#god i just. it is just so much to me
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its so important to me that you know how much ive already cried over this wip and its literally only been two days
#if this ever gets finished it will be a blasted miracle#god i just. it is just so much to me#its right in that sweet spot where it fits exactly with the image of the character in my head#AND its pressing on the bruise of an enormous hangup for me in my real life as well#i say this very genuinely: i think if u are not used to the creative process of things like making art/writing/music/dance/drama etc#its difficult to really get into how emotionally significant and worldview-changing those processes can be#obviously they dont HAVE to be. u can sing a song just for the sake of singing it and it doesn't need to mean anything at all if u want#but when u are actually CREATING it. like from nothing. boy that can really get u (in a good way and a not-good way)#and i dont say this to make the creative process sound all superior and grandiose just to make myself feel better - i really do think#that there is smth profoundly transformative and tender inside it that it is so important to feel#i mean. essentially its the feeling that the high school theatre kids are addicted to lmao#but they r totally right to be because it IS addictive and it DOES feel really good#when it comes to writing fic for me it can be such a powerful emotional experience#i only used to get that from dance (and that didn't start to happen until at LEAST 11 or 12 years after i started)#its not always SO intense. but when it is then it Really Is#and i think you can kind of tell when you read it#sometimes its emotional bc its the satisfying execution of a singular vision - its motion capture/out of my head/resist and elongate#and sometimes its bc the feeling is so intensely and overwhelmingly personal - return to me/blood sugar baby!/reeling/sea change/#in my mind i think you can really see it in my human nature series - the one with warden and vega#i dont know if thats purely bc that series means so much to me - its been my baby for almost 2 years now#or if its also bc much of it has happened during a very emotionally intense part of my life#in any case when i say that these things are very personal i don't mean in a literal sense necessarily#im not ACTUALLY out here building stalker museums or cannibalising prison guards or splitting the fabric of time#bc whats important is how it FEELS - at the heart of those fantastical things are emotions that aren't magical or supernatural at all#feelings and fears and desires that i have in my life - translated into something much bigger and grander and easier to talk about#do not worry because this is not going to be read by anyone. but if i were your english teacher i would tell you#to go and have a skim of one of the fics i mentioned just now#and i wonder what you think i was thinking about when i wrote it#what i was afraid of or what i was wanting or what i didn't know how to deal with#i dont have to ask because i already know. but i think you could guess if you really really wanted to
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The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex#god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood#that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets.#but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society#i don't know what to say i'm just so tired#politics#culture#queerphobia#lgbtqia#misogyny#<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy#patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights#so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized#purity culture#i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr
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to anyone missing my writing please know i am also missing my writing
#about me#long span depression episode#plus tired#plus family issues#I'm looking after myself but I do miss just being able to get the words down#writing#right now I am also ill so that sucks#but hey#got an autism diagnosis a few months back which explains so much#oh god 10k notes
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though the movie might be cancelled, yuri on ice will live forever in our hearts. thank you yoi fandom, it's been real ♡
#yuri on ice#yoiedit#yoi#victuuri#ice adolescence#anime gif#*gifs#animangahive#dailyshounenai#userkarura#usergojoana#userhanyi#useralphonse#usertorichi#usermoonz#usericybtch#userheidi#usergokalp#userartless#homuras#himawaari#this is not goodbye this is still my house!!!#devastated but not surprised tbh but i still wanted to channel my emotions somehow and just. express how much this show means to me so here#this thank you goes out to u guys. the fandom#mappa can eat a brick btw <3#god i wish i could articulate just how special yoi is to me#it truly resonated with me like very few other pieces of media have (i can count them with one hand in fact)#it was sooooo revolutionary and ahead of its time not just in terms of queerness but also in terms of mental health#it truly changed me as a person and i just. really appreciate how earnest and kind it was above all#thank you yoi. you will be a part of me forever <3
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sketched this out at jury duty actually
#i sat there for eight hours and wasn't called at ALL. even for selection >:(#death note#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#i don't ship them that hard tbh#i just like to cheer for classic yaoi as i'm rewatching this series#yippeeeeeee love at first sudden-death mind game 🎉🎉🎉#edit: omg multiple ppl have pointed out the hand (positively)...#i've been wondering why it's getting so much attention... it's probs bc i over-rendered it since i was worried it looked bad LOL#edit 2 months later: i'm glad DN is still enjoyed by so many people!! it's rly nice to see 😭#also i saw notif for a reply that started with “shipping light with L while the former is only-” but it doesn't show up under the post#so i can't read the rest... tumblr saving me from something vile truly. i assume it's about age#btw this character is a magical serial killer#like be fr LMAO i think there might be other issues here!!#the elitist morally bankrupt 17 y/o murderer with a god complex can have a little crush#as a treat <3
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#jayvik#jayvik fanart#arcane fanart#arcane#arcane jayce#arcane jayvik#jayce x viktor#jayce talis#viktor arcane#viktor lol#idkkkkk how to tag this it’s just destined yaoi in every possible timeline#I love them so much they are driving me insane#ohhhhh my god
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charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️
#WOW WHO WOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT THEYD BE MY FAVORITES. THIS TOTALLY WASNT EXPECTED. NOT AT ALL.#i have lots of persona art its just uncolored dw#doing the shujin trio next i miss them so bad☹️☹️ also i need pegoryu content to stay sane and alive#anyway they're like. actually fucking insane 💀💀💀💀#like lawlight level toxic yaoi its so absurd#like i was like damn soukoku is intense WHO ARE THESE FREAKS#WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY LIKE THIS.#ACTUALLY FUCKING INSANE. LIKE EXTREMELY MENTAL AND SICK IN THE HEAD.#AKECHI IS A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH#god they actually make me so fucking AUAUAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH#i NEED to finish royal shidos palace GUTTED ME#they were initially so funny to me bc right off the bat you can tell how much of a FREAK akechi is just paraphrasing hegel#and being so ferevently obsessed with ren its like bro why is this guy straightup dickriding us for telling him we like our eggs well done#ANYWAY their dynamic always felt so sad to me bc it was akechi just desperately clawing for what ren had the entire time ☹️#and the more he realized how worthless he was in comparison the more mentally unhinged he became until he actually broke#me when the trope is “the love was there but it wasn't enough to save them” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 (FUCKING DEVASTATING)#ermmm anyway yea they're neat. ig#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#goro akechi#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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"jason is a knockoff watered down percy" NO hear me out, jason actually parallels annabeth immensely, sharing SO many similarities with her personality, not percy, in this essay I will-
edit: my full analysis is out now! here
#just adding that I think jason and annabeth are similar BUT they are SEPARATE characters with separate personalities#and i don't think jason is anyone's knockoff!! so don't misunderstand me guys!#trust me ik how it feels like to have jason getting mischaracterized so I would never do that!#when I read about jason the first time I'm like wow he's gentler but similar to annabeth chase wow he could be her twin#they are both genuinely interested in learning stuff. they both mansplain and geek. they are both misunderstood as conceding when they do#they love getting involved in debates and discussions. they both have designed temples assigned to them by the gods themselves#they are both seen as 'scary and intimidating' when they're just softies who need love. they are both overthinkers with too many plans#they are both soft for ppl w silly humor. they both kinda give off an untrustworthy vibe at first bc they know too much info#they are both also pretty suspicious and don't trust immediately. they both love architecture. they both have a 'cold icy' stare#also they're both TALL#I could keep going on and on for ages actually#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#jason grace#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#pjo hoo#annabeth chase
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I WAS MADE FOR YOU // YOU WERE MADE FOR ME
#ultrakill#earthmover#1000-THR#v1#violence layer#god. they mean so much to me#what the FUCK is up with the violence layer#theres so much shit. its so good. ohhhmyyy gggggg#their dynamic is insane to me. i cant just make one piece#gen art#object loving object...#weapon4weapon.........#take this comic as you will though#it is meant to be taken both seriously and thematically while also having that. little sprinkle of oh. doomed yaoi/yuri. you get it#by 'i have never wanted anything more' it was mainly to describe v1s instict to take the earthmover down and kill it-#but it can mean whatever you want it to mean
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I'm always pushing you away from me / but you come back with gravity / and when I call, you come home
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#yuuji#megumi#deleted scene gege told me#god im not over 266 i will never ever ever be over 266#im so incredibly unwell abt them i cant believe this is the timeline we live in#itafushi friday....itafushi everyday.....#decided 2 forgo my usual miku and broke out the emo playlist fr this one . breaking my own heart :3#how many itfs embraces do i need to draw until i successfully manifest it in canon#gege i beg i plead pls let them H U G#they r so traumatized they r so touch starved pls hug pls contact pls Holds/Is Hold#anyway if megumi's height is inconsistent no it isn't <3 if he looks like 2 completely different ages no he doesnt <33#......kids r Hard guys gomen i tried my best#honestly it's probably not even that bad i think its the arm angle in the first one thts throwing me#i had to play around w it so much that i think im just tired of looking at it#megumi voice whatever !!!!!#thats not important the important thing is Itafushi Hug#and i do believe i met my quota in that regard#also yes my pen pressure Is still dying thank u fr asking but i did this fr them Anyway pls clap
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I wish we could have met in some other way.
Lawlight Week Day 2: Soulmates
If you saw me repost and re-edit this several times uh No you didn't </3
Still frames/Individual gifs:
If you know what every frame is from you get a free cookie. by the way
#death note#dn#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#oh god here we go#death note jdrama#death note 2015#death note 2006#death note musical#lctw#l change the world#dntm#lawlightweek2024#my art#collapses i am NEVER putting this much effort in one piece ever again /hj this was the Only one i had mostly prepared in advance#ironically the most painstaking part about making this entire thing was converting the images into an animated file#that wasn't either horrifically compressed or just. wouldn't loop. why do gifs have to look so BAD it's so inconvenient#and THEN i realized I had to forcibly Stitch the two animations together so they would actually be synced and it wouldn't look dumb#and the end result is STILL so compressed. because Tumblr. uhhh just don't click on it it'll look so scuffed LOL. anyways#this is what i get for watching Every Adaptation of Death Note. i am a death note multiverse truther#usually i'd have something clever to say in the tags but. this drained the life out of me just uh.#yeah. they're doomed in every universe. this is the only way they could've met. they are doomed by their own natures and the#circumstances that surround them. there is no universe where light tries to prevent L's death. and even in the cases where L Doesn't die#there is no universe where L can save light. there is no universe where he can truly “catch” Kira and make him see where he went wrong#(<- if you read LCTW you know. :) )#in every universe and adaptation L will call Light his first friend. in some universes they'll take that notion more seriously than others#no matter what one of them will die due to the other. its the only constant. it's the only way it can ever be. they are the others downfall
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he did it! 🐍 and it only took...uhhh...well, there probably could've been less punches, but why hold back!
PUNCHES FOR EVERYONE
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 9 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 9 spoilers#snakes#ONE MORE DOWN#oh my god happy jamil was SO scary and yet adorable all at once#i want real jamil to see him and just be utterly disgusted#and yet he got nothing on the return of everyone's favorite twst character: WEIRD RHYTHMIC ELEPHANT#oh weird rhythmic elephant what would we do without you#me kicking my stupid little feet as jamil wakes up through sheer force of kalim though#he was SO happy for jamil and SO ready to just go along with everything. my sweet boy.#jamil getting so flustered by him that he's just shocked back into reality#and the SLAPFIGHT#silver being like 'they need this' and doing his one smile animation as kalim and jamil are pulling on each other's hair and going YOU SMEL#mmm yes delicious#also this is probably nothing but#but...they brought up the whole thing with azul having dirt on crowley again#the thing that was briefly alluded to in episode 4 and never mentioned ever again?!#i had JUST finally convinced myself that i was reading too much into it and it was just azul playing along with jamil's plan#but now they've mentioned it again and i'm going to be all BUT WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEAAAAN for another three years about it#is it a meaningless reference to that one scene?! is it absolutely ridiculous foreshadowing?! am i ever going to be validated?!#I HAVE TO KNOW
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JAYCES HAND CUPPING VIKTORS NECK OH MY GOD I NEED TO DIE
#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane act three#arcane act 3#viktor#viktor arcane#jayce talis#jayce#jayvik#jayvik you have moved me#oh my god#soulmates#literal soulmates#i hate gay people#gay ppl and their situationships#i hate them (affectionate)#i just died#i lobe you jayvik#i love you so much#did i mention i love jayvik#meant for eachother#i never doubted you jayce#jayvik canon#arcane thank you so much#arcane spoilers#why are gay people so tragic#they make me sick#they were so insane for this#guys i cant process this#what the fuck
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@foundthatoldzeppelinshirt what did u do to me...what in the wattpad is this... i only planned to do a few doodles but then i kept getting more brainrotted and things got out of hand LMAOO (and ofc i HAD to draw hockey player seb at SOME POINT bc its my duty as a canadian citizen🫡🍁🍁 O CANADA!!!)
#my dad loves hockey and i grew up with him just yelling at the tv and saying WATCH THIS! WATCH THIS! OH DID YOU SEE THAT??#the only time i would watch/found it interesting was during shootouts or whenever fights broke out BAHAHA god... theres so much fighting#the amount of blood i put on seb isnt even an exaggeration or anything out of the ordinary if youve watched hockey LMFAO#tho something i always found super cute about hockey is that the players always give each other head pats on their helmets its ADORABLE#my dad always tried to get me into hockey and now i guess i finally did something hockey related LMAOO are u proud of me papa???#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy sebastian#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian x mc#clora clemons#choccyart#ask#i love drawing clora in white and blue she looks like a snow fairy#and idk if its just bc im in canada but we constantly went to the skating rink for field trips and stuff in elementary school#nothing like skating on freshly zamboni'd ice mmmm thats the STUFF#going to a christmas market today as well im excited i hope they have FOOD
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monologue
#they said i couldnt have a worse speech bubbles to image ratio and i said 'bet?'#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#two hats spoilers#isat#lucabyteart#sifloop#not rlly but it gets the tag in case ppl r backscrolling my tags on my blog for some reason#anyway this dialogue has been kicking around in my files for about 2 months as it is known to do & i wanted to play with typesetting#'write a fic if you like words so much' absolutely not . what if it was pictures instead. and also i wanted an excuse 2 loop gradient#but yeah uhhhh this is very . very loosely the result of me thinking about the 'island is trapped in the fucking future' theory.#like if so. would it just like. reappear. when the rest of the world catches up w where it was stuck in time. like . 20 more years on.#and thus the q: god wait at what point would sif be older than the age they last knew their parents to be. theyre nearly 30 now so like.#you can see my logical path thru these thoughts yes? anyway i think its fun when these two put their braincells together to realise#the horrors. and kind of exclusively the horrors. wahoo!!!#anyway food for thought re: island reappears and to the islanders it's not been any time at all. but its been like 30 years for the rest#fuck do you do: your boy returns 30 years older plus a family (maybe even a child) and minus . a fucking eye.#also theres a fucking angel with them? update. thats also your boy what the fuck. wait fym theyre married. hold on. wait--
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Was thinking about this line because Harrow what the actual fuck are you talking about, and I realised something.
Not only does Harrow really for real not know that Gideon loves her—in the bullshit context of their lives, this is a reasonable misunderstanding for her to have.
What has Harrow known Gideon's life goals to be since they were children? Hint: There are at least two Harrow is fully aware of.
The first is to be wanted. As much as Gideon hates and wants to escape the Ninth, she also paradoxically craves their acceptance. They're the only community she's ever known. Harrow plays on that desire from the very beginning, mostly by kind of .... well, okay, by negging her about it. Ironically appealing to her sense of loyalty and duty to her house when they both know Gideon never even had that bridge to burn. That kind of thing.
Whether or not she's right, Harrow sincerely believes that acceptance to still be important to Gideon. First flower of my house, the greatest cavalier we have ever produced. You are our triumph. The best of all of us. When Harrow has only seconds left to make amends, she not only banks hard into praising Gideon, she frames it to unambiguously offer Gideon the acceptance she's always been conspicuously denied. Assuring her of her value not just as a person or as a cavalier, but as one of their house, one of their people.
The second thing Harrow knows is that Gideon wants to join the Cohort. Easy, everybody knows that. She's only been telling everyone with ears (and then some) since she was eight years old. It's the bait Harrow dangled to entice her into this mess. She wants to be a hero, to do great deeds like in the comic books. She wants to be a soldier.
Against the backdrop of all that context, Gideon's dying declaration "for the Ninth" starts to sound a hell of a lot more like "for Queen and country." Especially when you remember that Harrow is still the sovereign ruler of the Ninth. From Harrow's vantage point, Gideon could easily be playing the heroic underdog in a war movie. The soldier no one believed in until she threw herself on a grenade to save her squad. The knight errant who proved her chivalry by giving her life in service to her king.
From that perspective, Harrow's line to Ortus makes sense. She's following through on her promise of acceptance, defending Gideon's loyalty to the first Ninth face she sees. She's playing out Gideon's war hero fantasy, where Gideon's act of heroism proved them all wrong about her. In which case Ortus's response, "You are the most worthy heroes the Ninth House could muster. I truly believe that," flows very naturally as a reply. He understands what Harrow is trying to say, and affirms it.
It's not a hero's burial in the Anastasian, but it's the closest thing Harrow has the power to give her. And it's a fucking reasonable interpretation of Gideon's actions that doesn't touch on her feelings for Harrow at all. Fuck me.
#the locked tomb#griddlehark#harrow the ninth#don't mind me just. still dissecting these characters to figure out what is even going on in there#this series is the most satisfying exercise in limited perspective I've ever encountered#no one is on the same page but all their pages are coherent#god I love mess#tlt meta#tlt character analysis#gideon nav#harrow nonagesimus#harrowhark nonagesimus#and it's not really relevent here bc this is about Harrow's understanding of events but#I think she's right about Gideon and the Ninth#Gideon said ''for the ninth'' as she died which she very much didn't have to do#and. well. no spoilers past htn in this post so no spoilers past htn in these tags
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