alienthoughts

[alienthoughts]

Can't sleep. So homesick. Somethings just really gotten into me lately, I'm homesick constantly. More just for my time overall. Sometimes it's my home planet specifically. Sometimes it's just anywhere out there with the right dates on the calendar. Feeling displaced timewise is the most disorienting shit ever, it gives me a headache if I let myself think about it too much. Curling my tail around my legs and trying to sooth myself

[alienthoughts]

It's a freaking tragedy that I can't trill. Can't even roll my r's. How am I supposed to express delight??

[alienthoughts]

Kind of a vent, just talking about physical disability stuff and pain and internalised nonsense so overall pretty negative

Maybe it��s just because in a pretty bad flare up right now, but I’m having one of those “oh god I can’t handle this I can’t do it!!!” Moments in the chronic pain cycle. You know how it is, you’re accepting it as part of your life, then it’s getting a bit much, then you hit this stage, then you go back to trying to accept your own needs. Rinse repeat. It’s just… I’m waiting on a really important mri appointment right now, it’s coming up in 2 months. I’ve been waiting a year and a half for it now. I want answers so badly I just want to know why my body is like this but I’m also scared as to what the answer might be. But I try not to stress about it. I guess I still have a lot of internalised ableism because of how… like everyone around us has treated us our whole life. This goes for mental/developmental stuff too but physical stuff has been really getting me lately. I just wish people believed my pain. I wish I didn’t get weird looks in public for my crutches and the way I walk and my leg spasms and my twitching. When I talk to people who don’t doubt my pain, there’s just immediately so much pity. Especially because of our age and how young we were when this started. The way they talk it’s like they see this as a waste of someone who should’ve been more useful. And there’s always the same list of useless fucking advice. I know they mean well. I’m just so tired of it and I don’t care they mean well. I’m tired of it. And I’m so tired of being in so much pain all the god damn time. I wish I had a wheelchair, even a five minute walk is so difficult now. But I can’t afford one and I could never have one while living at home. But even if I could afford to move out, I couldn’t live independently. I just wish I didn’t have so many fucking issues. Maybe if the mri provides an answer my parents will get better and actually accept I need help and have needed help this whole time. I hate knowing that even as an adult I have to rely on them for so much and that’s not ending any time soon. Being disabled is just really fucking hard

[alienthoughts]

Sometimes I feel so out of place in the nonhuman community I won’t lie ^^’ I’m much older than a good amount of members, and I’m very physically disabled so I can’t do fun things like run around outside and roll in leaves and all the fun things I’d really like to do if I could.

So shouts out to my older nonhumans/otherkins/therians, my physically disabled siblings, and others who might feel a little unseen and unheard

[alienthoughts]

Oh my god its getting so hot and I'm learning that apparently heat is way worse for flare ups than the cold now.... I'm literally not built for this!!! Only plus side is I had a really vivid dream of being on my home planet and swimming in a lake (? Could've been a different body of water not sure) and it felt so refreshing... I can't swim and have never enjoyed being in the water. At all. Desperate times call for desperate measures?

[alienthoughts]

Haven't been angel posting much at all the past while, basically... well we split a new member off who is an angel, and i stopped feeling like one... he stole it from me!!! (Kidding! Kidding! If you see this I'm just kidding!) But I do still feel a connection to them, so still angelhearted. It's funny how these things work sometimes

[alienthoughts]

Want to try start posting more personal stuff here that isn't just alterhumanity related. Just a bit silly to hold back on expressing myself on my own blog

[alienthoughts]

curious plural question

anyone else get REM-like eye movements during switches ? learn to control switches many years ago , and this is always feature of intentional switches for kossai - unintentional ones do not have movement .

[alienthoughts]

would be fun to change up some of body words ! unfortunately collective faerie mien is humanoid , just green with wings . what is there to change ? why yes , kossai have faerie hands and faerie feet , not to mention faerie eyes and faerie face … just not hit same as snouts and flippers of world . :D

[alienthoughts]

anyone else feel like a victim of the exotic pet trade

[alienthoughts]

Felt very homesick last night… which is odd for me, it’s not a feeling I’m used to. I have so few memories to miss and they’re so distant now. But still… wanted to draw Kurill again. Imagine if I could go back there… well, being able to climb that much is also a bit of a pipe dream for me lol. But I daydream about it a lottt

[alienthoughts]

Satellotype terminology is so cool. I can really understand and visualise the orbiting thing.

Paratype is very broad and I believe satellotype is a good thing as it has the specific of being a secondary type not just any type from type relationship. One that you might not feel without the other present, which in our experience isn't the same as what the broader paratype can mean.

E.g. I am rabbit hearted from being a rabbit, but I believe I would still be rabbit hearted even if I wasn't one. Compared to I don't have anything to do with deer without being a jackalope

I would say we have a few in here although it's hard to pin down because they are quite misty. We may not all label them until they feel like concrete enough.

June feels like a horse when purr is very in donkey-ness, also weirdly enough feels like a centaur. (The centaur thing is weird, I really don't know where it comes from but the desire to be one pops up whenever I shift into a full donkey form. There's this one image I saw of a fully tacked centaur that just pinged for me. Most often I feel quite neutral towards them. -J)

Deer and antelope does inform part of my identity as a jackalope, as they are the two common/fabled things to mix with a rabbit or hare to get one. I really really think antlers would be so nice to interlock with another in sparring. Also...hooves. But that's also part of being a satyr, which has the ram orbiting it.

So cool! Love the term.

[alienthoughts]

Feeling like talking. This is going to be very disorganised, plan on making more structured posts on these subjects later. So I suppose this is an outline! Anyway, some identity exploration and questioning, dreams and past life stuff, and connections to Earth species

So, I said in my last post, I’ve been very sick recently. Starting to feel better now, but it was roughhh. However, it did mean a lot of very strange and interesting dreams. I can remember one or two which were basically reoccurring versions of a previous dream I’d had, living a past life on my home planet. And I mean a very far in the past life, as the first of genetic line. My earliest possible ancestor. These were all very brief. Small moments of climbing and exploring through the trees and foliage. Incredibly sensory experiences though (my dreams all tend to be) they felt so real. The natural world around me so vivid. Even my form was just so. Vivid. The feeling of my fur and the shape of my body. For reference, think of something between a lemur and a marmoset (this comparison will be important later) I love these dreams they’re so comforting, and just such an enjoyable experience, but there were others that were more. Odd.

I also had more than a handful of dreams where I was in the body of Earth primates. I say primates because it was literally a different species every single time. I’ve had one of these before, as a lemur, but thought nothing of it. But like… another one as a (different type of) lemur. One as a galago. One as a chimp. One as just a vaguely monkey shaped creature. And these were also all really comforting experiences. They were just like.. nice to inhabit. There was a freedom there. And it made me think about something I struggle with a lot. Feeling like an animal when compared to humans. As an alien, my species is supposed to fit in with humans very well. We socialise the same way, you know, things like that. But sometimes it just feels like something messed up in my specific line. All these instincts that don’t align with human expectations and socialisation that I’m constantly suppressing, that just jump out sometimes with strong emotions. All these gaps in my knowledge and interactions that I’m not supposed to have, but I do. I’ve discussed this stuff before, my feelings on it are very messy. This is the result of a lot of different Life Stuff that I don’t necessarily want to get into, but long story short. Messy. And I guess I tried to make myself feel better about it by trying to reconnect with humanity, to feel assured in my place in it. But maybe I want to be an animal. Somewhere deep down

Aside from their similarities to my past life, being the closest thing on Earth I can connect it with, I think that’s why my brain goes towards primates (even if it can’t seem to pick a particular one). It’s because of their closeness to humans but also their distance. They kind of connect with a lot of my experience as an alien. Like, look at me humans! I’m so like you in so many ways. You can recognise all these traits in me! But there’s also all these traits that are so far from you! Do you get me? I’m just comforted by them, a species I can see myself in on this planet. It’s something I’ve been considering for a while, having a primate kin type, it’s just something I ignored because of previously stated messiness about feeling like an animal when the whole point of my species was appealing to humanoid sensibilities. I guess it would be a sort of coping link scenario, if I decide to think about it further and confirm it. I have more thinking to do currently

It does feel a lot like my Angel ‘type, sort of like an extension of my alien-ness. They’re connected, representing parts of each other. Being an alien is always going to be the central part of my identity in this regard, but examining that connection did make me feel more whole in my understanding of myself. Expect more thoughts on this going forward (side note, given the current nature of my connection, is coping-cladotherian a thing? Clado-linker? The exacts of the terminology don’t matter to me all that much on a personal level, just wondering for categorisation reasons)

[alienthoughts]

Hello hello everyone !! How are all the aliens and various other inhabitants of tumblr doing? I have not been active in... a quick little second here (like exactly a month pretty much, funny how that turned out lol) things have been hectic and I've recently been absolutely dying sick. And species dysphoria has been bad which, ironically, makes me want to be active on here talking about species stuff wayyy less. But I'm starting to feel better!! And pretty much just making this post because I have stuff I want to talk about whenever I have the energy to put it all together (dreams, past life stuff) because I know I'll forget if I don't put it down somewhere. Anyway, thats all!

[alienthoughts]

Hear me out: what if the alienkin/spacekin symbol was the 7-pointed faerie star but as a shooting star. I'm imagining like a circle with the star in it and a comet-like tail

[alienthoughts]

Also btw. Time is a social construct.

I'm spiritual fictionkin and like. Canon is my past, alternate and future life simultaneously. Sometimes i feel like I'm in this reverse isekai reincarnated situation where canon is my past life and i just Forgot, other times i feel like canon is just an alternative timeline and there is also the mindset that canon is my written future/fate instantly dooming myself.

The fact that 'I' dissappeared under mysterious circumstances in canon doesn't help btw.

But also it's whatever idc i have a job and stuff to do. Fretting over something when i cant do anything won't help.

[alienthoughts]

Hear me out: what if the alienkin/spacekin symbol was the 7-pointed faerie star but as a shooting star. I'm imagining like a circle with the star in it and a comet-like tail