#that’s my experience with sex and I think a lot of other neurodivergent people

[genderqueerdykes]

Bouncing off of that Anon that was like "my abuser was a trans man, so I hate all trans men"

I'm a trans man. I was sexually harassed and assaulted by a trans fem for three years. Am I phobic to trans fems/women?

Fuck no!!!

I've also been abused and assaulted by cis men and women of all sorts of sexualities

Am I phobic to them and who they are?

Once more: Fuck no!!!

An abuser is an abuser, yes, but their gender/sex/sexuality/etc isn't the reason they are an abuser. It's their mentality, for lack of better words

As for less reporting on trans men and assault, I also feel that it's particularly caused by toxic masculinity (mixed with the seen as cis women thing)

It's like a fucked up cycle of "I can't say this, I'm 'supposed to be a man'", and "you're a woman, suck an egg" (if my wording makes sense)

Hell, when I told my abusers' parents, I was told I was "too smart of a girl to have this happen"

HUH???

Being hurt by one/a few isn't a reason to hate all and be phobic or hateful. If that was the case, why aren't there people who hate everyone who dared to have a kid, good or bad? Or people who hate every single math or history teacher in the world?

i'm sorry you've been through this, but i appreciate you sharing your experience with this. you deserve to be heard

i have also been abused at the hands of trans women and transfemmes and yet i don't hate either of those identities at all. i dislike the actions of individual people who are assholes. that's a very reasonable thing to do. saying that all trans women and transfemmes are abusive assholes and that it's okay to hate them would be career ending. you'd get chased off of every platform under the sun.

why's it okay to do that to trans men?

As for less reporting on trans men and assault, I also feel that it's particularly caused by toxic masculinity (mixed with the seen as cis women thing) It's like a fucked up cycle of "I can't say this, I'm 'supposed to be a man'", and "you're a woman, suck an egg" (if my wording makes sense) Hell, when I told my abusers' parents, I was told I was "too smart of a girl to have this happen"

it blows my mind when people think that just because there are not great police statistics (where'd your ACAB go...?) on violence against transmasculine people that means it just doesn't happen at all. literally where'd your ACAB go? that's an appeal to authority. you are appealing to the cops. you are, suddenly, for some reason, flipflopping and seeing them as a trustworthy resource. this is a double standard. this is shifting the goalposts

trans mascs and men are almost always reported on as women if the crimes we face are reported on. most of the time it's not worth going through the trouble to report it because nothing will ever be done about it. you need a lot of evidence in order to convict someone of a crime like that and more often than not people will try their hardest to discredit whatever evidence the trans man/masc does have because they are being viewed as a cis woman, and thus, incompetent. most people who face violence never report the crime. you can't suddenly treat police data like it's the end all be all of lived experiences

other people will assert that these things can't happen to trans men because they can't happen to men at all, which is a perfect shining example of radfem logic at its finest. there's no other way to say it. men can be hurt and abused. women can be abusive and dangerous. this is not new. silencing trans men who have suffered violence for the sake of talking about yourself isn't helping people understand you better

so many trans men deal with homelessness/housing insecurity, poverty, physical and sexual assault, murder, abuse of all kinds especially mental and emotional, being objectified and forcefully viewed as women, corrective rape, sex trafficking, job insecurity, disability, neurodivergence, mental illness, substance abuse, incarceration, and so many other problems. all trans people face these problems in distinct ways. but they affect us all. we can't silence one part of this conversation for no reason other than to be petty and bitter.

i'm sorry you've had all these experiences, but thank you for sharing. the only way we can help people understand is if we talk about it in earnest. no more hiding. this has gotten more than out of control

[kingbyx]

Finally got around to reading Christopher Moore’s ‘Lamb’ and Joshua (Jesus, for those who haven’t read the book yet. Yes, that Jesus. The Jesus) is autistic as fuck and I love him very much.

[psychabolition]

i think the funniest reason against self dx being that only drs are capable of thorough unbiased assessments is that most drs are not unbiased or thorough. they barely even assess.

True !! Its so funny when people reify a "professional judgment" about you that psychologists make in 0.2 seconds because of the jeans and boots you wear and your dyed hair. Like my clothing and hair dye unironically played a role in getting diagnosed with a personality disorder several times.💀 one psychiatrist told me that my top and boots look histrionic and my hair obsessive compulsive . Another one told me that Im antisocial because my jeans are ripped and I "sit like a rockstar" . no one can tell me that diagnoses are a scientific truth and not a moral judgement about me. Another one told me that he can tell by my hair and clothes and the way I sit and talk to him that Im "promiscuous" (=that I have a lot of casual sex) and that thats a sign of borderline . Im literally asexual .I dont know how I could ever take any diagnosis seriously .

But honestly I personally dont use the biomedical model (=which says that mental illness is the same as physical illness. This model tells us that if we have a psych label then we have "symptoms" of an underlying "illness" .) to understand my experiences at all anymore. I neither think of self dx nor of prof dx as particularly helpful. But honestly everyone can use the framework that makes most sense for themselves to understand their own experiences obviously. I would never tell someone that theyre using the wrong words to describe their own experiences or the wrong framework to understand themselves - I'm not a psychologist.

I personally reject all diagnoses and use a different framework instead of the biomedical model that makes more sense to me - the neurodiversity framework . I think of a lot of the experiences that got me diagnosed and that also made me label myself as "ill/disordered" as simply a deviation from "neuronormativity" (=whats societally deemed 'normal' to think/feel/do depending on your assigned gender/age/socioeconomic status/...) - this includes the norm deviation of "suffering more severely than others" . It just makes more sense to me since all mental illness diagnoses are solely descriptive labels - they literally only summarize experiences that you have . Thinking "well i do x because i have y condition (which was diagnosed based on clinician observations of x) and my brain is simply broken in a way requiring me to submit to expert clinical management and surveillance" was a sure way to make me go to therapy and try meds again and again and again . Like when I said "Im suicidal because of my depression (which is a label I got because I am suicidal)" it was like saying "I'm suicidal because I'm suicidal" . Its a circular logic . The question remains: what was actually the cause of my pain ??? Theres never been found a biological cause for any mental illness label by the way (neither low serotonin in depression nor a genetic defect in schizophrenia or that neurotypicals have a different brain than neurodivergent people or whatever else) .

So the reason why I personally dont see both, self diagnosis and professional diagnosis, as helpful is because it made me think I need to take medication and go to therapy to feel better and to lead a life that I enjoy . Its ironic that I ever thought that since therapy and meds always made my life much worse. and I know for certain that I would be doing better nowadays if I had never been to therapy and if I had never taken any meds. Believing that my diagnoses (self dx or prof dx) are true and say something about me made me think that I'll never be happy in life, that I'm a lost cause and that no one can help me (I was always labelled as non-compliant and as uncurably sick) . I dont think of myself as ill, I think of myself as neurodivergent (= deviating from neuronormativity) .

[aspd-culture]

Welcome back. You’re very informative.

I’m very confused about how numerous people, from you, to other antisocial people speaking from their experiences (some of which I learned are actually friends) to prosocial researchers of ASPD say that antisocial people see relationships as transactional. It’s not weird that you guys see it that way, it’s more like “and prosocials… don’t???” Because I’m certain I’m prosocial. I’m neurodivergent, sure, but no signs of ASPD. So, how do most prosocial people typically view relationships if they’re not transactional?

So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.

From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.

PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.

This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.

So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.

Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.

It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.

That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.

Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.

Plain text below the cut:

So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.

From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.

PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.

This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.

So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.

Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.

It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.

That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.

Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.

[fountainpenguin]

i know youve mentioned that the dimmadomes have adhd but are there other characters in your fics that are neurodivergent? :0 if that makes sense

It's not usually mentioned in-story, but here are some that have shown up in my writing:

Humans

- You brought up the Dimmadomes having ADHD/OCD comorbidity. They're some of my favorites just in terms of me developing those headcanons somewhat separately for each one of them... starting with Dale, not Dev, actually. But Dev was a logical conclusion afterwards.

Detail I think is cute: Both Dale and Dev like Sims games because they like building nice, organized things that are under their control (Yes, Dev does have a computer in his bedroom and I imagine he uses it mostly for games). Dev likes cleaning and organizing simulators. Dale played a LOT of Sims during the 50 years of frozen time. I like to think Sims was an awakening for teen Dale in terms of same-sex relationships, but he will never, ever tell you that. Come to think of it, there's no way boy x boy manga-loving Dev is not also exploring same-sex relationships through his Sims world. Like father, like son?

Realizing how funny it would be if Doug had ADHD and OCD and that's why he jumps from one business to another and why his dream in "Mooooving Day" is a suburbia of people dressed in identical outfits living in identical houses in many identical rows still has me on the floor. I'm sorry, I just think my realization of that when I'd already headcanoned both Dale and Dev with ADHD/OCD was extremely funny. Big "Wait a minute" lightbulb moment.

Dale has several interesting things we could talk about, and they're discussed in detail in the character profile I'm posting for him next week. On his list are complex PTSD, hypervigilance, and dissociation. He also has misophonia as part of his OCD (and so does Dev).

- My OC Hadley Harrington also has ADHD/OCD comorbidity. Her big thing is hoarding OCD. I discussed it more in her character profile and we saw it in action in "50 Words of Dev and Hazel," where Dev dug through his mom's stuff to rescue an au pair that had been crushed under her hoard.

In that story, Dale told Dev he was allowed to go to a Christmas party with his peers as long as he brought back some of their wrapping paper so Dale could wrap Hadley's present. She actually likes her presents when they're made of scraps because the recycling helps her feel better than paper being wasted, plus she thinks it looks fun in videos, and Dale knows that. Just a little detail I thought was cute.

- Chloe has mild OCD. She sometimes has anxiety attacks and experiences dissociation.

- Timmy and Mikey Munroe are two other characters who have ADHD in my works and I LOVE playing them as foils for each other, with Timmy being less attentive and Mikey being more hyperactive.

- Mikey also has dyslexia (Heavily implied by canon where he struggles with the spelling bee), which is interesting. I am still obsessed that his crush (Sophie Sanders) seems to have dyscalculia. Boy who struggles with words, girl who struggles with numbers, what crimes will they commit?

- Peppy Happy Betty has severe anxiety. In the original version of "Solo" (which was posted and up for a while), she said Sanderson helped her through her self-harm struggles. I later tweaked it so she says she's been scratching herself as I didn't think the original phrasing fit with the rest of my T-rated content (and I didn't want to catch people off guard with it).

Pink and Gray is supposed to delve into her self-harm, which is part of why I plan to raise its rating when it comes off hiatus (and I'll update the tags accordingly). This is one of the stories that I expected to censor most from its original draft, but since I want to raise its rating for other reasons anyway, I'd like to explore her self-harm arc too. Carefully and with proper tags as mentioned. Betty gets into tattoos later as a way to redirect some of those feelings. I... think she has bat (Anti-Fairy) wings tattooed on her back, but I'll have to double check. Pretty sure it's bat wings.

- I'd also like to write Hazel as autistic- I've seen autistic writers talk about the many things they relate to with her and I like their portrayals.

- I've been waffling over making Kevin Crocker neurodivergent because it feels right to me, but I haven't nailed down exactly what I want to do with him. Open to suggestions, but still doing research and trying to find what feels right :)

Non-Humans

Disclaimer - My non-humans have non-human brains; I'm translating a few things from their in-universe diagnoses for clarity.

- Goldie has Harm OCD. Her species (will o' the wisps) are stereotyped as "damsels force drakes into harems" and she has a lot of paranoia regarding that.

Enter Goldie-Poof dubcon arc where Poof feels awful about expressing his relationship concerns to Goldie, knowing she'll panic about them, so he keeps hiding his feelings. "Watch and Learn" was a story where Poof broke up with Goldie, only to take her back almost immediately.

- Anti-Cosmo has bipolar disorder (hand in hand with mania, depression, dissociation, and hypersexuality). Specifically, he has a parallel of it that applies to his specific species- In-universe, he has multiple diagnoses for his condition.

Anti-Fairies refer to him as "having a lightning spirit in his head" (and those he grew up with used they/them pronouns for Anti-Cosmo in his youth because of this, in accordance with Anti-Fairy culture). Fairies diagnose him as "being a Fairy in an Anti-Fairy's body" since his mood changes are arguably similar to those of a drone without pheromone exposure.

In Fairy terms, Anti-Cosmo has divus displacement disorder, which is treated by rubbing pheromones on his face every day. This is referenced again in the sideblog post I'm putting up tomorrow (about pheromones), but Anti-Cosmo throws off a lot of people because he always smells different due to those pheromones. Fairies consider him to have a shifting identity and don't trust him.

- Anti-Cosmo's mother (Anti-Florensa) and brother (Anti-Robin Jr.) have a magical parallel of schizophrenia. His brother experiences hallucinations of the past while his mother has hallucinations about different future timelines.

Anti-Cosmo had a bad falling out with his brother around the time he figured out who he's a reincarnation of (Frayed Knots), as Anti-Robin's struggle to remember who Anti-Cosmo is in this lifetime (and react to him appropriately) strained their relationship.

In Anti-Fairy culture, they're also considered to have their souls entangled with nature spirits and are referred to as they/them by many people (though their enjoyment of being addressed that way fluctuates).

- Foop has dissociative identity disorder. I don't really have anything more to say about it. Lots of trauma going on there. Definitely some PTSD. And again, as an Anti-Fairy, his culture also diagnoses him as having a nature spirit tangled with his soul.

Unfortunately, Foop doesn't get a lot of the help he needs because Anti-Fairies tend to wave his situation off as a genetic condition rather than something trauma-related, seeing as several members of his family tree are also diagnosed with nature spirit conditions. This actually plays into why Foop connects with Fairy culture in a lot of ways (and why he has a pixie therapist, not an Anti-Fairy one).

- I think Poof has a little PTSD too and/or some anxiety, seeing as he had a panic attack at the end of "All I Ever Wanted" when talking about life with Goldie.

- Two characters of mine (a fairy named Rupert Roebeam and a pixie named Walter Keefe) have dysolfactya, which is a parallel of dyslexia I created for the inability to organize scents in your head (Not exactly the easiest thing to live with in a world that relies on pheromones to keep you from wandering into dangerous areas).

- I... usually refer to Longwood's and Poof's lack of interest in preening as a parallel of asexuality for a world where licking necks and faces is a big deal, but it's kind of interesting to think about. In-universe, they'd probably be diagnosed in some medical or psychological way.

Very pre-DSM update vibes, which absolutely fits the time period I have the cloudlands set in. Something akin to "diagnosed with critically low libido" for sure, but for licking.

- H.P. has OCD (Imo, this is implied by the song he sings in the Musical about how he doesn't hate the Fairies and doesn't want to take over, but can't stop himself from doing so because he "must cater" to his urge to be "the world's administrator," not to mention his insistence on 37-year plans).

He hates untidy notes- There are several scenes where he rewrites his entire note page because he doesn't like marks on his notes (including crossed-out words). He also has issues with lying and his athazagoraphobia (fear of being forgotten), leading to the winning combo of making it explicitly clear when he plans to enact a takeover plan. There's a whole thing about how he has to justify his takeovers in terms of "It's their fault for not stopping me; I warned them I'd do it."

H.P. also experienced zoochosis during his time at the Eros Nest (zoo run by Cupid's family), leading to repetitive behaviors with no clear end goal. That probably affects him even now in a PTSD-adjacent way.

There might be characters I didn't mention - I feel like I'm blanking on something Anti-Marigold experiences - but those are the ones that come to mind for FOP 'fics!

[andromeda-grace]

Writeblr Introduction

Hi, I’m Andromeda (she/they). I am returning to Writeblr and decided to start a new blog for my WIPs and writing updates! I want to use this blog to shout out other Writeblrs, make posts about my current WIPs, and experiences in publishing. I mostly write original fiction but write fanfic when the inspiration strikes. I love Writeblr games and asks!

This blog is a safe space for all identities, gender & sexuality, neurodivergence, race, and religion. I do my best with content and trigger warnings.

My Writing: Genre and Representation

I love horror, sci-fi, and fairy tales 

I don’t enjoy romance (if it’s only the pursuit and drama), but I love writing nuanced love stories where people communicate well and put effort into building relationships

Lots of queerness and queer relationships

BIPOC main characters

Neurodivergence- shout out to the undiagnosed ADHD queens, the anxiety, and masking/coping behaviors

Trauma, out of context, is seen as personality

Smut- sex is a part of life and it’s fun to write. Get down, make mistakes, get messy. My sex scenes aren’t just conventionally attractive people putting on a show. I emphasize body diversity, complexities of gender identity, and emotional state

Tropes:

Found Family

Villains

Redemption- working to be a better person, even when it’s hard

Poly-Amory- we often have more than one close friendship, and have variety and nuance in those different relationships, so the same thing goes for romance

Morally gray/Feral girls- women have so much responsibility put on them for the emotional wellbeing of others, but what if they aren’t capable of that? (think Broad City/ Bottoms)

Finished works:

The Devil You Know- short story- Out now! Find your copy here

Genre: horror, vampires, fairytale

Vibe: The Green Knight x The Witch

Anya has built a quiet life for herself, trusted as the village healer as long as she keeps her magic hidden. All of that changes when a strange traveler arrives at her doorstep. The man looks human, but Anya senses an old and powerful magic within him. Intrigued, she allows Owen inside. He claims to have been an apprentice to a witch, and Anya, despite her suspicions, finds him to be a kindred spirit. They begin a romance, both finding comfort in one another.

Their peace is broken when a family comes to Anya in crisis. Their child has been cursed, and is transforming into a monster. Desperate to save the boy, Anya asks Owen for help. He can grant her the power to break the spell, but it requires blood and forbidden rites. Knowing that she can’t break the curse alone, Anya faces a choice with deadly consequences.

WIPs:

Bubblegum Capital

Genre: Queer Cyberpunk

Vibe: 1984 x Legally Blonde

Novaczek is on the brink of fame. They’re an amateur gamer about to break into the pro leagues. But their dreams are crushed when work denies them time off for the championship.

Novaczek decides to play on shift and is caught. Everything comes crashing down. They find themselves at rock bottom having lost their job, company housing, and girlfriend all at once.

In a world where your value is measured by your social ranking, Novaczek has to claw themselves back up, hustling for money and favors from friends. As they work their way back up the ranks they discover an underbelly where nothing and no-one are what they appear to be.

Love, Asunder

Genre: Gay Vampires, Family Saga

Vibe: 1917 x Hellboy

James Townsend was supposed to be starting his new life, an American abroad, with a Fellowship at Oxford University. All of that changes when Germany marches on Paris. James can’t remain in the classroom while teachers and students leave their desks for the battlefield. So James enlists as a volunteer ambulance driver on the Front. The days stretch long with violence and misery, but he finds purpose and friendships in the trenches. 

Then he meets a man, a smuggler providing supplies and information to the Allies. Etienne is so different from the soldiers, bright and charming. They begin a secret romance, disappearing together when they can, and writing letters in between. 

An opportunity comes to meet in Paris, and James is overwhelmed at the opportunity to spend time with Etienne in the City of Love. Free to spend their days together, James quickly discovers just how much Etienne has been hiding from him, and enters a world of magic, beauty, and death. 

Tropes and fun stuff:

Butch witches

Femme werewolves

Playing the vampire tropes straight

Magical Underground

Found Family

Bio-Family responsibilities

Many, Many different kinds of love

I'll be sharing moodboards and snippets along the way! Looking forward to learning more about the other talented Writeblrs out here!

tagging: @hillnerd-art @suffrajett @starknstarwars @em-dashes @blind-the-winds @leave-her-a-tome @athenswrites

[bluedalahorse]

A highly incomplete introduction to AuDHD for YR fans who want to write more Sara Eriksson

Greetings, friends! In my time in the Young Royals fandom, I’ve seen a few people mention they were interested writing Sara but they didn’t know how to approach her neurodivergence, or that they find it intimidating. I figured it might be worth compiling a post where I share both ADHD and autism resources I’ve found helpful, as well as elements of my personal experience I draw on when writing Sara.

This post is by no means exhaustive, and I could probably say a lot more. But I figured I’d get it out there in case it was helpful to anyone else.

Part One: Resources and Such

Yo Samdy Sam is an AuDHD vlogger who talks about her experiences, and I find her video about how autism and ADHD show up together pretty informative. Since Sara is both it’s good to have a grasp on these nuances! Yo Samdy Sam’s other videos are also ones I’d recommend.

I’m autistic, now what? is also a good channel to check out for someone talking about their day to day experiences of autism. Her videos are a little longer, but she focuses often on how things have changed from her childhood to her adulthood, which can be helpful if you’re thinking about Sara at different ages/writing flashbacks/working on fic set in the future/etc.

Chloe Hayden, who stars in another teen drama called Heartbreak High, is both autistic and ADHD, and very fun and positive. She presents quite differently than Sara does—lots more talking and energy—but I think she’s a good example of every neurodivergent person presenting differently. Also, people should watch Heartbreak High and write me some fic where Sara and Quinni meet because I want it.

How to ADHD is mostly geared toward practical life skills when you’ve got ADHD, but it doesn’t neglect the way those interact with emotional well-being. Sara might try some of these strategies while working on her school work and chores, either because an adult recommended she do so or because it’s part of a system she worked out for herself. Also, the videos are perfectly designed for ADHD brains, and i have acquired many ways to self-accommodate by watching them.

Jessie Gender is autistic and does commentary about lots of nerdy things and trans rights. I really liked her video on The Queen’s Gambit where she talks about autistic girls and sex. If you’re planning to write spicer fic about Sara (which people should write more of imo) then Jessie might be a good resource!

Marieke Nijkamp is a multiply disabled author, and one of her disabilities is autism. I still have to get around to reading her novel length books but her short story “Better For All the World” made me cry and is one of my formative sargust mentor texts. I really recommend it if you can get a hold of the anthology The Radical Element. (Although, heads up, the story deals with the Buck v Bell case of 1927, which is difficult subject matter.)

Disability in Kidlit has some great resources on writing autistic characters from a craft perspective. If you’re going to write specifically from Sara’s point of view, or even if you’re not, it’s worth reading this article about the autistic voice in fiction and this article about humanizing autistic characters. Other articles on the site are also great!

I’m going to talk more about my personal experiences under the cut below…

Part 2: My personal experiences & takeaways

Sooooo if you’ve met one AuDHD person, you’ve met one AuDHD person. I can’t really claim to speak for all AuDHD people, and I’ve only recently gotten my diagnosis anyway. That said, a lot of my own personal experience colors how I write Sara. So in the interest of transparency, I’ve gone ahead and listed some of the things I’ve thought about when I write her.

An important note before I get started—this is not, actually, meta or analysis of the show. I’m not trying to tell you want I “really” think is going on with Sara Eriksson, or what the writers intended, or what the show is saying. You may read her differently, and I’m sure your interpretation is just as informed by your own experiences as mine. So please don’t take this as a criticism if your interpretation is different.

What I am explaining here instead are the ways that my personal experiences as an AuDHD person have influenced my perception of Sara, which in turn translates to how I’ve made sense of her storyline and written her in fanfic. None of these are “excuses,” but they are explorations. You can look at it as me examining my own thinking and writing process. I’m also opening up about some of my experiences and being a little bit vulnerable. If you have questions about any of these things below, or you want to know more for your own fic, you are always welcome to message me. I may not be able to get back to you right away but I can help however I am able. There are also some things I might feel more comfortable discussing in depth one-on-one, so direct messages might be better in that case, too.

Anyway, let’s begin…

Polarized strengths and weaknesses: In my own experience as an AuDHD person there are some pretty dramatic contrasts between what I’m good at and what I suck at. I’m in the 99% percentile in some skills and the 2% percentile in others. This adds up to stuff like, I read the Sherlock Holmes stories for the first time when I was eight and Les Misérables when I was eleven, but I cannot drive a car or learn a choreographed dance no matter how hard I try. This is inexplicable to some people because they’re like, omg but you know all these advanced words! Surely if you can’t drive a car, it’s just because you aren’t trying hard enough! Likewise I think it makes sense to write Sara with a spiky profile of her own, and have characters react to that accordingly.

Perceptions of maturity: AuDHD adults aren’t children. AuDHD teenagers aren’t children either. And yet part of ableism is the infantilization of AuDHD people. I don’t have a lot of huge narrative squicks, but this is one of them, and it’s rooted in frustrations I’ve had over people treating me like I’m still a child. I always write Sara as the age she’s intended to be in the fic. If I see fanfic scenes or headcanon scenarios where someone is treating Sara like she’s five, and that’s spun as positive or never questioned, it can make me really upset and it’s an immediate back button. This is something I would recommend writers be on the lookout for if they’re incorporating Sara into a scene. Maybe this one bullet point is spinning a little far into criticism of other folks, but I think if I could communicate one thing to other people writing Sara, this would be it.

Special interests/hyperfixations: The thing about special interests is that autistic people often turn to them to replenish their energy and get their nervous systems back to a state of equilibrium. (For instance, me writing this post right now about my blorbo Sara Eriksson is me engaging with a special interest to put my nervous system in a state of equilibrium and put energy back in my body.) Sara’s time spent with Rousseau isn’t just wonderful because she loves horses, it’s also something that’s probably helping her recharge after a complicated day of navigating social situations at Hillerska. This is why she panics at the thought of losing Rousseau. Now, there’s still issues here in that Rousseau isn’t actually Sara’s horse. And I do think many teenage and adult autistics with low support needs, like Sara, understand that they can’t engage with their special interests all the time. But in order to write and understand Sara, I have to understand that she’s counting on Rousseau and horses more generally as something that helps her self-regulate and stay grounded. (In Heart and Homeland I also added art as one of her hyperfixations, so she often draws to recharge and make sense of things.)

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is essentially a trait people can have where they struggle to read their own emotions. It’s pretty common in autistic people and other neurodivergent folk; I have a mild version of it. For me, tuning into my emotions is a bit like trying to figure out what song is playing on a staticy radio. I might have to wait and “mess with the dial” a bit before I can fully understand what I’m feeling in a given situation. The question “how are you?” is a bit of a nightmare for me sometimes. Because my alexithymia is mild, I usually can figure out what I’m feeling in time, but I still often need extra effort to discern the nuances. I tend to apply this trait to Sara when I write her, mostly because she seems to need to sit with her feelings to understand how they’re affecting her. This is most evident when she’s trying to figure out if she like-likes August, though it comes out in other ways, too. Sara might just need a lot of time to process her emotions. Even when she’s showing her emotions and in them, they might take a lot of time to leave her system, and she might not catch on to how they’re affecting her right away. In Heart and Homeland, part of the reason Sara keeps a diary in the first place is so she can sort through what she’s feeling.

Heightened empathy: There’s an old stereotype that autistic people don’t have any empathy. This is not true, and some autistics even have an excess of empathy. I would argue that Sara (at least the way I interpret and write her) is one of them. This may seem counterintutive to some, as I have seen people argue that she is insufficiently empathetic to Simon and/or Linda. I see it differently, however. In my own experience, having an excess of empathy doesn’t always mean that I come across as loving and sweet to the people in my life. Sometimes it can make it so you’re so full of feelings toward others that you can’t act. I often function clumsily in conflicts, and feel like I’m caught between different parties, especially if it’s a situation where everyone appears to be hurting. It’s enough to make me shut down and not do anything, or even side with the person who to everyone else is obviously wrong. Especially when I was a teenager, the answer about “who to side with” in a conflict wasn’t always clear to me. For instance, in college, I dated a girl who constantly belittled me and many of my friends, and I let her get away with it because I was sensitive to the ways she was genuinely hurting about life. I am not proud of it now, and I did break up with her eventually and made efforts to patch things up with my friends when I could, but it also took me two and a half years to get there. Thanks to life experience and therapy, I am now better at recognizing red flags and overriding my excess empathy to call people out on their shit when they need it. It took me time, though, and I can’t help reading a lot of that into Sara. In a way, I tend to think her hope that August will own up to his actions is born out of heightened empathy for both August and Simon. She pins her hopes on this solution because, in her mind, it meets Simon’s needs because the person who harmed him has come forward and is willing to be held accountable for his actions and it meets August’s needs because he can find relief in owning up to his shit and stop drowning in regret. Now, yes, Sara is absolutely misleading herself and ignoring crucial details of the situation because she’s in love, and she does misread what Simon actually needs in the situation. This is very typically teenage. At the same time, when I write her in fic, I see this as tied to an excess of empathy, and not a lack of it.

Inertia/Executive Functioning Struggles: Building on what was said above… some AuDHD people (like myself) can really struggle with making a plan and getting started on tasks, and the bigger the task, the bigger the struggle. “Tasks” is a word we usually apply to things like doing laundry, so we tend to think of executive functioning as an unemotional thing, but it can also apply to emotional stuff like, say, having a big conversation that needs to be had or breaking up with someone you know you need to. (Like I said above. Two and a half years with that shitty person in college!) In fact, I would say inertia can even make things harder with social/emotional stuff, because math homework is at least consistently math homework, but social/emotional situations can shift and become more complicated over time. At Hillerska, we see Sara get involved in ever-shifting social politics, and it takes things escalating to the field scene for her to take action at the end of S2. (In a more minor example, Sara taking a while to get ready in the parents’ weekend episode, and Linda rushing her out the door, is a great example of Sara being affected by inertia.)

Menstrual ick: Increasing numbers of studies show that people with uteruses who have ADHD, autism, or both are way more likely to have painful periods and PMDD. This is true for me—one of the biggest signs that my period is coming is that I am absolutely convinced everyone hates me. I don’t know how to apply this to Sara directly, but periods are part of life and if you happen to write about her dealing with menstrual nonsense, this might be something to keep in mind.

Sensory issues: A lot of people are aware of sensory issues for neurodivergents, and every neurodivergent experiences sensory issues differently, and not always in ways that are immediately apparent to neurotypicals. For me, I hate vacuums and car horns and bananas, but for my roommate, she hates any lights on after 7 PM and finds chocolate overwhelming. Sara doesn’t mention any particular sensory issues, but presumably she has some and masks her reactions, so uh… make up the ones that make sense to you, I guess. Or, don’t make them up, but maybe read about a bunch of different people’s experiences of sensory issues and work from there. External stuff like being tired, sick, or being on one’s period can heighten sensory issues, so think about vulnerability factors that might increase them for Sara.

Rejection sensitivity: Many people with ADHD feel rejection or criticism from others with a high level of intensity, even as physical pain. (Fun fact: PMS makes my rejection sensitivity even worse!) I don’t know if we see Sara feeling rejection sensitivity onscreen much in YR, but I can’t help but imagine she’s dealt with it in the past, based on the way she says she sometimes feels like the worst person in the world, when she’s talking to August in 2.3. If Sara’s had therapy (which I assume she’s had in some form because she knows breathing exercises) then maybe this is something she’s worked on coping strategies.

Accommodations in school: I don’t actually know how this works in Sweden specifically or at a school like Hillerska, but I’d love to hear how it works! Someone else should weigh in if they know things. But I would not be surprised if Sara has the legal right to certain accommodations in school such as extended time on tests, guided notes, etc. (Not being Swedish myself, I’m not sure what the equivalent to the Americans With Disabilities Act would be in Sweden.) One thing to note here is that Sara would get to decide herself whether she actually uses her accommodations or not. I would say, based on my observations of teenagers, is that some neurodivergent teenagers tend not to use their accommodations so they can avoid sticking out among their peers. This seems like it might be the case for Sara, since she wants to make friends at Hillerska and not stand out. The other thing she might encounter at Hillerska specifically is teachers who don’t want to meet those accommodations because they’re “old school” and, frankly, ableist. Accommodations are something one should take into account when writing Sara’s academic life, though.

Double empathy problem: This is something that the psych community is talking about more lately, and essentially the idea here is that neurotypicals communicate best with other neurotypicals whereas neurodivergents communicate best with other neurodivergents. That doesn’t mean both groups can’t communicate with one another (and even reducing it to two groups is kind of oversimplifying things, because obviously culture and other things impact communication too) but there are different patterns of communication at work here. In my own life, I vibe well with people whose neurotypes are similar to mine—this is exactly why @coruscantrhapsody and I are such iconic roommates. The Double Empathy Problen is theorized to have played a role in stereotypes about autistic people not having any empathy. (PS: I don’t actually think August has undiagnosed ADHD in canon, at least not according to the writers. Still, I think it would be pretty interesting to write him in fanfiction as someone who has a missed childhood diagnosis given the way he struggles with rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotion regulation, and the way that the adderall addiction could be a form of self-medication that has gone awry. For that reason I think it’d be interesting to see a fic where the sargust relationship is viewed through the lens of the double empathy problem. Obviously not in a way where the ADHD excuses August’s harmful behaviors, but you know. An added layer of delicious nuance. Alternately, I know some folks like to headcanon Wille as autistic. Sara really clicking with autistic!Wille when they finally get a chance to talk is something I’d like to see!)

Neurodivergent community: As far as I can tell, Sara doesn’t really have neurodivergent community. This makes me sad, as someone who strongly benefits from friendships with other neurodivergent people. I would like her to have some in someone’s fic, please! Let me know if you write it.

That’s all for now… maybe I’ll add more in a future post.

For any other AuDHDers, do you have any elements of your personal experience that you incorporate into how you interpret or write Sara’s character? Feel free to reblog and add on, if you feel so inclined. (But also, no pressure.) Like I said, every ND person experiences this stuff differently, so someone else may have completely different experiences than me.

[visgrapplinghooks]

friendlinghood: a proposal

skip to "terminology" if you don't want the long explanation

QPRs are really difficult to talk about because of the way the modern queer community has kinda framed it as like "dating but without romantic attraction"

when that's not entirely true

I mean, you COULD say that's a kind of QPR but it'd be a mistake to frame all of it that way. this is in large part to internet misinformation and shit as well as amatonormativity from which a lot of relationship discourse is framed against

queerplatonicism, from my pov refers to what is essentially the natural byproduct of queer and neurodivergent people having close friends

the queer community has been aware for a while that its members would have close friendships that in some way violated traditional social norms for behavior outside romantic relationships or family, etc.

when you sit outside the neurotypical and patriarchal norm, the conventional social understanding of what relationships are kinda breaks down for you

you display levels of closeness and intimacy and affection that are "inappropriate" for neurotypical and patriarchal society. in most cases they're not formal relationships, but natural evolutions of friendships between queer and neurodivergent folks

cishet people actually do have variants on this like the concept of "blood brothers" where two men who love each other basically make a pact to always have each other's backs and be their support and they do the whole movie thing where they mix blood to bind them together (it's a very cinematic thing, but the point is it exists in the popular consciousness)

"romance" and "friendship" each refer to a set of social norms and expectations. there's like a whole narrative constructed around those concepts and people internalize and have their own versions of them

a lot of people probably have friends they want to fuck or kiss or cuddle or declare their undying affection for but it'd just be "weird" within the social boundaries of acceptability and so people pigeonhole their relationships into either friend or romantic partner.

queerplatonicism (from my pov) is essentially accepting or practicing relationships which are neither platonic or romantic or even strictly familial. many queer people have them with other queer people they're close to. if you know queer folks then you probably know what I'm talking about - the friends they have that they're not dating but seem intensely attached and close to. they usually have weird names for each other that go beyond friendship like they'll jokingly call each other wives and husbands and siblings and partners... but it doesn't feel quite entirely joking. they'll express a lot of physical affection in the casual way you might typically ascribe to romantic partners. they'll prioritize time with those people as much as any romantic partner they may have etc.

straight and cis people and neurotypical people obviously experience them to some extent, it's just that patriarchy was built around cishet neurotypicals in particular, so it tends to cling to their mindsets more strongly, and once you're already outside of the "bounds of normalcy" by being queer, ND, etc. then it's a lot easier to feel like it's okay for you to be in relationships that aren't "normal".

because like the idea of loving someone with your entire fucking being... it's so tied up in these cultural ideas on how to behave about those feelings and it never made sense to me, because if you just let yourself feel those emotions you start to realize there are people in your life that maybe you love so much more than friends. but "more than friends" is so washed up in romance that you force those feelings down and think "this is fine, I'm happy with being just friends, what else can we be?"

maybe I don't want to have sex or hold hands on a ferris wheel or get. married or kiss or any of that. maybe I just want to exist in the same room as that person know that that person is in my life and know that person cares about me just as much as I do them.

terminology

I've started to use the term "friendling" in my day to day life, now. the term is a portmanteau of "friend" and "sibling" and "loveling" (the english cognate of the German word "lieblings" which can mean "favorite", but is also a term of endearment).

to me, it's probably the most accurate way to describe the Everything All At Once feelings that are simultaneously your weird friends that are your found family and also "romantic" but twisted beyond recognition where the term stops meaning anything.

I'm just throwing this word and explanation out there for anyone who feels like me and wants to use it too. not exclusive to queer people or neurodivergence or anything, I just think it's often easier to be cognisant of those feelings when you are queer and neurodivergent.

that being said, I do NOT want this to be folded into another "attraction label". this is, as far as I can tell, not a unique form of attraction but quite literally the opposite. it's an abstraction of the core impulses of attraction that ALL humans experience without the labels or social structures built around it. I do not want the language that I've spent so long trying to find for my experiences losing all of its value and being reapporpriated into the amatonormative, allonormative, and cisheteropatriarchal framework.

"friendlinghood" - is what I see as an attribute of relationships and the extent to which they deviate from socially conventional definitions of a relationship.

"friendlingship" - used grammatically like friendship. referring to any complex relationship acategorically.

"friendling" - used grammatically similar to friend. referring to those involved in any complex relationship acategorically.

all of this shit is nebulous and doesn't really mean anything beyond what meaning you choose to give it. I think any relationship can have some amount of friendlinghood and I don't think there's a clear line between friendlingship and friendship or romance or family, because it's not a type of relationship in the first place. it's just silly words I made that helped me.

language and labels

so the biggest problem with terminology like this is you can end up creating labels. my point was to create personal terms for myself and my relationships because that's what helped me personally process my own feelings.

that's not to say everyone needs or benefits from them. you can just vibe and do whatever you want and many people are happy with that.

I don't think words like this being codified and standardized really helps anyone. it's unavoidable that we as humans like articulating feelings, but the entire point of my interactions with friendlinghood is about certain things defying labels and language. language in this sense is just a tool, it's a hammer for a nail. it's not embodying the concept itself, it's just useful shorthand.

I will still freely refer to friendlings as close friends, best friends, found family, and other words. as long as I know the intention behind it is all that matters. I just needed that initial bit of language to articulate the feelings before the other words felt right to me.

[rentumblsstuff]

Stacy headcanons? Since I love the way you write her

OOOO YAY UHHH LEMME SEE

My biggest headcanon for her is that Melissa (TGWDLM, Hey Melissa) is her cousin. She’s not a serial killer but she does have a little bit of a screw-loose like her. She also loves cats (and as opposed to being all serial-killer-y about people being animals, she’s really just into petplay-)

That connection being established, I think her family is rich! In Miss Holloween (a couple scenes were read in one of the fundraising livestreams for Cinderella’s Castle), it’s established that Stacy goes to college at Vassar in New York and that is not easy to get into and not cheap, so they’ve gotta have a bit of dough ykwim??? And in Hey Melissa, it’s stated Melissa flew all her friends in, and paying for 3 peoples’ airline tickets can’t be cheap. So……… They’re well-off.

DOM.👏 ENOUGH SAID.

She wears vanilla perfume!

Neurodivergent (and is very unaware of this) and cheer is one of her special interests! She’s also involved in the dance team at Hatchetfield High and could go on an infinitely long rant about the history of any given genre of dance (cause “what kind of a dancer doesn’t know that stuff???” A lot of them, Stacy… a lot of them.)

She also LOVES Sanrio and is secretly a huge fan of “girly” animes. She’s always wanted to bond with Richie over their shared love of Japanese culture but they were never really allowed to interact before Max “went missing.” Her favorite anime is Kakegurui and she tried to learn how to play card games because of it.

She was THRIVING with the whole e-girl look in 2020 and that’s usually how she dressed when she didn’t have to wear her cheer uniform. She WOULD HAVE been bullied for it if that’s not what everyone else was wearing too.

She’s got double d’s and this headcanon is PURELY because of the Stacy’s Melons thing from Abstinence Camp

In the future she experiments more with her hair because now she can do so without fear of getting bullied

Her favorite colors are baby blue and pastel pink.

Back to Stacy attending Vassar, I think she majored in women’s studies. Cause I don’t think anything else suits her better.

She’s had a crush on Richie for a while and hasn’t acted on it because she’s worried she’ll get bullied too, he’ll get bullied harder than he already does, or that her approach to flirting/asking him out will be too forward and creepy because she’s been told she comes across that way by other boys in the past.

Tw in this paragraph for SH; When Richie first admits to her when they start dating that he struggles with his mental health, she kisses the scars on his arms that he shows her.

If she had to be claimed by a LiB I think it’d be Blinky. She has a lil bit of stalkerish tendencies that he would appreciate. (Steph is Wiggly-claimed and Brenda is Nibbly-claimed just for reference in my head :])

If the NPMD cast was in a polar opposites AU where they’re all the opposites of themselves I think Opposite!Stacy would essentially serve the same function as Ruth, but she’s not role swapped with Ruth if you get what I mean.

SADIST. Paddles and clamps and shit dude. All her sex toys are super cutesy and aesthetic too. Definitely owns a couple tails.

I think with guys she’s dated before, they’ve done stuff but never gone all the way, so she’s technically a virgin. None of them could match her freak anyways 💅 she likes hearing about Steph’s hookups though; living vicariously through her best friend is fun and she totally doesn’t feel like an animal scratching at its enclosure to get out whaaaaaaaaat???

Trying to think of a wholesome one to end on hold on-

Her favorite fruit is pineapple because she learned that there’s an enzyme in it called Bromelain that breaks down proteins, so when you eat pineapple, it eats you back. She thinks that’s sick as fuck.

She watched Tiger King three times.

OH and her favorite app on her phone is Pinterest. She’s OBSESSED. Her boards are all perfectly organized, not a pin out of place.

There’s 20 headcanons :) thank you for reading !!! <3

[sevenmerrymagpies]

🪱Wiggly Worm Wednesday!🪱

@soaringornithopter tagged me back in July for one of these and I finally had something I want to share. If people are interested I would happily talk more about the alt season one I've imagined for this autistic Steve - all from Barb's POV.

I usually don't headcanon Steve as autistic. I like that idea for many other Stranger Things characters, and I have written Robin as explicitly autistic in a few of my fics, but for Steve, if I'm gonna make him neurodivergent, I usually don't pick autism. That doesn't mean I haven't read a lot of good fics where he is autistic, and of course, that got stuck in my head. How could Steve be autistic and be close to the character we see on screen?

Key canon characteristics that I think Steve has to have and would have to be addressed somehow would be: his popularity, his reputation with the ladies, his reputation as an asshole/bully, his athleticism, and his friendships with Tommy and Carol. 

His popularity could be explained by absent parents, good looks, and a lot of money at his disposal. To give an autistic flare, he could be naïve, a common trait. To the student body at large, that would make him either a lovable himbo or a usable idiot.

Steve was a weirdo in elementary school and probably a lot of middle school. My idea would be that he got hot early for a boy, so seventh or eighth grade. Carol probably realized he was impressionable and naïve, and she could use him as leverage on her own climb of the social ladder. Steve is not an idiot; he realizes that Carol is helping him not be a weirdo anymore. It also might explain why he is dismissive of Jonathan in the first few episodes. He was that kind of person, and he did not want to go back to that by any means necessary.

That would also explain his reputation as an asshole or even a bully. Even if he doesn't explicitly bully, if he is autistic, there's a good chance he misses a lot of the social cues of more subtle bullying done around him because he's either spacing out (thanks to the overstimulating school environment) or he is straight up missing the cue. It would also explain why he doesn't stop Tommy most of the time, but when Nancy complains, he does stop Tommy. She's giving him a cue he can understand that Tommy is overstepping. I also think hanging around Tommy and Carol would skew the cues that Steve has learned. He is meaner than he would otherwise be because he learned by watching them.

If I had to choose between hyper or hypo-sensitive to most stimuli, I would make Steve hypo-sensitive and sensory-seeking. That would potentially explain part of his love of athleticism because he's getting a lot of proprioceptive feedback through roughhousing, training, and playing in games. It also might be why he seeks out sex as much as he does in canon. Especially if you add handsome, naïve, and sensory seeking together, you get somebody who might seek out sex and get sex on the regular (caveat regular sex for a high schooler). I think someone who was hypersensitive to stimuli would not seek those experiences out as much.

Finally, I love making Steve's athleticism part of his special interests. I love that Steve was obsessed with baseball stats as a kid. That is almost cool and gets him a modicum of respect from his peers. He's not bad at sports in elementary school during PE, and maybe even talented at some things, but he doesn't have the attention span for it because he doesn't care about it at first. After he gets into the stats and they start playing baseball in PE, he discovers a love for the memorization and collection of statistics and the actual game itself. It also gets him a modicum of social approval, which he desperately desires. He got into more sports as time went on, and his special interest expanded because he learned that baseball was both fun to collect and fun to play. He expands his play as well. Because he is sensory-seeking, he also gets a lot of self-regulation from playing sports, and that helps reinforce his love for them.

In canon, he also has a reputation for being vain. I'd love to give him another special interest in his appearance. This is a guy who goes out of his way to buy fashion magazines when he goes to Chicago with his parents because that's the only place he can buy Vogue Men Italia.

I like the idea of those two special interests helping him pass.

Finally, I'd love to give him a big special interest that he keeps secret because he learned in elementary school that no one cared, and in fact, it made him weirder. Something benign but also that he could dive deep into. I kind of like astronomy, with a subsection of Greek mythology as a logical extension of learning astronomy when you are a child. He learned about the constellations and deep-dived into Greek mythology to learn what the constellations meant. But he doesn't even share this stuff with his parents because it's too weird.

Finally, it's very important to this version of Steve that he would not meet the criteria to be diagnosed as autistic in the late 60s and into the 70s. So he would have no idea why he was different, just that he was very different, and always had to keep it under wraps.

[rhiandoesfandom]

I've been thinking a lot recently about my disability, the unknown autoimmune disease, and like what could have caused it.

And of course, it could have been spurred by Covid, or stress, or so many other things. But I am of the mind that it could have been caused by my obvious burnout from the above. From covid, stress, and college.

I took about eight years to finish my bachelor's degree. For many reasons. Financial, Needed a full time job and couldn't do both, couldn't figure out a solid major, etc. And once I restarted college at the university during Covid, since I had lost my job at Starbucks at the time, I wanted to go quick. I wanted it to be over with. I wanted to finally FINISH.

So I did full time school for a year, committed to a major and minor. And then my unemployment payments dried up after a year. So I had to do full time school AND a part time job. The job I chose wasn't that bad. I worked part time at a sex toy shop. Sure the company itself left little to be desired (playboy industries). But it was a cool job cause I got to "test out" the toys, (usually meaning like, on my hand, duh), and explain to customers how they could be used. And I felt like I was also actually using my degree during this. (Sexuality and Gender studies).

Then, my senior year I ALSO took on an internship at the Queer Resource Center on my University Campus. And that was an extra 16 hours a week. So effectively, I was juggling THREE JOBS. That, my part time job, and my senior coursework to culminate into a final research project.

You could say I was already within the throws of burnout, cause I was. But I was "keeping up with it". I was getting adequate sleep, I was still on socials, participating in hobbies, doing chores. I *thought* I was *fine*.

The biggest mistake I made, was when I graduated. I started applying to jobs AS SOON as I graduated. I felt this pressure to get more money, to live up to my degree, to contribute more to my household. Even though I was already paying my portion of rent and bills just fine with the part time job. And no one was asking me to do this. Not my parents, not my partner. Just myself.

After a few months, I did land a job. A state job. Applying my degree. It was exactly what I wanted. I quit my part time job. I Committed fully to the full time job (which was three months of mind numbing computer trainings first), and I was good at it.

Then six months in, I crashed.

I started having nightmares, waking up in cold sweats. I started having horrible joint pain. I couldn't think straight during the day and had horrible brain fog. And it only escalated from there. And being neurodivergent too, I was struggling to understand aspects of the in person office, and neurotypical people's attitudes and reactions. That didn't help.

Which brings us here. I'm on leave from the full time job on paid leave until the paid leave ends. And I don't know if I can even go back. From my constantly worsening disease, etc.

I don't really have advice to give, this was mostly a rant for myself. But I guess...if I had to give advice it would be SLOW DOWN.

Please for the love of the gods slow down. The grind mindset is fucking poison. You will hurt yourself. And if you think you won't, you're lying to yourself.

Another thing to add: Yes I acknowledge theres a lot of privilege steeped in this experience. This is just my experience and what I take from it in context of soul crushing capitalism.

[aroaceconfessions]

Reading aspec experiences (or even experiences of straights with aspecs, in fewer cases) I think I really "lucked out" with mine

[It's a bit long, sorry]

I never felt anything (romantic or sexual, maybe not even platonic) and didn't think it weird at all. I lived the first 20 years of my life thinking I was your average straight and that if someone ever caught my eye we'd find each other and everything would be, y'know, very average and "normal". I was very much like "eh, I'll get it on my way to my actual goals", like ticking it off a list, but not going out of my way to get it done.

I was never pressured into relationships, not by family or by peers - at least not beyond "oh, you like hanging out with [male friend]? Are you toGetHeR??" in middle school. It actually stopped in high school, maybe because I was also hanging out with [female friend] then. Maybe when I get older I'll receive more pressure from my family, but for now it's basically non-existent. I also never had the need to get into a relationship if I didn't feel like it, so no internal pressure.

I don't remember where I first saw the term "asexual". I just realized it clicked like... a bit more than one year ago. I'm pretty sure I told this to another male friend of mine (who, according to my mom, was cautiously "testing the waters" to see if he could propose a romantic relationship with me???). I do remember explaining to him the term "asexual". I think his reaction was just a "huh". And that was that lol

It took until I finally watched Jaiden's aroace video to realize I was aromantic on top of asexual. I confused one instance of interest towards a boy on a study trip as a crush, so that was a thing that confused me a bit. Although I was pretty much at peace with the "new" label already. I went "oh, that explains a lot. neat. I'm aromantic, then".

Now I'm questioning if I'm aplatonic too, which I'm facing with almost the same nonchalance - I just worry about having to keep in contact with friends, because I kinda suck at it, but if I'm going to be spending a lot of time in the same space with the same people it's not really an issue.

(Yeah I'm the one who submitted that confession ask on 3rd March, I'm glad it directed others towards discovering aplatonicism. I'm not neurodivergent as far as I know, but I do consider myself an introvert. Maybe that contributes to what might be aplatonicism. Again, I'm also questioning lmao)

When I read about others' struggles, I really just want to hug all of you. I haven't experienced enough to really offer advice.

I've never experienced heartbreak or unhappy relationships or feeling forced to change for a partner, or family, or close friends. The people I've befriended (over a long time of more-or-less forced proximity because of school) were never "sex-crazy", or obsessed with their partners (if any), or told crude sex jokes, or spouted thinly-veiled aphobia. I've never felt anything, so there wasn't much of a struggle to find more specific labels to put my experience into words.

I just feel lucky. Perhaps undeservingly so. If you've also had a more "chill" discovery of yourself, I'm happy for you <3 If you haven't, know that my arms are open for a hug anytime, and I hope it will get better for you too <3 <3

Submitted March 17, 2023

[smallcandlejar]

review: cleat cute

cleat cute- meryl wilsner

summary: two professional soccer players, grace and phoebe, move from team-mates to friends with benefits, to maybe something a little more.

genre: adult (18+), romance, sports

review:

god do i love women's sports. i know absolutely nothing about soccer and don't think i know anything more after reading this book! what i do know, however, is that this shit slapped.

in terms of characters i loved both grace and phoebe's point of views. it is clear right from the beginning of the book that the two are polar opposites, only connect (at first) by their love of soccer. grace is the veteran, world class player, who's been pro since high school. shes private, serious and obsessed with routine #sudokuqueen. phoebe on the other hand is the definition of an extrovert with a chronic lateness problem solved with 50 different alarms. shes also a redhead so slay!

something i want to comment on right off the bat is the distinct allusion to both characters being neurodivergent. its not even an allusion its like confirmed. as i am not autistic or adhd myself (but, like, lets not get into that...), i wont comment on its accuracy and how good the representation was. i will say that i found grace's character relatable to my own experiences, and understood a lot of her internal monologue.

meryl wilsner does a fantastic job of writing both of these characters. the different p.o.v's were full of each character's personality. they really did a great job of helping you to relate to both characters and understand their lines of thinking. their dialogue was hilarious- who doesn't love a good bit of banter- and their friendship development was really nice to read.

i don't think you can talk about this book without mentioning the smut. (it begins in chapter 12 just as as fyi) but personally i really enjoyed it! did it feel maybe a little fast? sure, but it really did do a good job of further characterisation of grace and phoebe and how they viewed relationships. a lot of smut in books these days is there just because- if i wanted that i'd go to ao3. this, however, felt intentional and full of purpose. also hot af meryl, you do a fantastic job of writing that shit holyyyyyyy.

i have only a few criticisms for this book. firstly- and this is a general modern book pet peeve- but for the love of god STOP PUTTING TIKTOK IN THERE FUCK OFFFFFF. thank you :) secondly, there is a small amout of miscommunication that i didn't actually hate. i can see why this trope would put people off but i actually think it fit the characters very well here- i think maybe it could have been done a little better as sometimes i was really feeling a sense of dread. but alls well that ends well.

overall, this book was a really enjoyable read from start to finish. both characters were entertaining, realistic and loveable. sex scenes duh fantastic (hot obviously) but were not just thrown in there for nothing, they had genuine purpose and weren't overdone. who doesn't love women's sports?

rating: 4/5

TLDR; neurodivergent sportswomen learn to understand each other though heartfelt, witty, conversation and the endless power of good sex. very enjoyable :)

[ultimate-marysue]

Hi hello, Ace-Aro person here: please stop talking over us and infantilizing us.

If I see one more take about how you need to keep fandom clean because "we need to protect the asexuals" I'll riot. Here's the thing, some ace people are uncomfortable with nsfw. So are some alosexual people. That's why it's important to tag things accordingly so other people can manage their experience. That has nothing to do with being ace though.

I think people conflate asexual with sex repulsed and then further conflate lack of sex with being a child. I'm 26, even if sex made me uncomfortable I can voice it myself as a grown woman. You don't need to "protect me".

The protection narrative is very puritanical christian culture. I can keep myself safe, thank you very much, you don't need to wage holy war on boobs in my name. In fact, I am fighting the crusade on the side of the boobs.

A lot of ace people are very pro sex so long as it doesn't involve us. Some actually do have sex, lack of attraction doesn't mean lack of libido.

When you see ace people, survivors of sa, neurodivergent people or even minors as "poor sweet things that need to be protected" instead of actual people, that's when you drink the purity culture Kool aid. If you're old enough to be on social media you're old enough to use the tools at your disposal to filter the content you see. We don't need anyone harassing others in our name.

We should teach people how to use these tools instead of forcing everyone to act PG 13 (which is what the advertisers want you to do btw). Also, consider how it makes us feel when you speak over us saying that ace/ND/sa survivors are uncomfortable with sex when a lot os us aren't. Hell, purity culture has been proven to be very damaging for the minors it was meant to protect (lack of sex Ed, repression and feelings of guilt make you easier to groom too). Kiddifying the internet is harmful even for the minors.

So please, next time you read about how we need to make fandom "safer for ace people" I want you to remember that statistically speaking a lot of the nsfw artists you're harassing are ace. Tag things, block words, keep yourself safe and let others live.

But, most of all: stop making generalizations about communities (even if you're in them) to justify your censorship.

[benevolentlibraryghost]

"We're just friends" ....uhmmm

The third installment of the Maple Hills Series is a book I had been impatiently waiting to read.

This book focuses on crowd favorite Henry Turner, the new captain of the Titans hockey team. His love interest is Halle Jacobs, a professional people-pleaser with dreams of becoming an author. Having just broken up with her narcissistic-manipulative-asshole boyfriend, Halle decides it's a new year, new me, and strives to put herself first more often. Part of this plan is to write a book for a competition. Only problem is; she barely has any experiences. This is where Henry comes in. He is in desperate need of help to survive his junior year of college.

The two decide to help each other out and become friends. They still struggle with their respective duties, but they help each other through these times. And characters from the previous two novels (+ a few new ones) are also ready to help a friend in need. Halle finally gets a friend group that won't drop her the second her boyfriend breaks up with her. She finally gets some real friends and there are beautiful scenes where girls support girls.

Besides the beautiful character development of Halle, she is also in some sort of romantic situation with Henry. The two kiss and make love on a few occassions, but don't put a label on it just yet (though they wouldn't pursue anyone else).

I wouldn't say I was disappointed with this book, but it didn't live up to my expectations. The book was quite different from Icebreaker and Wildfire, because there were far fewer smexy scenes. A book is obviously not rated by how much spiciness it contains. But with the characters talking about sex as often as they do, you would expect them to shake the sheets just as much. And when it finally happened, the scenes were much shorter than they were in the previous novels. It all felt quite rushed and out of place to me. However, I did like that the book focused on friendship and didn't force the characters to date before they were ready.

What I loved about the book, was the focus on personal growth and how this is a process that you don't go through alone. Henry and Halle are surrounded by all these amazing and funny people, but they also take time for themselves when necessary. Henry's neurodivergency is discussed a lot in this book. He is not forced to get a diagnosis, though AD(H)D is, on one occasion, put forward as a possible explanation for his problems in life. As a neurodivergent person, I think Hannah Grace did a beautiful job of describing Henry's worries.

All in all, I would definitely recommend this book. But Icebreaker and Wildfire remain superior, in my opinion.

Rating: 4/5 body paintings

[actias-android]

Robotkin asks: 3,4,8?

3. Do you make any sounds that feel comfortable because they are robotic?

Actually, I don't...I like beeping at my partner but it's more of a goofy vocal stim and not by any stretch my only one. It's not that it's a robot thing, it's just fun. I'd beep either way.

4. Do you use vocabulary reminiscent of your identity? (Drinking water is “refueling” etc..)

You'd think I would, because I wrote a huge novel-plus length fic absolutely full of robots who do this, so it's not like I've got any lack of capability to do so, but I also...just...don't, lol. I am stuck with a meat vehicle, so I use fairly average organic phrases about that fact.

The exception is with mental processes, because those do map a hell of a lot more closely to computer processes, but I think I'd still do that without identifying as a robot also. Like, jokes about (for example) buffering because you've got delayed auditory processing are already a neurodivergent thing anyway. So this is a Yes, But kind of answer.

8. What peeves do you have about people’s general opinions on robots?

SO MANY THOUGH.

Like, why would robots feel a need to become human? What's special about that? Why wouldn't they like being themselves? (Things said by a physical human who would gladly become a physical robot, but still.)

Everyone can do what they want of course, this is not me yucking anyone's yum and I want to be clear about that. But I'm actually not a big fan of when people sexualize Being A Robot? This is totally my aspec+ace ass speaking, but to me it's like, what a human-centric way of looking at it. Completely inorganic life getting relegated to an extremely organic and messy kind of activity is so baffling to me and maybe a little gross.

Not that a robot couldn't be sex-positive if it wanted, but there's a lot of Tumblr writing at the moment that's just kinda reminding me that when I say, "I would totally be a robot if I could," a lot of other people are going to hear that as, "This is a fetish thing," and it is extremely not a fetish thing. I'm not here for some very transparent metaphor about getting my USB dongle schlorped, man. (Why would that even have sensory input?)

I think if robots had fetishes they would largely be completely incomprehensible to most humans, lmao. Like, human fetishes are already frequently incomprehensible to other humans. It's only going to get more alien when you're talking about a kind of person that doesn't even necessarily experience the world in the same basic ways.

I gotta go help my partner with a thing but that's already a wall of text anyway so yeah that's the answer for now.

Thanks for the asks! 🙏