#the main 8 👍

[crowskulls-art-and-fandoms]

Oi, lads! I finally made official designs!

And overall redesigns. Hopefully this'll finally be the first step in making an actual ask blog for the lot.

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Thomas Sharp, he/him, 22 years old, 5'7

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Edward Sharp, he/him, 45 years old, 5'6

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Henry Black, he/him, 47 years old, 7'0

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Gordon Sharp, he/him, 40 years old, 6'8

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James Hughes, he/him, 36 years old, 6'2

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Percy Avonside, he/they, 21 years old, 5'5

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Toby Wisbech, he/him, 55 years old, 5'6

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Emily Stirling, she/her, 30 years old, 5'10

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Still not quite official, I'm considering giving them cooler first names and maybe middle names too, but have this for now. Sorry for being dead, hope you enjoy. 👍✨💕

[feenixmork]

[keeps-ache]

hm hm hm !!

[a-little-monotonous]

I shouldddd draw sonic w manic and sonia

[newtkive]

shift shenanigans - social media au (pt. 2)

note: yes there’s the main work chat w carmy, the secret coworker chat w/o carmy, and the secret secret bestie chat w syd, marcus, and yourself. it would be canon.

warnings: crude humor, slightly offensive jokes

part one

liked by carmyberzatto, marcus.brooks11 and 40 others

chefboyardee: life lately

see all 9 comments

syd_adamu: that pho was life changing

↳ chefboyardee: i think it was the best i’ve ever had

marcus.brooks11: feet off the table @syd_adamu

↳ chefboyardee: leave my girl alone

↳ richietheking: I knew you guys were lez

↳ syd_adamu: we aren’t and you can’t say that

↳ chefboyardee: oh.. we aren’t? ☹️😔

↳ syd_adamu: 😑

carmyberzatto: 🍲🔥

THE GOLDEN TRIO

[ 7:45 AM ]

y/n: did you see

did you see

did

you

see

ogmgokggkowkfofsk

syd: pardon??

what did richie do oh my god

did he post another picture of him with the gun from that one day

fuckkkk carmys gonna be so mad

marcus: nope i wish

y/n: he commented on my post 😭😭😭😭

syd: who

marcus: think about it

who else would cause this reaction

y/n: carmy!!!!!!!

i woke up to him commenting 🍲🔥 😍😍😍😍

syd: woah and the heart eyes?

y/n: no that’s my addition

syd: the bar is in hell

HES YOUR BOSS

y/n: AND I WANT HIS BABIES??

marcus: y’all so hype to be pregnant THEN BOOOMMM ‼️ THE BABY’S UGLY AND BALD WITH ECZEMA 😩🤨

syd: LMFAOOOOO WHOS YALL THO????

y/n: bye im done

im leaving for work.

don’t talk to me ever again

done.

marcus: bye 👋

why do you leave so early fool

syd: so she can be teachers pet

marcus: smh always there before everyone

y/n: not true.

syd: i thought you weren’t talking to us

y/n: 😒

marcus: want me to bring y’all an iced latte again

y/n: …. 😁

WORK

[ 8:15 AM ]

y/n: AYOOOO

great job cleaning up after work yesterday 😊👍

richie: Is this a joke?

y/n: why would i joke about such a thing

carmy: Y/n what are you doing

y/n: u said to tell everyone their housekeeping is shitty

carmy: No I said I was going to tell them that, and you said no I’ll do it

This is not what I meant

y/n: well you yell too much

marcus: ouch

that’s my station 😔

carmy: Well clean it better

y/n: im using reverse psychology and positive reinforcement

carmy: Not what that means

y/n: well notice how no one’s mad at me

im making alliances day by day

richie: You’ve worked here for two years and we are already friends

y/n: so you’re saying you aren’t my ally

richie: No

We are definitley in an alliance

y/n: love u richie

richie: Don’t go that far

chefboyardee’s instagram stories

WE HAVE THE BEEF 🥩

[ 3:25 PM ]

y/n:

he so fine im bouta cermmmmm

syd: …..

marcus: :O

y/n: why are you acting shocked

like i haven’t said this daily

tina: Woah girl who?

y/n: HUH

richie: I’m not in the picture I don’t get it

syd: let’s just keep working before carmy notices

tina: I don’t care I’m on smoke break. Who are you talking about girl? Spill the tea..

marcus: she was talking about me you guys

y/n: the guy in the back

oh i mean yeah marcus

tina: The meat delivery guy? He has a wife..

y/n: we are having an affair

marcus: no it’s about me

richie: I didn’t know Marcus and Y/n were a thing..

tina: Something ain’t right. No way they are.

marcus: we aren’t it’s just our sense of humor

y/n: i was just being funny!

tina: What did Jeff just yell inside?

syd: came out of the office and said “just cuz we’re slow doesn’t mean you can play on your phones” 👍💯

tina: Whatever. No chance Y/n meant Marcus. You got the hots for Jeffrey?

y/n: what no

tina: Well I wouldn’t blame you. He’s cute

y/n: OMG RIGHTTTTTTT

its the tattoos isn’t it

richie: You have to be fucking joking

tina: I was playing..

y/n: im confused

syd: that was cruel

marcus: who cares it’s not a big deal

y/n: so you don’t think he’s cute tina?? ☹️☹️

tina: No he is cute… for you 😝

y/n: this is humiliating

richie: I’ll tell him

y/n: NO

stop

sSTOP THATS NOT FUNNY

richie im not joking i’ll put a bomb in your floorboards

richie: I’m just fucking with you kid

tina: This isn’t over.

THE GOLDEN TRIO:

[ 3:40 PM ]

syd: y/n….

marcus: you look like a ghost y/n

y/n: i cannot believe i sent that to the wrong gc

i’m done im so done

marcus: stop looking so sad it’s making me feel bad

syd: it’s okay! just be thankful it wasn’t to the work groupchat with him in it..

marcus: true it could be worse

y/n: i guess so

thank you for trying to cover for me marcus

marcus: anytime you know i got you

syd: let’s get back to work before we start looking obvious

[sweeneydino]

can you pleaas give us random facts about woh au? I really love it i can hear you (will read you talking to be more correct) all day long! But I don’t have and certain things to ask

I will eat anything (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

Of course ^^

This might be long…

Not really accurately shown here, but their general heights are: Weapon! Raph(Red)8 ft. , Don(Purple) and Leon(Blue) 7ft. , Mikey(Orange) 5”7 and April(Yellow) 5”4. Their height varies a-lot so don’t mind it much :)

Due to their very flashy and quite destructive arrival, the Hamato Clan was created centuries earlier. The original Foot is still older, and their rivalry is still bloody.

The weapons got a-lot of nicknames over the years, but for some reason, it always loops around to their colors.

While their surroundings differ for each individual, their realms always consist of a cherry blossom tree and Japanese bellflower.

Donatello and Michelangelo sneak out alone a lot, often either coming back with scrap or covered in paint stains.

Their visits happen during meditation or sleep.

Michelangelo learns how to cook a lot quicker, especially after the incident™️…. He is much more ready to bounce, hop, and swing around with his chains. He CANNOT stand still, especially after mystic discharges.

Quite often, he picks up his brothers without thinking. He is also more likely to act without thinking(wow this place is really quiet, let's scream-)

Donatello watches a lot of melodramas and often paints his weapon a bright purple despite his brothers teases. He always has his weapon near him at all times and talks out loud more than his brothers, rivaled by only Mikey.

He was the first to have a conversation with his weapon.

His sass is immeasurable, but his social skills are 0.

He always has a project in the works, and it's always more grander than the last.

Yes, he might have committed a few crimes, but if there is a purple fuzz blocking the view of the cameras, clearly, it didn't happen.

Leonardo has gained an annoying habit of leaning on his sword and often leans too far and falls. He also experiences insomnia after his portals activate and hates being alone in the dark.

April and Donnie start out as friends. I.e I have been infected by this beautiful post .

Apriltello/Capriltello/Jonatello/Capril or any other ships will not be the main focus, dw. Also, leo and karai will not have that whole… situation. Only friendship to bffs to siblings, thanks to the fruity sword 👍

Leonardo and Raphael fight less often, but when they do, it gets quite messy. Doesn’t help they have a hard time opening up.

Fear his puns.

Leo is very spiritually inclined and is usually sleepy, sometimes falling asleep during katas. He gets the most visits because of this. Not in season 3 tho-

He has to clean his sword(s). Daily.

Raphael still paints and has a giant collection of teddy bears. When Michelangelo asks him why he has many teddy bears, he is often pelted by a few. It doesn’t seem like he made them for himself.

Raphael suffers from chronic brothers-climbing‐on-his-shell syndrome. Literally. There is no brick left unsmashed when he gets into a fight, and at least on bone must be cracked. Why? Stress release.

Strangely, after activating his mystics, Spike gets a bit hissy for a while. And he stinks.

He shows a bit more affection to his brothers, mostly Mikey, but only hugs.

She hangs around much more often in the lair because of a familiar pull. She's a sucker for romances, and all the shows the turtles show her. Her favorite is, of course, SRMFF(Super Robo Mecha Force Five!)

Similar to canon, April hates being belittled and her family being in distressed. After her dad is mutated, she does try to take some time away from her friends. Including her weapon, much to their chagrin.

Once she starts training, April becomes an adrenaline junkie. Sometimes, she invites one of the boys to join her, albeit with a disguise. Leo and Raph often try to avoid those outings.

She's a little introverted, but becomes more open towards others when she meets the turtles. Especially when she gains her weapon.

Due to her being psychic, it's a lot easier for her to discover a new friend, with a few... setbacks, of course.

Yoshi has seen the weapons outside of their weapons. So has Saki.

Splinter is a bit more laid-back, not enough to not be extremely worried every time his kids come home with bruises, but enough that it's easier to convince him they may go topside. Maybe because he too, likes the TV.

After he uses his own mystics, he usually disappears to the dojo. Snores always follow

When the turtles leave Splinter with their weapons, either from being grounded, a lesson, or end of training pre-episode 1, he usually looks annoyed, amused, or tired. And it's not because of his kids.

Splinter is able to wield their mystic weapons masterfully, but their ninpo ones are a different story.

Like always, some of these might be different in the future but I think I got it right for now ùvú

[macfrog]

illicit affairs

cowboy like me chapter eleven

howdy everyone it's me again 🤠 latest chapter of cowboy like me is now yours. do with it as you wish. love u all so much. see ya soon x

pairing: dbf!joel x fem!reader

summary: your relationship with joel is getting harder and harder to hide, especially when a surprise visit from your dad threatens to spoil your romantic weekend

warnings: 18+ (minors dni!!!) reader is a lil hungover, gluten bagels, lots of LIES, reader and joel being horny devils, gene kelly, unprotected piv sex, sex tape, praise kink, fluff, cockwarming, angst!!! and pain!!!!, reader and joel fight, cheating....??, age gap (reader is 23, joel is 48), cursing

word count: 8.4k

series masterlist | main masterlist

You wake in the same position you fell asleep in just hours ago: curled up in Joel’s bed, the curve of his body safely encasing yours. His lips are still by your ear, breath gentle against your lobe. You lean over to lift your phone from the nightstand.

8:14. You’ve had less than four hours’ sleep.

Below the time there’s a text message, sent a couple hours ago.

Dad: Remember to take the trash out before you pass out kiddo. Hope you had a good night 👍

Well, that was never happening, was it? As far as your dad knows, his best friend had picked you up from Frank’s and given you a ride home. Probably walked you to the house on his steady arm, made sure you downed a glass of water before seeing you off upstairs to bed. Polite. Respectful.

Of course, your dad is blissfully unaware that, in actual fact, at 6AM you were in said best friend’s bed, pressed up against him, no clothes between you, fast asleep. Definitely not making sure the trash was out.

The bright screen burns into your eyes as you squint at the notification below his text, decorated with alarm emojis – your way of ensuring you remembered to get back before him. DAD HOME stares back at you ominously, eventually persuading you to push yourself up off the mattress, loosen Joel’s lazy hold on your waist, and slip out of bed.

Joel, still asleep, rolls across your side of the bed onto his stomach when you sit up, sighing into your pillow as you prop yourself on the edge of the bed. You sit for a minute, dumb smile wide across your lips with no one to conceal it from, staring at him. Studying every part of him in his content, sleepy state.

The sharp curve of his jawline, the flecks of gray through his beard. The soft brush of hair falling on his forehead, deep brown curling just above his eyebrows. His toned shoulder, round and strong, flexing some with the grip his arm has around your pillow. His face buried in the cotton, breathing you in.

You jump when your phone starts vibrating in your hand, pad across to the door and slip out, closing it gently behind you.

“Hello?” you whisper.

Your dad’s voice is like a foghorn in your hungover ear. “Mornin’, kiddo! Wake ya?”

You wince, clutching your forehead as the quick movement from Joel’s bed to his hallway catches up with your aching brain. “Mighta done, yeah.”

He chuckles. The car hums in the background while he talks, meaning he yells even louder to compensate. “I’m about an hour out, thought I’d bring in some breakfast. You want anythin’?”

“I’m good with whatever. You’ll be back soon?”

“Nine-thirty or so, looks like. Why?”

“Nothin’, just wondered. I’ll see you in a bit, then.”

“Hey, d’you take the trash out?”

“Uh, I can’t– You’re breakin’ up, there, Dad, I’ll see you when you get home. Alright, cool, see ya then, bye.”

You cut his babbling voice and hang up, clutching the phone to your chest, close your eyes and exhale. When you swing back into the room quietly, Joel’s still sleeping.

You slip back into your dress and pull your boots on, scanning the room for your panties. No sign of them, though, and it’s not like you got all the time in the world to search. They’re probably underneath Joel’s deadweight body, anyway.

You tiptoe over to the side of the bed and crouch, kissing his neck softly.

He stirs, hand lets go of the pillowcase and finds yours, intertwining your fingers sleepily.

“I gotta go, baby,” you whisper, running your fingers through his unkempt hair.

His voice mumbles into the cotton, deep and groggy. You catch the tail end of his sentence: “…give you a ride.”

“No,” you reply, laughing a little as you sweep hair from his forehead. “I’m good, I’ll walk. You sleep. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Text me when you’re…home…”

The words barely pass through his lips as he begins to drop off again, and you kiss his head before straightening up, grabbing your bag, and heading downstairs.

You dip into the kitchen before you go, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. You’re fucking parched. Hungover, exhausted, you roll the freezing cold bottle across your forehead. It does little to soothe the throbbing pain, but it takes the edge off of it for a few seconds before you’re slinging the bottle under your arm and searching through Joel’s cupboard.

You steal a bagel. Feels kinda hard, probably a day past its best, but it’ll do. You set off, picking at the dry bread as you walk, holding it between two fingers as you gulp at the water.

It’s the blandest walk of shame that ever happened.

Twenty minutes later and you’re pushing through your front door, fucking drenched in sweat. Your jacket’s tied around your waist, leather hot and stiff. You toss your keys on the kitchen counter and collapse into the couch, letting your heartrate settle and waiting for the room to stop pulling in and out of focus.

Your head is pounding now, your throat feels like sandpaper. Your body aches, though if you’re honest with yourself, you’re not sure that’s just from the hangover.

Once you’re in a fitter state, pulse no longer beating through your eyeballs, you head upstairs and tears your clothes off to jump in the shower. You keep it on a low heat, only warm, and it soothes your skin and flushes the smell of alcohol, sweat, and Joel down the drain.

You’re back in the kitchen, hunched over the counter nursing a coffee, when your dad waltzes through the front door. You lift your towel-wrapped head from your hand and look up.

“Well, hello,” he calls. “I notice ours is the only house in the street with no tra–”

“How was your trip?” you cut in, eyes screwing shut.

“Ha. Good. Nice drive, up that way. I got us bagels. Want one?”

Sometimes it’s like some twisted fucker is sat writing this comedy into your life. He brought home bagels? After you just choked one down walking home in the blistering heat? Whatever, dude.

“Thanks,” you mutter flatly against your mug, reaching out for the paper bag he’s offering.

Your dad lifts his own bagel, takes a huge bite, then looks up at you and gives an enthusiastic thumbs up. When you bite into yours, you’re…less enthusiastic. It does taste better than the dry one you just had, though. The cream cheese helps.

“I, uh…I’ll be headin’ out again soon,” you tell him.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Staying at Anna’s tonight,” you lie, setting your coffee down. “Said we’d have a pool day.”

He nods, mouth full of food. “Sounds nice, kiddo. Nice day for a tan. Hey, uh, how was Joel?”

You almost choke on your bagel. “Wh-what?”

“Joel. He alright?”

You shrug, picking at the bread. Unable to meet your dad’s eye. “I dunno. Why don’t you ask ‘im? I don’t know how he is.”

He stares at you. Brows knit, a line between them pointing upward. “I was just wonderin’…since he…He did pick you up last night, right?”

Oh, fuck.

“Oh,” you bat a hand, tucking it back under the counter when you notice it trembling. “Oh, right. I thought you meant this morning. Yeah, he was fine. He…Yeah. Fine.”

“Uhuh,” your dad nods, eyes narrow.

You don’t have the energy or the brainpower to be convincing. Not right now. There’s alcohol still drying up in your blood, muscles still tight from that fucking hike home, and your mind isn’t even in the room with your dad right now. It’s elsewhere – wrapped up in Joel’s bedsheets with him.

“I hope you didn’t keep him up too late.”

“It was, like, 2AM or somethin’. Wasn’t so bad. He said he was up watching TV anyways. So.”

He seems to believe this – swallows it down with the last few bites of his breakfast. You continue chatting, covering over your blunder like packing dirt back into a hole in the earth, conversation drifting from how your girls night went, to how his trip was, to an awkward apology for ‘forgetting’ the trash. He won’t let that go, will he?

But it’s short-lived. Soon, you both fall into silence, and the air between you feels muggy. Thick with lies and secrecy. Things you can’t say – I wanted a McDonald’s, but Joel wouldn’t budge, then I caught him watching Grey’s Anatomy, did you know he’s only slept with ten – I mean nine people?

Your dad glances up a few times, studies your face. You hide behind your bagel, guilt and shame across your cheeks like a wine stain. But he only smiles pleasantly, until he’s throwing the last bite into his mouth and rubbing his hands together, announcing he’s going for a shower.

“I’ll take your bag to your room,” you crumble the paper wrapped inside your fist, toss it across to him, “I gotta pack anyways.”

“Thanks, kiddo,” he says, patting your back as you pass him.

You don’t look back when you lift the leather straps of his bag and lug it upstairs.

It drops from your clutches with a thud at the foot of his bed. And then you’re quite literally skipping through to your own room, grabbing a black tote from your closet and blindly tossing clothes into it. A spare t-shirt, underwear, socks. Who gives a fuck what you pack? You’re going to Joel’s – the clothes will probably last five minutes on your body before you’re peeling them off again.

One thing you do take time picking is your bikini, opting for a red strappy one. Your old roommate once told you it made you look like you were in an episode of Baywatch. Which, y’know, seems like Joel’s kinda thing.

Your dad’s stood by his bed, hair damp from his shower, unpacking his bag when you emerge from your room.

“That you leaving your old man?” he asks with a tut, folding a t-shirt onto the mattress in front of him.

You wander through, sweet smile on your face, and kiss his cheek. “See ya tomorrow.”

“Have fun, honey.”

And then you’re gone. Straight back to Joel’s.

You’ve been away a couple hours, if that, but when you wander up his driveway, he’s not home. He keeps a spare key under a plant by his door, so you let yourself in. Sink back into his couch, throw on an old episode of Love Island while you wait. Twenty minutes later, his truck pulls up and he shoulders the door open, grocery bags in his arms.

“Hi, baby,” he says, leaning down to kiss your head as he passes.

You switch the TV off and follow him through to the kitchen to help him unpack, rocking into his side as you empty the bags with a giggle.

“He ask?”

You shake your head, chewing on a Twizzler.

“Nothin’? Really?”

“Didn’t really give him time to,” you reply. “Had breakfast, grabbed my stuff, left. And I parked a couple streets away, just on the off-chance.”

Joel looks down at you with a hesitant smile on his lips. He steals the Twizzler from between your teeth and puts it in his own mouth.

“Dick,” you mumble, and he chuckles quietly.

“You know, darlin’…all this lyin’, covering our tracks, I…”

“Joel,” you lean into him, standing on your tiptoes to peck his lips. “I don’t care. There’s nowhere else in the world I wanna be. Just with you. He’ll find somethin’ to do, you know he will.”

He gazes at you for a few seconds, eyes flitting back and forth between yours. You lean your head back and his arm snakes around your waist, squeezing you into his side.

“Trouble,” he mutters, taking a six-pack of beer over to the fridge.

----------

The summer sun blazes down over Joel’s backyard, and the pair of you spend the afternoon by his pool, keeping cool by having a dip every now and then. The red bikini is, as it turns out, a hit: Joel can’t keep his eyes – or his hands – off you, anytime you push up off your lounge chair and slink over to the pool edge, slipping in beside him.

You lock your arms around his neck, legs lazily draped over his hips as he floats you both through the water, and turn your head to the sky; eyes shut, the inside of your lids bright red with the sun screaming down through them. Joel idly kisses your chest, lips curving around your collarbones.

“I like this,” you say, looking down at him. Droplets run down the ends of his dark hair, beads of water rolling down his temples. “I could get used to it.”

“Wish we could,” he replies, bucking you up under his forearms. “I like it, too.”

It feels nice, if a little bit of an ache. Hearing him talk like that. Everything you two ever say, no matter how thick with sincerity, is laced with threat. Wish we could. Because you never will be able to get used to it, right? Something will always be swimming underneath you, a black shadow that disappears whenever you attempt one good glance at it.

Something always threatening to spill your secrets. Something threatening to blow everything apart.

Joel lifts a hand to cup the back of your head and pulls your lips down to meet his, moving backward until his back hits the wall of the pool. Your teeth pick up his bottom lip, tongue slips past into his mouth, and he groans, smiling into the kiss.

You begin to feel him harden under his trunks, and you grind your core against him.

“Inside?” he breathes between kisses.

“Mhm,” you whine, and he drags you out of the pool back into the house.

You spend the entire day following a pattern: eat, chill, tease, fuck. Eat, chill, tease, fuck. As the sun begins to melt behind the trees lining Joel’s backyard, you’ve spend more time on your knees, underneath, or on top of Joel than you have actually tanning.

Can you blame yourselves? Whenever you get alone time with no risk of being caught, it’s hard to keep your hands off one another. With no reason to keep quiet or hidden, you can fuck around all you want without a care in the world, right?

Right.

You order pizza, laze in the slow-dying sun to eat it, talking about nothing and everything before one of you steers the conversation and, before you know it…your bikini bottoms are pushed to the side, or otherwise torn from your body.

Eat, chill, tease, fuck. It’s too easy.

When the yard is finally drowned by dusk, Joel grabs some blankets and you spend the evening on his couch, talking some more and then deciding which movie to watch. You’ve never seen Singin’ in the Rain. Joel takes obscene offense to this fact.

“What kind of film student ain’t seen Singin’ in the Rain?”

“We actually did study it for one of my classes,” you mutter, tossing popcorn into your mouth. “Flicked through the important parts. Wasn’t my thing.”

“Well, you gotta watch the whole film. It’s a classic. Won at the Oscars ‘n everythin’.”

His enthusiasm almost makes you hold back – the way he’s sat on the edge of his seat, twisted around to chastise you properly for your ignorance of musical film. This could be the most animated you’ve ever seen him – over Gene Kelly. So, you almost bite your tongue.

Almost.

“Didn’t it…famously get nothing?”

His face sours in a heartbeat. Expression drops like a sack of bricks. He turns away from you and throws himself back into the couch, grumbling. “Alright, smartass. Watch it, and we’ll talk after.”

“I’m just sayin’, it–”

“We’ll talk. After.”

It’s still not your thing. For a multitude of reasons, but the newest one, the most difficult of all to let go: you can’t get the way Joel spoke out of your mind.

Just shut you right up, didn’t he? With three flat words, and a look in his eye that warned you not to push him. But fuck, you want to. You want to make him talk. Now.

Fifteen minutes into the film, you sit forward and swipe his phone from the coffee table.

“What are you doin’?” he asks in that monotone voice, the one he always uses whenever you’re pissing him off. Whenever you’re…getting to him.

“Bored,” you state, thumbs tapping in his passcode. You’ve been around him enough by now, studying every little move he makes, to just absorb dumb little things about him like the fact that his passcode is 0908, because those are the three numbers his thumb can reach easiest.

The phone clicks open and your eyes dance over the screen, deciding which app to load first.

Joel says your name. Just once. But it’s enough.

You angle your head in his direction. Bat your eyelashes.

“Enough. Watch the damn movie, would ya?”

Your head rolls back around to his phone. You click the photos app.

Joel curses under his breath, shaking his head and turning back to the screen. His eyes are boring into the pixels, mumbling things you’re too busy scrolling through his camera roll to listen to.

It’s mostly screenshots. Contracts, invoices, receipts. Boring Joel stuff. There’s the odd photo of his backyard, a few where the sunset rips across the tops of the trees in a fiery glow. They’re a little tilted, a little off balance. You smile at his attempt at photography.

“You gotta learn how to straighten your pictures, dude.”

“Took that for you,” he utters through a mouthful of popcorn. “Thought you’d like the sky with the trees in front, ‘n all.”

“Coulda text me it,” you say, letting him swipe through the photos to show you, each one from a slightly different angle to get more of the trees in, crop the pool out, hide the horrendous rosebush his neighbor has creeping over his fence.

He shrugs, pulling his hand away. “Musta been distracted by all the dumb stuff you send me.”

“Fine, no more funny videos. You’ve done it now, Miller.”

He chuckles and his attention turns back to the film. You’re slowly creeping further back through his pictures – measurements for something he’s building, different thicknesses of lumber propped against each other under the fluorescent light of Home Depot. And then –

You recognize the huge arching window first. Sunlight casting across a white tablecloth, polished cutlery shimmering. The velvet curtains in the background, and the made-up diners dotted around behind you and Sarah, both grinning into her phone camera.

“When did you…?”

Joel’s lips press the crown of your head. “Saw her gettin’ her phone out ‘n thought it’d be a nice picture from that angle, too.”

“Joel…” you breathe, eyes stuck on the image of your swollen cheeks, more centered in the frame than Sarah’s brown curls.

Your thumb swipes once and there’s a second photo: Sarah’s arm is lowered, she’s typing out her caption. You’re still smiling, looking over her shoulder as she selects the perfect cocktail of emojis.

She’s barely in the frame. It’s all you. Only you.

“I can’t believe you,” you whisper, limp hands dropping the phone to your stomach.

“’s just a photo, baby.”

And he’s right. Or – he’d be right, if it weren’t the only two photos of a human being in his entire camera roll. The only person he deems worth taking a picture of. The only one, in amongst trees, and emails, and wooden planks. The things that make up Joel, in your mind. His work, his home, and…you.

As quick as the thought delights you, it’s already terrifying you. Thrill barging through your veins, competing with fear to shock through your system the hardest.

“Alright,” you mutter, switching to his camera app and turning the phone to aim at him, “just a photo.”

You watch on the screen as he gives you a telling glance, holds his hand up to block the lens, and says, “Baby. Will you put that–? Hey. Watch the damn movie, now.”

“No,” you reply, avoiding his palm to snap a picture of his face. You twist in your seat until you’re at a ninety-degree angle to him, your feet in his lap, pulling a cushion to swipe at his attempts to grab the phone. “No, c’mon. We gotta fill your camera roll with more ‘n just contracting stuff.”

“Oh, do we?”

“Yeah.”

Your thumb swipes to video mode, hitting the bright red button and giggling when Joel’s deadpan face turns to watch you behind his phone.

“Quit – it,” he chuckles, swatting the phone from his face.

“You wanna watch a movie, maybe I wanna make one.”

His stare darkens. A smirk pulls at the corners of his lips. You hear it how he heard it seconds after, and you mirror his expression.

“Enough,” he tells you again, voice low, but it’s less of a telling as it is…a warning.

You put the phone down. Lock it, slide it across the couch to Joel. Silent. Giving him the choice.

His fingers lock around it, clicking the button to light the screen back up. He studies it for a second, deliberating, and then leans forward, setting it on the coffee table.

When you turn to look, the phone is sat on its side, screen reflecting back the image of the two of you; Joel, sat upright in the couch, and you, strewn out beside him. The oversized shirt you’re wearing has ridden up past your underwear, pooling on your stomach.

He’s staring at you. You can see it in his phone. You turn to look back, and he lifts his palm. Ball’s back in your court.

“Turn the TV off,” you mutter. You’re not fucking him with Singin’ in the Rain in the background.

He keeps his eyes on you, reaching for the remote. The screen cuts to black.

“Sure you wanna–?”

“C’mere,” you cut in, tossing the cushion and pulling him into you when he moves.

Somewhere between Joel leaning down on top of you and taking a grip of your hair in his hands, he presses the record button. The tiny ding sound shines a spotlight on you that lights your skin with nerves, a little bit of embarrassment, but…thrill. Excitement. Arousal.

Joel grinds his hips into yours and you both moan, your head falling back to allow him room to bruise your neck with his lips. His fingers knead roughly into the soft skin around your hips, pressing divots into your waist, sneaking their way up to cup your tits.

And then you’re turning, craning your neck to watch yourselves on his phone screen. Joel’s lips on your neck, his hands beneath your shirt.

He lifts his jaw for two seconds, coming up for breath and noticing your gaze.

“You wanna watch it, baby?”

You laugh in response, nodding when he turns your jaw to look at him.

In two seconds, you’re on your front, flipped by Joel’s hands. He takes your hips and lifts them, lining them with his own. You cross your arms and rest your chin atop them, watching in the reflected image as he slips his tee over his head and pulls your ass back to meet his stiff crotch.

Both of your heads are just cut out of shot. Yours at the left-hand side of the screen, and Joel’s at the top. The only recognizable traits are your hair and his beard. Those – and the sounds escaping your lips.

He wastes no time undressing you. Just lets your tee fall down your spine to your shoulders, pushes your panties to the side, and tugs his sweatpants low enough that he can comfortably slip inside you.

It’s sloppy. And quick. It barely lasts five minutes. As far as sex tapes go, it’s a pitiful attempt. But it’s hot – pretending that someone might fucking see it one day, see you and Joel, arguably doing what you do best.

And it’s even hotter seeing it from a different angle; feeling the stretch of him inside you, and watching it happen in real-time on his phone. Thinking of him rewatching it once the weekend’s over, his cock in his fist, shooting cum all over his belly.

Joel thrusts into you, pulling your ass back until you’re swallowing every inch of his cock. Your fists ball and you bite down on your arm to counter the shallow pain of him deep inside you, groaning with pleasure.

“Fuck,” he whispers from behind, slipping back only halfway and pushing in again.

You breathe a laugh, whispering, “Harder,” and he listens.

His hips crack against yours, a whimper calling from your lips, knees slipping further apart on the leather beneath you to accommodate the fucking size of him.

“Yeah? You want it harder, pretty girl?”

“Mhm,” you whine, bottom lip between your teeth.

He picks up the pace, pushing deeper every time your ass comes into contact with his hips. His skin slaps against yours, squeals of delight and pleasure cutting from your throat with each movement he makes.

Your hand slips between your legs, fingers run quick circles over your clit.

“Good girl,” he grits, “make yourself feel good, baby.”

You whine his name, forehead flat against the couch cushion as he fucks you, pleasure building between your legs like a tornado, tightening, tightening, tightening.

And then you’re being hauled up from the couch, flat against Joel’s body, cock still buried deep inside you. His hand replaces yours, his fingers on your clit, rubbing faster and harder than you think you can take.

He’s whispering in your ear like he always does. Saying everything he knows you like to hear. You’re a good girl, you’re his girl, you’re taking him so well. It’s desperate, and messy, and you know you’re both just racing to the finish line, aching for the relief that only you two know how to bring to one another.

And you cum, hard, fighting against his hold in a desperate attempt to fall flat against the couch. Joel keeps you upright, fingers slowing on your aching cunt as you clench and squeeze his cock, your orgasm ripping through your body.

He lets go of you, settling you on all fours in front of him before he pulls out, spilling all over your back.

You sink lower, ass still in the air, tits pressed against the cool leather of the couch as his warm cum slowly trickles down your spine.

Joel groans, a deep, guttural groan, still holding his cock between your ass cheeks as he stills, watching every rope of cum coating your back.

You catch your breath, panting mixed with laughing, and turn, rolling over and staring up at him. He leans back over, grabs the phone, and stops recording.

“Fuck…” you breathe.

“Fuck,” Joel agrees.

You laugh again, the last of your energy going into taking his shoulder and pulling him down against your body as he examines the footage. Tender kisses along his neck, dipping between his collarbones, listening to the grunts and groans from the speaker by your ear.

“Jesus, darlin’,” Joel breathes, eyes never leaving the screen. “We’re a fuckin’ mess.”

Your head tilts back with laughter, and Joel’s lips ghost across your throat. “We are not,” you finally reply, taking hold of the phone and scrolling quickly through the video. “I liked that part,” you turn it to show him your bodies held to one another by Joel’s strong arms.

“Yeah?” he asks behind a chuckle. Then he takes the phone from your hands, locks it, and tosses it to the other side of the couch, pulling you up into his arms until you’re sat on his lap, noses brushing against one another. “I liked all of it.”

“I like all of you,” you say, and he presses his lips to yours.

Joel kisses you gently, running his hands under your shirt and across your back, still covered in his release. He presses you closer to his body, almost painfully, as if the cotton of your shirt, the skin of your bodies, the cages of ribs inside are all keeping you too far apart from him.

You pull your jaw from his, run two delicate fingers across his lips.

“Don’t go fallin’ in love, cowboy,” you whisper.

----------

Joel carries you to his room just after midnight – sun-kissed, chlorine-coated, fucked-out, exhausted. He slips into bed behind you, curling his body around your frame, and, when his leg lifts to slot between yours, your hand stops it.

“No?” he asks, head lifting.

“Don’t want your thigh,” you mumble.

“How come?”

“Want you to…want somethin’ else.”

Joel understands without another word. He kisses your shoulder once, then takes your hips in both hands and pulls your ass to his front. You feel him pull the elastic of his underwear, stroke himself a couple times, and then push his tip in.

You gasp when he enters you – half-hard, slow, but even still. You’ll never get used to the feeling of him filling you, of his body connecting with yours, of him knowing and feeling you this intimately. Knowing and feeling you more intimately than anyone in your life ever has. Ever will, maybe.

When you’re full of him, he steadies. You scoot your hips back a little, and he growls in your ear.

“Careful, pretty girl.”

“Just gettin’ comfy,” you sleepily sing, almost teasingly.

He snakes one arm under your neck, cradling your head in the crook of his elbow. The other lies lazily over your waist. A satisfied sigh runs from his lips past your ear. He sounds and feels the most relaxed you’ve ever known him to be.

And you wish you could say the same.

Your eyes close over, heavy and tired, but you don’t fall asleep as quick as Joel. Something’s tugging at your heart. Something solid, that drags it down to the bottom of your stomach, and pools like ice water there. Something that nips at your lungs, stealing breath from you whenever you think too hard about it.

Something you’ve been patting down, stamping out with your foot every time the flame relights. And suddenly it feels as though the entire room just caught fire from under you.

Sheer exhaustion sends you off to sleep, with dreams of conversations and confessions you’re sure would never happen. Could never happen.

Should. Never. Happen.

----------

Warm water pours down over you, soaking your hair and chasing down your shoulders, your arms, past your breasts and over your stomach. You grab some more of the shampoo you’d stolen from Sarah’s bathroom and lather it up, covering your hair in it and drowning yourself under the water again.

Joel’s bathroom is one of three in his house; Sarah’s is slightly roomier, and the guest bathroom has the best water pressure, but you don’t care. Something inside you goes wild knowing you’re naked and washing in Joel Miller’s shower, even though you two have been fooling around for almost a month now.

You’re busy relishing over how perfect the last couple of days have been, wondering what breakfast Joel’s cooking up downstairs when the bathroom door bursts open.

“Hey,” he says, pulling on the shower door. “Out.”

“Huh?” you reply, eyes screwed shut, hair covered in soapy bubbles.

“I said get out. He’s here. Your damn dad’s here.”

Joel reaches around you and hands you a towel as he pulls you out of the cubicle and quickly wrings your hair for you. In a daze, you throw his tee over your shoulders and take his hand, following him out of the shower room and across his bedroom to the closet.

He turns you, hands tight on your shoulders, and ushers you inside.

“What’s he doin–?”

“I got a leaking pipe. He was passin’ by, dropped in to take a look. You stay here, do not make a sound, you hear?”

He closes over the slatted door gently, and you peer through the wood with narrow eyes. You hear footsteps approaching, your dad’s unmistakable chortle as the bedroom door is pushed open again and Joel shows him to the leaking pipe.

“Somewhere under there,” he mutters, hands resting on his knees to point to the space underneath his sink. “Had a look myself, tried some stuff, but it ain’t for fixin’.”

“Let’s have a look,” your dad bends down, groaning when his bad knees reach the tile. He’s almost shoulder deep under Joel’s cabinet, flashlight on, when Joel steals a glance in your direction.

He shakes his head, holding a hand up. Stay quiet.

He gives the room a quick scan, frantic eyes searching for any evidence of your being there. He swivels on the spot, twisting behind himself, noticing your cell on the nightstand at the same time you do.

Joel leans back, feet still rooted to the carpet, and fishes the phone between two fingers, slipping it into his back pocket. You breathe a sigh of relief.

“Ah!” your dad exclaims, and Joel shoots straight back around. “It’s your trap.”

“Is that right? I had a look at it.”

“Mhm. Is your eyesight failin’? Look at this, son.” Your dad’s hand reaches blindly behind him into his toolbox and grabs a wrench. “Just the joint’s loose.”

Joel grumbles in response.

You hear the squeak of metal as your dad tightens the pipe and then the clank of his wrench being thrown back into his toolbox. With maximum effort – thanks to his bad joints – he straightens back up alongside Joel, who thanks him.

“Better be the last of my issues.”

“Ha! So little faith in me, ol’ boy. Anyway. I’ll get out of your hair. That’s a mighty good smell comin’ from your kitchen, don’t wanna hold you back from enjoying it.”

“Oh, yeah. Thanks,” Joel says, and you can see him trying to usher your dad out.

But your dad, though you love him, is kinda fuckin’ annoying.

“Anyone special?”

“Huh?”

“You, cookin’? Naw. ‘s gotta be for someone good. Anyone comin’ over for a breakfast date? A…receptionist from a plant hire, perhaps?”

Joel’s eyes squint as he looks your dad up and down, taking his bottom lip under his teeth. “Nope,” he grumbles after a beat, with one shake of his head.

Your dad laughs a little, and then looks to something behind Joel’s back.

“Nice hat,” he scoffs, pointing a finger.

Joel doesn’t reply for a few seconds. You know he’s having the same realization you’re having: your cowgirl hat is hooked over the corner of his headboard.

He laughs. Nervously. Though maybe only you can hear that.

“Yeah, uh…yeah.”

“Looks a hell of a lot like a hat my daughter has.”

“Yeah?” Joel asks, sensing the same accusatory tone you do. Your forehead falls into your palm, hearing the almost pissed-off tone in which he asks, “And what would your daughter’s hat be doin’ in my bedroom?”

For fuck’s sake, Joel. Subtle, much?

“No, no,” your dad’s almost protesting, “I ain’t meanin’…” He sighs. “You know what I meant. Alright, I’m gone. I’m outta your hair.”

His boots recede down the hallway, then downstairs. Your breath doesn’t come back until you hear his car door slam shut, and the tires drive off.

When Joel pulls the closet door back, you’re still stood, towel in your hair, head in your hands. You can’t even look at him.

He doesn’t say anything like you expect him to. No, Sorry, baby, I didn’t know he was comin’. No, Come get breakfast, I’ll make it up to you.

He just wanders off back downstairs, leaving you to get dressed by yourself.

When you enter the kitchen, he’s plating up pancakes and drizzling them in syrup just the way you like. You pass him and run a hand over his shoulder blades, but he doesn’t move. Doesn’t even flinch.

When you sit at the table, he puts the plate down in front of you. Silently. Then sits across from you.

You watch his every move. He picks up his knife and fork, and begins cutting into his own breakfast. Staring down at the plate. Then out of the kitchen window to the backyard. Then back to the plate.

You give his calf a light kick under the table, and his eyes lift, but only to your plate.

“You gonna eat?” he asks. Toneless. Less emotion than he talked to your dad with.

Without a word, you pick up your cutlery and start on your own pancakes, though your appetite suddenly disappears.

He made them with banana – your favorite – but the way he’s being with you right now, they taste sour and dry. You chew your way through as much as you can until you’re staring him down, desperate for him to –

“Would you just say somethin’?”

He looks up. Finally looks you in the eye. “What?”

“Say something. Get mad. Yell at me or something, I dunno.”

“Why would I yell at you?” He plants his fork into a scrap of pancake and drags his knife alongside it.

“I mean, you seem pretty mad right now.”

“I ain’t gonna yell at you.”

“But you are mad?”

Joel doesn’t reply. He leans to one side, fishes in his back pocket for something, then slides your cell across the wooden table toward you. He nods down at it, and you click to unlock it.

Dad: Hey, I’m heading over to Joel’s to check something out for him. Wanna meet me there?

Dad: If your slumber party’s over, that is

He sent them an hour ago. If you’d fucking looked, you’d have known.

“Fuck…” you whisper.

“Yeah,” Joel mutters, jaw chewing, “fuck.”

“He didn’t– I mean, he didn’t see me, though. Right?”

“He saw your hat.”

You lean back in your chair, cutlery clattering against your plate. “He didn’t know it was mine.” A smile forms on your lips, you can’t help it, but it quickly vanishes when Joel’s tone doesn’t shift. Not even a note.

“And how do I know he ain’t drive by your car on his way?”

“Aw, c’mon, man, I’m parked, like, four streets away.”

Joel shakes his head, eyebrows arched. “You’re unbelievable,” he whispers.

“Uh, okay. Thanks. Jeez.” You fold your arms and glare out to the backyard, face beginning to heat. Eyes beginning to sting. Joel’s never like this with you. Never mad, never disappointed. Never makes you feel like a kid being told off.

“I mean, your bikini’s hangin’ up out there,” he points his fork toward the backyard, “and ain’t your bag sat in my hallway? How in the hell he didn’t see that, I have no idea.”

“But he obviously didn’t, so what’s the big deal? It’s only a black tote, it could’ve been anyone’s.”

“The big deal is that he could’ve seen it, baby! And it’s not just anyone’s, is it? It’s his daughter’s.”

And the thing is – he’s not even wrong. You can’t argue back much, ‘cause you know as well as he does that everything he’s saying is true. It’s valid. Your dad would’ve walked right by that bag – twice. The same bag he saw you hook over your shoulder right before you kissed his cheek and skipped out of his room.

This whole time, you’ve been dancing on a knife edge. Waiting to be caught. You came too close this time, and Joel tells you as much.

“Alright, well, what do you want me to do? I can’t go back in time and move the damn bag. I’m sorry, Joel. I didn’t fucking mean to let him see–”

“That’s not the point,” he interjects, which is another thing Joel rarely does.

This whole argument is something Joel – something you rarely do. The two of you. The last time you saw him this animated, this angry over something, it was Arthur Kennedy eyeing you up at the barbecue. And even that – that wasn’t directed at you. He wasn’t mad at you.

“Then what’s your point?” you ask, hands slapping down on the table.

“My point is – how many times are we gonna come within touching distance of someone finding out about this? If it wasn’t Hank almost finding us upstairs, it was your dad waltzing right in while I had you fuckin’– while I was…” He sighs, and then throws his cutlery down onto his plate.

Your head drops, thinking back to the seconds of panic between your dad opening your front door and him seeing you two, an awkward, guilty distance apart. Your shorts under the couch. Your wet on Joel’s fingers.

Joel’s kitchen table blurs in and out of focus, tears swimming across your eyes. You rapidly blink them away, but they’re forming quicker than you can rid yourself of them. When he speaks again, you can’t look at him.

“Look,” he runs an almost trembling hand through his hair, rising from the table, “I gotta go. I got some things I need to do today.”

You stand to height opposite him. “You…gotta go? Right now?”

“Yes, darlin’. I got work stuff to see to.”

“Right. Sure.” You lift your plate, turning away, and hear him sigh.

“I’ll only be a couple hours. We’ll talk more when I’m back.”

You spin then, pursing your lips. “So, I’m to wait here for you? That what you’re sayin’?”

Joel’s already picking up his keys. “No…If you wanna go, you can go. Just…if you wanna talk, then stay. We’ll talk.”

You look up at him, no more words coming to the surface to say. He moves a lock of hair from your face, and heads for the door.

Wait here for him. What a fuckin’ joke.

Still, that’s exactly what you do.

You throw yourself down on his couch, flick on his TV. Put on another episode of Love Island. Think over which boy you’d pick, then decide it’d be none of them, and wonder why the hell you’re watching it in the first place.

You wander upstairs to his room. Sift through the shirts hanging in his closet – all different variations and prints of flannel because it’s Joel fucking Miller. Pull the sleeves to your nose, breathe in the smell of him. The sweet, sandalwood smell that wraps over you like a warm blanket; comforting, calming. Fix the pillows on his bed, punch out the lumps where you lay huddled against him last night, his body against – and inside – yours.

You feel hot with anger. Frustration. A little bit of guilt. It sits heavy on your head, drips down to your stomach, swirls around and mixes with the anxiety already in there. If he’d just come home, you could argue it out. Force whatever he really wants to say out of his mouth. Say a few things of your own back to him.

You never fight. It’s the one thing – you never fight. You bicker, you toss back and forth. You piss him off and he shuts you up with his words, or his lips, or with more. But you never really fight.

It’s like something’s different. As if something’s changed, right from under your feet.

Joel comes home two hours later. Lets the door shudder closed behind him, sighs as he kicks his boots off. You’re still upstairs in his room, perched on his side of the bed reading some stupid book on Alcatraz you found in a drawer.

“Baby?” he calls, and you don’t reply. You’ve little right to be as mad as you are, but he can search for you for a minute as reparation for walking out earlier.

“Hey…” he whispers when he pushes the door open, spotting you with the book resting on your thighs. “Alcatraz, huh?”

“It ain’t that good,” you huff, slamming it shut and sliding it across the nightstand.

He breathes a Hmph, then sweeps around the bed. Like he’s scared to make a sound. Like he’s trying not to be noticed. When he reaches you, he sinks into the mattress at your feet, elbow resting on your knees.

“We gotta talk.”

Do I want to hear this? you ask him with your eyes.

He sucks a deep, unsteady breath in, and his brows furrow. He sighs again.

And you know what he’s about to say.

“This…We’ve pushed this too far, now. We’re way beyond reining this in.”

You stare at his lips. Waiting for them to offer something more. When they fall silent, your gaze trails up the shape of his nose, curving around his brows and then finally falling onto his eyes. They reveal all you need to know.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me. You’re not serious, right? Joel.”

“Kid, I…”

“No. What? Because of a bag?”

“Not because of a bag.” He looks you in the eye and shakes his head, whispers your name., then, “…because of the lying.”

“It’s never been a problem up until now.”

“It’s never been as bad as now. You ain’t been home in almost two days. Your dad has no idea where you are.”

“I’m not in danger, Joel.”

“You think he’d be happy? If he knew where you were really at right now? Knew you’d lied to his face this entire weekend?”

You sink back against the headboard, defeated. Desperately trying to find another way through what he’s saying. “What, then? What do we do? Come clean?”

He almost fucking laughs. Plays it off by pushing the air from his cheeks. “No. I don’t think we should…No.”

You shrug. “Then, tell me. Just fucking say it.”

Joel shakes his head, holds his hands out. “You’re lookin’ at me like I’m breakin’ this off outta the blue, baby. Like it’s comin’ outta left field.”

“So you’re breaking it off?”

“No, I’m– It’s not– I don’t…” He sighs, fingers pressing into his eyes.

You stand up, towering over him, silhouetted by the window behind you. “Just – fucking – say it. End it. I’ll go.”

“That’s not what I’m tryna do, kid.”

“What are you tryna do, then? There are two of us in this, Joel. You’ve been lying just as much as I have.”

“You don’t think I know that?” he hisses, standing up until you’re chest to chest, inches apart from one another. “Jesus, kid. I’m checking myself every fuckin’ conversation I have with your dad. Makin’ sure nothin’ I say will clue him in. Makin’ sure I don’t accidentally let slip what the hell’s been goin’ on!”

“I’ve been doin’ the same!” you yell back. “It ain’t just you, Joel, but that doesn’t seem to mean nothin’ to you!”

“Mean nothin’,” he repeats with a laugh, turning away and running his hands through his hair. “You don’t mean nothin’ to me? That what you think?”

“What else am I supposed to take from this, asshole? That you’re fuckin’ in love with me?”

He falls silent. His lips pull into a frown. He backs off.

Downstairs, his phone starts ringing. He glances to the doorway, shifts between his feet.

“You don’t get to do this, you know,” your voice trembles, “you don’t get to pull me in and then just drop me when it becomes inconvenient. Once you’re done with me.”

“Don’t.” Joel’s voice cuts like glass. “Don’t.”

You step back. Stare him down, try to make him say something. Try to make him do something. Your hands are on his biceps, eyes boring into his, swelling with tears you’re trying desperately to hold back.

Nothing. Not a word.

“I can’t read your mind anymore…” you whisper.

Joel takes a deep breath, his eyes flicker across your lips just for a second. He looks sad, eyes glassy, lines around his eyes where his eyebrows meet. But they tell you nothing.

His phone’s still ringing out, echoing through the silent house like an alarm bell.

You look at him blankly now. “Phone’s ringin’, Joel.”

He says nothing back, just looks at you from under his low brows.

You back out of his bedroom, shaking your head and stumbling a little over thin air. You’re staring at each other; you, trying to work out who the man is standing in front of you, and Joel, trying to plead with you to hear him out.

When you reach the threshold, you turn as if to run.

“Darlin’, come back. Hey.”

He follows you into the hallway and you feel his hand around your wrist. You whip it to your chest and turn to face him.

“Darlin’? Not your darlin’ anymore, am I? ’m just some girl you were fucking for a month.”

“C’mon, now, you know that’s not true.”

You lead downstairs, shoes thudding as you go. Joel’s right behind you, trying any combination of words to slow you down, make you look at him, stop for five seconds.

When you reach the bottom of the stairs, your arm swoops down to grab your bag, and as you straighten up, Joel’s ringtone cuts and his machine beeps.

“Hey, Joel,” a woman’s voice fills the space between you both. Your head whips around to stare at the machine.

“It’s Lois. I was just callin’ to…to check in. It was really nice seein’ you today. Give me a call when you can, okay?”

The voicemail cuts and the two of you are plunged back into silence. Silence, save for the heaving of your breath. Your chest rises and falls rapidly, your heart ready to burst through it. You haven’t taken your eyes off of the machine, red light blinking menacingly.

Joel lifts his hands. “That is not…It’s not what it sounds like…” he says, slowly, calmly. Quiet. Like you’ve never heard him speak before. Not We’re about to be caught quiet. Not even Quit arguin’ back quiet.

This is desperate quiet. And desperate’s not something you’ve ever heard pass Joel’s lips.

Your whole body is shaking, and you’re not sure whether it’s from adrenaline, or fear, or hurt, or pain. It takes most of the life inside you just for your lungs to open and close. You can’t fucking look at him. You can’t – fuck, you can’t even look in his direction.

You turn slowly toward the front door. You unlock it in a daze, and pull on the handle. The heat from outside hits you like you’ve opened an oven door.

“Baby…” Joel whispers.

“I’ll see you ‘round, Joel.”

----------

taglist: @yvonneeeee @subconsciouscollapse @leahlovestwd @peqchsoup @whorror-s @k1ttybean @whichwitchwanda @abuttoncalledsmalls @anner--nanner @jpbplvr @laysmt @ankhmutes @bookishhella @cannolighost @luvrking @mellymbee @yourwinchesterbros @nostalxgic @scottstotts @daiseygriffithx @letsgroovetonighttt @huffle-punk @unbotheredbeeeee @iluvurfather @wildcat116 @godisawomansblog @55vvaa55 @koshkaj-blog @initforthebooks @theywhowriteandknowthings @thatgirljayy@sasakipsposts @casa-boiardi @milla-frenchy @aim-formyheart @taeslarityy @lxstbxyscave23 @joelmillerxapologist @capt-rex @giixo @capricorngf @feministfanboi @fifia-writes @darleneslane @theplumsoldier @sharp-cheekbones-locked @suzmagine @endlessthxxghts @ivebeenflagged @blognametakenn @jessahmewren @nobodycanseeinsidemysoul @ranahx @pedropascalsbbg @cartoon-garbage04 @caatheeriinee07 @kngslayr @hopplessilse @vickywallace @lelifesaver @serenaxpedro @lizzyervs @bitchwitch1981 @brittmb115 @stormseyer @scarletthefierce @patti7dc @pattwtf @pascalpvnk @jediknightjana @mrsquill @uncassettodiricordi @gracieispunk @hellishjoel @regalwhovianbrowncoat774 @casa-boiardi @msjarvis @totallynotastanacc @earthtogrogu @sexygaypalpatine @cool-iguana

(lmk if i’ve missed you out & check my taglist info for how to be added!)

[unionizedwizard]

by far my main criticism about dawntrail is how uncannily nice everyone and everything is. i'm the #1 slower path/smallest stakes/fun cultural discovery narrative fan, but my problem is that they didn't seem to scale the conflict sources accordingly? they literally had to drop giant monsters on top of the characters' heads TWICE to give them an opportunity to act all heroic and cool when the narrative itself had constructed a (very good and nuanced) conflict in the first place, as a way to avoid actually addressing it and magically solving everything—the hostile yok huy faction being attacked by a giant bird right before worqor zormor (so that wuk lamat could save the day), and the rroneek reaver attacking the hhetsarro tribe (so that koana could save the day and also his own conflictual feelings about his cultural heritage out of NOWHERE). this is NOT how you do storytelling especially not when the seeds for inner/interpersonal conflict were right there??

everything gets resolved nicely, the cowboy town moneylander was actually nice and you dont have to pay him back riiiight now if you don't feel like it and he definitely doesnt charge interest rates (??) (sir how are you staying in business.). the exploitative bosses were not actually that bad and anyway everyone wants what's best for the company :) the decades-long war between the mamool ja and the xbr'aal was solved with one (1) feast and slavery was ended with one (1) round of negociations. don't worry about it 👍

like, you can't write a whole storyline about multicultural societies (especially YOUNG societies) without showing the uglier, more realistic aspects of it all; there has got to be tensions, more or less warranted by history, more or less addressed over the course of the story, you HAVE to have annoying, selfish, racist or conservative characters who don't get to change completely overtime—why are the yok huy genuinely and seemingly universally ashamed of their past as slavers and colonizers when it ended less than a century ago? that's not how it *WORKS*! why are the pelupelu genuinely good merchants and not even trying to establish a kind of capitalist mafia empire or something? why isnt there any CONFLICT??? WHY IS EVERYONE SO NICE ALL THE TIME!!!!! you can't have sappy well-intentioned speeches about the power of friendship when the worst set-back you've experienced is having to fight a giant bird that came out of nowhere, come ON

and don't get me started on gulool ja LMAO what the fuck is wrong with this kid why does he talk like a therapist while being (checks notes) like 8 and one of the most traumatized children in the entire game. COMMIT, damn it

[angelpuns]

why is raph's eye (the one messed up from the kraang) wide open even though in previous pages it looked stitched closed?

i swear I'm not hating i'm just genuinely curious

keep up the great work btw 👍

I've realized that as people have been reading it looks like Raph's eye is back/open, but in actuality it's a prosthetic.

He had to have it removed back in the beginning of Kid Leo, it wasn't shown in the main comic or talked about too much, but basically they had to perform a surgery to properly remove his eye ( it was too damaged ).

In the Brains and Brawn side comic, Donnie assesses it to see if they can remove the bandage ( which is why he has his eye stitched close later - he never had an eye, it was just the socket). In New Normal Part 2: Training, Donnie is working on Ralph's prosthetic, and since Raph is now healed and the prosthetic is done, he can finally wear it.

So TLDR: it's a prosthetic eye, which is also why it looks a bit like Raph has a lazy eye. He can move it a bit, but not enough for it to completely mimic his real eye. He also asked Donnie not to make it 'too techy' so Donnie instead learned how to make a regular prosthetic. It being a prosthetic is also why it's drawn differently from his other eye!

I did a bit of research for this but I'm not an expert, and I did extend the timeline a bit to accommodate for them not being able to make his eye situation a priority. Usually it takes about 6-8 weeks of healing ( according to my research), and it has been maybe a little over two months at this point in the Kid Leo Timeline.

I'm glad you're enjoying it <3 sorry for this long drawn out explanation, I probably should have made it more obvious haha

[lehnsharrk]

The *New* Fassbender Psychopath Scale 😈

*Updated 02/23/2025*

I wanted to expand on the one introduced on the Kelly Clarkson show, below are the Fassy movies I've seen, my general "psychopath" rating for each character and reason why

Disclaimers:

For context I am essentially swapping "psychopath" with "evil," I am in no way trying to tie this to any psychological disorders or do a deep dive into any characters. Just a very surface-level "how nefariously evil is this character?"

These are my opinions, I encourage you to share, comment and make your own ratings. I will also be updating as I watch more of his films.

There *will* be spoilers so if you haven't seen these movies/shows, consider yourself warned!

The scale will also be a 0-5. I'm using 👿 and a zero will be a 👍

Let's go! 🦈

Movies 🎥

Hunger: Bobby Sands 👍

Only going off the context of the movie, he was on hunger strike for his cause and ended up starving to death. (Not doing a deep dive, don't know too much about the real person or protest).

Eden Lake: Steve 👍

Guy and his girlfriend just trying to escape and survive a gang of murderous teenagers.

Fish Tank: Connor 👿👿👿👿👿

Oh boy, this guy... He grooms and r*pes a child, and then if that wasn't bad enough, she's the daughter of his girlfriend, and if THAT wasn't bad enough, we find out he's got a wife and child he's been keeping this from.

Inglourious Basterds: Lt. Hicox 👍👍

Goes undercover to help defeat the n*zis (helps get a few killed too, even though he dies in the process).

Centurion: Quintus Dias 👍

Just a soldier, trying to survive.

Jane Eyre: Mr. Rochester 👿👿👿

Keeps his wife, suffering from mental illness, locked in the walls and keeps it a secret so he doesn't scare off another woman he's trying to marry.

X-Men: Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto 👿👿

Erik's anger comes from a place of trauma and his worst fears keep coming to fruition. That being said, he does blindly distrust all humans, betrays Charles multiple times and causes so much unnecessary destruction.

A Dangerous Method: Carl Jung 👿👿

Doctor cheats on his wife with his patients, twice.

Shame: Brandon Sullivan 👍

A man suffering with addiction and trauma, plus added guilt when his sister stays over. Wish I could give him a hug.

Haywire: Paul 👿👿

I wasn't paying attention (he's not in it for that long) but I think he double crossed the main character and shot someone?

Prometheus/Alien Covenant: David 8 👿👿👿

I will defend David with my dying breath but to be honest, he does some horrendous things. Intentionally infecting humans with alien parasites, massacring an entire planet, killing and experimenting on someone he loved? Sorry David, you're getting a 3!

12 Years a Slave: Edwin Epps 👿👿👿👿👿👿

Sadistic slave owner and r*pist, about as evil as it gets (and yes I put an extra 👿).

Frank: Frank 👍

Poor Frank has done no wrong, just wants to make music and wear mask.

Slow West: Silas Selleck 👿

Starts out tricking the main character so he can find a bounty but has a change of heart.

Macbeth: Macbeth 👿👿👿👿

M*rders the king in his sleep so he can become king, orders Banquo and his son killed (although the son does escape) and burns MacDuff's wife and children at the stake.

Steve Jobs: Steve Jobs 👿👿

Greedy businessman, neglectful father and stole credit from his friend and business partner.

The Light Between Oceans: Tom Sherbourne 👿

He and his wife were heartbroken after their miscarriages but he does technically kidnap a child, keeping her from her grieving mother. He does eventually turn himself in.

Assassin's Creed: Cal/Aguilar 👿

Callum 'the pimp killer' Lynch "avatars" his assassin ancestor Aguilar. (It is about assassins after all, had to give him something).

Song to Song: Cook 👿👿

This movie was hard to follow but I'm giving him a two because he might be a groomer (he met the main character, who he later sleeps with, at 16) and he screwed Ryan Gosling's character out of the copyright to his songs.

Alien Covenant: Walter 1 👍

Don't really think Walter can be evil, he doesn't have the capacity that David does.

Next Goal Wins: Thomas Rongen 👿

Intentionally misgenders and deadnames a character because he's upset at her, later apologizes. Also a bit of a jerk to everyone at the beginning.

TV 📺

A Bear Named Winnie: Lt. Coleburn 👿

He brings a baby bear to a military camp. Also leaves the bear at a zoo, letting her live out her life in a small cage instead of releasing her back to the wild when he had the chance.

William & Mary: Lukasz 👿👿👿

Jumped through the episode to watch the Fassy bits but ew... Guy m*lests the midwife that just delivered he and his girlfriend's baby.

Sherlock Holmes & The Case of the Silk Stocking: Charles Allen 👿👿👿👿👿

Even though it's two characters, I'm rating them the same. One's a child m*lester and murder and one knew about it and did nothing.

The Agency: Martian 👿

He is knowingly putting himself, his daughter, the cia AND his girlfriend at risk all because he can't let his relationship go? (Spoiler: he still can't and ends up going double agent to rescue her).

Here's the original video for context:

Let me know what you think!

Share any suggestions of what movie or show I should watch next.

[animal-jam-shitposting]

COMPILATION OF EVERY ANIMAL JAM CLASSIC INTRO

(thank you to @toneinaflat for finding the first two videos!)

0. Beta Testing

i don't know what introduction (if any) was used during beta testing! (beta testing happened from ~march 2010 (closed beta) to september 8, 2010). i think it's probably the introduction shown in #1, but if you have any more info, please let me know!

1. Liza in Jamaa Township (original)

video posted october 1, 2011

started: either beta testing (march 2010-early september 2010) or the official release of the game on september 9, 2010

ended: some time between october 18, 2012 and december 14, 2012 (likely closer to december 14)

this is the original intro to animal jam! it shows liza around the mira statue in jamaa township, where she explains some background lore of jamaa (about mira especially), and some in game functions: moving, changing animal colors, getting achievements, and checking your gems. it's the earliest version of the lore, where "alphas" are called "shamans".

2. 3d Liza in Jamaa Township (update)

video posted december 14, 2012

started: some time between october 18, 2012 and december 14, 2012 (likely closer to december 14)

ended: february 6, 2014

this is an edited version of the original intro. it uses a new, jarringly 3d looking, model for liza, and has an updated introduction to the lore. liza's beginning explanation of mira is replaced with the "return of the alphas" cutscene also shown in the blue heron intro, and the "shamans" were renamed to "alphas". otherwise, this intro is identical to the previous

3. The Blue Heron

video posted february 6, 2014

started: february 6, 2014 (jamaa journal announcing it released on this date)

ended: january 23, 2015

this is the first major change in introduction! the player spawns in on a ship named the blue heron, that is modeled after mira. liza is piloting the ship, and gives you an introduction to jamaa. she introduces you to some in game functions: moving, changing color, checking your gems, and buying from shops. she also gives the option to "Learn about Jamaa's history", via watching the "return of the alphas" cutscene. at the end, the boat pulls in front of jamaa township.

fun fact: this was the only introduction that you could access without making a new account! when this introduction was released, they added an option in the settings to do this tutorial! (shown in the video, i actually couldn't find a video of this tutorial that started from the create an account screen). this option was removed an unknown amount of time later

4. Peck Intro

video posted january 23, 2015

started: january 23, 2015

ended: never 👍 (this is the current intro)

this intro changes the alpha greeting you from liza to peck. the player spawns into a long, forest-y room, and is greeted by peck. she takes you over a bridge to see a bunch of randomly generated animals that are spamming emotes and bubble chat phrases. she introduces you to some in game features: moving, changing color, using emotes, and checking your gems.

fun fact: from november 2016 to march 30, 2017, completing this tutorial would send you to the welcome party, an edited version of the jam session party that has other new jammers whose accounts were just created (if there were any online then....). this party had a singular clothing shop, the same "Clothing Shop" (literally its name) as the one on the blue heron. the end of peck's dialog in the main room is slightly changed to reference this party

BONUS: WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE TUTORIAL?:

after almost all of these intros, you spawn in jamaa township.

at first, completing the original intro would just spawn you in the middle of jamaa township and open up the jamaa journal and daily spin

but then, sometime before october 18, 2012*, the ending was somewhat changed. now it showed the avatar walking from the mira statue area to the middle of the town, and then the player was given this screen:

* why this date specifically? because this video of someone being mean to liza during the intro shows this new ending, and was posted on that date

however, i am almost certain that this was actually implemented on march 1, 2012; because that was the date that the loading screens were changed to their new (and current) format (date gotten from the animal jam wiki)

this end screen stayed for a while, but was minorly changed for the blue heron intro, and stayed that way for the first few years of the peck intro— "explore jamaa" was changed to "go on an adventure":

also, in the blue heron intro you're seen running up from the bottom of jamaa township (from the body of water where the boat dropped you off!). this is kept for the peck intro, although that direction doesn't make as much sense from that one.

when the welcome party existed from november 2016 to march 2017, the peck intro would lead to that party, but then the party had a path leading to jamaa township, in this same fashion. (video of this)

however, once the welcome party left on march 30, 2017, it seems this screen did too. because now, after the tutorial, the player automatically spawns in their den, where peck's den tutorial starts... guess our choice is made for us! (video of this). this date also marked the change in the items that a new jammer has from the get-go: originally new jammers got a sturdy table and a blue rug, but past 3/30/2017, new jammers get a rug, table, small window, chair, couch, lamp, and houseplant

speaking of den tutorials, a brief note:

ever since the peck intro, peck has always done the den tutorial. but i did read somewhere in my research that liza did the den tutorial beforehand— but i haven't found any pictures or videos on it, so you'll just have to take my word on that (if any of you have any pictures or videos of the liza den tutorial, or even a post talking about it, please send it to me!)

this has been information on every animal jam intro, thanks for reading 👍

[nimmie-nugget]

~Reincarnated as a Knolastname~

Note: HAPPY SPOOKY MONTH!! 🎃👻 gonna be honest- I actually think Crimson might have cared atleast a bit for Moxxie when he was a child 😭 Anyway~ take some reincarnated Moxxie’s Sister Reader Headcanons!! 🥳 Do keep in mind that characters may be ooooooooc, and when there’s 8 O’s you know it’s extreme 🤯. Also I haven’t been doing Tokito Twin’s content for a while so I just wanna reassure that I have some HCs coming up for them 😫!! Enjoy!

P.s in the back flashes of EXES AND OOHS I think Moxxie was 4? Yeah so that makes you 7, your 3 years older 😋👌 tho age is not mentioned at all- and I will make fics of this 😤

Warnings: a lot of slang(not rlly a warning, just thought I’d mention), ooc, may have punctuation, spelling grammer/etc errors,

Info: idk man just wanted to add this 😐

Edit: HOW DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS- A POST I BARELY PUT ANY EFFORT INTO GET MORE RECOGNITION THEN THIS POST, THE ONE I ACTUALLY PUT EFFORT INTO 👹👹 I appreciate the likes tho don’t take it in a bad way- 😭👌

Edit#2: I recommend u don’t read 💀👍

Helluva Boss Masterlist

______________________________________________________________________

~Reaction to being Reincarnated~

-long story short you don’t know how you ended up here but you found yourself being the daughter of some random old ass guy that’s gonna be the main reason for your character development arc.

-at least that mom with an unknown name will provide you sweets and shit-

-gonna put sum realz shizz on this family fr.

______________________________________________________________________

~Death~

-isn’t this Tumblr? Yeah long story short this turned into a Wattpad story for a second and the famous Truck-kun killed you 🗿 but you forgive Truck-kun since Truck-kun’s just being Truck-kun 😌.

______________________________________________________________________

~Inside a Mansion~

Yup this “Mansion” is someone’s womb, zamn how da heck do you still have memories of your past life? Also why does your very tiny unformed body kinda look like an imp? Just like one from your favourite show Helluva Boss? How can you even see??? It’s pitch black bro- meh it’s whatever 🤷‍♀️ it’s fun kicking at least-

______________________________________________________________________

~Borth~

…I’m not even gonna explain this 🫡 but just so you know Crimson was not there for your birth 😶

-at least you still have the same Borthdah as you did before you were reincarnated???

-Girly just 🖕 this bullshit why’d you have to be re-born in this family out of all the ones in Helluva Boss? I mean- you don’t mind being Moxxie’s gay emo sister but like- Crimson…CRIMSON. Tho make sure to start those teenager phases early so no one becomes suspicious of you when your going through the teenage thinga ma jig 😔

-but yay! You bet that Moxxie’s mom- well basically your mom now, WILL BE THE BEST 😩

-but girly you weren’t even fazed when reincarnated- just accepted it like a champ 😎

______________________________________________________________________

~Crimson’s First Thoughts On You~

-Absolutely nothing- 😃

-only thought of you as his heiress and DEFINITELY to lead his Mob in the future 😔

______________________________________________________________________

~[Unknown]’s First Thoughts On You~

-this is the Mom btw 😃

-gonna be honest I don’t know much since we’ve never really gotten a FULL view of her personality- all that I know is that she’s kind? 🤷‍♀️ Yuh so I won’t really directly say what she thought but I guess I can just- I don’t know man just read I guess 😃👌

-101% THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE AF!! what happened to infinite%? 😢

-she felt a warm and fuzzy feeling inside, something she never felt ever since she married Crimson 😔.

______________________________________________________________________

~Moxxie’s First Thoughts On You~

-‘Guppa duppa poo daaah dooo’

-don’t tell me you actually expected a real thought from him- Broski was just born 😔

______________________________________________________________________

~Your First Thoughts On Moxxie~

-‘zamn bro’s crying on his borthduh I could never 🙄💅’

-girly he’s like a few minutes old what on Satan’s ass are you talkin ‘bout? 😀

______________________________________________________________________

~What Crimson Thinks Of You~

-your a nuisance, like- what do you mean when you say “put those dawgs away💀”

-yeah you definitely got in trouble so many times- this stupid MF can’t understand slang and just thinks your insulting everyone around you 😶

-forget about you being his heiress, might as well make Moxxie his heir instead 😠

-Now take a very ooc dialogue 😋 btw this is after the Mom’s death 😃

-“[Name], cut it out. That will happen if you don’t stop.” He says calmly, too calm for you to know he’s pissed. (he was implying that he will drown you just like he did to the Mom btw-)

______________________________________________________________________

~What [Unkown] Thinks Of You~

-Loved you from the moment she layed her eyes on you 😩 (cheesy much 😶)

-wrote more then a dictionary just to prove how much she loves you 😔

-yuh that’s all I got 😐

______________________________________________________________________

~What Moxxie Thinks Of You~

He’s 4 rn-

-HE LOVES YOU!!

-your his sister why wouldn’t he- ?

-your basically his partner in crime 😈 both of you steal treats from the kitchen when your not supposed to 😤👍

-if the Mom found you 2 being naughty then sorry to tell you but yer’ both getting a time out 😔

-…BUT IF CRIMSON FOUND YOU- yuh that’s somehow gonna become a family issue problemo 😶💦______________________________________________________________________

I sometimes forget writing is for fun- but I certainly had fun writing this 😎 now I’m gonna tag this in some tags that this doesn’t even relate to which will make everyone hate me but they will soon worship me after reading this masterpiece. Praise this shit rn *points gun at you*

[omg-i-killed-kenny]

Recreating my intro post, here we go...

🌟!!Read before you interact!!🌟

Please DO NOT reblog this post I beg of you, unless you are a Mutual trying to spread this out to other ppl to find my blog. If you have this reblogged WITH PERMISSION and it has been UPDATED. Please delete the reblog and reblog the newer version! Thank you! :)

I loik misteareon, kemny, kayl, curtain, and uh... I like... I like oink he is kewl. But also I like shley. O Im dum I alsu loik bubbers.

(please read)

(last updated: January/7/2025)

Greetings mortals, I'm Kyle (or any other names you wanna call me as long as it's not offensive). I came onto Tumblr to post my art and random aus and stuff I do.

❗WARNING❗

I am a south parkie so there might be suggestive or adult content here, I CAN promise that there WILL NOT be anything truly explicit here.

First before you continue plz reed my niknams 4 da sowth park charactrs

~About me~

My favorite character of all time is Kyle from south park. (Also butters 🤗)

I'm trans aroace and pansexual +panromantic (I only really crush of fictional characters or people I'll never have a chance with)

Pronouns are he/him

-South park fan (so I might post suggestive or adult content but NEVER too explicit)

-I have WAYYYYYYYYYY too many mutuals (about 50 or something, srs not j!) /pos

-I'm always down for a chat, hit me up! 😉

-I'm a very kind person, so I don't mind you venting to me.

-I'm not very sensitive to anything really.

-too many fandoms I'm into! Lol

-i do make some dirty jokes but it won't be often, like I said though; this blog is SFW!!!

-MINOR so please be patient with me, I have school! (I'm under 15)

-I have diagnosed ADHD, autism and ✨schizophrenia✨ :D 👍

-I joined Tumblr at may something 2024!

-i'm a young artist and writer taking art classes!

-dating someone already (taken)

-i beat up a teenager with an umbrella /srs

-i'm tone-deaf when reading so please use tonetags!

-if there's something wrong with me there is obviously something wrong with you because buddy, your wasting your time and breath saying things that aren't true.

-I do curse

-i don't want anybody talking shit about me or threatening me because that has happened before. I don't need any bullshit or drama from the place I come to post my art and relax.

-I like using acronyms and emoticons/emojis :P

-I like being decorative!

-I have pupaphobia which is the fear of puppets!

-i am ALMOST 14!!!!

-my favorite south park shitz are basically all of them except for Stan, nobody likes Stan 💀💀💀💀💀

- I like listening to (really loud) fnf songs! Mostly the new child's play from fnf: pibby: apocalypse or south park: destroyed past! (Both pibby mods, teehee)

- I actually really Fucking hate the ship style. I find them more like brothers than anything. Even though I haven't actually sat down and watched the show for once, but If you're a style shipper we're cool, but if you talk about it to me we're not cool. (WHY IS IT EVEN CANON?!? 😭😭😭)

-I AM NOT ALWAYS ONLINE DUE TO HAVING ABOUT AN HOUR OR MORE A DAY SO PLEASE DO NOT SPAM/SEND THE SAME ASK MORE THAN ONCE

-if you try to start shit with me your bad actions/words will be used against you and shared to the public. My mutuals will see.

Apparently I do not have DNI but just please be nice is all I'm asking.

⭐Fandoms⭐ (not entirely in order)

1. South Park ❄️(I've only seen 2 episodes and a few scenes though, that is my main fandom)

2. Gravity Falls❔

3. Sprunki 🎵

4. Learning with Pibby ◼️

5. Adventure Time 🗡️

6. TAWoG/the amazing world of gumball 🐱

7. Rusty Lake 🚣‍♂️ (horror game series)

8. Undertale 💀

9. Bendy and The Ink Machine 🔏

10. Hazbin Hotel/Helluva boss/Zoophobia 😈 (do not support the creator)

11. Resident Evil 🧟

12. Spooky month 🎃

13. Sonic The Hedgehog 🦔 (very low on this one though)

14. The amazing digital circus 🎪

15. Regular show 🤷

16. Amanda the adventurer 📺

17. Sam and max 🐕🐇 (not much)

18. Friday night funkin (not in the lore etc)

19. FNaF/five nights at Freddy's 🐻

20. TSaMS/the sun and moon show ☀️🌓 (not much)

21. Minecraft (don't know the lore, I just play it)

22. Dandy's world 🌼 (not much)

23. Alan Becker = those stick figure animations and stuff

24. Happy tree friends/htf (never actually sat down and watched through the series, though it's funny. I like gory shit)

25. Hellpark 👿(never read it, but I know it's pretty good)

26. Bunny Maloney 🐇 (not entirely interested but I can talk about it)

I might possibly add more

Commission rules

They are no longer free! But I will do art trades for free!

If you want to buy a commission plz pay me on CashApp (WebstarEnt)

Sideblogs :3

@elyketaruccayllacilbib -- which is some random sideblog I have for literally no reason I guess... Used for posting doodles.

@alex-ventz -- vent blog, mutuals only (which means if I'm following you and you're following me)

@landon-almerandez -- south park oc blog

@kennymccormick-rp-blog -- Kenny blog

@boyofbutter -- butters blog

@adventuretimerulez -- re-blog for Adventure time

@arianaa-lion-blog -- sprunki oc blog

@mystereblogs -- not much but a yapping/reblog acc that's mysterion themed.

Other socials!

Tumblr - omg-i-killed-kenny (but ur already here)

Discord - kyal_izkewl

Wattpad - kyal_izkewl

Roblox - kyal_izkewl

DeviantArt - kyal1zkewl

Pinterest - Kyal_1zkewl

I do not have Instagram nor a YouTube channel yet

✨STENNY✨

KYAL MA BOI 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

South park oc ref sheet if anyone cares. If I request something from you that has to do with him, look in my intro post, right here.

I do have my own discord server for my roleplayer friends so do please check it out!

Again, do not reblog this post unless I allow you too.

[rainbow-femme]

I want a sequel to Alien: Romulus that’s also an end to the David 8 trilogy that does that thing where the heroes team up with an old villain to take down a newer bigger villain, maybe around the fact that Andy and Rain are trying to go somewhere that bans androids and David would hate that, maybe David even wants to take in Andy as a sort of son/brother and accepts Rain as a package deal

Just David being his usual smiling, no conscience, happy to commit murder self and Andy and Rain are just like “Ok… That’s cool, David, you just… Just keep killing people over there, we’ll go push some buttons or whatever over here.” And David is holding a man up by his throat like 😁👍

Edit:

NO WAIT

Who has been the main actual villain throughout all of the movies? The Weyland-Yutani corporation

And we know that David had been engineering his own xenomorphs and considers himself close with some

Tell me you wouldn’t want to see downtrodden protagonists who have been taken advantage of for corporate greed teaming up with David the vengeful android and a team of Xenomorphs that are on their side and they mow down the executives that have been causing the misery of thousands of people all these years

[moonyasnow]

My OCs' JoJo Stands!

To anyone from JoJo fandom finding this: Hi :) I'm Moony! (they/them) My main fandom is something else (Twisted Wonderland) but I'm also a really big JoJo fan and have made Stands for 7/8 of my OCs! Hope you like them!

And for everyone else who kinda knows me already:

Not including Lisle because he didn't exist yet when I made these! The order of this goes in ascending order from how interesting I think the stand is, so ending with my favorite!

Also gonna be some spoilers-ish for: Part 3 (maybe??? I mention the name of two stands Part 5 (some character names, 2-3 fights I think?, and two Stands) I just wanna cover all my bases 👍

I might do another post with a bunch of my HCs on how they'd get along/not with canon characters (specifically in Part 5 since it's my favorite, but maybe some other misc characters I can see them having interesting relationship dynamics with) but for now here are their Stands!

(also Myzery if you're reading this, the reason I didn't tag you for Veronica is bc you don't watch JoJo and would have no idea what's going on 🥲)

Artemisia

Stand Name: Blackbird

Ability: Broken Wings

Info: Stand gives user the ability to create feathers of any size, shape and color they'd like, so long as they can be found in nature. User can, for example, form the feathers into the shape of a shield, or a parasol, or a pillow. The second, more often used ability lets user create a full suit made of feathers, along with a pair of big actual wings on her back. Just think of White Album's suit but made of feathers instead, with thin, translucent feathers in front of her face as a kind of visor. This way, she won't be seen by non-Stand users, since the feathers cover every inch of her body. It has a physical form in the suit, but it, much like Thoth, White Album's ice-suit and Hermit Purple's vines is not a humanoid Stand and instead in the form of a tool.

Method of Activation: at user's will

Limit: it, just like its user, is weak to sunlight. The Stand can only be in use for around 30 minutes while under direct sunlight, after which it will literally start to melt and burn. So the best use of this Stand is at night, with a suit made of black feathers.

Range: 5m

Spike

First of all; I'm gonna be 100% transparent and say that both his Stand, as well as Spike himself actually, originated from this fic!

The basic gist of it is that, it's a fic where a male reader (bordering on OC) was one of the Stardust Crusaders, later went on to have a thing with Bucciarati, and later had to leave to help the fight in Part 6. I think I've changed Spike enough that he and the character in this fic are no longer the same, but the description of how the Stand looks (maybe also how it works??? It's been a while; I don't 100% remember) is lifted directly from this So I wanted to give credit! (btw please read it, it's so good)

Stand Name: Skillet

Ability: Spikes

Info: Can make razor sharp spikes appear anywhere the Stand touches. Can also throw spikes like bullets. Whenever user gets too angry, shows up unprompted and snarls at the target of Spike's ire.

Method of Activation: At user's will

Limit: If not careful, could harm allies, and user himself, with spikes, too. A real double-edged sword.

Range: 2-10m (Stand can only go two meters away but the spikes can show up as far as 10 meters away if Skillet makes contact with the same surface— such as the ground)

Appearance description:

The Stand itself has deep red skin, wears a spiked blindfold over its eyes, and even though its mouth has been sewn shut with something that looks like thin metal wire, it wears a muzzle. Two giant spikes go through its hands, as well as through its entire torso just below the collar bones, and it has sharp, black claws instead of fingers. There are spikes coming out of its head, too.

Tomoe

Stand Name: Good Charlotte

Ability: record-making, poison

Ability Name: Chronicles of Life, Chronicles of Death

Info: For the ability 'Chronicles of Life', if Stand has a piece of something— DNA from a person, a piece of an object, etc— it can analyze it and find out about its history, after which it will produce a historical document, its shape depending on the time and culture the object came from. Once created, a document can not be destroyed through killing the user, but can be burned or destroyed in the same way as any other book, scroll or tablet. User can also wish for the Stand to hone in on a specific angle when making a Chronicle. For the ability 'Chronicles of Death', the Stand has sharp quills it uses to write with, and if user chooses, Good Charlotte can shoot the quills like projectiles at a target. The ink the Stand uses is poisonous to living things when wet, leading to a slow but painless death that looks and feels like falling asleep— it usually takes 10 minutes to work to its full effect.

Method of Activation: At user's will

Limit: It records details you might see written down in a historical document or an old myth or legend, meaning more mundane details are often ignored unless user tells it to specifically hone in on a specific angle. The smaller the material Stand has to work with, the more incomplete the Chronicle will be. And as far as the poisonous ink goes, the ink dries very quickly, meaning a subject would need to be no further away than maybe two meters for the ink to actually poison them, so ranged projectiles are not poisonous. And if the poison is extracted within 10 minutes, the subject will only be asleep for a few hours before waking up again.

Range: 1m

I don't have any art for this one, so here's a description instead:

Red, black, white and gold colors cheme

Skin is a vibrant deep red color and its body looks a bit like a metallic ball-joint-doll, lower arms being a white color with black fingers, and lower legs white with black feet. Two golden, pupil-less eyes, no mouth or nose. Wears a monocle with many lenses over its left eye, each lense added giving an enhanced zoom-in effect. It wears a darker red toga with a gold and black same-komon pattern. On the back of its head, it wears a big, golden bow.

Irina

Stand Name: Copycat

Ability: Persuasion

Ability Name: Copy That, Copycat

Info: User can persuade a subject to stop being mad at and/or like them more, and the mirror on Copycat's face shows the faces of the people currently being affected. In this state, user can much more easily persuade someone of almost anything so long as the user has a somewhat believable story, and during it Copycat whispers in their ear. And when its mirror is in use, Copycat will imitate the body language and personality of whoever reflected in its mirror it's standing the closest to, letting the user take notes on what kind of behavior would work best to truly persuade the person in front of them with. It's a Stand that's very good for reconnaissance, buying time, can function similarly to a bribe, or could potential lower a subject's guard somewhat. Though, it's not very useful on its own in combat, since when someone has decided to kill you, getting within two meters of them is not a good idea. If she was ever separated from Copycat, like what happened with Fugo and Purple Haze in the Illuso fight, it would try to search for her, then sit down on the ground, hug itself and tremble if it couldn't find her. If it found someone Irina knows who isn't actively hostile, it'd try to jump toward them and cling to their leg.

Method of Activation: Subject looking into Copycat's mirror while within a meter of it.

Limit: Only works on up to 10 people at a time, and the potency decreases the more subjects the ability is split between. If subject(s) has been outside of Stand's range for an hour, the effect wears off.

Range: 2m total. The Stand itself cannot travel further than one meter away from her body, and can affect someone standing at most a meter away, so a total of two meters.

Copycat has a lot of potential to grow. Right now, its user is extremely timid, and feels way too guilty about using its abilities at all to feel confident in its use.

But if she were to become a bit more confident, a bit more willing to use that power, Copycat could become a truly scary stand— one that can puppet people's minds to its user's ends.

Just like Giorno said in the fight against Cioccolata, a Stand is someone's unconscious will given form, so if someone feels guilt or hesitancy about using their ability, it acts as a form of brake.

Junia

Stand Name: Mother Knows Best

Ability: Listen to your mother

Info: Stand causes subject to misremember instructions they've been give, instead remembering a distorted version of often very strange things to do that, if precisely followed, will lead to the best possible outcome. Stand can be used on both user or unrelated subject. Can also be used for some light combat. If Mother hits a subject on request of the user, that person will get the same horrible, dizzying headache and nosebleed as when its instructions are not followed. If Stand is upset and has given subject headache, anyone who touches the Stand will get the same headache.

Method of Activation: Subject needs to be given advice or instructions by someone, and Mother needs to touch them.

Limit: If the instructions of Mother Knows Best are not very precisely followed, the outcome will be disastrous, and Mother turns red in anger, also giving the subject who disobeyed the orders a severe, dizzy headache and a nosebleed. Ability can also only be used once every 12 hours, whether that be on the user or another person.

Range: 3m

At first when she discovers her Stand, she's very unsure about the instructions it gives her, and might end up not following them exactly because she doesn't trust herself, which just ends in her getting a nose bleed and a horrible headache. And she's a bit on edge whenever she sees it because she feels like it's judging her all the time— watching her for mistakes just like her mother used to.

She needs to learn that this is her ability, and to trust her own powers in order to make the best use of Mother Knows Best.

At some point she named her Stand 'Mother Knows Best', though usually she just shortens it down to 'Mother'.

She's really good at flower fortunes— and the crazy part is that her flower fortunes are right every single time without fail.

When she or someone else asks a question, her Stand activates and makes her misremember the question as something else but also related. Then she asks the person who asked the question to turn around while she consults the flower. She started doing this because a pair of invisible hands— well, invisible to all but her— picking off the petals one by one and whispering 'yes' or 'no' to her as it picks them looks creepy to most people.

Then she turns around and says the fortune.

Just as an example, if they asked if they can see their crush tomorrow, Mother Knows Best might rearrange the question to make her hear 'will (crush) eat rotten fish today'. Then when Junia turns around and says that yes, (crush) will be eating rotten fish today. The person asking might think it's weird and not trust it. Then the next day, their crush is nowhere to be seen. And the day after that, when they see each other again, the crush tells them they had to stay home the day prior with food poisoning— the fish they had for dinner was apparently rotten.

Since she herself isn't actually aware of her Stand, she never does this consciously— in her perspective, it just happens every time she does a flower fortune.

But, her mother has told her that her flower fortunes are a waste of time, so she doesn't do it a lot anymore, even though she thinks it's fun.

Veronica

Stand Name: Crane Wife

Ability: Paper

Ability Name: Unraveling, Curses

Info: A medium-range combat Stand made entirely out of origami, looks like a simplified 3D paper version of the user, wearing hakama pants, a crop top and it’s hair up in a ponytail. Though the face has no eyes, nose or mouth, only a pair of eyebrows to let you know how it's feeling. It's also possible for two spots on the Stand's cheeks to be dyed into two perfect circles of reddish pink if it— and by extension the user— is feeling flustered. This is its most common form, a small origami crane being the second most common. The ability 'Unraveling' allows it to fold itself up to a maximum size of 100square feet, into any shape without getting any thicker, making it able to fit under any gap. The paper is extremely durable and not easily cut through, but also incredibly sharp— sharp enough to let the Stand use a sword made of the paper. It's an incredibly powerful Stand, and if no water, fire or strong wind is present, it's almost unbearable. Almost. It's a Glass Canon of a Stand: incredibly powerful at the cost of being incredibly easy to harm once something gets close enough. And also the ability 'Curses' lets the user cut off a small part of the stand and ascribe an effect to it, then fuse it to a subject's skin, after which it lasts for 30 minutes, then falls off. The effect is to make the subject experience some type of pain— anything from feeling as though the part of the body it's attached to it is on fire, frozen, being put through a meat-grinder, etc. though it does not actually harm the subject in any way. Curses also takes a toll on its user, as it has to sacrifice large amount of energy to tear off a piece of the Stand. Its worst weakness is fire— fire will instantly set it aflame, and user could die if Stand is not put out. It's an off-white color and cannot be dyed, and thus quite easy to spot. It is possible to write on, but the writing disappears if Stand is called back. It's a surprisingly talkative Stand; whenever Veronica tries to hide or lie about her emotions, it comes out of its own volition and voices her emotions for her, unless she tries very, very hard to keep it from doing so. It can be anything, from cussing someone out, to giving them praise. Or, going over to someone Veronica secretly really likes, laying down on its stomach, kicking its feet in the air with elbows on the ground, hands holding its face up, two reddish pink circles on its face, just staring at them.

Method of Activation: At user's will

Limit: Weak to fire, water and winds above 40mph. The body itself is also not very stable. A glass canon, basically— if she is hit in battle, that's usually it.

Range: 30m

The left is the Combat/regular form, and the right is the Scout form (the little origami crane)

Victor

Stand Name: Oh Hello

Ability: Necromancy

Ability names: Wormwood, Danse Macabre

Info: The ability 'Wormwood' lets the Stand take the corpses of any non-human animal and twist them into Frankenstein creatures that do the user's bidding. The user can choose to see through the eyes of one creature at a time. The creatures can also be just the unaltered corpses of animals, but the less altered they are the likelier it is they will be disobedient, though it is easier and takes less time than creating one from scratch. The creatures can do things like spy for their User, attack the User's enemies, collect things for the user, bury things, or simply act as companions; pets. The creatures 'live' until one of their organs are affected. User can create however many creatures they want, however, the more they create at once the less smart, cooperating and refined— and thus easier to destroy— the creatures will be. Any corpse will do, but use fresh ones for the best result— the creatures will continue to rot while they're reanimated, and at a faster rate than if they were left untouched. The ability 'Danse Macabre' allows user to give a group of Creatures the same order and have them all act at once— normally, the more Creatures the user gives orders to, the more energy it takes. But Danse Macabre lets user give one singular order to the entire army. Though, it automatically gives the same order to every single Creature, meaning no other orders can be performed at that time. Wormwood can also choose to reanimate just one singular bone— though it won't be able to do anything. For a Creature to be useful, they must be able to move, which means the body must have the muscles and bone structure necessary TO move.

Method of Activation: User touching the corpse of an animal.

Limit: The creatures only 'live' until the next sunrise after they were first created— after that they fall apart into bloody bits of gore and then turn to dust.

Range: 3m

Oh Hello is a hulking, dark blue blue, robotic torso with a cute white and brown cartoon dog head with a halo above it. It sounds like a dog. Its small, adorable cartoon mouth shaped like a sideways 3 isn't its true mouth. If you get close enough to it, its true mouth opens, and it's giant, filled with razor sharp teeth.

And here are the songs their Stands were named after!

Here's the website I used to make the parameters

Annnnd here's some miscellaneous art!

Tagging my moots who I know like JoJo >:3

@bunniehunn @faefum @gingacat

(if I forgot someone PLEAAAAAASE LET ME KNOW. I need to have you all on a L I S T so I know who I can yap about JoJo with 👁️👁️)

[msnihilist]

I do have a couple of criticisms about TEOS (as someone who has never seen the podcast), such as...

The special effects are mostly solid, but the brains when they do the lobotomy/the scene in Dave's dream where The Elephant climbs out of his mother just look horrible. It's so clearly fake, lmao. Plastic Spirit Halloween toy.

It's odd to me that Dave didn't go to Katie's house sooner? Like, people are dying in their sleep, Dave. Who gives a fuck about the neighborhood, go make sure your girl is still up!!

My biggest criticism is just that I wish the show was longer. 40 minute episodes would have benefitted it greatly (coming from someone who prefers 20 minute episodes, usually).

I'm not sure why Dave and Matteo haven't slept for 36 hours before the show starts? Do they, like... Not sleep before their shifts at all? Because that means they hadn't slept since before their shifts the previous day. Which is odd to me, and no explanation is given. It kinda seems like that's almost normal for these two.

The effects of sleep deprivation were rather inconsistent. Or, at least, for me, personally, I would never be that coherent 36 hours without sleep, let alone the 70+ that the gang eventually hits.

Why is The Elephant wearing that red dress in episode 6? Is there a reason for that, or did he just feel pretty?

Everything with the flashback bits. The child actor (bless his little heart) was not believable at all in the intense scene in the sleep chamber. Why didn't the Dream People answer him back then? The doctor is so fucking ODD, I have a hard time believing a parent would trust that man with their kid's head — not helped by whatever the fuck the wig he was wearing was up to (his terrible hair is so distracting every time I see him!) Dave's mom felt so underdeveloped, I don't know a thing about her.

In a way, the flashback bits feel more dream like than the fucking dreams do. The sleep doctor doesn't feel like a real person, the sleep chamber comes out of nowhere and is never addressed again, there's seemingly no consequences for everything that happens here, there's an eerie feeling to every scene like I'm watching a VHS or an analog horror bit. It's so disjointed from everything going on in the proper story.

It's implied that Dave feels like he's a "bad person" for killing the sleep doctor as a kid, but this is never expanded upon before or after his conversation with Katie outside of the hospital. For me, her reassurance of, "You are a good person," came completely out of nowhere as I didn't get the impression that that was a thought Dave was struggling with at all.

I think that's it for my main gripes. Most of these could be fixed with a little more ironing out.

Overall though, I definitely loved it and I will be rewatching it here soon, lol. I'll probably make a post in a bit about things I loved because there's a LOT (I love the visuals and the symbolism, and the consistency with Dave's dreams). But I do want to be fair! TEOS isn't a perfect show, but there's so much to chew on. I'd probably give it a solid 8/10 👍