#the girl posting

[blood-injections]

Got inspired by this post by @montypng to collect(infodump) all my little thoughts about the girl so here you go. Spoilers for ttlotfk comic ahead.

She’s such a tragic character to me. First of all. She has no name?? Like she lived with the Fab Four for however long and there’s no way they’d just fucking call her ‘the girl’ unless it was like. A placeholder until they found out who she is or until she chose her own killjoy name. But still theyd have a nickname for her like motorbaby which I usually have them call her in anything I write. But motorbaby is also just a general zone term so what then. Anyway I propose one of them nicknamed her Starchild or Stargirl because of how much she looked like Jet Star and it stuck.

Anyway before the Fab Four fall, despite living in what is essentially a postapocalyptic desert and definitely facing hardships she was always happy go lucky, was too young to realize how shitty life can be yet, especially because the Fab Four did their best protecting her from all the scary things. Then she was captured and the fabulous four died and it definitely all set in at once. Maybe she was confused by the concept of them being gone at first but it didn’t take long for her to feel truly scared for the first time. Scared, hopeless, lost. She didn’t know what to do without them so she ran off. And somehow she survived until the comics came around and she’s what? Sixteen? And at some point she realized that the Fab Four sacrificed themselves just for her and she feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Four lives for one? What kind of bullshit was that. From the age she was old enough to understand that she’s had that guilt and anger festering inside her and she’s hated herself while also growing to hate them for sacrificing themselves for her, while simultaneously grieving and loving and idolizing them because despite the stupid way they died they were her family.

But she’d hate herself for that and she’d hate herself for running away, both on the day they were killed- even though she was a little kid and couldn’t have done anything and would’ve died too if she fought to stay with them- and after, when they got back to the zones and she ran away from Cherri and the others that rescued her. She hates herself for abandoning them even though she didn’t really do that, they live on through her but she doesn’t accept that until long after she goes kaboom.

And that one scene in the comic, when she’s with Cherri and he’s collecting the fab four’s things, she says she can’t remember their faces anymore. She knows of her mother but the Fab Four were the only family she ever really knew, and now she’s gone and forgotten them. she can only remember whisps of them now, bloody last words, scars and hair color. She hates herself for this, too. In her mind, not only did they die for her, but she’s failed them and she’s forgotten them, she’s just a homeless nobody teen barely surviving that can’t even shoot a gun. She doesn’t know who the Fab Four are anymore and she doesn’t know who she is at all.

Then she finds a remnant of party poison, that mask, and buys it because it’s something familiar, something from them she can hang on to when she has nothing else, hardly even memories. Then Val Velocity comes along(I hate him sooo fucking much but he has so much headcanon potential it’s horrible really) and they clash from the start but they’re also one in the same, angry clueless kids that want to bring back something that died years ago. And Val is an asshole, nothing like the faint memories she has of Party Poison, and she hates him and the way he’s spitting on Poison’s legacy rubs her the wrong way because however much she agrees with him that they were stupid for sacrificing themselves for her, a nobody kid that really shouldn’t have survived this long, she wont let her family’s memory be abused like Val is doing, so she sticks around for a chance to do or say something to get him to stop. But then he also looks like Party, and his face is beginning to fill in those gaps in her memory because he has the hair and he’s wearing the mask but that will never be Poison’s face, and she hates him for that too, for beginning to taint even her own memory.

Then she finds out what she is. That she’s nothing but a weapon, that she was placed where she was on purpose and watched her whole life and that she’s not a person, not to bli. But she sees the chance she has, a chance to fix things, to finally honor that sacrifice. That’s why they did it, because of what she was, what she could do. Not four lives for one, four lives to end a war. Not that she wanted that either, she’d rather all four of them still be alive and fighting than dead and the desert have peace. But she needs to honor that sacrifice, to make it worth it, so she goes to the city to end it all. And she fully expects to die. She’s been told she’s a bomb and so she expects to explode, for her life force to somehow do something. She thinks she’s giving her life to save the world just like the Fab Four did all that time ago and she thinks that maybe she’ll get to see them again now, because she fulfilled her purpose as a bomb, as a weapon. She saved the world, she’ll get to see them and she’ll deserve to.

But then she goes off and she’s still standing. And party’s mask is back in her hands and the city is free and what now? She did what she was meant to do, what was her purpose now? She still has no family, the Fab Four are still gone, Cherri and Doctor D are gone now too and they were the closest thing she had left to family. And maybe her mother somehow returns maybe she doesn’t. Either way, for a while she’s truly and completely alone, purpose fulfilled and a little less guilt ridden, but not really.

Eventually she accepts that she’s a good thing, that nothing was her fault and there’s nothing that she doesn’t deserve, that the Fab Four didn’t give their lives to save a weapon but to save her, their kid, because whether she’d end the war or not, even if she was completely ordinary, she was their kid and they couldn’t just let bli take her. She didn’t get to choose what happened to her but they did, and they chose to give her a chance to live, something she’d never have if she stayed stuck in the city. They had already lived and loved and just wanted her to have that too, with or without them.

She accepts all that one day, but it takes a while.

[succubunniii]

[pansyfemme]

everytime i hear someone call depression and anxiety ‘destigmatized mental illnesses’ i wonder how they react when they find out someone has spent weeks or months in bed or struggles to shower or eat

[pelopona]

me and my moots <3

[dio7r]

[a-drama-addict]

not caring too much about a fandom’s favourite guy is the worst. you’ll think “oh i’ll look into the tag see if anything new and cool’s there” and it’s just that fucking guy again

[queerism1969]

[sexygaywizard]

new yuri image for desperate lesbians just dropped

[roseforviolet]

[bambiali]

[valtsv]

always remember the Final Girl Code:

- do it alone

- do it scared

- do it with a knife in your hand if you have to

[dangeroustaintedflawed]

[bruciemilf]

Batman isn’t a mask; It’s a leash. In this essay I will—

[izzy444angel]

this is me all day

[queerism1969]

[vampiredaze]