#that's all im tagging because im. so fucking tired man
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
thinkign about how alone and unloved morty was for all his life and rick was the first time anyobdy ever put such an amount of intense attention and dependency onto him . and rick had a whole new family and losing them made him stop seeing the value in other people as a whole and morty was the one and first thing that woke him up
#really long Tag rant down there#one of the most Things Ever about them to me is how morty barely even understands just how much rick loves him. more than anything#and its something ricks done on purpose hes made sure of it#because hes so weak he cant handle it#them being together is agony in avsolutely every way and sense but also theyre the best part of eachothers lives#morty because nobodys payed attention to him quite like rick has and all the exciting space adventures and rick just cause. he literally#just likes him thats it. and he never knew it#also i was thinking of this earlier. one of the reasons season 1 is soooo good to me is cuz you get to see morty grow on rick in real time#stuff like that moment where morty walks through the door and rick is instantly at the sight of him SUPER excited and he goes hey!!! but#then he clears his throat and goes Hey trying to pretend like this dumb scaredy kid isnt becoming his favourite thing hes ever known day af#er day#and goddamn night shaym aliens. in that moment where he realised morty had been fake the whole time i rlly wonder what he was thinking and#how he felt. like. oh man this is messing with me way too much this is Bad#and then he got drunk over it and yknow. that . is it post credits. i think. that scene#n literally At the Very beginning he was tired n drunk n stupid thinking like man fuck this im gonna blow this place up and do what prime#did to me. But he brought morty with him Even just at that point it flashed in his mind and he absolutely could not bear to let morty die#Breathes in#im rewatching in October bc anniversary month. i literally canât wait im so actually impatient i considered just doing it today So hard#odiespeak
36 notes
¡
View notes
Text
lol didnât think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge thatâs gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. iâm get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. iâm not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and iâm afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think thatâs not a big deal and honestly i didnât think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash iâm out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isnât the first time sheâs done this she has a warrant for her arrest sheâs known to steal cars iâm the problem and thereâs#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the heroâs for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i canât be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit iâm stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later itâs#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what youâre left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesnât have a membership so they donât know how she#got in and they canât help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#thatâs convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in thatâs#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i canât speak on what did or didnât happen thatâs some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadnât stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing thereâs no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
12 notes
¡
View notes
Text
if the reading comprehension of some people who do make dead plate text posts is so bad (as i've had at least two people tell me in the tags) then maybe i SHOULD start analyzing every little detail in the game.
#dream's textpostsđď¸#and I'd be so good at it too. i am so fucking tired of people viewing rody as an innocent cinnamon roll#for one that is a grown ass man who's pushing 30 or so. and did any of you actually read his dialogue? i know he was snarky at LEAST once#especially when vincent said he had no taste when he was meaning it literally and rody said smth like âyeah i saw the decorations outsideâ#that's not even all of it either because he has so much to mention regarding vince's taste in interior design for his apartment#PLEASE let rody be an asshole. it's good for him. he's intended to be a character written realistically and with nuance. vincent too#i think this one is obvious but he didn't even have to burn the bistro down technically but he did that anyways. stop watering him down#on the opposite end stop making vincent fully an asshole. be fucking for real. yes he's bad. guess what though. he has morals#why else would he view serving his customers dishes with human meat in it with so much disdain? he's not gonna do that#âyeah but HE ate peopleâ Out of desperation. yes. he wanted to test if he could taste again if he ate someone. so what.#it does haunt him afterwards that he'd basically murdered two people in cold blood and nothing came of it#manon isn't fully innocent either because she caused the game to take place in the first place but even then she had a motivator for it#and it was reasonable. im not going to bash her for what she did when she broke up with rody because it was necessary so he'd improve#im pretty sure the rebound with vince is what really messed everything up though. overall the story was well put together however#i think most of the fandom's problem is not catching up on implications. those really make a story good if used correctly#especially with evidence! i mean we never even get to see an actual dead human body in dead plate but we KNOW manon is gone#i don't know i just love small details and foreshadowing and implications it's very fun to unpack them in a plot#i even technically have a lot to say about rody and vincent's respective apartments and what it says about them as a person and how it fits#im kind of nervous about posting it to tumblr but whatever. i'll have to clean it up and post it whenever i think about it#if you got this far then congrats. i don't even know if people read tags anymore
7 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Hooray... it's 7 in the morning and I stayed up all night listening to the imperium... I feel so happy and satisfied with my life choices...
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/35c94ff3a1540916ba9f801f931b46e9/15c8769d61e8a209-9a/s540x810/755dd313b10a5883522459c94fe7092cb5e0ff67.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d11c99ed849e106f561aaafeca4e4b12/15c8769d61e8a209-68/s500x750/333d50e6a854a47d2e205277b387514a11ff6d90.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e7e18fe9b35d5e17f354166d084c3935/15c8769d61e8a209-e9/s400x600/1cab984b055e5ef714c15f76dfae5b4da66801f4.jpg)
I am feeling very much not cowabunga, dude
[SEVERE rambling in tags]
#ouww it hurts!! it hurts!!! this is the stuff you're supposed to leave for angst fic writers not make canon in an alt universe?? ERIK PLEASE#i hate the whole entire world right now. genuinely cannot speak to anyone normally for the next 3-4 business days.#I have no one irl to rant to about this FUCK im stranded. im quarantined. im being held against my will free meee#The irl friend i have who knows anything at all about redacted only knows freelancer s1 i cannot drop this bigass plot on them#Genuinely i might start going mad out of repression. Erik writing âhope you enjoyâ in the desc as if that wasnt the most painfully torturou#experience I've ever had in my life. The fucking inevitability. I knew Echo was going to pull some shit. IM JUST GLAD VIN AND FL ARE OK#they were NOT the turning point just let them live their cabin in the woods fantasy for however long they can okay...#Also I kinda love imp!vega. not the biggest fan of prime bc of the whole child beating situation but i sure loved this guy.#really knew what he was talking about when it came to revolutions and stuff. Like he's good. no disrespect to avior but vega did good#and he was so gentle with his partner which i find more appealing than torture but that's just me. that's just me i get it#And uh. speaking of that. Imp!sam. Yeah i get why some of yall are goin wild over him and i wish i could say i shared the sentiment but hes#too scary im weak like that. when i know a bastard would simply kill me without a care im just not into that yknow? or maybe you dont#Glad we got twisted gay damihux at the end though MUAHAJAJA that's one of the only redeeming lights that kept me alive#FUCKKKK SHIT FU K SJIT DAM ASHERS ENTIRE SCENE WITH BRACJIUM GOD HELP ME. ID DIE FOR THAT MAN#he's so fucking sad!!! he just wants his husband back!!! HE WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK!!!!!!#No even I don't understand how it's possible to get this attached to characters. I don't know. Im in deep shit.#Is this the end for me? Is my life over? These are the questions I have today. I probably just need to sleep because again#it's 7:30 in the morning. but regardless. These characters mean so much to me and this silly anthology has pulled emotions out of#me that i am terrified of feeling [survivors guilt hits me right in the fucking heart] and im scared. of what? don't know#That little shit Echo was right about one thing. It may not be real but the emotional damage it caused me is real. AND IRREPARABLE#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted imperium#redacted imp!asher#redacted echo#redacted imp!vega#redacted imp!sam#redacted vindemiator#tired of tagging. hitting the pillow. good night.
8 notes
¡
View notes
Text
i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans
#fair warning for. a very very long ramble and rant in the tags. apologies#westerner or russian. no other option#westerner because the only thought they ever have is 'but they had universal housing so if you oppose ussr you oppose that'#(which is stupid becuse you can believe in that WITHOUT WANTING LIKE 6 COUNTRIES TO BE FORCED TO BE RULED OVER BY RUSSIA)#(SORRY FOR WANTING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY WITH MY HISTORY AND MY CULTURE AND NOT RUSSIA!!) (poland was a sattelite state but GOD)#or russian because they have a victim complex and are convinced that they deserve to rule over the entire damn world#'well you had universal housing so you had it easy' right yeah. okay. forget about like. everything else that happened#to eastern europeans during that time#forget about the things that are STILL issues all these years later not only in poland but like the more eastern countries too#its not about. the fact that the houses 'didnt have 3 bedrooms and a jacuzzi' in them. you DUMB SACK OF SHIT#god sorry. sorry. i also know so very little but like god damn i fucking live here. i didnt sit thru all that modern history#for some dumbfuck to say that 'ohhh only rich and american middle class people are happy the ussr was dissolved'#'oooh the dissolving of the ussr was illegal and the countries within it actually liked being there'#im just so fucking tired man i need to. i need to start killing people#and this is all not to mention that theyll say this stupid shit and then deny eastern europeans the things they actually did that were good#FUCK french people for trying to claim maria skĹodowska. fuck americans for trying to claim the witcher as their own fantasy world#fuck the way the west is allowed to claim and destroy eastern european culture without any consequence because we dont matter enough#vaguely related but ill throw this in here since anyone finding it is unlikely and im scared of having this opinion#i think one underappreciated aspect of DE (which might be underappreciated because its not actually there and im stupid)#is that its pro-communist while still also giving some criticism to how it was handled and acknowledging that its still not perfect#which makes the writers much better communists than any self-proclaimed one ive ever met in my life who just worships the idea#perhaps its because the writers of the game were not white upper middle-class americans living in the suburbs. among other things#idk de is a game for people far smarter than me and i only played it once and im sure anyone who played it well can clock me as a bad perso#horrible horrible person even which is why im scared of mentioning it. but its an interesting thing. to me#the main thing is that im just not. im not far left enough i suppose. i agree communism in theory is a great idea. as far as i know it#(which isnt very far)#but chances of implementing it correctly in a way that doesnt take away from peoples happiness in other areas is. low. very low#i wrote a short essay about how utopias are inherently contradictory ideas once it wasnt very deep or good but like#you cant have universal happiness without restricting certain freedoms. and when those freedoms are resticted not everyone#will be happy. and then theyre unhappy they will have to be somehow removed or ignored
16 notes
¡
View notes
Text
spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
11 notes
¡
View notes
Text
does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians
#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic#im just like. tired of gnawing#and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get#content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky#young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me#im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing &#digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances#m text#i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story#not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a#lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out#bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples#and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified#(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right)#and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here#(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh)#I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost.#anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein#out as lesbian#like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has#to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic)#meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just#and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so#yknow. personal viewer bias here#but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian#and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out#but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough.#im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes#I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY.#like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'
15 notes
¡
View notes
Text
If I had to describe the mood, it really is like when you grow up with an abusive parent; and there are bad days where you're just willing for them to go to work and be gone all day so you don't have to hear them yelling and slamming shit
#That plus mixed with like#Slightly more adult feelings of unspoken resentment bubbling under the surface#And complicated webs of need#Like I need a place to live - so as not to be homeless#You need - idk question mark? To feel heard and valued#Okay but like talking down to the adults in the house and plus the eighteen year old#Talking to everyone in an insulting babying voice#Because youre JUST TRYING TO BE CLEAR#It sucks man#Its been all weekend and yeah I was just like please go to work please go to work#And like I love my sister and my nieces but this environment is nothing but passive and active harm#And micro- to macro-aggression masquerading as control#And like when is the breaking point?#You really like.#Lose a LOT of your goodwill and empathy even for someone you love#When they react the same harmful ways that#Even the youngest child has pointed out is harmful! is negative! makes them feel bad!#But they just keep acting and lashing out bc they arent being heard#Bc SHES tired SHE didnt sleep SHES anxious she#You know?#Like to make your reactions to stimulus everyone in the houses triggers is#And to not try to find outlets to help make things better for everyone#Rather to say every time IM SUCH A BITCH IM SOOO SORRY. I SHOULD JUST. STOP. TALKING#Fuck man#I need my own space#(I need to drive off a bridge)#I just need to find a space away from all of this drama in this house man#Sorry this is a lot but i wouldnt be able to express this much feeling to anyone#Nor do I feel like I have a right to inflict my stupid bullshit life problems and whiny emo shit on anyone#Long tags are long
3 notes
¡
View notes
Text
trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever đ
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags đ#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. âi cant spare the energy to vett thingsâ#other people are fucking dying and im over here like ânoo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwedâ#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those âhold in there dont kill yourselvesâ posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of âok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselvesâ and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause âi dont know howâ and âi dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anythingâ so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#âoh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(â ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause âthe world is scary and jobs are hard :(â#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway âunableâ to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going ânooo i should just kill myself insteadâ#vent post
4 notes
¡
View notes
Text
its flare up friday
#cloudy#<- vent tag now#if ykyk#i feel so cheated i was fine all day whilst i was being productive but now its time for me to sit down and do things i enjoy#everything hurts and im nauseous#and i have to go out tomorrow so im gunna be tired from that :(#its annoying above all else because i Know#that the lack of things i enjoy is gunna make my brain all bad#and i know its gunna present itself in misplaced irritation#and im not gunna be able to tell why in the moment because im too busy feeling it#whatever man fuck all this#hopefully i sleep it off
5 notes
¡
View notes
Text
[Belated] Wip Wednesday!
you know my life is hectic when notes ap fics while im waiting for the bus make a comeback. anyway Tesoro is being a weirdly sweet manipulative cunt<3 i need to write one of the many times Celia fucks up everyone lives shes looking to pity-able. this is notes app writing so no editing or rereading [except for the beginning with whos speaking] just stream of thoughts- i already know many places i will sit down and improve when i have time
[Tesoro] Do you know who Amelia reminds me of?
[Celia laughs] It's obvious, isn't it?
[Tesoro, dead serious] She reminds me of you.
[Celia, at the same time] Of Elen-
Seeing Celia freeze in shock, a cruel part of him was glad, to be assured that with just a few words he could still metaphorically lay Celia bare, strip away all of the stone walls and bravado, and leave behind a scared child, even after all these years.
Golden eyes were wide, the white fully surrounding. Bright pupils were growing larger, threatening to drown out the narrowing ring of gold.
Its a secret so few know that those pinpricks growing to even half the size of a normal pupil is an indicator of true fear, whereas the usual pinpricks is normal. To those who knew her younger, they think it just changed over time to be smaller, but the truth is she's in many ways conquered her old fears, and those that have taken their place are a slow constant fear, about larger factors. Celia doesn't worry that she will get physically attacked from any side. these days, its the era of mind games instead.
It was always interesting, Celias eyes. More normal than black in place of white, but those metallic eyes and bright pinprick pupils were unsettling to him even more. At first glance, human, second, anything but. Celia- of heaven, according to some old Latin books, derived from a surname meaning the same.
It was easy to see her as something other, even holy, but no benevolent god could create a soldier like her. Those who called her brother an angel were just as misguided, but the veneer of kindness and comfort that made it easy to ignore Cecios' terrifying power over people and see him as holy was lacking in his sister, who they viewed with fear, no seemingly benevolent and gracious angel but an awesome- in the most classical sense of the word- leader of man, set apart from the rest with an unsettling aura of difference. A far cry from the little girl Amelia so reminds him of. Elena was the seemingly godlike one, inspiring awe and fear, then. Celia was just another scrapper desperate to prove her worth in the eyes of her peer, and oh, how desperate she was.
It's the most likely reason why, why he can disable her like this, bypass years of walls. Because he was there before those walls became impenetrable, before she stepped up and shut everyone else out. Some lingering memories of him as her superior, in their childish hierarchy, instincts to listen to him, still dormant inside her.
For every time she learned to put up a higher and stronger wall, he had learned how to bring it crashing down.
It's the same cruel part of him that whispers it, but she truly is his greatest success, rising from the bottom to new heights - all with him by her side advising her.
#with just a few words he could still metaphorically lay Celia bare- strip away all of the stone walls and bravado#- and leave behind a scared child- even after all these years.#thebirdwrites#gold & silver#oc: celia#oc: tesoro#god hes so fucked up i love him#again this is unedited and has glaring issues but im tired#in a fucked up way he would dislike Elena coming back because A. it would disrupt everything#and B. he will no longer be the person that can cut and affect Celia the most#He loves them both! his best friend and leader and his new friend and new leader!#hell hes the one that stays in contact with her!#but hes also a control freak<3#something something the power trip in being able to strip someone back to a scared child#actually i fucking wrote it#again. hes so fcuekd up but i love him<3#if any of this seems similar its because Cecio looked at him and said that who i want to be as a man#an extremely attractive and nice seeming serial emotional manipulator#alongside his other transition goals: Griffith from berserk#wait let me check the timelines#cecio was 11 when the first chapter of the golden age arc released!#dont think about when english translations happened#but he could theoretically see Griffiths design and decide silver haired pretty boy is what he wants to be#god i really do go on tangents in teh tags
3 notes
¡
View notes
Text
ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great
#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshusâ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained#so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do#likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish.#like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired#hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic#hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow#he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit#he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation#and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now#he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng#and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever#like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting#hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests#and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him#hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked#because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess#his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free#he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves#idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him#like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what âin characterâ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon#when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff#that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then#i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow#im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with#its very cute
2 notes
¡
View notes
Text
every time a hlvrai character gets woobified and turned into something even vaguely human a angel dies
#no benry would NOT fucking turn human oh my god#and bubby designs have a very large lack of âyeah this guy was built in a tube meant to be the perfect humanâ#and. i cant say much about tommy. tommy designs are surprisingly good other than the fact that people make him look like a child.#that man is 37#AND DARE I SAY. gordon designs are kinda fucking boring sometimes ok#like yes alright hes human but hear me out ok? hed be more fucked up gmod charactr looking than benry. have you seen what he looks like from#an outsider perspective. its so fucking funny but also gives me so many ideas for character desigbs#he is a vr headset and a set of controllers. tell me why i dont see more cool stuff with him#this is not at all dissing anyone specifically. i am just TIRED and having a moment because i looked at how awful my old hlvrai art was#if im being honest its dissing me more than anyone#sorry for being a hater on main. it will happen agaib#im so fucking tired of seeing trans [character] tags on fics and then seeing the most blatant transphobic woobification on earth. kills me#he would not fucking say that#these characters killed people ok.#not maintagging this
3 notes
¡
View notes
Text
đŚ...
#making another bullshit post because i dont have anyone to talk to and talking in the tags is comforting as fuck for some reason#so here we go. hi gang dave here how are we doing tonight#sparkle off its thurday forget who you are yk how it goes#im so tired man ive had such a long week its been good but so fucking long you know like holy shit stuff just all the time#had a choir performance which was pretty badass#ive gotten further in rereading homestuck just watched me and my bro hug it out which was great#stridercest nation rise up#went to the dentist showed him my sick ass wisdom tooth necklace and he loved it and he took a billion pictures#gonna go to a new therapy support group thing try it out see how it goes maybe ill like it maybe i wont#these are just kind of life updates cause idk its weird to have shit happen and then just never talk about it to anyone really#been drawing a lot lately its nothing super cool but im having fun with it#i watched trolls 3 again tonight what a fucking fantastic movie cinema is alive and well#branch reminds me of karkat so much and its hilarious like thats just the same guy#i tried making hummus tonight but fucked it up it was too sour but no big ill try again another time#idk i think thats all ive got to say. thanks for tuning in see you next time
1 note
¡
View note
Text
I have been on semi-haitus bc I recently got diagnosed with hypertension (at 24!!!! what da fuck!) so I've been trying to reduce some stress in my life while also trying to like figure out what I need to change diet/lifestyle wise and get all the testing done that I need to get done and figure out medication w my Dr. it's been kind of a lot
#im still SO stressed but that is because i suffer from shit life syndrome and there is little i can do about that#like im in pain all the time and also autistic and also my cat is terminally ill#and also i cant work because of the disabilities so im still living at home with my parents and idk what im going to do with my life#also living with my parents is a special kind of hell no offense to them but đ#so the STRESS#i just realised that i was stressing a little about updating CTTD and i am NAUGHT going to worsen my health over fanfiction#so ive gone on an impromptu tumblr/ao3 haitus#idk when im going to be BACK back#but im still on here reblogging shit sometimes#just not rly making nendo headcanons or screaming in tags#i dont have the energy im SO stressed hahahahaha fuck#i have to get tested for diabetes???#so my stepdad has been on my case about how much sugar i eat bc i always crave sugar#ive been trying to cut down like ive got zero sugar syrups for my (decaf!!!) coffees#and im trying to eat less chocolate#idk its hard man. my life already sucks and now my mundane little joys are slowly being cut out one by one#idk#anyways thats my life update!#saiki k fandom i love u all and i may not be active or in any of u guys notifs gushing about fan art or neno rn#but KNOW that i am still just as feral about it i am just half dead and so tired i am so sorry <3#dogbunni diary log
6 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Last post is making me tempted to make a post of the different bodies I draw on ladies tbh. Maybe once I get more refs done.
#wobble noises#OH MAN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE MY TAG AGAIM#anyways this does mean im gonna have to smack some nudity on the dash but it will be filtered as per usual#ive been doing a thing where ive been trying to like#redraw all 1200+ characters on my toyhouse bc i am tired of looking at old art#its going slow because for once in my life im not worried about progress#but also im ADHD medicated now#and able to focus on doing likr. one thing at a time#and im getting much more done than i ever have in my life. fucking insane.#76 refs done using this method so far.#ok holy shit i didnt know it was that much im kinda proud of myself
0 notes