#that he often ascribes to and takes on himself

[stormofdefiance]

🤔 this boy ain’t right………

[whenmemorydies]

White supremacist capitalist patriarchy and season 4 of The Bear

I hear folks who are absolutely pissed that it looks like season 4 of The Bear ended with a petulant Carmy who got knocked off his pedestal, running cos now he doesn't know what to do with himself. I hear the anger. I also viscerally raged as I binge watched last night. For me, a lot of this had to do with the idea that this white man who is so used to being excellent, now has to deal with maybe not being excellent. But instead of dealing, it looks like he's vanishing. Like his dad did. Repeating old patterns.

But on a very rough night's sleep worth of reflection, I've come to the conclusion that this is probably a legerdemain. Let me explain.

Carmy is part of a system - white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to be exact. And that system ascribes roles and expectations on everyone that gets subjected to it. Including white folks. I've talked about Carmy's racialisation here but the TLDR of it is that Carmy is part of the Italian-American community that has been assimilated into whiteness over time in America. As a white man he sits at the top of a racial hieriarchy with a history and current reality of horrendous violence and control. He grew up and worked in cultures that valorised a toxic, violent, white masculinity that expected him to perform excellence, dominate and control everything around him as a result.

The rest of us - particularly racialised women (I'm a non-Black, diasporic woman of colour so I can't speak to Syd's specific experience but I think this holds true for all WOC) - we are never expected to dominate. We are often expected to be excellent because of the time and resources invested in us by our parents and communities and because of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy's insistence that mediocrity is a luxury that only white folks get to enjoy without being penalised. This garbage catch-22 is most starkly articulated by Syd during her nightmare in 4x08 Green:

Syd: And then, you're gonna take a perfect little sliver of chive, put that all on top, and it'll be great. And of course, if your dish fails, its no worry at all, no trouble, really. You'll just be a complete waste of space and a failure and a disappointment to anybody who's devoted any time or energy to you.

So how does a white man like Carmy - who was never socialised to be of service in community, who was raised throughout childhood and his career to smoke others, to prove that he could smoke others ("fuck you, watch this") - how does that white man navigate a world where he's no longer the best? Where he's no longer in control?

If that white man was integrated and mature? Well he wouldn't have been trying to dominate in the first place. But for argument's sake and in this context, if this hypothetical white man was those things - integrated and mature - maybe, he might take a step back and let others lead.

But Carmy isn't integrated. He's not there yet. Realistically, he does have to unlearn a lifetime of abuse, socialisation, racialisation and his own dysfunctional coping strategies so that he doesn't keep hurting people. He does have to figure out who he is without all of this bullshit. Honestly, as infuriating as this was to watch...I get it?

The frustration is that we, the viewers, have seen all the characteristics that Carmy identifies in Syd in that fight from 4x10, in him too. In 4x10, Carmy tells Syd:

You are considerate. You...You allow yourself to feel things, right? You allow yourself to care. You are a natural leader and teacher.

Across this show, we have seen Carmy be considerate of others, most significantly of the BIPOC people in his life (bringing all the crew at The Beef over with him to The Bear, giving his chef's knife to Tina, making Sydney The Bear's captain), we have seen him deeply feel (see Carmy's long overdue confrontation of his abuser, Chef David Fields in 3x10), we have seen him care (see Carmy's incessant checking in with Syd throughout this show), and we've seen him lead and teach his team (see Carmy walking the crew through how to make chicken piccata in season 1).

We know that Carmy is good. We know that he's deserving of Syd's love and that she is more than deserving of his. We know that folks can chew gum and walk at the same fucking time and so we - I mean most definitely me - yell at the TV screen (and on this platform lol): WHAT THE FUCK MAN? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BE THERE FOR SYDNEY, THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR HEART!!!!

But Carmy, and a lot of other straight, white men (and white women, quite frankly), probably don't know this about themselves. They probably don't know that its not being a soft shitty bitch when you're considerate of others, that you can feel hurt and pain and survive it, that you can care about others and have that be a strength, and that you can lead quietly and consistently without swinging your dick and trying to smoke motherfuckers.

I mean, America. Look at who the majority of white voters - that's white men and white women - elected to lead your country, for fucks sake.

This is white supremacy culture at work. This is the Berzatto's intergenerational, racialised trauma at work. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy facilitates the conditions for white people to not know themselves in their wholeness. To not know who they are in relation to others and the world. In fact, it invites everyone into this condition (via assimilation). So how do you resist it?

Integration time

How will Carmy fix it? How will he integrate?

Carmy will need to learn about himself. In 4x09 Tonnato, Donna tells him that she doesn't know him and he doesn't know her. This is true.

There is work to be done here in terms of understanding his lineage and the history that makes up Carmy's very skin and bones. But he has already begun doing this: Carmy knowing about tonnato because of his culinary training and imparting that cultural knowledge to his Italian-American mother because she's lost that knowledge or never had it to begin with made me tear up because THIS is the work of integration. Of reclaiming your history. Of resisting assimilation. It fucking hit me in the chest, right in my displaced, diasporic heart.

If Carmy was paying attention, he would have also seen Richie doing this throughout season 2. Recall his basement chat with Carmy in 2x01:

Richie: You know, um, I'm trying really hard to be on board with all this new shit, cousin. I'm, uh, I'm reading a lot. I'm trying to learn about who am I to my history.

Likewise, Sydney spent all of season 2 studying and integrating her past trauma into effective leadership for her team. I know for certain that we are going to learn and see more about Sydney's history in season 5 (if the show gets picked up again) and how this has influenced her professionally and personally.

But then what? What will Carmy do after he's undertaken that work?

This is where Luca's plotline is crucial and not just as a vehicle for us to gush over him and Marcus (which, yes, I gushed. I'm still gushing. They're adorable, supportive of one another and an indecently attractive couple).

Recall the conversation between Luca and Tina in 4x08 Green:

Luca: Pressure.

Tina: How do you get rid of it?

Luca: I think you get to a point where you don't want to. Like, at first the pressure sucks, right? Its the pressure that makes you feel shitty at what you do. And actually, thats just the pressure getting in the way. You learn to live with it. And then, next thing you know, you thrive on it. And before you know it, you can't fucking wait to get rocked. Like, you want that pressure, you need that pressure to be able to perform.

Tina: *looks dubious* (me and you both my Queen lmao)

Luca: So, then, the challenge actually becomes, can you live without that pressure?

Tina: Can you?

Luca: I guess not. 'Cause I'm back here working for Carmy again, so...I'm probably not the person to ask, but you let me know if you find out, Chef.

What Luca is describing, a state of not being able to wait to get rocked? That might be fine every now and then for motivation's sake. But what Luca is describing is a state of mind that folks are expected to be in for the duration of their working lives. He's telling Tina how to survive if she wants to remain working in this system. Wanting to get rocked, learning to live with getting rocked sounds the tagline for any ad selling white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to the masses: With our centuries-old system, you too can learn how to tolerate getting fucked, regularly!

Problem is, we are humans, not replicants (shout out to Richie and Phillip K Dick), and we don't take kindly to being fucked every day of our working lives. The Bear knows this too. Recall Mikey answering Tina's question about whether he likes his work, in 3x06 Napkins: "I definitely do not like never not being fucked."

So the question is, once you become accustomed to this way of life, like Carmy has, like Luca was, like many of us are, can you conceive of a different world? A different way of being?

I know Luca tells Tina in the above convo that he isn't there yet but truthfully, he is. Luca comes back to Chicago to "address things and not run away from things" as he tells Marcus in 4x08 Green. Those things involve his family, namely his sister. He's there to address something to do with his roots. In doing so, he says its made him appreciate the city. He, like Richie, is doing the work of learning about who he is to his history.

To give himself the space to do this, he's come to The Bear to work as a stage - one of the lowest level staff in the hierarchy of a restaurant. This is someone who once worked as a sous at Ever - ranked the best restaurant in the world at one point. He's using the skills he has acquired in the course of his pretty decorated career to support others who have not yet had the same opportunities as him.

Luca is at The Bear, doing the quiet, consistent work I've previously talked about: that work that creates the safe space for inspiration, creativity and dreams to thrive. This is the work of being in community. Luca is in community with Marcus, with Tina, with Gary, with Carmy, with Sydney. He is - without ego - supporting and mentoring Tina and Marcus. Luca is resisting (whether consciously or unconsciously) a white supremacist capitalist patriarchal system that would ordinarily demand that he dominate The Bear's kitchen. In doing so, he's being a good culinary ancestor. Next season, should we get it, it will be Carmy's turn: to come back integrated, sure in himself and without ego, to be there to support (in any way she requires it) Sydney.

And by the way, for the record:

In a world where Black women were the single biggest voting block consistently and overwhelmingly using their generations-long-fought right to vote to protect America from itself fascism in 2016, 2020 and 2024, this statement from Carmy:

[A]ny chance of any kind of good in this building, it started when you walked in. And any possibility of it surviving? Its with you.

….is as much about the salvation of The Original Beef of Chicagoland's soul by Sydney, as it is about the United States of America’s by Black women.

[jubileebloom]

we see from Stanley's perspective that he thinks of himself as the "bad twin." so a lot of the fandom assumes that everyone in Stan and Ford's lives treated them like the "bad twin" and the "good twin" when they were younger. that that's just how things were. but I'm not so sure that's actually the case.

because when they were kids, Stan was also the stronger one. yes, Ford was also put in boxing with him, but Stan is the one who actually puts those lessons to use more often. I think it's just as possible that Ford saw himself and Stan as "the strong twin" and "the weak twin," and I think that double, opposite designation of a "better" twin is a) way more interesting and b) much more in line with the show than automatically making Ford the golden/favored child.

there's a few other analyses that I'm gonna link back to in this if I can find them later, but they're excellent takes on two things: Ford's complex around his own physical strength and his focus on developing it throughout his life, and Filbrick's lack of acknowledgement of Ford's intelligence for what it is until it was possible for that intelligence to make him money. (one thing I haven't seen mentioned a lot when it comes to Ford, Stan, and physical strength is their primary choice of weapons: Stan uses things that require strength of the user, such as bats, brass knuckles, and fists. Ford's weapons of choice are always guns of some sort, which require good aim, but not much in the way of inherent physical strength, unless it's like a massive unwieldy sci-fi space gun, and I think that says something about how they view their own strengths and weaknesses maybe.) I might also try to find that analysis on Ford being just as much of a menace as Stan.

anyway what I'm trying to get at here is that the "good twin, bad twin" angle isn't entirely accurate. it's the one that Stan ascribes to himself and his brother in the climax of the show, so it makes sense that's the one that sticks with fans. but the whole point of their childhood is that they only really had each other, because everyone else looked down on them. they weren't "the dumb twin and the smart twin", or "the behaved twin and the misbehaving twin", or "the strong twin and the weak twin," or "the freak twin and the not-a-genetic-freak twin."

they were "the weak twin and the stupid twin." "the freak twin and the misbehaving twin."

there's a reason Crampelter's taunts are highlighted in ATOTS. "hey, look, it's the loser twins." "you're a six-fingered freak, and you're just a dumber, sweatier version of him." they were both looked down on by others, in different ways.

but working on the Stan-O-War, things were different. "good thing you've got your smarts, Poindexter. I've got the other thing. what is it called? oh, right, punching!"

when it was just the two of them, they could be the smart twin and the strong twin. they each took the traits they were better at—the traits they were at least not bullied for, if not praised for—and each formed their sense of self around it. they saw themselves as two halves of a whole, each with one good quality that they could use to work together.

(@canadianno essay one have fun)

[oddyseye]

Odysseus is a very feminine character, now that I think about it...

Alright, let’s get something straight before anyone comes at me with a “bUt tHiS iS gEnDeR eSsEnTiAlIsM” take. I’m not saying Odysseus is literally a woman or that masculinity and femininity are these rigid, unchanging constructs. I’m talking about how the ancient Greeks perceived these traits. This is about Homeric gender coding, not modern gender politics.

Ancient Greek society had clear ideas about what was “masculine” and “feminine.” Men fought, conquered, and sought kleos (glory). Women used cunning, patience, and endurance to survive. Odysseus? He embodies the latter far more than the former. That’s the point. That’s what makes him interesting. I’m not slapping modern labels on him; I’m analyzing how he would’ve been understood in his own time.

Got it? Got it. Then let me explain.

Greek heroism is all about kleos (glory), right? You charge into battle, fight, die gloriously, and get immortalized in song. Odysseus? Not his style. His whole thing is survival. Achilles, the epitome of warrior masculinity, chooses an early death in exchange for undying fame. Odysseus chooses life, no matter what it takes. He hides, deceives, and grovels when necessary...all acts that a traditionally “heroic” warrior wouldn’t be caught dead doing.

Take the Cyclops episode: a classic strongman hero would just fight Polyphemus. Odysseus? He outsmarts him with wordplay, drugs his enemy (like a sneaky witch would), and escapes by disguising himself under sheep. You’re telling me this is masculine? If anything, it aligns him with figures like Circe and Penelope. Women who survive through wit and deception rather than brute strength.

This man’s mouth is his deadliest weapon. He doesn’t win with a spear; he wins with stories, persuasion, and trickery. The word polytropos (πολύτροπος), used to describe him in the very first line of The Odyssey, literally means “many-turned” or “twisting,” evoking the way a woman might spin or weave. The metaphor of weaving is all over his character, and weaving is, of course, the domain of women in Greek thought.

Even his lies are textile-like. He spins tales, unravels them, and reweaves them as necessary. And let’s not ignore that his narrative mirrors Penelope’s: she weaves and unweaves her shroud, delaying the suitors; he spins and unspins his identity to survive. He and Penelope are two sides of the same coin, both manipulating reality to stay in control.

If we take ancient Greek gender norms seriously, dominance in sex = masculinity, and submission = femininity. And Odysseus? The man spends years being kept by women. Calypso and Circe both hold him as a sex slave, reducing him to an object of desire rather than an active agent. That’s not exactly Achilles ravaging Briseïs, is it? He’s literally lying in bed (λέχος) while these women rule over him.

Even in Ithaca, his return isn’t some macho takeover. He sneaks in, disguises himself, and watches before making his move. Unlike Agamemnon, who storms into Mycenae post-Troy and gets murked by his wife, Odysseus waits, gathering intel like a patient, calculating woman.

He also cries...like...a lot.

Masculine heroes go out into the world to conquer (Iliadic energy). Feminine figures are more often concerned with the home. Odysseus’s entire goal? To get back to Ithaca, to his oikos, to his wife. He’s not seeking new conquests or greater glory. He wants stability, family, domesticity. He longs for the space traditionally occupied by women.

Odysseus is basically the Greek epic’s answer to the trickster woman trope. He’s wily, verbal, emotionally expressive, and constantly using the strategies of metis, not brute strength, to survive. While Homeric masculinity typically means fighting, dying, and achieving kleos, Odysseus thrives through deception, patience, and endurance. Traits that the ancient Greeks more often ascribed to women.

[golmorehotgirl]

Thank you for having a brain about Cahciua, genuinely. It's so disheartening to see the hateful her when imo she's actually one of the best moms we've seen in this game. it's refreshing to see a parent with actual flaws but she so clearly cares about Erenville and it's so obvious that she actually knows her son quite well from how they interact. That whole last section with her illustrates that best imo.

First I want to apologize for sitting on this ask, the past few days have been quite hectic for me. That said, thank you for this message I genuinely feel a little insane at times reading reactions to her. I'm going to spoiler this as it's very text heavy and there are images added in!

I agree completely about how nice it is seeing a parent with flaws when too often this game falls into the pitfall of either making mothers cartoonishly evil and selfish or otherwise just the embodiment of the Victorian ideal of mother's being the "guardian angel" of the home (i.e. perfect, maternal, ever giving saints.) To me Erenville and Cahciua were really the heart of Dawntrail and emotionally impacted me the most and the reason for that is just how real and complicated their relationship was. You are completely right as well about how much she cared for him, and I know not everyone takes the time to read npc dialogue between quests but multiple people mentioned just how much Cahciua talked about him, the entire reason she did everything she did was in the slim chance she would be able to see him again and she had the faith he could against all odds make it back to her. When you go back and speak to Geode he literally says this

Once again, your completely right that she knows her son best and it's all in how they interact. Even in the final scene when she says she has a brilliant idea, and even though he initially brushes her off, what ends up happening? You see him for once in that entire zone come out of his sulking, actually interact with us and finally break out of his up til then, self induced isolation to ask us to come along. He realizes he needs his friends to help support him to finally confront that which he and Cahciua had been putting off the entire time. She knew him well enough to know he needed to be distracted in order to pull himself out of his head. Even though she may not have said things perfectly, who could? It was a fucked situation that everyone was doing their best to navigate. Really put yourself into her position of having to explain to your child that you are long dead, for the website that jokes about not even being able to order in a restaurant, coming up with the perfect words here seems a tall order. Furthermore we have to remember this isn't the real Cahciua we're even talking to, this is an amalgamation of her memories. We have no idea how the real Cahciua would have acted or what she would have said. I also see the idea that "she abandoned him" thrown around a lot and I think you're losing the forest for the trees here. Just because Erenville felt she abandoned him doesn't mean she really did. Whenever we engage with Vieran societies in game we have to set aside our ideas of a nuclear family, they do not ascribe to them. They form close knit, matriarchal societies that live communally. Due to in game limitations they can't really show us this but I'm sure he had Aunts, Grandmas (probably multiple due to vieran aging), other family members and close friends (Iyaate being one) that helped look after him. At this point I'm also going to bring up that we all agree parents shouldn't have to completely rid themselves of wants/desires/dreams and we're seeing this in action, a mother holding onto her dreams and she is being treated so unfairly. It's really insane how quickly people will accidentally push very traditional gender essentialist lines of thinking without realizing it (her place is in the home where she should stay.) If she had been a father leaving her child in the care of family while taking trips (keep in mind we have no idea how many times she did this or how long she was gone btw) would you be as upset?

All that said, I will defend Cahciua till my dying breath (even though, I myself have mixed feelings on her due to my own complicated relationship with my mother) because the things this fandom and the world at large let characters perceived as masculine do while woobifying and come up with a million reasons why what they did was right and moral actually and they were justified vs feminine characters is crazy. Originally I had made a point of comparing Emet Selch who gets sympathy from the majority of the fandom despite his deeds but @eriyu made a great point that Thancred and Ryne are a much more apt comparison point. Thancred does neglect Ryne’s emotional needs throughout Shadowbringers and this causes incredible damage to her emotionally and her sense of self esteem yet he’s beloved as a father and everyone accepts him for his faults. Thancred got the chance to learn and grow and make amends after being confronted with how detrimental his behavior was, Cahciua did not. Not only due to her early death, but also because at this point she’s a computer generated version of herself. (I could also throw Fourchenalt in here as another father who largely neglected his own children (and even abandoned them, during an apocalypse no less!!!) and isn’t subject to the same scrutiny.) It's just very disheartening to see her get little support and of what there is, most of it is over-sexualization.

I'll end all this by inserting some of my favorite comments from this reddit thread that really helped me understand her and their relationship better.

Editing in to add, in case this gets lost; the entire point I’m making is that Cahciua wasn’t a perfect parent because there is literally no such thing as one. She’s human and I love that they depicted her as such, flaws and all and humans fuck their children up. Even the most well intentioned parent will fuck their children up in some way because they’re human, it’s inevitable. The thesis of this is that it’s unfair she gets unjustly misaligned for simply doing what every parent who has ever existed has done in some way, had their own issues that gave their children issues.

[divorceblogger]

I think the most difficult thing that armand struggles to come to terms with (re: his feelings about marius) is very much that marius seemingly steps into his life and performs actions that are, at a superficial glance, meant to be liberatory or empowering but are unequivocally very predatory if you start to dig into the meat of their relationship.

Marius rescues armand from starvation and sexual slavery at a point in his life when armand is actively entertaining thoughts of suicide. marius sweeps in, purchases him, and transfers him from abhorrent conditions of existence to a life of material comfort, although it’s not really a safe one, but at this point armand doesn’t necessarily have the ability to have a critical dialogue about safety with himself because he’s so glad to be rescued from slavery that he ascribes divinity to marius. he also receives an allowance and he’s taught swordplay. he’s taught swordplay. but what kind of harm could a child ever cause to a 1500 year old vampire?

And the material reality is that marius is not really interested in empowering armand at all. he actively fosters an unhealthy codependency between them, he withholds information about his nature, he performs sexual acts on him even when armand doesn’t necessarily comprehend that these acts are sexual in nature. he also strategises methods that he reasons are supposed to sexually liberate armand but these instances just contribute to the overall conversation on how he grooms him. armand is 15 years old when marius sends him out to brothels “to learn how to couple properly”. do you remember that he was supposed to be forced into prostitution. marius now offers him the illusion of sexual power by allowing him to experience sexual pleasure instead of offering it to predatory customers instead. but armand also says that he doesn’t enjoy the experiences at the brothels because he craves sexual relations with marius solely, to a point where he feels resentful about being asked to participate in these acts even when he derives sexual pleasure from them. he endures the experiences because his master gives him no other choice, but it’s also in these brothels that he discovers that sex doesn’t have to be associated with pain as it often tends to be with marius.

When he returns ‘home’ from the brothels he’s perceptive enough to understand that marius really sent him to receive a sexual education on marius’s behalf and attempts to replicate these acts on him. he unconsciously takes up the role of a sex worker, but again he’s a child, and it’s horrifying that he thinks he’s harassing marius by initiating sexual relations with him. it’s also not very surprising that when he does display sexual interest in other people marius emotionally shuts him off (because these experiences were never instituted with armand’s interest in mind) and these moments shape up to be very harrowing experiences for armand - he’s been taught to crave marius’s affection and never do anything that might displease him. armand often has to beg his way back into marius’s good graces and allow himself to be subjected to corporal punishment to achieve this. it’s terrifying that one of the first ideas the boys in the villa convey to armand despite the language barrier is that their master will never hurt him.

And the alarming fact about armand’s transformation is that vampirism serves to just further reinforce this abuse, even though, once again, it might seem like an empowering act. his newly acquired powers don’t change his reality - he’s still under marius’s control the whole time. he’s also further isolated from boys his age who share his interests, and his nights with marius are insular and suffocating. the corporal punishments continue. they’re now adjusted to account for his vampirism. “usual brain jarring blow” is a term floated in the book. marius calls armand’s coffin a “crib”. he very seriously asks armand if he’s ever been cruel to him soon after he transforms him. armand’s codependency with marius is in fact further reinforced by the vampiric transformation that marius carries out. so much of armand’s initiation into vampirsm is once again rooted in sexual instruction, once again evoking patterns of behaviour that are associated with grooming. it’s very in-character for marius to teach him the fundamental principles of seducing his victims before killing them. he also advices him to develop emotionally frigid relationships and never reveal his true self to the people he cares for, further establishing marius as the most significant figure in his life, as the person he constructs his entire identity around. how was he ever supposed to turn out well-adjusted?

[curiouspupsicle]

Good Omens Fan Fiction Friday (5/30/25) - Characters with Disabilities

I love the way Good Omens is a great vehicle for telling varied stories. And fic writers have given us some amazing disabled characters. In fact, there are so many great stories, I'm setting some limits. First, I won't include the varied eye conditions ascribed to Crowley because they feature in a ton of fics. And they're often not major parts of the story. Second, I won't include fics where people are neurodivergent only. There's a nuanced debate happening about whether neurodivergency is a disability or not. It's certainly not something I feel qualified to opine on in a Tumblr post recommending fan fics. (Of course, how many disabilities would become less disabling if we simply provided reasonable accommodations for people, amirite?)

And third, I won't include psychological disabilities--severe depression, OCD, anxiety. They could probably comprise their own list as well.

So anyway, on to the fics!

Let's start with something fluffy and sweet - The War of the Pie Dish (G) by Sodium_Azide/@sodiumazideandothertoxins. Crowley moves into a new flat and finds a welcome gift in a blue pie plate on his front doorstep. He bakes his own treat to return with the pie dish which starts the war. And becomes the highlight of Crowley's week. Why is this included in the disability theme? Well, you'll have to read this one-shot to find out since Crowley doesn't actually meet his kind neighbor for ages.

I love how the writer had Crowley interested in his neighbor long before they met and his reaction to accommodating Aziraphale when his disability became apparent. It's lovely.

Another sweet bit o'fluff is Between Stations (T) by in_a_pickle. Aziraphale takes a part-time job as a passenger assistant at the train station. His assignment to help a disabled passenger board his train goes from bad to worse. Luckily, the passenger, Crowley, has a good sense of humor. One of my faves.

What We Make of It (Shotgun Wedding) (E) by @charlottemadison42 is a fandom classic in which Crowley is raising his nephew Adam when he finds himself attracted to Adam's teacher, Aziraphale. Unfortunately, Adam has several medical conditions that require regular care. And if Crowley and Aziraphale date, they will run afoul of HR rules, potentially risking Adam's much-needed health insurance. Yep, it's an American story. What else? But it's a classic for a reason and a great read.

In How My Light is Spent (E) by Azira_Amine, Aziraphale and Crowley experience near instant attraction when they meet at the coffee shop where Aziraphale works. Not so much a slow burn as a quick ignition. And fortunately, Crowley's guide dog, Bentley, approves as well.

Echoes of Luke 10:34 (T) by ChummyGeekery has Aziraphale understanding Crowley much better now that they've swapped bodies. Luckily, he's willing to help Crowley who has dealt with chronic pain over thousands of years.

On the Habits of Vampires and Retired Goths (T) by @munchmulch is the ultimate misunderstanding fic. Aziraphale moves in across the hall from Crowley thinking his sickly appearance is because he's a vampire. Actually, he's disabled. And the misunderstandings continue from there, making for a very funny fic.

Aziraphale notices Crowley is not himself in Out of Alignment (M) by @dragonfire42. Heaven and Hell come together to help resolve his issues. This fic offers great advice on supporting a partner through disability and recovery as well on self-management when in pain. Oh, and this story offers justice for Furfur. It's a fun take on our tiny demon.

This list is getting long. Do you need a break? A chance to stretch? A cuppa tea? Let's have a little Aziraphale break before we continue.

And we're back with...

A Smell Can't Be Ineffable (M) by @thinkinginscripts, Crowley loses his sense of taste and smell after a case of Covid. But bookseller Aziraphale has a method he hopes will help. It's sweet and beautifully descriptive.

In the Demon and Angel Professors series (G) by Ghostinthehouse Crowley and Aziraphale support several disabled students. They have a special understanding of the students' challenges because Crowley is disabled but keeps it a secret. Highly recommend this long series of short fics. It's a great read to keep open in your tabs whenever you have a quick minute to read a 666 word fic.

An Affair to Remember (T) by GoodInspirationAD, is inspired by the film of the same name. Crowley stops by the bookshop to explain why he stood Aziraphale up on their planned date at the Ritz. But he loses his nerve. Will the pair reunite? And will Aziraphale understand Crowley's reasons?

Do you read WIPs? If so, check out Ineffable Beauty (M) also by GoodInspirationsAD. The love this writer has for their characters really shines through. Crowley is a fashion model and Aziraphale is a writer. Both were seriously injured in car accidents. Crowley became a paraplegic and Aziraphale a quadriplegic. They fall in love and navigate their relationship with a little angst, but mostly mutual adoration.

This fic is really a fantasy--one where the pair never have to argue with the National Health or insurance company for the equipment they need, have meaningful work they love and are paid well for, and caregivers who treat them with respect and love. So yeah, total fantasy. But isn't that lovely sometimes? If you like a spicy read, check out Lay Thee Sinner, 'Neath the Cross and Pole (E) by ElysiumLeo (The_Nerd_Alert). Aziraphale is a Catholic priest whose fellow teacher, Gabriel, takes him to a strip club for his 50th birthday. There he meets pole dancer, Crowley. The two develop a friendship and Crowley offers to mentor the priest in sexual pleasure to help him decide if he wants to continue his life of celibacy in the priesthood. Crowley has a condition that resembles Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (can't remember if it was named in the fic) and we see him managing pain while doing a physically demanding job. Also a WIP. Mind the tags, people. Thanks to @thinkinginscripts and @fumblingbuffoon for inspiring this list and suggesting several inclusions.

Do you have a favorite fic featuring disabled characters I missed? Your recs are one of the best parts of doing this weekly feature. Reblog and share in the comments.

I'll be back next Friday with more great Good Omens fan fics on a new theme. In the meantime, check out my other favorite fics on this pinned post of weekly Good Omens fan fiction recommendations. And if my faves appear to be your faves, check out my bookmarks on AO3--all the fics I rate in my top 10% of everything I've read.

Don't forget to nurture the fan fic community. Share kudos and comments to show the many wonderful creators how much we appreciate them.

[plussizefantasia]

Troubled Hearts

Read parts One and Two here: Fluttering Hearts Unsure Hearts

Warnings: guy being creepy, threats of violence, drinking (not reader) we're getting into the angst here guys sorry

a/n: hi, hello, I'm alive sorry for falling off the face of the planet. When I went to go grab the link for part two I realized that I hadn't updated this story since JANUARY!?!?! here is my formal apology: sorry. My goal is to have parts four and five up sometime this month so I can be ready to jump into CozyTober when it starts. Anyway, much love I hope y'all are still interested in the story if not I understand.

Kili Durin x Human!Soulmate!reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Kili must hate himself, there is no other reason for why he’s putting himself through this. Months have passed since you had kind of sort of opened up to him and he couldn’t get you to do it again. He’d been spending his nights the same way, a constant presence at the bar. No matter the weather, the dwarf prince would be posted up on a stool. He slowly sipped the same pint throughout the entire evening and his eyes followed you like a hawk. 

You would have thought that his attentions would have waned by now, you’ve been busy with the bar, Brant unable to keep up in his old age. You figure that he was letting you take control. You never really planned to set down roots in Dale, it was supposed to simply be a stop on your journey. 

You had stumbled into the town late one evening and needed a place to stay, despite the tavern not being an inn and not technically having an extra room, Brant was kind enough to let you stay for the night, as long as you worked it off the next day. One night turned into a week, turned into a month and you realized just how much you enjoyed working at the tavern.

You enjoyed feeling needed, even if it was just to refill someone’s glass. You enjoyed putting in effort and watching yourself get better at all the different skills necessary for a place like this, and you enjoyed the subtle anonymity of it all. Nobody really knew why you were there and nobody had really asked either. Your past didn’t follow you and if you were lucky it never would. You had worked hard and carved out a little life for yourself here, a life that you loved.

Well, a life that you loved most of the time. Up until those nights when every man was just a little too drunk, every woman glared just a little too much and your skin felt just a little too wrong on your body. You did your best to let it all fall off your back, to push through and let yourself be lost in your work but you didn’t always succeed.

You were not sure what hour of the night it was, it seemed that within these four walls, time flew and stood still all at once. What you did know however was that you were getting sick of Roland’s jeers and jibes. You were sure that it was his way of flirting, but you had never really ascribed to the type of flirting where you tore the other person down in the hopes that they begged you to build them back up. Roland was a dick. It was as simple as that and if he thought he had a chance with you he was sorely mistaken.

He had yet to get that through his thick skull though. You balanced a tray of pints above your head with one hand and a tray of food in the other. You expertly wove in between patrons, making your way to the back where Roland and his men often gathered.

“Ah, here she is. Lovely lady with a body to match.” He didn’t wait for you to place the tray down on the tabletop next to him. He just reached his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him. His hand digging into the flesh there and making you move towards him to try and get away.

“What do you think lads? Don’t we make a pretty picture?” There were slight nods from the men around you, most of them had eyes only for the ale you were still holding. You noticed that this was often the case. Roland spoke and told stories, he was loud but nobody ever really listened to him.

“I think… that I have more work to do so if you would kindly remove your arm from my waist…” You looked at him, arching an eyebrow. “Before I have to remove it for you.” 

He chuckled deeply in his throat but followed your instruction and released you.

“Alright Gents, here are your pints and your pies, anything else for tonight?” Nobody spoke up, except for a few mutters of thanks. “Well, you know where to find me if that changes.”

You made your way back up to the front of house, sliding behind your bar and releasing a deep breath.

“I don’t understand how you do it.” You look up and into the eyes of the dwarf who just spoke.

“Do what Kili?”

“How you let him treat you like… that like you belong to him.”

You bristle at this. “I belong to nobody but myself Your Highness.”

“I know this, and you know this, but the brute doesn't seem to get it.”

“The brute is manageable Kili, he and his friends give this place far too much business for me to be anything less than civil with them.”

“Civil is fine, I just don’t wish to see you get hurt.”

“I appreciate that Kee, but I can handle myself.” 

“I never thought you couldn’t, I just want you to know that you don’t have to handle everything on your own.”

“I’ve been on my own for a long time, it's not easy to give that up.” You see a customer flag you down a few tables away. “Know this, my dwarf prince, should I need protecting… you’re the one I’d ask.” You smile at Kili and pass him offering him a small smile as you get back to work.

The night continues much the same, people come and go. The group in the back gets steadily more rowdy and you glance at the clock every once in a while hoping that the hands will have moved further than they have.

You serve food and drink to several patrons throughout the night, most kind some not as much. You were being truthful with Kili when you had told him you’d come to him. You just didn't think you’d ever need to. Your past wasn't the nicest and you’d quickly learned to take care of yourself because the people who are supposed to take care of you won’t always be there when you need them to be.

The time flew by faster than you’d thought, you’d apparently been lost inside your head for most of the night. The only light was that of the candles on each table and the fireplace next to the kitchen which was miraculously still lit. You’re not sure how, it's your job to keep it going and you know that you hadn’t stoked it all night. 

The darkness outside creeps into the space and more and more people begin their journey home. All your regulars settle with you or get glared at for their insistence that they’ll pay up next time. Eventually the space empties… mostly. Roland and his friends have settled a little but they still sit vigil in the back of the space, you lost count of how many rounds they’ve had but none of them are belligerent so it couldn’t have been more than eight. 

“Y/N, Another!” One of his comrades yells toward you. You forget his name, Roland’s never-ending cycle of yes men made it difficult to learn names, so at some point, you’d stopped trying.

“I don’t know if you Gent’s noticed, but we’re closed. Go home, I’m sure your wives are wondering where you are.”

“What the old lady doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” The same man yelled out, his remark setting off a burst of laughter from his buddies.

“Come Y/N, one more round and we’ll leave when we’re done.” Roland turned his body to face you and what you imagine to be his attempt at a suave smirk graced his face. 

“Sorry boys, but closed means closed, settle your tabs and go home.” You roll your eyes at the grumbling and whining that come from the group of grown men but do not sway in your decision. One by one they come and hand you some coin, some thank you and some say nothing but all of them leave as they were told.

Roland is the last to come up, as he so often is. “I don’t know why you spend so much time here, if you were mine you’d not have to work one more day in this place.”

“Well, I’m not yours and I like working here.” You place your hand on your hips and cock one out to the side. 

“Yet.” Roland leans over the bar and licks his lips. You lean back in order to put distance between your face and his. 

“Not ever.” You firmly reply. “I am your barmaid nothing more, the sooner you get that the sooner you can move on wooing the other ladies this wonderful town has to offer.”

“Ah, but none of these other ladies stir me as much as you do.” His grin becomes sharper and he moves even closer to you. 

The space behind the bar isn’t very large, big enough for one person really, and with how far he’s leaning you can feel your back brushing against the shelves behind you. 

“The only thing I want from you Roland is payment for your tab and for you to leave.” Your voice carried the weariness that was creeping into your heart, men like Roland rarely took no for an answer. You didn’t want to have to hurt him, it would be hard to explain. 

“Such harsh words darling, I promise I’m not nearly as bad as you think I am.” He reached forward and grasped your wrist. You pulled away instinctively and his grip hardened. “I think you might even like it.” Your face screwed up and you bared your teeth ready to rip out of his hold.

“Get your hand off her.”

Your head whipped to the voice. Kili. Why was he still here? How long had he been here? How much had he seen?

“Piss off runt, this is between me and the lady.” Roland didn’t move his eyes away from you.

“Remove your hand from my One or lose it, you oaf.” Kili growled from the corner of the room. The sharp sound of metal reverberated from the space and if you thought the rage on Kili’s face was intense, it was even more striking with a sword in his grip.

Both you and Roland were looking at the dwarf now. Your lips had parted and your eyes widened. Not only because you were sure blood would be spilled tonight but because of what Kili said. A thousand thoughts ran through your head all in the same second. You had to shake yourself back to the present.

Roland’s grip on your wrist slacked a bit and you took the opportunity to bring your arm to your chest. Your eyes bounced between the two men. You looked around behind the counter, searching desperately for something you could use. You let out a breath when you caught sight of the wooden handle resting on top of a wet rag.

“Pay the lady and leave, like she asked.” Kili took a step closer to the brute his posture reminding you of a coiled snake, muscles tight underneath his skin and ready to strike. 

“I do not take orders from dwarves.” Roland’s voice had deepened, his frustration bleeding through into every syllable. His hand reached out towards the axe holstered on his belt.

“You will either leave here with your dignity, or you will not leave at all. That I can be sure of.”

“Mighty words for an imp.” Roland pulled his axe from his belt and took a step towards Kili. As much as you might like to see the two fight, and you really did.  You needed to stop this before it started. 

You grasped the knife that had been lying on the towel and firmly drove it into the counter in front of you. The noise stopped both men in their tracks and they turned their heads to you, not yet dropping their battle stances.

“Enough. I will not be cleaning any blood off these walls tonight. Roland, you're drunk and daft-  a combination no woman in her right mind would want. Leave and don’t show your face here again. There are plenty of other places to drink, choose one.” You look into his eyes as you rip the knife from the wood, pointing it towards him and gesturing towards the door. 

He grumbles but holsters his axe and begins to leave.

“Oaf, you forget something?” Kili called out to him. You cut your eyes to the dark-haired prince narrowing your gaze on him. “Or are you the type of man to run out on his debt?” 

Roland turns slowly and his hand flexes by his side. He takes a large breath before grabbing a small leather bundle from his coat pocket and throwing it up on the counter. Kili smirks and nods his head. 

Roland lets out a low growl but continues on his path, pushing past the doors and onto the street. You don’t move until he turns the corner. At which point you deflate. Your head falls forward like a puppet without strings and you take a deep breath to soothe your racing heart.

“What was that?” Your question, head still bowed.

“What?” Kili takes a step toward you and you shoot up.

“What was that Kili!?” Your chest heaves with every breath you take. “I had it handled, I don’t need you coming in here and threatening people!”

“He put his hands on you!” Kili shouts.

“So you pull your sword?! I do not need a bodyguard Kili let alone one with a temper as bad as yours.” You throw your hand up and drag one across your forehead. “Know this, Your Highness, I have no intention of being claimed by you.” Kili’s eyes grow wide and he opens his mouth to speak, “Do not think I don’t know what a One is, I have traveled these lands for a very long time.” You interrupt him. “I have been claimed by far too many men far too many times, I told you, I belong to nobody but myself now. Do you understand?” You look into his eyes, waiting for a response.

“I have no intention of claiming you, I simply wish to share my life with you.” 

“That is very sweet Kili, but you don’t me. You cannot possibly wish to spend your life with me.”

“Then let me get to know you.” He pleads, “I have never felt like this before.” He takes several steps towards you, pulling your hand into his own and looking up into your eyes. “They say that being with your One is the greatest joy a dwarrow can know. I have had a taste now, being in your space, speaking with you, hearing your laugh, and seeing you smile. It has made me feel more alive than any battle and made my heart more full than it has ever been. I will not force you into anything, I care for you too much for that but I will plead with you. Please amralime, give me a chance to make you as happy as you make me. Let me stay by your side and know you not just as a friend but as a partner, through all things.”

His words steal the breath from your lungs and the beat from your heart. They make you feel like you're flying and sinking all at the same time. There is a part of you, deep down that is screaming for you to give in, to let him love you. 

“Kili I-” You pause, “I am tired. Tired of a great many things. I-I I think you should go.” You turn from him and blink back the tears that flood your eyes. You hear him sigh followed by the creek of the floorboard he stands on as he shifts his weight. He does not speak though, simply drops his arm from where it had been holding your hand and makes his way to the door. 

You hear it open and your shoulders tense, the chill air floods into the room and nips at your skin. Then the door shuts and you're alone. Not for the first time, you question if this really is all for the best.

Next: Hesitant Hearts

taglist: @bunnybabe-babydoll @kokochanel111 @shiinata-library @oneiratxxia10 @targaryenteam @sunnysidesidra @shadowrose13-blog1-blog1

[dynamightmite]

you seem optimistic so you think we’re still getting shigaraki back? :( i’m really sad the way hori has handled the izuku tenko plotline as of right now like i just can’t wrap my head around this

I mean, I definitely think it's a possibility. We still don't know exactly what happened to overhaul/decay, and how it may be used in the future. We saw Tenko and Deku touch fists; theoretically there could have been some kind of exchange there, or he could be existing as a vestige in some way.

Then again, (and this is going to piss a lot of people off :')) I kind of... get where Horikoshi is going with it?

BEFORE YOU START BOOING!

I think a lot of the discomfort and hurt from fans comes from the perception that Izuku failed to save Tenko. That, by allowing him to die, the narrative is in fact saying he didn't deserve to be save--that Horikoshi himself doesn't believe Tenko truly deserved it. I have also seen a lot of talk about how it doesn't fit in with the ongoing, overarching themes of the narrative, and (while I'm not saying these people are wrong) I would like to push back on that a little, because I think there is precedence in the story as to why Tenko's death holds up, despite it being terrible.

The culmination of Tenko's arc broaches a crossroad of two major concepts in the story: heroes, and saving, and what both of those ideas mean. And, I think, in Tenko's death, we get and answer to both, and more importantly, an answer to his overall purpose.

What does it mean to save? In BNHA, the concept is a little vague. I've often people ascribe the "total victory" mindset as one of protection, as preventing any tragedy or harm. Through that lens, Tenko's death therefore is an automatic failure--a nonstarter. HE's dead, so he wasn't saved. The end. However, while "saving" might seem like a simple, straight forward concept, I would like to dig a little deeper, because I think what Horikoshi's doing is much more interesting.

Saving (Deku's definition of it, anyway) is a lot closer to freeing than it is to protecting. Which sounds weird, but I'll do my best to explain. I think the two best examples of this particular nuance to his definition are actually in two characters people tend to forget he saved: Shoto and Gentle Criminal.

Because he did save both of them. Not in the really obvious, black-and-white way he saved Eri, no, but he did save them. And both times were... painful, to say the least.

When Deku went after Shoto during the sport's festival, it wasn't, like, nice. He dug his little nerd fingers in where it hurt the worst and dragged out Shoto's biggest fears and insecurities, and then he said GET OVER THEM. Stop letting them control you. Stop letting your father control you. You're your own person, and you get to make your own choices.

He didn't punch Endeavor. He didn't even take pity on Shoto, or say he was sorry. But you know what he did do? Deku cut the leash. AND he damn near killed Shoto (and himself) making sure that Shoto understood that he was free. He gave Shoto back something that he'd been missing, something he was afraid to look in the face; something that Deku picked up, brushed off, and said, "please stop throwing this away, it's important. You're important".

And it works, goddamit.

Gentle is both different and similar. In a similar vein, the way Deku saves Gentle is sort of... not obvious. But I think if you look here:

Gentle isn't a bad person. He's ambitious and a little lax about the law, but he never set out to hurt anybody. But we see over the course of his arc how he gets so tangled up in his own pain and his desperation to be seen that he forgets his own ideals, his own morals. In the face of becoming someone, he loses sight of what matters most to him: just like Deku, Gentle wants to be a hero.

Which, in the end, he is. And Deku's the one who pushes him there.

But what about Tenko? What about the crying child inside him? Why wasn't he saved?

When people talk about child Tenko, they often seem to see him as a symbol of the person that Deku's trying to save. But I think that, just maybe, that's wrong. I think maybe, actually, Deku is trying to save Tenko from that child.

Child Tenko is, in many ways, a symbol of nothing but AFO's power. That is a child stripped of his name, of his original quirk, of his family, of his sense of self. That is a puppet controlled by AFO, without any autonomy of its own. That child is a wound that Tenko cannot escape for as long as AFO still holds any power over him.

That's why this chapter All Might said that maybe Deku did save Tenko, if he no longer saw the child version of him in the vestige realm. Deku did save him. Because Tenko isn't a child anymore, and he isn't AFO's puppet; he's a free man, for the first time in his life.

A free man who chooses to be a hero.

Heroes get talked about a lot in BNHA (duh), but what is the defining quality of a true hero? Someone who wins? Sure. Someone who saves? Yeah, of course. But the actual test of what differentiates a hero from everybody else is their willingness to sacrifice. To give up everything for the greater good. Even if it hurts. Sometimes especially if it hurts. I mean, this has come up a lot through the manga. Deku running in to attack the sludge villain, Mirio giving up his quirk, Eraserhead throwing himself in front of his students, Edgeshot shortening his lifespan to save Bakugo, All Might standing quirkless in front of the greatest evil of his time-- literally the constant refrain from the narrative has been that being willing to sacrifice it all is what makes a hero a hero.

Tenko's final wish from last chapter is gut wrenching, but: he wanted to be a hero for the Villains. The rest of the world can rot for all he cares, but his friends, those disenfranchised, hurt people that everyone else gave up on? Those people who have never been saved, those people who have never been protected... he wants to be their hero. In the face of danger, of certain doom, he is a free man, and he has a choice.

So he makes a sacrifice. His final act is to become a hero. For them.

Cue the sobbing tears.

Additionally, I think it's relevant to point out here how strongly the narrative has advocated for victimhood to be divorced from being a perpetual self-identity. It really emphasizes the power of choosing to rise above your situation and pain to help other people, while also suggesting that your pain does not excuse you from hurting people. You can be a victim and you can be a perpetrator; they are not mutually exclusive. And because of this, after Deku saves Tenko, he does not owe him. He saved Tenko, but he could not keep him alive, and... I don't think that it's about Tenko deserving or not deserving to die. It's just that Tenko had reached a point of no return where his only choices were to die a slave or die free and he broke his shackles. But he was always going to die. Doomed by the narrative, both literally and figuratively. We can argue all day as to what degree of responsibility he holds for his actions as a highly abused, traumatized, often shell of a person. But the point is that at every junction of the story, Tenko (and the story around him) escalated until he was trapped. There wasn't a way out, and it's heartbreaking, and maybe that's the point.

I'm not saying it's fair. I'm certainly not saying you have to like it. But... I don't know. I don't feel like this is some completely out of pocket, off-the-rails end that destroyed all its characters. And who knows! Maybe Tenko will be brought back later. Maybe the epilogue will get progressively worse and I'll hate it. Maybe I'll finally get some sleep and regret writing this at all. I have no idea. Really. But we're all in this together, so these are my thoughts right now :)

[meanbossart]

re: Vellioth as the stepfather its interesting bc stepfathers n media (and irl but limiting myself to tropes here) hav the practical role and obligations we tend to ascribe to fathers ie providing money and protection and being the head of the household, but do not share a blood tie to the child in question. and it is seen as magnanimous for a man to "take on the duty" of providing ofr the children of the woman he's with, rather than duty. This shifts also means that implicitly the stepchild should be grateful for this new patriarch in their life, which is complicated because most often this stepfather occupies a place of control. In cazador's caze i feel like bc there was no father to speak of, his resentment of vellioth as The Stepfather had more to do with intruding and vying for attention from the woman they both love, rather than usurping the OG father. Come to think of it, having no experience with a father figure before vellioth probably made the shift to a patriarch that more jarring. And considering that he positions himself s the Father of his spawns, he probably modelled a lot on Vellioth (or in antithesis of).

ultimately velloith did what stepchildren often fear secretly most: intruding, appropriating, and evnetually the destruction of the family unit as it was

I might not have expressed myself super well in that reply- I was comparing Vellioth to a step father in the same way people loosely compare Cazador to a patriarch/abusive partner. I certainly didn't mean it to be literal - neither in the comic I referenced or in my personal headcanon (which are functionally identical) does Vellioth ever actually inhabit the role of a surrogate dad in Cazador's life. Rather, that is the perception that he's vaguely trying to sell to others to maintain the ruse.

I clear this up because I am (personally) not of the belief that Vellioth and Cazador ever had a relationship outside of the dynamics of master and slave, which might be a little more simple than you were hoping for, based on this ask (unless I'm misreading, in that case ignore me LOL)

But if we're speaking strictly in allegory - yes. Vellioth makes for a specially juicy satire of a step-father who intrudes, disrupts, and yet overvalues themselves for doing the least on the basis of being there by choice rather than obligation (keeping Cazador alive as a spawn when he could have just killed him off) but I don't think any part of him is doing that under the false pretense of charity - he only wants to keep Cazador around to hurt him, because that would hurt his mother.

(Something I also neglected to say is that in De Rerum Natura ((not spelled out in the comic explicitly, but stated so as a headcanon of the very smart and handsome author)) Cazador was never meant to become a vampire. That was a fate his mother very much did not want for him.)

And, perhaps, every vampire lord harbors a little self-destructive desire. If you don't invest a non-negligible amount of time and energy into making ONE particular guy super mad at you, who is ever going to finally put you out of your misery after all!

EITHER WAY this image you sent me is still very good and thank you for sending it LOL (art by @barbatusart)

[findingcasualmagic]

i'm late but re: how aaron keeps saying he loves john so often compared to him and rob – not to bust out the jane austen quotes but to me it's a real "if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more" type situation. i don't know if this is actually what the writers intended, but imo it just kind of further cements the fact that he doesn't love john the way he loves robert. which obviously we already know as an audience, but it's just such a stark difference especially now with how he can't even lie and say that he doesn't love robert to anybody – he can't even get close to the issue, he can't even talk about it at all. whereas with john it's something he's able to say much more easily because that tremendous depth of feeling behind it simply isn't there, no matter how much he's trying to convince himself that it is. again, i'm not convinced this was actually the intention and it's possible i've ascribed way too much meaning to this but it makes a lot of sense to me. (though i do also hate hearing him say it all the time lol)

I like this take a lottt. he says it so easily bc he doesn't actually mean it, he just thinks it's what he's supposed to feel bc this person is "safe" & "normal" 🙂‍↕️

though I also do hate hearing him say it all the time, it's incredibly nauseating.

[the-secretary-of-baker-street]

His Iron Constitution

Holmes is no stranger to a breakdown. Not only in reference to his drug-usage, but in his inability to cope in between cases, where he withdraws from the entire world. Watson writes of his ‘melancholy’ and it is no surprise when, eventually, Holmes is medically advised to take a break, before his nerves get the better of him. In the modern day, we might describe this as ‘burnout’ or a ‘mental health crisis’, but the only cure back then would be a trip to the seaside or the country, briefly foregoing all duties before plunging back to work again until another break is needed. 

Watson ascribes Holmes’ breakdown to have occurred in 1897 (he states this in The Devil’s Foot), but when we have progressed to that year, you will realise why I choose to believe it happened a decade earlier, in 1887 (although, it would make sense for Holmes to have struggled in both years, as evidenced in these stories, this man regularly pushes himself beyond his limits). Additionally, we are told in The Reigate Squires that 1887 actually was the year of a breakdown, so it is highly probable Watson confused (or chose to alter) the dates.

In the April of this fateful year (the fourteenth, specifically), after the ‘colossal schemes of Baron Maupertuis’, Watson is told by an unknown source that Holmes is in ‘the blackest of depressions’ in the Hotel Dulong. What brought this on can be easily put down to Holmes’ overexertion, but say he had been threatened? Perhaps the true nature of his… proclivities became known? All heresy, but regardless of what exactly happened (I should add that ‘Sumatra’ is mentioned here, something else you should remember), Holmes is beyond his breaking point. Why Watson wasn’t with him whilst solving this case obviously isn’t explained, other than the fact that Holmes prefers to keep him away from danger- Watson finds him in an awful state, perhaps he’s never seen him this way before, and this could be a time where Holmes’ drug-usage became particularly bad. So, Watson returns home to Baker Street with a broken detective by his side, determined to resurrect him. He realises they should have a change of scenery, and decides to accept an invitation from an old ‘friend’ of his to stay in an establishment in Surrey. Holmes only agrees when he is told other ‘bachelors’ would also be there- it’s safe.

Despite Watson’s best efforts, Holmes is dragged into solving yet another case; despite Holmes’ reassurances that the ‘fainting fits’ he experienced whilst investigating were faked, the doctor decides that they should have a holiday from this holiday, bolstered by the views of Dr Moore Agar, who concedes that Holmes will have to retire from work entirely if this continues. They leave for Cornwall soon afterwards, where Holmes was interested in ‘the glamour and mystery of the place’, often taking long walks and dedicating time to study the ancient Cornish language and prehistoric artifacts. Unfortunately for Watson, where Holmes appears, murder usually follows, and they are once again forced into another case, The Devil’s Foot. This infamous case involves one of Holmes’ more reckless actions, where he decides he will inhale a poison previously used for murder: Watson is not impressed.

The couple return home and solve The Five Orange Pips- Watson told the truth in his narrative here, and how could he forget the year his love came so close to a complete breakdown? Additionally, this year was incredibly full with cases never publicised, so it comes to no surprise that Holmes was practically at the end of his tether. 

Next came The Noble Bachelor, though it wasn’t always going to be called so. Events were the same, but this is where Holmes and Watson begin to question their security.

Perhaps Holmes mentioned threats of being exposed, or perhaps Watson thought too long about what had occurred in the aforementioned case, where a forbidden relationship carried devastating results. Regardless, they come up with a plan.

Holmes, though not a fan of applause (unless it came from Watson) decides that he wouldn’t be too removed from the idea that his achievements and skills became known beyond the pale of Scotland Yard. Watson, though only a doctor but with a weakness for fanciful descriptions, offers his services. In the year of 1887, Watson writes up his notes from A Study in Scarlet, complete with a drawn out epilogue of a male protagonist fighting for revenge after his love’s early death, a traveller who only needed to be understood. Watson alters some of the details and isn’t too specific on the dates, then sends the manuscript to The Strand. Once published, the public, who may or may not have been aware of the two bachelor’s surprisingly close relationship, now learn that Holmes and Watson are purely professional. After all, Mr Holmes sounds as though he doesn’t understand romance at all, so there is nothing to question. 

Watson wrote A Study in Scarlet as he sat next to Holmes in bed, still recovering from his exhaustion, and dreamed of a better, freer life for the two of them. 

Not long afterwards, there is A Scandal in Belgravia. Perhaps Watson was more sympathetic to the King of Bohemia’s concerns of his inappropriate romance being exposed, but upon the discovery that Miss Irene Adler was in fact Mrs Norton, and forcibly choosing to love who she loved, beyond the bonds of politics, something clicked. 

It is important to know that The Woman to Sherlock Holmes only earned that title after she taught the detective an important lesson, two, in fact: one, not to underestimate women; two, not to underestimate himself. In a conversation Watson was not privy to, the newly Mrs Norton manages to meet Holmes, perhaps whilst she is in drag, and relates to their similarities. Similar how? Holmes asked. Irene Norton understands the delicacy of subjects which concern matters of the heart, especially concerning this sort. But, since she’s dressed like a man and getting married whilst being persecuted by a literal King, she decides to say it anyway:

‘We love and are loved by better men than ourselves’. 

The case continues: Irene Norton escapes and leaves Holmes a letter, referencing in more diluted terms what she last said to him. Holmes never told Watson exactly what transpired between himself and Mrs Norton, though Watson may have felt a characteristic pang of jealousy dispute himself. 

Watson made his mind up. Not here, exactly, but in the May of this year, 1888: the best disguise is to hide in plain sight.

[applestorms]

ok, well. if last time i talked about parallels between near & light, i guess it’s only fair that this time i talk about parallels between mello & misa. yap central on this blog lately.

the main thing that stands out the most about mello & misa, and the reason why i will forever Defend them and their place in the story, is that in my mind they both function in a similar way on a narrative level: namely, both of them are incredibly active wild-card characters that keep the action going and the story moving forward when the other main characters like light, L, & near start getting too passive.

notably, while i often see this trait praised in mello, usually in the context of a comparative criticism of near for his overly-abundant passivity, i have also seen it used as a criticism of misa's character, that she breaks up the status quo of DN too significantly and thereby makes the story feel less realistic. this last point in particular is an odd argument to make imo, as if anything misa's presence only increases the realism of DN by adding some extra luck/random chance into the story in a way that is ultimately still character-motivated and thus easier for the audience to go along with-- something DN in general is very good at, often introducing elements through pure chance but keeping them grounded in characters enough that you almost don't even notice.

take light meeting naomi misora, for example: the only reason he runs across her at all is because he offers to run an errand for his mom on a bored laundry day, literally stumbling across her right at the exact moment she is divulging important insights she is literally the only person capable of making about kira. yet this moment does not stand out as particularly aggravating or out of place in the story, as ultimately the only reason why light is able to get out of that situation is his own quick thinking and ability to calm himself while under immense pressure, squeezing his way out of a potentially run-ending situation he didn't even know existed moments prior.

(not a fan of that big joel video, if you couldn't tell. lmao.)

point is, mello & misa both fulfill about the same narrative function in the story by being so aggressive in their actions, catching the others off guard even if their plans aren't as well thought out or careful as they could otherwise be. they're both incredibly passionate, dedicated characters as well, tough enough to take the hit when it inevitably comes, and in my opinion neither of them are nearly as stupid as the other MCs like to make them out to be. to some degree, i think both of them are aware of the fact that they can't win at the Mind Game Cold War Bullshit the others are inclined to get involved in, so they instead choose to carve out their own place in the story through sheer perseverance alone.

which, speaking of passion: one of the most interesting parallels i think you can make between mello & misa is the ways in which they idolize their respective heroes, misa's obviously being light while mello's is L. allow me to elaborate.

as this post points out, DN has some very interesting use of its religious imagery & theming, and in particular its use of christian/catholic gothic imagery in its story and especially its art. however, as op notes, a lot of this is quite superficial, ascribing to an aesthetic of "kitschy Catholicism," that was characteristic of a lot of early 2000s japanese goth style. yet, while i admit that a more serious consideration of religious elements in the art & story could add some interesting flavor to the story, i also think that, regardless of intention, the superficiality of DN's religious elements works really well in the context of this particular story. as i stated in my tags on that post: light is a superficial god. he is a fake, a scam, some idiot human that stumbled across the powers of a real shinigami and got his head up his ass about it. and a lot of the arcs of other characters in DN is about their reaction to light's claims-- whether they choose to follow him (e.g. misa, mikami), follow somebody else (e.g. mello), or follow nobody at all (e.g. near, also kinda soichiro?), and the implications that has for their lives and personalities.

this is all to say that while you can, on a surface level, connect misa & mello pretty easily as the two aggressive, fashionable blondes of the series, i also think that these somewhat superficial traits betray a greater connection between the two of them. if we understand the christian/catholic elements of misa & mello's fashion as a demonstration of their connection to not just a higher power but a lie, a superficial deity simply reflecting the sunlight of powers greater than himself, then i think we have great insight into another key element of both their characters.

do not forget: in the world of DN, heaven & hell do not exist. at least in the context of death itself, the realm & lore of the shinigami reign supreme, a point which the DN musical makes even more overt: "Isn't it a laugh? / Isn't it a shame? / Thinking there is someone in heaven to blame?" and "Going through the motions / as if there will be a reward / Oh, while we stay eternally bored!" (BEST SONGGG.) everyone is destined for the same fate of MU, the same void of nothingness awaits all. no reward, no punishment, no greater deity looking down upon us than the bored, slothful shinigami, lazing about in their realm and picking people off only when necessary (for the most part).

misa & mello are thus dedicating themselves to false idols, and we can see the negative effects this has on them in almost every facet of their character-- particularly for mello, who is perhaps more self-aware and has more of a mixed emotional outlook on his idol, but maybe even to a more extreme degree for misa. i keep going back to this idea of equating boredom with depression in DN, but where light/L/near are all "bored" in a very quiet, passive, stewing-in-bed late at night kinda way, misa & mello are characteristically a lot more aggressive and intense about it-- while neither of them are super overtly suicidal, necessarily, their actions still betray a distinct lack of care for their own safety or lives, expressing the same thematic sentiment as the others. even if they still don't straight up say it, through their actions they're a lot louder about not liking themselves, and seem to take the problems they see in the world more personally, shouldering the blame as a failure within themselves instead of projecting it outward like the others: e.g. light taking his unhappiness at the emptiness of his life at the start of the story & placing the blame on the world for "going to shit" & humanity's moral failings, versus misa being willing to literally & figuratively give up her life for KIRA the second he demands it, whether that be in the form of shinigami eyes or killing her own friends w/o second thought-- all because he was the only thing to bring justice to her own parents' deaths, an almost undoubtedly traumatizing/horrible experience for her considering how much value she places on KIRA/light afterwards.

to clarify, this is not to say that all of these characters are actually and literally depressed and/or suicidal, though you could certainly make that argument for some/all of them-- this is just one way that i think you could interpret their roles in the plot, and their thematic attachment to the story. even if DN isn't all that interested in considering the True Moral Answer to ethics/the justice system/human society/etc, it definitely takes at least some interest in the emotional viewpoints of characters in relation to those concepts, so i think this is a fair enough approach to take. or to say this another way, it's less about justifying the claim that "the world is shit," and more about trying to understand the emotional motivation & experience of feeling like the world is shit, if that makes sense.

that being said...speaking more on the whole "not liking themselves," thing: even if she doesn't say it aloud often, if ever, i think that misa is deeply aware of the fact that she was not supposed to live this long, that her existence at all is a pure stroke of luck that let her live on past her destined date. she dedicates herself to light so fully, not even necessarily expecting reciprocation (though she at least reserves herself the possibility of such), because being a disciple to her god at least gives her life some kind of purpose. similarly, i think mello is also aware of just how out of reach the one thing he wants is, how his desperation in and of itself is ironically the one thing keeping him from surpassing near and truly being #1. it's important to note that pre-time skip misa & post-skip mello are almost exactly the same age, around 20 years old at the time of their main arcs. they're immature, and in the case of mello especially, are lashing out at the world in whatever way they can because they know they don't quite fit into it in the way that they want to or should. regardless of the intent behind it, mello & misa both still make the conscious decision to kill with the DN-- perhaps in a way that still keeps their humanity, at least following near's logic, but it's a decision to end a human life either way.

anyways, going back to my previous point, this "worshiping of false idols," idea has some interesting implications-- for misa & mello yes, but also for L and the ways in which he contrasts again light, as under this logic mello's treatment kind of inherently gives L a similar status as a sort of false god/idol. which-- actually makes a lot of sense? or at the very least, viewing wammy's house as a kind of mystery cult a la the eleusinian mysteries is a neat approach to take. L & light's mutual alienation from humanity fits them both filling a false god status, anyway. also there's another thread of analysis you could follow here where near is instead fit into the role of the person mello is fixated on which AAAAAAAAA has interesting implications but jesus fucking christ, this post is long. some thoughts for another time, i suppose.

[w-40-k]

More on the crack-treated-seriously crackship

Next step of Graia waking up would involve alot of observing.

At that point Titus occasionally feels eyes on him. Even in places where there should be none. To a point he would be used to this; he's an astates and there are serfs, other crew and his brothers around more often then he's alone.

Whatever the source though, isn't malicious. Could be put off as some machine spirit or other, pherhaps a serf under usual circumstances.

(I don't want him to become paranoid, but he got screwed up before because he didn't pay enough attention to a problem.

But like who would he go to and how to adress this without making things *worse* for himself in the process?)

Graia however isn't just watching Titus but eagerly taking in everything and everyone around it.

For the longest time it had just passively existed and now everything is at the same time familiar (if your several billion years old nothing will ever be truly *new*) yet oh so excitingly *different*!

This would also involve some level of interaction with the machine spirits around it.

(Now, I imagine that machine spirits *do* exist, ranging from newly awakened and acting on basic instincts/instructions to very old, fully sentient and powerful machine spirits that oversee the rest.)

The machine spirit of the Resilient and all of the other's within it's domain noticed Graia's presence the moment it arrived with Titus.

They are cautious and weary of this entity that is of Disorder yet is not, and the only reason why they haven't exorcised it posthaste is because Graia has been very respectful, polite and they can sense that it's core, Graia is more akin to the blessed motive force that inhabits every machine spirit.

(Essentially, Graia has a temporary visa and if it proves itself, the machine spirits will tolerate and pherhaps at some point even accept it's presence, as a sort of honorary machine spirit.)

(This would also involve the slow and arduous process of winning the trust of the machine spirit hinabiting Titus armor. The machine spirit has been with Titus from the very beginning and it is *protective* of him.

Like, logically it's unlikely that they could reforge his armor in that short amount of time till he gets deployed, considering the size difference, but we're going to pretend that the machine spirit of the old armor is also in his new armor. )

As an extension of this, Dreadnoughts and tech marines might take note of Graia's presence as the odd spot of static electricity.

In general, people are going to notice things, even if they might ascribe the signs to something else.

Leandros is going to be involved at some point.

(Side-tangent on Leandros in general;

Might be an unpopular opinion, but I think he just did his job in SM2. Like, to the point that if I would've been some random UM chaplin in his place who just had the cliffnotes I might've acted similarly.

The events of the first game are unfortunate.

Leandros' reckless actions apparently got his first superior killed. Which lead to him back peddling hard in the other direction, Titus didn't take his concerns seriously enough so Leandros took matters into his own hands.

He was still pretty young for an astartes and when your young you tend to believe people are competent at their job. Like incompetency is one but the guy he contacts then turns out to have a hate boner for astartes.

(Also what the fuck was going on in the background.

Like Titus is out of commission, Leandros goes to contact the inquisition that his captain got corrupted -which apparently nobody of the second company has any issues with- and this other inquisitor just so *happens* to be nearby for some reason. Like i think they knew or at least suspected that original inquisitor got killed/corrupted.

The infamous 'The stain of suspicion will never be fully gone and I will be watching you' is a warning but also an admission.

'My actions put you in this position and I can't change that, you will always be suspected by some people. But if I'm the one in charge I can make prevent something like what what you suffered under Thorax from happening a second time.'

Like it's been two hundred years. Leandros isn't the same man he was back then. Calgar gave him this position because he both earned it and he trusts him. Chaplain is a *very* important job. Nothing humbles a man like making mistakes.

Also it just occurred to me that, even with a shortage of man power, Calgar could've put Titus with any other company. Yet he puts Titus someone who he's been trying to get back for a very long time now, back with the second company, in Leandros charge.

Calgar wouldn't do this if he didn't implicitly trust Leandros not to screw over Titus.

In the same veine, he tells Titus that Leandros reccomended him for this mission.

a) he could've ignored this suggestion he's a chapter master.

b) he could've easily just *not* told Titus it was Leandros who reccomended him. Leandros thinks Titus is suited for this high stakes high mortality mission because of his resistance of chaos, so Calgar trusts his judgement. Leandros puts duty first, but also if -and we know he did- he surrives this, it gives Titus a chance to prove himself and firmly cements Titus as useful.

Leandros *wants* Titus to succed.

Titus is at that point also a stranger to his company and chapter. He and his brothers both have to learn to trust each other.

Because Titus *says* he would die for those collors but he understandably cares more about the deaths of the brothers he fought alongside with for a century then his gene brothers of the second company.

A big part of Leandros job entails keeping up morale and group cohesion. And he tries to do that with Titus. It's practicality but also he feels personally responsible.

Leandros and Titus will never have the same bond as before again. But what Titus needs is someone who's firmly in his corner.)

@mellennia

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

P5R Random Thoughts #3: Annoyance, Anger, and Conviction

Or, just a couple more random thoughts about Joker.

I actually do enjoy that Joker seems to sometimes get genuinely frustrated with his friends' antics - I don't know if it reads that way to anyone else, but a combination of his dialogue options and character model body language definitely reads that way to me.

He's gotten mildly annoyed with Ryuji's loudness on several occasions - often having dialogue choices that are essentially some variant of "keep your voice down!" Much as Joker feels what I suspect is quite a lot of gratitude for Ryuji's unflinching support and passion (he was his first friend in Tokyo, after all - no deal, just friendship), his dialogue options also become a lot more passive aggressive during early Kaneshiro arc - and small wonder, because Ryuji's eager carelessness actually did get them caught; thankfully by Makoto, and not law enforcement. Of course, he still cares a lot about Ryuji; I think he's just a little frustrated right now.

He's usually pretty chill with Morgana bossing him around - for what reason, I honestly couldn't tell you, but he does pretty much anything that not-cat recommends. However, when Morgana spontaneously invites Yusuke to stay with Joker without asking him, Joker kind of "!!" and looks at him. It's then followed up with everyone deciding to invite themselves to Joker's place, again, without asking him and Morgana encouraging it. The scene ends with Joker straight up elbowing/jostling Morgana in the bag after everyone's left for Leblanc. Pfft.

He tells Yusuke to hurry it up in Mementos when he gets too in the zone... and much as you can't rush an artist, they do near immediately get jumped by Shadows after that, so, you know, he does have a point.

Even with Ann, Joker frequently sweatdrops at her kind of out-there ideas of how to strengthen her heart. While I wouldn't call it annoyance, per se, there is at least one scene I can think of where two of the options straight up shut her down, and the last is basically a sarcastic "good luck with that", which Ann proceeds to take at face value as encouragement, leading to Joker sweatdropping once again. Lol.

So many of these are basically the equivalent of Joker going >:( at his friends and them typically completely not noticing which is funny as heck.

Also, because I'm the kind of person who loves to read into things, I think it can tell us a little more about Joker. What actually frustrates him here?

Drawing attention to the group in the real world - something he actively tries to avoid, at first, because of consequences for him, and then, because it puts the thieves at risk

Getting himself and the group into unnecessary trouble - so we've got two instances of Joker being mindful of potential consequences

People getting invited over without being asked first - this one's a little ambiguous as to why. Could be a simple courtesy thing, could be related to Joker's earlier obvious discomfort with people getting in his personal space without permission, could be that he likes his privacy. Personally, I suspect he's actually somewhat embarrassed and a little concerned about what his friends' reactions will be to where he's staying - I do have some reasons for this interpretation but ultimately, no matter what reason you ascribe, he's definitely not initially happy about this spontaneous invitation by Morgana.

I think we can even condense the first two and say that Joker seems to be a little more focused on outcomes and consequences than much of the rest of his group, who (before Makoto joins) very much people who act in the immediate moment. He's not quite on par with Morgana's brand of pragmatism, but he does seem to always be at least thinking ahead.

There are a few exceptions, however.

Joker's actual anger is something he is evidently not good at hiding. He has an excellent poker face, but his eyes and, apparently, the way he speaks give it away entirely. To hide his anger, he outright has to not say anything and obscure his face. That actually does not seem like someone who is especially good at hiding strong emotions, even if he can school the rest of himself.

Ann, of all people, has to make excuses for his obvious disdain towards a cop. Every single dialogue option is some flavour of snippy comment. His character model continues to stare directly at said cop, even after Ann interrupts.

He is not thinking about consequences here. Joker fucking hates cops, and he is either very bad at hiding it - or he has no desire to. A very similar thing happened with Kamoshida too. He has nothing but disdain for abusers with power and authority over those they hurt. He also outright doesn't trust the justice system at all after seeing how it failed him and so many others ("They do more than the cops" <-hello. on live tv no less.).

And this leads to something else that's actually a fairly interesting facet to his character that I'm curious to see if it'll get acknowledged in some way.

For the most part, despite the Metaverse confidence and flashiness (which I feel isn't a great metric anyways - all the thieves are like that), Joker responds to most compliments and successes by either complimenting the whole team in turn, or brushing it off as luck or not a huge deal. This is likely in part a cultural thing, but when it comes to genuine appreciation being shown, he does seem to have some semblance of humility about it all - which is why it's almost hilariously shocking how pushy he can be about helping others.

He chases after Ann because she's upset, even though initially she told him not to. He corners some of the students getting exploited by Kaneshiro and won't leave until they tell him the details, even resorting to playing into the rumours about him so that they'll talk. He overhears his confidants in some kind of trouble on several occasions and near immediately asks them about it, and then continues to bring it up if they don't elaborate. It's notable that these instances are some of the few things he decides to do himself, without Morgana's explicit encouragement. I suspect a lot of this is because he has so little faith in anyone else to do the right thing - he has no trust in the justice system, and most adults don't seem to care. But Joker cares, and he will listen to what happened, and he will do something about it, and he will help, and he does so by refusing to let up - he does not wait for someone to ask for help necessarily, he just kind of goes and does it. It's not like I can't see the rationale here, but it's also, kind of, a little bit... presumptuous, in a way.

Again, it's a fascinating contrast with his typical (at least apparent) humility, and his kind of wishy-washy dialogue from early game - Joker has always been firm about this.

The official forming of the Phantom Thieves at the buffet is a scene that really caught my eye for this. Again, much as Joker has the same level of anger as his friends, his answers are still largely "probably"s and "maybe"s. He "hadn't even considered" continuing to act as Phantom Thieves. But interestingly, there is one dialogue option that is stated with none of the usual hesitancy or vagueness - "I want to help people". <- It's the crux of his awakening. This is Joker's true conviction. And he's willing to do anything, be whoever he needs to be, to see this through. He wants to help. He can't bring himself to look away.

Asserting the Phantom Thieves' brand of justice is a conviction that arises later on through proof of the effectiveness of changing hearts, and as a natural extension of his growing familiarity and confidence in their methods. Joker nearly always needs a little push to get started, but once he gets going, he's kind of relentless. He doesn't seem to be truly all that angry with either Makoto or Akechi for their questioning of the thieves' justice (barring his initial reaction), but he does, again, get annoyed at the assumption that the thieves are somehow a threat to people who aren't inflicting harm onto others - Joker says the thieves only target "criminals", implying that even though others may see them as criminals themselves, Joker does not agree. And when Makoto winds up joining them, there appears to be no residual hard feelings from him - she's like them, and she's come around.

It's likely too soon for me to state with any certainty, but I do think that's what Joker is hoping for - that people will come around if he gives them undeniable proof that they help instead of harm. Every character has at least some "selfish" motive to being a Phantom Thief, in addition to the shared goal of providing courage for those left abandoned by society. Ryuji wants positive instead of negative attention for once, Morgana wants his memories, Ann wants to alleviate her feelings of guilt surrounding Shiho, Yusuke aims to understand the human heart, and Makoto wants to feel useful and needed. What about Joker?

He started off this story just trying to help. No one believed him. He was punished for "hurting" someone and there was nothing he could say or do that would convince anyone otherwise. It was his word against society's. And when the Phantom Thieves' motives are brought up, it's the same questions: aren't they going to hurt people? Aren't they dangerous and untrustworthy? And this frustrates Joker in a similar way to the rumours surrounding his own arrest, but now - now he has proof. Proof that they helped, proof that this works. It's undeniable, to him, that real good is coming of this. And so now he has a leg to stand on; he can actually argue his point by saying "the Phantom Thieves aren't like that; look at the people they're helping, and how the people who should've done something can't do half the good they do". It's no longer his word against the rest of the world. He's counting on people being unable to deny what they are forced to witness.

In a way, Joker now has grounds not just to plead the Phantom Thieves' justice... but also his own innocence and good intentions. His defense of their justice is also, I believe, a defense of his own ego, to an extent.

[nichiperi]

I would love to see your take on "Understand My Ship In Five Minutes" with ZADR ^_^

As you wish, my friend~! I am more than happy to share! (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

I'll include an extensive breakdown of my reasoning for some of my choices under the cut just for kicks and giggles. :3

ALRIGHT LET'S TALK ABOUT THE STINK BEAST FIRST CAUSE I'M WRITING A FIC IN HIS POV AND HE IS FRESH ON MY MIND. XD

I see Dib as someone who isn't attracted to other people often because he requires a certain level of trust and comfort in another person that he doesn't typically find and has long since stopped looking for.

People, in general, are something he struggles with. Love and attraction are just added complications to his extremely goal-oriented mind.

Zim is really only able to weasel his way into Dib's life by virtue of not only being inherently tied to Dib's goals, but by having been an extremely important consistent presence in Dib's life for several years. Even though they've been enemies the whole time, Zim has become something comfortable for Dib, and as the years pass, Dib finds himself seeking that comfort. This is where the attraction comes from on his end.

Now as for the roach...

Well, uh...I'm sure my choice to label him as gray ace while giving him that horniness level is gonna be a head-scratcher to some people. (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠) But as someone who IDs as gray ace myself, my attraction or lack thereof to other people has nothing to do with my general level of horny cretin energy.

I see it as being the same with Zim, only in his case, he has no consciousness of anything regarding his sexuality or romantic leanings. Generally, his attraction is a fickle thing, but it's there - under the right circumstances. Zim is at least aware that he's fixated on Dib, but he's generally not interested in digging any deeper into the 'how' or 'why' of it - despite the sheer vastness of the depths of that fixation. So, while I've given him this label to describe how he works, he would not ascribe this label to himself.

I think Zim sees Dib as being an unquestionably quintessential part of his life. This comes at his own detriment, because he places Dib at such a high level of importance that he almost doesn't see the point in functioning without him. Much like Dib, Zim also finds his """greatest enemy""" to be his greatest comfort. But while Dib could move on in a potential life without Zim (though with great difficulty), Zim is not currently emotionally capable of doing the same. Dib is his 'light at the end of the tunnel'. If he were to disappear, Zim would crumble.

Gonna call it here because I could literally go on FOREVER. But thank you for the ask!! I had fun with this! (⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ⁠)