#hopefully i sleep it off
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its flare up friday
#cloudy#<- vent tag now#if ykyk#i feel so cheated i was fine all day whilst i was being productive but now its time for me to sit down and do things i enjoy#everything hurts and im nauseous#and i have to go out tomorrow so im gunna be tired from that :(#its annoying above all else because i Know#that the lack of things i enjoy is gunna make my brain all bad#and i know its gunna present itself in misplaced irritation#and im not gunna be able to tell why in the moment because im too busy feeling it#whatever man fuck all this#hopefully i sleep it off
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I wake up and feel like shit and then I hang out with my friend and life is oh so beautiful and then I come back home and feel even worse
#i feel so horrible#they should make a body that doesnt hurt#im so nauseous how tf am i supposed to work tomorrow#hopefully i sleep it off#and my lower back is in so much pain how am i going to stand up for almost 8 hours straight
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((My computer is acting up and my head hurts so I guess that's telling me to go to bed early tonight.))
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Start Line: Growing and Transforming
We've been running this far, non-stop, all day yeah Never getting tired, we keep up this runner's high You know graduation Even though it's over, it's not the end Put on some new shoes Yeah we're ready at the start line
Things have been difficult for a lot of us, and sometimes, we just want a flicker of hope, or some words of encouragement that can push us to go further. Just… Something, a message, to tell us that the pain we’re going through right now is temporary, and things will be better.
Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and tell yourself that you’re on a brand new start line, and ask for the messages you’re called to hear. Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.
Pile 1 - Pile 2
Pile 3 - Pile 4
Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. Also, I do not consent to my work or images being used by third parties on this platform or other websites as well.
Decks used: Crossing Star Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self-made lyrics deck.
Pile 1
One card to represent you: The Magician rx
The first thought that popped into my mind is that… You’ve probably been told (many times) that you’re a good manifestor, but you have not seen it working out for you, or at least, not at the moment. You’ll need to try an error (or maybe errors) to find what works for you, and what works best for you. It can be rather disheartening to fail, but look for the opportunities in life’s challenges and learn the lessons. You work better by letting your physical body learn rather than your brain to absorb the knowledge. You probably have also noticed your tendency to self-sabotage, but you don’t intend to do anything about it. Perhaps, not at the moment, as you’re not in a right place yet to fix yourself, but you need to remember it and to work on it.
1. Why have things happened? - Four of Cups
You have been too focused on what you’re feeling and not looking at the outer world, on whatever that’s happening around you or to you. This definitely has something to do with The Magician rx above, where you’re sabotaging yourself and not focusing on the present. It’s giving me very… Neptune rx in Pisces vibes, so some of you who picked this pile may have Pisces placements. It’s like living in the world yet not living at the same time, where you’re floating and drifting, not seeing where you’re at or where you’re going. Life has been throwing you opportunities to learn the lessons, but you’re not learning it. Not to mention that you’re not organising what it is that you’re feeling inside and to do something about it. With all of that happening, some of you may feel you’re at a standstill or some will have their head and heart wrapped up in different bags and not know how to unify them.
2. How to stop your train of thoughts and start again from where you’re standing? - Knight of Pentacles rx
You have to stop dilly-dallying, and pick up the pace if you want to move away from where you’re standing. Sure, ADHD paralysis is difficult to deal with when you’re frozen (I’m referring to myself as well, in case y’all think I’m attacking anyone), but it is already something if you can move yourself away from the way of harm first. My first thought here is to train your body to be able to move on autopilot from time to time, which will help you in countless ways. Sure, you’re still sluggish and unenthusiastic, but let your body move first, exercise, and let your brain rest during those times. Another way you can attempt to stop those thoughts is to get help. Not only external help from professionals, but more of building healthy interpersonal relationships. True friends will want to help you to be better, and will be willing to spend some time to accompany you to carry out activities that are beneficial for both of you.
3. What to look forward to? - The Magician rx
You’ll be able to tap into your energy. I do think that this is a time for you to work together with your manifestation talent/skill, and for you to decide which direction you want to head. You need to remember that the direction you’re going is not something fixed, so no worries in making a decision. You can change that anytime, or go on a different journey if it doesn’t fit you. The more important thing is to have a welcoming heart, to dream and invite limitless magic into your life, allow your guides to show in unexpected ways. Do not be afraid, go step by step and find out what works for you. Of course, you can look forward to this if you take action. If you’re not doing anything, do not hope or wish for things to fall directly into your laps.
4. What have you left behind and grown from? - The Tower
You’ve gone through a huge upheaval, you’ve gone through a lot of chaos and traumas in the past. Now, you’re going through another fundamental shift. It may not be as tremendous and messy as it was in the past, but this shift is something more of an energy thing, where you need to learn to be more selective with where and who you want to spend your energy on. This energy encompasses mental, spiritual and physical energy, and you have to remember that you’re also an exhaustible being, where you can’t focus on others forever. Look back, and you’ll see how far you’ve gone from that unhappy place. Remind yourself that you’re able to do it again. Once you’ve grown from it, you’ll also be more free to explore your skills and abilities. You’ve always had a tendency to have a foot in almost everything, and with you now knowing how to distribute your energy and time? You definitely can. You can try focusing on what’s in front of you instead of attempting to explore far, you might find treasures closer to you instead.
5. When will things start getting better? When will you get your justice? - The Chariot
The Chariot talks about action and goal. I don’t think I need to say much on this, as it’s pretty self explanatory. However, remember to hold onto your reins as you move towards wherever it is you’re heading. You need to have a clear goal and a destination, else you’ll run out of energy/fuel, and you may end up in different places. You’ll need a clear and visible goal, and the stages need to be well defined and measurable. You get strength from seeing actual results, and that’s when you gain the confidence to continue moving forward. You will get justice when you’re moving forward. The justice here is internal, as it is more towards countering the self-sabotaging part of you. It’s difficult, but once you wipe the tears and bite on the happiness you’re seeing, you’ll know your purpose in life, and you’ll taste that justice.
6. Advice for you - Five of Pentacles, Nine of Cups rx, Ace of Cups rx
Some of you may be facing financial difficulties or even health problems. It’s best if you work on them now as you prepare for what it is to come. It can be quite disheartening at times when you question and wonder why hard times fall on you more often than others. This may also result in an unhealthy stream of emotions. Emotions itself isn’t a bad thing, the problem would be how you’re managing it. Don’t hold them in and stack them up. Find a safe place to release them, understand those emotions and nurture yourself back. Place your trust in the Universe, believe that whatever that is happening to you right now is part of a greater plan. Twist your thoughts a little, see it as a blessing where you’re finding problems when it’s still salvageable (it’s still painful but hey, we can work on it eventually). Tune into your heart, listen to your wishes, and look at what you have achieved throughout the years. Your wishes of the past are now fulfilled, and you’ve finally built the life you’ve wanted when you were much younger. Well, it may exist in different forms, or you’ve gotten it not according to how you originally planned, but it’s there. Know that you can change your wishes into reality because you have the power. Believe in yourself. Let’s say if you want to recover faster, you can manifest quicker healing. You can. Just make sure that you do not fall into the habit of feeling dejected and dissatisfied quickly. Hold on to a heart of gratitude. It will open up doors for you.
Overall energy: The Tower rx, Six of Pentacles
There’s a mix of energy here. You’re unsatisfied that things have gone out of your control, yet there’s also a sense of relief that you are not responsible over those things going out of control. Despite the difficult times, you still hold generosity in your heart, where you offer what you have (materials, energy, time) to those who need them. In turn, you’ll also be blessed with what you need. Accept help given to you with an open heart and a grateful attitude. The greater plan the Universe has in mind for you may have something to do with people and connection, so that may be an aspect you want to pay attention to. Things or memories from the past can be resurfacing, so stop hiding or running away, and face them.
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Pile 2
One card to represent you: Death
First thing I’m picking up here is that you’re going through a lot of changes right now, and the next thing is that… You’re being watched over. There's a lot, and I mean A WHOLE LOT of things that are going on right now, and they’re overflowing your plate. I could sense a certain level of panic and dread over everything, but there’s also some form of apathy where you’re tired of everything and anything happening all at once. There’s too much that’s going on to the point you have no idea where or what to focus on, so you’re probably at a standstill where you’re looking at the overflowing plate, doing nothing. I’d say that this is a “freeze” response because you’re at a point where you can’t process anything at the moment, but once your brain starts spinning again, you’ll get things done. You have people watching over you, or your guides are protecting you at this time. Imagine you’re standing still in the middle of the path but no one is hitting you. It’s like that. Your guides are making sure that you have enough time to process whatever that’s happening to you and around you. Once you start moving, they’ll follow behind you and help you out when you ask them, especially when you’re facing any confrontation.
1. Why have things happened? - The Hermit rx
You’ve withdrawn yourself from certain aspects of life (friendship, or work, or a certain class, or even a hobby) with attempts of healing yourself and to give yourself more time. Sure, you’ve got the time, but those times were not spent on yourself, those free times were not helping you, but the other people in your life. In another sense, you were still busy, and you did not get the rest you needed. There’s a certain level of emptiness that I’m feeling here, and that you’re torn as well, not sure if you want to fill that emptiness or you want to remain it as so because of the comfort of being used to it. Do you trust yourself, with the steps and decisions you’ve been making? BET ON ME by ITZY was playing as I typed this out, and I do feel that there’s a message in this song for you.
2. How to stop your train of thoughts and start again from where you’re standing? - King of Pentacles rx
King of Pentacles is generally the last card of the deck, and what I'm seeing here is that you still have a lot more to go, that things are not final yet, and you have the ability (King) to change things to your favour. I understand that you're currently in a flight or freeze mindset, but you need to work your brain to trick it a little so that it moves, and you can reprogram it a little so that you can move away from the spot you froze. Be kind to yourself and let go of those thoughts that are haunting you, step away from those self-criticism, know that you deserve gentleness. The King is abundant in finances, life experience, but I'd also like to add connections into this list. To be a King, you must have known to pull strings around to make things work, to make sure you win the trust of the people. To achieve that, you need good and skillful people who are willing to listen to your plans and to make them work. Those connections are what will help you throughout your difficult times. Sure, people may have turned you down in the past, but know that they may not be in any position to extend any help back then, and that things may be different now. They will be more capable now. Some… May have a really painful tongue, not filtering their words. But still, they will help, and you'll be surprised with what they're able to offer.
3. What to look forward to? - Ten of Cups rx
This… probably is not gonna sound ideal to a lot of people but… You can look forward to having a fresh start. It's like the cups you have are now poured clean, and you are forced to redo things again, to fill them up again but this time, you get to choose what you fill them up with. Previously, when you were growing up, people around you filled those cups for you, helping you make decisions (that you may not like or agree with), or even tainting them (putting droplets of other things in it), and those form you to who you are today. But, by pouring them clean (a very, very painful process), you are now able to pour and fill your cups with whatever you want and whatever you need. You'll be able to work with your dreams and spirit's energy to reach your highest good as you fiercely protect your cups, your energy, your life. Your life is now yours to write.
4. What have you left behind and grown from? - Three of Wands
It feels like you have left behind a lot of original plans that you have made for yourself in the past as you build yourself anew. There's a lot of internal cleansing done, and you've decided to start everything from scratch again. You'll be able to build things again and fully immerse yourself in a new future you'll create. You've learnt to grow from pain and to see the smaller happiness in life, learning to accept that growth is inevitable. Visualisation is also vital here, where you will need to immerse yourself in whatever you have now as you visualise where you will be standing in the future. You decide your own path, and you have to walk it.
5. When will things start getting better? When will you get your justice? - Ten of Swords rx
Things will start getting better once you pull out all the swords from your back. There's a lot of… Purging. Yeah, purging is a more suitable word to use for your situation. Your situation is like the shelf full of ceramic plates that will crash the moment you open that door. But you still need to open it, you'll need to let all of those fall, and you can clean it, to make space for new items to put in. You now can choose metal plates, or plastic plates to put in, whatever it is that you want. But first, you need to clean the space, only then you'll invite limitless magic into your life and allow your spirit guides to show up in unexpected ways. They are there for you, through a breeze, through a flyer, through a sudden noise to stop you from crossing the road. Once you've made space, that's when you'll get your justice by living your best self.
6. Advice for you - King of Wands rx, Strength rx, Six of Swords rx
There's another King card here, telling me that whatever you're going through right now is not an easy one. It probably will be there a little longer and it is what will help you to build up your upcoming new life, to start everything again. You will need to be at peace with yourself and be kind to yourself first. Turn your strength and focus inwards, nurture yourself, and do not shy from cutting people out of your life if they drain you too much, even if they are family. You need to understand that you are your own universe, and you are your own priority. If you do not prioritise yourself, no one will. Others do not have that responsibility over you, so let yourself breathe. For now, heal your wounds, use it as your badge of honour, and live your life as how you see fit. Remember, it is you who define who you are, not your past.
Overall energy: Strength, Nine of Wands
There's a lot of strength in you, actually, just that you have not known how to work with it right now, not sure how to turn that strength for yourself. You have been resilient in everything you do, no matter how battered up you are, so let those tension fall from you. Sit down in peace and quiet as you receive the messages from your guides, letting them guide you through this time of difficulty. Trust your feelings, they know you better than yourself. Listen to your emotions, they understand your needs better. Act on them when needed, you will know when the timing is right.
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Pile 3
One Two cards to represent you: The Tower rx, The Chariot rx
I'm… Not exactly that surprised to see two cards falling out. The Tree in this image symbolises the Tree of Life as I was doing the reading, so some of you who picked this pile may be told that you guys are knowledgeable or do possess some extensive knowledge in very specific fields. And with this knowledge comes expectations, which can be seen with two cards falling out for you. With these two cards, what I'm immediately picking on is that… You are in a phase of life that can be quite challenging right now, where things that are beyond your control are happening almost all at once, and you're losing your balance as you continue to run on the uneven paths. You're growing exhausted as you're being chased with expectations and by your own sense of duty. So, please take a break when you need it.
1. Why have things happened? - Three of Pentacles rx
There have been conflicts going on with you and your social circles, may it be disagreements between classmates/colleagues, or getting shunned by them for not going along with them. There’s a slight hint of one being an outcast here. Correlating to the cards representing you, how you became an outcast is also due to what you're going through life right now, requiring you to put a hold onto a lot of other things, including assignments and/or socialisation, etc. Your intuition has been your assistant throughout these times of perils, and it's giving me that you do know how and why you're in a situation that's making you stagnant. Not sure if you are capable of breaking that ice or you're resting at the moment before you take the first step out. Either way, unlike most people, you know where you’re standing at right now, and you do know how to make changes towards a new you if needed.
2. How to stop your train of thoughts and start again from where you’re standing? - Three of Swords
This is probably a weird way to put it, but you need to use your pain as a tool to help you get back to the present. You may be able to perceive pain differently, like… It's to prove that you're still living, that you're still alive, and you still can make changes to the situation you're in. You need to remind yourself that you're beloved, and that the Universe loves you and is throwing hints at you through very… questionable ways. Trust your inner wisdom and intuition, let them guide you to where you're supposed to be. Oddly, I'd say that you have been through something similar before, but you kinda panicked when your previous methods no longer work for this situation. This is the time where you need to find a new method that will help you develop your senses, and for you to be at peace with yourself again. Coping mechanisms, but let it help you with more than just coping.
3. What to look forward to?- The Chariot rx
I'd say that things will slow down, not because the problems are resolved, but because the tires have worn out. Your nightmare and problems have also run out of strength to go after you, which gives you a quick chance to take a small break before you retreat to somewhere safer, where you build a new coping mechanism and possibly plans for the upcoming problems. I'd also say that this is a good time for you to make new connections that will be helpful in the long run. Don't worry about burdening others, as I believe that there will be a chance for you to help them back. Friendships and connections are mutual, where both parties benefit from them. Not sure if you’re the type who’d welcome new changes. Nevertheless, challenges will be coming your way for you to level up. I’d say that these challenges are coming in a way where you’re capable of managing it. From there, you’ll experience a new sort of rebirth, and you’ll find a new identity that works with you better.
4. What have you left behind and grown from? - King of Pentacles
I have no idea why but I'm sensing some… Familial relationships and expected duties? Most of you may be working with establishing healthy boundaries with your family, making sure that the roles are properly and fairly distributed. It also feels like… Financial responsibilities aren't yours alone, and the entire family will need to figure out how to contribute and prepare for any emergencies. You’re now the King, where you have a comfortable relationship with your finances, knowing that it’s yours, your property, and you have every right to access it and to use it without guilt. There may be a chance where your family or extended relatives have guilt-tripped you to sacrifice or contribute to their needs, and you’re unapologetically free from those now. You now learn to trust your intuition more and let your inner wisdom guide you through your way subconsciously. It’s now a part of your life where you don’t really need to sit and listen, as you’re driving on auto-pilot by your subconsciousness.
5. When will things start getting better? When will you get your justice? - The Sun rx
I'd say that things will start getting better at unexpected times, or even at times when you can't see hope. The Sun is unable to shine on all people, it's unable to pierce through thick walls, but it doesn't mean it's not there. The Sun here feels mellow, like it's keeping its warmth and heat in check to not burn the other living beings that it's feeding. There’s also another message here that is assuring you that good things take time, and that you’ll need to be kind to yourself so that those blessings arrive and you’re ready to receive them wholeheartedly. The entire thing is a journey, and the roads can be bumpy. But still, what matters is the journey and you’re able to reach your final goal in a good condition, so take your time as you tread through those paths. Once you start walking and taking action, luck will fall by your side and accompany you through this journey.
6. Advice for you - Nine of Pentacles rx, Knight of Wands, Knight of Cups
You may be using your time unwisely by focusing on things that do not exactly benefit you. I’m not saying that you can’t, but you need to set your priorities straight and know what is the final goal of your actions. You may start a project that requires you to invest and purchase tools, when you’re rushing a deadline that’s gonna affect your assignment and final’s results. By doing this, you’re in a way, not planning well. Sure, you get your emotional fulfilment, but it also comes at the price of you failing your semester (touchwood). Passion projects can be fun, but you need to plan your time well, plan your resources well, plan your enthusiasm as well. The planning happens behind closed doors. Others will see how well you portray yourself and be drawn to you, but you need to remember the need for continuous effort for you to achieve the best results. The public, or people around you may gather around you because of how well you have a grip over yourself, and once things have calmed down, feel free to let yourself loose a little. People will show up around you, and it’s totally fine for you to enjoy the attention and affection. You just need to remember how much you’ve put in to build yourself, and not let others take you for granted, or to take advantage of your skills or what you have to offer.
Overall energy: Strength, Four of Wands rx
Strength and beauty comes in all forms possible, even through pain and tears. This is something that you’ll be learning to accept through this difficult time. Most of us may understand the beauty and appeal of pain, but not many can accept it. Whatever we’re going through right now makes us learn and accept it, to come to terms with it. Of course, changes come along with it and we will need to learn to adapt to it, to build a “New You” as you face the upcoming challenges. Know that whatever you’re doing right now is a pre-requirement for you to achieve your dreams. You are your own world, and you can change the world as you grace the strong wind standing your way.
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Pile 4
One card to represent you: The Devil
What I’m feeling here is that you tend to have a certain level of control over some things in your life. The control here isn’t exactly pleasant, where it may be imbalanced and there can be some arguments going on. Temptations are heard as well. You know you’re stuck in some loop where you can’t escape, and you have no intention of escaping. The picture for this pile is somehow giving me Sex and The City vibes, where the neon lights (benefits, financial resources, interests) have been the focus of your sight, and this allows you to have a different perspective, or for you to see things differently from your peers.
1. Why have things happened? - Strength rx
You have lost strength, internal strength mainly. You were not surrounded by those who supported you, and your energy was depleted bit by bit as you tried to fit in. You have put yourself in a position where you depend on the actions and feelings of others, and you may have given up on your instinctive responses, not having the self-discipline and control you need. The Lion is your passion, and it’s now your enemy, threatening to destroy whatever stability and name you’ve built. Imagine a woman trying to tame the agitated lion and the two ended up in a fight, while the spectators (wrong group of friends) by the side just watched.
2. How to stop your train of thoughts and start again from where you’re standing? - Knight of Swords
You’ll need to start taking care of yourself, listen to yourself. You’re a person who prides your intelligence, and you tend to be in your own head a lot. However, you’ve listened to the noises out there that have affected you in a negative way. Not to say that you’re supposed to go back into the state of being in your own headspace, but for you to pay attention to yourself more, to listen to the voices of your heart instead of the external noises. You’ve always been head>heart, and now you’ll need to go head<heart. You may not like how different this… new routine is, but you will also know that it has to be done, as you’ve been seeing messages of this “new path” around. Balancing out the heart voices and head nagging is important, and this is how you shall start. You also need to remember you yourself, are the source of everything essentially you. You build yourself; you create yourself. You are not built on the words or acceptance of others. You need to remind yourself that you are already doing well, and the expectations of others are not yours to bear.
3. What to look forward to? - Ace of Wands
New beginnings come with changes. Once you’ve chosen a different voice to listen to, you’ll be able to regain energy, bit by bit, to attempt more changes in your life. Opportunities will surely come your way when you accept the positive energy around you, and it’s up to you to seize them and make them work. It’s a time for you to follow your instincts and have courage. Take action when you need them. That aside, it’s suggested that you return to your roots as you venture through this bright explosion of good energy. Remember the importance of grounding yourself and go back to the basics from time to time. It’s not only to cleanse your heart, but also serves as a reminder of where you came from, and how you need to be in touch with your past and nature.
4. What have you left behind and grown from? - Six of Wands
What I’m seeing here is that you’ve put down the yearn and drive for fame and luxuries, and have redefined success for yourself. You’ve awakened from the past and start to feel more energised, learning to start your days in a better mood as you count your victories. More people are recognizing your achievements as they approach you with interest. As you compare what you had and what you’re having now (or will be having in the future), you’ll be able to evaluate better and have a clearer idea of the direction you want to take next. You are warned of self-doubt and lack of confidence. You have to believe in your abilities and worth so people can trust you, so that you can trust and confide in yourself.
5. When will things start getting better? When will you get your justice? - Eight of Wands
Eight of Wands is a card that talks about movements. Once you’re moving, once you’re taking action, that’s when you’ll see things turning out different for you. You’ll start to receive things or messages that you’ve been waiting for, and it’s time for you to stop stalling. If you’re interested in someone, you will have to walk towards them and work for it. You’ll be able to attract a loving, happy, fulfilling relationship into your life as you’re no longer the old you. Remember, birds of the same kind flock together, and the same goes with people too. You attract people of your level. You want that person who’s active and charming? Be proactive in approaching them. Your justice will come in unexpected forms, but most of it would be releasing of past hurt. There will be times where you’ll want to hug yourself to sleep as you were reminded of how things have been difficult. This is one of the healing phases where you slowly let things go. The lighter you are, the better you become. This is also because the karma of those who’ve wronged you will not be tied to you anymore.
6. Advice for you - The Star, King of Cups rx, Nine of Cups
Rebuild yourself. This probably sounds difficult and too… idealised? But this is what you need to do. The Star is there to tell you that there’s a silver lining behind every grey cloud, that you’re not broken beyond repair, and that you’re able to work yourself up to another peak. This card is an extremely gentle card, so take that message and be gentle to yourself as well. You’ll need to practise self-compassion, listen to your inner feelings, cultivate yourself and let yourself grow into your very best self. Love others by first loving yourself, don’t forget about the promises you’ve made to yourself. Make new and healthy connections as you flourish. If you wish for them, they’ll come into your life. Learn to be content with the gifts you’re having everyday, learn to hold gratitude with what the Earth is offering you. With the amount of Cups here, try getting close to bodies of water (beach, sea, waterfall, etc). Water may be a healing element for you. Alternatively, try doing activities that are related to creativity (crafting, writing, drawing, or something that’s symbolistic) as they can be an outlet of your heart’s wants, which you can understand better from the results of your craft. Remember to stay hydrated too.
Overall energy: Justice, Eight of Swords
Justice is really your theme right now. You’ve been choosing to run away from the obvious, but it’s high time that you wake up, pull down the blinds that have been covering your eyes and to see the truth for who he is. The first action needed for every awakening is to open your eyes and acknowledge whatever that has been going wrong. Only then you’re able to take action towards a better situation. You’ll need to open up your heart and invite new changes in, welcome new beginnings in. The theme of Justice can be difficult and painful, but it’s necessary for you as you transform bit by bit, cutting down the vines that have been tying you down, severing unhealthy ties that have been binding you down (refer to The Devil). Get back your own autonomy, treat yourself right, let justice be served on who deserves them.
#tuliptic#🌷#pick a card#pick a pile#tarot reading#general tarot reading#self related reading#i finally completed this#this took so much time and energy and guess what i've been lacking these days?#time and energy!#work is finally less hectic and i now have time to do this too#special thanks to andy my bro for suggesting this topic#i had a hard time picking a topic to work with so yeah#this helps!#and it also serves as a self reminder#hopefully you guys find this helpful#cheers#(off i go to sleep at almost 12am)
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i think you guys are onto smth..
i unironically got invested in this HELP
#WHERES THE FIC AT IF SOMEONE WRITES THIS I WILL PAY THEM A HUNDRED DOLLARS😭😭#kunikida serving the country while dazai's serving cunt😔#dazai was born to malewife but forced to manipulate and i think that's the greatest tragedy of bsd#anyway some facts i would like to share abt this au thay i came up w while drawing!!#takes place in 1939 (start of wwii) and there was a mandatory draft that required one male over eighteen from each house to serve#both of them are still twenty two and had been engaged for abt two years before getting married that year#newlyweds! unfortunately kuni had to go fight and they were seperated :(#before the war kunikida was a math teacher at the local high school and dazai obviously managed the household and didn't work#he's hopeless at cooking and meal prep even w recipie books so they either get those prepackaged meals or kuni makes dinner when he gets ba#so like when he's making lunch for kunikida he normally just packs a basic sandwich w raw fruit#kunikida always appreciates the effort even tho hes probably sick of having the same thing everyday but he won't complain abt it#when kunikida joined the army he was relieved that the mess hall had better food than dazai#he was the only one in his platoon that never complained abt the food so his fellow soldiers assumed it was bc he came from a tough bg#when in reality he was just used to being poisoned on a daily basis from his dumbass husbands cooking and was hardly fazed from army ration#they write to each other although its more dazai sending and kuni receiving bc hes off fighting and doesnt have time to write back#dazai talks abt life on the homefront and how he has to grow a victory garden (everything is DYING HE CANT EVEN RAISE TOMATOES)#and kuni writes abt his fellow soldiers and how the war is going and when he thinks he'll be home and how he misses sleeping in a bed#ANYWAY yea thought i'd share sry for infodumping in the tags again#this post is for like the four ppl that care abt this specific flavor of knkdz so hopefully this gets four notes at least#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikida doppo#doppo kunikida#kunikidazai#knkdz#lotus draws#bro sry for posting at two in the morning i couldnt sleep until i got this out of my head they have infested my brain
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Sydney Sargent, gotta be one of my favorite genders
#got carried away slightly#it took forever to pick the overlay colors#sydney sargent#sydney chnt#camp here and there#chnt fanart#my art#stay tuned next for the sound of me drifting off to (hopefully) a dimension of dreams#goodnight#night vale#good night#(I am going to sleep now)#(finally)
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girldad in my heart forever
#🐰💛#Hiiiiiiiii friends i’m going to sleep soon hopefully. If i can shut that brain off#i just wanted to share these first…. Smiles#sorry for drawing them over and over i need to make my brain forget the horrors#familial f/o#please don’t tag as romantic#ticky doodles#self ship#self shipping#self ship art#self ship community
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@kiisuuumii (a tiny confessional)
#poeticstories#bitsofstarglow#twcpoetry#burningmuses#poets community#original poem#original poetry#poem#poetry#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#spilled poetry#spilled poem#☆#couldnt sleep 👎#but im starting to nod off so hopefully i can get at least some
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NOT
#munch sketches#wasnt it called my sketches. i dont remember. i dont care#not#my ocs#etc#ive had a really bad week. i dont usually have bad weeks. i dont think abt the past. i just move on#but it was a bad week. i was forced to sleep all day wed bc i was so sick and cramped that i couldnt do anything#this week was supposed to be a week off but then i was forced to go do volunteering for a school event for days and it rained all week#and i bought a new printer that im going to return tomorrow bc it sucks as expected. epson ecotank 2400 dont buy it. its not good quality-#wise. i keep pushing off my “day off” days further and further. i was supposed-#to take a day off for the weekend but that didnt happen. my next day off may be friday hopefully#it doesnt help that i dont like having unproductive days. but i really badly need one to bum around and relax soon or i might bite someone
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a rewrite
« You were always obsessed with fixing your physical differences, but they weren’t weaknesses. They made you who you are. »
« You do not understand. »
« What ? »
« It isn’t – it was never about my body, but rather about the environment that made it this way. Polluted water from Piltover’s waste, air so toxic that enforcers don’t come down without a gas mask on, poverty so abject you couldn’t even imagine it. So much unnecessary suffering… All so that Piltover can keep itself safe and above it all, at the cost of standing on the corpses of Zaun’s people. This is what it’s about, Jayce. Equality, to save us all from humanity’s selfish desires. »
« You have it backwards, Viktor. All this pain and suffering, they’re the reason we fight to make a better world, where people can be people, all different and yes, selfish sometimes, but caring, too. A society of equals, not because they’re all the same, but because they’re all different and yet cared for anyway in the ways they need it. It’s not humanity that has to change, it’s this world that makes us suffer unjustly. All you’ll end up doing if you keep up on this path is destroy everything you’re trying to build, and then… then you’ll find yourself all alone, on a pile of corpses. »
« How would you know that ? »
« Because you told me. »
#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#jayce talis#viktor arcane#yumi writes#the last batch kinda let me down tbh#they tried to do too much#and dropped important themes on the way#but the original dialogue of this part....#honestly i couldnt fall asleep bc i just#kept stewing in it. it pissed me off#it was never about fixing his body !!!#and tbh making it about that kind of just#ruins viktor's motivations And ignores the larger themes#and makes the Glorious Evolution lose its impact#bc its not tied to the rest of the series#anyway i got this out of my system#so hopefully i can sleep well tonight
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day 1 of heavy prednisone: oh my god.... the death rattle in my chest stopped....
days 2 and 3 of heavy prednisone: i feel Amazing. i'm gonna write and fully edit 14,000 words from scratch and publish them on ao3. i could kill god. god is afraid of me
day 4 of heavy prednisone: the walls are starting to mumble. when i look in the mirror my face is that of a wwi vet experiencing shell shock. the shadows under my eyes have souls. i have to mightily resist the urge to strip naked and walk out into the beautiful cooling rain and lay down in the parking lot in the cleansing beam of the neighbor's headlights because my whole body is so hot to the touch
day 5 of heavy prednisone: ......we'll see!! :)
#have no fear i'm in no danger. this is a normal reaction to this medication.#i just did an edible that'll hopefully put me to sleep bc i havent slept more than 5 hours at a time since i started the course#and that will ideally make me sleep off the mild hallucinations and major anxiety.#autoimmune tag
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Genuinely feel so sick to my mf tummy but idk if its cause of dinner which was an autistic nightmare ( spaghetti but it was just..fucking wrong. ) or the like...10 chocolate orange sticks I had. They're super small but i was not keeping track of how many i ate cause they were such a sensory pleasure to eat :/ Or maybe its my body rebelling against taking a break idk
#i did genuinely feel nauseous eating the spaghetti#holy shit yall#flavor was fine but my sister keeps putting bell peppers in it#' youre gonna be happy i didnt break the spaghetti noodles' OKAY BUT GIRL YOU OVERCOOKED THEM SO BAD#like every bite of noodle was so#ugh#thinking about it is making me fee worse#my sister isnt that bad of a cook usually but goddamn#i might have also been more sensitive to it due to work being a fucking sensory nightmare today#idk#anyway i cant call out of work tomorrow cause i called off Thursday so hopefully i sleep it off (likely)#not a vent#i just don't feel well and this will help me document it lmao
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sleepovers save money on hotel rooms while on missions 👍
#finn's ocs#finn's art#sorry i was super offline the past few days but i had some time to draw between stuff so. them :)#besides i might as well draw all them hanging out like this after drawing PJ designs. but unlike in those i gave polaris and saiph pants#let them at least be decent while hanging out LOL#i want to draw lots more misc oc stuff now that i have all the refs done#but somehow i have too many ideas and yet none at all at the same time! if you have suggestions lmk 😅#anyway polaris is annoyed at saiph here because he wont stop moving his head even though the braiding was his idea lol#bella passed the fuck out shes one of those ppl who have a very set sleep schedule#wakes up at 6am falls asleep immediately at 9pm#lets all pray she doesnt wake up with something stupid drawn on her face tomorrow#mira is just having fun tho shes reading to everyone every cute :) saiph interrupts with commentary (causing further annoyance from polaris#al is mostly observing like hes just happy to be hanging out. also having al be the most in the shadows because of course#but he likes watching his friends interact. but also hey man his eyes are up there#anyway i tried my best w the colors here so hopefully it looks okay. i wanted something warm but also kinda dark to give off late night vib#i hope tumblr doesnt kill the quality tho! it looks kinda blurry rn but it might be ok when i hit post#if it fits well i might make it my new blog header too? maybee#^_^
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since more of like the class swap etc started going up every once in a while there will be a question in my inbox that would take me literally multiple comics' worth of art to answer adequately lol. and I don't wanna do that under an ask I want that to have its own space! so if I don't answer ur question know that it's probably that^ above there and not that I think ur question sucks
#not art#I know I got a weird way of going about this stuff but that's me babeyy and it's my house <3#example of this that already happened on the blog is when someone asked abt pretty much just All of class swap baron#and I was like. well I'm gonna like draw that and make comics and stuff lol#I don't think I can draw like a hard line around what I'll reserve for writing about and what I'll answer in an ask etc#bc like I'm cool with talking abt the general concept and arcs I have in mind for the bad kids/player characters#and abt like the process of figuring it out and bouncing ideas off of folks#but there's a point above that where if u get to it's just. I might as well send u a lore bible or recreate the whole show for u ykwim#so yeah this is just to let u know that Im not like spiting u personally if ur question doesnt get answered#(would be a weird thing for me to do regardless tbh!)#honestly pat urself on the back lol u've hit a jackpot on subjects I Want to get to in the form of art and/or writing#I'm not an idea guy! I'm a guy who makes comics and stuff. that's how I'm approaching this (and everything else really) u get me#cool! cool. I sleep now hopefully. have a good night lads
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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I have returned from the Renaissance faire. I am not really a picture taking person, so I really didn't take much. I went with a friend and her fiance. We watched some shows, ate food and looked around some shops. I got myself the lil elf ears I wanted last year. I could've taken a better picture, but look... I sweat a whole years worth of sweat today. I'm tired.
Warning: bad pics below lol
This is before the lil elf ears thing. It was pirate weekend, so I gave it a go.
With the ears applied. Also took a pic with the fire eater/breather. He was open for pics so I said yes why not.
#muneo talks#((we shall see if I get anything done tonight or I might just pass out again))#((my recent theme is either be so tired I pass out or I my mental health is so bad I cried and had to sleep early))#((I've been great recently /s))#((but ye I had fun today. hopefully I didn't burn but if I did... oh well))#((pretty sure any spf was sweat off within the first hour))
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