#the 8D face and everything

[nuclearanomaly]

Elden Ring Co-op in a nutshell

Happy Birthday @zodiac-rave 🎉

[lionheartedmusings]

i love how our opinion about the whole bad tubbo ron fred escapade is so different yet so close in many ways lmao

LISTEN THE THING IS RIGHT that it's really easy to understand the other person's perspective when you're following either q!bad or q!tubbo because at the end of the day, they're kind of doing things for the same reason: a) to help someone they love, and b) because their intentions are good. the execution? totally different.

q!tubbo is a character that i sympathize with more than actively like, mostly because he frustrates me a bit, but who very clearly has good intentions. while i think his primary motivator is fred and the fact that the workers have feelings (and in the same line ron's safety) is secondary, he's trying to help a friend. he doesn't want anyone to get hurt, and that's a very honourable reason of doing things. i also think that his relationship with fred is interesting because to an extent i wonder if it's a direct response to the loss of the eggs - a new friend he hoped to learn about and have company from, with the eggs not being able to do so.

now, i firmly think that q!tubbo's problem is that he thinks he's smarter than everyone else and that's bound to be his downfall in all of this, because the way he underestimates everyone and almost patronises them (not to their face, but i found his reactions to q!bad while they were both with q!bagi were both fascinating and left me thinking "oh boy, you've got a big storm coming") is all fun and good... but he isn't the smartest person in the room, and he definitely isn't the most calculated.

something something, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

and then you have q!bad who is playing some wild 8d chess that we can only half analyse because at the end of the day we only have half of the picture, but who ultimately is doing everything he's doing to save his children, to get them back safe and sound. you can argue kidnapping is a bit overboard, but his intentions? good. he's doing this to save the people he loves unapologetically, and given everything that's happened over the six months he's been on the island i'm not surprised he went this far.

he also has recognised ron not only as a friend, but as family at this point and thus ron is now higher on the list of "keep safe" than q!bad himself is - family is everything, and if anything happens to ron this man is gonna go apeshit (now, that's also a whole can of worms but yeno).

it's a matter of morals and priorities vs. how far you're willing to go for the people you love, for both of them.

now, the most fascinating thing for me is how q!bad doesn't underestimate q!tubbo at all, and told pierre point blank that he might be a bigger obstacle than the federation themselves...

q!bad is fully aware of who he's up against, but q! tubbo isn't and that makes me FERAL WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN AAAAAAH

ps. i do think fred is either not fred anymore, is dead, or has been manipulating q!tubbo from the beginning. i genuinely think something is off there, and it would be such a juicy plotline that i think the admins would love to give tubbo the real true horrors with it.

[sluggybunny]

🖊️, 💤, 🐈, 🤍, and 😥 for Saturn? owo

🖊️ BALLPOINT PEN — does your oc have any tattoos? do they want any (more) tattoos?

She has three lines on her chin (Yidįįłtoo) and I HAVE thought about giving her more. I just suck at coming up with ideas on WHY. There is a secret one I'm thinking but I will have to see how this current storyline I'm writing with her turns out >:3c

💤 SLEEPING SIGN — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits?

She is a VERY light sleeper. despite her outward behavior, she never ever lets her guard down. It's not healthy but at least it's not.... unhealthy if u know what I mean... it's kind of just her personality, lol. She's used to catching some winks when she can but at home, she will relax just a little bit (she sleeps most comfortably in the nude) but you bet she always has a gun within reach.

🐈 CAT — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends?

No friends 8D She tries her best to have NO one in her live, ever. if she ever starts to think that she likes their company or wants to see them again, she will immediately dip. There's only a few people she keeps around and she makes sure to keep them at arms length and that they serve a specific purpose.

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

Neutral... Well she's very devoted to her job. Questionable. Uhh. I don't really know what is 'neutral', everything I can think of can be sorted into good or bad lol. Or it sounds good on paper but it's actually very bad... for example...

😥 SAD BUT RELIEVED FACE — is your oc prone to getting stressed out, or is it easy for them to keep their cool?

Saturn is SOOO good at keeping her cool, it's lowkey scary! She never hesitates and nothing scares her, not even a gun to her head. She always just has this placid smile on her face that lowkey looks like she's mocking you for even trying. A building could explode with her in it and her heart rate wouldn't budge.

The only time she starts getting bothered is when feelings happen. She gets stressed really bad about attachment and love (platonic or otherwise)

[moongothic]

Counter-counter point: Oda tends to draw a LOT of little boys with VERY similar faces, so i think its notable that, as an adult (since Luffy is, also an adult) Crocodile seems to have the strongest resemblance to Luffy (although im fairly sure the ‘what if dragon is actually Garp’s son-in-law’ theory is dead)

-the entire existence of Sabo kind of puts a LOT on the table that Oda seems willing to do with Luffy’s backstory, conventional logic be damned

-i can 1000% believe that Dragon is sort of just a weirdo. Thought Luffy’s mom was special? Feels guilty leaving a kid with Garp? Just general ���this kid is the one’ vibes?

-can you imagine how funny it would be to come out that Luffy and Vivi were half siblings the entire time?

Counter-counter-counterpoints:

Older Good-timeline Luffy does look a lot like Garp too

The Garp Genes can not be denied (also yes Luffy Age 40 does resemble Crocodile, he can resemble both at the same time (it's just the same face syndrome lmao)) (also also yeah I have discussed the "what if Dragon isn't Garp's son" thing in the past and how I don't believe in the theory, we can agree on that)

Honestly I don't have issues with Sabo's backstory/existence beyond how he feels almost like a replacement for Ace in the story as far as Luffy having a brother goes, but that has more to do with when and how he was introduced into the story along with how Ace was handled rather than the character's backstory itself

Okay to be fair Luffy does indeed have the Power to Draw In People's Faith etc etc, so Dragon could become oddly facinated by Baby Loof from that fact alone. And I do like the concept of Dragon being at least a little bit a loser but that's just me

Crocodile knocking up Alabasta's To-Be-Queen and then stealing the baby before Cobra ever met his to-be-wife would be a hysterical twist ngl

But you know what.

In the spirit of Absurdist Theory Crafting, I wish to one-up you with A Horrible Concept;

What if the Dragon we know isn't the "real" Monkey D. Dragon. What if Garp originally had ""a daughter"" instead, who hated the Marines and everything they stood for, who ran into some Freedom Fighter Guy and his Queer Bestie, transed his gender and switched identities/names with the Freedom Fighter Guy just to make sure Garp would never find the real him. "Crocodile" goes off to enjoy a life of piracy while "Dragon" now pretends to be Garp's new transgender son, and Garp is none the wiser (though oddly accepting of the trans part, just not the Freedom Fighter-ing). And the only other person who knows the truth is the Queer Bestie Ivankov. And NOW we re-introduce the "Dragon isn't Luffy's real dad" back into the mix, because yeah the Freedom Fighter Guy might not be Luffy's dad, but the real Dragon aka Crocodile IS! >8D

And that's how we get Luffy looking like Garp and Crocodile but not Dragon

[feralkwe]

I- 4; II- 5; III- 12

8D well then let's go shall we? lucky you, you get kit/elidibus. feel free to ignore any links. they're only there if anyone feels like having the context.

I - 4: did either of them try to resist their feelings?

they both did! out of a sense of obligation to their respective duties.

obviously kit went to elpis for pandaemonium with all the knowledge of the future and was understandably wary of elidibus. he was not what she expected, to say the least, even if she saw many parallels between him and the ascian she knew. his words to her before sos in shb finally made sense, as much as she did not want to believe them. but she was in a closed relationship back in the present, and knew that this affair was only ever going to end one way, so she resisted. that willpower quickly crumbled in the face of how enchanted they were with one another, and she did a lot of mental gymnastics to rationalize pursuing it.

without the context of the future, elidibus himself made... let's say a good college try of not acting on his quickly developing crush. he also knew it was only going to end in heartache. all the logic and reason at his disposal was not enough.

they were both aware of the consequences, but it did not stop them.

II - 5: what is their height difference? age difference? do either matter to them?

lmao kit is a full height female viera. elidibus is... not.

sometimes you're a gorgeous six foot two bun and you see a cute lil twink and ask "should i hit that?" and don't wait for an answer.

kit's actual age is young enough to get me canceled in some corners of the internet for her relationship with thancred and urianger, and the actual number is between me and my bun. that said, elidibus is noted to be young comparative to his peers, and i put them about the same relative age, given the near immortality of the ancients. both of them old enough to know better, but young enough to be inexperienced in love and any common sense regarding it.

i don't feel like either of these things matter to them. it sure didn't dissuade them in any part of their brief time together.

III - 12: who remembers the little things?

the thing about this ship that dug its claws into me and really keeps me in a choke hold is... neither. i'm a monster. i am absolutely feral over the fact that save that whirlwind affair between them, neither of them remembers at the same time. when he remembers, it hasn't actually happened yet in her life. When she finally knows, none of their tangled time as foes has happened to him yet. their knowledge of being in love marches off in separate directions. god i need to chew on something. get me a kong full of peanut butter, please.

however, after he returned to the aetherial sea, kit made it her duty to remember everything they had, good and bad, however short their joy was. she considers it part of the responsibility with which emet-selch charged her.

thanks so much for the ask! i know i promised you a full accounting of my shipping woes, so consider this installment the first!

ship meme here.

[greentrickster]

chaoticgoodcryptid (from AO3) binghe getting the love and therapy he deserves is always SO good!!! also, YQY x TLJ? I've never considered it before but yeahhhhboi! this version of events is so beautiful, love to see them healing and also venting!! they usually keep all their trauma and messy feelings inside of them, so it's nice to see them doing the equivalent of yelling cathartically/ going to a pottery-breaking room hahaha wonder how they'd be like when they get into a relationship though haha, how would YQY respond to TLJ's shamelessness?

Oh, good question! Thinking about it... hmmm, I think Yue Qingyuan would actually enjoy how shameless Tianlang-jun is. A very large amount of Yue Qingyuan's large problems come from poor communication (on the part of him and other people) and, while Tianlang-jun might hide some of how he's really feeling under a deluge of 8D 8D 8D!!!! at times, he doesn't ever seem to hide the base emotions very much. Like, he might use a cheerful demeanor to hide how much he's hurting, but if he's angry at you, you know, and you will know why because he'll tell you. Again, maybe in a slightly round-about way, but you'll know.

And I think Yue Qingyuan appreciates that, possibly more than he realizes. He loved Shen Jiu flaws and all, part of him likely always will, but neither of them were willing or felt able to talk to each other about their hurts or why they're angry. So having someone who's so in-your-face about his everything, it can probably be overwhelming at times, but it makes things easier long-run.

As well as this, both of them found that Life-Changing Field Trip they took in the Demon Realm very liberating in a lot of ways. Like you said, both of them finally got to vent and have a proper fight (multiple times), get to know each other as people, and get some time to just... be, away from sects and followers and anyone who would judge them for their behaviour. Or, at least, anyone whose opinions they actually care about (currently). It gave them time and opportunity to bleed a lot of the poison out of their wounds.

And this also means that they were with each other after the fighting and the poison bleeding happened, for that tired, worn stage that comes afterwards and leads to healing. Because they're all each other has to lean on at the moment, they've said all they need to say, and they still need to rely on each other to get back to Cang Qiong (and to their preferred sex). I think this is the part where the bonding really started, because the masks were finally and fully down, and they could properly get to know each other.

I like to think that Yue Qingyuan has a mean streak to him, from the days he had to survive in the street; the 'perfect older brother figure' image he presents does have a lot of truth to it, but he's had a lot of pressure on him to be perfect, with this necessity being enforced when he tried to rush with his sword, so I think there's more under there that he's been keeping to himself for years. And I think Tianlang-jun likes this aspect when he learns of it, due to both his demonic and M tendencies. Which I think would be a relief for Yue Qingyuan to experience, to finally drop that mask and have his full self be accepted out of hand (even if it is only because Tianlang-jun initially is still working through his massive load of justifiable trust issues regarding cultivators).

As for Yue Qingyuan, I think he enjoys parts of Tianlang-jun's shamelessness, especially when it comes to affection. He has some limits to what he's willing to do in public, but this man has been affection-starved for decades, and I think he'd enjoy having a partner as openly and ardently devoted as Tianlang-jun can be, and would be happy to be able to return that affection with just as much openness. I feel like Tianlang-jun's vibe when he's in love is some variation of, "Listen, I know first hand how strong you are, and that's really hot, but also let me spoil you like a pampered little miss sometimes, okay?" Yeah, it's embarrassing sometimes, and they probably have some arguments over how much is too much, but overall I think he enjoys having a partner who's so over the top and overt in his affections.

As for Tianlang-jun, Yue Qingyuan's probably pretty different from Su Xiyan (I tend to see her written as being something of a spitfire who takes no crap from anyone (which, good for her)), much quieter and steadier. Willing to push back or stand his ground (post Life-Changing Field Trip, anyways), but generally still giving off that perfect serene immortal cultivator vibe. Which makes it all the more fun that he's willing to drop the act when they're alone together and be more open with his emotions and frustrations. I imagine the level of trust he's willing to place is Tianlang-jun is also kind of heady, and that our demon emperor enjoys how intense and low-key obsessive Yue Qingyuan can be in his love.

I also like the idea that, once they're married, they take turns playing at trophy husband, depending on whose place they are. Both for fun, and for how they balance being the respective heads of the demon realm and Cang Qiong Sect. They aren't the head of the demon realm or Cang Qiong sect when at their husband's house, just the man who their husband married.

Also, they both have really massive bedrooms. Overtly because they're such important, powerful men. Actually because they both have so much cave-related trauma, including a certain amount of claustrophobia.

Also also, all this means that, at some point, Binghe's going to have to deal with the fact that Sect Boss Yue's his stepdad, and I think that's beautiful.

[novelmonger]

Okay, Harry Potter, Dumbledore, and the pairings of Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione (vs Harry/Hermione). Positive opinions, go.

-Rain

Harry Potter! Ma boi! What a solid Gryffindor, amirite? 8D This dude is like...quintessential hero, isn't he? I mean, how many seventeen-year-olds find out they've (from a certain point of view) been bred like a lamb for the slaughter, and then go, "Yes, actually, I am willing to sacrifice my life to weaken the most evil wizard who ever lived to the point that maybe someone who comes after me can finally defeat him." How many people who then, beyond anything they dared hope or expect, end up surviving this laying down of their own life, face off against their mortal enemy and pity him? And it's not just at the end of his journey that Harry is like this, either. Say what you will about him; he certainly has his flaws and his dumb moments, but if you think all the way back to when he was eleven and facing an evil wizard head-on for the first time...he didn't back down. He tells Hermione, "you better go get Dumbledore because I won't be able to hold him off forever," knowing there's a very strong chance he's about to die, and then just marches right in anyway. What a lad.

And then Dumbledore! Dumbledore is my favorite character - I'm not sure when I realized that, but it didn't change no matter what new things we discovered about him. He's such a complex and interesting character - very wise and strong, but also so incredibly flawed. He's the number one proponent of the power of love, and yet there are many things he's done that are not loving at all. In some ways, I think he actually looks up to Harry, because there's a certain selflessness to Harry that sometimes I think Dumbledore has lost along the way. Dumbledore has so many plans, so many layers, so much subterfuge and cleverness, so much looking at the big picture, like playing a chess game where you have to sacrifice certain pieces in order to win the game, that sometimes I think he loses sight of the little things that make the whole game worth it in the first place. And that is so fascinating. When you start the series, you just think of Dumbledore as that funny, quirky guy who is all-wise and makes everything turn out right in the end. But every book is like peeling back another layer of who this man is. I also love how strongly his presence is felt, even in books where Harry hardly comes face-to-face with him at all.

Harry/Ginny? The interesting thing about them is how Harry is an only child raised in an abusive home where everything had to be perfect (and he never was), while Ginny is the youngest of a huge family full of love where everything is messy and higgledy-piggledy. That's what draws Harry to the Weasleys in general, and it's a comforting thought to know that Harry has a permanent spot in a warm, welcoming family like hers.

One thing I love about the dynamic of the Golden Trio is that there's never any love triangle nonsense (except for a bit in DH, which is entirely the fault of Voldemort's lies and is quickly shown to be baseless). It becomes clear early on that Ron and Hermione have a thing for each other, and Harry and Hermione are friends. And you know what's kind of fun? When for various reasons throughout the series Ron is temporarily outside the circle of friendship (like when he and Harry aren't talking in GoF or when Ron leaves in DH), both Harry and Hermione are like, "You're a good friend, *sigh* but Ron, though...." I would argue that Ron is actually the glue that holds them together, not Harry, even though he's the main character.

Anyway, that being said, I love watching Ron and Hermione's relationship and way of relating to each other develop through the series. They go from bickering and refusing to speak to each other and being very stupid teenagers to learning how to communicate and support each other better. And while Harry's relationship with Hermione is never quite as antagonistic as Ron's...somehow, that doesn't seem right for either of them? Hermione seems to need someone to argue with, and Ron is better at doing that than Harry is ^^'

[kimolisai]

Using Bing Create with the prompt: A high quality photorealistic photo of a mythological african goddess woman and her very handsome man. she is wearing a stunning and beautiful dress and luxurious jewelry.3D,8D, hyper photorealistic,digital Graphics, 32k, full high quality HD cinematic, high quality resolution, professional high quality movie, highly detailed of everything. 3D, Full HD high quality cinematic 128k, full highly detailed of skin,face, body, beauty,highly quality digital graphics, HDR

[istadris]

How do you think the mainverse brothers would react to the Missing Half Duo and vice versa? Like say there was a situation where Mr. L got paired with Mario and Doc with Luigi and the two groups were separated for a bit

Oh boy, I was hoping for an ask like this 8D!!

[referencing to this AU ]

For the sake of the narrative, this teaming up would happen quite a while after Dr Mario and Mr L grew used to each other and start actually settling.

But this encounter and pairing with the mainverse Bros?

To make it short : It's a MESS.

Mario and Mr L make a terrible team. Mr L has relied on himself for most of his life, then only recently started to trust Doc to watch his back, and was starting to look after him, seeing it as his job to protect "this soft-hearted idiot"; with Mario, who's used to take point and go first, it only clashes. He's much more assertive and agressive than the Luigi Mario is used to, they're both horribly stubborn, leading to all sorts of conflicts and struggles.

Mr L troubles Mario. He's always seen it as his mission to look after Luigi, and now that he's confronted with a version of his brother who had to grow up alone, he feels even more protective, to make up for what Mr L didn't have.

Mr L doesn't want Mario's protection or concern, he doesn't want him to risk his life for him (not again), it's bad enough with the Doc who's a mother hen...but at least, Doc gets him in a way mainverse!Mario never will. Only Dr Mario has an idea of the pain Mr L went through, only him knows what it's like to lose his brother. This Mario, who's happy, who's carefree, who's had his brother his all life and never had to feel guilty about, ooooh, he pisses him off!

The truth is, deep down, Mr L is scared. And as he's always done to survive, he hides his fear and pain under anger and lashes out at anyone in range.

He's faced with a Mario who's so content and stable in his life, the perfect Mario. And he know Doc is currently facing a Luigi who is more gentle, more kind, more balanced. More like his real brother. This Luigi is the better version of him, the one Doc is probably missing; Mr L is convinced that Dr Mario will prefer this Luigi to him. Why wouldn't he, after all ? Mr L is a troublesome, feral, nasty parody of the brother Dr Mario lost, who would want him as a brother?

He couldn't be further from the truth.

Doctor Mario likes Luigi. He likes everyone. He figures he would like every Luigi in the multiverse. But unlike with Mr L, he can't bring himself to get close with this other Luigi.

He looks and acts and behaves so close to how he imagines his own twin would have lived, based on his old memories...but it feels even more empty. Makes him realize that the version he imagines never grew up, may have been another person. It's so close yet so unbearably far. It's like being given a glass of water that he's not allowed to drink in the desert.

For all his similarities with his twin, Mr L is NOT his Luigi, never will be and never cared to try. Thanks to that, Dr Mario is spared of a cruel illusion, and he has grown attached to this new brother. He's flawed, he's a mess, he didn't choose him.

But what is someone you never chose, who gets on your nerve yet shares a bond no one else understands and that you love despite everything... but family ?

I want my brother back, he suddenly thinks during the adventure, and the realization that he's thinking of Mr L and not his little brother is enough to make him stop and swallow a sob, he who has always kept his emotion tightly locked where no one could see.

As for Luigi, he doesn't know what to make of this Mario who's so different from his brother. He's too calm, too passive; Luigi is used to follow after his brother's decisions, but now he's paired with someone who also expects someone else to take the lead, and it's extremely awkward, on top of the disturbing notion of being around someone while being a clone of their dead relative.

With my friends, we had discussed at some point that there might have been a moment at the beginning where, an angry Mr L might have shouted at Dr Mario :

"I'm not the brother you want, but I'm the one you deserve!"

And by the end of this adventure, he would have come to Dr Mario to apologise and confess:

"You're not the brother I wanted... but you're the one I need."

[ase-trollplays]

Bite the Bullet

==> Corali: Talk to your son already

>> You're an idiot. You're a goddamned idiot. She's going to be pissed that you waited this long to tell her everything. You can already hear her yelling at you about how you told her everything was fine when it wasn't.

>> Well, things actually are fine now, more or less. They weren't the last time you two spoke, though. Uuugh, this is going to hurt, but it's getting ridiculous that this much time has passed and Darius is still in the dark. You need to come clean.

-- resilientRust [RR] began trolling grizzlyFictions [GF] -- RR: Hey Dar Bear. What's good with you? GF: hey c<>! 8D GF: im g<><>d! h<>w ab<>ut y<>u? GF: are y<>u still living with mimi and dantli? RR: Nah, I'm back on my own. GF: s<> y<>u're finally c<>ming back t<> y<>ur hive? RR: Sorry kiddo, but I can't ever go back there. GF: why n<>t? RR: I ain't been entirely honest with you. GF: what did y<>u d<> GF: y<>u started drinking again didn't y<>u

>> You can already feel your chest tighten with anxiety. She's pissed. You're also a little offended that she immediately accused you of abandoning your sobriety. Granted, she isn't wrong about that, but you're back on the wagon and have no desire to fall off again.

>> You want to back out, but you know you have to rip off the bandaid and (if nothing else) clear up that accusation.

RR: Just give me a second to start from the beginning. GF: Y<>U DID!! I CAN'T BELIEVE Y<>U!!! RR: Dammit, I said let me explain! RR: A lot of bad shit happened all at once, and I relapsed outta stress! RR: I ain't had a drink since, and I ain't planning on having another ever again. I know I fucked up. Believe me, I know, and I hate that it happened. RR: Just gimme a chance to tell you everything that happened. GF: <>kay i'm listening. RR: Thank you. RR: Everything started about nine perigees ago. RR: Well, I guess closer to half a sweep ago is when things really started. You probably saw the video of me laying that violet out flat at that cafe. RR: Back when I was newly sober.

>> You pause and wait for Darius to say something in response to that. She still wasn't talking to you at that time, and she's never brought it up, but you know she's seen it. There's no way she hasn't, not after that little stunt went viral for a couple of perigees.

>> She says nothing, which you're more than sure is a bad thing.

RR: Thiomi already chewed my ass out about that, and it cost me my job at the wriggler circuit to boot. I didn't quit like I told you. GF: i kn<>w

>> What.

RR: WHAT RR: SINCE WHEN GF: ab<>ut ten perigees ago. i wanted to surprise y<>u at <>ne <>f y<>ur matches, and they t<>ld me y<>u g<>t fired. RR: Y'all knew all this time that I was full a shit and didn't say anything?? GF: i wanted t<> give y<>u a chance t<> tell me y<>urself RR: God dammit. I really cocked that up, huh. RR: I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. We finally just started talking again, and I didn't want you to be ashamed of me. I was scared of losing you again. GF: it's fine RR: Thanks. I wish I could say things get better from here, but they don't. RR: About nine perigees ago, that violet I attacked's matesprit tracked me down and started leaving me threatening notes on my hive. RR: Now you know me, I don't take that shit serious. Anyone who can't threaten me to my face ain't worth my time. So every time I got a note I'd just throw it in the trash. RR: When she didn't get the reaction she wanted, she decided to do something drastic and had Thiomi kidnapped and held hostage for two weeks. GF: <>h my g<>d!! GF: she didn't hurt her did she!? RR: Yeah. She did. Cut her face and her arms real bad.

>> Your chest tightens further, and you clench your fists tight. You'll never forgive yourself for what happened to Thiomi and what could have happened to Varoll had she still been with her when she got abducted. Joclyn could have easily had her killed, and it would have been all your fault.

>> Because you were careless, Thiomi could have been murdered. That thought haunts your mind like a ghoul.

RR: She also bombed my other job and got me fired from there, too. Between losing my fighting job, Thiomi getting kidnapped, then losing my other job RR: I fucking cracked. I reached my limit and fucking cracked. I drank myself stupid for the whole two weeks she was missing. I just wanted all the bad shit to be over. RR: I wanted to run away from it all to somewhere comfortable and familiar and safe, and alcohol gave me that. RR: I probably would have stayed in that place if my friend Arri hadn't checked on me and took everything away. He caught me almost slipping once before, too. GF: s<> what happened when mimi came back? RR: She was pissed as hell at me, and I don't blame her at all. Because of me, she got kidnapped and held hostage, got fucking maimed and dumped in the middle of nowhere, and I didn't try to find her once because I was busy sulking and drinking my stress away. GF: i d<>n't blame her either. i d<>n't kn<>w if I c<>uld f<>rgive y<>u if that was me.

>> That message hits you like an arrow through the heart. Not that you don't consider Thiomi's forgiveness valuable, but if all this happened to your son, and he permanently cuts ties with you as a result, it would have killed you. Losing Thiomi would have devastated you, but losing Darius would absolutely kill you.

GF: h<>w is she d<>ing? RR: Bad. She's scared of being alone, and she feels like an ugly freak because she's all scarred up. RR: And I'm fucking useless. She has more faith in her therapist than me. I'm trying, but I ain't shit when it comes to the emotional part of being a moirail. GF: s<> that's everything y<>u weren't telling me?

>> You suck in a long breath through your teeth, then loud out a loud sigh. Oh, how you wish that was the end of it. Unfortunately...

RR: Sorry kiddo, but it still gets worse. GF: are y<>u seri<>us??? GF: h<>w c<>uld it be even w<>rse!? RR: I went looking for the woman who hurt Thiomi. I wanted to kidnap her and cut her up just like she did to Thiomi, then kill her. The bitch sent me a video of her slicing her up, and all I could think about was skinning her alive. RR: But she's a slippery bitch, and finding her was almost impossible. She covered herself up in the video so I had no clue what she looked like. All I had to go on was her voice. RR: Eventually, I found her completely by accident. I was about to head back to my hive when I heard her arguing with her matesprit. RR: Long story short, I chased her through the whole damn city on a rampage and almost killed her mate when he tried to stop me. She called for backup, and my robotic arm got destroyed, and I got laid out. RR: Thank god Dan and Thiomi found me before legislacerators did. Turns out her matesprit's a fleet officer. He didn't press charges when I punched him out the first time, but he wasn't gonna save my ass this time. GF: s<> y<>u had t<> g<> int<> hiding. RR: Yup. Technically, I'm still in hiding. I can't go back to my hive again, and neither can anyone else who knows me or they ain't safe. RR: Dan's off the radar enough that he was able to get some of my stuff by pretending he was looting the place. GF: s<> that's the real reas<>n y<>u changed y<>ur handle. RR: Yeah. Thiomi has a friend who was able to get me an empire-untrackable phone. GF: s<> where are y<>u at n<>w? RR: I'm living in a hivestem in a lowblood slum off the map. Ain't no fleet, cop, or empire trolls here. I got a new arm even better than the old on. I even got a job as a bouncer at a club. My little rampage impressed the boss, so she reached out. GF: s<> things are <>kay n<>w? RR: So far, so good. GF: why didn't y<>u tell me any <>f this bef<>re n<>w? RR: I was scared, Dar. RR: I was scared you'd be fed up with my shit and leave me for good. I was scared you'd get dragged into everything and get hurt. I thought I was keeping you safe by not telling you anything. RR: And I'm sorry. I'm so goddamn sorry it took me this long to tell you everything. RR: Can you find it in you to gimme another chance? No more secrets, I swear. GF: <>kay GF: but n<> m<>re secrets. if s<>mething happens i want y<>u t<> tell me n<> matter h<>w bad it is. pr<>mise? RR: On my life. GF: and n<> m<>re rampages RR: Hah! Don't you worry. I'm done with that shit.

>> You breathe a massive sigh of relief. You don't deserve her. You don't deserve Thiomi, either. They're way too patient for your dumb ass.

[rosegoldandsequins]

❛  i don't know how you do it. how are you able to stay so strong when everything around you is falling apart?  ❜ (this is for emotional fangy girls when we eventually shift to that verse again 8D)

Okamura pathed up the flight of the stairs to her mate's office with determination. The socialite did not pause for anyone — even the guards near the door to her beloved's sanctuary were given only a curt growl. It was a low, otherworldly sound ; the sort of thing to remind them that their attention should stay fixed to the floor.

The blonde slipped inside without any trouble ( evidently the valiant detail defending the crew valued their lives ) and approached the back of the room. She knew exactly where to go. Okamura knelt down beside the grand desk and extended a finger into the darkest corner beneath it.

After a moment, she felt a bit of warm fuzz cuddle against her digit. Their bond changed. It was no longer brimming with anxiety. Okamura smiled at the wave of relief that washed over her. Murmuring affectionate nothings, she brought the little creature who had crawled onto her into the light.

Okamura knew her mate was not fond of her bat form. Too weak, she said. Too small. — but the blonde couldn't help but adore it. She allowed Melissa to crawl into her palm before Okamura kissed her, colored lips brushing gently against the trembling body that was no bigger than her pinky. The Queen of Tokyo opened her mouth, exposing her minute teeth. Sensing her impatience, Okamura withdrew her features and brought her hand up to her golden waves.

"I'll get you home, monaka," Okamura promised. Her mate crawled into her hair, happy to be lost ( and therefore hidden ) in the thick yellow sea. Grateful that the little bat was safe, Okamura stood. With a last pat to the top of the desk as a thank - you for how many times it had been used to shelter the troubled Queen, Okamura left.

Many vampires would laugh at Okamura's mundane method of travel. She knew that a lion stalking the city streets would raise more attention than it was worth, however. Rather than taking the busy subway or hailing a cab, the blonde elected to walk. It was a nice, clear night, and she hoped the emptiness of the back alleys would soothe her precious cargo. Idly, Okamura tangled her fingers into her hair. To the average eye, it merely looked like she was playing with it ; in reality, she was stroking the bat clinging to the back of her ear with the edge of her thumb. Keeping her most valuable treasure, worth more to her than any of the diamonds and fine chains she wore, close.

it was only once they were inside their decadent flat that Okamura removed her sweet touch. She tenderly plucked Melissa from her dangling earring and carried the bat to one of the sofas that faced the window. From here, they could see a glimpse of the stars, just barely shining through the sea of pollution and hazy lights. The blonde sat. As she did, she carefully set Melissa on the cushion next to her.

Okamura had scarcely settled into place when the Queen shifted and fell into her lap. Melissa curled up on her mate's torso, head tucked beneath her chin, and gripped her clothing fiercely. Without hesitation, Okamura held her. An arm bent behind Melissa's back, which allowed the younger immortal to play with her tresses, while the other offered her wrist for the Queen to bite. Melissa accepted the offer almost mechanically. Her fangs slid into Okamura's skin. The Queen closed her eyes and took in the liquid, glad for the intimate connection.

It was rare for her to fall apart like this. Melissa did not usually acknowledged the stress of her position — normally, of course, it wasn't this bad. She was managing to keep the peace after Katsura's death ( with a skill few could rival, Okamura said often ), but that was hardly a simple task. The world was at her door, hour after hour. Demanding to know what could have killed an ancient. Asking where it was safe to hunt. Desperate to know if humans had discovered the parasitic species living among them. There were only so many vampires that Melissa could charm and questions she could field before other whispers arose. That she was a foreigner, a woman as well, who had been entertained on her throne for far too long. These tiresome statements were ones that Melissa was used to ; however, now, they just added to the overwhelming cacophony of voices aimed in her direction.

Some nights, she couldn't take it.

Okamura kissed the top of Melissa's hair, humming softly. She emptied herself of all of her own concerns and focused on how much she loved her Queen. How brave and beautiful she thought the brunette was.

Eventually, Melissa released her mate's wrist. Okamura licked the wound closed and tangled her arms further with the older immortal. "I don't know how you do it," Melissa whispered hoarsely, snuggling in tighter.

"Do what, monaka ??"

"You're so good at it," the Queen answered, clearing her throat. "How are you able to stay so strong when everything around you is falling apart ?? Our home, Gwen . . . all that I've worked for these past centuries. It's like none of it matters to them. I'm tired."

Okamura ran her fingers through Melissa's chestnut tresses, admiring how glossy they were in the moonlight. "Because, of the two of us, I am by far more selfish," she said thoughtfully, ending her sentiment with a chuckle. "I was born to protect you, Lily — quite literally. You were my dying and waking thought. As long as I see you are safe, I'm fine. No home or political arena will ever matter to me as much as your well - being."

The blonde hissed out something like a sigh. "I love you, monaka. That is all I need."

Okamura pressed her cool palm to the Queen's cheek and curled her fingers up in order to shield the elder vampire's eyes from the minimal light in their home. "My sweet flower. You love me, yes, but you also love them. Even if they are undeserving of you."

She did not know what else to say, but it seemed that her words had soothed Melissa. Okamura murmured again that she adored her mate, and the strength of her emotion was shared in their bond. Once more, the blonde attempted to wipe it clean, eliminating the confusion and anger she felt on her beloved royal's behalf. Melissa deserved better than her temper : she would give her, thus, a mental oasis full of calm and the assurance of an affection that would never cease. Okamura inhaled, filling her torso with air, and released it in one long breath.

"You used to hold me like this when he was through with me," Melissa finally whispered, voice soft. "Do you remember, Gwen ?? After he left, you would always bathe me and bring me to bed. For this."

Her mate snarled as her lips brushed against those brown locks. Okamura's eyes closed. Pointed nails scraped gently across Melissa's pale skin.

"I know," the Queen responded, kissing Okamura's exposed wrist. The silvery scar from her feeding glowed, showing clearly where the wound was still tender. "Thank you for protecting me — no matter what happens around us, I know I have you." Melissa turned her head slowly. She looked up at Okamura through her lashes, teeth glimmering as she spoke. "Why don't you put on your fur, Gwen . . . ?? You have been in your skin for most of the day."

The blonde fixed Melissa's hair with a single note uttered behind her closed mouth. Only once she was satisfied did she reply. "Not yet, Lily. I want you to rest. I'm going to go find you a pretty thing to play with. Let me fill your mind with a sweet girl and your belly with blood. It is my night to take care of you, monaka."

[magicalyaku]

After the first week of February I decided I would only read sequels. I made true on that for a few books until my library app fucked me over and didn't download Simon Snow 3 which I intended to start reading during my break at work (where I have no internet). I was so mad! 8D I was sulking afterwards and started a different book once I got home and the resolution was broken. Instead the theme of the month can easily be "I have never read so many books with adult characters in a row."

Das Verbotene Kapitel / The Lost Plot (The Invisible Library 8) (Genevieve Cogman): I honestly wasn't too invested in this. I was like for the first two days, but the writing style of this series always takes so long to read for me. I used to like it, but right now I just lack the patience. Also, it's the eighth volume. High time for it to end, really. Halfway through I switched to the audiobook to listen to while gaming and well. I'm not good at listening while doing other things. Maybe I'll pick the book up again in a few years to give the second half a proper read. I was content though with what I heard of the end.

The High King's Golden Tongue (Tales of the High Court 1) (Megan Derr): I said "I need more fantasy buhu *sad face*". And then I looked at my TBR and realised that out of 50 books only 3 have absolutely no magic, ghosts, different worlds or planets or whatsoever. Uhm. Well. Errr ... That didn't stop me from going through this recommendation list for queer fantasy books. uAu" Found this book. Sounded alright. Read the preview pages. Sounded alright. Looked it up in the library, uhuh available immediately! Borrowed it. Read it for the remainder of the day and a few hours of the night. uAu~ I can safely say I had fun reading this book. It's not fantasy with magic and creatures, just old kingdoms full of queer people. The worldbuilding is good, with all the different regions and languages being a major plot point. I liked the adventure, the characters (Sarrica's and Lesto's friendship is great), the pining. Good times!

The Pirate of Fathoms Deep (Tales of the High Court 2) (Megan Derr): The follow-up to Golden Tongue! I was unsure at first if I wanted to read the sequels (there are of 5 volumes in the series at the moment), but vol 2 is about Lesto who was my favourite character in vol 1, so no choice. It's like that 5.5 chapter of a boys love manga though. In the 5 chapters of the main story everything is tame until the bonus 5.5 chapter where they can finally do things. In High Court 1, there's exactly one smut scene. In vol 2, there's a million. And the book is only half the size! D: There is a small adventure going on and given the setting it makes sense that it progresses the way it does, but the 3 books afterwards are full length again, so why is it only this one character who gets the short one? u_u He's happy in the end, so all is well, but I would have liked a little more. I guess I have to continue reading the next volumes in the hopes to get a few glimpses. u3u

Husband Material (Forever Material in the German edtion) (Alexis Hall): After two books with middle-aged man and their (amourous) adventures, we slowly inch back to the younger generation. From end-thirties to mid-twenties! Books written by adults for adults, you know. Adult problems. Brrrr. At least, it's funny. Silly even. Was the first one this silly? I think, Oliver and Luc did well sorting through their various issues. I enjoy Luc’s narrative voice. And I loved the ending! xD It must be such a sore point for many people but I was like HELL YEAH!!!

Out of Nowhere (In the Middle of Somewhere 2) (Roan Parrish): I already read the first and third volume of this series, so reading volume 2 was inevitable even though Colin was not the most likeable character in vol 1. And well, he has issues let me tell you. Daniel of vol 1 was a mess but he managed to get a new start and build something for himself in that place. Will of vol 3 may not have the healthiest lifestyle but he was not unhappy with the direction of his life before meeting Leo. Whereas Colin is absolutely miserable and has no idea what to do about it. It was intruiging to read how he and Rafe managed. You know, there's this thing about this kind of books where the characters meet exactly the kind of person they need to survive and to thrive. Even with all the shit going on in this particular one, it's still comforting. xD

Wayward Son (Simon Snow 2) (Rainbow Rowell): The gang is 20, so it doesn't break the streak! I had fun reading this. Curiously, I liked it better than volume 1. Not quite sure why. (Maybe because of Suffering Boys.) Volume 1 was interesting in the way it felt like the 8th season of a series you haven't seen any episodes of before. Now this is the rare look at what happens to the heroes after the series ends and I'm here for it. I also found it remarkable how Baz was described as that utmost evil and ruthless being at first and turns out now he is the most loving and patient boyfriend of all times. xD

Pictures of You (Tina Winter): German author here. It's very basic in the theme and kind of predictable. But in a comforting way. Sometimes it's nice to know where everything will go so you can just lean back and enjoy the ride. The characters were pretty good and the setting was well illustrated. I mentioned last month that my visualisation abilites are not very good but I had no problem seeing the photos the protagonist takes which was pretty neet! I also very much appreciated how all the important conflicts actually happen and are resolved! That’s not a given. xD

Ring of Solomon (Aden Polydoros): I like Mr Polydoros' other books and I appreciate very much how all his books are different from each other. This one is contempory middle grade with a touch of magic. It was pretty okay, but I think it could have been a little bit deeper, a little more ambitious or challenging or complicated. Just more. Yes, it's middle grade but kids are always smarter than adults give them credit for, right? I feel, if you really want them to adore a book you have to give them something challenging that is a little bigger than themselves so that they can grow into it.

Reforged (Seth Haddon): Another gay king+knight story that made me realise I very much have a weakness for this kind of setting. xD Which is so weird because when I look through YA books and see a heroine who is a queen or princess fighting for her kingdom I immediately click away ... Well. This was a solid book. Not quite as joyful as A Taste of Gold and Iron or The High King's Golden Tongue but still solid (also it's a debut). The author clearly put thought and love into his main characters and probably the worldbuilding. Sometimes it was just written in a way that confused me at first, because the actual thing was named late. There's that other paladin guy who works alongside our hero. When he's introduced, it's written "They never got along." and then 90 pages later: "Now that XX was dead, he was his closest friend" And I was like "What?! I thought you hate each other? Did I read wrong? Let me leaf back real quick!" I mean, there is the possibility that among all those people he doesn't get along with this one is still the best but ... that's kinda sad. 8D So, there's small things like that. But the overall story and intrigue was well done I think.

Keeper of the Lost Cities 2: Exile (Shannon Messenger): I stayed at my parents's place for a few days to take care of the cats and thus my commute to work was twice as long as usual, so this came in from the library at just the right time. I listened to the audiobook though, so it was still a struggle for the first 8 hours. I'm so bad with audiobooks. 8D But the beginning was also very slow. It picked up speed around the halfway point, I'd say and also Keefe is my favourite character so I appreciated hearing more of him. I still find it a little odd how some of the characters' attitude towards Sophie is. Guys, she's only thirteen and didn't know about her powers for the longest time! How do you expect her to be perfect at everything and solve everything this very second? Geez. I'll probably continue with the 3rd volume at some point but I should really think about reading it instead of listening. :'D

On to the next month! As of writing this I already have read the best book of March, I swear. xD I’m possibly still high enough to even make a fanart happen.

[sukirichi]

Oki just read the new update and your reply to my ask cause tumblr does like to send me notifs 😒 and i dont know what to feel about this update?

Last chapter i was over the moon since more and more it felt like my whole theory about Rin wasnt just a theory after all and that Rin was in fact in love with us, but didnt realize it

In this chapter i can see that even more - he's jealous, he's confused, he feels like being around her instead of us is wrong, he doesn't feel like reaching to clean her tears and comfort her but he has to fight the urge when its us, when its our tears, our sadness. And even he knows that when he told Iris 'it's always you' he didn't feel it 'his heart was not in that room, it was with us' and i believe that's why he stupidly wants to shift the blame to us, cause it hurts him to even imagine us with someone else, cause he very much knows he fucked up by hurting us first, he ultimately blames himself for the stupidity he's been doing, for the cheating and he rather shift the blame and say 'i cheated thanks to you!' than face the fact he got himself in this mess by his own crave for affection.

And this makes me happy in a way cause even tho i want to punch Rin (out of love ofc) im still Rin team (sorry tooru) but at the same time i dont know what to feel?

My heart kinda broke when we can see that he 'fell' for Iris because she treated him like a normal person, she treated him like a friend and the whole 'he's in love with the idea of her' theory i had kinda transformed more into 'he's in love with what she made him feel' he felt like just a person around her, like ge had a friend and for someone who felt lonely and craved affection- that did it for him. He didnt catch feelings for her, he caught feelings for how she made him feel. And that really made me want to hug him and protect him againat everything.

Well until the very last part where he just takes off the ring and leaves us alone like 😒😒 rin you fucking idiot

Also 👀 that destroy her part i sure hope the her is iris 8D

Again at the end of the day thats how i view the chapter and my own theories ahahaha correct me if im wrong uwu

i mean, what if he does love us 👁 but how would he know anything about love when he doesn’t know what it means 👁 AND ACK i’m so happy you noticed those details !! even in the first chapters, rin always reacted strongly whenever it was yn who was involved. the only time he got really mad for iris’ sake was when he thought we were shooting her 😭 and each time he says ‘its always you’ to iris, it sounds more like he’s convincing himself it has to BE her, but his heart isn’t really in the same place anymore :( and bcos he’s so confused with his feelings, he responds by shifting the blame on us simply bcos its easier than confronting himself.

‘he didn’t catch feelings for her, he caught feelings for how he made her feel’ so true ! and iris didn’t even treat him that good either, she just talked to him and more often than not, spoke down on him like he was a dumb, naive guy (which he was, but. she really exploited that.) your theories are absolutely correct though and i am so so happy you noticed these details because it really shows a lot on who they are 🥹

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

Wish you ease and comfort, and all that you desire.

I've been trying not to fall again into the dissociative zombie trance I freeze in, but I only can fight it so much considering..

Even just typing what I think of a butter milk lolly I tried first time seems to be the most pointless thing in the world.. such as my view on me still inhabiting it.. like how ever or whatever I say or do, there's no point, there's no outcome, there's no reason in bothering...

The festival wasn't very festive and even tho struggling to find commissions to cover any not net bill expense, I managed to get something to do something new for it— makeup

I have a long list of trying things for the first time and makeup was on there, I'm all for it in the name of self expression and refinery, and to me especially I always wanted to try nd do even beyond that. But now I tried it, it seems like I need a new set of hands cuz my god, what is drawing in reverse AND on a stretchy surface such as the skin.

I got myself and siblings some and arrived in time for the festival. No body humoured me as much as i hoped, and my guardians being the supportive bunch they be even laughed at— which I already know— my screwed application. Even with their encouragement to keep it on, I promptly wiped it off and did not bother with makeup after.

Just in the past few days I started using lipstick more and I noticed it helped me stop chewing on my lips, which is a nice positive to get out of it. Also I'm in love /hate relationship with the way the brush feels on my face, it's relaxing but suddnly feels too ticklish to continue, idk. At least I've been enjoying my kit as if I bought new art tools and hope to have more colors with time and get better at it.

Like finding out things like— lipgloss freaking burns or numb your lips and that's ON PURPOSE?? I worried I was having a reaction cuz i picked brands randomly & as cheap as possible, tried to get one of everything, and as you can see I have allowed my red-black pallet fixation control my choices. Like eyeshadows being mostly reddish I thought it will look super vibrant on me, but they turned very complementary on my skin tone, hehe. And those nail polish removal stuff, they kill my fingers, just by using them daily, that aside the disgusting feeling of rubbing my nail with wet tissue — PURE AGONY.

My charms too arrived, the ones I've ordered with my new phone and have long gave up on seeing again cuz they seemed to never arrive. It something dear to me, i wanted to put before me symbols of the ones to treasure who commissioned me and helped me get a new phone. Which was something also I first time try— accessorising my phone.

Bee for Ka 🐝 kitty for Katty 🐈 the mask 🎭 as a representation of the death eaters life I enjoyed illustrating with VanMarky, V for my precious Vee, and so on. It escaped my notice that I need pliers to fix them into the chain lol so they remain loose for now..

Now i added another vid to upload for the day i hope it doesn't torment me, im tired of seeing this as an always occurrence, it's not helping, but keeping me longer into this festering mental decline..

I'm happy that the 100$+ net subscription cost I barely have each month paying off 8D

Sorry fir being so hopless, trying to live to art..

5 a.m. 3.5.2023. Tummy hurt

[ligiawrites]

About March 31st, 1964

Hello, my lovesomes!

As some of you know, Mara from my newest book, "Some Thing Called Myself," not only discovered she's becoming a zombie, but she's falling in love with two monster hunters that hate her kind—and she's doing that while dealing with the scars left behind from her experience during the Brazilian Military Dictatorship, which happened from 1964 to 1985. My book begins in 1990, but Mara (28) saw everything happening firsthand during the student riots of the 80s, and that's part of why I'm here today.

Today, March 31st, 2023, marks 59 years since the coup that put the Brazilian Military Force in Brazil's seat of power. The Military Dictatorship lasted for more than two decades, exiled, violated, tortured, and killed a number of people that is unknown UP TO THIS DAY, and the actors behind it, the jailers, the torturers, the killers, the generals, degenerated, are still free today, with only a tiny, minimal number of them facing justice for their acts.

After the regime ended in 1985, the Brazilian Government refused to confirm any deaths. In 95, ten years after the end of the Dictatorship, the Government admitted only 434 deaths and disappearances, and solely of people who were part of political movements (theoretically not including people without political association). In 2002, though, the amnesty commission compensated people directly affected by the Brazilian Military Dictatorship…. Today, the number of people who received compensation has already surpassed 30 THOUSAND people, which is a much more realistic number of how much violence and suffering the regime caused.

We're not in the 20th century anymore, but there is still much impunity, violence, and power abuse from the Entities who should protect us, and it's up to us, as a collective of people, to put things right. Without delving too much into modern Brazilian politics (I already did that a lot in the past four years, mainly to comment on the violence against the Brazilian Indigenous people, the racism, misogyny, and homophobia under the Bolsonaro Government), I'll leave you all saying that we need to look into the history of our countries and to find parallels with what's happening today. Much of what happened during the BR Dictatorship also happened in the past decades, and we all (I definitely include myself in this) must start looking at the past with a critical eye to understand how we arrived at what the world is today.

To me—queer, woman, Brazilian, born and raised and hurt in the lower class of big São Paulo, but lucky enough to have gone to high school and college with a scholarship—March 31st is a day to remember and ponder.

And I invite you all to do the same about your country. If you feel like it, send me a DM or leave a reply with a period of your country's history that also makes you thoughtful like that! :3

I also invite you all to read my new book! If you want to experience Mara's story, please check "Some Thing Called Myself" on Wattpad and YONDER, the next-generation reading app from the creators of WEBTOON and Wattpad.

If you're excited about the book and would like to support my writing career, Wattpad is having a Spring Sale right now, so make sure to check it out before it ends on April 3rd, so you can read my whole collection! 8D haha

Um beijão, Ligia

[period-dramallama]

Legacy review: part 3

Men Be Normal About Elizabeth I Challenge 

Lettice Knollys: *marries Robert Dudley*

Susan Kay:

Susan Kay really doesn’t like poor Lettice Knollys, does she? It’s giving very “how DARE she intrude upon my OTP” vibes. Nearly everything is wrong with Lettice- she’s horny, she’s vain, she’s disloyal yadayadayada.

“and for years he had dreamed of raping her”- Susan, ‘I love you so much I don’t want to rape you anymore’ is not nearly as romantic as you seem to think it is.

Usually the assumption in Robert/Elizabeth romance is that if they bang at all it’s in the 1560s when they’re young and hot so it’s nice to have Elizabeth have sex later in life for a change. It makes sense for Elizabeth to be ready once she’s coming up to menopause and doesn’t have to worry about conception.

WHAT.

Slapping Elizabeth for saying she’s going to marry Alencon?? He’s throttling her?? He’s calling her a stupid woman?! She’s OK with that?!

She plans to have his son and pass him off as Alencon’s?! Elizabeth would never do that!

I’m going to have to deduct points for this insanity. INSANITY, i say.

All that build up to show Elizabeth’s trauma and now she’s cool with her man throttling her out of anger??

Two pages ago everything was great....we had a good sex scene and now Susan is clubbing her book to death and i’m just...

“He put his hand gently beneath her chin and raised her face to his. ‘Your life’ he said slowly ‘the continuance of your reign is the only thing that matters now in England. And if it costs the death of Campion and a thousand like him it will be worth it.... In my arms all your enemies are defeated.”

Oh NOW we have Robert Dudley no no no it’s fine i’m cool i’m cool

Overall, I’d say this book has complex characterisation....most of the time. Elizabeth, Dudley, William Cecil, Mary (both of them), Henry, Edward & Thomas Seymour, Essex, they are 3 dimensional. Lettice, Anne Stanhope, Anne Boleyn, Walsingham- not so much. Walsingham is basically a caricature, “bloodless” “cold and sly and fanatical” . To say his work was “received without gratitude” is a little harsh. He was not a close friend of Elizabeth’s but she did stay at his house, Barn Elms, and she did judge him worthy of a nickname “Moor”. We do know that he was friends with Dudley and Cecil, Cecil consoled Walsingham when his daughter Mary died aged 7 in 1580, and lamented the passing of a good friend and colleague in 1590. Walsingham had a dry sense of humour, he bought Italian wine and plants and owned a clavichord. There’s no excuse for saying his “few emotional needs were satisfied by the fierce demands of his work” because we’ve known since at least the 1970s that that’s not true. Yes, he was more Protestant than Elizabeth and he had a providential view of history (like Dudley himself!) but that doesn’t mean he believed “he had been personally singled out by God”. Yeah he died broke, but a lot of that was just bad accounting lol. 

Also it’s Gilbert Gifford not John Gifford hoowwwwwww do you mess that up.

The matter of Dudley’s short-lived son is sad but in summary.

Elizabeth on drugs...sad or funny? I’ll go with sad. Elizabeth bordering on atheism...I’ll excuse it because she’s so jaded. 

Robert missing Elizabeth in the Netherlands is lovely but “home was always you” clashes with “for years I wanted to rape you because you were my obsession.” I’m not saying love has to be portrayed as healthy, but these two statements conflict. 

Cuddly supportive middle-aged Leicester 1586 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>young aggressive rapey Leicester 1560s-1580s

Susan Kay talking about Leicester’s podgy dad bod like it’s a minus and not a plus

“She never had one, did you know that? He gave her a coronation but not a decent burial” saddest line in the whole book. Elizabeth remembering that her mother’s executioner was paid £23 6s 8d...ahhhhhh. Dudley holding her tightly- that’s it! More of that please! That’s what we needed the whole time!  Weirdly heart warming in a dark way that he’s urging her to assassinate Mary. 

“January crawled into February on leaden feet” *chef’s kiss*. 

“’We’re all in this together,’ Burghley insisted steadily. 

Elizabeth’s life versus Elizabeth’s sanity- excellent.

Part 4 of the book ends with Dudley’s death- predictable. but predictable because competent. Will I miss Dudley when he’s gone? Jury’s out. Probably I’ll miss him because he is replaced with Robert “we have Dudley at home” Devereux. “crimes against humanity” stop with the anachronisms Susan!

The realism of trying to distract Elizabeth from her depression: good. 

Philip would consider the anti Christ a man, and i think it does both him and Elizabeth a disservice to make the vendetta almost completely personal. Philip was not an incel. Elizabeth had cost him millions of ducats in military expenses, persecuted Catholics, intervened in the Netherlands, helped herself to some of his treasure ships- and she had reasons to do that, obviously. Also Phil seems to have forgotten that Elizabeth’s preservation was in his own best interests too- but I get why time and spite would make him forget that. Philip did have presence of his own though- Elizabeth’s eyes were unnerving, but so were his! He wasn’t just a bureaucrat. He was a commanding presence, partly because he was so quiet. And yeah, “Gloriana” is a cooler nickname than “El Prudente” but Phil did not entirely lack reputation. 

“My eyes are closed forever and I am blind” I see what you did there.

“How dare you desert your people in their hour of triumph to mope over a dead rat who was never worth a tinker’s curse alive?”

Cecil absolutely deserved to get shredded for that. Absolute idiocy on his part. What you doing boi.

There is an anachronism when Essex thinks of Elizabeth as an ice queen with a splinter of ice in her heart- unless there’s a sixteenth century source for that, the Snow Queen was written by Hans Christian Anderson centuries later.

Elizabeth: I’m haunted by Mary Stuart’s ghost

also Elizabeth: anyway time to wear Mary Stuart’s looted black pearls.

Cecil complains about having no salary...that’s not how Tudor government worked. Susan you really ought to have read Penry Williams’ The Tudor Regime (1979). 

Essex “was not troubled by its unnatural overtones, for he never even noticed them”. This boi I swear would be in a horror movie, hear a weird spooky noise, and go “hello? is anyone there?”. 

What is this jealousy bullshit? Elizabeth always punished courtiers for marrying without permission. It’s the done thing. Phil did the same thing and nobody is calling HIM jealous.

Cecil’s veiled insult with the psalms was great, especially as the real guy regularly reread his psalter. I think once a month? But regularly. So that’s 100% something he would do.

A little hiccup with the timeline: Elizabeth’s 40th anniversary on the throne would be November 1598- AFTER the deaths of Phil and Cecil. 

 Cecil and Phil as “my best friend and my best enemy.” Yes. Thank you. That’s the truth right there.

“A bitter old maid- everything she said and did supported that image.” I disagree. Also Essex is one of those men who see make up as cheating. But I think Essex’s characterisation is very good: he genuinely admires and cares about the queen he just misunderstands their relationship. Because he’s an idiot. 

I think too much blame in this novel is given to Elizabeth for Essex’s mistakes. He IS an idiot. His prefrontal cortex is woefully underdeveloped. His immaturity would always be a problem. 

“he had not lost his manhood in the Queen’s service- he had simply never attained it; she had warped and stunted his natural growth.” C’mon now, he wasn’t a child. When Leicester died he was 22-23. When Essex was beheaded he was 35-36. To put that in perspective, Catherine Parr died at 36 and Elizabeth of York at 37. He had plenty of time to become as mature as those women- he didn’t.

This novel suffers from a bit too much predestination. No, Essex’s execution was not inevitable because of Elizabeth’s trauma. he had free will. she had free will. Essex’s story is so much more interesting if it’s his choices that matter. Making it inevitable because of *spins wheel* Anne’s execution in 1536 undermines that. 

I like it when Elizabeth has a touch of the supernatural about her, at least in the eyes of other people (Dudley, Phil, Mary) but it can go too far. It takes agency from her and her skills and gives all the power to luck/fortune/god/the devil. 

The ending is also well-written.