the rest of the page was left blank

this guy had no idea what to do

you flipped to the first page

there was no name on it

nobody’s name was anywhere in it, so you shrugged it off

you got home at night and you looked through it again

the handwriting looked familiar hm

omg, your brain remembered

you took out one of the rough drafts of the script that had scribbles of Minghao’s writing on it and compared

oh my, it matched wth

you guys did not see that coming right

next day, you sat next to Minghao during class and he saw what was in your backpack

‘yo, (y/n), is that your notebook?’

“oh yea, that’s my math notebook’

‘oh, ok, i lost mine’ he said flusteredly 

making him confused is the best thing ever

if the notebook is his, it means he was planning to confess to a lucky someone

so who?

so after class ended you stopped him from leaving by yanking his hoodie

‘hey, this is your’s actually’

‘why did you lie to me?’

‘seeing a confused you is a blessing in my life’

he blushed

did you get that, xu minghao actually blushed, like hard this time

he tried grabbing it but lol no

rejected *oooohhhhhhh*

you ended up flipping to that page and showing him it

‘who are you confessing too huh’

‘no one, that’s for a friend’

‘friends don’t lie’ you hmphed

it stayed silent, too silent for your liking

‘so who’s the lucky girl, or guy, not judging at all?’

he took a breath

‘(y/n), i think i like you’

‘yea, i like you too, but who are you confessing to?’

you swore you didn’t think before speaking

‘(Y/N) I LOVE YOU’ he yelled

‘oh’

boy, were you stupid

you started laughing, making him hang his head in shame

‘i love you too, minghao, wow’

he lit up again, his smile making a special appearance again

‘really?’

‘yeah, i love you xu minghao’

ok

POWER COUPLE OF THE SCHOOL BITCHES

yea, that’s you

tbh, it was probably Soonyoung or Dino that made the story of how minghao ended up confessing to you spread across the school

it was both btw

your friends protected you

like they actually make a barrier around you two

you are that adorable and dangerous

even though it all happened by accident, the way you got together didn’t really matter

what matters is that you and minghao are currently making the other couples in the school look bad bc you both could be assholes together

aw

also every day you tell yourself that Soonyoung probably put Minghao’s notebook on your desk

and you didn’t need to kill Soonyoung anymore

Minghao could do that for you

and that’s love for you

[lusilly]

i wrote 6k of this and i’m so exhausted i don’t want to finish and also it somehow doesn’t read well anymore so here have a Hands incident with damian cuz i’ve been thinking abt it so much with the rp buddies

           Bruce was lunching with Lucius Fox when his phone rang. He apologized, saw that it was Alfred calling on the non-emergency line, and then silenced the phone and put it away; Alfred would’ve scolded him for picking up during lunch with a friend and business partner in any case.

           Once Bruce bid Lucius farewell, fielding the not-so-subtle concerns about a certain Jason Todd’s involvement with Lucius’s daughter Tam as graciously as he could, Bruce opened his phone and saw a voicemail notification waiting for him. On his way back to his office, he listened to Alfred explain quite calmly that neither he nor Damian would be home for another hour or so, and so, assuming Bruce went home after lunch, if he could please keep himself from panicking because everything is perfectly under control, that would be best.

           Halfway up the elevator Bruce swiped his keycard to reroute it to the garage beneath the building, dialing Alfred back as he did so.

           “Master Bruce,” said Alfred, in lieu of a greeting. “I take it you received my message.”

           “Where are you and Damian?”

           “Oh, somewhere or other. A walk at the park, perhaps, or volunteering at the local community shelter.”

           “You wouldn’t have called to let me know if that hadn’t been the case.

           Damian’s voice as he addressed Alfred came through the receiver clearly. “Tell him I’m fine!” he called, sounding annoyed.

           This, naturally, tipped Alfred’s hand and told Bruce that Damian was or had been in some sort of danger. “What’s going on?” asked Bruce as he got into a sleek black car. His voice was hard.

           Alfred sighed. “I only called,” he began, “because I suspected you would notice the absence of some medical supplies at home, and I wanted to assure you that it was nothing to worry about.”

           “Medical supplies?” asked Bruce, his tone urgent. He exited the parking garage, waving to the attendant on his way out. “What happened?”

           “A mere accident, nothing to worry about. Remember that day when you were fourteen and you almost sliced your thumb off trying to chop onions?”

           This had indeed happened, but a fourteen-year-old Bruce had not had the precision and control in which a sixteen-year-old Damian had been trained since birth. Besides, Damian was more gifted in the kitchen than Bruce, routinely preparing meals with the vegetables he grew in his garden. Dubiously, Bruce asked: “He was cooking?”

           “Well – yes, thank you, Doctor – one moment, Bruce.” It sounded like Alfred took the phone from his ear and pressed it against his shoulder, but Bruce still could make out his muffled voice as he admonished Damian. “Would you be a little less stoic when the doctor comes in again? Any other boy your age would be in whining in pain right now, your own pride be damned.”

           As Alfred lifted the phone back to his ear, Bruce heard Damian protest, “It doesn’t hurt,” but Alfred seemed to ignore him.

           Before Alfred could speak, Bruce asked, “Are you at a hospital?”

           “Oh,” sighed Alfred. “Well, I suppose we are. I would’ve taken care of it at home, but I thought it would be useful for a specialist to take a look at it.”

           “A look at what?”

           “A teensy laceration across the palm of his right hand.”

           “And yet you thought a specialist was necessary.”

           “If there had been any nerve damage, I certainly didn’t want to make it worse. I am not a trained doctor, Master Bruce.”

           “More or less.”

           “While undoubtedly flattering,” Alfred replied, “that is untrue. I can’t solve every problem in this house, you know.”

           It seemed to Bruce that Alfred meant more than just tending to injuries, but he didn’t press it. Knowing that Damian was there listening to whatever Alfred said on the phone certainly explained some of the butler's cryptic words to Bruce, who took this as an invitation to come act the part of father with his son, without letting Damian in on such an intent. “Which hospital? Gotham Mercy?”

           “The good doctor has tended to Damian’s injuries, and we should be home within the hour. There is no need to meet us here.”

           “Brentwood General, then.”

           “Master Bruce-”

           “Spare me, Alfred. I’ll be there shortly.”

           It took him another twenty minutes, fighting traffic across Kane Bridge, and then another ten to park and talk to the kindly older woman at the front desk who recovered immediately and professionally from the look of shock on her face when he gave her his name. Damian was in room 219, which incidentally corresponded to Bruce’s date of birth. Though Bruce did not believe in signs or fate or the vague will of the universe, he found himself somehow mysteriously a little bit reassured by this.

           There was a long rectangular window in the door to room 219, though a curtain had been pulled across the bed for some privacy. This was standard practice for Bruce’s sons, to hide their presence lest they attract attention. In the moment, though, it annoyed him: he wanted to see his boy as soon as possible.

           When he entered the unlocked room, Alfred peeked around the curtain. The expression melted off his face when he saw Bruce, a firm blankness rising in its stead. “Ah, Master Bruce,” he said, a moment before Bruce joined passed around the curtain – it was a transparent means of warning Damian a split second ahead of time. Damian sat on the very edge of a hospital bed, holding his obviously bandaged right hand protectively in his left. As Bruce stepped beyond the curtain, Damian glared up at him defiantly, as if daring him to show concern.

           Bruce stooped to his son’s level. He moved forward, reached out to take the injured hand. “How is it?”

           “Fine,” said Damian stubbornly. But since the bandage covered the wound itself, he allowed his father this small touch.

           “Superficial damage the recurrent branch of the median nerve,” Alfred announced, stepping in for Damian to answer Bruce’s question. “This is good fortune, really. Some simple physiotherapy exercises and we shall be all healed up in a few weeks. He sees far worse on a usual night out on the job.”

           With his thumb, Bruce traced across Damian’s bandaged palm. Underneath his touch, he imagined he could feel the damaged nerve tensing, flinching away from his tenderness. His gaze flicked up to his son, who stubbornly refused to make eye contact. “But you weren’t on the job, were you?”

           “No,” replied Damian. He sounded angry, and since Bruce could not immediately tell why he just assumed it was because Damian hated being treated with care, like the child he was. “It was an accident. That’s all.”

           “Accident how?”

           “Just an accident, why do you care about the details?”

           “Damian, please. Of course I care.”

           The door opened once more and they all fell silent; Bruce let go of Damian’s hand. “Alright,” came a voice Bruce didn’t recognize, and then a doctor wearing thick glasses appeared beyond the curtains, smiling pleasantly at Damian. Her eyebrows raised when she saw Bruce, a flash of coming face-to-face with celebrity in her eyes; then, professionally, she tamped that down. Addressing Damian, she gestured towards Bruce and said, “Oh, is this your father?” Sourly, Damian nodded, but she had already offered her hand to Bruce. “Nice to meet you, Mister Wayne,” she said.

           “You as well, Doctor,” he read the name on her coat, “Ghorbani.”

            The name sounded familiar, but Bruce couldn’t recall from where exactly, and he was certain he did not recognize the doctor. Once she had shaken Bruce’s hand, she went to Damian’s side and held out a hand grip, the kind used in physical therapy. “Okie-doke,” she said, “I want you to spend ten minutes on this every day until the stitches dissolve, then twenty minutes every day after that until you come in for another check-up.” She squeezed the thing, demonstrating how to use it. “Think you can do that?”

           “Yes,” answered Damian glumly, taking the thing when she offered it to him.

           Dr. Ghorbani took his hand and gestured towards his grip. “Just remember not to put too much pressure right here on the center of your palm. You might have to use it at a weird angle to avoid that, but it’ll be good for you. Leave your grip good as new. Sound good?”

           “Yes,” said Damian again. “Do I need to rest it, or can I continue with my regular activities?”

           “Be a little gentle with it,” said Dr. Ghorbani. “Are you right-handed?”

           “Left-handed.” Damian was perfectly ambidextrous, but it was easier to lie.

           “Perfect. Then it shouldn’t be a problem. Just be careful, OK?”

           “Done. Thank you.”

           “No problem. See you in a couple weeks, OK Damian?”

           “Yes.”

           She turned around and smiled at Alfred and Bruce. “Ibuprofen for the pain, but he was a trooper today so I think he’ll be alright. Mister Pennyworth,” she said, shaking Alfred’s hand, then taking Bruce’s once more. “Mister Wayne.”

           Then she swept away, on to another patient. Damian slipped off of the bed, heading towards the door. “Alfred,” said Bruce, as they followed Damian out. “Have we used that doctor before?”

           “No, I don’t believe so.”

           “Hn. She seemed familiar.”

           Damian piped up from before them as they traversed the hospital halls. “I know her sister,” he threw over his shoulder. “Niloufar. She goes to Colin’s school.”

           That was probably it. Bruce had thoroughly vetted all of Damian’s friends.

           Once they exited the hospital, Bruce moved forward slightly, from Alfred’s side to beside his son. He placed a hand on Damian’s shoulder. “You’ll come with me.”

           Damian tore his shoulder out of his father’s grip. “I’ll come where I damn well want.”

           There in the parking lot, Bruce and Damian both stopped, both a little bit shocked Damian had actually said that aloud. Quickly Alfred moved forward, seeking to soothe the situation before it got worse. “A good idea, I think,” he said reassuringly. “Damian, I do so hate your preferred radio station. Surely your father, a younger man than I, could tolerate it with more ease.”

           It was not real, a stupid fake reason for Damian to ride in the car with Bruce rather than Alfred. But Damian glanced in between his father and Alfred, sizing up a potential fight, then shrugged. “Can I drive?”

           “Do you have your permit?”

           “Father, I don’t need a permit-”

           “It’s a company car, Damian. The answer is no.”

           Damian grumbled, “You own the company,” but didn’t argue. Bruce told Alfred they would see him at home, and then he led Damian to the sleek black Bentley which he’d taken from the garage at the Tower. They both got into the car without saying a word. Bruce drove out of the parking lot in silence, and then Damian reached out to fiddle with the radio, landing on a station currently playing Kanye. Bruce surprised himself by being able to recognize the song: it was on one of Damian’s playlists, which he often blasted while he worked out. From his spot before the computer, Bruce could usually hear his son’s music from the distant bowels of the Cave.

           “What happened?” asked Bruce, slowing down to a few miles below the speed limit on the mostly empty road leading through the luxurious upper-class Brentwood neighborhood.

           “Nothing,” answered Damian shortly.

           Bruce took that, and thought it over for a minute. “Obviously something happened,” he continued, gesturing towards Damian’s injured hand. “I promise I won’t be angry.”

           As if offended, Damian shot back, “I didn’t think you’d be angry.”

           “Then why don’t you want to tell me?”

           “Because it’s not your business.”

           “You’re my son. Your wellbeing is absolutely my business.”

           “Well, then, it’s a good thing I’m fine. My hand will be back to normal in a matter of weeks.”

           This was frustrating, but serious conversations with Damian were wont to be so. Bruce tried another route: distraction. “You’re welcome to whatever you need for scar treatment. I know you don’t like injured hands.”

           Bruce could practically feel his son tense up in the passenger’s seat beside him. He looked out the window. Spring had come early this year, and it was beautiful outside. “It’s fine,” he murmured, evidence that Damian knew what Bruce was really talking about.

           The last time Damian seriously damaged his hands had been before his official diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorder: while it was not uncommon for Bruce or the other boys to come home with bruises along their knuckles after the night’s work, it had somehow started to get to Damian on a level he had not been able to articulate. He had scratched through the skin up two fingers on his left hand, smearing blood across his face when he rubbed at his eye – both telltale signs of an episode about to hit Damian in full force. It had been a year since then and Damian had not had an incident in some time. But Bruce didn’t think it was entirely illogical to fear that damaged hands of this variety might trigger something in Damian’s brain, something that he could not control.

           “I worry,” said Bruce.

           “You shouldn’t,” said Damian. “It’s fine.”

           “Consider staying in tonight? I understand you have a microbiology project to finish for Alfred.”

           “Tt.” Damian was silent for a minute or two. “I’ll think about it.”

           In the end, Damian did not stay in. He left the Cave on his motorcycle minutes after Bruce did, though his status report delivered before he fell into bed just before the early gray light of dawn began to hit seemed to suggest that he had taken it slow.

           On the second night he busted the stitches in his hand. Bruce came back to the Cave early to find Damian without his cape, mask, boots, or gloves, sitting on the examination table trying not to curse as Alfred carefully restitched the wound. “That should teach you a lesson,” said Alfred wisely, his bespectacled eyes focused on the task at hand. “Be kind to your healing body, or else it will not be kind to you. It’ll scar now, you know.”

           Scathingly, Damian told him, “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

           “You know,” said Alfred, glancing up to meet the boy’s eye, “sometimes I question that, Damian.”

           As soon as the stitches were complete, Damian tugged his hand away and headed upstairs, scowling. Bruce was left alone with Alfred. He removed the cowl and the cape, setting them aside, then hovered anxiously for a moment. Patiently, Alfred waited for whatever question it was that Bruce was trying to ask.

           His voice slightly hushed, Bruce asked, “You think he’s alright?”

           “I do,” answered Alfred without hesitation. “He’s resentful, that’s all. Otherwise I do believe he’s managing quite well.”

           “Will you tell me what happened?”

           “No,” said Alfred, cleaning up the medical station. “He has asked me, quite civilly, to respect his privacy. I shall do so.”

           “He’s injured, I’m his father. I deserve to know.”

           With a shrug, Alfred replied, “Children injure themselves and keep it from their parents with wild and reckless abandon, Bruce. You of all people should know this.”

           It was a jab at Bruce’s own tendency, especially as a sulky teenager and younger man, to keep his own wounds secret from Alfred. Still, it had been a long time since then, and in the meantime Bruce had come to understand that all would have been much simpler had he just gone to Alfred in the first place.

           “Besides,” added Alfred, disinfecting the equipment and washing his hands, “you’re doing it again.”

           Distracted, Bruce looked up at Alfred. “Doing what?”

           Meeting Bruce’s eye with an expression that said quite clearly, You know what, Alfred answered. “Leveraging paternal concern as if it amounts to the same thing as orders on the field. Conflating Father and Batman. And know, Master Bruce, that if I have noticed, then he most certainly has.”

           This was a particular anxiety which Bruce had shared with Alfred after the emotionally exhausting three-day trip to a deserted island with Damian, wherein Damian had patently refused to give Bruce any meaningful insight to his relationship with the Titans (with, particularly, a certain Iris West), and also they’d come across a young assassin with whom Damian had naturally identified. Though Damian had not shared anything of this nature with Alfred, Bruce’s blind spot had always been found in the intersection of his own personal identity and that of the Batman, so he had asked Alfred to keep him in check, let him know when he went too far.

           Still. Knowing did not mean he could easily change it.

           Lowly – almost weakly – Bruce said, “It’s the only way I know how to be.”

           “Then you and Damian must learn another way together,” Alfred said simply, drying his hands. “Or else we will be stuck in this impasse of noncommunication forever.”

           “Don’t you think he should-”

           “No, no, Bruce,” said Alfred, shaking his head. “I do not enable. Speak to him, not about him.”’

           “I’ve been trying.”

           “Then try differently,” Alfred told him. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am an old man and I need my rest. I suggest you sleep as well. If you require food, there are sandwiches in the kitchen.” He headed towards the elevator, as the many stairs up to the Manor were hard on his arthritic knees.

           Given that they’d ended the night early, Bruce awoke before noon the next day. Damian still slept, and when Bruce went to check on him he was indeed fast asleep, earbuds neatly tucked into his ears. This gave Bruce some relief. There had been a month or so when Damian first started his medication when he had been too wired to sleep at all, which had resulted in another total meltdown. Rest meant healing. Bruce was grateful.

           Dick called, and Bruce talked to him for a while. He wanted to ask Dick to ask Damian what happened to his hand, but he also thought telling him about it might be a violation of Damian’s trust, so he refrained. He ended the call a few minutes before Damian entered the kitchen, barefoot, in his pajamas.

           He too had a phone at his ear. “You didn’t have to call me,” he was telling whomever it was that was on the other line. “I told you I can’t be there every weekend.”            Without acknowledging his father’s presence, Damian took a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with water from the fridge. “Yes,” he said, into the phone. “No, Lian is. Well, if she’s not there, then Milagro. Just ask her. It would be a good leadership experience for you Chris, you should do it.” He paused, then said, “No, don’t put her on the phone. It’s fine. You’ll be good at it.” He took a sip of water, still standing at the counter by the fridge. “Can’t you ask your father for this? He leads the entire Justice League, I only co-lead the eight of us every other weekend or – no, no, go ahead. You just have to do it, Chris, no time for hesitance. Confidence is key. Good luck.”

           He took his phone away from his ear and took out two slices of bread, sticking them in the toaster.

           “You should have some eggs,” said Bruce, from his spot at the kitchen table. “Protein.”

           Damian flashed a container of homemade baked beans at his father, which were in fact more protein-dense than eggs. “What happened to the gluten-free bread?” he asked, fiddling with the stud earring in his left ear: he had recently pierced his ear while away one weekend with the Titans, intending to thread a wire through the hole to anchor his communicator, keep it from falling off. Quickly he had realized this design wouldn’t work, but instead of taking the earring out and allowing the hole to heal and close on its own, he had kept it in as an aesthetic decoration.

           “Alfred froze it,” Bruce replied. “It goes bad quickly. You can thaw it as long as you make sure to eat it all within the week.”

           “It’s fine,” said Damian, turning back to the toaster. “I don’t like the taste anyway.”

           Damian had been the one to ask Alfred to buy gluten-free bread in the first place, but Bruce didn’t point this out. “Was that Christopher?”

           “They have a mission,” answered Damian, because it clearly had been, “and neither Lian nor I are there to lead, so they’re making do on their own.”

           “He’d be a good leader.”

           “No,” said Damian, as his toast popped up. “He can be slow to prioritize the right threats sometimes. I suspect it has to do with his autism mostly, but he lacks confidence in his abilities, which makes it worse.”

           Bruce’s eyebrows almost went up at how glibly Damian referred to his friend’s condition, but he hid his surprise immediately. Clark had mentioned it once or twice to Bruce, but always in the context that he suspected it had something to do with Chris’s alien nature, or the rapid ageing, or the effects of the Phantom Zone. It was a sore spot, a little bit; Bruce knew that when he was child some of the various doctors Alfred had made him go see had discussed the possibility that Bruce too had been somewhere along the spectrum, but it had never progressed past a childhood almost-diagnosis. He didn’t know why Clark or Damian speaking about it so easily made him feel the slightest bit self-conscious, but it did.

           Though Bruce had certainly listened to Clark when he spoke about his son’s condition, Bruce had rarely reciprocated with talk about Damian. He had mentioned it, particularly when explaining his resignation from the League, but if he talked about Damian to any of his colleagues, it was mostly Diana. There had always been something about her which made it very hard to lie to her, and which compelled Bruce often to say more than he should.

           “He’s welcome to visit Themyscira,” she had told Bruce once, “should he ever need a break from the pressure of the man’s world.”

           Slightly troubled by this wording, Bruce wondered if he had implied to her more than he’d meant to.

           “They need to learn to function independently, anyway,” Bruce finally replied to his son. “Though what stopped you from joining them this weekend?”

           Without turning around from fixing his breakfast, Damian held up his bandaged hand. “Wouldn’t be performing at my best, and I can’t expect them to pick up my slack.”

           Bruce wanted to point out that his absence meant they would be picking up even more slack than if he had shown up and merely been injured, but, not wanting to upset his son, he said nothing. Damian brought his plate, on which two toasted slices of bread were heaped with baked beans, to the kitchen table to down across from Bruce, opening something on his phone to read.

           “Where’s Alfred?” he asked.

           “Resting. I think he’s reading that book you recommended.”

           Damian made a face. “I didn’t recommend it, I only said I liked it. He’ll think it’s crass.”

           Bruce didn’t answer this. “Dick called. He’s well. He said you should come visit him in Chicago sometime.”

           Damian glanced up at his father, his mouth twisted into a reluctant grimace. “You didn’t tell him about my hand, did you?”

           “No,” answered Bruce. “I did not.”

           There was a long silence. Damian went back to his phone.

           “Damian,” said Bruce. “Can we talk about this?”

           Looking up from his phone, Damian watched his father warily. “What is there left to say?”

           With a nod towards Damian’s hand, Bruce asked, “How did you hurt yourself?”

           There was no hesitation in Damian’s voice. “It’s not your business.”

           “Why wouldn’t it be?”

           “Because you aren’t the one whose hand was gashed open.”

           “You don’t think it’s my business to know what has caused injury to my son.”

           “I think you should quit interrogating me about it.”

           Bruce was silent for a moment, watching his son. Damian went back to his phone.

           “Did you do it to yourself?” Bruce asked.

           “No,” answered Damian, with a disdainful look at his father. “I told you, it was an accident.”

           “Why were you handling dangerous tools out of uniform?”

           “It’s not as if I was juggling my steel, Father. It was a normal civilian accident.”

           “How?”

           Damian let out a frustrated sigh and got to his feet, taking his plate with him. “I’m going to the dining room,” he said curtly, “so that I may eat my breakfast in peace.”

           “You can’t keep these things from me,” Bruce said, raising his voice as Damian began to head out of the kitchen. “If your performance is going to be affected in the field-”

           “It won’t,” Damian called, without turning around.

           “You said only a moment ago that you aren’t with the Titans because-”

           At this, Damian turned around, still holding his plate in his hands. With intent to injure, he said, “You took Dick on as Robin when he was a harmless twelve-year-old. You, unlike my team of untrained teenagers, won’t have any trouble picking up my slack.”

           Bruce began, “If you were injured on patrol-”

           “But it wasn’t on patrol.”

           “This only works,” Bruce said, gesturing between the two of them, “because of constant communication.”

           Damian let out a bark of laughter. “Now you’re just making fun.”

           “Damian, please,” said Bruce, without getting up. “I have to know what’s going on or else I’m not comfortable with you out on patrol with me.”

           “It’s a good thing I have my own route, then, so I won’t be there to trouble you.”

           “Just tell me,” said Bruce, his voice hard.

           “No,” snapped Damian. “I have a right to privacy.”

           “This is not privacy. This is secrecy.”

           Derisively, Damian retorted, “Because you’ve never kept any secrets from me.”

           “What I do,” Bruce told his son, slowly, clearly, “I do for your sake. And if you cannot trust me, then I cannot trust you.”

           In the silence that ensued, Damian just shrugged. “Fine,” he said.

           “Fine,” echoed Bruce. “Then you’ll stay in tonight.”

           Damian’s expression did not soften. “If I take an entire week off, will that be satisfactory punishment?”

           Bruce didn’t say anything, though he wanted to. When he finally managed to collect his thoughts, Damian had already let out a contemptuous, “Tt,” and left through the kitchen door, disappearing into the dining room.

           Later that day, at Alfred’s insistence, Bruce met Damian out back where he worked in the vegetable garden and ruefully told him Bruce would not prevent him from going on patrol that night. Damian refused to hear it, shrugging his father off and insisting he might as well stay in the Cave anyway and direct operations. He lacked experience out of the field, anyway.

           To Bruce’s surprise and a little bit of consternation, Damian performed excellently handling operations from the Cave. Barbara even agreed to allow him to take over some of Oracle’s duties, and the next morning she sent Bruce an evaluation report in which she spoke very highly of Damian’s abilities, noting in particular that his attitude had improved significantly in the past few years. When Bruce called her to get her personal thoughts – Bruce had become accustomed to hearing her voice, and in the absence of the rest of the family she had become a great friend to him – she said, “You should be proud, Bruce.”

           He was. He tried to let the hand thing go, to stop thinking about it, but he had difficulty doing so. Damian remained in the Cave at night for a week, and continued to perform well. When Alfred took his stitches out he resumed he regular duties, and was gone the next weekend with the Titans. At meals Bruce caught Damian tracing the scar tissue on his hand repeatedly but almost unconsciously, and every night before he put on his gloves he rubbed scar treatment cream on his palm while Bruce gave him a summary of directives and the status of active missions. It bothered Bruce, though he tried to ignore it.

           Nearly a month gone from Damian’s accident and his hand was back to normal apart from the fading scar. Still, it troubled Bruce, stuck like a burr in the back of his mind the same way, Bruce imagined, that it did for Damian.

           His college acceptances arrived by mail. Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Brown, Stanford. UCLA, too, which surprised Bruce: he hadn’t even known Damian applied to UCLA. Damian accepted Princeton’s offer, planning to enter university in the fall as a finance major. “Maybe I’ll pick up a visual arts minor or something,” he said, on the phone with Dick while leafing through the admissions materials. “Yeah.” Dick said something, and Damian gave a little laugh. “Maybe.”

           That night, Alfred and Damian made stuffed Portobello mushrooms for dinner with some of the fresh vegetables from Damian’s garden. “We need to stop by the food kitchen soon,” said Damian, eating his meal with gusto at the dinner table. “I’m harvesting the kale and the beetroot and the cucumbers this week and there’s far too much of it.”

           “We shall go tomorrow,” promised Alfred. “Damian, these mushrooms are exquisite.”

           “They didn’t even take the first time,” Damian said, nodding down at his food, inspecting the texture of the mushroom. “It’s too cold outside at nighttime, had to move them indoors.”

           Bruce glanced up. “Indoors where?”

           “The studio.”

           “In the greenhouse?”

           “Yes.”

           There was a pause.

           Then Damian continued, “Next time I’ll let them grow a little more before I harvest. They could’ve been a bit bigger, don’t you think?”

           “I think they are wonderful,” answered Alfred happily. “And delicious.”

           They ate in semi-silence.

           “How is your hand?” asked Bruce.

           “Fine,” answered Damian, though there was very little fight in his tone. He set down his fork and held his palm out, showing Bruce. “Scar’s fading.”

           “That’s good.”

           Damian pushed his hair out of his face and went back to his phone. In the past few months he had let his hair grow out ever so slightly, just slightly longer than it had ever been in the past. When it reached a certain length it began to curl, which had the general effect of making Damian look younger, more like the kid he was. After dinner Alfred began to take the dishes into the kitchen, but Bruce and Damian managed to convinced him to sit back down, and instead insisted on cleaning up while Alfred relaxed.

           Bruce washed the dishes and Damian dried them and put them away, mostly in silence. Bruce was rinsing a pan when Damian said, “Father.”

           He looked around. Damian was standing at the counter, his thumb slipping across a fork embossed with the Wayne family crest. Lowering it, he looked up at his father with a look which was partly resignation, but which didn’t appear entirely unhappy.

           “You’re really still thinking about my hand?” he asked.

           Bruce set down the pan. “Of course I am.”

           Damian watched his father dispassionately. “Why?”

           “Because I’m your father, Damian. What happens to you matters to me.”

           Damian looked at Bruce for a moment, cocked his head as if he didn’t fully understand. With a jolt, it occurred to Bruce that perhaps he didn’t: injuries in the field were evidence of a failure, a consequence of one’s own carelessness and an inaccurate threat assessment. Any wounds Damian had suffered as a younger child were at the mercy of his teachers, and Bruce suspected – through Damian did not speak of his time with his mother – that Talia had used injury always to teach her son, to show him that pain and hurt has value and use. Bruce was not entirely certain that either of Damian’s parents had ever really shown to him that they cared merely for the sake of caring.

           Once more Damian brushed a curl back, off of his forehead. “I’ll show you,” he said, “if you still want to know.”

           Bruce leaned against the sink. “I do.”

           “OK.” He nodded towards the French doors leading out to the back garden, and Bruce followed him out. It was dark outside already, just past dusk: fireflies crisscrossed lazily through the air, but Damian ignored them.

           They ostensibly were heading for Damian’s vegetable patch. “Were you gardening?” he asked.

           “No.” Damian crossed the lawn, towards the greenhouse with its glass black like oceanwater in the darkness. “I sculpt.”

           Bruce raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you cut your hand on a pottery wheel.”

           “Father, please, that’s ceramics. I said I sculpt.”

           Holding his tongue, doing his best to make sure Damian felt safe and unjudged, Bruce said, “Alright. What do you sculpt?”

           Damian opened the door to the dark greenhouse, then flicked a switch. Light flooded the place, reflecting white against the glass.

           “Marble,” he said.

           Bruce stood in the entrance to the ancient old greenhouse, a broken down, useless structure which Alfred and Damian had converted last summer into a studio. Naturally Bruce had always known his youngest son had artistic inclinations – he had seen his sketchbooks, and there’d been the watercolors a while ago – but sculpting marble was somehow not something Bruce had been remotely prepared for.

           A half dozen roughly-hewn figures stood frozen in the shadows, while another, half-formed into a bust, was positioned centrally. Piles of sandpaper, dust, and marble chips covered the floor. In the far corner, a tray of mushrooms grew.

           Beside Bruce, Damian brushed back his hair again. “I’ve been a little manic about it,” Damian admitted. “I only slipped and hurt my hand because I hadn’t been sleeping enough.”

           It was an admission of vulnerability, and it took Bruce slightly aback. “Ah,” he said. “Well.” He moved forward, slowly circling the rough bust. “These are very impressive, Damian.”

           “They’re just practice,” Damian said.

           “They’re very good.”

           Damian hesitated, hovering by the door. “Thanks,” he said.

           “Did Alfred buy you these supplies?”

           “Technically you did,” Damian replied, but he didn’t sound in the least bit ashamed. “I only forged your signature on the checks.”

           Though rationally Bruce knew he was supposed to be upset with his son for that, he couldn’t bring himself out of the strange sense of awe he felt, being in this room. There was a short silence as Bruce moved between the chunks of marble, inspecting them from all sides. He glanced back at Damian and asked, “Have you ever thought about a show?”

           “Show?” Damian echoed his father as if he did not understand, certain he had misheard. “Not…particularly.” He paused, then added, “They’re not very good,” legitimately, as if to inform his poor uncultured father on the simple fact of the matter.

           But Bruce had made up his mind. “They’re exquisite,” he said with certainty. “All your artwork has been collecting dust, Damian. Even if you choose not to display these,” he gestured at the statues, “you should have a showing of some sort. Frankly I’m disappointed I never thought of it earlier.”

           For a long moment, Damian didn’t say anything. Then Bruce peeked out from behind a statue to see his son standing still at the threshold, watching Bruce with a kind of deeply touched disbelief.

           He recovered quickly. “That’s idiotic,” he said, his expression snapping back to normal. “A private gallery showing is absurd. I’ve never even displayed any of my pieces before.”

           Bruce never said private gallery, but he wasn’t about to correct his son. “That’s not true,” he pointed out. “You did that art class at the Neon Knights Center a few months ago, and they displayed your work there once it was over.”

           “That was for charity,” Damian pointed out. “Tim’s PR team requested that I do it.”

           “This can be for charity too,” Bruce insists, crossing the studio back to his son. “We can offer to sell the pieces you wouldn’t mind parting with, then donate the proceeds to charity.”

           Shaking his head, Damian leaned against the doorframe. “No one will buy anything.”

           “Then we make the donation ourselves.”

           “That’s not-”

           Bruce interrupts. “Damian,” he said, earnestly. “Please.”

           After an extended pause, wherein Damian watched his father suspiciously, as if waiting for the punchline – finally, Damian gave a long theatrical sigh, and shrugged. “Fine,” he said, and Bruce got the impression he was very pleased to be convinced. “But I’ll have to take another look at my work. Hardly anything is worth showing, in any case.”

           He turned and headed back into the house. Behind him, Bruce followed, making his way through the grass and the flowers back into the Manor, a small smile on his face.

           The next day – Damian was technically on summer vacation, which usually made no impact on his studies, but as the days led up to his start at Princeton, Alfred had decided it prudent to give him a break – was spent mostly in the big living room with the French doors swung wide open. By the time Bruce awoke and made it down to slurp down coffee and his usual breakfast, Damian had already stuffed the room with almost every completed artwork of his he could scrounge up. It was staggering, really, the breadth of art that Damian had dabbled in; Bruce and Alfred sat dutifully on the sofa as Damian presented piece after piece, charcoal, watercolors, oil paintings, inked figure studies – a fully-inked short story comic, which Damian clarified he would not sell, until Alfred suggested they have it printed so that they may sell copies, to which Damian agreed with poorly disguised glee, delighted at the idea.

           Often Damian stopped, describing and observing a certain piece with a critical look in his eye. When he began to express his doubts about whether or not it deserved a place in the gallery showing, Bruce or Alfred would shake their head and one of them would say, “No, no, it’s too good; you have to include it.”

            Once the comic was printed, the gallery was booked, the catering ordered, and the event publicized, it came too quickly. Damian wore a nice suit, black, to contrast against his father’s pinstripe gray. He dragged his feet in those last few minutes, reluctantly getting into the car, then staying silent for the ride into the city. As they approached, he said snappily, “You know, this art space could’ve just as easily been used to showcase some of the more under-recognized art of real Gothamites, that is, you know, people who don’t have rich white old fathers to bankroll their own personal indulgences-”

           But given the right conditions, Damian loved being the center of attention, and as soon as guests started arriving he seemed to find his place. Half an hour in Dick showed up, bunching his arms around Damian in a tight hug which Damian only half-pretended to hate – he had flown in from Chicago specifically for this, while Bruce and Alfred kept it a secret. Tim was there, took a few pictures with Damian and with Bruce, provided a blurb for the press. At his side was Tam Fox, who was the one to actually coordinate the mini press conference and remind Tim that his PR team wanted the photos. Damian resented Tim’s presence, but he didn’t hate Tam; she was particularly taken by his oil paintings, and deeply impressed by the single completed marble sculpture he had decided to show.

           Colin showed up in jeans and a button-up shirt, and Damian gave him a copy of the comic, free of charge. Though Cass was out of the country on business, as she was wont to be, both Stephanie and Barbara showed up together. “Damn, Li’l D, this is good,” said Steph. “Way better than that macaroni portrait you gave me way back when.”

           A few years ago, Damian had been coerced into attending a week-long summer camp where Stephanie worked as a camp counselor. They had indeed created macaroni portraits, and the one Damian had made of Stephanie still hung in her room.

           An anonymous patron bought six paintings and the sculpture for nearly twenty thousand dollars. Tam Fox signed for whoever it was. The rest of the purchases and donations amounted to twice that, and when they gave the check to the local community center in Gotham’s poorest neighborhood, Bruce matched the donation in full.

           On the drive home from the ceremony, Damian would say, “You know, throwing money at every little urban ill doesn’t necessarily amount to making a positive, sustainable change-” and Bruce had not interrupted his son. If he had, he might have told Damian that he was proud.

[elliepassmore]

Resistant review

3.5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: dystopia, multiple POVs, mystery, viral apocalypse I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review TW rape, kidnapping This book was a bit of a mixed bag. I really liked the beginning, but then it got dark in a way I don't think was necessary and also added in some new POVs halfway through. It was also extremely predictable and written in an early-YA style, which I'm not sure I like. To begin, I think the concept was an interesting one, even if the 'inside community' vs. 'outside ravaged wasteland' is fairly commonplace. I liked Cat more than Wren in the beginning, but both of them offered up interesting POVs and had their own, albeit similar, mysteries. I liked that the mystery of the virus--sorry, Virus...why doesn't this thing have a name?--was carried through the entire book rather than dropped in favor of the personal mysteries the characters dealt with. However, as mentioned, the book reads like an early-YA novel (and not The Hunger Games type of early either). For one, both Cat and Wren have a boy from their community, Abel and Ryder, respectively, who is madly in love with them and who they're madly in love with as well. Abel makes sense, but I never really got on to liking Ryder, who kind of falls into the stereotypical hotshot asshole (though at least he's never an ass to Wren). Both Cat and Wren have fairly immature voices, though Cat's is a little better than Wren's. Their voices are also pretty similar as well and there were times, even at the very end of the book, where I wasn't sure whose perspective I was reading in. Also, about 1/3 of the way through the book, Modrak introduces Ryder's and Abel's POVs, first by going back in the narrative timeline a bit, then going forward. I did like the addition of their perspectives to the story, but I think it should've been done from the very beginning and that the narrative timeline should not have backtracked in order for their POVs to be included. As for the characters...why are both the main girls named after animals? Wren and Cat, really?! I digress, Cat, properly Catherine, was the first POV in the book and she introduces us to a world inside the Community/Dome, which is focused on looking forward and finding a cure to the Virus that wiped most of the world out. Cat reads younger than she actually is. She's definitely written as an older teen, but her voice just does not convey that, particularly at the beginning, though she does get better as the book goes on. She's also just straight up willfully naive, choosing the Community and her self-admitted terrifying father over the potential uncertainty of being free...as if her father wouldn't do terrible things just because she's his daughter. That being said, I liked how Cat evolved during the book and became someone who subtly fought back and investigated what was going on behind the scenes of the Community. She clearly has a big heart and is actually pretty good with other people, be it calming them down and being kind or manipulating them to helping her out. Wren comes next and also comes across as super immature at first, though like Cat her voice gets stronger and older as the book goes on. More so than Cat, Wren seems like someone who was naive about the world and preferred to look at the sunny side of things...though that switches around fairly quickly. Props to her, Wren takes action almost immediately and isn't afraid of sticking up for herself or others. Wren definitely gets the short end of the stick in this book and a lot of it just feels icky. *SPOILER, SKIP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH* Wren gets kidnapped and is raped multiple times, though these scenes are not described it is very obvious what has happened. Also, while Wren exhibits trauma from this while in the situation, it's kind of brushed over afterward *SPOILER END*. Abel comes across as pretty pushy at first, pressuring Cat to leave the Community even though her mother is dying, but he relaxes about it a lot and it's clear he just wants what's best for Cat and for her to be safe from her psycho father. He's a fairly pacifist character and, like Cat, cares for and wants to help other people. He's definitely more open to the sinister nature of the Community, though he also doesn't quite grasp the depth of what's going on until much later in the book. Interestingly, despite Abel's fire in the beginning of the book, I feel he then later on comes off as almost too passive later on, though admittedly he can hold his own against Ryder. As for Ryder, he also comes off as pushy in the beginning of the book but clearly cares for Wren. He's about the polar opposite of Abel in that he's far more of a hotshot and tends to be more aggressive. I'm not sure how much I like Ryder's character. When I'm reading his POV I think he's fine, just like how I like him if I'm reading him from Wren's POV, but if I see him from anyone else's viewpoint I don't like him as much. He's impulsive, led by his emotions, doesn't seem to care much for others aside from Wren and maybe Claire, and is very conflict-oriented. It's just not a good look on a character. However, I do appreciate how the difference between his and Wren's POVs vs Abel and Cat's POVs allow you to see narrative bias. In terms of other characters, Dr. Grayson, Cat's father and the leader of the Community/Dome, is an absolute psychopath. He's kind of predictable in some ways, but not nearly as much as the plot is. I do genuinely wonder how anyone could ever like him enough to create kids (or simply to work with him) is beyond me. Claire, who is Wren's mother, obviously loves her daughter very much...but I also don't think she's winning any parent of the year awards. She's not a psychopath, at least, but she does hide a lot from the people around her even when they have a right to know the things she's hiding. Sienne, Cat's mother, actually might win that parent the year award, particularly if she's only competing against the other two parents. That being said, she's only in the book for a small period of time but seems like a decent enough person. Alice, a friend of Wren's, is... also a psychopath and I feel is going to continue to be a major problem. Bob, Claire's boyfriend, is 'eh.' I can't really get a good feel for him since his character seems to vacillate wildly between different things. Don is also 'eh.' He does the right thing when it comes down to it and he's consistently good to Cat and her mom throughout the book. However, I wouldn't say he was a good guy either. Overall, I liked a lot of aspects of the book but there were some things that annoyed me, such as the immature voices from Cat and Wren, and there were a couple of major things that I straight up did not like, so 3.5 stars seems appropriate. I have some very strong opinions that I also want to mention, but they’re very spoilery and some have to do with the TW, so they’re below the cut if anyone wants to read.

MAJOR CHARACTER SPOILERS AHEAD!

Non-TW Spoiler:

The plot and revelations were pretty obvious in this book. I was writing notes while I wrote and I have a note from ~25% in where I ask 'are Wren and Cat sisters?' Then further in I settled on them being twins or clones, which turned out to be true (twins). TW Spoilers: I had some major issues with Wren's plot. I don't think the rape was necessary to the book at all, nor is her being pregnant from said rape. Based on the technology available outside the Community/Dome and on Dr. Grayson's desire to have her keep the kid even if she were to be inside, I feel like she's going to be forced to continue the pregnancy, which just doesn't sit right with me. I get what Modrak is doing here with the 'next generation is immune' type of shit, but couldn't she have had sex with Ryder? Beta by Rachel Cohn was published in 2012 and pulls some very similar shit w/ the MC being raped, then becoming pregnant as a result, and then not being allowed to abort despite explicitly wanting to b/c the baby is 'too special' or some shit, and I just...I don't know if that's the same route Modrak is going with this, but I worry it is. I also worry it's going to be put in a way where carrying the baby to term is 'for the good of humanity' and Wren agrees to do it b/c she'd feel guilty otherwise, which, spoiler is still fucking coercive and is an unwanted pregnancy. I'm particularly inclined to feel this is the route Modrak is going because the epilogue involves a character going absolutely apeshit because she feels guilty for using embryonic stem cells (and also incorrect science, but whatever). This character goes on and on abt the loss of life and how she murdered two 'perfect' embryos...which at that stage of development aren't even embryos but zygotes, (for reference, monozygotic twins split sometime 2-6 days after the ovum is fertilized, and the researcher was using embryos/zygotes that had, in her words just split). At this stage in development, zygotes and embryos can and do still self-abort. Also, if you're using embryonic stem cells in research, the embryos/zygotes are already not going to turn into babies. Like, their fate has already been decided. Chill.