#the more i learn about ocd the more im like. i need to see my psychiatrist

[leadendeath]

face reveal x

creature jumpscare.

[cringekind]

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[aspd-culture]

why is different neurological stuff between alters impossible, but psychosomatic stuff isnt? /gen (this isnt a bad faith question, im just not educated in sciency stuff ,, i dropped out of hs,,,)

No worries! It's complex and I completely get wanting to learn more about it. I find the psychology and neurology of systems fascinating myself tbh.

So neurological disorders like ASPD, Autism, ADHD, OCD, etc (see also neurodivergencies) are, for lack of a better analogy, hardware-based. Your brain is physically or functionally different than a person without that disorder. The synapses do not fire in the same ways, or the centers do not interact and/or respond in the same ways as someone who doesn't have it.

Other mental health disorders/conditions like depression, some types of anxiety, etc. are software-based. They are maladaptive, but do not alter how your brain works. In the cases where they are caused by chemical differences, these are more hardware based, but generally these disorders are the ones where talk therapy alone can cause significant relief of symptoms, and are the disorders one could reasonably expect to completely recover from (in that after a long time - often many years - of treatment and learning coping strategies, the person would no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for the disorder/condition).

So if we think of alters like different users on the same computer, they may not all have access to the same software due to various permissions and such, and they may not all use software that is available to them (aka they may not have the same conditions or they may handle the symptoms of those conditions so well that they do not impair functioning, which means it wouldn't be diagnosable in that alter by themselves). However, every user on that computer is still bound to the hardware. No user on the computer could run programs that require different hardware than what the computer every user is doing has (aka no alter can make an autistic brain function like an allistic brain, nor make an antisocial brain function as a prosocial one, etc).

I hope that helps!/gen if I missed anything or you need clarification you are very much welcome to submit another ask, as always. For some reason my brain is convinced I missed a part of your question in there.

Plain text below the cut:

No worries! It's complex and I completely get wanting to learn more about it. I find the psychology and neurology of systems fascinating myself tbh.

So neurological disorders like ASPD, Autism, ADHD, OCD, etc (see also neurodivergencies) are, for lack of a better analogy, hardware-based. Your brain is physically or functionally different than a person without that disorder. The synapses do not fire in the same ways, or the centers do not interact and/or respond in the same ways as someone who doesn't have it.

Other mental health disorders/conditions like depression, some types of anxiety, etc. are software-based. They are maladaptive, but do not alter how your brain works. In the cases where they are caused by chemical differences, these are more hardware based, but generally these disorders are the ones where talk therapy alone can cause significant relief of symptoms, and are the disorders one could reasonably expect to completely recover from (in that after a long time - often many years - of treatment and learning coping strategies, the person would no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for the disorder/condition).

So if we think of alters like different users on the same computer, they may not all have access to the same software due to various permissions and such, and they may not all use software that is available to them (aka they may not have the same conditions or they may handle the symptoms of those conditions so well that they do not impair functioning, which means it wouldn't be diagnosable in that alter by themselves). However, every user on that computer is still bound to the hardware. No user on the computer could run programs that require different hardware than what the computer every user is doing has (aka no alter can make an autistic brain function like an allistic brain, nor make an antisocial brain function as a prosocial one, etc).

I hope that helps!/gen if I missed anything or you need clarification you are very much welcome to submit another ask, as always. For some reason my brain is convinced I missed a part of your question in there.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I hope you are doing well. I have a question about Detachment.

(1) I’ve since gone through college and therapy. I love my therapist and feel like I don’t need her but shared a lot in common. I felt understood and she said I actually have an incredible amount of empathy. I don’t know if it’s useful. I’m an INFP, most likely. Im also asd, ocd, and potentially adhd.

I’ll miss her insights and the therapeutic relationship. It was detached but felt like mutual care without her breaking down all the time or anything when I said something sad. I wanted to understand the whole time, how was she so stoic yet so empathetic, compassionate, and insightful. It made me think of how brenee brown says shes always alone. We all are technically. But I want to keep in touch with this person. She said to keep her posted on my life updates. I understand what the therapeutic relationship meant but I want to see what she does for 2 seconds. I worry therapists are often lonely from having this perspective and I worried she’s an infj like my sister.

I want to be a therapist now, because I’m so interested in growing, helping, learning, and being like her. I wanted to be a farmer for a bit, because I had a mentor. And i know who I am now, and have tools and universal truths. And im easier on myself. But I deeply want to understand her. Is that ego?

(2) i read that INFJs are detached due to intuition at the front while INFPs are attached. Am I mistaken? Sometimes I’ll feel guilt over how a person wants to get to know me or if I’m seeming cold or stressed. But I don’t like everyone. I attach my feelings to people who are in my business or rude/annoying, instead of seeing it as their thing. People get to me.

(3) I can’t articulate it well, but if everyone is an individual with seperate values and needs, it’s unethical to feel attached to anyone. But there are rules like working, and contributing. So it’s like helping out of principle. I don’t fully understand because I can get friends and meet my other needs without wanting to bother my therapist. I still love her though. She played a big part in my life. I felt spiritually connected but could be projecting. It’s just I don’t feel a seperation. I felt merged, then seperated. I’m autistic and stuff, but I care lots. I just wonder if she sees the world like my sister whos an infj. I hope I can see their perspective because I want to feel detached if it’s reality.

----------------------

(1) I wouldn't call it ego. It sounds like you want to be friends with her because you feel a connection? Nothing wrong with that. Whatever professional relationship you have with someone, it is possible to make it into a personal one if you happen to click with them.

A relationship issue NFPs often run into is not defining their relationships well. This can be a problem because boundaries remain incredibly fuzzy, which makes it easy to inadvertently overstep them and cause messy and unpredictable interactions. If you want to have a proper relationship with someone, whether platonic or romantic, you both have to agree to what the relationship ought to be and set realistic boundaries that reflect the kind of relationship it is.

You haven't done this with her, so the relationship seems to exist in a gray area, a sort of limbo. If you want more from this relationship rather than just the occasional update, then you have to be more assertive in expressing your needs/wants and seeing whether she's willing to reciprocate in kind.

(2) You are mistaken because you are oversimplifying and perhaps stereotyping. Do people not use more than one function, and do individuals not express their functions in their own unique way?

INFJs might be detached until they care deeply through Fe, and they are capable of caring about many things at once. INFJs with healthy and mature Fe do not suffer from loneliness. INFPs might be quite oblivious until they get attached through Fi. Functions don't operate in a vacuum; context and circumstances matter as well.

I'm always warning people NOT to view each other as stereotypes, as it constitutes a misinterpretation and misapplication of type theory. If learning about personality type causes you to think of people in more simple rather than more complex terms, then something is awry.

Don't play guessing games unless you actually want to create misunderstanding and conflict. Speculation easily leads to assuming that you know what's in someone's heart/mind when you really have no clue. The best way to know the truth of someone is through clear and authentic communication with them.

(3) I'm not sure I understand this point you're making. I think your concept of "individuality" is flawed because you seem to hold contradictory beliefs. On one hand, you say every individual is unique. On the other hand, you seem to think that people are basically interchangeable to you because you can get your needs met from anyone. Which is it? Are people unique or not?

You also seem to imply that human beings are islands and that no real ethical connection can form between them, which is false. Humans evolved to be social creatures and we all have the same set of universal needs. We have more in common with each other than not, though people often forget this fact because they are too easily distracted by the differences. Commonality is one important way people bond with each other and form meaningful relationships.

Individuality comes into the picture when different people rank and express their needs differently and want to use different ways to satisfy their needs. Why do you think you get along better with some people more than others? You can be an individual but still share much in common with certain people if the both of you happen to rank your needs in a similar way and have a similar worldview.

There is something you're getting from her that you can't get from others because it is unique to her. That is why you feel the desire to get closer to her specifically. You can be a unique individual and still experience kinship with someone who shares a lot in common with you. Individuality and communion can both exist at the same time. Beware of either/or thinking and the way it limits your view of the world (it is something that those on the spectrum often struggle with).

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

Okay this is like the third one I've sent in cause I just keep asking stuff because I discover more things you require for your asks and I'm not trying to make your life any harder than it probably is with all these request.

Anyway, I usually hate the "outsiders X YN" propaganda but I was super curious soo

I'm a female. I'm 5'6 with curly brown hair, I'm Caucasian, I have hazel eyes.

I prefer to go unlabeled. I like girls and guys. Doesn't matter to me.

I'm an infp-t, I have OCD, I'm super sarcastic all the time even when. I don't intend to be. People assume I'm mean whenever they meet me but usually that changes over time. My love language(Offering love) is acts of service but I don't care about what type I receive. I speak in a very monotone fashion sometimes which again leads people to believe I may be mean or negative but I'm very extroverted. I'm opinionative and sociable. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at holding a conversation because I love learning about other people's views and taking their comments into consideration. I also try to give people really in-depth and earnest compliments because I don't think anyone gets enough of those. I also love to give gifts and to give advice. I love having really long, genuine conversations. I love literature and writing and collecting poems and quotes. I love exploring new music genres. I'm pretty spontaneous, and spontaneity is something I value a lot in a partner.

I also value humor a lot. I'm an avoidant person but I go out of my way to show or tell people I care when I can. I, again, love writing. I love writing stories, ideas, concepts. It's all fun to me. Im a middle child. I also cook a lot and care a lot for people around me. Im also fairly empathetic sometimes, even when I don't need to be. It's hard for me to ask what I want. I'm also like disgustingly self-aware. Like I mean I just know when my actions are weird or embarrassing. I know the possible outcomes of things before I do them. Idk. I can see myself from a clear outside perspective. Im also really reflective of body language/words/actions and stuff. It's easy for me to pick up and read someone. Chronic over-thinker as well. I also have the teeniest but of social anxiety(but I'm comfortable with speaking on a stage and stuff?? Idk it's complicated.)

My mantra is that you'll never get to do the same thing twice, why not do it now? What will you really lose?

I'm very self-depricating. Woops. Uhh and idk. I don't have any specifics for any partner. I like all sorts of people I'm not picky.

Please lmk what you think 🤗

I’m so sorry first lol for making you repeat so many times. I just prefer to have as much information as possible to give you the most accurate answer and also some people didn’t include their sexualities the first time and then I messed up because I paired them with a person they weren’t interested in and then they I had to redo their entire ask because you know they were like oh I’m gay could you not be shipping me with a girl and I was like well you didn’t put that in your request so I have no idea. So thanks for tolerating that.

Your Outsiders Ship: Sodapop Curtis

(I could see you with Marcia too 😊 but I don’t know enough about her character to do a full analysis)

Explanation: starting off with looks, I think that he would be extremely attracted to you. I think that he personally finds brown eyes and hair to be absolutely stunning and just loves the way that they remind him of the hot cocoa constantly consumes in the morning when Darry has his coffee and Ponyboy has tea. You’re shorter than him, but not too short and I think that he appreciates that because it means that you don’t have to reach up on your tippy toes to kiss him, but you can also just you know he’s you’re still short enough for him to tease you about it a lot which he definitely would. I think you guys kind of have an opposite attract thing going on like I think one of the things that really stood out about you was your sarcastic personality to him and I think he really appreciated it and your brutal honesty was really different from other girls he’d interacted with, and I just think that he would be extremely attracted to that. he had a really hard time using his charm on you. I think he’s one of the few people that sees past the oh you’re probably a mean person type of thing because I feel like he’s is a very big believer in you know second chances you don’t know that person that well they could be going through something type of ideology and I think as the people pleaser he is, he would definitely give you multiple chances and I mean, even if Steve was kind of like dude she seems kind of mean sodapop would instantly be at your side defending you. seriously he has golden retriever energy, and you have black cat energy all the way and I just think you’re dynamic would be pretty cute together. I feel like he would help you out a little bit with your social skills too and help you to be a little bit more friendly to people if you ever had an issue with that he would also always defend you with people didn’t get you the way that you talked or you know things like that. I think you could also balance him out with your opinionated Ness because I feel like a lot of his life. Sodapop is always felt kind of pressure to fit in with everyone else and go with their opinions because I headcanon personally that he’s a chronic people pleaser and really wants to just make people happy and I feel like you’re argumentative personality would definitely clash with that in such an interesting and good way. I just think you guys would fundamentally help each other and, be a good pairing because you would always be working on improving each other and not only through social skills either. Soda pop doesn’t get poetry that much but I feel like he would absolutely support you or if you ever found something that seemed kind of poetic he would definitely give it to you and he would absolutely melt if you gave him an in-depth complement or did something really nice for him because you also mentioned active service was another one of your love languages I think he would just melt. He’s the middle sibling so he’s used to being ignored and whenever you have your full attention on him he just feels like he’s floating. He feels like you’re one of the few people who see beyond the “ hot Curtis sibling” and see him as a person because he is. he’s also incredibly spontaneous so you’re in luck for that aspect of your relationship. I think he is probably one of the most if not the most spontaneous out of the greasers and just I think he’s willing to do random things because I mean, I don’t know. I just think he kind of enjoys the chaos plus he’s a pretty like chaotic a great partner to have I think like not chaotic bad but more chaotic like I enjoy making life interesting type of thing. I also feel like he would love the fact that you write because it reminds him a lot of pony boy and I think he would definitely just love it and stand next to you while you write and ask 1 million questions and end up kind of annoying you, but it would be cute.

Also, also, I feel like you guys would totally bond over being the middle sibling because I mean no one can really no one really gets the experience unless they’ve actually been in the situation of being the middle child and I feel like once he finds out that you’ve been a middle sibling before he can’t wait to talk about all the relatable shit with you and I just yeah, I feel like that would be one of your main bonding subjects that you guys first realize you had something in common. Also, he is also someone who values humor a lot and I feel like you guys would have a super fun time making jokes together and just laughing and enjoying life in general he’s a person that is literally described as not needing alcohol or cigarettes or anything like that to enjoy life, he just takes it by the hands and really knows how to live and I feel like that’s something that you really really need to have a good sense of humor besides being able to laugh at yourself and he absolutely has that. Also good luck with this man in the kitchen because it is just going to end up in a flower fight and you will not get any cooking whatsoever and if you do, it’s gonna be something weird as shit because he snuck food coloring into the dough or something like that. He really loves yourself awareness because he’s often had partners who aren’t so self-aware and are kind of oblivious to what their actions do and don’t know a lot about themselves and why they act certain ways so he really values that in a partner and I feel like that’s something you could fulfill and you could help him be more self-aware too, so he’s definitely glad that’s a trait you have. Also for your anxiety I feel like he can help a lot with that. He’s kind of a more carefree guy. I don’t feel like he has anxiety too bad and he has a pretty good coping system, but I feel like he would be excellent at you know spotting whenever you’re having a panic attack helping you get over a panic attack helping you remember to meditate for 10 minutes daily things like that I feel like he would be a super helpful person to be dating if you have extreme anxiety or if you’re an overthinking person. Anyway this is cute I ship it!! 💚💚

[eveistdiepommes]

💕💛 🪞^^ ~

OMG YAYY HIIEEE OKAY I CANT WAIT TO ANSWER!!!! :3

💕- So!! A character that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE AND ADORE but don’t speak a lot about is… well… there are a couple!!

The first one that comes to mind is Romania! And this is a newer favorite of mine!! I mentioned I think in an ask that I’m still catching up on newer hetalia lore and characters and stuff! And I finally got around to reading Romania’s segments and learning more about him and… I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HIM!!! He’s quickly becoming a character I attach to because of his personality, or what I gathered from personal interpretation!

He’s so positive and silly and I think I’ve seen other people describe him as an orange cat! But what I think is very relatable is that he’s charming and positive but ALSO loves folklore and (what other people consider) creepy things! I’ve always been drawn to the macabre, I practice and believe in magic, and it just so happens that my second biggest passion is Vampires (among other supernatural beings and lore!)

Other characters that fall into this category are Japan, Belarus, Ukraine, and Belgium! BIG emphasis on Belgium she’s my favorite hetalia lady!! I used to have a Belgium roleplay account on twitter (before it became confusing 🥹) so if any of you remember waffle mun… hi… that’s me🫶

💛- OKAY!!! A friendship that doesn’t exist in canon but I want to see… I might be biased here, and also I don’t think???? It’s happened in canon??? But they have interacted!! It’s..!!!!! (Drumroll)

Finland and Italy!!!! I think these two would get along so well and I’m biased because they’re my favorite characters (in the ‘im just like them’ category) Finland and Italy are both bright and cheery and sweet! Their kindness would fill the whole room up! But, I also see them as two very anxious people (IM PROJECTING AAAAH) I usually portray Finland with OCD, as I’ve been coping with my own OCD after coming off of anxiety medicine. And in the same vein, I’ve always portrayed Italy as an extrovert who is also socially anxious (and sometimes socially unaware.) I think these two could help each other in moments of stress, as I’ve always noticed I forget my anxiety when I see a loved one in trouble! The need to help people you care about almost always overrides fear, and I think their friendship would be beneficial to both of them!

(Also another friendship I’d love to see is Canada and Italy, but I could dedicate a whole post to that BAHAH)

🪞- YES! I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN MEANING TO TALK ABOUT THIS!!! Also, heads up, this is gonna get a bit personal!!

It’s no secret Finland is my favorite character! And that’s for a multitude of reasons. But I actually first got very attached to him because of how he was physically portrayed. He’s short, chubby, rounded. I used to be very chubby because medicine made me gain a lot of weight (the same anxiety medicine I mentioned I got off of!) Well, last month actually marked a year of being off it, and within that year, I lost all the weight I gained (45 pounds!) Of course, this also was because I started exercising a bit more and stuff!! But all in all, I’m very proud of how far I’ve come and I love how I look!

All of this is to say, I give Finland my body type. While I am short and slim, I’m by no means a twig! My portrayal of Finland still has a soft tummy and rounded face and thicker arms and thighs! It’s mostly my height I give him, making him the second shortest Nordic, but even then… he’s still taller than me 🥹 (I’m 5’2” / 158 cm for reference!!) I know a lot of people portray Finland as chubbier/fatter and let me tell you THAT IS AMAZING AND CORRECT AND BEAUTIFUL!!!!! I LOVE CHUBBY FINLAND TO THE DAY I DIE!!!!!!! The only reason I give him my body type as I grow and change is just for the simple fact that I am very attached to him! I see myself when I look at him, which probably sounds really silly! But these stupid hetalia characters have been with me at my worst moments, have been with me through hospital visits, and they give me a lot to look forward to!

WOW THESE ANSWERS GOT DEEPER THAN I ANTICIPATED!!! ANYWAYS!! THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME!!! 🥹🫶

[gay-otlc]

feel free to disregard, im just looking.for further info!

would you mind sharing why antis are harmful for OCD? I genuinely would like to learn. I don't involve myself in shipping discourse, but I'd like to remain informed when there's harm present. I understand some of the harm present from all sides of the discourse, and I understand how the discourse is harmful as a whole to those with ocd/compulsory disorders ,delusions, paranoia ect (hi) but I'd like to hear how antis specifically are harmful in this way.

Thank you for your time !

The main group of people with OCD affected by antis are those of us who have POCD (pedophilia OCD) where the intrusive thoughts and compulsions revolve around the fear that one is a pedophile. Since our own brains constantly throw around the accusation that we're pedophiles, hearing antis accuse anyone of being a pedophile for reading the wrong fic or following the wrong person can really further that thought spiral.

If I'm having intrusive thoughts where my brain insists that I'm a pedophile, and then I see an anti calling anyone who disagrees with them a pedophile apologist, and my brain takes that as ammunition to continue insisting I'm a pedophile, and the already extremely distressing POCD spiral becomes even worse.

Writing about intrusive thoughts can also be a legitimate way to cope with OCD, which- according to antis- means that someone with POCD trying to cope with their disorder is writing child porn and should be cancelled for being a pedophile, or something. While this isn't an experience I've had with POCD in particular, my therapist has encouraged me to continue talking about my intrusive thoughts for other themes and telling them like a story. They're all the same disorder, so it stands to reason that telling the thought like a story would work for POCD just as well as for other themes.

Ultimately, anti's constant pedophile accusations for someone who creates or consumes the "wrong" kind of art will make people with POCD, especially people who create POCD related art to cope, even more convinced they are pedophiles, which is very much not what we need.

[pixelizedprince]

Had some really good heart to hearts this weekend with my dad

He's just a guy and I'm really proud of the progress he's made of learning about himself, and him owning up to being kind of shit at expressing himself/his feelings in the past

he wasn't like A+ father of the year when we were younger, and about some things he was downright neglectful;; but he never didn't care, didn't try to turn shit around once he realized things weren't right

Idk its neat to be frank and honest and like "hey this happened and it sucked" and "oh no grandpa wasn't just "neurotic" thats like textbook ocd, and thats okay, and good to know for both of us" and politics where he went on to be "I've donated to AOC and Harris because I support them, their mission for people, and how it can support you and katie" and it makes me feel a little less end of the world about it all to see the little glimpses of hope

What really kicked my ass was after dinner one night he started to kinda stumble over his words and was like "I know Jake will never move out of the city, and I know you guys probably hate the country too but im trying to decide if the renovations im working on are gonna be cheapy to last me 15 more years or if you and Katie want the house I am going to put in the work and money to make sure its going to be good for you for a long time" and that really got me tearing up even thinking about it now tbh

That and "i loved you since I laid eyes on you, no matter what" following a conversation but how visiting Katie's family left me really upset and heartbroken bc they are so far up the rights ass they won't vote for their own good, let alone ever vote in a way that would support us/her safety , and I know the cheesy parent " i love you since you were born" is so hallmark but i really needed to hear it

I wish it was easier to spend more time with him but I cherish every moment I can 💕

[etherealspacejelly]

okay so i have determined that i do not have adhd but tbh im still glad i looked into it because now I have words for Two Day Obsession and I Need This Media IV'd Into My Bloodstream and Can't Do Things Mode (see also Doesn't Know What Day It Is)

(for clarification i am extremely neurodivergent just not adhd)

(speaking of which is there a general neurodivergent creature because i really liked having a creature)

im glad it helped you to learn a little bit more about yourself!

neurodivergent is an umbrella term, not a diagnosis. it contains all the different ways the human brain can differ from 'typical', including all kinds of things from depression to adhd to autism to ocd to anti social personality disorder and much much more. so just telling me you're neurodivergent really doesnt tell me much at all

as far as creatures go, ive seen autism, adhd, anxiety, and i think ocd? but im not certain. i dont think there is a neurodivergent creature because that covers so many different sets of traits it would be impossible to represent all of them at once

[this-should-do]

i want to know more about your less developed janitor half life oc because i too have a half life janitor oc

janitor oc havers unite !!!! 🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝

they have no name as of yet (and im open to suggestions lol) but this is a quick doodle page i made for them just for this ask

character thoughts and musings below the cut

anyways, they are very bare bones of a concept, but im thinking this person in my brain is soooooo gossipy, cuz like whats the fun of working in a top secret facility if you dont get to be gossipy about it, like they are so invisible to most people who work there, but boy do they have a lot of friends out of the facility who they talk to and go visit often and i think they have absolutely broken their nda so many times but thats okay they deserve it for how little they get paid and how hard they work.

but tbh i think they dont mind the pay too bad (lying they actually want more pay so much lmao), they appreciate cleaning as it helps manage their compulsive cleaning inclinations,theyre un diagnosed ocd i think but they sure know they Need to clean and getting to indulge it day in a day out as a job is better than suffering constantly trying to do another job and being distressed by grime and germs but it also limits how much they can spend cleaning on one thing which helps them manage their compulsions at home as well thru repeated exposure, its not a cure all obvs but it helps and can be stressful in its own right on somedays. its a great people watching job too if ur happy only being able to listen more than half the time

they specifically got a job at black mesa tho becuz they love the concept of science but they never really got to learn any of it formally (not to say they didnt try but the combo of ocd affecting their mental health, in general struggling with math without an extra hand to grasp it initially, and lack of money money preventing them from attending college, really stopped them from being able to pursue the interest) they really like the all the thought that goes into experiments and analyzing the information, and the cool things that result from it, and more superficilaly they like the look of the machines and the big chunky buttons and the charts and hearing the lingo heavy chatter of people who know what all of it means, they probably have a few magazine subscriptions to science magazines, such as popular science, popular scientist (they think its cool he could feasibly see kleiner at thier work place after seeing him on teh cover of the magazine), and science news

[sunset-bridge]

gorbo thoughts part .. 3?

goro thoughts update. id like to ramble again

ok i think he might not have ocd actually! i mean he could but like...i dont think theres too many signs. so yes id like to. recall that. i think that was just me projecting LMAO.. its ok! i love learning more about my favorite guy. you know what he does have

i stand by the ocpd. (obsessive compulsive personality disorder, its a completely different thing from OCD. its a personality disorder) also Definetely ctpsd (complex ptsd)...... ! i was talking with someone and they brought it up and i was like. WOAG.. after reading about it

disclaimer: i only talk about these because i have them LOL.. im sure gorbo has a cute soup of Other problems but like. i cant really talk about those well... i find these two really interesting though.

see. ocpd, is like the perfectionist control freak disorder. its what people Think ocd is lol. BUT as a personality disorder, its so much more than that. people with ocpd also:

-you tend to have a black and white moral code

-your way is the only right way.

-you like to do things alone because no one else could do them right; this may cause relationship problems and you may come across as a fucking cunt ( i know this..)

difficulty compromising and accepting any critisicim of your actions or opinions.

excessive devotion to work and productivity

sosososo afraid of failure even if its kinda small. you feel it will ruin your image forever and ever. if i make a mistake put me to death please.

Frequently become overly fixated on a single idea, task or belief. even to detriment of . everything else in your life...

yeah...

me and some friends definetely see some of these in goro! ofc im so happy to hear what you guys think, i dont mind changing my views at all (like with the ocd thing i changed opinion about!)

like.. hes super fixated on his revenge plan, its the Only thing he cares about and everything is fair game if it allows him to advance that. leave him alone, its no one elses problem. he knows what hes doing. he has to be right about his values and beliefs. he has to. or else whats the point. dont tell him hes wrong. what do you mean? you dont know anything about him. he cant fail, he cant make mistakes, he has to work hard so everyone sees him exactly as he wants to and as someone valuable.

and. cptsd. as the name suggests its. a form of ptsd but..it has the Special Added features of:

-sometimes cant control emotions well

-you feel angry distrustful and resentful at the world in general

you feel worthless, empty or forever damaged by an event. like if you were stained with dirt forever.

you feel isolated. like no one could ever even understand what you went through (not in like an. edgy kid way. like fr. you feel even if you explained to people. they wouldnt understand you and your feelings. or theyd judge you and further hurt you...)

avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult (!!)

escapism or depersonalisation...dissociative behaviors .

yeah.. ! yeah. i think these ring quite some bells huh..! its really shitty! you feel like no one would get it, like no one would like you, like you are ruined forever and theres not much to do about it.

makes sense that goro would absorb himself in his plan. after all. he felt he was some sort of curse upon his mom; as if he was the one responsible for ruining her life.. but hed like to "redeem" himself with the revenge plan. he has to, even if its difficult to go on. i wonder if he planned to do anything if he achieved his plan? i dont think so. its a bit sad but.. he didnt really seem to plan doing. or living much more after. its like his whole life he convinced himself his only use would be as the vehicle to enact a revenge years in the making, and thats it.

as if he wasnt a person. just a tool to revenge. i think this is why its so difficult, frustrating and downright distressing to him to accept he too, has feelings and wants and needs like any Normal Person on planet earth. no way. those just interfere with the plan. and he has no right anyways.

i thought how id feel, in his shoes and with all my cute soup of wrong stuff, if some guy showed up, hes the guy i gotta kill. ok. then hes nice with me, as if mocking me. hes better at me in most things. he has friends and family and everyone likes him and he barely moves a finger. while i had to work so damn hard to even get acknowledged?? what does he have that i do not. hes nothing special. so why? then this guy acts like a fool even when hes so extraordinary in every aspect... does he think its funny? for someone so special to pretend to be ordinary. when id kill to be just half as special as him. honestly.. id become super frustrated with this bastard too. his presence would infuriate me. and the most frustrating thing, would be that this guy seems to be the only guy that seems to like hanging out with me. what the hell. guess he enjoys trying to humor me..

man...

[petrichoraline]

HONESTY HOUR!!!!!!!! (or hours, if you're me ;;;;;;)

since i have no personal 'caught in the rain' moments to talk about im gonna turn the question on you!!!! any particular memorable ones you feel like sharing??

also i've been trying to think about something juicy to ask but the only thing my mind could came up with is to talk about BL actors you have a crush on, if there are any!!!!

hours indeed, I'm two days late 😂💓 and I'm figuring things out as I go so it's a yapping session with gifs, enjoy 😙

i do have a few but one that always sticks out to me was one summer (or was it late spring?) my best friend and i were doing some shopping at the city centre and this rain started pouring, ive never felt anything like it. we had no umbrellas, we were carrying stuff and we walked (maybe kinda ran too lol) a great distance to the subway station; drenched rat doesn't begin to cover it, the rain curtain was thick, it was coming down fast and it seemed like it'd never stop.. I don't think I have any photos or videos from that day, i don't remember it all too well and her and I don't talk anymore but i think I remember it accurately enough. i loved it. it's happened a lot and I still don't carry an umbrella, some lessons are harder to learn

crushes..hahah see, so many years as a young woman and a girl, a romantic and a romcom truther and yet I don't really know the definition of a crush. when it comes to celebrities, I actively avoid feeling like that for them? nothing bad about celebrity crushes but you can blame it on my ocd symptoms [too much to explain]; i do fangirl about them and jokingly think up scenarios (I used to be a y/n fic reader lmao and im loud and proud about it!!) but it's just innocent stuff

I'd say the bl actors i have somewhat of a crush on (by how I understand it) are pond and joong; i find a lot of guys attractive but I don't know much about them like sea, boun or tay

ohhh anderson cheng who plays mark in love is science? is smth else for me

but it could be the character okay, i don't know anderson like that except for a few lives with lin yu😂

I had somewhat of a crush on yibo too but he done fucked up recently so.

OH JIWOONG

DUH

jiwoong is a mystery to me and im just happy when he's happy

also seoham and jaechan in different ways lol

kim sunghyun exuded so much charm as jinwoo I couldn't not fall for him a bit

^like maybe that should be me. js.

yu is stunning any time I see him

he had me crazy about zhou shu yi, soo handsome when he's angry and even more when in love (seeing a man cry whether in character or not bonds you to him idk what to say)

now for the jbls... it's gonna take a bit

meguro ren had me in a chokehold for a while

so did yagi yusei

sato yusuke had me all glued to the screen as well

obviously kimura tatsunari

(happy second anniversary ofc!)

inaba yuuuu

yamanaka jyutaro (I've now hit the ten image limit so that's the blond photographer dude from ameiro paradox); suzuki kousuke (jack o'frost and takara kun to amagi kun); nomura kota (perfect propose) but!

the ones I actually know more about are kouhei and acchan since I used to tune in for their insta lives and kouhei is just so 🥰🥰🥰 that's segasaki from taikan yoho

and currently losing it a bit with the mains of 25 ji akasaka de, niihara taisuke and komagine kiita

I think the reason I just go for "dudes I don't know outside of their role but are handsome af" for japanese bls and "I need to know him better" for thai bls is because of how much content there is of the actors interacting with their on screen partners. plus it's much less likely I see stuff about japanese actors on my dash whereas random interviews and show bits come up constantly with not only gmm dudes but guys from other companies as well. it feels like I get to know about thai actors without putting that much effort in but with those from other countries I'd have to go out of my way so it'd be harder to list someone close to the definition of a crush, you know.

I am very tired so this is a mess, most of this doesn't even need to be written down but I hope you get to read it as a relaxing nonsense list the way it's intended haha

[cosmossystem]

on separate spaces

(long post bc im a yapper & idk how to be brief)

this is just my opinion, but as someone in an osdd system, i feel like theres no real way to go "this only applies to disordered systems and non-disordered systems could never hope to understand it so get out of here because this is not by/about/for you" etc.

on a base level, i get why you would want to have different spaces to discuss your experience with the disorder and its symptoms. and i agree that we need those spaces. i WANT to talk about those things, and i do! but the "didosdd community"... does not do that. if they did, i dont think wed be having this conversation.

instead, its like theyre trying to make a space for themselves, but instead of founding it on shared experiences like they should (for instance: general plurality or how to deal with dissociation and the like), theyre founding it on the distress they go through (caused by their symptoms) and then acting like plurality is the reason for those symptoms, instead of just... treating it like separate issues. like sure, you might be plural because of your trauma, but your didosdd is your trauma response and why you have those symptoms, not the plurality in and of itself. there are non-systems who dissociate or who have amnesia, and the inverse is true. its a gray area.

but truthfully, they dont care for any of that. all they know is that theyre miserable, and they want to stay miserable.

not counting the autism (cuz its a special case), ive got two other major Big Bad disorders that make my life hell: ocd and avpd. and in all of these communities, i see the same exact thing every time. we never talk about how we can live life happily with these disorders or heal. i dont hear about ocd successes, or how someone overcame their avpd and carved a life out for themself. i hear about the struggles, and how it sucks, and the way it ruins your life.

because when you are REALLY deep into these disorders, you are pretty hopeless. i know and ive been there. the didosdd community likes to bond on their suffering, because suffering people attract other suffering people. its a cycle: the more you talk about suffering the worse you feel, and you look for comfort in other suffering people but no healing actually happens. they (didosdd) cant imagine a life without suffering-- and, important distinction: they mistake their plurality for the reason they suffer.

which, yes. you can suffer with plurality. it isnt all sunshine and rainbows. its hard! youre allowed to not like it or hate it even! but what im trying to say is that the point of therapy, generally, is to learn to live with your symptoms. mental illness cannot ever be fully healed, it is a product of your brain being abnormal, and no, even integration wont cure you. but they dont seem to get that? they think of themselves as fractured/broken/wrong somehow, their plurality is "proof" of that, and then cry about how awful didosdd is and 'why would someone ever want this?'

look, i get it. i HAVE didosdd. i know it sucks. i know its hard. its awful and i hate it. but i dont hate being plural. i dont hate my alters. we are more functional this way than we would be if we were a singlet. and, most importantly, being a system outside of your didosdd symptoms is important and valuable. your symptoms are just... the disorder itself. not the plurality. they just coexist.

because there will come a day very soon where our system no longer suffers from our symptoms to a degree that we will no longer fit under the didosdd criteria. because you can truly minimize those symptoms, function as a unit, and you wont need the label anymore. because didosdd is not "youre plural and it sucks". its "everything sucks, and youre plural in addition to it sucking". youll most likely still be plural, but it wont suck anymore.

and in all of my experiences with osdd/did/whatever we have--dissociation, a little amnesia, distress, all the works-- these are all things that non-disordered systems can have experience with. theres a ton of overlap. i dont feel like, on a fundamental level, theres really any huge difference between us (disordered) and them (non-).

yet the didosdd community seems to like to gatekeep those symptoms? which doesnt make sense either. ive never met a non-disordered system that didnt struggle in some way with a different mental illness, and those things i mentioned above are all really common symptoms of other disorders, like autism, adhd, personality disorders, (c)ptsd......

but most of all, i think a lot of didosdd systems tend to think of non-disordered systems --whether they (claim to) support them or not-- as this like, Magical Separate Thing with No Common Ground to them...?

like, you dont think endos had to go through a discovery period? you dont think theyve been judged or abused or outcast for their plurality? you dont think theyve ever struggled with switching, or communication, or headspace, or alter roles? you dont think theyve never felt invalid or unreal or like they were broken? hell, they probably feel that MORE than we (didosdd) do because of how you guys treat them!

and if the goal of having separate spaces was to talk about your symptoms and help each other cope with your stigmatized disorder (again: a very valid thing to do) like they claim to do... well, you certainly dont do that.

yall are too busy fighting over whos faking, and basing your existence on a disorder. and speaking from years of experience: basing your existence on a disorder makes for a very miserable life.

because, put it this way-- ive never met an endo/supporter that i didnt generally agree with and feel respected by. sure, i dont understand most of them, but the more they talk about their experiences the more i go "oh hey, we do that too! we arent so different after all." they listen to me. i listen to them. we help each other, and share advice on how to become functional units. we share the good and the bad. we understand we are more than a disorder. we are a community!

but on the other hand, i have met a lot of sysmeds who (as the name implies) think our existence is purely medical, reduce us down to our symptoms, and treat us like broken fragments instead of like actual living breathing people.

that isnt getting over your disorder, or learning to cope with it. thats forming an identity around your pain. and ive tried that and i nearly died from it, and im gonna tell you this: it doesnt fucking fix you. it doesnt make your symptoms better, it doesnt make you happy, it doesnt make you functional. it only makes you sad and bitter and suicidal. if you genuinely believe youre broken, then you are. and you will stay broken until you heal, which you cant do if youre surrounded by other miserable broken people.

respectability politics 101: society thinks youre broken for being plural. if you agree with them, there is no way to challenge the stigma of your disorder. you wont improve, or find people who accept you. they have no reason to-- after all, youre a freak, right? and youll stay the same. sad, bitter, broken.

[abimee]

i get where posts are coming from when they talk about the, i dont know what better way to example them besides ''weird/strange disorders'' people are often adverse to, and in ways that try to make them palatable/less scary like ''oh my friend who hears voices actually enjoys them and she finds comfort in them'' and doing things in a way to mitigate the fear of them, even people who have them themselves doing this. but i dont really enjoy that this is the only line that these thoughts go through, of how entertaining or enjoyable these things can be, when i think we do need more understanding of them by demanding the outside participant recognize that theyre not always going to get that feel-good depiction of our disorders

like the best way i can personally put it is yeah some of my disorder symptoms are enjoyable on my part, but a problem with that is when im manic and in a state that makes me feel good i can often become a danger to myself or others because im so hopped up on my own euphoria that i forget consequences and limitations exist, and so often mania is just as bad for me if not worse for me than depression because im incapable of being self aware, critical, realistic, and the mania can often feed into a dangerous mindset teetering me closer to suicide than depression. but mania getting played off as just '' i have so much energy! i got zoomies!" or ''mania is actually really cool because [x]'' when in all actuality of someone like me with insane bipolar swings starts telling you how enjoyable mania is Thats A Bad Sign

or like with the symptoms that float somewhere between my bipolar and ocd. im going to ask for some incredibly insane accomodations or say things that i dont understand may be hurtful because what may be a silly little quirk you do may feel like someone is putting their nails into my skin and dragging them down my back until they draw blood. or i may act offputting because my brain is either trying to tell me that i was destined by god to save you from your relationship, that i have no basis to believe is unhealthy purely besides my brain telling me that because you arent dating me that you are surely in a shitty relationship, or the complete opposite where im certain you are in fact only in my life to steal my friends and make a mockery of me by long conning me into getting close to you and revealing information for you to put out and get me hunted down and killed like an animal for, even thought there is no such information besides my brain telling me There Might Be and I just forgot

and to have friendships and close relationships with people similar to me is to have to not only respect back but understand that youre not going to get the feel good caretaker shit where my bipolar actually makes me a fun and interesting person to be around or my comorbid ocd actually makes me a really safety orientated person, it means youre going to have to watch me just directly not say some things to you on a discord call because i think were being recorded by secret agents and me asking you to come pick me up a 3 mile drive away randomly because i tried taking a vacation but psyched myself into believing im going to die if i dont get back home and i need to get home NOW. like i get positivity posts about the ''scary/weird'' disorders have their time and place but when all i see is people trying to make us palatable i wonder if even people like me who are defined and live day by day with their neurosis would be included because we exemplify some of many reasons why these disorders are in the neurodivergence category, one defined by the fact that we dont need medication and to be ''cured'' as much as we need the world around us to learn to accomodate us and accept us without trying to change us.

and theres people more severe than me! certainely! im only in the medium to extreme range of bipolar being youthful and not experiencing more psychosis symptoms, but even i can be offputting and upsetting to others purely by thr way my bipolar has wired me, and i wonder if IM considered ''too much'' for people how my siblings who need 24 hour round clock assistance and care to live will be treated and if the people who wanna de-fang disorders can accept those people as friends and family and closed ones. this also goes into stuff like how we can pass these disorders onto their kids, and what if your child is the violent stereotype? what if the voices arent nice? what if your child cant be left alone with a babysitter or anybody besides a select set of people without freaking out? what then

[smoov-criminal]

Hey, I just found your blog and saw your post about OCD. I was wondering if you could talk some more about it 'cause I went through it when I was little, untreated and with no support, and I rarely do see anyone talk about what OCD is like internally. Those intrusive thoughts do come back every once in a while and scare the crap out of me. Thank you

hi! sorry i didnt answer sooner i literally never check my inbox lmao.

im definitely not the most educated person on OCD on tumblr, but im happy to share some things ive learned/thought about since my diagnosis.

1. i learned that my mom has OCD around the same time i did, which makes a lot of sense. i seem to have been the only one in my immediate family who knew she'd been dealing with severe anxiety for years, but whatever lmao. i think a large part of my OCD obsessions stem from my mom's. she wasn't aware that her feelings were abnormal, so i guess im not mad at her for that, but i picked up on a lot of it as a kid and have the anxiety i do as an adult. i think this is unfortunately a very common experience: growing up with mentally ill parents who eventually give u the same mental illness thru a combination of genetics and abuse/neglect/bad parenting/parents needing therapy.

2. mental compulsions need to be talked about more. i suspect the reason my OCD went undiagnosed for so long is because my compulsions are almost entirely mental, so no one, including myself, knew what to look for. mental compulsions include: saying/repeating words or phrases, counting words, letters, numbers, or objects, making lists, ruminating on past and potential future situations with "what ifs", trying to figure out the meaning of internal experiences like thoughts and feelings, trying to figure out the meaning of life, and even replacing an obsession with a different image/word. sorry for the long list, but i listed all of these bc i do a whole lot of them, but didnt realize theyre compulsive behaviors until recently. how are people supposed to heal when they dont even know what symptoms they have?

3. if u have intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to bigotry and pedophilia, i want u to know that u arent those things. your thoughts dont make u a bad person, there is no morality associated with your thoughts. your actions are what determine how good of a person you are.

thats about all i can think of atm, but if you or anyone else has any specific questions feel free to ask!!

[our-ocd-experience]

im just starting to learn more about ocd because my therapist thinks i have it and has started treating me for it (she can’t diagnose me herself but she often works with other people with ocd) - can i ask is there anything i need to know about the community? like is person first language preferred or not? im just new here now but its really nice to see other people sharing similar experiences, makes me feel not so alone. thank you <3

honestly to my knowledge, there isn't anytbing regarding language, use what is comfortable for you (or the person you are talking about) though i'd likely not use the phrase "im so ocd" as thats usually used by people using ocd as a term for a neatfreak. but i dont really have much besides that. other ppl can add in tags tho!