#should i use my analysis tag. does this count.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

P5R Random Thoughts #3: Annoyance, Anger, and Conviction

Or, just a couple more random thoughts about Joker.

I actually do enjoy that Joker seems to sometimes get genuinely frustrated with his friends' antics - I don't know if it reads that way to anyone else, but a combination of his dialogue options and character model body language definitely reads that way to me.

He's gotten mildly annoyed with Ryuji's loudness on several occasions - often having dialogue choices that are essentially some variant of "keep your voice down!" Much as Joker feels what I suspect is quite a lot of gratitude for Ryuji's unflinching support and passion (he was his first friend in Tokyo, after all - no deal, just friendship), his dialogue options also become a lot more passive aggressive during early Kaneshiro arc - and small wonder, because Ryuji's eager carelessness actually did get them caught; thankfully by Makoto, and not law enforcement. Of course, he still cares a lot about Ryuji; I think he's just a little frustrated right now.

He's usually pretty chill with Morgana bossing him around - for what reason, I honestly couldn't tell you, but he does pretty much anything that not-cat recommends. However, when Morgana spontaneously invites Yusuke to stay with Joker without asking him, Joker kind of "!!" and looks at him. It's then followed up with everyone deciding to invite themselves to Joker's place, again, without asking him and Morgana encouraging it. The scene ends with Joker straight up elbowing/jostling Morgana in the bag after everyone's left for Leblanc. Pfft.

He tells Yusuke to hurry it up in Mementos when he gets too in the zone... and much as you can't rush an artist, they do near immediately get jumped by Shadows after that, so, you know, he does have a point.

Even with Ann, Joker frequently sweatdrops at her kind of out-there ideas of how to strengthen her heart. While I wouldn't call it annoyance, per se, there is at least one scene I can think of where two of the options straight up shut her down, and the last is basically a sarcastic "good luck with that", which Ann proceeds to take at face value as encouragement, leading to Joker sweatdropping once again. Lol.

So many of these are basically the equivalent of Joker going >:( at his friends and them typically completely not noticing which is funny as heck.

Also, because I'm the kind of person who loves to read into things, I think it can tell us a little more about Joker. What actually frustrates him here?

Drawing attention to the group in the real world - something he actively tries to avoid, at first, because of consequences for him, and then, because it puts the thieves at risk

Getting himself and the group into unnecessary trouble - so we've got two instances of Joker being mindful of potential consequences

People getting invited over without being asked first - this one's a little ambiguous as to why. Could be a simple courtesy thing, could be related to Joker's earlier obvious discomfort with people getting in his personal space without permission, could be that he likes his privacy. Personally, I suspect he's actually somewhat embarrassed and a little concerned about what his friends' reactions will be to where he's staying - I do have some reasons for this interpretation but ultimately, no matter what reason you ascribe, he's definitely not initially happy about this spontaneous invitation by Morgana.

I think we can even condense the first two and say that Joker seems to be a little more focused on outcomes and consequences than much of the rest of his group, who (before Makoto joins) very much people who act in the immediate moment. He's not quite on par with Morgana's brand of pragmatism, but he does seem to always be at least thinking ahead.

There are a few exceptions, however.

Joker's actual anger is something he is evidently not good at hiding. He has an excellent poker face, but his eyes and, apparently, the way he speaks give it away entirely. To hide his anger, he outright has to not say anything and obscure his face. That actually does not seem like someone who is especially good at hiding strong emotions, even if he can school the rest of himself.

Ann, of all people, has to make excuses for his obvious disdain towards a cop. Every single dialogue option is some flavour of snippy comment. His character model continues to stare directly at said cop, even after Ann interrupts.

He is not thinking about consequences here. Joker fucking hates cops, and he is either very bad at hiding it - or he has no desire to. A very similar thing happened with Kamoshida too. He has nothing but disdain for abusers with power and authority over those they hurt. He also outright doesn't trust the justice system at all after seeing how it failed him and so many others ("They do more than the cops" <-hello. on live tv no less.).

And this leads to something else that's actually a fairly interesting facet to his character that I'm curious to see if it'll get acknowledged in some way.

For the most part, despite the Metaverse confidence and flashiness (which I feel isn't a great metric anyways - all the thieves are like that), Joker responds to most compliments and successes by either complimenting the whole team in turn, or brushing it off as luck or not a huge deal. This is likely in part a cultural thing, but when it comes to genuine appreciation being shown, he does seem to have some semblance of humility about it all - which is why it's almost hilariously shocking how pushy he can be about helping others.

He chases after Ann because she's upset, even though initially she told him not to. He corners some of the students getting exploited by Kaneshiro and won't leave until they tell him the details, even resorting to playing into the rumours about him so that they'll talk. He overhears his confidants in some kind of trouble on several occasions and near immediately asks them about it, and then continues to bring it up if they don't elaborate. It's notable that these instances are some of the few things he decides to do himself, without Morgana's explicit encouragement. I suspect a lot of this is because he has so little faith in anyone else to do the right thing - he has no trust in the justice system, and most adults don't seem to care. But Joker cares, and he will listen to what happened, and he will do something about it, and he will help, and he does so by refusing to let up - he does not wait for someone to ask for help necessarily, he just kind of goes and does it. It's not like I can't see the rationale here, but it's also, kind of, a little bit... presumptuous, in a way.

Again, it's a fascinating contrast with his typical (at least apparent) humility, and his kind of wishy-washy dialogue from early game - Joker has always been firm about this.

The official forming of the Phantom Thieves at the buffet is a scene that really caught my eye for this. Again, much as Joker has the same level of anger as his friends, his answers are still largely "probably"s and "maybe"s. He "hadn't even considered" continuing to act as Phantom Thieves. But interestingly, there is one dialogue option that is stated with none of the usual hesitancy or vagueness - "I want to help people". <- It's the crux of his awakening. This is Joker's true conviction. And he's willing to do anything, be whoever he needs to be, to see this through. He wants to help. He can't bring himself to look away.

Asserting the Phantom Thieves' brand of justice is a conviction that arises later on through proof of the effectiveness of changing hearts, and as a natural extension of his growing familiarity and confidence in their methods. Joker nearly always needs a little push to get started, but once he gets going, he's kind of relentless. He doesn't seem to be truly all that angry with either Makoto or Akechi for their questioning of the thieves' justice (barring his initial reaction), but he does, again, get annoyed at the assumption that the thieves are somehow a threat to people who aren't inflicting harm onto others - Joker says the thieves only target "criminals", implying that even though others may see them as criminals themselves, Joker does not agree. And when Makoto winds up joining them, there appears to be no residual hard feelings from him - she's like them, and she's come around.

It's likely too soon for me to state with any certainty, but I do think that's what Joker is hoping for - that people will come around if he gives them undeniable proof that they help instead of harm. Every character has at least some "selfish" motive to being a Phantom Thief, in addition to the shared goal of providing courage for those left abandoned by society. Ryuji wants positive instead of negative attention for once, Morgana wants his memories, Ann wants to alleviate her feelings of guilt surrounding Shiho, Yusuke aims to understand the human heart, and Makoto wants to feel useful and needed. What about Joker?

He started off this story just trying to help. No one believed him. He was punished for "hurting" someone and there was nothing he could say or do that would convince anyone otherwise. It was his word against society's. And when the Phantom Thieves' motives are brought up, it's the same questions: aren't they going to hurt people? Aren't they dangerous and untrustworthy? And this frustrates Joker in a similar way to the rumours surrounding his own arrest, but now - now he has proof. Proof that they helped, proof that this works. It's undeniable, to him, that real good is coming of this. And so now he has a leg to stand on; he can actually argue his point by saying "the Phantom Thieves aren't like that; look at the people they're helping, and how the people who should've done something can't do half the good they do". It's no longer his word against the rest of the world. He's counting on people being unable to deny what they are forced to witness.

In a way, Joker now has grounds not just to plead the Phantom Thieves' justice... but also his own innocence and good intentions. His defense of their justice is also, I believe, a defense of his own ego, to an extent.

[cable-salamdr]

Alright, y’all already know. It’s time for a teaser breakdown.

Before I start, I will say that I will at times deviate from the chronological timeline of the actual teaser in order to accentuate or explain my point, or just because the images correlate to each other. Spoilers ahead, obviously. And just be aware that this is probably going to be a massive read (future cable who just finished writing: it is.).

(Also, here’s the link to my previous analysis post on the IMBD pictures because I cite it a lot, in case someone hasn’t seen that one yet)

So, let’s crack in, shall we?

Right off the bat, what I noticed immediately: This is a different punch than we’ve seen in the other Lloyd vision where Beatrix punches him (right). The lighting and background are different. Maybe this could be an indication that Beatrix is close to coming back? Either way, that sure is a way to start a teaser (I will be addressing the other part of that vision later)

Yay! Roby! By that selfie stick bit I am PRAYING that he *actually* has the personality that he does in that set promo video, because it now seems ever more like that. Also, hey! That’s one of the Explorer’s Club members! I’m assuming that he managed to find work in this Temple City after the Merge (good for him honestly tho he doesn’t look too thrilled)

Okay, this. We’ve already had this image as per the IMDB thing and we already assumed that it was Roby welcoming the ninja into the temple city, and through that I am going to assume that that image comes right after this one:

Which implies what I had already kind of guessed, and it’s that the ninja will have difficulty getting into the Temple City/ there will be some force trying to stop them. I actually first assumed this was the Imperium Hunters, but it seems like those are actually the Temple Guards.

Now, as per what I thought before and what I see here, I’m going to assume that this is a challenge already. In a sec I’ll talk about all the different kinds of challenges we see, because I think they’re quite interesting in of themselves, but because of that giant screen we see projecting the ninja (Lloyd and Nya) on Jiro behind Roby, this basically confirms to me that these Temple Guards aren’t there because they want to particularity stop the ninja from entering, but that they are just a sort of obstacle that any potential participant has to overcome in order to get into the city.

So, yay, the lizards aren’t being hurt just for the sake of it! How nice.

Then we’ve got this and. Uhm. Well first off what the fuck

But now to actually be serious, other people have already been saying this, and it’s the idea that the person sitting down (in what looks like almost a throne? Idk) is Nokt, and he’s sort of… half and half between the two worlds, which could bring about all sorts of things.

Edit: I have been made aware that this, in fact, probably isn’t Nokt (neither his body nor soul)

So what do I think this is? I have no fucking clue. I could say that this was my idea about Jordana getting mildly possessed by another FF that may have gotten out (because the way she acted at the end of p1), and honestly that seems to be the most plausible answer right now. Either way, to me, it looks like the other FF are either praying/ casting, or perhaps having some sort of meeting together? No matter what, it looks ominous as fuck, and something Kai and Bonzle (who we see walk up behind Kai) should probably not be walking into for their own safety.

*THIS* I find a very curious screenshot. Because yay Lloyd in his master robe HEWLL YEARH but also. He didn’t wear that before. In that IMBD picture we see him on the screen, and he is in fact wearing the green tournament suit.

I think what this implies is that THIS is actually for the The Feast episode, wherein I think they gave this sort of formal robe to Lloyd as a way to… I guess make him stand out as the leader of the group? Not to mention that they seem to be coming from a building and going into a new building and looking at something rather grand, which I can thus only assume is a big dining hall. I know people are saying that Arin looks too happy for it to be an episode farther in, but I honestly think it could be a facade. The fact that he’s holding open the door could imply that he feels the need to do something useful, at least.

However, the fact that Lloyd is wearing his robe also makes me think of another clip that we see:

I am going to say that I’m directly assuming these two things happen within the same episode. I haven’t seen anyone talk about how Lloyd is wearing the same outfit, and I think that’s with the assumption that he’s wearing this for the entire tournament which, as said, I don’t think is true.

What everyone IS talking about tho is the cloaked figure. Which, yk, is a cloaked figure. Of course I want to know who it is, but I have attempted my best at cross referencing any of the villain’s suits, and none of them match (A further post about that here). Which brings me to…

Something that I find very curious is that we don’t see any of Ras’ crew, except for Cinder. He’s the only elemental master they’ve got, and we don’t know whether Jay is *actually* gonna be there at all now, considering we didn’t see him whatsoever. Could this cloaked figure be Jay? Sure. But the suit doesn’t match up, either. Which made me realize that we don’t see any of the other fighters at all, really, which is… interesting, to say the least. Perhaps they’re just waiting to reveal what kinds of others powers there will be present at the tournament.

And since I was already talking about Cinder, let’s look at these screenshots, shall we?

What I get from the first one is that HORRAH Wyld vs Cinder rematch!! (Which means we can’t fully trust those fighting promo cards from a while ago because the fights don’t seem to completely match up). What else I get from it is that Shatterspin is allowed in the tournament, and by extension Rising Dragon! Which means that this is likely a tournament with rules similar to the Tournament of Elements, where the rules were basically that you could do whatever you wanted.

And for the second one. Good lord, I don’t even know. It just scares me, that’s all.

No, but, fr, what is happening. Why does he suddenly have Wyld’s power. Someone said this could be also like in the TOE, but instead of the loser’s element going to one person they go to the winner, which, yk, isn’t terrifying at all. You know what else isn’t terrifying at all? This bit:

I have much thoughts about this image, but I’m just gonna say what my first thought was, and it’s that this is Wyld accidentally setting something on fire, and then not being able to control it. Maybe even IN the Cinder fight. Maybe this is someone else causing it and Wyld gets blamed.

Either way, what I think is going to happen here is exactly that: WF gets blamed, and she will have to show that she’s grown as a person and wouldn’t just set things on fire anymore without reason, that she can help. Whether that works, or whether other people even believe her, is yet to be seen, I suppose.

(On a lighter note, I fucking love the little face of the flame on her back. The second letter seems to be a F, and the first one perhaps an R? I’m not quite sure. Anyways, it’s adorable.)

And speaking of adorable things:

GEO. HE’S HERE!!! He’s here and he’s cheering and I am going to selfishly believe that he’s cheering on Cole because GAH I need Geode to become real by the end of this season. God I hope no one at that Tournament is racist to Geo I would punch my screen

Ahem. Anyways. I guess what we can get from this is that those outfits seem to be spectator outfits rather than what the participants wear! And what we can get from that is that Geo will sadly probably not participate in the tournament. To be fair, it seems like only trained fighters will be attending, and despite Geo being able to kick ass, I don’t think he would be particularity good at it against people who have been training for who knows how long.

This also might imply he left the finder kids at the monastery in Mr. Frohicky’s care— which, yk, still leaves the question of how he gets to this tournament in the first place, as we do not see him in any of the screenshots where the ninja are still outside Temply City.

What I also realised from this is that we don’t see Euphrasia anywhere in this trailer. I’m still holding onto hope, so we’ll wait and see.

Then we’ve got all the Sora centric bits (which there seem to a lot of, which kinda tells me that she’s gonna be a focus and YES this will cause issues for Arin no one can convince me otherwise)

Anyways, as I said before, these images demonstrate to me what kind of challenges there will actually be within this tournament: Not just fights, but also what looks like a parkour and a race! Oh what joys. The first one actually kind makes me think that this is a challenge about ingenuity (due to that pole Sora is holding), but I might be reaching with that.

I didn’t get a screenshot of that lil Cole we see in that third clip as well, but I think that means we can safely assume that they're driving that combo vehicle we already have a set of, for which Cole gets the white and orange wedding suit! (Why? I don’t know. In my heart I'm choosing to believe everyone gets a similar outfit to that one.)

And that fuckass little dragon? I've got no idea. It kinda reminds me of Vania's dragon, Chompy, but also of those little Source Dragons Lloyd saw floating around his head right before he had the Master Dragon vision. Idk, it confuses me, so I'm choosing to ignore it lmao

And now the screenshots that I’ve been wanting to hold off on the longest… ho boy. Okay, there’s a lot here.

First off: This is before the tournament, and the next two images that I will be looking at are also before the tournament (the one with Lloyd falling), due to the fact that they are wearing their normal suits.

Second: The Matriarch. In the Kingdom of Madness area. As many people have already been guessing, this is likely where she thought to settle next after getting forced out of their previous home. But also, she looks… bigger? Idk maybe that’s just me. I also keep thinking that it’s the Energy, the Source Dragon that was imprisoned, or that it kinda looks like a bigger Zanth, but I’m probably wrong with that, as that doesn’t make much sense.

Either way, the kids seem to have to help her with something. And, to me, she almost seems… hurt? Like she didn’t call them there to chat or catch up with Riyu, but that she desperately needs help, perhaps something about her horde. Anyways, it concerns me deeply, especially with the next image in mind, which I cannot imagine being before that first one.

Other’s have been saying it and we all know it: that in the background looks like an Administration computer. The problem is that… it’s not the usual color (which was I think green? Berate me if I’m wrong)

So, what do I think happened here? I think the pictures directly correlate. I think what’s gonna be happening here is that the Matriarch wanted to move to this place within the Kingdom of Madness, the Administration was notified of the wrong kind of dragon activity, and is then trying to get them back out, most likely by capturing and deporting them, but maybe also something worse— who knows at this point. Somehow, the Matriarch got hurt, that’s for sure. Maybe she fought them, who knows. What I think will then happen is that either the kids attempt to find where they took the dragons, or they, too, will be captured and brought back.

What happens after this is entirely illusive to me. Of course they could be seeing Jay in that second screenshot, but somehow I doubt it (if this prediction comes true I’m gonna lose my fucking marbles). Either way they are seeing something that’s not normal, which has got to be something extreme, considering Arin has been in that place and has most likely told Sora about it. Maybe they just set off an alarm and that’s why it’s blaring red? Who knows. I sure don’t.

And these screencaps are just as a mystery (as said, these are very likely pre-Tournament, as Lloyd is still in his climber suit)

But what I haven’t seen a lot of people say yet is that we do know who that dragon is, as it appears to be Heatwave (you can see his face in that split second, in the first screenshot). It looks to me as if Lloyd was either deliberately jumping to one place and Heatwave caught him as to prevent that (for whatever reason?), or Lloyd somehow ended up in this falling situation, and HW is saving him (for whatever reason???). Either explanation scares me.

And last, but oh my god definitely not least, we have this clip of Motion. She is so gorgeous I don’t know what to say.

So I’ll just repeat what others have been saying, which is that this is likely in the first episode and the way that the ninja actually get their invitation.

Also I lied I do have smth to say: I feel like this could correlate to that one part at the beginning with Lloyd’s nightmare, where he also sees Motion. Perhaps Lloyd will be convinced that following this invitation will be a bad thing, since he saw it in relation to the other bad things (such as Beatrix punching him for a second time), but the others will convince him, for better or for worse.

Either way, this means that the invitation is personal. We can assume that this will not be some sort of trick by others, but that this is really Motion, inviting them to the tournament, as she was also one of the SDs that was up for helping Lloyd. This makes me ever more so believe that whatever the prize of the Tournament is could potentially result in Kai’s return.

Anyways, that’s all from me. I hope this ramble wasn’t too unorganised, I’ve been writing this for………..an hour. I am normal about this show I swear.

[peggyao3]

The Art of Empathy

PAIRING: Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Unnamed Ambiguous FMC

SUMMARY: After the fall of House Harkonnen, an innocent poison flower is planted in their evil heart to teach them the art of empathy.

TAGS: 18+, smut, she/her AFAB FMC, mixed POVs, Feyd-Rautha feels things, Angst, Fluff, Hurt and Comfort, Political Schemes, Morally Grey Everything, Giedi Prime Realness, Knife Play, Minor Character Death, Mentions of Violence, Slice of Life, Character Analysis, Feyd being Feyd, Vaginal Sex, Squirting, Porn with Plot, Creampie, Soft Feyd by the end of it, Can he be redeemed?!

WORD COUNT: 6.3k

A/N: I posted this one on ao3 ages ago but not on tumblr. I hope you enjoy <3

Reposted from Ao3 💕| Masterlist

Divider by @/saradika-graphics

After the fall of House Harkonnen comes the slow decay. A whole folk is left floundering and looks up to their new leader for guidance, Baron Feyd-Rautha, to whom the title is a slight. There is no use for the Baron of a powerless House. The Atreides should have annihilated them all. Instead they are humiliating them and calling it mercy. 

And so, House Harkonnen rots, aimless and torpid. Violence festers in the streets, the military disassembles itself, the House’s spice stocks have been confiscated. And their new leader? He sits and stews in the family keep where Harkonnen and Atreides guards alternate and the latter keep a sharp eye on everything Feyd-Rautha does.

He is a man doomed who refuses to lead a House of shame.

All that remains is to distract himself and search for culprits. His uncle, yes, but his uncle is already dead. The Emperor, the Fremen, the Atreides. They’re all ripe for the killing but House Harkonnen can’t even provide for their own spice addicts.

And then one day, a new resident moves into the palace.

She is a gentle poison flower, planted by the Bene Gesserit. They had thought her a weak witch at first, with no poise and little use. She had only barely passed the Gom Jabbar test, crying and screaming like an animal, but she hadn’t pulled her hand out of the box, so they couldn’t dispose of her. Only much later did the sisters realize what a useful asset she could be. 

De-Harkonnification is the word whispered off the record. A new era of breeding will commence, for the better of the universe. The experiment will start with their leader. It has to.

The suddenly useful Bene Gesserit woman has been chosen to teach Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen the delicate art of empathy.

To force him into bland lessons will bear no fruit. The new baron needs to think he’s discovered wisdom all by himself, only then will his skin peel away and make room for a fresh layer. The slow blade of curiosity will penetrate the shield and kill a Harkonnen, and let him be reborn as something new.

This new woman, she is so soft and… mundane. 

With great irritation Feyd-Rautha takes notice of her moving into his palace where she occupies a medium-sized chamber that has been painted in all the warm colors that aren’t native to Giedi Prime.

“I know you’re a witch,” he tells her the first day, standing in her doorway like a beaten bull who is still ready to charge. “I have no business with witches.”

“I won’t force you,” she replies with a short smile which renders the new Baron momentarily speechless.

The next day, he returns with more anger and piercing eyes that won’t know peace until he finds the answers he seeks. “What is your purpose in my palace?”

“I am to live here,” she announces while sticking her finger into the soil of a gross looking potted plant with wide, green leaves to test how moist it is. Frustratingly, Feyd is unable to detect any deceit in her voice, even though she is a Bene Gesserit, so there must be deceit. He won’t be manipulated.

Throughout the weeks, Feyd realizes everything she does is boring. So boring that he finds himself returning every day and watching with blatant interest, wondering how anyone can live like that.

In her free time, this woman reads literature that has no educational or strategic value. She also says she enjoys naps and she considers having to do nothing at all a rare blessing that not many are free to relish in a world that is battered by politics and war. She reminds Feyd of a lazy housecat who cripples her own potential.

Her survival instincts are so meek, sometimes she won’t even wake up when he enters her room. Feyd is tempted to do a number of things to her sleeping body, but in the end he always just stands there, next to her bed, waiting for her to finally wake up and take note of the danger. With a blade at her throat he tries to teach her to be more attentive, relishing the naked fear in her eyes when she startles from her sleep and finds pain against her neck.

In those moments, she is such a fun toy and Feyd wants to thank whoever is responsible for sending him such a pitiful witch.

Another thing she likes is daydreaming, she says, and when asked to tell him what about, she just smiles mysteriously and shakes her head no, followed by soft laughter. Feyd assumes those daydreams must be about violence, because no human mind goes without violence. And so he smiles too, thinking to himself that he's learned a dirty secret of hers that takes away from her perceived purity.

There is at least one point on which they seem to agree, and that is their interest in good food and drink, though their ideas of ‘good’ differ.

“Do those… pastries you’ve got there strengthen your body?” Feyd peers at her over the table, licking bloody meat residue off his pale fingers.

“Hmmm. I don’t think so, but they’re very tasty.” And that again is something so mundane, Feyd can't wrap his head around it. “Would you like to try one?”

He hesitates, regarding the icing and powdered sugar on the tiny cake. “No. There’s no point in eating it then.”

“Aw.” The woman looks briefly disappointed but then resumes eating.

“Don’t you want your body to be strong and capable of attack and defense?!”

“I suppose that would be nice…” Feyd has noticed a while ago that she seems to have trouble looking him in the eyes and sometimes he thinks he has been deceived and this woman is no Bene Gesserit at all, but a stray that has been deposited in his palace because the sisterhood wanted to get rid of her.

“If I attacked you right now, what would you do?” Feyd stands up and grips her plate, pulling it away so she is left with only the cutlery in hands, looking a little helpless.

“I would scream for help.”

“And if no one came?” The idea amuses Feyd-Rautha and the corners of his full lips twist into an alluring smirk. The temptation makes his skin warm and his core tight.

“I could try to hurt you with this knife and fork,” she proposes and presents her weapons of choice, targeting Feyds clavicles with her mellow eyes.

“Wouldn’t you like to try it?” He purrs and slinks closer, rubbing his hand up her arm and shoulder, cupping her throat. He really could do anything to her and she’d have no choice, no matter which weapons are in her meager hands. His cock strains against the dark trousers he wears and she either ignores it or doesn’t notice in her endless languor.

“No, of course not!” She yelps with the high-pitched tone of an animal stupid enough to walk into a blatant trap.

“You bore me to death, woman! I wish you weren’t here.” Feyd rumbles and releases her throat with a punishing squeeze that knocks her backwards, then he sweeps her plate off the table so the pastries bounce across the carpet, leaving a trail of crumbs.

“Then don’t come and see me!”

His loins are left throbbing and he feels so strangely dissatisfied when he leaves that day and cannot help but picture the woman crawling over the carpeted floor, picking up the mess he’s made, and for some reason this image makes him unhappy.

In his churning mind, Feyd keeps wondering why she was brought to him and after enough twisting and turning, he commences an era of harshness in which he thinks she was given to him for his amusement, to be molded by him. The ways to torment her are as manifold as they are fun. Something as simple as twiddling with his knife can draw the warmth out of her cheeks and make her pull her feet under her body, as if fearing Feyd-Rautha might cut her toes off otherwise. 

Now, if only he could make her see how enjoyable pain is. The cuts and nicks on her body tell stories of his attempts, as do those on his, when he guided her unwilling hand to carve lines and half moons into his pale flesh.

The assortment of her scars stop around the middle of her thighs, even though he could easily lift her dress higher and leave his marks of his ownership wherever he wants. There are desires left unspoken and he revels in her fear, because she knows it will happen, just not when.

But the worst thing undoubtedly he's ever done to her, is when he brings her to the former preparation chamber behind the deserted colosseum that was once his gladiatorial arena, when House Harkonnen still had pride and honor. 

In the dark he shows her his assortment of blades, left untouched by the defeat of his House. He laughs when she nods and smiles uncertainly at the slave girls who stand gathered around with bowed heads.

“You’re a Bene Gesserit. You don’t need to smile at them.”

“But I want- Oh!”

With a swift thrust of the arm, Feyd swings his blade in a half circle and slashes two girls’ throats at once. Their willowy bodies drop to the floor, landing on top of each other with tangled limbs and inky blood dripping down their chests.

Feyd turns his head, tilts it slightly to the side and smiles at the woman who grows sickly frigid and barely manages to turn before she throws up as the overwhelming smell of fresh blood assaults her nose and gurgling last breaths her ears. She turns and runs, finding the door unresponsive to her pushing and pulling, so she backs away into the furthest corner and curls into herself, staring fearfully at the pale Harkonnen who still looks at her with an air of boyish fascination.

He lets her go after half an hour but soon learns a harsh lesson. When he seeks her out in her quarters that evening, she acts like a skittish rabbit and hides herself away in the bathroom. For some reason, this enrages Feyd so immensely, he can’t help the immediate tantrum that bursts out of him like gunfire.

For one whole week she doesn’t speak with him and Feyd finds absolutely no fun in that. This week is the worst of his life.

Desperately, he needs her to be the way she was again, the timid creature who peacefully lazes around all day and sleeps, unaware of danger. Now she won’t let him get close, glaring at him over the edge of her book whenever he loiters in her quarters like misplaced furniture, a black and white abomination in the warm, soft capsule she has created for herself on Giedi Prime.

On the seventh day, Feyd  walks up to her awkwardly, like one ready to confess his sins, or a beaten puppy the size of a man. She stiffens in her bed and is fully aware of her defenselessness, fingers tightening around the book as the mattress dips under Feyd-Rautha’s weight. But he only crawls over her and wraps his arms around her middle like he would hug a slain opponent in the arena before letting them drop into the sand.

“I wouldn’t do this to you ,” he rumbles and finds his breath uncomfortably quick and his throat uncomfortably tight. He can’t look her in the eyes.

“But you did this to them ,” she whispers and Feyd is left speechless as to why she would care. Yet for some reason, she drops her book on the floor and hugs him back, hiding her sniffling face in his shoulder. Like a toddler walking his first steps, Feyd pets the back of her head until her tears diminish to a small trickle that is soaked up by his shirt.

Months go by and the woman’s chamber becomes a place of forbidden things. No servant ear must ever hear about what goes down in there, how Feyd stains his hands with softness and sleep, not because he is tired but because he feels like it, how he eats the pastries that are made for her mouth not his, how he reads the pointless literature that forces him to imagine places he’s never been to and people that aren’t real. 

The woman doesn't even want anything from him in return and doesn't complain when he lays his head in her lap when he decides to sleep. She softly scrapes her nails over his scalp without being prompted and he never takes long to fall asleep. She could have plotted his death this whole time long, killed him now with a Gom Jabbar, and he wouldn't have cracked an eye open.

Feyd awakes in the late evening, though he can’t tell the hour of day through the ever-drawn curtains that block out the sun’s harmful wavelengths. Consciousness returns to him as a slow stream and he breathes drowsily against her thigh, listening to the seconds on the clock tick by. She has finished her book and placed it aside, now only focused on stroking his head.

“Do you sometimes think about me?” Feyd slurs, which leaves her wondering if he’s still half asleep.

“Of course, I think about you.” Her fingers curl around his jaws and the pad of her thumb finds the apple of his soft, pale cheek.

“Even when I’m not around?” He inhales the scent of laundry detergent and the subtle note of perfume that clings to the layers of her gown. The warmth of her lap perfuses the fabric and a light current of arousal flows through Feyd-Rautha’s awakening body. Hardness takes hold of his drowsy cock and he wonders when she will finally make a comment or do something about it. He finds himself wanting to hike up her dress and kiss the parts of her body that he has never seen.

“Especially when you’re not around.”

“So, you miss me?” Feyd’s voice becomes sharp like the cutting edge of a blade and his ears perk up. She only laughs softly upon that and curls both arms around his shoulders. Feyd is glad she can’t properly see his face now, ashamed of jumping to such a conclusion.

“You can’t go out there. It’ll make you sick.” Feyd stops the Bene Gesserit woman in the hallway. One half of her body is already bathed in brightness and one eye squints into the unforgiving sunlight.

Even though she seems to have been so very content in her quarters so far, a flash of disappointment washes over her face. “Not even for a short walk?”

“It’s not safe when you’re not Harkonnen. It’ll make you sick,” he emphasizes. “And there’s nothing out there. Only desperate people.” He curls his hand around the crook of her elbow and tugs her away from the light, breathing a quiet sigh of relief when color returns to her skin and hair.

The next day, Feyd is in for an unpleasant surprise.

The woman is found wandering in the sunlight without an umbrella, not even a protective shawl wrapped around her bare shoulders. A pair of Atreides guards spot her slumped over in the shade of a building, blinking disoriented into the light with a colorless rash of blisters on her exposed skin.

Half an hour later, she is back in her darkened quarters, tucked into bed with a soothing ointment applied to her skin.

Her eyes are glazed over with half-translucent milkiness as she stares at the ceiling above her bed. Her lungs still ache and wheeze from the residue toxins she had breathed from the polluted air and her temporarily blinded gaze flitters with silvery dots. Just barely she can make out Feyd-Rautha’s angry, white skull moving back and forth..

“This wouldn’t have happened if you read something substantial every now and then,” Feyd hisses, pacing in front of her bed. “If you had at least worn protection for your eyes and flesh.”

“It was so warm outside.” She tries to justify her lack of protective layers.

“Yes, because of the infrared radiation that cooks the atmosphere!”

She attempts to turn her head away so as not to see the flickering vision of Feyd’s accusatory visage, but he leans down and cups her face with both hands, drawing a whimper from her. The splitting headache turns every movement into agony.

“A few minutes later, and you would have gotten caught up in the sour rain.” Feyd’s voice quivers now. The sour rain brings cancer to foreigners and no one knows a cure for that.

“There was no sign of rain when I was out,” she meekly defends herself, cradled by two strong hands.

“The climate is turbulent on Giedi Prime and our storms are as ferocious as they are sudden. You know what the sour rain does.”

“I'm sorry.” Blistered hands carefully wrap around Feyd-Rautha's wrists, neither pulling nor pushing. Her fingers softly slip over the veins that coil over the back of his hand and between his knuckles.

“But you're a Bene Gesserit. You have control over your own cells, you could have reversed the damage, had it happened.” Feyd's gaze jumps from milky eye to milky eye, wondering why she isn't doing anything against this. “Right?”

She only breathes a soft sigh against his lips as he hovers impossibly close. “Feyd…”

Her lips brush against his as she speaks and a jolt of surprise prickles through the both of them. Feyd is suddenly overly aware of the weight of his own body and he cannot push himself away from the woman. A pull stronger than gravity tugs him down and his lips fall to hers, softly kissing, tasting her saliva and a note of ointment.

“Feyd, everything hurts.” The meek whisper is barely audible, even to her own ears. Her body yearns and arches, separated from him by thick layers of blankets. 

“Kiss me now, before you get yourself killed out there and we don’t get the chance.” Feyd knows he shouldn’t. Even her lips are colored red with a rash, but her hands slip from his wrists to his cheeks, holding him close. Moaning, Feyd’s lips part and he moves his mouth and tongue with as much gentleness as he can muster, softly rutting against her hip over the blanket.

Feyd rumbles: “I should keep you on a leash for your own safety.” The idea makes his cock jump against the blankets and after so many months of thinking about so many things, his balls feel plump like ripe apples.

But they only kiss while sour rain slaps against the windows.

“Do you ever fight?” Feyd ponders while sticking his finger into the soil of the lush potted  plant with wide, green leaves to test how moist it is. It could use a little water.

“You know what I do all day. Have you ever seen me fight?” The woman perks up, her skin healthy and her eyes clear again, like the lakes of Kaitain.

“Let me specify. Did you ever fight?” Feyd lets water from the can splash into the flower pot and the longer she looks, the more she gets used to the view of other things than weapons in his hands. She cocks a brow at him, no longer having so much trouble looking him in the eyes that are dark but usually glazed over with harmlessness when he is around her. “I’m only asking because you seemed so… bored, before the incident happened.”

Guilt drums against his heart with a soft pitter-patter that is like the droplets that soak the soil. He wishes he could offer her more. The longer she ponders, the more awful he feels.

“I sometimes fight with myself.” Her tone of voice indicates this is a big confession.

“How so?” Feyd is confused. He sets down the can and cautiously stalks closer with cat-like grace, head tilted to the right.

“It's a fight that I can't win, I can only delay it.”

“I don't understand that.” Slowly he blinks once, lowering his gaze, then lifting it again. The soft golden light of the glow orbs frays against his blonde lashes.

She pensively sighs. “Are you never angry with yourself? Or dissatisfied?”

“... No.”

She chuckles like she so often does, like he’s missing an obvious clue and Feyd angrily bends down, caging her on the sofa with both hands planted on the seat cushions on either side of her. “Don’t laugh at me, woman. I hate when you do that!”

“Then you know why I’m doing it, or else you wouldn’t hate it.”

“You’re not smarter than me.”

“I am indeed not.” Her eyes dig brightly into his and Feyd swallows. His jaws work and after a minute he pulls away from the intensity of her gaze, looking down at her chest instead. Softly, her hand cups his jaws and her fingers dance over his skin like feathers.

“But that’s not a real fight. You know that’s not what I meant. I’m talking about training and… gladiatorial games.” Petulantly, his eyes lift to hers again.

“How is self doubt not a real fight?” She tilts her head and Feyd swears she never did this at the beginning of their acquaintance.

“I… I didn’t want to talk philosophy, I just wanted to offer you a distraction from your boredom. I thought you might enjoy a fight.” Upon that, she giggles, something flustered in her voice, and Feyd grips the hand that cups his jaw, sliding it to the front so he can kiss her palm with plush, pouty lips. “Always laughing at me,” he grumbles and proceeds to kiss the inside of her hand until she wraps her arms around his head and locks her lips with his.

Much later, Feyd realizes he probably missed a hint.

The right moment is now! No. Yes. Another breath, another minute, another turn of the page while she caresses Feyd-Rautha’s face in her lap. With her Bene Gesserit awareness (Feyd still isn’t sure if she even possesses it), she can probably hear his labored breathing and quick heartbeat. His clammy palms occasionally slide over the blanket she had thrown over her legs before Feyd settled there.

“I wanted to ask you something.”

“Yes?” Her thumb settles right over the point of his neck, between muscles and tendons, where his pulse hammers the hardest.

“I’ve been wondering…” Feyd twists the blanket and stares at the potted plant. “Are there other things you like to do just for the sake of it? Just like reading or napping…” 

In his whole life, he has never had sex for any other reason than to demonstrate power, or the desire to hurt and be hurt. To think he could have some just for the mundane pleasure of it feels almost forbidden. Feyd is ashamed to ask plainly, but she can read the thoughts behind his boyish eyes. 

She has been expecting this to happen and she is prepared, yet she is not. Before her stands a human now, with all the facettes one should have. 

“Yes, there are…” Pensively, she looks down at her lap. A faint warmth has risen to her cheeks and Feyd-Rautha takes proud notice of her coy glance, raising himself on his hands on either side of her lap.

“Then why did you never…?” His question trails off into nothingness when he notices the petulance in his own voice. He attempts to sit in a way that hides the tent in his pants.

“Don’t,” she scolds him and places her hand on his pale wrist, curling her fingers around the curve of the bone. Feyd inhales sharply and allows her to peel his arm away from his body. For the first time, she actively looks at the bulge of his clothed cock and Feyd has never felt so scrutinized. In an instant, her hand is beneath his shirt, fingers splayed over his hard tummy below his navel. “Why didn’t you?”

She moves her hand as if wanting to slip away and abandon his scalding skin. “Don’t stop~” Feyd whispers, half-lidded eyes dropped to her wrist that disappears under his shirt.

A moment later, her fingers curl around the waistband of his trousers and his grip the laces of her gown and they tear each other’s clothes away with awkward impatience. When Feyd is naked before her, she sinks into the pillows with a meek sigh, swallowing when he climbs on top of her and parts her legs where her pussy sits flushed and wet at the apex of her thighs, waiting for his caress longer than her pride allows her to admit.

She marvels at his hard curves and planes of marble, so pale, so soft. So seraphic. His nipples harden when she slides her palms over each pectoral. For now, she avoids looking at his cock but she feels the ghost of its scalding touch against her soft thigh.

“You’re beautiful,” Feyd breathes, raking his eyes down her exposed skin, studying each mark, each fold, each dimple.

“I was never certain if you found me beautiful,” she whispers and Feyd picks out the insecurity in her voice. His tongue presses against the backside of his inky teeth, wanting to call her stupid for assuming he might not find her beautiful, but he realizes he is no better himself. Anxiety pricks against his stomach like ice shards.

The woman smiles and cranes her head to brush her lips against his, then giggles softly. “Yes, I find you beautiful too.”

The anxious knot unravels and Feyd bares his teeth, chasing after her mouth until he’s got her pinned against the pillow and steals her breath. His hard chest presses against the soft mounds of her breasts and his cock slides against her thigh, bending downwards so it is wedged between their pelvises. The essence of her yearning cunt coats its upper side.

Their kisses turn desperate and sloppy and they part for breath, piercing each other with lust-heavy eyes. Feyd-Rautha’s plush lips are swollen and a low moan escapes him when she presses her mouth against the underside of his gently curved jaw, nipping and smelling his skin while Feyd’s fingers slide from her knee down her inner thigh and brush against the tender, hot parts of her.

He never used to pay attention to how soft and hot and responsive a woman can be there, how willingly her hips jump against his hand when he circles the tender bud of nerves with his fingertips.

When he slides two fingers into her weeping slit, her mouth detaches from Feyd’s jaws and her head drops back on the pillow, eyes closed, spine arched. His fingers sink as deep as they can go, soaking in her essence that generously spills from her inner walls.

“Did you think of this often?” Feyd rumbles and the grating sound of his voice makes her jump. Her eyes snap open and her pussy squeezes his fingers. Leisurely, he drags them against her inner walls, curling them slightly, so her eyes gloss over and her wet lashes flutter. “You did, didn't you? You daydreamed about my fingers in your little pussy.”

She doesn't need to reply for him to know it's true. Her knees bend further up against her chest, angling her pelvis so he plunges into her cunt just right. As pleasure rises, her neck writhes  from left to right, teeth on her lip, toes flexed. Feyd knows how to read the signs.

Mesmerized, he sits between her legs, watching with boyish fascination as his fingers sink into her puffy hole and come out glistening wet between her lower lips, how her essence dribbles down the cleft of her ass. His unoccupied hand sprawls over her lower belly and toys with her. With his thumb, Feyd pulls up the hood of her clit and marvels at the little nub that throbs for attention.

Her hips buck, fucking herself on his fingers while he lets a thread of drool drip down on her clit. She whines when the warm liquid drips over the tender bud, bending her leg even further. Feyd has never touched a woman so attentively. As soon as his thumb rubs over the lubricated little nub, she thrashes, moaning and clawing at his knees. But Feyd pacifies her with her soft circles over the maddening spot, turning her legs and brain into mush. 

“Wait~”

Feyd doesn’t wait. Three splashes of wetness squirt against his wrist and the woman covers her face with her forearms, moaning and whining as her release rolls through her in hard waves. Mesmerized, Feyd regards the liquid that dribbles hotly down his skin. 

Her limbs feel like putty, like a doll's that he can bend and fold as he likes. Feyd's fingers slowly slip out of her puffy hole which feels as ready as it can be to accommodate his cock.

She whimpers weakly, not ready to face reality and Feyd-Rautha's wet skin and the awe in his eyes with which he regards the glistening web between his fingers. Only when he nudges his cock between her boneless thighs, she stirs and dreamily eyes the pale, flushed monster that pokes needily against her cunt.

“Yes, take a good look at what I'll fill you with.”

The velvety head with its weeping slit nudges between her lower lips and her cunt yields almost too easily under pressure. Like a sheathe, she hugs him tightly, wetly squeezing inch after inch as he conquers her.

A wild  touch of something possessive and dangerous flashes over Feyd's lust-struck features. This soft thing will soon be his entirely, once he places his ultimate, inky mark against her cervix. Whether she neutralizes it with her Bene Gesserit tricks or not.

A guttural sound escapes her when the thick length pushes against the apex of her channel. The woman's arms snake around Feyd's neck, pulling him in a sweet embrace with her entire body.

“Why are you here?” Feyd repeats the question from many months ago, softly rutting against her core.

“Because I was sent here.” She gasps, pressing her face into the crook of his shoulder.

“And how do you feel about that?” Feyd's nose brushes against her hair, inhaling the sweetness and the freshness of her soap.

“You tell me, Feyd-Rautha,” she softly sighs, arching her spine against his undulating body.

“You are discontent.”

Upon that, the woman's lashes flutter, tickling his shoulder. “Hah, n-no, I’m not.”

“You’re lying now, but you usually don’t. What are you hiding from me, my darling?" 

“I’m not!” Her mouth stands agape and her back arches off the bed, pebbled nipples kissing Feyd’s silky chest. 

“My darling,” Feyd repeats and she purrs like a little cat for him, wrapping her legs around his waist. So, she likes being his darling, Feyd notes with a skipping heart. "Why would you lie to me?"

“I didn't want to be here," she admits. Wet eyes look back at him when her head sinks into the pillow. "It’s not nice, being called useless.”

“Useless?! By whom?” Anger fuels Feyd's movement but the brief pain of nails digging into his shoulder blades soothes him and a soft moan curls around his lips.

“By my fellow Bene Gesserit sisters, of course. They had no use for me until the fall of your House.” The slightly quicker rhythm makes her hiss through her teeth. "They can rot and die for all I care."

Feyd's eyes grow wondrous and wide, hips stuttering as he regards his darling with endless fascination. Her violence is sweet like berries. How lucky he is to bear witness of it tonight, all the while her warm, sodden pussy holds his cock in a lover's embrace.

“I manipulated you,” she confesses under tears and thinks Feyd-Rautha will probably flay her alive now. “When I went out into the sun and made myself sick, I just wanted to see if you’d take care of me.”

“You sound like you think I’d be mad.” Avidly, Feyd rolls his pelvis. Pleasure flutters through his nerves with every heartbeat, sweet and wild. Her eyes meet his with equal fascination and her fingertips dip into the groove of his spine.

“When did you become so… so…?”

“So… gentle?” Feyd purrs, laughing softly like she did so many times. “You made me this way.”

“Yes, and it was wrong! What gave me the right?” Her voice trembles with anger now and she claws at his back like she wants to flay him, strip the layers of faux skin off so he may become what he was again.

Feyd chuckles louder now, lips pulling away from inky teeth as he ruts quicker into her cunt, making her groan through gritted teeth. “You just gave me something I didn’t know I missed.”

“But what if-”

“No.”

“What if I killed you?”

“Killed me?” Feyd’s dark eyes sparkle with humor. “You’re a funny witch. I’m still here.” His palm slides over her breasts and pebbled nipples, settling heavily on her clavicles before closing around her throat. Her cunt reacts in an instant, clenching around him. “I can give you more proof.” Feyd leers at the woman who lies beneath him in submission. “Do you want more proof?”

Eagerly, she nods, exhaling a soft, strained moan, lips parting as she struggles for oxygen.

"Would you like my knife against your throat and your tits?"

Heat rushes to her cheeks so they feel like two ripe apples, ready for the harvest. "Yes, please~"

“You’re so sweet when you’re worried for me,” Feyd giggles. His voice is like stones grating against one another as he reaches for the kukri in the sheath at his belt which lies discarded in the folds of the soft, crumpled sheets. Feyd brandishes it with a flash of painted metal. A soft shade of gold, because the world has been feeling lighter lately.

Still humored, Feyd raises himself high enough to create generous space between their chests, so he can brush the blade featherlight against his woman's nipple. "Would you like me to make a cut, to prove I'm still in there?"

Avidly, she nods, bare heels digging into Feyd's ass cheeks as she clings to his rolling hips.

Feyd slashes the blade over her breasts, one, two, three, creating shallow lines from which red droplets bead like tiny berries and meander down her sternum along convoluted paths. She moans sweetly for him, muscles in her neck flexing against his calloused hand. "There, now we're even. We both lied a little. I said one cut and made three."

Feyd's lashes cast long shadows over the glinting metal when he brings the blade to his mouth and gingerly laps up the red beads. The woman's hand slips over his hard, smooth shoulder and the muscles that ripple underneath. She circles his wrist to guide the blade away from his plush mouth, then plunges her thumb past his soft bottom lip, swiping over the wetness of blood and saliva.

"Drink it from the source then," she softly hums and Feyd obeys, dropping the knife and bending over her heaving chest. He laps the salt off her skin and then finds the stinging wounds with his tongue, tracing the hairline cuts from bottom to top, tasting iron. Feyd nurses nectar from his flower. Moaning, he peers up at her through feathery lashes as his body undulates against hers with increasing pace.

The drag of his cock shoots molten pleasure through her core and she clings to him with arms and legs, like he is the only soft and living thing on Giedi Prime. She moans his name and Feyd is swathed in a web of hazy bliss, raising his face from her chest. A little streak of crimson still clings to his smooth chin and she pulls him down to kiss the blood off his skin.

His fingers flex around her throat, rather holding onto her than strangulating her. She gladly lets him and regards the sweet despair in Feyd's eyes as he chases after his high in the warmth of her body, stretching her with each drag of his cock.

Feyd wonders if he should make her cum again, if that's what a lover would do, but his building climax coils like a snake in his guts and there is no space between their sweaty bodies for his hand to slip between her thighs and tease her bundle of nerves. Like roots slung around a tree trunk, her legs are wrapped around Feyd's hips, reeling him in, again, again, again. The rhythm hypnotizes him and he cannot fight against the pull of release.

His jaws go slack and his entire complexion softens when his climax rolls through him in long waves, each one pulling him deeper and deeper into the weave of his mellow darling's body and soul. While he still fills up her cunt with thick ropes of seed, blissful mellowness spreads through Feyd-Rautha like a touch of mercy. 

Moaning, he slumps down and her body is his pillow. He's never shown a semblance of vulnerability after fucking a woman, but now fatigue pulls on his bones and he suckles softly on the soft spot between her neck and shoulder. His balls and pelvis are nestled against the woman's warm, full center and his broad chest against her breasts.

“My darling…” Feyd hums.

He crawls into her embrace and curls against her frame like an unborn against the womb, momentarily stripped of cruelty and all the black and white illnesses that fester on Giedi Prime.

Out of one gentle poison flower might yet bloom an entire garden, if nurtured with love.

FEYD TAG LIST:

@nostalgichoya, @forgedfromthestars, @sweetiee-o, @missbingu, @minedofmoria

@sebastianswallows, @charmingballoon, @flower-frog, @welliah, @aoi-targaryen

@coastalcowgirl35, @esolean, @szapizzapanda, @tatertooted, @sunny747

@ughdontbeboring, @meetmeatyourworst, @gravesdiggergirl

[dude-wheres-my-ankheg]

Abdirak - A Contradiction In Faith (Link to AO3)

Word count: 3.2k

Characters: Abdirak, Loviatar

Summary: An essay exploring how Abdirak's behaviour and beliefs tie into the overarching Loviatan faith.

Tags: Essays, Meta, Nonfiction, Analysis, Character Analysis, Character Study

Find my fic master list here.

Because I've heard a lot of people prefer to read meta on Tumblr, full essay is under the cut:

Start Notes

This essay is not meant to diminish or debunk anyone's thoughts, opinions, or headcanons about Abdirak's character. It is simply an exploration of my own findings and a discussion about the lore surrounding him. I fully love and support everyone's own interpretations of the character. However, my own reading of Abdirak is extremely personal to me and the reason why he has resonated with me so strongly. As such, I wanted to explore more about his character and the discussions about him both in and out of the game, and give some context to where my own personal reading of him came from.

Worth noting that I am not an authority on anything, just some guy with an obsession and some books.

Introduction

Abdirak was for many the highlight of the Goblin Camp, despite being a brief flash-in-the-pan of an NPC with a single scene and a potential gameplay buff. So how does such a character captivate the hearts and imaginations of so many? The obvious answer is that he is sexy, dangerous, and fun, and provides the opportunity for some cheeky companion banter. However there is more to him than meets the eye, especially for those who know a little about Loviatar and her worshippers.

Right from the start, Abdirak is a man of contradictions. Charming yet blood soaked. Enticing and yet promising pain. Offering healing through harm. But as we dig deeper, we can see just how deep the contradictions truly go.

A (Very) Brief Look At Traditional Loviatan Beliefs

Traditional Loviatan tenets are fairly clear cut when examining the lore. For all of my research, I have been unable to find any reference to healing through pain as Abdirak claims to.

Loviatar desires pain and suffering through any and all means, including psychological torture and manipulation, seduction and heartbreak. Their goals are to spread discontent and misery. Loviatans are characterised as being cruel and manipulative, often using winning peoples' trust and breaking it as a way to hurt them.

The only reference to healing I have found exists in the following passage from a speech given to those new to the faith:

"Let mercy of sudden abstinence from causing pain and of providing unlooked-for healing come over you seldom, but at a whim so as to make folk hope and increase the Mystery of Loviatar's Mercy. Unswerving cruelty will turn all folk against you." [1]

Here, we see healing used as a manipulation and a break from pain, not a result of the pain. It is simply a trick to convince people to fall more deeply into the devout's clutches. If we trust the lore books, all Loviatans should be gleefully spreading misery. Which would make sense - Loviatar is an evil god with evil followers who thrives on misery and suffering. She likes to be feared and charges her followers with spreading that fear [1].

Abdirak

Enter Abdirak. A charming, handsome, lightly blood splattered man who claims he simply wishes to help the player character. He explains his faith and how he believes that his work is beneficial to those around him and not only his goddess. With what we know about Loviatans, surely this is an act? Loviatans make it their life's work to twist and trick people into harm. A quick encounter within a Goblin Camp may not seem like much of a chance to win a heart and shatter it, but certainly enough to lie about the health benefits of being smacked with a mace.

There are, however, little things about him that are off.

For one thing, he was invited to the Goblin Camp to torture Liam, a task which he is not performing. In fact, he seemed disgusted with the thought of it - pain should be, as Abdirak himself says, an "intimate and loving thing." That doesn't sound particularly in-keeping with the traditional Loviatan beliefs, and neither does passing up the opportunity to torture a man.

Another contradiction is how Abdirak is insistent that those receiving the penance be well enough to do so. While Loviatans may not want broken bones or severe injuries themselves—as such hinders their duties and their worship—what would it matter if a stranger was injured during the course of a penance? Yet Abdirak is insistent. Only those well enough may receive his "gifts" and those who lose too much health during the penance will immediately see it stopped.

Then of course, there is simply the way he is. The way he speaks. The care and consideration in his words. Of course, this could all be a part of his act - a smooth and clever manipulation. A very convincing one at that. However, there are reasons to believe otherwise.

The Contradiction

The idea that Abdirak is simply a smooth manipulator is somewhat thwarted by several factors. For one, an argument can be made about his behaviour as above. For another, the developer's notes within the game files and the comments and context added by Rachel Quirke (Abdirak's writer) and Declan Perring (Abdirak's voice actor) paint a very different picture of his motives to that of a cruel and selfish manipulation.

Let us address the character's actions within the game first, as these are easiest to dismiss. Abdirak does his best to convince the player character to undergo the penance, but makes no move to force them. In fact, beyond his simple pitch—this is good for you, it will help you—he does not push. He doesn't try to find new ways to tempt the player and does not try to twist his arguments to entice. He lets the offer stand on its own merit rather than overly pushing the issue and trying to convince the player character. Of course, this could be attributed to him not wanting to cause trouble for himself. It gets more interesting when we look deeper into the game meta.

One of the most noticeable things about the acting direction given within the dialogue game files is the repeated use of the word "sincere." It is applied to Abdirak himself, to his beliefs, to his words. It is used over and over to describe this man and his desire to help the player.

"This is a sincere and genuine offer, He believes in what he is doing and that it will, ultimately, help the player." [2]

"It is a sincere and genuine offer, he believes it will help." [2]

"He's looking the player in the eyes and is concerned - he can see the player has been hurt (emotionally) and is worried. This is sincere." [2]

"Player has told him to bugger off, basically. Abdirak assumes the player is embarassed [sic], he is sincere - he has seen pain in the player's eyes and wishes to comfort him." [2]

"He believes that the beating he is about to offer will genuinely help. Sincere." [2]

"Explaining about his goddes [sic] Loviatar. Sincere. Believes pain is a beautiful thing." [2]

"The priest should look very sincere in this scene. He genuinely thinks he's helping you." [2]

This sentiment is further echoed by his writer, Rachel Quirke, who has also commented directly on his sincerity in online discussions with fans. [3]

In addition to these notes and comments, the following quote is from Declan Perring, the voice actor who brings Abdirak to life, and is a section of the acting direction notes he was given prior to recording Abdirak's voice lines. It goes: "He sincerely believes in what he is doing and that each offering of pain to the Goddess lessens his own pain and that of others." [4] This is a fascinating quote which gives us huge insight into Abdirak's thoughts and far more questions than answers. It is in direct contradiction with the tenets of Loviatan faith, as discussed above, where pain and suffering are shared for the sake of pain and suffering alone. When Abdirak tells us that he wishes to alleviate the player character's pain, he means it. It seems to remove the potential for Abdirak's prior mentioned sincerity to simply be very good acting.

Unlike what the lore relating to Loviatans would have us believe, Abdirak is not lying or twisting his words. He is not concealing ulterior motives. In his mind, he is a healer of sorts. His believes that his desire to worship the Lady of Pain aligns with his desire to help people - and believes that he is succeeding.

There are other small things as well that Abdirak says in his short time with the player character which seem out of place for a Pain of Loviatar. For one, he implies that he does not like to kill. Traditionally, Loviatans do not seem to have many qualms about such, and have frequently been involved in warfare. [1] In addition to this, as mentioned above, Loviatar wants to be feared by the world. Abdirak however preaches about her loving embrace and wants the player character to trust him and seemingly by extension her. Even after the penance, Abdirak makes no move to make the player character concerned, even if they were not deemed worthy of the blessing.

Implications

Abdirak's seemingly unique outlook on Loviatar worship certainly raises some questions, and gives us several potential routes to explore when we consider his relationship to his religion and how it ties into mainstream Loviatar worship.

Is Abdirak some delusional outlier, espousing a false version of his own god's creed? This seems unlikely. Abdirak claims to be in communication with Loviatar, supported by the fact that he is capable of personally handing out her blessings. She seems to approve of his strange methods - is this simply because he is so effective? Loviatar's focus tends to be upon the suffering itself. Abdirak's methods and unique outlook could be tolerable to her simply due to his enthusiasm and success in providing pain and suffering to her, even if he's doing some therapy on the side.

Another potential explanation is that he is part of a smaller sect of Loviatan worshippers, whose values differ slightly to those of the main church. This explanation is without any lore foundation, but it is certainly interesting to think about. Both real life and the Forgotten Realms have examples of religions with disagreeing or even rival branches, so it is not a stretch to believe that a sect of Loviatans could exist who believe their abilities to inflict pain also bestow healing of sort. Though again, this is not supported by any other suggestions within the game or external lore that I have found, but definitely opens some fun headcanon potential.

Another possible reason for Abdirak to be the way that he is is that the church has simply moved on and evolved, much like the modernising of real life religions. Again, this hypothesis is without basis and pure speculation.

There is also the possibility that Abdirak is a model Loviatan, simply following dogma to the letter of the law. Does Abdirak believe his crueller tendencies should be reserved for those who would do harm against him rather than run-of-the-mill penitents? The Loviatan teachings do note striking against "those who offend." [1] This still does not account for the fact that healing through pain is not mentioned in any part of Loviatan dogma I have found. While it does state that they can share their gifts to "those who enjoy them" [1], there is no mention of the health and well-being benefits of the process for the receiver. This appears to be a belief that Abdirak himself has adopted - could this be due to his own experiences? The developer notes imply that the Loviatan practices helped Abdirak deal with his own trauma: "Player has asked how he knew something terrible had happened them. Abdirak sadly replies. He is think [sic] of his own traumatic past, which ultimately led him to turn to Loviatar as a way coping with the trauma." [2] Loviatan dogma states that pain brings pleasure and power, but makes no mention of healing or mental well-being. It is presented as a traditionally evil form of worship, one that centres around hedonistic desires and the pursuit of power [1]. As such, this particularly theory feels very difficult to marry with the existing lore.

A final explanation could be based upon Loviatar's own interpretation of Abdirak's actions. Reference texts tell us that "Her understanding of humanity, for example, relied on the fundamental assumption that they were innately selfish. Truly heroic or self-sacrificing behaviour could untangle her carefully woven plots." [1] Could this suggest that she tolerates Abdirak's methods because she simply does not understand them? Abdirak is a loyal and enthusiastic follower and, as discussed above, perhaps that is enough. Could Loviatar be unable to comprehend that Abdirak's methods are anything other than selfish, that his talk of healing is not simply lies? It's certainly a fun thought that such a large misinterpretation could occur between a god and their follower, especially one that appears to hold a well regarded position within the church.

Notes on Abdirak's Character

"Pain is pain, dear one. It is above 'good' and 'evil'." [2]

These are words spoken by Abdirak, and they are accompanied by the following notes in the game files: "Player has told him that his goddess is evil and that he wants to [sic, presumably should be 'no'] part in this practice. His [Abdirak's] argument about pain is sincere, he sees it as neither good nor evil, simply as proof that we are alive - and that is worth worshipping and experiencing." [2]

Alignment is an important concept within the realms of D&D. While the game rules have moved away from such previously rigid structures, its influence remains thickly throughout the world of Toril.

As previously discussed, Loviatar is an evil god. Traditionally, Loviatan priests could only be one of the three evil alignments, with Pains further limited to Lawful Evil. [1] Evil alignments, particularly Lawful and Neutral, are characterised by a selfishness that comes at the cost of others [5], which does not seem to align (ha) with what we know of Abdirak so far.

That is not to say that the case for either of these alignments could not be made—they certainly could, especially with how little of Abdirak we see. However, the sincerity and care shown by Abdirak lack the selfishness that one would expect to undertone an evil character, as evidenced by the developer notes that go with his dialogue.

Could Abdirak be more easily ascribed to a Lawful Neutral alignment? While it would certainly be a stretch for a follower of Loviatar to be Lawful Good in character, Abdirak displays a certain amount of selflessness and desire to aid others. A Neutral alignment would support his beliefs about pain and allow him the freedom to practice his faith (in his own special way) while still maintaining that streak of altruism he seems to bear.

Could Abdirak represent an evolution of Loviatar worshippers? Rigid class restrictions have changed over the years - after all, there was a time when druids were limited to True Neutral only [6]. Or is Abdirak simply a law unto himself, a complete outlier in the ranks of the church?

Another interesting point of Abdirak's character is his belief that pain is intimate and loving. As stated in the sourcebook:"Loviatar teaches that the world is filled with pain and torment, and the best that one can do is to suffer the blows that cannot be avoided and deal as much pain back to those who offend." [1] This seems to contradict Abdirak's belief that pain is a gift and should be applied with love and care, an act of healing the mind with pain to the body. This opens two possibilities. That Abdirak is simply lying to the player when he says that pain is only loving. The developer notes say that Abdirak is sincere in his desire to help the player character and in his belief that his methods are beneficial, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he reserves that care for everyone. While this might bring into question why he refuses to torture Liam or push the goblins beyond their limits, it could be attributed to a personal code of who he deems worthy of uncaring hurt. That quote could be interpreted as saying that the usual care and consideration should not be applied to those who attempt to harm the priest themselves. This could point to an explanation for Abdirak's behaviours and beliefs, and hint at a far more dangerous side to Abdirak that we do not get the chance to see in game.

Even with the developer notes and the lorebook sources, Abdirak's character requires close inspection and dissection, and still there is no clear truth to his overall life philosophy, leaving the door open of a myriad of fan interpretations and characterisations, and giving Abdirak fans a wealth of opportunity to explore.

Conclusions

Abdirak's contradictions and the way he subverts expectations based upon his faith make him an incredibly intriguing character, in a way he would not have been if he had been written as a classic Loviatan. The subtle and clever writing paired with an outstanding acting performance elevate this five minute character from a single scene of laughs and titillation to an enigma with the potential to stay in the player's thoughts far longer than he has any right to.

As anyone who has known me before this long and convoluted (and absolutely not exhaustive) ramble will be aware, Abdirak has captivated me since I first encountered him. Now this isn't to say that I don't love a sexy villain, because that would be a lie, but without these layers within Abdirak—the subversion of expectations that come with him as a Loviatan—he would not be as compelling, and certainly would not have grabbed my imagination in the way that he has done. The twist that Abdirak, this creepy and unsettling devout of pain itself, is one of only two characters in the whole of Act 1 to help the player character without want of anything in return, who does so only out of their desire to aid another, not only turns perceptions of him on their head but also of the other NPCs within the act.

With this apparent mismatch of Abdirak's motives with known Loviatan scripture, what could have been a one-note gimmick character becomes something far deeper and interesting to those who know the lore behind the deity. A subtle nod to those aware of the world they are playing in and something that has made the character absolutely captivating to me.

And on that note, I leave you with my favourite dev note of them all:

Abdirak: Yes - I must try this technique. Or perhaps this one… Hand on chin, considering the book before him. Pain Priest is reading his open book. He is reading a book on pain and torture techniques, musing out loud which to try, like someone reading a book on cupcake recipes and wondering whether to try buttercream or sugar icing next. [2]

References

(1) Julia Martin, Eric L. Boyd (March 1996). Faiths & Avatars. (TSR, Inc.), pp. 100–105. ISBN 978-0786903849.

(2) Baldur's Gate 3. Directed by Sven Vincke, Larian Studios, 2023. Multiplatform game. (Links to extracted dialogue and development notes can be accessed here: https://www.tumblr.com/roksik-dnd/732776567631183872?source=share)

(3) Quirke, R [@quirkiltons]. (2023, Dec 7). Oh, absolutely! Yes, Abdirak is into pain, but he's incredibly sincere about it. He'll stop if you're hurt badly and only resume once you've healed up. The scripter and I wanted to reward people who tried it, not punish them (that's Abdirak's job 😜) [Tweet]. Twitter. https://twitter.com/quirkiltons/status/1732734892981600479

(4) Streamily. (2024, Jun 27). Streamily.com Presents: Declan Perring THE Abdirak [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/live/TsIxFkLQp9Y.

(5) Jeremy Crawford (August 2014). Player’s Handbook. (Wizards of the Coast), pp. 122. ISBN 978-0-7869-6560-1.

(6) Ed Stark (August 2000). Player's Handbook 3rd edition. (Wizards of the Coast). ISBN 9780786915507.

End notes

As I could write endlessly about Abdirak, I wanted to keep this as concise and on topic as possible, focusing purely on how Abdirak relates to the overarching Loviatan church. This might be a one off or the first of a few essays exploring Abdirak's character and the Loviatan faith in general. It depends on when inspiration to actually write the damn things strikes, and whether or not people are even interested in these sorts of posts haha.

Anyway, if you read all the way to the end of my enthusiastic rambles, thank you <3 If you have any of your own thoughts, feelings, opinions, disagreements, etc, I would LOVE to hear them because I love talking about this weirdo.

[person4924]

hi !! i’m sam !! and that’s all u need to know but there’s more under the cut !!

(also im trying to make this aesthetic and cute but idrk how so if u have any tips pls pls pls !!)

yes i’m sad (secretly a dinosaur)

basic info

i’m sapphic of some sort!!

she/they pronouns. for now. gender is hard guys (just like-)

i’m a minor. so please don’t be fucking weird.

i’m american (even worse, the midwest 😨) unfortunately but literally as soon as i fucking can im booting it and moving to norway

i’m like 90 percent diagnosed with autism, and i’m pretty sure i have ADHD and beautiful princess disorder. so u all should basically fall on your knees and kiss me now

i play soccer (defense usually but i like offense more) and lacrosse (i suck balls but it tis The Lesbian sport, so) currently but i also usually play volleyball but i missed the season sooo

im a huge psych and cinema and music and literature nerd so !! basically im gonna be broke by 30

i have a sideblog that is currently a confessions blog but it might change cus no one actually does it!! but if u would like to do a (general) confession then it is @just-a-little-lad4924

i have another sideblog that is for analysis’ !! i mostly do characters and songs but i’ll do pretty much anything (send me a request please please please please please) it’s @person-speaks

just general facts about me !

my personality type is INFP-T

i have 3 cats!! one at my dads, her name is graci (after gracie abrams ofc) and she’s about a year and a half, and 2 at my moms: regulus (guess who named him!! 😱) and libby and their siblings and are currently abt 3 months !! i could yap abt them forever i love them all sm

my favorite color is dark green (call me a faggot and istg), fav season is fall, fav holiday is christmas or halloween, fav animal is cats or sharks or moths or jellyfish

i appreciate tone tags and try to use them as much as possible

im always bored so asks and everything are super duper cool !

fandoms: harry potter (fuck jkr !!), MCU, KOTLC, marauders, boy meets world, it, osemanverse, paper girls, teen wolf, owl house, shameless, stranger things, andi mack, tlou, riordanverse, brooklyn nine nine, new girl, grishaverse, community, dawsons creek, bojack horseman, criminal minds, dead boy detectives, the maze runner, descendants, arcane, squid games, the sun bearer trials, yellowjackets, the wilds, aftg (only halfway thru trk tho!)

also special mention to shows that arent fandoms but i am/was obsessed with: glee, scooby doo, ted lasso, everything sucks!, atypical, octonauts, will & grace, himym, parks and rec

can u tell i don’t have many friends.

fav movies (not counting fandoms): tick tick boom, my girl, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, little rascals, empire records, bottoms, nimona, little women, 500 days of summer, benny & joon, beautiful boy, call me by your name, lady bird, stand by me, RWRB, addams family values, the breakfast club, spiderman ITSV/ATSV, the outsiders, luca, the perks of being a wallflower, dead poets society, big daddy, the edge of seventeen, hamilton, heretic, 10 things i hate about you, not another teenage movie, juno, we live in time

once again. i have very little friends. and very many issues.

fav artists: gracie abrams, taylor swift, noah kahan, mitski, boygenuis, julien baker, phoebe bridgers, lucy dacus, hozier, the head and the heart, conan gray, RKS, queen, harry styles, the fray, olivia rodrigo, coldplay, billie eilish, maya hawke, bo burnham, chappell roan, the smiths, the revivalists, addriane lenker, lorde, fiona apple, alex g, ani defranco, radiohead, montell fish, lizzy mcalpine, maggie rogers, girl in red, gigi perez, ethel cain,

just general interests: poetry, art, writing, sitcoms, stand up comedy, greek mythology, the sky (like the stars, moon, sun, etc. astronomy metaphors are my everything), moths, jelly fish, ocean animals in general, pretty much just animals in general, 90's movies, cinematography, annotating, musicals, actors, spider man, psychology, analysis (of anything really), true crime/criminology, cannibalism, pop culture

comedians i like (i currently only have 2 but im planning on collecting more so!! also recs please??): bo burnham, hannah gadsby

video games i play/have played: minecraft, fortnite (im not a fortnite kid tho guys i swear), roblox, broken age, the big con, forager, goat simulator (best game ever istg) + im currently playing broken age act II and after that im going to start life is strange

fav books (also not including fandoms): the perks of being a wallflower, the outsiders, i fell in love with hope, ill give you the sun, and more but i dont remember the names atm !

my fav ships (buckle in! i apologize.): wolfstar, jegulus, jily sometimes, pandalily, dorlene, rosekiller, drarry, jeric (bmw), reddie, charlie/nick, tara/darcy, tao/elle, lister/jimmy, pip/rooney, kajemac, sterek, isaac/stiles, malia/stiles, lumity, gallavich, ronance, solangelo, valdangelo, kinda percico, dianetti, wesper, kanej, trobed, joey/pacey, ralvez, spencer/ethan, kindaaa moreid, painland, newtmas, jaylos, harry/carlos (idk the ship name), robin/barney, caitvi (i like to call them violyn tho !), jayvik, 307 (i think that’s it??) or jiyeong/sae byeok, phoenix (aurelio/teo)

i might have missed a few but these are My Guys. /gn

links!

spotify!! - my character playlists are my pride and joy and reason for living, i could write essays about how each song could specifically fit the character and situation. anyways!!

discord

airbuds - idk if anyone uses this but if u do add me!!

ao3 - plspls ignore my bmw and marauders fic! they were awful but i do not have the heart to delete them

pinterest

tiktok - this is my alt that i blocked all my friends on and i have like my fandom shit but i don’t post that much and im barely on tt to begin with but yeah !!

pronouns page

spotify stats - idk if anyone uses this but also yeah !!

TV time - which is basically letterboxd but more fun, also more up to date on what i’m actually watching and stuff (hopefully)

letterboxd - gave in an got it !

i have a super duper cool discord server that u should totally join too… link

i have a tagging system

sam shut the fuck up - og posts

asks!!! - asks

crazy? i was crazy once - big lists and essay things, basically me being a fandom freak

sam sings :O - lyric/music posts

art i need in my veins - self explanatory mostly for myself but everyone else should also see this

and i think thats it!! if anyone has any ideas of things to add then yeah !! or how to make it look prettier cusss uhhhh yeah.

oh yeah and this is an official @i-luv-multiple-ppl fan account so !!

and creds to @cafekitsune for the dividers!!

[michainabox]

Okay so I’m revisiting Undertale after a long time and I just have to say this. This is a very very long post.

I don’t know if I should tag this? But uh. I guess I go a little in depth with Flowey and the major spoilers of Undertale, have a brush of a spoiler for In Stars and Time, and just major ramblings.

Flowey somewhat unsettles me.

And I don’t mean fear or scary enough that it distresses me, I mean truly unsettles me in an uncomfortable sense where I have to take a step back to analyze.

Like. Yes that’s the point, he is suppose to be an unsettling character. But my thing is, it is hard to unsettle me. You can ask my partner and anyone I know, I consume a lot of horror media. It is hard to unsettle me, or make me uncomfortable with certain things. And with games? Even harder. There has only been a couple of times where media has unsettled me that I can count only three instances of this.

The book Hell Followed with Us by Andrew Joseph White (had to unpack a lot of my religious trauma with that book. Good read though.)

Act 5 of In Stars and Time because I related a bit to much to Siff’s breakdown and the fact that you can’t stop it no matter how much you wanted too. You were powerless to do anything. You just have to sit and watch and follow.

And then of course. Flowey. The character himself.

What spurred this ramble Micha? Well. I’ll tell you.

We find out that before Frisk had fallen, Flowey had enough determination in that stupid little flower body to reset the timelines himself. Without the souls, he still had the powers of a god, but it was limited much like Frisk. He has reset hundreds, if not thousands of times. He says that he has tried anything and everything to change the variables. Maybe doing little things like planting ideas into monsters heads, or bigger things. (After all if anything goes wrong he can always reset.)

But nothing could change.

No matter what he did, it never mattered.

It never worked.

It would drive people insane.

And then Frisk shows up. And Flowey doesn’t have the power to reset anymore. Instead, this little kid with a red soul (and the same fashion sense of his dead sibling) shows up and destroys everything. And if you go with the pacifist route. Doesn’t head the lesson of kill or be killed.

And it start to work out for Frisk. It also works in Flowey’s favor too. We can imagine that Frisk is the first ever child to face Asgore for the first time since he started to collect human souls, and Frisk has the power to come back, Frisk even reminds Asgore how many times he has killed them. And Flowey watches as Frisk can either spare or kill Asgore in the final moments. But the players choice doesn’t matter.

Because Flowey was waiting for this opportunity. With the souls unguarded, he can use them. And of course, he can practically torture Frisk until he is ready to claim their soul. And even after all of that, you can choose to kill Flowey or grant him mercy. And he doesn’t understand if you do give him mercy. Because for him, it really is killed or be killed.

(I also have my own theory or analysis for the phone call and where Frisk went after the neutral ending, but that’s another post if anyone is interested in my thoughts.)

Anyways. After the phone call he pops up again, and here is where the unsettling part comes in.

He plants the idea in the Frisk/Player’s head that there is another way. That they didn’t truly save their friends, they didn’t truly save themselves.

And Flowey knows Frisk would try anything to get that happy ending.

Because we would want to find out what that happy ending looks like. Because it’s human nature to be curious and want something better.

He preys upon that and uses it to only serve as his own stepping stone. He isn’t even sure it will work. But he does that anyways. Because if your playing pacifist he sees the fact that Frisk took the time to befriend and spare all the monsters.

Flowey isn’t unsettling because he can change his face, wants to kill Frisk, and even attempted and succeeded multiple times.

It’s the fact that while he says he is soulless, that he can’t understand why he is being spared, he learned just enough to prey on that human nature to get what he ultimately wants.

That’s what ultimately unsettles me about him.

(If anyone has any questions about my thoughts or other theories just ask. I love rambling)

(Note. I edited it slightly to fit in more with the games because of some issues I had with misremembering events)

[thisonesatellite]

Tagged by the always wonderful @fsbc-librarian -- thank you so much, darling! 💖💖💖

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

42 works

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

677,643 (how do i have so many?)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

MCU/Stucky -- this is my main focus and current sandbox. i love to play with these two. OUAT/CS -- that is where i started my fic writing journey and it still makes up the bulk of my works. i no longer write it, but it will always have a soft spot in my heart. Dramione -- i wrote one dramione fic a while back, and it is a ship dynamic i really enjoy. i still have one big, rather epic fic idea for it, too. Since this idea -- (and @mysteriouscatstellation) -- have been bugging me about it for over a year, i absolutely have to write it. Eventually. Obvi. (Actually, it's up next after i finish my East German Stucky Spy Lunacy, shhhhhhhhh.) Leverage -- i also have one Leverage fic. i have literally no idea how that happened. None. This fic basically walked out onto the page and said, my turn. 😂 It did give me a really good opportunity to create an original character though.

4. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Always. ALWAYS. i love and appreciate each one, from a row of emojis to a page of analysis. i go back often and re-read them, just to motivate myself. People who leave comments are the real heroes. (Although i do understand that not everyone has the spoons to comment, and that's OK, too. Just know that if you leave me a single emoji i will love it no less than if you write a dissertation. 💖💖💖)

5. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i know of. But i haven't checked either.

6. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes -- The Sword and The Heart, an epic rewrite of OUAT S5 i tackled with the amazing @ohmightydevviepuu. If you have never collaborated with another writer, i strongly urge you to try it. i learned things about myself and my writing that i am still benefiting from to this day and i am immensely proud of what we created together. However, that is pretty much due to dev being the best collaborator ever. (Get yourself someone you trust and love and yet challenges you at every turn, is what i'm saying.)

7. what’s your all-time favourite ship?

That's a hard question, because affinity does change -- and why wouldn't it. We change, become different people, and sometimes the things we used to bleed for no longer resonate quite as hard. Like - my OG ship was Buffy /Angel, and i have the absolute soft spot of all time for them, but also i'm (obviously) no longer in high school and so the urgency has subsided. There have been a few other ships i've sideswiped over the years, characters i absolutely loved but never quite got 'ship-invested' in. (Shipvested? 😂) Personally, one factor is definitely that i did not know what a fandom was, or even that there was 'fandom' (as a concept, a community, a Thing) until Captain Swan tore a hole in my heart five years ago. i didn't really know what fanfic was. Or AO3. Apparently i live under a rock. But currently, the tl;dr is a dead tie between Stucky, Captain Swan, and James Holden /Naomi Nagata from The Expanse. With lots of honorable mentions bringing up the rear. 😂

8. what are your writing strengths?

Plot, dialogue, world building, and having characters stay true to their nature even when seen through various AU lenses, i think. Also action and fights and sometimes even battles. And i think i have a knack for letting exposition bleed through action and dialogue, instead of writing it outright. (That last one is a hard-won skill and kills me dead at least once a chapter, you feel me.) i also put a ridiculous amount of research into everything. Seriously, it's a sickness. i once spent more than two hours looking up radio dramas from the 30s that had a supernatural bent and might appeal to teenagers. For half a throwayway line. Possibly i should not list this as a strength. 😂

9. what are your writing weaknesses?

Smut. SMUT ALL THE WAY. i cannot write it, i don't know how. People who read my fic will always get shortchanged in the E department and for that i am sorry. But i really am completely useless on the smut front. And fluff. i can do soft scenes, but i cannot write pure fluff. i don't know how to do that either. i'll write a fucking coffee shop oneshot, or a thieves AU that doesn't even crack 5K, or even a BARTENDER fic, and yet complex back story and plot and action will still burst out from between the lines. All you people out there who can just tear off a sex scene or a fluff piece, i salute you. Also all you people who have multiple WIPs. i don't know how you do it. i can only ever write one fic at a time. You are all wizards, aren't you.

10. first fandom you wrote for?

OUAT /Captain Swan, back in 2019.

Zero pressure tags: @sparkagrace @cable-knit-sweater @bittersweet-in-boston @late-to-the-party-81 @metalbvcky @voylitscope

[thai-drama-ao3-stats]

Thai Drama Stats Special Edition:

The Great Archive Lockdown 🔒

Hi folks! In case you weren't aware, there are various scraping bots that trawl through AO3 and use the data for AI training, content mill sites, or other vaguely nefarious purposes. One site, "Fanfic Books", is essentially creating an unauthorized mirror of AO3. Here are some posts about it.

To combat this, many users have recently chosen to "Archive Lock" their fics.

What is Archive Locking?

An archive locked work, or "restricted" work, is only visible to users who are logged into AO3. This prevents anonymous users (and bots that aren't using login credentials) from reading your fic or finding your fic in searches. This doesn't block all scraping bots, but it should keep most of them out.

What does this have to do with fandom stats?

The AO3 scraping I do doesn't use login credentials, so I can't count archive locked fics. That's totally fine! I am in no way telling you to stop archive locking! Lock or unlock to your hearts content!

It does, however, mean that the data I pulled from my Thai Drama AO3 Trends Dashboard this week (July 1 - July 7, 2024) are looking especially strange.

Holy moly! We actually have negative growth. More fics were locked than posted, which is why the Net New is negative. I'd estimate that about 1% of all previously public Thai Drama fics were archive locked this week.

This matches trends on all of AO3. This week, the total number of publicly available fics actually decreased by 0.7% -- and that's including all the new fics being posted!

When did this happen?

The timing for both Thai Drama fandom and all of AO3 is pretty consistent.

For Thai Drama fandom, most of the locking happened on Friday, July 5, but there was also some locking on Sunday.

When we look at all of AO3, it seems like most of the mass-locking happened on July 5th as well, with additional locking happening all throughout the weekend.

Which Thai Drama fandoms were most affected?

When we look at sheer numbers, KinnPorsche, of course, has a lot of newly-locked fics. 3 Will Be Free, My Engineer, and Dark Blue Kiss were locked down a lot as well.

When we look at the top fandoms by negative growth, The Player saw almost all of its fics vanish overnight. 3 Will Be Free was cut neatly in half.

This data is cool I guess, but... so what?

If these numbers are accurate, it represents another sudden and massive shift towards archive locking on AO3.

According to @star-grazing's stats about archive locking in December 2022, the total number of archive locked works on AO3 increased by 70% in just a couple weeks after a reddit post went viral about AI bots scraping AO3 for machine learning material.

Those stats show that in December 2022, 5.79% of AO3 fics were archive locked. When I checked the numbers again today, 9.37% of all works were archive locked.

Using rough estimates, from the last few days of AO3 data, I'd say that the total number of archive locked works increased by 8% since last Thursday (7/4). And trends seem to indicate that the great lockdown is still going!

Anyway...

Thanks for sticking with me! This is a really fun time to be collecting AO3 stats :) If you have more questions, feel free to reach out. I also put some more details under the cut! Thanks y'all!

Are we sure it was archive locking, and not some other data issue?

Er, good question. It's my best guess, and I've tried to rule out other potentially culprits. The AO3 Fandom Trend Analysis Dashboard, which has data about all fandoms on AO3, doesn't seem to show anything amiss. Their data uses login credentials, meaning they can count archive locked fics.

I also went through several tags manually while logged in and logged out to compare numbers from this week to previous weeks. It doesn't seem like there was a mass deletion or retag that I could see.

I also used the "restricted:true" search operator to search for archive locked fics while logged in. A lot of those missing fics pop back up!

I absolutely welcome other theories though, if you think of one!

Is this still happening?

Seemingly yes, for Thai Dramas at least! When I checked the "All Thai Dramas" AO3 search this morning, the total number of Thai Drama fics had dropped below the 40K mark - lower than when I first started keeping track a month ago!

We probably have a lot more archive locking in our future!

How do I archive lock my own fics?

There's a really good tutorial over here.

Help! I don't have an AO3 account, so I can't read all these archive locked fics anymore.

Please message me! I have some spare invites.

Which fandoms are the most "locked down"?

I'm not sure, but there is a Fanlore article about Hockey RPF and the Fourth Wall which provides some comparison stats. Hockey fandom has traditionally been one of the most locked down fandoms; less than half of hockey rpf fics are publicly available.

You can also peruse this AO3 search to see all archive locked fics.

[the-final-sif]

Hi Sif! I saw you addition to my post and I wanted to follow up and say that I did a more complete analysis looking at every character on the Dream SMP. I definitely didn't think my original post was going to spread as far as it did, since it was me just gushing my surface level thoughts. Part of the reason I followed up with a more thorough look was that I didn't want to let misinformation spread without actually looking at the full data.

I agree with some of your points but I would like to push a little and say that I do think that there is still a gender bias. While Hannah's situation might be more related to her later addition to the server and lack of prominent romantic relationships (beyond Tinarose, which still counts as a rarepair by numbers), the numbers for Niki are a significant outlier considering her early presence and involvement in numerous character/story arcs, especially compared to some characters that fared better than her.

I obviously can't control for every variable and every reason the numbers may show what they do. And there are many, many reasons people can and should use tags the way they do. But I think it is not too far-fetched to say that the Dream SMP fandom does have a problem with overusing tags that don't actually portray what happens in their fic AND with under-valuing characters with marginalized identities, which are partially reflected in the way relationship tags and character tags work together as they do today.

Here's the thing, I actually don't think that Niki's story count is weird at all, I think you may just be underestimating how popular certain pairings/platonic relationships are.

Let's take a comparison that I think is more than fair, c!Punz. Punz has a pretty comparable if not larger impact on the story than c!Niki. particularly towards the finales he plays different roles in them. But outside of c!Dream he doesn't have a lot of other major relationships that are popular in fanon, outside of him and c!Purpled. Despite this, c!Punz is often important to the plot, and he joined a full month before Niki did. Hell, he joined before Tubbo and just after Tommy.

But look at his top 10,

He does have 2/10 of his top relationships, but it's platonic/romantic drunz, so just different flavors of the same relationship. Outside of that, you see all the same super popular ships that you saw on ever other characters. It's just what happens in fandom.

As it turns out, some dynamics are just incredibly popular. DNF alone has nearly 25k fics written just for it. So honestly, with that many raw fics, it's hardly surprising that about 5% of them happen to feature Punz. Which ends up being more fics than the rest of his relationship category.

It's not that Punz is being incorrectly tagged in these fics, it's just that DNF is incredibly incredibly popular, and by virtue of that you end up here.

SBI similarly has about 21k fics, and Wilbur & Tommy have about 22k.

Niki's numbers aren't particularly weird, it's just that these particular dynamics are extremely popular. If you filter out just those three insanely popular dynamics, you get this,

Niki ends up in 4/10 (sorta 4/9 since one of these is just "no romantic relationships" which people use as a relationship tag for some reason rather than just putting that in additional tags).

I'm not saying that there aren't gender biases in how certain characters are treated. To some extent people often feel less comfortable shipping female creators because people in the past were being creeps about it and forcing it onto female creators in their chats (lots of creators had to address this with their chats, Techno included). Which will lead to a specific decline in the amount they get tagged in the ship section.

What I am saying is that I don't actually think there's a gender bias in how characters are tagged, and I don't think ship stats are a good way to prove that. Characters can be important to a story and not be tagged in the ship section. Also, frankly, a lot of times authors force in or tag a "popular" ship just to get more attention for their story, even if that ship isn't a huge part of the story.

I'm also not rely sure what exactly you want to see happen with a post like that. Like, should people not tag female characters that are relevant to their story if they're also tagging a really popular ship? I don't think that's a good idea. It is just kinda being the fandom police if that really is your take on it, if you come at it from the perspective that you get to decide how other people should tag. I know you said you weren't trying to be that, but like, that's how it comes off.

Some people will tag based on relevancy, some people tag as warnings. Both are valid methods of tagging, and you don't have a right to control how other people use their tags. That's something I believe very strongly in.

I've also never really been fond of turning enjoyment of characters into a moral thing either. People will enjoy what characters they connect to for any number of reasons, and shaming them for not enjoying particular female characters has never done anyone any good. I've seen it a thousand times before in every fandom I've been in and all it does is make people feel guilty. What actually does a lot more good is instead being excited about the female characters you like, and creating interesting fandom content for them that helps get other people interested.

If you want more people to be passionate about something, start from a point of passion, not a point of shame.

[fruitsbasketmondays]

Frequently Asked Questions

What are Fruits Basket Mondays?

Fruits Basket Mondays is a Fruits Basket fandom event taking place this summer!

How did this come to be?

Back when the 2019 anime was airing, episodes were released on Mondays in the US and the Fruits Basket fandom. This year’s event came to be through a conversation between the two mods & others on the Fruits Basket Discord!

Why host a fandom event now?

Since the Fruits Basket fandom is not as active as it was during the 2019 anime run, but several fans are still making content or even discovering the series for the first time, our hope is to bring the fandom together and bring more people into the fandom by showcasing fanworks that are created this summer.

Who can participate?

Anyone age 13 and up with a Tumblr or AO3 account can participate! Since some participants will be under 18, please make sure any adult content is below a cut on Tumblr, and properly rated and tagged according to AO3’s Terms of Service.

Why 13 and up?

This is the minimum age to use both AO3 and Tumblr.

How do I participate?

To participate, just post & reblog Fruits Basket content on Mondays this summer!

Which platforms can we use?

You can use any platforms, but we’ll only have an official presence on Tumblr and AO3.

Is this a fic event?

From our survey results, it seems like most participants will be sharing fanfic. However, all types of fan content is allowed! Fanart, analysis, memes, you name it!

Do I have to use the prompts?

No, those are entirely optional to use! If you do use them, please note this somewhere in your post and tag using #prompt: [prompt goes here].

Does reblogging mine or other people’s Fruits Basket content count?

Yes and no. Yes, because the point is to have a huge social media presence on Mondays this summer, and reblogging absolutely contributes to that! However, the official Tumblr will only be reblogging new content made for Fruits Basket Mondays 2024 that has been shared to Tumblr by the original creator and properly tagged.

How do I get my works reblogged?

Use our tags (#Fruits Basket Mondays, #Fruits Basket Mondays 2024, and #Fruits Basket Mondays Summer 2024). We’ll be queueing Monday posts to reblog all week!

What if my post was never reblogged?

It might not have been reblogged because you didn’t use the official tags, or it was a repost of work created before the event officially started or by someone else, or because adult content was not placed below a cut. It also may have simply been queued for later in the week. If none of those are the issue and it’s been over a week since you posted, tag us in the post or send us a quick message (or submission).

How do I get my work added to the AO3 collection?

The collection is open, so you should be able to add it yourself! If not, message us here and one of our mods should be able to add it. Use our tags (same on AO3) for best odds of having your work added to the collection!

You didn’t answer my question.

Well, our Asks are open! Drop us a line, and we’ll do our best to answer any questions that come up!

[bylerween]

BYLERWEEN FAQ

Themes | Rules & Guidelines | Submissions & Posting

Note: this post may be edited and added to as we get closer to Bylerween and receive more questions. Up-to-date as of 09/29/2023.

Question: Where are the themes? Where are the prompts? Answer: Here. The more detailed prompts are under the read-more cut.

Q: How do I submit an entry to this event? A: It’s as simple as making a tumblr post and tagging us! Please see this post for more info.

Q: What counts as a "fanwork"? A: We are accepting more than just fanart and fanfiction. We invite you to be creative with your Bylerween entries! You can post artwork, fanfics, video edits, gifsets, moodboards, memes, analysis, playlists, whatever you can come up with—if it's creative, fits the themes, and follows the rules, it's fair game.

Q: Can I post one piece of fanwork that includes multiple prompts/themes? A: Yes. Feel free to use inspiration from just one, two, or all three themes for each day! When trying to determine which Day theme fits best for posting a fanwork that touches on multiple themes across multiple days, feel free to just use your best judgment and post on the day/theme that has a bigger part in the fic, or is the closest match.

Q: Do I need to use any of the themes? A: This answer is a "yes, but"! We tried to be thorough with all of our Bylerween themes to cover all things Halloween + Autumn, but if you think there's a theme that we missed, please let us know! You also have the freedom to stretch the themes a little bit. Theoretically, as long as it features Byler and Halloween, autumn, or horror/supernatural themes, you're good to go.

Q: Does [X] fit this theme day, or this theme day? Which day should I post? A: Use your discretion on which theme your fanwork best fits, and you can tag multiple themes. Post on the day that corresponds best to the most prominent theme in your fanwork (use your discretion)!

Q: Can I use an old fanwork I've already posted somewhere else as an entry for Bylerween? A: No. The point is to inspire a wave of new fanworks. We will be highlighting pre-Bylerween fics/artwork in the weeks leading up to Byler Halloween Week, and have a daily queue of older Byler posts running until the event.

Q: What is a Bylerween Rec, and how do I submit one? A: We want to highlight older fanfics before Bylerween officially starts! Beginning October 1st, you can send us asks recommending fics published before Bylerween that are relevant to our themes! Please see our post here for more information. We will tag these submissions #Bylerween Rec

Q: Can the fic I post be a prequel/sequel to/in the same universe as another one I've already posted? A: Yes! As long as it is a new work, fits one of our themes/prompts, and follows our rules and guidelines, you can post it for Bylerween.

Q: Can I post my Bylerween fanwork to other platforms (outside of Tumblr and AO3)? A: Yes.

Q: How do I post to the AO3 collection? A: See this article for a generic, step-by-step how-to. Our AO3 collection is here. Please wait until your fic's best-fit theme day to post!

Q: Do chaptered fics need to be posted all at once? A: No! Just make sure chapter one is posted on the designated theme day, feel free to update as you are able (take your time, or schedule posts, and there's no real obligation to finish).

Q: What if I don't finish my work in time? A: We will accept late entries until November 22nd, which is 3 weeks after bylerween ends. However, after the event ends on Nov 1st, we will not be updating the blog as frequently.

Q: Can our fanwork feature other non-Byler ships or other characters?/Can we post genfic? A: Yes, and please do! If you feature other ships, the work must be Byler-centric. If you're writing genfic, it does not need to be Byler-centric, but Byler must be in there somehow!

Q: Some of your trigger tags seem like they might be NSFW. Does this mean you'll accept NSFW fanworks? A: No. We will not be sharing any sexually explicit fanworks to this blog. It is not lost on us that horror themes are often intertwined with sensuality, and that sometimes sexual themes are subjectively interpreted. In such cases where the sexual nature of a fanwork is ambiguous, we (the Bylerween mods) will use our discretion to determine whether or not the work will be featured. If you want to be extra safe, you can send us a DM (if you prefer not to DM this blog, you can message either Ayla @howtobecomeadragon or Jo @wheelersboy privately) with specific details ahead of time. TL;DR no porn.

Q: Who made your graphics? Who designed your desktop theme? A: That would be Angel @light-lanterne :)

Q: Who made your icon? A: It's a bylerween exclusive made by the lovely Elz @bylrndgm <3

Q: Can I use AI to help create my fanwork? A: No, not at all. Absolutely not. Do not do this. Do not do this outside of Bylerween, either. :)

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

This entire scene emotionally destroyed me but there's one part in particular that was like taking a knife to an already open wound.

So, Gon shuts down after the reveal that Kite was dead all along and his stunned and racing mind is disjointed and contradictory. Most of his statements fit into roughly three categories of desperate thoughts:

Vehement inability to process that Kite is dead. From the statement being repeated multiple times to the amount of "no"s everywhere on these pages.

Taking the blame for Kite's death, in a frankly horrifying show of self-hatred (especially given the context of what comes next).

Blaming Pitou and proclaiming that he "didn't do it" in an attempt to absolve the weight of his guilt.

Heartbreaking. But there's one thought here that's a bit different.

Throughout all of this, Gon has been adamant that Kite, and by extension the situation, can be "fixed" - after all, most every issue that's come up before on his adventures could be resolved nicely. But now, suddenly, it can't. Gon can't stand feeling powerless or helpless, and now he finds himself more helpless than he's ever been. And we get this.

"Somebody help me."

Gon is independent. Gon has a burning need to prove his worth through his own strength. Gon has a bad habit of equating "taking responsibility" with fixing things all by himself and rejecting help from others.

Gon has never pleaded for someone to save him before.

And it's just. Holy shit. Holy shit - he's a kid. He's just a kid. And in just a few pages, he's going to make a despair-fueled decision to throw away his life just to regain any semblance of power over a situation that was doomed to be unfixable from the start. He says, "Let it end. I don't care what happens to me now.", because this is the only way he can think of to make his pain and his guilt and Pitou all just stop, by losing himself to all of his power instead of his grief.

[archivalofsins]

Was tagged by @qrevo on my main blog and I think I answered on their but I don't really remember. Either way thought it would be nice to do it over and put it up here too.

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yes, my first name is after my aunt. My mom planned on naming me lee if I was born a boy but I wasn't so she had to find some way to fit that into a girls name. Regardless of gender my mom's planned to take inspiration from my aunts name when naming me. My middle name is my grandmother on my dad's side first name. Plus my last name is just my father's families name for generations so technically every name in my name is due to someone.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Probably last week. It's been a rough year.

3. Do you have kids?

Do ocs counts- I'm kidding. They do and I have many. Still kidding no I don't have kids I do want to have them in the future or adopt.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I did ballet as a really young kid according to my mom. However, since I had really bad asthma during most of my childhood I wasn't really permitted to do a lot of sports. I did do swim classes in high school but not competitively or anything. I tend to like walking and I'd like biking again once I get another bike.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Often. Very often. I think it's good at expressing certain feelings or just keep the mood light. Though I tend to be straight forward in serious conversation.

6. What's the first thing you notice about someone?

What they're doing. After that usually their face and build.

7. Eye color?

Brown.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I like scary movies because I've watched them since I was pretty young. My dad is into horror stuff such as books and when I was a kid a lot of the books he read were being made into or had movies of them.

9. Any talents?

I guess writing. Though not really since everyone in my family does that. I'm mostly told by family that I give good advice and should go back to school for psychology. So, probably that.

10. Where were you born?

The midwest of the United States. Where I grew up and have been most of my life.

11. Hobbies?

I'm getting into writing again. My hobbies since elementary school have consistently been writing all forms of it with a focus on media analysis and creative writing, music listening to it and analyzing it, and video games. Some nights I sit on my apartment balcony and listen to music. I also enjoy being near plants but I'm not that good at taking care of them and I am allergic to a lot of them.

12. Any pets?

Two cats Angel (going on 14) and Luco (going on 2 this month).

13. Height?

Around five feet and four inches.

14. Favorite school subject?

Science focus on biology. I really enjoyed that and history in college. During one of my college classes we got to dissect a pigs head and looking at stuff under a microscope was rather enjoyable.

15. Dream job?

This is why I remembered answering this before because I'm pretty sure I said writer but now that occupations could be better described as influencer and I'd rather not be that available to the public. Though admittedly when I was younger i wanted to be a school psychologist and write on the side. Right now my dream job has simply become whatever helps people think of things in a way different from how they usually would and make the world a more empathetic place. Which is why I discuss Milgram as much as I do. Though a part of me is also like whatever would actually bring some money ya know but this is good too.

I don't know if this reply is really late or I accidentally replied to it twice but thanks for tagging me! I hope you're having a sweet day!

[egg-emperor]

To be honest, the only real criticism I have of you is that you spend way more time complaining about people not liking you or having the wrong opinions about Eggman than you do just enjoying Eggman for what he is. Just let people be wrong, man. Let go and just enjoy what you like about Eggman instead of worrying about what others think. This isn't me being annoyed at you either. I'm not. This is me thinking you'd be happier if you quit worrying about others' opinions so much.

I'm surprised it seems that way because my blog is a much more positive place than a negative one all around, I have way more Eggman love posts, analysis, concepts, writings, etc, where I just talk about what I love than I do thinking about what others think and I'm happy when I'm not being harassed over it. I think that shows if one goes through my Eggman specific tags.

I actually don't spend a lot of time thinking about what others think about Eggman. I don't even seek out online talk of him in general nowadays because I realized how negative it was making me feel. I don't search him up on any social media platforms anymore unless I can heavily filter, specifically to avoid that, as sad as I am about missing out on good things people create.

I know a bunch of my posts are counters to popular opinions but they're ones I just remember and I like to bring up for the sake of my analysis or my takes, so if that counts I guess it is a bit more than I feel like I do. But that's just me constantly being aware I have the unpopular opinion/takes/preferences and trying to help with some corrections when mistakes are made and I'm passionate about that.

I find it really hard to let people be wrong if I see blatant misinformation about something I love. I know a lot of people hate it but I really just want to help people learn the truth and understand more because I'm really passionate about it and like to get a chance to share my knowledge and help out. When people tell me they were helped out by me doing that, it makes me really happy and like what I do is worth it and they're who I really make it for always.

But I almost never come in and start directly making corrections to people unless it's in direct messages, I use my own blog instead of intruding on posts, which I feel would be worse. Despite being aware that those people who are wrong exist, I'm not making the posts for them because I know they won't see or read it if they're that firm in their beliefs. But I want to put something out there to help other people who might see that misinformation and believe it and it spreads more.

I'm not unhappy while making the posts, they're some of my favorites. But I also have hundreds and hundreds of pages worth of me just gushing over Eggman, sharing my concepts and writing, and analyzing in ways that focus on the official material without focusing on anyone else's outside opinions at all. I am happiest that way but it's definitely heavily outweighing them overall already. I think most days, my blog is far more positive than negative.

My mind does have a problem of fixating on the negatives sometimes when people mistreat me though because then it becomes a lot more personal. A lot of the times they tend to be a very vocal minority that feel like the majority on some days and I'm honest about how I'm feeling in personal posts, like I was yesterday. But I was also drunk for most of it and dwelling about being down in the dumps even more than usual which explains the burst of them lol I should turn my phone off

But yeah I get that if you come in on the wrong day it probably can seem like all I do is think about how others think of Eggman and think of me. But it feels good to get it out, it stops me from thinking about it and calms me down and posting it can potentially help others and that turns it into something happy for me. But there are plenty of things I've written out and not posted when I realize it can't help others and is just pointless negativity, though on bad days I may actually post them

But I think most of the time I think I do a decent job of not thinking about all that and I am trying to work on it more. I don't search for Eggman and have heavily filtered common words to get away from things I don't like, and many days I spend my free time just focusing on my own creations or playing the games and gushing over Eggman and forgetting about the outside world and have a blast. I do feel like my positivity still far outweighs the negative. But I am hoping over time as I improve, the negatives will decrease a bit more.

I appreciate that you're not being mean and angry about this like common hate anons and actually telling me what you think and what I could do. I'm also not trying to say I shouldn't be fairly criticized, I appreciate the honesty and perspective and always encourage it. I don't see it as that bad when looking through my blog because I genuinely don't feel that negative in my posting most of the time but now that you've brought it to my attention more, I can try to hone in and work on it more to avoid that even more. Thank you

[amateurvoltaire]

Alright, perhaps this shows my age, but if this is what passes for conference-quality research these days… let's just say that if I’d submitted this for my undergraduate thesis, I’d likely still be at university (we’ll not even bring up postgraduate standards here).

Rant incoming. Containing maths...

Frankly, I wrote something very similar in my first year (mine was about deindividuation in YouTube communities), and my professor's first comment on the first draft was an emphatic: METHODOLOGY! METHODOLOGY! METHODOLOGY!

Now, I’ll spare the language and grammar issues (though I would expect the publisher to clean those up), but I will harp about the methodology—because that's where the real problem lies.

For those without a social sciences background, the essence of meaningful research lies in rigorous qualitative or quantitative methodologies. In simplified terms, qualitative methods explore how and why things happen, while quantitative methods measure how much or how many.

At the heart of both is a singular, unifying concept: the sample. What is a sample, you ask? A sample, in essence, is a representative subset of a larger population—because, well, interviewing all 8.2 billion people on Earth would take a while.

Key word: representative. If you want to know what middle-aged women feel about vanilla ice cream, asking teenage boys about it won't give you conclusive answers.

So, how do we make sure a sample is representative? We select it carefully! We think about the relevance, the size, the selection method and the minimisation of bias.

Sample Quality

So, what is the sample here? The study claims to have analysed “nearly 2000 Tumblr blogs” filtered by the tag “#frev” and screened for “relevance to contemporary French political issues.”

“Relevance” is subjective, as such, the study ought to clarify what “relevant” meant here and why.

Moreover, in qualitative research, sample selection methods need to be explicit, especially with user-generated content. Here, they seem to have leaned on a superficial tag filter—there’s no mention of stratified or systematic sampling. Did they just pick the first 2000 posts that appeared? A random selection? Who knows?

Sample Size

One of my first questions reading this was: why “nearly” 2000 posts? Why not exactly 1000? Or 3000? Why does this number, “nearly 2000,” supposedly represent the entirety of posts tagged #frev?

Beyond sample quality, your conclusions' validity hinges on sample size. Too small, and key variations get missed; the right size, and reliability increases.

In our example before, you can’t survey 10 middle-aged women about their ice cream preference and claim all the middle-aged women in the world like vanilla ice cream.

Sample size isn’t arbitrary—it’s calculated, and it hinges on the population size (that’s the entire set the sample is meant to represent).

Here’s the issue with of it: tracking usage of #frev across Tumblr is tricky, as Tumblr doesn’t provide exhaustive tag usage counts like Instagram or Twitter. So, without a clear population size, how can we tell if 2000 is enough?

Now, since I know that the sample size is 2000, I could assume a 95% confidence interval, a 0.5 proportion, and a 5% margin of error (though I shouldn’t need to guess; this ought to be in the study) and calculate a population of 38,456.5 posts. Is this accurate? Perhaps. Over what period? A month? A decade?

Big Words

We all enjoy using big words—it makes us feel clever. However, fancy words should signify something. The study states, “The collected fan discussions have undergone discourse analysis, using a semiotic and critical approach.” Then, it defines those terms.

Thank you kindly, but I already know what they mean. What I’m interested in is how you applied them in your research—this is what would lend weight to your conclusions. Instead, this reads more like a textbook summary than a methodology actually put into practice.

And don't even get me started on the “inputs, outputs, and reports” business. What was the basis for this categorisation?

Don’t misunderstand me—qualitative research is difficult, arguably more so than quantitative. That’s precisely why it’s essential to do it right and acknowledge its limitations.

If there’s one takeaway from this word salad, it’s this: in any study, always examine the methodology. I know it's not the most interesting of sections, but it’s the cornerstone of credible research.

Not quite sure what to make of this study of the frev tumblr community, except that on first glance it seems a bit waffly! And provides few direct egs of what they’re trying to get at. But for those curious to see how their enthusiasm/activities/interventions are perceived, here’s a link. Thoughts?

[magpiesbones]

Oh so about that previous ask, (sorry it sounds so clipped I should have provided more context) it's about Mal's behaviour in siege and storm which...a lot of people take an issue with apparently? I think the part where you said they're fictional and used to explore themes of war & innocence makes a lot more sense (I think of the three love interests, Mal is similar to Peeta from Hunger Games in the sense that he represents innocence but not in the same way Peeta does- though that's a diff conversation)

It comes as a surprise to *me* because I read Mal being jealous of Nikolai, forgetting to keep watch for Alina as a guard after their fight and in general hostility as signs of him chafing under the weight of what was being asked of him (staying in the palace amongst the Grisha to the detriment of his own treatment, forced to give up his tracker duties to be a guard, et cetera, all this after nearly dying at the hands of the Darkling and seeing his own two friends killed) and in general him and Alina had a long, long way to go in terms of healthy communication (Alina not telling him about visions of the Darkling though tbh I wouldn't know how to approach such a thing either).

Also I don't. Think. Him kissing Zoya (she did kiss him first to which he only kissed back) was all that...serious? At that point he believed Alina no longer cared about him so I fail to see how it's a sign that he hated that Alina was more powerful than him and how that makes him one of those abusive men who hate to see women succeed more than them or some of the other frankly insane takes I've seen. Its not really cheating either 😭 Plus I don't think a lot of people take it with a grain of salt of and consider that Alina is a semi (or very) unreliable narrator and we need to read between the lines

IDK like was he flawed? Yeah. Was he annoying at times? Yeah. Does he need more substance outside of being in love with Alina and being a tracker? True. But the people who say he's toxic/sexist/abusive/bigoted have me very very baffled, even going as far as to say Malina is just as bad as Darklina, and it's making me question my own analysis because am I just naive and young and don't know an awful person when I see it?

look. I read this series once and not recently. I also didn’t pay any attention to the romance. This is the Alina’s Martyrdom Issues trilogy to me. In light of this, I paid attention to the boys only as much as they played into Alina’s issues.

How the fuck would leaving Alina (more powerful than Mal) for Zoya (Also more powerful than Mal, with the bonus of being willing to kick his ass) be indicative of misogyny. Mal is effectively Just There because he’s Alina’s friend. He’s the least impressive in literally all counts. He’s the emotional support.

hes. A fictional character experiencing an emotional arc, which is one of those things that comes with Conflict.

I find it makes me less Mad On The Internet to stay out of the darkl*na tag.