#the biphobes come from within the LGBTQ+ community

[theprinceandthewitch]

I know I've talked abt this to death, but I still can't get over how Lumity and Huntlow shippers tried to claim Caleb and Evelyn as their own.

Even though Hunter is literally a clone of Caleb and he has the same exact character arc Caleb had. And Willow doesn't fill in the role of "a witch from another world who lured Philip's brother away from him" like Luz does.

I will never quite get over what Huntlows and Lumitys tried to do, because it is the most audacious example of biphobia I've ever seen in a fandom space.

People know on some level, Luz likes princes - it's something that is brought up twice. Luz goes on a quest with a prince and she writes a story where her self-insert kisses a prince. And they're also aware that Luz and Hunter fit the roles of Caleb and Evelyn to a tee. But something in them just can't handle it - the possibility of a bisexual woman writing a story where the bisexual girl has undeniable romantic subtext with a boy is disgusting to them.

Luz is bisexual, but she can't actually be bisexual because most people in LGBTQ+ spaces don't view bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality. People legit see Luz breaking up with her girlfriend to date a boy as an example of homophobia and the writers wanting "to turn her straight." Luz's bisexuality is only valid if she dates girls and is still dating a girl by the time the story ends. Basically bisexuality is only valid if the bisexual "chooses to be gay" because if they don't, then they were always ''straight'' and should be casted out from their own community. It doesn't matter that Hunter is bisexual and that m/f pairings between two bisexuals are non existent in media. Because Hunter and Luz would "look straight" if they started to date, it renders this important and vital bisexual representation as "straight representation." Because for some reason, people have it in their heads that straight people can relate to the bisexual experience and vice versa.

But yeah, the kneejerk fear and hatred that the Caleb/Evelyn = Lunter parallels invoke in people would be funny if it wasn't downright biphobic lol

[theladyinwhite13]

the whole “all cis men are bad and therefore all women are perfect and can do no wrong” (regardless of a persons actual beliefs or actions) ideology that i keep seeing in queer spaces is extremely toxic and unhealthy--especially coming from a community that generally criticizes gender and it’s accompanied stereotypes

and also all this does is refuse to acknowledge that abuse CAN and DOES happen in lgbtq relationships, the only difference is that by refusing to talk about it, people don’t know how to identify it, because no. abuse only comes at the hands of cishet men to cishet women right? but ignoring that something is happening is never a progressive way to address it.

and its wild that a community that can agree that gender is a societal construct will also use gender stereotypes to suppress people WITHIN their own community, even when it means being transphobic and biphobic

[hellomynameisbisexual]

What a weekend: both Pride in London and UK Black Pride saw their highest ever turnouts. I was lucky enough to be present for both. The energy was incredible. The city was washed in rainbow and everyone was there to say love is love and who you are is valid.

I was honored to be asked to speak on the Trafalgar_Square stage and address the crowd. Speaking in front of thousands of people is not exactly my dream but I felt it was important to have people like me represented. I did it for the young bisexuals out there searching for representation and rarely finding it. It was an amazing experience: seeing people raise those bisexual flags high and cheer at me for saying positive things about bisexuality truly gave me hope for the future.

What I decided not to share with the crowd was that two gay men made biphobic comments to me that day for wearing a shirt with a huge bisexual emblem.

Biphobia is happening at Pride, of all places

The next day at UK Black Pride a gay guy pointed at my shirt and remarked, ‘really? I don’t believe you.’

These were three gay men making biphobic comments during Pride weekend. That number doesn’t even include the nonverbal eyerolling from passers-by.

If there is one thing that truly pushes my buttons it’s hypocrisy. Of all the places and people to make negative remarks about my sexuality, it was gay men at Pride. People at a protest, calling on people to not discriminate against them, were happy to dish it out to others.

The truth is I’m more angry with myself. I was on such a good vibe at both Pride events. I also didn’t do what I normally do – put the fear of god into them.

The truth is this isn’t about me. I’m a big boy and I can take it. But the young bisexual guys, girls and non-binary people out there just emerging in to their sexuality will take these comments to heart. It is on the shoulders of people like me to call out biphobia and make these people feel so small that they never dare do it again.

What is important is that I am by no means criticizing the organizers. Both the Pride in London team and the UK Black Pride do a fantastic job and, of course, stand against biphobia. They have bisexual people working on their teams that know the issues. However, they can’t control the millions of people that attend these events.

Biphobia within the LGBTI community is a big problem

These problems exist in our community long after the Pride flags comes down every year.

It’s important to understand this isn’t just one bisexual man’s anecdotal experience, it is widespread throughout our community.

One report found that bisexual people face just as much discrimination within the LGBTI community as they do from straight people.

The Equality Network found 66% of bisexuals do not feel part of the LGBTI community. Figures that seem to have a knock-on effect. Bisexual adults are also much less likely to join an LGBTII organization or attend an LGBTQ Pride event.

Biphobia coming from within the LGBT community is actually so well-documented there is actually a term for it. Researchers came up with the term ‘androcentric desire hypothesis’ to describe the phenomenon that gay and lesbian people perceive bisexuals as being more attracted to men, which is why they treat us with disrespect.

That’s why we need a better way to stamp out biphobia within our community than our current efforts. Going forward I would like to see more of an effort made to specifically tackle attitudes towards bisexuals. It starts with LGBT groups spending more than 1% of their budgets on bisexual issues and bringing bisexual leaders in to the fold to help advise them.

This year the UK will hold its first ever Bisexual Pride on 7 September. I hope all queer people will join the celebration and help leave biphobia in the past.

[cooliopumpkin]

Okay, as a cartoon fan, I've got something to say.

Lately, there's been a trend of more and more cartons showcasing LGBTQ+ characters and relationships, which is phenomenal. As a gay AMAB enby, I absolutely love that there are more and more opportunities for young queer people to see themselves represented in media. My problem more lies in the fact that I've noticed another trend within that.

The vast majority of the representation we're getting are wlw relationships and MAYBE an mlm person coming out.

What I'm concerned about is that the rep we're getting isn't coming from a place of genuine interest in providing rep for the community. At the risk of looking a gift horse in the mouth, here's my fears:

(And to clarify, I'm talking about what the big companies are letting though, not the show creators and the writers)

Wlw relationships are being allowed to be shown because two femme wlw (who often times aren't shown expressing that they're wlw beforehand) kissing onscreen is attractive to people. The relationships are allowed because wlw are so easily and often fetishized and as such, are palatable for straight men.

In the same vein, there's barely any mlm rep because straight men don't want to see gay relationships. Most of the mlm rep you'll see in cartoons are parents that are only ever seen holding hands at most. Obviously there's not gonna be any extreme stuff bc it's a cartoon, but still. They're portrayed in such a way that any and all aspects of a relationship that would remind you it's Two Men Interested In Each Other™️ are missing.

This isn't to mention all of the missing aspects of the community that are missing. I mean, where's our trans stuff, our NB stuff, our ace stuff, our dispelling of biphobic shit? And this certainly isn't anything against the creators of these shows. I don't think it's them necessarily, I think it has everything to do with what cartoon companies let through.

Idk, this is just something I've thought about a little bit. I'd love to be wrong. If someone wants to talk about it, that's entirely welcome. I don't think I'm wrong, but if I'm missing something, I'd love to hear it. Also, I'm terrified this is wlw-phobic somehow? I'm not a wlw, but I cannot express how much I am /not/ wlw-phobic.

N e way, if I'm right, this really sucks :(

Edit: I just wanted to slide back in here and say that I would never want to imply the queer creators behind these shows are at fault. Specifically, I would never accuse wlw creators of fetishizing themselves in a cartoon. Blame goes to the biases of those in charge of big cartoon companies.

Also, I've seen one or two people saying there simply "aren't that many mlm creators" in the industry. Now I can't agree or deny bc I just don't know, but if that statement is true, it raises the question of why.

[carpisuns]

I don't mean any disrespect here, but as a fellow religious bisexual person, I think it's important to note the harmful things you stated in your ask answer. I'm not trying to state how you should or shouldn't view the overlap of you sexuality and religious identity, but you said some kind of harmful things that need to be addressed. "Passing as straight" is already a kind of biphobic thing to say, it's often used to explain why bisexuals aren't queer enough to be in lgbt+ spaces. (1/3)

(response under the cut)

I'm very sorry if you were hurt by my response. That was certainly not my intent. I was simply describing my own personal journey to accepting my sexuality and becoming comfortable with my identity label. This is all still pretty new to me, as I only started identifying as bi last September and am still closeted to almost everyone I know IRL, including my immediate family.

My comment about "passing" as straight was just me describing my attitude before I understood or accepted my sexuality. Since I am a woman who experiences attraction to men, I just assumed I was straight for most of my life and I repressed my attraction to women. I'm not saying that's a good or healthy or desirable thing to do—actually the opposite. Because it was very freeing for me to finally acknowledge my same-gender attraction and call myself what I am: bisexual. I hope to contribute to a safe, welcoming space where everyone can feel that same sense of release by being open about their experience as a queer person.

I'm afraid I don’t really understand your point about ignoring same-sex attraction. By openly identifying as bisexual, I’m doing the opposite of that. If I were ignoring my SSA, I would not identify as queer at all. I am choosing to acknowledge it. And when I'm ready to come out to my parents and other people in my life, I will be asking them to acknowledge it too. The point of me identifying as bi and putting it in my bio is to show that I can be both queer and religious.

If what you meant by ignoring SSA is choosing not to engage in same-gender relationships, I see those as two different things. To me, attraction/identification is separate from behavior. I’m not sure what your faith background is, but in my faith, I would not be able to participate fully anymore if I chose to engage in same-gender relationships. My same-gender attraction and identification as a queer person does not affect my standing in the Church, but my choice to have romantic relationships with other women would. I would still be welcome at church and could participate to a certain extent not matter what, but I would no longer be able to receive certain ordinances of the faith. This has not always been an easy thing to accept and I'm very sad about it sometimes, but I do not doubt God's love for me and other LGBTQ people, and I strongly feel that as difficult as it is, I am still where I'm supposed to be. It's really scary to talk about this, but I feel like it's important to have these difficult conversations so that hopefully we can facilitate a cultural shift within the Church for the members be more kind, accepting, and understanding of people with various experiences.

I also wanted to be clear that my choice to not date women is not me ignoring my same-sex attraction or denying my bisexuality. Bi people are bi no matter what—whether they date only men, only women, a mixture of both, or no one at all. I am trying my best to be true to who I am on all accounts, and it's not easy when I feel like I will be rejected on both sides—by the LGBTQ community and by my family and other religious people.

Please keep in mind that I am not a spokesperson for my church or Christianity as a whole, and I am also not a spokesperson for bi people or the LGBTQ community as a whole. I'm just a person with a blog. I can only speak for myself, and I shared my experience because I thought there might be a few people out there who are like me that would find it helpful. If you do not find it helpful, then please ignore it. I've described my personal choices, but I'm not telling anyone else what they should do or judging them in any way. I really want to create a safe, welcoming, supportive environment for people on my blog and in my life in general. I try to stay positive and show love and be kind because that, to me, is what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ.

That being said, this is a personal fandom blog and I never intended to get into this kind of discussion anyway. I've tried to be respectful by tagging properly and putting things under a cut so that no one has to read it unless they choose to. If what I've said has really upset you, I'm very sorry and you can always unfollow or block me.

Thanks.

[whattheheehaw]

Hi can I vent to you, feel free to ignore this if you want but Have you noticed how there are a lot of zkka shippers who are all for s0kka and/or zuk0 being bi until it comes to them being with women? Deadass I feel some people only make s0kka bi just so he can be with z0k0 but just...ignore his attraction to women. Not to mention the utter hypocrisy zkka shippers have with ztara ,It's the biphobia and misogyny for me

Yeah, I’ve definitely noticed the biphobia and the misogyny in the newer Zukka shippers. 

A lot of people don’t know this, but when I was new to the A:TLA fandom, I used to spend some time lurking in the Zukka tag, liking posts here and there. I thought the ship was cute (still do) and I liked the content that was in the tag. I loved seeing bi Zuko and bi Sokka headcanons and I loved the fact that Zukka shippers called them bicons. However, some of the same people that claimed Zukka was “bi rights” didn’t share that same energy when Zuko and/or Sokka were paired with women. I started to see more takes that claimed Maiko and Sukka were both results of compulsory heterosexuality, and not a reflection of the boys’ bisexuality. 

Why can’t Zuko and Sokka love and date women? If they’re bi, that means that they’re attracted to both men and women. Using comphet as a reason why a certain ship doesn’t work out, especially when you headcanon the character(s) in that ship to be bi, just reeks of biphobia. Sokka and Zuko were both shown to initiate and enjoy kissing and hugging their girlfriends. They were even implied to have sex with their girlfriends. So why, for the love of God, is this part of their lives described as “compulsory heterosexuality”? I would say that if you’re just going to label Zuko’s and Sokka’s het relationships as “comphet”, just go ahead and headcanon them as gay, however, that would also completely disregard their romantic feelings for their girlfriends in those het relationships. Either way, the treatment of het relationships by the Zukka fandom makes me uncomfortable.

This was the first major red flag I ever received from the Zukka fandom and their perception of bisexuals in heterosexual relationships. And I feel like this mentality is also a reflection of what many people believe about bisexuals as well.

The next red flag I got from the Zukka fandom was a post which contained a “Zuko would fight anyone that called him straight or bi” headcanon. Like, no? Just, please God no. That headcanon itself is biphobia wrapped up in a pretty little bow, and the fact that that post got so many reblogs and likes left a very bad taste in my mouth. Zuko would never attack someone for getting his sexuality wrong? And I don’t even understand why being mistaken as bi or straight is necessarily a bad thing? I mean, if someone made an honest mistake and got my sexuality wrong, I would just politely correct them about it. And I honestly don’t think that sexuality is a huge part of either Zuko’s or Sokka’s personalities if I’m being honest, so I don’t understand why either of them would get offended to the point of attacking someone over it. 

Also, it’s quite concerning that a decent portion of the Zukka fandom consists of members of the LGBTQ+ community and come up with these biphobic headcanons, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Another thing that I observed about the Zukka fandom was their complete disrespect towards the female characters in A:TLA, namely Katara. A notable member of the Zukka fandom came up with the headcanon that “Katara is homophobic” as a “joke”. And I just don’t think that’s funny. That’s like if I shipped Katara and Azula and called either Zuko or Sokka homophobic. Nobody would be laughing, and I would get canceled. 

Katara is one of the most supporting and accepting characters in the show. Sure, she was hostile at first to Zuko but that was only because his betrayal of her trust created a personal grudge between them. And even though some people use the “Katara is a homophobe” headcanon as a joke, it doesn’t help anyone. Society should progress past the point of viewing homophobia as funny if it truly wants to become anti homophobic and more accepting and supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that a portion of the Zukka fandom has this headcanon so that Katara won’t be able to interfere in Zuko and Sokka’s relationship. Since Zutara was—is—the most popular Zuko ship for over 10 years, I guess some Zukka shippers felt like they needed to make up some reason for why Zutara wouldn’t work out, or even be close as friends.

In addition, I think that when the Zukka fandom gets criticized and called out on this misogynistic behavior, they like to cling to Suki and call her their favorite character and an icon, etc. to prove that they don’t hate women. Some Zukka shippers even started adding Suki to their ship, creating Zukki. However, since Zukki is usually a by-product of Zukka, this ship almost always ends up being Zukka and Suki instead of Zuko, Sokka, and Suki in an equal and balanced relationship. And while there isn’t anything wrong with stanning Suki and calling her your fave (I mean, who wouldn’t?) I do find it a strange choice considering that she doesn’t have much characterization within the show. Perhaps it’s because people can take Suki’s character and mold it into whatever they want? I don’t know.

But anyways, this ask is getting long and if you want to read more of my thoughts about misogyny in the Zukka fandom (i.e. the homophobic!Katara headcanon and the swapping of Sokka for Katara in some Zukka content), you can read this post here.

[marilynsoda]

I know I literally just posted but this is a completely unrelated rant! So I’ve spoken before about how toxic the Criminal Minds fandom is on TikTok (if you wanna see that rant there aren’t a lot of posts on here so you can find it easily). But I’ve recently realized that TikTok is toxic all the way around. I realized this after coming across a very biphobic video and the majority of the comments were invalidating bisexuals, some people even saying we’re just straight. I’m so sick of this. This is why I feel so guilty about who I am as a person all the time. Being bisexual isn’t something I can choose or control. And this was a video from someone within the community. Why is biphobia so rampant within the LGBTQ+ community?? And every single time we try to call it out someone’s like “oh so everything is biphobic now” “not bisexuals with their victim complex”. Yet another example of people on TikTok not caring who they’re hurting. So at the moment I am currently experiencing subdrop and feeling invalidated as a bisexual. Thanks, TikTok.

[millenigal]

Okay there is something that I feel like needs to be talked about a bit, not in a prescriptivist *WE NEED TO POLICE HOW PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THEIR IDENTITIES* way but in a *the way people talk about their identities tells us a hell of a lot about the society that we live in and social pressures people feel both from outside and from within the LGBTQ+ community*.

So, here goes, and again, this is not meant to be an attack or an invalidation or anything, when I am talking about this I want to be clear that every single term is a social construct - we have invented a word and then tried to fit what we are into the terms we have, not the other way around, and I am not advocating for policing for how people describe themselves.

BUT it is very interesting to think and talk about the phenomenon, seen almost exclusively among trans men of them choosing to still use the word lesbian to describe their identities after transitioning. This is not something I have seen as much with trans women attracted to men, who are quite happy to say "I am not actually a gay man I am a straight woman".

I think we need to talk about why people who have been part of the LGBTQ+ community, which preaches (and most of the time shows) a great deal of tolerance, do not enjoy the label of straight man. And I think it comes from the same place as the biphobic *haha I wm bi which means I am attracted to every woman and two men, ew why am I attracted to men though, gross*. We need to start recognising that straight men exist in the LGBTQ+ community and stop using them as the go to shitting point for any time we get annoyed at how society in general treats us because guess what. Every single person experiences some form of privilege, because every single person is part of the in power majority in some circle. You might be cis, you might be straight, you might be a man, you might be neurotypical, you might be white, you might be able bodied the list goes on and on and on. And guess what, this idea that you can just say "man" and immediately when you say that think you are referring exclusively to people born into extreme privilege, or add the word straight in front and go *ah great, well clearly THESE are people who have never suffered a day in their lives, we made it specific to men who are straight* is bullshit, and it is trans erasure, it is gender and sex fundamentalism. And it is an often unconscious (but also often conscious) preemptive strike made by people who are women or non-straight to start off this *us and them* scenario in which ALL straight men are "the privileged ones" and therefore they, by virtue of not being a straight man, are oppressed. You see this all the time from rich 1% white TERF women and I will not fucking stand for it.

Everyone is free to keep whatever labels that resonate best with them. But no one should feel forced to retain a certain label for fear of being ousted by, or rejected by, or made out to be "one of the oppressors" by their community.

And I think that part of the reason people continue to resonate with the label lesbian when they have spent so long in LGBTQ+ communities is because of how straight men are presented in and talked about in LGBTQ+ communities.

Because the reality is that discovering you are a trans man who likes women, when you had been living as a woman who likes women, does not mean you are now less repressed by society, it shows you were more and are only now discovering who you were. There is a reason people normally discover it in that order. Society enforces cisnormativity and punishes deviations from it far more than it does heteronormativity.

PS. no simply adding "cis" to the "all straight men" statements do not make them better.

[diazbuckleys]

okay, this may come off as controversial, but as much as i love madison bailey, a few things about her recent interview bothered me.

firstly, when describing her journey of coming to terms with her sexuality, she mentioned that she dated a transgender boy and then realized, oh well, i must be pan, i can’t be bi now.

regardless of the fact that bisexuality has never been attraction to just two genders, there isn’t a sexuality that excludes trans people. trans women are women and trans men are men. therefore, straight people can be attracted to trans people. gay people can be attracted to trans people. bi people can be attracted to trans people.

so while her realizing that she’s pan and not bi is completely valid, dating a trans boy wouldn’t have prohibited her from being bi. saying that it would have invalidates his gender and how he identifies.

she then goes on to say that she has recieved a lot of messages from fans saying “i thought i was bi but i didn’t realize that was excluding so many people.”

bisexuality does not exclude anyone. the definition has always been an attraction to same and different genders. i am bisexual, and i am attracted to all genders, not just men and women. not all bi people are the same, but bisexuality has never excluded anyone.

again, i don’t mean this to be hateful to madison in any way, and i’m not saying she is biphobic or transphobic at all. i love her, and i am so appreciative of everything she has done for the lgbtq+ community and how she continues to use her platform to speak out about mental health and other issues. but i am tired of hearing that bisexuality is outdated or less inclusive than pansexuality. pan people, you are so valid and loved !! i just hope the biphobia from cishet people and from those within our community will come to an end soon.

[soupcorvus]

i would’ve put this under a cut but honestly, if you don’t like what i have to say, just unfollow/block me or scroll past this post, i just want to get this off my chest and i want people to see it

i feel like i could get a lot of people mad at me for this but at this point i don’t really care so here goes

whenever i see a fellow bisexual advocating for our community and talking about biphobia i feel like i have to be careful when i follow them or even agree with their opinions because it’s always incredibly likely that they’re against pan people (and by default, probably the other mspec identities), and that’s just kind of upsetting to me

i get why some bi people think that pansexuality is biphobic, i don’t agree with them (and i’m not here to debate anything or change anyone’s mind on anything, so don’t start with me in the notes, if you don’t like this post just don’t interact with it or me, and by all means feel free to block me), but i sort of understand where they’re coming from.

that being said, it makes me so upset how those bi people will go out of their way to be shitty to pan people who,, aren’t doing anything to directly hurt them, and yet those bi people will tell them that they’re “trying to redefine what bisexuality is and repurpose it into another sexuality that means the same thing” or “erasing bisexuals and their identities” which again, yeah i guess i see where you’re coming from but my problem lies with the fact that most of those people say those things on the posts of the pan people they’re basically harassing

you don’t have to like someone or how they identify but some of you are being so fucking immature, of course there are people outside of the bi community who make bisexuals look bad but some of you being immature and doing this shit is something else that gives other people that impression of us

if you don’t like someone just leave them alone and stop talking about them. jfc there are much bigger problems in the lgbtq+ community to worry about, infighting within the community gets us nowhere and some of you are just being assholes for no reason

[yikesies-bikesies]

I really hate the term lgbt/lgbtq/lgbtqiap+ or whatever. It’s not inclusive bc 9/10 times people just use lgbt which really hardly includes anyone and people use the contents and order of the acronym to justify their entitlement within the community. I saw some ad for some product that was a bunch of lgbtq+ flags and they showed a bunch of them, but not ALL of the ones available for purchase and the whole comments section was lesbians complaining that all of the “less important” queer flags were included, but not the lesbian flag. They said this was wrong because lesbians come first in the acronym, so they should have been put first. That’s gross. It’s not a ranking system, it’s literally just a list in whatever order comes along. Sure it’s determined by mainstream acceptance of each identity inside and outside of the community, but one is not better or more valid than another based upon the order of the letters in the acronym. However because of the order and because people are excluded because the acronym would be “too long” or “it wouldn’t sound right” people measure the validity of each identity based on the order or the contents of the term. It’s broke and it’s dumb. Queer includes people a lot more but ignorant queerphobes keep wanting to keep us in the dark ages and call it the q slur, so we’re stuck with identity invalidation and people like terfs acting like they have an authority on who is a part of the community and who’s not. Also people complained on that ad that the lesbian flag is always forgotten or left out, but at every pride event I’ve gone to and out of all of the lesbians I know most seem to just use the regular rainbow flag like most gay men to represent them because it’s the generic “gay” flag and they identified as gay. I don’t think people are leaving out lesbians, I just think that lesbians haven’t been insisting on their own flag as much as other identities that have felt they can’t be defined as “gay”,even if the “gay flag” is really just the community flag at this point, like trans people or asexual/aromantic people, or non-binary people.

Seeing the people claim they were being left out while calling other identities “less important” just makes me think of the whole thing with bisexual people complaining about bi erasure (which is real I’m not saying it’s not) and then basically invalidating pansexual people by saying they’re just bisexual people who want to be special or that they’re biphobic because they won’t admit that they’re really bi. I’ve also seen bisexual people claim that pansexual isn’t even a real identity because it was made up to justify being attracted to kids or animals which is just panphobic nonsense.

It makes me hate being a part of this community because I feel like if anyone should be accepting of people’s identities it should be the people in our own community, but I feel like most of the time, the nastiest, most invalidating people are within the lgbtq+/queer community. It’s usually from the better known identities trying to suppress some of the lesser known/accepted ones, but I’ve seen plenty of cases of trans people invalidating other trans people for not being trans enough, or gays for not being gay enough, ace people for not being ace enough, etc.

I just hate it. We’re all part of the same community and we’re all valid and we’re all equal (or at least I wish we could be.)

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Research notes that more than half of the LGBTQ+ population identifies as bisexual. But given the alienation bi+ people—an umbrella term for those who are bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, and omnisexual—face within the community, you wouldn’t necessarily know it.

According to LGBTQ+ activist Robyn Ochs, editor of the anthology Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World and Recognize, the "B" for "bisexual" that got added to the acronym in the late '80s thanks to the hard work of bisexual activists was mostly performative. “The “B” got added, but that didn’t mean that 'LGBTQ+' suddenly became welcoming of bi+ individuals,” she says.

It's still too often the case that bi+ folks face both overt and covert biphobia within the LGBTQ+ community, which contributes to compromised mental health for bi+ people. And, as a bisexual writer and activist myself, I can personally attest that biphobia is even more devastating and isolating when it comes from within the LGBTQ+ community—my own community. “For the health of the LGBTQ+ community, we need to banish the biphobia within it,” says Ochs. Below, bi+ activists share ideas for how to eliminate biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community, which should be more inclusive of bi+ people.

5 ways to end a history of biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community

1. Quit saying that the “bi” in bisexuality reinforces the binary

One of the most damaging and widespread myths around bisexuality is that it reinforces the gender binary, or the idea that there are just two genders: men and women. That's not true, as evidenced by the 1990 Bisexuality Manifesto which reads, “Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have "two" sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don't assume that there are only two genders.”

Unfortunately, this myth is one that holds steady and contributes to biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community. In my DMs just last week, someone said, “It’s messed up that you identify as bi when you’ve literally dated someone non-binary.” And another person said, “I don’t know why you would identify as bisexual when you could identify as pansexual and nod to the fact that you date non-binary people.”

What's key to remember is that bisexuality may have a slightly different definition depending on who is defining it, says Ochs. For example, many define bisexuality either as attraction to two or more genders, or as the attraction to those whose genders are similar and also dissimilar to their own. My personal favorite definition of bisexuality is one put forth by Ochs: “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted—romantically and/or sexually—to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

The bottom line? “Listen to the bi+ people who say that their identity includes nonbinary people,” says Ochs.

2. Learn the real LGBTQ+ history of bisexuality

Despite what popular movies like Stonewall, How To Survive a Plague, Milk, and The Normal Heart might have you believe, it wasn’t just white gay men who have been on the frontlines of change. Bisexual, trans, and Black, Indigenous, people of color (BIPOC) are often left out of the narrative. Did you know, for instance, that self-identified drag queen, trans woman, and activist Marsha P. Johnson played a key role in the 1969 Stonewall Uprisings, which are now known as the first-ever Pride as well as a pivotal point in the fight for LGBTQ+ equality?

Ignoring the hand that bisexual people—and more specifically, transgender and Black bisexual people—have played in the LGBTQ+ movement from the start is not just biphobic, racist, and transphobic—it’s also ahistoric. Educate yourself by engaging with the content on Bi History’s Instagram, read this article about bisexuality, put out by GLAAD, and buy We Are Everywhere: Protest, Power, and Pride in the History of Queer Liberation by Matthew Riemer and Leighton Brown

3. Banish commentary that perpetuates biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community

The first step for ending biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community is acknowledging that it already exists. “Whenever I post about biphobia on my Instagram, there’s a weird skepticism from people who aren’t bi+ who follow me about whether or not it's real,” says Gabrielle Alexa Noel, bisexual advocate, founder of Bi Girls Club, and author of the forthcoming book, How To Live With the Internet and Not Let It Ruin Your Life. To be clear, it’s sadly very very real.

Next, become aware of when you’re experiencing biases against bi+ people based on myth and misconception. Don’t want to date someone bi+ because you think they’ll cheat on you? That’s biphobic. Don’t want to date someone bi+ because you think they’re more likely to give you an STI than your monosexual partners? Biphobia again. Nervous you won’t be enough for someone bi+? More biphobia.

Once you recognize when biases come up, as psychologist David Amodio, PhD, previously told Well+Good, “You [can] make sure these biases don’t influence your behavior.”

4. Stand up against biphobia

Once you’ve recognized and begun to address your own biphobia, you can begin recognizing when other people—regardless of their gender or sexual orientation—are being biphobic as well. And then, call them in. “It can’t be just out bi+ people who respond to instances of biphobia,” says Ochs.

Bisexual writer and activist Olivia Zayas Ryan agrees adding, “just as bisexual folks would go to bat for lesbian and gay people if someone said something blatantly homophobic or lesbophobic, gay and lesbian folks should be standing up against biphobia.”

In any group of people, it just takes one biphobic comment to make bi+ people feel unsafe and unwelcome—and just one person speaking out against it can make a big difference. “Publicly responding to biphobic comments tells bi+ that you're an ally, while also educating everyone about what behavior is and is not allowed in your space,” says Ochs.

5. Trust that bisexual folks are invested in the queer community

“There’s this weird, widespread assumption that if bi+ women are embraced by the LGBTQ+ community, we’re going to sully the space by bringing our cis-het male partners,” says Ryan. This is false.

For starters, not all bi+ women date men. Furthermore, it’s important to understand that bi+ people are LGBTQ+ and are equally invested in maintaining the safety and queerness of LGBTQ+ spaces. “I just wish people would trust that bi+ people don’t have any interest in ruining the vibe of LGBTQ+ spaces,” says Noel.

It sounds obvious, but “we, bi+ people, benefit from being in LGBTQ+ spaces, too,” she adds.

[tayley]

Perfectly random, but over these past few years I've struggled a lot with my sense of identity and sexuality. Everyone says you have your whole life to figure it out. Take your time. It didn't feel that way for me. For awhile, I thought I was bi. It didn't feel off, and it helped to put a name to what I was experiencing. To who I was. There is so much biphobia within the LGBTQ+ community, all because people claim you're half straight, or talk about how boring it is to be straight, how better off you are to be anything else. I felt shunned, like I wasn't a part of the community. They don't talk about these sorts of things enough, and my God did seeing this on social media disgust me. They say it's a joke, but it isn't. It never was. For the last year, I've come to many conclusions, about my pronouns, about being non-binary, and my new name. I found Petals for Armor after hearing Simmer, and recognizing Hayley Williams from Paramore, I was immediately sold on the subject. Through it all, in quarantine with her music, I had time to process about all of what was confusing me. I still have so much to figure out, and I'm not afraid of the idea of the years passing anymore. It's a good thing, I won't stop learning about myself. I'll still improve. I'll still be me. Hayley has been inspiring, and hearing about her journey reminds me mine has only begun. I can go at my own pace, and not be concerned with what others may believe me to be. I feel better to say, I'm a non-binary lesbian, I was scared to say it because people would think I'm lying. When people realize these sorts of things when they're in their 40's, hell even much later in life. I'm in early twenties, and my teenage years feel like a lifetime ago. I've always known how I've felt, deep down, I needed to dig a little deeper, get a little messy. Honestly, fuck homophobes, biphobes, I felt like shit because I thought I wasn't being genuine. I may have believed I was bi before, however I know now I'm not. It's not a bad thing, because I came to realize I don't need others' approval on these kinds of things, I don't need to hide who I am. So yeah, Paramore and PFA, FFV, helped me move forward in such a difficult year. I feel lighter when I say it, I'm not ashamed. I really wish there wasn't this kind of toxicity though, it was horrible. To anyone who experiences this, just know social media isn't the place for important life decisions, you needn't base yourself on what a stranger says you are or should be. You're you, and you'll always keep growing. ❤

god this made me tear up. your story shares so much growth, even through the hardships. i remember how difficult it was explaining to friends/family that i was bisexual, how it wasn’t a phase etc. we get enough negativity from people not in our community. so to see anyone speaking down upon being bisexual/being straight etc, is just gross and truly wish that “trend” would die. like you mentioned paramore and hayley got you through, i am just as thankful for them, and music over all as it’s tremendously healing. thank you for sharing a piece of your self with us! ❤️

[davidvasquez]

Marketing Analysis of Adam Silvera’s Infinity Reaper

Adam Silvera’s latest YA novel, Infinity Reaper, came out just this month on March 2, 2021. The publicity leading up to the release of Infinity Reaper involved a pre-order campaign where participants would receive a signed bookplate, an enamel pin of the phoenix matching the cover, a “Silvera Support Group” wristband, and an art print of the characters Ness Arroyo and Emil Rey. With all that bookish merchandise, it’s hard to imagine having not pre-ordering the book. The marketing also led to encouraging readers and fans to purchase the hardcover copy as it is currently featuring a limited-edition short story prequel of the shapeshifter Ness, and how he obtained his powers.

In a bonus marketing strategy, Adam Silvera teamed up with fellow YA author Becky Albertalli in a separate pre-order campaign/giveaway. Participants who submitted proof of pre-ordering both Silvera’s Infinity Reaper, and Albertalli’s upcoming release, Kate in Waiting, receive an art print of the characters Arthur and Ben from their co-written novel, What If It’s Us. Readers who had already entered the Infinity Reaper pre-order campaign were still eligible to enter in the giveaway and no purchasing of multiple copies were necessary.

While promoting and hyping the book, Adam Silvera would occasionally go on Instagram Live with other authors, such as New York Times bestsellers Angie Thomas and Victoria Aveyard, and converse about various topics such as mental health in the age of the pandemic. Silvera would also open a Q&A on his Instagram story every Sunday and branded it as “Infinity SONday,” where readers and fans would ask him questions regarding his on-going fantasy series consisting of Infinity Son, and the anticipated sequel Infinity Reaper.

As with many authors releasing new books while still living with the COVID-19 restrictions, traveling was not an option for Silvera. A book tour was out of the question when it came to promoting the book and hosting meet and greet signings, so to compensate for the dilemma, the signed bookplates were featured in the pre-ordering campaign. Taking it a step further, participants who pre-ordered from an indie bookstore were promised personalized signed copies of their books featuring their names written by the author.

Within days leading up to Infinity Reaper’s release, Silvera took to his Instagram to announce that his fantasy series will officially be a trilogy. He revealed that his publisher had originally wanted his series to be a duology, but because of many valid marketing reasons (such as the first release in his series, Infinity Son, being on the New York Times bestseller list for two months straight) and having future promotion strategies mapped out, Silvera was given the green light to make his story a trilogy.

Following the release of Infinity Reaper, Adam Silvera continues to represent members of the LGBTQ+ community in his stories. Growing up a fan of superheroes such as Marvel’s X-Men, Silvera wanted to write a fantasy series that shows queer latinx people can be the superheroes they’ve always wanted to see themselves as; that they too can be “the chosen one.” In his dedication written in Infinity Son, his message to his readers is that the story is for those “who don’t believe they can be heroes. It’s time to fly.” Readers of Adam Silvera know that he does not shy away from writing about mortality. Throughout his career, Silvera has been open about his history with depression, and encouraging others to seek help when needed. For Infinity Reaper’s dedication, Silvera writes, “for those who don’t want to keep fighting. Fight on.”

Furthermore, when it comes to Silvera’s representation of the LGBTQ+ community, there is the issue that’s been circling around in the book community regarding the representation of bisexuality. On TikTok, across what is known as the “booktok” community, a small number of voices have tried to criticize Silvera as “queer-baiting” for his character Maribelle who identifies as bisexual and is in an opposite-sex relationship. This has been an on-going issue in the book community and had also taken place when YA author Sophie Gonzales recently released her latest book, Perfect on Paper, about a bisexual girl in an opposite-sex relationship, and had also created a minority of negative opinions. The truth of the matter is that the criticism regarding bisexual repreparation featuring opposite-sex relationships is biphobic and invalidating towards those who identify as bisexual. Silvera took to Twitter to post a response on how he, a self-identified queer person “who’s only ever published books with queer narrators,” is accused of queerbaiting. He followed up on his post addressing the issue of “invalidating identities because a story isn’t tailored” to a reader’s specific needs. This incident led to many “booktok” influencers to affirm that those who identify as bisexual, regardless of their partners, are just as a part of the LGBTQ+ community.

 In all, Silvera’s latest release has received positive reviews and has taken “Bookstagram” by storm with influencers getting creative with their posts featuring the book. On his Instagram story, Silvera has been sharing the various content creators post featuring his book. Whether it’s sharing their bookish merchandise from the pre-order campaign, or creatively photoshopped pictures of the readers with wings of blue flames holding the book, it is safe to say that Infinity Reaper has been living up to its well-earned hype.

[pantasticpans]

I identify as pansexual but I get down when other LGBT people say that im biphobic and transphobic. how do I deal with hate from within my own community?

Hello! Speaking as someone who has gone through a number of lgbtq+ labels in my journey to self-discovery (almost all of which have been hounded by intracommunity bigots) the most healing thing -I- have found to do is to block them if they’re loud and nasty about their beliefs. Being surrounded by hate against unchangeable aspects about yourself is bad for anyone’s mental health. As marginalized people, we already get enough bullshit from cis straight bigots. I don’t want to deal with intracommunity bigotry on top of that. So my main advice is to: 1. Surround yourself with explicitly pan inclusive blogs, including pan positivity blogs. Make sure they’re welcoming to pan people and search their blog for words like “pan,” “pansexual,” “discourse,” etc. 2. Don’t be afraid to block loud panphobes when you see them. 3. I won’t tell you to avoid other types of gatekeepers as well because that’s your decision, but I will say that it’s very rare to find an individual with exclusionary beliefs towards ONLY one group. Many panphobes are also aphobes, truscum, TERFs, etc. I wasn’t that exposed to the latest wave of panphobia  because I’d already blocked a number of the people who would become vocally anti-pan back when they were vocally anti-aspec and/or anti-trans/nb. 4. Remember that intracommunity bigotry comes in waves. Right now “pan discourse” is popular, before that it was "queer discourse”, before that "ace discourse”, before that “bi discourse” (which makes the bi gatekeepers ironic), etc. This WILL taper out, and while panphobia won’t die out, much of the popular anti-pan sentiment WILL as they move on to a new identity to tear apart. It’s an ugly cycle but I promise you that panphobia will not remain as prominent as it is now. 5. Finally always remember that gatekeeping beliefs are not the majority and that many lgbtq+ people, including bi people, support us! Seeing panphobia can whittle down your faith in fellow lgbtq+ people if you’re exposed to enough of it. Fight against this. We are supported and accepted whether they like it or not.

[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

If you’re not a lesbian, you need to stay out of lesbian flag discourse. You are not helping. You are impeding our ability to have this conversation, you are inserting yourself into an intracommunity issue that has nothing to do with you, and what you are actually doing is hurting lesbians.  

That means:

Stop going after creators for not including a specific flag. You’re not being a good ally to lesbians. You are being used as grunts by one specific group of lesbians to push their personal favorite flag design, and you are speaking over the lesbians who disagree for sometimes very legitimate reasons.

Stop tagging blogs that only exist to harass creators over not including a specific flag. Stop enabling blogs that are trying to strong-arm creators into using the flag they personally want and let us just have this conversation amongst ourselves. Our flag should be determined through discussion about what is the most inclusive and representative of all of us, not which “side” can harass the most people into doing what they want. This isn’t a debate that should be won by force.

Stop reblogging any posts that act like this issue has been settled. There is no official flag. There is no universally agreed on flag. There is one flag that won a poll conducted on tumblr, and a lot of lesbians still have issues with that flag. It’s not your place to butt in and tell those lesbians that they’re wrong about a flag that is supposed to represent them.

Stop reblogging posts acting like objections to flags are actually lesbophobic attacks by non-lesbians. The criticism is coming from lesbians who don’t feel represented by or are uncomfortable with the various flag options. It is coming from LESBIANS. Who want to feel represented by OUR OWN FLAG. When you reblog those posts, you are invalidating the identities of lesbians for daring to voice their discomfort with a popular flag design.

Stop reblogging posts about how the LGBTQ+ community is holding the lesbian flag to a higher standard. Again, criticism of the various flags is coming from within the lesbian community. I really don’t care if lesbians are holding our own flag to a higher standard than some other group did, if that’s even true. As a lesbian who does not feel included by some of the more popular designs, you are not being my ally by telling me, “Well, x community was allowed to exclude you from their flag, so lesbians should be allowed to too.”

Stop, for the love of god, telling lesbians what flags they can use. Yes, even if they’re a creator. Yes, even if it’s only the rainbow flag. A lesbian using the rainbow flag to represent her lesbian identity isn’t lesbophobic. A non-lesbian coming in and telling a lesbian she can’t use the flag she’s been using to represent her lesbian identity and she has to pick from a list of flags they approve of is lesbophobic.

The only exception is if you’re part of a marginalized group that was targeted by the creator of the flag that’s being used and you’re talking specifically about how that affects you. If you’re a bi woman, you’re in your lane talking about how you feel seeing people use a flag that was created by a biphobe. You’re out of your lane accusing a lesbian creator of excluding lesbians because she’s using the rainbow flag for them or because she’s not using your lesbian friend’s favorite flag.  

In conclusion, just stay the fuck out of it. I appreciate that you think you’re boosting lesbian voices, but what you’re really doing is helping one group of lesbians silence a different group of lesbians. Just let us figure it out ourselves.

Non-lesbians are encouraged to reblog this because I’m tired of seeing you all over my dash acting like my insistence that my community’s flag should represent me is lesbophobic and then patting yourselves on the back for being my “ally.”

mod k