#the amount of down bad in this post is honestly kinda sad

[theater-for-jocks]

OKAY ACTUAL FOR REAL WRITE-UP, no need to go over predictions again because I was correct the whole way down:

I knew going in that KO wasn’t gonna turn full heel yet (got that spoiled for me thanks youtube) but seeing him fight off that latent urge to go full prizefighter mode was SO fun. Honestly the narrative building up to this was INCREDIBLY fun, especially considering it was originally scheduled as a “I owe you for helping me out so I’m giving you a shot at my title” match. Honestly a LITTLE bummed we’re (apparently, if one believes solo sikoa) going back to bloodline nonsense for Cody but if they build it right I’ll trust triple h on this one

THE TAG MATCH I WAS THE MOST DIVIDED ON because a) Belair and Cargill would be so good on singles runs and b) they’re lightly teasing a Cargill heel turn, but they’re SO over that it was hard not to see them winning this matchup. Plus they’re like. Carrying the women’s tag division rn. No offense to the unholy union.

OKAY SEE A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE HUFFY ABOUT PUNK V MCINTYRE BEING A STRAP MATCH but the fact that it could really only be won if you knocked your opponent around enough that they can’t stop you makes it make a LOT more sense. This was extremely brutal and VERY fun. Glad punk got the bracelet back. I’m okay with it staying out of the feud.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. When will that be me.

Okay for real a lot of people were taking Friday night’s dark match Damian v Dom (which lasted all of like two minutes lmao rip bozo, I love when they give Damian matches where he kicks someone’s ass immediately) as a sign the terror twins would lose, which is kinda silly imo like that’s not even damian’s feud it really doesn’t matter, but I had faith. I was rapidly vacillating between “god they’re both hot” and “oh my fucking god they’re the cutest siblings ever” through the whole fucking match god i love this dynamic.

ALSO THE WAY THEY WORKED THE THEMES TOGETHER WAS REALLY GOOD. I’m glad they acknowledge that the ALL RISE is fucking fantastic and also that Rhea has the better theme. I’m sorry babygirl I still love you but also considering I saw you vibing to the music while she came in I feel like you agree with me

BOOOOOOO TOMATO TOMATO sigh. The logistics of Orton possibly winning weren’t logisticing.

Two for two on predictions let’s goooool

[beanghostprincess]

I have this thought for quite some time, coming mostly from my twitter and Reddit interactions.

I kinda love the amount of hate I see towards Buggy. People hate how Oda loves this clown and keeps bringing him up, how he is getting more connections to story, how he gets that high bounty. They hate him because he doesn’t have powers, or isn’t smart.

And the fact that so many of them try to cope by putting Mihawk in place of Buggy is incredible. Mihawk is not some lost friend who is having insanely deep contention to shanks, BUGGY IS.

But I guess he’s not “cool and powerful” enough and they don’t get why shanks could be friends with “someone like that” (actual take I saw a lot).

I can’t wait for buggy to be more important just to see everyone lose their minds. If he gets to laugh tale, the best day of my life. And I’m not even that big on Buggy

These takes make me so angry because they're just??? Not true at all??? Most of these opinions come from the general audience and dudebros who don't take the time to analyze Buggy and just accept his character the way other characters see him. Instead of stopping for a second and thinking about why he does what he does and why Oda likes him so much, they just assume he's the lame clown everyone in the OP world thinks he is. Which is, in my opinion, extremely sad. And you don't even have to analyze shit?? Like, okay, I get it. Chapter 1082 is crucial for his character and perhaps if you don't read that you might think he's useless and Oda uses him too much for what he actually does for the story (bullshit, by the way, I'm just trying to find a reasoning behind their shitty takes). But after reading 1082??????????? Okay???? Whatever. Buggy haters get on my nerves, not because they don't like Buggy, but because they don't understand him.

Saying Buggy isn't smart is uhhh. It's just not true. The fact that he's constantly placed next to the biggest, most feared, and strategic pirates in the world just doesn't help him at all to prove that, tbh. I'd be scared af if I had gone through all the things he has, honestly. Like- People- People just ignore Water 7 and the whole thing with Usopp being a coward but wanting to be more than that because of his dream and that being scared doesn't necessarily mean something bad??? I think people just forget entire arcs and scenes to post these things. Buggy might not be the bravest but he understands the pirate world better than anybody and he's genuinely smart, he's just constantly placed in situations that force his character to be scared af (for obvious reasons) and everyone looks down on him for that. Which makes total sense for his character because his whole thing is feeling inferior and being compared to others when he has many talents himself. He isn't dumb, he just has the worst luck in the whole fucking world. Or the best. It sort of depends.

I think he lost his bravery and sense of adventure when he gave up on his dream, but now that he's being more confident in the fact that he could achieve it, we will see him using his full potential. And I am so, so excited for that. The speech he gives in chapter 1082 changed my life and it's easily my favorite chapter from the whole manga. I really, really hope they do something with that. I want him to have all the wonderful scenes he deserves.

And, okay, about the Mihawk thing: I don't agree with that that much? Like, okay, I can see people often making Mishanks relationship more than what it actually is, but tbf, Mihawk is barely a character here because Oda hasn't given him screentime of his own. He's always there for another character (Shanks, Zoro, Cross guild, etc). What we do know about him is that he went all his way to find Shanks and tell him about Luffy?? Like. Okay, babe, I know what you are. What we do know is that Shanks and him have something going on and I would really like to know WHAT exactly. I'm not even a huge Mishanks shipper but I completely understand why people like it. I prefer other ships like Shuggy and Cross Guild but, well, I don't think they use Mihawk to take over Buggy's place. I think they just want Mihawk to have some story because Oda barely gives him one. But I can see where you're coming from, though. I can see a lot of people using Shuggy's dynamic for them sometimes and it bothers me because these two have their own thing and they could easily just?? Ship both things??

People saying they don't understand why Shanks would be friends with somebody like Buggy is so funny to me, because we barely know anything about Shanks either, lmfao. He's the cool and powerful role model of the main character. He's literally the most cliché thing in the whole wide world, shut up. And I absolutely love him and he has wayyy more personality than these types of characters usually have, but I am tired of seeing takes like this as if Buggy wasn't one of the most interesting characters in this manga. But, also, Shanks would just?? Kick these people's asses for this shit. Saying you don't understand why Shanks would be friends with Buggy is just admitting you think the same way people in-world think about him, which is just admitting you don't understand his character. At least people in-world think that way because they don't know Buggy's story. You know Buggy's story. You should know why Shanks is friends with him and cares so much about him. But also?? Even if Buggy truly was a fucking loser with no talent and no dreams. Saying Shanks needs a reason for being friends with him is so dumb. Have you considered that... Sometimes... Most of the time... People don't have a reason for being friends with somebody and you don't need to find a reason for somebody's love?? Like- Perhaps Shanks just fucking loves Buggy because that's his childhood friend and he doesn't care about his abilities or talents. Perhaps he just loves him for who he is. I don't think it's that hard to understand, honestly.

You're not that big on Buggy, but I am. I really am. He's probably getting a tragic ending with Shanks but I do not care. If he ever gets to Laugh Tale or- Or if he ends up believing in himself finally. If he gets closure with him (which he will get, because Oda loves these two too much to leave them without closure). I will be the happiest person in the whole world. My mind and body say "Luffy king of the pirates!!" but my heart cries of happiness every time I think about Buggy being the king. I love him so fucking much.

[lunabug2004]

**Warning: this post is not actually Byler or Stranger Things related (specifically)! Rather, it is a post about the blog, more specifically why I haven't been very active recently, but I do mention these things and I tagged them bc they are what my blog is about, therefore the ppl who know me probably do through these tags, so it felt right to do so. If anyone would like me to remove these tags, just say the words and I will!**

I'm writing this post because I want to apologize for being so inactive lately. Now, I know there's not anyone who sits and waits for me to post or celebrated every time I post or anything like that, but I still feel guilty. I've felt like such a part of the Byler (and ST) community here on Tumblr for the short amount of time that I've been on here, so idk, I just feel like I'm letting myself down ig, and possibly others for not contributing to this community I love so much.

I realize this is kinda sounding like a goodbye post, but it's absolutely not! It's actually kinda the opposite, because I'm here to say that I'm going to try to start posting regularly again! However... I still can't say that in full confidence just yet.

I'm now going to go into the reason(s) I've been so distant from this blog lately, and it may get a little personal, so feel free to scroll past if you don't wanna read anything more :) [also very slight trigger warning for bad mental states and terminal illness]

Okay, I'm aware I just said "reasons", as in plural, but there's really only one main reason that has kinda branched off into more (in a way). So what started it all: my uncle, who I've grown up quite close to, as all my family is very close (for example, growing up, we would have "family night"s every weekend where all ~10 of us would sit around and play games, laughing and talking for hours on end) was diagnosed with a very rapidly spreading terminal illness. Now, I'm not going to go into enough detail to say what it is, but I will say that his current life expectancy is 2-5 years, probably even less due to his severity. He also has a 13 year old daughter, who is now being faced with this awful situation, as well. This whole thing, as one would probably guess, has rocked my family to the core.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I am someone who does not get emotional. I rarely ever cry. I bring this up because one of the reasons I'm finding it hard to be active is because right now, I'm dealing with a lot of guilt and grief and part of the reason I'm feeling it so deeply is because I haven't cried over him yet. I feel like an awful human being, I feel like an awful niece. I just feel awful. His daughter, that I mentioned before, has always been closer to me than any of my other (younger) cousins have, so I feel even more awful for her and the fact that she is having to deal with all of this at such a young age. Anyways, to get to the point, these past few months I've been feeling like absolute garbage, and I've been so mad at the world it's honestly not even describable.

Okay, now, where does this blog come in? Well, at first I distanced myself just because I couldn't find the motivation to post, however I was still using ST and Byler to distract myself from it all. I couldn't think about really anything but my family, ST, and finals by the last week of this school semester. Then, finally, because of the break, I could sit down and find pure comfort in both Stranger Things (and my favorite Thai BLs) again. I thought about actively posting on the blog again. But then the wrapping happened. And it's like one of the only things that was bringing me comfort was also suddenly bringing me immense sadness at the same time. I knew it was coming, so I thought I would be ready, but it really overwhelmed me, and I lost all of my motivation yet again. After the comfort of spending Christmas with my family, including my uncle, I wouldn't say I feel better but I've at least more-so come to terms with everything. And I've also, still needing my #1 comfort show, already gone back to watching ST, so I finally feel like I'll be able to post again.

Now, there's other things that have been contributing to my stress, such as school in general, the thought that I might not want to be a math teacher after all (despite wanting that for as long as I can remember), my parents being stupid, and other stuff. But this is the main thing plaguing my life and my thoughts at the moment so... yeah.

I understand that this is probably stupid to some, talking about my blog and Stranger Things when this awful thing is happening in my life, and I also understand that most people probably won't even read this, but this blog and community is truly something that brings me joy, and I felt like all the the friends I've felt I've made on here deserved some type of explanation for my sudden disappearance.

If you've made it this far, congrats! I'm sorry I put you through reading this! I hope to see you when I make my next post, which will hopefully be very soon! <3

[thrilling-oneway]

i thought about this for a bit longer because i was like "surely surely there's gotta be a slash or femslash where people do that" and while there are some instances, from observation flanderisation and mischaracterisation of both the character and the ship generally seems to happen more with m/f

M/f ships especially for whatever fucking reason

[electronicwitchcollection]

Hey. So, I read accidental mate in the bleach tag and I wanted to tell you you’re insanely awesome. I have never in my life read a Y/N fic because it’s not my thing but you’re phenomenal. I’ve been visiting your page daily to see if you’ve been updating and saw your post which said you’d been too occupied by too many ideas which I completely understand and relate to so I’m waiting patiently for the day you decide to upload the rest of the chapters. They’re worth it. Like that scene when you understood that Grimmjow hadn’t kissed anyone ever and she adapts her kiss to suit him. What kind of genius was that? It was wonderful to read. Also, your Y/N is soooo not annoying. I always expect the MC to be too innocent or unaware but honestly I kinda love her and wish her and grimmjow a happy life at this point. I’ve been thinking about messaging you for a week but yeah. You’re a wonderful writer. Very engaging. Every character, particularly female, you write them superbly well. I’m in love. Thank you for writing. I can kinda see just why it’s necessary for people to write what they want because if you hadn’t published it I’d never have read it and that kinda makes me sad. So, yeah.

So I have read this about a dozen times, and I’m still yet to come up with any combinations of words to accurately describe how this has made me feel. All I can really say is thank you, thank you for your kind words and support. I’m literally blown away with your praise, I haven’t been able to take this grin off my face for the past two hours.

Honestly, I never imagined the amount of people this story would reach, and how many of those would love it as much as I do. I’m aware I’ve indulged heavily on Grimmjow’s more animalistic/hollow part of his personality, but I’ve seen so many amazing fan fiction that didn’t delve into it, that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Reader figuring out Grimmjow had never kissed before was one of my personal favourites, but when I take the time to think about it, of corse he has never kissed anyone like that. He has been driven by his primal survival instincts for as long as he could remember, when would he have indulged in the practices of humans?

I once saw someone compare him to beast from beauty and the beast, and while it made for an interesting read, I could t associate the character with Grimmjow. The beast was a human, a prince. Grown up human and then transformed into a best. But he still has a man’s heart, his human brain. Grimmjow IS a beast. He has a hunters mind, a survivors heart, he’s only now learning about humans and their customs and adapting through it.

I also sometimes struggle with female OC’s / YN. Only because so many of them are either absolutely useless damsels in distress or some incredibly over powered, bad ass that it no longer makes sense with the fandom. So thank you, for realising how much effort I put into making a believable YN, someone who I hope most readers could associate with on some level. Is she so amazingly strong that she could take down Aizen with the snap of her fingers? No, of corse not, but that doesn't mean she doesn’t have her own strengths. Does she have flaws? Absolutely. Doesn’t mean she is powerless to help herself and others.

I actually loosely base all the female character off myself, as I find it easiest to put myself into the scenarios and decide how I would act. So the fact others are reading this loose representation of me, and like it! Finding her funny, relatable, kind and everything else, it honestly makes my heart want to burst.

Thank you again for reaching out, for making me so incredibly happy and proud of what I’m writing. Thank you to everyone who takes time out of their life to read what I write, to like share and comment on it. I love interacting with everyone and hearing what you love and other takes you have on the situation. I’m eager to write some more accidental mate tonight, encouraged by your love for the story. thank you 💜

[the-sketched-squad]

heya, intro post time:

☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎

We are the sketched system and are unsure if we are traumagenic, endogenic, or stressgenic [is that what it’s called] due to not remembering that time of our life

[we are bodily a minor, keep this in mind]

yes blah blah blah we’re supportive of all types of systems and try NOT to involve ourself in syscourse

you can call us Charlie [he’s one of our co-hosts and we also like the name so], bill cipher, Nix, shark, or Wisp

here’s the link to our fave pronouns

we’re gender fluid or yk our gender changes between alters so just use those pronouns or they/it/he/any neos/most xenos

pansexual aroaceflux polyamorous bitch

☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎

We don’t have a dni…. Just be good to each other, I block rather freely

byf [yk some bad/controversial stuff about us and such]: we swear a decent amount, have strange/dark/dry humor, we often forget tone tags *shrug* oh and as you just saw sometimes we’re insensitive, we are pro non-traumagenic, not all of our alters are gonna be nice [omg fern calm down - Bee], we are citrusqueer and dollqueer, um I’ll add more in the future

we will post about some alterhuman stuff but mostly system stuff

☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎

this is gonna be our system side blog cuz we haven’t really shared this on my other blogs

speaking of such here is our other blogs:

@tangerinedre3mer (main blog, about a ton of shit)

@blu3b3rrynightmar3 (Art and s a d side blog)

I suppose I should tell you who our alters are [btw it’s Charlie writing this part]

Host:

name: Kay so I’m not gonna tell you the name of our host cuz beings irl call them that so just call them like Tree or one of the names previously stated

pronouns: changes due to genderfluidness so any other than femme is fine

Little tag thingy: we don’t always use these but uh anyway, “- Host”, “- Tree/Nix”, “-💧🌱”

they like nature and stuff, idk they’re awkward and take things like 5 steps to far, oh kinda secretive and lies a lot

Alterhuman in some way, hard to tell who’s alterhuman here

Co-host 1:

[- Tree/Nix] I’m here now so hi, and uh this post is shit

Name: Fred/Fern

pronouns: androgynous neos, space themed xenos, they/it

gender: beyond the concept of gender but yk agender is ok too

tag [as you saw when I came back]: “- Fred/Fern” | “- 💚👽” | “- this other guy” | “- 👁”

likes to observe humans and is very curious about them and other things too, sometimes very formal, generally pretty calm

alienkin, queen of hearts kin [from Alice in wonderland], crowkin, gets bill cipher shifts

oof this is gonna be a long post

co-host 2:

Name: Charlie [the guy from earlier]

pronouns: he/they

Gender: Transmasc

Tags: “- Charlie” | “- 🕷️”

likes uh I’m not honestly sure, rude, swears a lot, anger holder, kind of a persecutor too… speaks fancily sometimes, tries to be caring and nice

bill cipher kin, maybe some other stuff too

protector [I think]:

Name: Bee

pronouns: androgynous and femme neos, they/she

gender: idk something androgynous with a bit of femme

tags: “- Bee” | “- 🌟🌈” | “- ☁️”

Likes pastel goth stuff, girls lmao (she is ace btw but not aro), rainbows, idk that kinda stuff, she’s a furry also.

They’re sensitive to criticism and often bright/bubbly/happy/euphoric but then they switch to sad/numb/depressed/etc. [their personality is closer to like a girls girl now btw]

Age regressor

Name: Jude

Age: 16 [little age 9-12]

Pronouns: she/they

Gender: ??? [genderfae maybe]

Tags: “- 🍭” | “- Jude” | “- sweetly insane” |

Likes candy, controlling the body, running, She-Ra, fun socks

As one of her tags suggests she is sweetly insane, like she just gives me psycho vibes a bit but she’s also really sweet and cutesy [which probably adds to her uncannyness]

Dollkin

[she and JX help take care of the body]

☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎

Oh before I forget, my uh alterhuman master list lmao:

otherkin:

demonkin

bill cipher kin

queen of hearts kin

sharkpup kin

Cryptidkin

Crowkin

Alienkin

Dollkin

therian:

deaths head moth

lynx

snow leopard

otherhearted:

bathearted

Hammerhead shark

whale shark

beehearted

coping/fun/otherlink:

labrador

Mouse

There will be more in the future

but for now goodbye my fellow beings/things/entites/whatever love yall

☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎ ♬ ☁︎︎

Non of these were made by me—credit to creators:

@chaoscouncilcreaturecorner — @therianuserboxes — @spacedreamon — @incoherent-squawking — @cynicaltirade — @transmasculine — @queerpridedits — @xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx — @oxceen — @plural-this-user-is — @banana-dawg — @12sidedsquare

If you don’t think u should be on here or if you do think you should be on here, just let us know! Also if we are in you dni also let us know and we’ll remove the user box and ur name

[itsclydebitches]

Am I the only RWBY hater legitimately happy they're addressing Ruby's trauma and her constant shoving it under the 'i'm a happy dappy shounen protag! you can lean on me!' rug. If it fucks it up I don't think I'll even be too mad - The Owl House fucked theirs up and that's one of the best new shows out. The fact they actually had Ruby faint as her literally shutting down to the new information was neat to me. So tbh despite the rest of the episode being, lmao, bad, I kind of want to be happy and expectant based off that alone. If the focus of the volume really is zeroing in on Ruby's mental health (which it definitely is squaring up to be) I'm kind of interested what they'll do.

You're far from the only one, anon! I'm cautiously hopeful, based primarily on that opening. The fact that we've got Ruby lagging behind the group alongside, our trailer with her past doppelganger seemingly judging her, tells me that yeah, we are squaring up to tackle this. Which is great!

It's also, honestly, kinda frustrating. I was saying years ago that if RWBY finally gets its act together it'll be too little too late in many respects and now we're bumping up against that very problem. I have trouble taking Ruby's trauma seriously when it was nearly nonexistent post-Penny's first death and actually nonexistent after her resurrection. I especially have a hard time taking it seriously when it's book-ended by cutsey mice and vine gags. I'd argue that on one level RWBY already has fucked up Ruby's mental health arc, simply by letting it languish for eight years and introducing the core of it in that mess of a premiere... but that's not to say that there won't still be worthwhile aspects this season, even if the arc isn't all that it could have been.

I'm also just so, so wary after Volume 8. Because Volume 7 had so much going for it. We had the same basic setup of, "This is nowhere near perfect because we had too many problems going into the season, but damn if what they're doing with Ironwood and the team isn't interesting!" And then that crashed and burned so very hard. Obviously that's not to say RWBY will fail again to follow up on what they've introduced, but history hasn't made me particularly optimistic.

Tomorrow is going to be pretty crucial imo. Because Ruby's faint - while yes, emphasizing her shock and tendency to, in this case, literally shut down - is also an easy way to dodge her having a more complex, nuanced reaction. The premiere dodged that further by going, "Ruby says she's fine and conveniently the girls aren't gonna push her about that. Oh look! The episode needs to end now." So tomorrow's 15-20 minute chunk is when the story has to start actually doing something with this revelation - whatever that looks like. If Ruby begins to deal with his somehow (because remember, we only have 9 episodes left), fantastic, we're on our way through a potentially satisfying arc. But if we continue to waste time on silly jokes while Ruby just remains perpetually in this state of, "I'm fine, no need to grapple with what I'm dealing with" - which, notably, has basically been her default state since Volume 3 - then I'm worried we'll get another one-episode "fix it" towards the end of the season, rather than an emotionally fulfilling arc. There's a big difference between actually taking Ruby through this journey of coming to terms with her grief and (fingers crossed) her mistakes vs. introducing us to the fact that She Is Sad and then giving us a scene later in the Volume when she inexplicably, completely Overcomes It. Think Oscar accepting his role as Ozpin's host off screen. Qrow suddenly deciding he's done with drink and look, there are no problems with quitting. Or Ruby's lie never amounting to anything, Ren deciding he's just a bad teammate somewhere out in the snow, even leaving half our characters for a Volume with a potential time-skip on the horizon.

RWBY is very good at saying, "Here's a big problem" and also "It's fixed now," but it's grown terrible at providing the in between; how we got from the staggeringly difficult problem to its resolution. I'm really hoping Ruby's arc doesn't go the same route.

[wehelddarkness]

starsweredible → wehelddarkness

hi again and goodbye, for now! You can find me @somuchstrdst now. If you want to follow me there, feel free. I've already followed some people there 💖

This is more of an explanation for myself than for anyone. So, I've been debating a lot what to do with this blog, because due to life, I found myself very busy to keep up with it the way I have always done, and after some time away from it, I've noticed a change in how I feel about it here.

I've had this blog since 2009. This blog has been with me through the most crucial moments of my life, all the ups and downs, the changes, the bad and the good, the happy and the sad moments. I've met the best people I could ever meet in my life through here. And not for one moment I regret having spent the amount of time I did here. This blog has been so important to me, it molded me, it's the foundation of who I am today.

But still, I feel like this is not a place for me anymore.

This is not to say that I've moved on from everything I blogged about here. That's not the point at all.

It's hard for me to even begin to explain why I don't feel like this "my space" anymore.

I just feel like, the amount of things I'm exposed to in here, the feeling that I always had to catch up, to know everything... it kinda started to drain me, it piled up, it added up to the reasons that made me have a severe case of burnout and anxiety and fomo.

I know I could just unfollow people, make it cleaner and lighter, but, idk, it's not only the people. This blog, this dashboard feels heavy for me, it feels like there's a kind of baggage that not even unfollowing people will solve the problem, idk how to explain it. This feels much like a "this doesn't sparkle joy" anymore kinda situation. That's the best way I can put it.

So I've decided to make a new blog just to find my footing in the blogging experience again, creating a new space for me, curating things that at the moment I can keep up with, and honestly, I feel so much lighter there.

I've been there for awhile now and I've finally made the decision to make there my new space.

I felt like a change of url here was in need as well. I had this url saved at the same time I changed to starsweredible, but looking at it now, I feel like it reflects more how I feel about this blog than ever, so that's why I'm changing it.

Again, this blog has never been a bad experience for me, it's just that with all that has been going on in my life in the past months, I felt this darkness looming over me, over the things I care about. So, yeah.

I will always carry this blog in my heart. I won't delete it because i have so many things important to me here that I'll always come back to. I just feel like the time for me to keep feeding this is over. It will become an archive of memories, an archive of myself.

So, it's time for me to say goodbye, I guess. Maybe I'll pop in eventually for some things? My likes page with over 60k posts has always bothered me so maybe I'll come back to clean it, idk. I'll always be attached to this blog, so who knows, maybe one day I'll feel like coming back again. Until, then... I thank this space for helping me become who I am.

[robbybirdy]

Baking therapy on a budget Ft. Genshin characters-Qiqi: Coconut Blackberry Pie

Hello, every birdy. Today we are going to be making yet another pie. But this one is a bit different, in regards to the pie crust. For all of those who know, and who have been following me for a while, you know that I have a favorite pie crust. A Pie crust that my mom taught me when I was younger, and the only pie crust I like making: the Betty Crocker Pie Crust. But today I wanted to change it up a bit and find a coconut oil pie crust. 

Ok, I want to make this pie because of one little zombie child named Qiqi (Chi-Chi) and this girl does not want to come home at all. It makes me sad. She is the only original standard banner character that I do not have. My sister got her on her first day of playing, and I have been playing for a year and haven’t gotten her yet. Hopefully, I will get her soon!

Both recipes will be down in the description below. Feel free to check them out. 

First things first, we are going to be making the pie crust. 

You will need:

Flour

Salt

Granulated sugar

Coconut oil 

Ice water

It is very similar to that of a normal pie crust. However, there is one crucial thing that you need to do. USE A FOOD PROCESSOR. If you don’t, it will look A LOT bigger than a normal pie crust, and you will have chunks of coconut oil in them. 

You are going to add the flour, salt, and sugar, if you desire, to the food processor and blend everything together until it is just mixed. 

Next, you are going to add the coconut oil, and while the food processor is on start adding in the tablespoons of ice water. Until a dough is formed. The amount of water varies. 

Dump the dough onto a flour surface and use hands to form into a ball. Cut the ball in half and you can use it right away, or you can place it in the fridge or freezer until you have your filling together.

For the pie filling you will need:

Sugar 

Flour

Cinnamon, if desired

Blackberries 

Lemon juice 

Butter, if desired

In a large bowl, you are going to mix together the sugar, half a cup of flour, and the cinnamon if you want it. Stir in the blackberries. Set it aside while you roll out the pie crust. 

I didn’t use a food processor for the pie crust, so when I was rolling it out, it was a little bit thicker than the normal pie crust. And it had chunks of coconut oil in it. I honestly thought that it was going to be a gross pie, because of all of the oil. 

Always remember to place pies on a cookie sheet before putting them in the oven. That way you won’t have to clean up your oven afterward. You just have to clean a cookie sheet. 

Bake the pie for about 35 to 45 minutes, or until the crust is golden brown and the juice starts to bubble. Also, don’t be afraid, your pie will start making noise. 

I forgot to take a picture of this pie, and I am kinda sad about it because it was kinda funny. It looked like I put a large piece of swiss cheese on top of the pie. And honestly, the taste was not that bad. It definitely tasted like a blackberry coconut pie. Which was good. 

I hope that you liked this recipe. Feel free to check it out for yourself. See you in the next post. Thank you. 

Pinterest: Here

Recipe:

Pie Crust:

Blackberry Pie: 

[davekat-sucks]

Ok, time for another tangent. Eridan deserved better.

He may have been genocidal and a bit of a jerk, but honestly I can't help but feel bad for him because of the amount of bad things that happened to him

He was pretty much rejected by everyone and nobody bothered to listen to him or give him any sympathy, which led to him not only killing Feferi (his crush) and Kanaya (the only troll he considered a friend), but also dooming his race. Eventually, that led to getting him killed. Later, as Erisolsprite, he regretted his actions and tried to apologize to Fefetasprite (specifically, the feferi part) for what he did. But it just blows up in his face (literally), and we never know if feferi forgave him or not. After that, Eridan is pretty much forgot about and doesn't appear much outside of random cameos and mentions. It's honestly kinda sad that we don't see more of him.

thank you all for coming to my eridan ted talk

People really forget that he was a teen who was afraid of dying at the hands of Bec Noir, the guy who has insane space powers that was able to go far to kill their Dream Selves. That's how strong Jack was. Around him, he didn't see progress being made to stop him. If it involved the kids, Eridan would not have known about that since he was not as close to them compared to someone like Karkat, Kanaya, Terezi, or Vriska. The trolls that were talking to them, didn't also seem like they were to share information about their plans either. It was all hush hush. Even Feferi was quiet about the Dream Bubbles safety measure afterlife and assured everyone it was going to be okay. Eridan could only see two options. Just lay down and die, never to see the new universe and admit all they have done was for nothing. Or surrender and hope that Jack will spare their lives to delay death just a little longer. The former option also wounded his pride because the trolls had to skip everything about their quest on their planets to reach for the final boss before their prize was claimed. So it would hurt that him leaving his destroyed home planet behind, rushing to fight the Black King, only to be stopped by someone else so suddenly and thrown to an isolated area far from their original destination, it would make anyone ask WHAT THE FUCK. Could you blame Karkat for trusting Jack Noir? Could you blame Vriska for making Jack into Bec Noir? Blame Aradia for finding the Sgrub game? Blame Sollux for coding it? Eridan might not have known all the details about what was going on, so he's just left there to question everything and his anxiety eats at him every second. Despite his faults and flaws, Eridan was a kid who had sat on a high spot because of his highblood privilege. But upon going through Sgrub, he would learn the harsh truth that his status was thrown out the window as a bigger danger arrives. One that he saw that nobody was taking a chance to do something about it or were waiting too long for someone else to fix it. Eridan was all alone and didn't know who to turn to or confide his concerns when they were all busy with something else. I would have loved to see him that an arrogant douche that started out as a villain, would slowly get better. But I suppose his death is better than letting him live to become something worse like what the characters have after Post Retcon.

[sad-sour]

hello again, it’s me, here to word vomit before i make myself crazy but this time it’s about the barbie movie 🤩

the barbie movie sincerely was one of the most incredible movies i’ve ever seen tbh. it was beautiful but it was painful and tbh that’s the essence of being a woman

there were several different themes throughout the movie and fuck i really didn’t think this movie would cause me such incredible amounts of psychological damage 😃

what happened between ken and barbie when ken just starts being fucking MEAN and he’s so mean and it just broke my fucking heart and had me sobbing in the fucking theater because my “ken” was so fucking mean to me and to see this innocent barbie get a verbal thrashing for the first time for the boy who means the fucking world to her just sucked so bad because once he hurts you like that the relationship never recovers. what barbie and ken when through is EXACTLY what it’s like to have a close male friend in childhood who eventually grows up to objectivity and crucify you for not loving them back

“where i see live she sees a friend, what will it take for her to see the man behind the tan and fight for me?”

like he’s SO obsessed with barbie and she DOES love him but he refuses to accept the love she does have for him because she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, like barbie wants to be her own person and she wants that for ken too

it was genuinely such a surprisingly visceral reaction to ken being so fucking mean to barbie, as a little girl you don’t ever get that innocent friendship back once he starts being fucking MEAN and i think that’s so fucking heart breaking bc as a woman who has experienced that kind of thing the it’s just so fucking upsetting to look back on what should be such fond fucking memories only for them to be tainted with what “ken” threw in your face and said

the other plot point that really really got me was the mom shit, like damn everybody said if you got mommy issues fucking watch with caution and they were NOT lying

i’ve got mommy issues bc i’ve got a mom that bullied me and even tho i know she loves me bc she’s my mom it always fucking felt like she hated me, the barbie movie made my heart ache bc it made me feel empty. i have a mom and i’ve always ALWAYS wanted what other girls had. i wanted the mom that wanted to play with me, I wanted the mom that made snacks and picked me up after school, parents that didn’t leave me home alone for an entire weekend when i was only fucking eight years old

i saw this tiktok that talked about how this girl and her mom went to the movie together and they were hugging and crying during the beautiful montage of mothers and daughters and i just felt empty

i couldn’t ever imagine watching that movie with my mom, honestly the thought makes me uncomfortable and that makes me really sad

you know i’m kinda surprised by how much this movie really fucked with me,

doesn’t help that my cousin’s 22nd birthday was a few days before this lmfao

even better she posted a video on insta of her from when we were younger, i saw it and i burst into tears bc that’s my big sister, even if we always wanted to pretend we were twins

we were girls together

we played barbies together and on day that just disappeared…

one day we put down our barbies for the last time, packed them up in those big stupid barbie travel cases for the last time and watched them get sold at a yard sale

we still played together, we played animal jam, poptropica, animal crossing, just dance wii sports but none of that feels as sentimental as when we played barbies together…

i never did that with anyone else

doesn’t help that speak now (taylor’s version) just recently came out as well and listening to a 33 year old taylor sing never grow up just kinda really slapped me in the face you know

she was 9 and i was 8 the first time we ever listened to that album together and it was really special getting to listen to the new version with her too and i’m just in this really weird fucking place in life wondering when the fuck i grew up and how i missed so fucking much of my own life because i don’t really have any memories prior to the age of fucking 16

i turn 22 in 2 months…

and all i’m left with is this yearning for simpler times, times before i knew anything about the world when all i was worried about was my barbies and some new fantastical adventure that we were going to send them on

i’m left with this vague impression of memories from times i don’t fucking remember and the only shit i do remember is the traumatic or sad shit

but you know what i’ll keep my rose tinted glasses on for the few precious memories i do have because if fucking refuse to let reality have all of my girlhood, some of it i get to keep for me

[bingeblogging]

The amount of loss I've already experienced this year lol including the first official serious bf who I took too long to figure out I'm in love with

He didn't pass away, it's just a case of me being too careful but simultaneously self sabatoging it to the point of no return

But also that loss includes my will to live

Honestly tho I'm proud for simply doing the bare minimum and still waking up and going to work and being so nice and happy to my colleagues and keeping myself busy at work, but damn, I completely dissolve into a defeated sad individual when I walk into a sink full of month old dishes in the sink in my cluttered and roach infested apartment I share with my mentally ill and messy mom who barely leaves her room, let alone cleans anything... but hey at least I have my own room and 2 cutie cats laying in bed with me though right?

Yeah I could be living with a man who adored me to pieces and would willingly apply lotion to me after I showered and overall called and treated me like a queen. I'd be loved, I'd have (kinda) my own space, I'd finally escape this shit hole. The same that I've been dealing with for my entire 25 years of life.

So here I am, ghosting the 2 "friends" I had left. Ones that are only there if I need them. The ones I can barely call friends because they're so distant. I'd rather severe all ties and be alone than to be the one that always initiates, the one who always gets cancelled on, the one who is never the first choice. Hell, I'm not even a part of the multiple choice question. Not even a "write in" option.

Why do I end up sad, depressed, alone, stuck, when I finally decide to put myself first? Why do I feel 10x worse? Why is it that the older I get, the harder it gets? When will it get better? When will it be my turn to be happy? Why do I feel like I have to push my limits and work extremely hard for things that seem to fall in place for many? Why when I set my mind toward those things that I get kicked back to square one, door slammed in my face, being continuously kicked when I'm already down, when I'm already DOWN BAD IN ROCK BOTTOM'S BASEMENT (ummmm pretty sure I found a new playlist name)

Anyways I might as well share my playlist of all the songs I spiral to, yikes to this whole post

Love how everything I share to the internet is like an overshare, concerning joke and a lowkey cry for help, except I've been doing it for yeaaarrrs and still don't have the answers

[gurugirl]

hi, guru! I saw ur post abt an anon saying you are not posting enough on Patreon and while I do not follow you on there (yet), from the amount you are saying you’ve posted - I definitely think it’s FOR SURE A LOT.

sometimes it can feel like that to me too (with other writers) but honestly I think it’s more about readers just binge reading stories that it doesn’t feel enough. Like ofc it’s not gonna feel like a lot if you devoured it.

In my case, I usually wait til I know there are enough works for me to read for a month or two, then I’m cancelling the subscription and cycle begins again.

idk why I wrote this ask, I just saw the post and felt bad that you feel bad. Don’t! You are so incredible, I honestly admire you for posting here and there AND keeping it regular!

P.s. I’m not sure if you even notice it, but whenever I send you an ask, I have a habit of accidentally unfollowing bc I click the wrong button, so I’m sorry if you did notice it and thought it was weird. It’s not like I even send you ask often but it has happened three times already and I felt kinda weird about it and wanted to clarify 😅. Although I’m sure you have so many followers you might not even notice this shit.

OH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A LONG ASK IM SORRRYYYYYYYY

Aww that's so sweet. It's hard not to feel like I've let some people down when they don't think I've posted enough, even though I know realistically I can't post a whole lot more than I already do. So I guess if they cancel for that reason, that's totally fair for them. But the ask did make me a little sad that they felt I barely post because that's just not true.

Anyway! I did not notice you unfollowing and refollowing 😂 That is so funny! I've unfollowed plenty of mutuals on accident too so I get it. No worries at all :)

I LOVE YOUR LONG ASK! Thank you so much for explaining the binging thing because that makes sense too. 💕

xoxo

[rome-roy]

wowowow fun :) my only remaining friend from high school (and real life) has now blocked me on instagram and privated her account. I guess so she can chat shit about me! And like I’m sad to lose her but also…

I’m definitely in the wrong myself but to just drop me? ok sure… that’s reasonable.

I want to rant for a sec. You don’t need to read this but feel free to tell me if I’m the asshole. I know I am a bit but��� yeah. I feel guilty but not enough to warrant her reaction? Maybe?

So we’ve been friends since HS, but I left school and moved away. So we’ve kept in contact on and off over the years. Saw each other rarely but it sometimes it happened. I could probably count on my hands the amount of times we’ve seen each other (less than 10.)

One thing that is clear about me to anyone and most certainly her: I am terrible at staying in contact.

I’ll see a message and say I’ll respond later. And then it gets too late. Weeks go by. Most of the time I completely forget about it. And I end up not responding at all. I dislike this about myself. A lot of the time I don’t respond because I need time to think about the message or time where I don’t have distractions around me. The only time I can guarantee this is when I go to bed, and sometimes I’m just too sleepy or want to chill. Tough cycle to break.

Anyway, she knows this about me. I’ve been like this since high school. She’s never been mad about it, or at least she’s not said anything. We usually fall back into old ways before I lapse again.

Before lockdown (or the year of?) we decided to try writing some scripts together. We’ve been trying to do it for ages, but it’s hard to pin me down. I have no schedule, I cannot ever guarantee her a time in which we can both hop online and write. This especially got harder when she moved to Korea. Like where my life is at the minute… I don’t think anyone really understands how it makes me feel and how I feel I can’t do anything. I cannot dedicate my time because I don’t know what’s happening week to week, and I don’t want to inconvenience anyone else around me. I already feel like such an inconvenience to them.

ANYWAY, I told her this a few months ago, along with the fact that I’m just not feeling the story anymore and I’m struggling to be creative. I hoped that would be it, I’d have some space from the writing till I was able to think again. I was also kinda annoyed that we weren’t starting from scratch like we said we would but just editing what we had. We both agreed it needed to be completely rewritten… but no? She sent me a couple of voice notes, I didn’t have the time to listen to them straightaway so I put it off… we know how this goes.

So instead of just leaving me be for a bit she continues to message me. She messages me when she sees I’m online. Keeps trying to catch me out. And this kinda pisses me off. I don’t like that behaviour, just because I’m online doesn’t mean I have to talk to her. She doesn’t know what’s going on in my life. Having constant access to people online has fucked the world up a little - being online does not mean fully available and at your disposal. Oftentimes I wouldn’t actually be online. I’d click onto messenger to check the family groupchats and then go off… but it still says you’re active for a little while after that. I guess it’ll say you’re active if you have the tab open too. Not only did I not have time to start up a conversation with her but her trying to make me respond to her made me put it off even more.

Eventually she just messages me and says, to sum it up, ‘bye.’ I’m like… okay so… is this it?? She’s dropping me? None of my behaviour is out of the ordinary for me, I’ve never argued with her, never said a bad word, never fallen out with a friend before. After a few weeks she tries to catch me out some more. There’s a bit of attitude to her words and I’m not about that.

ON MY BIRTHDAY she posts a very plain ‘happy birthday!’ on my page. I honestly thought she wouldn’t bother. I can’t avoid it any longer, I say thanks and that I’m going to reply to her and explain. But it’s my birthday, I plan to do it the next day. No. That night she messages me after seeing I’m online and says ‘I thought we were friends??’ I’m tired and honestly just doing a quick scroll on insta before bed but I write back to give a brief summary and that I’ll reply in full later because I’m tired. I tell her that I see I’ve caused her pain and how terrible I feel, which I 100% do. She doesn’t respond straightaway so I go to sleep.

Next day I see she’s said that ‘it hasn’t caused [her] pain it’s just fucking annoying, do [I] want to write with [her] or not?’ and… I have been so so tempted to say ‘do you want a friend or do you a writing partner?’ but I can’t bring myself to do it. Because this is the only reason she’s been messaging me - so that I will write with her. The only reason she’s been in touch with me for a long while. I’ve been telling myself that people only want me around so they can use me for something that they want. She only talks to me because she wants to write this thing, for her benefit. Never about me, never reaching out for me. She has a fancy to start writing this again and that’s when she reaches out. That message really highlights that point to me, and the fact that the potential that she may have lost my friendship hasn’t actually caused her pain? But it’s been hurtful to me thinking she’s done? Like… do you actually care about me or do you just want me so you can write?

The story isn’t even what we started out with and has been really dominated by her and she’s never truly listened to anything I’ve said. I’ve tried to make her follow structures (and I hate structures usually but we really needed them) and suggested helpful things. It kinda means nothing but I do have a masters in creative writing, I know what I’m talking about. Yet all my suggestions go unfollowed.

She has not been the greatest friend to me (her 2019 birthday is a while other story), but I still love her. So I’m hurt. But in some respects I do wonder whether it’s for the best to maybe let her go. She’ll be fine, I know. She has lots of other friends and she has a boyfriend now. I don’t think she needs me… and I don’t think she’s wanted me for me in quite some time.

It’s a bit much for her to just go and block me. Like. I’m literally doing nothing. I’m not even posting, haven’t watched her insta story in a long time. But whatever. If she wants to go drastic and cut me out of her life like that so be it. I wonder if she’s going to unfriend me next?

I do plan on messaging her, maybe it will end up being the last time, but I don’t want to argue. I hate arguments so much, especially when we should be able to communicate like civilised adults.

[dienamights]

Ex’s and O’s | K.Bakugou

» Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

» Word count: 6.7K

» Genre: hurt/comfort, Smut MDNI, Prohero!au

» Summary: Its bad enough that you’re spending your ex-boyfriend’s birthday curled up in bed, wearing his merch, drinking away your sorrows, but what’s even worse is having your eardrums pierced by the blaring music upstairs at the party thrown just for him.

» Warning(s):  Smut 18+ MDNI please, hurt/comfort, mentions of alcohol, dubcon since reader is under the influence while getting dicked down, drunk sex, oral sex and fingering (female receiving, we getting fed tonight), one pussy slap lol, manipulation, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy)

» Author’s notes: Hello! aaaah I’m actually pretty excited about posting this fic! First of all, its Bakuhoe’s birthday! and what better way to honor it than to feed you all some good ol angst sprinkled in with some good dickin’ down. Its been years since I’ve written smut and I’m actually really fuckin proud of it, yet real nervous but I hope you enjoy! Secondly, this fic is a part of Bakugous Birthday Bash! I’m so excited to read everyone’s work, thank you everyone for holding this event and allowing my ass participate to create this with you all ♡ be sure to read everyone’s contributions, I know it’ll be more than amazing since everyone worked so hard!

Happy Birthday to our favorite King Explosion Murder♡♡

Lastly, I wanna thank everyone for their support and helping me reach 200 followers already! You guys are the cutest thing ever and I promise I’ll update more frequent the minute I’m out of uni late june fml, thank you @tteokdoroki for giggling with me when i wrote cock for the first time lol

» Masterlist | Requests

Rolling out of bed and flailing onto the floor as a start of your day ensures you that the following 24 hours will ultimately suck ass. Getting up and readying yourself for the day by looking through one of your cardboard boxes for your favorite Dynamight hoodie, the back of your mind keeps nagging you, trying to remind you of something buried deep in your subconsciousness, and you have half a heart to try and remember, because for some odd reason, you feel so fucking weary, as if the few steps from your bed to your bathroom are somehow now endless miles, almost making you breathe out in relief after finally reaching it.

And as you are making your coffee, that odd feeling keeps annoying you again, prodding at your brain to remember something, something. And ultimately, that's when your eyes fall to the counter. You knew this day was coming and you were dreading it for months, so as you look at the calendar on your kitchen counter, you frown, the quote of the day you always love reading so much long forgotten when your eyes fall on the date. 

“You’ve gotta be kiddin' me.” You mumble at the calendar on your counter hatefully with furrowed eyebrows, as if it would either reply or change its date, it doesn’t do either, and your lips curl downwards even further. As in immediate response, you pick up your phone, your coffee pot tossed aside as you dial the number of the only person you could think might help you right now.

“G’morning y/n -” you hear Kendo’s voice through your phone, and you honestly want to sob right then and there, but you hold yourself, barely and speak over her overly cheery voice first thing in the goddamn morning. “It's Kats- Bakugou’s birthday” you whimper at the slip up, being so used to the first name basis you were in with your now ex-boyfriend.

“Yeah, was kinda hoping you would’ve forgotten.” She sighs, tugging at her bangs and pulling back her phone to check the time. “Tell you what, I get off work in an hour, then I’m spending the day with you. I’ll get tequila, I know you love your shots.” 

“Ken, it's like 10 right now..” you can’t help but pout, having alcohol in your system as an escape to help you forget about the entire day still sounding better than the urge to cry and crawl into a hole, even if it's at the start of your day. “Y'know what? Get those gummy worms I like too.” “Bet.” you hang up with a sigh, moving back to the kitchen to sift through your bubble wrapped kitchen utensils, barely forcing yourself to prepare breakfast as to not have your liquor on an empty stomach.

You loathe the fact that you remembered his birthday, always reminded of him no matter how long ago since you’ve last seen him, being the center of the media’s attention for years as the number 6 hero in japan has its perks, well, in his case, but to you? Nothing but trouble and heartache as every channel you flip through plasters his face, whether it be about some big rescue mission he partook in or a new rumor about a potential lover to the explosive hero, followed by him almost attacking a reporter, yelling to them about ‘needing to mind yer goddamn business and keep my fuckin’ name outta your mouths’. Therefore, you opted long ago to stay away from the TV to avoid seeing him, his captivating rubies for eyes, covered by that goddamn mask you like to push up to his forehead, sweeping his bangs away and exposing his sweaty forehead that he bumps against yours as he makes love to you, still in his hero costume, all battered and dusty and so incredibly hot you have to- 

You grip your coffee mug tighter, almost to the point of breaking the handle off of it, placing it rather roughly onto the table before pushing your food away, appetite gone with the thought of whatever paradise you were thinking you were in before now long gone and never coming back, all because of you, of your action, of your mistake.

Kendo walks in with a bright smile on her face, as if her overly cheerful attitude will balance out the void you’re slowly but surely falling in. She shakes the bag of snacks in your face as you blink your eyes back into focus. Dragging your heavy feet across the floor to get to your kitchen to retrieve the shot glasses. Only kissing her cheek in thanks when you snatch away whatever it is she brought with her to lift your mood.

She eyes the boxes by your kitchen, the four placed haphazardly in your living room and the one you're using as a stool while filling your shot glasses, tongue sticking out to try and fill each one to the brim without spilling any on the new coffee table that she failed to notice before is still wrapped in bubble wrap that prevent any damage during the moving process.

“y/n…” you hum in response, a frown falling on your lips as the third glass spills a bit and the liquid pools on the plastic.

“Don't you think that you should’ve probably unpacked a while ago? Hasn't it been, what, five months?” 

“I didn't know you were gonna come here to harass me about my life choices, Kendo”

She flinches away, your tone venomous, almost feeling it as a slap to her face, before leaning in when she sees your eyes start to water.

“If I did, that just means it's true… that just means it happened, and I did the stupidest thing- you know what,” you wipe the few tears that managed to escape away with the sleeve of your sweater, looking down at the shots in front of you. “It, it doesn't matter anymore just- can I just drink and try to forget about how my life has gotten nothing but fucking worse since the day I left him?”

You questioned your worth that one time, that one time all those months ago. Thinking that by doing what you did and leaving, he’d drop everything and run behind you, chase after you and win you back, but he didn't, and as you sit surrounded by the evidence of how much of a failure you find out you are without him, you regret ever questioning it, ever questioning him. Because to you, living in denial was so much better than whatever hell this is.

So all you could think of is to just drown yourself in alcohol until your mind is too numb to think of the possibilities of how you could have avoided this, how you could’ve been a less of shitty person, and stop imagining how your life would be now if you just swallowed all your insecurities and just stayed. Despite the neglect, despite not being prioritized, because in some weird twisted way, those lies held you with warmth that you were never able to find after uncovering the ugly truth you’re living in right now. 

You lay on your living room floor, the alcohol swirling in your system and clouding your vision as you trace imaginary shapes in your ceiling, the voice of Kendo muffled as she rambles on and on about her day, the amount of outlaws she bitch slapped - a term she uses to get a laugh from you - and how she considers herself the unluckiest being in the whole world for having Monoma as a partner of all people, seriously contemplating who she should beat up first between him and the villains.

“Must be nice,” you voice, low and slow, scared of how Kendo would react to what you’re about to say, yet your intoxicated self unable to stop your mouth from uttering the words. “To have a purpose in life, to not be quirkless and lost like us.” your face twists in an ugly scowl at your ceiling, but mostly to yourself for putting a downer on whatever mood your friend is trying so hard to build, proven by the hitch of her breath before she enters your peripheral vision when she leans over you, all upside down and pouty.

“What’re you talki-” the shrill ringtone of her phone breaks you away from each other as she leaps to fetch it and silence the god forsaken thing by answering the call. “Battle Fist here, yes sir, I was partnered up with Phantom Thief for the patrol at area B, n-no sir I wasn’t informed.” Kendo breaths out in irritation, pinching the bridge of her nose as she starts tapping her feet aggressively on the floor, eyes falling onto yours when you look up at her all weary and sad, knowing what she would tell you once she hangs up. “That dumbass is gonna be the end of me I swear.” She crouches down to your level and kisses your forehead, promising to be back in the morning with hangover food, before she leaves and locks the door behind her. 

Now you’re left all alone, back aching from laying on the hardwood floor and eyes watering as you feel your loneliness eating you up inside, the god awful music thumbing loudly in your ears followed by the cheer of people as you-

Music?

You sit up abruptly, groaning at the dizziness of the swift movement as your hands fly to cover your ears, a failed attempt of ensuring your brain doesn’t begin to spill out from them, because of the loud voices, the bass shaking your entire fucking apartment by how strong it is, and you curse yourself for falling for the scheme the landlord pulled you in, paying half of the rent everyone did, just because you lived right below the penthouse that hosted the loudest parties in the area, 4 days out of the fucking week. 

The money hungry shameless bastard praised the apartment the minute it spiked your interest all those months ago, selling it so well you actually moved in the next week, anything to stop feeling like a burden to Kendo as you couch-surfed her apartment. Only to realize within that first week from your downstairs neighbors that he rents the penthouse to host parties of all sorts, and due to its location in the city, it was pretty popular, yet you didn’t have the money to move out again, nor the heart to concern your friend with your problems, as she was a hero with other responsibilities aside from taking care of your hopeless self.

So you get up, barely gathering yourself onto that elevator to tell off whoever the fuck will answer the door first to turn the music down. You pound the door with your fist repeatedly the minute you reach it, the door opening so suddenly you almost punch the man standing in front of you in the chest, the cool air created from the door cooling your warm cheeks as you squint at your victim for the day.

“Welcome!”

“Listen here, you buttfaced moron” you start to chew the person’s ear out, your sight blurring yet still able to notice how bright his hair is, how fiery and familiar it looks, and you’re certain you’ve seen it somewhere before. “I’m trying to drink away my regrettable life choices and cry over my ex-boyfriend, so if you would just turn down the-”

“y/n?” oh, that’s where. Your stomach drops as Kirishima looks down on you, the bright smile he flashed to whoever he was welcoming now dropped with his eyes almost bulging out at your presence, you both stand in silence, the boy unbuttoning the collar that suddenly feels like it has a chokehold on him while you cross your arms and hope the floor would swallow you a floor down back into the comfort of your home.

Kirishima basically is shutting down the second his eyes lay on you, breaking a sweat as your eyes never waver, despite how you fail to stay standing straight, what was he supposed to say? ‘Hey we’re throwing a birthday party for your ex-boyfriend because he's been feeling depressed from the day you dumped his ass’ ? No!  He wouldn’t do that to his friend, but what was he gonna say now?

Well, he didn’t have to really think about what to say to you, because his other friend didn’t hesitate to push him forward, slurring something along the lines of ‘lettin the hot ladies in so they can take a look at the prettier blond, aka moi’. In his moment of panic, the redhead stumbles forward, his cup slipping from the tips of his fingers and meeting its doom by the floor, whatever was filling it now staining your pants as you both look at the mess between you.

“Woah bro, we said you gotta get’er wet but not- '' Denki's cackle stops him from continuing whatever filth he was gonna spew out - thankfully - before his eyes drop down to your chest, or more like what was covering it. “Hey! You a Dynamight fan? Hey Bakuhoe, comere for a sec.” 

Dear God, move, for the love of all that's pure in this god forsaken world, move! Run!

All you could do is shake and breathe in short segments as your widened eyes meet his unamused ones, the garnets in his eyes glistening at your sight, he stands straight and so tall, suited up in his usual attire. Dressed for the occasion, words aren't able to describe his beauty. You try not to let your brain be dazzled by how incredibly handsome he looks. He is wearing a dress shirt, in the deep color of wine that complements his eyes, dress pants hugging his long legs, not to mention the open collar, and no tie. He looks like a long, lean Lothario. 

At that your eyes drop down to the floor, specifically the now stained carpet, your hands wrenching the end of your hoodie to distract yourself from the piercing rubies that haunts your dreams.

You build up some courage, enough of it to lift your head to continue what you came here to do, so you open your mouth, and drop a few IQs while you’re at it. “The m-music is loud and m’tryin’ to sleep,'' you mumble, noting how Kirishima leans down to make up the words you are saying over the sound of the blaring music while Bakugou narrows his eyes at you as if disregarding his sight will make him hear you better. “So, if you could turn down the heat, that’d be,” 

“You squiffed?” The blond grunts, leaning his face close to yours to inspect it, and he catches a whiff of alcohol in your breath, his eyebrows furrowing at your response. “No I'm not squinting-” 

“Yeah you’re drunk alright,” he huffs at your less than intelligent reply, pushing his glass of whiskey - you figure since it's always been his drink of choice - against Kirishima’s chest, telling him to lower the fucking volume and grabs you by your bicep. “C’mon, I’ll take you home.” you stumble at the force used against you, no matter how weak it actually is, before you barely straighten yourself to push his hand away. “I can walk down all by myself, thank you.” Of course you’d expose where you live, you dumbass.

He doesn’t question your integrity, just continues to basically drag you to the elevator before pushing your apartment door open when you choose your floor, irked to find your misplaced trust in the people of the complex by not locking your door after leaving. He barges into your bedroom and tells you to change out of your fucked up pants and proceeds to saunter to your kitchen to get you water, eyeing the boxes that he comes across during that small trip.

He stands awkwardly by the door when he sees you standing in the middle of the bedroom, sifting through countless moving boxes with your pants on the floor, thrown next to a pile of clothes that he can only assume that its supposed to be your laundry ‘basket’, until you opt against wearing any since you can't seem to find anything to replace them. And when he asks you if you just moved in, his expression sours when you shake your head no and explain to him that you’ve been living for months in this space, after chugging that cup of water like you’ve been parched for days.

“Birthday party?” You ask out of the blue as you play with the strings of your hoodie, your ears perking up at the confirmation hum you receive. “Hmm, thas’cool… I-I guess.” 

Bakugou’s impassive as he gently pushes you onto your bed, eyes meeting yours as he covers you up with your blanket. “Get some rest, I’m leaving.” He said, slowly stalking away from you and barely reaching your door as your big mouth talks on its own. Your body sitting up and facing his retreating back.

“That's what you always do, you always leave”, you utter and you see him stiffen his shoulders before he spins to face you, so fast you almost want to check up on him about getting a whiplash.

“Hah?” it's one syllable, but it shakes your very core, that one sound making you almost shake, overwhelmed by the amount of emotions, the amount of pain that one sound has. He steps closer to your bed, the stomps of his feet sounding like gun shots in your ear, and you pathetically lift up the blanket to cover yourself up, cowering behind it like it's some pseudo shield that might protect you from him.

“I’m the one that leaves?” he growls at you, his eyes sizing you up when you react to his forceful approach, leaning back to look down on you, but his lips are still curled in a frown, he tries to hold himself from blowing up at you, his feelings oddly enough still raw in his chest the moment he lay eyes on you the first time since you left, threw him away and walked away, probably finding someone better, probably finding someone who you tolerated, unlike himself, but when he sees you straighten up your back to rebuttal him, an automatic response to whenever he raised his voice at you from all those years ago, he knows he is in for a fight. 

He snarls when you nod at him, your eyes hard and glaring up at him, not knowing that your silence is by your better judgement since you don't trust your voice, knowing it’ll fail you, probably crack and show him how much he actually is affecting you by his closed off posture and demeaning look down at your frame.

“Real fuckin’ rich of ya, y/n.” He snaps back, his hands brought up to his hair, tugging at it. “As if you didn’t pack your shit,” he kicks at yet another cardboard box fucking spewed in your room, noting its heavy weight when it didn't move but an inch by his action. “Dropped your keys by the fuckin’ door,” as an emphasis, he throws your apartment key at you, making sure it doesn’t actually hit you, but falls onto your lap. “And left. Without a single fuckin’ word, like I'm some lowlife who didn't deserve an explanation, like I didn't deserve anything! And-” that hurt, goddamn it. 

Exhaling deeply, he focuses on how your eyes look a little less glossed over, a little more sober, but holding fear, and he almost steps back and out when he looks at how you’re fighting tears, almost wanting to bust his own kneecaps than to see you like this, always wanting nothing for you but to be happy, to never upset about anything no matter how small it might be.

Then why did you leave him? Left him to drown by his lonesome self, waves of his insecurities and sorrow crashing into him, pulling him even further down to his inevitable doom.

Despite the fact that you both yearn for each other, long to feel one another, engulf yourselves in the others presence. You both stand your ground, eyes glaring despite the emotions hidden behind them, mouths shut and curled into ugly scowls regardless of the words you wish to speak to each other, whispers of promises into each other's ears about being together forever, in spite of not knowing what the future holds.

Bakugou breathes out again, recalling all those months worth of coping mechanisms to exercise when placed in anger inducing situations like this one, the time in therapy spent to better himself, to control himself, to be the best version of himself, for you, hoping that one day you’ll pity him enough to want to come back, knowing full well he would never hold a grudge against you and welcome you back with open arms, intending to never repeat whatever it is he did that made you think of him as so unbearable you couldn't spent another day with him.

You on the other hand, are barely holding in the tears, wanting him to just leave your sight, so you can go back to the world of denial where he didn't look like straight out of a magazine, looking as captivating as always, as if your absence did not have an effect on the hero, of course it wouldn't, why would a quirkless extra have an effect on the great Katsuki Bakugou, that's what he used to call them, right?

“Just leave, Bakugou-” his ears pick up the way your voice breaks at his name, the way you utter it sounds so horrendous, because you aren’t meant to call him Bakugou, you’re meant to call him Katsuki, Katsu, Suki, your Suki. Not- “I hate you.”

The room suddenly spirals. The floor panels misalign themselves into zigzags. Bakugo’s eyes shatter like a glass window. He tries to hold himself against the tears that threaten to fall, stomach wrenching as if reaching from inside of his body, but it’s useless. He brings his hand up close to his chest and sinks his head, letting the words overtake him.

Oblivious to his internal struggle, you pile whatever courage you have left in another attempt to ask him to leave, aware that your body wouldn’t aid you in pushing him away physically, you open your mouth, only to gasp after a moment of silence when he pounces on you and grabs you by the neck, sliding a hand behind your head and leaning your face impossibly closer to his “you fuckin’ hate me? show me you hate me then,”

Then he's pressing his lips against yours, your half foggy mind all too surprised by the flow of motion you can only try to keep up with his feverish kisses, you try to pull away, to push him away, to no avail, Bakugou only stopping his assault on your lips to growl at them again “Show me then, hah?” 

But he wouldn't even let you, his grasp on your neck loosening to circle around your back to push you to him even more. His kisses get more and more aggressive, trying his best to show you how much he was hurt by what you said, by what you did, after all this time, almost begging you to not let him have to voice out whatever he’s feeling because he would do so much of a worse job than he is doing now.

The hands you placed on his chest in a failed attempt to push him away are now just placed over his pecs, welcoming their warmth and the way they flex under your touch, your right hand clenching over where his thumping heart is, and he almost sighs in relief, the movement feeling like it holds together all the broken pieces of his heart to make it whole again.

Almost like that gesture calmed him down, Bakugou’s rough touches start to soften, very caring as they glide to your hips before sliding underneath your - oh my God it's your special edition Dynamight hoodie! His amused chuckle tickles your lips as he pulls away when he feels you stiffen at the realization, barely letting you breathe in ease until he places his lips against your ear. “Love how m’still the only one sprawled over yer tits.”

“But I still want the real thing, lemme see ‘em, hm?” And just before throwing a dumb retort and embarrasing yourself even further, the article is tugged eagerly off of your body and thrown haphazardly on the floor. Earning yourself a low whistle when he realises you’re wearing nothing underneath. Bakugou all but shoves you onto the bed, spreading your legs when you try to rub them against each other for any friction, wedging his body neatly between them as his teeth gently bite your soft buds, pulling them slightly before captivating the nipple entirely.

His tongue flicks against your hardening nipple while keeping a watchful eye at the sinful expressions your face makes, his one hand toying with and twisting the other nipple while the other slides down to tease your needy cunt, pressing his fingers against your -fucking soaked- panties, swearing under his breath at the feeling of your walls trying to clench around his fingers just from that one movement. Sitting on his haunches, he lifts your hips with ease to pull your panties right off, eyes travelling between your heaving chest and your exposed pussy. Before lowering himself and finding comfort in biting and sucking your nipples again.

Bakugou’s smirk grows with your moans as his tongue dances over your sensitive nipples, he presses his finger against your walls, and you immediately keen at the prodding feeling that almost feels foreign after all this time apart. His thumb pushing your pussy lip to the side to see you suck his finger in like the good girl he knew you always were.

“Ba-ba-ba,” you struggle to talk, your drool collecting at your lips, stopping you from forming any words as you feel a breeze hit your spit covered tits, whining at the feeling and wanting him to pull your nipples in the warm cavern of his mouth again. Bakugou’s eyes focus on the spit line connecting his bottom lip to your nipple before disconnecting it to smash his lips against yours in an effort to shut your blabbering up.

“Ba-ba, what? y’better not be callin’ me Bakugou with my fingers deep in yer pussy baby, its Katsuki for you, yeah?” he taunts with a fake pout that immediately turns into a grin at the way you hold your pathetic sobs, pressing another finger in your tight cunt, reveling in the wet sounds your pussy makes as he thrusts his fingers in and out of it, soaking his fingers in your slick as he curls them, eager to hear the squelching sounds it would make when his cock is shoved deep inside you. “Or better yet, lemme hear you say Suki, hmm?”

“Suki- p-please, eat me out” you throw your head back and bring your hands down to play with your clit, showing him where you want his lips to be, as if the blond doesn't already know where it is, and he scoffs at the thought, slapping your hand away and giving another slap to your clit, earning a moan from you from the sharp pleasurable pain.

“Yea, yea I fuckin’ know already, needy slut,” he growls, keeping eye contact as he circles your clit with his tongue before sloppily eating out your cunt, making a mess of both drool and your arousal, mumbling “my needy slut.” to himself, and you do hear it, yet you brush it off with the thought that your lust must be messing with your brain.

Your chest still flutters at his words and your walls clench in on his fingers as he curls them again in a way you didn’t know would make you yelp like it did. He thrives off of how your body responses so easily to him, your back arching and the squelching getting louder as his fingers pick up speed, his tongue so skillful in drawing circles around your clit before sucking it again. A whine escapes you when he draws his head away from you, only for you to see the way his eyes darkens, his chin glistening from your arousal when it catches the light.

“Let go for me princess,” he whispers uncharacteristically, making you question if the glint in his eyes is from his desire for you or something else. “Lemme see you fall apart for me, alright?” the way he’s almost begging you to come undone for him takes you by surprise, and your body curls in on itself so fast, not realizing your orgasm was creeping up on you until it hits you. The knot in your stomach breaks as you gush around his fingers, white crossing your vision as he slows his pace to help you come down from your high. 

Your shuddering body lays on your bed, eyes unwavering as they meet Katsuki’s, his fingers stuffed in his mouth as he moans around them at your taste. It's all a blur after seeing that unravel, and you’re so woozy that you don’t register him discarding his clothes until he lays above you. Placing himself between your legs as he pumps his cock, hardened from seeing you fall apart on his tongue and fingers, his tip leaking precum and burning a bright red.

His movement is almost too quick for you as he dips his head into your leaking hole before pulling right back, a breathless chuckle escaping him when you whine and roll your hips and try to suck him in again, wanting to feel the stretch of him inside of you.

“Didja wanna say somethin’ princess?” he taunts you, one of his hands holding you down by your stomach while the other is wrapped around his length, teasing you in the ways that he knows drive you crazy, he leans in, using the tip of his cock to spread your pussy lips open and running it along your slit to coat it with your arousal.

“Katshu, p-please I-” you hiccup, your fists tightening on your bed sheet as you try to rock your hips up get more than just his leaking tip, but your begging is always interrupted when he isn't hearing what he wants you to say.

“Say you love me.”

You freeze at his demand, your widening eyes looking up at him before you pout your lips, not thinking about surrendering to him, no matter how much you want your cunt stuffed full of him right now.

“I don’love yooou-” you gasp as katsuki’s grip onto your waist tightens and you feel as he gives a thrust into your sopping cunt, arching your back at the burning stretch of being filled up by his thick cock. Katsuki’s hand traces down your left thigh before cupping behind your knee, hiking your leg up and out, close to your chest to expose more of yourself to him, wanting nothing more than to see his dick seething in and out of your tight pretty pussy, and by almost muscle memory, you did the same thing with your right leg, replacing his hands with your own, presenting yourself to him.

“Y’see that? Fuckin’ know you like the back of m’hand, y’think someones gonna- ah, take the fucking time to work you like I did?” he's right, absolutely right, he ruined you for any other potential lovers and he loved it with every fiber in his being, knowing this means you’re always going to be wrapped around his finger. You moan as he pushes more of himself into you, bottoming out and holding one of your tits and squeezing when he feels your walls do the same to his cock.

You hate it, after all this time, you’re still a blubbering mess the second he was one fucking inch deep in your pussy, sucking him in and clawing at his back begging for more. No self respect, no dignity, you hate it, how come after all this time he gets to come here and fuck you like you belong to him, like you’ve belonged to him despite everything that has happened.

You only realize that your eyes are closed when Katsuki’s breath hits your face, and you open them wide, noting how wet your lashes have gotten from your tears, only for him to kiss at the tears gliding along your right temple and licking the ones on your left. He breathes out a chuckle and when he leans to look at your eyes, the humor and menace you expect to see in his eyes are nowhere to be found, clouded by a solemn look instead.

“What? Yer cryin on me now, huh? Y’think a few tears are stoppin’ me?” His voice is masked so well, because he sounds like he was simply enjoying a game, like an imp that had branched from a demon. “C’mon, not gonna tell the birthday boy you love’em?”

“I don't love you, I hate you, h-hate you-” you keen as drool pools at your lips, your body betraying you as it shakes from pleasure, letting go of your legs to wrap them around his slim waist, to bring him in closer, if that was even possible, stopping his deep thrusts that were brushing up against your cervix, it feels pathetic, denying him the pleasure of telling him you love him while clinging onto him like he's your last breath of fresh air, because in a way, you feel like he is, like him leaving would just collapse your lungs and stop your heart from beating, you know that he’s gonna leave you. While your spent body would lay on your bed and you'd cry because you didn't tell him you love him, yet you wouldn’t ask him to stay, knowing deep down that you don't deserve it, you don't deserve him.

You feel his weight on top of you as he rests his elbows by your head, his lips brushing against your ear as he repeats again with every shallow thrust into your warm insides, his cock twitching from time to time in your walls. “You love me.” he says it once, twice, thrice. Every time his voice lowers more and more to a broken whisper, almost a plea instead of the cocky taunt he started off with.

Your legs are starting to ache from the grip they have around him, so you loosen up, your mind easy since his thrusts haven’t been rough nor painful. And when you do, you notice two things immediately, first, your thighs are so soaked from how he's making you feel, probably ruining your bedsheet at this point, second, he pushed his chest away from yours to look you directly in the eyes, one hand molding around your thigh to keep it from wrapping around him again while the other is placed on your stomach, his thumb inching closer and closer to your clit, wanting to toy with it, toy with you, but not ready to give you any satisfaction until you admit to him, please just tell him, that you do still love him. All insecurities, all battle scars, all emotional constipation as layers he covers himself with, that no one gives a fuck to peel off, to see who he really was, except you.

His red eyes lock onto yours as your chest heaves with breathless sobs at the lost of his warmth, and when you think he's lowering himself back down, he pulls out suddenly, sending a  shiver down your spine as you gasp, now feeling like you're frozen over, your tears coming from lack of both pleasure and warmth.

Suddenly your face is met with the pillow and you feel his hands on your hips as he lifts them up and off the bed, your half intoxicated, half aroused mind barely registering that you’ve been flipped over on your stomach until you feel his cock prodding at your cunt, easily sliding in like they’ve been made to be warmed up in there, when you know Katsuki would argue that your pussy was made just for him and to warm his dick.

He presses his chest against your back, pushing you onto the bed as he thrusts his hips roughly, pulling out fully before seething himself right back in, your moans and whimpers muffled by your pillow from being pushed down by his hand as his other holds your hips firmly. 

Then what happened next probably shocked him more than you, despite how delirious you’ve become due to his relentless thrusting, his dripping tears feel cool on your bare warm shoulder, one by one as his groans and moans turn into strangled sobs, before Katsuki digs his teeth into that shoulder, to both hear you scream and to muffle his cries from you. 

“because I love you” he sobs, detaching his teeth from their grip and kissing the bite marks before resting his forehead against it, but his thrusts never cease, getting sloppier, as if the confession is pushing him off the edge. Dragging the tip of his nose from your bitten and bleeding shoulder to the back of your ear, his own face flush and warm against you as he breathes harshly against your ear and kisses along it.

“So-” he moans again, the hand behind your neck now turning your face so he could see your fucked out expression, the tears streaming down your face and the drool that pools under your cheeks, with your tongue lolled out and your eyes barely focusing on his form.

“You better say you do too, becau-”

“I love you.” you gush, like saying it is a breath of fresh air, your eyes never leaving his teary ones, your gaze so intense and fixated on him with no regards to the way the snapping of his hips against yours is shaking your entire body against the bed. 

With new found vigor from your confession, Katsuki grabs onto the meat of your ass, hammering into you from behind with force that pushes you against the bed even further, your pulled hair jerking your head back so he can listen to the lewd noises you are making, long forgotten the will to cover your pleasure and hiding your moans.

Your ass heavily slaps against his thighs as he grabs your hips with both hands and pounds into your sopping wet cunt, relishing in the way you’re begging for him. “Y’like it when I fuck you baby, hmm? Like it when I stuff you so fuckin’ full of me?” He growls, feeling you push your ass back every time you repeat ‘yes’ to his questions. “Yes, yes love it, love you, please please don’t stop, please ‘Suki. Yes, gonna cum ‘Suki please” you weep, your head pounding from the grip he had on your hair and your eyes crossing as you feel his thrusts stutter, getting sloppier when you bounce your ass against him, his hand coming down and slapping it.

“That's fuckin’ right, cum on this cock, c’mon baby” he brings four of his fingers to rub your clit with urgency, and you can’t help but arch your back as your orgasm hits you again, screeching as you feel your walls tightening on him, squeezing him for what he’s worth. “F-fuck ah, y-you’re so- Fuck” his heavy weight falls on you as he fills you to the brim with his milky seed, forehead pressed against your shoulder as he rocks his hips against you, pushing more of his load inside before slowly pulling out, gaze flutters down to where your bodies were once joined, seeing your mixed arousal seeping out of your hole and he has half a mind to push it back in with his fingers.

But he flips you over effortlessly, the sight of your crossed out eyes and wet cheeks squeezing his chest at the realization he might’ve been too rough on you, so he wipes your cheek with the palm of his hands and revels in the way you lean towards him, turning your face to kiss his palm. “Say it again.” barely a whisper, as you flip his hand and kiss the back of it as well, and he almost repeats himself, thinking you didn’t hear him, but your hands reach up and cup his face, bringing him towards you. “I love you Katsuki” and goddamn if that wasn’t the most beautiful thing you’ve ever spoken. “Again,” “I love you, Katsuki” “Again,” you giggle, and he knows that's probably what angels sound like.

Your thumb brushes over his warm cheeks, red from showing vulnerability, and you pull him even closer, “Happy birthday, ‘Suki.”

“Yea,” He breaths out, his lips barely brushing against your bitten and bruised ones. “It really fuckin’ is.”

aaaaaaaaah! Hope you enjoyed it! Lemme know what you think of the smut, I also changed my writing style from past tenses to present tenses or tried to at least

Borrowers (taglist):

if you want to be tagged with for any of my fics let me know ♡

[rafescoke]

hiiiii!!

Can I please request a rafe x reader based on that song need to know by doja cat.

Basically the reader heard rumors about the rafe’s and he’s past with his ex. Basically all saying how he was a 10/10 on bed. The reader is furious but sad and quickly confronts the rafe. You can choose the ending. Smut or fluff ending!!

Also pls post the rafe x reader, jj fic with the 19 chapters plsssss!!!! I beg you!

Need To Know ; Rafe Cameron

masterlist

#Part 1

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: The reader confronts Rafe about his past

Warnings: Straight smut, hella angst, substance, swearing, Rafe being a total dick

A/N: this one shot’s too long but i hope you will love it. i poured all my love into this however this isn’t my best work and im sorry!! 

p.s, i’m always open for requests <3

“Hey! thanks for coming,” Topper smiled, hugging Rafe’s side before kissing (Y/N)’s cheeks. He ushered them both to the middle of the ongoing party, to the centre where all of Rafe’s friends were hanging out. 

(Y/N) is never a fan of parties, especially the ones that she will have to tug on Rafe’s collars for them to finally enjoy the night alone. However, she passed up the chance of watching netflix with her partner tonight to go to Topper’s birthday party, since, it was, well, Topper’s celebration. 

If it had not been for Topper, she wouldn’t even bat an eye to this party, especially when she knows the amount of girls silently crushing on her boyfriend of 6 months now. Rafe’s incredibly handsome, with his hair messily parted and his blue eyes shining everytime they’re exposed to the glowing sunlight of Obx. . .  (Y/N) couldn’t justify why he would even choose her. 

“What are you thinking?” Rafe playfully groaned, pulling his girlfriend’s waist near him. His fingers played with the hem of her dress, giggling when she hissed, swatting his hands away. “Seriously. You’ve been quiet since we got out of the car.”

“I just don’t like the attention’s you’re getting tonight,” she sighed, rolling her eyes when Rafe poked her, an amused expression plastered on his face. “I shouldn’t have told you that. Now you’re this proud prick.”

Rafe laughed, throwing his head back, his hands still around her waist. She waited for him to regain his posture before kissing his cheeks. 

“Go and find Topper. I know you want to kiss him.”

“Not as much as I want to kiss you,” Rafe replied, laughing again when (Y/N) stuck her tongue out at him before walking away to go and get some drinks for herself. In truth, Rafe doesn’t understand why she would feel so inferior towards other girls; she’s simply the most beautiful girl he’ve ever laid his eyes on. No one can ever compare to (Y/N), and that’s for sure.

(Y/N) muttered a thanks when someone handed her a beer, standing on her toes to search for her friends. When she couldn’t see any of them, she began making her way towards Rafe and Topper. She decided that instead of waiting alone in the resting area of the club while everybody else is socialising, she would rather listen to whatever Rafe and his friends were conversing, knowing that somehow she’ll find something interesting in the discussion.

That was when she bumped into a figure, causing the person to drop the drink they were holding onto her front dress. (Y/N) groaned, not liking how she was already ruining the branded new dress she bought with Rafe. The smell of strong alcohol wafted into her nostrils, causing her to scrunch her nose.

“Watch where you’re going,” the person said, and  (Y/N) rolled her eyes before finally leaving the scene, not wanting to stir any unnecessary drama. She knows it will always end up dirty and Rafe will have to calm her down in the car. 

(Y/N) pushed her way through the swarm of sweaty bodies as the dress reeked with alcohol clung onto her body, and she momentarily regretted her choice of wearing a skin tight short sequin dress to a club where dropping drinks on someone is just something that is bound to happen.

She sighed when she finally reached the bathroom, quickly washing her stains with the cheap toilet paper. It left some white bits on her dress when she finally removed them, and she groaned again before washing the fabric under the running water. Her day was going totally bad, and she dreamed of the night she could’ve spent with Rafe if only Topper wasn’t born on yesterday’s date 19 years ago. 

“That’s what I’m saying!” a loud voice shrieked, followed by group of shrill laughs. “God, I really wish I’m still with him.”

(Y/N) raised her brows at the familiar voice, but thought none of it. Topper wouldn’t invite Rafe’s ex, he knows what she did to him. There was no way she was allowed to be in the private part of the club, unless someone had brought her as their plus one. 

(Y/N) shook her head at the thought, trying to focus on the stains that seemed to be making everything hard for her.

“He has this habit of running his fingers through his hair when he’s receiving head,” the voice continued, and  (Y/N) stopped in her tracks.

That’s exactly Rafe. Whoever the voice was, she was talking about Rafe. Rafe has this habit of running his long fingers through his hair while he’s whimpering, and it always drives (Y/N) crazy. 

She thought nothing of it, thinking about the possibility of another guy doing the same thing. It’s a common thing anyways; she wasn’t going to pull the crazy jealous girlfriend card that night.

She turned to pull another tissue paper, her ears still intently listening to the group of friends who seemed to not mind receiving any attention from their bold topic. 

“Now he’s with that (Y/L/N) girl. I honestly don’t get why he would be with her. Oh and-” the voice squealed, “Do you know that Rafe called me when they were talking?” 

What?

“What?” her friends asked in disbelief, and  (Y/N) didn’t move a muscle. She pressed her back against the tiled walls, listening close. Her heartbeat beat faster, and she could feel her head getting lighter.

“Yes! It was like, the first month they started getting close? He told me he couldn’t get over me and that he tried everything including finding me in her.”

(Y/N) felt the walls closing in, and quickly got to her feet to splash some water onto her face. She felt like dying right then and right there, but she knew she had to at least hear more to, now identified, Rafe’s ex girlfriend.

“He drove to my house and we just talked, you know. . . and then he told me something, and I refused. He got mad, I guess, and we fought like always, and he left me to be with that girl until today. Kinda sucks to be her, you know? Like the second choice kind of thing?” she continued, an amused tone lacing in her voice.

At that point,  (Y/N) had heard enough. She walked towards the exit as fast as her heels could take her, not stopping to stay goodbye to her now approaching friends. She could feel her hot tears crashing down, but she didn’t feel like crying in the club and having random strangers coming up to her to soothe her down.

When the night breeze hit her square on the face as she finaly exited the suffocating club, she let out the hardest cry ever as she tried to find any available taxis through her tears. There were none, seeing that it was only 9 p.m. and people had just starting to arrive, so she decided to walk to nowhere until she finds any yellow vehicle.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” a voice called out from behind her, and she turned when a hand pulled her shoulder. “What the fuck? Are you okay? Where’s Rafe?”

“Kelce, I’m not feeling good. I just want to go home, okay? Please, oh my god. I can’t do this right now,” she cried, covering her eyes with her palm. Kelce pulled her into a side hug, allowing her tears on his new t-shirt. When she finally soothed down, he tried to find an answer in her face again.

“What happened?”

“I can’t tell you now, I just-” she took a deep breath, “I just can’t. Can you um, call a Uber for me, please? My phone’s with Rafe.”

“What? Why would your phone-” he sighed, taking out his own phone. “Borrow my phone. It’s safer this way. Call a Uber, get home, and don’t do anything stupid. Okay?”

(Y/N) nodded, kissing Kelce’s cheeks before ordering a Uber, waiting by the sidewalk impatiently. She was scared Rafe would come out to look for her, and she didn’t feel like talking to him. 

She felt like shooting him in his ribs until he’s begging for her to stop. 

When she got home, her fingers trembling and her dress now ruined, she stripped out of her clothes and got under her covers. Her mother tried asking her about why she had come home earlier than expected with a running mascara and a smudged lipstick, but decided to let it pass when she didn’t answer, knowing that something has indeed happened. 

She felt like screaming. She had trusted him so much, and he was even the first guy to take her virginity. Now she felt disgusted, thinking about how she had allowed herself to the sweet words he had given her before.

She couldn’t ignore the memory of the night she first experienced sex with him, and the whole sweet care he had provided after.

It was Friday the 13th, and Rafe decided it will be a good night to watch some type of a horror movie.  (Y/N) agreed, being a fan of horror, but until one point, she was bored with the super-slow plot and boring characters. 

She played with Rafe’s fingers, intertwining them with hers, before she got an idea midway of the female character’s scream that echoed throughout her bedroom. 

“Rafe,” she said, and Rafe hummed in response. His eyes were fixated to the screen, not paying any attention to her. She whined, “Rafe. . .”

“Yeah?” He finally looked down to her, and laughed when he saw the face she gave him. “What the hell is wrong with you? The best part’s coming up. Watch it, the guy’s going to- fuck.”

(Y/N) had slipped her hand into his basketball shorts, teasing the outline of his v-line. Rafe’s breath shuddered, and he grabbed her hands before things escalate.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He grunted.

“I just wanna try something,” she replied innocently, and Rafe swore he felt like his heart stopping right then and right there. She was that sweet girl, and he has never saw this side of her.

“Can I?” she asked, and with a tiny nod, she continued her movements as Rafe’s eyes stayed glued on the television screen, though his mind was already on cloud nine. 

She was so good, and Rafe couldn’t explain the feeling inside of him when he watched her palmed him, her mouth slightly open and her hair falling down to her shoulders. Rafe felt like attacking every inch of her, wanting to give anything that she desired. 

“Stop,” he said, closing his eyes. “Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum from just your hands.”

“I want you to,” she said, and Rafe cursed. He liked, scratch that, he loved and is obsessed with the way she did anything to him, with her innocent eyes and her teasing smile. He felt like fucking her numb every single time she purposely brushed her hands against his buldge in the restaurant or bumping her bottoms against him when playing golf.

And when she would deny her actions, god, he felt like giving his all to her until she couldn’t walk.

“Rafe,” she said again, with that gint in her eyes. She leaned onto him, and he shievered when he felt her lips brushing with his earlobes. 

“I want you to fuck me.”

Rafe groaned, not wanting to look her in the eyes, afraid that he would do things he will regret the next morning. He felt her fingers around his chin, forcing him to look at her. 

“Please.”

“You told me you wanted to wait,” he said softly.

“I’m done waiting,” she had said, and that was enough for Rafe to crash his lips against her soft ones, pushing her lightly to her queen sized bed. He felt her hands playing with the hem of his shorts, and being an impatience fuck like his dad, he guided her hands to his already hard penis, craving for her touch.

“Fuck,” he groaned, closing his eyes to the euphoric feeling starting to form in the pit of his stomach. His fingers fumbled with her shorts, trying to untie the waistband, and grunted when he couldn’t gues the knot.

(Y/N) giggled, untying the ribbon, sliding her shorts to the edge of her bed as Rafe waited with his eyes staring at her hands eagerly, like a prey waiting to attack. 

Once her shorts were off, Rafe didn’t waste anymore time to place kisses from her stomach down to the sides of her aching core.  (Y/N) couldn’t take it anymore, after so many nights of trying to picture this exact moment in her head whilst fingering herself, pretending like it has been Rafe’s fingers instead of herself, she wanted to feel him around her so bad. 

“Please, Rafe,” she begged, looking at him with the innocent eyes again. She moaned when he inserted his fingers in her, pleasuring her the way pornstars would from the many porn videos his cousin had taught him to watch since he was 10 before.

“Oh my god,” she screamed, not able to comprehend the strange feeling in her stomach. She tried to close her legs, only for Rafe to gripped them apart tightly, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Do that again and I’ll leave you hanging.”

It was the way he had said that that left  (Y/N) all red, pushing herself against him to reach her end. She felt a sudden feeling approaching, and gripped Rafe’s wrist to tell him. 

Rafe laughed when she had came around his dingers, feeling her juice soaking up his fingers and her bedsheet.  (Y/N) sighed, still heaving from her high, making a mental note in her head to love this other side of Rafe Cameron.

“Suck,” he said, placing his two soaked fingers in front of her face and watched her as she sucked on them like a little girl who’s licking off a lollipop that her mother had bought for her. He felt like cumming just from the sight of her face.

“I want you inside me,” she had said again, and Rafe groaned to look away, not wanting to be a regret she had made the next morning. He looked at her again when she sat on his lap, looking at him with puppy dog eyes.

“Please?” she whispered, and before he knew it, she licked his ear to the the side of his lip before placing a soft peck on his lips.

Rafe has never removed his basketball shorts as fast as he did that night, not even when he had felt an animal crawling in his pants in the pet shop when he was 8 that resulted Sarah into having a laughing fit when they found out that a hamster had gotten into his pants.

He positioned himself in front of her slit, waiting for any new demands for him to stop now that she had changed her mind. But there was nothing, only  (Y/N) demanding for him, and without wasting any more time, he slowly slided into her, strecthing her hole.

He grunted when she felt her closing in, knowing that if she kept doing that, he’ll finish straight away.  (Y/N) screamed as he fucked her with a quick pace, causing him to quickly pull her head close to him to whisper into her ear.

“Shut up, princess. Don’t want mummy and daddy to wake up, do we?”

(Y/N) shook her head, wanting to reach her end soon. She moaned against her mattress, smelling Rafe’s scent from it, and liking the way he would whimper when he hit her g-spot.

“I’m so close, baby, fuck-” he cursed, his pace getting sloppier. His fingers with his cold rings intertwined with hers as he slammed into her for good measure, and pulling out to aim on her face as she tried to regain her breath.

(Y/N)  felt a shot of hot load landing on her face as she finally looked up to him, his sweaty chest heaving from the ungodly practice they just did. Rafe groaned, feeling himself getting hard again from the sight of her with his load all over her, and quickly turned away to grab a clean towel to clean her up.

That night, with a soft lullaby playing from  (Y/N)’s record player that Rafe had bought for her in Italy, he ran his fingers through her hair as she snuggled close, watching the moonlight brightened the ocean.

Rafe sighed, now wrapping his arms around her, forcing himself to not touch her breast in any way. “I’m sorry if it wasn’t what you had pictured in your mind.”

“Are you kidding?” she turned to face him, “God, Rafe. That’s exactly how I wanted it with you.”

Rafe chuckled and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, “God. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Riing! Riing!

(Y/N) wiped her tears with her fingers before pressing on the green button, bringing the phone to her ears when she saw Topper’s name. She decided that he deserved an explanation after she had ran off from his birthday party.

“Tops?”

“Hey, baby, you didn’t pick up my call. I have to use Topper’s phone but, um-”  (Y/N) heard the crowd sang happy birthday, “But um, are you okay? Kelce told me you were crying and I-”

“I’m fine. You should sing happy birthday to Topper.”

“I’ll be there in a bit,” he said to a voice in the background, and tried to talk to her again. “What is it, baby? The line’s kinda shitty here. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay. I know you’re not. Can you please tell me what happened?”

“It’s nothing, Rafe. Go and enjoy yourself.”

“God,  (Y/N), don’t pull this shit on me,” he sighed, and she waited until the background noise lessen. “Okay, I’m at the smoking area. Can you please tell me what happened?”

“You used me.”

“I’m - what?” he asked, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I heard her talking about how you drove to see her and you told her that you tried finding her in me,” she finaly confessed, her voice breaking. A tear slowly rolled down her red cheeks and she quickly wiped them away.

“Baby, it’s not how it sounds like.”

“Then what is it?” she yelled, clutching onto Kelce’s phone like it was her life support. “Fuck, Rafe, I gave you my everything.”

“Baby, I swear, it’s just-”  

(Y/N) waited for him to finish his sentence, and sucked in a breath when she heard the voice that had caused her this misery.

“Rafe! What are you doing here?”

“Fuck,  (Y/N), I’ll come by to your house, okay? Please, don’t do anything stupid, I’m coming back home-”

(Y/N) pressed the end call, letting go of the breath she was holding before finally throwing her head back against the pillow. 

#Part 2

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