#that i dont necessarily want to change.
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1am and i Need to sleep but instead i'm awake having tit thoughts (want them. chest too nothing and feels empty.)
#personal#like dawg i dont even want big ol honkeroos i just want a nice handful#but also itd take a long time to grow them if i went on hormones and there are Other effects on Other parts of my body#that i dont necessarily want to change.#but also i KNOW the longer i wait the older ill get in This Shit and the more Upset i'll get#idk. idk man. every day i inch further from a no-e girlie to a want e girlie#maybe i could satisfy boober feelings by working out my chest a lil?? idkkkkk#more a bandaid than a permanent solution bc theres still like fuckin. hairline shit. fuck that.#broooooooo like i dont get dysphoric much (a lie. its a lot but i bottle it hehe :3) but like i'm in my feelings right now#when i dont wanna be dude like. turn off and go schweepy nigh nights dude come ON
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I wish she had more scenes... Whateva
#dungeon meshi#rinsha fana#kabru#tumatawart#dont tag as ship#? Do people still use that these days#**SPOILERS in the tags I will ramble a little.**#I like how they have opposite ways of thinking with their shared environment shaping them greatly. I wanted them to talk about it together#Kabru just separates from the group for the rest of the series when the Canaries arrive without any reaction and I was like What...#Maybe briefly entrusting Rin as the party leader since in his eyes she's the most reliable... Having her do things her way.#Not necessarily showing how they fare. Thatd get messy but a slight change in dynamic after they come back together in the finale dinner#Maybe I need to reread I might be missing something u__u
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paulkins
absolutely not procrastinating why would you think that
#last drawing i uploaded here was literally a month and two days ago lmaoooooo#my art#hatchetfield art#hatchetfield fanart#fanart#art#starkid#starkid fanart#starkid hatchetfield#paul matthews#paul mathews#paulkins#emma perkins#paul isnt infected or anything his eyes are just Like That#hes defo talking abt the new mean girls movie#not necessarily for valentines but i suppose you could think that#i love their clothes in black friday ngl#frongle444art#black friday starkid#tgwdlm#no i dont know how to colour pallette how did you know#bc i havent posted in a while you may noticed that my artstyle has changed a little bit lmao#can you tell i am rambling#starkid black friday#black friday musical#you know when youve finished a piece and then find a million little things you want to change abt it? thats me now#hatchetfield
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new leaked dialogue from bachelor daniil dankovsky in pathologic 3
#mine#personally i kinda think that forcing him to stress over where his next meal came from sometimes#while all he WANTED to focus on was his mission#made for a compelling conflict... forced you to make hard changes to survive and so on. but oh well.#(for the record im probably gonna always have this mild gripe but i dont necessarily hate the change#i think it's less compelling but i can understand not wanting to make a reskinned version of a game that was already a remake#and ill just have to wait and see if whatever conflict they come up with instead is as effective)#pathologic
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while i am having lots of fun with the boops i also have begun my third pass at editing echoseers and. hoo boy.
im starting off strong designing a fucking board game
#braindumps.txt#echoseers#im calling it nexus#its on a circular thick wooden board with a hollow chamber up top with a glass cover and many multicolored#and different-material beads inside#the player pieces are legions and squads trying to get from the outer ring to the center (the nexus. hence the name)#part of set up is shaking the board so the beads clump around different nodes on the rings to create obstacles#like mountains and forests and riverways and such#and you fight each other taking pieces kinda like chess#but the ultimate goal isnt necessarily taking the army#its sneaking someone around to take the nexus#and the terrain changes every time bc of the shaking#scouts can go on mountains but no other pieces can#they cant fight#you can convert supply lines into riverboats but they cant be converted back#they can carry other pieces downriver though#you can cut off supply lines and the other person's army will ''starve'' in two turns#i dont know if it would actually be fun#and i know for a fact i would be bad at it in real life#but its important to th echapter and i didnt want just Real Life Chess in there#cause i dont know enough about chess lol#anyways thanks for coming to my tag rant love u if u read this far
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I've been working on redesigns <3
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#john doe#stupid little creature (affectionate)#really trying to put more doe into it bc ive been thinking about that one line abt 'you dont have to be a human to be a person' thing#i actually had this really cool design convention ive been tinkering with#where john is kinda like putty#moldable#and he goes through different iterations of himself as he changes#before fully being who he wants to be#which isnt necessarily a human being but it certainly is a john doe#the person#also arthur with black hair just looks better tbh#and i need to look at the scar table again but i forgot how he got the facial scar#i think it was the sandstorm?? so i might change the shape of it#and i REEEALLLY need to fix something about my noel design#i just dont know what..#anyways#arthur lester malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent#sketches#john doe malevolent#arthur lester#oscar malevolent#marie malevolent#faroe lester#faroe malevolent#horig malevolent#nukuart#artists on tumblr
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People think Homura in Rebellion was out of character? All I could think watching it was "what the hell- actually yeah she would do that"
#madoka magica#madoka magica rebellion#rambles#not jojo related#i can only see people calling it ooc if they think homura is like too good of a person to do that somehow#or if they just think homura smiling is weird LOL#my friends are reluctant to watch rebellion bc they dont want it to change the show for them which is fair but i still recommended it#i think it really is worth a watch even if you dont want to consider it canon necessarily
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the thing is the new logo is bad. it's boring and that's probably its worst crime. however this is okay because if the logo bad and is going to be on merch we can simply not buy the merch. crazy stuff i know. has anyone else thought of this
#slipknot#free your hashtag mind from the hashtag 50 dollar shirt at hot topic#i am fortunate that my 'knot shirts have either been gifts or bought ~2019 way back when i was a princesley#one of them i use for scrap fabric now cuz it dont fit#but yeah i think im over being pressed about the logo like i deadass just assumed it was only a clown thing#from an art pov i dont necessarily get ... why ... theyd want a new one when everyone associates slipknot with a#fixed set of iconography but i guess because they do its not gonna take one measly boring logo to erase all that#like bruh half of them have it tattooed somewhere on their body. its not like they suddenly dont care for it#its a staple of a specific point in time and its traceable its memorable its not unique to back then but its important to now#which is why i think so many people WERE pressed#you give them this nostalgia tour and website hunt and throwback videos and easter eggs and hints#reminding them of when they were the coolest kid in the cul de sac for listening to music with cusswords in it#and then you change a symbol that was supposed to be this ... thing ... attached to their identity. the mark of the misunderstood whiteboy#now theyre upset because their ''originality'' is being made ''watered down'' when really. like i said.#all they have to do is just not buy the merch. look to the past for as long as you want. itll be there aging like the rest of us
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Not only have several of my former classmates gotten married, just found out that now one is having a kid?? 😭😭 just reiterating: i cant believe some people my age are doing that dklsldls. Where do they find time to work/study AND develop intricate crown prince rudolf headcanons once they do that
#married people and parents still have hobbies yadda yadda. you dont need to tell me that kslsld its a joke#its interesting how strong an emotional reaction of Otherness i have to these types of news dkkdld. like its always 'good for them but i#dont think i could ever want this'#i mean im not opposed to gay marriage in my future depending on how life plays out but i would not want to do it to 'settle down' i think#dont necessarily want a big house a garden a golden retriever or a car 😭#and def no kids#i guess its partly a reaction to kind of.... idk at a younger age more people are more 'restless' like me and then many change their minds#so its invalidating to be 'left alone' when you used to have allies who could relate to your life choices/wishes haha#i think being gay complicates this... i used to think it was a blessing for making it less of an expectation but actually turns out soooo#many girls on dating apps and online have or really want kids 😭 and i'm just like. good for you but this doesnt work for me#ugh anyway yeah. you guys better still be following me for rudolf posting when i'm 45 with a mortgage and an evil day job x#xD#you can take time off from your spouse and kids to log onto tumblr com and look at this shit 🥰🥰 for md ☺️#me*
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every now and then i experience brief moments of self-awareness telling me to make major changes to the fusionsprunt story
#queue#maybe it has to do with this need of visualizing it as an actual tv show. it's not necessarily a bad thing#it's so much fun to question what would happen if a specific part was rewritten or twisted into smth else. how would it work and all#for example. i've been thinking. what if Hunter was an actual robot? how does his interaction with Exocannis and B2 change bcs of it? :0#i dont think that part will be rewritten but it's an interesting possibility#one thing i wanted to change is Gideon's lore though!#the way he disregards B2 doesn't sit right w me (and ig it didn't with everyone else who read the lore)#also! there's not much info about his childhood. it was nice until BOO TRAUMAAA.#overall i wanted to introduce him some other way. the way Gideon Rigell would do!#perhaps with a little comic? a loose dialogue in an artwork of sorts#comparing him to who he is currently is like going. wow! good job buddy ur getting better! but also you should probably seek therapy...#as for B2. i have some ideas.#some times i enjoy exploring new designs in which she looks VERY non-human or has some sort of non-human mentality#a true alien!#i wanna redesign her siblings and make all of them have an 'x' somewhere in their names#what if Beatrix had 4 siblings? what if she was the 'youngest'? what if they were all created by the same person#a person who was responsible for their creation but who also treated them like their own children#some kind of enthusiastic visionary with a passion for robotics who genuinely cared for machines. even 'mindless' ones#Also B2's relation to the Holloway Comet#like no. that's the. that's The Mother. that's the mother guys that's UNQUESTIONABLE#im talking about Monument Mythos vibes yknow. about giant n terrifying monuments/objects#i'm also cooking up ideas for comics focused solely on Bee#oneshots of sorts.... i should probably start sketching......#why am i having good ideas when i barely slept last night HSBWYSBWHDBHQHASSHHA#starbstalks
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Hey... What do you think Mia called her Dad? Papa? Father? Daddy?
Because she must have been at least 9 or 10 when he died if not a little older. Like. She remembers him. Even if he was always outside the village for work she remembers him. Remembers Misty losing him. Had to explain to Maya, or maybe worse- never had to at all - why he wasn't there. How she got his sense of humor and his laugh and neither of them can be held tight by him anymore but she can hold Maya tight and maybe then he doesn't feel so far gone.
What did she call him? Did she love him? Did Maya ever get that chance?
#mia fey#maya fey#like i dont mean to make the womans story about the men#hes just one more ghost for the story#i was just writing her and it occured to me how Old Mia must have been when he died#given the ten year age gap between Mia and Maya#and assuming they had the same Dad (not necessarily a given but i feel like they did) Mia knew him#does Maya explicitly say hes dead in aa1? or is it just implied? i dont remember.#but. did Mia love him? did she get her first taste of Mistys tendency to run away then?#did she have to bury him because Misty had fled. Did she have to comfort a squirming and confused toddler.#asking where mommy went. where daddy went. did she do something wrong?#did she find solace in the bits of her father she could see in Maya?#Hate her mother for those months of 'training'#did that love that anger change their family#(hate your sister) (hate the branch family she'll make)#no. No. NO! I hate all of you! Hate mother and morgan and everything#everything but her. the one you want me to hate.#just. a ten+ year marriage. poof. maybe we had two good dads.#but death was always their fate#dont think about Mia trying to channel him and being as devastated as Maya that she can't#learning to and wanting to channel him for Maya#who agrees. but quickly sends him away. because she just wanted to hang out with her big sister#and it feels like losing him all over again because its like shes the only one who loves him#look. im just saying Mia can be extra fucked up. as a treat.
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There haven't been any Milgram headcanon requests so far, right? How about 🧸 and 💔 for Mikoto?
Mikoto time!! Thank you for the request -- I know it's risky posting headcanons so close to Double, but I'll come back and ammend anything that might be proven wrong on Wednesday 😂
🧸 A headcanon about their childhood: Through his early schooling years, Mikoto was present for a lot of extracurricular activities. He didn't always care/give his all, he just enjoyed hanging out with others and fooling around. The reason he can be such good friends with everyone is because he's picked up on tons of little things over the years by dabbling in all those arts, fields of study, sports, etc. Once he finds out your hobby, he can immediately retrieve some bit of knowledge/memory to get a conversation going, or even join in the activity. Mahiru is pleasantly surprised by his classic literature references, gardening club gets him on Shidou's good side, Muu likes talking to him about fashion tips, he can play sports with Fuuta, he tries to bond over band memories with Amane, and so on. When he was a kid he was just trying things out for fun, but as an adult he's grateful he picked up on so much.
💔 An angsty headcanon: He's accustomed to, and expects, bad separations. So many friendships and relationships ended on a very sour note, so now he's used to pulling away first. (There was no aggression or violence, but) the appearance of different alters followed by the host's insistent denials would make others think poorly of him. The more he claims ignorance, the more it seems like he's just gaslighting/manipulating, so there have been a few explosive separations in which he had no idea what went wrong. Because of that, it's been harder to get close to anyone, and he will start pulling away the minute things show signs of trouble. It's why he left the smoking group so quickly, and doesn't hang out with the other prisoners as often in T2. Instead of waiting for an inevitable fight, he ends things immediately and peacefully.
#milgram#mikoto kayano#thank you so much for the request!!! mikoto on the brain and im so hyped for double#(and actually i did get one milgram hc request a bit ago for muu -- strangely enough it was for the exact same prompts :0)#i debated on doing these after wednesday but ah well#i can always change things#i dont think mikoto necessarily Enjoys everything that he knows about but he keeps the knowledge anyway#he jokes that he has a really good memory to recall so much like that but cant even remember the night before...#and yeah :( im so sad about the smoking group but from how i read their characters it seems like something he chose himself#kazui and shidou wouldnt shun him or be afraid of him#and he mentions having lovers before but plays it off like a joke -- nothing ever got too serious then...#i wanted to write something about his home life (for either prompt honestly) but ill definitely wait a few days for that#i really hope hes close with his mom and sister ;--; knowing milgram though shit probably sucks ;___;#given his protective nature id love to see him as protective older brother#headcanon time milgram
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Just had a questionable yet incredibly funny realization
#i have tattoos generally planned out for just like. whenever i eventually have the money right#and i have a specific pinterest board for tattoos. as one does#but i just realized literally only moments ago that whenever im examining a tattoo for it's stylization and limework and color and how i#think it would look on me#the question isnt necessarily “would this look good on me”#it's. “would this look really good on me while im getting fucked” and im really not sure how i was viewing things through this lens without#being aware that i was framing it like that. and for ao long.#i mean obviously im asking “do i like this” and “would these colors look good on me” and “how might i want to change this to better suit my#tastes“#when when i envision it on myself for consideration. it is for some reason always imagined through the eyes of someone either fucking me or#wanting to.#and i do kind of get it like theres a specific element i want to have and want my tattoos to have but like. literally why are you doing tha#i dont know💜#priorities....?
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its so important to me that you know how much ive already cried over this wip and its literally only been two days
#if this ever gets finished it will be a blasted miracle#god i just. it is just so much to me#its right in that sweet spot where it fits exactly with the image of the character in my head#AND its pressing on the bruise of an enormous hangup for me in my real life as well#i say this very genuinely: i think if u are not used to the creative process of things like making art/writing/music/dance/drama etc#its difficult to really get into how emotionally significant and worldview-changing those processes can be#obviously they dont HAVE to be. u can sing a song just for the sake of singing it and it doesn't need to mean anything at all if u want#but when u are actually CREATING it. like from nothing. boy that can really get u (in a good way and a not-good way)#and i dont say this to make the creative process sound all superior and grandiose just to make myself feel better - i really do think#that there is smth profoundly transformative and tender inside it that it is so important to feel#i mean. essentially its the feeling that the high school theatre kids are addicted to lmao#but they r totally right to be because it IS addictive and it DOES feel really good#when it comes to writing fic for me it can be such a powerful emotional experience#i only used to get that from dance (and that didn't start to happen until at LEAST 11 or 12 years after i started)#its not always SO intense. but when it is then it Really Is#and i think you can kind of tell when you read it#sometimes its emotional bc its the satisfying execution of a singular vision - its motion capture/out of my head/resist and elongate#and sometimes its bc the feeling is so intensely and overwhelmingly personal - return to me/blood sugar baby!/reeling/sea change/#in my mind i think you can really see it in my human nature series - the one with warden and vega#i dont know if thats purely bc that series means so much to me - its been my baby for almost 2 years now#or if its also bc much of it has happened during a very emotionally intense part of my life#in any case when i say that these things are very personal i don't mean in a literal sense necessarily#im not ACTUALLY out here building stalker museums or cannibalising prison guards or splitting the fabric of time#bc whats important is how it FEELS - at the heart of those fantastical things are emotions that aren't magical or supernatural at all#feelings and fears and desires that i have in my life - translated into something much bigger and grander and easier to talk about#do not worry because this is not going to be read by anyone. but if i were your english teacher i would tell you#to go and have a skim of one of the fics i mentioned just now#and i wonder what you think i was thinking about when i wrote it#what i was afraid of or what i was wanting or what i didn't know how to deal with#i dont have to ask because i already know. but i think you could guess if you really really wanted to
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i finished veilguard, my life has no meaning, also what yhe FUCK was that post credit scene, im afraid. and i cant wait for the next one tbh. i hope my rook gets to be a lil well remembered hero who stays ready as the veilguard but has decided to protect thedas from demons and twisted spirits using their expertise as a mourn watcher and my likely connection to the fade, ya boy would spend time learning ancient elvhen funeral practices from bellara and how they effect the fade too.
i just want my boy to have some peace with his husband, go on ...safer adventures...cause his heart nearly gave out a few times and itll take a while to put it back together again. hes always going to be looking for harding and honouring her too, i want to think she was the one he went to when he had panic attacks. i think hed be searching spirits and the fade, and hed go visit hardings mom (would probably cry more than she does too especially if she looks like lace). hed have tea with mahanon and visit the griffins, and the caretaker a lot, but when its all over and everything is mosty recovered and he visits vorgoth and myrna he gets a lecture from myrna and a begrudgingly relieved hug, and vorgoth doesnt really say much but takes him aside and pats his head like when he was child and would hide from his lessons because they made him feel dumb.
i love dragon age, i never want the series to end, i need to revisit inquisition again
#ive seen people speculate about what vorgoth is and those things kinda looked like them??#BUT UH.#PLS DONT INTRODUCE MORE GODS OR GODLIKE BEINGS#the next game is going to be so interesting if they take into account the choices made in this game with the archive#and how solas's story ended#and also the fucking CALLING.#im sorry but plot wise thats ones of the few complaints i have#they said it changed but that didnt seem to impact anything#and it wouldnt! but if it changed bevause of the gods....but might recede with solas paying penance?#what does that mean for thedas and the way the blight ebolved#and the calling#was that a ghilan'nain thing or was it soemthing else....since clearly we know now its not necessarily a death sentence#did the gods design the concept of the calling to fuel more darkspawn creation or was it soemthing that just...happened?#i did love this game a lot but i think it would have been better if it had been a tiny but more like inquisition#for the hideout at least and getting to talk to companions and learn more about them a bit#some of the game felt a little incomplete and not quite as..filled out as it could have been maybe#i think the final act should have been a bit different with the gods or at least elgar'nan#but idk it felt.....so much more depressing than da usually is in a lot of ways and id have prefered to have to make other choices#and not like...choosing what my companions lived turn out to me???#i love emmerich but i shouldnt have had to choose between lich and manfred that wasnt fair#i prefer the politics of dai and the justice of da2#i still think origins was ass but it was fine for setting up such a good series#i just wish veilgaurd hadnt been so depressing at times and maybe it hits me harder because im an elf in every game but#if it had been less depressing i think my nick picky feelings about it would be easier to tolerate#2 was still the best but dai was my favourite too#i did really love how much being trans could be talked about for my rook tho!!! and taashs story was amazing!!!!!#and i want to see more of that!!!#but i wish the background non plot stuff had been as rounded out as dai#but this was the perfect amount of sidequests imo#dai had too many and the story was too short
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hey okay everyone pump the brakes for a second please. i wrote up a proper post with a few different questions to consider but honestly I don't want to touch this whole situation considering I am not involved in any way (I don't know anyone involved and I only took a cursory glance at the situation after seeing a post about it). but i am concerned that this is the second time i've seen a fairly hasty callout post within the selfship community being made about a Black blogger (not the same person twice, two entirely different people and different situations).
I would just like to invite you to please take a second to look into a situation yourself and think about if it is really worth a callout post being made before reblogging/creating it yourself. especially if the blogger in question is a person of colour.
oftentimes it feels like things get blown out of proportion and people are very quick to sound the alarms for a fairly mild situation that would be easily resolved by hitting the block button. is this person really a genuine threat to a wide group of people (are they exhibiting behaviour that is ongoing and consistent in seeking out people to harm), or did they simply make a one-off post that was a bit mean and then got annoyed when people shouted at them in their inbox and DMs?
#holy hell i don't want to touch this situation but I also do not want to just sit here if there is potential racism involved lmao#apologies for a serious post and this feels so ... silly honestly. i also can't find a way to word it without sounding strange#so take this with as much kindness as you can because i am making it in an attempt to be kind and help people think more#and be aware of the ways that racism is often perpetuated on this godforsaken website LOL#i dont know if this is really a necessary post tbh like. this doesnt affect me personally in any way. i could ignore it easily.#but i am concerned about the way that racism is perhaps part of this situation! and don't want to just let it slide by!#and if i am misspeaking then let me know! i'm not necessarily saying Don't rb a callout post but i am saying to Think Carefully about it#if this post is deleted in the next 10-60 mins its because i changed my mind after eating smth about if saying anything is rly necessary#dandy.cmd
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