#thats not a man
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shutthefuckupshutthefuckup
if i hear this bullshit one more fucking time i am gonna bash my head into a fucking wall
#every. fucking. time.#every fucking time I talk about other men#âwell thats a MANâ#âthats what MEN doâ#âguys don't do thatâ#haha silly idiot men dont talk about their feelings#men are sloppy dirty pigs you moron#âif i did that i would do it differentlyâ#well thats because thats A MAN#MEN DO THAT!!!#SHUT THE FUCK UP#wtf am I then???#the fucking ghost of Christmas past?#jeez I had NO IDEA#I had not a fucking clue what a man is or does#im not a fucking man or anything#OBvIoUsLy#I couldn't POSSIBLY know wtf being a man is#thanks for reminding me what you really yhink about me you fucking piece of shit#i am fucking tired of hearing that shit#those are all fucking braindead things to say on their own#everyone who fuckin talks like that and says shit like that are why women choose the bear#what your emotional void of a husband who used to beat you does isn't what all men do#meN dOnT TaLk aBOut TheYRe fEElInGs#the ones who dont cheat on their partners or neglect their kids do#your man not changing your kids diapers or never being involved in helping you raise them is not the flex you think it is sharon#thats not a man#thats a lil boy who still needs mommy to clean up after him#thats a immature adult toddler#your man is not a man he is a child who has weaponized his incompetence his entire life because of people like you who let him
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being a mario rpgs fan is such a wonderful experience its like man what do you mean youre drawing soul-crushing angst of the funny mustache guys that say wahoo yippee. you are having a joke on me
#skye's ramblings#and then you play the rpgs and remember theyre just like that. thats just how they are#points tothe silliest man youve ever seen inyour life. this guy was the ideal host for an artifact made to erase every world from existence#alternative spm title: Luigis Terrible Shitty Fucking Day from Hell
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guys with their respective bugs
#wild life smp#trafficblr#life series#wild life spoilers#tangotek#ethoslab#bdoubleo100#ldshadowlady#smallishbeans#jizzie#man thats a lot of tags#my art#eydidraws#i wanted to draw ren's bard moment as well but i ran out of time#anyway who's BETting on them being the first one out? :D#traffic smp#mcyt
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"just as I did, in 1983."
you'd never know my favourite parts of the show are the fucked up insane bits when my first instinct is to draw the cheesiest thing imaginable
#my art#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#iwtv#armand iwtv#daniel molloy#armand#armandaniel#devils minion#drew this before the finale but idk maybe this is during the unspecified amount of time between armands divorce and daniels press tour#the titian painting doesnt fit at ALL with the timeline btw#i THOUGHT it did bc i assumed 1508 was when armand was turned into a vampire BUT upon reflection thats more likely the year he was born#and even then the painting was made in like 1510 so fuck me i guess. also im foggy on when armand was taken to rome#idk man i havent read the books and i failed art history on two separate occasions i cannot endeavor for accuracy#anyway as much as i love 70s/80s devils minion i have equal love for old man daniel#his cynicism has been tempered by time... refined like a diamond... he dont gaf and bullies his loser vampire and its hilarious#like ''sure yeah fine all these old italian renaissance guys saw ur ethereal otherworldly beauty but literally anybody can see that''#''IM the only mf who gets to experience the incandescent joy of seeing you be a messy idiot''#sidenote trying to make armand look unflattering is impossible u can blame the show for casting the worlds most beautiful man
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#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#fanart#my art#ryomen sukuna#au#sketch#hes a bully but thats ok cus it builds character#itadori yuuji#little man yuuji#unckuna au
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you know how sometimes you see a shape from a distance and hope it's a cat or other small pettable animal. but it turns out to be just a plastic bag or something. well that's sort of what just happened to me, except for some reason i decided it must be a gargoyle statue someone had decided to abandon on the side of the road. so i think i may have just had a truly unique human experience.
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Milk and Water Pt. II
pairings: doppelgänger!Milkman x fem!Reader
summary: the aftermath of letting him in
pt.I
(art credits: @yunonoaii)
warnings: 18+ content
ââŚwhat. the. fuck.â You mutter to yourself, watching the scene before you unfold.
âmmm, how about letting me in now? promise i wonât bite you too hardâ His eyes were dangerously seductive.
Your desktop fan and the slight rustling sound of (what you could only assume was) him touching himself filled the eerie silence of your office space.
However, he could still tell that you were hesitant to let him in, especially considering what he just did to D.D.D.
âhow about this, sweetheart we-â
âif i open this door.â You cut him off. He shuts up quickly and halts his movements with a blank stare. His eyes watching you intently.
âyou come straight to me, or else i swear to fuck. it will not be a good time for you. you copy?â Your hands were firmly grasping the edge of the desk as you stared the man in his color changing eyes.
âi promiseâ He kisses the window and you give him one last short lived glare before unlocking the door for him.
BZZT!
He slowly turns away from you and walks toward the door and you felt relieved to hear a light knock a few seconds later before he let himself in.
âsee? you can trust the milkmanâ He grins.
He was a mess. Between the torn clothing, the blood, and his unzipped slacks that displayed his black briefs holding back a huge bulge, he honestly looked like something out of a wet dream.
âthis is quite a small space⌠you think iâll be alright in here?â He closed the door behind himself and strides toward you.
âyou donât have any choice but to be alrightâ You retort and he chortles.
âi love this mouth of yours⌠iâve never crossed paths with a human as bold as youâŚâ He tilts his head, placing a hand under your chin to lift it a bit.
âunless youâre actually scared⌠and using this boldness as a tactic..?â His irises turn white once again and his grip on your chin tightened slightly.
Though you were enduring a near death experience right now, being that you were this close to a doppelgänger, you were unbelievably horny.
âtactics?â You start. You already knew that you probably wouldnât be able to get out of his grip just by moving, so you used a more⌠inappropriate approach.
You took a step closer to him, closing in the 2 foot gap that sat between the two of you and you placed your palm over his hard-on.
His grip immediately loosened a bit and his fingers twitched against your skin. What a reaction that wasâŚ
You feel more confident, realizing that heâs just another horny good looking guy. âis there a reason i should be afraid of you?â You ask, hand squeezing around him and a finger rubbing his tip.
He shudders and his hand falls from your chin and rests around your throat. His forehead tapped against yours, and your eyes were fixed on each other. ââŚyou really are somethingâ
âwish i could say the same for youâ You start, breaking the eye contact to look at his lips and sharp canines. âyouâre just a slutty and messy excuse of a monsterâ Your words would probably be venom to anyone else, but this only riled him up more.
You felt his throbbing under your palm and grin to yourself before being greedily pulled into a kiss. For a brief moment, you could taste a metallic bloody taste on his tongue.
You moaned at the warmth of his mouth and felt his hands rested on your hips, rubbing circles into the area.
You release yourself from the kiss with his bottom lip between your teeth and a smile. âdesperate, are we?â You tease.
âpainfullyâŚâ His eyes glistened. âwhatâll it take to get those pretty lips to go a little lower?â
âshow me what yours can do first and iâll see about returning the favorâ You challenge. His eyes go back and forth between yours before he kisses you again.
This time however, he started to undo your uniform. Groaning so deeply that you felt the rumble in your throat. His skilled hands loosened your belt and your slacks came down and off.
Next he lowered himself and lifted you a bit to get off your socks and shoes, making him get more sloppy and needy within the kiss.
At this point he was squatting and you were standing over him, holding both sides of his face. His hands travelled up and down your leg as he stayed in his position and this time, heâs the one to break the kiss.
You were both breathing heavily, and staring each other down. You almost forgot your resolve and let him fuck you right then and there.
But you had to stay strong, for both of you guysâ sake. You take a deep breath in and til your head.
âwell, you gonna show me? or are just sit there and look delirious from a simple kiss?â You teased.
ââŚmay i?â He asks with a slightly raised eyebrow, gesturing toward your leg.
âgo aheadâ
âhold on to something rightâ
âwhy am i h- shit!â You wouldâve fell right to the ground if it wasnât for the shelf behind you that held last months documents. Albeit, theyâre scattered over the floor now.
Your legs were snatched from underneath you and each one was hooked over the manâs shoulders. His warm breath against you felt sinister. It sent a slight chill up your spine.
His eyes stared down at your sex and he licked his lips, looking more excited than you did for this. âdonât let goâ He says before using gis fingers to spread you sticky lips.
His tongue pressed hard into you and drug from your hole, up to your clit. You bit your lip at the warmth and felt your back arch against your will.
âha~ this all you got? Thought you said youâd be bet- anghh~!â Your eyes widen and your mouth drops at the new feeling below.
âyou were saying?â He mumbles into you. His tongue was longer with a pointy tip, and his lips were wrapped tightly around your clit.
The pleasure was almost overwhelming. You could definitely admit that he made you eat your words and replace them with loud endless moans.
As you felt yourself getting closer you began to grind your hips over his face, chasing after your high.
âdonât stopâ You could barely get out the last word before the wave of immense overstimulating pleasure came over you.
You curse and take in a few deep breaths, calming yourself down a bit, and only then did he let your clit go with a âpopâ, making your legs to twitch.
âthat wasnât fairâ You jokingly glare at him, the sweat making your skin shine and chilly from the fan air.
âi told you i was betterâ He wipes his chin with his thumb and licks it clean without breaking the eye contact.
âyou have to be some sort of⌠sex demonâ You shake your head in disbelief.
âmaybe i am?â He lets you tug him closer by his tie and give him another sloppy kiss. The change in size of his tongue being just below too much for you as it explored your mouth.
âwell letâs see how long you can last then⌠hm?â You ask, beginning to leave a trail of light kisses on his next before a harsh bite.
You could feel him shudder and decided to have him sit in your office chair. âlet me borrow this..â You say, undoing his tie while he sat.
You spin the chair around and bring both of his arms to the back and tie them to the chair. When you spin his back around, his had such a mischievous grin that you went ahead and addressed.
âyes, i know you could probably get out of that in a heartbeatâ You start and roll your eyes. He chuckles, amused at your awareness. âbut, will you?â It was your turn to put on the sly grin now. The second he managed to break free from his restraint, would be the moment youâd send him off.
ââŚâ He read your face, bit knowing if he should say something sly or not.
âright, thought soâ You smile and give him a few taps on the cheek.
You kneel between the manâs legs, finally addressing the large and throbbing penis before you.
âgod youâre hard⌠you werenât kidding when you said you needed helpâ You joke, rubbing his wet tip through his boxers with you finger.
He grunted a bit and readjusted himself in his seat. You look up at him before pressing harshly on it with your thumb.
âoh fuck you~â He throws his head back and you giggle.
You reach for the hem of his briefs and tug at them, signaling him to lift his hips. Once heâs exposed, you could really see the girth and length of him.
He was veiny, thick⌠bright pink tip, and god knows how long it was.
You put your hand around the base, it was warm and nearly pulsating. Your pace was moderate, giving him just enough to work with. You knew it was a nice steady pace when his hips slightly jerked up for more friction.
âneedy boy wanting to fuck my hand? this wasnât even the main event you asked for, loveâ You coo, strengthening the grip you had on him by a smidge.
âi canât help that you know how to use those hands of yours so wellâ He remarks, still facing the ceiling.
You pump your fist higher up and use your own skilled tongue to drag along his vein.
â@$?!~â He moaned and immediately looked down at you with a snarl. An almost threatening one telling you that he wanted more.
And were you planning on giving it to him? Absolutely not.
You stare right back at him and smirk, using the same motion and occasionally sucking the pre cum from its leaky pink source.
âiâm gonna cumâ Your eyes welled a bit at the large shaft triggering your gag reflex. But he was close so you would endure the slight pain.
His thrust his hips up a few times and you force your head as far as you could before completely stopping.
âfuck- whyâd you stopâ His voice was almost a whisper and suddenly thick white ropes shot into the air and landed on his thigh.
âoh iâm sorry, iâll keep goingâ You reach for his most sensitive spots, overstimulating him into a nervous laughter as he begged you to stop.
It was fun watching him experience more than he could handle, but all good things come to an end.
He sighs in relief, sweaty, heaving, and dazed.
âcan i be freed now?â He asks.
âsure, why not. looks like youâre done here anywayâ You shrug.
âwhoâs done?â He stands up, simply snapping the tie apart.
âoh⌠youâve still got more in you?â
âim the milkman, i never run outâ He suddenly picks you up and sits on you on the desk. Jesus, these things are strong.
You wrap your hands around your neck, suddenly feeling the arousal for another round yourself.
His hands find your slick entrance, teasing the outside and slipping two cold slender fingers into you.
âmmm!â You mean into the kiss, holding onto his forearm as he fingered you at an inhumane pace. You break away and cat h your breath trying to slow him down a bit.
âi donât want to cum from this, put it inâ You say.
âyes maâamâ He lines himself up without your entrance and slowly pushes himself in with a moan. You could every centimeter of the stretch as he went deeper.
You tapped the back of your head onto the window behind you and felt him kissing on your neck and collarbone.
âfuck youâre bigâ Your voice slightly shook as you stated the obvious.
âand youâre so warm and wet inside, i ashamed to admit that i almost came putting it inâ He chuckled before biting back another groan.
RIIIIING
RIIIIING
You snap your head in the direction of the phone and see D.D.D. calling.
Shit.
âstop, i have to take this.â He halts his thrusts and you grab the phone. âhello?â
âagent numberâ A deep voice says over the phone.
â5 5 8 4 3 7â You state clearly.
âthank you agent (Y/N), weâre calling about a few M.I.A. cleaners? it says in our system that you were the last to call. is everything alright?â
âye-es~â You feel something rubbing your g-spot and look over at Francis. âstop, now.â You mouth silently. He just smirks and speeds up.
âare you sure? you sound like youâre being threatenedâ The man on the phone asks.
âmhm~, im fine sir, just a little shakyâ You put your hand over the phone speaker and look at Francis.
âwhat the fuck is wrong with you??â You ask, interrupting yourself with a few moans.
âjust a little thirsty for some waterâ He thrusts harder, causing him to hit your g-spot, and your clit back to back.
You cover your mouth with your shirt and moan into it, hearing the buzz of a voice on the phone. Honestly you should be scared, they could show any minute, but right now, you could care less.
âim gonna cumâ You whisper, still being mindful of the potential listeners.
âyeah?â He grabs a young and stands straight up, slamming you down into his cock. You let out something just short of a scream into the crook of his neck and find yourself twitching and shaking in his grip.
You heard a splash and felt him fill you up with his seed. You both were a moaning, groaning mess, heavily breathing in place.
â(Y/N), do you copy?âŚâŚ. weâre on our wayâ The phone then hangs up and the low buzzy voice is replaced with a prominent beep.
âyou have to go, theyâre comingâ You lazily try to leave his strong hold with a tired push against his chest.
âbut firstâ He puts you back on the desk where you rest your back against the cold glass window. âa drink..â His tongue grows longer right infont of you, and cleans you from your ankles to your navel, and of course he ran it over the bundle of nerves heâs been abusing all night, making your body jolt.
âyouâre so delicious⌠i wish i could always taste youâ His tongue goes back to its normal size.
âwell iâll get going now⌠iâll be seeing you again soon, love. iâll try not to cause too much trouble next timeâŚâ He gives you a peppery kiss on the nose and leaves.
Well, thatâs one way to end your day shiftâŚ
#ciaoteamo#x reader#imagine#smut#milkman smut#milkman x reader#milk the man#milkman#thats not my neighbor#francis mosses x reader#francis mosses
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Biting you. Biting you. Biting-
#big fan of weird bad body horror kissing and these guys using each other as a stimtoy đ#If I haven't made it clear already I like Billford a lot. They tick like every box for my favourite kind of ship. Theyre just so terrible#I love humany Bill stuff I really do. But man. Ford being REALLY into gross weird kissing with literal Triangle Bill? Thats is where its AT#Gravity Falls#Fan art#Billford#Bill Cipher#Ford Pines#Stanford Pines#young stanford pines#Bill/Ford#bill x stanford#ship art#Fanart#GF Fanart#Artists on Tumblr#My Art#God these are all in different styles lmao. I am not kidding with my blog description. style consistancy is not a girl I know
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I hate when people get on your back about a ship because it's 'toxic' like bro i said they are in love not that they should be.
#i just want awful people to have awful complicated feelings#they hated jesus because he spoke the truth#theyre awful together#and thats the point#toxic old man yaoi#toxic yuri#give me it all#shipping#ao3#macdennis#yes this is about them
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bogey.
early access + nsfw on patreon monster!AU masterpost
#thats always a good sign#also. ale my man. you are absolutely sleeping on the couch after this#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#alejandro vargas#rodolfo rudy parra#monster 141 au#giragi art
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his therapist woulda had a field day at their next appointment
#my art#doodle#fanart#resident evil 8#ethan winters#i think its so funny that he has a journal in re8. not only does he have a journal but he illustrates it. i dont know if capcom intended to#imply that ethan stops every now and then to jot down the horrors and the hour that the horrors occur my guess is prolly not#but now its there and it makes me laugh. i shouldnt laugh at his mental health journey but i am anyways#shoutout to people who journal i wish i was you but instead i draw a guy feelin my emotions for me#but im so happy the sun goess away at 5pm. truly immaculate. i miss snow. but we stay chillin#i made more dear diary doodles but these were my favs n they went well together#i changed the entry in the 2nd one though cause i thought it was funnier to me this way#i cut my hair too short again im not even sad about it anymore like whatever man#at least its out of my way. and my shower was SO fast i got to stand there 5ever and it was still only like 15 minutes#fantastic. there are so many joys in life. theres twice as many horrors but the joys are definitely there and they are definitely joyful#anyways thats the post stay warm n cozy out there gang
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Morning routine of local TV star
#this man has never heard of a toothbrush i can basically guarantee it#the big t shirt and boxers combo has me đłđđŤđĄď¸#he definitely just smells like windex#thats so real of him#i fell for the fucking tv#hazbin hotel#hazbin art#hazbin hotel fanart#vox#hazbin vox#the vees#hazbin hotel memes#my art
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The books reveal that Ford is actually a secret partier
(Available as a print on my Etsy Shop)
(wips under cut)
#doctorsiren#gravity falls#the book of bill#billford#journal 3#stanford pines#bill cipher#jheselbraum the unswerving#gravity falls fanart#digital art#my art#procreate#RAHH MY LOVE FOR MAKING MIDCENTURY-STYLE ART AT TIMES CAME IN SUPER HANDY#I think I surprised myself here đł#(also donât take this as shipping him and Jhes đđ thatâs his space fish mom đ)#in the book of bill. obviously he and bill get drunk that time#and then in the 3rd journal#it says that after Jhes told him he had the face of the man who would defeat bill (meaning stanley lmao)#he âwas so excitedâ that he and Jhes âspent the entire night partying and drinking cosmic sandâ#itâs funny bc Jhes is described as speaking with a steely resolve and is very calm#so itâs silly to me to picture her partying haha#I might make this one a print as well bc I really love how it looks#Iâll print it out tomorrow and decide if itâll work well enough :) if it does Iâll put it on my shop#đ the billâŚhis thumb is backwards BUT THATS NOT MY FAULT THATS LITERALLY HOW IT IS IN THE BOOK OF BILL PAGE THAT I REFERENCEDTHIS FROM WAHH#he can do whatever he wants ig
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a strange internet phenomenon 2
#guy mcweirdson#doodles#go figure its the other one#again as said before#not dissing it#just observed a pattern i've noticed.#tbh i loved when people on twitter were showing their âI DO THIS!!!â art thats so sweet. hell yea man#furrify that guy
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
#warm up#writeblr#this one has bothered me for a bit#any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime#hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying#as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing#like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts#why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge#''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it#ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace#if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible#ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing#the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....
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let the man build his sandcastles in peace đď¸
#sillie.jpg#nanami haters this the man yâall dont like#please thats just unemployed behavior i fear#nanami kento#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen
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