#and I’m scared that I’m also starting to use it as a crutch when I’m putting clothes on before I leave

[me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink]

sometimes I’m scared that other people only think my outfits eat when they emphasize my waistline and make me look skinny and not when it’s an outfit that I put a lot of care into because it’s another form of expression for me

[lulunothulu]

“So you think I’m hot?” Pt. 4 (finale?)

Tyler Owens x Reader

Summary: A week after you’ve completely healed, you’re on your way to go chase a tornado with Kate and Javi when Tyler stops you. Seems like you’re owed something.

Content: flirting, FLUFF, FINALLY KISSING THIS MAN

A/N: Imagine this is the face he makes after you guys finally kiss and Boone is hyping him up 😭 brb gonna daydream about kissing him.

It had been a week since Tyler almost kissed you in your hotel room. And every day since then, he had been coming to your room and bringing you food, changing your bandage, and just spending time with you.

The more time you spend with him, made you realize that you really liked him. You could feel yourself fall for him and you didn’t mind it.

He was sweet, funny, and thoughtful.

You told him you were craving a cookie? The next day he’d have a dozen cookies for you. You wanted to go for a walk? He’d help you walk around on your crutches—then with a cane—until you got tired and he’d carry you back to your room. He even went with you to get the stitches removed, holding your hand when you were in pain and scared.

Hell, he even helped room service change your bedsheets to keep things fresh.

Never once did he try to kiss you. And by God, did you desperately want him to.

But no, he was a perfect gentleman, waiting until the week was up—and you were back to normal.

Now, you were getting the truck ready to get some last minute data on a tornado a few miles away. You’re back to everyone, Kate and Javi talking in front of the truck.

“I told you, we should go east,” Kate tells Javi.

“Yeah but what if you’re wrong?” Javi argues.

You pop your head out of the truck and yell, “Javi, she’s never wrong! Get your head out of your ass!”

“See, this is why I missed her,” Kate smiles.

“Of course you would,” Javi starts, rolling his eyes. “You always gotta team up on me.”

“You love us!” You say.

Javi looks past you before smiling. “Not as much as the cowboy.”

You turn to see what Javi was looking at to see Tyler jogging toward you, Boone and Lilly behind him.

You close the door to the truck and cross your arms over your chest, smiling faintly.

“Well, looks like you’re all better,” Tyler smiles when he reaches you. “I wonder who was your nurse, I’d love to thank them.”

You shake your head before placing your hands on your hips. “That would be you, dumbass.”

His smile widens at the teasing name. “Oh shit, you’re right.”

“So are you guys gonna chase that tornado a few miles east?” You ask.

“We were planning on it,” he tells you.

“Tyler has to do something first!” Boone says from behind.

You raise a brow before stepping closer to Tyler, a smile forming on your lips.

“Oh? And what’s that?”

Tyler hesitates, something you’d never seen him do. He scratches the back of his neck before taking a step closer to you.

“It’s been a week,” he starts.

“Yeah?” You smile, stepping even closer.

“And you’re all healed,” he continues, also taking another step closer, making you two touch chests.

“And?” You tease, wrapping your arms around his neck, standing on your tiptoes.

He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you as close and as tight as he can without hurting you.

“And I think we had a deal?” He says it as a question, almost daring you to say yes.

You glance over Tyler’s shoulder to find Boone and Lilly giving you the thumbs up with animated smiles. You chuckle at them before facing Tyler again. His eyes are expectant, waiting for your response.

“We did, didn’t we?” You softly agree.

Tyler nods, not wanting to say anything and holding his breath.

You pull him closer, practically a centimeter away. His breathing tickles the top of your lip, making you smile.

“So then what’re you waiting for?” You whisper, lips softly brushing his.

Tyler doesn’t answer. Instead, he presses his lips to yours, his arms wrapping around you so tightly you almost loose your breath.

His lips are soft and warm against yours. They move, searching and exploring yours and you make sure to match them. Your body is warm, it was already fairly hot out, but now? It was burning in the best way possible.

One of Tyler’s hand moves from your waist to the back of your head and you can’t help but smile into the kiss.

His tongue pushes past yours, wrestling to taste every inch of your mouth before finally settling back and enjoying the taste.

“Okay, that’s enough,” you hear Javi gag.

You and Tyler pull away, noses red and smiles plastered on your faces. You can’t stop smiling and you don’t want to either. You would kiss him for the rest of the day if you could.

“I’ll see you later?” Tyler asks breathlessly.

“Definitely,” you respond. “You know my room number.”

“I meant at the tornado sighting, but that definitely works too,” he smiles.

“Alright lover boy,” Javi says, pulling your arm before hoisting you onto his shoulders. “We gotta go get that tornado, Y/N.”

As Javi turns and walks you to the truck, you see Boone slapping and high fiving Tyler. “You finally did it my man!”

“I can’t believe you finally kissed her,” Lilly adds.

But all Tyler can do is beam at you.

He was definitely hot.

A/N: I felt like this was so short 😭 but I think I closed this out as much as I could. I have more Tyler x Reader fics coming (maybe I’ll keep the same couple? Let me know!!) Anyway, thank you for reading!! Check out my Masterlist for more! Also please feel free to leave me requests, my brain is slowly losing ideas 😂

Previous parts: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3

[revelboo]

I see that you mentioned an ao3 account? Can I ask what the name is? I don't mind asking via private message since you had also mentioned warnings and wanting to keep minors away of course. I just absolutely love your writing and would love to follow it sksksksks

The A03 will still be RevelBoo, it’s empty for now until I start fleshing out the Starscream x Reader story.

Over It Now Pt 4

IDW Jazz x Reader

• As the days pass, he gets used to your routine. You work during the day. Doing what, he’s not sure, but he’s tails you daily to an office building in town. Once you’re safely inside, he heads back to the Ark. Back to his duties with that smiling mask firmly back in place. At night, he returns to follow you home. And some nights, you come outside, lingering on the step like you’re not at all certain if you want to speak with him or hide inside. You remind him of the wild animals he’s seen in the woods. Skittish and so fragile you’re almost ethereal. But those nights you do talk with him? You have such a soft voice, it lulls him, draining away the tension of the day. The stress of always carrying on an act. “I know you have better things to do than babysit me,” you say as you carefully lower yourself into the sun-faded rocking chair, mindful of the cast on your leg. “I’m fine.”

• “Nowhere I’d rather be,” he counters, smiling brightly when your eyes narrow suspiciously at him. Knows you think he’s a liar. He is, but for some reason, it bothers him that you know it. That you think less of him. “I like it here just fine.” Sitting in the driveway, his servos flex against his thigh so he doesn’t reach out. Knowing if he does, you’ll just want loose to go hide in your home. Out of sight and leaving him alone with his thoughts.

• That visor glows faintly as he tips his alien face up to the night sky and the silence spreads between you. Not uncomfortable, but peaceful and that bugs you. You’re getting used to the big alien. Getting to like the game of trying to figure out what’s true and what’s a lie, because he lies with a smile as easy as breathing. Teases and flirts shamelessly and that too is a nothing but lies. Like it’s all a game to him. “Do you ever tell the truth?” You ask.

• Helm tipping down to meet your stare, his door panels lift and fall in a shrug. “I’m always honest, doll.” With you, but he keeps that vulnerable part to himself. He owes you honesty, but lies are so much easier. Safer when no one can guess his motives. An obvious spy is a dead one and he’s taken that lesson to heart. “I adore these little conversations of ours.”

• And that’s your lying alien limit for the day. That not-quite mocking, teasing tone pushing your buttons. Disgusted with him and yourself for caring, you push up and grab your crutches. It’s cold out anyway and you’re suddenly very tired. Mostly of trying with him. You almost fall when he moves, a servo thumping against the door to keep you from pulling it open. Heart racing as your grip goes white knuckled on the crutches, you consider smacking his wrist with one. “Jazz, move. I’m tired.”

• He can’t. Not yet. If he does, you leave him alone again and he doesn’t want to be left alone with his memories. Doesn’t want to stress and worry about playing his part and keeping that facade firmly in place, because he’s so tired of it. Just a bit longer, that’s all he needs. He knows it’s not fair to take your time, he has no right to demand more of it. But, still. “Stay. Please.” Your shoulders hunch and he braces for anger. Annoyance. But then you just exhale and slowly limp back to the chair. He wants to reach for you, but he’s afraid to scare you off. “Thanks,” he murmurs, venting softly. Previous Next

[pommpuriinn]

Joohyung’s eventful time in Japan

ᤣ९ synopsis- txt was going to spend a month in Japan to continue their Japan leg of the tour including being on some Japanese tv programs for some performances. Unfortunately Beomgyu did get his ankle due to an accident, so all the performances will be only 5 members dancing while he sits on a chair on stage. Then an accident happens during rehearsals for the actual concert that leads to only 4 members dancing, and Beomgyu sitting on the stage.

ᤣ९ a/n- I’m finally working on Joohyung and I’m BEHIND LOTS of content for Joohyung 🙃. I also want to say that I don’t really see aespa’s Karina as the face for Joohyung no more, Joohyung is more alternative now then how much she gave a clean girl aesthetic during debut. Idk if that makes sense 😅 I will probably sometimes use Karina’s photo just out of habit

hair| nails

𝜗℘ Joohyung once again shock everyone with her short wavy haircut along with have it bleach blonde matching with Yeonjun and Beomgyu. Seeing the reactions was making Joohyung want to laugh, but she smack her lips trying to conceal

𝜗℘ Joohyung really protective of Beomgyu right now because he hurt his ankle and now has to use crutches to get by, so when they were walking through the airport she stay close by him and held his bag along with making sure fans didn’t get too close to them

𝜗℘ tragedy struck during concert rehearsals that scared everyone because during a quick run down of the concert Joohyung was chilling near the edge of the stage, when unexpectedly the little fireworks that come out set off without warning and some sparks went until Joohyung’s eye causing her to panic and feel a burning sensation in her right eye

𝜗℘ “fuck!” Joohyung covered her eyes and started to feel the pain in it. Everyone raced to her side, as not long she started dropping a few tears. “Let me see?” The on site medic asked, but Joohyung couldn’t open her eye due to the instant pain she felt whenever she tried to open. “We have to get her to a hospital.” The members were already feeling stressed with having only 5 perform now they’re dropping it down to 4 made it worse. They even wanted to go with Joohyung to the hospital, but their team wanted them to focus on reblocking the choreo once again

𝜗℘ the good news is Joohyung’s vision was ok and all she had to do was wear an eyepatch and put on the medicine on and around her eye everyday. The bad news is that the concert was already half way done when she got out of the hospital, but she was still determined to go and perform

𝜗℘ Joohyung ended up surprising everyone as she changed into her stage outfit and walked in during the group’s ment. “Noona!” Taehyun ran to her immediately. The other boys follow, sadly Beomgyu couldn’t run knowing he’ll get scolded by the staff and members. So he opted to admired from afar. After the members had their moment with Joohyung she then ran towards Beomgyu giving him his hug

𝜗℘ the concert ending in tears Beomgyu just feels regretful for injury himself and seeing his Jooie injured. Once the members realized his tears they all immediately ran towards him. Joohyung squatted down and hugged his waist while also letting out tears because she’s frustrated with everything happening

𝜗℘ throughout all the different performances they had she would decorate her eyepatch by adding cute stickers that she has collected thru all her shopping trips that she been going on

𝜗℘ Japanese hosts and artists have been constantly complimenting Joohyung’s short hair causing her to get flustered and thanking them. She’s been going viral for her curly hair along with clips of the boys playing, running their fingers through her hair, and even making cats ears with strands of hair that are already up

𝜗℘ as the concerts continued Joohyung tried not to get her nerves the best of her since the incident, but when the little fireworks came out Joohyung yelped and covered her ears. She was experiencing a panic attack in front of everyone, Joohyung kept on performing despite the panicked look on her face and slight tightness in her chest. Finally the song ended and Joohyung faced her back to the crowd turning to control her breathing, Kai grabbed a water bottle and came to Joohyung’s side helped by holding the bottle since her hands were shaking and while rubbing her back trying to comfort her

𝜗℘ with promoting their new Japanese album of course they had to go to Japanese shows that have other artists, and with that they meet different groups or soloists. While the Japanese girl groups would originally always gush about Joohyung’s boys, this time all the girls were gushing at Joohyung! Openly admitting how cute, pretty, and handsome Joohyung is. The camera caught Soobin and Beomgyu in 4K side eyeing the singers. Protective mode activated. It didn’t help that Joohyung has a natural charm in the way she speaks and acts, best believe Beomgyu was a bit sulky at the girls flirting with his Jooie

𝜗℘ even though Joohyung has an injured eye she had a pretty eventful time in Japan some goods things and bad things happened, but it wasn’t the worst pretty decent time

[kakerutori]

Protective Mike headcanons! To the whole main cast because a lot of my Byler headcanons involve Mike being protective already why not!

Mike will cross his arms and pretend that he’s not paying attention to Max when she skateboards beside him but after that fall in s2 he’s always ready to reach out and stabilize her in a split second

If Mike has any leftovers, he always offers his food to Holly first if she’s still hungry

He also makes sure she’s never unheard at the kitchen table. Lord save the soul who dares to speak over Holly because Mike will roar at them to SHUT UP and then smile at Holly like so what were you saying? :)

Lucas loves birds just because I’m projecting - and Mike doesn’t really care about birds but if Lucas sees a cool one nearby Mike won’t let anyone scare the bird off so that Lucas can have his fun

Mike is basically a crosswalk guard when he’s with anyone when they hit a crosswalk. Boy is extending his arms and holding the other person/people back, making sure the road is clear before they walk.

Mike is a notoriously slow biker when someone’s riding with him. In danger, he’s booking it, but otherwise, he’s vigilant and tries to avoid rocky paths

If anyone gets hurt near Mike, he’s going to become their personal crutch until they can move independently, sometimes even to the point of irritation. Like someone could hurt a toe and walk fine but Mike is right under their arm like hey you okay? He did this a lot to Dustin before s4 because I said so

Mike’s a little clumsy but if he’s carrying something hot or delicate or the like, he’s using both hands and shooing anyone in his way so he doesn’t drop that thing and hurt anyone

Going off his adorable binder of Will’s drawings, Mike keeps his school notes and papers (surprisingly to Lucas and Dustin) organized to the point where he can carry comics in perfect condition before he gives them away

When it’s raining, Mike makes sure that raincoat hoods are being affixed if they keep flying down - he started doing this to everyone in The Party after doing it to Holly so much

Mike gets so angry if people talk shit about his friends. This is canon, but I like to imagine that it extends to their families, too. Like he’ll throw Hopper under the bus but he’s actually really adamant that he’s a good person. Same with Joyce. You will see him after class if you even make a “your mom” joke about her

Mike is first to point out if someone is hurt and figure out the who, what, when, where, and why it happened and make sure they’re safe (Will’s first to notice which then leads to Mike interrogating)

[ejzah]

A/N: This one was suggested by @mashmaiden. Set within a few weeks of Rosa joining the Deeks-Blye household. Hope this hits the mark.

***

Just in Case

“Marty, Kensi is there any more pain medicine? I used the last two,” Rosa asked. Deeks looked up from his laptop, instinctively checlking for any signs of blood or injury. Beside him, Kensi got up, cupping her cheeks in concern.

“Are you ok?” she checked, and Rosa nodded.

“I just have a headache.”

“Uh, we should have more in the closet at the end of the hall,” he told her. “Careful, it’s a little cluttered in there.”

“Let us know if you need help,” Kensi called after her as Rosa walked out of the room. She sat down on the couch, grabbing her own laptop.

“Ok, so we have another meeting with Rosa’s social worker next week. Should we try to schedule it for the morning or afternoon?” she wondered.

“Good question. Kilbride hates it when you’re late, but also can’t stand it when you leave early.” Deeks squinted. “Eh, let’s try for something in the morning, but mid-week.”

“Because Kilbride will be less cranky.”

“Theoretically,” he said with a shrug. Depending on the day, anything could set Kilbride off. Thankfully, they had a good amount of personal leave time saved up from over the years, which had come in handy during Rosa’s entire foster and adoption process.

“Alright, I requested 8 AM.”

Rosa returned then, empty handed, and confusion written across her face.

“You couldn’t find any?” Deeks guessed, starting to get up. “I bet there’s some behind the vitamins.”

“No, I found a bottle,” Rosa said. “There’s also a lot of bandages, three blood pressure cuffs, five thermometers, prescriptions, a walker, crutches, and a lot of things I didn’t recognize. Are you two ok?”

“Oh yeah, those are mostly leftover.”

“Leftover? Why would you need multiple braces?”

“Um.” Kensi glanced a at Deeks, clearly looking for guidance. He shrugged, not having considered this particular topic coming up.

“You know, in the past we’ve had some work-related injuries,” he began slowly.

“Like when you were shot?”

“Right. Though that was before Kensi and I were together. Some of those injuries came with a, uh, good amount of recovery time and therapy and we don’t always love staying in the hospital for the full recommended time, so we’ve collected a good amount of medical paraphernalia over the years.”

“Though we haven’t had any significant injuries like that in a while,” Kensi inserted.

“But why did you keep it all?” Rosa asked. She didn’t look overly concerned or scared, simply curious.

“Well, given past history, it seemed smart to keep some of it around. In case we had any future…incidents,” Deeks said. He pulled a face. “It turns out medical equipment is kind of pricey and they start looking at you funny after you get your third pair of crutches.”

“You’ve broken something in your leg three times!” Rosa gasped.

“No, of course not. A couple were from bad sprains and…other things.” He glanced at Kensi, who had her lips firmly pressed together.

“Rosa, Deeks and I are fine. I don’t want you to look at all the things I’m that closet and worry something’s going to happen to us,” Kensi told her. “We take a lot less risks than we used to.”

“I wasn’t that worried. Though I did think you might be sickly.”

“Oh no, we’re pretty healthy aside from various bullet holes and what not,” Deeks said. Rosa exhaled in apparent relief.

“Good. Because no one besides a doctor should have that many pulse oximeters and liquid stitches,” she said. “It’s kind of weird.”

“So, you’re saying we should maybe de clutter and reorganize the medical closet?” Deeks summarized.

“If you have some spare time. And I can help.

“We can do that. It’s Kensi’s favorite thing.”

“Hey,” Kensi protested. “I am much neater than I used to be.”

“Yeah, tell that to the three years expired Vicodin in there.” He hooked his thumb over his shoulder.

“I should have known you would bring that up,” Kensi sighed.

Rosa giggled, covering her mouth, and Deeks grimaced playfully.

“Sorry, we are really weird sometimes.

“I don’t mind,” she assured him. “But maybe we can get rid of at least one pair of crutches.”

“Fine,” Kensi agreed. “But when we need those blood pressure cuffs, I don’t want to hear a word.”

[consider-your-potatoes-mashed]

So as y’all know Ive started using crutches because of my chronic pain (and also my pots) but my mom is very dismissive of both my pain and all the other shit up with my body so I’m honestly kinda scared to go home for a couple weeks because I don’t know if I’ll feel comfortable enough to bring and actually use my mobility aids even if I just use my cane. I just really wish my parents took my pain and fatigue and etc seriously instead of just saying “you just need to workout more” or “you just need to eat better” when I know that neither of those nor the THOUSANDS of other things they suggest won’t take away the pain I’ve been in my entire life.

I just want my parents to actually care that I’m in constant pain and not make me feel guilty for using things that actually help

Also wtf is up with abled people and thinking that using mobility aids will make those of us who use them worse??? Like I’m pretty sure me being able to walk more because of my crutches is better than me barely being able to walk a couple blocks without them. (Technically I can walk further than that but it starts to get really painful at that point)

[cosmicwolfboy]

crutchie - akb vs matthew duckett !!!!

alternatively titled - cast disabled people jesus christ

listen i am having so many thoughts and feelings about crutchie and at the risk of annoying the fuck out of my partner i am putting them on here instead!

prefacing this by saying:

i do not speak for all cripples

matthew’s duckett was my first real introduction to crutch and yes i am probably biased because of it (because matthew was an absolute sweetie when i met him)

i do not actually hate AKB as much as i dislike his crutchie

★

i think the main problem i have with his crutchie (and i understand that it is not entirely his fault at all!!!!) is that it’s so sanitised in so many ways. it is so of its time and not really in a good way, it came about in a period where representation wasn’t a big focus and i very much understand that, but i also hate it.

it’s so easy for disabled characters to fall into this weird ,sanitised, almost infantilising position, where their struggles are shown (abuse from the delanceys that was directly because of his disability, the fact he’s more likely to be put in the refuge because he’s seen as ‘weak’), but they’re bound by this kind of happy-go-lucky persona where they don’t show any real anger or upset. it’s fuelled by the abled need to see disabled characters as some sort of inspiration porn. “he’s crippled but look how happy he is despite that!!!!!! if he can do it i can too!!” he has this air of innocence and can-do-no-wrong that kinda falls a little flat compared to all his friends of the same age, and whilst this wouldn’t be a problem in itself, it fits a repeating pattern of the innocent, docile physically disabled person that is shown so much.

i loved matthew’s crutchie so much because he was so much more than that. he was happy, he was kind and an big laugh, but he didn’t shy away from being truly angry or scared (in the finale when he is brought back and cuffs snyder) and he was still a bit of a dick, he felt a lot more like he truly belonged. one of my favourite examples is at the start of the show the first time we see katherine, he helps one of the boys (i can’t remember which one) steal something from darcy and keeps it on him through the rest of the show. he’s as playful and annoying as the rest of them, shooting paper balls at them with his slingshot (especially during the finale, i love him so much for that). he has an attitude. he has the energy of a boy who was raised on the streets and knows what the fuck is what.

and thats what i think changes him the most for me. it’s all the same script (?) but it’s all so different when you think about how smart crutch actually is. i think the biggest change is my idea of him specifically when he’s being so nice to weasel at the beginning, when all the boys are being annoying and dicks, crutchie is so sweet. i don’t believe he’s doing that because he’s just such a nice guy who can look past weisel and the delancey’s being assholes to them, i think he realised quickly how to play the game. he’s gonna get sympathy, he knows that, and he knows if he acts all innocent and is overly kind, that they’ll somewhat pity him and he can use that to his advantage.

i hate being pitied by most people, i hate being looked at differently, like i’m almost helpless. but i also know how to use it to help myself, i know when i can play the poor little cripple card to my advantage. and i fully believe crutch does the same.

edited to add because i forgot to add this entire section in sorry!!

when i say sanitised i also mean literally. as in they made him cleaner. specifically in the finale again when he’s brought back from the refuge, broadway crutch looks way too clean. he’s a little bashed up but he’s not dirty. he doesn’t look like he’s been battered and then subjected to awful conditions. it takes away the impact of his time at the refuge. when he got back in the uk production they actively were disgusted by how much he smelled, because he’d just got out of a place where he couldn’t look after himself for a multitude of reasons. he suffered in there, mentally and physically, and in more ways than one. he was not given nice clean clothes and a pat on the back, he was taken out and put right back into the mess without much time to check himself over, without any time to process or heal.

i just think it has a much bigger impact when you can see, from his actual appearance and the other guys’ reactions, how much he actually struggled in there. they were glad to have him back of course, but it really drove home the point of how badly it affected him.

and once again in that scene, you could see the fear on his face and the anger when he faced snyder and when he made a move at him. he was fucking scared of the man that had subjected him to all of that. even when he was being a little goofy and put on the hat to handcuff him, there was still that fear, and there was evidence to why.

(end of edit)

but like i said, i don’t think it is entirely akb’s fault or his intention, he almost definitely wasn’t aware of the way it came off and how it perpetuates stereotypes. but it’s just another reason why giving disabled roles to disabled people is so important. plus we know how to use mobility aids properly

★

shoutout to my beloved partner who proof reads my shit and also is the reason i am into newsies . thank u babie @fizzloves-blog <3

[strayheartless]

Here have some pre insanity -completely drop kicks canon- headcanons for Sephiroth (because playing crisis core broke my heart and I’m scared of ever crisis.)

(also ship warning for AGSCZ -don’t like don’t read!)

Young Sephiroth didn’t like having his hair brushed -especially by Hojo. He would scream bloody murder at any lab-techs that tried. In the end -because he got so strong and could actually hurt people when he got distressed- they left him to do it himself. This ended up in Sephiroth having to have his hair cut short at age 11 because he didn’t know how to brush it properly and was just causing a Matt under the top layer of hair.

Carrying on from this, as an adult the only person who has ever been able to brush Sephiroth’s is Cloud, because he’s so gentle and patient as he brushes out the knots that it doesn’t make Sephiroth feel like his scalps on fire.

Genesis is however the one who taught Sephiroth how to brush long hair properly.

Sephiroth can’t mix foods on his fork. He eats one thing at a time in a specific order and if he deviates from the order it ruins his enjoyment of the meal. With pasta dishes he will eat the pasta, then the meat/whatever it’s mixed with. He’s never outwardly complained or made a big deal, but Angeal has picked up on his distress a couple of times and now specifically plans meals accordingly.

My poor boy doesn’t do public speaking or reading out loud. His natural speech is soft spoken and full of crutch vocalisations. He can read about a 100 words per minute and can memorise whole books like a pro, but he lacks the actual ability to deliver vocally. It’s why Angeal usually handles public relations and motivating troops. Seph can relay battle plans swiftly and efficiently but he stumbles with knowing the right words to rally the troops.

His natural relaxed pose is having his foot hooked around the other ankle, with his arms behind his back and hands holding his elbows. Only his partners know this to be his true relaxed pose. It means he’s vulnerable enough to look soft and approachable with them.

He used to be secretly jealous of Gen’s childhood stuffed toy. It sits on the redheads bed and Seph started dropping it into his own laps when he sat on the bed. Genesis noticed this and took Seph on a date with Zack to pick out a stuffed animal he liked. Seph bitches that he’s not a child and that it’s embarrassing until he sees a silver jointed teddy in a hospital gown. It’s part of a collection where the money goes to under plate kids hospitals, and there’s something so familiar about the bear that Sephiroth starts crying. Gen buys it for him and it sits on Sephs bed or in his lap when he’s feeling fragile.

He doesn’t have a favourite partner. He loves Zack because the boy is cuddly and infectiously happy; He loves Gen because he’s deceptively kind but he can rely on him not to bullshit him when there’s a problem; he loves Geal because he’s so solid and allows Seph to lean on him in a way that Sephiroth has never had; he loves Cloud because he’s a spitfire with a heart of gold who’s not willing to back down just because someone’s bigger than him. He loves them so much some days he feels like he might actually die from it.

I have more but this feels like a good place to stop. I dunno man, Sephiroth is so multifaceted and sometimes I just like to think about the stuff that makes him human, ya know?

[oh-wild-necromancer]

Redacted listener headcanons! A lot of these are also things personal to me that I’ve puzzle pieced into the creatures

Cw: he/him Tank, the rest use they/them I think

The seer has chronic migraines from ignoring their powers, and they lose sight a lot because of it (literal sight)

Also shitty knee joints. Mobility aids baby! They personally like forearm crutches but use a cane mist of the time to carry shit

Angel loves to bite people, so does Tank. Chomp! For Tank it scared the shit out of Sam the first time, but he got used to it quickly. For Angel they love to do it to David, whenever they’re kissing and they kiss his neck he’ll just feel small bites from time to time

Tank has a Loz: botw special interest. He’s also autistic. No I do not take criticism it’s my listener character I do what I want

Tank LOVED wolf link as a kid. Had everything, the amiibo’s and several playthroughs of Twighlight Princess and multiple posters

Tank has this one really old and ratty wolf plushie that he physically cannot sleep without. It looks just like Gabe when he shifted, and he’s always been attached to it but ever since he passed he’s been extra possessive and attached to it, a form of coping.

Freelancer has an old decently worn but still presentable white seal plushie from the Monterey bay aquarium, they only really let Caelum play/cuddle with it when outside of their supervision, they don’t even let Gavin do it. Everytime they go to bed they usually hug it and sometimes hold it during movies they know they have a high chance of falling asleep to, and let me tell you Gavin adores the sight of them all sleepy and curled up holding the seal in their arms with their head on his lap

Babe has this teeennny Pomeranian plushie with a white hoodie with bear ears on it that they keep either in their purse or on the mantle, it fits right in their palm and they got it at a mall one day and it stuck with them ever since!

Honey has a labret lip piercing. They usually put silver jewelry in it but on special occasions they do gold

Honey is also pretty damn strong, and looks /really/ intimidating when they cross their arms and glower. Guy loves this.

Angel has scary dog privilege everywhere they go. If not David then Tank and if not Tank then literally anyone no one is getting them ever

Tank has hand tremors from nerve damage due to fights he’s gotten into with many different empowered’s, and he can’t do a lot of small detail work but he still loves drawing. His art style has just changed a bit, a lot more sketchy and unnerving sometimes! It took him a bit to relearn, but it was worth it.

Body piercer honey. This isn’t my headcanon but I wanted to mention it again (I don’t remember who I first found it from I’m sorry T-T)

Angel has played with the idea of getting Angel bite piercings many a time, especially after David started calling them that. Yes yes they do use it as a pun so many times and David acts sick of it but we all know he isn’t Actually mad

Freelancer near always looks super frazzled and tired during the school year, and keep their hair in a tiny short stubby ponytail with bits of hair poking out

Angel meows at David a lot. It’s their way of communicating!

Milo talks to Aggro like he’s A Guy while sweetheart LOVES baby talking to Aggro. He looks so confused everytime

If David ever denies Angel affection they give him puppydog eyes and whine. It’s like they’ve fucking perfected it

Babe does the thing with Asher where you like, move animals limbs around and make them do silly things

That’s all for now!!! First time doing this I hope anyone who sees this enjoys :]]] more coming soon perhaps. I have thoughts in my brain

[bellamyblake]

Part 37 of the single!dad Bellamy fic is posted! Here are the people who asked to be tagged (if you want to be removed please let me know): @pendragaryen, @takamurasposts, @star-sky-earth, @blakecholls, @theturquoiseoillady, @sarcasticcommentsetc, @peggysousfan, @whiteoleander, @chickens474; (I unfortunately can't tag everyone as some new Tumblr rule forbids me to do so! Sorry!)

(moodboard by @star-sky-earth​​​​):

The way home is much harder than he aniticipated. He has to stop all the time and the guards positioned out in all the hallways and smaller intersections, watching him and the other workers intently, weren’t helping things.

Every time he tried to take a break and lean on a wall or support himself somewhere, he got a scowl from one of them, an angry grunt or a “Keep moving, mechanic” that forced him despite his pain to keep going. 

He coughed a lot but the more he approached his home, the better the air was but also the colder it got. It was such a big difference from the heat and stuffy air on the level to being here in the compartment hallways.

And that scared him and made him walk faster-if it was that cold out here, then it was even worse at their place and Clarke and Gus, God...

Clarke and Gus-

He hobbled over and fell to his knees, not once but twice. Sometimes some of the workers passing by helped him move up and he hated it though he couldn’t have done it without them, other times he just touched the wall with his hand and cursed his stubborness-Clarke had been right, he should’ve used the crutch more-his leg felt like it was burning from top to bottom and it kept buckling underneath him, refusing to hold his weight. That and the cut under his knee wasn’t helping things either-he knew he was leaving a trail of blood behind him but he couldn’t care.

He had to get home.

Finally, he burst through the doors and upon sensing the freezing air that made his breath come out in small white clouds, he pancked.

“CLARKE!” he called out “Clarke! Gus!” he coughed again, this time not because the air was too hot like in the site of the accident but because it was so sharpingly cold that it made his lungs contract painfully. “Clarke, I’m here!” he called out as he started limping to the bathroom.

He opened the door up with a bang and what he saw made him stop abruptly.

There they were, Clarke was curled up on the matress with his back to him, dressed up in the jacket he left her with and three of the blankets on top of her with a smaller lump pressed to her chest on one side and to the pipes on the other. The air was so cold he could see the mirror has frozen and there was some frost on the walls around him, except for the place where the pipes were just above Clarke and Gus.

This was bad. This was worse than ever before, he realized.

“Clarke! Gus!” he ran to them as much as he could, all pain in his leg forgotten, his cough ignored despite it being there, shaking his body. He didn’t matter, not now, all he had to make sure was they were fine.

He kneeled right next to her and grabbed her shoulder shaking it maybe a little too harsh.

“Clarke! Clarke, wake up! Clarke!” he saw her face was as white as the sheets underneath them and when he picked it up in his hands, he found it freezing cold. She had pressed Gus to her chest, pushed him under the big sweater and her shirt, undressed him so they could exchange body heat, so she could keep him warm and Bellamy couldn’t even get a good sight of his boy “Clarke! Clarke, oh god, no, come on, wake up!” he patted her cheeks but there was no responce and he felt his eyes fill with tears “Clarke! Clarke, please, Clarke! Gus! Gus, son-” he put his hand on his head and felt it warm, much warmer than Clarke’s but his boy wasn’t moving either.

In panic, he picked them up in his arms and held them tight, patting Clarke’s cheek gently. Then he leaned closer and felt her breath coming out of her mouth despite it being shallow and uneven and then his fingers slid to her throat and found a pulse-weak but again, it was there and he exhaled.

They were alive.

They didn’t freeze to death.

But they were bad, they were really bad. 

“Clarke, Clarke, please wake up!” he begged as he held her close to his chest and moved his hands up and down her arms and back trying to warm her up “Come on, princess, don’t give up on me now.” he was begging so hard as if she could actually hear him. He looked around and saw all the bottles that he’d warmed up were sprayed around them but were frozen now and the electric blanket was cold upon him touching it. God knows how and when they lost any source of meager heat. “Clarke! Please, please, come on, don’t give up on me now, you’re more stubborn than that, princess!” he leaned over and kissed her forehead holding her tight in his arms and begging whatever was out there in the universe to please not take her away from him.

And then-

A cough.

“Bellamy, you’re going to suffocate me.” he hears her say weakly and when he pulls away he finds her eyes barely open, staring up ahead drowsily, tiredly but they were opened, she was alive. 

“Oh, thank god!” he cried out, seeing his tears fall freely from his cheeks down on hers making her blink a few times “Thank god!” he kept mumbling and before he could stop himself, he leaned over again and kissed her on the lips. They were freezing cold against his but it seemed that this act alone made her warmer and soon enough she kissed him back slowly, softly. 

When he pulls away he cups her cheek and moves her up in his arms.

“You’re...you’re home.”

“We fixed it.” he says with a gentle smile, all events from last night rushing back into his brain only for him to push them back again-none of this mattered but her and Gus. “How is he?”

“He’s cold...very cold. I stripped him of his clothes and pushed him to my chest to wram him up but Bellamy I think that-” she looks down on Gus who remains unmoving “It’s bad. We need to wram him up, his feet are frozen.” Bellamy feels his hear trump in his chest and he carefully moves Clarke up and presses her against the pipes, feeling as they were growing hotter now, even warming up the wall around it. Soon enough he knew the electricity would swarm through all of Factory-he had to get up and take care of them, make sure they got better. 

He carefully peels off the blankets from her and Gus, unzips her jacket and gives her an apologetic looks when he does so, noticing her wince a little and cough herself but when his hand moves to pull the sweater up and he sees Gus’ tiny feet pressed to her side he loses his breath for a moment.

“Clarke-” he calls out to her and she leans forward her arms still wrapped around Gus tiny body around his back, pressing him to her chest in a death grip that had no undoing. “Clarke, his toes-” he picks up Gus’ feet and Clarke gasps when she sees the redness covering his feet-his first, second and third finger were an angry bright red, swollen and puffy and it went all the way like this to almost the middle of his little foot.

“Frostbite.” she whispers when she touches it herself and her movement from Gus’ back sends the kid wiggling in her arms. “He has frostbite, Bellamy.” she looks at him and meets his eyes, finding him in shock-he was so scared, the same way he was when Gus was sick and he came begging for her help “Look at the other one, come on-” she urges him, sending him into action knowing that this was the only way she could snap him out of it. 

Bellamy pulls her clothes away and carefully takes Gus other foot in his hand lifting it up enough so they could both see it under the light coming from the small lamp that remained in the corner, batteries almost running out. 

Bellamy sighs a little relieved when he doesn’t find anything too scary on his other foot-it was a little red and cold but his toes were fine.

“We need to check him out-” Bellamy mumbles “And you, we have to make sure you’re...you’re fine. I’ll-” he covers Gus and her back with the blankets and tries to stand up but he sways so violently he almost falls on top of them.

Then her eyes fall on his leg and sees the blood on his pant leg.

“You’re hurt!” she exclaims and finally takes a better look at him seeing him covered in saw and dirty from head to toe, barely breathing but still struggling to do his best.

“I’m okay.” he cuts her off “I’ll go turn the heating on, then I’ll come for you guys, alright. Just...try to keep up a few more minutes.” he begs and before she can protest, he’s already limping outside.

He’s panicking, dying on the inside but he cannot do this-he can’t be weak now so instead, he gets into action-he turns all radiators on to the highest possible point, not caring if he’ll have to pay extra rations for that, then turns all the lamps and heats up water in a big pot on the stove since the hot water from the sink hasn’t gotten to a higher degree yet and he also puts in some formula because he knows he’ll need to feed Gus, that it may even help him warm up.

When he goes back to the bathroom he finds Clarke dozing off again and he carefully undoes the blankets and the jackets again and picks Gus up in his arms first.

“Here you go, my boy, here you go, easy-”he takes Gus’ frozen limp body in his arms and the kid stirs for the first time but doesn’t wake up. He’s so small in this moment, so tiny in his arms just like when he was as a baby-he’s curled up on himself and he doesn’t even shake which means the cold had taken all control of his body.

Bellamy commands himself to be strong as he carefully takes him back to the now much warmer living room. He puts him on the bed under the blankets and places six hot water bottles around him before going back for Clarke.

She’s not much better and she’s coughing loudly and sickeningly, mirroring his own state, which scares him even more.

“Bellamy-” she says through ragged breaths, her fingers, her toes, her face-she’s all so damn cold. 

“Shh, princess, I’ll take care of you, I promise.” he gently pushes her on the bed next to Gus and brings more hot water bottles, almost falling in the process of doing so.

“Bellamy, we need to take care of this cut.” she tries but he shakes his head.

“It’s good, it doesn’t hurt and it’s not deep.” he lies pushing her down “Please don’t move, you have to warm up.” but Clarke’s relentless and tries to move on her elbows though she’s barely able to before she falls on the pillows with a thud. It’s much warmer now in the room and he knew soon enough they’d feel a little better but after a night like this, the chill didn’t leave your body for days after. Clarke was already weakened from not eating enough and trying to adjust to the Factory station conditions-if she got worse now, if she got sick, he would never forgive himself.

“Bellamy-”

“Clarke, please!” he begs her pushing her down again and bringing in the big duvet, adjusting it over both her and Gus. The kid hasn’t moved at all since Bellamy found them and he was scared senseless but he was pushing all his panic down and forcing himself to just keep going.

He was filling in the bottle of formula when Gus stirs and cries out, sending Bellamy rushing there in a second.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, my boy, it’s okay!” the kid struggles under the blankets and tosses left and right before he looks up at his dad all confused and somewhat delusional. “Hey, Gus, I’m here.” 

“Dada?” he asks and Bellamy exhanges a look with Clarke as he feels Gus’ forehead.

“He seems feverish.” he tells her just as confused-the kid was cold up until half an hour ago and now he was burning up like when he was sick.

“That’s the frostbite-” she tells him after another cough shakes her too “Side-effect.”

“Dada, I’m cold!” Gus cries out, he’s so scared and shaky that it breaks Bellamy’s heart “Dada!” he reaches out with his tiny arms and Bellamy picks him up immideately, deciding that he himself was warm enough to keep him there but still throwing one of the blankets on top ot the boy’s tiny shoulders. 

“I know, I know you are son but we’ll warm you right up, okay?”

“Dada, please hold me!” he begs “Don’t let me go!”

“I won’t, I promise that I won’t.” Gus speech comes slurred and his head hangs over Bellamy’s shoulder-the boy’s limp in his arms, very weak and when Clarke sits up and shakes the dizzyness off herself with a shake of her head, he doesn’t stop her.

“We need to check him up, see if there’s any more of this.” she whispers sitting up in bed and pulling the blanket down a little. Gus whimpers immideately and wraps his arms tighter around his dad’s neck.

“Hey, it’s okay we just need to see how you're doing, kiddo.” Bellamy whispers stroking his head over and over again. Gus doesn’t say anything but just whimpers when Clarke pulls up at his clothes, checks his back, his butt, his arms, then Bellamy pulls him away and tugs the shirt on the front to see his chest and stomach. Gus cries now, begs them to stop and Bellamy’s heart breaks when they do this to him but he had no other way of checking him out.

“Hey, Gus, can you tell me what hurts?” Clarke asks carefully when the kid is a little calmer in his dad’s arm for just a moment. The tears keep streaming down his face, he’s lying in Bellamy’s chest in a baby-like position, gripping his shirt with his fingers and burying his face in his chest. 

“My foot.” he mumbles “My foot urts, dada!” he tells Bellamy and he grips him tighter.

“I know, son, we’ll wrap it up and make it better, okay?” he looks at Clarke for confirmation “Doctor Clarke will fix it. She can fix anything, you know? She’s the best doctor on the ark.” Bellamy keeps rambling rocking Gus a little in his arms while Clarke stands up, wobbly herself and heads to grab some bandages and that oil that she brought ages ago for when she wrapped his wounds after the bombings. Bellamy had kept it hidden in the corner and not used it, leaving it for emergencies like this one. 

“Here, you go, baby boy.” she comes back and sits by Bellamy and Gus. The kid’s whiny, sad, annoyed, all at once. The night had been horrible for them and he was in pain and anxious all at once. 

Clarke wraps his fingers one by one and Gus squirms and begs in his dad’s arms, wanting to be released and when it gets to be too much Bellamy reaches and grabs Clarke’s hand.

“Wait...give him a moment.” he begs and picks Gus up, walks to the stove and takes the bottle of formula he had filled. He talks to him in Tagalog now, soothing him, rubbing his hand up and down his tummy and making him quiet down. Gus is still anxious and scared but he settles, especially when Bellamy gives him the bottle and he starts sucking on it.

The room is warm enough now that his bare foot out in the open is not such a problem and Clarke watches as Bellamy walks around the room with Gus and rocks him carefully as the kid ate.

And then...then he sang.

He leaned his back against the kitchen sink, held him, stared at him and he sang. It was quiet, gentle, his voice was hoarse and steady despite the tears in his eyes-Clarke couldn’t understand the words, they weren’t English but they were soft and they threatened to put even her to sleep.

She was mesmerized by seeing him there like this, holding his son against his chest, feeing him and singing to him-he was covered in dirt from head to toe, hadn’t even had the chance to clean or wash himself up but he was there for her, for his son. 

Gus’ body got limp in his arms and soon enough the kid was asleep, so Bellamy carefully maneuvered him back to the bed, to her and watched as she finished wrapping his leg.

“What will happen to him?” he asks quietly, voice breaking now.

“We have to keep it warm and wrap it up like this, give him some pills for the fever and not let him walk on it until it gets better.” she explains as she finishes up the bandage and carefully puts the sock back on Gus’ foot. “There’s this special paste for frostbite. If we can get it somehow, it’ll help him heal faster.”

“I’ll find the rations.” he promises tightening his grip on Gus’s body “They should pay me some tomorrow and I’ll get it right away.”

“Bellamy-”

“Do you think it’s expensive?” he cuts her off before she can argue with him.

“Not that much, I don’t know. Maybe at least fifty points.” he swallows hard at that-this would probably be the amount he’d get tomorrow which meant if he spent it all on medicine, he couldn’t bring any food home. 

But maybe he could get to work and earn extra, at least enough to bring a warm dinner for Clarke and Gus. Yes, he’d do that. Sinclair’s plan to let him rest would have to be put on hold-this wasn’t happening, not until both of them were better.

“Do you think that he’ll lose....that he’ll-” Clarke grabs his arm and squeezes it tightly, looking into his eyes, expression determined and set on figuring this out.

“No.” she insists “I won’t let that happen.” Bellamy almost whimpers when she says this but he hides his pain away from her, bows down and kisses Gus’ forehead as he kept a tight grip on him and whispered reassurances in his ear, even though he was asleep.

Clarke reaches over and picks his face in her cold hands.

“Hey-” she strokes the dark circles under his eyes and forces him to come out in the open instead of hide away from here “We’ll figure this out, Bellamy.” she assures him “Together.” he smiles a little and leans forward just as she did as if he could read her thoughts and when their lips collided she felt safe for the first time since last night. He moved his hand to cup her cheek too and when they pulled away because both of them were coughing now, he rubbed his nose against hers she felt his breath fan her lips.

“Clarke-” his voice came out a little more broken than he probably intended to but he stared into her eyes again before he continued “Thank you. For keeping him safe.” 

Clarke felt her whole being light up at that, despite all the pain, despite her body shaking all frozen to her bones, despite the shiver that ran down her spine and the fact that she just had the most horrible night of her life.

“You know I always will.” she smiled as she said it and he exhaled, having held his breath this entire minute, wondering if he maybe said or did the wrong thing and then he leaned in for another kiss.

This one was messy, too damn messy but it was filled with love and passion. It’s like this entire time they couldn’t truly breathe without each other, their bodies freezing not just from the cold but the fact that they were separated and only now were they truly coming together-igniting the fire in them back up and bringing each other to life.

They kissed like this for a while, a little awkwardly, a little too messily since none of them were in a good physical condition, until Gus stirred in Bellamy’s arms and they both pulled away at the same time. 

She coughed a little again and he furrows his eyebrows.

“Lay back down, rest. I’ll wash up and make food.”

“No, you’re hurt-” she tries to stop him and gestures at his leg “I have to patch it up.”

“It’s not a big deal” he promises squeezing her hand as he easily overpowers her to lay back down on the bed  and gently puts Gus next to her, covering both of them with the blankets.

They were much warmer now, he could tell by just touching them but he still adjusted the blankets on both their sides and kissed their foreheads before standing up and heading for the bathroom. 

He leaned on the sink and breathed heavily, trying to let everything that had just happened to him today sink through-he was bone tired but he had to keep pushing, it was just the beginning of the day and he had to take care of Clarke and Gus, put all his efforts and strength there, so he could get to work tomorrow and figure it out.

His son was hurt...so hurt-frostburn was something Bellamy never wanted to happen to him and yet it had.

He let his tears roll and fall in the sink as he leaned over and pushed his shirt off his head. 

For a moment he couldn’t breathe, not because he was hurt or because of all the bad air he’s inhaled today but because his son almost froze to death, the woman that he loved was passed out from the horrible conditions in the station and he pushed himself to his limits to fix a giant engine, so they can get warm again yet he’s never felt more helpless in his life.

He takes out his clothes as he feels the anxiety bloom in his chest and when he turns on the shower, he cries so they wouldn’t hear him-he breaks down in a way that he hasn’t since Gina had died but he knew he had to do it now, here, so when he left the bathroom, he could go back outside and be the person that they needed him to be.

Somehow his tears won’t stop, though-it’s like a river pouring out of him, even when he puts on his shirt, even when he sits on the toiilet lid and wraps his leg in a tight handmade bandage after pouring some moonshine on it-it wasn’t that deep, he thought, he wouldn’t bother Clarke with it-all he had to do was hide it.

Hide all of his pain away, cover himself in big ragged clothes and push forward for his son whose toes and foot were frozen, for Clarke who was now coughing much like him.

All clean and freshened up, he comes back to the room now much warmer than it has probably been all week and checks on them-Gus is sound asleep, curled up with his back to Clarke’s side and she’s spooning him, her hand thrown over the baby boys' middle. Bellamy gives them a fond look and strokes their heads as he kneels down to place gentle kisses on their foreheads.

He decides to check if there’s something in his ration’s card-it was Monday, so something from last week’s work must’ve come through and he carefully slips in his shoes and throws on his jacket. This time, though, without shame, he takes his crutch-he wouldn’t be that stupid to pass out somewhere in the hallway outside, not when others depended on him.

There’s a machine in each bigger hallway where you could swipe your card and check your balance before going in the mess hall and when Bellamy does it, his eyes widen a little-he had fifty, exactly as much as he’d need for Gus’ frostbite medicine.

But that meant nothing would be left for food and they were literally out of bean cans or formula. And then he hears a familiar voice come from behind him, a soft hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Bellamy?” he turns around to find his mom, staring up at him worriedly but also relieved, she throws herself in his arms and squeezes him tightly “Oh, thank God! I was so worried when the electricity stopped last night, I knew they’d call you out to help.”

And then the dam that has been threatening to burst for weeks now, finally does.

“Mom-” he cries out and buries his head in her shoulder “Oh, mom-” he allows himself to sob this time-this big supposedly strong man collapses into his mom’s arms and hides in her chest, crying like a baby.

“Bellamy, oh, son-” she runs her hand through his curly hair “Shh, it’s okay, I’m here, it’s alright.” he tightens his grip on her and hopes they don’t attract any attention because right now, he’s ashamed of himself, ashamed of his weakness. He could do better but all he managed to was cry his ass out and fail to provide enough for his son. “It’s okay, what happened, Bellamy?” she pulls his head away and cups his face, wiping the tears from his face. He’s flushed and shy just like Gus got when he was embarrassed but Aurora simply stands on her toes, kisses his forehead and takes his good hand. 

“Come on, come here, let’s talk.” she helps him to the nearest bench and they both sit down his mom’s hand never leaving his. For a moment he feels guilty that he never thought about her last night-that his focus was solely on Gus and Clarke or saving Miller or fixing the engine and not her.

“Are you...are you okay, mom?” he asks as the guilt crawls through his entire self.

“Am I okay?” she asks confused “Bellamy, I’m not the one having a breakdown in the middle of the Factory hallways.” he looks around whips his head left and right to check if there are many people going around but the place is surprisingly empty.

“Why is there no one going to work?”

“Didn’t you hear? The councilmen announced a day off for everyone this morning so we could...as he so eloquiently said-recuperate.” Bellamy huffs at that and wipes at his teary eyes, brushing them away with the back of his jacket and coughing a little “What happened? Talk to me.” she prompts him and he winces a little as he begins telling her everything from Miller getting hurt last night to coming home and finding Clarke and Gus in the bathroom, to his boy getting frostbite.

“How bad is it?” she asks trying to keep her voice steady but he could see she’s angry too.

“A few toes, his first ones and half of his leg.”

“Has the skin peeled off?”

“Yeah...a little.” 

“Anywhere else, his fingers or his hands? His face?” he shakes his head and Aurora exhales at that. “And Clarke?”

“No, she’s okay...just very cold and coughing somewhat but I’ll give her some of my syrup.” Aurora nods and squeezes his hand again but he’s too ashamed to look up at her-feeling like he failed her as well because she raised him to do better, to take better care of his family.

“You’ll need the Frostbite paste for him.” she announces and he whips his head surprised at her “It costs fifty ration points.”

“How do you know?” 

“Because you needed it too when you were a kid.” his mouth drops a little and she gives him a serious look “What? You don’t think you had gone through that as well? Bellamy, almost every child in Factory suffers from frostbite.”

“But...I don’t remember it.”

“You were a baby, your dad had just passed and one night they turned the electricity off without any of us expecting it to. I was asleep with you in bed I didn’t even notice at first until I woke up hours later and you were so cold, I thought you were dead.” his eyes widen at that realizing just now that his mom, as always has gone through the same things he was as a parent “Your fingers and your toes almost all got red and started peeling.”

“How did you...how did you get the rations?” it’s her turn to look away for a moment before she lifts her head up and juts her chin proudly.

“I did what I had to, Bellamy.” and he winces as he hears her voice and looks away-he knew...of course he knew, he wasn’t stupid. He’s reminded of that time the guards thought he was Clarke’s stripper when they went to Alpha because so many politicians or rich folks would hire poor factory men or women for sex and pleasure just for a meager amount of rations. For them fifty points was nothing, absolutely nothing, they could throw them in the wind in a second and not think about it twice but for Aurora, for Bellamy, it was the difference between their child being crippled and getting better. 

He knew his mom had done it, or at least suspected so but they’ve never really talked about it until after Gina’s death when Bellamy was very desperate for rations and was about to offer himself the same way his mom had before.

There was a place to go for so you can be picked out-a small hallway in GoSci that the guards avoided. Everyone knew about it but nobody did anything for it-prostitution was officially forbidden on the Ark or so the law said but it may be the only one that was broken most often and nothing, absolutely nothing was done about it.

As it suited the politicians on the Ark.

Aurora had caught Bellamy then, found him, dragged him back home and given him a speech-he wouldn’t repeat her fate. She’d help him with food, with formula, they’d take extra shifts, they’d manage but not this...never this, she said.

He had felt like a teenage boy caught sneaking around then but had agreed with a careful quiet nod. It was different times then though-he had strength then, he wasn’t hurt-now...now he was at a loss.

“I know that and I’m grateful but I wish you didn’t have to.” Aurora scoots closer to him and wraps her bony arm around his waist rubbing his back gently.

“We all do what we have to do for our children.” she says softly and looks up at him carefully “It will be okay, Bellamy. He will recover.”

“I wish he didn’t have anything to recover from in the first place, mom.” Bellamy blurts out maybe a little angirly and forces himself to breathe and tame his anger but it just turns into yet another cough that shakes his entire being and he hates it all. “I wish he didn’t live here...have all this pain in his life.”

“Nobody wants their child to be in pain, Bellamy but whether he’s in Alpha or Factory, you cannot raise him in a glass box and prevent him from ever interracting with the world-he will run like every kid, fall down and get scrapes, he will get sick with the flu, he will get cold and maybe have frostbite.”

“Alpha children don’t get frostbite.”

“But we aren’t them, never have been, never will be.” Aurora says a little more sternly, bringing him back to reality “You’re angry and I understand that-you watch your son and you see him suffer but let me remind you that I too watch my son suffer, every day.” his face falls at that and he turns to face her.

“Mom-” she cups his cheek and runs her thumb under his eye.

“Bellamy, we all do our best but sometimes we cannot fix everything. Do you think my heart doesn’t skip a beat every time I see you limp or cough? Do you think I don’t spent my days at work and nights at home wondering if you’re okay, how much pain you’re in and how hard you were trying to push through it despite it all?”

“Mom, I’m okay.”

“No, you aren’t. You got hurt. Permenantly.” he bows his head down and swallows hard a little “You’ll be like this for the rest of your life. I will watch you suffer for the rest of your life. My son...my beautiful boy.” he covers her hand with his and looks into her eyes finding the pain that he had when he looked at Gus mirrored there.

“I’m getting used to it.” he whisper softly “I will...I will be okay eventually.”

“Do you ever wish upon Gus to get used to pain?” he shakes his head stubbornly and grits his teeth.

“Gus will get out of here. He won’t live the life we do, he won’t raise his own children in this hell. I won’t allow it.” Aurora sighs and lets their hands drop to her lap. She wraps her bony white fingers full of tiny needle holes that mapped her palm and made her mirror, in a way, the freckles on his face.

“Is that why you won’t tell me what’s happening with your job?”

“My job?” he tries to sound surprised but it comes out as a weak excuse instead and the motherly scowl returns to Aurora’s face making him bow his head down like a five year old kid who didn’t do his homework.

“I know something’s changed. I met Miller the other day and asked him about you. He said you’ve been relocated.” Bellamy closes his eyes and lets his fingers squeeze hers tightly “That and the cake for Gus’ birthday, the P.S said someone named S send it and not Williams.”

“Mom-”

“What’s happening, Bellamy?”

“I can’t talk about it.” he mumbles barely audible as he coughs again a little and hides his face in his elbow briefly while it passes. Aurora reaches over for his forearm and pulls it away, turning his face by his chin to her and staring into his sad broken eyes. 

“You’re not okay. And it’s not just your back or leg. You’ve been worse lately.”

“Mom, I can’t tell you.”

“Why?”

“I’m literally forbidden from doing so.” her eyes widen at that, her hand falls to her side and he sees fear in her eyes for the first time in a while.

“No...” she shakes her head “No, tell me you didn’t do this.”

“Mom-”

“Level 11?” she calls out a little too loud and Bellamy jumps somewhat scaredly looking around them for anyone passing by but the square was mostly quiet except for a few workers that were walking towards the pharmacy and mess hall hallways at a safe distance from them.

“Mom, quiet-”

“I won’t be quiet!” Aurora hisses back “What did you do? What did they offer you?” he sighs again-he knew she’d figure it out. Though nobody officially talked about level 11 on Factory everyone knew that there was a team trying to assemble it from its broken state and perhaps rebuilt it. It was a sort of myth going around amongst workers-they said only Alpha mechanics went there but they were too incompetent to rebuilt it and Factory would never regain the electricity accessability it had before because the chancellor wouldn’t allow it and that he left it broken and closed on purpose. And yet...there was gossip, some people saying they saw workers going up there with the elevators, generals, councilmen and even the chancellor himself but they never stayed long because it was dangerous. 

“Mom, I told you, I can’t really talk about it.” he says through teeth as he keeps looking around “I’m not allowed to.” the fever with which he says it makes her back down a little but the light in her eyes, that angry motherly scold mixed with fear never disappeared.

“You’ll die out there.”

“No, I won’t.”

“You’re risking your life over nothing.”

“I’m risking my life so that what happened last night doesn’t ever repeat!” he raises his voice a little but tones it down when he remembers that they’re still out in the opened “I’m risking my life so that my son doesn’t ever wake up with his toes red and peeling from frostbite or coughing his lungs out or god forbid,mom, dying!”

“What happens when you die?” she counters “What happens to that boy if you get killed out there, huh?”

“I could get killed anywhere, I told you what happened to Miller last night-nothing in Factory is safe, no matter the level you work on.” Aurora shakes her head angrily still disagreeing with him. “Is it a bigger risk? Yes, but it’ll be good for him.”

“Good how? Rations? Food?”

“Yes. I can afford everything he needs-he has to gain weight you know Clarke said he’s small and I can buy him clothes and shoes, raise him better, give him the opportunity, when he grows up to study for the medical exams if that is what he wants to do, give him access to the library in Alpha, to better teachers, a better life.” Aurora’s eyes fill with tears but she’s biting her lip in a quiet way of protesting “I can actually do this, mom.” there’s hope in his voice and it breaks her, it breaks her heart so much “I can save those rations even if we fix the Level sooner, before he’s older, I’ll have enough for him.”

“And what about you?”

“What about me?”

“What happens to you? To your state of being? To your leg and your lungs?” he opens his mouth to protest but she raises her hand “Everyone knows the air out there’s bad, that’s why nobody wants to work on it, that is why they seek you out because you are a Factory boy whose life being lost won’t matter.”

“Mom-”

“You’ll die before you’re forty, Bellamy!”s he cuts him off “All your grandeur plans for Gus and his future...” she shakes her head angrily “Do you think you’ll live to see him actually graduate? Start work? Will you ever be alive long enough to maybe meet his grandchild?” Bellamy pulls his hand away from her and rests it over his bad knee, squeezing it tightly.

“That doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” Aurora says softly now “It does to Gus and I am sure as hell it changes everything for Clarke too.”

“Clarke will be okay.” he huffs it out but she doesn’t miss the way his cheeks blush.

“Clarke is in love with you and you are in love with her.” at that his eyes widen and he turns around to meet her eyes again-it was one thing for him to tell Clarke he loved her but for his mother to have seen it before they’ve ever told her so was...well, it made his heart flutter all over again. He smiles a little and feels his cheeks burn “You are together, aren’t you?” she prods softer now and he sneaks a look at her, nodding slowly “Good.”Aurora determines with ease and conviction.

“Is it?” he asks fearfully like a child looking for approval.

“Bellamy, I haven’t seen you look at anyone like this since Gina but it’s not just that...” she runs her hand up and down his arm motherly again “You seem...happier, lighter around her and I know she’s been through a lot but she has that same look on her face as well.”

“I am...I am happy with her.” he admits feeling his whole face blush “But I ....I also feel a little guilty.”

“Because of Gina?” he nods.

“And Gus. I don’t want him to think that I don’t love his mom anymore. I always will.”

“Have you talked to him about it?” Bellamy shakes his head and rests his back on the bench, stretching out his bad leg with a wince that Aurora doesn’t miss. It was a good thing he took his crutch but he should be at home resting, not out here. 

“It’s...just happened recently, we wanted to give ourselves some time before we eased him into it.”

“That’s smart.” he looks at her glad for her approval and she smiles a little “I’m sure he will be thrilled, Bellamy. He loves her so much already.” Bellamy shrugs a little, still seemingly lost in his thoughts and the argument they’ve had before “I still think you should tell Clarke about Level 11 and that you should decline the offer.”

“I can’t. I have already started and there’s no going back now.”

“Even if there was, you wouldn’t take it, would you?” she asks seriously and he shakes his head in confirmation “You’re bent on it.” he nods staring at the floor ahead, afraid to face the angry beast that his mom could be when he was being idiotic.

Still, he reaches out for her hand and waits for her to take it before he swallows hard after yet another cough and dares a look at her.

“You won’t hate me for it, will you?”

“Oh, Bellamy-” her voice breaks a little now and she pushes his head to her shoulder again holding him in a tight yet awkward position that made his back hurt but he found that he didn’t mind it one bit-being held by his mom that was the best feeling in the world, one that he never wanted to lose ever again. “You are my son, I could never hate you.”

“But you don’t support me?”

“I don’t support your desicion but if you ever need me and my help, I will never turn my back to you.” she promises kissing his head and pulling away from him a little. Now both of them were crying and Bellamy was unabashedly brushing his teary cheeks with his sleeve. Aurora nervously moved her hands all over his head-swiping away the curls from his forehead, then to his cheeks which she cupped softly, then to his shoulders which she squeezed. “Now let’s go get this medicine and go back to your boy. I will help out with the rations.”

“Mom, no-”

“I’ve saved some lately, Bellamy.” she assures “Got more requests for birthday girl dresses. Apparently Alpha makes a celebration the size of our Wheat dayс when someone’s becoming of age.”

“But-”

“Stop arguing with me, Bellamy Blake and let’s go.” she urges him, helping him stand up and handing him his crutch “You listened to Clarke for once.”

“I took it myself.” he admits “Wasn’t sure I’d be able to walk without it.” he can only ever be honest with her about his pain like that and Aurora appreciated it even if it made her heart ache for her son.

They walked slowly to the pharmacy hallway and when they went there, they found a long queue already-many people, some of whom were barely standing on their feet like Bellamy-with severe frost bite and patched up hands and even faces, or others who coughed constantly even worse than Bellamy were lined up on the only desk they had opened.

“This will be a while.” he huffs a little annoyed as he leans his back on the wall and squeezes his crutch tightly. There were whole families here, some with their crying babies who were white or almost blue faced, others demanding they were examined by the doctor too and who were relocated to the office in the end of the hallway where Bellamy knew one of the older doctors-a seventy year old woman from Arrow who had somehow gotten a degree back in the day-were examining the severe cases. “Why don’t you go get food and then swing by to check on them while I get the medicine? I don’t want them to be alone.”

“Were they asleep when you left?”

“Yes, but Gus could wake up from his pain.”

“I don’t want to leave you, though, not like this.” Aurora insists as she dragged her look over him-he was in a bad shape himself, already barely standing on his feet and coughing constantly. “We’ll stay together. Clarke is with him and if he needs something she’ll take care of it.”

“But, what if-”

“No, Bellamy. We’re staying together.”

And there was a reason for that as Bellamy later realized. It took them over an hour to actually get to the desk behind which there was a young woman from Farm who was dressed in a white coat going over prescriptions and ration points and trying make sense of it all. The poor girl was so discheveled that Bellamy felt bad for her but he was actually a little relieved that she was the one on shift and not the older meaner pharmacist who would always argue with him about the dosage of his pills or the syrups.

“What can I do for you guys?” she asks when she pushes the paperwork aside and gives them a look, smiling a little despite the stress she was under.

“We’d like some frostbite paste.”

“For children or adults?”

“There’s a difference?” Aurora asks confused and the girl nods.

“Adult one’s stronger but it could still be used on a kid if you applied less. I have however only two child ones left so they cost more.”

“Shit.” Bellamy curses “How much?”

“Seventy.”

“I have fifty.”

“We’ll add mine too.” Aurora says sternly gripping his hand “We’ll take it. Also add two bottles of cough syrup, please.”

“Mom, no we can’t-” he tries to protest coughing a little as he spoke, proving her point that he needed this. 

“Quiet, kid.” she scolds him and takes out her blue ration card setting it on the counter next to Bellamy’s “We’ll take some bandages too and give us some Tylenol as well.” she adds and the girl goes around to the shelves behind her, picking everything up.

“Mom!” Bellamy hisses at her “We cannot do this! You can’t spend all your savings on medicine.”

“I can do what I want since I am the parent and I decide what is best for my child and his son.”

“But-”

“Shush!” she actually scolds him and makes a few of the people behind them tern and smile at the exchange whilst Bellamy felt like an angry teenager who was all grown up but had to still listen to his mom because she apparently, said so.

“Which card am I charging this to?” the pharmasict asks when she brings in everything they’ve asked for and puts it in a big brown bag. 

“Mine!” Aurora pushes it to her but Bellamy covers her hand and puts his foot down.

“Both!” he tells the girl and slides in his too. Aurora opens up her mouth to argue now but Bellamy cuts her off.

“You forget that you are my mother too and this isn’t a one-way street. You take care of me but I also take care of you.” Aurora grits her teeth despite wanting to argue with him and then the girl interrupts them.

“Sorry, but I can also charge all of it on your card, sir, if you’d like?” she turns to Bellamy “You have more than enough points.”

“What? That’s not possible. I only had fifty when I last checked.”

“You were transferred a hundred and fifty additional points about forty minutes ago according to my server.” she tells him staring at her computer screen and squinting her eyes trying to make out the numbers “It’s your paycheck for the last two weeks it seems.”

“But...there must be a mistake. I was sick and off for a while and I-”

“It is what it is, sir,” the girl adds tiredly, maybe even a little annoyed “would you like me to use your card or the missis too?” Aurora opens her mouth to argue but he takes her hand and squeezes it in quiet protest.

“Just mine.” he insists and the girl swipes Aurora’s back on the counter while she finishes his transaction. “Keep them, mom!” he insists but she shakes her head and takes the bag from the girl so he can shove his card back in his front pocket and walk off with his crutch.

“We’re going to mess hall and buying food.” she states “And this time, I’m paying.” he wants to argue with her but he knows better. She felt guilty that she insisted on the cough syrups and the bandages when he only wanted the frost burn paste and he’s well aware that he won’t change her mind about it so he just follows her slowly and tries to force himself not to stop whenever he felt out of breath.

His entire body still hurt starting from his bruised ribs to his back and all the way to his knee and even his fingers. There were moments, especially in the morning or when he overworked himself when even his foot felt paralyzed and he couldn’t feel much of his toes. He hadn’t told that to anyone, knowing it’d just freak them all out but on such occassions he got scared. Must be all the nerve damage as Clarke had explained back after the accident but he feels it now too and he is basically dragging his leg only feeling more of anything above his knee than down. 

[i-didnt-do-1t]

(Part 2) of ‘Walk you Home’

Morris kicked the dirt and then gestured forward, his shirt was rolled up to his elbows and it was hard not to notice the bruise that coloured the length of the inside of his arm.

Usually she would ask. She should ask. But she’d learnt recently that sometimes asking made people uncomfortable, drew attention to something they would rather forget. She hated the way a question about the bruise that had appeared on Romeo’s cheek had made him avoid her for the rest of the day, or the way her concern at the deep looking cut on Finch’s arm had his gaze darken and a somewhat snapped ‘not really any of your business’ thrown at her. And Morris, the Delancey’s in general, were hardly known for their pacifism. If Morris Delancey wanted to get bruises by fighting dirty with newsboys in the street then it wasn’t her place to comment on it.

“Ladies first.” He said, an edge to his voice, and it was only when she was knocked out of her reverie that she realised she’d been staring.

“Right.” She muttered and started walking in the direction of home, morris trailing along beside her, maybe one or two steps behind which would’ve been uncomfortable if he wasn’t whistling one of Medda’s tunes to himself.

She had told herself she was going to walk in silence, that any conversation would be awkward but Katherine had always been impulsive and had a harder time keeping her mouth shut. It was five minutes later that the question had been asked before she was even finished thinking it.

“You go to Medda’s shows?”

His whistling stopped, but he was still following her, the question hadn’t scared him off based of the sound of footsteps on gravel.

“Course we do.”

“She’s fantastic.”

“Yeah, she is.”

They fell into silence again, except this time he was walking next to her, hands shoved deep in his pockets hat tipped slightly to the side and she found herself staring again.

This was confusing. And weird.

She didn’t like the silence.

“Where’s your brother tonight?” She paused, “Oscar?”

Morris shot her a look. “You think I keep track of him?”

“No. I’ve just never seen you without him before, you’re practically joined at the hip.”

His jaw tensed. “He’s out somewhere. What’s it to you?”

She frowned. “Nothing, I’m just making conversation. Why did you stay home?”

“Jesus what is this? a damn interview?” His tone was harsh and she could see his hands squeezed into fists in his pockets.

Maybe she had too much pride for her own good.

“I was just curious.” He scoffed, she felt her frown deepen. “You’re the one who offered to walk me home.”

“God a guy wants to do something proper for once and this is what he gets.”

“Don’t fool yourself you’ve never done anything nice without strings attached.”

“And so what huh?” He looked at her again. “Miss Pulitzer who lives of daddies money judging the rest of us like she’s some saint.” His voice was bitter, the words spits of acid.

“I’m not some saint but I’ve never beat up on some defenceless kids, and I’ve never hurt a boy on crutches.”

“Yeah, you ain’t getting paid to.” His mouth twisted up into something like a smile but there was no humour behind it. “And Kelly’s crip is fine ain’t he? Got the refuge shut up n everything.”

“Crutchie is his own person.”

He laughed, something quick and harsh and mean. “Sure, n’ so are you.”

She could practically physically feel the way he was worming under her skin with every apathetic, sarcastic jab. She knew he was trying to rile her up, it was obvious. But it was also working.

It was a small mercy that the last turn they took brought them to the end of her street. She’s be safe from here to the front door and she turned and told Morris as much.

He shrugged. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

She turned to leave, shoulders back, head tilted up and a glare in her eyes but she stopped before she got further than a step, and spoke without turning around. Preceded by a deep sigh.

“Thank you. For walking me back.”

She glanced over her shoulder, he tipped his hat and then was gone. Back around the corner, back into the dark.

And when Katherine arrived at her front door she was glad it was to her doorman, who had been watching from down the street and could confirm to her dad that she had an escort home, and avoid the reprimand she would’ve received otherwise.

[i-call-me-clarence]

Trigger warning for ganglion cysts and joint dislocation below the cut. If ANYONE has any knowledge about ganglion cysts or other types of cysts in joints PLEASE read. I need help and to know what’s going on and google is being trash. My doc appointment is weeks out and I need to know if this is an urgent care situation.

Please reblog this so more people who may be able to help can see it.

So I had this ganglion cyst in the joint at the base of my big toe. It swelled while I was in a rainy state and my toe dislocated. It was out of place for a week with no hope of going back in until the cyst deflated again. A few days ago there was this intense snapping feeling and I felt the joint go back together. It was also incredibly painful which is strange since joints going back in is something I’m extremely familiar with and this felt very different. Today the side of my foot started hurting horribly. I removed my sock and started to apply tigers balm to dull the pain but when I touched the skin something HUGE moved. I could feel all around it and it moved when I touched around it or on it. It was roughly the size of my thumb and shaped like a banana. After I was done applying the tigers balm I felt a muscle spasm in the previously dislocated toe coming on. It scared me so I taped several toes together so the big toe couldn’t move. Then the mass moved to the center of my foot. I could see it through the skin. My muscles around it started spamming visibly through the skin and it seemed to disappear from site but I could feel it go up in my foot towards the middle. I can no longer see it. I am still having extreme muscle spasms in the spot where it was on the side of my foot and in the center of my foot. It looks like my foot is breathing. Now there is extreme pain in the base big toe joint. I’m terrified it’s going to find its way back in somehow. Is this possible? Also I can’t find anything on ganglion cysts disconnecting and becoming free floating. I think this happened when it popped out of the joint. It’s still solid (soft and moveable but still solid) and I don’t believe it ruptured. My skin around the base big toe joint as well as on the side of my foot is turning red in a marbled pattern. I cannot afford urgent care or a doctor but I am willing to borrow money (it will be extremely difficult) to get this looked at sooner if I must. Please, if anyone has had a similar experience or knows something about this please reply to this post, reblog it, or dm me. I’m terrified.

Also, I am not putting any weight on the foot at this point at all. I’m terrified it will move to a hard to excise/aspirate spot and making any aspiration or surgery more difficult and possible dangerous. My sister found crutches and a wheelchair so I’m using those.

[bloop-im-a-frog-now]

If The Gods Were Kind — pizza

Second hurt/comfort story! I loved writing this one. I’m a bit scared I wrote the bad day like, too stereotypical. I’ve had bad mental health days, but just health wise? Not really. So, hopefully, I didn’t mess up too badly. But like I said, I really liked writing this scene, it’s filled with hurt but soooo much domestic fluff, like, just them <333

Master Post

— —

Content warnings: Panic attack, meltdown, internalized ableism, ableist language. The beginning is rough, pls stay safe <3

Scar bolted out of bed, hyperventilating. He clutched the blankets, closed his eyes and tried to hold back tears. He wondered if that ever worked for anyone, holding back tears that were about to spill any second now. He swallowed a sob and gasped a breath. His eyes glanced to the bed on the other side of the room. Wings ruffled against the sheets and a small noise came out from them, but they stopped after a couple of milliseconds. 

His hand trembled as he pulled the covers away from his boiling body, trying desperately to put the dream in the back of his mind. Pizza wasn’t dead, Etho confirmed it, Tango even pointed out the sign on the little shack Scar built for her. He ignored the amount of strength he used to get rid of the blankets, and tossed his legs at the edge of the bed, taking deeper breaths, just to calm himself, to remind himself everything was fine, it was just a dream, get a grip on yourself . 

His mind didn’t register the ache and the heaviness in his hips and calves when his feet met the ground. He was too busy trying to stay silent, trying to make the horrible nightmare go away, to really register his body was trembling and was struggling to even hold him up tight. He carded a hand through his messy hair (was it getting longer?) and took one deep breath before getting up. His body immediately slumped back onto the bed. He groaned, rubbing his hands against his face and pulling his hair. Was now really a good time?

His eyes searched for his crutches, his cane, anything to distract him from his dream and from his stubborn body, as even moving his neck took too much energy. He rolled his shoulders back, but it only aggravated the ache. When he realized that not only hadn't he fallen asleep in the bedroom but in the kitchen, his cane was probably also there. It’s not a far walk, but he couldn’t remember where he last put his crutches. Why weren’t they in this room?

He wiggled his toes, hoping his legs could support his weight until he reached the kitchen. His mind started to look for places he could hold himself to, while wondering how he wound up in his bed if he fell asleep in the kitchen. Was it Grian? Grian was by no means an early bird, and Scar would much rather he slept the most out of the two of them, but was he strong enough to carry Scar all the way to their bedroom? He had to remind himself, as he used the last energy in his arms to clench the bedpost, that the kitchen wasn’t really that far. It gave him hope he could make it without waking Grian up. 

The house was boiling when he finally arrived in the kitchen and sat on a chair. He didn’t have anything in his inventory, he doubted he could make his body move once more to get the food in their storage system, and he was so glad he had foregone the armor yesterday. He was overheating, he might need some water, but he just let himself feel the cold furniture coarse with sand. 

His eyes caught his cane and his crutches side by side close to the ladder, and he let out a sigh of relief. Grian just placed them together, in an obvious spot. Scar wished he had put them to his bedside, but the last time his body gave him trouble, it was eighteen days ago.

After settling on Monopoly Mountain, Scar could barely walk, let alone do other tasks that were needed to do that day. Grian had simply forced him to sit on a chair and brought Pizza up the mountain, so Scar could do something with his hands. 

His throat clogged at the thought of Pizza, petting her fuzzy fur, already infested by sand and dirt, feeding her carrots they had stolen from the village, calling her a good girl, and adjusting her headband and her saddle. He missed Pizza. He missed her so much, she didn’t deserve all the hate and the teasing the others inflicted upon her. He just wanted his llama back. His mind wandered back to his nightmare, and he pulled his hair to stop thinking about it, it was only a dream, she didn’t die . 

A sob escaped his mouth and he let his head fall on the table. His shoulder blades and hips complained, a gnawing feeling between them and on his waist. He really didn’t know how he should sit. Should he slouch? Should he roll his shoulders back and sit up straight? Maybe he needed food and water. Should he yell at Grian to wake him up? No, his companion needed sleep, who knew at what time he went to bed. 

“Scar?” A rough voice called. 

Scar froze. Did he wake up Grian? He turned his head slightly to the entrance of the kitchen, not too much so that it required all of his lasting energy, but enough to see one macaw wing stretching out, looking fluffier than the last time he saw it. Grian sat down and inspected him, arms crossed against the table. Scar barely moved. 

“What are you doing sitting here, looking into nothingness?” Grian’s face lightened up a bit, slightly amused. 

Now that Scar thought about it, it was kind of silly sitting here, doing nothing. But he did not appreciate the lighthearted remark when he was hungry, frustrated, thirsty, boiling, and cursing at his body for making his life ten times more complicated. 

He simply sighed in reply, looking at the table instead of those lightning green irises. Grian hummed and stood up.

“You hungry?”

Scar hummed. He wasn’t sure if he simply didn’t have the energy to form words or if the morning dryness in his throat clogged the words in it. He did cry, it might’ve contributed. He heard Grian rummaging in their food barrel. 

“What do you want?”

Scar did not reply. He was simply hungry. He would eat anything at this point. He was mostly thinking how to relieve this ache, this soreness in his muscles. A piercing pain traveled through them, it hurt and he did not want to deal with that, did not want to think about it. 

“I’m making applesauce, the apples are getting bad.”

Grian showed him the apples, asking him if he was actually holding the fruit, and Scar nodded. Grian squinted his eyes as he concentrated on making them food. Scar focused on the noises Grian made around the kitchen. The pots and pans clanging together, the harsh chopping noise, the swish sound the knife made against the peel, the bubbles of the boiling water, anything to distract him from the muscles spasms and the weight on his shoulder, the tension around his neck. 

He didn’t know how long he sat there, listening, picking at his nails, while Grian cooked. His head perked up when the bowl clanked against the table. Grian sat down and started eating, eyeing Scar. Scar tried to pick up the spoon, he really did. His upper arm didn’t stop spasming, he couldn’t control his movement, so he kept his arm close to his side, letting it pass. He looked at the applesauce and just wished his body could fulfill its own needs without throwing a fit. 

Grian stood up, placed his chair next to Scar’s, and sat down with a big thunk , making Scar jump in surprise. Grian took his bowl and almost shoved the spoon in his mouth. He moved back, a grunt bubbling in his throat and his muscles whining at the sudden movement. Grian rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Scar, you need help and I am offering said help.”

Scar glared at the spoon in Grian’s hand, wishing all the deadly curses at it. Grian huffed, frustrated.

“Sometimes you just need a break and there’s nothing wrong with that. Look, nobody is gonna come bother us if you don’t want to see people. Heck, I’m sure if I explained the situation to everyone, they would totally understand.” Grian’s shoulders slumped, and Scar wondered if that’s how puppy eyes looked. “Please, Scar?”

Scar hesitated. He was hungry, but he really didn’t want Grian to actually be his servant. It was a fun concept, at first. He really hoped Grian was doing this out of the goodness of his heart. He cleared his throat.

“Not part of the debt,” he murmured, making sure to look deep into those electric green eyes, even if they intimidated him. 

Grian blinked at him owlishly. “Of course not!” His accent was more pronounced than usual. “You’re not well, let me help.”

Scar shifted his gaze to the bowl and nodded. Grian fed him, making sure he wouldn’t choke on the applesauce. It was quite good for smashed boiled apples. He could taste some of the sugarcane they started cultivating close to the edge of the roof of the mountain. It sweetened the aftertaste of the acidic flavor the apples left. Scar was quite impressed, and it did fill a hole in his stomach, even giving him a bit more energy. 

After being satiated, Grian moved behind Scar, rolled up the sleeves of his red sweater and dug his thumbs on Scar’s lower neck. Scar winced and inhaled through his teeth, making Grian stutter in his movements.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

The movement became gentler, rolling his thumbs against the tense part of Scar’s neck. It was quite relaxing, but a lingering pain made the gesture quite uncomfortable, as if someone was applying pressure to a newly formed wound. Scar didn’t complain though, he appreciated the physical touch and was glad to know Grian became comfortable with him enough to touch him like this. He hummed in pleasure when Grian’s thumbs massaged his shoulders and traveled against his biceps, feeling the tension loosen up. Grian let out a chuckle.

“Jeez, Scar, are you stressed or something?”

Scar tensed, immediately thinking of his nightmare. The thumbs stopped circling his deltoid, and Grian’s long nose appeared in his peripheral vision. 

“What are you worried about?”

Scar sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Grian’s right hand left his shoulder while his left hand rounded the other before squeezing it reassuringly. His gaze landed on wide bright emerald eyes, on a slightly freckled nose that almost looked like a beak without looking crooked, on rosy cheeks, on dirty blond curls that frame a concerned face. Scar never realized how majestic Grian looked.

“Scar?” Grian inquired.

Scar put his hand on the one holding his shoulder, to touch where he was permitted to. 

“Pizza,” he let out. Grian quirked an eyebrow. “Had a nightmare about her dying,” he confessed, closing his eyes and rubbing his thumb against Grian’s knuckles. 

“Oh, Scar.” A warmed hand wormed itself close to the base of his hair. He shuddered.

“I miss her, G.”

“I know.” The hand nested itself in his hair, bringing his head to Grian’s shoulder. He stuttered a breath.

“Why did they take her away? She didn’t do anything, she didn’t deserve that.”

Scar let out a sob, his body slack from easing tension out with his crying. Grian shushed him, playing with his hair, scrubbing his scalp. It felt amazing, even if the tension in his neck was back. He grabbed the hand that was playing with his hair, stood straighter on his seat, and brought the hand closer to his chest, letting his other hand fall and grasp Grian’s thigh. Grian’s hand was now slowly rubbing circles, and Scar couldn’t be more relieved to receive physical touch.

Grian shushed him again, whispering “I know ” over and over, reassuring Scar that Pizza was alive, that she probably got lost. He took his hand out of Scar’s grasp and brought it to his cheek, wiping the tears away as they came and tracing his scar that jagged his cheekbone. He leaned in closer and Scar could smell the faint applesauce in his breath.

“You’re so strong, Scar,” Grian murmured, landing his forehead against Scar’s. “I’m so proud of you.” Scar did a whole body shiver at the praise, not realizing his cheeks got warmer with the already warm room. Jade eyes locked on his sunflower’s ones, barely an inch between their faces. “Can I kiss you?”

It was so quiet, but it echoed in Scar’s ears. He slowly nodded, not knowing what to expect. Grian wiped dry his cheeks and leaned his lips slowly against Scar’s. When their lips met, Scar wasn’t sure how to respond, what he was supposed to do. Grian’s lips were warm, chapped by the dryness of the desert, and were pressing harder. In order to not lose balance, Scar pushed back and wondered what was the purpose of this action.

Grian pulled back and surveyed Scar’s face. He smiled, placed his arms around Scar’s neck, and hugged him, face buried in the crook of his neck. Scar was taken by surprise and placed one hand on Grian’s waist, while the other rested on his shoulder blade, not sure how far or how close his hand should be to the wings. 

“We’ll find her, Scar. We’ll find her and prove to everyone to never mess with us, and that’s a promise.”

Scar sniffed and let out a choke sob, circling his arms around Grian’s waist and muffling his cries of joy in Grian’s sweater. Grian petted his hair once more and they stayed there in a long silence, sometimes interrupted by Scar’s sniffles and Grian’s reassurance and praise.

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[aquanova99]

I’ve seen your posts about how the Denali coven isn’t as harmonious in your world as they appear in the books, do you think that the coven would ever break up or do you think that they’d stick it out because they’re all each other know in the vampire world?

To start this off I want to explain why I think this to be the case. With the Cullens as toxic and dysfunctional as they may be, Carlisle did in fact save every one of them. While some (Rosalie) would have rather died he had at least good intentions, for the most part. I won’t deny I think Carlisle has his own issues but that’s another post for another time. The Denali coven was made up of people who had no choice.

I’ve answered this here, but I will add what I can.

Tanya was Sasha’s great niece. That’s all the illustrated guide says, so I’m not sure if Tanya was given a choice or not. But they did have a familial tie. It is also stated that the two of them were the closest to eachother. Tanya has no complaint about her life with her “mother.”

Then on the other hand we have Katrina. Ialso headcanon she makes everyone call her Kate because Katrina was her human name. In the illustrated guide, Kate was essentially a bodyguard for someone and she loved her job. The women she worked with were considered her sisters. She was proud of the life she led. She was also, and most importantly, not dying when she was turned. Sasha and Tanya attacked the caravan she was in and the other women in it were killed. Kate only survived because she looked similar enough to Tanya, and Sasha thought she may as well give her a sister. She went down fighting, as I’m sure most of the other women did. I ask, would you want to stick around the people who stole your life away? I wouldn’t. But where was she going to go? Sasha would have had to teach her about the volturi, maybe enough to scare her into staying.

We also know she was always able to control her gift. I theorize she developed it as a defense mechanism to keep both Sasha and Tanya at arms reach. Again see link for details on what likely happened.

By the events of Breaking Dawn, we have Irina killed, the one who person who likely allowed Kate to at least be civil with the rest of the covenmates. While she likely enjoys Carmen and Eleazars company. I do think after a few years she and Garrett will leave as I am sure she started the diet when Tanya insisted.

Tanya was the de facto leader being Sasha niece. And I think while Kate would have protested (quite a bit I may add) I think to keep the Irina would have asked Kate to listen. And I do think Irina would have swayed her. To Tanyas annoyance, I’m sure. Because why can’t Kate just listen??? Without Irina I don’t see her having to use the veggie diet as a crutch, and now if she did sleep with humans (which I doubt btw) she has Garrett to distract her. No need for them anymore. But I don’t think Garrett would be the one to force her to shove her feelings away like she’s had to do for centuries. I think Garrett will help her realize having those feelings is okay and that she doesn’t have to just push people away with her gift.

[fatedwithmbc]

Therapy today was … not bad, but not good. We went through the progress of my “homework” which is cleaning and decluttering my room. Since we were virtual, I was able to show her the physical progress and she was happy with how much I’ve accomplished but was still encouraging because there is still much to do. We also added to my homework. I have to find a recipe from the cookbook I received from Unite for Her and cook it one night (before my next session). We also started talking about what my plan for returning to work is going to look like and if the beginning of July is a definitive date - I don’t have an answer.

I don’t have an answer for a lot of things- like why I’m suddenly getting pain on my lower left abdomen. Nothing seems to relieve it. I need to message my care team.

I have my psychiatry appointment tomorrow which I really do not want to miss because I missed the last one. I need both my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication refilled. I NEED to go. Maybe we can problem solve why I’m feeling so teary lately as well.

Tomorrow should also be Walking Wednesday- but the air quality is quite bad from some wild fires in Canada making their way down the east coast. But if Brian is up for it and this pain is tolerable, I’ll walk. I need to get up and moving and stop using my crutch (my bed) for a solution for every little problem, ache or pain.

I just feel depleted today. I need to reframe. I need to reset. It’s not always easy. I let myself get dragged into the “what-if’s”.

I’m having a lot of anxiety about my next CT Scan. I was off my meds for two weeks and when I restarted, it was a lower dose. And this was after my last CT showed stable (all prior scans showed shrinking). I’m scared that with the break, and the lower dose- things have advanced or grown. I have nothing to prove that, it’s just my giant fear right now.

I’m trying to look forward to Colorado. I bought the travel book from Frommer’s and started looking into how to avoid altitude sickness. It’s a start.

Today was the anniversary of D-Day. These historic anniversaries and events make me miss my Dad as well as history was a shared interest.

I suppose that’s all I’ve got for this entry. Knowing me, in an hour or two, if I’m still awake, I’ll contribute more to my little corner of the writing universe.

El Fin.