#the journey of the psyche

[shisasan]

[red-flagging]

💛 seb/lewis :-)

(kiss fic prompts!)

a little epilogue to rabbits are chasing :)

Lewis's flight lands at 8:02PM, which means that by 7:31PM, Seb is parked outside the airport arrivals door, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel and scanning the sky for approaching planes.

It's quite silly, getting here so early, but it's not as if there's much left to do at home. There's roast vegetables waiting in the oven, the cauliflower steaks that he started marinating earlier this morning chilling in the fridge. Mina and Ellie are safely ensconced in their duck coop with the heater turned on for the night. The sheets on the guest bed are freshly washed.

The car parked behind him starts up. Its headlights illuminate Seb's cabin. For a moment, he catches a glimpse of himself, harried and too-bright, in the rearview mirror. He scrubs his hands down his face. Christ. Get it together, Sebastian. He is a full 39 years old. Far too old to be getting the same jitters that he did the first time he invited a girl over at age 17, agonizing about what album to have playing when they came back to his room. Lewis is far too old for Seb to be doing all this. Lewis might not even be gay.

His phone buzzes. Seb nearly jumps out of his seat.

Lewis

just landed

getting my luggage now

hows it so freaking cold here

The inside of the car is already fogging up. When he'd asked Lewis to send dates he could come visit and Lewis had said just so you know the next few months are kind of crazy for me, Seb had expected late fall, maybe the holidays. Not the middle of slush season, when all the roads up the mountain have a 50/50 chance of being so muddy that they're undriveable.

Sebastian

I'm outside, in the blue Infiniti :)

He glances back up at himself in the mirror. The scab from where a wood chip caught the corner of his eyebrow while he was sanding the new planter box is almost healed over. His hair looks as good as it's ever going to. If Lewis asks whether he's been using conditioner, he's fucked.

It shouldn't feel like this. Seb beat Lewis to Senna's record, and Lewis still laughed at all his jokes the next season. Lewis watched Seb DNF twice in five races and still said in the media pen that he was waiting for the day Seb would be back up on the podium with him. When they inevitably auction off Lewis's Le Mans racesuit, it'll have to be with Seb's snot all over the front of it, because Lewis let Seb sob all over him and then laughed as he wiped sweat off of Seb's cheek with the sleeve. After all that – the fact that he's about to be in Seb's house for the next week shouldn't make Seb feel like he's standing in front of Lewis naked, without even the promise of a fast car or a good competition to distract Lewis from looking right at him.

His phone buzzes again.

Lewis

outside i think

Seb peers through the windscreen. Lewis – or rather, the blurry figure lugging a giant suitcase behind him that he assumes is Lewis – waves at him from the sidewalk. Seb flashes his lights at him twice.

The back door opens and Lewis's head, along with a burst of cold night air, pops in. "Hey," he says, a little breathlessly. "I don't think this is going to fit in the back."

It does, eventually, but not without a fight that involves Seb having to climb into the trunk alongside Lewis's suitcase and physically wrestle it into place while Lewis shoves from behind. They're both out of breath by the time they finally climb back in the front and slam the doors shut.

"You know, there are beds at the farm," Seb points out. "You didn't have to pack your own."

Lewis shakes his head, tugging off his gloves. His coat collar is turned up around his neck. He's wearing an an ear warmer headband, held in place by two butterfly pins. Every other bit of uncovered skin is pink, even with the heat in the car up at full blast. Lewis shoves his fingers in front of the vents and sighs with relief, closing his eyes. "Ugh, thank God," he says. He sounds exhausted. "Listen, you're lucky I fit everything into one." It sounds far less like a joke than Seb would hope. The fact that the fondness in Seb's chest still manages to outweigh the exasperation is probably a sign that Seb's beyond salvation.

"Next time I'll bring a trailer so you can fit your bathtub and toilet, too," he says, reaching for the keys. The engine purrs to life as he flicks the lights back on, then leans forward to scrub the worst of the fog off the windscreen. The thermometer on the dash says it's still 3 degrees outside. They might still be able to make it back before the slush freezes over. "Okay," he says, sitting back down and twisting around to reach for his seatbelt. "Ready to go?"

Lewis doesn't say anything. When Seb looks over, he's staring out the front window, playing with one of his rings.

"Lewis?" Seb asks.

Lewis's head jerks around. "Hm?" he says. "Oh. Yeah." He doesn't move to put on his seatbelt.

Seb frowns. Kills the engine so he can properly turn in his seat. "Lewis," he says. "Is everything –"

Lewis leans across the console and kisses him.

It's barely half a second. Seb still hasn't moved by the time Lewis sits back down on his side of the car.

"Uh," Lewis says, after a second. He clears his throat. "Sorry. I just – Shit. Sorry. The whole way over, all I could think about was – I had to get it over with before I chickened out."

He's fiddling with his rings again, but his eyes stay fixed on Seb's. His jaw is set. He still looks half-ready to bolt through the door behind him, out into the night.

"Well, you don't have to make it sound like taking your medicine, Christ," Seb says hoarsely, and drags Lewis back across the console to kiss him properly.

Lewis's lips are still cold. When Seb opens his mouth, Lewis sighs, pressing in closer with a soft sound that makes Seb want to go twenty years back in time and kick himself for not figuring out how to make Lewis make that noise sooner. His hands settle on Seb's wrists, holding him in place. Seb slides his own hands up, cradling the back of Lewis's head, to return the favor.

When he finally pulls away just far enough to catch his breath, Lewis follows him, close enough that their noses bump. His eyes are wide. This close up, Seb can see the dark circles under them more clearly.

He closes his eyes. Lewis is still there when he opens them.

"How long have you been awake?" he asks.

Lewis blinks. "What," he says. "Are you talking about."

"Sleep deprivation," Seb says. His heart is pounding hard enough that he feels it in his throat. "People start to get delirious when they're tired enough –"

"I was awake for 24 hours and I didn't kiss you at the end," Lewis interrupts, his eyes sharp and bright. "I'm not making the same mistake twice."

Seb opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He tries again. Still nothing.

"Fuck," he says, closing his eyes. "Okay. Okay." He drags himself back upright and reaches for the keys. "We can – tomorrow. But we should – you need to shower. And sleep." Lewis's hand settles on his leg. Seb rests his own on top of it; after a second, he squeezes Lewis's fingers gently. Lewis flips his hand over and laces their fingers together.

"Yeah," Lewis says. His thumb traces over Seb's knuckles. "That – tomorrow sounds good."

The slush crackles under the tires when Seb starts to move. Ahead of them, the headlights carve a path through the darkness. Lewis's hand is a solid, steady weight against his leg. "Okay," Seb says, to himself, to both of them, to no one. Lewis hums softly from his side of the car. He squeezes Seb's knee gently.

Seb closes his eyes for a second. "Okay," he says quietly. "Yeah. Let's go home."

[muppetjackrackham]

black sails has made me so insane that i started plotting out a 1980s band au with every major captain as the frontman of their own band and every band name is a reference to black sails or treasure island

[burnin0akleaves]

TEAR INTO

[wickjump]

yeah i can deal with intrusive thoughts. those are fine. ive learned to cope. intrusive DREAMS?? whole nother story. i have VISIONS. VIVID ONES. and that’s so much WORSE. “oh i have violent dreams too” youuu. don’t GET IT. im talking INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. anyway what the fuck was up with my nap cause that shit suuucked!!!!!

[toastybugguy]

say whatever YOU want about season 4 but when Lydia’s sat at the record player with tears in her eyes and she says “but if I have this thing… it’s gotta help someone..” that was a peak Teen Wolf character moment

[moonshynecybin]

I’m watching the Jerez 2015 post race press conference and I’m internally screaming cause what do you mean a reporter showed them a picture and asked them to explain it and then Marc like we can be like always off track like baby was blind sided so hard come Sepang.

that journo showing rosquez a photo of them sucking and fucking in parc ferme (the famous hip caress no less!!!!!!) like aww :,) you guys are friends (after vale made gay sex jokes about them all weekend.) while they are trapped at a press conference table unwittingly in the beginning throes of their historically contentious motorsports divorce. is so funny. valentino immediately saying I HAVE HIM. I HAVE THE IMAGE :D also very funny.

[fractal-unfoldment]

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment

Post-traumatic stress disorder of abandonment can range from mild to severe. It is a psychobiological condition in which earlier separation traumas can interfere with current life. You experience emotional flashbacks that flood you with anxiety in response to triggers that you may not consciously perceive, and this often leaves you with the overwhelming sense that you're no longer in control.

Signs and Symptoms

An intense fear of abandonment (overwhelming insecurity) that tends to destabilize your primary relationships in adulthood

A tendency to repeatedly subject yourself to people or experiences that lead to another loss and another trauma

Intrusive reawakening of old losses

Heightened memories of traumatic separations and other events

Conversely, complete or partial memory blocks of earlier events

Feelings of emotional detachment from past crises

Conversely, difficulty letting go of the painful feelings of old rejections and losses, which generate ongoing emotional conflict with your parents or siblings

Episodes of self-destructive behavior

Difficulty withstanding the normal emotional ups and downs of an adult relationship

Difficulty working through the normal levels of conflict and disappointment within a relationship

Extreme sensitivity to rejection

Tendency to emotionally or sexually shut down, but n ot be able to identify why

Difficulty naming your feelings

Difficulty feeling the affection and other physical comforts offered to you by a willing partner

A pendulum swing between fear of engulfment and fear of annihilation

A tendency to avoid close relationships altogether

Conversely, a tendency to rush into relationships and clamp on too quickly

Difficulty letting go because you have attached with emotional epoxy, even when your partner is unable to fulfill your needs

An excessive need for control, whether you're controlling towards others or overly self-controlled; a need to have everything perfect and done your way

Conversely, a tendency to create chaos by avoiding responsibility and procrastinating, and feeling out of control

A tendency to have unrealistic expectations and heightened reactivity toward others, creating conflict that can lead to alienation

A tendency to act impulsively without being able to put the brakes on, even when you know there could be negative consequences

A tendency toward unpredictable outbursts of anger

Source: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

[psychedrawstuff]

Inktober Day 11- Wander

[gingermintpepper]

Day 6: Iaso

Interpretation notes and trivia under the cut!

Okay the first thing I'm going to say is I know she has a criminal lack of jewellry but I really didn't want to draw all the little baubles 😭 She's also missing her headscarf but like,,, shh, it's fine. Actually her design her is very very loose - for example the back of her two scarves should be tucked into her belt, and they should be tied off in front before flaring out again beneath her belt. Also her belt should be clip on with a silver clasp instead of a tied off sash like the greek women HOWEVER, what if I just drew her barely clothed and completely a mess? Okay? Okay mwah mwah mwah. Me committing liberal fashion faux pas aside, I think Iaso is the first true "what the hell does she have to do with the story of Hyacinthus and Apollo" character I've introduced and that makes me very happy, get used to that it will happen again. As the second child of Asclepius, Iaso has spent her life supporting her mother and chasing her father's shadow. Machaon, her older brother, has never disliked the nomadic life their family leads, travelling from place to place, lending their aid where they can and healing whatever sick and afflicted they find but Iaso has only ever wanted to fix her family - to keep her mother happy and to make her father stay with them. When the opportunity comes for her to fix it all, of course she springs for it and rushes off on her own adventure, still that little girl chasing after her father's shadow. Determined, upbeat and kind of precocious, Iaso's the sort of girl to take her fate into her own hands, for better or for worse.

Some assorted trivia:

Has never met her grandfather and doesn't actually care much about being the granddaughter of the Radiant. The only members of her paternal family that she's familiar with are Artemis and Orpheus. Artemis because she frequented Asclepius' home when dealing with The Hippolytus Incident and Orpheus because all of the children, even the twins, know Uncle Orpheus.

Despite her skill with healing and ingenuity when it comes to administering and refining medicinal receipes, she doesn't want to be a doctor and very much wishes she had the freedom to be something else. Hasn't had time to have a hobby but she thinks she'd like horseback riding.

Extremely good runner and fantastic at concocting poisons. Surprisingly hardy and due to handling home affairs for so long as Epione was usually busy for long hours in the healing tent, can haggle and cook with the best of them.

Routinely pilfers a lot of the jewellry Machaon inherited from their father and is especially fond of the bronze snake anklet Asclepius wore on his wedding day. It was originally given to Machaon in the hopes that it would help him find a bride but considering Machaon hasn't yet told his father that he has no interest in such a pursuit, the boy passed the bronze snake to Iaso who wears it religiously. She even says a charm spell each day just in case she finds her special someone while on the road!

Thinks the current world without the Radiant is beautiful enough and that people will ultimately perservere even if the god of light never returns. She hopes her father can understand that divine matters should be left to the gods and that his priority should be the family he built with his own two hands and not his paternal family who can never seem to agree on anything.

Favourite colour is the greenish-yellow of olive oil, favourite season is the lingering fall. Her favourite food is her mother's menemen (without onion).

[petrow1tch]

They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands

[exdeputysonso]

Brad Dourif as Bernie Bethel | Psych (2011)

[hobbinch]

We just got to go rent DVDs from a physical store!! It was fun getting to ride that neural pathway again. And the store has thousands more movies than netflix could ever offer at once. The way it's curated kicks ass. Theres even an "OH SHIT!!!" shelf.

[dipperscavern]

hi i just wanted to let u know that weirdly ur cregan stuff has helped me characterize him really well. so thanks for getting erudite about the sex stuff i guess turns out it really does reflect the rest of his psyche

erudite.. your vocabulary is impressive. i fw it HEAVILY 🙏 anyways of course ! i’m glad i could help (?) in some way, even if it meant getting lewd about cregan starks breeding kink. we… we have fun here

[teacupballerina]

What about Aku specifically do you find so interesting?

Thought about giving a short answer, meme or even a link to an old FAQ post but if I'm not writing a big ass Aku essay then I'm dead.

The first thing we see about Aku is that he wants revenge for his past, and that, if fired upon with arrows, he will return them. Hateful, menacing, terrifying, towering over the tallest mountains. The castle he wants to burn to the ground is like a pile of blocks. Everyone who slights him will suffer.

We see why he is angry in his special origin episodes. I, too, would be angry if hunted by gods, attacked by my creator and left to rot with hatred while my brother has a nice childhood. To be silent and powerless for so long, and suddenly gain voice and strength only to have it torn away, must have been frustrating.

Then in the far future, we see a different side of Aku who, despite his evil deeds, is goofy, petulant and almost childlike in his ignorance of common sense. A derpy despot. A weird little troll! He has won, but he can't have the things he seems to actually want; He is literally incapable of getting them because he is so prone to self-sabotage. He doesn't hurt kids. He bargains with people. He apparently reads books and collects treasures out of genuine intrigue. He's even the first to extend his hand in his endless battle with Jack, offering a potential solution--a very far cry from the destructive tantrums he was introduced to us with.

The immortal Aku clearly changed with time, and one wonders if he was always so affable, if that side lay hidden beneath painful fresh wounds.

Did Aku feel the sting of the sword and remember being hunted? Jack is hated because he wields the sword, he is blessed by the gods that nearly killed Aku. It isn't even the sword that Aku truly hates, it's what the sword represents: trauma, pain, the threat of death. It's the divine bounty on his head, declaring that as long as he lives, he will live in fear of death.

Is Aku not what we are?

Are we not all wounded children in a body capable of killing one person with our hands, two more with bullets and millions with the push of a button? We aspire to be like Jack, but really, most of us are like Aku. We are lazy, complacent, probably a little too rude and wrapped up in our ego. We plaster our faces everywhere and want people to love it, to love us for our faces and the things that we do, even when most of those things are self-serving. And in the end, despite our best efforts, we will die, most likely small and afraid. Aku knows he lives on borrowed time, and he still doesn't change. He doesn't think he needs to, and no one else expects him to. But we know he's capable of it.

Aku is the futility of the human condition, personified. The worst of us...and some of the good, too.

There's an esoteric element of his appearance echoed across ancient civilizations, but a cuteness in its eyes-to-nose ratio that's expressive and endearing. There's the whole thing with the crossover element that adds a new layer onto his character. He steals every scene he's in. Perfectly casted with a once-in-a-generation legend. All while having one of the most perfectly engineered character designs by Tartakovsky and Rudish.

He's fun to write. Fun to draw. Fun to think about.

Sir, that's my emotional support treedog.

[solarpunkani]

Ok actually

Solarpunks/embroiderers of Tumblr

Howmst does one Start

Like I have a little kit but I have no idea how one would do a project after I finish with this Kit nor do I know what’s considered good for a Beginner to start on