#the lack of people perceiving him and his condition

[thevulturesquadron]

Anyone who claims that the secret ending in Veilguard is disrespectful or nullifies agency in the previous three games is either unable to traverse layered storytelling or is being ignorant on purpose.

I am not sure how someone assumes that it was about mind control or magic when games upon games the fantasy setting in Dragon Age has been a medium for telling stories about the nature of people, about different perspectives, about the dangers of applying singular ideals to a complex existence, about how people and the ways in which they interact shape destinies.

How can you not be excited to learn that there’s a world outside Thedas, that the web is more complicated and that when one wrestles to break the threads it vibrates all the way to the spider letting it know it’s dinner time?

[startheskelaton]

I take it that Sparkplug loves Shockwave but Starscream is head over heels for her and she doesn't know it?

I was just looking through you art and that's what I guessed.😅 Also, your shockwave design is HECKIN awesome! He's very creature shaped. My favorite shape. Lol.

So first off I think you have some characters confused but I love the enthusiasm!

This guy is Nightflyer, SON of Starscream

And this guy is the TF prime design of Soundwave but for this AU, he’s a failed clone creature of Soundwave and is named Soundblaster

The best way to explain it is with the dumb diagram I made

Sparkplug develops feelings for both boys, mostly through boding about being an outsider that has great expectations put on them. However when Nightflyer gets outed for being a spy, she feels betrayed and assumes he only got to know her because of what she could offer him as being the daughter of Megatron and Prime. She meets Soundblaster after an invasion by the decepticons gets interrupted by the Decepticon justice devision. Getting lost in space with him through an accident with a warp portal.

Nightflyer vary quickly falls for both Soundblaster and Sparkplug without even realizing it at first. Both bots are kinda science experiments gone wrong and he’s incredibly into that. He’s aware of the feelings of distrust Sparkplug starts feeling from him lying, but he refuses to lose one of the only people in his life that makes him feel like he belongs. On the other hand, Nightflyer is completely convinced that Soundblaster is his best friend, singing his praises and thinking about him often.

Soundblaster hates Nightflyer mostly due to jealousy, however just doesn’t say anything due to a lack of communication skills. Soundblaster was conditioned to be mostly silent like Soundwave, however that was mostly just how Shockwave perceived him. During the earth invasion, Soundblaster corners Sparkplug and attempts to capture her in order to get good favor with Shockwave. However due to an accident they are transported halfway across the galaxy. In the time they take to find a galactic transport station, they realize their common identity crisis and feelings of not belonging. Sparkplug would develop a crush on Soundblaster while he would decide to devote his life to keeping her safe. 

[animeomegas]

blowing some boys' back out please x3 your choice of 'em

that's 2 imprecise help neji gaara, sasuke, and minato? :3 bonus if the alpha is big in size. I'll be 🍷 anon if not already taken ! mwah

(Hey, welcome 🍷 anon! Let's see~)

N-sfw under cut

Let's set the scene!

It was a rough night last night, enthusiastic, hot, and very heavy.

And some soreness is totally normal after nights like this, especially when you consider your... greater than average size *cough*

But when your omega gets up the next morning, it's clear that the soreness is more than normal.

He's waddling around the house, holding himself gingerly, still kind of dazed from last night.

He probably has some emerging bruises in sensitive places, a few pulled muscles, too.

Maybe you were a little too enthusiastic 😅

But how does he react?

Neji

He is deeply unimpressed by you.

He's sending you dirty looks, blaming you for his current condition and conveniently forgetting how much he was begging for it to be harder last night.

"How am I supposed to go shopping like this? 😠"

You better be pampering him to say sorry.

He's going to settle down on the couch and you'll be doing all the chores and massaging the sore parts of his body.

Bring him snacks and butter him up with lots of lovey dovey apologies and he'll forgive you.

And then ask for that kind of sex again the next week smh.

Gaara

Concerned boy is concerned :(

Rough sex is extremely out of character for him, and so something must have triggered it. Perhaps extremely heightened emotions?

I'm not sure, but he's regretting it so much :(

He knew rough sex was a bad idea. He kind of feels bad about the whole thing.

For a shinobi, his pain tolerance is pretty low, but he still has to get to work because he has a village to run...

He keeps his composure remarkably well at work, but he goes home early and he expects lots of cuddles and kisses and gentle affection.

It's one of the only sex things that he won't overshare with his siblings because he's genuinely embarrassed by injuries that occurred from his perceived lack of control. He feels like he should know better.

Give him lots of love, okay?

Sasuke

He is SOOOOO embarrassed.

And he's pissed at you. But he won't say that because he's too busy pretending that nothing is wrong.

This lasts for all of 5 minutes before he realises that pretending he's fine means leaving the house like this, and he'd rather DIE.

So, the man who would try to train or take a mission while literally delirious with illness, actually takes a day off and hides in bed.

A bed that he kicks you out of by the way.

(but you can probably sneak back in with some well placed nuzzles)

What is he even so embarrassed about?

People knowing he has sex? Kinda, yes.

How fucking ridiculous he looks waddling around? Absolutely.

Not being strong enough to physically take his alpha without injury? Yes...

DO NOT tease him!

Just apologise once and then make him breakfast and don't bring it up ever again 😅

Minato

He's a bit sheepish about the situation, because he remembers begging for it to be harder, and he should have known better.

Oh well! Now he knows better, and well, it was pretty hot.

He gets a bit turned on thinking about it, which probably hurts, so that train of thought dies quickly.

He will probably tease you about being so big and rough lol

To be honest though, he's totally fine, and he'll say "you don't have to do that" everytime you try to apologise or make it up to him.

He would appreciate you running him a bath and making him some food though, just to show him that you love him.

Let's just hope that he's not teaching that day 🙏🏻 Because he is not as subtle as he thinks.

Or working as Hokage... Because his guard definitely know how he spent yesterday evening 😏

[doumadono]

Warnings: intermittent explosive disorder (IED), mentions of PTSD, a lot of angst, Bakugo dealing with impulsive anger outbursts, Bakugo being mean, aged-up Bakugo, pro hero Dynamight

A/N: yesterday, while chatting with my partner about Bakugo, a thought struck me (though it's just a personal theory, subject to disagreement) - Bakugo might exhibit signs of intermittent explosive disorder. His frequent bouts of anger, his brusque and often unkind demeanor, and occasional lack of control over his temper could be indicative of this. These headcanons delves into Bakugo's life as the second-ranked pro hero, Dynamight, as he grapples with the aftermath of the war

MY HERO ACADEMIA MASTERLIST

You meet Bakugo when he's the second-ranked pro hero, right after Deku. You're drawn to his charisma, confident personality, and the way he becomes protective of you.

Unfortunately, over time, you start to notice a lot of things that are just not right. His temper is extremely short, and he can explode with anger no matter what happens. It could be something he dislikes or someone doing something he doesn't approve of, and it immediately triggers a massive rage outburst. This can lead to him losing control of his own quirk, resulting in him destroying things.

After a routine checkup, the doctor suggests taking some tests, and the results are devastating: Bakugo is diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder.

Naturally, this news infuriates him, and when he returns to your shared flat, he destroys his own little office in a fit of rage.

Bakugo's intermittent explosive disorder makes it difficult for him to control his anger, and he will often lash out in violent outbursts.

Bakugo's intermittent explosive disorder manifests in unpredictable outbursts of anger and aggression, often triggered by seemingly minor frustrations or perceived slights. His explosions can range from verbal tirades to physical violence, leaving destruction in their wake.

During his outbursts, Bakugo lashes out verbally and physically, unaware of the damage he inflicts on those around him.

Despite his efforts to control it, Bakugo's explosive temper often alienates him from his friends and loved ones.

His relationships with people he considered colleagues or sometimes friends become strained as they struggle to understand and cope with his unpredictable behavior anymore.

You're often the target of his outbursts but refuses to give up on him, believing that beneath his volatile exterior lies a wounded soul in need of understanding and support.

Even Mitsuki tries to intervene. "Honey, you need help. This isn't healthy for you or anyone around you! We're here for you, son. We want to help you get through this."

But of course Katsuki declines. "I don't need your help! I can handle this on my own!"

Bakugo's disorder takes a toll on your relationship, testing the limits of your love and patience. There are moments when you feel helpless and overwhelmed, questioning whether you can handle the emotional rollercoaster of being with him.

You learn to recognize the signs of an impending outburst and try to diffuse the situation before it escalates, using gentle words and gestures of affection to calm him down.

Bakugo's disorder has left him feeling like a monster, like a beast that's been unleashed upon the world with no hope of redemption. He's consumed by guilt and self-loathing, convinced that he's unworthy of love or forgiveness.

Deep down, Bakugo is aware of his condition and the pain he causes, but his overwhelming anger blinds him to the consequences of his actions.

Bakugo's disorder causes him to push you away frequently, convinced that he's too dangerous to be around. He believes that he's protecting you by keeping his distance, even though it breaks his heart to do so.

Bakugo's disorder becomes a constant source of tension between the two of you, with every interaction tinged with the fear of setting him off.

Finally, after months of suggesting and almost begging, Bakugo agrees to try something new and allows you to take him to a psychiatrist. The doctor prescribes him Fluoxetine, and after some time of taking the medication, his rage and anger outbursts become smaller and less frequent.

You don't just leave it there. You suggest he should think about therapy, and after some reluctance, he agrees.

After attending several sessions, you both discover that Bakugo's disorder is linked to PTSD he developed post-war and after being dead for a while. Suddenly, everything becomes clear, and you not only understand your boyfriend better but also know how to help him effectively. Hearing about his traumatic experiences brings tears to your eyes, and you cry a river upon realizing the extent of his suffering.

Over time, and with the combined efforts of you, his parents, and his friends, Katsuki starts to make progress in managing his disorders and becomes a bit calmer with his emotions. Of course, everyone remains super careful not to do anything that might set him off.

Being Dynamight's partner is tough, and you know it better than anyone. But despite the challenges, you're not about to leave him. He's the love of your life after all, with all his strengths and weaknesses.

[edlucavalden]

Mithrun and non-visible disability

Yk, I've never seen people talk about this, but Mithrun is a very accurate depiction of having a non visible illness

I'd like to interpret mithrun's bastard origin to be an allegory for an invisible disability (I'd argue its neurodivergance, but it could be anything); An aspect of yourself that you are born with (in this case; born from) that is seen as inferior but it is not obvious.

He's even lucky—since that part of him is that of benefit. His infidelity gave him silver eyes and sharp ears after all (if you can catch the metaphor). from the outside, He's just a normal person, a person worth respecting because he's fits the standard.

However, he knows he does not fit the standard. it's just a lie. He hates himself—so, so much bc of that. It causes him to over-compensate through complete perfectionism and a high sense of self pride. He has to keep a big image in order to protect himself. it's the only thing that can get him loved.

However, that superficial ego gives him terrible imposter syndrome. He knows he doesn't deserve it, but he wants to. like everyone, he craves love and safety. So, he looks down at everyone, hyperfocused at their flaws (he can't be inferior if everyone is worse, right?) whatever it takes to prove himself that he deserves love.

He knows he's weak, but he has to show to everyone that he's strong because any slight sight of weakness would be detrimental since he knows that his humanity is conditional.

He knows that if he shows the truth and how he doesn't actually fit the status quo, he will be ostracized and rejected.

He knows—because his brother is proof of that.

Obrin's disability is obviously visible; Shown through his physical characteristics (his frailness and the lack of family traits). However, his discrimination may be due to this visible disability. he isn't nessesarily ostracized for those traits. His features aren't the (main) reason why he's perceived as inferior in the social hierarchy. it's instead because he's rumored to be a bastard child. This is why he hates his brother so much.

Obrins physical characteristics are just "symptoms" that perpetuate their prejudice towards infidelity (if were going by the disability allegory, think; this person is too sensitive, it must be bc of the autism...). By doing so, his brother indirectly taught him to hide that part of himself.

He hates Obrin because he is the physical manifestation of what will happen to him if his infidelity (disability) is revealed. He is the same plane as his brother after all, The only difference is that he's fortunate enough to be able to hide it.

It's very interesting how his hatred to Obrin isn't because he's genuinely bigoted and ignorant towards him, but because of his own personal internalized ablelism just projected. (It's ironic how contrary it is; he hates his brother because he sees him as equal) very much paralleling visible and nonvisible disability in intimate familial relationships.

The fact mithrun is the bastard child, not him. Imagine the burdening guilt and shame that comes with the knowledge that he could (or should) be one in his place.

He's constantly paranoid of thoughts that he's not good enough. That's why he was so upset when he was sent to the canaries or when he saw Obrin and Sultha together.

Because those are signs that Obrin is better than him and he could not forgive that (how can someone like him, completely ostracized from society, and be so content...?). And that sign proves his paranoia of not being good enough are correct.

mithrun's insecurities, fears, and behavior very much parallel that of being a high masking disabled person.

Hes is a flawed disabled character, but one you can also sympathize with.

He isn't a perfect victim. He delves on how a disabiled person who's so intrenched in a heavily ableist and bigoted society can be a victim to its bigotry and be taken advantage of (The demon. I didn't touch on that topic, as much as i would love an essay about how the demon preyed on mithruns vulnerability regarding his own disability but unfortunately, that might be too triggering for me lawl!) while also actively participating in it and perpetuate said beliefs

And that means so much to me

[lilioopdf]

close to you— jmm 21

notes: 1.3k words, no warnings, all fluff (a little emotionally heavy though so i’m so sorry 😭😭)

a/n: hello lovely people!! this is the first piece of writing that i’m posting on tumblr, so please be nice 🥹🥹

anyway, this is just a mini birthday scene for pepe’s birthday, but his name isn't ever explicitly mentioned here, so you can read it with any driver in mind. enjoy, and thank you for being here!! ❤️❤️

extra: i'm a gracie fan, and very happy about close to you being released, so this is very loosely based on the themes of that song (+ the blue (also by gracie) and call it what you want to by taylor swift!)

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

it’s a quiet monday night. he’s on the balcony, leaning against the railing as he stares out onto the city, hair slightly dishevelled, eyes tired. 

he barely registers the soft click the door makes as you slide it to the left, causing a warm gust of air to blow into the air-conditioned hotel room as you peek at him from behind the door. 

“hi,” you greet softly, voice barely above a whisper.

his response is instant, head snapping towards you at the sound of your voice, as he croaks out a simple “hi” in return. 

he nods once, inviting you to join him. his eyes track your every move, watching as you hesitate a little before making your way towards him. 

there’s a brief moment of silence as you take in the view, noticing how the circuit seems to light up brighter than any other part of the city, a brief reminder of what’s bound the two of you together. the air is laced with the distinct scent of smoke, and the view polluted by the street lights scattered across the area. 

“P5. that’s not too bad,” you say, referencing his race from the day before.

he hums in response, his expression blank and unreadable, seemingly nonchalant.

you chew on the inside of your mouth, unsure how to perceive his lack of reaction. maybe he’s just not in the mood to talk right now, you think, still staring at him a little awkwardly and expectantly.

the silence stretches on, and you start again, “i think P5 is good, actually. considering your previous races and the fact that you started from the back of the grid and everything-”

catching yourself from rambling on, you bite on your tongue to stay silent as you wait for a reply.

he turns to look at you, tilting his head ever-so-slightly, and you notice a small smile playing on his lips. his eyes study your face for a few seconds, and you feel your face get hot before you break eye contact to stare off into the distance instead. 

there’s still some space between the two of you, and you try to convince yourself that you haven’t embarrassed yourself by talking too much, but you’re still feeling a little too shy to meet his eyes, and trying your hardest not to accidentally look at him. 

the silence lingers for a second too long before you hear his feet shuffling across the wood floor as he moves closer to you.

he looks at you again, before he says, voice low and soft, “i’ll take it, i guess. i’m not proud of it, because it’s not the best, and i definitely think the team deserves better than that, but it’s a major improvement from the previous weekends, so i’m not upset.” 

“i’m proud of you,” you offer, turning back to look at him. “i’ll be proud of you regardless of your results, and i’ll always be rooting for you.” 

there’s a flicker of emotion in his eyes, gone too soon before it can be identified. you naturally assume that he probably doesn’t know what to say, and you don’t push him to.

when he reaches out to tuck a fallen strand of hair behind your ear, you inhale deeply, tensing up as you realise just how close he is, with the two of you pressed up against each other, closer than you should be.

there’s another pause.

this one’s shorter— a quick moment of contemplation before you decide to lean in towards him, bravely resting your head on his shoulder (or as close as you can get to it, anyway, considering the height difference.)

you’re a little stiff, unsure if the act of intimacy is as welcome as you had originally perceived it to be. 

but then there’s yet another short pause, and his arm stretches out, wrapping around your waist before pulling you even closer into him. 

you feel his shoulders rise with each breath he takes, and you send out a quick prayer to the universe, thanking whoever for allowing you this moment of intimacy, for allowing you to bask in the warmth of each other, before pepe breaks the silence. 

“will you be there for my race on sunday?” he asks, voice coming out a little hoarse. 

you lift your head from his shoulder to look at him, nodding, brows slightly furrowed. “i’m always there though. we just work in different sections.”

you’re suddenly very aware of the dark circles under his eyes, and the brief thought that he might not get enough sleep before his media duties tomorrow worries you a little, but you choose to stay in the moment, enjoying the privilege of being this close to him in a non-professional context, and in the privacy of your own space. 

he shakes his head, voice softening a little, “i meant like– visiting me. in my garage, before the race.” he sounds a little hesitant and unsure of himself, even as he looks at you with hopeful eyes. 

“i could… if you want me to.” 

he blinks a few times in confusion before nodding his head and letting out a breathy, “yeah, of course”. (because of course he wants you to be there. he always wants you to be there before his races.)

he thinks that he would like to have moments like this more often— away from the flashing lights and fast cars that take up so much space in his life. he thinks he would like to have more moments like this with you. it’s astounding, the effect that you’ve had on him within the six months that you’ve known each other. 

“i’ll be there,” you promise, your toned hushed and earnest, as though you’re pledging an oath. 

he nods again in acknowledgement, but he seems a little distracted and dazed, and he’s staring at you again. your breath hitches slightly, but you make no move to hide yourself this time, allowing yourself to look into the eyes of the boy standing in front of you.

the air is thick with unaddressed feelings and things left unsaid, but neither of you make any attempt to change that. the moment stretches on, and when you finally look away, a clock on the face of another hotel near you lets you know that it’s close to midnight.

“we should go to bed,” you say. more for your sake than his, if you’re being honest.

“you can go in first. i’ll join you in a few minutes.”

you make no move to leave. his hand is still on your waist, but his grip has loosened a little, allowing you the freedom to go. you let your eyes roam over him, taking in his wind-tousled hair, his soft lips, and the way he’s looking at you with a certain intensity that has you dizzy with anticipation. 

something within you shifts, and you feel your chest fill with something you can’t quite identify. 

giving him a small smile, you look back to glance at the clock again.

“before i go…” you place a hand on his arm, steadying yourself. 

“hm?” 

“happy birthday sweetheart,” you whisper, as you tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek.

when you pull away, you find him smiling at you again, but it’s different this time. his eyebrows are a little raised, mouth slightly open, cheeks lightly tinged with a blush, and he looks flustered, one hand reaching up to rub his face as he stares at you. 

and for what it’s worth, you’d love to continue staring at him. but it’s late, and you’re a little too shy to look at him after what you’ve just done— so instead, you quickly turn away, hurrying back into your room, leaving him gaping behind you in awe. 

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© lilioopdf 2024 – please do not plagarise, repost, or translate any of my work on this or other platforms

thank you for reading this far!! take care of yourselves and i wish you a lovely day/night ahead!! 💗💗

[darth-kote]

Fox Headcanons Pt. 1

Despises 79s. Not because of the noise and countless bodies, but because there's always so much going on that he finds it difficult to properly relax. He's hard-wired to keep Coruscant safe from threats, and it only heightens in a dark, loud place full of plastoid and spirits. Of course, if Wolffe happens to be on shore leave and invites him for a rare night out, he'll accept. But don't expect him to have more than two drinks the entire night - or for that rigid posture to loosen up while he's there. He saves that for later when he can finally, finally take his armor off and slip into his bunk. If he could have it his way, he'd have Wolffe over for a long nap and a few hushed laughs before one or both of them has to return to duty.

He's a certified overthinker. Like almost to the point it could be labeled obsessive-compulsive if he ever talked to Nala Se about it. He knows it would probably qualify him for "retirement." He understands it's not the norm for most of his brothers, and he's actually very grateful they don't have to experience the nagging intrusive thoughts he seems to battle with often. He checks on his brothers when the sudden creeping feeling that one of them might be hurt arises, he routinely asks about the condition of The Chancellor's wellbeing if he happens to be further from him than usual, and he craves symmetry and order almost to a haunting degree. He once spent an hour staring at his own bucket to make sure the red strokes of paint were just right.

It's safe to say this man cannot stand a lack of control. This piggybacks off the prev point; it drives him up the wall not knowing what is going on at all times. He asks for check-ins from his men every quarter hour, works longer hours than even a Kaminoan would recommend, and has no idea what to do when he's given time off. He doesn't know what it means to unwind. His muscles are constantly wound tight like a snake prepared to strike, and he often grinds his teeth without thinking. The headaches he gets would be unbearable if it weren't for his medics dutifully looking out for the commander.

He secretly feels anxious when he hears whispers from Senators, Jedi, or his brothers about the work some politicians are doing to set up a plan for the Clones after the war. He doesn't know what else he is other than a soldier. He's too high-strung to go off and be a gardener or a tattoo artist like he's heard some brothers talk about. One day Stone makes a quip that he'd be a good zoologist, and he admittedly finds himself daydreaming about working with nonjudgmental animals instead of people who did nothing other than cast judgment. Coruscant certainly wouldn't work for that, which drives another unpleasant nail of fear into his heart. He'll have to work through plenty of knots surrounding his attachments if he is to ever let himself leave. For now, he's satisfied to dream about it when he gets a quiet moment in his bunk.

For all the Clones, their bunk is practically the only private space they have. Fox's quarters, though some might expect them to be ship-shape and spotless, is decorated in a way that can only be described as his. Weapon leaflets are kept on a board near the door, just above a small desk cluttered with a mixture of endless paperwork and small seedlings given to him by Senator Chuchi after he'd escorted her on a particularly daring mission. She claimed they'd grow into vitamin-rich leafy greens he could ingest. His armor is always kept neatly if it isn't on him, prepared to be worn at a moment's notice. His bed, of course, is the safest, most private spot in his quarters. Some would describe it as a mess, and if he ever heard whispers of a routine check for contraband, he'd straighten out the sheets and ensure no wrinkles could be seen; he had no desire to be perceived as a slob. Most of the time, he prefers to have the blankets fluffed up around him; there's something so gratifying about being surrounded by softness and the comforting smells of himself and the people he treasures most. He has a favorite cloth he nuzzles close to when particularly stressed, which had been given to him by Alpha before he'd left for Coruscant. The scent is faded and weak, but what's left of it combined with the texture is enough to help him drift into unconsciousness.

[justajsworkshop]

TURNING WATER TO WINE: thoughts on waiting & instant manifestation.

ok, so i've been talking to one of my christian friends about waiting. whenever i talk to her, i tend to filter things through a more christian perspective, which is often useful for me because it helps me look at these concepts from different angles.

anyway, what i was telling her was how there's a lot of religious teachings out there that promote waiting on divine timing, and people tend to equate "being patient" with waiting endlessly without making a fuss, especially if you are suffering, aching, or hurting. because that's what patience often looks like from a human point of view, but what does patience look like from a divine point of view?

she added that people often work to rationalize the "why" behind their waiting because they don't understand god's timing. this is when we get arguments for "his mysterious ways" and the like. as you and i know, this only adds to the wait because in doing so, one lobbies for his waiting by rationalizing it; i.e., he advocates for or affirms the perceived separation between himself and that which he desires.

i was telling her that jesus didn't say "lazarus, come out," and everyone waited for 10 years for the guy to walk out of the tomb. he didn't say "fill these jugs with water then wait three weeks to see if it's going to happen or work." jesus didn't tell the paralytic to walk, but be patient and don't complain because it would come one day if he prayed (affirmed) hard enough.

in the depiction in the chosen, the paralytic was waiting at the pool of bethesda for twenty-five years, but when jesus asked him if he wanted to be healed, and he finally answered "yes" (implicitly), jesus told him, "pick up your mat and walk." and he immediately stood on two feet.

god's promises are instant. and i know you're probably sick of hearing "manifestation/shifting" is instant, but bear with me here. because i think there's a lot that can learned when things aren't instant.

the israelites were only wandering the desert for 40 years because of "disobedience." (putting in quotes here because it's not what you think from the human pov, i promise.) god continually told them exactly what to do through moses, and when they didn't heed his word, they experienced delay after delay after delay. the pool of bethesda was a pagan site where the person who reached the water first (when the waters were stirred and "activated") was healed, and as you can imagine, this incited a lot of cutthroat competition among people there.

what do these two stories teach metaphysically? that when i continue to sin (i.e., miss the mark) by not identifying with my ideal, i will experience delay after delay after delay. when i worship false idols, like separation, lack, loss, failure, and external conditions, i will be waiting around for eternity for things to be just right, for appearances to perfect themselves for me, etc.

having patience doesn't mean being willing to wait and "affirm and persist" to the point of suffering. if you're in this place, i actually recommend you stop. because god's timing is always now since, from the divine perspective, now is all there is. if you're agonizing through this seemingly endless wait, it means you're missing the mark, and this is a GOOD THING to identify because you can now be open to being corrected—but not by whatever so-in-so says on YT or tumblr or twitter. be open to be corrected by the divine self.

slow down. take a break. get some mental distance from all this manifesting business, and when you're in a place of greater mental clarity, sincerely ask the god-in-you: what am i not seeing? what do i need to shift? what false idols am i putting my belief in? how am i missing the mark? or simply, what am i doing wrong? (if that last question doesn't trigger too much shame in you.)

instead of pouring all your trust, belief, faith, energy, and awareness into everyone else's words, seek your own—your divine self.

you will receive the answer. because god's promise is to experience the goodness of the lord here in the land of the living. ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open. if you approach it with an open heart, god will not turn his face from you, for he is you, and you are him.

and when you receive that answer, take it to heart, and by the renewing of your mind, you will be able to test and approve of god's will. because god's will is your perfect, total fulfillment right here and now. not in 40 years. not in 25 years. not after 10 billion affirmations. now. god wants your victory, your glory, your fulfillment right here and now. how could god want anything else when you are god? your desires are one and the same because you are one and the same.

patience from a divine perspective is knowing. it's awareness. when you know, you are patient because there is nothing you're waiting on. it all just is. to be patient is to know is to be aware is to be you—the true you. to be patient from the divine perspective is to simply be god.

so, if you're waiting to the point of suffering, it just means you're over-identifying with your human self and the human perspective of time, separation, needing to effort to receive, or some other human notion. fortunately, the "fix" is easy, and jesus gave it to us in the sermon on the mount: seek first the kingdom of god and his righteousness. ask the god-in-you for correction, insights, and redirection, and all you need will be added unto you, including necessary wisdom and perspective to unify you with your desires.

your desires are god's desires, so you can trust the god-in-you to straighten out your human mess because you're on the same side. you and god want the same thing because you are the same thing.

greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world. when you see yourself as one with the source of all, you cannot lack, you cannot lose, and you cannot be without. god's will is for you to have it all. and if you're experiencing anything BUT that, check with your inner self to see what's up. they'll point you in the right(eous) direction. pinky promise.

—j out.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

What if Nightmare trys to convince Killer they are equally toxic as a way to manipulate him?

After Killer did something, Nightmare would say something like "this is why no one else would ever except you" or something more specific depending on what would happen

He'd use this to isolate Killer even further than just trafficking him

And this could lead to Killer developing Stockholm Syndrome because Nightmare is making it seem like they're equally toxic, implying they're equals and making Killer think that if he really REALLY deep down wanted to, he could leave, when he actually can't

Sometimes i think my moots are more evil than me.

It wouldn’t be hard to make him believe this at all. He’s so easy to guilt trip when he’s in Stage 1–easy to emotionally manipulate. Break him down and convince him of this, which wouldn’t be hard to do at all, then he’d passively accept it. In Stage 2 he might act in ways that only reaffirm to keep him in cycle of guilt and self sabotage due to outside manipulation.

Killer doesn’t have a stable, coherent sense of self. It’s hard to think objectively about himself when the type of abuse he goes through breaks down critical thinking and the ability to think independently and objectively. The lack of ability to access much emotion in Stage 2 greatly impacts Killer.

He will probably accept that he is equally as toxic as Nightmare passively, in a resigned way. “Yeah, makes sense” way. He’d probably internalize the idea, people’s opinions of him as fact in Stage 1 and may externalize and act and behave the way that aligns with what others say is true in Stage 2. Creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

(Such as that one ask where someone said, “after all the monsters you killed, you can’t bring them back, you can’t be good.” Something like that. And Killer’s (st2’s) response was “It’s not my fault they are weak.” It aligns into his worldview that there’s no point in trying to be better or to change.)

It’s not like he can really trust his judgment on these things. His self perception is eroded and sense of reality is fragmented, as is his sense of self—and so, of course, he has been conditioned to rely on others (such as abusers) for a sense of self worth or reality. It doesn’t help that he has to mold himself to meet expectations for perceived survival or avoidance of suffering/inconvenience/or in Color’s case, abandonment—“I’m whatever you want me to be.”

And yeah, this does mean he accepts things like degradation as fact when it comes from those ‘above’ him —even if it’s intended to be playful.

Even if he knew it was playful, he’d doubt it because he can’t tell if it’s real or not, that it was actually supposed to be a joke. He’d need reassurance, he’d never ask for it—mostly because he’s unlikely to feel any hurt by it, it just is what it is.

He wouldn’t be able to access any hurt or guilt or shame about this idea like he could if he were in Stage 1–if he did feel any (especially if the insult came from someone like color), he’d probably try to repress or dissociate from it.

Stage 1’s fear, guilt, and shame would keep them trapped—may even cause him to try and push away people like Color or the cats out of fear of doing to them what Nightmare does to him. What he “does” to Nightmare when in Stage 2. Of being abusive towards the two most important people in his life.

{ @largefound }

[animegirl3476]

Another day, another discourse comparing and contrasting Shoya and Shoko’s relationship in A Silent Voice with Katsuki and Izuku’s relationship in My Hero Academia.

At the end of the day, you’ll never get a 1:1 comparison with these two cases due to the fact that 1) They belong to vastly different genres, 2) One is far longer than the other and 3) One is a grounded character drama and coming of age tale.

But…

I think that A Silent Voice provides a fairly good basis for judging the way MHA handles the relationship development of two characters, where one used to bully the other and an arc of atonement occurs. More importantly, comparisons to A Silent Voice highlight the shortcomings of Katsuki and Izuku’s relationship development and allows me to understand and actually communicate what I don’t like about the way the story handles it.

In my opinion, what sets these two stories apart in the way they handle the atonement arcs of their respective bullies is the way they portray consequences. The big “C” word tends to elicit a hostile reaction from certain fans, who assume that your idea of consequences must necessarily involve the bully character being gratuitously punished and made to suffer as retribution for their past actions. But a consequence is just the “result or affect of an action or condition” and can range in severity, it can have many different effects.

A Silent Voice uses social consequences to prompt change from its main character. Shoya’s bullying results in him being shunned by his classmates and friends, and the story goes to great lengths to show how his actions not only hurt his victim, but that they also hurt people he cared about. His mom has to reimburse Shoko’s mom for the damaged hearing aids (when she is already short on money) for example. Furthermore, the knowledge of his past is something that impacts the way others perceive him, and that change in perception is essential to his arc.

More importantly, A Silent Voice makes it clear to the viewer/reader that despite Shoko generally being a kind and forgiving person, the bullying still hurt her deeply enough to leave a long lasting impression. Shoko is receptive to Shoya’s will to change, but the story doesn’t ignore that Shoko suffered greatly and that the bullying made her sad, frustrated and even angry. Her negative emotions are not overshadowed by her desire to see Shoya become a better person.

The thing that holds me back from enjoying Katsuki and Izuku’s relationship development is the lack of consequences Bakugou receives for his bullying (which is directly connected to the way the narrative denies Izuku both agency and introspection) The hard truth is that Bakugou faces little to no consequences for his past behaviour, and one would think that such a topic would have to be brought up at some point because, ya know…he goes to a hero school. A HERO school, a place where people train to be role models, help people on a large scale and protect those who cannot protect themselves.

The first scene we see with Bakugou depicts him as the opposite of a hero. A mean bully who beats up people weaker than him, and this is emphasized by the fact that he targets Izuku, who has no means of defending himself. Despite this, he gets into UA, which isn’t necessarily a problem because it communicates a major flaw in the system that cultivates heroes (Overlooking certain problematic traits in favour of innate talent and strength) BUT, the information that he used to be a bully never comes up among his classmates in any major or lasting way. We saw his classmates, and even his new friends discuss or think about how much they abhor bullying. The students of class 1A do not like it when people abuse their strength to pick on those weaker than them…yet that never seems to connect back to Bakugou’s past as a bully.

This issue is exacerbated by the lack of attention given to Izuku’s side of the story. In stories that involve the atonement or redemption of a bully, it is CRITICAL that the victim’s side of the story is treated as something equally important to the bully’s side. It’s not something that can just be overshadowed by the bully’s side, it must be focused on in order for the atonement arc to work.

It’s disappointing that Izuku lacks the introspection that Katsuki gets, and very unsatisfying that it effectively lets Katsuki off the hook for literally every bad thing he’s ever done. The ways the bullying might’ve impacted Izuku for the worst is hardly ever discussed because every time the narrative approaches the topic, it always pivots to Izuku praising Katsuki for the things he did right. This is a big problem, because it silences any discussion that focuses on Izuku’s feelings and shines the spotlight on Katsuki instead.

Before I end my little tangent, I also feel the need to say this: Pointing to any instance of Katsuki’s suffering throughout the series IS NOT EVIDENCE OF CONSEQUENCES! Any bad thing will happen to Katsuki and people will proceed to say: “SEE?! Did you see that?? Katsuki HAS faced consequences! How can you say that he never faced consequences for his actions? Why do you want him to suffer?” It’s so disingenuous and it’s a terrible argument that refuses to criticize the text.

[omarolluks]

My Boy Builds Coffins:

this is by no means coherent or complete or worth much of anything necessarily but my mind has been ensnared by that sad and deeply fuckable little vampiric elf...

explicit (18+), 2300 words, edited blearily / blood [mild], allusions to trauma and abuse, masturbation, existentialism below:

“…Shit.” You looked up at him beneath heavy eyelids, but your gaze lacked any type of grogginess. Instead, a frenetic flicker of movement, so quick it gave off a fuzzy distortion of almost-stillness, flooded your eyes. It vibrated with that wild magic he’d seen from you maybe twice before in the midst of battle: woven steadiness cracking into fissures and bursting forth a strangely compelling chaos. As you registered it was him above you, those eyes stilled as if they perceived no threat before them. The realization made his mouth dip even further into dryness and his tongue prickle: you didn’t see him, with bared fangs uninvited above the pulsing arteries of your neck and hand hovering over the light and delicate broken sword tattooed on the center of your throat, as a threat? He was torn between barking out an offended laugh and cowering away in confusion. Your tent felt as if you both had transported to the middle of a primeval forest, surrounded on all sides by stones more lichen than rock and damp undergrowth.

“It’s not what it looks like” burst forth from his mouth to try to dissipate some of the heady air. Fuck his stupid tongue: what else could it possibly be? “I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I just needed, well… blood” Perfect, absolutely splendid, entirely assuring Astarion, no directorial notes in the slightest… the voice in his head spat out with bitter derision. He tried not to think of the slick and regally vampiric accent that complimented the words, so different from his own pattern of speech. You were still looking at him, in that way you did, the judgement which should’ve bloomed in your irises absent and instead replaced with cavernous curiosity. It extricated words from his mouth unbidden and less bridled: “I don’t normally feast on people, as animals usually suffice for my lifestyle in the city. But what with all the Illithid kidnappings, brain-eating tadpole harboring, and gallivanting around the wilderness, they simply aren’t… cutting it at the moment” and the depths of those eyes in front of him plunged impossibly further, with a look of what he might call sympathy or concern if he believed someone possible of feeling such things as those for the abject creature he just revealed himself to be. “I hoped that thinking blood would help me be stronger, more capable of fighting and helping the group when needed.” The last sentence wasn’t untrue, but it wasn’t the whole of it. A wall between his mind and his mouth prevented admission of the fact the conversation between the two of you earlier, your vulnerability, had caused a scent so enticing to emanate from your person, like the slow cooking of a meal over a fire made of juniper wood—hot and simmering—flooding him and exacerbating his deep-bellied hunger. Your response carried up toward him, gravelly from exiting the heavy not-quite slumber of elven meditation: “That’s alright, Astarion. But why didn’t you tell… me.” He noted the way you seemed to interrupt yourself from asking why he didn’t tell the group as a whole before responding: “I… well, most people don’t respond with a welcoming invitation to come inside and stay a while, do they? I wanted to be safe, and I wanted you to trust me.” Your eyes widened delicately at the mention of safety and trust, and you responded, “I do. I believe you.” The plainness of your phrasing, complimented by the still-lingering husk of exhaustion in your voice would’ve had him exhaling a sharp breath if he hadn’t spent two-hundred odd years conditioning away indications of weakness. “Thank you,” and his mouth blossomed again with exsanguination. Pushing his luck, he asked: “Do you think you can trust me a little further? I only need a taste, I swear.” It felt like an eternity from when the words left his lips, and your head nodded gently in acquiescence. Anticipation seeped through his extremities: “Well then… let’s make ourselves comfortable, shall we?”

You rolled your strong shoulders back to rest flush against your bedroll, and his eyes drifted momentarily to the way your chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. He lowered himself above you, keeping his movement measured and smooth as if he might startle you into realization of what you were offering: open access to your neck and the roiling life barely contained beneath your skin. You blinked steadily and showed no sign of objection, so he maneuvered himself almost perpendicular to your body. His lower half rested away from your flesh, knees and hips hovering above the floor of your tent in an attempt to make you feel less caged. With no rebuke presented, he steeled himself as the tip of his nose grazed the curvature of your throat. Scent and heat drew him inward and his lips retracting without conscious effort to reveal the inhuman point of his fangs. The air pulled tight like the string of a short bow and then snapped. He punctured your flesh and thick rivulets of blood sprung fresh and willing into his mouth. Your eyes fluttered shut and he was grateful; he was unsure he possessed the level of deception he would need to undercut the way his pupils blew black and eyes rolled back into his skull. You inhaled a shaky sigh that he felt flush your blood cool. The moan that rumbled from him was animalistic and he tried to muffle it by further pressing into your neck, an unexpectedly totalizing decision. Gods the fucking taste of you: a branch plucked from a blackberry bush, taken in its entirety from root to tip between his eager lips as his teeth scraped wet soil and wood and greenery and plump fruit into his waiting mouth—peppery and humid and earthy and dry and salty and vegetal and tart and faintly sweet and fuck he wanted to be subsumed by it. Years of rats and bugs and a constant gnawing of a never-quite sated thirst dissipated at the beckoning of your honey-hot blood down his throat. He hadn’t even known he was parched until this moment: it addled his brain with a sensation that could only be described as consumptive. Through the fog of satiation, arousal clawed petulantly to the surface, intermingling with hunger and thirst and he felt himself swell and firm like molten iron reconstituting its hardened shell. The feeling drove him to slake a long pull of blood from you. In the murky cloud of his hedonism, he felt your arms tense under him, seemingly fisting into the earth below in an attempt to brace yourself. Uninvited panic overtook him: what if you pulled away, what if you took this salve from him before he was healed? The thought drove his fangs further into you and a hand flew to his head, wrapping in his curls and tugging firmly. He nearly moaned again, willing the motion to be an invitation rather than revoke. But a second tug and a weakened whimper of his name paired with the stuttering skip of your pulse cut to the core of his thinking mind. The panic reemerged stronger and more insistent: if he drained you now, he would never taste you again.

The release of his mouth from your flesh produced an obscene sound. It caused his cock to twitch violently and he nearly growled with a desire to lunge back to the place he so clearly wasn’t meant to leave. His addled mind produced an uncharacteristically honest tongue: “That was… amazing” voice blissed out and dipping breathily at the end. Sense came back in fits and bursts, and he became acutely aware of the state of him: a sheen of sweat seemed to cover every inch of his skin, his shirt askew and soil stained, and his cock was almost painfully hard resting against the hypersensitive flesh of his lower torso. And then there was you. He could hardly stand to look at you: your eyes closed as if even the faint moonlight might blind you, your soft and moist lips parted with gulping breaths, your dirt coated fingers, and a strange combination of pallor and flush all at once. He stood and angled himself away from your line of sight in case the strength and will to move returned to your eyelids. “Are you alright?” he asked, the low pitch of his voice startling against his ears. A gentle ghost of a smile settled against your pretty mouth, and you gave him another soft nod, lashes still grazing the darkened flesh of your under-eyes: “Fine… I promise.” The rocky whisper, strangely gentle, stuck a chord that seemed to reverberate deep in his core. You still hadn’t opened your eyes, but you seemed to be steadying. He chanced a look over you one more time and the way your body opened up in dazed and relaxed lethargy unbalanced the stability he had regained. He had to leave now or he’d be back at your throat: “As invigorating as you are, I need something more… filling.” You rolled to your side and curled easily in on yourself and the gentle mundanity of the motion pushed one last admission from his usually unwilling mouth. “This is a gift, you know. I won’t forget it.”

Despite his roguish affinities for silent and undetected retreat, leaving camp without alerting any others was proving almost insurmountable. Every synapse of his brain fired off intense pings of electricity, his pleasure center a lightning rod. Thinking blood heightened his senses, to be sure, but tuning into such sensitivities was another beast entirely. Rather, they all collided in a distracting cacophony: the taste of you on his tongue, your blood roaring in his ears, the lingering feeling of you twitching and letting out soft breaths on his neck, his body more alive than it had felt in centuries. You. By some greater power he found himself in the woods far enough away from camp, surrounded by quiet. He had hoped it would lull him, calm him down enough to hunt; instead, the absence around him exacerbated his sensitivity. He could still smell you on him and he felt the weight of his erection and the phantom of your hands grasping into the ground and into him. Without conscious thought he thrust his own hand into his trousers, hissing at the wrought sensitivity and the eager moisture leaking from his cock. Gods, he couldn’t think straight, sanguine flares of you crackling inside him with undiluted feeling.

In all the events since being abducted, this was the strangest. The heavy cloud of need, of desire, of yearning for fucking release. It made his head spin: he couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually wanted. But gods did he want, the coil of him wound tight and eager. He began to stroke his cock, gathering up the liquid that spilled in eager and anticipatory bursts and shuddering violently. The sensation radiated from between his in hips low rolling pulses. This was foreign. He didn’t perform pleasure for his own means or fulfillment. Pleasure was a set of thieves’ tools in his hands, manipulated with assurance and without second thought. It was a weapon and over time it began to harm him more than any target it was directed at. But this was like coming up from air after being numbed in an ice-cold river. The thought of you—with your blood and your hands and your eyes and your breath—wrapped around him like a woolen blanket warmed by a fireplace and he felt… the words alluded him. He simply felt. Tremors ran through his tautly wound musculature, each one thrumming and causing him to twitch. He wanted to run from the feeling. He wanted to run toward it. He was prone from the totality of it all.  Gods he had missed this, how was it possible it’d been near two centuries since he felt so alive in his body. And what if it’s taken away, what if it all vanishes and he goes stone cold again, dulled to any sort of… anything. The anxiety of potentially losing this, losing the self he was only just starting to find traces and fragments of, swirled inside him. Amidst shakily drawn breaths, one particularly firm pull on the head of his cock steeled his resolve: if this was all he would get, if he were to awake back in the kennel, the tadpole and the nautilus and your kindness at his knife against your neck a dream, he wanted to have this instant. A stolen moment, pocketed for no one but himself. All he could do was piston his hand aggressively up and down the length of himself: he felt like steel under his pale fingertips. From his tightly pulled base through to the tip, each movement licked him with building and building and building pressure. He worried he might snap. What would be left of him if he did? But gods, his eyes slammed shut as the pressure peaked. Burned on the inside of his eyelids was your face. Open and so very willing. Unafraid of the creature above you and bared without hesitance to his hunger. Twisting near painfully on the head of his dick, he bit out a primal growl and spilled hot across his hands and the forest floor. It was painful. It was delicious. It was nothing. It was everything. After several harsh clenches of his abdominal muscles, he slouched against the cold mossy boulder behind him. His mind and body stilled excepting a few muscles not yet resolved to the vibration of it all. The bliss surrendered to a sort of tired mania: He had broken a rule. He had broken the first rule. Your blood on his tongue was stigmata. And it had made him feel… good. Alive.

[fmet]

I always go back to that moment in 206 when Eunyung has just left his family home for the last time and he calls out to Haejoon and Juwan, but there’s no answer. They had to leave, and Eunyung realized that for however long, he had been experiencing that confrontation with his dad (and mother) essentially without allies. Everything that he had done and said, with the perceived security of knowing there were people in the other side of that door who could hear them, was suddenly reassessed under a vulnerable and isolated lens, rather than a secure and supported one. He soon learns afterward that they were forced to leave by security because they were accused of loitering, but the gap in time that he probably spent thinking they left of their own free will while he was facing off his parents isn’t something that can be easily coped with.

Eunyung “saved” himself from his parents, and it wouldn’t have been as immediately liberating as it had been for him if someone else had forced that separation. But the adjacent people in his life that he (at least previously) saw as a support network and frame of reference for normal/abnormal relationships are just as invaluable as his own introspection and bravery during this arc.

His being taken care of by Juwan and Haejoon, where he has soup bought for him and he’s chauffeured around; his conversation with Marie, where he gets to witness the ramifications of domestic abuse as an outsider; and the countless conversations he had with Haejoon over this arc, where Haejoon insists to him that what he was and is going through is abnormal. By getting to sympathize with a fellow abuse survivor and by growing adjusted to having people like Haejoon advocate for him, he develops the beginning of an expectation that he can be understood and supported by these people. Not only that, but that he should be, or at least it’s something that he should strive for when given the opportunity. This perceived support ultimately culminated in him being able to say the things he did to his dad. He was the one who took that final step, there’s no denying the courage he displayed doing what he did, but it would have been impossible for him to focus this courage into a clear and aspired effort without getting a glimpse of what he had been missing growing up: predictable love and empathy.

Emphasis on predictable, because from what we know of Eunyung’s home life and the people that have supported him in the past, every ounce of love and grace he received was conditional and temporary. His abuse being unpredictable, the people who loved and supported him frequently withdrawing when they realize that he’s an actual person with idiosyncrasies and needs, and that advocating/caring for him takes real effort, and the defensive mindset needed to grow up in an abusive household would have warped his view of people’s rejection or acceptance regardless. Learning to expect that Juwan and Haejoon would be there when he needed them to be isn’t just unexpected of Eunyung: it’s juxtaposed to everything that he’s learned growing up on the streets. It’s probably only his being younger (i.e., more capable of change) that granted him the flexibility to expect care from someone again.

So, the realization that Haejoon and Juwan weren’t there when he thought they were dramatically shifted his perspective on their support, Haejoon’s in particular. Just after beginning to develop this alien expectation, something happens that allows him to dismiss it. Relying on these people in an emotional way has to be done very carefully, sparingly, in his mind, because at any moment, whether by freak chance or someone’s own animosity, lack of caring, etc, it could be ripped away from him. Similar to the unpredictablility of his father and mothers behavior, he approaches other people’s emotional states with the same fleetedness. If he can’t understand the way people think, if he can’t guarantee he’ll always be able to abide by their guidelines for humane treatment, or, now, if in Haejoon and Juwan’s case, he thinks his nature is incompatible with theirs, he will deliberately withdraw himself from them.

The same way he continues to reminisce and hold onto the haunted dorm as the visage of a fleeting home environment, he considers emotional homes such as Haejoon with that same impermanence. Only now, with concrete “proof” that it isn’t permanent, with Haejoon and Juwan not being there when Eunyung thought they would be, it’s much easier to distance from that emotional home as a way to protect himself. The title of “emotional home” can even be ascribed to inanimate objects and concepts: his childhood passion for theatre, his talent in cooking, his hairstyle. So many of the things he holds dear he is also deathly afraid of having. Having to decide between deprecative abstinence, fearing even more having lost it after experiencing it firsthand; versus reckless overindulgence, after experiencing loss in the past and thus losing the emotional sincerity he carries for something; summarizes a lot of his behavior, and it can especially be seen in the current arc. He holds off on signing up for theater until he’s racing against the clock (221), he deliberately distances himself from Haejoon and Juwan because he doesn’t consider himself as “adjusted” of a person as they are; but robs bald HR teacher dry when he takes him to eat and laughs at his efforts to connect with him. The latter being juxtaposed to his middle school-selfs response, because prior trauma from his middle school teacher jaded him to the concept of adults, and especially teachers, advocating for him unconditionally.

Eunyung’s deliberate absence from Haejoon’s life is both in his efforts to protect Haejoon’s body and to protect his own. In that same light, his hesitance in following his passions, while inadvertently mocking the systems of support he’s been betrayed by previously (teachers, parents, etc) are all in efforts to protect himself emotionally. If he never fails after trying, if he dismisses all outreach as insincere, if he’s never reminded of what he’s lost and how it hurt him, he doesn’t have to be hurt again. It looks like with the rest of this “Eunyung Baek Again” arc, we’ll probably witness more proof of this fleeting view of support/commiseration via this middle school teacher, portrayed in how he treats his high school HR teacher now. In the opposite vein, trying to actualize his passion for theatre (and being successful in doing so), seeing new and old people in his life advocate for him, and maybe even acknowledging that his HR teacher could be looking out for him, are just a few of the many details that could begin to deconstruct his emotional lines of defense. I’m not caught up with the spoiler chapters, but I hope (and really believe) that this will be the case.

[lemonhemlock]

i just think it's ironic how critical stark fans are of the targaryens like robb and dany are veryyy similar and the first men are colonizers too lol

i think robb should be criticised more for his lack of policies and political foresight and planning when it comes to his independence project, but robb did not resort to sacrificing people to acquire fire-breathing monsters or to torturing people to get his way. he didn't set out to conquer lands. he became king in the north and king of the trident not because he conquered the north or the riverlands, but because they pledged themselves to him. there IS a difference between them

you can agree with northern independence or not but the reason robb called his banners and rose up in the first place was because the de-facto monarch was unjustly imprisoning his father, then executed him without a fair trial, thus breaking the feudal contract (coincidentally, the same reason the targaryens were rightfully deposed). then ofc came stannis' letter casting doubt on joffrey's paternity

honestly a fair line of questioning that might even betray authorial bias is, in a series that puts so much emphasis on the dangers of magic and the HIGH price associated with it, why does robb (and the rest of the starks) get the luxury of being soul-bonded to a magical fierce beast (that comes to them without making any nefarious trade), but dany can only access dragons via committing horrifying acts? imo this could very well be a weak point in the thematic consistency of the series

as for the first men, yes, they were colonizers. so were the andals. they are also dead. the process of ethnogenesis (an often violent process, yes) resulted in the westerosi people. what are they to do about it now? they're just regular people living their lives, not wanting to be brutalized, too, by other foreign invaders like dany will bring, not wanting to fight in any more pointless wars.

is that not a valid request or desire they might have for themselves or do they have to pay indefinitely for the crimes of their ancestors by having the same thing done to them?* does it just go from invasion to invasion until the end of time? is colonization or conquest ok to do indefinitely because they have historical precedent? when does it stop?

from the westerosi point of view, the children of the forest don't even exist anymore, so even paying reparations is out of the question. though, who knows, maybe the series finale will address the issue of reconciliation, since WE know the children of the forest are still out and about

*and, before targstans come out of the woodwork, no, i do not hold dany accountable for things her ancestors did, i hold her accountable for the things SHE did. is it her fault her father became a tyrant? no. but her dynasty got rightfully deposed and that's that (see this post for a more in-depth answer: yes, even ~medieval political theorists believed there are conditions in which a population can rightfully rid themselves of tyrannical rule).

is that fair for dany on an individual level? well, how do you define 'fair'? is it fair that feudal lords own all the land and hoard the resources? or, better yet, why do you define "fair" only in relation to nobles, their wants and desires, the real or perceived injustices visited upon them. i understand that the series is high-born-focused escapism, ultimately, and that it won't end in this radical re-ordering of society or in a leveling of privileges across social spheres, but, for real, sometimes what's "good" for your favourite high-born character isn't good for the smallfolk! that's a basic enough idea we can stick to

[chaifootsteps]

the whole "I'd feel bad if I hurt you but we both know I didn't do that' is another bad line that goes unexamined a lot, I feel like?

first Stolas makes any remorse he might feel for cheating conditional then immediately says that they both know he didn't meet the conditions for him to feel bad. he basically implies that if she disagrees and says he did hurt her, she's lying and they both know it

presumably he thinks he didn't hurt her because they never loved each other but this is such a narrow idea of what matters?

his cheating was still a betrayal of the agreement they were both supposed to be upholding in the arranged marriage. it still causes damage to Via when they fight about it. it still hurts the family's reputation when it gets out to the rest of Hell.

but Stolas is so fixated on Stella never trying to love him that he decides the only hurt that would count here is if she loved him and he betrayed that. it's almost childish in how naive it is given that they were arranged and didn't like each other from day dot. did he expect Stella to just try to love him because they were forcibly married?

he gives this speech about trying to have this family and make it comfortable and it just sounds like he wanted her to LARP as his wife even when she didn't want to be and even when he says himself the only reason they were married was to have a child. Did he expect Stella to do much else outside of having Via? it's a pretty wild thing for Stolas of all people to say - he's a gay man, he should understand that love was never on the table to begin with.

the only other thing I can assume he wanted was for Stella to be nice to him, but it's not beyond the pale for her to be bitter about her lack of choices and freedom since he's the one with all the magic powers and money. the only thing she owed him was to not be verbally abusive, but that doesn't automatically absolve him of the damage the cheating did.

it'd be more honest if he acted like his cheating was just him getting his own back to spite her and hurt her, since that certainly seems to be what's actually the case the way he immediately gloats and rubs it in her face the morning after with the 'sound of a fucking divorce!' line (side note, that's also an annoying line read - something about how he delivers the swear word is very squawky)

idk, just given his track record I can totally imagine Stolas saying something like this to Blitzo down the line - some variant of 'I'd feel sorry if I did something wrong but you're being unreasonable so I'm not' or 'I'd feel sorry for breaking my promises but I shouldn't have to so shut up'. actually I can more than imagine it since he literally did this last episode - he tells Blitzo he doesn't look down on him, end of discussion, then when he goes back on his claim that of course he'd never go to the party, he pissily tells Blitzo 'come to judge me, have you?' like Blitzo doesn't have any right to do that

whenever he hurts someone he attaches a load of strings not only for him admitting he did something wrong, but for him even considering he did something wrong. otherwise he just decides them being angry with him means that they're the ones in the wrong and he'll get righteously indignant with them about it

It's been said before and will be said again, but it's devastatingly creepy how close Stolas's abuse playbook matches Vivzie's. This is exactly how she thinks and responds to people who she perceives as having wronged her.

[inamindfarfaraway]

It's so cool that the Viren-Claudia-Callum foil triangle each have a different approach to the "I would do anything for you" sentiment that they all define themselves by.

Pre-coma Viren doesn't fully mean it even when he believes he does. He says that his loyalty is to the best interests of his family and humanity, but as K'ppar points out in his dream, he keeps putting his own ambition and self-importance before anything else. He doesn't consider sacrificing his life for Harrow until Harrow brings it up. Even after that, he never once thinks of giving up the dragon prince's egg; the belief that the prince was killed is part of the reason the assassins are here and returning him to them might appease them, might at least make them spare Harrow's son, which the man Viren loves as a brother would obviously want. He orders Soren to kill the princes to guarantee Viren the throne. He orders Claudia to save the egg instead of Soren if she had to choose. Harrow, Ezran, Callum and his own child are not worth losing the power of Zym to his enemies for. He isn't willing to sacrifice his power or vision, his selfish interests, but is instead willing to sacrifice the people he loves, which is why he's evil. The promise is conditional. But what lets him redeem himself is that the love at the base of it really is unconditional. He still loves Harrow and genuinely expresses this in his dream, overwhelmed with relief when he appears to be alive. He still loves his children, even after all the horrible things he does to them and the lack of remorse he shows for those actions until his death. The coma reminds him of that enduring love, and makes him reevaluate how he dismissed it.

Claudia is the opposite. When she says she'll do anything for someone, she means it with everything she has. Herself, her moral integrity, other people's lives, the fate of the world - nothing is more important to her than her perceived responsibility to her loved ones. Including what her loved ones themselves want. But she can also change her mind about who she loves, at least enough to see them as against her rather than with her. Callum is her friend, until he isn't. Soren is her family, until he isn't and only Viren is worth protecting. Like her father’s did before her, her value of Soren’s wellbeing has been slipping from “That’s all that matters” to “That doesn’t matter!” People can be disqualified by opposing her desires and ideology. The promise is unconditional, but the love isn't.

And then you have Callum, who seems to have the best approach of the three. He means his promise when he says it and will never rescind it later on. His devotion is both absolute and everlasting. He will do anything for Ezran and Rayla, putting them before his own interests; and he would never consider them expendable. That's great! After all, having conditions of worth in relationships they don't belong in is bad. It leads to Viren and Claudia hurting, manipulating and betraying their family and friends, and such behaviour feels viscerally wrong. They're traitors. They're abusers. Those are serious crimes. Those labels are grievous insults meaning ‘Bad Person’. But unlike both Viren and Claudia, Callum doesn't have the arrogant belief that he always know best to warp his love into something self-serving. His genuine selflessness prevents him from ever becoming that kind of person. He does cut ties with Claudia, but only after she proves to be untrustworthy and have enduring harmful intent toward him, his brother and Rayla, so it's a perfectly reasonable boundary to set. His version of "I would do anything for you" just makes him caring and heroic. Right?

Until you realize that technically, if he had to kill everyone else on the continent in order to save Ezran and Rayla, all evidence from canon suggests that he would.

[blindbeta]

Ok i don’t know if you’re doing asks right now but I’d honestly like to ask about a character in a murder mystery/fantasy story I have and I’m not sure if they align with any negative blind stereotypes or if it’s something I should avoid altogether even if it’s not a stereotype.

To start, my character (let’s call him B) has JOAG (juvenile open angle glaucoma) and has tunnel vision. He also relies on a cane and braille. He also takes medication for his condition ( I was thinking carbonic anhydrase inhibitors or beta blockers but I still need to dig deeper into that.)

I was thinking of having a blind main character (and blind side characters too). He has a tsundere/ojo-sama personality (rude on the outside, sweet on the inside type of guy) and water powers. I know that there is a bit of a pattern with rude or defensive blind characters and I feel unsure about whether or not I should add that into my story. I thought of him being apprehensive of one of the other main characters because he doesn’t know them personally and isn’t a huge fan of change. He slowly warms up to the other character but he struggles to do so. He helps the rest of the other characters in solving the mysteries and tries to think as logically as he can but sometimes his bias slips in every now and then.

Onto his powers, I was thinking of him having the ability to control water. I was also think about having him have an interest in potion-making and his spell books being written in mostly braille because he relays on braille the most.

He has a few hobbies and interests such as going on picnics, siren singing/just singing in general, drinking tea and organizing his stuff. (Apologies if this is a lot, I love rambling about my characters lol).

That’s all I have for this character at the moment. I hope nothing in this ask was offensive or anything. You don’t have to answer this if something in this post came off as rude or offensive. Thank you for your time!!!

Avoiding Rude or Defensive Blind Characters— Explore It and Add More Blind Characters to Show Different Personalities

It sounds like everything is in order right now. The only concern I have is addressing the rude/defensive thing you brought up.

I’ll admit, I actually enjoy this type of blind character. It falls a bit into Disabled Snarker trope, which I love. I feel these characters tend to be viewed as having more agency than blind people are typically believed to possess.

It also allows us a bit of fantasy escapism.

Typically, blind people aren’t allowed to express the level of snark that these characters are. This is because we are expected to lack desires of our own, be excessively passive, and to not complain even when we are wronged. An example of this would be blind people being told they did something incorrectly when they are denied services, or were ungrateful when refuse help they don’t need.

Here is a video where Sadi on Tiktok laments her rideshare troubles caused by bigoted drivers. Link here.

Here is one where she discusses being grabbed by a stranger. Link here. And another where she expresses her frustration with the dismissal she faces when she speaks about being treated inappropriately. Link here.

Here is one by Tobes, who describes accidentally running into cars that are parked on the sidewalk and being scolded for it despite that fact he had no reason to believe a car would be parked that way. Link here.

We are often considered rude because of ableism. Additionally, we often have to be stern and stubborn just to get through the day and this can be perceived as rude by others.

You could have him use this attitude in areas other than blindness or only when provoked in an obvious way. Having a cool attitude that others find intimidating or unapproachable might be a way to go about this.

Or he could still put someone in their place for being ableist and this actually might be a refreshing fantasy for a lot us who can’t always call out ableism the way we want to. To me, people are going to think blind people are rude no matter what we do. This means most of us, especially those of us marginalized in multiple ways, are forced to police our tone or reactions in frustrating ways, even when someone is being harmful toward us or openly oppressive.

Sometimes it’s fun to see a blind character who responds in a way that is proportional to the ableism being directed at them.

I am not sure if you can go against this stereotype one your own, because again, some people will see blind people as rude no matter what. This is in direct opposition to the idea that blind people are all innocent beings without agency. These two opposing stereotypes of blind people are very strong and I know from experience that it is difficult not to be put into one of these boxes. He may deliberately display an aggressive attitude in an attempt to gain some agency over how he is perceived. Conversely, he might be defensive or rude about everything, while being chill about blindness stuff or even ableist attitudes. Instead, he could become colder, distant, or emotionally cut the ableist person off. He could also be like Toph and react to personal or structural ableism with jokes.

Basically, it’s good to be concerned about this, but I think commenting on/exploring it would be a better option. Subverting the trope is also challenging because it might accidentally cause him to be put into another box. Therefore, it might be more helpful to explore it for him personally, giving him more depth and challenging the idea that all blind people are naturally rude for “no reason. [Quotes around “no reason” to indicate sarcasm.]

Personally, I want to see blind characters having agency, depth, a community, and using mobility aids and blindness techniques. So I’m okay with this. The story might still benefit from a sensitivity reader or two though, and I’d love to read it myself. You can also try @sensitivityreaders

Lastly, having other blind characters would help challenge any stereotypes readers might have. In addition to showing his sweet side mentioned in the ask. Sorry I couldn’t give you a yes or no answer on this topic, but my personal go-to fix for stereotypes is always to show more blind characters. This allows you to show off more personality types of experiences around blindness.

Also JOAG can be painful if not caught early or managed properly. You seem to have done a good job of showing treatment options and different conditions. There will be a lot of medical stuff in his future/present, which means he has experience advocating for himself. This could also help explain why his attitude might seem rude or defensive to abled characters, in addition to the Rude Blind Person stereotype.

If any other blind or disabled folks have thoughts or suggestions, please share.

In closing, I don’t have any concerns with his powers. Also points for cane use!

Some parts of this ask might be relevant as well. Link here.

Hope this helps.

-BlindBeta