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mind-empty-just-fictional-people · 1 year ago

Text

Trust

main masterlist | the boys masterlist

summary: soldier boy doesn’t realize just how scared of him you truly are

pairing: soldier boy x female reader

rating: R for language, mature themes

word count: 5.2k

warnings: please read! language, mentions of sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, drugging, violence, forced purging (to prevent possible death), briefly mentioned nudity (not in a smutty way), much darker than anything i’ve published before

author’s note: this started out as a small idea but i got really carried away lol.

another note: sorry for kinda ghosting after uploading the last fic, my brain hates me 🙃 i can’t promise i won’t “disappear” again like immediately after uploading this so thank you in advance for any/all feedback/comments 💞💞

It was late at night (more like early morning) when you were arguing with Butcher at the door.

“Don’t you dare leave me here alone with him!” you seethed.

“C’mon, love, the old cunt’s gonna be asleep the whole time I’m gone.”

Your teeth clenched at the idea of being alone in the house with Soldier Boy, but if Billy didn’t go now to “run an errand” he’d probably have to go later that day anyway.

“Fine,” you sighed. “But if ‘the old cunt’ lays a fucking finger on me I swear to god Butcher!”

“I’ll be back by nine.”

A loud knock on your door woke you up.

“Hey! Sweetheart!” Soldier Boy’s voice shouted from the other side. “You up?”

“I am now,” you mumbled to yourself angrily. 7:26 your clock read.

“I heard that,” Soldier Boy said.

Shit, you thought. “What do you want?”

“The stupid TV isn’t fuckin’ working, I need you to come and work your magic for me.”

You sighed. You couldn’t ignore him at this point, that’d most likely just anger him further. If he wanted to he’d just break down the door and drag you out to the living room.

“C’mon toots, don’t be a bitch about it,” he exclaimed.

“Screw you,” you mumbled.

“Hey!” Soldier Boy exclaimed. “What’d I just fuckin’ say!” He tried opening the door but you’d obviously locked it.

“I-I’ll be out in a second,” you told him.

“That’s more like it,” he mumbled back.

You quickly got out of bed (whole outfit still on, just in case Soldier Boy had tried something in the night) and hurried to the door before you opened it. There he stood, the strongest man alive. You gulped nervously as he didn’t move and stayed blocking your way out.

He eyed you up and down obnoxiously, smirking at the sight and making your heart beat faster.

“Same outfit as last night, I see,” he said.

“S-So?” you asked, trying to mask the pure fear this man instilled in you. “I just like these clothes, is all.” He didn’t say anything, just kept smirking at you. “You’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday, too, you know!”

“So you have been checking me out.” He nodded a little, the smirk still on his face.

“Did you want me to help you with the TV or did you just wake me up to be a dick?”

“TV,” he grumbled, “but would it kill you to be polite once in a while?”

“Would it kill you to move out of the way so I can head downstairs?”

He furrowed his brows before he rolled his eyes and stepped to the side; “After you, princess,” he mocked. You left your bedroom and he followed you downstairs to where the perfectly functioning TV hung on the wall.

You hated the way Soldier Boy eyed you as you took the remote out from the cabinet beside the TV and turned it on.

“It seems to be working fine?” you said, wanting to take his attention off of your ass. “What were you trying to watch?”

“Uh…how bout you pick something for us?” he offered.

“Excuse me?” you practically scoffed.

“C’mon, sit down and watch with me,” he said. You turned around, expecting to see him sitting on the couch, but he was now standing about a yard away from you. “Butcher seems to be gone…” He took a step towards you. “We’ve got the whole house to ourselves…” Another step. “Why don’t we have some fun?” He reached out and lightly touched your cheek, traced down the side of your face, and tilted your chin up to look him in the eyes.

“Soldier Boy—”

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me,” he interrupted you. “I know your heart starts racing when I walk into a room, I know it beats even faster when I get close. I know you want me, don’t even try to fuckin’ deny it.”

“P-Please—”

“Oh, I like a woman who knows when to beg,” he chuckled lowly as he bent down to kiss you.

“Please don’t hurt me, please,” you said quickly, tears stinging your eyes as they threatened to fall. “I-I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch to you, I-I didn’t mean it! Please don’t kill me!”

“Kill you?” He stood up straight, pulling his hand up off your face and putting it up in defense. “Kill you?” There was a moment of silence as he intensely looked at your reaction to him getting so close. “You…You’re scared of me, aren’t you?”

You nodded slightly, worried you might upset him as his face fell. He seemed almost saddened by the fact you didn’t want him near you.

“But…I’m a hero,” he scoffed slightly. “Why would you be scared of me?”

“Please don’t take it personally,” you said. “Just let me set up the TV for you and go back to my room…please?”

“You’re fuckin’ terrified right now, aren’t you?” he asked and again you nodded, again he scoffed.

“Can you blame me?” you asked. “I-If I rub you the wrong way you could snap my neck like a chicken bone without breaking a sweat.”

“But I…” He continued looking at you with confusion that seemed to be laced with curiosity. “I wouldn’t. I mean, I know I get angry sometimes but I’d never hurt you?”

“You wouldn’t be the first hero to turn on me,” you told him quietly. Soldier Boy paused and thought about what to do next. He’d never been in a situation like this before; standing alone with someone who was genuinely scared of him, someone that didn’t trust a hero like himself.

“Just uh… Just turn on a movie and you can go,” he said before he took a seat on the couch. “Another one from my time, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure,” you said; a small, forced smile on your lips. You found a movie you thought he’d like and pressed play for him before tossing the remote on the couch and leaving.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he called out, making you stop in your tracks. “I’m sorry you don’t trust me, but I need you to know that I’d never hurt you.”

“O-Okay, Soldier Boy,” you said before you hurried out of the room, up the stairs, and back into your room. “Billy Butcher I am going to fucking strangle you,” you mumbled to yourself.

“You’re up before noon,” Butcher remarked, seeing Soldier Boy in the living room. “And you got the TV workin’ on your own! Atta boy, gov’.”

“Actually, Y/n set it up for me,” Soldier Boy said.

Butcher sighed at that, “So, you’ve talked to her today then, huh?”

“Yeah, why?” the Supe asked before Butcher left to see you.

He knocked lightly on your door before you opened it.

“Hello—” Butcher started but a swift slap to the face shut him up pretty quickly.

“Fuck you, Butcher!”

“Did he hurt you?” Butcher asked, holding his cheek.

“No, but he almost fucking did, asshole! How dare you leave me alone with him like that!”

“Oh come off it! If you’re still in one piece then all’s well that ends well, am I right?” he said with a smirk and a shrug.

“You ever do something like that again and I swear to god William!” You stared daggers at him.

“My ‘errand’ didn’t go as planned anyways, love,” he told you. “I’ve gotta figure out another way to find where they’re hiding Homelander.”

“Or whatever’s left of him,” you mumbled.

“Alright, I’m off,” Butcher announced, a full duffle bag in his hand as he headed to the door.

“What?” you exclaimed from the kitchen as you hurried to get between him and his destination. “What’re you talking about?”

“Everything okay?” Soldier Boy asked from the couch near the TV.

“Everything’s fine, gov’, you keep watching your movie,” Butcher said.

“Can I talk to you outside for a minute?” you asked Butcher, you didn’t want Soldier Boy to hear what you were about to say.

“After you then, love,” Butcher obliged.

The second the door closed behind the two of you, you let him have it.

“Don’t you fucking dare leave me here alone with him again, I cannot fucking take it!”

“It’ll only be for a little while, you’ll be fine!” Butcher said.

“Then let me come with you!”

“What, and leave the cunt here alone? He’ll burn the house down trying to make himself a fuckin’ sandwich,” Butcher exclaimed. “He needs a fuckin’ babysitter and that’s you.”

“Why me? Why can’t you call Hughie? Or Frenchie? Or, better than all of us combined, Kimiko?” you asked.

“Hughie’s outta state, Frenchie and Kimiko are both knee-deep in shit sussing out another lead on Homelander’s whereabouts.”

You sighed heavily, you saw his point but the thought of being trapped again made your stomach hurt; “Please don’t leave me alone with him, Butcher. You know how much he fucking terrifies me, and you know exactly why.”

“I’m sorry I gotta do this to you, love, but you know he’s our only shot at killin’ Homelander once and fucking for all.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“Only a day or two.”

You again conceded, against your better judgment, and let Butcher leave you with Soldier Boy.

“What was that all about?” the Supe asked when you walked back into the house and locked the door.

You forced a smile; “Nothing, Soldier Boy,” you said, “dinner will be ready soon.”

You didn’t know Soldier Boy heard everything you and Butcher had said.

“Looks great, toots.” Soldier Boy walked up behind you in the kitchen, not missing the flinch you threw when he got a little too close.

“Thanks,” you mumbled.

“You still that scared of me?” he asked, leaning on the counter and trying to get you to look up at him.

“If you can hear my heart, I’m sure you’ve got something that can smell my fear too.”

“I know I make your heart race, your breathing becomes slightly quicker when I get close, and I’ve noticed your pupils tend to change when you notice I’m next to you.”

“So why is my fear such a fuckin’ surprise, then?” you scoffed.

“I guess I didn’t realize it was fear making your heart race and your pupils dilate slightly.”

“What, you thought I was into you or something?” you asked half-heartedly before you looked over at him and realized that was exactly what he had thought. “Oh.”

“So, yeah, I was surprised when I realized you didn’t like havin’ me around,” he admitted. You almost felt guilty for a moment but it quickly disappeared as you remembered why you were scared of him in the first place. “Can you at least tell me why, though?” he asked as you shoveled his food onto a plate. “Why are you so scared of me? I get that I’m stronger than you but, no offense, isn’t Butcher too? Isn’t like… almost every man out there?”

“One, I trust Butcher. I’ve known him for years and he’s been nothing but good; he’s an asshole, sure, but he’s good when it counts. And two, I don’t spend time alone with ‘almost every man out there’ so that does not help your case at all.” You handed him the plate. “Here’s your food.”

“Thanks, dollface.” He took it from you and you started getting your own plate ready. He watched your every move and his brows knitted with confusion as he did so.

“You can go sit down,” you told him. “You don’t need to watch me like a hawk.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just still tryin’ to figure you out I guess.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you scoffed.

“You know I’m a hero, right? I’m a superhero, and I would never hurt you?”

“Look, no offense, but the last time I trusted a Supe it really didn’t turn out well and I’m not gonna let myself give you even an inch of trust because you are even stronger than the last guy.”

“What happened? What’d he do?” Soldier Boy asked and you didn’t respond. “C’mon, you owe me that much! I’ve been nothing but good to you, yet you’re treating me like I did whatever this other Supe did to you!”

“I don’t owe you shit, Soldier Boy,” you snapped and you could’ve sworn you saw genuine hurt flash over his features. “If you must know, it was The Deep. I trusted him, let him be good to me, and it all blew up in my face in the most awful way I could’ve imagined.”

“I’m sorry, honey.” He reached out to touch your shoulder but you flinched away from him.

“Please, don’t touch me. I get that you’re trying to be sweet or whatever but please don’t. It’s not doing what you think it’s doing, Soldier Boy.”

He nodded and backed away slightly.

“My name’s Ben,” he told you. You looked at him with a sense of shock. “My real name’s Ben, you don’t have to say ‘Soldier Boy’ all the time, you can just say ‘Ben’.”

“Okay, Ben, while we’re on the topic of names, you could ease up on the ‘toot’s and ‘doll’s and ‘dollface’s and ‘honey’s and ‘sweetheart’s you know. Or at the very least stick to one pet name.”

He smiled at your honesty, hoping it was a sign you might be scared of him just a tad less.

“Think I’ll just stick to callin’ you sweetheart, then,” he replied.

“Thank god, I was really starting to hate dolls.”

That made him laugh deeply before he walked to the table and took his seat.

Don’t you fucking dare, you thought to yourself when you felt a feeling of almost-not-absolute-fear-and-disgust wash over you for a split second.

“Look, I’m sorry, but—”

“You’re sorry?” you scoffed into the phone. “Butcher get the fucking hell back here!”

“I can’t, I’ve gotta spend another night over here. Apparently—”

“I don’t give a rat's ass why you have to stay, I am begging you to please get back here now!” Tears were stinging your eyes as your voice cracked.

“I’m sorry—”

“If he does anything to me, anything at all, I’ll never fucking forgive you for leaving me alone with him, Butcher. You understand me, William? Never!”

“He’s not gonna hurt you,” Butcher sighed. “Just keep your distance and be nice to him. He does have a bit of a temper, maybe he just needs to relieve some tension…”

“That’s not funny!” You gritted your teeth as a few tears slipped down your cheeks. “When are you getting back here?”

“A few more days,” he replied.

Before he said another word you hung up on him, furious that he thought it was okay to leave you alone with Soldier Boy.

Though the Supe was in his own room upstairs, he still heard every word you said. He’d never admit it, but his heart clenched at the thought of how scared you were right now.

It had been over a week since you’d seen him when Butcher finally got back with some new information on Homelander’s location. He had a plan to find the exact coordinates and he wasn’t going to let his morals get in the way.

“Well, well, you clean up nice,” Butcher commented when you stepped out of the bathroom.

“Shut up,” you grumbled. You were wearing a short royal blue dress with a deep v-neckline and almost no back, the silver heels and necklace tied the otherwise seemingly plain outfit together nicely. “If this stupid plan of yours gets me killed I’m gonna come back and haunt you for the rest of your fuckin’ life.”

“Wow,” Ben beamed when he walked out of his room and saw you standing in the hall with Butcher. “You look incredible, sweetheart.”

“I look like a damn hooker,” you said.

“That’s the idea, love.” Butcher smirked.

A high-ranking Vought employee had been seen at a certain bar almost every night for the last two months and it was now your job to get him to trust you. If he trusted you enough, he would take you back to his place and you could find out any and all information he had on Homelander.

The plan seemed simple enough, yet Ben seemed more anxious about the situation than you were.

“Are you sure this is safe?” Soldier Boy asked when you were all seated in the van outside the bar.

“No, but if this helps us get Homelander then it’s safe enough,” you told him.

“Besides, you’ll be in there with her,” Butcher reminded him. “And if you stay focused on keeping her safe, then I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“How ‘bout we come up with a code word or something?” Ben suggested as he put in the earpiece Butcher handed him.

“How about ‘Soldier Boy’?” you said, Ben shook his head.

“And what happens if you need to say ‘Soldier Boy’ but you don’t need help?” he countered.

“How about…Ben?” You smiled a little when he nodded.

“I’ll be listening closely to the whole conversation, if you say ‘Ben’ I’ll come and get you outta there.”

“Sounds good.”

“Alright,” Butcher interrupted, “Soldier Boy keep me updated and if all goes well, Y/n, we won’t be seeing you again til later tonight.” He winked obnoxiously.

“If this guy genuinely tries to sleep with me I’ll break his fuckin’ nose,” you said flatly. “Info or no info, I ain’t letting him see me naked.”

Ben had gone in about a minute before you did and found a nice spot near where he knew you’d be sitting with the target. The second you walked in his eyes were glued. He stayed true to his word and listened to every word you and the target said.

“This seat taken, handsome?” you asked the man who then smirked at you.

“It is now,” he said. “And what’s your name, gorgeous?”

“Goldie,” you lied as you took your seat. “What’s yours?”

“Steven. Let me buy you a drink?” he offered and called the bartender over when you nodded.

“Vodka martini,” you ordered. “So Steven, what do you do for work?”

“I work for Vought,” he said and you faked an impressed look.

“No way!” you gasped. “Oh my god, do you know The Seven?”

“I do,” he said with a nod, clearly full of himself.

“That is so cool,” you continued stroking his ego. You nodded in thanks when the bartender handed you your drink and you took a sip. “I’ve never met someone so important!”

“You wanna know a secret?” he asked, you nodded enthusiastically. He leaned over so he could whisper into your ear; “I’m actually in The Deep’s close, personal circle.”

Your eyes went wide for a split second before you got a hold of yourself and whispered back; “Really?”

“Uh-huh,” he said. “I could introduce you if you’d like.” You pulled away from him slightly but still tried your best to keep yourself calm.

“Oh, that’s alright,” you shook your head, “I’m sure he’s too busy for little old me.”

“I’m never too busy.” The voice behind you made your whole body tense up and Ben could tell you were in trouble. You hadn’t said the code word though and he knew both you and Butcher would be mad if he screwed up the mission.

“Butcher,” Ben said into the intercom attached to his jacket, “Deep’s here.”

Butcher paused for a moment before he answered; “Don’t freak out. Y/n can handle herself and unless she says ‘Ben’ you don’t make a move, you understand Soldier Boy?”

“Understood,” he replied.

“You know,” The Deep said, still standing behind you, “I’ve had my eye on you since you walked in here, gorgeous.”

“Y-You have?” you asked, wondering if he recognized you or if your face just blurred together with all the other women he had assaulted. You took another sip of the drink in your hand and continued to keep a close eye on it to make sure it didn’t get spiked.

“I have,” he replied. “Now, why don’t you let my friend Steven here show you a nice time, then take you back to my place at Vought Tower?”

“S-Sounds good,” you trembled. “I-I’ll see you later tonight then, Deep.” You took another, smaller sip.

“Wonderful,” he said before he bent down and placed a kiss on your cheek. “Can’t wait to see this dress on my floor.” With that, he walked away and you let out a sigh of relief.

“Fish fucker’s left the building,” Ben told Butcher. “You gonna tail him or are we still focusing on Steven?”

“Stay focused on Steven, we can kill fish fucker another day,” Butcher said.

“So, you want another drink?” Steven asked you. “Or would you rather head over to the tower?”

“You know, I’d rather spend the night at your place, Steven.” You faked a sweet smile.

“Really?” He raised a brow as a smirk returned to his face. “So, another drink, then?”

“How about I just let you take me home?” The moment you stood up you knew something was wrong. You instantly felt dizzy and sat back down. “Ben, help,” you whispered when you realized exactly what was happening.

“Looks like we’re heading to the tower, Goldie,” Steven said. “Thanks as always, Pat.” He handed a couple hundreds to the bartender.

Ben came up behind Steven and pinned him against the bar with one hand, his other hand resting on the bar itself a few inches from where you were now slouched over.

“What the hell did you do to her, fuckface?” Ben seethed.

“I didn’t do anything! What’s your problem?” Steven yelled, drawing attention to the scene unfolding.

Ben took the back of the man’s head and brought it up half a foot before he slammed it back down onto the wood.

“Tell me what you fuckin’ did or I’ll squish you like a bug,” Ben yelled as he applied more and more pressure to Steven’s head.

“Roofie!” Steven yelled. “Ask the bartender!”

“Ben don’t kill him,” Butcher told him through the earpiece.

“He deserves to fuckin’ die, Butcher,” Ben replied.

“Yes he does but he still has information that we need. If you’ve gotta kill someone, kill the bartender who spiked the fuckin’ drink!”

Ben looked up from gravely injured Steven and saw the bartender cowering in the corner.

“Ben,” you whispered and reached out to touch the hand he still had on the counter. “Ben get me outta here.” His angered expression slowly faded as he looked down into your hooded eyes. “Please?”

“Yeah, I’ve got you,” Soldier Boy said before he quickly scooped you up in his arms and carefully kept your head resting on his shoulder. “Hey, barkeep,” he shouted and the man looked over at him. “Mark my words; no matter where you go or what you do I will find you and tear you limb from fucking limb for hurting her. Your days are fucking numbered.”

Ben hurried you out to the truck and sat you down on the seat next to his so you could lean on him if you wanted, or alternatively, you could lean against the window if you still didn’t want him touching you.

“Stay with her, I’m gonna go figure out how much they gave her and if we need to take her to the hospital,” Butcher told Soldier Boy before leaving.

“Ben,” you slurred, still barely able to open your eyes, “Ben what—what’d you do to me?”

“God fuckin’ damn it, Butcher,” he mumbled under his breath. He blamed Billy entirely for the operation going sideways and for you ending up in danger. “Fuck, you need to purge, sweetheart.” He positioned you so your head was hanging out the side door and stuck his fingers down your throat, ignoring your angered hits to his arms. “This is for your own good, stop fighting me.”

You hurled out the side door, Ben held onto you tightly and made sure you didn’t fall out or get hurt.

“Please just let me go,” you whispered when he took his fingers out, satisfied with the amount of possibly deadly alcohol you were able to get out of your system.

“I know you’re scared right now, but I can’t let you go,” he told you. “I’m sorry.”

Butcher got back to the car pretty quickly, a worried expression on his face.

“How much did they give her?” Ben asked.

“Too fuckin’ much,” Butcher replied. “We’ve gotta make her puke it all up or she might not make it.”

You woke up on the couch to the sound of Butcher and Ben arguing in the kitchen, a splitting headache quickly made itself known when you opened your eyes fully.

“This is your fault, Butcher,” Soldier Boy yelled, “you and your stupid obsession to find Homelander. How dare you put her life at risk like that!”

“Hey I had the strongest man alive in there backing her up, so how the hell did you screw up so badly?”

There was a pause as you kept listing, a part of you was scared you’d start to hear punches being thrown.

Ben shook his head as he looked at his ‘boss’; “You’re a fuckin’ asshole, you know that? She’s been scared outta her fuckin’ mind and yet you just keep on pushin’ her and pushin’ her. And for what? To kill a Supe that’s probably dead already? You know Homelander ain’t a threat since I fuckin’ burned him, yet you still put someone you say you care about in danger.”

“‘Scared outta her fuckin’ mind’?” Butcher scoffed. “What’re you on about?”

“I know she’s terrified of me,” Ben admitted. “I know that you know she is, too. And yet you keep leaving her alone with me, why? Just to make her life worse? To make her feel less safe than she already does?”

“You sayin’ she’s got a reason to be scared of you, then?” Butcher asked. “Thought you were supposed to be some kinda hero?”

“Of course I’d never hurt her! But I’m still a Supe and I know you hate Supe’s. There’s no way in hell you trust me at all or you wouldn’t have her babysitting me every time you leave the fuckin’ house. What I don’t get is why you’re so comfortable leaving her here with the strongest man in the world when you think I’m a fucking monster.” Ben walked over to the fridge and took a bottled water out before he grabbed a cup and left the kitchen.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said quietly as he entered the living room. “I know you’re up, do you want some water?”

“What happened?” you asked as he squatted on the floor in front of the couch and made eye contact with you.

“We can fill you in later, you should probably drink,” he said and held out the two items in his hands. “Would you rather the bottle or a cup?”

“Bottle’s fine,” you replied and you slowly sat up, putting a hand to your head before you took the water from him.

“You need some Aspirin or something?” he asked.

“I’m sure Butcher ‘ll bring me some,” you said, making Ben’s brows furrow a little before he nodded with realization.

“You still don’t trust me much, do you?”

“Sorry,” you mumbled before beginning to drink the water. “What am I wearing, by the way?” you asked and gestured to the dirty, large black tee you had on over the blue dress.

“Oh, uh,” he scratched the back of his neck nervously, “it was on the car floor, I think it’s Butcher’s. I put it on you when uh, when you were kinda out of it and… your boob might’ve kinda… popped outta your dress.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I didn't… like I didn’t look or anything, I just saw the shirt and immediately put it over you.”

“Sure.” You nodded before you continued downing the bottled water.

“I’ll go get Butcher to bring you some painkillers,” Ben said before leaving the room.

You’d just gotten out of the shower and put on a new set of clean clothes when Butcher stopped you in the hall.

“How’s your head?” he asked.

“Better,” you replied flatly, still pretty frustrated with him.

“I’m sorry I was such an idiot,” he sighed, “I shoulda told Soldier Boy to get you hell outta there the second the fish fucker showed his ugly mug.”

“We needed intel on Homelander,” you reminded him. “My safety was just the price we had to pay.”

“And that was a fucked up currency for me to gamble with,” he said. “I’m sorry I’ve been so obsessed and I’m sorry for leaving you alone with Soldier Boy so much the past couple of weeks.”

You shrugged a little; “It’s no big deal.”

“I want you to know I’m done tryin’ to find Homelander.”

“Seriously?” Your eyes went wide and you furrowed your brows.

“The cunt’s most likely down for the count anyway thanks to granny fucker downstairs and there are other Supes that are much bigger threats right now anyway. Like The Deep, for example, and the number of people he’s paying to help him get away with assaults like last night. I’ve been talking with Hughie and as it turns out, he’s already had his eye on a handful of other bartenders workin’ for fish dick.”

“So…what? You’re saying you’re gonna go back to your old job at Supe affairs and start hunting down these assholes in a more mentally-healthy way?” you asked.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

When you entered the living room you noticed Ben readjusting his position on the couch, as if to try and make himself appear less threatening.

“Hey,” you said quietly, a small smile on your lips as you sat down about two feet from him on the same couch.

“Hey,” he replied. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better.” You nodded. “You need help with the TV?” you asked, picking up the remote from where it sat on the coffee table in front of you.

“Yeah, thanks,” he replied. He watched you intently as you ‘worked your magic’ on the electronic contraption.

“I know I was completely at your mercy last night, Ben,” you said, focused on the TV and not looking over at him. “And I know you could’ve easily taken advantage of the fact I was out of it.”

“But I didn’t.”

“I know that, too.”

“But you still don’t trust me?”

“I want to,” you said. You reached out your left hand and gently placed it on his right one. He looked down at where your hands were touching and smiled softly. “I want to trust you, I just need time to get to know you.”

“You sayin’ you wanna get to know me?” he asked with a bit of a smirk before you nodded. The two of you stayed like that for a moment before Soldier Boy broke the silence; “So, where do we go from here?”

“How about we watch something together?” you suggested.

“That sounds great, sweetheart.”

#the boys #soldier boy x reader #the boys x y/n #the boys x you #the boys tv #the boys fanfic #soldier boy fanfiction #soldier boy fic #soldier boy x you #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy fanfic #by jean #by mind empty just fictional people

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girlietips · 29 days ago

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Big sister advice school addition 📖🖋️📚

Here is the next installment of my big sister advice for academics.

School is easy if you just do the work you should know everything for the test.

There is no reason (except for literally terrible teaching) that you wouldn’t know the concepts for the test unless you didn’t do all the work assigned to you.

Obviously this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t study or practice the skills but if you have no clue what could be on the test you didn’t do all the work.

But if you are struggling in the class there is no longer an optional assignment or an extra credit opportunity you aren’t going to do. Always do extra credit anyway because 102% before the final means you can relax for finals week. Plus the teacher will take note and you could probably get a letter of recommendation from them.

Having a predetermined homework time is the best thing you can do

No matter what do homework at that time. If you finished all the homework for the week do next weeks.

Mine were at 7am-9am (I work best first thing)on Monday and Friday and I had to work the entire time so I basically never had to work outside of those times except for studying and reading.

It only benefits you too be ahead.

If you have the ability (some courses are not laid out that way) to get ahead in work you should. Especially if you are given a list of all the assignments before hand.

It gives you the ability to take days off and knowing what the lecture is going to be on before you head in will help if you have a hard time focusing.

Even if it is just skimming the reading right before class it’ll help.

You are allowed to be disappointed in grades (even if they are still good grades)

This past term was the first term in college where I didn’t get a 4.0. I got an A- in chem and I literally was 5points away from an A. (Honestly a B would’ve been less devastating and I’m not being dramatic)

Even tho my gpa is perfectly fine I am allowed to be frustrated with myself because I know that that 5 points was easily attainable I just got lazy towards the end.

Don’t let people tell you you can’t be upset over a slightly low grade. But also don’t beat yourself up about it if you truly tried your hardest and did all you can do. There is a difference between a B where you worked for hours on end did all the assignments but the class is that difficult and a A- in an easy class but you allowed yourself to slack off. (Self call out lol)

But obviously don’t push this standard on other people cuz that’s rude. Even if you wouldn’t be happy with a B if your friend is celebrate celebrate with them. Don’t be a bitch

Be strategic in what classes you skip.

I am not going to be all high and mighty and say I never skip classes or try and tell you to go to every lecture no matter what. I barely showed up to my math class this term. But I still got an A because the class was assignment based and in a subject I can do in my sleep. I did all the homework and showed up for the tests and did great but if you can’t do that with a class don’t act like you can. Pick and choose your battles.

Never skip a class you struggle in!!!!!!

You never know when a teacher is going to say something that makes everything make sense. Or give you the best life hack ever.

Getting all your homework done before the weekend means you can have a social life.

If you want to have a good life/school balance you have to schedule when you complete things.

School should always come first so if you want to party that weekend you better finish everything by Friday.

Also not really school related but if you are gonna be a party girl in college (me too me too) don’t party everyday of the weekend!!!!!

It’s seriously unhealthy to consume alcohol like that consistently and guess what you can get burned out from too much partying just like you can get burned out from too much work. Even hot girls can be functional alcoholics and that’s not cute.

If you are going to make it an every weekend thing make sure it’s only one night. So you still have one day to recover from the party and one day to be productive!!! Obviously there are going to be some weekends (halloweekend) where people go out multiple days in a row and to that I say know your limits and be safe! Please please freshman don’t make halloweekend be the first time you drink!!!!

That’s all I have for school themed advice! Hope you all have great day!

Love you all Xoxo💋

#that girl #it girl #girlblogging #glow up #self care #self love #coquette #becoming that girl #healthy #healthyliving #school #studyblr

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vivicas-dollhouse · 26 days ago

Text

Sick creepypasta hcs

The illness got them :(

Genre: headcannons

Characters mentioned: ticci toby, kate the chaser, masky/tim, hoodie/brian, jeff the killer, jane the killer, clockwork, nina the killer, eyeless jack, ben drowned, sally

Desc: a hc list of how i think the pastas would act when they are sick (listen i wanted to do it idc if this doesn't get notes)

Cw: none

Enjoy!

Toby

is such a little bitch about it, sniffling and coughing like a frail victorian child

Hes a good sport about it though, he will make little jokes

“Tak-ke me out to the garden s-so i may feel the sun bef-fore i d-die,”

When he gets sick he gets sick BAD. He is miserable and restless, he can barely sleep

He will chug dayquill and nyquill in an attempt to get better quicker

This doesn't work

He makes people bring him things, choosing to quarantine in his room so he “keeps others safe” (so he can do nothing)

He doesn't get sick often, but that makes him feel even worse because he feels useless

He gets strep mostly, but he got covid once and thought that was the end of him

He gets super hot when sick so expect to see him shirtless and in gym shorts

Some of you freaks would like that. (Me too LMAO)

Kate

is sick all the time

She gets little colds at least once a month, and every once in a while she will get strep or even bronchitis

She always loses her voice when sick, but she doesn't want social interaction while sick so she doesn't mind

She is surprisingly functional while sick, still going on missions and doing basic tasks with ease

She kind of has to with how often shes sick

She chooses to watch movies or take nyquill to sleep, so nothing out of the ordinary

She gets over the colds quick but she will sometimes get an ear infection that brian has to take her to jack to get a forged prescription

She will bundle up and watch a show at night with a little snack to feel better

She has allergies to dust that flare up at times but she has those mostly under control with consistent use of zyrtec

Masky

Is also a complete whiner

He gets stomach flu quite often and also has a lot of chronic pain

He hates getting stomach flu because he cant smoke but it is what it is

He chooses to sleep on the couch while sick to “be closer to the bathroom” (he just wants to watch the big tv)

He is very self conscious about seeming weak but its hard not to give in to brians caretaking nature

He gets whatever he wants from brian. Gatorade? He will go to the store. Soup? Is homemade chicken noodle good?

(The gays make me sick /j)

He gets the cold sweats bad and has to be bundled up or else he turns the heat on

He usually gets sick for 3 days and is then fine again, he just has to power through it

He gets sweaty so he will walk around with a tank top and shorts much to brians amusement

Hoodie

he doesn't get sick too often, but when he does, its BAD

He will be out for WEEKS and be miserable the whole time.

He gets really bad ear and sinus infections and has to get help from jack or else he gets swimmers ear

He is also very prone to the flu

He is very insistent that he does NOT need help and that he is PERFECTLY FINE and tim has to take care of him and reassure him that he can take a little time off

He chooses to stay locked up in his room because he genuinely doesn't want the others to get sick

He chooses to read in his off time or make little paracord utility bracelets

He is MISERABLE and always gets back pain and muscle aches

Bad time to be brian

Jeff

SUCH A LITTLE SHIT

He doesn't get sick a lot, maybe 3 times a year with some sort of fever based illness

He makes everyone wait on him hand and foot

“Cmon, i dont ask for much, just get me a drink,”

He stays outside of his room on the couch so he can play video games still

Everyone gets sick because of him, he will leave his tissues on the coffee table and not care who picks them up. It's certainly not him.

He gets so pissy if someone doubts the severity of his sickness, not enough to do anything but he will take mental note of it for later

He wont sleep any more than usual but he will just stare blankly at the wall which is about the same

He is sure he is dying, but he gets over it in a week

Clockwork

Shes a mixed bag

She isnt whiny or anything, she just yo-yos between deathly ill and just sick

She has some sort of autoimmune disorder that makes her more prone to sickness and it doesnt help that her eye and mouth are constantly infected

She gets so sick that she cant move for WEEKS but she has to power through and only work on good days

She gets whatever is going around, stomach flu to bronchitis, everything gets her

Nina will bring her food and drinks if she cant get up but she tries to be self sufficient

She mainly sleeps or watches mtv on her rooms tv

She lives off advil and dayquill and it still isnt enough

She always has masks so that she wont get others sick (we love a considerate queen)

Nina

is a pathetic mess when sick

She doesn't get sick often but when she does she's dramatic as hell

She gets strep usually, she has to be careful in the fall when its going around

She doesn't get deathly ill or anything, she just likes the extra attention

She stays in the living room curled up in an arm chair with 8 million blankets

She will demand anything she craves until jane or clockwork gets it for her

She doesn't take any cough syrup because she really hates the taste, it makes her throw up

She gets bored easy and is ass at video games so she shops on amazon with her latest victims credit card

She also posts excessively on her social media aliases

Sleeps a ton, she is asleep for more time than shes awake when sick

Jack

doesnt get sick. Hes not human.

He is the makeshift doctor for the creepypastas so he knows how to keep the mansion sanitary

No one follows his advice

Lulu

She gets sick a normal amount, mainly around the cold months

She powers through the best she can while loopy on cough syrup

She definitely takes way too much cough syrup but she is trying to get over the worst part of sickness as best she can

She mainly gets colds with muscle cramps and weakness

She isolates herself as much as she can but ultimately she has responsibilities and she will do them without complaining

Shes such a trooper

She gets restless and tends to get insomnia while shes ill, which pisses her off to no end

She also gets infections in her eye sockets and they hurt like a bitch

She will complain endlessly about that, she cannot stand the feeling

She also gets hives easy so that's another thing she has to worry about

Poor lulu :(

Jane

You would never know she was sick

She powers through sickness like she isnt sick at all

She gets the sniffles pretty frequently as well as sinus headaches but she doesn't really get sick with anything else

She mainly takes care of the others when they are sick, so if she IS showing signs of being under the weather people jump to her aide

She is an advilmaxxing queen (i hate that i said that but here we are)

She lives off advil cold and sinus

The thing that bothers her the most is her seasonal allergies

OOH SHE HATES THOSE

She gets allergies from pollen so being in the forest during spring is a nightmare

She powers through but she goes through allergy meds like nobody's business

When she gets sick she craves ice (iron deficiency queen)

Ben

the only virus he gets is a computer virus (Laugh. Laugh please.)

Sally

she doesn't get sick either, shes a ghost

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richarlotte · 8 months ago

Text

Hair Removal Methods.

I was heavily inspired by a post I found on Reddit when making this post. I haven’t seen too many posts about hair removal methods on Tumblr, and I have quite a few asks in my inbox about that, so it made sense for me to make a small guide with tips, methods, and recommendations. If you want more information, product names, my sugar wax recipe, or just recommendations, please don’t hesitate to send me an email or just comment below for me to respond.

Shaving.

Cost: $

Speed: Average

Smoothness: Average

Discomfort: Low

Tips/Methods:

* Always buy men’s razors. They usually come with sharper blades that don’t clog as much as the blades on women’s razors.

* I only shave using hot water and when I’m in the shower. The hot water softens the hair and makes it easy to remove, and the flow of the water prevents my razor from clogging.

* The direction you shave is important. If you shave against the grain (the direction opposite the hair points), you can get a closer shave, but you risk ingrown hairs. Shave with the grain on sensitive areas and do multiple passes if needed.

* I personally use shaving cream from EOS and products from Topicals to lessen ingrown hairs and clear up dark marks. Shaving isn’t my preferred method or hair removal, but when I’m in a rush, it gets the job done.

Best for your whole body, especially large and flat areas like your arms and legs. It's cheap and effective but often time consuming. If you want to maintain a perfectly smooth body, you’ll have to shave or touch up at least twice a week.

Nair/Chemical Removal.

Cost: $

Speed: Medium

Smoothness: Smooth

Discomfort: Low

Tips/Methods:

* There are many brands but the basic idea is you apply the cream to your skin, wait 5-10 minutes while the hair “melts" off your body, then you wipe it off. You’ll definitely need to shower after using Nair to remove any excess cream and to avoid burning your skin. I would say this is mandatory unless your specific brand says otherwise.

* The process will probably smell pretty bad. You'll want to wipe the cream and hair off with something disposable to avoid ruining your regular towels. I personally use tissue, you can use anything easily accessible.

* PATCH TEST BEFORE USE. These creams and powders are made from very really strong chemicals and can absolutely mess you up if you aren't careful. Everyone's skin is different, so put a little on your arm first, see how it reacts, then use it on a larger area.

Best For: Armpits and pubic hair. I find these creams are best at getting hard to reach or uneven surfaces that your razor might struggle with. This is also a good option if you are in a hurry or don't have the option to try the options below.

Epilation.

Cost: $$

Speed: Slow

Smoothness: High

Discomfort: High

Tips/Methods:

* Epilators look kind of like foil shavers you'd use for your face, but the end has a roller with tiny clamps that essentially grab hairs and pull them out.

* Personally I think these hurt like a bitch, especially the first time you use them. You can definitely feel each individual hair get pulled out of your skin.

* The main benefit of an epilator (and waxing, discussed below) is that you're pulling the entire hair out, root and all. This means hair in that area will grow back significantly slower than shaving. It also means that if you're willing to commit to a routine, each future use with the epilator will be less painful.

* I highly recommend icing the area before and after to avoid swelling. That being said, the area needs to be completely dry for the device to work.

* Epilator performance has always been pretty hit and miss for me. They're good at getting coarse hair, but will struggle to get fine or short strands. Again, you will likely need to make a shaving pass to clean up anything left behind.

* Additionally, if your hair is too thick or the surface is too uneven, the epilator can get tangled and stop functioning leading to a super painful situation. As with any of these tips, definitely test on a small area and see how it performs for you so you can get a feel for the length/thickness your device can handle.

Best For: Flat smooth surfaces, primarily your arms, legs, and torso. Some people really love epilation, others don’t. I think epilation is an acquired taste and it’s not my favorite method.

Waxing.

Cost: $$ to $$$

Speed: Slow

Smoothness: High

Discomfort: High

Tips/Methods:

* When you need to get 100% smooth there is no substitute. I love the way my body feels after waxing or sugaring and it’s what works best for me.

* I'll do my best here as a general overview but please watch some video guides before attempting this. I'll cover the two most common options I have experience with: soft wax, sugaring, and hard wax.

* Soft Wax: Hot wax is applied to the skin, then bandage strips are applied over. Once the wax cools, the strips are pulled off, taking the hair with them. This method is probably what you've seen in movies. They're good for getting rid of finer hairs, but unlike hard wax, you risk taking off your skin if you do it wrong. If you're trying waxing at home (especially for the first time), avoid this option. Despite the name, hard wax is actually much safer and what I recommend

* Hard wax: Hot wax is applied to the skin. Once it hardens, you peel the wax off by itself, taking hair with it. Since hard wax only bonds to hair and not skin it's a much safer option for beginners and does just as good a job removing hair as soft wax. This is what I use when I don’t have time to make my sugaring solution and I've never looked back.

* Wax is warmed in a... wax warmer! It's a little pot with a heating element, kind of like a croc pot. Hard waxes come in pellets that you dump in, soft waxes usually come with their own container that pops into the unit. Look for a wax warmer that can adjust the temp, not just an on/off switch. Most but not all have this feature. Each wax brand is different so you'll need more/less heat to melt it correctly, especially if you're doing a longer session where the wax can begin to solidify in the pot.

* Popsicle sticks are a cheap, effective way to apply wax. You'll want something disposable as it can get quite messy.

* Waxing, like epilators, will slow down your hair growth. This means the more you do it in the same area the less hair will grow back, and the less painful each subsequent application will be.

* Your hair needs to be a certain length for the wax to catch, so check your brand and plan accordingly. My professional technician has mentioned 1/4th inch is a good guideline for when to start waxing.

* As with every method on this list, please test on a small part of your body first. The wax will be quite hot (like getting into a hot bath) but not so much that it burns your skin.

Best For: any area you want super smooth or silky.

Laser Hair Removal.

Cost: $$$$

Speed: Slow

Smoothness: Depends.

Discomfort: High

Tips/Methods:

* Getting started will take some time and effort. You have to set up a consultation beforehand before even scheduling a session where you'll talk to the professional, ask any questions, then work out your plan.

* Laser hair removal is a process over time, not a one and done. Considering each session can cost hundreds of dollars, we are talking a huge investment. It cost me $800 over 4 sessions just for a small area on my lower body. For larger areas, we could be talking thousands!

* On that note, the total cost is going to vary a ton. Not only will each area be priced differently, but most places require you to book multiple sessions in a row or packages of X sessions you can choose to use over a year.

* The pigment of your skin matters a lot. Generally speaking the darker your skin the harder/less effective the process will be. There are different types of lasers available that may make this irrelevant but you'll definitely want to do your homework.

Final Thoughts.

What matters most is time. If you have the time to wax or shave your whole body, go to a professional for laser hair removal or pro waxing, or epilate yourself, then you’ll have much better results than someone who rushes through everything. Learning, investing in quality products, and then actually investing time into the hair removal process will get you closer to where you want to be without wasting as much time or money as you would leaping in blind or with no effort.

Richarlotte x

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plaidos · 5 months ago

Note

wait sorry just to be clear, the post abt 'calling a transmasc a bitch isn't misgendering even if he says it is' is just mockery of the transmisogynistic people who go like 'all i said was 'dude come on', i use the word dude like that all the time, even with cis women, it's not a gendered term, i wasn't even addressing you directly it's just a general term people use in casual conversation, it's not like i referred to you as 'A dude' i just said 'dude' generally so it's not misgendering lololol get over it'. right? not smth you actually believe? i'm assuming it is a joke bc it's exactly the same argument those idiots make just with the genders swapped. i'm just quite bad at detecting sarcasm so i wanted to make sure. i know assholes like to 'discourse' (read: be transmisogynistic) any time the 'dude' thing gets brought up so if u don't want to answer directly it's fine if u jsut make a post along the lines of like 'anon, you are correct/not correct'. since just anon is kinda vague maybe like (thinks of a random animal) 'dolphin anon'. or idk 'anon #123'. i'd be a bit troubled if u actually believe what u said but it's also not the hugest deal, i'd find it kinda gross that ur comfortable doing that with someone who specifically asks u not to use a 'gendered but sometimes used neutrally' term w them. i'd ask u to consider that the word bitch in the way u described functions p much exactly the same as the way ppl often use the term dude, and just bc it's not 'intended' to be gendered doesnt make it not misgendering. like it's as disingenuous as the argument ppl make about the word dude. but tbh even tho i think believing that sucks it's also not like as serious as the dude thing bc it's not like there's a bunch of ppl calling transmascs 'bitch' specifically to harass them. misgendering a transmasc is still rude but it's not as bad as insane transmisogyny lol. obviously if it was a joke/mockery then u already know all this sorry. anyways yeah sorry i have no interest in 'starting shit' or w/e i'm just trying to confirm if it was a joke or not bc my gut says it is, but it's also something that's not impossible for someone to believe and i tend to be bad at discerning these things correctly so i wanted to check. regardless, thanks for ur time and have a nice day.

let me make this perfectly clear:

i think it is noble & honourable to be compared to a woman, and disgusting and abhorrent to be compared to a man.

slightly more serious answer: the word “bitch” is a misogynistic insult. the word “dude” is a masculine word that is not an insult. in general, men are upset at being called “bitch” because it is considered degrading for a man to be like a woman. women are upset at being called “dude” because it asserts that male is the gender neutral default. i am not actually trying to say that bitch is a totally genderless word, that would be nonsensical. but we are not asserting that women are the default when we use “bitch” in a gender-neutral way, are we? there’s an obvious difference here.

similarly, i will — and have — bend to any and every transmascs’ requests to not call them “girl” the way i do everybody — “hey girl” “be serious with me girl”, but i won’t bend to their requests to not refer to a group of people as “ladies” or “girls” (no matter if there are any girls there or not, the way people say “guys” or “men”). you can say “And Coleman” if you care that much and i’ll even affirm it for you. And Coleman. I respect you.

i’m gonna finish this off with: this relationship between transmascs and transfems is not equal as it stands. the english language is already leaning more towards you than us. you’re going to have to put up with us demanding more space. after all, you’re taking up ours.

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prettyboykatsuki · 25 days ago

Note

Ariiiii help 🥺 I feel like you’re knowledgeable about computers, at least a lil’ bit? And you’re a bit of a gamer? (More than me at least lol)

I have this old-as-time-itself-MacBook Air that runs only on nothing but hopes and dreams, I’ve had it since 2018 when I got it (new) in high school and then I bought it for like. Barely $100 when I graduated. Anywho. I haven’t been able to update the software since like 2022 because the update itself takes too much space lol so I desperately need a new one. It can barely handle Spotify, EA and The Sims 4

My pipe dream is to have a (preferably) laptop (but if it’s impossible, a desktop will do) that can handle Spotify, TS4, Bg3, Sdv, Rdr2, Minecraft and like. Some type of music writing program. That DOESN’T cost like a million bucks because I am but a young adult on a budget with enough student loans to scare off my will to live. Which maybe isn’t a lot but it seems like too much for my life 😭

Do you have any tips? All my friends are console gamers and know like fuck all about computers and I feel like if I go to a store and ask they’re gonna try to make me buy something more expensive than I really need. My budget is like $600 but I’d be willing to go over a little bit if there’s a significant difference between a few options. And I’d prefer anything but Apple lol

I’m reallllllly not a tech whiz so this is going out on a whim. You don’t have to answer this but if you do I’ll be really grateful ❤️ Hope you’ll have a wonderful day/evening/night, wherever you are 🥰🕺

i'll keep it a buck with you now and say finding a laptop with the specs you are hoping for (i.e. the bare minimum specs for bg3 / rdr2) is probably going to cost you minimum 700 dollars. also trust i would never in my life recommend an apple laptop to anyone haopsdkjsdk

ts4 and all the other games listed + programs listed are doable but bg3 is an enormous game with extremely high detail graphics and absolute bitch to run. you have a better chance with normal desktop pc imo if you're really adamant on that game specifically. assuming you want the bare minimum specs

i have this post here about gaming specs that you may find helpful but that is for more modern games. if you want a laptop with good specs within in your budget u have to watch out for sales

i think this laptop is probably your best option for now. it's on sale so if you can get it Right Now - it will meet all your requirements and be within budget

pros - meets all of your needs, within price range, good storage and good graphics

cons - low ram which can effect game performance but is absolutely functional for daily use and less intensive games. will be able to run those modern games as well but you may experience lag / performance issues.

i think another good one is this laptop by asus. you want to prioritize half-decent ram for shelf-life, you may have to give up on graphics. it will handle basic gaming perfectly fine (sdv, ts4, minecraft) but you'll have issues w more recent titles. but it doesn't fall like... crazy out of budget at around 650. best buy often has sales so if you wait i think you can get it for less.

pros - more ram, runs smoother, decent graphics, plenty of storage

cons - less involved graphics which will make it hard to play newer titles.

i think your best option that is more expensive is this msi laptop. it meets all of your requirements and has the recommended specs for pretty much any more recent titles. the main different between this and the first laptop i recommend is that the ram is a lot higher which will absolutely impact performance. 8gb is standard for daily use and light gaming but 16gb is much higher and is a significant increase. you'll have a much higher quality of life if that makes sense

pros - more ram, good storage, good graphics, runs smoothly

cons - most costly of the three.

i can make a separate post around desktop but assuming you are hoping to use this in your daily life - a laptop is more practical.

for me personally, i prioritize ram because that is the most impactful to your computers performance and for me what is most important. it impacts your ability to do more than one thing at a time which is crucial to me both as a writer and a programmer

for any laptop you will buy there are 3 basic things to lookout for: processor, ram, storage.

for processors i avoid intel because they've had a huge issue with basically imploding in the last few years. i recommend amd5 at minimum. everything above that is also good (amd7 or amd9). if you're set on intel, i7 or i9 processors are best.

for ram - i really, really recommend at least 12gb. 8gb is the absolute minimum for a half-functional device. absolutely no less than 8 otherwise your computer will be so slow and hard to use. but i prioritize ram bc my computer running slow is literally smth that makes me feel like a super villain lmao. my current laptop has 32gbs bc its so serious to me

for storage - as high as possible. if you're prioritizing daily use over gaming, you can get away with less storage but if you want to play games locally - 512 is best for quality of life

graphics can get very tricky. the main difference between a gaming laptop and a daily use laptop are the graphics. modern games require a lot more indepth graphics.

if you're set on playing games - go with the first or third option. if you're more concerned about longevity and performance, the second or third is best.

overall, i do think the msi is well worth your money and will be a good investment. that being said, all of the other options i listed will also meet your needs. figure out what you prioritize and decide from there.

if you have any other questions, let me know!

#zero;answers #select computers;#select recs;#this took so long to write

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jerk-bitch-idjit-assbutt · 4 months ago

Text

How to Fix Ilvermorny

Issue:

One School for ALL of America??

Fix:

A seperate school for each state. (more detail under the cut, i've put too much thought into this)

Ilvermorny STARTED OUT as a single school is Massachusetts, founded by Morigan and her family. At the time (1620) this was perfectly fine. “America” was still just the 13 colonies. Which is still pretty large and could have likely used a few more schools to manage well, I imagine a witch from Ireland wouldn't have really thought of that. Especially since she canonically didn't intend to found a wizarding school from the get-go. She was just trying to teach her sons. Other little wizards and witches slowly made their way there, and she decided to try her hand at teaching them too, and the school grew from there.

Now, as America grew in size and population… One school ain’t gonna cut it for long. I’m sure we’ve all seen the maps that compare the size of the UK to the size of the US. (If you haven't, look it up, its pretty funny. Texas alone is bigger than the whole country.) The expansion didn’t happen overnight, but i imagine at some point the Ilvermorny staff would have had an “oh fuck” moment, having way too many students and way too little space, and they needed a solution FAST.

My solution? Ilvermorny School of Magic is one school, technically. One curriculum, one main campus, one overarching school leadership. However, every state (other than Massechusets, which is where the main campus is located) has it’s own satellite school or branch campus. Idk which term is more accurate. Essentially, every american wizard goes to Ilvermorny. It’s just “Ilvermorny of Pennsylvania,” “Ilvermorny of Texas,” “Ilvermorny of Washington,” etc etc. All of these schools function basically the same with only a few minor differences based on the cultures of where their from. They all have the same four houses, mostly the same structure, the same general curriculum and content.

This solution also allows for worldbuilding that would further differentiate American wizarding society from British wizarding society (because i’ve always felt a little iffy on how it kinda seemed like the US corner of the wizarding world was just a british author being like “haha look at the americans trying to copy us cause we’re cooler,” yknow?)

FOR EXAMPLE

Quidditch is still a big thing here, yeah? I think thats a pretty agreed upon fandom thing. (I’m also playing around with maybe we gave it a different name, to mirror the “soccer/football” divide lol, but for now lets call it Quidditch for ease.) Every state school has it’s own Quidditch team, and rather than playing against the other houses, you play against the other schools. Which means… y’all know how the South treats college football?

Yeah. When Quidditch season starts, we are invested. We are locked in. Oh, your kid made the school Quidditch team? You’re bragging about that shit. You’re traveling to all the games. I don't care if their playing in Alaska, you’re going. Your kid didn't make the team? Doesn't matter! You’re still so fucking invested. Signs in the front yard, foam fingers, jerseys, posters, bitching about how the ref must have been blind because how in the world did Ilvermorny Illinois beat Ilvermorny Georgia? There are rivalries, too, and they are INTENSE. And they 100% mirror the state rivalries that already exist in muggle US culture. (And yes, i’m using muggle instead of no-maj. Cause no-maj sounds dumb as hell.)

ALSO

The size and prestige of each Ilvermorny campus depends solely on the population (and general wealth) of the state that they are in. California has a gigantic school that is practically it’s own fucking town at this point. Rhode Island, on the other hand? They pretty much only have their own school for principles sake, they could probably have been looped into Ilvermorny Connecticut or Ilvermory Massechusettes without causing too much of a problem. But if every other state gets their own, Rhode Island kind of has to as well. This also means theres totally conversations that happen when you meet someone from another Ilvermorny that’s just comparing campuses. Like you’re telling me you had Three whole quidditch pitches?! And how many students per graduating class?? Jesus. (Think the conversation you have between small town kids and big city kids.)

(There was also definitely some fucked-up complications when segregation and “separate but equal” happened, but i dont want to get into the politics of it all, that’s a whole different post that someone with more knowledge can make.)

Anyways, that’s my two cents. I have more ideas, more issues with Ilvermorny that i want to find ways to fix and flesh out, but this post in long enough already.

#harry potter #ilvermorny #harry potter meta #american wizarding world #wizarding world #wizarding society #ilvermorny school of magic #harry potter fandom #harry potter headcanon #long post

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satancopilotsmytardis · 6 months ago

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trick or treat? :3

all the other hcs have been sooooo fun

Thank you!

Tomura and Dabi should both be little fashion divas, as a treat. Dabi's clothes for a long time were just whatever he could get because he didn't have much, but he did grow up well-off, so he would know about picking classic attire of a high quality that can always look good and last a long time. BUT he's a counterculture bitch (affectionate) which is part of the reason he gravitates towards classics like good leather that has been through shit, but just needs a good cleaning to be perfectly functional again. Tomura wasn't really allowed to give a shit about his fashion growing up because AFO made all of the decisions about stuff like that, and simple clothes ended up being his everyday wear because AFO still didn't care that much. His red shoes were the only thing he got to pick out for himself. But when AFO was gone and they had PLF money, he immediately started buying different clothes, trying out different things for his future costume, and developing a very clear sense of style for himself because he likes that he has the freedom to do this.

This has resulted in both of them taking way too much pleasure getting to dress each other up like dolls, but they're both having fun so it's fine.

#tanco speaks #ask #asks #trick or treat asks

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cloudninetonine · 1 year ago

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Imagine Guide appeared with acrylics on. Like it’s the prettiest set, probably got it done recently, and it’s def something that looks so slay. And the Chain just thinks it’s their natural nail length but painted (I personally have my nails at full short 😗✌️ anything longer and it feels like I can’t function)

SO IMAGINE THE REACTION WHEN A NAIL FALLS. Like Guide is just “oh” and picks up their acrylic nail all casually but the boys are HORRIFIED. Bc!!! That’s your nail!!! Nails shouldn’t fall off like that!!! You should be bleeding and in agony!! Why aren’t you??

Like thank god it’s FAKE but the panic must have been amusing and sweet. Like thank you for worrying but also that’s so funny that it popped off. It just means there’s no nail glue… UNLESS GUIDE HAS SOME??

It’d be super funny if Dink appeared and he sees that their acrylic is GONE. Just on the floor all bedazzled. I’m sure he’d get gruesome with it but it’d be more fun if he’s a normal person and gets squeamish at nail injury stuff— I know I fuckin’ do.

But also also! FINGER GUARDS?? Have you SEEN finger nail guards?? Those are like fashionable weapons. Just sharp metals and Guide can scratch a bitch with it. Anyways TEEHEE this all started because I have acrylics on and one popped off 🫶 HAVE A GOOD DAAAAAY

I've always wanted to get my nails done and this is just furthering this want ANYWAY-

THE BOYS CRINGING IN PAIN SEEING PLAYER'S NAIL POP OFF BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT HURTS AND IT CONFUSES THEM AT PLAYER'S REACTION. LIKE SERIOUSLY!? NO REACTION!? Until Player raises a brow and shows off their perfectly fine nail.

"What?"

"Do your species have...two sets of nails?"

"No? This are fake nails- like decorative."

Silence

ALSO DINK BEING SQUEAMISH IPUFYGFPIV HAT'S BE SO FUNNY TO ME

"I'm going to tear out your heart- ewwwwwwww." OFDOUU

ALSO FINGERNAIL GUARDS ARE SO FUCKING COOL FOR REAL!!!

#cloud answers #pumpkincitrus

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desceros · 1 year ago

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Hey, if this is too personal totally feel free to disregard this! But I've seen you mention having adhd more than once, and I know a super common symptom is executive dysfunction. The professionals I see aren't sure if I have adhd specifically, but they agree that I definitely have major executive dysfunction issues. Like... it feels like an actual, physical wall between me and the things I need to do, and even want to do. This wall feels... impossible to scale. I think that's just executive dysfunction in general, though, and isn't really unique to me. I just wanted to know if you have any tips that help you do the things you want to do or need to do even when it feels impossible? I've tried so many of the tips I see online, I've done quite a bit of research into the mental illnesses I do have and even the ones I likely have, and... I don't know. I still just feel stuck. Sorry if my thoughts are disorganized or hard to follow, I'm sorta really going through it right now. I'm fine, just... stressing myself out. Any tips you feel comfortable giving would be so, so appreciated. And thank you for taking the time to read this!

yes indeed, i am hashtag officially diagnosed with what i like to affectionately call my dumb bitch disease (not that anyone else is allowed to use that term for it.... well. maybe my very close friends. but yeah. gotta laugh at the awful things so you don't cry, right?)

so the thing with adhd (well. any kind of mental health issue) is that it's all a spectrum. every human person on this planet is somewhere on the euclidean axis of how many neurodivergencies they have. some people have no recognizable symptoms in any of the recognized areas we have. some people may have mild issues with things, and it's a bit fuzzy if they "have adhd or not." when you talk to a professional, there's a particular line of demarcation that happens when someone is looking to diagnose you with something.

do these symptoms interfere with your day to day life? are they severe enough to rise to the level of DISORDER?

it's completely possible for you to struggle with executive function and not have adhd. you may have something else, as executive function disorder is not exclusively in the domain of adhd, or it might just be that those particular neurons are cranky in your brain. what you're doing here—recognizing symptoms and looking for ways to address them—is really good, and basically what adhd therapy does, anyway.

all that being said, honk shoo honk shoo, let's get into a What The Fuck Are You Talking About for people who want more information on the subject, and some advice i have for you. i'll start generally, then talk a little bit about the writing thing specifically since it's a bit of a special beast for me.

what you are describing does indeed sound like issues with executive function to me.

first, for those new to the idea, executive function is the fancy term for the "executive" of your brain. the guy in a fancy suit who makes shit happen. when you walk by a dirty plate, you have the thought "oh i should put that in the dishwasher." executive function is the gap between the thought "oh i should x" and doing x.

a lot of the problems that neurodivergent people have, especially those with adhd, is that this function is impaired. some days, it's just fucking impossible to move that plate.

and it's not consistently, or predictably. some days, you will be perfectly able to do the thing. yesterday you put the plate in the dishwasher. today you put the plate in the dishwasher. tomorrow you will put the plate in the dishwasher. but tuesday comes, and you walk by the dirty plate, think "oh i should put that in the dishwasher," and then you stand there and stare at it without moving it. and you're like, c'mon. it's easy. you did it yesterday. all it takes is moving your hand. picking up the plate. walking into the kitchen. putting it inside the dishwasher. isn't that so easy? why can't you do it? why isn't your hand moving? are you lazy? are you stupid? this is infuriating! you literally just did this yesterday! you've done it a hundred times! what the fuck is wrong with you?! and then wednesday comes. now you have two dirty plates. now the task is twice as hard. maybe you can do it. maybe you can't. it's a harder task now. now you have three plates. now you're guilty because you have all these dirty plates, and it's a mountainous task now, and your roommate is giving you stink eyes for leaving dirty plates out, and you're a fucking adult who should be able to take care of some dirty plates, and you want to, you WANT to take care of the plates, but every time you THINK about them you flop into a cold sweat—

this is executive dysfunction. it's one of the more insidious side effects of adhd in my experience. that said, there are a lot of little tricks i've gotten from therapy specific to addressing this problem, so i'll give you a list here.

DO I HAVE TIME? this is best used for small, quick tasks like our plate example. you walk by the dirty plate and think "i should put this in the dishwasher." do you have time, right now, to do it? will it interfere with the thing you were doing? for example, if you're on the way out the door because your ride is honking, the answer is no. if you're on the way to get another glass of water while kicking back and watching some youtube, the answer is yes. if you have the time, do it now. now let's say you bring the plate into the kitchen and open the dishwasher. it's clean. you haven't emptied it yet. now the task has changed. but that's okay; do you have the time to empty the dishwasher right now? maybe you only get an hour a week to kick back and watch the youtube, and it's a special time that you need in order to recharge. the answer becomes no. well the plate is in the kitchen now instead of your room. victory.

COIN FLIP GAME. this one i actually got from the anti-planner by dani donovan, which i can Not recommend highly enough. there is a task you have to do, and you want to do it, but you're having a problem getting started. or maybe you have to do it but it feels icky, but you do really need to do it. the important thing for this trick is that it is not time sensitive; if you don't do it right now, it's okay. so you flip a coin. heads, you do it. tails, you get to wait until you have the thought that you need to do it again. if you get tails, then you are allowed, guilt-free, not to do the thing. if you get heads, sorry champ but you're doing the thing. gamifying it in this manner kind of... cheats your brain into approaching things differently, which can help you get around that brick wall.

TASK INITIATION. sometimes, it's not that the task itself is the problem; it's because you're having problem with what's called "task initiation." getting Started doing the thing is really fucking hard. if this is your issue, you can try and approach it a different way, usually by going "backwards" down the order of operations. so say for example, laundry. i have a lot of trouble with laundry. if i think to myself "i need to do my laundry," i have difficulty with the task initiation there. so what i do instead of "starting" at the shoving clothes into the washing machine part, i'll go into my room and make sure i've picked up all the dirty clothes and sorted them out. check my bathroom for towels and washcloths. sort them away. now i'm standing in front of my dirty laundry, and i'm "doing laundry," so it's easier to pick up one of the organizer bags and take it into the laundry room. i went backwards down the line and found a place in the task list where i could begin without the hassle, then i basically tricked myself into continuing past the point where i was having trouble.

BREAK UP THE TASK. this one is good if you feel like you're looking at a mountain and it's so overwhelming you just. don't do the thing. you'll hear it a lot: "just break it up into smaller tasks!" but. what the fuck does that actually mean? what does it look like? it's going to depend on You, but let's look at our plate example. so we just walked by the plate and we know we need to put it into the dishwasher. well. let me start by looking at the plate. can i do that? can i pick it up? let's say the answer is no. well, why? maybe i'm so stressed from work that this is just one too many things on my, haha, plate right now. okay. maybe don't worry about this right now, then. or maybe i'm having trouble because i know that the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, so it's not really as simple as "put the plate in the dishwasher." so, bring the plate into the kitchen. put it on the counter. maybe that's enough for now. or maybe i can open the dishwasher. look inside. it's full, and i don't really have the energy to unload it right now. ...or maybe i do, but i'm just looking at this huge thing that feels too big. maybe i can put away one plate. okay. that wasn't so bad. maybe i can put away all the plates. plates are easy. my trick is i take all the clean dishes OUT of the dishwasher and put them on my kitchen island without worrying about putting them away yet. then i load the dirty things into the dishwasher. well now i turn around and i have all the clean dishes pilled up nicely here. momentum really is everything. one task leads to two leads to five leads to done.

TASK BUNDLING. this is useful if you're trying to be more consistent about something and you already have something else you do consistently. for example, i have dogs. every night around six pm, i feed them supper. now, historically, i've had problems with remembering to eat/feeling like cooking when i wasn't hungry/being hungry but having trouble cooking. i don't need to tell you how unhealthy that is, hahaha. so what i did is i bundled my supper together with their supper. they will eat every night. they will Not forget to remind me that they want to eat. i make their supper every day. so i make their supper, feed it to them, and bam! i'm in the kitchen. preparing food already. so it's really easy for me to keep going and prepare My food. let's say you want to drink more water. every time you open tumblr, bundle together the task of checking to make sure you have a glass of water with you, and take a sip. let's say you want to take a vitamin. keep the bottle by your toothbrush. and get weird with it! don't let social norms hold you back. i have a toothbrush in my shower. i have medicine on the bookshelf next to where i play video games. these aren't the "usual" places for things, but they Work for ME. find the places that work for you, and bundle things together. you'll be a lot more likely to do them if they're tied to something else.

BODY DOUBLING. this one is HUGE. i've actually infected my neurotypical friends in discord with this one, it's so powerful, hehehe. basically, you externalize the executive function. there are a couple of ways to do this. if you want to do something, ask someone to be in the room with you. they don't have to be doing the same thing, or anything, really. but having another Person there (another BODY, if you will) will make it so you can do the thing. you can also do this over discord. for example, my friends and i will open up a voice chat, and we'll be doing things. i'll be writing, khaya will be drawing, yorsh will be writing or drawing, keisha will be writing or drawing... and because we're all there together, we're super productive! it smashes through that brick wall a bit. there is a whole genre of youtube videos i LOVE that target this thing. find "study with me" type videos where you have someone doing homework or something, maybe they have rain, or lofi music, or just the ambient noises of a coffee shop; whatever you find most helpful. i actually body double with a little fox timer i have on my desk. i turn him on for an hour, and since he's "working," it's really easy for me to be like "ok i gotta work too." silly? yes. does it work? yes!

BULLET JOURNAL/APPS. i don't mean the pinterest pretty things where you end up spending way too much time on making a pretty spread. i mean the actual basic bullet journal that the original creator developed because he has adhd and needed something to keep his shit straight. i did this for a while, and i found it somewhat useful? eventually i found more success with the app TickTick, which is so good for me keeping my tasks straight and accounted for, i pay for the premium bc fuck yeah. if you're the kind of person motivated by streaks (think, like, doing something because you don't want to break a streak. i am very much this person.) then i've gotten a lot of good mileage out of the Today app. i don't use it much anymore, but it's very good if that's a motivating thing for you.

WEAPONIZE ANNOYANCE. i do this one a lot. i have certain things that annoy me a lot. like, being wasteful with water really annoys me. so that means i don't like to wash laundry more than once. which means, if i put something in the washing machine, i WILL move it into the dryer. so if i can put my laundry into the washing machine and get it started, i have defeated the demon of moving it into the dryer by weaponizing my own irritation against myself. same thing with gritty bathroom floors. my cat's litterbox is in my bathroom. i Really hate stepping out of the shower and feeling litter under my feet. so i'm pretty meticulous about keeping the bathroom floor clean, even though sometimes i have a moment of executive dysfunction about vacuuming every day, because whenever i hit that brick wall i think. ok. well. we can look at this brick wall that's here. now think about the sensation of stepping out onto cat litter out of the shower. aofjalsfjadlskfjslakfjsalkfj. and that's enough for me to reach for the vacuum. so you can use your preferences against your weaknesses, especially if they're things that you're Very particular about.

RECONTEXTUALIZE. my therapist will sometimes stop me and say "you are should-ing all over yourself." and this is when i'm saying things like "i should x" or "i should y." i should be able to put away this plate in the dishwasher. i did it yesterday! i should be able to do it today! the moment you catch yourself thinking these things, stop. think about it differently. instead of "i should be able to put this plate away," think "i want to be able to put this plate away." now you can say. well. why do i want to put the plate away? because it's dirty, and dirty dishes will attract bugs. i don't want bugs. i want my room to be clean and smell nice. i want to enjoy being in here. now, instead of a chore that needs to be done, you can think about it as a positive thing you're doing. sometimes this is enough to get around that wall.

now. you've asked me about writing specifically, which is. kind of a special beast for me. you said it seems like i have a compulsion to do it—and it really does kind of feel that way. if i go too long without writing, i feel uncomfortable. antsy. like i'm not doing what i need to be doing in order to be Me. as such, it's usually not that difficult for me to convince myself to write. if i start seeing a brick wall about it, i can go "...but... think about the COOL SHIT that's about to happen in symphony!!" and i'll go "OH YEAH" and break right the fuck through that brick wall kool-aid style.

that said. i do experience executive dysfunction with my writing. there are days when i want to write, i have the scene in my head, i have the time, i'm in my special writing place, and i sit down and—and i can't do it. i can't write. i keep clicking into tumblr. i close tumblr on my computer then pick up my phone. i watch youtube videos. it's like no matter what i do, i can Not focus on writing. even though i am screaming and rattling at the cages because i want to!!! i want to write!!! i want to do nothing MORE than write!!!!

often, one of the tricks above will work for me since i've learned how to use them over the years, and i have practice tricking myself. i find particular success with the body doubling in particular for writing. but some days, it just. Doesn't Happen. and here is the ultimate truth that i will bestow upon you:

it's okay if you don't do the thing.

so you don't pick up that plate today, and tomorrow you have two. so you don't do your laundry, so you have to do it tomorrow. so you miss a meal. you go a day without writing. it's okay. as long as you're safe and healthy, it's okay. tomorrow is another day for you to try and do the thing.

stressing out about how much you want to do the thing is counterproductive. you're just going to make yourself ill doing that, and then you'll be less capable of doing things. just... chill. relax. breathe. do what you can. try the tips i gave, look for some more and see if those work, and if they don't... all right. it just isn't meant to happen today. no big deal. do something else today. maybe you don't pick up that plate... but you do fold that laundry that was giving you a brick wall a few days ago. maybe you don't write that fic today... but you do read that book you've been putting off, and now you have a new favorite author you want to pick apart and study. life is short, and precious. don't should on yourself.

#ask tag #adhd tag #holy FUCK this got long. but i hope it helps you a little c:

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