#that’s why i hold onto both
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i love etymology a lot and sometimes i think har din the names of my parents and the names they gave me and the names i have myself and i - - - - -
#dads named after a saint one do the deciples to write one of the four gospels#it’s the italian version of the name em sing warlike and directly referencing roman god of war mars#moms named after one of jacob’s daughters from the bible#her name means judgment or vindication#which is very fitting#but also if you know the story of the person i’m referencing you know it’s so fucked up and sad#and i feel like all that really reflects my mom#then they choose to name me universal and worldly#and then gave me a middle name of grace#i wonder if my mom would be upset if i legally changed my name#guess i don’t really gotta tell her#and thing is i wouk’s still keep my middle name#the name she gave me#but also my dad gave me the first and emma#i can’t really let go of either#that’s why i hold onto both#i still respond and relate to emma#but mori si the name i chose and connect w#grace i stil keep as my ‘real’ middle name ok my mind and#nothin else
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Lost boys
#mayhem art#star wars#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker fanart#obi wan kenobi fanart#star wars art#this one was sitting in my drafts for about a month. idk why I was holding onto it -cries- anyway#this is shortly after Qui-Gon's death. Both of their lives just got flipped upside down. Anakin is traumatized by having to leave#his mother behind‚ then his Master's sudden death‚ and he's left with no certainty in his future.#Obi-Wan just witnessed his Master die‚ helplessly‚ then having to take care of this little human in his Master's stead‚ meanwhile feeling#wholly inadequate to be so suddenly knighted let alone immediately becoming a Master and taking responsibility for another being.#Both of them losing the constants in their lives. left uprooted. the only anchoring point being each other.#I imagine Obi-Wan wouldn't reach out to Anakin first‚ but if Anakin expressed compassion with him‚ grief‚ and his need to feel secure‚#Obi-Wan wouldn't turn him away#this was just my excuse to give them a proper soothing hug in their time of mourning
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See here. BSD is a story about how all of our characters were once children. How the scars and wounds and secrets of their past will always haunt them to the present. We see it with Chuuya, Yosano, Ranpo, even Odasaku briefly, Atsushi, Tachihara, Akutagawa, Kyouka and Kenji right now, even Kouyou just a little bit. They've all overcome it or they've allowed it to consume them. And yet that brief glimpse into a past where they were young and scarred shows us once again just how human they are...every criminal, ever person, was once a child wounded by or protected from the world and doesn't that count for something even if it doesn't excuse the atrocities they commit today?
#its about the way backstories are burdens in this manga#im always a sucker for a good backstory but i love it even more when you can clearly see that...#...shedding the ghosts of your past is harder than it looks#and its more just a motivator but its also something that restricts and binds you#and this is why yosano's arc and also ranpo's arc are just so....#like one was horribly hurt by the world and the other somehow managed to be lucky and find a protector#and you can SEE how theyve both grown or overcome the baggage from their past#but how it still affects them like with ranpo holding onto the deception of his ability#and yosano getting angry at mori#AHHHHHHH i love this#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd spoilers#kinda#too lazy to tag all the characters#bsd musings#character analysis#spitting nonsense
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brain is still so scrambled from watching The Legend of Ruby Sunday and Empire of Death in cinemas yesterday but...all i can say is. that felt too easy. far too easy. are we willing to bet that Ruby's story is not entirely over, and when she returns in the next season we will be unearthing that? or am i coping?
#i think the fascinating thing is. in cinemas we got a special message from Millie Gibson thanking us for being there#and how the episode would answer all of our questions...but not really#i'm still holding true to my theory that Mrs Flood is a Legion who is the embodiment of Story and she is influencing the narrative#but because it's television i can't tell if it was intentionally wrapped up so neatly#because if so...i'd be really really disappointed#we still don't know why it snowed. we don't really know why Ruby's mother couldn't be observed by a GOD#Mrs Flood's cheesy wrap-up speech and her wearing both one of Clara's prev. outfits AND one of Romana's has me side-eyeing#but. ahhhh i had fun either way. Fifteen was glorious as was Ruby#Mel is such an angel and i was weeping seeing her hold onto Sixie's coat and Seven's jumper#i WISH we'd gotten more of Sutekh but i think that had to be sacrificed for it being such a short season#just. rattling the bars of my cage right now#doctor who spoilers#doctor who#empire of death#the legend of ruby sunday#fifteenth doctor#15th doctor#the doctor#ruby sunday#mel bush#sutekh#mrs flood#ncuti gatwa#millie gibson#bonnie langford#gabriel woolf#anita dobson#starleskatalks
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"You miss this place?" "Well, yeah, I mean... among other things." // "I think you're kinda wonderful." "..." "You're pretty new at this whole relationship thing, huh?" "... Yeah."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#maria olivares#rhett abbott#isabel arraiza#lewis pullman#rhett x maria#just some parallels between both seasons!#i honestly had more planned but these are the more wholesome ones#her teasing him and him looking away bashfully...#his enthusiastic yes when she says or asks something...#her copying his posture and him copying her hand gesture.(throwing his hand up in the same manner)...#him offering his arm so she can hold onto it..#this is for the 2 to 7 people who still like this ship!#outer range#if i'm being honest literally 60% of this gifset is her teasing him and... i don't mind it!#their chemistry is 99.9% of why i love this ship i honestly do not know if i would root for them otherwise
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Double posting today because I wanted to draw something quick for May Day as well. So, to everyone who celebrates it; eat and rest well today! The spring is finally just around the corner! ♥
#lethal company#lethal company oc#lethal company bracken#bracken#kisudraws#i have good food snacks and got to spend a lot of time with friends yesterday#that's honestly the best kind of celebration I could have asked for#most holidays are difficult for me so I'm glad I can make new happier memories now#very much projecting but i think that's partially why naava is the way they are too#they want to make new memories to soften the past and make sure both them and their friends have something nice to hold onto#everyone deserves a little bit of kindness in their life after all
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(chuckles) Im so good at reading comprehension and my meat is huge
#porter's lines in the preview..... I am prepared to be correct. and so so smug#cannot believe they touched upon clone politics as well. just. absolutely insane ep#fhjy spoilers#actually Im returning here to bask in what might be with the preview. this place sucks why do you save it?#that question is always so Integral to my writing brain its like being struck with lightning seeing that worded#why do you hold onto the coherence that you do? at what point do you abandon your morals?#why do you save the world? why do you do it again and again?#but very specifically with the bad kids I think itd both hit hard for them to hear it said out loud#that like. yeah! actually none of it ever has to be this way does it. all of it is started by someone and maintained by someone#you can shift the world. this fucking weirdo we're fighting is doing it right now! the door exists!#but also like 5 out of 6 of them would immediately be like fuck OFF my PARENTS LIVE HERE#and also specifically fig and gorgug would kill porter no matter what he says bc they just hate him#and it owns. this bitch should learn the consequences of working with teenagers#also I think shooting those cannons is like the closest riz has ever gotten to a moment of mindfulness#kid was doing self searching n introspection on top of those guns. eugenia got there at the breakthrough#I believe in you baby boy. rob a bank get that tuition the world is your oyster
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what if i said i actually love too weird to live, too rare to die and think it’s underrated. what then.
#idk at least the time i’ve lurked around p!atd fandom stuff it feels like no one ever brought up this album 😭😭#vices and virtues too but at least then there was still leftover ryan ross scraps to hold onto#but like. idk i like the dark las vegas vibes of twtltrtd#i’m not the biggest fan of this is gospel but once you get past it it’s got some bangers ngl#one super minor gripe with the album is that i think the brobecks version of far too young to die is better than the twtltrtd version#it’s minor but it’s true. listen to both versions of the song and you’ll understand#my only real complaints though are just with the lyrical content of girls/girls/boys and casual affair#i like the songs themselves but the lyrics….. who let them cook actually#what was brendon doing. why are you singing about affairs like that whilst you’re a fully married man. ????#but honestly the transition towards the end of the album to more romantic songs is nice#i think it fits well and is a good way to slowly die the energy down without completely squashing it#the end of all things is genuinely a beautiful song but an even more beautiful ending to the album#the lyrics are brendon’s wedding vows and the piano is very nice#i like the effects on the vocals and i think they were a good choice to make everything even more cohesive#it doesn’t take away from the emotional value of the song and it also makes it fit better on the album than if it were just a regular#kind of piano ballad#but then also having collar full be the song leading up to it? even better#i fucking love collar full and agh. having it lead into the end of all things is perfect for it#it’s fun on its own but it’s even better in context i think#anyways. too weird to live too rare to die is an alright pop rock album. go listen to it if you want#me.txt
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“She had no magic to wield, save for the keen eyes of the goddess at her shoulder and an uncanny ability to remain unnoticed, to play into expectations.”
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#Elorcan#no spoilers please first read to read along with me#more notes quotes annotations & reacts in the tags spoilers for the chapter & book in post & tags of course pt 2 of 4 perspectives#Lorcan had never felt the weight of the hours so heavily upon him-I FEEL IT 2poor Rowan must feel this 247HURRY where’s Elide?hold on Aelin!#And to send Elide into Maeve's clutches--it had taken all of his will to let her walk away.😭#If Elide was captured if she was found out he wouldn't hear of it know of it. — you’d know cause she’s your mate idiot (I love you idiot#without proving their worth they could still visit--briefly. — ugh Maeve why does everything about you suck so much#If she emerged. — COME ON ELIDE — I CANT HANDLE ANOTHER CAIRN-NAPPING#the Prince of the North and the Lion the protector and the ever impatient in love idiot we all love Lorcan#He knew some of them. Had commanded them. Were they now his enemy? — they are all having some inner morality battles#What manner of birds? Raptors mostly — none from the House of Whitethorn — they fought for him on the other borders… for her🥹😭them#why so many guards if no Aelin hmm???? SHES HERE GUYS#though Gavriel kept glancing to the tattoos inked on his hands. How many more lives would he need to add before they were through?#Aelin had been trained to endure torture. Elide... He could see those scars on her from the shackles. — how about we save them both?😭🖤#She had endured too much suffering and terror already. He couldn't allow her to face another heartbeat of it--#Rowan and his random hatchet now😅😂 it’s giving my wife is gone unhinged in the woods with the bros might become a horror movie vibes#But then a two-note whistle echoed and Lorcan's legs wobbled so violently he sat back onto the rock where he'd been perched-OH MY ELORCAN😭🖤#also Lorcan… perched??? isn’t that bird boy Rowan’s thing?😅😂🤣#her cheeks rosy in the cool night air. — cheeks pink in the twinkling lights tell me bout the first time you saw me (shipping in insanity)#She was fine. She was unhurt. There was no enemy on her tail. Elide's eyes met his. Wary and uncertain. I met someone.#THANK GOD — but also wait WHAT-when?WHO?HOW?#also this quote posted is like one of the reasons I love Elide#another grand Maasverse enterance is on its way?#the fact the opening line shows that being sold out to Maeve is the same as death — OH GET TO AELIN ALREADY PLEASE#no more tattoos guys — what’s with Maeve’s wolves — isn’t dark haired beauty what Elide called the girl in the caravan so maybe it’s her
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i keep saying i need to make some zhaoryu shit but i'm back on my y5 kazusaeji bullshit again they are just so. m
#ada speaks#there NEEDS to be more zhaoryu shit. but kazusaeji still holds my ass hostage so#if i am to write a comprehensive timeline of kiryu's sexuality and him coming to realizations about himself that lead to the way he's#changed in gaiden to be more. uh.#then i have got to start at 5 because its literally when he first begins to realize he's fr into men. and then gaiden & 8 he's like Out#i need his first time to be with saejima when he's at his lowest it just makes sense#theres so fucking much in 5 that feels like its really coming to a head#mayumi. why did they fucking do that. like also nakajima and his coworkers being like U Are Gay but.#mayumi. and hinata. why are you having him refuse sex with women TWICE in one game#i hc him as acespec but i also think he should get to fool around w saejima for narrative reasons#and by that i mean i think it would be absolutely devastating and tragic and also they would both legitimately be so normal about it#saejima knows he's going back to jail anyway so there's that#but god help kiryu he's absolutely trying to fill the loneliness void with People all the damn time#lowkey doing what he did with kaoru to saejima 😭#you're grieving the loss of your family? time to latch onto the woman going through the same thing just a year later#lost your emotional support daughter? allow a woman to live with you while you continuously rebuff her advances#lonely and directionless and feeling guilty for having dragged your loved ones into conflict again and again?#have sex with probably the Only guy who can understand exactly what you're going through but is consistently in a Way healthier mindset#it also makes the conversation they have on the rooftop of new serena so much more deranged if it happened before that#im normal btw thanks for asking
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if there was a torchwood/spn crossover, jack would get shot in the head so much. i know he already dies a lot, but he’s going to die so many times during this crossover. keeps getting bullets unloaded into him. they stab him with silver and steel and copper and none of it keeps him down. he’s gonna get squirted with borax and that one’s not gonna kill him but it is going to ruin his coat, which is materially worse for him.
#also gwen cooper would wrestle dean to the ground and beat him half to death#ianto is going to get himself possessed. im not saying he doesn’t take every precaution he knows how to against it. im saying he does and it#doesnt work <3#i think sam and tosh could be friends :) (<- actually means they’re just both stuck in ‘make this conversation go as smoothly as i can by#masking so fucking hard. so that i can leave sooner’ mode.)#and i think owen would kiss dean on the mouth because it would make him so uncomfortable and owen can and will use his ability to be an#asshole without regret for the good of the team. especially if this moment is directly a result of like. Dean hitting on Tosh while she’s#clearly not into it. Owen is going to kiss that man at the risk of getting shot just like jack has 17 times in a row just so that he’ll#fuck off and leave tosh alone. and this will work because dean winchester will immediately malfunction upon being kissed by a man because#now he doesn’t know whether to direct his homophobic impulses at owen (<- unaffected by anything he could say.) or himself (<- guy who#believes being gay works like cooties.)#and in the background you can see jack sort of gently put his hand over toshiko’s and she releases a pen she was holding onto very tightly#and this is the part where you realize Oh She Was Going To Stab Dean In The Knee With That If He Didn’t Stop.#i also think Jack should get to kiss Crowley. i think they’d both be into it and it’d be funny. i think they should reference that they’ve#been off-and-on lovers for years actually. (gwen: you’ve been sleeping??? with the king of hell???? || Jack: see i don’t know why this is#surprising to you.) (ianto has been standing there with his mouth slightly open for a full minute. long enough for crowley to comment on it#and for owen to jokingly try to shut it for him. (cue short impromptu slap fight as ianto bats his hands away and then owen gets too into#defending the honor of his poor slapped away hands.) but anyway. <3 ianto you’re into guys you really need to come to terms with this at#some point sir. jack is *not* your exception this is an all day job.)
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i was reading through the justacorp lyrics (for fic title reasons) but i forgot the David of that album had TWO kids. a boy and a girl
#i think it's bc i firmly attached myself to his lyrics later when he was holding what i assumed was a baby;#Little child sleeping / In my arms so soft and safe / Are you the only truly real / i can aspire to create#and i thought 100% he had one but part of me is now going. girl dad 100% that can be both good and bad bc HE HAD A SON#like he could hold a toddler in his arms yeah yeah but im so attached him being girl dad only that that's who i saw#honestly at this point in my personal fanon justacorp is canon to david/raven bc it's so tasty is the thing#it adds an extra layer onto him#which is why im also keeping that david and lloyd were fairly close in age but david appeared younger just bc. genetics for him#honestly. making david/raven older. is. a thought....#i like it#shaperaverse
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I watched the doctor donna specials and I have emotions. Also I kinda love fifteen. Also none of those plots made sense but they were still good lol.
I just love the Doctor and his bestie Donna so so much. 😭 she got a happy ending after all 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and so did he alkdlrfkleldd 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ok I'm normal I'm fine.
#ragamusings#the doctor donna#doctor who#tenth doctor#fourteenth doctor#donna noble#also how many times was the doctor mortally wounded/dying while wearing that face#bc i feel like it's an alarming number of times#partially bc of his whole crisis about not changing lol but still#anyways if you're david tenant why would you want to change fr#THE HUG FIFTEEN GAVE HIM#like kinda weird to be hugged by yourself but also like fifteen is not himself really?#the bi-regeneration thing is hurting my brain#but it's like the doctor knew he couldn't keep going with all that history and pain holding onto him#so he shed that part of himself in the kindest way to let fourteen heal slowly#albeit while fifteen got the fast track on therapy bc of it lol#don't even look at me about donna i love her so much#i'm so glad she is back to being whole both with her memories and with who she made herself to be since#and now she's made a home for herself and her bestie#also mel???! mel coming back what joy mad auntie mel#and wilf 😭😭😭😭😭😭 my beloved#ok normal normal i'm normal#i was so mad when nph showed up though lol why
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the grudge the song you are
#trust that you betrayed#confusion that still lingers#you took everything i loved and crushed it in between your fingers!!#and i doubt you ever think about the damage that you did#but i hold onto every detail like my life depends on it#it takes strength to forgive#but i don't feel strong#i fantasize about a time you're a little fuckin' sorry#i try to understand why you would do this all to me#you must be insecure#you must be so unhappy#AND I KNOW IN MYYY HEART HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLEEEE#and we both drew blood#those cuts were never equal#do you think i deserved it all!! your flowers filled with vitriol
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yk when you can feel yourself starting to stop caring about stuff you love and you are White Knuckling through it because no I Will still love this so fucking help me
#could be a vent but really i’m just kinda vibing#oh also turns out I do Not have adhd#which is kinda good and kinda bad#kinda good because like. well at least we've checked off one of the 'well what if it's this' list#kinda bad because it means that my problems will probably have to be solved individually which. mmm I cbaa#i’m gonna cause like what else am i gonna do#but like man I just wish I had One Big Problem that was causing all these stupid little problems#and if adhd was that One Big Problem then I could just have medication and stuff and I could get better#but nope HFKDH I gotta sort through each stupid little problem individually#i’m also kinda stumped cause I don't think it's depression and I now know it's not adhd so like. well now what#it'd better not fucking be autism or stress or burnout or whatever#I want an easily medicated problem thank you very much#we (family) think that I should probably try antidepressants#specifically because both my dad and his mum and my mum are all on antidepressants#my dad and me have like. fundamentally identical symptoms#and apparently antidepressants really help with those symptoms#so yk i’m holding onto that hope lmao#I will now tag this as vent maybe cause I am yapping#i’m not upset though so like. idk ill tag it just in case#but i’m more annoyed than anything else LHFKD#like mannn#why can’t mental health be easy for like. one time#cmon#wren wrambles#vent#rant#it's both tbh
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they are so cute
#i dont know how time runs in the game. but apparently they have only known each other a FEW month??#i appreciate josie worrying about that [bc i kept thinkig like why is blackwall speed running??] but ima pretend its longer#bc kendis lol#kendis x josie#kendis x josephine#grapecase plays dai#kendis adaar pt#kendis is love shy. and also demi. rofl.#i think maybe a mercenary kendis might be less [love/romance hesitant not less demi] bc you know death -> hold onto what you got#i feel pretending space between josie and blackwall makes most sense roflmao. for both kendis and josie#[and the overprotective leliana]
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