#love to hear you guys thoughts! as i said i dont dislike if you disagree on something; sometimes i may be seeing things wrong! i want to

[sunset-bridge]

gorbo thoughts part .. 3?

goro thoughts update. id like to ramble again

ok i think he might not have ocd actually! i mean he could but like...i dont think theres too many signs. so yes id like to. recall that. i think that was just me projecting LMAO.. its ok! i love learning more about my favorite guy. you know what he does have

i stand by the ocpd. (obsessive compulsive personality disorder, its a completely different thing from OCD. its a personality disorder) also Definetely ctpsd (complex ptsd)...... ! i was talking with someone and they brought it up and i was like. WOAG.. after reading about it

disclaimer: i only talk about these because i have them LOL.. im sure gorbo has a cute soup of Other problems but like. i cant really talk about those well... i find these two really interesting though.

see. ocpd, is like the perfectionist control freak disorder. its what people Think ocd is lol. BUT as a personality disorder, its so much more than that. people with ocpd also:

-you tend to have a black and white moral code

-your way is the only right way.

-you like to do things alone because no one else could do them right; this may cause relationship problems and you may come across as a fucking cunt ( i know this..)

difficulty compromising and accepting any critisicim of your actions or opinions.

excessive devotion to work and productivity

sosososo afraid of failure even if its kinda small. you feel it will ruin your image forever and ever. if i make a mistake put me to death please.

Frequently become overly fixated on a single idea, task or belief. even to detriment of . everything else in your life...

yeah...

me and some friends definetely see some of these in goro! ofc im so happy to hear what you guys think, i dont mind changing my views at all (like with the ocd thing i changed opinion about!)

like.. hes super fixated on his revenge plan, its the Only thing he cares about and everything is fair game if it allows him to advance that. leave him alone, its no one elses problem. he knows what hes doing. he has to be right about his values and beliefs. he has to. or else whats the point. dont tell him hes wrong. what do you mean? you dont know anything about him. he cant fail, he cant make mistakes, he has to work hard so everyone sees him exactly as he wants to and as someone valuable.

and. cptsd. as the name suggests its. a form of ptsd but..it has the Special Added features of:

-sometimes cant control emotions well

-you feel angry distrustful and resentful at the world in general

you feel worthless, empty or forever damaged by an event. like if you were stained with dirt forever.

you feel isolated. like no one could ever even understand what you went through (not in like an. edgy kid way. like fr. you feel even if you explained to people. they wouldnt understand you and your feelings. or theyd judge you and further hurt you...)

avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult (!!)

escapism or depersonalisation...dissociative behaviors .

yeah.. ! yeah. i think these ring quite some bells huh..! its really shitty! you feel like no one would get it, like no one would like you, like you are ruined forever and theres not much to do about it.

makes sense that goro would absorb himself in his plan. after all. he felt he was some sort of curse upon his mom; as if he was the one responsible for ruining her life.. but hed like to "redeem" himself with the revenge plan. he has to, even if its difficult to go on. i wonder if he planned to do anything if he achieved his plan? i dont think so. its a bit sad but.. he didnt really seem to plan doing. or living much more after. its like his whole life he convinced himself his only use would be as the vehicle to enact a revenge years in the making, and thats it.

as if he wasnt a person. just a tool to revenge. i think this is why its so difficult, frustrating and downright distressing to him to accept he too, has feelings and wants and needs like any Normal Person on planet earth. no way. those just interfere with the plan. and he has no right anyways.

i thought how id feel, in his shoes and with all my cute soup of wrong stuff, if some guy showed up, hes the guy i gotta kill. ok. then hes nice with me, as if mocking me. hes better at me in most things. he has friends and family and everyone likes him and he barely moves a finger. while i had to work so damn hard to even get acknowledged?? what does he have that i do not. hes nothing special. so why? then this guy acts like a fool even when hes so extraordinary in every aspect... does he think its funny? for someone so special to pretend to be ordinary. when id kill to be just half as special as him. honestly.. id become super frustrated with this bastard too. his presence would infuriate me. and the most frustrating thing, would be that this guy seems to be the only guy that seems to like hanging out with me. what the hell. guess he enjoys trying to humor me..

man...

[preciouslandmermaid]

so as u guys know i went through a breakup in june. which was a good thing. i wasn’t invested in the relationship, i was unhappy, the honeymoon had faded, there were flags that i simply couldn’t ignore (both in him and myself!) and i knew i needed to return to my happiest state - being single and annoying online.

today, on the first day back of work, this motherfucker asks to talk to me afterwards and im like “yeah sure.” thinking that like we’re just gonna chat real quick in the parking lot. no. hes like “where can we meet.” and im like “idk starbucks i guess.” 

i’ve been keeping my distance from him because that’s what was best for ME. we literally haven’t spoken in 2 weeks. so i gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he was just trying to catch up, be friendly. i rationalized that since we were only together about 5 months, then it wouldn’t be completely weird to start being friends now that 2 months have passed since the separation. 

besties....he wanted to know if we could get back together. 😠 i was like ?????????? and he was like “well, we spent the summers working on ourselves” (bro ur still not in therapy so i disagree), and then he was like “i feel like we broke up because i was having such a hard time at work and was going through a hard time and it reflected on our relationship.” and i was like uhhh. and so i said a metaphor i was like “us getting back together would be like trying to complete a puzzle when you’ve lost pieces in the vacuum.” and he goes “OH WELL, relationships have their ups and downs! we could still find those pieces.”

i legit wish someone was recording my face. i was in shock. like when we broke up, i did tell him i hoped we could be friends, i told him i hoped we could be in each other’s lives and that maybe (and it’s a big maybe) we could reconnect in the far future. (but, i remember when i said this, i was only saying it to be nice. which was a mistake since it led me to this whole conversation). 

ANYWAYS. to make a long story short. i told him No. and he was like “why i dont understand. you said you loved me. how could you love me and then not love me anymore. this is really hurting my self-worth. i dont understand. what changed??”

and i just...didn’t engage really. i wasn’t gonna list all the reasons. i already did that when we broke up and he demanded answers. i told him that i didn’t feel the connection anymore. and i already know im hurting his feelings AGAIN. eventually i just said “i’m happier single.” and he was like “oh? so i won’t see you dating someone in six months?” and i was like “probably not?? but idk?” he also brought up an old interaciton we had waaay back in march and tried to gaslight me by saying i got defensive during it, but i literally wrote that interaction down beat by beat so i remember how it went because it made me feel so uncomfortable and was my first serious red flag. >:( you cannot trick me! 

we managed to end the conversation and i stayed firm within my boundaries even tho he looked sad/was tearing up and kept asking me for reasons (idk why being unhappy in the relationship isn’t a reason enough for him??) a few hours after i got home, he texted me and was like “Was everything you said earlier true? No lying to save my feelings?” and i texted him back and was like “Yeah, it was all true.” idk how i could’ve been any clearer. i think he just dislikes hearing things he doesn’t want to hear. (omg also he brought up bell hooks--someone i introduced him to!--and was like “are you just chasing the next high?” and i was like “??? idk ??” )

my friends keep telling me he was emotionally manipulative, but it’s hard for me to see it. maybe in time i will be able to. but again--im just proud of myself for not “cowering” and changing my mind because i’ve got a person in front of me who i do care about --and who is sad--who i could make happy by doing what he wants.

but that is no life worth living. i live for myself. for my own happiness. and i was not happy in the relationship. you don’t need any other reason to leave-- if you’re unhappy, you can just go. it’s fine. i think that’ll be the big lesson i takeaway from this whole debacle. 

[theloverscardtarot]

“People here don’t have to agree with me and I’m not insulting Evan in any sort of way but I’m kinda tired of putting him on a pedestal and thinking he can do no wrong”

I might sound harsh but Anon I totally agree with you. I dislike how people put him on a pedestal. He's such a angel, oh he does charity work we just don't hear about it. Really how do you guys know? Do you know him personally? Maybe he was just at the charity event because his sister is on the board and this was a chance for all of them to be together to introduce Natalie.

I dont know why people attack all of his girlfriends like they are the bad energy. For goodness sakes it could of been Natalie's idea to go to the actually charity event she would seems like someone that actually wants to know more and help the community.

I understand he loved evil Emma before, but she wasn't the nicest even to her fans and she said racist and homophobia things before. I'm pretty sure she was saying these things when he was around her. It's like when people say oh well this women is horrible why is this celebrity even dating her?! He must be okay with those beliets as well right!? Well how come that thought pattern is out the door when Evan is involved?!

He was going to marry this women not once but twice.So no one can say he didn't know about her ways and wasn't okay with it.

Also it amazes me when people ask what’s Evan’s type? And people say oh pretty women… it’s okay to have a type and we can see his type. Then they come up with oh well his dated. blondes..brunettes..redheads..? What? Then they bring up Halsey because that’s the only known person that can mention to justify why they say this. I’m sorry Admin, I just needed to say this, this is just my opinion.

Absolutely respected anon! I would not disagree. I'm sure he's an overall good person. He seems to be. But, yea I even don't feel the same way about him anymore!! Would I love to meet him? Absolutely. Do I want to date him? Not so much. Would I still sleep with him? FUCK YEA 🤣🤣

[golbrocklovely]

I disagree, i dont think Katrina and Colby have the siblings energy all ya’ll claim and i see what the anon was talking about. I think at most they tolerate eachother for Sam and her glaring isnt always a joke because its been going on for years beyond Colbys recent broadcast of it, she is most likely tired that her boyfriend and his best friend have gotten even closer over the years while she has had to fight for attention. Think about it, she was close to not having anywhere to live and moving into her moms again and here he was with a whole mansion with thoughts on expanding that per his words originally didnt include her. The euro trip didn’t include her, she said that after SHE decided to go she bought Tomorrowland tickets and was upset when they no longer went to Scotland which is also why her bestie mentioned Scotland to fans. Perhaps her tomorrowland take over cut into original Scotland filming. I’ve seen her lives and she undermines Colby all the time. She makes things seem like its her doing or her and Sams even though he is off telling xplrclub a completely different story. Trips, decorating, foody adventures, plans on moving, listen to her words. There was a reason for her bringing her bestie along all the time to their house and then on trips in the beginning just didn’t expect her to put all her attention on Colby and not on her. She gives off the vibe of someone that requires a lot of attention and Colby is someone whom naturally gets said attention with little effort. She tries very hard to be noticed and doesn’t comprehend she isnt at the same level as him, look at the music aspect, he did little to no real advertising and has gained far more than she has with all the promotion she has done. Even when talking about his music on stream she only did because fans brought it up and then proceeded to advertise under my skin. So they definitely tolerate and put up with eachother for Sams sake but as far as sibling energy which goes beyond just teasing i dont see it. There have been times from both where you can see and hear in their words the annoyance in the others presence and i dont think because you dont see them physically fighting that it means theyre joking and all is fine. We all know Sam puts Colby above Kat a lot, has even admitted to it in multiple videos.

i mean, they probably in some respect only tolerate one another, but i also don't think they hate each other. i think kat gets annoyed by colby easily, but i also think she glares at him as a joke.

if they didn't get along, especially after all this time, i highly doubt colby would live with her. he wouldn't want her included on their trips, and he probably would have moved out if it was that serious. so… they clearly care about one another to some degree.

and as for the europe trip, i think that whole thing was planned a little messily. realistically, and this is no shade towards kat or stas, but they don't really get a say in going to these places with snc. they don't really plan them. snc plan and pay for them. they are just added on bc snc care about them and want them to go. i think they all collectively decided they wanted to go to tomorrowland, but other than that, snc were the ones planning everything. so while the girls wanted to go to scotland, snc didn't or just didn't have the time to. they were at the whim of the boys, so they followed. kat realistically had to have realized that this wasn't a vacay with her bf, this was a work trip and a slight vacay with her, her bf, his best friend, and another friend. maybe she was annoyed she didn't get to go to the places she wanted to, but she clearly got over those quickly.

i honestly don't think kat dislikes colby. like you said, maybe she doesn't love that he gets a lot more attention than her, but if that's the case, be upset at the fans. not the guy. but again, i don't think she's upset at him. i think they joke around a lot. i mean, watch clips of the livestream of her and snc. colby and her were annoying sam with how goofy they were being, so they clearly care about one another and get along well enough.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

hi, can i request a angst scenario, chisaki's angel went for a walk alone, chisaki's angel went for a walk alone, so she alerts chisaki that she feels that someone is following her but the call is cut off... surprise it's the lov, so f for chisaki's angel, but toga drinks angel's blood to impersonate her. how this situation ends I leave it to your liking. thanks you.

"Kaaaaaiiiii." You whined while rolling your eyes, still following Chisaki like a pouty child. "I can take care of myself you know?"

"I beg to disagree." He said nonchantly while handing the papers he was holding to Chrono before the man stormed out in hurry. "Not only you have affiliations with me, but also you are clusmy and can hurt yourself very easily." He said in a manner of a fact tone as he entered his office while you deadpanned.

"Says the one that stubbed his toe on the table and overhaule-"

"I thought we weren't going to talk about this incident." He growled while sitting on his chair "Why do you even want to go out alone in the first place?" He gestured his hand towards you as you shrugged with a small smile.

"Ever since we started dating I wasn't even able to walk alone anymore, just that. I love you and like the guys company but... a little bit of privacy is needed sometimes." You went to his side and pouted with the puppy eyes as he scowled "Pretty please?"

He looked at your ring finger adorned with the ring he bought for you some months ago before he sighed.

"Dont be out for too long and call me any time, got that?" He smirked at your squeal and rolled his eyes when you hugged his neck and peppered his face in kisses with lots of "thank you's". He could pretend he disliked or was disgusted all he wants, but lord he couldn't lie to himself that he lived for those sweet gestures of yours, and only yours.

"I will be back soon! Thank you again honey!!!" you squealed while getting out of the room as he shocked his head with a chuckle.

.

.

.

Not even minutes later, his ringtone allerted him and he picked quickly.

"(Y/n)?"

"Kai, I am coming home now okay?"

"What is that?" He asked smugly "Didn't you wanted to go out alone?"

"Yeah but... it feels like I am being followed or something, I dunno. Maybe I am getting a bit crazy over it."

"I did not send anyone to look after you..." he said in a worry tone. You quickly catched that and you started to giggle to ease his worries.

"Dont worry hon, everything's oka-"

The call ended and he almost felt his heart stopping as he started to call back desperately until a message of you appeared on his screen, telling him that the calls went off but you were fine.

Desspite this... he felt something was off.. yet he didn't wanted to press it much, since he knew already you must have felt suffocated.

Then he let it go... with a knot on his stomach, but he let it go.

.

.

.

He was done with work, checking his phone ever once in a while before he heard the sound of humming. He looked over his shoulder only to arch his eyebrow at your figurine jumping up and down like a school girl and humming a music he never once heard you singing neither hearing it.

"Someone had fun? Is not every day I will allow it." He asked nonchantly and you eyes locked with him as you opened a smile and twirled your way towards him.

"Hiiii honeeyyy~" something in your voice made him... uncomfortable. He shocked his head at it, no. It was only his imagination...

Yeah... until you sitted on his lap shameless as your giggles seemed a bit... out of you.

"Whaaat? Dont recognize your sweet little (Y/n)?" You tilted your head with a innocent look and a finger on your chin.

He narrowed his eyes at you, feeling that something wasn't right as he tried to push you off gently.

"What's gotten into you brat?" He hissed as you giggled and cupped his cheek, finger only partially brushing over his skin...

He gasped and slapped your hand away when he felt something started to erupt on his skin... something red and that only happened when other people touched him... ever time you touched him it didn't appeared his hives.

He glared at the figurine in front of him whose was smilling innocently at him as he growled.

"Who are you?"

"I'm (Y/n) silly! What's the matter?"

"... say my name." He said coldly while puffing up his chest and staring down at you. Your face twitted in a mix of confusion and shock at his statement as he growled again "Say. My. Name."

"... Overhaul? Is your villain name sweety!"

"My other name. The one I abandoned and only allowed you my dearest to say it." He said one of your nicknames in sarcasm... Suddenly your shock leaved your face as you started to laugh in a psyco way, goo falling off from your face and showing half of the face of his love and half of that brat he meet from the league of villains.

"So you two are that close huh?" She said while smilling before he shouted "now!" To both Chrono and Mimic to hold her down on the ground.

"aaaarhrhrgrhagsie gross." Mimic hissed as Chrono only deadpanned at him.

"Where the heck is my angel you little prick?!" He hisse dthe words as Toga only refused her laughter to small giggles as she looked up at him.

"Maybe you should talk to Tomura about that~?"

"Gladly." He growled the word with a twitch on his left eye as hives appeared more and more due to how much the wrath consumed him.

.

.

.

He glared back at the blue haired villain as he only made a signal to let go of Toga.

He gave a nod to his subbordinates while she giggled and went back to Twice saying how much fun it was before looking over her shoulder to smile at Overhaul.

"The taste of (Y/n) was very yummy sir!" He went to attack her but Chrono luckily prevented him to do it.

"Now. My (Y/n)." He extended his gloved hand as Sbigaraki started to tip his bony finger on father's before he snapped his two fingers with a dark chuckle.

"Oh! That's right. (Y/n) is dead."

His eyes widened and his gloves exploded away from his hand as he stared at Shigaraki with horror.

His whole world was spinning the only thing that seemed to have stopped was him, Shigataki and the time.

"P...pardon?" He muttered, hands twitching as his whole body trembled.

"Your little thing was just too much of a fighter... I just couldn't keep them down. They always screamed and yelled "let me go!" Or even "you're not going to get away that easy!" Or even my favorite..." he chuckled as Kai gritted his teeth "They said they wanted you! They called! Cried for you! And you were distracted!" He started to laugh as Chisaki puffed in and out of air.

His legs moved before him, his mask had disappeared as he aimed his bare hand at Shigaraki with a bloddy murdered shout-

"SHIGARAKI!'

.

.

.

He woke up with a gasp before he breathed in and out looking at the ceiling with wide yes.

All... just a dream..?

He wiped the sweat out of his face before extending his arm only to find cold sheets... realizitation hitted him soon enough.

It wasn't a dream. It was reality. You had been gone for the last two months...

He had been having those nightmares every single night ever since your funeral... During his outburst the league of villains was located by some heroes and they got to jail.. All thanks to Overhaul acting like a beast on trying to kill all of them...

But... you weren't back. You weren't coming back ever...

With a sigh he got up... his skin itching to take a shower and clean his own sheen of sweat.

The drops of water hitted him as he stared blantly at wall he went to pick the soap but only saw his matching ring on his hand... He only stared at it for a moment before he started to hyperventilate before he let out a shout and punched the wall, enough times to make it bleed...

His anger soon melted by misery as he feel to his knees and shouted in his hands and sobbed... the water only muffling his kiss and grief as the tears fell from his amber eyes to the cold title of his bathroom.

"(Y/n)...." was the only word that passed through his lips through sobs, shouts and cries until the powerfull and strong yakusa boss knocked out on his own shower.

[lucacangettathisass]

how the light gets in (ch. 8)

SUMMARY: After your home is ransacked by a group of strange men, you and your cousin are taken in by a group of outlaws. And that’s when the trouble really starts.

PAIRINGS: John Marston x Fem!Reader, Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN

TAGGING: @mountainhymn if you would like to be added to the tag list just lmk!

NOTES: so sorry for the slow update! ive been doing some full on hours at work (my manager literally told me that im doing full time hours despite being part time lmao rip) so that’s been leaving me a little drained lmao but hey at least we got there!

more mentions of low self esteem, those are gonna be a lot more prevalent from here on out actually.

on another note, i’ve been wondering if i should rewrite this as an oc fic rather than a reader one. thoughts? i might not even do it, but im curious to hear what you guys think.

anyways, hope you all enjoy! and dont forget, likes are nice but reblogs are what motivate creators the most!

p.s. pls check out waking up slow by mountainhymn!!!! it is so wonderful im still crying

“Well, it really all started with my momma.” You felt yourself begin to fidget and made an effort to stand completely still. “She got a job working for a wealthy Russian widow, Mrs Zamolodchikova.”

Mr Morgan let out a low whistle. “Now that’s a name.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “A lot of Russian names are like that. As I was saying, she hired my momma to be a maid when I was still very young. Mrs Zamolodchikova treated us very well, we even lived in a little cottage she had on her land.”

Despite all the years that had passed, you still thought of that cottage fondly. It had been small and not impressive by any means, but it had been your home for most of your childhood. You had a lot of good memories of it.

“I...I lost my momma when I was seven.” Even now, twelve years later, it hurt to say. Your mother had been your whole world, everything began and ended with her, and it had never once occurred to you when you were a child, that you would one day have to face the world without her. She loved you too much to do that to you. And then it happened anyway.

You had never experienced a heart break like it before, or since.

“I’m very sorry to hear that.” Mr Matthews said gently.

“It’s alright.” You assured him, trying to speak around the lump that always formed in your throat whenever you thought about losing your mother. “She had been ill for as long as I could remember, it was only a matter of time.”

“I imagine your aunt and uncle took you in?”

“They wanted to, but Mrs Zamolodchikova stepped in. She said that she saw it as her Christian duty to take me in as a ward, and that’s what I became.” It had stunned you at the time to learn that Mrs Zamolodchikova cared for you that much. You would always be grateful for her kindness, it had changed your life. “She had no children of her own, so I think she wanted me to fill that gap.”

“That was very kind of her.” Mr Matthews sounded surprised, and you supposed that it made sense. You couldn’t imagine that he had come across many people willing to take in the child of an employee, particularly among the rich. You certainly had never seen such a thing in your time among them.

You nodded in agreement. “She taught me etiquette and how to behave in upper class circles, and as I got older I became her companion. That was how I met Mr Cornwall.”

A spark appeared in Mr Van Der Linde’s eyes, and you knew that you really had his full interest now. “How did that come about?”

“He was looking for investors in his business, he was just starting out you see, and he needed some capital.”

“So he went to Mrs Zamolodchikova?” Mr Van Der Linde asked. “She must’ve been rather rich.”

“Exceedingly so.” You said. “Her family is very old Russian money, and when she came to America with her husband, her wealth only grew, even after he died. I imagine Mr Cornwall thought that if he could convince her to invest, he would have an easy time of building his empire.”

“Did he?” Mr Van Der Linde’s eyes sparkled with a kind of devious curiosity, the kind most often found in children. “Convince her to invest that is.”

“I’m afraid not. Mrs Zamolodchikova found him rather...disagreeable.” A part of you still cringed on the inside just thinking about that meeting. It had started off well, and Mr Cornwall had certainly been polite enough, but once his true character came out, it all started to go downhill rather rapidly.

“In what way?”

You hesitated slightly. “Well, I mean, one doesn’t wish to disparage others when they don’t have the opportunity to defend themselves.”

A chuckle came from Mr Van Der Linde, and you even saw a corner of Mr Morgan’s mouth twitch.

“We just want your honest opinion, that’s all.” Mr Matthews assured you. “No need to be disparaging.”

You paused, trying to think of the right way to phrase it. “Mr Cornwall...well, Mrs Zamolodchikova and I found him to be rather...brusque and arrogant. When Mrs Zamolodchikova turned down his request, he got rather upset and he seemed to take it as a personal affront.”

“She must’ve grown to regret that.” Mr Van Der Linde mused.

“Not at all. Mrs Zamolodchikova was happy for him of course, but she was also happy she rejected him. She said she couldn’t imagine being in business with someone so...tasteless.”

“Tasteless in what way?” Mr Matthews asked.

“Well he was...very new money.” When you saw the looks of confusion on the mens’ faces, you tried to think of a better way to phrase it. “He was something of a show off, and a little gaudy. He wore a lot of gold, I imagine to try and impress, but it came off as vain and rather insecure. Mrs Zamolodchikova was very critical of that kind of thing, and when she saw how self aggrandizing he became after his success, she grew to dislike him even more.”

Mr Van Der Linde nodded slowly, and you could almost see the wheels turning in his head. “It sounds like you’ve lead a rather interesting life.”

“I suppose you could say that.” Your eyes roamed over the two older men again. “I imagine that wasn’t the kind of information you wanted, my apologies Mr Van Der Linde.”

Despite your fears, the black haired man smiled and waved a hand. “It’s fine Miss [Last name]. I was just curious, that’s all. Javier, why don’t you walk her back to where she’s staying?”

“Sure thing boss.”

You turned to leave with Mr Escuella, but you hesitated just as he put a hand on the door knob. “Wait.” All eyes were back on you, and you felt yourself flush, but you felt that you needed to get this out. “I just-I just wanted to add that Mr Cornwall is a very powerful man, and in my opinion, and in the opinion of mutual acquaintances that he and I share, he is lead more by pride and ego than wisdom. He doesn’t take insults lightly and can be rather harsh.” You were very careful and deliberate with your words, not wanting to seem like you knew better, but still wanting to convey your feelings of apprehension.

Mr Van Der Linde raised an eyebrow, and you got the feeling that he understood what you were trying to say. “Duly noted Miss.”

You nodded, and turned back to Mr Escuella, this time actually following him outside.

“You must’ve lived a pretty good life for a while.”

You shrugged and felt yourself blush heavily. “I suppose.” It always somewhat embarrassed you, knowing how different your life had been from other people, especially those who were born into the same class as yourself. “I honestly just think I got lucky.” You looked down at your feet. “Don’t feel so lucky now though.”

A heavy silence hung between you two, and you had to bite the inside of your cheeks to stop yourself from crying.

“Sorry.” You said softly. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my woes.”

“It’s ok.” Mr Escuella assured you, his voice kind again. “Considering everything you’ve been through, I’d say you have a right to let your feelings out.”

You looked at Mr Escuella in surprise. You hadn’t really thought about it like that. “You’re very kind.” You said sincerely. “Sadie might not think so but I certainly do.”

That brought a bright smile to Mr Escuella’s face, which made you smile in turn. You always enjoyed making people smile, it made you feel good, and you felt that it proved that you were useful and worth something for once.

“You’re a sweet kid.” Mr Escuella’s eyes were shining, although you couldn’t hazard a guess as to why. “Don’t let anyone beat that out of you, ok?”

“I-Ok.” You weren’t sure how else you should respond, being so unused to compliments from strangers. You watched as he held the door to the house with the other women open. “Are you not coming in?”

“Nah.” He smiled. “You stay warm ok?”

“Of course, and you as well Mr Escuella.” You went inside, and no sooner was the door closed that you were practically swarmed by Miss Jones, Miss Gaskill, and Miss Jackson.

“What did they want?”

“You weren’t gone for very long, did everything go alright?”

“Are you allowed to say?”

You felt yourself flush as you tried to keep track of who was asking which question. “It was nothing special.” You said. “They just wanted to know how I knew Mr Cornwall.”

Of course they all also wanted to know, and so you told them what you had told Mr Van Der Linde, Mr Matthews, Mr Morgan, and Mr Escuella-omitting your warning at the end.

Much like the men, they were stunned to hear your story.

“So you grew up pretty well to do.” Miss Jones said, in a tone that sounded impressed and envious.

“I-Well, yes, I suppose.” The embarrassment from earlier had returned. “I was extremely privileged.”

“What was it like?” Miss Gaskill asked, sounding wistful. “Being in that world?”

You paused, trying to think of a good way to describe it.

“When I was a little girl, it was dazzling.” You confessed. “All those men and women in their finery...it looked like an entirely different world. Like a fairy tale.”

“Oh yeah?” Miss Jackson raised a brow. “Meet any prince charmings?”

You laughed. “I met some well to do gentlemen if that’s what you mean.”

“I think she means suitors.” Miss Gaskill said with a giggle, and an eager look on her face. “Well, did you?”

“Oh!” A scorching heat unlike any of the others from before overcame you, and you felt your throat dry up. “I-Well-no.” You stammered, looking askance out of embarrassment.

“Really?”

You looked up and saw Miss Roberts looking at you with surprise. “You mean none of them tried to…” She trailed off, leaving you to fill in the blank.

“Not at all.” You said, your flush worsening. “After all, I was just a maid’s daughter.”

And therein lies the rub.

No matter how much you learned or how you dressed or how you behaved, everyone knew that you were just the daughter of a maid who Mrs Zamolodchikova had taken pity on. Most of them had been polite enough, but that boundary had always been there, and always would be. You had grown accustomed to it, the way one would grow accustomed to a permanent limp. And it left you with what you imagined would be the same level of alienation. It was one of the many unfortunate side effects of being born as yourself, and one you had learned how to deal and navigate the world with.

But it would always be a fairy tale to you. Beautiful, grand, never within your reach no matter how well you knew it. And you would always be that little girl that chased after it with every breath in her chest.

[witchylittlefox]

My Thoughts and Feelings About Star Wars as of 2019

I held off sharing my complete feelings on this franchise/fandom because I wanted to wait for TROS to be out. since I have seen it now I’m ready to share how I feel about disney owned Star Wars, the fandom war, reylo, and TROS. Heads up these are my opinions and if we disagree that’s okay! But I would appreciate some respect when it comes to nasty comments because some of the things I’m going to say can be..... controversial in the reylo community.

Preface: I have been a Star Wars fan since I was 4 years old. I somehow figured out how to used a VHS machine and I would insert Return of the Jedi and rewind to watch it over and over again. To this day that movie is my favorite out of all of them. Star Wars was something my brother and I shared together and he would lend me all the EU books. I loved all the stories about Jacen and Jaina Solo at Luke’s jedi academy. I grew up with the prequels and yes, I am a prequel defender but they were corny as hell. So not to toot my own horn but I was very much invested in the lore and commited to the series before Disney bought it.

Disney Star Wars: Disney had absolutely no idea what they were doing with the movies (atleast when it comes to the Skywalkers + everyone related to the OT trio). They spat on the OT character’s legacy. They turn Luke into a character who seems to care nothing about helping his sister. No way in the world would Luke just throw a lightsaber off a cliff. Han and Leia are treated a little better (more so Leia), but Disney is passive agressive with them and make them out to be these horrible parents that decide to send away their son because they’re scared of him. No wonder Ben turned out the way he did. Rey, well......they could of written her better and don’t get me wrong I love aspects of her but this should of been Ben’s time to shine. HE should of been the main character of all the movies. Finn? Would of been cool seeing more perspective from an ex stormtrooper but nahhhh let’s just make him fawn over rey in the first one and then in the second give him this whole arc making us think he’s getting somewhere and then another badly written character ruins it. Poe? Well he atleast got more of an arc than Finn but he’s still so flat.

The Fandom Menace And the Fandom War: I decided after TLJ came out that I was not going to label myself in this fight. It seemed like (or atleast on Tumblr) that you couldn’t be a Reylo if you hated Rian Johnson. Rian was made out to be this “savior” of some sorts, just because he focused the movie to be more Reylo centered. YES he is talented. YES I’m thankful he gave us more of a Reylo plot, But jeez that guy is an ass (I didn’t want to cuss in this but oh well lol). Calling out fans on Twitter? Calling them names? Ridiculing Mike Zeroh? Which say what you will about Mike (not a huge fan of him tbh) but god he’s a fan of the series why are you making fun of him? But those people who are apart of the Fandom Menace are not innocent. A lot of them (NOT ALL, but most) only make videos on Youtube hating on Star Wars because it’s cool. They use the hate to get attention. I’m just not all about that. I agree with them on a lot...but seriously at what cost do we have to allow this. Both sides are annoying and immature and I choose not to take a side. I will like what I want about Star Wars and dislike what I want about Star Wars. I am not going to be a sheep. So yes... I am a Reylo, hardcore since TFA came out in 2015 and yes, I think Rian Johnson is a crappy person and I won’t be seeing any of his movies ever again (besides rewatching TLJ) because I don’t want to give money to someone who fuels the fan war. That being said, I dont support (whether that be my viewership or money) anyone who is in the “Fandom Menace” and does the same for the other side.

Reylo: The only thing I really cared about in this sequel trilogy was Reylo. I honestly started to care less about the other characters like Finn and Poe, which in my opinion is sad and just goes to show how bad Disney was at writing these characters. What got me so choked up about their relationship was how raw it was. It wasn’t some unrealistic clean romance. There was no love at first sight (at least on Rey’s end.. can’t say for Ben). It felt so real to me. They reached a level of intimacy that honestly in my opinion reached higher than sexual intercourse. Unconditional love is something that I hold close to my heart, it may be because of my faith, but the fact that Rey saw through Kylo and could see that at his core he was just Ben, emotionally hurt and lost, just wanting someone to believe in him. And she did! she believed in him when his uncle and mother easily gave up hope for him (again horrible character writing bc uhhh sry but isn’t hope supposed to be a theme with them???). And Ben loved her in return!! He protected her and not this stupid patronizing crap that Finn does (Which side note: THAT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH LOL. John Boyega was wasted with this stupid character). Ben knew her strength and worth and only did what a man should do in a relationship, not overstep, not take control but add his part to the relationship, creating symbiosis. If you look up the meaning of “Dyad”, this comes up:

specifically, sociology : two individuals (such as husband and wife) maintaining a sociologically significant relationship

They are equal. No one is better than the other. They are two sides of the same coin and they complete each other.

And at last....

TROS: Well crap. This movie was...... not amazing. I will have to say that I have only seen it once at this point and may make an edit to it if I change my mind. Honestly though... I can’t see myself changing my opinion but it may happen after a second viewing. I had been following the leaks and yup pretty much all true. And yep... Ben dies. Not only does he die but he barely gets any time to shine when he is redeemed. I am grateful we finally got the Reylo kiss we all waiting for but did he really have to die??? I know lots are saying he didn’t die because we didn’t see him show up as a force ghost in the end but obviously there is no confirmation from Disney on this. The fact that he died for her to live just supports everything I have said above. But where was her emotion? I expected her to be crying? it seemed to appear like she couldn’t care less, yet she was the one who went in for the kiss first and then she seems to be fine when everyone is rejoicing and hugging in celebration? Why didn’t they add him in as a voice in her head or something (ooh fanfic idea! :) ) Why did Rey call herself Rey Skywalker?! I’m sorry but she DOES NOT desserve that title plus she is still a Palpatine! That does not change anything. Don’t get me started on Palpatine.... bringing him back was the dumbest decision ever and undid everything that Anakin did. Now I would of been slightly okay with it if they got Anakin in to help to defeat him but we only got his voice and a bunch of other jedi’s voices sharing words of guidance (which ngl it was nice hearing Ahsoka) but holy heck you could of atleast added ben to the mix. They could of both heard the voices and ended Palpatine together? Also what happened to Rey and Kylo fighting through the various scenes of the past movies? I thought that was a leak? They did absolutely NOTHING to tie up the OT and PT. It has no ties to PT, besides Anakin’s voice and some of the other jedi in the mix (Mace Windu, Ayala Secura, Yoda, Ahsoka Tano, etc..). I know I’m nitpicking but I am atleast grateful we got their voices I just wish we actually got to see their faces. That’s a lot of negatives though so here is what I did like:

Babu Frik.

Rey’s kind heart ( you see that when she greets the little girl on Pasaana, helps D.O. and the snake creature)

The banter between Finn, Poe, and Rey

C-3PO ( they really did him justice)

Ben (just all of him everything about him)

Lando was pretty good

Seeing Wicket at the end with his child ( I think that’s his child?)

Wedge Antilles showing up for like one second ( although that could be a negative because I thought he was going to be in it more because of the book Resistance Reborn. WHICH OH YEAH..... this movie retconned that book btw! So not only was it a horrible book but everything in it doesnt matter)

Conclusion: So yeah, I am not happy. But in the end I will always love Star Wars no matter what. This franchise has taught me so much about hope, love, and even redemption. It was such a fun ride on here. There were ups and downs ( anyone remember that Reylo discourse a while back lol) but we made it. Even though as Reylos, it didn’t end the way we wanted it... we still were proved right. We fought hard against the antis when they kept trying to tell us Reylo wasn’t a thing and boy were they wrong..... they were very wrong. I don’t know what the future holds in store for Reylo’s story or even Star Wars but all we have to do is look forward and have hope for Ben because just as the great Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker once said:

"No one is ever really gone."

May the Force be with you all.