#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is...

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[octuscle]

Fewer wheels, more balls

Stephen cursed everything. His parents, because they hadn't paid for him to study medicine and he had only become a nurse. St. Peter because he sent a shower of rain at the exact moment he rolled out onto the road on his new motorcycle. The mechanic, because he had offered him the motorcycle as a replacement for his car, which had finally died of old age. And himself, because he hadn't had the backbone to insist on having the car repaired and had this bike sold to him instead. Yes, he had taken his driver's license back then. But he hadn't ridden a motorcycle since driving school. And this beast, a twenty-year-old Triumph Rocket III, was far too big for his frail body. And with the silly rain overalls that the mechanic had given him, he looked more than silly.

Especially in this weather, Stephen hadn't expected to get home on his bike without breaking down. But even he was surprised that it should be so far after just four miles. With the last of his strength, the bike rolled under the highway bridge. At least it was dry there. And now? Stephen had no idea about engines. He was an ambulance driver. He knew all about cars. At least a little. But with motorcycles?

If you're at a loss, ask ChatGPT. Stephen pulled out his cell phone and described the problem. He was advised to remove the spark plugs and dry them out. Shit, yes, he'd heard about that. It was a common problem with that model year. He had an oily rag in his upperall. He dried and cleaned the spark plugs. And the machine started. Perfectly! Nevertheless, Stephen sent up a prayer to heaven. And it was answered. The rain subsided and he made it home without any further problems.

Stephen dried his bike and hung his wet leather suit on a hanger. His garage, which was also his own little improvised workshop, was kept tidy. That was important to him. Otherwise, he wasn't the tidy type… As he stood in front of the toilet in his wet underwear and pissed, it occurred to him that he could clean again. Shit, this was a man's household. And he worked in the Red Cross workshop on engines and car bodies. He didn't need a sterile environment. He still had some pizza left in the fridge. He didn't have to leave for work for another hour. That was enough for food, drink and a wank. Then he put on a dry leather suit, sat on his 140 hp baby and set off for work with the engine roaring.

Stephen liked the late shift. He could wait for the vehicles in peace and didn't have to constantly watch out for vehicles coming in and out. The bad weather also meant that there were fewer people on the road. There were fewer motorcycle accidents in particular. Stephen didn't care about the weather. He had once had a car. But he needed the wind around his nose. He drove in all weathers. Nevertheless, he preferred it when no bikers had to be taken to hospital after an accident. Here in the neighborhood you can. Most of them were at least distant acquaintances. I mean, Stephen was an authority in the biker scene. When it came to engines, nobody could fool him. And whether it was his Triumph, his BMW or his Ducati, he had every bike under control.

It was almost 05:00 in the morning. The replacement would be coming soon. Stephen was standing in the coffee kitchen with a couple of paramedics, smoking a cigarette. His parents had always wanted him to become a doctor. He was sure that he could do a much greater service to the health service with his job. And tomorrow it would continue, tomorrow he would give it his all again. But not today, today he was happy when his baby was in the garage and he was in bed.

It was 08:00 when Steve was woken by a honking horn. Shit, he had slept in his clothes again. It had been a long evening with the boys. And yes, he'd probably had one too many beers to drive home. But his machine knew the way. Another honk. Bloody hell, couldn't anyone wait these days? "I'm coming" boomed Steve's bass over the service station. Some fucking city slicker who was too stupid to fill up the tank himself. Steve had a hard time hiding his morning wood when he went to the gas pump to fill up the show-off Porsche. Steve positioned himself so that the driver had no other chance than to stare at the bulge in his pants. "That'll be 80 bucks, buddy," Steve grunted. "Anything else I can do for you?"

Steve had once seen a drawing of a gas station where the attendants not only refueled and repaired cars, but also served hot customers in other ways. It was some guy from Denmark, Sweden or something… Tim? Tom? It didn't matter. Steve turned around, his hand on his bulge. Three, two, one... He would have bet the 80 dollars that the Porsche driver would come up behind him. The first coffee of the day would have to wait. He had an ass to fill for now.

Interested in your own TF story? DM me, there's a community on Tumblr for that!

[musette22]

Evanstan AU with handsome small town guy Chris and pretty city boy Sebastian #3672:

One October night, local biker Chris Evans picks up Sebastian, New York-based actor on the cusp of a breakthrough, from the side of the road somewhere in rural Massachusetts.

---

Sebastian is on his way back to New York after shooting scenes for a low-budget movie in a small New England town. He's exhausted thanks to a 5am call time, and frustrated because he's supposed to be past starring in this type of ridiculous Hallmark movie by now, and to make matters worse, he dropped his phone earlier and now the GPS doesn't work, which means he's trying to make his way back to the motorway with the outdated map he found in the glove compartment of his rental car (trying being the operative word here). And then, just when he thinks things have hit rock bottom, the car suddenly sputters to a halt, and Sebastian realizes with a sinking feeling that he forgot to fill up on gas before leaving New York.

Fuck his life, honestly.

He just about manages to steer the car into the gutter before it gives up the ghost completely. Sebastian gets out of the car in a huff, yelling into the void for few satisfying seconds and then giving one of the car's tires a vicious kick for good measure.

He's so caught up in his rage that he doesn't even really register the motorcycle coming towards him until it stops next to his car. And oh great, as if this day wasn't terrible enough, now he's is going to get murdered by a Hell's Angel by the side of the road in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. But then the guy takes off his helmet, and - oh, hello. Sebastian thinks he actually wouldn't mind being murdered by this guy so much. He's a little rugged, sure, but in a handsome way, bearded, wearing leather boots as well as two different types of flannel underneath his motojacket.

"You okay there?" the guy asks, giving Sebastian an amused look.

Sebastian cringes, realizes how he must look to this guy, in his suit jacket and fancy shoes and gold jewellery, throwing a tantrum by the side of the road. But he's got bigger things to worry about right now than looking like an idiot, so he runs a hand through his disheveled hair and answers truthfully. "Not really," he admits. "Ran out of gas and I've got no idea where I am, to be honest."

The guy smirks, giving Sebastian a slow once-over. "I thought you looked a little lost," he says, but before Sebastian can put his hackles up, the guy holds out his hand and says, "I'm Chris. Where were you headed to?"

"Sebastian." He shakes Chris's hand, which is big and dry and a little cold, from driving without gloves on. "Well, I was hoping to get back to New York sometime tonight, but..."

Chris clicks his tongue in sympathy. "Tough luck. If you want, I can give you a ride to the nearest town? You could stay the night at the inn and call the AAA tomorrow? Unless you'd rather call them now. They'd have to come all the way from Boston, though, so it could take a couple of hours."

Sebastian sighs, because yeah no, the idea of sitting here in the dark for hours by himself doesn't exactly sound appealing. As if in agreement, Sebastian's stomach chooses that moment to remind him that the last time he had something to eat was around 10am that morning, the sound loud in the otherwise quiet road. Sebastian shoots Chris a sheepish look.

"There's also a pretty good burger place on the way," Chris says, looking even amused now, before he gives Sebastian's clothes another calculating look and adds, "That is, if you don't mind greasy burgers."

Sebastian can't help but bristle, just a little. "The greasier the better," he says defiantly, before realizing that kind of sounded like an innuendo, considering this guy looks like a bike mechanic. It seems Chris picked up on that too, because he smirks again. Then he holds out his helmet to Sebastian. "Hop on," he says.

"What about you?"

"I'll drive slow," Chris shrugs. "It's only a couple of minutes."

So Sebastian puts on the helmet and swings his leg over the bike, settling in behind Chris.

"Hold on tight."

Sebastian wraps his arms tightly around Chris's surprisingly slim waist, pressing himself up against his back. As they set off, Sebastian has the sudden thought that this day might be looking up after all.

They pull up outside a pub-style bar a little while later. Chris shuts off the bike and Sebastian climbs off, taking off the helmet. "Thanks," he says, handing it to Chris. "I appreciate it. So um, if you could give me the name of that inn, I can just go on on foot once I'm done here and ask for directions or something. Unless it's too far to walk?"

"I could also just give you a lift there," Chris says, tilting his head slightly. "I'm kinda hungry myself, actually. I could eat a burger. If you don't mind the company, that is."

Sebastian really, really doesn't mind the company. He smiles. "'Course," he says, starting to walk in the direction of the entrance. "My treat, seeing as you kind of saving my ass right now." When he shoots a look over his shoulder, he could swear Chris had just been looking at said ass, possibly assessing whether or not it's worth saving. Sebastian hopes the answer is yes.

As promised, the burgers are pretty greasy but also very good. They talk while they eat, Sebastian relating what led him to be stranded in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Massachusetts. Chris smirks, but otherwise doesn't make any snide remarks about Sebastian being an actor, so Sebastian likewise doesn't make fun of Chris when he tells him he's owns a one-man woodworking business. Despite their very different lifestyles and occupations, it turns out they've got quit a lot in common. And unless Sebastian is very delusional, they've also got a ton of chemistry. Chris keeps looking at Sebastian's mouth when he's talking, and Sebastian can't stop himself from letting his gaze linger on Chris's shoulders and forearms. There's a spark there, no doubt about it.

By the time they've finished their burgers and drinks, Sebastian is really hoping he might just be able to stay the night at Chris's place, instead of at some inn.

Once Sebastian has paid, they make their way outside again, walking over to Chris's parked bike. Chris gets on but doesn't take the bike off the stand yet. He rubs the back of his neck, giving Sebastian a look from under his lashes. "So. Where to?"

Sebastian arches an eyebrow. "Thought you were gonna give me a lift to that inn you mentioned." He lets Chris sweat for a moment, before he smirks and adds, "Unless you've got somewhere better in mind."

The corner of Chris's mouth curves upwards. "I might know a place," he says, not breaking eye contact.

They look at each other for a moment, something sizzling in the air between them.

"Lead the way."

****

Chris knows he shouldn't have brought this beautiful stranger home.

He knows he's a hopeless romantic who falls too fast, especially for people like Sebastian, who are gorgeous and interesting and driven and intelligent. He knows that inviting someone like that into his home would make him immediately imagine a future with them that he could never have. He knows that, and at the same time, he also knows he wouldn't have wanted to miss last night for the world.

Sebastian is better than anything Chris could ever have dreamed up, and Chris is so happy that chance (fate?) brought Sebastian into his path. So grateful that he got to spend one perfect night with him.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like a sonofabitch when he's driving Sebastian back to his car the next day, knowing that in just a few minutes time, he's going to have to say goodbye, and he'll most likely never see him again. Except maybe on the silver screen.

Chris pulls up next to Sebastian's abandoned car, shuts off the engine, and takes off his helmet. Behind him, Sebastian does the same, handing Chris the spare helmet to put in the saddlebags. Chris gets off and turns around. Sebastian's hair is tousled, the golden morning sun catching on it, making it glow. He's wearing an old wax coat over his suit blazer, lent to him by Chris, because the morning air is pretty chilly, and Chris has already learned that Sebastian gets cold easily.

When Sebastian starts to take off the coat, Chris waves a hand and says, "Keep it. It's an old one anyway, and you might be here for a while, depending on when the AAA gets here."

Frowning, Sebastian puts his hands in his pockets. The sun frames him from behind, making it seem like he's got a halo, and secretly, Chris thinks Sebastian is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

"Thank you," Sebastian says quietly.

And Chris could be wrong, but he thinks that maybe, just maybe, Sebastian might be feeling a little of what Chris is feeling, too.

"Don't mention it," Chris says, leaning against his bike, thankful for his sunglasses not just because of the sun, but also because they help hide the way he's feeling right now. Which is, frankly, far more devastated than he should be, over someone he just met yesterday.

"I could -" Sebastian starts, before he stops himself, biting his lip.

"Yeah?"

Sebastian takes a breath, looking at the ground. "Well, I was just thinking, I could maybe return it to you sometime. The coat, I mean. You're not that far from New York, really, and, y'know, I'm kinda sad I didn't get a chance to see your workshop, and like, the town." He looks up, giving Chris a careful look from under his lashes.

A warm feeling spreads through Chris's chest, more effective in driving away the cold and sadness than the sun could ever hope to be. He smiles at Sebastian. "Or I could drive up to New York sometime and collect it," he says, ignoring the fact that he just basically said he didn't need the coat back anyway. "Been meaning to visit again for a while anyway, I kinda miss the excitement. And like you said, it's not that far from here, if you think about it."

They smile helplessly at each other for a few moments, something passing between them that doesn't need to be articulated to be real.

"Let me give you my number," Sebastian says, seeming to glow with more than just the morning sunlight now, and if Chris saves the number in his phone with a little heart next to Sebastian's name, that's nobody's business but his.

[wooahaes]

i can't run away

pairing: non-idol!vernon x fem!reader [ft. changbin + minho skz, youngtaek golden child, among others]

genre: college au. angst. unrequited love (best friends growing apart).

word count: 13.5k~

warnings: angst. two idiots pining for each other and doing nothing about it. reader gets harassed at one point while at a party (off screen, only mentioned). food + alcohol mentions throughout. reader having a disrespectful roommate + mentions of sex (via reader getting repeatedly kicked out of her dorm room by a roommate w no heads up). loss of major friendship. slight health scare within reader's family. reader crying several times throughout. mentions of break-ups. abandonment via ditched plans (multiple times). growing up, growing apart. ask to add additional warnings.

daisy's notes: i've had this planned for a While now. sequel fic with a happy ending to come.

Your college years were meant to be this big step forward in life. Maybe that was why you were panicking so much the night before move-in day.

As you laid in bed, you mentally went back over everything. Your move-in time was early in the morning tomorrow, which meant you needed to get to sleep soon so that you wouldn’t be too much of a hassle for your parents to deal with come morning. Everything had always been packed away nice and neat and, aside from a few last minute things, was completely ready to go. You had checked everything twice before you and your family packed things up, and the bare walls and, well, everything of your room was enough proof for you. It wasn’t like you had the car packed slam full—but you took everything you would need. Some decorations for your side of the room, your clothing, school supplies… You weren’t the kind of person who hoarded things. Therefore everything you had was in that car. Your parents would be driving you to campus and helping you unpack, and then leaving you there to rely on public transportation within the city. Not that you minded: you liked not having to worry about gas prices. Despite the fact you knew everything was taken care of, all you could do was stare up at the faded glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling with this ugly pit of dread in your stomach.

Beside your head, your phone buzzed with a text, screen lighting up. Against the background of you and him smushed into the same frame (a selfie from your movie night a few weeks ago), Vernon was asking if you were still awake.

[baja blast 🚀] god you’re insufferable

[baja blast 🚀] what if i WAS asleep rn? huh?

[mr chwe 👽] you’ll live :)

[mr chwe 👽] i’m outside btw

[mr chwe 👽] also not to bribe you but i brought taco bell.

Shoving your blankets off of you, you made your way to your window to see that Vernon was, in fact, standing outside. He squinted up at your window before smiling proudly, holding up the bag triumphantly while not even risking the drinks in the cup holder he was carrying. He looked so, so stupidly proud of himself. Despite how your heart raced a little at the sight of your long-time best friend cheesing at you, you rolled your eyes and fought back a smile. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of making you happy this soon. Snagging your hoodie from your nearby chair, you made your way downstairs and out of the house. Soon enough, you were sitting next to your best friend, watching him carefully dish out your food.

“We’re still getting breakfast tomorrow, right?”

Completely unrelated to your friendship, which had been set in stone since middle school, Vernon just so happened to be going to the same college as you. While you had been excited over your own program, Vernon had caught sight of their film program and practically fell in love with it (although you couldn’t remember all the details he gushed to you about). Plus he guessed the added bonus of having you around did sweeten the deal a little bit. The two of you had decided to get breakfast tomorrow morning after you both moved into your dorms… Although you knew Vernon pretty well at this point. He’d already met two of his roommates. One of them was some education major named Boo Seungkwan, who Vernon had already said he’d introduce you to sometime. The other was Seo… something. You couldn’t recall his given name, but he was ‘chill enough’ according to Vernon. 

You tore open a sauce packet, giving a casual shrug. “If your roommates don’t steal you away first.”

“Hey, no, c’mon,” he lightly kicked you. “If they wanna come, then I’m fine with it if you are. I think you’re really gonna love Seungkwan. He’s super nice.”

Not more than I love you, you know, you had wanted to say. Instead, you shoved the thought back. The two of you had been friends for years at this point and you’d managed to hide your crush pretty damn well, so you didn’t need for it to start getting in the way now. And, sure, said crush had only developed two years ago (something about the sight of your best friend being ready to throw hands with your shitty ex-boyfriend was enough to endear you to him for life), but Vernon was always your best friend first. There was no way you were going to destroy your friendship with him by confessing. College would be different, you were sure of it. Somehow, you would find a way to move on and keep your bond safe.

But what if I want you to myself for another day? What then, Vernon?

You looked back up at him, licking sauce off of your fingers from where it spilled over your food and onto them. “You really haven’t met the other guy yet?” 

He looked up at you, one hand adjusting the band of his beaning. “Who, Chan? Nah. I mean, he emailed me a couple times. Seems pretty nice, though. Apparently he’s this super smart whiz kid who graduated early, so he’s younger than me and Seungkwan. Same age as Changbin, though.”

Changbin. You nodded along, committing the name to memory. Seo Changbin. Lee Chan. Boo Seungkwan. You chewed slowly, acutely aware of how perfectly Vernon knew your order by now. Same way you knew his. “Anything else?”

Vernon shook his head, only to stop dead in his tracks. “Oh, shit, wait—” He reached into his pockets, snagging his phone from it. “Apparently he’s this hot-shot dancer who’s set on joining the guys dance team. I found him on YouTube at some dance competition—he’s good.”

You’d already heard about the dance team. It wasn’t easy to get into, but that was due to the team being pretty damn legendary since several famous choreographers now came from there. Allegedly, the current dance captain of the guy’s team was remarkable strict when it came to performing every since he took over the role last year (something Hoseok—you’d never cared for the team because you couldn’t join, so you never committed the name to memory), but they were thriving nonetheless. Rumor said he was already being offered a job with some huge company to choreograph for idols. He was strict, but definitely not without reason if that were the case. Sure enough, Vernon was true to his word: this Chan guy was talented. 

“What about you?” Vernon asked after he set his phone down. “You’ve only got the one roommate. What’s she like?”

Ah, yes. The pre-med major you knew next to nothing about because she barely responded to your emails—which, truthfully, wasn’t a huge deal. She seemed pretty nice from what you could gather, but you only imagined she’d be busy since she offhandedly said she’d be spending most of her time in the library. Honestly, you didn’t mind it as much. Whereas you’d be staying in a smaller room with a single roommate and a communal bathroom, Vernon would have a suite with a shared bathroom between the two rooms. Maybe if you could trust the four guys to keep it clean (you’d seen Vernon’s room growing up—you just hoped at least one or two of the others were cleaner than him), you’d be fine with sleeping over once or twice for movie nights with Vernon. Something told you that Vernon’s friendship with Seungkwan was going to be different than whatever you had with your roommate. Apparently the two were talking way more than the few messages you’d exchanged with your own roommate. 

Not that you were jealous, of course. (Maybe you were a little of how easily they were getting along.)

“It doesn’t feel real yet, y’know?” You broke the comfortable silence that had grown between the two of you. “College, I mean.”

He nodded along, leaning against one of the posts on your front porch. “I get it,” he said after a long sip from his cup of soda. “It’s weird. Kinda still feels like we just met yesterday.”

Sixth grade science class, the first class you ever took in middle school. Your teacher had decided to randomly generate her seating chart, and the two of you had ended up at that same table. Call it chance or fate, you were glad either way. Vernon had liked spaceships you doodled on your notes, and quietly asked if you believed in aliens. You had looked at him, staring for a little too long and apparently scaring the shit out of him (he confessed that he’d been terrified you were about to chew him out), and confirmed that you definitely did… and the rest was pretty much history. Although you weren’t a hundred percent sure of your stance on aliens anymore (the universe was huge, you weren’t sure if you were entirely alone in it), the two of you had kept the emojis as a reminder of where the two of you began. A rocket by your name in Vernon’s phone with rotating remarks (baja blast was the most recent after you choked on it due to some stupid meme he’d shown you), and he’d always have some variation of his own name (Mr. Chwe after your karaoke night where you dragged him into singing “Mr. Chu” with you) with that little alien emoji right next to it.

“I’m glad you’re in this with me.” The words tumbled out of your mouth before you’d even fully processed them, and you suddenly looked up to figure out what you needed to do next. Apologize? Distract him? Kiss him, if this were a movie? Vernon just sat there, staring at you with slightly parted lips. 

Then he blinked, realizing you were watching him, and threw on that charmer smile he sometimes used when flirting with girls. “Yeah,” he said, a little distant as he started to pack up the trash from your late-night meal. “Same. We’re gonna destroy this campus, y’know?”

You’d just laughed at him, making some jab that you wouldn’t remember in a few weeks before you moved to help him clean up. He’d toss the garbage once he got home as he tucked the other crunchwrap he’d bought (for Sofia, no doubt—even for a meal with you, he was always thinking of her) into the front pocket of his hoodie. You stood on your front porch, watching him walk down to the end of your driveway before turning back. He waved at you, and all you could do was smile and wave back before heading back inside. 

True to his word, Vernon got breakfast with you that following morning after the two of you had moved into your dorms. He brought along Seungkwan (the only roommate who had moved in—Chan and Changbin would be moving into their room later), who seemed to get along with, well, anyone who spoke to him for more than a few seconds. You had listened as Vernon started talking about this record store off campus that he’d apply to work for so he’d have extra spending money (“Y’know, for dates and stuff?”), making your own mental list of the places you applied to work at both on and off campus. 

Weirdly enough, when you watched the animated way Seungkwan and Vernon spoke to one another, you felt this odd sinking feeling in your chest. But instead you decided to wash it down with a coke and rejoin the conversation, Seungkwan all too happy to include you in his music talk.

Freshman year, a few months in, and Vernon had already invited you to an off-campus party.

He’d meshed well with several of the sophomores in his general education courses, and that had been his “in” to this kind of thing. He’d told you a bit about them, and that some guy named Seokmin was the one who invited him along. When Vernon asked if he could invite you along, Seokmin seemed completely on board—the more the merrier, apparently—and said he’d pick the two of you up wherever Vernon told him to. Which, turns out, to be your dorm. The night of the party left Vernon lying on your bed as you looked through your wardrobe, your roommate out for the night, studying yet again. You were just trying to find something nice to wear.

You let out a sigh. “I don’t know about this, dude,” you said, pushing aside your shirts to find a decent one for a party. Whereas Vernon stood on that line between introvert and extrovert, you were a little more introverted and it seemed to show in your wardrobe in that stereotypical way. You preferred comfier clothing to the traditional “party” attire other people sometimes wore whenever they felt like (no shade to them to be fair: they rocked the look). Unfortunately for you, it left you a little out of luck for parties. One of your new friends, Minho, had even pegged you as being more of a bookish introvert from your wardrobe alone. At least it meant you were comfortable in class. “You said this party is gonna be huge.” 

“And I’ll be right there with you the entire time,” he said. “C’mon. How many parties have you gone to already?”

There was this soft, pale blue sweater sitting in front of you that Vernon had bought for your birthday last year. It wasn’t expensive or anything, but… did you want to risk it at a college party? Sure, you could get any stains out if you needed to, even if you had to stay up all night to do it. You sighed. “Zero.”

“And how many have I invited you to?”

“I dunno. Four? Most of the time you run off with your buddies and forget all about me.”

“I don’t forget,” he said, frowning. “I only invite you when I know you aren’t busy. You’re the one who signed up for an extra class during the first week—I don’t wanna bother you when I know you’re studying.”

Of course Vernon was thinking of you. Despite his thoughtfulness, you pouted as you looked over your shoulder at him. “Close your eyes so I can change or I’m gonna change my mind about going.”

Wordlessly, he turned over onto his side, and the mattress groaned underneath him as he did. He settled, and didn’t move any further, giving you the chance to strip your shirt off and drop it into the bottom of your closet, staring at your shirts again. Shit, which one…?

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” he said, quiet enough that you weren’t sure whether you were supposed to hear him or not.

Maybe he had a slight point there. The two of you were close. You had changed in front of him plenty of times before without thinking about it—hell, you didn’t even care when the two of you were in your early teens. You’d go to the pool with him and strip off your cover-up before an adult scolded you for it, saying something about how it wasn’t “proper” for girls to do that kind of thing around boys. Why did Vernon get to pull his shirt off, but you had to go to a changing room? You’d always despised it, but maybe it was for the best now. If people saw you and Vernon like this, they’d ask you what the two of you were. If he was your boyfriend or not. You weren’t exactly ready to confront those feelings and feel the bitter sting of rejection quite yet. Plucking a band t-shirt from a hangar, you stared down at it before looking at Vernon… and then you tossed it at him, pulling on that baby blue sweater instead and deciding to change into a nice pair of jeans quickly. People might give you looks, but you were genuinely the kind of person who got cold easily. You didn’t need to give Vernon an excuse to push his jacket onto you, too, always insisting that you stay warm. 

His phone dinged a moment later. “Oh, shit,” he sat up, “Hao’s outside.”

You looked up from where you were stepping into a pair of black jeans. “Hao?”

“Hao’s one of the guys—” Vernon turned around without thinking, only to immediately whip back around to give you privacy. “There’s Minghao, the philosophy major. Super smart dude. Seokmin’s the theater guy who invited us to this, aaand Mingyu, who’s still stuck between a couple things but he said he’d make up his mind before the end of the semester.”

“Is anyone I know going to be there?”

“Seungkwan’s coming,” Vernon said. “Chan’s busy with a paper. You’ll be stuck in the back with me, though.”

“Gross,” you stuck your tongue out. “You sure I can’t talk Seungkwan into switching?”

He rolled his eyes, throwing your shirt back at you as he hid his smile. “You know you love me.”

You flopped onto the space next to Vernon so that you could pull on one of your boots, and he looked at you with a smile. “So you always say.”

After lacing up your boots, the two of you made your way down to the van that was awaiting the two of you. Introductions happened after you were both squared away in the back. You did notice that Seungkwan gave Mingyu a look when he asked if the two of you were really just friends. Had he been able to do it more secretly, maybe Seungkwan would have kicked him for it. But you were more focused on learning a little more about Vernon’s friends. Minghao was a dancer on that prestigious dance team alongside Chan and a few other guys that Vernon knew, and he’d met Vernon through his philosophy class (he’d once been a literature major, only to switch at the end of freshman year). Seokmin had met him in the dining hall one day, inviting him over when he was about to eat alone since you were in a lecture, and the two seemed to hit it off pretty well—which led to Vernon meeting Mingyu. Seungkwan had already known Mingyu from a class the two had shared, and he’d known Seokmin through the school choir. It made you feel a little self conscious that the only person who really knew you here was Vernon (as you only knew Seungkwan through him). But Vernon’s shoulder had bumped into your own, and it reassured you. Making friends would be easier if you just talked to them a little more. That was why you were coming with him: to meet people.

Unfortunately for you, the party was pretty fucking packed. Vernon had swore on the ride over that if he wasn’t with you, then one of his friends would be watching your back. He knew how shitty people could be to girls at parties, and he seemed intent on staying close to keep you safe. With a hand at the middle of your back, he’d introduced you to a few people he already knew. From across the crowded room, he could hear someone yelling his name (some dude named Seungcheol who he knew from work), and Vernon had excused himself from you to go say hi. Vernon would introduce him to you some other time when Seungcheol was… well, sober. He’d carried off his red solo cup of beer and felt Seungcheol throw an arm around his shoulder the moment he was close enough to, already introducing himself to a couple other seniors—Jeonghan and Joshua. 

Time slipped through his fingers like the beer in his cup, though, and it took several drinks for Vernon to realize… He couldn’t see you anywhere. Fuck. He’d gotten carried away with talking to Joshua (who had been abstaining from drinking that night—he was there to watch Jeonghan and Seungcheol) about the States that at some point, he stopped glancing back to check on you. Seungcheol had already teased him one too many times about “that girl he obviously likes” while giving some tips on how to hook up with you (out of the question: Vernon liked you too much and knew you too well to try and treat you so casually) that he’d stopped looking so often. Somewhere along the way, you’d just disappeared at some point. He excused himself from the conversation, glancing at his phone to realize just how long he’d been talking to them. He avoided the occupied bedrooms, knocking on bathrooms and calling your name, pushing through people-heavy rooms in an attempt to see that baby blue sweater.

“Oh, her?” Seokmin had said when Vernon finally found him and Minghao in the kitchen. “She left. I told you maybe half an hour ago.”

Vernon furrowed his brow. He hadn’t even seen Seokmin… hadn’t he? “What?”

Seokmin glanced around, and guided a little further into the kitchen to get away from the loud music, right next to where an open window was.. The cool night air hit his warmed skin, and Seokmin’s gaze could have sobered him up alone. “She told me she was going to get an Uber and went home,” he repeated. “Weren’t you listening?”

Vernon scrambled for his phone again. “Yeah,” he lied, “totally. Just wanted to make sure you remembered…”

[ mr headphones 👽] did you get back safe?

Seokmin glanced from Vernon’s face to the illuminated screen, not bothering to try and read it. “Right,” he said. “I’m going back inside. She’s probably fine. Mingyu’s been outside—You can ask him if he saw her leave.” 

Vernon barely responded, and Seokmin merely merged back into the conversation with Minghao. He dumped his drink into the sink, and made his way outside instead. Fuck, you’d left early? And you didn’t even tell him anything? If you weren’t having fun, he would have ditched this place to be with you. Wherever you wanted to go, he’d follow. What was the point of bringing you out if you were miserable the entire time? He stared down at his phone, tapping his foot as he waited for something—even the response bubble with those three little dots—to pop up in your texts. He should call you. But his head was still fuzzy from the alcohol in his system. He scratched the back of his neck, moving further away from the doors. Maybe he shouldn’t have drank tonight to begin with. Not when you were with him. He kicked himself for even inviting you out. Parties weren’t your thing—not big ones like this, anyway. You were fine in situations where you knew people, he’d just thrown you to the sharks and then entirely fucked off because Seungcheol called him over.

Maybe he should have just set up a movie night for the two of you like he wanted to. And… if Seungkwan or Chan had wanted to join, they could have. It could be like old times again.

[🚀] 👍

He breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the message popped up. You were fine. Most likely, you’d made it back to campus and gone up to your room, and then taken a shower. Vernon leaned back against the wall, letting his head fall back against the brick as he shut his eyes. There were other parties he could have taken you to, other parties with less people than this one. This place was too cramped, too crowded, and you were probably getting overheated in that stupid cute sweater you loved wearing so much. You were too pretty in it for him to say otherwise, though, even though he felt like it was a bad idea when drunk idiots could spill their shitty beer all over it. 

Minghao had finally found him again outside while he was rounding up the people he was responsible for. How long had he stood outside, bobbing his head to the blasting music he could still hear—albeit muffled—from where he stood? He kept staring down at his phone screen and that singular emoji from you, this nagging feeling in the back of his head. He wasn’t sure how long, but it’d been long enough for Minghao to drag him back to the car where the others were. Seungkwan was silently toying with the paper wrapper of the water bottle someone (Minghao, he’d find out barely a minute later: he carried them with him for the drunk idiots he had to get home) had pressed into his hands. Seokmin was still giggling about something, apparently having drank more since Vernon last saw him. Mingyu kept whispering things to Seokmin that’d send him into further giggles. In the back of that van, Vernon suddenly felt your absence way more. On the drive over, he’d been showing you stupid memes and cat videos he’d been compiling in a playlist for you. He’d heard your laugh, and felt the weight and warmth of your body as it pressed against his. Now all he could smell was the reek of alcohol and Seokmin’s laugh, alongside the feeling of Seungkwan staring at him every so often, lips pressed tight together.

It wasn’t until long after they were back at the dorm that Seungkwan finally spoke up. He’d been standing next to him in the bathroom, cleaning his face while Vernon was brushing his teeth. “Is she okay?”

Vernon looked up with a muffled “hmpfh?” in response. He’d sobered up more since Minghao brought him back, walking the two up to the entrance of their building and making them promise to drink more water once they got to their room. One movie later, and Vernon’s head finally felt a little clearer than it did before.

“Your friend.” Seungkwan paused, and then said your name after a moment. “Someone kept harassing her at the party. He only left her alone once I stepped in, but she left after that happened.” 

Vernon spat hard into the sink, wiping his mouth with his sleeve and whipping around to face Seungkwan. “What?”

“Ew.” Seungkwan wrinkled his nose as he glanced at Vernon’s sleeve, but let whatever he wanted to say next. He turned back to himself in the mirror, “Minghao offered to drive her home, but she turned it down in case one of us needed him. She said she’d get an Uber, and he went outside to wait until he saw her get in. I think he said he got her number and told her to text him as soon as she was home safely.” 

… Why hadn’t you said any of that to him? Fuck, why didn’t you find him when that guy was messing with you? He would have outright told him to go fuck himself and to leave you alone. He looked at the time on his phone again and scowled: it was far too late to call you. If Seungkwan had mentioned it earlier… No. It wasn’t Seungkwan’s fault. Vernon would just text you in the morning and get breakfast with you as an apology for not being there for you when you needed him (and talk to you about what happened, if you were willing).

Sure enough, you’d agreed, and the two of you agreed to meet at this quaint little place off campus. He sat across from you, watching as you tore the paper off of your straw with this content smile. You pushed it into your cup of orange juice and looked up at him with his gleeful look in your eyes, always happy to start a morning like this. Any other time, he’d find it cute and your love of the drink endearing. But now…

“Hey…” He said. “Why didn’t you find me last night?”

“Hm?” You looked up at him, lips wrapped around your straw as you took a long sip. A moment later, you set the cup back down. “I didn’t want to bother you. Did you have fun? You guys looked like you were.”

“That’s not important,” he said. “Seungkwan told me some guy kept harassing you.”

Your smile fell, and you sank back into the cushioned seat. “You… You looked really into the conversation you were having with that guy. I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

He sighed, “That doesn’t matter—” Vernon’s eyes met yours, and he frowned at you. “You’re my best friend. If some asshole is bothering you, you should tell me. We’re supposed to have each other’s backs.”

“I was fine, Vernon,” you said. “I wasn’t having fun, so that’s why I left. You fit into parties like that way better than I do. I don’t even know why you bothered inviting me.”

I asked you to come because I wanted you there, Vernon wanted to say. Deep down, he hoped to maybe show you off a little. To have someone maybe try and ask outright if you were his girlfriend (someone that wasn’t Mingyu, who he could chalk it up as Mingyu teasing him), and maybe use that to break into that conversation. The “are we just friends?” conversation he’d been wanting to have with you, yet kept shying away from because what if he misread all of it? The two of you were close. It’d taken him forever to figure out his feelings for you, and he was sure you felt… something to him. You hadn’t seen anyone else since classes started, at least. And he hadn’t seen anyone either. Maybe…

Maybe he was waiting for you to take that first step. Whether it was you telling him that he wasn’t being stupid and that you liked him back, or you straight up kissing him… He needed that sign in neon lights. He wasn’t going to gamble and fuck this up. 

“Still…” His foot nudged yours underneath the table. “I care about you a lot, y’know? If you aren’t having fun, then we’ll go do something else.” He paused, and extended his pinkie out to you. “We’re a pair.”

There was that pretty smile he loved so much. You rolled your eyes a second later, locking your pinkie around his own. “Yeah,” you said. “We’re a pair… But you’re still paying for our pancakes.”

(Fuck, he loved you too much.)

Vernon stopped inviting you to parties. 

It took you a little longer than it should have to realize it, considering it had been a few months since then. He’d go out, post pictures and status updates on his social media of and about him and his friends and whatever they were up to. That didn’t mean he stopped inviting you places altogether: he just started making different plans for you. Smaller get-togethers with his (and your) friends, things that were more comfortable for you. Seungkwan always treated you kindly whenever you came around, happy to keep you involved in the conversation whenever he noticed it was veering a little too off to one side. Sometimes Chan would join in, and Changbin—the other roommate, who you actually ended up befriending pretty easily—did, too. Sometimes you’d invite Minho along, too. Your little group would either go out on the weekends, finding something fun to do within the city. Other times, you would all curl up in their suite and watch movies together (or play games—Chan had a Switch and the extra controllers so that you could all play alongside him). You’d never forget waking up next to Vernon during finals week. The two of you had been studying for the psychology class that you shared. For a moment, you wondered if this was what your life could look like if you just told him. But you’d seen how feelings could ruin a friendship: two of your friends in high school had broken apart because one confessed their unreciprocated feelings. They’d never been the same. You wouldn’t let that be you and Vernon.

So you shoved your feelings aside again and again. Even now, as you were waiting alone in a fast food place for Vernon. He was standing toward the front, waiting for your order. This was supposed to be some kind of study session, actually: the two of you had a biology lab that you needed to work on that was due a few days from now. It was Vernon’s idea to do it over lunch. Unlike last semester, the two of you shared way more gen ed classes—save for your English one, although he was just in the other section for it.

Despite your confidence in your friendship with Vernon… You couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he pitied you a little more than he did before. You’d been fine with making friends in high school, but college? Aside from Vernon, you had to build things back up entirely. You had Lee Minho—he’d been in one of your gen ed classes last semester, and he was in your English class now—but that was the only real friend you’d made on your own. Then again, you kind-of talked to the guy in your Japanese class, Youngtaek. He’d confided with you during your first class that he could speak Japanese just fine, but the school wouldn’t let him test out of it, so he’d just take it as a boost to his GPA. He didn’t make fun of your confused pronunciations, either, always kindly correcting you before he slid you his number in case you needed his help. But… That was the extent of it. Sure, you knew Minho’s cats’ names, and you kind-of knew about Youngtaek’s other friends… That was it, though. You were still lost, trying to find your footing in this difficult time in life. Most of freshman year had slipped past you before you’d known it, and now you were just there. Still lost in who you were and what you really wanted in life. And now you knew that Vernon would cancel his plans with other people just to hang around you.

When did this all feel so complicated?

The sound of the tray hitting the table pulled you out of your thoughts, and Vernon slid into the other side of the booth. He started to dish out your respective meals, talking about the biology report that you’d honestly stopped caring about as he did so. Sitting next to the window meant you could see how pretty his eyes were when the sunlight hit them. You’d always thought Vernon had beautiful eyes, regardless of where the two of you were… But the way they looked when the sunlight hit them? That was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in your life. How did you manage to get a best friend who was not only handsome, but funny and sweet and—

“You good?”

Shit. You nodded. “Just thinking.”

He smiled a little, setting your drink in front of you before he put the tray aside. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just one lab report. We’ve got this.” 

Sometimes, you truly admired how confident he could be in your abilities… and the way he accidentally just gave you an out. “I guess I’m just thinking about the next lab,” you shrugged. “Dissection is…”

“Oh. Dude. We could totally ditch.”

You furrowed your brow as you looked up from where you were unwrapping your meal. “You sure? We only get one free pass in this class. Most people save it for the last lab.” 

“I mean… I don’t want to dissect shit. You don’t want to dissect shit. We’re only taking this course for the gen ed,” he shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe we could ditch and go see a movie or something.”

It reminded you of your senior year of high school together. The two of you ended up taking off in the middle of the day after Vernon found you upset, and you’d gone to an arcade instead. There was a polar bear plushie on your bed that you’d always kept from that day. And now he was willing to skip one of your biology labs for you. 

The two of you ended up braving the lab anyway. Even though neither of you were completely fine with dissecting, well, anything, the two of you managed to get through it pretty fine. Other people would have to deal with worse in the future, you were sure, but for two non-biology majors, just getting through it was fine. The two of you ended up going off to the movies afterward anyway as a tiny reward for not being cowards. In the back row of an empty theater, you rested your head on Vernon’s shoulder. A moment later, you felt his lean against yours.

At least you knew Vernon loved you in some way.

Sophomore year marked a slight change in everything. Life began to get in the way for you and Vernon. Whenever he was free, you often weren’t, and you always seemed to be free when he wasn’t. Sure, you could maybe stop by the record shop to talk to him for a few minutes whenever you wanted to see him, but it wasn’t the same as having a movie night at his and Seungkwan’s dorms (which they’d returned to again this year—although it was more communal rather than a suite). And you… You didn’t want Vernon coming to your dorms. 

The reason why? The same reason you were crying in the break room on your floor. The same fucking reason you were locked out of your dorm room for the third time in one week over the past few months. Your roommate was nice enough… when she was alone. Yet you’d heard her moaning when you came back up to get your textbooks, because you had a test coming up on Friday, and it was a major one. As nice as your roommate was, she never listened to you when you tried to set some kind of boundary like “can you give me a heads up before you start fucking your boyfriend in our dorm room?” considering she did this often. All you needed was a heads up so that you could get your shit and go somewhere else. It felt like you were never entirely alone in the dorm room for long: she or her boyfriend were always around. It wasn’t even as though she were studying in the room. They’d always fuck there, and your roommate never gave you any proper warning first despite the fact you’d always make it clear when something major was coming up and you needed to have some access to your study materials. 

Like you said: if she wanted to fuck her boyfriend, fine, but at least let you get your shit first. It wasn’t as if you had anywhere else to keep your books.

You tried to call Vernon for some kind of reassurance. Either he’d calm you down, or he’d bitch about your roommate’s rude behavior with you. He didn’t pick up, though, only texting back that he was busy at the moment. You buried your face in your hands, trying not to sob again. Even if you had your books, the library was always packed around this time. Where else could you study that was nice and quiet? Fuck, you knew your roommate, too: there was no way you’d be getting back in within the next few hours.

So you ended up texting Changbin, who’d grown closer with you over the break. He told you to just come on over to his apartment without any hesitation. You pulled yourself together, stopping in the bathrooms long enough to look yourself over and calm down before you left. Changbin’s apartment was just off campus, and you’d been enough times that you knew the way by heart. It was only a short bus ride and a walk, but it gave you plenty of time to calm down even further (even if you did end up crying again while waiting on the bus). By the time you came up, you’d seen where Changbin was making the couch up for himself. Youngtaek had been standing in the kitchen, making fried rice for himself when you came in. He’d greeted you warmly enough, yet noticed the fact that you only carried your school bag with you. What other clothing would you have? You’d all but collapsed onto the couch, and all it took was Changbin opening his arms to you for you to move into them.

Thank fuck for Changbin’s extensive workouts. Those big buff arms could crush you like a grape, but they meant Changbin was great for hugs. Involuntarily, you let out a groan into his shoulder, and felt the way they shook with a tiny chuckle.

“It’s okay,” he said, amusement lighting up his voice. “Just get it out.”

You squeezed him tight instead, face buried into his shoulder. Changbin might be one of the most huggable men you’d ever met, if you were honest. The other side of the couch dipped as Youngtaek sat down, bowl in his hands.

“Is it really that bad?”

You pulled away from Changbin’s arms to give Youngtaek a look that could kill. He didn’t seem to flinch, continuing to eat his food without much care. “I couldn’t care less if she has sex in our room,” you said. “I just care that she keeps having sex in our room in the middle of fucking week. She doesn’t even go to class some days! And I’ve straight up heard them fucking on the bed behind me when I’m trying to sleep. I called her out and she kept acting like I’m the stupid one for thinking that, and that I’m the pervert even though I woke up one night to hear her giggling about not waking me up. I told her I don’t care if she does it on the weekend or gives me a heads up so I can get my things and leave, but she never does! I always come back and the door’s locked and her boyfriend’s always moaning—”

Changbin just wordlessly pushed Gyu, his Munchlax plush, into your arms. You hugged him tight, and Changbin leaned forward to get a better look at your face. He slowly said your name, making you look back up. “Why don’t you move in with us?”

“Don’t you have another roommate?”

“He’s moving out in a few days,” Youngtaek said. “Something happened with his family. He said things are under control now, but he’s still going to transfer after this semester to somewhere closer to home. It’s not ideal circumstances, but for you… You’d be getting your own room.” He nodded toward the unlabeled door. “It’s small, like our rooms, but it’d be yours. You wouldn’t have to live on campus anymore, or share a room.” 

… Honestly, that didn’t sound bad at all. You hugged Gyu closer to your chest, thinking over it. “I’d have to talk to student housing, and return my key, and find someone who can help me move if I don’t just hire someone—”

“Wooyoung knows someone,” Changbins said. “I’ll ask him to talk to Yunho.”

Something about how quick both of them were to help you made your breath hitch, your heart swelling within your chest. All of a sudden, the frustration seemed to slip away, and you had begun to tear up. The stress had been building for weeks now of dealing with a roommate that never respected you—hell, it wouldn’t surprise you if she was just acting nice to your face. It made you miss your freshman roommate. At least she was nice to you and gave you a heads up when she was bringing friends over, since you always extended the same courtesy to her. The one time you tried to tell your current roommate that the room was yours too, she called you a prude for trying to stop her from having fun.

Hours later, Vernon called you while you were watching a movie with Youngtaek and Changbin. It wasn’t the studying you needed to be doing, but it was a nice alternative since you couldn’t. You’d stepped into Changbin’s room to answer, listening as Vernon mentioned that Seungkwan had seen you crying earlier at the bus stop. Your grip tightened a little around your phone. Shit, so Vernon knew that something was wrong, and you couldn’t dodge the subject easily.

“Roommate kicked me out again—”

“Again?!” He groaned. “Dude—You really need to talk to her. Get the RA involved.” 

“It’s fine,” you said. “I’ve already made plans.”

A pause on his end. “You wanna come over? I just got back from work, but I can maybe find a movie for us to watch—”

“It’s okay.” You leaned against the wall. “I’m at Changbin’s. He’s letting me take his room for the night.” For a moment, you hesitated. “... I think I’m going to move out of the dorms as soon as I can.”

“Wait, for real?”

Despite him being unable to see you, you nodded. “I already emailed student housing about it, so they’ll have to get back to me. I think I’m gonna at least pack a bag and bring some of my stuff over here in case I need an out. Binnie’s already texted one of his friends about helping me move out, since I think he knows someone with a big enough car for all of my stuff…” You let out a sigh. “I don’t think I’ll get my money back for this semester, but they should give me something for next semester since I won’t be living there.”

Vernon was quiet for a while. “You want some help?”

“Maybe,” you said. “I dunno how big the guy’s car is. I’ll keep you updated, alright?”

“You better.” He paused. “Is that all?”

You raised a brow. “Yeah?”

“That’s—I just wanted to know if anything else was wrong. That’s all.” 

“I’m fine, Vernon,” you said. “Thanks for calling. I’ll see you later, alright?”

It was an empty promise, you were sure. But you let him answer back with that casual, “Yeah, for sure,” before ending the call, as though it were something to hold each other to.

The next day, you confronted your roommate. No more sex until you had moved out. If she wanted to fuck her boyfriend while you were getting everything in order, then she could take it to his place. She’d been quiet for the longest time when you broke the news to her, and then apologized to you. It was… weird to see, to be honest. She said something about trying to change if it meant you wouldn’t move out, and that had raised one of the reddest flags you’d ever seen. At first, you couldn’t wrap your head around why she’d drop everything so quickly. The last time, she’d been quick to insult you for asking to have access to your own room, and this time…

Oh. She was hoping you’d break and change your mind. Well, fuck that. You’d pulled out one of your boxes and bought a roll of tape, and started getting your shit in order. Moving would suck, sure, but at least you wouldn’t be stuck in this dorm anymore. A new roommate might tell her outright to fuck off and learn how to share a room with another person instead of treating it like its her room alone. Maybe if you were a little bolder, you would have done it yourself. She was allowed to have sex if she wanted it: but it wasn’t her room alone, and it never had been. 

Within the next week, you were introduced to Wooyoung, who introduced you to Yunho in turn. Changbin hadn’t given either of them the full story past “my friend needs help moving out of her dorm because her roommate doesn’t respect her, can you help?” but that was fine with you. Changbin had been right there with you that day, too, to provide extra muscle in carrying your things. His other roommate had moved out over the weekend, which meant the room was ready for you. Although you tried to say that you didn’t need so many guys helping you move out, Changbin insisted further. That was what a good roommate did, after all: they were considerate.

(And, yes, he did say that while your roommate was curled up on her bed, watching your boxes slowly shrink in number.)

Youngtaek had been the one to suggest drafting up a roommate contract for the three of you once you got settled in. With your dorm room key turned in, and you receiving the key that Changbin and Youngtaek’s former roommate had, things felt a little more finalized. The two had a little housewarming celebration for you the night you moved in, and left you to start unpacking after you’d finished dinner with them. 

This was nice. Things were nice again.

You ended up inviting Vernon over after giving your new housemates the proper heads up, and that, too, was nice. Vernon had barely taken a look at you before he realized just how much happier you seemed to be. Between work and classes and… well, life itself, you guessed, things had finally started to feel a little more normal. Just as soon as he arrived, Seokmin was texting him about some other party that was happening tonight. You just hugged him tight and thanked him for stopping by. It was good to see his face, even for a few minutes.

It took several weeks of ditching you and canceling plans for Vernon to tell you what was going on.

“Well… There’s this girl…”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck—How were you supposed to respond to that? You reached for your drink, taking a quick sip to hopefully buy you a little more time to think as he kept explaining. There was a really nice girl in one of his film classes, Ji-woo, and they’d been talking a lot lately. Whenever he couldn’t drag you along to a movie he needed to see for class, she invited him into her own little group… and then alone, after the first few times. From the look on his face alone, you were sure that he was crushing. There was this subtle smile that Vernon always had when he talked about people. The lovestruck look in his eyes, so fond of whoever he was talking about. 

“So you’re crushing pretty hard, huh?” was what you settled on after a while, cutting him off mid-conversation. Maybe it was selfish, but hearing him talk so highly about another person made your stomach churn.

He stared at you for a moment, and then kind of shifted into that cheesy, I-might-be-in-love smile, gaze averting from you. “Maybe. I dunno. I’m still getting to know her, and I don’t wanna do anything until I know I like her… I just…”

“Are you asking for my blessing, you dork?”

He snorted, picking up his drink. “I mean—What would you do?” 

Die, maybe, the dramatic part of your brain yelled. Don’t date her. I love you. Please let me prove it. 

“You already know the answer to that,” you said. “You’re my best friend. Of course I’d support you.” 

Vernon stopped chewing at the end of his straw, staring at you for what felt like far too long. “... Right,” he said. “Yeah, of course—What was I thinking?”

(That he’d know. That he’d take one look at you and finally know if you loved him back. Instead you’re looking at him like you always do.)

“Well… Hey. Good luck,” you nudged him with your foot. “Anyone would be lucky to have you, you know. If you want, I can give you a discount at the flower shop.” You rested your head in your hand, “I’ll just use my employee discount. Fuck the rules.” 

He laughed a little at that. “God, I love you.” 

And you loved him, too. He was your best friend, even if the word stopped fitting so well.

Barely a few weeks later, after the start of junior year, Vernon asked Ji-woo out. All you could say after a minute or two of bone-crushing silence was the weakest congratulations you’d ever given him.

(Youngtaek had been the one who held you as you refused to cry that night. He just wordlessly put his arms around you, squeezing you tight while you fought everything inside of you.)

And now, a little over a month, you were feeling the absence of Vernon in your life. It felt naive to think that it was fine at first, and that heartbreak you felt would be the end of feeling like shit. The ugly parts of grief and pain and disappointment in yourself were supposed to be over, right? Except now, you kept getting ditched for dates with Ji-woo. You knew that Vernon would focus on his relationship with her, and you told him that’d be fine. He liked her (at least, he said he thought he did—he was still figuring it out), at least enough to ask her out officially. No flowers, no fancy anything, he just asked her to be his girlfriend after that last date before he immediately told you the next day. You were his best friend, your relationship was set in stone: he was fully allowed to focus on the one that wasn’t.

Except, as you said, for the fact he kept fucking ditching you and it was starting to really hurt. At first, it had been movie nights at the theater where he promised to buy you popcorn to make up for the times before (Ji-woo had wanted to go to the arcade, and Vernon jumped at the opportunity). You had been left standing outside for almost half an hour before he finally remembered you existed. He’d called you that day, apologizing over and over before you asked if it was Ji-woo. When he said it was, you played the best friend as perfectly as you hoped you could and said you understood. Lots of people put their love life over their friendships in the beginning. That was what endless internet research told you at least. There were plenty of threads that said it would work itself out in time, that it was okay for you to take the back burner and just remind your friend you were still there before you’d boiled away to nothing. A healthy relationship involved both time with friends and time with your partner, not just one or the other. 

Yet it kept happening. Movie nights with Vernon would get dropped within seconds because Ji-woo wanted to go out. You were left waiting in a coffee shop more than once with Vernon’s iced coffee melting across from you. The museum trip he’d promised you because it was this anime-themed exhibit (for an anime you two watched together in middle school) fell through and you ditched the idea of going on your own because it was less special that way. He only ever texted you at the last minute or hours later with another apology. It felt like all he ever did was apologize to you nowadays, and it was reaching a frustrating point. You swore you saw his friends more than you ever saw him. The last time you saw Vernon, he was with his girlfriend on campus, walking to class. You saw the way he looked at her (he used to look at you like that, you thought to yourself, whenever he actually looked at you), and you felt a pit of jealousy underneath this draining sense of grief. Seungkwan was still nice to you, though, and Chan would sometimes say hi. Seokmin even greeted you warmly whenever he saw you, happy to catch up since you rarely saw him (and it almost felt like he was your friend despite that). But Vernon…

You simply couldn’t care less. You had studies you needed to focus on instead. Sometimes you would leave Seungkwan’s contact open on your phone, always wanting to ask if Vernon had blown him (or anyone else) off for Ji-woo. There was a way to check. One simple text to send. But you didn’t: you didn’t want to know the answer. Not yet.

Vernon asked you if you wanted to go on a double date with him and Ji-woo. When you asked who you would be seeing, he simply said it’d be Seungkwan. So you stupidly said yes (probably giving Vernon the wrong idea), and the next day you were sitting next to Seungkwan in a diner booth and exchanging looks as he talked endlessly to his girlfriend rather than anyone else at the table. Is this what double dates were supposed to be? One couple talking the entire time? You didn’t think so. You and Seungkwan just looked at each other way too many times in disbelief. This fucking sucked.

Ji-woo excused herself to go to the bathroom, and you debated following her just to avoid whatever Vernon was about to ask next. It was the first time you were meeting her, after all. Ji-woo was nice. Bubbly, and sweet, and pretty, and you… really couldn’t hate her, if you were honest. When Vernon asked you if you wanted to come on this double date, you were expecting to find something to hate about her. Something you could justify being upset with him picking her over and over instead of spending even ten minutes with you. You’d never been like this when you had a boyfriend. Sure, your ex-boyfriend was shitty, but you still made time for both him and your friends. But between how pretty and sweet she was and the stupid loving look in Vernon’s eyes, all you felt was more guilt for being so mad at him. 

“So… What do you guys think?” He asked quietly. “She’s great, right?”

Seungkwan had nodded along. “... I think she’s nice.” 

… Was that reluctance? Before you could answer, your phone started ringing. You tapped Seungkwan’s arm, and he let you out of the booth so you could step outside to answer Changbin.

“Are you out? Minho said he saw you on a double date or something.” 

Immediately, you started looking around for Minho. When the fuck did he see you? “Yeah,” you said after a moment, still trying to see if Minho was within view. You’d (jokingly) go kick his ass for saying something to Changbin. “Vernon wanted us to meet Ji-woo, I guess.”

The pause Changbin took before speaking again told you everything you needed to know. You probably shouldn’t have said that. “Are you okay?”

Changbin and Youngtaek, as your housemates, were the unfortunate witnesses to your disappointed returns to the apartment. Every time Vernon blew you off for his girlfriend, one (or both) of them would see you come home and already know what happened. It’d been Changbin, though, who dragged you out of the apartment after one of those instances. Fuck Vernon, he had said, we’re going out and getting ramen tonight. It was the best fucking ramen you’d had in weeks, but you were starting to think that it was moreso the company than the noodles themselves. 

With a sigh, you sat down on the bench outside. “I’m fine, Binnie.”

“I can lie about breaking the coffee maker again,” he said immediately. 

“You don’t have to—Wait. Again?” 

“Just say the word and I’ll do it,” he quickly said. “Love you!”

With a sigh, you shoved your phone back into your pocket after he hung up on you. You’d confront him and Youngtaek about the coffee maker another time. The bell of the diner door rang behind you, and you almost stood up to use it as your own timer to go back inside and tell your friends that everything was fine—Changbin just wanted to know if you were gonna be home to eat dinner with him and Youngtaek. Except when you turned, Seungkwan was standing there. 

“I’m going to sing karaoke instead. Do you want to come with me?” 

You looked back toward the window. “What about Vernon—”

“He went to the bathroom after Ji-woo came back. I told her you seemed upset so I was going to walk you home.” Seungkwan crossed his arms. “Are you coming with me or not? I’m still mad that Vernon ditched our coffee date last week.”

You furrowed your brow. “He—”

“It was only the one time, but I’m still holding a grudge,” he said, sighing. “He should have texted. I wasted money on him since he said he’d be there.”

Well. That answered one of your questions. You said yes anyway, and Seungkwan immediately smiled, taking your hand and happily guiding you away. By the end of the night, your throat was raw and aching from screaming lyrics alongside Seungkwan, but it was comforting to know you weren’t alone. When he wasn’t entertaining you by yelling alongside you, his voice was genuinely beautiful to listen to. The two of you ended up getting street food together to replace the meal you didn’t have with Vernon and Ji-woo, and Seungkwan seemed a little happy to finally bitch about a couple things. While Vernon only blew him off the one time, it was enough to piss Seungkwan off because no one treated him like that. He’d chewed him out when he came back, saying that real friends called instead of leaving their friend to throw away a melted iced coffee. He later walked you to your bus stop, telling you goodnight as he squeezed your hands. The two of you should talk more (for non-bitching reasons, too). You watched him continue on toward the apartment he now shared with Vernon and Chan, and felt a little better about all of this.

At least you weren’t entirely alone.

A few months later, your grandpa got sick. Despite the insistence that he would be fine, you were terrified. Everything around you seemed to spiral into disaster. Between late assignments and a failed test, it felt like you were going to just… break. Your family told you to finish out your semester and come see him during break, that this wasn’t serious and he’d lived through worse. All you could think about was the fact that the one person you could talk to about this just… wasn’t there for you. He was on a date with Ji-woo. You tried calling him, and he denied it on the second ring. He texted you back to ask if it was important, since he was on that date.

You told him it wasn’t and to have fun on his date. Changbin was busy, and so was Youngtaek, which meant you would turn to the only other person you often hung out with nowadays. Minho answered your text within seconds when you asked if you could come over, and then followed up that ‘yes’ with asking whether it was serious.

[ 🦀 ] it is. family stuff.

[ 🦀 ] is that okay?

[ 🐈 ] just wanted to be ready

[ 🐈 ] see you soon

You shoved your things into your hoodie pocket and made your way to Minho’s apartment. His roommate was out when you got there, and Minho made a comment about how Chris wouldn’t be back until later that night anyway—so it was just the two of you for a while. By the time you’d sat down with him, you were already breaking down crying. He listened as you cried, pushing a box of tissues your way (Minho came prepared for this) as soon as you needed it. 

“You should trust your family on this,” he told you. “If they thought you needed to come home, they would be honest with you. If things suddenly changed and it looked like you might lose him, then they would tell you. Right?”

“Right, but…” Your grandpa wasn’t the only person you felt like you were losing now.

When was the last time you and Vernon hung out, not including the double date you and Seungkwan ditched? Before the semester started? Even then, he’d been ditching you to hang out with Ji-woo. Even now, you wished you could hate her. Or him. He was the one who was ditching you, not Ji-woo. Or maybe even both of them, when you thought about it now. Seungkwan had been the one who lied to her face and told her that you were upset about something, and you never heard a word from Vernon that night. What could Ji-woo have told him…? Fuck being mad at any of them at this point: that was energy you didn’t want to expend. 

If this was how it ended, then so fucking be it. 

Except it wasn’t. That wasn’t how it would end, because Vernon broke up with Ji-woo five months later, long after you went home and saw your grandpa in better health. He posted something on his private Twitter about it, so you decided to text him.

[🚀] hey, i just saw your priv

[🚀] i’m so sorry things didn’t work out for you two. are you alright?

[vernon 👽] yeah just

[vernon 👽] idk it’s a lot to process

[vernon 👽] i don’t think i’ve figured it all out yet

[🚀] you wanna talk about it? i’m here if you need me.

[vernon 👽] idk she just kept blowing me off for stuff

[vernon 👽] i mean. she can have friends, that’s not a problem at all. i’m never gonna stop her from that.

[vernon 👽] but like… she kept canceling out dates at the last second, or she’d forget about our plans because one of her friends wanted to go do something and they got mad at her for spending all her time w me, so she figured she should spend more time w them

[vernon 👽] just started to feel like i wasn’t important to her, y’know? 

[vernon 👽] like. not important enough to say ‘hey babe, suhyun wants to go to the amusement park and i’ve kind of neglected her, won’t make dinner today’ 

Oh. All at once, you were seething. As much as you wanted to feel bad for him, your anger kept building and building toward this ugly peak. Not now, you told yourself. You could be mad at him, but he was going through a tough time. 

(Where was he during YOUR tough times, you mentally shot back.)

[🚀] oh dude… i’m sorry

[🚀] that really sucks. i’m so sorry.

[🚀] i hope you feel better soon.

You turned your phone onto silent before slamming it down onto your bed, too choked up with emotions to say anything else. You had managed to pull it together long enough to say something that was hopefully nice, and now everything was hitting you hard and suffocating you. You wanted to throw something—anything—or scream in frustration. This sucked. You knew it sucked. But, fuck, you just wanted to go and scream at him “you see how fucking bad that feels?! To have someone you care about not fucking care anymore?!” and you didn’t. You couldn’t. It made you realize that neither of you have even addressed the fact you haven’t spoken in several months now.

You stepped out of your room, leaving your phone behind to get a glass of water. Maybe if you kept pushing your feelings down, you could redirect your anger into something better. If push came to shove, then you’d just go out and walk until you felt better. Youngtaek had been standing in the kitchen, preparing snacks.

“Oh, you’re home?” He didn’t look up past the quick glance he’d given you before he went back to arranging snacks. “Yeonjun and Wooyoung are coming over for game night. You don’t have to join us, but Changbin and I know you’re kind of friends with them, so you’re welcome to join us if you—”

The moment you sniffled, he looked up and realized something was wrong. All of a sudden, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. Something about being around other people you trusted made it harder for you to keep your emotions fully under wraps. Vernon once told you that you wore your emotions on your sleeve, and maybe that was still true. Youngtaek pulled you into his arms when you broke, letting you sob into his shoulder as he held you.

“Is it Vernon again?”

Youngtaek knew. Everyone knew, didn’t they? But Youngtaek and Changbin knew the most, next to Minho.

“You can’t keep avoiding this,” he said gently, stroking your hair. “It’s not fair to you.”

“He broke up with her,” you mumbled, “because she kept canceling plans a-and ditching him and…”

Youngtaek drew back, staring at you. “He what.” 

“And–And he didn’t feel like he was important to her at all anymore, a-and she would keep doing it last second or forgetting—”

You’d rarely seen Youngtaek look genuinely angry. He got frustrated, sure, because he was human. But this pissed? You weren’t sure you could even count how many times he was this outwardly angry. He masked it well before you now, though, taking a deep breath before he cut you off.

“One of my friends wants to go on a camping trip in a few weeks,” he told you. His hands rested on your shoulders, fingers slightly digging in. “He told me that some of his friends canceled for other plans, and that I could invite a few people if they wanted to come. You’re coming with me.”

You opened your mouth to speak.

“I mean it,” he said. “If you really don’t want to go, I won’t force you, but I think you need it. I’ll take your phone if you want, and it’ll just be us and a couple friends. We’ll cook together, and hike, and—and we’ll just have fun enjoying nature.”

You shut your mouth, slowly nodding. Maybe he was right and you needed to get away from all of this. It wasn’t going to be too much—camping here wasn’t all that out there as it was in other places—but you’d met some of Youngtaek’s friends before. Maybe you could talk them into a game of mafia. They’re all so genuinely horrible at it (they recorded it once for fun and Youngtaek sent you the YouTube video), it’d probably be fun to watch. 

Seungkwan was the one who reached out to you while you were helping Youngtaek make snacks. You stepped into your room to answer your phone, and learned that it was him and Chan who were cheering Vernon up. 

“I asked if he wanted to invite you over,” Seungkwan said quietly. “He said he didn’t want to burden you.”

You weren’t sure what to say. “Oh.” 

“I don’t know what to do.” Seungkwan went quiet for a moment. “You two used to be so close, and now…”

At least someone else saw it.

“I know you’re hurting, too,” he said. “Vernon said you texted him. I almost told him off because the reason he broke up with her was the same thing he was doing toward you. DId he ever come back?”

He didn’t. Your silence said that for you.

“Ah, really…” Seungkwan sounded annoyed, too. Less pissed than Youngtaek, but Seungkwan hadn’t seen how many times you’d felt rejected by your own ‘best friend.’ “I should tell him off after he feels better—”

“Don’t.” You shut your eyes. “It’s fine, Seungkwan. Just go be there for him.” 

“I will,” he said. “But you don’t have to lie to me. It’s not fine. I would have dropped a friend over this. If you need me, just text me, okay?”

It’s funny. You never really considered Seungkwan a close friend of yours. He was always someone you saw as a person you were on good terms with. The two of you didn’t hang out or do anything more than occasionally talk. There were no coffee dates, no study dates. Not like what you did with Minho and Changbin and Youngtaek—and, sometimes, Yeonjun. You paused, staring down at your friend for a moment as you returned to Youngtaek (and the newly arrived Yeonjun and Wooyoung).

“Hey… Can I invite a friend?” You looked up from your phone to the group. “It’s Minho.” 

They all knew Minho. They told you to go ahead if he wasn’t busy. The more the merrier. Minho texted back a few minutes later, saying he’d stop by the store on his way over, so to let him know if you guys wanted any snacks. People dished out their requests, and you’d merely asked for a melona bar. A few minutes later, you realized what you were craving, and texted him asking if he would get you banana snacks instead. He said he’d already let the store, and you’d made peace with it. You’d get the snacks some other time. 

Yet when he showed up, he passed you a small bag with your ice cream and a bag of banana-flavored snacks before he settled in beside you, hiding a smile.

Vernon was checking his phone again, this gnawing feeling within him to do so. He followed… well, a lot of people on social media. Friends. Friends of friends. He wasn’t exactly sure why, if he was honest. He kind-of liked seeing what other people were up to, since sometimes it’d give him ideas for his own stuff with friends. And then he saw you, and that gnawing feeling suddenly went away.

He’d met Youngtaek before enough to recognize him immediately. You were sandwiched between him and Bae Seungmin (another guy in your year—Vernon had a few classes with him before) in the background of a photo shared by someone else. Did he even know a Jangjun? He wasn’t sure. He’d have to see if he recognized him later. Instead, he just zoomed in on the three of you among hte group.

(Turns out, though, he did recognize Jangjun. He’d met him at a couple parties. He was the loud dude who did a spot-on cicada impression at one of them… and Vernon was actually pretty damn sure that Jangjun was sober that time.)

You looked… happy. Your eyes were sparkling in every picture, so completely filled with joy at being with the people you were with. Some other guy was hugging you tight in another picture. You were laughing in another one, holding a sparkler alongside the people around you. When did you get so close with other people? It felt like just yesterday you were getting lunch with him before you worked on a biology lab report. A few nights later, you had confessed that you felt lonely outside of him and a few other people. But he could see the can of cheap beer in your hand, and he suddenly understood a little better: you were always a little touchier, a little more carefree whenever you drank. He clicked the tag on the photo with the guy hugging you tight, smiling like he was yours: Sungyoon. He didn’t know Sungyoon. Were you two…? Had you…? 

He clicked on your page to find out. There wasn’t much on there (you weren’t active on social media, to be fair) but there was more than the last time he’d checked. The pictures of him were further down your page now. You had pictures of you and Youngtaek, taken in mirrors at a store. Of you and Changbin and a few more of his friends, throwing up peace signs while in a park, street food in hand. Of Minho, crouching inside of a cat cafe, feeding a cat a treat, saying you’d leave him to be with “his kind” since there were other pictures where he was surrounded by cats. Then another picture of you and Seungkwan, dated days after that diner date he had with Ji-woo. Seungkwan had an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in as the two of you beamed at the camera.

When was the last time he saw you smile like that?

You didn’t go home as much as you wanted to. Between school and work and life, it became a little harder to make that trip to see your family often. You’d taken a week long vacation, partially to go camping, and the rest was dedicated to your family. It was nice to eat your dad’s cooking again, and to sleep in your childhood room again. You walked the neighborhood a bit, too, hands tucked into your pockets as you enjoyed being somewhere you wouldn't exactly call home anymore. But that was part of growing up. Home became different places throughout life. This was just one of them, even if you couldn’t actively call it yours anymore. It was nice, except for the part where your mom was giving you shit for being single and lonely and whatever.

“I always thought you and Vernon would have gotten together,” she said while making you breakfast. Unbeknownst to her, that was the one thing that could have made you cry.

You later went out for another walk around the neighborhood. Tomorrow morning, you’d go back to your apartment and get ready for work later that day. The world seemed to be against you, though, because this walk was what made you realize that you weren’t the only one who’d come home to visit family. Vernon was inside, hugging his sister visibly from the window. He must have just come in as a surprise. His house was only a few down from yours. You’d move on in a moment. Instead, you just watched a moment longer, wondering if maybe you should walk up and ring the doorbell. Say hi to the second family you had. You sighed after a moment, and made a move on to get home.

Inside, Sofia was whining at him for hugging her so tight… and because it’d been years since she’d seen you. Vernon could feel his own ache of heartbreak. Sofia hadn’t liked Ji-woo when he brought her around.

She pushed his arms off of her, flopping down onto the couch, “You should just tell her.” 

Maybe one day he would, if he could stop being a coward.

Senior year came and went faster than you knew.

You didn’t talk to Vernon anymore. He didn’t text you. Finally, you think that this was it. One friendship undone and slowly dying for far too fucking long. It almost made you want to hold a funeral, if you were honest. The most you’d heard from him was a birthday text and the invitation to do something that you responded to with an apology, because you’d already made plans with other people. Minho had stayed by your side throughout your birthday, happy to spend the day with you at an amusement park. Youngtaek and Changbin had come with you, too, bringing along Yeonjun and Wooyoung and a few others. You never really liked being the center of attention, but you didn’t mind so much during this last birthday. One of Minho’s friends, Felix, had danced with you happily, fingers intertwined. You’d joked to Minho that he should bring Felix around more often: he seemed like a sweet guy.

At some point, though, you sat down to address your feelings for real. You had been friends with Vernon for years, and all of it seemed to disappear all too quickly. You had cried over it plenty of times, but you were hit with this sense of relief at long last. Not because it was over, because that would always leave this subtle ache in your chest. Relief because you had finally learned how to let go and stop fighting a losing battle. You could finally rest now, and focus on the people that loved you out loud in your life. People like Youngtaek, who laughed beside you when you had movie nights in the apartment. Sometimes it ended with popcorn in your hair, but you’d never hold it against him for too long. Changbin, who was the best gym buddy you could ever ask for. Despite how intense his workouts could be, he was always mindful of you adhering to your own limits. Minho, who gave you quiet understanding whenever you needed it most. Your outings to cat cafes always made you smile, though, especially when he used it as a springboard to talk about how he’d one day move Soonie, Doongie, and Dori into his apartment. These were the people who had found you along the way, and walked alongside you when you needed them. Even Seungkwan, who wasn’t your close friend, had reached out to you every so often to check on you because he cared. 

All good things came to an end. That was what you would tell yourself to feel better. Your friendships would come to an end one day, whether that be with an explosion or a quiet fizzle was something only time would tell. All you needed was to wait for the tide to come in and wash away the reminders of Vernon left along the sand.

Then you could run away.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune @gyulbabie

[mooshrada]

Jack in the Box x Reader

You were driving through the city's roadway in the morning at 7:00, it was a relaxing and peaceful morning for you, no traffic, no cars honking at you, just a happy drive for you.

Suddenly you saw a big bill board that says "Enjoy my BOWLS", "what kind of advertising is that?" You chuckled as you asked yourself that, you noticed that it was a restaurant ad, and the restaurant was called 'Jack in the Box', i guess you could try and eat at a new restaurant, maybe you will like their new good looking foods.

You went to the restaurant which is near to the city's park, you parked your car in the parking lot, and get your bag, and went inside the restaurant, it has only small amount of people in here, you notice someone with a a big red smile, and a yellow hat, it looks like they work here since they are behind the counter, you also noticed that he looked at you in an admiring way.

"H-hello! And welcome to Jack in the box, would you like to dine in, or take me- I-i mean take out!"

"Dine in please, i would like Loaded Breakfast Sandwhich and a hot coffee please."

"R-right away!"

That was unusual, first the stare and the stuttering, you go to a vacant table with a window and sat on a chair waiting for your order, while waiting you look to the right to admire the park's nature, after about 6 minutes, you got your order by the same man that listened to your choice of the menu.

"Enjoy your food!"

" don't worry, i will."

You smiled as you said that in the end, and noticed the man blsuhed as you did that.

"By the way, whats your name?"

You were the one asking that question

"M-my name is Jack, i am the owner of this restaurant obviosly, like didn't you see my billboard?"

"Oh, i thought you are just some random employee that got the act to pose for the bill board, sorry about that."

"Its ok, i know i could just go into my office and work as a guide to my employees, but i decided to work as a normal worker here."

"Oh i see, well why don' t you sit down, theres only a few people here, how about we just talk about things?"

You and Jack talked about a lot of things for only like 30 minutes, you talked about you and Jack do things daily, and both of your likings and dislikings.

"Hey jack can i order another hot coffee, i think i need to go sadly."

" Oh don't worry, you probably have some busy things to do, i'll get your hot coffee in no time!"

He went back behind to the counter to get your hot coffee ready, you stare back to the window to check in the park again, you start to think that you and Jack are good friends to each other.

Jack got the hot coffee for you, you stand up and put the cash for the meal on the table, you grabbed the hot coffee grom Jacks hands, you slightly blushed from it, so does Jack.

"Well i gotta go now Jack, don't worry i'll come back mayhe tomorrow or after 2 days!"

" See you later.. "

As you went out the restaurant you notice a handwriting on your coffee, it said..

' you are Hot like this coffee, lets hang out more often'

There was also a winky face emoticon in the end of the phrase, you blushed slightly a lot on your face, and you hope that you would come back in his restaurant.

Bonus:

(This is Jacks POV)

* HOLY HECK WHO ARE THEY, THEY LOOK AMAZING, IS THIS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT OR JUST SOME RANDOM THOUGHT??? *

* DAMN I CANT BELIVE IM TALKING WITH THEM, WOW THEY LOOK SO AMZING IN THIS VIEW *

* I CANT BELIEVE THEY ARE GOING ALREADY, HOPEFULLY THEY WILL COME BACK UGHHH *

* alright all i have to do is just write a message that will make them like me or something *

[roseofdarknessblog]

Bloodied Lips (Vampire!Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Word count: 3 300

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Summary: Being in a loving relationship with an immortal being has always kept you on your toes. Because not one day (or night) with your centuries-old lover felt boring.

Bloodied Lips

As you were walking up to the front door of your small and cozy cottage by the lake and just a few steps away from the dark forest, a heavy sigh escaped your mouth. It was a long and very stressful day. You hated your corporate job in the city with a burning passion, but quitting was not an option. At least not now.

Coming home was something you looked forward to every single day. Escaping from the crowded and noisy city life, driving down the highway, and making a few more turns, until you arrived at the edge of a small town. There stood a home of your dreams, which you were so grateful for. Living in peace and silence, and surrounded by nature was essential for you.

And for your partner as well.

Levi hated big cities and everything that came with them. All the loud noises and overwhelming smells.

„Finally... what took you so long?“ he asked immediately when he spotted you. But before you could answer, he was on his feet, taking the bags with all the groceries from your hands.

„As you can see, I had to make sure we won’t starve to death. Or at least that I won’t,“ you teased him, leaning closer for a kiss. When Levi pulled away before your lips met his, an uneasy feeling washed over you. „Is everything okay?“

He shook his head but didn’t look you in the eyes to explain anything. He just turned around and carried the bags into the house. The evening was very cold, mostly because the sun had already set, so you didn’t stay out to wonder for too long. You followed Levi inside and closed the door, making sure the cold air didn’t slip inside the tiny cottage.

„You can always talk to me, you know that, right? Maybe I don’t understand sometimes, but that doesn’t mean...“

„You know what’s going on,“ he said, interrupting you. „Again,“ he added in a low voice, bracing himself against the kitchen counter. The way his shoulders shook with every breath he took, was enough for you to know everything.

„Levi...“ you said his name in a calm tone, coming closer. But even if you knew, that he would never hurt you, touching him in that moment would be a bad idea. „You know what we agreed on. There’s no need to ask for permission, I want to help you. Make you feel... alive.“ His laugh startled you a little, but you quickly regained your confidence.

When he didn’t say anything and didn’t turn around to look at you, it was best to back down. So you took off your coat and left your shoes at the door. Slowly, you walked back to the kitchen and started to unpack the groceries you brought home.

„When did you have time to decorate?“ Levi asked suddenly. He wasn’t here for the last two days, so seeing the little cottage full of fall and Halloween decorations came as a surprise. Not that he didn’t know how much you loved this time of the year.

The forest, which was just steps away from your home, became an even more incredible place during the months of September, October, and November. Many trees started to turn the most beautiful shades of yellow and orange, while the thick morning fog made your surroundings feel eerie but welcoming at the same time.

You loved it here. Everything seemed like a perfect fall fairytale you always wanted to be a part of. After years of dreaming and making wishes, you had the absolute perfect home. And it was even more perfect because you got to share it with a man you loved more than life itself.

Despite every little thing that made the two of you so different.

„I was thinking...“ you started carefully, waiting for any reaction from Levi. But when he didn’t stop you, it was probably safe to continue. „That little farm on the other end of the town is opening their pumpkin patch tomorrow.“

„So?“

You smiled a little, walked up to him, and gently rubbed his back. „So... I was thinking we could go pick up a couple of pumpkins. For carving and painting. And I would love to make my own pumpkin puree to use in my bakings.“

„I think you’re forgetting something pretty damn important.“

„No, I’m not. For the first week, they’ll be open until nine in the evening. They give you a flashlight and you can go hunt for the pumpkins in the dark,“ you said excitedly, taking a step closer and kissing Levi behind his left ear.

And that was clearly a mistake.

Before you knew it, he turned around, grabbed your waist, and lifted you up onto the kitchen counter. Leaning closer, his lips gently brushed against the skin on your neck. He took a deep breath, running the tip of his nose along your carotid artery.

„Drink if you need to,“ you whispered, running your hand through his silky black hair. For years now, it has been like this. There was no need for him to ask for permission. Not when you knew, that he would never hurt you. Not intentionally and not on accident either. „I see you fighting it but you don’t have to, Levi. I trust you.“

He wanted to say something, but instead of that he pressed his lips to your neck again, leaving a soft kiss there. The tips of his fangs very carefully grazed over your skin but he didn’t bite you. Not yet. Instead, his left arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer to his body.

„I hate to do this, you know that.“

„I know you do, but it’s okay. Really.“

Living with a vampire was not easy. Not now and not when your relationship with Levi was only at its start. You both had to get used to many things. But the hardest thing was not being able to live like other couples did – not being able to go somewhere during the day. So when you and Levi wanted to make any plans outside the house, you had to wait for the sun to set. There still were times when you simply forgot. But Levi was never mad about it. He simply reminded you and helped you change the plans so they were more suitable for him.

„You’ll feel better if you drink some,“ you said after a moment. Levi’s lips stayed in contact with your neck, but he was still holding back.

He took one last breath, kissed your neck again, and then pulled away. You held eye contact for a moment, trying to keep the atmosphere calm. You could still have a pretty and cozy evening. There was no need to dwell on unimportant things.

„Would going to that pumpkin patch make you happy?“ he asked and brushed your lips together for a short moment. „You know I’m not that crazy about similar things.“

„What about in the past? Did you... enjoy stuff like that? In some period of your life?“ You knew Levi walked this earth for many centuries. He lived lives you couldn’t even imagine. But only sometimes was he in the right mood to tell you about his past.

There were still many, many things you didn’t know about your immortal lover. Things Levi didn’t even want you to know. And you simply had to accept that. Living such a long life came with a lot of pain which only people like Levi could truly understand.

„I’m sure we’ll have fun. And if you don’t want to, we won’t be long. I’ll just pick out a couple of pumpkins and we can return home,“ you assured him, gave him one last kiss, and then hopped down from the kitchen counter.

With Levi’s help, you put away the groceries and then started preparing dinner. Cooking was one of your favorite ways to unwind after a long day at work. You could finally relax and be yourself – dance around the kitchen while preparing the ingredients and even sing quietly. Levi disappeared somewhere once again, but he came back when the roasted tomato soup with grilled cheese was done.

Vampires didn’t have to eat, not in the ways humans do. But that didn’t mean that they couldn’t enjoy some delicious food. Levi loved it when you cooked or baked absolutely everything. He was willing to try out any dish and never forgot to compliment your skills.

Finding out that your boyfriend is a vampire was a huge shock, but you didn’t even think about breaking up with him. Not for a single second. Mainly because you saw, that Levi couldn’t imagine leaving your side, either. He knew, that falling in love with a mortal could hurt him greatly, he experienced it before, but he put those thoughts aside for now. The love that he felt for you was stronger than fear.

„I’ll come back tomorrow and we can go to that pumpkin patch,“ Levi said when the two of you finished washing the dishes.

„You won’t stay the night?“ He shook his head and handed you the last plate that needed to be put away. „Don’t run away from me, please. You don’t have to do it.“

„I do because I hate drinking your blood.“

„Is it not sweet enough for you?“ When he growled at you, there was no point in trying to tell more jokes. This was simply not the night for that. „It’s up to you, Levi. Go if you need to, but if you want to come back during the night, you can. You can always come back here.“ He nodded in silence and wrapped one arm around your waist from behind. For a moment, you were waiting to feel the familiar pain in your neck. But that pain didn’t come. The only thing you felt was a sweet loving kiss before Levi grabbed his leather jacket and headed for the door.

The evening was cold and the wind pretty harsh. It seemed that fall wanted to show its true power and remind you that warm sunny days were long gone. It truly wasn’t the best weather for wandering around the small farm which was owned by a very kind young family. You didn’t really know them, but from what you heard and saw, they seemed to be lovely people.

Maybe that was the reason why so many people came here every year to pick out a couple of pumpkins. Even Levi seemed somewhat relaxed, when he parked the car and the two of you got out. Hand in hand, you walked around for a little while and just enjoyed the atmosphere. Sunset happened an hour ago so it was finally safe for him to enjoy the outside world and the remains of another day.

„You haven’t told me where you spent the night,“ you said, squeezing his hand a little tighter. Both of you carried a little plastic pumpkin which acted as a lantern. The owners of the farm were handing them out to every visitor at the entrance. 

„Wandering around the forest. Like always.“

„Hunting?“

The way he looked away from you was enough for an answer. You weren’t angry, not in the slightest. But you always worried when he decided to disappear. Sometimes just for a couple of hours but sometimes he was gone for many days in a row. It was certain that he would always come back but there still was a tiny little voice in your head, which tried to convince you that he was gone for good.

After all... he could do whatever he wanted. Even after centuries, he had the majority of his life ahead of him. You were just a tiny fraction of his life, one that would be gone in a couple of decades. Most likely.

„Are you sure you’re okay?“ you asked him in a troubled tone while the two of you were headed into the corn maze. It was your last stop of the night before getting the pumpkins and heading home. You’d already walked around the farm grounds, fed the animals, and had a delicious slice of pumpkin pie with hot apple cider.

„I am, stop worrying so much. We came here so you can enjoy your favorite season. So stop paying attention to my every move. You know I hate it.“

„I know, but you also know how much I want you to feel...“

„What?“ Levi asked when you suddenly stayed quiet. But when he saw how you shook your head, he let it be. His fingers very gently grabbed your chin and tilted your head to the side so he had access to your lips for a short kiss.

More than anyone, he knew how you felt about him and how you only wanted the best for your relationship. Always and in every situation. Even if it wasn’t easy. Heavens, it was truly a miracle that he let you so close to him. He was afraid to do so at first. And that was perfectly understandable. Living for such a long time brought pain unimaginable to mortals like you. Despite that, Levi didn’t want to close off his heart. He gave it to you and that was truly the purest act of love and trust.

There were many people walking around and enjoying even such a cold fall evening. Couples like you and Levi, families with kids, or groups of friends. Everybody was here for the same exact reason even though your lives were so different. But surely nobody would ever think that Levi was somehow different from the rest of them. You looked like an ordinary couple in love – holding hands and talking, having fun during a calm festive evening.

„I found a new recipe for a pumpkin pie I would love to try tomorrow,“ you said after a moment of silence between the two of you. In the meantime, you made it to the corn maze which was illuminated by the same plastic pumpkin lanterns all of you carried. They were scattered here and there so there was enough light but also a couple of dark corners.

And that was exactly what Levi wanted and needed. A dark corner where nobody saw him or you. His hand was covering your mouth before you knew it, his body pulling you deeper into the maze, away from the eyes of everybody else. Levi very rarely lost control of himself but when it happened, it always swept you off your feet.

Just like now, when he hid the two of you between the tall corn stalks. His hand kept covering your mouth so you wouldn’t scream out when he brushed your hair away from your neck and sank his fangs into your warm flesh. It was a pain you knew all too well. A pain that made you feel many different things at once. But anger was never one of them. Even fear was almost nonexistent since you trusted Levi with all your heart.

He would never hurt you.

That was a certainty during moments like these. His other hand was firmly wrapped around your waist to keep you close to him during those few short moments. You closed your eyes with a muffled moan and let your body rest against his, just waiting until he had enough.

The tall corn stalks were rustling in the wind all around you, people walking through the maze left and right. But you could barely register them, because all of your senses were focused on Levi.

„I’m so sorry,“ he whispered right after he pulled his sharp fangs out of your neck. His bloodied lips were still hovering just inches above your skin, his breathing a bit shallow. When his eyes met yours, they were still the color of blood. „All those people and everything... it was too overwhelming.“

„Don’t apologize, it’s fine. Nobody saw us and now you’ll feel better.“ You could see the troubled expression on his face and the regrets in his eyes. But you knew that deep down he agreed with your words.

„I would never hurt you,“ he said in a quiet voice and gently kissed the place where he bit you just a moment ago. It always felt a bit sensitive for a few hours after.

„I know that, Levi.“ You ran your fingers through his hair and took a handkerchief out from your coat’s pocket. With one of your hands gently holding his chin, you wiped the remains of blood from his lips. Levi watched you very carefully, his eyes slowly turning back to their original light greyish-blue color. „Don’t get me wrong but you didn’t seem that on edge to me tonight. I thought you were having a good time.“

„I was having a good time and you certainly were too,“ he said, trying to explain the whole situation in a still hushed voice. One of his arms still remained around your waist to keep you steady and close to him. „I put every inch of my mental strength into not ruining this evening. I know how stressed you’ve been lately because of your job. And coming here meant a lot to you.“

„I hate when you pretend for my sake.“

He nodded and rested his forehead against yours. His lips slowly brushed against your mouth in a quick but passionate kiss before he spoke. „I don’t mind doing so if it means you’ll be happy.“

„Levi...“ He interrupted you with another kiss, this time a long one in which his tongue found its way into your mouth. You could still taste the metallic flavor of your own blood on his lips and tongue. His free hand traveled up to the back of your head to hold you close to him, deepening the kiss and showing you just how much he truly loved you.

When he pulled away, you felt slightly breathless and flushed. „I love you,“ he mumbled against your neck once again, kissing the tiny bite marks. Luckily, they never took long to heal.

„That’s nice to hear from someone who’s been alive for so long,“ you teased him a little and wrapped your arms around him, feeling a little dizzy from everything that happened in the span of barely two minutes. „Think it’s time to go home. We both had enough.“

„We still have to pick out those pumpkins you wanted,“ Levi reminded you and made sure that nobody was around before the two of you walked out of the maze. Nobody seemed to notice anything, thankfully.

Levi kept a close eye on you while you picked out four different-sized pumpkins and paid for them before you were even able to get your wallet from your purse. He carried them into the car’s trunk like they weighed nothing at all, before opening the door to the passenger seat for you.

„Are you feeling good?“ he asked when he got into his seat behind the wheel. You nodded silently and leaned over to kiss his cheek for reassurance. „Even if you aren’t, I’ll make you feel good when we get back home.“

You could feel the heat rising up to your cheeks and your heart starting to race when he flashed you a rare grin, baring his fangs just a tiny bit.

[bbunisre]

02: A NEIGHBOUR, A COOKIE, A PARTY INVITE

PREVIOUS | MASTERLIST | NEXT

𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑 /// ༊*·˚ utahime gets a new neighbour in her apartment complex who is loud, obnoxious (you) and, seems to have no perception of the type of person they are. this annoys utahime and causes quite a few debacles between the two of you whilst you start falling for her. will utahime stop seeing you as anything more than just an irresponsible young adult or will the hostile neighbourly tension perpetuate?

WC / WARNINGS ༊*·˚ 579, none

after sending shoko and meimei off to anobliging nanami, utahime finally trudges to her home in sheer exhaustion as she lands on her spongy couch. her body aches throughout because of the girls night―not that it wasn't fun, it was anything but that but she isn't usually one for social gatherings. it exhausted her easily. she normally spent her satudays chilling on the couch, talking to her plants (which she considers a social interaction) and beginning to mentally prepare for another big week at kyoto jujutsu high.

although the kids at kjh adored her so, she still needs to prepare herself for the frequent arguing and todo slander she would need to break off.

so, imagine her surprise when she finally moulds into the material of the sofa and she hears a knock on the door.

had shoko or mei forgotten something?

utahime gets up and makes her way to the door and opens it.

it wasn't shoko or mei.

a new face stares up at her with a smile with a plate of cookies in her hands.

"hiya," the girl greets.

utahime hadn't opened the door all the way, only enough for her face to fit through, hesitant of this stranger. although, she had an inkling on who she might be.

"i'm y/n, i just moved in next door to yuri's place! so sorry about the noise, i didn't have any other time to book in the move except at six in the morning. it must've been really annoying!"

utahime is stunned.

how did she say all of that in one breath?

"no worries," utahime replies, slowly pushing the door open, "i'm utahime..."

she doesn't know how to continue.

"it's nice to meet you, utahime! i brought you these cookies! i know it's supposed to be the other way around since i'm new and all, but yuri told me you were a kind neighbour and patient with her and her, well, problems."

y/n hands the cookies over to utahime who reluctantly takes it. she doesn't like sweets, maybe she'll give them to nanami as a 'thank you' gesture for driving shoko and meimei―the man loved his sweets.

"thank you. yuri is a lovely woman, she always helped me out when i needed it. how is she doing? with the divorce and all?"

y/n sighs, knitting her eyebrows together, "she's alright. had to take time off of work to figure things out but she'll work through it, she's strong like that..."

"i see. could you tell her i sent my condolences?"

"i will. anyways, i'm throwing a party tomorrow night. please feel free to come on over!" another bright smile encounters the girl's face.

a party? in this apartment complex? that was by far the most ridiculous thing utahime's heard.

the complex in which she lives in isn't one for parties, especially since most of the residents are old retired people, spending their last days in a peaceful environment away from the noisy city. utahime picked this place because of its serene nature and kind neighbours. she didn't want to be involved in...whatever y/n's about to do.

"oh...i'm not really a party person." utahime tries to laugh, "but thank you."

y/n never stops smiling, utahime kind of appreciated that about her. she seems so young and carefree.

"no problem, but if you do feel like it, the door's always open! i've got to go to work now. i hope i'll see you around, utahime!"

"yeah, thanks."

utahime closes the door.

TAGLIST ༊*·˚ lmk if u wanna be in it!

[ax-y10]

Small Break

In which- Reader gets pissed with Wilbur, and it breaks him, but he wakes up to a pleasant surprise

a/n: This was originally going to be a small drabble that I wrote at midnight but I decided it was good enough to be a fic

Chapter info: slight angst, fluff, happy ending, reader being a bitch, mentions of panic attacks, swearing (maybe idk), mentions of being ignorant, mentions of cuddling, mentions of kisses, heartbreak?, I think that's it

Pronouns: None (You/Yours)

Masterlist:

All Wilbur wanted to do was cuddle with you while you slept, however you didn't feel up to it. He asked if he could hold you, or at least press a kiss to your lips, cheek, nose, forehead and head. 'No' you thought, turning away from him as a sob ran through your body. His hand was reaching at your shoulders and waist, trying to ground himself, but you had enough. You called to Leandra, in the bunk above, and asked if she could come with you. You sat on the seats with her and told her what happened and practically begged for her to check on Wil, scared he was upset or having a panic attack, in which she obliged. Returning, she assured you he was fine, and sat beside you as you fell asleep.

When you woke, the bus was moving, driving along the highway to the next city Lovejoy would be performing in the following day. Today was a rest day, and you were still troubled by last night, and decided you needed a small break.

When Wil asked what tea you wanted that morning, you replied bluntly, "peppermint" and went back to scrolling through your phone. You refused to meet his eyes when he handed you your tea. You refused to talk to him if it wasn't needed, you refused to meet his gaze if he talked to you, you refused to do anything that included him. Yes, you were being ignorant and disregarding him, however, you felt it was needed to calm down.

On his end, he was deeply heartbroken from that. It broke him when all you replied with was a simple "peppermint" and hummed in agreement to anything he said throughout the day. It broke him when you never met his gaze. It broke him when he reached his hand out to you and you pushed it away. It broke his heart when you didn't share a bunk with him that night either, when all he needed was a grounding force for tomorrow, the big show, their first festival, and you didn't want to be near him.

He couldn't sleep in his bunk tonight, no matter how hard he tried. He knew he would wreck his back by sleeping on the seats, but all he needed tonight was to see your peaceful, serene face as he drifted to sleep.

But what he didn't expect was to wake up that morning to a weight on his chest, a small hand holding his own, the soft sounds of peaceful snores, and a blanket draped across him.

And that weight, small hand, snores and blanket... Was you.

[nobedofroses]

December 3rd

pairing: Jack Daniels x reader

warnings: fluff with allusions to sex

words: 1.3k

a/n: just some cute first date stuff with Jack, inspired by "Baby It's Cold Outside" in a way, song prompt from @toomanystoriessolittletime's winter writing challenge ❄️

Full List

🌨️🌨️🌨️

Jack’s call came the same day that he had asked for your number, and you were just as eager as he was when you said yes to a date as when he asked you. He had asked you to dinner the next night at a restaurant you had always wanted to try at the far end of the city. 

Since you lived near each other (which he knew because you met at your local grocery store), he offered to drive. When you hesitated for a second, he said that you were more than welcome to pick him up instead. His understanding and giving you more control of the situation put you at ease, and you agreed, saying you would be there at 6:30. 

Then, the day of, your boss told you about a last minute meeting early the next morning. It would mean getting to work an hour earlier than you usually did, which meant you needed to go to sleep an hour earlier not to be completely worn out. You figured it would be best to cancel your date, and grabbed your phone, dialing Jack’s saved number in your phone. 

“Hey, darlin’, how are you doin’?” was the first thing Jack said when he answered the phone and suddenly you lost the willpower to cancel the date. 

Warmth spreading softly on your face, you replied, “I’m good, Jack. Really, um, excited for our date.” 

The only thing you ended up changing on the phone call was moving the date up by an hour, once Jack reassured you that he had an in at the restaurant and would still be able to get a table. 

___

A few hours later, you left work to go and get Jack. While you and Jack lived near each other, he was a little further out, where the properties were bigger and there were no more apartments.  You even saw some horses and goats and were greatly surprised that they had been a ten minute drive from your apartment all this time. 

Jack’s house wasn’t big, and as far as you could tell, he just had a really large yard that abutted a little copse of trees. 

When you parked, you weren’t sure whether to get out and go to the door or honk or text him or what but you were saved from deciding by Jack coming outside on his own. Within a minute, he had his door locked and was in the car, leaning over the console to kiss your cheek sweetly and hand you a little bouquet of flowers. 

From there, the date was perfect. Jack was so funny and sweet, and you even had to fight him over who got to ask more questions about the other. So much better than having to sit and watch a guy monologue for an hour. 

You were back at Jack’s house afterwards to drop him off, but he invited you in for some coffee and cake that he just so happened to have. It was easy to say yes, and easy to sit and chat with him on the couch for hours. 

But when you caught a glimpse of Jack’s watch and saw it was 10:00pm already, you had to go. 

“Oh, I wish we could talk more, Jack, but I really have to go. I have an early meeting tomorrow morning, I didn’t realize how late it was,” you said with a little pout as you stood up. 

Jack smiled and stood too, stepping close and sliding his hand along your waist, “That’s alright sweetheart, it just means we’ll have to have another date.” 

You were about to say yes but then Jack pulled you close and you lost the power of speech, just feeling the warmth of his chest against yours and staring up into his sweet brown eyes. 

Jack’s other hand came up to your jaw and he tilted your face towards him, leaning down to kiss you. His full lips pressed against yours and you let yourself melt into him, returning the soft, slow kiss with a hum. 

You kissed for what might’ve been a couple minutes, but then Jack pulled away and said, “I guess you have to go.” 

But you couldn’t bear leaving without one more kiss and so you whispered, “In a second.” 

Another couple minutes later, you pulled back this time, and started grabbing your stuff. When you were at the door, shoes and coat back on, Jack said, “Maybe I should go start your car so it can warm up for you.” 

“Oh wait, I can do that from here, it’s remote!” you said eagerly, because now you wouldn’t have to wait for him to go out and come back. But when Jack opened the door so the remote car key would work, the door opened to a world covered in white. 

It had been snowing lightly when you had arrived at Jack’s house, but apparently it had really ramped up and had been heavily snowing for the past three hours because there were multiple inches of snow covering everything. 

Both of you stood there, staring in shock, until you shivered and Jack closed the door to keep you warm. 

“Um, I— I don’t know if I can drive… like this,” you stumbled out, looking between Jack and the closed door. 

“No, sweetie, you can’t. I mean, I don’t think it would be safe. There’s so little light on the roads at night. We can stay up and see if it melts, or if you’re— you can sleep here tonight, if you’re comfortable. I have, um, a spare room you can use,” he offered, a light blush dusting his cheeks. 

Jack’s hesitation was adorable and it really did make sense that you should just stay the night and hope it had all melted in the morning. Or at least, it would be bright in the morning and you’d be able to drive safe and slow to the meeting. 

“Okay, yeah, I think I should stay, you’re right. Except…” 

“Except? What darlin’? If there’s anythin’ I can do to make you more comfortable, I will,” Jack said with this sweet, earnest look, putting his hands comfortingly on your shoulders. 

You smiled and dropped your purse to the ground, stepping close to him and reaching out to toy with his belt loops. “I think I’d be more comfortable if I stayed in your room.” 

Jack smiled, a flirty smile that had made your knees weak when you first met him and had you grabbing onto his waist now to help keep you up, “I think I manage that.” 

___

The next morning, you woke up when Jack kissed your temple. You stretched and opened your eyes to look at him, finding him fully dressed. A glance at the clock told you it was 5:00am and you frowned, “What are you doing up so early? And dressed?”

“I’m gonna go clear your car off and make sure everything’s all set for when you have to leave, honey,” he told you with a smile, which was incredibly sweet, but you didn’t want him to leave. 

“Let me check how long it’ll take to drive, maybe you don’t need to do it just yet,” you said, grabbing your phone off of his bedside table. But when you opened it, you had a text from your boss and multiple weather alerts. “Oh my gosh, it must have snowed all night, some of the roads are closed and my boss can’t even get to work. The building is closed and the meeting’s canceled! ” 

Jack smiled, “Well then, honey, you can stay a while longer, huh?” 

“Get out of those clothes and get back in bed, please. Now we can sleep in, and then later we can… um, do something else,” you said, getting a little sheepish at the end.  “We can do whatever you want, sunshine,” Jack told you with a grin, already half naked and you laughed, feeling grateful for snow like you never had before.

🌨️🌨️🌨️

[spine-buster]

Lost in the Memory | Ryan O'Reilly | Volume III

gif credit @/heddy

A/N: This is just porn, basically.

“It’s gonna be good to be fuckin’ home, I can tell you that much.”

A delay at the airport meant that Ryan and the boys didn’t land in Toronto until the middle of the night.  Factoring in the drive from the airport to Summerhill, he didn’t walk through the door until almost 2:30 in the morning.  He walked in to the low hum of the TV, an old episode of Law and Order: SVU playing.  Whitney was asleep on the couch, clearly having tried to wait up for him, but failing.  She looked cozy under the blanket, and so peaceful that Ryan almost didn’t want to disturb her.

Though he had been living in the house since being traded, for what felt like the first time since he moved, he took a long look around the main floor.  It had been Whitney’s and Whitney’s alone for the past ten days.  Truthfully, it had been Whitney’s and Whitney’s alone since he bought it for her.  When he bought it, he did so because when he and Whitney saw it, she fell in love with it.  It reminded her of the house she grew up in, just that it was in a city, and Ryan wanted her to have it.  During the restoration and renovation, and over the years, she had truly put her mark on it.  Her stamp was everywhere, and that’s what he loved most about it.  It was a home for her, and it was a home for him, too, because wherever Whitney was, was home. 

Ryan bent down so he could be near eye contact with her, taking in her features.  Her beautiful long lashes she’d had since they were kids.  The littlest scar on her chin from when Owen accidentally hit her with a ministick.  Her perfectly shaped lips he loved to kiss whenever he could.  Her long, beautiful hair he loved to run his hands through.  He did just that, as softly as he could, to wake her up.  “Whitney…sweetness…” he cooed.  She didn’t wake up at first.  “Sweetness…” he was slightly louder.

Her eyes fluttered open, looking almost in disbelief that he was in front of her.  “Snook…” she mumbled.

“Let’s go to bed,” he said.

“I tried to stay up, Snook—”

“—Don’t apologize, sweetness.  It’s okay.  Let’s just go to bed.  C’mon,” he said, grabbing at her arms and wrapping them around his neck.  He proceeded to pick her up bridal style and carry her up the stairs to her bedroom.  Their bedroom.

Whitney was smart and had already changed into her pajamas.  After he laid her in bed, Ryan stripped out of his clothes quickly, leaving only his boxers on before her crawled into bed and pulled the sheets and comforter over their bodies.  “D’you want me to make you some French toast tomorrow morning?” she asked.

“Shhhhhh,” he cooed, snuggling up behind her as the big spoon.  She had work tomorrow, so he didn’t even know why she was offering.  Well, that was a lie…he did know: because she was Whitney.  And they always looked after one another.  But he wasn’t going to be that person – waking her up at 2am only to agree for her to wake up early to make him breakfast.  What was he, a chauvinist?  “Go to sleep, sweetness.  Don’t worry about tomorrow morning.”

He heard a little sigh leave her.  “I’m so happy you’re finally home, Snook.”

“Me too.  Me too.”

***

When Whitney got home from work that Monday, Ryan was making dinner.  She walked into the house smelling like homemade chicken soup, which she loved.  It reminded her of growing up.  And though she was grown up now, she was always nostalgic for her past; she thought most people were, especially if they enjoyed their childhoods.

“Welcome home,” Ryan was already looking over his shoulder at her as she made her way into the kitchen. 

“Thanks,” she smiled.  “Damn Snook, I could get used to this.”

He smiled.  “Smells good?”

“When you’re my husband I hope the house smells like this all the time.”

Whitney didn’t realize exactly which words were leaving her mouth when she opened it.  But when they finally came out, she couldn’t believe her mind strung the sentence together.  It was as if her innermost thoughts were starting to overpower her conscience.  She watched as Ryan chuckled slightly.  “I have some good news,” he immediately changed the subject.

Whitney gulped, pushing everything down.  “What’s that?”

“I get my cast off soon,” he revealed.

Whitney smiled wide.  “You can finally put that hand back to good use.”

“You mean, like, by scoring goals?”

“Obviously.  It’s not like it’s useful for much else.”

Whitney yelped as Ryan grabbed hold of her and pulled her towards his body, wrapping his arms around her midsection so she couldn’t escape.  “You take that back right now,” he grumbled playfully.  “These hands have probably done more to pleasure you than your own hands.”

“You severely underestimate how I often I masturbate to the thought of you fucking me,” she kept playing her game.

“You’re a sexual deviant.”

“You started it,” she winked.

Ryan peppered her face with kisses.  “I’m so happy to be home with you, sweetness.  How was work?”

I’d rather be taking care of our kids right now.  “It was fine.  Same old.  Can we cuddle on the couch tonight while watching episodes of SVU?”

Ryan smiled.  “I don’t want to do anything else.”

After eating their chicken soup and cleaning up the kitchen, Ryan queued up episodes of Law and Order while Whitney washed her makeup off and changed into something more comfortable.  When she emerged from the bedroom, Ryan was already on the couch and ready with a blanket.  She was wearing a pair of bike shorts and one of Ryan’s newest Leafs workout shirts.  While it was no doubt big on her, it was tight around her chest, making it very obvious she wasn’t wearing a bra and very obvious she’d appreciate the warmth of his body and the blanket.  The Adam’s apple in his throat bobbed dramatically when he saw her.  Without even trying, she was so incredibly sexy to him. 

“Ready?” she asked.

He nodded.  “C’mere, sweetness,” he opened up the blanket, allowing her to crawl in and snuggle up next to him, draping her legs over his.  After placing one of his hands in between her thighs, he pressed play. 

It was about halfway through the first episode they watched that Ryan’s hand began massaging between Whitney’s thighs.  She didn’t think much of it – he massaged her thighs all the time when they were cuddling like this – but then ever so slowly it began to move up.  By the time the second episode started, his hand was right near her core.  She looked over at him at one point, a small smile playing on her face.  “You can put your hand down my shorts, Snook.  It’s been ten years – you don’t have to ask for permission.”

“Yes I do,” he said quickly, moving his hand quickly so it slipped underneath the waistband of her shorts and back down to between her thighs.  He cupped her core briefly before his fingers played with her lips.  Slowly.  Painstakingly slowly.  As they watched the next episode, he teased her pussy much longer than Whitney was anticipating, though she wasn’t complaining.  Eventually, she almost couldn’t focus between her hero Olivia Benson and what Ryan was doing.  She’d close her eyes to focus on the feeling, then open them to focus on the show, rotating back and forth.

“Snook?”

“Sweetness?”

“You coming to Toronto was the best thing to ever happen,” she sighed out, her eyes closed.

He giggled at her words.  “Oh yeah?”

She let out another sign.  “Can we…” she began before trailing off.

“Tell me sweetness.  What do you want?”

“D’you remember when I came to visit you in St. Louis the first time after you won the Cup and we—we were cuddling on your couch watching TV and we—we—”

“Lie down,” he whispered, knowing exactly what she was referencing.  “Get comfortable, sweetness.”

His hand left her hot core as she lay down on the couch how she wanted.  Ryan got right behind her, his body flush against hers, mimicking every curve before he pulled his sweatpants down to free his cock.  He stroked himself quickly a few times before pulling her shorts down enough that he could slip his cock between her thighs and slowly into her core to cockwarm.  Whitney let out a satisfied sigh at the feeling, and Ryan could feel her body fully relax into his.

The sigh she let out was long and cathartic, as if all the strains and stresses of the day were released with it and she was finally at peace.  “That feels so nice,” she whispered.

“We haven’t done this in a while,” he commented, combing some of her hair back with his fingers. 

“I know.  Does it feel nice for you too?”

“Of course,” he replied.

“You’re so good to me, Snook.”

Ryan kissed her temple before draping his arm over her body, queuing the next episode of SVU to start.  They lay on the couch together in that position for at least two more episodes, making light conversation or commentary on the episode every so often.  Every time she moved slightly, Whitney was reminded of how good it felt to have Ryan inside her so intimately, even if it wasn’t sexual.  While she knew it was probably going to end with them making love eventually (at least it did last time), she truly valued just being like this with him.

While Benson and Stabler were trying to solve a case, Whitney could feel Ryan begin to slip his hand under her (his) shirt.  His hand eventually cupped one of her breasts, taking his time to knead it softly before he began to pinch her nipple.  Ryan could feel her chest rise and fall, little sighs escaping her.  Then, he began to kiss the exposed skin between her neck and shoulders, and there were more little sighs coming out of her that he could feel made his cock harden.  Eventually, neither were preoccupied with the crime Benson and Stabler were trying to solve; they were only preoccupied with each other.

“Snook?”

“Sweetness?”

“Make love to me, Snook.  Nice and slow.”

Ryan peppered her exposed skin with more kisses before he began to move his hips so he could pump his cock in and out of her in their spooning position.  He took it nice and slow, just like she wanted, because her sighs were driving him absolutely insane.  To him, they were worthy of the finest orchestras in the world.  “S’at good, baby?”

“Yeah, Ry.  It’s so good.”

“You need it like this?” he asked.  Whitney nodded her head.  “Tell me why.”

“Because I’m at work all day and all I can think about is wanting to be with you,” she said.  “And when it’s like this it’s so nice because it’s so…soft.”

Ryan couldn’t help but smile, kissing her again, making sure he didn’t get too far ahead of himself and go any faster than she wanted.  She felt incredible as always, and he was going to take advantage of being inside of her for as long as possible.  “Reminds me of the first time it happened on a couch,” Ryan whispered in her ear.  “Remember?  My parents were at a show here, Shannon was at a sleepover, and we were doing our best to watch that movie we can’t even remember.”

Whitney smiled.  “I remember.  I ended up on your lap within the first ten minutes.”

“That’s right,” Ryan chuckled.  “Couldn’t keep your hands off me.”

“If my memory serves me right, I’d say it was the other way around,” Whitney said.  “You were the one unzipping my shorts.”

“Those itty bitty jean shorts you used to wear?  Can you blame me?  Your ass looked great in those.  Come to think of it, they barely covered it.”

“That was the first time I let you fuck me without a condom, too,” Whitney mentioned.  “Remember?”

He did.  They’d been having sex and Ryan was using a condom religiously, and Whitney said the only way they could have sex without one was if they both got tested for STIs.  That’s what her parents taught her if she was going to become sexually active, and she was sticking to it.  Ryan didn’t put up a fuss about it at all.  He went to his doctor, got the required test, and showed Whitney.  Whitney did the same, even though Ryan knew she was fine since she had only ever had sex with him.  “Of course,” Ryan breathed out.  “How could I forget?”

Ryan continued to move in and out of her, his hand moving down her body and to her clit where he began to rub lazy circles, causing Whitney to squirm and let out some more sighs.  Though they were taking it nice and slow, Whitney could feel her orgasm building just as slowly, her body feeling hot after so much time of being engulfed in one another’s bodies.  She put her hand over Ryan’s, still rubbing circles on her clit.  “You take care of me in every way, Snook.  I hope you know that.”

She was met by silence from Ryan.  And in that silence, her mind began to wander.  Why wasn’t he answering?  Why hadn’t he said anything in return?  All he did was continue his movements to make her feel good, which was always nice, but…why didn’t he say anything?  Does he not believe it?  “I’m close, Ry.”

“Yeah?” he finally responded.

“Yeah.  I can’t wait to feel you come inside me.”

Eventually, when Ryan felt her entire body shiver, he knew her orgasm was running through her.  Only then did he allow himself to come too, letting all his pent-up energy release inside of her.  He made sure to continue rubbing her clit to make her orgasm last longer, until he felt her hand that was over his squeeze it to get him to stop.  “Goooddd, Snook,” she sighed out.  “That was so good.  So nice.”

“I know,” he nodded.  His cock slipped out of her but was immediately replaced with his hand, feeling her wetness on his fingers before Whitney switched positions so she was facing him instead of having her back towards him.  He brought his hand up and sucked on his fingers, tasting her like he wanted.  She kissed him immediately after.  “You’re so sweet,” his voice was barely above a whisper, considering they were so close physically.

“Will you kiss me, Snook?”

Their lips met and they continued kissing for so, so long, completely lost in each other as the hum of the TV played in the background, Benson and Stabler starting to solve yet another case.

***

Whitney looked at herself in the mirror of her ensuite bathroom, wearing another one of Ryan’s Leafs shirts – this time in white – her jersey with his name on it draped over the door.  She was wearing a pair of black lace underwear that made her ass look extra cheeky.  Her nipples were already poking through the material of the shirt, but she knew she could do better.  She looked towards the shower and thought, well, that’ll be pretty hot.  She wet the t-shirt with the shower head, so much that it clung to her body, showing every curve.  She went back in front of the mirror and began to pose, taking pictures of herself for Ryan.

She was going to tease him within an inch of his life.  Why?  Because she wanted to.  Because she was still thinking about how he didn’t respond to her when they were having sex on the couch and she said, “You take care of me in every way, Snook.  I hope you know that.”  All she could think about for the past few days was how he didn’t respond.  Did he not think that he took care of her?  Did he not want to?  Did he not want to anymore?  When Ryan said he’d always take care of her, did that mean marriage?  Did that mean children?  Did that mean a life together?  He didn’t answer, so maybe it didn’t.  Maybe it did.  She didn’t know anymore.  It was all so confusing.  What she did know was this: she was going to take care of him and his ego tonight, that was for sure.  Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, and maybe she should approach it in a different way; maybe it wasn’t mature and maybe it wouldn’t do anything in the grand scheme of things, but God damn it, this was how she was going to do it. 

Ryan had already left for the arena for the game against the Panthers, and she would be making her way down in about an hour.  She would be meeting Bee and Aryne before the game for some dinner and was mostly ready, except for the fact that she was taking pictures of herself as if she were competing in a wet t-shirt contest.  When she was done with the wet t-shirt contest, she tossed it in the shower and put on his jersey instead.  It was oversized, but she still knew she could make it look sexy.  She made sure her underwear was visible as she made her ass was front and centre since not much else could be seen.

When Whitney was actually ready – in her clothes she had planned to wear to the game, and not the clothes she had planned to tease Ryan in – she texted Bee that she was leaving her place and on her way to Chotto Matte, the Japanese-Peruvian restaurant that the boys had apparently been frequenting as of late.  When Bee realized that Whitney’s office was only a few blocks away from hers, she resolved that they get together more often, starting with dinner before the game with Aryne and Aberdeen.  Whitney and Bee were the same age, only three days apart – Whitney born August 28th and Bee born on August 31st – and so Bee made a conscious effort to be friends with her, and Whitney appreciated the effort because she liked Bee (and all the other women) since the day she met them.

Before she lost the WiFi service at the station, Whitney took out her phone from her purse and opened the conversation she was keeping with Ryan.

Just on my way to dinner with Bee, Aryne, and Aberdeen.  Can I show you my outfit?  I don’t know if it’s too fancy.  Have you been to Chotto Matte before?

He responded right away, letting her know that he wasn’t doing anything important.  At least not yet. 

Of course.  And no, I haven’t been.

The subway rolled into the station.  Whitney chose the first of the photos she favourited from the array she took, the least risqué of the night.  A photo of her just posing in his t-shirt, her nipples poking through the fabric, a hint of the black lace of her panties showing.  She got on the subway and took a seat, and as the subway began moving towards Rosedale station, her phone buzzed. 

Looks like you’ll be cold.  I think it needs a jacket.

She chuckled.  So he was going to be a cheeky bastard.  Fine.

By the time she made her way to Bay and Front Street, Bee and Aryne were waiting in the vestibule of the restaurant.  Within five minutes Aberdeen arrived and they were seated at their table, ordering drinks and food – Whitney ordered the black cod aji miso on the behest of Aryne.  The girls chatted up Whitney like they were old friends, and not like they’d just met merely a month ago.  Whitney ignored the incoming texts from Ryan throughout dinner and had fun with her newfound friends.

Let me see your real outfit

What are you wearing?

Are you at the restaurant already?  Are the girls there?

Go to the bathroom and show me how sexy you look in your outfit

Whit come on

I’m desperate here

You can’t just send a pic like that and then go silent

He was right.  It was so incredibly rude of her to go silent after she sent him such a picture.  So, as the waiter took their dinner plates away, she quickly got on her phone and sent him a second picture.  It was a picture of her in the same outfit except this time, she had her hand down the front of the black lace panties.  She locked her screen quickly, not giving it a second thought.  Within seconds, a reply flashed on her screen.

What the fuck, sweetness

The girls paid the bill and made their way to the arena on foot, taking the elevator to the family lounge where a few of the other girls were already hanging out.  When she had a moment to herself, she took out her phone and sent another picture, unsolicited: one where she was looking over her shoulder, pulling the t-shirt forward so her ass was in full view of the mirror.

Whitney

After some small talk with a few of the other women present, another: one where her t-shirt was wet and clung to her body, especially her breasts.

WHITNEY

After the Canadian and American national anthems were played, another one: a close up of her biting her lip, her nipples poking through the wet fabric of the shirt.

There’s a lot of guys in here with me

You gotta stop

As the first period went on, another: the wet t-shirt with her hand down her panties again.

Whit I mean it

Right after the buzzer at the end of the period, another: one of her in his jersey, ass in full view.

Holy fuck

She giggled slightly.  At the end of intermission, when she knew all the men he was with would be back, another: her seated on the floor, her legs spread wide, his jersey barely covering up the visual. 

I should come down to the family lounge and fuck you senseless in the bathroom.

Patience is a virtue, Snook

Stop teasing sweetness

That’s going to get you in trouble

If I’m trouble, then maybe you should roll up your sleeves, bend me over you knee, and spank me

Ryan never responded.  Whitney didn’t push it.  She knew she had him exactly where she wanted him and left it at that.  She enjoyed the rest of the game, the rest of the banter and conversation with the girls.  She finished her glass of wine and cheered on during overtime, though the Leafs lost.

When Ryan emerged from the locker room, he barely made eye contact with Whitney.  He greeted all the other women very politely and made conversation with them as they asked him about his finger and what life was like in the press box.  He milked the conversations for as long as he could, until a couple more of the guys emerged, until he finally looked at Whitney.  “D’you want a ride home?”

“That’d be nice.  Thanks,” she smiled.

She and Ryan got into the elevator to take them down to the parking garage.  He hadn’t said a word to her.  She couldn’t help the smile that was making its way onto her face after each passing silent moment.  “How’d you like the game?” she asked.  Silence.  She bit her tongue to keep herself from laughing.  Ryan didn’t even look at her.  “You look great in that suit, by the way.  Very sexy,” she offered.

Only then did Ryan give her a look, and even then – the look sent a shiver down her spine.  She was wholly unprepared for it, and after the shiver came the heat.  She knew she was in for it.  She was anxious and excited all at once.  When they walked off the elevator and started towards his Range Rover, his strides were so long and determined that Whitney almost felt like skipping to stay on pace with him.

Once they got to his car, Whitney decided to strike again.  “Are you mad at me or something?”

They were lucky a lot of cars were parked, because Ryan pulled her in between them and pushed her up against his, pinning her between the car and his body.  “You think you can just send me pictures like that and not have me go crazy?” he muttered, his lips so close to hers she could feel his breath on her skin.

“No, I knew exactly what I was doing,” she said in a hushed tone. 

“You’re a little tease, sweetness.”

“Did you have to go beat one off in the bathroom because you got a little too excited?”

“Oh no no nooo,” he cooed before giving her a hard kiss that took her breath away.  “I’m saving everything for when we get home.”

Whitney smiled from ear to ear.  “Then what are we waiting for?”

“Oh good, their car is still here!” they both her Morgan’s voice yell through the parking garage.  Ryan and Whitney separated at lightning speed.  “You just couldn’t see them because you’re short, bumblebee.”

Whitney and Ryan both emerged from in between the cars casually.  Bee was still a bit far from them, but close enough to not have to yell.  “I just wanted to remind you to text me for dates next week when you’re available for lunch,” she said.

“Of course!” Whitney was chipper.  “I’ll look at my schedule tomorrow at work.” 

Bee nodded as she watched Ryan open the passenger side door for Whitney.  “Drive safe,” she waved.

“You too!” Whitney said before getting in.  Ryan waved to Bee and Morgan before walking around the car and getting into the driver’s seat.

***

“I was not supposed to see that.  I was not supposed to see that.  I was not supposed to see that,” Bee repeated to herself over and over as she sat in the passenger seat, eyes wide but staring at nothing, waiting for Morgan to get into the car.  “I was not supposed to see that.  I was not supposed to see that.  I was not supposed to—”

“What weren’t you supposed to see?” Morgan’s voice suddenly interrupted her.

It was as if he had just magically appeared in the driver’s seat.  Bee didn’t even hear him get in.  She was too preoccupied with the scene replaying over and over in her mind: seeing Ryan and Whitney kissing in between cars when they thought no-one was watching.  And it wasn’t just some innocent kiss, either.  There was meaning behind it.  History behind it.

“Nothing,” Bee shook her head.  “Drop it.”

“Bumblebee—”

“Nothing.”

***

Ryan and Whitney rushed inside, their bodies ready to go before they even touched either other.  Ryan pinned her against the wall and kissed her forcefully, greedily, because she let him and because he could and because he’d been waiting hours to show her what he really thought of those pictures.  His knee was between her legs.  “Y’looked so fuckin’ hot in those pictures, sweetness,” he mumbled against her lips.

“Which ones were your favourites?  Wet t-shirt or jersey?”

He huffed.  “How could I choose?” he asked, and he meant it.  He picked her up in one swift movement and carried her up the stairs to their bedroom, setting her back down on her feet.  He grabbed handfuls of her ass with his hands, causing her to make a little noise at how his fingers dug into her skin.

“You wanted to fuck me so bad after seeing them, didn’t you?” she asked.

Ryan didn’t answer.  Instead, he pinned her up against the wall again, except this time, he wasn’t kissing her.  He was looking directly into her eyes as his chest rose and fell with the intensity of his breaths.  “Don’t think I forgot about your teasing that easily,” he warned, his voice low.  He could see the fire in Whitney’s eyes at her tone.  He stopped pinning her against the wall, but she didn’t move.  “You’re in a lot of fucking trouble, sweetness.”

Whitney watched as Ryan backed up further, until he was sitting in his dress shirt and suit pants on the edge of the bed, legs spread so she could see his growing bulge.  “D’you want me to s—”

“You do what I tell you to do,” his said sternly as he unbuttoned the cuffs on his shirt.  “Understood?”

Whitney nodded excitedly, biting her bottom lip.  “Yes.”

“Are you wearing the panties in the pictures?”

“Yes.”

He paused for a moment, licking his lips.  “Show me.  Nice and slow.”

Whitney knew what that meant.  She giggled slightly before she began to untuck the rest of her shirt – whatever Ryan didn’t get to downstairs – from the jeans she was wearing.  She watched as Ryan began to cuff the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, and she swore she could have come right then and there.  She took off her top to reveal a lacy black bra, one that pushed her boobs up perfectly.  “You like what you see, Snook?”

“Take off your pants, sweetness.”

She unbuttoned them slowly, swaying her hips, before unzipping them.  Before she pulled them down, she took the few steps over to Ryan, just as he was finishing cuffing his other sleeve.  She turned around so her ass was facing him and arched her back so it was in his face, pulling down her jeans slowly to reveal the lacy underwear that drove him crazy.  She kicked her jeans off to the side and before she knew it, Ryan had pulled her on to his lap, wrapping a strong arm around her body so she couldn’t move.  “You think you’re cute sending me those pictures even after I told you there were other people around, huh,” he whispered into her ear, his free hand snaking down to her panties.

“I had a lot of favourites,” she couldn’t help but smile as she felt his hand cup her pussy.

“You’re so fucking bad, sweetness.”

She felt his hand push her panties aside, two fingers teasing her pussy already.  She writhed in his lap, closing her eyes.  “I meant what I said in the text, Snook,” she said.

Ryan paused, as did his fingers.  Using the name Snook said it all.  “Are you sure, Whit?”

She nodded her head.  “Yes.  Please.”

He kissed her shoulder tenderly.  Then he asked a question.  “Do bad girls get what they want?  Or are they going to have to beg?”

It was practically automatic, the way Whitney’s body heat up at what Ryan said.  She closed her eyes again.  “Please Ry, bend me over your knee.”

His arm’s grip on her loosened and he helped move her into the position she wanted to be in, over his lap with her ass exposed and ready.  His fingers went right back to her pussy, teasing her lips only momentarily before he shoved them in.  She let out a gasp at the intrusion, her body tensing in his lap.  “Ry—”

“You’re so fucking needy and desperate sweetness.”

“I am.”

“For what?  Tell me.”

She could feel his fingers curl inside of her, hitting a place that he didn’t normally hit and giving her a feeling she’d never felt before.  For a moment, she almost forgot what all this was for.  “I—I—”

“For what?”

“For you to spank me,” she finally let out.  “For you to make me feel good.”

“What about my fingers, huh?” he asked, curling them in her again, causing her to squirm in his lap and moan loudly.  “They aren’t good enough for you?”

“I want—I want more.”

“More what?”

Whitney was getting more turned on by the second.  She loved putting her pleasure completely in Ryan’s hands, because he was the only one who knew exactly what to do to her, who knew exactly what to say to get her riled up.  Besides, he put his pleasure completely in her hands, too.  “I want more—more—”

“More?  You think you’ve been a good girl who can get what she wants?”

“No,” she shook her head.  “I’ve been bad and I need to be spanked.”

Ryan looked at her ass in full view for him, his fingers leaving her pussy.  He hesitated for a moment, because he wanted to give her what she wanted, but he also didn’t want to hurt her.  They hadn’t done this before, in all the times they’d been together.  Toronto must have really been something special if this is what they were getting up to now that they lived together in the same city.  He brought the fingers that were in her pussy up to his mouth to taste her before he resolved to go for it.  He took one last glance at the excited anticipation on her face before bringing his hand up, then down.  Smack!

Whitney let out a yelp, writhing in his lap.  “Oh fuck,” she breathed out.

“Did that hurt?”

“No no no, it felt so good,” she assured him.  “Do it again, baby.  Please.”

Smack!

Another yelp, her knees coming together as she crossed her ankles.  He wasn’t spanking her particularly hard, but they’d never done this before.  “Fuck!” she screamed out in pleasure. 

“Feels good?”

“Feels so fucking good Ry, oh my God,” she couldn’t believe it.  “Keep going.”

Smack!

Ryan caught sight of her pussy again, wet and slick from before and from what he was doing.  He spanked her again and could practically see it throb in pleasure.  He brought his hand back to her pussy, sticking his fingers in with ease since she was so wet, and she cried out at the sensation.  This time, though, he quickened his pace and curled his fingers more often.  Whitney had stopped being quiet a long time ago, but as he did so, she really wasn’t quiet.  It was only after he’d had his fingers back in her for a while that he even realized she was trying to say something.

“B…b…”

“What is it, sweetness?  You need a break?”

“Both.”

He was confused for only a second before understanding what she meant.  “Look at me,” he grabbed her jaw with his free hand, which wouldn’t be so free after this if she meant what he thought she meant.  He forced her to look at him.  Her cheeks were so flushed red.  “You want both?” he asked.

She nodded.  “I want both, Ry.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he released her jaw.  “You gotta tell me if it’s too much, okay?”

“It won’t be.  I want it so bad Ry.  I’m gonna come so hard.  I want—I want it so bad.”

Ryan could never say no to her.  The only mode he knew was to indulge Whitney, and that was exactly what he was going to do.  He took a lick of his fingers before sticking them back in her pussy, using his other hand to give her another smack that made her cry out in pleasure.  Her body couldn’t help the movements it was making from the pleasure he was giving her, and Whitney couldn’t control them, either.  Every spank and every curl of his fingers brought her closer to a place where she and Ryan had never been before – an entirely new plane of pleasure they were capable of giving only each other.  “Mmmmm, ohmygod, Ry,” Whitney breathed out before cursing for the umpteenth time.  A new curl of his fingers hit the same spot from earlier, and she was desperate to feel it again.  “Right there, Ry.  Just like that.”

Another curl right on the spot.  Another cry.  Another smack.  Another curl.  Whitney felt like she was losing her breath, repeating his name over and over with every curl and ever smack.  She gripped the comforter for dear life, right before Ryan smacked her and curled his fingers at the same time, sending her entire body through an earth-shattering orgasm.  She’d never felt anything like it before, and she was as loud as can be.  She heard Ryan swear before the rhythm of his fingers changed slightly, slowing down before adopting a new rhythm.  The orgasm lasted longer than so many others, and when most of it finally passed, her hips lowered back down to his lap.

“Sweetness—”

It felt weird.  She couldn’t make it out at first – it was supposed to be Ryan’s dress pants, of course – but they felt different.  Had she really sweat that much?  Had he?  The feeling was different than what she was used to.  “Ry—”

“Holy fucking shit, Whit,” Ryan breathed out.

“Your pants—why do they feel wet?”

“Whit, I think you squirted.”

Whitney’s jaw dropped as she screamed in shock.  Ryan began to giggle, almost nervously and definitely uncontrollably, not believing what had just happened.  He could see Whitney’s eyes, nervous and uncontrollably delirious as his, smiling on their own above her hands that had cupped her dropped jaw and mouth.  “Are you serious Ry?”

He giggled some more.  “Oh my God-d-d-d,” he shook his head.

“I can’t believe I did that,” Whitney shook her head.  She wiggled off his lap and onto the bed as they continued giggling in disbelief.  She looked onto his lap to see the stain on his pants.  “Oh my God.  I didn’t even know I could do that.”

“I wasn’t expec—that was so fucking hot, sweetness.”

Whitney lay down on her side on the bed, shaking her head and covering her face with her hands.  “I’m so embarrassed.”

“What?!  Why?” Ryan demanded, moving so he could hover over her.  He tried to get her hands out of her face, but she kept shaking her head.  “Whit, there’s no way you should be embarrassed.  That was so fucking hot.  Are you kidding me?  I’m gonna be fucking dreaming of that for the rest of my damn life.”

Her chest was still heaving up and down as Ryan finally got her hands out of her face.   “You see what you do to me?” she asked.  “Only you can do that to my body, Ry.  Nobody else.  And you know what’s even better?”

So she wasn’t done.  Ryan bit his bottom lip.  “What’s that?”

“Only you get to do that to my body,” she said.  “You know why?”

“Because you’re all mine,” he huffed, his voice possessive as he stood up at the foot of the bed, facing Whitney as she lay there.  The visual of him towering over her, still with his dress shirt sleeves rolled up and suit pants on almost made Whitney come again.  “All fuckin’ mine.”

“That’s riiiiight,” she cooed.

“You ready to do what I tell you?” he asked, playing with his sleeves near his elbows.

“Yes Ry.”

“Spread your legs for me,” he said.  Whitney did as she was told.  Ryan licked his lips as he untucked his shirt.  “Look at that pretty pussy.  Fuck.  You’re so beautiful, sweetness.  So perfect.”

“You’re not so bad either,” she smiled.

“Touch yourself for me,” he ordered, beginning to unbutton his shirt.  Slow enough to tease her, but fast enough because he couldn’t wait, his hard cock straining his pants.

He watched as Whitney did as she was told, one hand going to her pussy while the other cupped her breast, pinching her nipple.  “I don’t want your hands anymore, Ry.  I want you inside me.  I want you to fill me with your cum.”

“Don’t worry, baby,” he undid his belt.  Whitney almost mewled at the sight of him doing it topless.  “I’ll give you want you want.  What you need.”

“I need it so bad, Ry.  So so so bad.”

Ryan eventually got into bed and grabbed Whitney’s legs, pushing them straight up and grabbing her ankles to rest them on his shoulders.  “I fuckin’ love you Whit.”

“I love you too, Snook.  Ever since we were kids.”

“Ever since we were kids,” he repeated, nodding and kissing her inner ankle.  “You ready to take my cock?”

“Yes, God yes.”

Ryan used his hand to position himself and he slid into her so easily, her pussy still wet from their previous activities.  Like always, she felt like heaven, her pussy hot and completely taking his cock.  “S’at feel good?”

Whitney nodded her head.  “Fuck me, baby.  Take care of me.”

Ryan grabbed her ankles, developing a strong rhythm and thrusting deep inside her as he made her cry out in pleasure.  His own grunts fuelled Whitney too, who couldn’t help but reach out to Ryan’s body, just so she could feel it.  He squeezed her ankles, ensuring they were secure on his shoulders.  “You keep them there.  Got it?”

“Yes.”

He leaned forward, his body and her legs getting hooked against her body.  “Oh fuck,” Whitney breathed out.  “Oh God Ry, it’s so fucking deep like this.”

“Gimme your hands.”

Even before she could free them, he grabbed them and pinned them above her head, holding them down with pressure so she couldn’t move them.  His thrusts became even harder, his movements rough but passionate.  She wanted a good fucking and she was going to get it – Ryan always made sure of that.  Whatever her need was, he could fulfil it.  Only him.  “Jeeeeesus Ry, fu—fuck me good, baby.  I need it so bad.”

Ryan didn’t know how he managed to last as long as he did.  Between the little strip show and the fingering and the spanking and the squirting, to now as his cock was buried deep in her pussy as they looked into each other’s eyes and whispered dirty talk to each other, his body was sweaty and practically as wet as his dress pants by the time he felt his orgasm build inside of him.  Whitney hadn’t been silent since he entered her, her voice becoming strained for how long he’d been fucking her and how long she’d been moaning and mewling and crying out and telling Ryan how good he was fucking her and how much she liked it. 

“Baby—baby I’m so close,” Whitney whispered.  “I want it harder.  Go deeper.”  Ryan pushed the final bit towards her body, hooking their bodies even closer together.  She closed her eyes to enjoy the pleasure.  “That’s it, Ry, that’s it.”

“Look at me,” he demanded, and she opened her eyes on the command.  “You love it when I fuck you like this?”

Whitney nodded.  “Always.”

“Tell me how much you love me fucking you.”

“Ever since the first time,” she assured him.  “The first time you touched me, Ry – I knew nobody else could make me feel like you do.  You were made to take care of me.”

“That’s fuckin’ right,” his voice was gravelly.

“Cum inside me, Ry.  Fill me up.  Fill me up,” Whitney begged.  “I know you want to.  And I want it so bad.”

“You want it bad, huh?”

“I need it, Ry.”

Within seconds, Whitney could feel his hot cum explode inside her, filling her up just how she wanted, another intense orgasm flowing through her entire body, from the hairs on her head down to her toes.  Her entire body shook and flushed red.  Ryan was moaning out loudly as he spilled every single drop he had into her, eventually stopping his movements in and out of her.  He loosened his push on her body so she could unhook her legs, and positioned her ankles back on his shoulders.  “Atta girl,” he gave a light smack to where her thighs met her ass.

Whitney couldn’t help but smirk and giggle.  Ryan let go of her ankles before collapsing on to her body and moving so they were laying on their sides, entangled with another.  Whitney was still catching her breath when Ryan slipped out of her.  “That was so good, Snook,” she whispered.

“God Whit, I love you so fucking much,” he kissed her.

“I love you too, Snook.  I always have.”

They didn’t say much else besides other sweet murmurs to each other, and as Ryan ran his hands through Whitney’s hair, she lulled into a deep sleep, thinking about how good Ryan was to her.  As Ryan drifted off to sleep, he kept thinking about how there was no place he’d rather be.

***

Hockey Night in Canada was a tradition in many households, and growing up, Whitney’s was one of them.  She remembered it being on virtually every Saturday night, Owen and Gareth glued to the TV to watch the Leafs and whoever they were facing.  Oftentimes the O’Reillys and Napiers would get together at each other’s houses on Saturday night, order some pizza, and make some popcorn for all the kids while they watched.  Whitney remembers always sitting in between Ryan and Gareth, and eventually Shannon, with the O’Reilly foster kids all around them starting Go Leafs Go chants.

Tonight, she was in attendance for a Hockey Night in Canada for Ryan, who was playing on the Toronto Maple Leafs.  She couldn’t believe it.

Whitney wore Ryan’s jersey and stood beside Bee, who held Axton up against the glass beside Jace, being held by Aryne on her hip.  John came around to fist bump, the biggest smile on his face as he saw his boys.  Jake McCabe came around too, waving at his kids who were excited to see their dad on the ice.  Jeska Schenn even got a picture of her boys posing with Luke, who gave them a puck from the ice.  Whitney could only hope that this would be her someday soon, bringing hers and Ryan’s children down to the glass to see their dad.

As this was the Leafs’ last home game, there was extra energy in the building.  When the women got back to their section and settled into their seats, they could feel it.  Mitch opened the scoring, and John scored about five minutes later, with a secondary assist from Ryan.  Aryne and Whitney hugged, jumping in unison.  In the second period, when William Nylander scored with another assist from Ryan, Whitney screamed even louder, Aberdeen screaming with her as they hugged too.  In the third period, on John’s second goal, Ryan got his third assist, and Whitney was elated.  The boys played so well, earning a 7-1 win against the Montreal Canadiens in their last home game of the season.  With the team saluting the raucous crowd, the girls clapped and cheered.

“Come to SoHo House with us,” Aberdeen whispered to Whitney as the girls began filing out of the family lounge.

“SoHo House?  Isn’t that members only?”

“Between myself and Bee, we can all get in as guests,” Aberdeen winked.  “And we need to celebrate, don’t we?”

Whitney smiled.  “Of course we do.”

Before Whitney, Aberdeen, and the rest of the girls were able to travel towards the locker room, they were stopped by a familiar voice – at least to Whitney.  “Whitney?  Is that you?”

Whitney turned her head to see a familiar face – Rachael, the girlfriend of Joel Edmundson, who played with Ryan on the Blues when they won the Stanley Cup.  She and Rachael weren’t exactly friends, but they tried to be friendly, though Rachael always had an iciness to her that Whitney couldn’t crack.  She didn’t know if it was just her personality or if Rachael didn’t like her.  In any case, Whitney completely forgot Joel was on the Montreal Canadiens, so it was very unexpected to see her at Scotiabank Arena.  Considering her personality, Whitney was slightly shocked Rachael was even getting her attention to say hi.  “Oh, Rachael!  Hey!” she greeted, smiling.  “You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you,” she said quickly to Aberdeen before re-routing herself towards Rachael.  “It’s nice to see you, Rachael.”

“Nice to see you too,” she said, though she didn’t outstretch her arms for a hug.

“It’s good that you were able to make the game here.  Your sister is studying here, right?” Whitney asked.

“Can’t believe you remember that,” Rachael commented.  “But yeah.  A couple of the girls and I came for the game, but I’m staying to spend some time with my sister.  What are you doing here?”

Whitney thought it was obvious.  She was wearing Ryan’s jersey, after all, which gave it away.  She pointed to the ‘90’ patch on her arm, giggling slightly.  “Ryan got traded here at the trade deadline, and I’m here, you know, supporting him.”

“No, Whitney…I mean, what are you doing here?” Rachael asked again.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I can’t believe you’re still waiting around for him,” Rachael said.

Whitney froze slightly, her eyebrows furrowing at the comment.  “What?”

Rachael rolled her eyes playfully.  “Listen, all I’m saying is…you’re hot, Whitney.  And if it were you, I’d be flirting with Auston Matthews or something, not waiting for Ryan like you always have been.”

“I’ve never been waiting for Ryan—”

“—Yes you have.  We’ve all seen it.  Every time you came to visit St. Louis, Joel and I would always see it, always talk about it.  And I just can’t believe it’s still going on,” Rachael lamented, not bothering to cover the contemptuous pity in her voice.  “I feel bad for you.  If I was waiting this long, I’d want someone to tell me how desperate I looked.  You should have taken that opportunity with Binner when you had the chance.”

Whitney could feel her cheeks flush red.  “How could you even say that?  Binner was so inappropriate with me.  There’s no way I would have even considered it – then or now.”

Rachael wasn’t letting up.  Clearly, she started this conversation with a purpose.  Were these things she wanted to tell Whitney back then and only had the opportunity to do so now, when they were alone, because Whitney trusted this conversation to be a fucking normal one?  “You have to move on and accept the fact that Ryan isn’t going to want you,” she said, her words as cold as ice.  “Move on, Whit.  He’s never going to be with you.”

Whitney narrowed her eyes at Rachael.  It took everything within her not to cry or scream in her face.  Whitney knew there were some…well, characters among the partners of NHL players, but Rachael was playing a dirty game that Whitney didn’t like, that Whitney never considered playing herself.  “Is this why you got my attention?  To tell me how desperate I am?  To make me feel awful?”

“I’m trying to save you a lot of heartache.  Trust me,” she said.  “Auston Matthews is right there.”

Whitney looked directly into her eyes.  “Go fuck yourself, Rachael.”

Whitney turned on the balls of her heels and walked away, disappearing quickly behind a door Rachael wasn’t allowed access through.  Instead of going directly to where Aberdeen and the rest of the women were, she escaped into the washroom, if only to make sure that the tears welling in her eyes and the redness in her cheeks wouldn’t be visible when she saw them all again.

Rachael’s words ruminated in Whitney’s mind and made her stomach bubble as looked at herself in the mirror.  “Stop waiting for Ryan.  I feel bad for you.  Move on.  He’s never going to be with you.”  She wasn’t right.  Whitney knew Ryan loved her, yet for some reason, he didn’t want to be with her.  Ryan adored her, but couldn’t be with her.  Ryan was her forever, and she was Ryan’s forever, but something was stopping him from putting a label on that forever.  She’d cheated on her boyfriends with him.  She broke guys’ hearts because of him, so desperate to be with her that they would have walked barefoot on lava.  But Ryan was her beginning, end, and everything in between, and she wasn’t interested in men willing to walk on lava when she had Ryan willing to do anything for her.

Except be with her.

Except call her his girlfriend.

Except make her his wife.

She burst out of the washroom, walking down the flight of stairs to see Aberdeen and an array of the other girls waiting for the boys.  “All good?” Aberdeen asked.

“Mhm,” she nodded quickly, burying her feelings within her.  “I’m ready to drink.”

***

Ryan noticed something off about Whitney the moment they got into the car.  Something was off.  She assured him that everything was fine, that she’d just heard a fan say something stupid about him in the stands and it had made her angry, but he knew she was lying.  Stuff like that never bothered Whitney before, so why was it bothering her now?  The drive to SoHo House wasn’t long, but he tried to get the truth out of her with no success.  He resolved to get to the bottom of it by the end of the night, even if he had to pry it out of her.

Whitney immediately approached the bar, ordering a margarita and finishing it within the first ten minutes.  SoHo House wasn’t that kind of scene, of course, but Whitney didn’t care – if she was going to have to drink her feelings away, she would.  Upon ordering her second, she felt Ryan behind her.  “Will you tell me what happened, please?”

“I said it’s nothing,” she said. 

“Then slow down,” he said, watching as the bartender handed her the second margarita.  “I wish you would just be honest with me.”

He’s never going to be with you.  “I am being honest,” she said.  “Please, Snook.  I just want to have a fun night out with the girls.  You’re gone all next week and I’m going to miss you.  I don’t want to start thinking about it now.”

Ryan digressed, because he always did.  He knew how much Whitney missed him when he was gone – he got to see it now when he came home to her.  When they were separated for months, it was even worse.  So he let her be with the girls and he hung out with the guys, and he noticed her get a third margarita, except this time it was after a while and a few glasses of water.  He kept his eye on her, her animated face lighting up at the stories she’d tell or listen to, her laugh loud and rambunctious.

“There’s nothing going on between you two, right?” William Nylander asked as he watched Aberdeen interact with Whitney. 

“Nah.  Why?”

William knew Ryan was lying.  William knew Ryan was lying because William had something to hide once too, and Ryan wasn’t nearly as good or meticulous as he was in hiding it.  Besides, Aberdeen had said she didn’t think Ryan and Whitney were just friends, and William trusted her judgement.  “You’ve been eyeing her all night.  Just want to make sure you look around the room a bit.”

Ryan couldn’t help but chuckle.  “I’m good, Will.  Seems like she and Aberdeen get along great though.”

“Aberdeen loves her.  She’s wondering why it’s taking you so long to make Whitney your girlfriend.”

***

It was about 1:30 in the morning when everybody decided to leave.  Ryan only had one drink at the beginning of the night and water the rest of the time through, so he was good to drive.  When they arrived home, they walked in without a word to each other.  Both ended up in the kitchen, with Whitney getting glasses and pouring them some ice-cold water to have. 

“I wish you would be honest with me about what was bothering you tonight,” he said, still wanting to address the situation.  He knew it probably wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but he needed the truth from Whitney.

He doesn’t want you.  I feel bad for you.  “I could say the same,” she whispered before taking another sip of water.

It may have been a whisper, but Ryan definitely heard.  “When have I not been honest with you?”

Move on, Whitney.  “You tell me.”

“Whitney,” his voice was serious.  “What the hell are you talking about?  I’ve always been honest with you.  Now will you tell me what’s bothering you?”

Whitney finished her glass of water, wishing it was some sort of hard liquor that would give her liquid confidence.  “Rachael was at the game tonight.”

“Who’s Rachael?”

“You remember Joel’s girlfriend?”

“…Okay,” Ryan said.  “Did you guys see each other?  Did she say something?”

Whitney paused.  It was now or never.  She knew that every thought she ever had about this would come rushing out of her after she started talking, so she tried to compose herself ahead of time.  She didn’t want things to get messy.  “She said she couldn’t believe I was still waiting for you like I’ve always been,” she began.  “She said she felt bad for me, that I should have taken the opportunity to be with Binner when I had the chance.  She told me to move on because you’re never going to be with me.”

Ryan was silent.  The words hung between them as silence filled the air.  ‘”So do you?” Whitney asked out of the blue.  “Do you want to be with me?”

“You—you don’t want to be with me, Whit.”

Whitney couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  “Excuse me?  I cheated on my boyfriends with you, Snook.  And you think that?  You actually say that out loud?”

“Listen, Whit— I’d do anything for you.  You know that.”

“No you wouldn’t.  Stop lying to me,” her voice was getting angrier each passing second.  This was the moment.  This was it. 

“I’m not lying to you—”

“You won’t marry me.  You won’t even call me your girlfriend.  We’ve been doing this song and dance for ten years and you still won’t even call me your girlfriend.”

The words hung in the air again.  Ryan’s heart was almost beating out of his chest.  “You’re right, Whit.  I won’t marry you.”

Whitney could feel her cheeks flushing red.  She’d been rejected plenty of times before – but not by Ryan.  And, of course, never for something so big.  The way he said it made it sound so definitive.  “Why won’t you be with me, Snook?” her voice quivered.

“Sweetness…”

“What is it?  What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing!  Whit—Whit—my god—” Ryan’s voice was frantic.  “Why would you think you did anything wrong?”

“How could I not?” she demanded back.  “Is it because you don’t love me?”

“No!  I love you more than anyone else.  I’ve always loved you Whit.  You know that.  How—how could you say that?”

Whitney began shaking her head.  She didn’t understand why he was saying such things to her.  He wasn’t making any sense.  He loved her, but he couldn’t be with her.  She didn’t do anything wrong, but he didn’t want to be with her.  It was cutting deep; every word that came out of his mouth carving deeper and deeper into her.  She bolted from the kitchen and ran upstairs, Ryan following behind her calling her name.  “What’s wrong with me?  What’s wrong with me that you won’t be with me?” she demanded of him once they were in their bedroom.

“Nothing is wrong with you.  Not a thing.  You’re perfect.”

“Then why!!!” she began to cry.  “Then why, Snook?  We tell each other all the time how much we love each other.  We tell each other all the time that we’re the only ones for each other.  I mean it when I say it, Snook.  Do you?  I want to marry you.  I want to be your wife.  I want to have a family with you, Ry – only you.  I’m not having a family if it’s not with you.  Don’t you want that too?  With me?  Why don’t—why don’t you want that too?”

“I do.”

“You’re not making any sense!” she yelled, trying to wipe away her tears with the back of her hand.  “Why don’t you love me?”

“I love you more than anybody else Whit.  That’s—that’s why I can’t.”

“Why don’t you love me?” she asked again.  She wanted an honest answer out of him.

Ryan’s face was flushed now, too.  “I can’t marry you because of me, sweetness.  It has nothing to with you.  It never has and it never will.”

Whitney paused.  Was he seriously giving her the “it’s not you; it’s me” excuse during the most significant and momentous argument they’d ever had?  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’d ruin your life, Whit.”

Okay, now he truly wasn’t making any sense.  Nothing coming out of his mouth made sense.  “How could you possibly ruin my life when you are my life?” she asked.

Those words hit Ryan hard.  Hard.  Because he knew how true they were.  And for as long as their lives have been intertwined, she had been his life too.  “Whit…” his voice began trembling too now.  “Whit, you don’t understand.  I can’t—I can’t—”

“Ryan, you’re being—”

“—No, Whit, let me—”

“—You’re being irrational—”

“—No I’m not.  It’s not—I’ve thought about this.”

“No you haven’t.”

“Yes I have.  I can’t be with you.  I can’t marry you.”

“Yes you can.”

“No I can’t.  I—I—” he stuttered, not even bring able to bring himself to say the words out loud.  “I’ll hurt you.  Like I did before.”

There was silence between the two as the words hung in the air.  “What?” Whitney’s voice was much calmer than before.  “When did you ever hurt me?”

Ryan looked away.  He bit his lip, chest heaving up and down at how emotional he was getting.  He couldn’t even bear to think about it, let alone say it out loud.  The memories still paralyzed him.  They brought back so much hurt, so much pain.  “The accident, Whit,” he whispered.

“What accident?”

“Tim Horton’s.”

More silence.  The gears were trying to shift in Whitney’s mind, but they were stuck.  “You didn’t hurt me, Snook.”

Ryan finally looked at her again.  “How could you say that?  Of course I did,” he said through gritted teeth, the pain of remembering overcoming him.  “You called me that night to pick you up and I was supposed to keep you safe.  I gave you a concussion, Whitney.  I—you weren’t the same for months, and it was because of me.  I did that to you.”

Whitney began shaking her head, watching him as he sat down on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.  “Snook, no—”

“I don’t know how I even live with myself after hurting you.”

“Snook, no.  Listen to me—” she got down on her knees in front of him, trying to cradle his face in her hands, but he nodded them away.  He wasn’t deserving of it.  He believed he wasn’t deserving of such affection. He wasn’t worthy. 

“And I promised him,” Ryan whispered, tears falling down his face and evident even in his voice now.  “I promised Gareth I’d take care of you.  And I didn’t.  I did that to you.  I couldn’t—I didn’t—I—”

“—Snook—”

“—He was dead in the casket, Whit, and I p—I promised him—”

“—Snook please—”

“—I didn’t keep my promise, and what if—what if I hurt you again?  What if—”

“—You won’t—”

“—I love you more than anyone, Whit.  If I hurt you?  I can’t hurt you, and if we—there’s too much risk.  Because of me and how stupid I was.  I could hurt you again and—”

“—You won’t, you won’t, you won’t,” Whitney repeated desperately, hoping it would get through to him somehow.  “Snook, that’s in the past.  It’s okay.”

Ryan shook his head.  “It’s always with me that I did that to you.”

“C’mere,” she urged, and without another word she hugged tightly, his head in the crook of her neck as he cried.  She felt his tears on her skin there as she tried to calm him down by running her fingers through his hair or rubbing his back, but there was no use.  This was something that Ryan had been carrying deep, deep within him for years now, and she had no clue.  The revelation of it being the reason keeping them apart was enlightening, painful, and heartbreaking all at once.  “Let’s pretend it never happened, Ry.”

“I’ve tried.  I can’t.  Every time I try to erase the memory, I get lost in it.  All I can picture is you passed out beside me in the truck, or you in the hospital bed crying.  I hate myself for doing that to you.  I never got over it. I hate—I hate mys—”

“Shhhhh,” she cooed.  “Snook, there’s nobody else for me out there but you.”

“I know.  And I feel the same.  But I don’t deserve you after what I did.  I can’t take care of you.”

“Yes you do,” Whitney said.  “And yes you can.  You’re the only man in this world that can take care of me.”

“No.  No.  No,” he shook his head vigorously.  “I can’t take care of you if I hurt you.”

“Yes you can Snook, please,” she urged, tearing up again.  “Don’t do this to me.  Don’t make me live a life without you.  I can’t live a life without you, Snook.” 

They cried together.  It was the only thing they could do after the catharsis, after the truth had been revealed for both of them.  Ryan pulled her up and into his lap.  Whitney could feel Ryan gripping onto her, his cries still coming.  “I don’t want to live a life without you,” Ryan mumbled, “but I don’t know how I can live a life where I can take care of you how I want to…how I’m supposed to.  Up to my standards.  I promised Gareth.  I didn’t—I didn’t live up to it early on.  What if I never can?”

“I’m telling you that you can.  I’m telling you that you’re the only one,” Whitney said.  “You bought us this house, Snook.  This house is for us, right?”

“Yes.  For you, but for us.  I know it is.”

“Think about the memories we already have here.  And think about the memories we can make here,” she whispered, finally cradling his face in her hands as she stared directly into his eyes.  “The smell of your chicken soup.  The feel of your body against mine in our bed.  Think about it, Snook.  Think about our kids sliding across these hardwood floors.  Movie nights where we’re all cuddled on the sofa together under blankets.  Carting the kids around to hockey practice.  Bringing them up to Bluewater Beach to swim like we did when we were kids.  I want that with you, Snook.  D’you want that with me?”

His breath hitched in his throat at the thought of children – their children, with all their personality quirks and mops of hair and sandy toes from the beach.  “I want that more than anything.”

She made sure to kiss him quickly – a peck so small it almost didn’t register as a kiss.  “Then what’s stopping us?  Why can’t we do it?  Because you don’t feel like you can take care of me even though you have since I was seventeen?  You’ve taken care of me, Snook.  All this time.  You’ve taken care of my body.  You’re the only one that’s taken care of my body.   And more importantly, you’ve taken care of my mind, my soul.”

“I’ve taken care of you because I love you,” he whispered.

“Have I taken care of you?” Whitney asked.

Ryan nodded his head immediately.  “You always have.  Just by being you.  By being there for me.  By being my sweetness.”

“Then let’s do it.  You and me.  Because we love each other.  Because we’ve loved each other since we were kids.  Because we take care of each other.  Right?”

“Right.”

“If I take care of you, will you take care of me?”

Whitney waited.  She waited and she waited and she waited, looking into Ryan’s big blue eyes for a response.  The same blue eyes she fell in love with as a kid.  The same blue eyes that brought her so much comfort and love.  The same blue eyes she could find her own soul in.

Finally, he spoke.  “Yes.”

Whitney had waited a long time to hear those words.  She wanted to make sure she wasn’t hearing things.  She needed to confirm.  “Yes?”

He nodded.  “Yes.”

More confirmation was needed.  “We’ll get married, Snook?”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.  I’ve just been scared, sweetness.  We’ll get married,” he confirmed.  “I’ll give you everything.  I’ll take care of you.  I love, you Whit.”

She kissed him again, much more passionately this time.  “I love you, Snook,” she said against his lips.  “I can’t wait to be your wife.  We’re going to spend the rest of our lives taking care of each other, right?”

“Yes.  Yes,” he affirmed, kissing her again. 

Ryan held her tight onto his body as he moved back on to the bed.  They continued to kiss for a long time, long enough that Whitney’s lips got red and puffy, with Ryan whispering “I love you, I love you so much” over and over again like he was reciting a prayer.  To have Ryan be hers was all Whitney ever wanted, and she couldn’t believe they had finally gotten to this point.  After ten years and countless secrets, grief and elation and success, Ryan was able to overcome his fear.  Whitney was able to help him.  They would be able to live their lives now as they always wanted to; no longer in secret.  They could hold hands in front of their parents.  They could give each other quick kisses on the backyard deck.  They could wrap their arms around each other in front of friends.  Nobody would have to second-guess or question their love for one another.  They could just be how they were with each other in front of other people.  Whitney anticipated it to be the most liberating feeling in the world, to be able to proclaim that she loved Ryan O’Reilly, and Ryan O’Reilly loved her, and that they were going to build a life together.  A life they wanted.  A life they deserved together.

“Make love to me Snook,” she whispered in his hear as her hand played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Ryan took his time, kissing along her jawline before moving down to her neck and clavicle, covering every inch of her skin with his kisses.  He helped her get out of her shirt and bra before she helped tug his own shirt off.  Whitney quickly leaned back so Ryan could take her pants and underwear off – same with him – before she got back into his lap, wrapping an arm around his shoulders so they were physically close.

“I love you, Snook.”

“I love you too, sweetness.”

“You need to know you’ve never hurt me before in my life,” she stressed.  “Not even the accident.  Never, okay Snook?”

Ryan nodded his head.  “Let me kiss you.”

Their lips crashed together again, their tongues stuck down each other’s throats.  Whitney made sure to run her fingers through his hair, because she knew he liked that.  Ryan made sure to drag his hands down to her hips, squeezing at the flesh there and making her grind into his lap before moving his hands onto her ass.  “You need to know something too,” he said, his voice low.

“What’s that?”

“It’s always been you, Whit.  Since we were kids.  I’ll take care of you until the day I die.”

Those were words Whitney had wanted to hear for a long time, considering he was saying them now in the context of her being his wife.  She felt so elated and so happy that it was almost as if the ten years of waiting was worth it.  “Make love to me, Snook.  Like you love to do.”

One of his hands snuck between their bodies so he could position his hard cock at her entrance.  He took the opportunity to tease her only for a few seconds before pushing it in.  Whitney grinded her hips in his lap, getting him all the way inside her.  She paused, her mouth open against Ryan’s.  She didn’t care how many times it happened; every time he was inside of her, Whitney swore she saw stars.  “You’re so big, Snook.  So perfect for me.”

“Love you so fucking much, Whit,” he whispered in her ear.  His hands moved back to her hips, helping guide them as she moved in his lap.

“God you feel so good,” she whispered, leaning back slightly and exposing more of her neck and decolletage to Ryan.  He took the opportunity to kiss her everywhere, leaving some love bits on the way as he licked and sucked at her skin.  Eventually, he made his way down to her breasts, taking a nipple in his mouth and swirling his tongue around it, causing her to sigh in pleasure.  Her nails were digging into his back; she was holding on to him for dear life.  “Keep doing that, Snook.”

He kept up with his kissing and love bites between her breasts, eventually moving to the other and taking the other nipple in his mouth too.  Whitney continued her movements in his lap, and he could tell that she was trying to make this last.  Good.  If it were up to him, it would last all night.  He’d test the limits of what was physically possible.  “You’re so beautiful, Whit.  I could kiss every inch of you.”

“You’re lucky you have,” she couldn’t help but smile.  “And you’re going to get to the rest of your life.”

They looked deep into each other’s eyes then, the heat of their bodies radiating between them.  “I can’t wait for you to be the mother of my children.”

Whitney smiled widely this time, unable to contain it.  “I can’t wait, either.”

“Don’t think I didn’t ever want that with you.  I did.  I always did.  I was just scared—”

“—It’s okay, Snook,” she put her index finger on his lips.  “You don’t have to be scared of hurting me anymore.”

He kissed her, unable to say anything else.  Whitney began running her hands through his hair.  They kissed again for a while, until both could feel their orgasms building.  “I love you, Snook.  Will you come inside me?”

Ryan nodded quickly.  “Always,” he said.  “I’m the only one.”

“That’s right.  You’re the only one that gets to come inside me.”

After some more kissing, both Ryan and Whitney felt their orgasms rush through their bodies at the same time.  Whitney held him close, gripping on to Ryan for dear life, their heads on each other’s shoulders as they cried out in ecstasy.  They let it last as long as possible, riding it out for as much as they could before their breath started to come back to them and they sunk into each other’s arms. 

Whitney was the first to pull back slightly, only to have her lips meet with Ryan’s again in a series of small, slow, lazy pecks.  She could rest her lips on him all night if she could.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“Will you hold me in your arms as we sleep?”

Ryan couldn’t help but smile.  “You never have to ask me that.  I’ll always hold you.”

They shifted positions, Ryan pulling the covers off the bed and Whitney getting under them.  She snuggled into his body as he draped the covers over them, and he wrapped his arms around her when he was done, making sure she was comfortable.  “Hey Whit?”

“Yeah Snook?”

“I’m sorry you were waiting for me.”

Whitney couldn’t help but smile slightly to herself.  There was no reason for him to feel guilty.  It took a while, yes, but this was their story.  And it would always be their story now.  “Don’t apologize,” she said.  “I have you.  That’s all I need.”

[lovebillyhargrove]

Wake me up when July is around

Chapter 22/? Half in hate

Billy is listening to Scorpions "No-one like you" (1982) and Ratt "I'm insane" (1984)

***

Ugh, fuck this cow-turd town, fuck

Every! fucking! thing!

FUCK !!

..

So yeah .. the news. Billy gets rejected in all three California universities he applied to - Los Angeles, Berkley and

San Diego.

The fucking irony. It's like the state he was born in, doesn't want him anymore, the city he's lived all his life in, takes revenge in him for leaving.

Like it was Billy's fault.

Goddammit.

God-fucking-dammit!

There goes the dream. Grease monkey, that's all you're gonna be, Billy.

And, that's fine. He likes grease. It just sucks to hear a no. Three of them, in a row.

Of course, the places he was striving for are all super-top-notch-level. Like he said, the high GPA, impressive SAT results that he got in his junior year - Billy had it all, but he lacked fucking recommendations and the stuff he couldn't really scrape here, in a new town, new school, as early as autumn.

Thanks dad, for making me change schools in my fucking senior year, really like .. I appreciate the hell out of it.

Fuck this shit. Billy is sitting in the camaro, waiting for Maxine, smoking and listening to nothing. He got the news from Berkley on Monday morning, right after the party, and from San Diego - in today's mail, bright and early, and all day he's been suppressing fucking tears. Feels unfair, somehow, his state turning him down like that.

Jesus, what kind of kindergarten snot is that, Billy?

Everything is the way it is, in life.

To each its own.

For him it'll be a job in San Diego when he gets there. Maybe he'll reapply next year, maybe he'll aim not at such prestigious places, he'll need to think of a plan, get his full focus on it. Everything now has kinda lost its clarity

Since he's been uprooted and torn away from his ground.

He needs to get back to himself. Needs to stand steady on his feet again.

Billy sees Harrington walking towards the beamer, his girl's already waiting for him near the car. He's putting his peachy ass on its wing, takes out a Parliament, lights it.

He looks so hot taking a drag, hollowing his cheeks, cupping his hands to shield the flame of the lighter from the wind. Steve's wearing a dark gray light jacket, and the colour becomes him.

The nose looks a bit bashed in huh, well .. doesn't make him less pretty. He's still

The prettiest.

Fuck, stop it, dumbass, avert

Avert the stupid unruly eyes. Don't let them run wild.

But I haven't taken even a peek at him all day .. three days.

Is Harrington going to bring Tammy to her house, and they are going to kiss in the beamer, and then say bye for the rest of the day? Or are they driving some place else? To the king's castle?

The rich boy does fuck all. No need to have a job, studying isn't his forte .. the hell he does with all the time on his hands?

Fucks around, that's what he does.

For Steve, life must be so easy. To each their own. For Harrington it means daddy's money, probably a cushy job in his big important business. Very possibly, a trust fund. His life is taken care of. Billy's never liked rich kids. Fucking entitled, believing they are better than everyone else. Too clean, too uninteresting.

University of Chicago accepted him and - guess what, the fucking Purdue - Billy doesn't even like the sound of the name - waitlisted him. Yeah, fuck you and your waitlist which nobody cares for. He's not gonna go to either of these places. Billy needs to get to the coast, away from here, this Mid-fuck-western state.

He craves warmth, he craves air, it's an absolute SOS situation for salty water to wash his wounds.

Max waves good bye to her friends, but comes to the car with the bunker girl.

"Billy, Jane is coming home with me. She's staying for the rest of the day. We're having a sleepover, actually. You're bringing us both to school tomorrow morning."

Bossy much?

Like fuck I care.

"Hi, Billy."

That Jane girl always looks at him like he owes her a thousand bucks. She's an odd bird.

Don't talk to the driver. Get in and let's go already.

Billy grips the steering wheel, and the knuckles on the hand he'd smashed a car window at the junkyard with, hurt.

The girls jump in the backseat and start chirping excitedly.

Billy gets going, but doesn't even turn the music on to wipe out the cheerful noise. He's lost in thoughts.

He's still thinking about Harrington. He's trying not to, but he can't control it. You can't throw someone out of your head completely in a matter of days. The only thing that he succeeds in is

At school, Billy doesn't let himself look at Steve. Okay, today in the parking lot he slipped a little, but in classrooms, in the hallways he doesn't. This week there aren't any basketball practices, which is very convenient, coach Nelson is on a sick leave or something.

Billy looks at everything and everyone BUT Harrington.

The

I'm not a cocksucker

Still burns.

Sometimes he can feel something hot scraping all over his back

And he knows

That's the asshole's stare.

Fuck him.

Billy needs to get the fuck away from here, this place is like quicksand

Sucking him in.

It's trying to tie him down, make him stay. Why did he even send the fucking applications to the nearby universities here if he was never planning on going there? Hargrove doesn't know. He doesn't always make the best and most rational decisions.

Quicksand. Step back, get away, a-fucking-sap.

School still has to be graduated from.

***

Alright, one thing here has become bearable. April in Indiana truly marks the irreversible arrival of spring. The bitter cold that lasted through the winter and still showed its frosty face in March is now mostly a cursed memory.

Hargrove's outside. It's close to midnight, and he's slowly walking down Cherry Lane, a cigarette between the fingers. April is starting to feel really fucking nice. Cool still, but nice. Soon everything's gonna bloom and hustle. The sun shines every day now. Rains pour. The sky, with or without clouds, is marvelous and gives hope.

Billy's taking advantage of warm nights. He sometimes leaves the house when everyone is already sleeping - either walks out of the door when he is sure he won't disturb anyone, or climbs out of his window - ground floor, easy as pie.

It's dark, windless and serene, and Hargrove just needs to clear his mind. Street lights are flickering slightly, and it's misty, the night air is damp and thick, especially after the recent evening rain, with a promise of fragrance of blossoming flowers soon.

Billy's watching his boots step heavy on the wet gray asphalt. Right, left, right, left. He's not gonna let Harrington do it to him. He's not gonna fall for this rich fucking asshole.

Like,

F

A

L

L

for real.

They've fooled around, Billy got knocked down a notch from his wuthering high, enough. Did he seriously think that Steve's on the same wavelength as him?

It's ridiculous.

Hargrove's following the movements of his knees. Right, left, right, left. He likes the way his solid thighs sway. Billy needs to get his shit together. Feed the anger. Stay in the right lane. Double bag his dick, it's always been a rule with girls. In the case in question, extra precautions seem necessary. Triple bag his heart. He just needs to hold out for three fucking months, and then he's on the road, driving west. Southwest.

Billy's nurturing his fury, replaying in his mind over and over again

Steve's voice, Steve's raised eyebrows. The word, the phrase, the meaning of it

I'm better than you

The fury grows, bursts in acrid flames,

Lets him think for a moment that he can be in charge.

Billy tightens his fist, and the knuckles hurt again. Good.

He turns around and slowly walks back to his car. He didn't park it in the driveway, he usually leaves it at a distance from their house now.

Hargrove gets in, turns the music on, makes the volume down. Lights up a cigarette and savours a long looong drag. Watches the smoke drift around and up in the dark sky, listening to Scorpions' "Rock you like a hurricane." Shit, isn't that the song that was on when he first set his foot in the Hawkins High parking lot?

It is.

Billy remembers the moment, how jittery he felt, how miserable, the whole move still making FUCK sense to him. That was the first time he ever laid eyes on King Steve.

It was in September. Now the school year is almost finished.

Girl, it’s been a long time that we’ve been apart

Much too long for a man who needs love

What in fucking hell ..?

Billy wants to turn the song off but then changes his mind.

There’s no one like you

I can’t wait for the nights with you

I imagine the things we’ll do

I just want to be loved by you

No one like you

Other thoughts come to mind. Billy puts his head on the headrest, shuts the eyes and remembers their kisses, all of them. Remembers how they held each other's bodies, the absolute, utter frenzy. Why has he never felt anything like that before, what is the secret, what is the fucking sorcery.

The fury, well-fed and groomed, is still present but it steps away a little, letting sadness and .. something like yearning? .. seep through the tiniest cracks.

Girl, there are really no words strong enough

To describe all my longing for love

I can't wait for the nights with you

I imagine the things we'll do

There's no one like you

No-one like you

Remembers the first and only blowjob, and how strange and amazing it felt. He would do it again. He wants to. Kiss and touch Steve again. All of him. Starting from the pinkie toe and going up to the guy's mane of hair.

It's not gonna happen.

When Billy's finally done with his midnight brooding, and gets home, slips under the coolness of bedsheets and drifts off to sleep, he sees a very vivid dream.

He's amidst the ocean, clear warm dark waters all around, light waves rocking him softly,

Lovingly.

It's dark because it's night time.

He sees a beautiful light purple jellyfish, swimming in the near

It looks otherworldly, gently propelling its umbrella-shaped body through the water. The jellyfish glows in the dark, and, naturally, Billy wants to touch it. He is aware that these creatures can be dangerous, the tentacles are covered in millions of stinging cells, holding venom that can be very painful, even deadly.

Billy is extending his left hand, and the jellyfish touches him gently. It is the prettiest one in the whole wide ocean.

Hargrove keeps playing with it and notices that the tentacles start growing longer, the body is stretching itself, and the colour changes from purple to transparent and then light blue.

It is still glowing, and it's by far the most beautiful thing Billy has ever encountered.

Suddenly the tentacles are grasping his hand tighter, and they claw their way up Billy's arm,

Despite the intensity - or because of it - it's still such a pleasant sensation, he lets the jellyfish twine itself all over his limb,

When immediate piercing pain shoots through his body and the skin on his arm starts burning

The pain stings viciously, Billy is trying to set himself free from the tentacles

In mad realisation that he might actually die right now. It's like something is drilling holes through his veins, going for

The heart.

The jellyfish loosens its hold, caressing the boy, soothing the burn.

Billy understands that he must swim ashore, get some kind of medical help

However, he doesn't distance himself from the stunning ocean creature, against all reason, against the sense of self-preservation.

He doesn't swim away but stays close, gazing, admiring the beauty

Mesmerized.

Blood bringing venom to his core.

***

On ao3

[phoenix]

Fuckity fuck fuck.

Setup: I live in the middle of nowhere, can't drive, look forward to the bus line starting up after Thanksgiving so I can go do things on my own.

There is city A where the buses come from, then there's me, then there's town B where the buses go, turn around, and head back to A.

These buses run twice in the morning and twice in the evening. They start, go down, turn around, and turn back around and do the second run.

So if I want to go to city A, I can't take the second run back home, because the bus IMMEDIATELY turns around to do it. I have to go early in the morning, and then spend eight hours doing whatever until the evening bus run.

This was fine, but now the malls have all closed, and all the theaters are closed, so there is NOTHING for me to do. I'd basically sit in Dunkin Donuts for eight hours then get groceries, and go home.

But I frequently go to town B, because I can do that first run, and catch the second of the set when it came back around in about 90 minutes. Perfect time to run errands, grab a bite to eat, come home.

I haven't done it in the morning, because it's so early, but it's always been an option I'd wanted to try out.

Well, this last grocery order, had one item I NEED for a meal I wanted to make, but everyone was sold out. Well no problem! Bus started back up, I can bop down and get it at some point.

Making the meal tomorrow, meat is out of the freezer, planning to go get it in the morning. Check the store's website to get what time they open aaaand.

They're closed. They are fucking closed, because of the flooding. This COMPLETELY fucks me over for my plans of actually getting out of my house.

They have online ordering at least, which still sucks, because my biggest issue with it is when something isn't available, I can't pivot, and I don't want to keep ordering groceries, I want to go and shop and improvise if I have to.

But FINE. I can still place an online order, pick it up, and kill time at Dunkins like I've done the last few years. At least I'm still getting out of the house.

EXCEPT, all this I want to get done in the MORNING because I don't want to come home at 8pm and start a meal that takes three hours to cook...and the earliest pickup time is 10am, two hours after the morning bus runs are done.

So now I HAVE to go in the evening if I want to make dinner tomorrow night, and then there's an added problem.

I don't always make it to the bus stop in time. Normally, if I miss it, no big deal, I just go the next day. But now, I have the added pressure of I have ordered groceries already and am expected to pick them up.

I just want to LEAVE MY FUCKING HOUSE AND NOT RELY ON PEOPLE FOR FIVE MINUTES FUCK.

Also, I don't have the time right now to get this all sorted out, but I also don't have the time to NOT try and sort this out right this second. ...And screaming and flailing isn't helping.

[pbandjesse]

I was not as miserable today as I worried I would be but I also wasn't having a great time. I just really wanted to be home. I am struggling a bit but I am trying my best. And I did try very hard to be positive today.

I didn't sleep amazing. My wrist hurts very very bad and I ended up sleeping with a wrist brace which helped in the moment but my wrist still really bothered me when I woke up.

So I wasn't in an amazing headspace but I got up and got cleaned up. I felt very cute. I liked my earrings and I liked my hair and that made me feel better about stuff.

James helped me carry some stuff to the car and gave me extra hugs before I left to go to camp. And the drive wasn't horrible but it wasn't the best. People honking and being loud and I was just getting really overstimulated. Once I got away from the city it would calm down. The real issue was that my phone was struggling to stay connected to the car screen and I was just really frustrated with that.

I got to camp at 8 and went up to the art building to drop off the materials I had borrowed. And then went to the office to answer emails.

I had to make a logo for the festival I have coming up. And I would use one of my stickers as the main image. The person I sent it to said it's perfect and that is good. And I would just work on some computer tasks for a bit.

Eventually I would measure out all my yarn for my knitting. Got all caught up. Sarah would come in while I was doing that and we would discuss camp food and the menus I worked on. It was nice to talk through stuff.

I would do some small projects for Heather. And I just appreciated having something to do. I would do my own thing. Then a small task. Just back and forth all day.

I was still struggling though and I very much felt like I was bothering people when I would also for direction. It was not great. But I tried and since I was getting nothing I would start reading my book and play a game on my tablet and just did what I could.

At 1230 I had my call with Parker. I couldn't get my laptop to run the zoom so we just talked on the phone but we have a good idea for a workshop series and I now have one workshop a month with them starting on May! I'm very excited and I hope it works out.

We did have big laughs when we finally found something I can't do. Origami. I just cannot do it. I have tired. My mom even got me a good this year but for some reason I just can't figure it out. I can't get the folds right. But I have many other talents and skills so I don't feel to bad.

The afternoon would go pretty quick. I would take a walk to nature to spray down Sadie the snake's tank and look for some fake aquarium rock pieces of decor I had left there two summers ago. And I was able to find them so I was pretty excited about that.

I would take my time getting back and when I did I would not have much to do. Once Heather was back I chatted with her and she had me answer some emails and it was nice to have something to do. I also checked in with Elizabeth about the field trip tomorrow. I am running low ropes and I hate setting that up but it's all good. I brought the key home with me so I can do it right away in the morning.

I would finish up and left right before 4. I wanted to go right home and do some stuff before I headed to target while James was recording their podcast. And this would be a nice way to spend the evening.

When I got home I was really happy to see James. And we would hug on the couch and talk. I had to send a quick email. And then vacuumed the frog tank and added in the rock decor. We chatted and hung out for a little longer. But around 5 I would head out again.

I drove to target. I went to five below first but it was messy in there so I didn't stay long.

Target was better. I got the three things I was there for. I smelled all of the body wash. I looked at the makeup. I people watched. I listened to my podcast. It was fun.

Next I went to the pet store. I did not have luck there. But I enjoyed looking at the fish and the rodents. I wandered around there for a bit. But I was hungry and would head out quick.

I went to Wawa. But I did not enjoy my sandwich and that was really disappointing. I ate in the parking lot. But then for really really upset on the drive home because my phone would not connect and the sun was in my face and I was just having a terrible time. But I would get home and would calm down and everything would be okay. It was not fun for a bit there though.

James didn't know I had gotten home. But at 730 they came downstairs and were all excited to see me and I was excited to see them. It was a nice way to reset.

James would make themselves dinner and get me some ice cream. And we would finish watching the Quiet on Set documentary. Which was really good. And sad. I had to play a game on my phone for a little because it was so sad and I couldn't totally focus on it. But it was a really good doc and I would recommend it.

Now though we are all just chilling. I am ready to go shower and hopefully sleep better tonight.

I am really hoping the field trip tomorrow is fun and the kids are chill. We have two field trips this week and I'm honestly really looking forward to it. I am really hoping it's like a reset and I can be happy and focused on work again.

I hope it's nice tomorrow. And I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well. Be safe. Until next time

[butterflyintochains]

Schism

Another week in Whistler might just be the thing that finally does Joanna Blackwood in, her boyfriend is in Michigan with Quinn and his family. She loves her family, she really does, but good God they've been insufferable. Her parents have been their usual lovely selves, her niblings are just the best, but her three older siblings are annoying her. To make matters worse, Elias' new contract is still up in the air, and she has to hear about it from her siblings who don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Currently, Joanna is in her room in Blackwood Lodge, her brothers are out biking, her sisters are swimming at the lake. Bored senseless, she grabs her climbing stuff from her days out with the gang, and heads down to the climbing centre. She spends some time on some boulders, before tackling a lead wall, then heads home for some dinner. ''If you ask me, Benning is an idiot, letting these two dictate the discussion like this.'' Edward says.

Nicholas, ever the eldest Blackwood's lieutenant, nods. ''I know, he should just say; 'here's the offer, don't like it, tough shit'. It's what I'd do.''

Joanna feels the fire Elias stoked in her rising, but tries to freeze it back down, she's not called 'Ice Queen' for nothing. She scrolls through her instagram to keep herself busy. ''How do we know it's not just Elias and Quinn being greedy? Wanting more than they're due? It's not like either had a good season last year, is it?'' Her brother-in-law Matthew poses. Which is... simply untrue. Quinn led the team in assists. Elias was injured. And, the team got sick with covid. ''Besides, it's just business, right?'' Lucinda adds. Joanna fiddles with her ring, a topaz and emerald on yellow gold, Elias' most recent birthday gift to her. His ring, their stones, his love. ''You guys know I'm right here, don't you? The girlfriend of one Canuck and best friend of another?'' Edward laughs. ''Anna, you've been with him for two years.''

Joanna furrows her brows. ''And? We live together, I've met his family, we already know we're forever. So, what do you think gives you the right to speak about him like that? I'm going through this stress too, you know?''

Matthew asks, in disbelief. ''Really? How?'' Joanna simply states, because they made each other a promise. ''If he leaves, so do I.'' Nicholas scoffs. ''Oh, come on, sis. This city is your home.'' Lucinda says. ''There will be other guys, Anna.''

With this, Joanna rises, and books an early morning flight to Michigan. ''He's my home, my family, the love of my life. If the three of you can't understand that, I'm out. Mike, Kate, I'll text you tomorrow.'' She goes to pack up for the flight. In silence, she packs her car, and drives back into the city. Staying the night at home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joanna books in for her flight to Detroit the next morning, goes through security. After a quick breakfast, Joanna gets on her flight, bound for her boyfriend. Perhaps she should've taken this holiday with him all along. She can't understand how her married older siblings can be so... dismissive of them.

She lands in Detroit late that afternoon, and orders an Uber to take her to Ann Arbor. The driver is called Peter, and he's really nice. ''What brings a BC girl to Michigan?'' He asks in the car.

Joanna says. ''My boyfriend is with friends here, I had a fallout with my family, so, here I am.'' After some time of driving, Peter asks her. ''Do you know where he is, Joanna?'' Joanna mentally kicks herself for the oversight. ''No, hang on.'' She texts Quinn.

Joanna Rose: Hey, Q, I'm in Ann Arbor, where are you guys rn? Huggy Bear: Really? We're at my parents' place. 45 Franklin Street, on the lake. Should I tell my mom to get a room ready? Joanna Rose: I already sleep with Elias, Q, we'll be okay.

She tells Peter the address, and he drops her off. She pays and tips him, thanking God for her trust fund. The house is lovely, a nice big lakehouse. All the hallmarks of a hockey family in the frontyard. She's dead tired, and knocks the door. Quinn lets her into the house, it's very cozy in here. ''This place is amazing, Q.'' She hugs him. He leads her through to the back patio, here she's finally reunited with her Elias. ''Hjartat, what... how...'' She leaps into his arms, he holds her tight. ''I've missed you so much.''

Elias kisses her neck. ''I've missed you too, alskling.'' Before the trio are joined, she tells them everything her siblings were saying over dinner last night. ''It just... hurt me so much... they were just insulting you as if I wasn't even there.''

Quinn is shocked. ''And 'there will be other guys'? Has Lucinda met you two? Hell, even Brock and I know you'll be married one day.'' Elias stares a hole in the oak planks beneath them. ''But, Anna, they're your family.''

Joanna takes his hands. ''So are you, and Quinn, and Brock, and Thatcher. You are my family, I choose you.'' Elias kisses her hands, and says. ''I choose you too.''

In time, Quinn's younger brothers - Jack and Luke join them. ''You must be Joanna, Petey loves gushing about you.'' Jack says. Joanna laughs, and relaxes into his arms. ''I can imagine.''

To her surprise, both Tkachuk brothers and their sister join them too. The group hang out, until Ellen Hughes sends them to bed. Joanna climbs into bed with Elias.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the coming days, the group hang out as young people should. Quinn's family are super nice and welcoming. During breakfast on her fourth morning, she says to Jim and Ellen. ''Sorry for dropping in on you, Mr and Mrs Hughes, I've just missed Elias so much.'' Jim assures her. ''Don't apologize, dear, our door is always open to Quinn's friends. Quinn told us why you're here, I can't believe how insensitive your family have been.''

Ellen adds, backing her husband up. ''You and Elias live together, that sounds pretty permanent to me.'' Luke puts his plate in the dishwasher. ''I think they're jealous, Joanna, they all have normal spouses, you have a Canuck.''

Brady tips his juice glass to the youngest Hughes brother. ''Hear hear, Lukey.''

Joanna laughs, she finds that she rather likes Luke's honesty, reminds her of her younger sister. ''You'd get on so well with my little sister, Kate. She's seventeen, and does not hold back.''

Later that day, Elias and Quinn's new contracts arrive in the mail, and are signed before the group go down to the lake. Joanna has Taryn snap a picture of herself and Elias. Which goes onto her instagram.

@Joanna_Rose: Take this sinking ship, and point it home. We've still got time - Glen and Marketa. With my favourite person on Earth, I love you, Elias!

liked by: @_eliaspettersson, @_quinnhughes, @bboeser, and 250 others.

Replies:

@_eliaspettersson: Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you've made it now. My love, my light. I love you, Joanna.

@TessaKnight: Glad to see my bestie is happy with you, Elias! @NucksForever: Love looks good on you guys! @Canucks: Can't wait to have you guys home soon!

@bboeser: My two best friends, can't wait to see you two again.

@Elianna4Ever: Our beloveds! And the Once lyrics are everything, Glen and Marketa are iconic for that song.

@Joanna_Rose: Yeah, we watched Once ages ago, and Falling Slowly is just... the most impactful song I've heard in my life. Glad you stan us, because we certainly do.

@BelieveInBlue: Wait, Joanna is in Michigan with the boys?? Holy shit!

@Joanna_Rose: Yeah, had some family drama, and Elias is my safe space, so... here I am! The Hughes fam are awesome, the Tkachuks are chaotic, but that's fine.

The holiday is healing for her, after the fallout with her family, which will probably not be resolved this side of all star break, she savours this precious time off with the love of her life.

[janeykath318]

Steve’s Christmas Miracle Chapter 5

Steve came to his senses, expecting to feel exhausted from the sleepless night, but he didn’t.

“That was an incredible dream!” he thought, stretching out the kinks in his neck.

Then he noticed the artificial tree Bucky had brought him and which he’d stuffed in a closet, having no intention of using, standing in the corner. Someone had set it up and plugged it in and it was glowing with beautiful colored lights.

It made his bare cabin look friendlier somehow and he smiled at the thought of his mysterious visitors setting it up for him.

As he reached for his phone, he noticed a stack of business cards piled neatly on the coffee table, having somehow escaped the junk drawer he’d shoved them in. They were all for the therapist Bucky recommended and had been trying to get Steve to call for months. Why had he been such a fool? He wondered. Toughing it out was not doing him any good. Flipping over one of the cards, he noticed writing on the back.

Take a freaking hint, Steve! was written in Natasha’s exasperated handwriting.

What she said. Was written below in what he guessed was Darcy’s writing. He carefully tucked the two cards in his pocket. He would make it his top priority after Christmas. In the meantime, he had plans to make and friends to call. Scarfing down a quick breakfast, he dialed up Bucky.

“Hey, punk. Good to hear from you. You okay?”

Bucky asked, sounding very relieved.

“Yeah, I’m okay, Buck. Hey, I’m really sorry about how I’ve been acting lately. Last night….well, let’s just say my eyes were opened. I have a lot of work to do, but I’m gonna quit hiding. It’s not doing any good. Is the invite still open?”

“Of course!” Bucky exclaimed. “Come on down. We’re gonna be here through New Years. I might have some good news when you get here.”

“Oh?” Steve grinned, knowing what he was referring to.

“I can’t say yet, cause people are listening, but I’ll text you later.”

“Good luck,” Steve said warmly. “I mean it, Buck. If this is what I think it is, nobody deserves this more than you two.”

“Aw, thanks, Steve. When do you think you’ll make it in?”

“Looks like tomorrow morning is the earliest I could get here,” Steve told him. “Sorry I was such a jerk about this.”

“Better late than never,” Bucky told him. “And I am in no position to judge you for that. It’s been hell. Should I tell Sam we’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Absolutely! And Buck?”

“Yeah, Punk?

“Merry Christmas.”

Steve listened to Nat King Cole crooning Christmas songs as he went about tidying up and cheering up his cabin. He didn’t have much in the way of decorations, but it was a start.

He drove into the city and spent the rest of the morning visiting the pediatric ward, and meeting a lot of sweet kids, including, much to Steve’s joy, Blake. Steve would never forget the happiness in Blake’s pale face as he was introduced or the way Blake’s dad thanked him profusely afterwards.

“This means the world to him. This was his one big wish and we weren’t sure if we could make it happen,” Jeff told Steve, eyes misty as the visit came to a close. “He’s got quite a fight on his ghands, but the new treatment seems to be working. Thank you.”

“No problem. I’ll be happy to come back again for another pep talk. He’s quite the trooper,” Steve said, smiling at Blake encouragingly.

“That would be amazing, but surely you’ve got too much on your plate already,” Jeff said.

“Actually, I’m retired. So I’ve got lots of free time now,” Steve informed him. “I went off the grid for a while, but it’s time for a new chapter.”

He left the hospital whistling and ran a few more errands of goodwill before getting a quick lunch and heading back to his cabin.

When he pulled in the drive, he was startled to see a familiar figure leaning on the porch railing.

“Darcy?” he called, parking the bike and hurrying to meet her. “How in the world?”

“Merry Christmas, Steve,” she told him, mischief twinkling in her blue eyes. It was then that he noticed the giant red bow stuck to the top of her head.

[reblogthiscrapkay]

Travel Tips

In talking to people I realize that I have some really specific things I do while traveling that make my life easier that people don’t seem to know about. Here’s a list of those things. Planning: Plug everything into Google Maps beforehand. Whether you’re driving, walking, or taking public transport, when you plan a daily itinerary, always check how long it’s going to take to get from place to place. You may have vastly overestimated how much you can actually do in the time you have. Leave a little space. I’m a habitual overplanner so I frequently have to remind myself that I should make sure that after I have the couple things I really want to do properly fit into the day, I should just leave some wiggle room. This is especially true if you are doing anything involving nature. Maybe you’ll not want to rush off the beach. Maybe you’ll take a little detour on your hike that seems fun. Have backups for weather. Depending on the trip, the weather can really mess with your plans. On a recent Nevada/Utah trip, our plans to see Bryce Canyon full of snow were thwarted by thick fog. Thankfully, we were leaving out of Vegas and we had plenty we could do there instead. Always have an alternative.

Food: Buy a little extra food with breakfast. I suggested to students on my DC trip that when we went to Dunkin’ in the morning they didn’t just think about what they needed right there, but also that they pick up an extra bagel or doughnut for when they need a snack before or after lunch. Apparently this was genius. Act like restaurants will all be closed by 6PM and plan accordingly. I recently messed up on this one and arrived at 8:30PM in a town in Nevada with two restaurants that both close at 8. Needlessly to say, breakfast was incredible. This is less important if you are going to a big city on a day that isn’t Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday but still worth considering. Just bring some bars. Granola, Clif, Luna, whatever. Just bring a few for emergencies. Packing: Don’t overpack!!! Everyone always does but I’m so serious about this. If your trip is 1-3 nights, you just need a backpack. If it’s a week, you can take something more like a duffel. You only need a small suitcase if it’s over a week, and if you crawl into your suitcase you better be going somewhere for over a month. Create a standard packing list. To save myself the stress of creating a new one each time and also to make sure I can cull things or add things with experience, I have one standard list. It has the categories of “toiletries” and “technology” which are universal for any overnight, “cold weather” and “hot weather” depending on the time, and a section called “circumstantial” which has some generic items I may need depending on the trip (like a book, a bathing suit, or feminine hygiene products) and two subcategories of “international” and “car travel” for if I’m going overseas or if I’m road tripping in my own car. Even in confusing situations like Iceland in the summer where I needed both a bathing suit and a rain jacket, it’s super helpful. If road tripping, bring an empty backpack. One of the more brilliant tactics I have came from a four week long road trip across the west and southwest. Obviously I needed a full suitcase for the journey but we were staying at different hotels almost every night. Instead of bringing in the suitcase every day, I could just keep my toiletries, chargers, and PJs in the backpack and add a new outfit every day. Then in the morning, I would put my old clothes in my dirty clothes bag in the suitcase and replace the outfit with tomorrow’s. Do laundry. I don’t even mean pay for laundry services. When I did a Greece and Turkey trip that lasted three weeks I only packed half that amount in clothes and just washed things in the hotel sinks. I got so sweaty every day anyway that I did it almost daily. Travel size shampoo, conditioner, and soap are necessary for international travel. Unless you are staying in nice accommodations (and I often am not), bringing little bottles of these things is really good to have as they are not always provided. I also steal them from nicer hotels I stay at to have a little supply at home.