#that don’t need that many fucking adds
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damn, I love fandom wikis. rly wish the site was fucking usable
#the popups#the adds#the other overlays#it is so insanely laggy#i scroll the site at like 5 fps#it takes up sm ram any app I was using before gets refreshed upon return#why#can the people making the specific wiki change this?#I doubt it#that don’t need that many fucking adds#it’s not even all adds they are making zero miney from half of these popups#what are we doing#wikipedia runs fine w/o adds and their sm bigger#fandom wiki could probably get plenty of money from donations if ao3 is anything to go off of#words#fandom wiki#wiki fandom#wikipedia#fandom#ao3
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the writers on here making the miguel fics need to remember his fangs inject paralytic venom hes not a real vampire it was just a joke in the movie 😭
oh but i still want him to bite me don’t get me wrong idgaf if they have venom 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
#the copious amounts of smut i’ve seen with this man and the fangs is crazy#y’all need to tone it DOWN wheres the fluff omg??#there’s like so many smut x reader fics clogging the miguel o’hara tag and people can express their creative liberties or whatever but it’s#getting CRAZY#like why is almost nobody talking about his character and writing an analysis on him#AND WHY ARE SO MANY FICS WRITING HIM TO BE SOME FERAL AND MEAN BEAST#firstly it’s feels racist to write a brown latino man that way.#second it feels fetishiz-y with how people only sexualize the fuck outta him and talk about nothing else when it comes to him#to add onto that people are drawing him with a MUZZLE on#at first all this didn’t really register in my head as bad but after seeing so much i see it 😭#also some spanish speakers have said people are using incorrect spanish when writing dialogue for him and thats kinda funny#don’t use google translate please 💀#miguel o’ hara#spiderman 2099#across the spiderverse#i also saw someone say miguel would not be a good partner or something and i just know you didn’t pay attention#and i wont go into why because its spoilers but we have seen him be soft and happy with someone he cares about it’s just trauma that has#made him mean and depressed#he was obviously projecting onto miles in the movie when he acted like that let’s be fr#why am i writing a novel down here idk i just wanted to talk about it a little#i love the smut (trust me) but pleaaseee don’t start being fetishize-y
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not to brag about being good at my job but I’ve now developed two separate tools for debugging entirely on my own within my company entirely from scratch without help and A. it makes my job so much fucking easier and B. my boss is thinks im incredible just because im too lazy to want to write the same bits of code over and over just for debugging purposes
#unimportant thoughts#one i wrote 2-3 months ago#but i upgraded it this week to add in even more#and its just. perfect now.#given an id from any of the programs we built and run in our company#i instantaneously return everything about it#its name; what it does; what type of program it is; what server its run on; when it runs; where it connects; the parameters needed to#connect to wherever it connects; whether the program is currently turned on; the last 10 times the program ran; how many minutes each of#those runs took; how many files each of those runs created; whether those runs were successful; code snippets you can copy paste and run in#another window to look at the files created by each of those runs; the files created by the most recent run; thise file names; those file s#sizes; what types of files they are; whether theyre encrypted#how theyre encrypted#all of that and MORE#most of the information was already there but it took fucking 20 minutes to get all the information you needed#and you had to run a bunch of different snippets of code to get all the information and then put it all together#and now you can just fucking pop in the id of the program and .02 of a second later all the information is on your screen#AND IT MAKES MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER#so. so. so. much. easier.#and then this week I wrote another program so I can compare runtimes of two different runs of the same program together based on how we stor#runtime data in our database#csuse i was tired of going back and forth manually between to different runs to compare#so now i have a program that just takes the ids of two different runs and compares them#doesnt even matter if the checkpoints are different I programmed it to figure out the order automatically and plug in any missing holes#finds the differences in runtime automatically and flags the biggest differences#and I can even customize how much of a difference I care about or to hide things I don’t care about
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#meg talks#just venting#im in so much pain it’s not even funny#im sorry for being inactive for so long i really was not anticipating this#the good news is ive made a lot of progress on compiling the spreadsheet for vetted gaza funds#so that once ive cleared out the dms i can add additional mods and get the ball rolling properly again#the bad news is that my insomnia is back and my pain is getting so bad i can barely get out of bed or eat#i don’t think it’s related to the fundraising work so much as… everything else -_-#i didn’t want to be out of a job for this long#and having to send so many applications and make so many fucking unhelpful phone calls a day to doctors and help centers…#idk. this isn’t me complaining abt the fundraiser work if anything it’s the only rewarding thing im doing rn#but im frustrated w myself and with my body and with. everything#it’s not just my own family relying on me anymore#and that makes it hard to deal with all this. like i could be using my time and energy way better than this.#but instead im playing phone tag to try and prove that im disabled and need to feed my brothers.#im just cjdhxgxjcncj sigh. whatever if i can just get over this hump then the rest will be downhill#and my friend is going to help me w cooking this weekend so that me and my bros can eat better#so hopefully that will give me a boost too#idr where i was going w this. probably nowhere jdgdjdnxnc im just miserable rn bc i can’t sleep and my leg hurts
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“Those photos go hard”
No they don’t??? I’ve already ranted to the people in my life about this but all I’m gonna say is that they literally remind me of this:
That’s all I’m going to say right now, though I do have a lot of thoughts about not only real world politics but also comparing them to The Hunger Games (which is what I literally, hypocritically just did…which is why I mentioned it)
#I don’t think I’ll add too many hunger games tags#this is kind of better out of context#us politics#president snow#in case you need to know where I stand#fuck trump#I really don’t think it’s wise to compare real world politics to fictional media USUALLY#as in#we shouldn’t make a habit of it since it can kind of muddy the real world conversations going on#but I thought this was fitting#I just…am not surprised but still not a fan of the reaction to all this#the real world feels icky. it has been for awhile but specifically with that#anyway I’m not a fan of people focusing on those stupid ass photos!!#they are not iconic#like#THAT’S what some of you are talking about right now??#I guess I’m talking about it too#oh well#goodbye for now
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Wanting 2 make a scope creep nightmare of a visual novel vs my inability to focus on jack shit ever in my life.
#it’d also be like. if not directly a danny phantom fan game rewrite then something blatantly derivative which would b fun#but I couldn’t sell it or anything and the amount of work it would take is#like when I say scope creep nightmare I mean this thing would take place over 4 years and be a full series rewrite w/ dynamic paths#like the series itself would be 200000+ words (52 episodes * 22 minutes * 200 words per on-screen minute_#and that’s with 0 branching paths or narration bc it’s a kids cartoon and not a visual novel#plus I’d need to add more content towards the backend bc season 3 mostly sucks and the ideas that don’t suck need to be earlier on#and that’s before we get into the fucking art scope creep#bc I played slay the princess and scarlet hollow so now I’d ‘’need’’ to make thousands of assets like those games#’’need’’ as in ‘’I have so many ideas for scene-specific sprite background interactions if I don’t do these I’ll die’’#yes I am genuinely planning shit out no this game will never actually exist#because again. scope creep nightmare. guy who can’t focus. guy who’s never written anything substantial before.#ALSO I STARTED PLANNING IT IN THIS INFINITE CANVAS APP#NOT KNOWING THE LASSO SELECT TOOL COSTS 39.99 TO UNLOCK#theres more in that price but for the most part I just need the lasso and that’s not available on its own#and the only other way is through a subscription which is dumb. fuck that#lalala
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sometimes I’m scared that other people only think my outfits eat when they emphasize my waistline and make me look skinny and not when it’s an outfit that I put a lot of care into because it’s another form of expression for me
#silv's back on her bs#like I know I probably sound like ‘boohoo it must be so hard for other people to think you’re skinny’ but I just mean that like.#I’m really proud of the outfits I put together#I like my style and I like how I’ve spent the last couple years exploring with it and letting it be another extension of myself#and I’ve created a (very small) rep around having cool outfits#but the other day someone complimented my outfit and don’t get me wrong I felt nice that day#but it was literally just low rise sweatpants and a cropped tee (ie heavens forbid I had skin showing and my stomach was out)#like was it cute? sure but it definitely wasn’t an Outfit#and I got a lot more compliments because on it then I do on a normal basis#and idk. I wasn’t the biggest fan of that#and I’m scared that I’m also starting to use it as a crutch when I’m putting clothes on before I leave#like the other day I was putting an outfit together and instead of reaching for something that I think is really cool and being creative#I was genuinely met with a wave of like ‘okay but how attractive am I gonna be if I wear this’ or ‘would other ppl think I look good’#which is FUCKED#because I LOVE clothes!!!! I LOVE dressing up!!!! and I KNOW that I don’t need to look good for others that beauty and style doesn’t#have to be conventional that there’s so many cool things that lie outside that framework. And I used to be outside of that framework too#but UGH I hate that everyone else’s opinions on MY body are starting to get to me#anyways i feel like this should have a cw but idk what to add#ask to tag#ig(?)
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I knew I was gonna not like this mf when I saw he drove a *jeep truck* and was not embarrassed about owning the ugliest vehicle on the market
#.txt#and he IS that tacky all the time#has bad taste in liquor bad taste in food and tv and anime#assumes he knows more than he does because he watches vsauce and knows fun facts#constantly butting in to add long rambling tangents about things that only serve to show how smart he is#and how many things he knows about#this mf is just BUMBLING dude. I don’t think he would’ve found his way out of the fuckin airport if I wasn’t there to read the signs he#completely ignored#he also just leaves his shit all over#like hell open up noodles to make and then just leave the package out#he keeps insisting on us making stupidly specific food that needs ingredients we aren’t gonna use again#and use a bunch of oil that he didn’t think what he was gonna do with after so now we have a pot of dirty ass oil#I’m just surprised how fucking incompetent some people can manage to be
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there is a reason kohls is strictly yaoi and there is a divine rule that I cannot interact with any other interpretation of them. because if they were a tall anorexic bitch in designer heels and her fucked up little girlfriend in thigh-high socks with a gore tumblr blog sharing cigarettes and dark lipstick… it would have been So Over for me
#I love writing Noeul as a fucked up excuse of a man#but because he’s a man he doesn’t feel the societal urge to act on many of his beliefs about beauty#if he were a girl? shit would be way different#she’d still be an emo bitch but with much fewer responsibilities about like… business and politics#you know she’d be running a pro-ana/porn blog alongside kai’s gore blog (forgot his fem name whoops)#i have a habit of romanticizing terrible shit when it’s hot women doing it. need to stop doing that.#but damn. if y’all think they’re too freaky now… these girls would put their asses to shame#bc no one is freakier than an unhinged mentally unwell rich girl. bonus points if they’re queer.#like. noeul and kai absolutely watch liveleak and shit together like “that’s hot” but these bitches would actively be like#“i want to cut you open and crawl into your womb and devour your bones” “yeah i think I’d really like that”#you know? yeah. they’re freaks. like kohls they’re already freaks but the added bonus of unhinged femininity just adds some extra spice#i have work in the morning I probably need to stop this#anyway. fem kohls. they’re like Sephora if they were absolutely horrible people who don’t respect each other
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I hate cancel culture
#Delete later#I am mentally feeling better. I think I will return in like 2 weeks or in july#I am not going to apologize to the public because I already solved and talked it out in private. I don’t owe strangers anything#I am still self reflecting and will continue on doing so. I won’t repeat my mistakes ever again#On the other hand I wish instead of cancelling and shunning/isolating others out from a fandom because of#The fuckups they did I wish people would atleast give helpful advices on how to be a better decent person#Instead of just trying to destroy their entire life and career because of the mistakes they’ve made#And I understand if no one wants to give 2nd chances that’s completely fine too. I don’t need anyone’s acceptance#Like I find it completely bullshit in a cancel post the person be like “I hope you learn from your mistakes”#But then the same person in the post also just outright shunned and isolate them out and it’s so fucking backwards#Idk it just really makes me sad honestly.#And rant my ass. No matter how many times I see it its a vague call out post and therefore they’re endorsing#Cancel culture. But It’s whatever I guess#I will try to learn and grow from my mistakes. I don’t want to hurt anybody ever again and put#Anyone through that painful feeling.#And forgot to add this but I also wish instead of calling out and cancelling others I wish#Ppl can just atleast talk it out and solve problems privately cuz it has nothing to with the public at all.#It’s none of anyone’s business
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Frick. I have a paper due in…
10 to 11
11 to 12
12 to 1…
…
…
10 hours.
I need 8 hours of sleep
I have a commitment at 8am
It’s two hours long
…
…
*Attempts to do basic math before giving up and consulting the calculator.*
…I have two hours to write a 2 page paper…
…and I still can’t fall asleep…
Frick.
#someone send help#need sleep#shitpost#random ass thoughts#i don’t know how to tag this#it’s too late#i’m cooked#fillèied#broiled battered and fried#bout to fail dis whole ass class#AND MY ROOMATES LIGHTS ARE STILL FUCKING ON#broooooo#it’s 11pm#i just wanna sleep#lemme sleep#I don’t want to crack a whole ass monster in the morning#I gotta get up at like 4am#fuck#bout to brun this whole goddamn dorm to the ground in a min#…#the FUCKING FIRE ALARM WENT OFF WTFFFFF#Cold as hell out here#when the hell ar they gonna let us back in#now I’m woke as fuck#how many tags can i add#This feels like a lot#also I can’t spell#fingies go brrr#brain do not#they let us back in
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Since my boss refuses to let me take the time to go through my incredibly long to do list and get it sorted while I’m at work I’m jump starting on it rn and charging him for the time cuz if he does what he did yesterday I’ll rip half my hair out and break something
#also was literally like yeah I’m going through my to do list and breaking it down#and he was just like what if instead of letting you sort through and see what needs to be done today#I add things to the list#coming back every two minutes to say more about the things added#and also why haven’t you done this thing#and LITERALLY told me not to be a crybaby when I said#I can make it into a QR code and I have but I don’t know if it’s what the customer wanted#like thanks for interrupting my attempts to get my day organized to call me a crybaby#looks like now you’re going to have to run a job early this morning at your house#since you interrupted me so many times I wasn’t able to get everything on my fucking list#and noticed there was one for today while I was leaving work#🖕
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‧₊˚✧ ❛[ me & my husband ]❜
ft. the salesman (gong ji-cheol) x f! reader — squid game
╰₊✧ you don’t need your husband to be perfect, you just want him to be honest┊3.3k words; part two (here)
contains: written before s2 came out!! probably ooc or inaccurate, angst with spots of fluff & a bittersweet ending? reader’s pov mostly, suspicions of cheating, lack of communication, mentioned age gap, random inaccurate lore for the salesman
➤ author's note: yeah, i saw the sudden uptick in notes on that gong yoo post i made and realized season 2 came out which i completely forgot about. i intend to watch it soon as possible and write fics for it as well as (probably) add new characters to my writing list, but for now, please be content with this!!
₊˚ʚ 💌₊˚✧ this fic was heavily inspired by “emotionally intoxicated” by aurasaurora!
gong ji-cheol is the poster image for the ideal husband. he’s always been like that from the moment you met him, and you can’t help but feel like you’re the luckiest woman in the world when he calls himself yours. he’s tall and handsome, someone who catches everyone’s eye despite his only being focused on you. he’s wealthy and hard-working, able to call a luxurious mansion your home, and willing to buy you anything your heart desires as long as you ask for it. he spoils you rotten with that money, gifting you expensive things even if you didn’t ask if it reminded him of you. he’s doting, always sure to smother you in affection with kisses and cuddles whenever together to make it known how much he adores you. the sex is great too, he makes you feel wanted and desirable without ever leaving you unsatisfied.
most importantly though, you love him, and he loves you. the last two years of marriage have been so blissful, and there isn’t a single thing you would change.
at least that’s what you believe most of the time.
you like to think you know a lot about him, and in a way, you do. you know his favorite color, how he likes his coffee, what he usually orders at restaurants, the type of wine he prefers over beer, the exaggerated shocked fasces he likes to make, how his favorite chore is folding the laundry, how his least favorite is doing the dishes because he doesn’t like getting his hands dirty, the name of his childhood pet, what positions he likes to cuddle or fuck in, the names he’s thinking of giving to your child when they are finally born— there are so many little details you know about him, yet at times you feel like you don't know anything at all.
you don’t really know much about his childhood aside from a few random stories, he claims there’s nothing really notable and that it was as standard as can be. you don’t know who his parents were or what they were like because he said they died when he was young, but surely that’s an important loss which must have impacted him and made youth difficult in some way? you don’t know about his past partners if he even had any, but you doubt you were his first as he was yours with a face like his. you don’t know any of his secrets, like an embarrassing moment or something sinful he might have committed in the past.
he knew all of these things about you and the little details of your life, so why don’t you know any of the most basic things regarding your own husband?
these periods of uncertainty are few and far, but once the icy tendrils of doubt creep in, it’s difficult to shake them off when you realize you only know these things through observations and not him actually telling you. it’s a miracle your stupidity allowed you to make it this far in falling head over heels for him, getting married, and carrying his child (not that you completely regret it, you still love him, but you wish you had given it more time).
they say there are no such things as stupid questions, yet the main question you have is exactly that as it’s something every wife should know even before the marriage. it would be impressive how long you’ve been clueless about this matter if it weren’t for how often and how skilled he is in managing to evade your curiosity and steer the conversation elsewhere. you didn’t want to press on it since he seems to shut it down every time the topic is brought up and you don’t want to fight over something you technically didn’t need to know, but it weighs on you and presses into your chest with the knowledge you were being kept in the dark.
what did your husband do for a living, exactly?
his schedule is always unpredictably changing with little rhyme or reason and it confuses you. sometimes you’ll go an entire few days without seeing him, sensing him wake up in the morning before the sun is even up, feeling him kiss you on the cheek before getting ready, and not coming back until long after you fall asleep with no communication aside from a note on the table telling you he’ll be gone for the day along with a wad of cash for you to treat yourself while he’s gone. other times he’ll be chilling at home for an entire week, waking you up with aggressive cuddles (or morning sex), making you breakfast with the morning news on in the background, and taking you out to wherever you want to go on his card in his rare casual clothing and messy wavy hair rather than the typical fancy suits and hair styled with gel.
as far as you’re concerned, he’s a businessman of sorts, although you don’t know what company he works for or what position he has in terms of hierarchy or how an occupation of that type allows such flexibility in hours or anything at all.
“what if he’s having an affair?”
you paused for a second before continuing the motion of slicing the cheesecake with a fork and savoring the taste in your mouth. “that’s ridiculous,” you stated simply after swallowing. “he loves me very much, and it doesn’t explain his weird schedule either.”
today was spent with some friends you met back in high school, but honestly, you were only attending out of politeness and tradition since you honestly feel like you’ve disconnected from these girls long before the current. still, you treasure the memories shared in your more formative years and wouldn’t ever say no to them if they wanted to hang out like old times. ji-cheol doesn’t bother to hide his distaste for them, calling them a miserable lot who try to drag you down at every opportunity out of jealousy for your happiness. you laugh it off, but you know deep down he’s right and yet you’re still sitting here at the cafe with them with bright smiles like their words don’t cut deep.
“maybe he’s dating the boss— a sexy office siren type— she gives him plenty of days off and he stays with her at her beach house at jeju island or something to keep her company, and then she gives him lots of money in exchange.”
“oh my god, could you imagine?”
“can you be realistic? it sounds like you’re just writing a plot for a new drama,” you giggled, not allowing the feeling of a twisting blade in your abdomen to show on your face or the venom to drip from your words at the mere thought of the man you loved being stolen away a faceless woman who was everything you wished you were more of: more beautiful, more wealthy, more experienced, more intelligent—
“you don’t know because he’s your first love or whatever— and you’re so lucky to have been able to marry him— but men are dogs, and i don’t see why he would be the exception.”
“but he treats me so well—”
“maybe he only treats you well because you’re pregnant— he probably just feels guilty. i mean, when i was pregnant and had my first, my husband wasn’t attracted to me anymore and demanded a divorce unless i lost the baby weight.” she shrugged like it was so simple, so common, like the notion of marriage wasn’t something so deeply important and could be thrown away so easily.
“we aren’t suggesting you get a divorce, but we’re just saying you should keep an eye on him— you know? a handsome guy like him was always bound to get a lot of attention…” her laugh was shrill and high-pitched, making goosebumps erupt on your skin.
“right… thanks guys…”
that night, you couldn’t stop twisting and turning on the large sectional couch with thoughts rushing through your head of your husband with some other woman. the jealousy from these fictional scenarios without evidence of existence plagued you. it made you want to vomit up the negative feelings and go back to the person you were a few hours ago without the images of him cheating planted in your mind, which didn’t go unnoticed by him and caused him to ask what was bothering you as it wouldn't be good for the baby.
you hesitated for a moment, “could you tell me about your exes?”
“why are you suddenly curious about that?” he chuckled, knowing damn well that it was because of those stupid snakes masquerading as people (it truly takes one to know one) running their mouths again, but still feigning obliviousness for your sake.
“just wondering,” you muttered. “i mean, you’re the first person i’ve fallen in love with, but you’re a bit older than me so…”
“and i hope to be the only one too,” he smirked confidently, making you laugh as he plopped down on the ground and rested his head on the cushion next to yours.
it was such a casual setting in such a vast space, bringing you back to the days in your little apartment inviting him over for chicken and beer before you knew about your immense wealth and got embarrassed over your cheap dates when he was so used to expensive restaurants. he found it very endearing though, knowing you liked him for him and not his money.
“well, if you’re so curious…” he trailed off, but you weren’t quite sure if it was because of hesitation or because he simply didn’t know where to start. you can’t remember the last time a conversation like this was held to learn more about him since it was usually about you, maybe back when you first started dating and briefly discussed his late parents.
he started with his crush when he was in middle school since that was his earliest recollection of feeling love, who didn’t really count as a girlfriend or love because nothing was established and because of their age, but she was his first kiss that he ran away from right after because of how nervous he was, and it was never addressed again. apparently it was his second girlfriend who taught him everything he knew before he met you, saying she basically “trained him like a dog” to create a gentleman out of an inexperienced boy who still wasn’t quite sure how to treat a woman like a queen. she was a bit mean though, and he didn’t realize he dodged a bullet until later after realizing she was unnecessarily cruel to him for no reason multiple times if he didn’t do things exactly her way.
you suppose you always knew your husband wasn’t always the suave charmer you know him to be, but the image of younger him being clueless on matters of romance made you burst out laughing because of how you could hardly picture it.
he reached over to pinch your cheek affectionately, “are you of all people really making fun of me when you were too scared to hold my hand for me to escort you out of my car?”
“oh my god, that was on our first date, i can’t be blamed! i was shaking like crazy on that day— you had to tell me that you didn’t bite.”
“i was actually thinking about calling off our date last minute because of an emergency at work,” he confessed, “but i’m glad i didn’t and met the love of my life instead.”
“aw, you flirt.” the memory made you smile and feel all giggly inside, all the fears you had about him possibly having an affair falling away, yet there were still some lingering at the back of your mind with the mention of his job. “what happened at work?”
“nothing that important,” he said instantly like clockwork. “just some boring business things.”
you didn’t push it, not wanting to ruin the mood, but once again, your curiosity was just itching to ask more questions about his work life even if it was truly as boring as he says. you wanted to know every mundane detail whether it was what his office looked like or what the annoying co-worker did on a daily basis, anything to satiate your need to know more about this mysterious man you had made life-long vows with.
it all came to a head one night while you were cooking dinner, you heard the doorbell ring a dozen times in quick succession and answered it to find an older man with fiery red hair that seemed to match his temper. when he addressed your husband by name and verified your relationship with him, he began spewing all kinds of insults about the blood he had on his hands by luring innocent people to their deaths and you felt your heart drop. you tried to reason with him that there must have been some sort of mistake, barely able to get your words out in a fit of confusion and surprise at the absurd accusation, but he wouldn’t hear you out and pointed a finger in your face, asking if you had any idea what gong ji-cheol was doing behind your back.
at that very moment, he was suddenly seized by two anonymous men in all black, causing him to yell out in panic as they dragged him away and stuffed him in the back of a car before quickly driving off into the night without a trace. it all happened so fast, you just stood there with your mouth open in shock, wondering if you should call the police on what looked like an abduction.
then your husband comes running up the steps with his locked briefcase in hand, shouting out your name, asking you if you’re okay, pulling you back inside the comfort of your shared home, and checking you all over to make sure you aren’t harmed in any way. when you ask about who that man was and what he was talking about, he simply told you he was some crazy customer who was dissatisfied with the company, was looking for someone to blame, and promised to tell you the details later.
you didn’t tell him that you didn’t believe him, just pursed your lips and furrowed your brow for a second then let go of the topic like you always do, taking his coat off his shoulders with a peck on the lips asking how his day was. he reciprocated the kiss, said it was fine without anything special, and that he would shower before having dinner, something he didn’t really need to say since you already knew but stated anyway as per evening routine.
as he headed up the stairs and disappeared from sight, you stared at the locked briefcase resting crookedly on the little entryway table and paused for a moment. if you did this, it would be a breach of privacy and a sign of growing distrust in your husband, but it could also answer all of the questions that never cease.
your hands wouldn’t stop shaking involuntarily as you felt the cold black metal underneath your fingertips, marveling at the smooth material clean of any scratches or dents. fidgeting with the built-in combination lock, six number sequences started rushing through your mind as you started to hastily run through your options with a focus on dates. you were determined to only do this three times since you had no idea if an alarm would be set off or if it would close off permanently.
his birthday?
an electronic beep went off indicating you were incorrect, making you nervous.
your birthday?
wrong again, you only had one attempt left. you swallowed, shaking the accumulating sweat off your hands.
the date of your wedding?
you gasped as the locks suddenly flipped open and lightly knocked against the briefcase. it was undone, you could open it at any moment now and see it all.
and yet you still hesitated during this golden opportunity. was it the fact that the passcode to his most secret possession was the day you got married? was it guilt for going behind your husband’s back for answers instead of directly asking him? was it because you were afraid of what you would find if you discovered the red-haired man was telling the truth?
whatever it was, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and locked it again, leaving it looking untouched and went back to playing dinner.
there was a heavy tension present at the dinner table that night, the only conversation present being him interrogating you about what the red-haired man talked about word-for-word. not really interrogating since his tone of voice was still calm and gentle as he asked questions, but you could see him fidgeting with his fork and not leaving much room for any other topic until he was sure you told him everything. he then sighed and claimed the man was insane, a gambling addict who was too deep in debt to afford treatment and was trying to drag him into his misery after meeting at the subway station.
“ji-cheol?”
he froze for a second, not used to hearing you use his real name rather than a pet name. “yes?”
“what do you do for a living, exactly?”
a pause, you watched him fidget with his chopsticks and shift the grains of rice around. “you know, business stuff— nothing you need to concern yourself about—“
“but i don’t know! that’s the thing!” you felt tears starting to well up behind your eyes, letting two years of frustration trickle through. “i know it doesn’t seem that important for me to know, but is it really so important that you leave me in the dark about it for the three years we’ve been lovers? and now some guy comes to our doorstep and tells me about how your job is playing games with people at the subway station to make them participate in death games?!” you took a deep breath, calming yourself down, “please, be honest with me, that’s all i want…”
“i-i…” that was the first time you’ve ever heard him stutter, and if the situation wasn’t so tense, you would be proud you finally got one-up on him. “i can’t say… it’s for your own safety and mine.”
“so he was right?”
he remained silent, trying to think of some way to counter what seong gi-hun had told you, but if you didn’t believe the elaborate lie he already told you and wanted to learn more, then he knew this was the end of the road.
“i-i need some time to think…” you looked defeated and it broke his heart. “i’m going to my mom’s house tonight, i’ll be back tomorrow—“ you got up, not bothering to pack anything aside from your phone and your wallet.
he had prepared for you to start screaming and crying (not that he would blame you, i mean, who would willingly stay with a man who was complicit in mass murder), demanding a divorce and packing your things to shut the door for him never to be seen again with your unborn child. the strangely calm reaction was both a relief and extremely unsettling to him.
“i won’t be mad if you decide not to come back” he stated plainly, defeated in a state you’ve never seen him in before. “whatever choice you make, i’ll support you, just know i love you— more than anything else in this world.”
you stared at him blankly through the open doorway. perhaps your husband isn’t the perfect man you believed him to be, but he was as honest as he possibly could have been with you regarding the matter, and that’s enough.
“i love you too, i’ll be back in the morning.” that’s how you feel at the moment, but you don’t know if you’ll feel the same way tomorrow morning when it sinks in.
#📜. her works#the salesman#the salesman x reader#gong yoo#gong yoo x reader#squid game#squid game x reader
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STOP WITH THE NEEDINESS ❦
wanna shift? let me put you out of your misery
This is the only method you need to induce pure consciousness/ tap into the “I AM”/ tap into the void:
relax, deep breathing
affirm “I AM”
relax some more
detach, get lost in the darkness of your closed eyes
you’re done, you’ve shifted
there are no if ands or buts, there’s no “i was so close”, “it just doesn’t work for me”. this method cannot fail, there is no such thing, at all, it’s you who focuses too much on the symptoms, it’s you gets upset when “nothing happens” before rolling over to go to sleep just to endure another day in your shitty reality. it’s you who fails to see your own potential and it’s only you who can change that
this is the basic method that works for anyone with a conscious and subconscious mind,
it’s not anyone’s fault that you’ve decided to overcomplicate it
that’s the basic fucking template you don’t need shit but yourself
stop with the neediness it’s getting kinda pathetic
You dont need to follow some stupid 10k affirmation challenge
You don’t need to follow any challenges lasting weeks
You don’t need subliminals or waves or a guided meditation
You don’t need to ask bloggers the same shit and vent about how you “just can’t do it”
You don’t need to lucid dream
You don’t need any of this
again the basic template is only difficult to you because of the over-complication of it all
Let me give you an example: Imagine you’re a baker and there’s this iconic legendary baker who has this incredible, world famous cake, they give the world a recipe to it and it’s quite simple. how can such a simple recipe impress the taste buds of so many? it doesn’t matter about the how or why, it just does. But so many bakers around the world, including you, are scared of not impressing their customers so they add all this other shit to the recipe that was perfectly fine. And it just makes everything so complicated, all because they don’t trust that the original recipe will be able to impress and satisfy their customers.
That basic recipe is the “method” that Neville gave to us, he didn’t have tumblr, he didn’t have youtube to binge fucking yoga nidra meditation videos. He didn’t have a phone to inhale subliminal after subliminal like it’s a full time job. He didn’t have bloggers shoving 10k challenges down his throat, and guess what, he was just fine! Stop overcomplicating the recipe, all you need is the mind. You don’t need a fucking routine, all you need is you
But I know there are some people who will look at this, scroll past and still scan their feed, scrambling for an “instant method” like some junky. And to that i say, go ahead, waste your days overcomplicating the act of shifting consciousness, waste your days overconsuming, doomscrolling, complaining. The law and the art of shifting was always real and will continue to be real while you sit there with absolutely nothing, so go ahead. Rack your brain to the point of a headache, to the point of insanity trying to understand what’s right infront of you, you’re only doing yourself harm.
shifting consciousness/ the “I AM” state/ the void is a basic ability, it’s like breathing, just fucking do it
IT’S A BASIC ABILITY, YOU DONT NEED POINTERS 🎀💋
#salemlunaa#reality shifting#shifting#permashifting#shiftblr#law of assumption#loa#void state#success story#the void#respawning#void concept#shifters on tumblr#the void state#voidstate#void state tips#shifting community#shifting consciousness#i am state#manifesting#master manifestor#manifestation#shifters
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sick of this fuckass assignment
#supposed to be making posters to bring attention to a current issue.#which. whaterevwr. i get what it’s supposed to be teaching us#but i fucking hate it. i don’t make shit like this. it would be more impactful to look at literally anything else than this shit#that im making#i m so fucking frustrated with it bc i don’t know what im fucking doing#and i know it’s supposed to be showing us how to make impactful imagery that can supplement and add to a small bit of text#or stand on its own#idk i feel insane bc it’s literally not that big of a deal but it’s making me fucking seethe#but like. i don’t get worked up over assignments like this i don’t think usually. so maybe im not overreacting#idk idk idk i just need to throw shit together and get it done#I don’t care if it’s shit I’ve lost so many hours being fucking angry at it at this point#it’s not even worth effort anymore
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I said i would nap and then i started scrolling. Oops. Guess i can put on more Elden Ring lore to listen to and go back to coloring. God I wish my brain fog wasn’t so bad.
#there’s so many things i want to do#i just found out some iww chapters have virtual meetings??#i want to find out how to start a tenant’s union or add a chapter for a larger one on my street#i need to help my partner look for wfh jobs or stuff within walking distance#or into safety net stuff as a back-up if they don’t find a job next week#but i get so lost trying to understand it all#i skim so many things i reblog on tumblr#or they take me way longer to read than it would have like 6 years ago#fucking covid. it’s so obviously because i got covid in hindsight#vent#personal
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