#the bill: episode: bad debt

[augustusaugustus]

Suzi Picspam

A handful of Suzi pics that didn't go elsewhere.

[thatbitchery]

On today's episode of me doing everything BUT the thing I am actually supposed to be doing (I have work ppl if you see me on this app again remind me I have work) let me de-influence you a little because your questions are just- uhm. You're living in an illusion

Highly effective does not mean always busy, not even to men. It means effective. You are not supposed to always be busy what kind of life is that?? I know what you mean when you say you're wasting time and the answer is still the same but I think you have this weird idea that highly effective and highly successful people are always being productive? Uhm no thats not a thing. That is not even a life you want. Your favorite idol (someone you look up to, not singer) is not working 24/7. Its actually mostly finding a way to do the most work with the least effort. Your problem isn't that you are not busy it's that you are not effective, and I'm willing to bet it's a mix of intense loneliness and not really having a tangible working plan. You know what you want, you have a vague idea how to get there but not a tangible plan. The goal isn't to never go on tiktok again or watch your favorite anime or movie or not lazy around and suck the joy out of life to become a machine thats why they have robots. The goal is effectiveness.

Money is not made in investments it's made in taking risks. I don't want you to invest so you can make money (you could, if you invest a huge sum) I want you to invest so you can preserve your wealth as it grows. Bond with a 13% interest is better than your bank, isn't it? But 15% of 5000 is 750 you're not making any incredible wealth there are you? 15% of 500000 is 75k though and thats why I said investments only make wealth when you have a large sum- and even then in comparison to 500k 75 isn't that much is it. You can not invest your way into wealth but you can preserve your wealth that way. Investment is for beating inflation. If inflation is 7% and you have a 15% interest you have preserved the value of your money and added 8% value. You can not save your way into wealth either, you have to take risks with it. You can earn your way in if you work high paying and not have to pay off debt and bills yes but the main way people make wealth is by taking risks. Investing is for preserving value mostly. Seriously, get a finance bro.

There is not a single month as a person with an XX chromosome thingy that you will be consistent day 1 to day 30 that's a men thing. You will have a week you think you can take over the world, one week you will murder someone for breathing the same air as you and would rather die than leave your bed, one week you are full of ideas and- ma. Your body works in a cycle YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PRODUCTIVE ALL MONTH you will superhead yourself into some type of PCOS be fr. It is not weird that you are not as motivated as the month moves it's nature. Make weekly goals not monthly goals. It is not a bad thing when you, a woman, are in a body that works like the body of a woman. Why am I not always motivated- because you are a woman and your vitamin balance is weird probably.

What you don't know you either fear or worship. It's really that simple. This sounds- heh- but you only want it because you have never had it.

Social climbing is only mostly beneficial when you have some level of wealth. Having wealthy friends is expensive trust me. And honestly if you are just starting out social climbing is a bad idea. Really really bad idea. Power imbalances are breeding grounds for abuse and one of these days you'll understand human beings are apex predators and your life will get so so so simple. One level above. Just one. {and frankly I highly advice social climbing for my ladies but if you are not an escort or sugar baby don't. don't. Just, it's not what you are hoping it is}

There is no formula to making friends you just have to go out there and do it. The social formula is called learning to read the room and having a very strong self concept, and both are learned in practise. There are no 'tips' talk to people.

It is 100% normal to not have things figured out pre 25. After 25 yes its a problem but you are 19. Just do whatever brings you money, be smart with that money, throw yourself into experiences and learn as much as you can. It is not weird that at 22 you don't know what you want to do with your life it's normal. It makes things harder yes but you have like 75 more years of being alive whats the rush? Make money, give your frontal lobe time. You are supposed to be confused about your future it's just a thing that happens relax.

There aren't as many millionaires as you think there are. Have you seen the wealth distribution chart? You seem behind and you feel like you are left behind because you are on the pseudo finance side of Tiktok with everyone and their mom being a millionaire and it seems like it's everyone? It's not. Most people live with their parents to 30 (which is why your mom bought a three bedroom btw. You fuss and fight but she wants you there) and buy homes in their 40s . You are not left behind you're normal you just consume content that targets that part of you that naively said she'd be a CEO by 22.

You just need to grow up tbh. This is how the world works.

[bitchesgetriches]

{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about How to Pay off Debt

Understanding debt:

Let’s End This Damaging Misconception About Credit Cards

Season 2, Episode 10: “Which Is Smarter: Getting a Loan? or Saving up to Pay Cash?”

Dafuq Is Interest? And How Does It Work for the Forces of Darkness?

Investing Deathmatch: Paying off Debt vs. Investing in the Stock Market

How to Build Good Credit Without Going Into Debt

Dafuq Is a Down Payment? And Why Do You Need One to Buy Stuff?

It’s More Expensive to Be Poor Than to Be Rich

Making Decisions Under Stress: The Siren Song of Chocolate Cake

How Mental Health Affects Your Finances

Paying off debt:

Kill Your Debt Faster with the Death by a Thousand Cuts Technique

Share My Horror: The World’s Worst Debt Visualization

The Best Way To Pay off Credit Card Debt: From the Snowball To the Avalanche

The Debt-Killing Power of Rounding up Bills

A Dungeonmaster’s Guide to Defeating Debt

How to Pay Hospital Bills When You’re Flat Broke 

Ask the Bitches Pandemic Lightning Round: “What Do I Do If I Can’t Pay My Bills?” 

Slay Your Financial Vampires

Season 4, Episode 3: “My credit card debt is slowly crushing me. Is there any escape from this horrible cycle?” 

Case Study: Held Back by Past Financial Mistakes, Fighting Bad Credit and $90K in Debt 

Student loan debt:

What We Talk About When We Talk About Student Loans

Ask the Bitches: “The Government Put Student Loans in Forbearance. Can I Stop Paying—or Is It a Trap?”

How to Pay for College without Selling Your Soul to the Devil

When (and How) to Try Refinancing or Consolidating Student Loans

Ask the Bitches: I Want to Move Out, but I Can’t Afford It. How Bad Would It Be to Take out Student Loans to Cover It?

Season 4, Episode 4: “I’m $100K in Student Loan Debt and I Think It Should Be Forgiven. Does This Make Me an Entitled Asshole?” 

The 2022 Student Loan Forgiveness FAQ You’ve Been Waiting For

2023 Student Loan Forgiveness Update: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly 

Our Final Word on Student Loan Forgiveness 

Avoiding debt:

Ask Not How Much You Should Save, Ask How Much You Should Spend 

How to Make Any Financial Decision, No Matter How Tough, with Maximum Swag

Your Yearly Free Medical Care Checklist

Two-Ring Circus 

Status Symbols Are Pointless and Dumb 

Advice I Wish My Parents Gave Me When I Was 16 

On Emergency Fund Remorse… and Bacon Emergencies

Should You Increase Your Salary or Decrease Your Spending? 

Don’t Spend Money on Shit You Don’t Like, Fool

The Magically Frugal Power of Patience

The Only Advice You’ll Ever Need for a Cheap-Ass Wedding 

The Most Impactful Financial Decision I’ve Ever Made… and Why I Don’t Recommend It 

3 Times I Was Damn Grateful for My Emergency Fund (and Side Income) 

Buy Now Pay Later Apps: That Old Predatory Lending by a Crappy New Name 

Credit Card Companies HATE Her! Stay Out of Credit Card Debt With This One Weird Trick 

Ask the Bitches: Should I Get a Loan Even Though I Can Afford To Pay Cash? 

The Bitches vs. debt:

I Paid off My Student Loans Ahead of Schedule. Here’s How.

I Paid off My Student Loans. Now What?

Hurricane Debt Weakens to Tropical Storm Debt, but Experts Warn It’s Still Debt

The Real Story of How I Paid Off My Mortgage Early in 4 Years

Case Study: Swimming Upstream against Unemployment, Exhaustion, and $2,750 a Month in Unproductive Spending 

That’s all for now! We try to update these masterposts periodically, so check back for more in… a couple… months??? Maybe????

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for debating hiring outside help for my husband and I's house because we can't keep up alone?

For context: My (26 Fae ftm) husband (28M) live very happy and healthily together. While I'm unable to medically transition due to a bunch of reasons we'll get to, he has been nothing but a solid rock in my life and the one person that has always been on my side. Through dragging me out of an abusive household to helping me with my chronic illness, he's been an absolute angel despite dressing like the devil himself (he's goth). So I don't want any hate on him.

He is ADHD and I'm Autistic. Yes, hello, we are that couple~♡ This does cause us some issues tho as he is unmedicated and I'm just struggling in general with sensory issues for certain chores. So far we keep each other some what afloat, having him do chores that my sensory issues can't handle and my doing ones he can't focus through.

However, as previously mentioned I'm chronically ill. I won't get into many details but it's basically I'm internally bleeding at random intervals. And before people think I'm talking about just my period, no it's so bad that I have once had to go to the ER for a blood transfusion due to this internal bleeding and had times when I was bleeding for over 4 months straight.

My husband and I because of this condition are pretty much struggling financially. I can work but it makes me extremely fatigued since I'm essentially working with constant Anemia. It gets bad enough some days that he can't wake me up without over an hour of effort, even after I've slept 10hrs. The fatigue is REALLY bad. He works just as much as I do, sometimes more because his work is so shortstaffed and he likes to pick up extra shifts to try and save up for the surgery that would hopefully fix everything.

This has culminated though in us both being extremely exhausted near 24/7 for the last year-ish but we have finally hit a break. I recently got a huge pay increase (nearly $200 a week increase) so we are hopeful for the first time in months. We're starting to pay down my extreme medical debt and being able to just go get dinner when he doesn't want to cook.

Here's where I may be kind of TA... Despite this hope, my condition recently did get worse. I've now gone another 3 months still bleeding and having to suffer my Anemia symptoms and medication. This has caused me to fall massively behind on what should be my chores, and while my husband doesn't begrudge me it, it has caused our home to start becoming very, very unhygienic. As someone who grew up with a clean freak mother, it kinda upsets me. He's focusing more and more on me and less on the house so even his chores are falling behind too.

None of that is his fault. He loves me so much he wants to help Me first but it has gotten to where we are both going "we really need to clean the house..." but neither of us have enough battery to do so. Me becuz of my condition and he becuz he's stuck caring for me.

We have enough that we might be able to afford to hire a cleaning service to help us out, but it would cost us some of the freedom and paying down medical bills. I think it'd only be a temporary thing, once I recover from my current episode, we can probably get better... but I don't know how long it will be.

On top of this I'm worried paying for this service will further put off my surgery as we struggle to save up for it again... We've already had to tap into that savings cuz my current episode lost me 2 days at work.

Is it unfair for me to ask to use our new extra money for essentially my not wanting to have to bother doing basic chores? I know I'm tired but I've lived with it so long I could and should probably just push through.

What are these acronyms?

[thedepthsoffandomminds]

Episode ten - paper

Jack Dawkins x fem reader.

Jack's eyes opened slowly, the room around him was dark. He was on the ground and pain clamped at his chest.

"What's going on?" He asks into the darkness. Footsteps tapping against the damp stone floor.

"Oh weren't sure if you'd wake up, you're losing a lot of blood. My lad hasn't quite learnt how to stab and not kill just yet." The voice felt familiar to Jack.

"Bill?" He says. The man laughs. The rope around Jack's wrist tugs and begins to lift him until jack's feet barely touch the floor.

"No, no my brother is well and truly dead, that Oliver Twist really got him good. Still, little toff is in prison himself now. Sweet justice." He laughed again.

"What?" Jack was finding it hard to keep up.

"Oh, I'm just here getting a little payback. You're collateral damage as they say." He laughed again. Jack felt him come too close, the stink of his breath assaulting his nostrils.

"I never did anything to Bill or you!" Jack strains against the pain from his knife wound.

"Oh I ain't got problems with you, but you dying sure as hell will hurt the people I hate." The man laughed again, slamming his fist into Jack's stomach.

*_*_*_*

"lady y/n, what on earth do you think you are doing?" Sneed questions entering your room.

"I have to help Fagin find Jack" you say, pulling your dressing gown on over your nightdress.

"Find Jack, he only just got back, what happened to him?"

"He was kidnapped, last night. It looks like he was hurt. We have to find him." You say taking your sister's arm.

"And you were just going to let her run off? Y/n has just had heart surgery!" He asked Belle. She tilted her head in a shrug.

"Do you think we could stop her?" She shot back at him.

"At least put on some clothing. If you insist on charging around Port Victory your corset will help keep you together." Sneed sighed. You held his hand.

"thank you, thank you Rainsford."

Belle helps you into a simple white cotton dress, forgoing the hooped crinolines. The corset felt foreign after being in bed for so long. Though you had to admit it was making your chest feel a little easier. You don't bother to put up your hair, choosing instead to simply tie back the front.

When ready you make your way down to the morgue where Fagin waited for you. Aputi, Flashbang, Tim and Red are with him.

"Do we know anything yet?" You ask.

Fagin shakes his head.

"We've heard nothing. Not a dot." He admits.

"That isn't true." You spin heating your father's voice behind you.

"Father?" You take his outstretched hand.

"It appears this is all my fault." He says, leaving a folded slip of paper in the air. You snatch the paper from his hand.

"Governor Fox, you may recall Lord Branwell. You have debt with him and I have come to collect. Arthur Sikes." You read aloud.

"Sikes?" Fagin turns white, "Oh that family is like a bad smell, they always come back."

"Father what did you do?"

Edmund sighs, "Many years ago during my military days I had command of Lord Branwell's son. A fine chap really if not a little wild. Branwell always blamed me for his death"

You put your hand on his shoulder.

"It's alright father, we will deal with this. Surely he will want money and we have plenty." You say.

"No, if I know the Sikes this isn't about money."

*_*_*_*

Jack pulls against the rope holding him up. His fingertips were already beginning to turn blue.

"If killing me is the point why not just do it?" He coughs out.

"Well no need to be boring. We all like to have a little fun in our work. Plus seeing old Fagin's face when he sees your mutilated body will be fun." Arthur bit into an apple as he talked.

"So it is a little about him then?" Jack says between heavy breaths.

Arthur kicks his foot, knocking the tied rope. It uncurls and skids until Jack hits the floor, face first. Blood quickly starts dripping from his forehead. Joining the wounds that now littered his body. Stomping across the room Arthur grabbed Jack's shirt and shoved him onto his back. Crouching over him.

"You know, it isn't really you that I want, I just know having you will bring one Fox's kids here. Then he'll learn what it is to lose a son."

"Fox doesn't have a son." Jack says.

"a daughter then. I hear one of them is quite taken with you." He laughs again. "now how about we choose something to send to them? A finger? The whole hand? And ear? A foot? Hmm? What about your baby maker?" He laughs again, showing his rotten teeth and twirling a knife between his fingers.

"No, please" Jack began to beg.

"a toe then, we'll start small." Arthur pulled Jack's shoe from his foot, sliding the blade between his toes.

"No."

A door opened somewhere behind Jack and a voice called to Arthur. He grabbed Jack's face around the jaw.

"I guess this will have to wait. See you soon, Jacky boy." He shoved Jack's face before rushing away.

"What is it?" He growls at the smaller man.

"the whole town is looking for him. We're done for."

*_*_*_*

"Where has she gone?" Edmund bellowed through the hospital.

"We don't know. She was looking at the paper and then she just took off!" One of the recoats explained.

You had slipped from the hospital and we're making your way through the streets of the town. The dirt scratching against your bare feet. Your sister knew very much about the body, Jack was impressively good at surgery but you, you knew about paper. Seemingly dull to many but upon arriving in Port Victory you had familiarised yourself with each type of paper available to you. Only one was made within the town limits. A basic sheet, thicker than that shipped from England. It had little wooden flecks throughout it, picked up from the sawdust that littered the factory floor. This had to be where they were keeping Jack and you knew exactly where to go.

The cut on your chest pulled at your skin as you walked. You had to ignore it and find him. If you told anyone else your theory they would send an army to the door and that ran the risk of Jack being killed.

You hear a bell being rung and know they have discovered your absence, leaving you little time.

The factory was not a large one, and was connected to a boarding house. You knew it would be stupid to walk in through the front door. Looking around you see a window on the upper floor. You climb the wooden steps on the boarding to balcony and climb onto the railings. You slip, catching your dress underfoot. Grumbling you unclasp it and let the garment fall to the ground, leaving you in just your bloomers, corset and short chemise. Able to move more freely you climb back up and throw yourself across to the small ledge under the window. The bump catches your breath and you're sure you feel something catch below your corset. You pull yourself up and slip into the window, there is an old wooden platform that you stand on. It is filled with old boxes. You hide behind them, doing your best to move quietly. You see Jack lying in the ground and your heat breaks.

A fast sweep of the room tells you he is alone so you slowly make your way down the steps and across the floor.

"Jack?" You touch his face, then check his body. The wound on his chest looked angry.

"Jack, Jack come on you have to wake up." You whisper to him, tapping his face to rouse him. When his eyes finally open he looks up at you. Fear crossed his eyes.

"No, Y/n you shouldn't be here! You have to go. Now!"

You ignore him and u tie his hands.

"can you stand?" You ask. He nods and the two of get up.

"Wait, y/n you have blood on you." He says pressing his hand to your chest.

"Perhaps it's yours." You say, once again ignoring the sting of pain below the corset, "come on we have to go quickly." You pull his arm around your shoulders and start to direct him towards the doors.

"This was silly, you should not have come here." Jack chastised you.

"No she definitely should not have." Arthur's foot kicks into the back of your knees sending both you and Jack to the ground. He drags you backwards by your ankles. No matter how you claw at the floor you cannot stop him. Jack struggles to move as two other men grab at him.

"Here you go my Lord. Just in time for you to watch it." Arthur grabs you by the hair and yanks you back. You meet eyes with a pompously large man who laughs, pouring a glass of wine.

Episode eleven

@fandomfan-102 @darasloves @afalls14universe

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Wandee Goodday Episode 8

In which we have many confessions (both wanted and unwanted), further (mis)communications and the sweetest proposal scene in BL land.

First thing, YeiCher owned this episode. These 2 just complement each other superbly. I’m sure we will see some conflict down the road with Yei hiding the debt of their boxing gym from Cher, but for now, I’m basking in joy with the fact we have YeiCher being formally engaged in a timely fashion to commerate with the Thai senate officially passing the bill to allow marriage equality in real life!

As for our YakDee…I’m a bit confused. Look, I am thrilled they made up quickly - Yak giving back that ugly necklace (it’s not to my aesthetic taste but I am definitely glad it made it back to Dee’s neck!), Dee informing Yak he no longer has any feelings for Dr Terrible plus Yak sweetly informing Dee “this hottest and most dashing boxer is yours.”

So…WHY ARE THEY STILL IN A FAKE BF relationship?? I initially thought I might have misunderstood the whole thing. However, when Dee asked Yak to accompany him to the hospital anniversary ball - Yak said “again?” And Dee saying otherwise he would accept Dr Terrible invitation to the ball.

And what made it clear these 2 adorkable idiots have yet to re-define their relationship properly is the conversation between Dee and his wise grandmother - she sensibly asked whether YakDee is still just FWB? And Dee said there is a dateline to their relationship? Maybe someone who is cleverer than me can explain this? - is it cause Dee is angling for the scholarship and thought he would have to leave Yak anyway??

Cause why will you cook for him, dry his hair, massage his aching legs in front of the whole gym, learn how to slow dance, take him to a fancy costume place and pick up a matching grooms outfit if you are both not in love with each other???

Despite my confusion about their relationship status, I did love the whole ballroom scene - from Yak dashing in last minute in time to ask for his prince for the dance, YakDee slow dancing and Yak finally confessing in words that he is in love with Dee. Does that mean they will finally be real boyfriends next episode? (Although from the preview, they are STILL NOT together as real boyfriends?)

Dr Terrible remains shameless and desperate. If I’m not mistaken, Dee rejected him 3 times in this episode alone - when he indirectly decline Terrible’s invitation to the ball by expressing he will be bringing his significant other, saying no when Terrible said he will dance with Dee because of Yak non-presence at the ball. And when that did not deter Terrible (he tried to kiss Dee! 😤), Dee bluntly say he has outgrown Terrible and only regards him as an older brother. However, Terrible has yet to learn his lesson - he left his date (Dr Khwan you deserves better) to again try his luck with Dee. So, I’m glad it seems Dr Khawn left him after Yak timely arrival to save his prince from the evil clutch of Terrible.

As for Taemrak, I do feel bad for her. It’s clear now she does have some feelings for Yak. I think pre-Dee, Taemrak might have taken for granted of Yak’s friendship and affection for her. He was always there for her with his easy banter. But with Dee around, Yak no longer txt/msg/meet up with her beyond school. Nevertheless, I’m glad she still trust Yak to come for her aid (although I must say, what a plot twist - didn’t think Ohm will be so nasty. And Yak, couldn’t you have told Dee why you had to leave him suddenly before the ball??) Like I say, (mis)communication seems to be the theme of this episode.

Overall, I like the episode. I was hoping for more of Dr Kao though, but YeiCher sweet scenes made up for Dr Kao’s absence. And 2 big thumbs up 👍 from me for their ongoing PSA re: HPV vaccine! ❤️

Bring on episode 9!

[crow97street]

─── ⋆⋅weeping under the willows⋅⋆ ───

synopsis ✦‧₊˚ chan has a bad day and then an even worse day when his mom has another drunk episode

warning/tags ✦‧₊˚ alcohol abuse, drinking, drunk people?, obsessive thoughts, arguing, crying, near panic attacks, mentions of past smoking, hurt/comfort, channie loves bin <3 AGAIN!!, channie and binnie are the cutest besties, highschool AU

notes ✦‧₊˚ hello folks🤗just another projection fic except it’s my daily life😍also yall chan’s mom is the sweetest ever like do not apply this to them at all i’m basically just using chans name

word count ✦‧₊˚ 2,489

song rec for this ;)

⋆ ̊。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ̊。⋆

“See ya hyung!” Jisungs cheerful voice echoes across the open field as Chan leaves school.

“See you Jisung-ah.” Chan hollers back as he slings his backpack onto his other shoulder. School was exhausting, as always. But today was somehow even more terrible than usual.

First, Chan was late to first period and luckily Mrs. Kim let him off with a slap on the wrist. He’s already been late and absent for way too many classes this year so God took his side today it seems.

Secondly, during lunch Chan spent his last few dollars on pineapple juice only to bump into some asshole quarterback, spilling it all over the cafeteria floor. The quarterback then proceeds to laugh at Chan, knock him in the shoulder, and run off. Chan wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, scream, or all of the above. Unfortunately Chan was forced to choose a fourth unlisted option: stay silent, clean up his emptied drink bottle and spill, then walk to his friends table like nothing happened. He’s forced to pick the unlisted fourth option a lot more than he admittedly wants to.

Finally, to top the day off with a big dollop of whip cream and sprinkles! Chan was skateboarding home, like he always fucking does every single goddamn day without issue, and he fucking crashed. Into someone’s dog. Truly today must have been some sort of fucking trial God decided to face him with. He’s just about to fail said trial if he doesn’t catch a break today, of course the dog had to be one of those small fragile little pussy dogs that scream bloody murder if you lightly graze their paw.

So that made for quite the scene when he ran his fucking skateboard into it. But he managed to escape by apologizing twelve hundred times to the dogs owner and offering to pay any vet bills that he definitely cannot afford. Thankfully the owner forgave him and he hightailed it out of there like something was chasing him, perhaps the clouding doom of debt and guilt was what made his foot push off the ground just a tad bit harder. Nonetheless Chan is home, and he is safe from the claustrophobic creatures that are other humans. Sometimes Chan wishes he were an animal, maybe a hawk? He could fly anywhere he wanted and doesn’t have to talk to anyone. Or maybe a wolf? More social with their packs and whatnot. Chan giggles to himself at the ridiuclous imagery of his friend group as a wolf pack. They unofficially-officially labeled their group the stray kids. Based off all of their similar backgrounds of dirty suburban neighborhoods and dysfunctional parents that fall into either the drunk line, or the drug line. Or maybe they throw in a plot twist and they fall into the narcissistic victim blaming parent. Anywho Chan is just happy to be fucking home.

He lets out a big sigh and allows his backpack to slide off his frame landing on the carpet with a loud ‘thunk’.

“Well fuck.” Chan just stands in the middle of his room trying to reel in his racing and screaming mind. After recollecting his humanity, he immediately begins stripping all his clothing off leaving himself in just his boxers and socks before flopping onto his bed bouncing a bit as he lands. He cannot wait to pass out, wake up at some ungodly hour of the night in a cold sweat from another very uncalled for nightmare, and stay up until he leaves for school to do it all again. Shit. His life sucks.

Chan moves his eyes from the chipped paint on his wall to his alarm clock, it reads 4:35. Huh. Enough time to visit his favorite place. Now, Chan’s favorite place is a bit.. strange, to be a favorite place. But people just don’t understand the tranquility of it all. Chan let’s out a humorous breath. Maybe the photography students would.

He counts down 10 seconds in his head before standing up in one fluid motion at 1, stumbling a little as his vision goes black from going too fast. He makes a face at the sweatpants lying on his floor before deciding fuck it and throwing them on along with a sleeveless loose top. He shakes his head and grabs his phone skipping down the stairs. As he rounds the corner silently he spots his mom pouring wine into her glass. Ah of course, well, good thing he’ll be gone most of the night and he’ll come home to her asleep in her bed and he can escape whatever shit she wants to spew to him that night.

Chan races out the front door after grabbing an apple tossing it in his hand. He shuts the door silently and slides his arm underneath the bar below his skateboard throwing it into the ground and hopping on. At least at the end of the day he’s got his skateboard. He glances down at the board fondly before pushing off again. Hyunjin painted the bottom of the board for him for his birthday many years ago and the paints only chipped and faded the smallest amount. He likes to tell everyone it’s Hyunjin’s magical being that kept the paint so pristine. He asked him to paint a weeping willow tree with blood on the ends of the leaves. Hyunjin gave him a questioning glance at the time of the request but painted it nontheless. Chan had been in love with it ever since and doesn’t go anywhere without his baby.

Chan smiles lightly as he reaches his spot and hops off the board ascending the overgrown hill. He reaches the tree and sighs. It’s a large weeping willow with its leaves touching the ground. Someone planted it years ago and anyone who comes across it has just labeled it as some sacred thing, which, yeah that makes Chan happy this tree is special. Chan continues his journey forward and swoops under the leaves and into the little cove the leaves provide. There’s an old ratty blanket and a basket of just random various items and Chan makes his way over. He put this blanket down when he was 7 years old and here it is still standing after 10 years. Even when it rained the blanket never took much damage due to the leaves acting as a shield.

Chan drops his body onto the dirty blanket letting out a loud groan. He gazes up into the heart of the tree admiring its beauty for awhile. He would never get sick of this place, when he had nobody he always had his weeping willow. Chan reached up and his hand came away wet. Oh. He’s crying. Chan never really cried, even as a child he’d just laugh off everything or put on a brave face, his body just never felt the need to expel tears. Seems today hit him harder than he thought, seeing as his vision is blurring and his chest is getting tighter. Fucking hell can he get his act together? This is stupid. Chan grunts and wipes his face with a frustrated groan - his groan was shaky and unstable but he won’t ever admit that.

“Fuuuuuuck.” Chan laughs at himself and sits up scrubbing his face and looking over into his bin of supplies. There’s a multitude of things in there ranging from an old american spirit box of cigarettes Chan smoked when he was younger - he pretty much quit, his life sucked enough there was no need to make it worse by giving himself some form of cancer - to an old wiltered flower that a small bunny delivered to him one day. He was 13 years old and his mom had one of her first drunk episodes, he didn’t know how to feel or how to handle the feelings he received from the way his mother acted that night. He felt like he was looking into the eyes of someone else, someone who wasn’t his mother. He even had bruised knees from falling onto the ground as he ran to this tree. A small white bunny appeared that evening and in it’s mouth was a tiny pink tulip, Chan smiled and accepted the flower as the bunny scampered off. Chan will never forget the tiny bunny that helped him that day.

Chan shakes his head once more to clear his thoughts, damn he was really just reliving everything tonight wasn’t he. At this point he’s posing the question is the tree weeping or is he? Chan shakes his head at his absolute corny inner monologue. He lets his mind go numb for awhile.

A leaf lands on his face and he blinks a few times before lifting his wrist. 9:57 his watch blinks at him. Oh. Oh. Chan’s eyes widen comically before he jumps onto his feet. He stumbles and races down the hill after grabbing his skateboard and taking off.

⋆ ̊。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ̊。⋆

The glow of his window shines brightly in the dim nightlife of the neighborhood. Chan glances at the front door. It’s definitely locked, his mom always locks it when she heads to bed. She never checks in on Chan anymore. He sighs and begins climbing the tree next to his window. He lands onto the short overhang roof and climbs into his window.

Chan strips down again and falls onto his bed. He feels sleep tug at his eyes until a loud crash outside his door jerks him back awake. Chan feels a cold sharpness grow and grow inside of his chest at the noise. This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. His mom was supposed to be asleep. Chan feels himself begin to tremble. He stands apprehensively and walks in slow motion to his bedroom door. It feels like the entire world has stopped and surrounded Chan to watch as his trembling fingers reach out for the knob. He decides to rip the bandaid off and flings the door open in one swift motion.

He’s greeted by his mom picking up books she scattered onto the floor. She smiles at him.

“Hey sweetie.” She speaks softly. Chan knows better.

“Hey mom, what did you do?” Chan hesitantly replies. Why is this affecting him so much? He’s done this so many times why is he even trembling? Chan internally groans at his betraying body.

His mom just laughs a bit and continues to pick up the books before standing. Inching closer to Chan.

“Where were you honey?” Chan could smell the familiar scent of alcohol across the room. He felt nauseous.

“Uh, just took my skateboard out.” Chan learned the trick was to be as vague as possible in situations like this. Don’t give her too many details to use against him later.

“Why aren’t you ever home anymore?” Her mood immediately darkens at the question.

“Just been um, busy, you know. With homework and hanging out with my friends.” Chan feels the crack of his dry throat as he swallows.

Chan feels his heart begin to beat faster under her gaze. He can’t pinpoint her emotion and it’s freaking him out a little.

“Oh. I see.” She sighs out. “It’s all my fault then.” Chan’s jaw opens at the sudden switch of her tone. Accusatory to, victimized? Chan feels fury ignite like a flame in his chest. He pushes it down with a shaky exhale.

“No, not your fault, just busy.” He gives her a lame excuse knowing she won’t listen to him anyway.

“So I don’t mean anything to you? You're too busy for me now, is that it?” She raises her voice slightly but it sounds like screaming to Chan’s ears. He feels dizzy.

“No, mom, I just told you school has been hard.” School has been totally fine. He doesn’t care though, he’ll do anything to escape this.

“Christopher, I am your mother.” She fixes him with a stern gaze and Chan feels himself crumble right back into his eight year old self.

“O-Okay mom I’m sorry, I’ll make more time for you.” Chan rushes it out of his mouth in one large exhale bringing his arms up to wrap around himself. A pathetic self soothing tactic he began doing.

Her expression instantly changes and she nods with a smile.

“Goodnight Chris.” She turns and heads into her bedroom as if nothing happened at all. Chan stands there for a few seconds before racing into his room, closing the door. He trips and falls onto his carpet floor with blurry vision. His chest grows tighter and tighter until he grips onto his shirt with white knuckles gasping for air.

His vision sways and black dots line his peripheral but he blindly reaches for his phone on his bed. His fingers find the object and he immediately taps the contact bringing the phone to his ear.

Ringing.

…

Ringing.

…

Ring-

“Hyung?” Changbin’s soothing voice echoes out the speaker of his phone. Chan’s entire body slacks.

“C-Changbin can you, um, can you c-come over?” Chan internally curses himself for stuttering and trembling like an idiot. But ultimately he’s too exhausted to care.

“Yeah of course, Channie-hyung what happened?” Changbin’s voice carries ounces of worry in it and Chan can hear the jingle of keys.

“Just please come.” Chan ends the call and drops his phone, wrapping his arms around himself again. He curls into the smallest ball he can and tries to fight the panic growing.

⋆ ̊。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ̊。⋆

He doesn’t know how long he sits there breathing in and out until he hears his window slide up. He snaps his head to the source of the noise and sees Changbin climbing in carefully. Changbin’s eyes find Chan’s sorrowful ones and his whole body deflates with sadness.

“Come here hyung.” Changbin opens his arms and sits on the rough carpet. Chan scrambles and falls as he rushes into Changbin’s arms. He shoves his head into the crook of Changbin’s neck and wraps his arms around his torso with a vice grip.

“Shh it’s okay, I’m here.” Changbin keeps his voice low and soft and Chan is insanely grateful for the small gesture. He snuggles in closer and allows his tears to soak into Changbin’s soft polyester t-shirt.

“Your mom again?” Changbin sighs out reaching a hand up to brush through Chan’s unruly curls.

“Mm-h-hm.” Chan releases a terrible shaky hum and nods his head slowly against Changbin.

“Oh, channie.” He squeezes Chan tighter and rests his cheek atop his bed of curls. The nickname always eases Chan a bit, it helps him let go and receive comfort more than an honorific would. Chan sniffles and feels his eyes grow heavy.

“Sleep channie, it’s alright I’ll be here.” Chan allows his eyes to close at Changbin’s words. His pulse slows and his breathing comes easier.

He drifts off to thoughts of how much he loves his best friend and the buzz of his old fan.

[fruitless-vain]

Oooooookay here comes the rant post

What happened: jacks old coworker had a series of unfortunate events happen that resulted in them being homeless and jobless. We offered a place to stay first month rent free while they get a job, $200 a month after the fact just to cover absolutely bare bones basics so they can save up and move out quickly. Started out with him putting on a great people pleasing act and quickly turned in to a nightmare.

Ye animal related rant list:

Given explicit instructions not to do xyz with Yoshis because she is a service dog that cannot get in to these bad habits. One moment I see him telling her to eat something off the floor, I pick up the item and politely tell him she’s not allowed to do that since scavenging while she’s on the job at a restaurant would get us kicked out. I reward her for not eating the thing, turn my back for two minutes just to hear him whispering “eat it, take it, you can have it” once again encouraging her to eat off the floor

Initially I was letting her follow him downstairs, whatever, dudes going through a bad time and a happy dog makes anyone better. Until I learned he had been feeding her HUGE doses of food off his plate I’m talking larger than her entire meal and was feeding things that are outright toxic for dogs. I only found that out because Yoshi would throw up in the middle of the night for seemingly no reason. Asked him and sure as shit feeding her toxic things.

Repeatedly got in the way of Yoshi retrieving medications as well as actively trying to distract her while she was doing DPT for a medical episode.

On the first day I told him it’s hormone season for the parrots they are aggressive and sensitive right now please just ignore them, don’t interact with them at all, it will make things so much worse and someone will get bit. A couple days later he taunts Newt by wagging his fingers in front of him deliberately trying to set him off, I immediately tell him to stop in a very stern sharp tone, he blatantly ignores me, I have to raise my voice to get this grown ass man to stop harassing Newt. This disregard resulted in Newt flipping so bad he is now totally unhandleable I have to wear bulky headphones a loose sweater and a hood because he will launch to bite anyone to moves right now. Thanks for that genius.

Explained how scents will kill the birds, please smoke outside away from any open windows, wash your hands// air off before going near the bird room so the smoke residual doesn’t kill my pets. Does a mostly okay job at smoking away from windows, for whatever reason thinks smoking outside open doors is fine though? No attempt to ensure he doesn’t reek of cigarette before going down near the bird room. No effort not to kill my animals.

All my animals are clean and well maintained to the best extent an animal can be. He will pet sham then immediately make a snarky statement about him being gross or having to wash his hands now bc gross, smell his hands and huff away to wash his hands before resuming something dramatically. Just don’t pet him then? He’s a dog.

Finances:

We paid for everything for the first chunk with 0 need for payback because we wanted to help him out. Get some new clothes, the basic hygiene stuff, cover one tank of gas so he can hand out resumes. A startup base to get back on your feet with. Anything past that point that he asks for from us was agreed upon to be paid back whenever possible. He owes us over $1000 currently and has paid us $10 to take off of that debt. It’s been two months, he got a job within the first week. The only other payment has been the $200 rent agreed upon for the second month. Anything else he has ever “attempted” to pay us back with he would ask for it back within 8 hours.

Which wouldn’t be the biggest issue if not for the fact that: he has gone out drinking at bars every weekend, got a new girlfriend and has been buying her stuff/ giving her gas money/ paying her bills just for funsies, he started eating out and refusing to make food with the Free Stuff We Supply. He has the money to spend and pay us back. He just won’t.

Wasting, Everything. He showers twice a day every day. Our water bill has gone up $150 on his water usage alone. He will make a huge plate of food then just leave it sitting out all night and throw it away. He will cook 6 eggs at a time for himself then not finish it consistently. Make Less Next Time or USE THE FRIDGE.

He leaves every single light on and I don’t mean oops I left it on when I came upstairs and forgot. I mean he will leave at night to go to the bar and leave four lights on, the computer running and everything on high to go out for 4-6 hours. I am now acting like the parent of a child having to listen for his car driving away to go down the stairs and shut everything off god forbid my hydro bill pay the price and the birds be stuck with lights blaring keeping them awake.

We are flat broke right now, we have run ourselves dry, we made it very clear that past the first batch of purchases we got for him his expenses were his responsibility. He has asked for gas money every week since the start. He will make up some story about his car just burning through gas “it must be broke !” “Just filled it now sure how this happened???” For the first bit we went along with it adding it to list he owes us for but it quickly became a clear habit so we stopped. IMMEDIATELY started guilt tripped and being manipulative about it. Sending pictures of a car on E on the road after we said no, going “well where’d that 10$ I gave you go?????” Being super pushy and not taking No I don’t have money to give You as an answer.

Keeps wanting to do the grocery shop with this undertone of “I want to do the shop without you there so I can over buy things we don’t need and you’ll have to foot the bill for it” constantly mentioning things like expensive meats he wants to eat, buying excess of things we already have in the house, brands and things we cannot afford. Initially I interpreted his offers as kind like oh this is a hard task for me he wants to help! But this one day he was supposed to do it but we were out of pizza sauce and I was literally in the middle of prepping the dough so I just ran out and did it. He was So Mad that he didn’t get to do it like sir? Wtf was so important about groceries that I’ve foiled your plans here? What the HELL were you going to do?

Jack also smokes, if you buy x amount of cartons you get them cheaper so they were going to buy x amount and split the bill together. Dude smoked like 5/6 cartons all by himself. To add to this I have found his cigarettes all over my front yard from him smoking in his car and throwing it in to the grass, also some left at the side door instead of the ashtray that’s right the fuck there. On top of that half of these are still like full cigarettes? Just completely wasting shit that’s already a chaotic price for a habit he certainly can’t afford.

Habits:

We’ve had alcohol sitting in our house since our wedding. We don’t drink much but every now and then we celebrate something and have a nice night together. It’s nice having the booze sitting there for those random times we can have some fun without spending any money cause it’s already here. He drank a full bottle of vodka, rum, gin, kahlua, and wine within the second week of being here. It was all gone in a night.

He is incapable of flushing his own toilet. Every morning after he leaves for work I have to do the round shutting off the lights and discovered that he just leaves his shit to ferment all day long. There is piss splash all along the seat and surrounding floor. It reeks like a porta potty. It’s fucking disgusting.

Lies about it every tiny little thing, pretended I just didn’t buy two chocolate bars I mustve only gotten one and that’s why only one is in the pantry now. I found the wrapper on the floor of his room for that bar. Says he’s staying in this weekend doesn’t want to go out drinking can’t afford it then immediately goes out. Says he has no money for gas he can’t be doing anything then goes to drive to a fro around town for no reason other than to just drive.

Gotta love the casual bragging about all the “chores” he’s done so we should be grateful (he washed his own frying pan he used and the whole house needed to know about it)

Weaponized incompetence. Ohh I didn’t know the dishwasher was clean! There’s a giant sign on the front that says clean. Deliberately messing up cookies he wanted to make four times for his coworkers so that I would have to do it for him (that didn’t work, enjoy bringing gross cookies in, magically he made them perfectly the next time)

My all time favourite of “I think I’ll do X!” And then standing in the kitchen staring at me waiting for me to get up and do it for him. Boy does he every huff and puff when I do not move and just go “enjoy” when he starts asking 20 questions back to back to trigger me to just do it myself it’ll be easier I instead just go “idk” “try asking google”. Suddenly he’s capable of doing the thing with no further questions.

Claims to be a neat freak, will make an underhanded comment about dog fur or a bird poop on the couch or some other very small not a big deal thing then fails to even keep his bedroom clean. I have had to clean up sticky coffee spills from the hallway, deep clean the stair he covered in mud and clay, his room has no visible floor, need I mention the state of that bathroom again? Neat freak my ass you just want to complain and talk shit without sounding rude?

Dramatic gagging sounds whenever he sees a bird poop. Pretended to “help” by picking up a dog poop (which we didn’t ask him to do it’s our dog we’ll clean it) and then dramatically fake vomiting the entire time until one of us walked over took the bag from him and did it. Our dogs are on raw, the poops are small and have very minimal smell. No one asked him to do this if you were truly this bothered by poop you would just not. You just wanted to make a scene. About how Gross our animals are cause that seems to be all you do in a day.

Keeps going out the side door to smoke in the middle of the night then not locking the door when he comes back in.

Goes out every night drinking then spends all day bitching about not getting enough sleep

OH MY GOD I can only take Advil for my migraines bc of my heart medication. We have Tylenol for everyone else. HE TOOK THE ENTIRE BOTTLE OF ADVIL IN ONE FUCKING NIGHT. So I’ve been stuck with debilitating pain and no pain relief because it’s expensive as fuck. The bottle of Tylenol was also half chugged down by the next weekend. We will not be buying more.

Any and all leftovers I have from cooking for myself and Jack (I cook meals for all of us if he’s home but if he’s not I won’t bc who knows what time he’ll show up) he just eats without even asking. Most of the time the leftovers are for my flare up days so I can eat when I’m in pain. He’s been told this. He doesn’t care. If there is food pre made he will consume all of it it doesn’t matter if it’s way too much for one person to eat. He’ll just leave it out all night for a week to rot in the basement. Otherwise the only thing he will cook for himself is eggs. Expensive. We no longer buy eggs he can buy his own to feed that expensive diet choice.

Common sense not to use metal on things like frying pans and baking sheets. I inform him of this anyways, do not cut directly on my pizza pans. It will make them rust and no longer be non stick. These are new. Don’t damage them. He was supposed to be home for home made pizza, didn’t show until like 2am. I left cooking instructions with the dough pre set up for him just need to put on toppings bake and serve. I left a note saying “do NOT cut on tray” he cut on the tray. This was the second time. Both trays are permanently damaged. My notes were found in the oven burnt. Thanks for the fire hazard.

Complains about there being insects in the basement (there’s the occasional spider and we’ve had some rain so the occasional little wood bug is piping up the escape the rain) it just needs to dry and they’ll be gone. It’s a basement. There’s gonna be some spiders n shit. Bitched about there being ants. I’ve never had ants in this house anywhere, lo and behold leaving his food out all over the damn room attracted them. Told him this fact. He goes no it couldn’t possibly be that and demands to use chemicals (bird death so NO). Eventually got him to bring up his dishes and BEHOLD the ants are all gone.

Bitched about it being cold in the basement, (it’s warm enough for my tropical parrots?) we bought a second space heater for him. Yet he doesn’t use the spare blankets down there at all, still complains about it being cold. It’s the pit of summer. I’m not turning the central heating on??? Use the damn blankets????? Move the space heater closer to you????? Close your bedroom door??????????? This space heater has been left too close to flammable objects on no less than four occasions so far. It’s like he wants my house to burn down.

He kept wanting to be involved and help the house so we were having a bbq and asked him to pick up some small things we needed like a case of beer and some buns. He left and never showed back up. He then ate the leftovers of five burger patties and seven hotdogs which we were hoping to eat after pride all in one sitting for breakfast.

Ah yes, continuously eating the last of something and informing no one that it’s gone. Had no pickles for the bbq cause he ate them without telling anyone, numerous times I’ve been ready to do something just to find out there’s no cheese in the fridge bc he failed to notice it used the last of it and replace it with one we have in the freezer, eating all the prepped ingredients and putting empty containers in the fridge. It’s not hard to tell someone something is getting low, add it to the list, write it down, or literally anything other than eat the last of it and make it someone else’s problem later

Anywho this whole setup is shit, if we don’t get money by his next check we’ll be cutting ties and telling him to find a new place by the end of the month. This is getting ridiculous. Every day he’s asking for money while talking down to us and talking shit about our pets or our home all the while making no effort to pay what’s owed.

[oldmanenjoyer]

Gimmi something angsty like I’ve been digging for that pt wise and I can’t find SQUAT

It started off somewhat normal, if you could call it that.

Stress over debt and bills and such had led to a bit of an episode for Peppino. You did your best to sit through it with him, giving him water and rubbing his back as you tried to get him to breathe with you. But then it wasn't so normal.

Suddenly, he was gripping his chest, dizzy and hardly able to sit up straight, much less stand. It scared you, so bad. You practically dragged the man onto his feet, rushing out to your car to drive him to the hospital (an ambulance bill would only send him into a worse fit, you were sure).

As you drive, Peppino did his best to reassure you through the pain in his chest and the breathlessness in his lungs. Sure, he was scared too, shitless even! But he saw you struggling not to cry while you were driving and suddenly he wanted to push all his worries aside to tend to you.

It wasn't possible, but he did squeeze your hand and smile at you, if strained. And it kinda helped. A little.

You weren't straight up sobbing when you both arrived at the hospital, at least.

The nurses didn't let you follow him into the examination rooms. You had to wait in the lobby with everyone else, other anxious people awaiting news of their loved ones. They watched you pace a hole into the tiles, a few even joined you, if only to help ease their own stress.

Did it help? Not for you, but the others, maybe.

When a nurse finally called your name, you raced after her. Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest and also not beating at all. Worst case scenarios flew through your head, horror stories of heart attacks and the suffering left in their wake.

You fretted, hardly able to feel the hand of the nurse on your shoulder, and wondered how Peppino was going to continue if this was well and truly something dangerous. It made you feel dizzy to think about. He didn’t deserve that! Not after everything! And-

“Hey,” the nurse called, and you snapped back into reality, “it’s okay. It wasn’t a heart attack.”

It took a moment for the words to process. But once they did, a tidal wave of relief flooded your body. Tears streaked down your cheeks, and you sobbed to her, so grateful to her as though she was the one who saved Peppino from a nonexistent heart attack.

She chuckled, patting your shoulder as she led you along. “It’s alright. It was just a pretty severe panic attack. He was hyperventilating, and that’s what cause all the symptoms. You did right bringing him here, though. He could’ve fainted and hurt himself pretty bad if he was alone.”

You nodded along. “How is he?”

“He’s recovered. We’ve given him some meds to help him relax, but I’d look into professional help for the future.” She passed you a card with various names scribbled on it. “It could help prevent panic attacks like these, or at least make them less severe.”

You nodded again and pocketed the note. That would be dealt with later. For now, all you wanted to do was see Peppino and smother him in kisses.

The room he was in was dimly lit. Peppino himself was laid out on a bed, eyes closed and breathing slow. A heart monitor next to him beeped quietly not to disturb the tranquil atmosphere.

“He’s been asking for you a bunch.” The nurse whispered to you, as you stood and just took in the sight of him alive and well. “The whole time, really. He wanted you to be there very badly, but sadly he can’t really hold your hand while we’re doing tests.”

You walked forward, another vague nod of your head all you replied with. Your heart ached to think he wanted you there as much as you wanted to be there for him, but such wasn’t the thing to dwell on. Instead, you sat in the chair already pulled up to his bedside and picked up the hand connected to an IV.

“Peppino.” You called, voice hushed and low. He sighed, but turned towards you, brows furrowing. “You asleep, hon?”

It took a moment, but Peppino blinked his eyes open. He focused on you, and you smiled. He smiled too, big and goofy and no doubt pleased to see you.

“Hey,” you said, squeezing his hand, “welcome back.”

He murmured some stuff in Italian from deep in his chest. It was hard to hear, so you just leaned in and peppered the side of his face in kisses. He practically purred.

“Ti amo.” He sighed, and that you understood.

“I love you.” You whispered back.

And you continued to kiss on him until the nurse finally told you it was time to go.

[9leaguesofmirrors]

My Favourite Reece Shearsmith Characters

So it's Reece Shearsmith's birthday today, so I decided to celebrate this by sharing some of my favourite characters played by this fantastically talented actor

These are in no particular order

Gregory Brewster - Him Indoors

Him Indoors is a short film about a serial killer with agoraphobia. Not only is the premise very interesting, Reece delivers a chilling yet very entertaining performance as the main character. It's on YouTube if you want to watch it, which I highly reccomend you do!

Tommy - Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room

This HAD to be on the list! Reece's performance as Tommy is heartbreaking, we watch a man seems to put-together and serious slowly fall apart and lose control of his calm façade - impeccable work

Sean Stone - Chasing Shadows

Admittedly, I don't know where the watch the full show, but I have seen clips and I knew I had to put it on this list because of Reece's portrayal of an autistic person. You can tell he put a lot of thought and research into it in order to give a realistic performance, which is a testament to his dedication and how much he truly cares about the roles he plays and who he's representing

Tyler - Riddle Of The Sphinx SPOILERS BELOW

If there's one thing Reece is good at, it's how to play a chilling villain. Everything about Tyler is unnerving and he manages to be terrifying without being loud or angry all the time. It's measured and the emotion builds and builds - fantastic work!

Joseph Lisgoe - The League Of Gentlemen

I've mentioned before that the debt collectors were underused, and I simply had to talk about how extraordinary Reece's performance as Lisgoe was. He completely dives into the roles he plays and this one was no exception, not even a light smashing on his closest friend stops him from carrying on a scene (just check out the outtakes!), he simply embodies the part and delivers a performance that terrifies the cast, crew and the audience

Laurence - Merrily Merrily SPOILERS BELOW

Merrily Merrily is an Inside No. 9 episode that I can never rewatched because of how empty it made me feel - and I mean that in the best way possible! Laurence is wracked with pain over the loss of his late partner, and Reece delivers such a subtle yet haunting performance that I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about it

Ross Gaines - The League of Gentlemen

Ross is such a fun character because of how manipulative, calculating and cold he is. Not only does it set him apart from the other inhabitants of Royston Vasey, it makes his scenes with Pauline all the more tense and entertaining - and Reece really does deliver in the role. I'm glad they decided to go with this casting choice

Aiden - Thinking Out Loud

Like with Laurence, Reece delivers a hauntingly stellar performance. What makes this one really special is that it's a monologue. There's nobody for him to bounce off of or react to, he has to reach those emotions himself. And, as always, he nails it

Ollie Plimsolls - The League Of Gentlemen

I've said before that I think Ollie is one of the most cleverly written League characters and I stand by that. As a representation of the Saviour Complex and self-righteousness of people in theatre, Ollie is a character that should be easy to hate... but because of Reece's expert comedic timing and delivery, he ends up being so funny that you can't help but laugh every time he's onscreen

SPECIAL MENTION: Gilbert - Betty Blue Eyes

Reece Shearsmith said in an interview that he wasn't a great singer. Reece Shearsmith is a liar. Don't believe me? Listen to The Kind Of Man I Am from Betty Blue Eyes and thank me later

Also, if you can find it, there's a short bootleg of him in The Producers which is good too!

Of course, this are just a few of his performances and he's never delivered a bad one - whether he's playing a comedic character like Archie in The Bill or a more serious one like in Borley Rectory. And we haven't even touched on his writing skills, I can't wait to see what he does next!

[kidnap-the-series]

EP 1 - Real Stunt (Part 1)

30 secs in and we are already snapping necks (???)

Ofc we were filming

It hasn't even been 2 whole minutes yet and we have shirtless Ohm already (I mean... who is complaining?)

Not James just casually offering a real gun job like hello mister???

Stop he is treating Mhen like he is a little kid 🥺. So adorable.

God... We have got hospital bills and on top of that debt collectors too

Lol did they really think a stuntman would not know how to fight back or what? Also, love that it's a bit more realistic. Even if he is a stuntman, he is not dumb enough to fight against someone with a knife.

I'm sorry but this is hilarious, made me chuckle.

Oop, i wasn't really expecting them to meet before the kidnapping but i'm cool with this too.

String of fate?? i love things like this. They are like fated to be together. I was thinking they should have made his sweater red so that it would be like the red string of fate but I remember seeing something about the significance of blue on X. But, I couldn't really find much about it on the internet, so that's that.

From the snippets of the novel i've read, Min was, to say the least, mesmerised by Q here.

"My shirt is totally ruined! Can't you see?" Q looked at Min provocatively. Min glanced at Q’s shirt, noticing how it had ridden up, revealing a flat, well-defined stomach. Even his navel was attractive. Min composed himself and turned away, his face and ears turning red, unsure how to deal with the situation.

credit: user @/ohmpwtz on x

This part wasn't really emphasized in the series but I guess you can't really show everything thats in the book ig. But it really kind of explains why he acts the way he acts later in the episode. Bro is down bad from the start.

Damn, they have been trying to undress each other from ep 1. 😂

Ok, the dad storyline is starting. From this scene, I gather that his dad is a high level police officer who seems to be dealing with high profile cases (which are usually risky).

Ok boss lady. She's got such a prominent aura tho. I like it.

With how expensive q's house looks, I assumed q's dad would probably be into corruption and bribery. But for now, that does not seem to be the case. Probably generational wealth or his mom's wealth maybe? He seems to be an honest police officer.

Oh, she is soooo plotting something.

Ok, sir. He is living in that house too. So, i think he can rightfully ask who those people are and with the way yada looked at him, I'd ask who she was too.

There's definetly more aspects we need to know for this conversation but it sets the preface. Q is worried about his dad's safety being risked for his job. But his dad sees it as his duty.

This place looks really good tho

Bro is out from the very beginning. The moment he laid eyes on Q, it was over.

Nope, you both don't look suspicious at all. They are just casually INSIDE a mall, INDOORS wearing black sunglasses. Totally normal behaviour. Anyone who questions this is weird.

Are you sure you are still looking at the person you are supposed to kidnap and not your potential boyfriend?

I mean, I don't blame min at all. I would stare too if I saw someone this pretty.

I saw too many people complaining about the guitar. I mean, I don't love the guitar scenes but I don't despise it either. Ig it being overdone makes people hate it. But honestly, it aligns pretty well here considering q's profession.

I will never stop talking about how pretty he is.

Ok guys we lost him.

Not a single serious cell in his body.

I get contemplating about this because even if it is just a one-time thing, it could have life-altering consequences. You never completely get out of this criminal world.

From this scene, I really thought we were going for typical rich lonely boy character for q but man was I proven wrong.

Not the fucking binoculars, pls. 😂

[invisibleicewands]

[...]

A new dramatisation of Andrew’s fall from grace is due to air on Amazon Prime later this month. And if he thought the Netflix show Scoop, which covered the same ground, was unflattering then I have some bad news for the Duke of York. In A Very Royal Scandal, Andrew is portrayed by Michael Sheen as pompous, deluded and deeply unpleasant. Simultaneously arrogant and weak, he is seen striding around Buckingham Palace shouting expletives at the staff. Indeed, the first words we hear him utter are “f*** off” (to a footman who dares to approach), and throughout the three-part series he continues to bark the phrase at any courtier who comes within ten feet.

It is unnerving the way it trips off the tongue in a way that others might say “good day”. To Andrew the dogs are “little buggers”, the Queen’s esteemed press secretary is “a little shit” and his loyal aide Amanda Thirsk, played by Joanna Scanlan, is “a fatty”. Many viewers will remember her from The Thick of It, and here the duke is just as sweary as that political satire’s Malcolm Tucker — but far less bright.

[...]

The new dramatisation, for which the Newsnight interviewer Emily Maitlis acted as executive producer, suggests that Andrew asked to add in his bizarre “alibis” after his infamous interview with Maitlis had concluded. These, memorably, included that he couldn’t possibly have danced at Tramp nightclub with Jeffrey Epstein’s victim Virginia Giuffre on the night that she claimed because he was at Pizza Express in Woking — and that he couldn’t have sweated profusely on the dancefloor because of “a peculiar medical condition” that meant “it was almost impossible for me to sweat”.

There’s one particularly excruciating scene in A Very Royal Scandal, during which Andrew travels to New York for a meeting with Epstein and essentially begs him for cash to clear his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson’s debts. Granting the money as “a gift”, the convicted sex offender tells the duke, “It’s gone.” Fast-forward several years and the drama shows Andrew being told that Epstein has been found dead in a prison cell. He responds: “Is this good for me or bad?”

Of course, this is a drama and any dialogue from Andrew behind closed doors is imagined. A disclaimer at the beginning of each episode reminds viewers that while the drama is based on real people and events, “some scenes have been adapted or fictionalised and adapted for dramatic purposes”. Yet many people will find it easy to believe that these conversations — or ones like them — took place behind palace walls.

In another scene the duke is seen going “the full tonto” after a call from his older brother, then Prince of Wales, who had found out about the Newsnight interview and was furious. Storming through the palace after coming off the phone to Charles, Andrew shouts: “Calls me a f***ing mummy’s boy! He is the f***ing mummy’s boy!”

In the face of good advice, Andrew ploughs on, suggesting that as “the second f***ing son of the f***ing sovereign, if I want to go on telly and defend myself I f***ing well will”.

[...]

Andrew may not see this but the show’s producers certainly did. Indeed it is succinctly summed up in the drama in a scene where Edward Young, who was then the Queen’s private secretary, is seen to say: “The bottom line for all of us is to ensure that this scandal never touches the monarch. The duke is one thing, the crown quite another.”

According to friends of his, the King knows that it is not a good look to be seen paying so much to keep Andrew in the lifestyle to which he has so clearly become accustomed. While there isn’t public money at stake — the bill is paid from Charles’s pocket — it’s still a public sign of support for a man who was friends with a convicted paedophile and has never acknowledged his lack of judgment over that friendship.

In the drama Andrew is seen hosting lavish dinner parties after days spent shooting and having a table (complete with pristine white tablecloth) set up on the golf course so he can lunch on Welsh lamb served by a waiter.

By the end of the programme he is isolated and alone. His aide Thirsk has been summarily fired and little hope remains. The same is true in real life. His final shred of dignity may be taken away by the King but he can’t say he wasn’t given fair warning. He will have to find a sizeable income (from a reputable source) if he wants to maintain the lease on the property, which is owned by the Crown Estate.

[...] By the end of the film Andrew, sad and alone, is left to stare forlornly out of the window. Those close to Charles believe it may now be a case of life imitating art imitating life if he doesn’t take the help he is offered.

[sarnai4]

The Benjamins

I'm not sure why, but I started thinking about my favorite sibling trio (Dagur, Hiccup, and Heather) and then began thinking about them with money. This is sort of a combination of modern headcanons with in-universe and canon-based reasoning. So, without further ado...

Heather: She's decent with money. She has a stable job and pays for stuff on time. Her problem comes when she has projects. She gets lost in these and will go to a bunch of dangerous places her brothers have to get her out of...or she'll start going very deep into debt. Reasoning: Think of her when she was looking for Oswald. Oh my goodness, was she about to do anything and go anywhere. If she had money to spend, she would've hired private investigators, mercenaries to track down whoever might have killed him, a tracker to find him, etc. I mean, she actually went to just about the shadiest place all on her own (Johann doesn't count as backup) to do this and told nobody. Like father, like daughter with heading out alone. So, she'd normally be fine, but let her get obsessed with something and she is going to be on her way to debtor's prison until Dagur bails her out.

Hiccup: Horrible! His check is gone that same week. I don't even know if the bills are being paid first. Now, he's not doing this for selfish reasons. He's Hiccup, so Mr. Heroic is out saving endangered animals and stopping poachers; however, in doing so, he is using up every last resource at his disposal. Reasoning: All of "Last Auction Heroes." Our Berkian seriously put Berk's mortgage up for auction. Do you think he wouldn't use an actual mortgage to stop bad guys? He would probably be living under a bridge by now, but his brother and sister aren't going to let that happen. Still, it doesn't change that he doesn't really get the value of a dollar or how important it is to keep them (since he was very inactive in going to get Berk's gold back. Did we absolutely need a Gruffnut episode while everyone on Berk was broke?).

Dagur: I think this will surprise people, but I say he'd be great with it. As eccentric and everything else as he is, I think he'd be the person to go to if you had money problems. He's loaded, takes care of what needs to be paid, saves a lot, invests, etc. Everyone assumes he's going to spend it drinking or whatever, but it's one of the areas he's really responsible in. Reasoning: Berserker Island holds 50,000+ Vikings. Though they can trade, they probably need enough gold to cover them in case something happened. That means a teenager (in my headcanon since no age was officially given) was put in charge of a major estate and somehow didn't run them into the ground financially. Even later in RTTE, though he does this in a very evil way, he's all about making and keeping money. The Reaper has treasure? Let's go and have the Berkians run the risk of death as they retrieve it for us. The Dragon Eye could lead us to gold? Let's go and save money by killing Gustav who's leading us there. We could get new inventory with weapons? Cool, let's just kill the sellers, so we don't have to pay. I'm hoping he'd go about doing this in a more legal way in modern day, but you can see the groundwork is there for someone who knows how to get and hold onto money. PLUS, he was the one who found Berk's gold too, so he just is a money magnet. Good thing too because I don't know if Heather and Hiccup would be able to survive otherwise.

[pawsitivevibe]

Job woes ...

I am so exhausted constantly from being over-worked every day. It very much feels like I'm wasting my time and energy for pennies, when most of my friends work cushy office jobs that do not involve any kind of physical labour and make so so much more than me. And like! Are they really that much smarter than me?? I also have a bachelor's, and I got really good grades and what not. Why are they more deserving of a better job with better pay?? But at the same time, I know that they ARE more deserving because I'm stupid and unmotivated enough to end up in this situation.

Anyway. My back and knees are fucked. My doctor and physio say I should probably not be working this physical job. But it is so easy for them to say that! There is nothing else for me! I'd love a cushy office job, but I've never ever ever even gotten an interview for one. I have been working manual labour min wage jobs my whole life and that seems to be all I can get hired for. Why the fuck did I spend $30k at university for this????

I want to quit this job so bad because it hurts so much and is constantly taking advantage of me. I'm also in like one of the worst depressive episodes of my life and this job is making me think that uhhh that thing I'm not supposed to talk about could be a good idea, which is scary and I haven't contemplated since I was 19 years old. My husband says if I quit he could support us while I look for something better but there's so so many things wrong with that. I pay like $1000 a month into debts and bills, and sure he says now he can cover it but he'll be upset later I bet. Plus you know I buy groceries and dog food and live paycheck to paycheck while my husband sticks a thousand dollars into savings every month (haha what no I'm not a little bitter). So why NOW does he decide he wants to help?? Sure, wait til I'm really really suffering to help ... But no I could never ever take financial help anyway. That's wrong.

In any case, I will not get any better job if I do quit this one. Maybe a worse job. So. It would just be plain stupid to quit.

[abookishdreamer]

Character Intro: Proioxis (Kingdom of Ichor)

Nicknames- The Unburnt by the people of Olympius

Babe by her husband

Ma by her children

Age- 41 (immortal)

Location- Hearthwood neighborhood, New Olympus

Personality- She's a headstrong no-nonsense woman with a fiery streak! With an more fiery temper, she can also be ruthless & unforgiving. She's married.

She has the standard abilities of a goddess except shapeshifting. As the goddess of attack, onrush, & battlefield pursuit her other powers/abilities include limited telumkinesis, being an expert in hand-to-hand combat, limited pyrokinesis, enhanced speed (though not on the level of the messenger god Hermes), and fire immunity.

Her immediate family includes her mom Hysminai (goddess of fighting & comabt) and her younger sister Palioxis (goddess of backrush & retreat). She's married to Homadus (god of the battle-din) & they have two kids- Anaideia (goddess of ruthlessness, shamelessness, & unforgiveness) and Olethrus (Olly) (god of havoc). Her sister-in-law is Ioke (goddess of pursuit, tumult, & battle rout).

She lives with her husband and kids in a RV at the Havencrest RV/Motorhome Park.

Proioxis fondly remembers their old place- a large apartment in the Little Sparta neighborhood. Before Olly came along, her, her husband, & daughter would sit outside their window on the fire escape drinking hot chocolate while watching the sunset. She remembers the frequent vacations in the state of Sparta and the dinner parties she used to host. Things came crashing down when her husband came to her with news of their dire financial straits. Credit cards were taken out to help, but debts and more bills soon overflowed & like a domino effect, one miserable thing happened after the other. The cars were repossesed, the incessant calls from loan sharks, and finally, they were evicted from the apartment. Things were so bad that Proioxis even considered pawning off her wedding ring- a round cut garnet gem with a yellow gold band.

Her and her family are minor deities so they were more than shocked when the initial news of their financial situation became tabloid fodder. It even became a skit on an episode of The Agnostic Network.

Now Proioxis handles the family's finances. She's quick with figuring out how to divide the money for credit card bills, maintenance fees for the RV, groceries, day care, transportation, and other responsibilities.

A go-to drink for her is a red sangria. She also likes mojitos, red wine, gin & tonics, and crantinis (cranberry martinis). Usuals from The Roasted Bean includes a large cranberry pomegranate splash, a medium iced tea, & an olympian sized cinnamon latte (with extra cinnamon and whipped cream).

Proioxis is the first to wake up in the mornings. She moves very efficiently to get things going. More likely than not, she won't eat breakfast (instead settling on a yogurt granola bar), but she'll make something for Olly before dropping him off at the Parthenia Day Care Center.

A guilty pleasure for her are spicy crab sushi rolls!

Her sister-in-law is a common workout partner. Proioxis can spend up to two hours just on the treadmill.

Thoughts of the Titanomachy (where she fought on the side of the Olympians) still fills her veins with adrenaline.

In storage there's also her platinum & Stygian Iron sword along with her full body armor.

Proioxis has a few jobs- as a front desk receptionist at the Power Zone gym- owned by Nike (goddess of victory), working food prep at The Bread Box, and being a waitress at The Crown- the high end restaurant owned by Zeus (god of the sky, thunder, & lightning).

With jobs before, she would be let go because of her hairline temper. She once cursed out a kid at his poolside 8th birthday party (where she was doing balloon animals). Before that Proioxis cursed out an eldery woman while she was working at a supermarket when she complained about how her groceries were bagged.

A favorite frozen treat is cherry sorbet. She gets a medium sized cup at The Frozen Spoon.

Her favorite thing to get at The Bread Box is a spinach & shrimp salad with extra green curry dressing.

Proioxis' relationship with her husband is complicated. On one hand he's the love of her life and a great father, but on the other hand, she can't help resenting him for their current predicament. She hates that he won't accept help & that he won't allow her to accept financial help from her family. Proioxis also hates the fact that she feels like she has to turn down certain financial opportunities for the sake of keeping peace with Homadus. There have been times when she threatened to file for divorce, but has never followed through. There have been a few good moments recently like when her husband suprised her late at night after work. One hand held a bottle of wine, the other held a red hibiscus (her favorite flower). They went to the movie theather where they saw the latest action movie. They ended the night making love in the theater's bathroom.

She still has a good relationship with her mom and sister. They all support one another despite their varying opinions on certain matters. Whenever her mom stops by the RV park, Proioxis & the kids look forward to Hysminai's hot pot broth. She's even been to a few performances of her sister's band.

In the pantheon she's friends with Ichnaea (goddess of tracking), Enyo (goddess of war, destruction, bloodlust, & devastation), Dyssebeia (goddess of ungodliness & impiety), Adikia (goddess of injustice & wrongdoing), Atë (goddess of mischief, ruin, blind folly, delusion, & downfall of heroes), Menoetius (Titan god of rage, violence, & rash actions), and Palaestra (goddess of wrestling).

Her favorite make-up product to wear is the Olmorfia creme lipstick in "Dragonblood," a bright vibrant red.

When Ichnaea came down from Phrygia for a visit, she treated Proioxis to a much needed spa day.

She once turned down Zeus' offer for a nude spread in his men's magazine. Proioxis would've been paid the standard rate of 25,000 drachmas.

Her favorite dessert is a red velvet cupcake from Hollyhock's Bakery.

Proioxis loves snacking on the cherry flavored gourmet candy popcorn. She buys a bag or two from Confection Carousel.

For her most recent birthday Enyo gifted her a new merlot red silver hardware Megaleio handbag. It cost nearly 15,000 drachmas. Proioxis felt so guilty at first for keeping the bag that she considered selling it, so the money could go towards bills. Enyo reassured her by saying "You deserve a treat every once in a while too."

Proioxis is like a chimera when it comes to her kids. she loves them equally and wholeheartedly. She's been more than worried with certain aspects of Anaideia's behavior, but she tries not to come down on her too harshly, considering she thinks that her daughter's acting out because of what's going on.

She also thought of Palaestra's offer of becoming a professional wrestler, but decided against it since she didn't want to be away from her kids.

Proioxis often stops by her mom's martial arts studio or her sister-in-law's cabin house when she wants a break from things at home.

She's excited about an upcoming night on the town to go to a new nightclub on the Nyctelius Strip with Dyssebeia & Enyo.

In her free time Proioxis enjoys the batting cages, martial arts, working out, boxing, hanging out with her friends, bowling, and spending time with her kids.

Her favorite foods include scallion pancakes, mapo tofu, & her husband's tostones. She also likes her daughter's moussaka inspired creamy mac n' cheese.

"Without victory, there's no survival."

[rowanoke]

I'm home now. Went to the bar after work. I actually had to run home first to drop off some stuff I bought at work.

As soon as I got to the bar, I took my seat, ordered a drink, and my fucking nose started bleeding

This is my 7th nosebleed in exactly 1 month. My first one of the dry season was Nov 17th at like 2pm, and my 7th one happened Dec 17th at like quarter after midnight.

It lasted about 40 minutes. About half as long as the average among those 7. One of the shortest. It was just a trickle of blood, really. Puke you'd see when a character has overused their psychic powers.

For 5/7 of these nose bleeds, my nose has gushed and sprayed blood like a horny anime protag. And other than those 2 that were just a trickle of blood, they all lasted over an hour.

To be honest, I'm a little afraid of what could be causing my nose to bleed so much.

I know it's not the most reliable source, but Google says I should be worried if my nose bleed lasts more than 20 minutes or happens 6 times in a month. None of my nose bleeds have lasted less than half an hour, and I'm at 7 now.

Idk if something is wrong with my nose, and is making it bleed constantly, or maybe I have something like hemophilia or leukemia.

I don't have insurance, or a primary care physician to talk to about this. Several emergency and urgent csre visits that were over $2k usd, some of which were billed at over $6k usd. I have literally tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt.

I know something is wrong. I can feel it. I'm frequently lightheaded, and I've almost passed out several times. I've been lethargic, and haven't had much of an appetite. I'll start shaking at random throughout the day, which I've noticed has happened when I have a panic attack since I was like 13, but without the other signs and symptoms of a panic attack, just the shaking.

Anyway. My physical and mental health have been rapidly declining over the past month, and now I'm in my first depressive episode since like, March or April of this year.

If you saw my post at my lunch, you might have seen that I had already cried 3 times in the first half of my shift. In the second half, after my lunch, I only cried twic.

The last few days for me have felt like the embodiment of Murphy's law. What could go wrong, has gone wrong.

My boyfriend and I are fighting right now, and they won't be staying with me from Christmas to new year's anymore. Also I won't be seeing them on Christmas anymore. Tbh I don't know if we're going to stay together through new year's. Part of me feels like we'll break up before then.

My fucking apartment complex towed my car a few weeks ago and I didn't find out until like the 15th, meaning the lot that impounded my car - which charges by the day - had already billed me at $290 and I won't be able to get a ride out there until Tuesday (which is gonna cost me like $350 at that point, and I have to pay them to tow my car back because it's not even fucking running right now so I can't drive it home)

TW: Suicide mention, self harm mention

Tonight I've thought about suicide for the first time in... probably 8 or 9 months. Like, actually thought about it, not just "I'm gonna kill myself lol" which happens any time something mildly inconvenient happens.

I thought about self harm tonight. For the first time in a l o n g fucking time. The last time I self harmed with a blade, which is what I was thinking about tonight, I was 17. It's been over 6 years since I've done that, but the cold kiss of the blade was calling my name tonight.

I've always hated the holiday season.

I'm from a split family made of split families. Growing up, I went to probably 5 or 6 Christmases per year on average. Each one with different members of my absurdly large family, unrelated to the other groups but all connected through me.

I never felt like I belonged at any of them.

Maybe it's because I'm autistic.

Maybe it's because I'm just bad with names and faces

Maybe it's because I grew up among so many households, I have hundreds of family members, but I only met most of them a handful of times, some of them only once or twice in my life.

This year for Christmas my best friend and I are gonna get drunk and watch anime.

I love her. We used to date. Then we fucked behind our S/O's backs, and then we learned how to be friends. We really just had to fuck once to break the sexual tension.

But anyway, her family is going to Florida or something without her. And I'm not going to visit my boyfriend anymore.

I actually made plane with my best friend first, then cancelled on them to go visit my boyfriend. They even said they would give me a ride to the train station so I could catch a train across the state Christmas morning.

But since my boyfriend and I are fighting now, we're not doing that. I won't be seeing them for the rest of the year.

So I but them my best friend up and she's cool with just picking up our original plans where we left off. She's the best.

She's been telling me, literally for months, that my boyfriend isn't the right one for me. That I should find someone who wants the same things as me, instead of someone who I have to compromise with. Win-win instead of lose-lose.

I don't know what I want right now. Literally 3 or 4 days ago I was so happy. My boyfriend got us promise rings and did like a proposal at the park while we were taking Christmas photos and it was the single most romantic thing anybody has ever done for me.

And now I'm having second thoughts about the whole relationship.

Any time I try to have a conversation about my feelings or boundaries in our relationship, I feel like there's a 50/50 chance they'll either give me a hug and tell me they'll happily do that for me, or they'll get really upset and we won't talk for 2 or 3 days and it will be really tense for like a week. I really don't feel safe or comfortable bringing up those conversations because I never know whether they'll give me a hug or the silent treatment.

We started out as polyamorous, then we were in an open relationship (free to have other sexual partners, but not romantic partners), and we're currently completely monogamous until we sort some things out

Except that my boyfriend still has another sexual partner that they're seeing and have refused to stop. They said it was a personal boundary of theirs and not to even ask them to stop, so I haven't. But I'm really not comfortable with it. And they were with him today, and that's what lead me to being a whole mess today

That alone is making me question things. Add on top of that that I don't feel safe bringing up boundaries with them... I don't know if we'll make it until the end of the year at this point...

On an unrelated note, I'm 2 days into 5 nights of closing in a row. I normally only work 2 or 3 days in a row, and normally only close on Fridays and Saturdays, so it's already weird enough closing instead of going in at noon Mon-Wed, but also 5 nights in a row?

I was this 🤏 close to calling off work tn and it was only the second shift of five.

I hate my fucking job and I resent the fact that I have to work in order to justify my fucking existence under capitalism.

I just want to spend all day browsing the web and learning way too much about niche topics and playing and making video games

But even though I have a fucking degree in game design and 10 fucking years of experience with C++ I have to work at fucking cvs because I can't get a job as a designer.

I don't think I posted about it, but I've been putting in applications to like, all of the game studios in Michigan. Of the applications I sent in, only one made it to the point of the design test, and I didn't make it past that.

I've been looking for a job as a game designer for 8 months now and haven't even been able to get an interview.

My relationship is falling apart. My dead-end job isn't going anywhere and I can't get a job in my field. I hate the holiday season. My whole life feels like it's crumbling before my eyes.

Fuck.

Fu k fuck fuck fuck fuck fu k fu k f uck dcuk fuck duck fu k fuck duck fuck fuck fuck duck fuck fuck fuck fuck fick fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck duck fuck fuck fuck fuck fick fuckfuck fuck fuck fuck