#nbphobia mention

[just-antithings]

starts bad, gets . . . so much worse

[solarsodas]

i am kind of tired of people (including other nonbinary people) just reinventing gender roles and forcibly assigning them to strangers

[opinated-user]

Canon: "this character is nonbinary." Lily: "Nonbinary girl, got it." Canon: "Uh, I never mentioned any connection to girlhood in their gender identity? Just that they're nonbinary." Lily: "So they're a girl, just like my wife."

She can't even hide her nbphobia at this point and she's not bothering to. I feel sorry for her spouse. Imagine being married to someone who views NB as girl-but-with-a-different-name.

the moment I publish this ask get ready for her to share something perfomatively about how she actually is very supportive of non binary people or some misterious anon that gives her the chance to be angry on the behalf of non binary people. because those are the only ways she ever know how to pretend like she's inclusive or supportive, since just... going back to edit her own post to include that little note is not an option.

[redheadbigshoes]

my attraction isnt a switch i control but just have turned off for men. like. i can see a butch i think is cute then find out they're a cis man and i just lose that attraction immediately?? i cant control that?? when i am attracted to another non-binary person (im a nb aro lesbian) and i find out they dont lay within my realm of attraction or are uncomfortable by it, i immediately lose attraction. again, i dont control this.

there's loads of jokes about butches and twinks having moments where they're like "hold on you're not a dude?" - "you're not a butch?" and going whoops and having a laugh because they dont swing that way.

idk i dont get the anon being like "what do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that we can’t be attracted to in men?" because as demonstrated, there might be things that overlap, sure, but that doesnt change anything about how attraction functions as a lesbian?? im into women and nonbinary people who align under the lesbian ROA, and anything else i cannot turn that switch on for.

if lesbians can just… "find something attractive in men" then i guess aros and aces can just "find people attractive" in general if that's how that works. if i had to turn on any switch it'd be the lesbian romantic attraction switch but i cant.

and i dont know why it works like that. truly. but why the HELL do we have people in our own damn community asking us to PROVE OURSELVES and our attraction - that we are not secretly into men - as a counter point to lesbophobia? a "nonanswer" as such could apply to so many sections of the community (ive had this used against the explanation of my nonbinaryhood) and this entire thing is so fucking homophobic i cannot even describe.

WE CANT KNOW EVERYTHING. what we do know is lesbian is a term that evolved to describe exclusive sapphic attraction, it includes trans women OF COURSE that is BASELINE. it includes nonbinary people who align with that attraction. it includes aromantics and asexuals. it doesnt include men and trying to devolve the meaning of the word for reasons that aren't even conclusive, and all come down to things like blatant transphobia & nbphobia, blanketed internalized and externalized biphobia as well as misogyny, lesbophobia, aphobia, is honestly just deranged.

i am TIRED

Not to mention finding someone attractive is not attraction. You’re just noticing someone’s beauty. Gays can find women attractive, straight men can find men attractive, straight women can find women attractive. But when it comes to lesbians we can’t recognize a man’s beauty without people doubting our sexuality and telling us we’re actually attracted to men.

Having the mindset that lesbians have to prove our sexuality is very similar to what cishets think of us. Cishets often think queers have to prove their sexuality, and when a queer person have this mindset it just seems they’re siding with cishets.

[citrineghost]

The problem with DNI banners and announcements

So, you want to show your support of marginalized people and shun those who hurt them. That’s wonderful!

Here’s why using a DNI banner is a shitty way to do that:

Every single time a CSA survivor sees your banner, they have to read the word p__ or m__

Every time a trans person sees your banner, they have to read the words tru/sc/um and/or te/rf and be reminded that those exist and are so prevalent that they need to be premptively defended against

Every time a gay person sees your banner, they have to be reminded that there are homophobes who need to be preemptively defended against

Here’s why making DNI announcements for groups is also a shitty way to help:

If you decide you are so upset about a type of person interacting with your content, you may feel compelled to make an announcement telling them to fuck off.

The first issue with that is that any person in that group who is following you is either out and proud as being in that group and is probably not following you anyway if you have DNIs listed in a less aggressive place like your bio or about page. OR, that person is in hiding and is not going to be convinced to unfollow you by you creating a post denouncing their group. They already know it’s shitty, which is why they’re hiding it. Therefore, they have nothing to lose by continuing to follow you.

The second issue is that denouncing shitty groups, once again, forces your marginalized followers and the marginalized followers of rebloggers to be reminded, once again, that they are surrounded by shitty people who want to hurt them.

And here’s why making DNI announcements about certain topics is also a shitty way to help:

Let’s say a new word is being used to describe a shitty thing. Like, for instance, if p__s/M__s come up with some new words for their “attraction” or for content relating to it. Don’t just thoughtlessly make an announcement explaining all about it to your followers and its meaning. You are exposing victims of CSA to pedophilic content by doing that.

Something you need to remember:

People who are out here to hurt marginalized groups or to victimize people are not here to listen to your demands. Demanding they not interact with your content is not going to keep them from doing so. Demanding they not follow you is not going to keep them from doing so. SO, please try to find a way to be public about your stances that isn’t constantly shoving these harmful groups in the faces of their victims. 

Not only will it benefit your followers, it will probably also get you MORE followers, if that’s what you want. Because a LOT of marginalized or victimized people are simply not comfortable following someone who is consistently posting DNI banners on their content that repeatedly trigger or remind them of their abuse or oppression. 

Here’s how you can actually help or do these things safely:

Of course, I encourage making your stances public for people to see, because we should be shaming people for being harmful and cruel. The thing is, we need to do so in a way that isn’t further hurting the people we’re trying to help.

DNI Stances

I think it’s generally understood that no decent person supports p__s/M__s, so probably keep that kind of thing to your about page. Putting it in your bio isn’t the worst thing, but not what I would consider ideal. Te/rfs and tru/sc/um on the other hand, are common enough and a controversial enough stance that putting that in your bio is perfectly called for.

DNI Announcements

These announcements, while I find them to be pretty virtue signally, can be comforting to those who are personally victims of certain groups. If you feel better announcing to certain people to stay away from you and unfollow you, I can’t stop you. But, please tag them for any relevant topic.

For te/rf DNIs, for example, tag for things like “transphobia,” “tw transphobia,” “tw terf” and so on. If the OP tags a post, it should be filtered for all reblogs as well. However, to be on the safe side, because Tumblr isn’t exactly known for its reliability, if you feel compelled to reblog one of these posts, please tag it as well.

Topical DNI Announcements

If you want to inform people of a new dogwhistle, that can be very important. However, there is a fine line between informing people of something to keep them safe, and forcing them to be aware of something that they are not emotionall/mentally safe/comfortable to handle.

If you find out about a new dogwhistle or term used by abusive people/groups online, please be cautious when sharing with your followers. My personal recommendation would be to title a text post something like “New Dogwhistle to Look Out For,” put at the text box something like “Topic Warning: CSA/Assault,” and then put a Read More. 

This will allow people who are on the lookout for people to block or report to read about the new term without forcing others to unwillingly learn about it.

And, again, remember to tag tag tag that post. Make redundant tags, make tags that are similar, make “mention” tags. Protect the people you are trying to protect!

Be Aware of Your Actions

Anyway, that’s all I had to say on that. Just, please be aware of what your good intent is Actually doing. And, if you are not in a group you’re DNIing about, yourself, please also be careful to think about whether you’re doing something for virtue signaling purposes or because you’re genuinely trying to make your blog a safe space for marginalized people and abuse victims.

[pantasticpans]

I identify as pansexual but I get down when other LGBT people say that im biphobic and transphobic. how do I deal with hate from within my own community?

Hello! Speaking as someone who has gone through a number of lgbtq+ labels in my journey to self-discovery (almost all of which have been hounded by intracommunity bigots) the most healing thing -I- have found to do is to block them if they’re loud and nasty about their beliefs. Being surrounded by hate against unchangeable aspects about yourself is bad for anyone’s mental health. As marginalized people, we already get enough bullshit from cis straight bigots. I don’t want to deal with intracommunity bigotry on top of that. So my main advice is to: 1. Surround yourself with explicitly pan inclusive blogs, including pan positivity blogs. Make sure they’re welcoming to pan people and search their blog for words like “pan,” “pansexual,” “discourse,” etc. 2. Don’t be afraid to block loud panphobes when you see them. 3. I won’t tell you to avoid other types of gatekeepers as well because that’s your decision, but I will say that it’s very rare to find an individual with exclusionary beliefs towards ONLY one group. Many panphobes are also aphobes, truscum, TERFs, etc. I wasn’t that exposed to the latest wave of panphobia  because I’d already blocked a number of the people who would become vocally anti-pan back when they were vocally anti-aspec and/or anti-trans/nb. 4. Remember that intracommunity bigotry comes in waves. Right now “pan discourse” is popular, before that it was "queer discourse”, before that "ace discourse”, before that “bi discourse” (which makes the bi gatekeepers ironic), etc. This WILL taper out, and while panphobia won’t die out, much of the popular anti-pan sentiment WILL as they move on to a new identity to tear apart. It’s an ugly cycle but I promise you that panphobia will not remain as prominent as it is now. 5. Finally always remember that gatekeeping beliefs are not the majority and that many lgbtq+ people, including bi people, support us! Seeing panphobia can whittle down your faith in fellow lgbtq+ people if you’re exposed to enough of it. Fight against this. We are supported and accepted whether they like it or not.

[enby-culture-is]

enby culture is laughing in the faces of people who genuinely believe being nonbinary is bad.

[lesbian-stims]

u can wait to answer this till after hanukkah but seraphic-sapphic-safehaven believes panromantic bisexuals and such are a thing

Gross. Aside from the obvious, that's just...so trans/nbphobic.

[silenthillmutual]

i’m still laughing at that one truscum who said to the instacourse blog that they weren’t going to use the correct pronouns for the mod because they didn’t have the “incongruence to not use neopronouns” like

truscum are just so fucking stupid like that, they always wind up using big words or scientific terms that they don’t understand in an attempt to make their factually inaccurate points

like “congruence” and “incongruence” aren’t even used outside of a psychiatric setting and all the root word means is “not the same, not compatible, or out of place” and i think neopronouns fucking fit that

also it’s an adjective, not a noun, you fucking dipshit

[critdanshi]

Not all truscum are against nbs.

this is like #notallmen lol

ye mayb not all truscum are anti nb but the majority ive seen r (not just against their id but how they express their id thru pronouns n style etc)

[transenbyconfessions]

Hey i read your pinned and found nothing saying this isn't allowed, im sorry if it isn't. Trigger warning for sui mention, depression, familiar abuse mention and transphobia

I'm a afab non-binary femme lesbian, i don't have the mental health to be out as NBy so i live like a cis girl. I can't say i don't care but i can deal. My girlfriend is a lesbian trans girl (out irl), I try my best to protect her, i know i can't protect her 100% and this make me feel terrible plus recently she started a new job so she is going to go back home with bad news a lot. Lately i've been seeing a lot of NBphobia in my tl, at my job i listen to a podcast where white cishet men with shitty opinions talk about social stuff and everyone at my job agree with them, my family is ok with me dating a girl (they don't know she is trans) but they vote on politicans who said that gay people should be beaten until they stop being gay.

Seeing how this world will never treat my girlfriend like a normal person, plus my underpaid job, plus my abusive home (been abused by my family since my childhood) is making me kinda nihilist ("kinda" because i don't know much about this but is the only word i found to describe). I have zero hope for a good life for my girl. My country is the rank 1 at murder of trans people (mostly women), the lifespan of trans people here is 30 years. I don't wanna see her cry for doing nothing wrong, I feel like shit for myself too, these thinks are making my depression worst (i don't have money for therapy). I can't see any good reason for continue living, i don't want to leave her too, she always says I'm the only person who supports her 100% and don't treat her like a difficult thing to deal with, but living is only making me feel bad

We have plans to live together next year so i will not kms and mostly i will not kms after the moving because i will never give her the pain of finding my body. I just prefer never being born in a world like this

As always, I encourage anyone experiencing suicidal ideation, the desire to self harm, or otherwise just need emotional support to talk to someone.

Befrienders provides a list of most/all hotlines, searchable by country.. 

Trans Lifeline  is available in the US and Canada, and they will also help guide you through helping a trans friend/loved one.

The TrevorProject has a US-based hotline, textline, and and online chat. They also have an international online social community for people ages 13-24.

[baeddel-txt]

[questioning-culture-is]

Gender questioning culture is always wherein gender neutral clothes as a child and using differnt pronouns. Then discovering the LGBTQIA+ community and realizing that other people question gender. And have your friends tell you not to hyperfixate on the LGBTIA+ community and that just because you dressed differently as a child doesn’t mean your non-binary, trans or other.

.

[queer-merm]

I’m gonna try to be clear because I am FUMING, but I want to address something about the whole “using bi lesbian to describe attraction to women and non-binary people is bad!1!1! Because lesbians are already into fem-aligned enbies”.

First of all: how do you define fem-aligned?

“Well I use it to refer to AFAB-“

Ok TERF. You’re straight up transphobic. I don’t see the point of explaining why.

“Well it’s used to refer to those who “look female””

Yikes. Someone looking somewhat feminine does NOT make them woman lite. You do NOT get to push the fucking binary on a non-binary person based on “looks” dipshit. You don’t get to say “well this person looks feminine so I’m gonna assign them “fem-aligned” (read: female-fucking-lite) so I can comfortably misgendering them while pretending I’m woke :)”. Fuck you.

“Well it’s for those who IDENTIFY as fem-aligned”

Aw that’s nice! Finally something that isn’t garbage!

But the thing is, some non-binary who are By Their Own Identification Fem-aligned.... dont necessarily Look the part. I have seen fem-aligned non-binary people look extremely masc (of any AGAB, at that). Are they still included in lesbianism? Even if they look like, gasp, a MAN?? B-but I thought by YOUR own claims, “all fem-aligned people are BASICALLY included in the “only wombyn sexuality uwu”

(Edit for clarification: When I say “looks like a man” i meant “looks in a way that is generally regarded as masculine by society”. this is NOT about transfems, TMA and ”amab” people not “passing” or whatever. It is about people who present in a more “masculine” way, no matter their agab.)

This is what get me so fucking much about “fem-aligned”. You ARE treating “fem-aligned” (And even unaligned and androgynous!) Non-binary people as “Female lite”!! It’s gross!! Don’t fucking do it.

“But IM Non-binary!!1!” DOESNT FUCKING MATTER. YOU DO NOT, NO MATTER YOUR IDENTITY OR ALIGNMENT, GET TO PUSH THE BINARY ON NON-BINARY PEOPLE SO YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN LITTLE INSECURE DEFINITION OF LESBIAN BEING KEPT PURE FROM THEMALES™️

“B-but you can never tell WHO is non-binary :/“.

Good news motherfucker. Same applies to every. Fucking, gender. You can NOT, ever, be completely sure of someone’s gender. For all u know the very feminine person you a GoldStarLesbian™️found yourself attracted to is actually -gasp- a man, cis or trans. You cannot apply to “u can never tell” logic ONLY on non-binary people because it applies to everyone. Get yourself out of the binary cissexist outlook on appearances I am /begging/ you.

And this is without getting into those who’s alignment fluctuate, or I’d as BOTH fem/masc aligned, etc.

If you say “well lesbianism can include non-binary genders”, You CANNOT be For fluidity of sexuality when it suits You and Against it when it doesn’t.

Because if you act this way, you ARE treating us as “woman-enough for your liking and as such, Basically female uwu”

“SO UR SAYING I HAVE TO IDENTIFY AS BI ;((“

no I’m saying you can identify however you fucking want, you can define your attraction However YOU fucking want.

BUT

the same applies to everyone else. You cannot police other people’s identities because /you/ are an insecure little asshole with a victim complex who doesn’t mind misgendering us so you can keep on being comfortable with the definition of Purelesbianism™️of which political lesbians and radf.ems are responsible.

“WHATEVER!!1! BIBIANS ARE BASICALLY TERFESES!!!1!”

I’m not gonna lie, u saying a label overwhelmingly used by trans people (and transfems especially!:) is synonymous with /people who fucking hate us/ is fucking immoral and ignorant at best, and straight up disgustingly dishonest and mean-spirited at worst.

Sincerely a (unaligned :) )Non-binary Queer Lesbian who is VERY tired of cis lesbian bullshit.

(PS no one here is saying you’re into men before you jump into that claim, I believe you when you say you don’t find them attractive, get off your high horses.)

Anyway i am only talking about one potential Bibians definition on this post, some other can be found here (https://sirene-saphique.tumblr.com/post/621098048274186240/i-know-some-folks-get-confused-when-hearing-bi)

Here is another post on the history of lesbian and bi-lesbian which I heavily going through because come on I spent and keep spending time on it :3 (https://sirene-saphique.tumblr.com/post/622456906166026240/bi-lesbian-was-made-by-radfems-in-2016-and)

[komaeda333]

Little bit of a vent.

Hey guys, can I get some she/they validation? Kinda tired of my family being homo/trans/nbphobic. They’re running my vibes and it ain’t radical. Don’t feel great about being inadvertently invalid and that who I’m attracted to is a choice. :T

[lilacslovers]

vent

warning: strained relationship with parent/mum, transphobia, nbphobia

i feel like being in my house is getting a bit worse. sometimes i recall the ‘jokes’/ things my mum says and it really hurts. whenever i talk about stuff i like she seems so uninterested until i say why she sounds uninterested then she retaliates. it also really upsets me that she doesnt know much about me. 

i also don’t feel accepted in my home. i’m non binary so .. i can’t really tell her otherwise she’ll shame me for it. same for when i had a feeling i was a trans guy, which she really didn’t like when i told her. which sucks :( it sucks a lot.

rn i can only really find comfort in both melony and gordie, especially melony since shes basically my mother in law hahdfhg

i hope melony accepts me for who i am. i think about her being nice and kind and it makes me really happy. <3 and i love gordie with all my heart ofc /r, he is infact my king 

so yeah i just. i’m thinking of my mum and my husband. i hope that somewhere out there they’re comforting me ;w;