#that ive had for at least 9 hours
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I should be reading Tevinter Nights but my head hurts so much. 😭
#migraines#not really maybe#light bothers me but that's the only migraine specific symptom i have#it's just a horrible headache#that ive had for at least 9 hours#it's better than it was tho
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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Also I got my essay exam back today. Full points!!! Which was a surprise bc my 4th essay was definitely lower quality than the other three (bc I rushed it), but still good enough to get full points!!!!
Makes me wonder what that other one I spied being a 1 was like 🤔🤔🤔 bro was NOT good at writing I guess.
#speculation nation#weird grading scale. each essay was rated 0 thru 3. 0 being Real Bad or just plain wrong.#1 being Okay. 2 being Good. and 3 being Excellent. according to what my professor explained.#and all the points for all 4 essays were totaled. so since i got 3s on all 4 i got 12/12 points.#but he also said it's not like percentage based for the grades. 3s earn As 2s earn Bs and 1s earn Cs. presumably.#so even if u got a 4/12 thats not failing. still not very good tho.#i realized when i was writing that it really has been a while since ive done a proper essay. im a techie not a literature student.#i do scientific reports so much more than fucking Essays.#i tried to dust off the old skills tho and i guess i did pretty good overall. tho i wonder. it feels like he was pretty lax in grading.#bc im being honest my last essay was Not Good in structure. i was rushing bigtime. i just wanted it done.#but i guess bc i answered all the questions and was generally good at diction (creative writing Does help with this)#it was still good enough to be a 3. which makes me So Curious how bad that person did to get a 1......#i only caught a peek when i was grabbing mine. couldnt look too in depth.#ALSO THO tuesday's presenter got a 7.6 As Opposed To my 8.6!!! professor gave them a 7 (as opposed to my 8)#which makes me feel a little better about how i did. (this scale out of 9 lol). bc like. i did better than them at least!!#felt a lil bad for today's presenter. she was clearly getting kind of frazzled. it rly is hard to present for an hour.#we write out critiques for every presentation. stuff we liked and stuff we didnt. unfortunately i had criticisms to give 😔#but i try to sandwich it with good things too. so it's not All bad things. i still feel bad critiquing them#but such is the review expectations. i try to at least be fair about it.#(to clarify. grades arent announced to the class. i just sit right up front near where he puts the papers and im Nosy lol)
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it is really crazy to leave for work before my mother even wakes up and have her tell me “you dont know how tiring work can be”
#im not even a blue collar worker#ive had to wake up at 4 am and work 9 hours straight#and all shes ever had is an office job with salary and set hours#and she has worked from home for the past 10 years at least#personal i guess
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in all seriousness i 90% sure im going to quit my job tomorrow and for a while i will have just enough money to live on and will have to spruce up my resume and job hunt and stress but MY GOD i need to do something else because this is making me suicidal
#like actively suicidal. wanting to die in a way i have not since highschool. literally woke up and thought 'i dont want to be here anymore'#and then couldnt make myself get out of bed until like 10 minutes before i had to leave the house for job 2#i know its unprofessional but i pretty much...quiet quit i guess. i worked from home for like a month straight without telling my boss#and she called yesterday wondering about it and the whole time the only thing i could think of was 'you didnt even know for a MONTH#thats how little people communicate around here#the office culture is toxic. the people are self absorbed and shut me out. ive gone through like 6 big life events and no one knows because#no one in that office cares enough to ask. and even if i volunteer the most i get is a 'wow that wild look at this tiktok yeah anyway'#im so burnt out. i have 1 day of rest and i dont get to do that at all. so no like im not going to get up get dressed sit in traffic park#on the street because a year later they still havent given me a clicker for the parking lot and sit in the back of a warehouse for hours#talking to no one. ive literally gone days without talking to anyone there. its so lonely.#theres only so many audiobooks and podcasts and albums you can listen to before you think 'i would be ok getting hit by a truck tomorrow'#im going to hate these next few months but i just need time#and the lord works in mysterious ways because my other boss just started talking about hiring for mon/tues which are the days i work bad jo#so i would at least get those hours until i find something else stable. im going to try very hard not to be mean about it but im like...#hey girl this place sucks ass and you know it. im not negotiating#but thanks for that raise 9 months late#im giving you three weeks for find a replacement and i dont care if you fire me in that time#il work from home or panera or starbucks or library but im not stepping in that office again unless its for my minifridge and heater
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Ya boy got not 1 but 2 friday the 13th tattoos today!
#friday the 13th#friday the 13th tattoos#i also had some kind of allergic reaction/awful sneezing fit thing on the way home#i took zyrtec when i got home and that didnt help so i took benadryl and that only helped a little#did a covid test which was negative but i fucked up the liquid thing so it could be wrong#i’ve used at least half a box of the good tissues with the lotion in them and my nose and upper lip are still raw from blowing my nose sm#i dont really think the allergy/whatever this is thing is related to the tattoos bc i dont have a rash or anything#and idek if it is allergies bc usually when i have an allergic reaction like this i also get hives and my face swells up#and that didnt happen. so idk what this is#and im supposed to go to work tomorrow but if i feel like this still theres no way i can do a 9 hour shift#but i do not have the option to call out of work bc im the only immunizer#but also my last day is wednesday so kinda who gives a fuck#idk all i know is im in bed already and it’s 12:09 which is the earliest ive been in bed in forever
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...
#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is...#itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine#but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary#and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far#and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking...#i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two#universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places#fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid.#at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae#hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see#fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow#its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving#and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends#in a smear across the highway#oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too#thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour#lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️#bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days#my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend#but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno#when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie#time sheets :-P#unrelated
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so once again rather than actually progressing my legacy, i've decided to go off the rails and make an apartment from a future gen that's 4 Generations Away
(based on this build!)
#pigeon plays#nsb green#ea has not given me enough matching greens so i just went hog wild lmao#my entire family is Slightly Unhinged anyway#they come by it honestly#shoutout to pennyroyal berry#the progenitor and my favorite mad scientist <3#i was just gonna decorate the apartment as it was and i spent hours doing just that#and then i saw a link to that build on pinterest and immediately bulldozed everything#didn't 100% copy the layout/design but i really liked the vibes#also ive decided gen 9 is gonna be a vampire#gonna try to get every occult state in the game to be a head of a generation at least once#so far we've had two aliens and now a spellcaster#orange is obv gonna be a werewolf#im thinking i'll squeeze mermaid into blue bc duh
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it makes me happy knowing people like my ship with nina :D i have to talk about her more!!! shes probably the character ive liked the longest since shes been a f/o of mine for 3 years ^_^ thats so long!!! scene girls have a way of doing that to you
#text#🔪#i absolutely adore the 2010s and shes like. the embodiment of 2010#at least thats how ive always perceived her... in her actual story shes a kpop fan which actually blew my mind#i can see her stanning loona or red velvet or something (<- never had a kpop phase)#but for the most part shes a fan of like kesha rihanna lady gaga britney spears#those are just from the top of my head though i have a full playlist for her#yes its 9 hours long. Im a little crazy
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//
#i Never happen across the other ppl in my building#like genuinely almost never have to navigate ppl in the stairwells or the elevators or the hall#so tell my why the one time i have to traipse down to get a package at 9:30pm#wearing my v cat fur covered atz tshirt that is my current sleep shirt#no bra face obvi bare and probs looking like death#at least i had the foresight to put on some damn leggings#bc naturally this is the one time i Do encounter someone in the stairwell#and they tried to say hi and im just there like that one weird raggedy fox meme#like dont perceive me and Especially dont perceive me at 9:30pm on a monday#i'd usually be in bed half asleep by now#also fuck ups and their inability to deliver packages at a reasonable hour#i'd rather get it the next day than collect it 9pm when ive already gotten cozy in bed
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I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.
#ive survived all nighters before ill scrape through the day itll just be Rough. at least i dont have much in my schedule#im not gonna take the dose this morning bc i think thats a really bad idea to do on zero hours sleep#and i can't risk two consecutive all nighters. like I have done that before but not while working full time 💀 its not worth it#drafting an email to my doctor to let her know im skipping day 2 + ask advice re. whether its worth resuming again on day 3#bc she did list 'trouble sleeping' as a common symptom that often passes but i need to know a) how long it usually takes to pass and-#b) if this is unusually bad + would she rec supplementing with a sleep aid or just switching tack entirely and trialling a non stimulant#by this stage of the night i dont think its actually acting anymore bc i took it at 7am and its now 3am. it shouldnt last that long#i think its more just triggered my preexisting insomnia. my ability to sleep is very very sensitive sometimes + hates routine changes#just so fucking frustrating bc ive spent the past 2 months nailing my sleep routine + ive had a couple weeks of being able to-#go to bed like 9:30-10 and it only takes an hour to get to sleep and i get usually a good 7 hours sometimes 8 only waking once halfway#and i dont feel like utter shit like yeah im tired but from work not so much lack of sleep.... and now thats all fucked lmao#whatever. maybe i should just take the next dose anyway#ill see. gonna try to sleep for another 2 hours but once it hits 5 im not doing this anymore ive been trying for six hours already man#i cant even remember when i last pulled a full all nighter. it might be longer than 6 months ago... i was doing so well :-(#im so mad i was so hopeful it would have SOME good effect like ik its not a miracle worker + these things take time but so many people-#seem to have an immediate positive response even if its probably a placebo. and i got fuck all except This.#i was searching on the reddit for sleep issues and other ppl only seem to report bad ones on higher doses or years in..#like damn. do i even have adhd then. ik thats a stupid thing to think bc obvs everyones body metabolises meds differently etc but still#it is ALMOST HALF 3 and i am FUCKING TIRED#UGH. alright bedtime round 189447383#.diaries#.vent
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i dont usually stretch much when drawing bc im typically not sitting drawing for long enough to warrant it but boy howdy do i need it now
#when i mean drawing long enougj i mean like i tend to habe like 15 minute bursts and then nothing for like another 15-30 mins lmao#and that usually lasts an hour or two with like frequent breaks in between bc im a procrastinator at heart#but god ive been sitting here since? 7 pm#this stretch anyways#before that i was working from like 9-12 and the only reason i wasnt working in the afternoon is cuz i had to go somewhere with my little br#brother and then cook and eat#and im likely gonna be sitting here all fucking night which tbh i dont usually do lmao#im almost done with my illustration tho#just a few more objects to render then the blood and light which should be relatively quick#and then the spot illustration that i deadass forgot abt continuously for this entire project#like i would remember long enough to come up with an idea in my head but my big illustration#took up so much of my focus that i would just forget to at least sketch it out lmao#i got a good idea going tho i just gotta do it#its gonna be relatively simple just cuz i dont have the time or energy to make it something intricate#and also its a spot image so not As important lmao#michi tag
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you don’t understand, im addicted 🧍
#u know a nightcore/amv is going to be good when it is from 8/9+ years ago 😩#lmaoo why am i speaking like im old#night core>>> sped up#fjdjskmsks#ive had this on loop for at least an hour#🗣️TAKE A BULLET STRAIGHT THRU MY BRAIN#i think this song (original bruno mars ver)#is why my recent otps/ships have been#i believe in female supremacy/boy loser jfjdkek lmaoooo#^^
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im sure an expert would tell me covering my windows with paper is bad for my mental health because now my room gets no sunlight and i dont get to easily look out the window anymore but you know what else is bad for my mental health. only getting 6-7 hours of sleep a night (if im lucky) because Someone (the sun) dared to bring light into my lair
#the Slightest bit of light will wake me up so i usually wake up once or twice between dawn and my alarm going off at 9#i also wake up when my face mask comes off and ive tried everything short of taping it to my face#it still comes off and i wake up because of it at least once a night#ive literally got the sleeby disease where you are sleeby#it also doesnt help that i need like 9-10 hours of sleep to genuinely feel rested#like ive had dark circles since i was a kid and the only time they went away#was for about a week when i was in middle school on summer break#because i was consistently sleeping for like 10 hours a night every night#and i have been constantly chasing that high ever fucking since#it felt so so so good to not be tired all the damn time#for my next trick i will be soundproofing my room#so someone opening a door in the other end of the house wont wake me up either
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anyways there are so many absolutely golden expressions in trimax & i want SOOOOO BADLY to collect them. but im trying to not take 5 million years with my first read through so i cannot do that
in the future tho. i will reread it. and i will create icon folders for ALL of them. just you wait.
#speculation nation#i dont currently have access to it but i have a habit of doing this#need to find the usb. still havent transfered files over to this computer. ive had it for like 9 months now#but like ive got a file for orcelito Obviously. i did this a bunch with kagepro. natsume yuujinchou. some others#i havent done it for a few years but i used to use reaction images of manga boys VERY liberally. so.#id go thru source material and take screenshots of every expression made. quite the treasure trove and QUITE the effort put into it#i will make folders for vash and wolfwood at LEAST.#and maybe zazie. probably zazie. i love them so much#the more characters i do tho the longer it takes. bc screenshotting every appearance takes a lot of time lol#we'll see if any other characters stick out to me by the end#yea yea there's meryl and milly. i do love them but not as all-encompassing ykno?#... yes i do love zazie more than i love the gals. right now at least. dont yell at me.#anyways trimax chapter 35 is my current fav chapter for Battle Boyfriends vashwood & cheeky zazie appearance#also wolfwood hitting his dick on a table. that was funny#zazie being like 'hiii lol i have a message. im not gonna show myself tho cause i dont wanna get shot' like. Fair.#but wolfwood showing he knows full well where they are Anyways. very sexy of you mr wolfwood sir#hmmmhmhm im remembering why i sped thru so many chapters in one go before#need to keep reading. ABSOLUTELY not ready for volume ten. but like yolo & w/e lol#for now tho it's bedtime. gotta b up for class in 7 hours. Ugh
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