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wangxianficfinder · 3 months ago

Text

I'm in the mood for...

Aug 8th

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1. Could you recommend me a list of the saddest fanfics of mdzs?

I need a trigger to uplift my reading slump. Thanks^^

🔒 salt to the sea by starmins (M, 31k, WangXian, WWX & JYL, Modern AU, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Road Trips, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note, Canonical Character Death)

Across the street to another life by danegen (M, 99k, WangXian, Modern, unleashed au, Family Fluff, Set in America, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Addiction, Crime, Amnesia, Ableist Language, another fridged mother, POV Alternating, past wwx/ofc, past wwx/omc, Medium parent YZY, A-Yuan is wwx’s biological son, Musicians, Happy Ending)

grave goods by luckymarrow (E, 28k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, Modern AU, mortician!wwx, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Marriage Proposal, abrupt tonal shifts, Tragicomedy, Comedy, Romance, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Adoption, Implied/Referenced Abuse, for lan parents, it’s not described and is all backstory, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Married WangXian, brief daddy kink, the barest hint of consensual non-consent, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, BDSM)

Meet Me At The Corner After Dark by Omen1991 (M, 21k, WangXian, Modern, Ghosts, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Character Death, but he's already dead, Injury, Concerns about self-harm, no actual self-harm, Panic Attacks, Office, Tears, Sad with a Happy Ending, Reincarnation, kind of, mild romance, POV LWJ, Ghost WWX, Neurodivergent LWJ, Amnesiac WWX, Siblings who love each other, Autism, Autistic LWJ, Translation Available)

to the act of making noise by words-writ-in-starlight (WordsWritInStarlight) (G, 19k, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Father-Son Relationship, inquiry, LSZ is the best of boys and I will not hear debate, Music, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, [Podfic] to the act of making noise by Ceewelsh, flamingwell, kisahawklin, Rionaa) This is basically Lan Yuan growing up with Inquiry as a lullaby (and seeing LWJs grief through his eyes). It has a happy ending, but I couldn't get through this without a box of tissues. If you want the emotions dialed up even more, listen to the podfic version with music

ius in bello by Lise (T, 2k, JC & JYL & WWX, Canon Divergence, Tearjerker, Sad Ending, Heavy Angst, Grief/Mourning, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Not A Fix-It, POV JC, [Podfic] ius in bello by flamingwell) WWX doesn't survive Qiongqi Path, told from Jiang Cheng's perspective

dormiveglia (in between sleeping and waking) by comforting_monachopsis (M, 13k, WangXian, XuanLi, Diary/Journal, Golden Core Reveal, Canonical Child Abuse, Canonical Character Death, YLLZ WWX, Oblivious WWX, Protective WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, Grief/Mourning, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Sort Of, Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Thirteen Years of WWX’s Death, Dead WWX, Angst and Tragedy) where wwx doesn't come back but left a journal behind and everyone has to live with it

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2. itmf wangxian dating in cloud recesses study arc?

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 828k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)

Just Say Yes Series by edenwolfie (T/M, 338k, WangXian, Matchmaking, Pining, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, POV Alternating, Fluff, First Kiss, Declarations Of Love, Humor, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Good Uncle LQR, Engagement, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It)

it’s just (aah) a little crush (crush!) by sweetlolixo (T, 9k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Romance, Fluff, Pining LWJ, Humor, Courting Rituals, Teen Wangxian)

🔒 in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, WangXian, LXC/NMJ, cloud recesses, NHS & LWJ friendship, developing relationship, LWJ pov, minor injuries, autistic LWJ, implied/referenced child abuse, aka YZY warning, genius WWX, light angst, hurt/comfort, WWX protection squad)

💖 Hoards and treasures by apathyinreverie (T, 21k, WangXian, Siblings, Family, not particularly Jiang friendly, YZY Bashing, slightly darker Gusu Lans, LXC being the best brother, Some manipulation, But with the best of intentions, and not between wangxian, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Smitten LWJ, Fluff, perfect happiness, adorable WWX, Romance, Some worldbuilding, courting)

30 Days of Secret Marriage at Cloud Recesses by starandrea (T, 43k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Bunnies, Gusu Lan Forehead Ribbon, Accidental Marriage, Coming Out, Falling In Love, supportive family, Fluff, Happy Ending, the whole story is happy)

A Wedding of Choice by scifigeek14 (T, 17k, WangXian, Everyone Lives, Marriage Proposal, Episode Related Canon Divergence, POV Third Person Limited)

You Are My Euphoria by orphan_account (M, 17k, wangxian, canon divergence, fluff, making out, 5+1, pining)

loveliness by orphan_account (T, 1k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Pining, Teen Romance, Getting Together)

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3. ITMF any fics where there is a focus or moment where wwx knows lwj can and will spoil the hell out of him and give him money for anything. kind of like the "it's not my money anyway" moment in the drama. preferably set in canon time period, but won't say no to a modern au if it has a good plot! thank you!!

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4. I was wondering if anyone was aware of any fics that are dark!LWJ but the relationship between him and WWX isn't toxic or dubcon? Something like a mafia, a/b/o, or emperor au, but without the more non-con like elements that are often found in those fics. I would love to read more dark!LWJ, but the tag is full of the more toxic stuff that I personally can't handle (no judgement here, I wish I could lol), so any help is much appreciated! (ITMF ask)

��🧡 Rule Number One: Never get attached. by KizuKatana (E, 130k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O, Criminal underworld AU, Fluff and angst, Crime boss LWJ, Rouge criminal genius WWX, Explicit Sex)

Crown Jewel of the Hoard by xFourLeafCloverx (E, 29k, WIP, WangXian, Dark WangXian, Organized Crime, Gun Violence, Consensual Non-Consent, Omegaverse, Shifters, bunxian, dragonji, killing as foreplay and postplay, LWJ is So Whipped, Intersex Omegas, Disfigurement, Blood and Gore, Sugar Daddy LWJ, Jiang Family Bashing, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering) Got mafia and wangxian being together without one of them being forced into it

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5. itmf deaf or hoh wei wuxian please

misunderstood 'verse by sysrae (M, 7k, WangXian, Modern, College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, getting hit by cars, Past Child Abuse, Friends to Lovers, Abusive YZY, Caring LWJ, Injured WWX, partial hearing loss, the real OTP is everyone x therapy)

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6. ITMF fics where Lan Zhan and/or Wei Ying smoke/get high (not drunk) can be weed or harder drugs, also okay if it's just Lan Zhan feeding Wei Ying drugs. @thehappyyellow

a constant satellite of your blazing sun (i obey your law of gravity) by Ariaste (M, 26k, JGY/LXC, WangXian, JGY & WWx, Madam LAN/QHJ, Modern, Slice of Life, Established Relationship, Family Drama, Flashbacks, HOAverse, Marijuana, Nice Lan Boys Marry Gremlins, (bass boosted) NICE LAN BOYS MARRY GREMLINS, OC(s), (sort of), OC Death(s), (but like it's already in canon so you know about it already)) this is part of the HOA series, but does feature wwx and lwj (among others) getting high. Not entirely sure if it can be read as a standalone, but the entire series is hilarious and absolutely worth checking out.

2am on a saturday by detectorist (E, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Recreational Drug Use, (no sex happens while drunk/high!), Humour, Pining, Getting Together, Blow Jobs, it's about the yearning, somehow a harmonica gets involved, the lz/mm/jzx best friends agenda)

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7. Itmf the juniors being protective of WWX?

Rotten Work by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 63k, WangXian, WWX & JL, Post-Canon, Protective WWX, Protective JL, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Reluctant Matchmaker JL)

🔒 The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli (T, 19k, WangXian, In-Universe RPF, Romance Novel, LJY’s sense of justice, OYZZ’s sense of romance, Featuring a surprise appearance by WWX’s oft-absent sense of shame, Look the ducklings just want their sort-of dads to be happy okay?, And it’s not like WWX or LWJ are doing a good job of ensuring their own happiness, LJY rejects canon reality and substitutes his own, highly relatable actually, Post-Canon Fix-It, primarily drama-canon with cameos from novel-canon, Podfic Available, Russian Translation Available)

🧡 the stone-filled sea by yukla (T, 9k, WangXian, LSZ & WWX, Post-Canon, senior wei defense squad, a study of the way prejudice and injustice and anger trickle down from generation to generation)

bespoke by cafecliche (G, 3k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Fluff, LSZ is a very good boy, which is specifically a tag for the fic but also just true in general, mostly novel-compliant but could easily be CQL-compliant too)

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8. hello! for the next itmf, i would love to see fics where wwx does empathy with lxc and/or lqr and find out how mistreated he is. could be during his youth or post-sunshot, either one. thank you!

And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 139k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together) I'm not sure if these are quite what the requester was looking for but Lan Xichen uses Empathy (and is traumatized by it) to see a past timeline

❤️ All will be well when the day is done by abCEE (T, 76k, LQR & WWX, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix It, Not Jiang Family Friendly, JFM & YZY Bashing, YZY Bashing, Definitely not YZY centric, Fix it for our main characters, Time Travel, Butterfly Effect, Madam Lan Lives, No Sunshot Campaign, Artistic License, Unreliable Narrator, JC Bashing, non-yunmeng WWX, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Good Uncle LQR, OOC, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, WWX gets the love and care that he deserves from the very beginning, Mainly CQL but has elements of the novel as well, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiangs, verbal and physical (c/o Zidian) abuse from YZY) and Lan Qiren uses Empathy to learn who a sick child Wei Ying is and learns about Wei Ying's abuse in his past timeline

Rise of the Divine Oracle by BlakSalt (T, 291k, WangXian, Boy Love, Hurt/Comfort, Romance)

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9. Does anyone have any Sizhui-centric fics where he learns about or pieces together his past with wwx and the wens before wwx comes back? 🥺 Like 'Would You Come Home?' By s6115, that was so good I need more fics with that concept. 😭 Please and thank you 🙏

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10. Hi I wondering if you knew any fics similar to: A Corpse Called by Name by jaemyun👀 thank you so much for your hard work?

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11. rogue cultivator wangji PLEASE

doesnt matter if its like post wwx's death or before the cloud recesses study arc i just have a NEED for rogue cultivator lwj if no one can find any i'll just write it myself i swear

🔒 And Miles To Go Before I Sleep by Glitterbombshell (T, 23k, WangXian, JC & LWJ, LSZ & LWJ, LXC & LWJ, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, LXC is not really a good brother in this sorry, Canon Divergence, rogue cultivator LWJ) This one is good & has an interesting impetus for LWJ leaving (the Jin find out LSZ is a Wen) but sadly hasn't been updated in almost 4 years. BTW please write a rogue cultivator!LWJ fic - this is an insanely underutilised trope considering the obvious story potential

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12. Hey! I’m in the mood for any and all fic where Lan Zhan marries into the Jiang sect with Wèi Ying. Thanks! @shapeshifters-anon

The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Injury, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Burial Mounds, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts)

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13. Hey, I'm looking for (and really need) a good story where WWX has had enough and just becomes a villain (+100 to interest if he goes back in time and is evil from the beginning) (+10 if WWX is a genius and uses his inventions to manipulating, getting what he wants and/or establishing his position so that no one can hurt or take advantage of him).

e.g. after destroying his new home and killing all the Wen, WWX destroys the seal and goes back in time, but instead of trying to fix everything and make it better he says "f*ck it" and simply stops being a good boy. He will be the same as the rest of the world... or something like that :)

Just... WWX as a villain <3 @ethealia

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14. Hello! I am looking for fics where Meng Yao / Jin Guangyao is wholly nice and good (and not secretly scheming and villainous and such). Any au or era, I just want to see him happy and safe and supported by friends. Thank you so much!

what builds a home by Stratisphyre (T, 45k, WangXian, MY & WWX, Canon Divergence, Adopted WWX, POV Multiple, warning for JGS behaving exactly as expected, child endangerment, Brother Feels, Minor Character Death, [Podfic] Cold read of "what builds a home" by Stratisphyre by KeriArentikaiPods (KeriArentikai))

Debts of a Child Part 2 by Hauntcats (M, 111k, WangXian, YZY Bashing, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Angst and Feels, lots of anger, JC Bashing, not Jiang friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Content warning for icky spiders in later chapters., hurt no comfort for Jiang siblings.)

a micro utopia born as the overture plays by tardigradeschool (T, 18k, wangxian, JGY/LXC, fix-it)

Meng Yao vs. the Board of the Homeowner's Association Series by Ariaste (M/T, 119k, WIP, XiYao, WangXian, Modern AU, Established Relationship, xiyao and wangxian are both already married, Family Feels, Domestic Fluff, Family Bonding, Slice of Life, Discussions of Past Trauma, wwx's canonical kinks, HOAverse)

结局难更改 (the ending is hard to change) Series by PorcupineGirl (G, 50k, WangXian, Time Travel, Modern with Magic, Modern Cultivators AU, Canon Divergence, Time Traveler WWX, discussion of canonical character deaths, conveniently localized fires, Discussion of Canonical Suicide Attempt, mostly happy but slightly bittersweet ending, Reincarnation, LWJ POV, Established Relationship, Aromantic JC) Not JGY centric, though.

Peony to Lotus series by Deriliarch (T, 65k, JYL/JGY, wangxian, canon divergence, arranged marriage, demisexual character, demiromantic character, fix-it, slice of life, angst)

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15. ITMF Jiang disciples trying to actually get Wei Wuxian out of the Jiang sect or keep him safe from the main Jiang family for his own safety

Just go forward like you mean it by tawaen (M, 101k, WangXian, WWX & WN &WQ, WWX & JYL, NHS & WWX, Canon Divergence, WWx does not attend the Wen indoctrination, WWX saves Lotus Pier, Inventor WWX, No Golden Core Transfer, Sect Leader JYL, JC Has No Golden Core, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, Not JC Friendly, but he gets a happier ending than canon so don't look here for bashing) There's a small scene where WWX decides to leave & a disciple helps him sneak away

Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake (E, 283k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Abusive YZY, Canonical Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (Background Character), Background Character Deaths, child deaths, Canon JC, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cultivation Sect Politics, Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Oblivious) This might count? WWX leaves the clan himself, but there's a scene later in the fic where JFM & YZY are on trial & the Jiang disciples rebel & testify against them over WWX's treatment

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16. May I ask an ITMF for wwx having a pet/befriending/encountered avians like cranes, songbirds, crows, etc. please? I read a fic where wwx has an army of mischievous ravens and I'd like more recommendations if you have any!

A Long Road by Vathara (T, 187k, WangXian, Fluff and Angst, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Scheming NHS, Necromancy, Fire, Ghosts, Accidental Child Acquisition, is it an accident if the ghosts keep bringing them?)

We Meet at the Thousandth Step by Admiranda, Rynne (T, 316k, WangXian, CSSR/WCZ, Canon Divergence, No Sunshot Campaign, CSSR & WCZ Live, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Different First Meeting, Night Hunts, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Plot, Romance, Drama, Fluff, Strangers to married, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Everyone Lives, Developing Relationship, Minor Violence, Case Fic, Mystery, Flirting, WWX’s Canon-Typical Flower Flirting, Arson, There Was Only One Bed, Getting Together, First Kiss, Meeting the Parents, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, WWX Is a Good Big Brother, New Relationship Bliss, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Blood and Injury, Yiling siblings, Married WangXian, Honeymoon, Wangxian’s Baby Fever) Wei Ying and Lan Zhan befriend and save a Zhenniao (a mythical bird) in chapters 41-44

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17. ITMF fics where Wei Wuxian is the Yiling Laozu but, like, he is established as such prior to or external to the events of canon? As in, WWX isn’t raised in Yunmeng and he doesn’t do the canon Gusu Lectures arc or Wen Indoctrination arc and such, instead he is already in Burial Mounds with a scary reputation. Usually this plot crops up in arranged marriage or war prize aus where Lan Wangji is given to the big bad Yiling Laozu to gain favor, kind of like in 山水盆景 (Shānshuǐ Pénjǐng) by meicairoubingfan where the Yiling Laozu is an immortal who the sects appeal to to intervene in the Sunshot Campaign conflict. Does this description make sense? Thank you!

what price is duty, what cost is love by thunderwear (G, 18k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX was never adopted to Jiang, war prize, YLLZ WWX, pining, first kiss, first time, falling in love, angst w/ happy ending)

💖🔒 love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ WWX, Arranged Marriage, political scheming, Gratuitous Domesticity, Mutual Pining, EXTREME SLOWBURN, the inherent eroticism of the forehead ribbon, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, neither wwx nor lwj want to be Perceived, but sorry kids! it’s gonna happen!, rated E but the the NSFW stuff doesn’t begin until chapter 19!, bottom LWJ in chapter 20 and 27)

Old Foreshadows by protos_metazu_ison (M, 15k, WangXian, YLLZ WWX, BAMF WWX, War, Universe Alteration, Sunshot Campaign, Rated For Violence, Timeline What Timeline, Mojo's post)

🔒Fated Series by LtLJ (G, 31k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Post-Apocalypse, Magical Apocalypse, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Canon Diverted via Volcano, YLLZ WWX, Badass LWJ)

🔒hold me fast, fear me not by cicer (M, 16k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fairy Tale Elements, Ballad 39: Tam Lin, Mpreg, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, YLLZ WWX, brief reference to abortificants, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, may be interpreted as noncon by some)

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months ago

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AITA for not saying please/thank you?

So this is an ongoing argument with my roommate. I (22nb) am autistic, and T (55f) has ADHD.

Now to get this out of the way, i do say thank you. I was always taught to wait a moment after receiving something, take a bite or appreciate what you were given for a breath, before thanking someone so that you could add something more to it. My roommate and I both agree that i do say thank you the vast majority of the time, but the problem for her is that i do not say it fast enough.

T often gives me a "tHaNk yOu" while the item in question is still being passed. This seems ridiculous to me as i haven't even been fully given it yet.

In addition, i have the dishes as my household chore, and i do them daily, despite almost never making any dishes myself. I do this to both support T and her diet, as well as contribute to the household that i live in.

T thanks me near daily for doing the dishes. This always seems weird and unnecessary to me, as it is my responsibility. I have told her this. I dont expect to be thanked for doing my own laundry, after all. In return, T gets upset that i dont notice and thank her for taking out the garbage/recycling/compost, to which she is the main contributor to and is under her responsibilities.

As for please: i do say this much more rarely. I think it feels overly preformative and fake, and i typical choose more "would you mind closing my door for me" "if its not too much of a hassle, could you toss me my waterbottle" "id appreciate it if you could preheat the oven while you're in the kitchen"

I think that these work perfectly fine as a replacement. Please just has always felt wrong and fake. No one else in my entire life has ever commented on this before.

Thirdly; T has been upset that i don't respond to her apologies appropriately. After she is snappy at me (due to her emotional disregulation from ADHD) (last time it was because i asked if she was using the oven instead of asking if i could use the oven myself, for reference) there is a 50/50 shot that she will come and apologize.

I dont often accept apologies. Apologies are for the person saying them to get it off their chests, or to make you put it behind them. Usually, ill say something like "it was just one of those days, y'know?" Or "its alright, water under the bridge"

Because i was always taught that apologies came with a promise of change, and T can't (or won't) change how she re-directs her frustration at unrelated things to things ive done "wrong". When she told me the correct response was "i forgive you", i decided to not engage instead of telling her directly that i didnt forgive her (because i am certain she will do it again). (I usually dont engage with her when shes irritated: she never notices and just wants to say her piece so im not being rude here)

She said that i was being disrespectful, "like always", and when i suggested it may be more difficult for me due to my autism, she said that we made plenty of accommodations for me (which i think is false), and that i just needed to do this for her comfort. That please/thank yous were something she needed to feel appreciated and i should be making more accommodations for her.

To me, i feel like she is getting really caught up on semantics and is being a little controlling about it. But maybe its just a boundary? I dont know if i could commit to changing my language for her though, i feel like i will just start forgetting after awhile because it feels so fake. Shouldn't it be better for me to say things genuinely than just for her approval?

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

#aita #am i the asshole

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dunmeshistash · 3 months ago

Note

I can’t find it now, but you had a post about Kabru being high-masking, and you said you didn’t think he was, which is completely fair! I had a different opinion as someone who is high-masking AuDHD and wanted to share (but of course now I can’t find the post 9_9)

Personally, I read Kabru as being high masking autistic, with one critical difference between us: he’s an extrovert. I’m actually more like Milsiril than Kabru - I collect/make dolls, I’d rather be at home than anywhere else, I’ve been called creepy and weird and gloomy for all of those things, but I also learned how to mask relatively early on, so most people don’t ever get to see that side of me. For me it’s a lot of work and energy- most of the time. If I’m around people I like, it’s less so, but people in general take a lot of my energy. Kabru, on the other hand, is very extroverted. He gets a lot of energy from interacting with people, and for the most part his personality and interests are acceptable to the society he lives in. BUT his interest in dissecting people’s motivations and how they communicate and interact and how to move them in the direction he wants them to go, that’s considered overly intense and creepy even by his party. Kabru keeps a lot of his thoughts and honest reactions internal because he’s aware of how people interact and what is or isn’t acceptable. I do the same thing, and I engage in a fair bit of “manipulation” (neutral) as part of my masking - I know that asking people for advice, showing interest in their lives, complaining together about things, etc, will cause them to view me more favorably and I use that to keep myself “safe”, along with basically never talking about my interests. I’m friendly and open and helpful and I almost never fight back against anything, so people “like” me. It’s not all *fake*, but it’s not the whole truth either. I’d rather not engage in conversation at all, because I can’t talk honestly about my interests without being considered creepy- but if Kabru’s special interest is people and how they interact, to some degree he can talk about his interests without it seeming weird.

Anyways, that’s my perspective :D also thank you for being a Milsiril defender, it’s… really painful to see people calling her manipulative and superior. I know a lot of it is bc ppl DO NOT understand anyone who likes dolls as an adult but like….. liking dolls has less than nothing to do with “needing to feel superior” or in control -_-

Hello!! I collect dolls too!!! Proud to be nº1 Milsiril defender.

That's an interesting perspective! As far as I understand (I'm autistic too so I don't have personal experience to how allistic people work) everyone does some amount of masking, as in everyone has a version of themselves they use to interact with others and that "mask" usually falls when you're with people who know and understand you better

As I understand that type of mask is expected in society? Like you wont act at work the same way you do with your college friends (usually). But as some tumblr post said "we are the mask and the wearer" as in those masks are still a part of who they are.

That's why I said I didn't think Kabru was high masking, I hadn't heard that term before so I was confused

Maybe I don't fully get it but keeping some parts of yourself inside and not expressing it to people who wont understand is common among allistic and autistic people but masking is this but in a way more stressful way? Since you aren't just hiding facets of who you are you're making an active effort to hide the whole thing basically.

Kabru's mask seems to come easily to him and it doesn't seem like he makes an conscious effort to go against his nature to hide who he is that's why I said he probably doesn't do high masking in that sense. But in another sense he IS highly adaptable to the people around him and studies how people act so I understand that perspective! It's more of a personal interpretation tbh.

#ask #dunmeshi thoughts

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grison-in-space · 5 months ago

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Hey! Not trying to keep an annoying conversation going but I wanted to say I super appreciate your rebuttal on the ARA stuff, it was a really good clear summary. Particularly glad you brought up the "nothing with us without us" thing because that tendency in ARA circles to treat animal liberation as the Same Thing as liberating marginalised humans, who can speak for them-fucking-selves, is so upsetting and overtly dehumanising and it's really valuable to see that pointed out. It's also so connected to the move towards tankie or fascist rhetoric, because it so strongly relies on a paternalistic view of exploited people as passive recievers of harm and charity. Anyway sorry I'm a bit ill and rambly but I really appreciated the clarity of your takes is what I wanted to say.

No worries, the boundary I wanted to set was more "I'm not interested in repeating that I know full well what ARA ideology is and how that hooks into veganism, and I'm not a captive audience." I'm happy to have conversations, including with people I disagree with; I am not happy to have to repeatedly explain the same thing that has, again, been my consistent experience for nigh on twenty years of interacting with the community. This is not that, so. Thank you for the compliment.

The paternalism is such a huge factor. It reminds me very much of benevolent sexism (as opposed to hostile sexism), and rings all the same alarm bells. It really, really, really reminds me of the way Autism Speaks talks about autistic children and always has.

If animals don't have language (and they largely don't) and if they communicate in ways that might be non-intuituve to a human (and they often do), surely it's incumbent on us as humans to decode the meaning of the signals they are sending in order to understand how to ethically interact with one another. Communication, after all, can happen perfectly well in the absence of language. And yet.

There's also just so little understanding and interest in the reality of what the consequences of "freedom" for animals living in captivity actually are and can be; consider for example Flaco the eagle owl who escaped into NYC, as @why-animals-do-the-thing covered last year. For a species that is notoriously reliant on our social structures and learned skill sets to survive, you'd think we could handle this better. But I see an awful lot of animal rights activists who seem to think that successfully releasing animals into the wild—freeing them from human control—is just a matter of one heartwarming video where the animal steps out of the cage and immediately locks its new job as an independent forager into place. It isn't.

I am also just straight up not convinced that freedom in the sense of being on your own and able to do whatever you want is all that great. I have spent my entire life boldly going where no one has gone before. It kind of sucks, actually. On the other hand, as a neurodivergent person personally I do a lot of structuring my choices with an eye to Past Me pissing off Current Me because I know Future Me will appreciate it. I can devise my own structures to let me successfully do that ... or I can just outsource the enforcing to a third party with opinions, which is something I sometimes need to do badly enough to purchase and train an entire stupid dog about it, because asking other humans to do it is relationally expensive. Sometimes having external structures that keep me from doing dumb things when the impulses get me is good actually.

And I mean, I'm a biologist. I went a little viral here a few years ago for being silly and describing what acacia trees do to try to fight off their greatest enemy: the mighty but terrifying giraffe. I know how plants engage their agency as dramatically and persistently as any animal; they're just sessile, so they do everything without the ability to get up and go. They are, however, no less active or opinionated a participant in the ecological chaos of the world than any other kingdom. To say nothing of fungi! To live is, unless you have chloroplasts, to consume. And even an awful lot of chloroplast-bearing species engage in a little heterotrophy now and again.

So like. Why should I think that eating plants is necessarily any more ethical than eating animals? Why does ARA-driven veganism think that increasingly processed and modified diets that camouflage and hide our connection to our food as part of the natural world that, yes, we also live in? Why do we hide from the complexity and the small grief of life, the shadow of death that has to come for there to be any room to change? One day, I too will die, and something will consume me unless I choose instead to be consumed by fire itself. That's carbon, baby!

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pearlcages · 1 month ago

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can we have some neurodivergent arizona hcs?

Okay this is going to be significantly more than what you asked for, because I honestly— honestly!— believe that most if not all of Arizona’s neurodivergent behaviors are showcased in canon

And if this is not the post for you, then it’s not the post for you! Keep on scrolling, I will not be offended. But if you keep reading, you’re gonna have to take this for what it is: My interpretation of a fictional character. Interpretations vary. Mine is not gospel. But it is mine, and I like it, and I stand by it

I specifically headcanon Arizona as autistic, and this will be a post discussing that, but I've also seen some people say that they interpret her as ADHD and I'm all for it! That wasn't my reading, but there's a lot there to support it in canon. I just don't have an already developed argument for it

Disclaimer 1: Disclosing my autism here through Arizona— because let’s be real, there’s no way I would have noticed any of this if I wasn’t autistic, so there’s no way to avoid disclosing if I want to discuss this— is extremely vulnerable. Most of the people in my day to day irl life don’t even know that I’m autistic. I present in a very palatable, easily digestible way. People like me, and I get away with a lot because people like me. To me, Arizona screams autistic-but-charming, gets-away-with-a-lot

So let's start!

Part 1: Thank you for asking though... I'm super flattered. Super!

Or: Autistic honesty and masking to compensate

Arizona consistently exhibits straightforward, honest behavior that reads as rude to others. Like, all of the time, from day 1

As in almost the first words that come out of her mouth.

Arizona walks into her new position with roller-skates and a smile, immediately insults her predecessor to one of his coworkers, and then is genuinely confused when Bailey doesn't like her

One of the strongest arguments for autistic Arizona is the way she just says blatantly insulting, brutally honest things and genuinely believes that because she's smiling, and because it's true, that it won't be offensive. Which-- works? Kind of? She does get away with it! She's just out here saying whatever she earnestly believes all of the time and getting away with it

She also follows very specific social scripts, and very specific rules for engaging with other people (particularly in seasons 5-6) regardless of if those social scripts/rules are actually appropriate in the moment

The first example we see of this is 5x12 when Alex confronts her for asking him about his Valentine's Day plans-- Arizona knows that in a situation where she is left alone with a colleague for an extended period of time, she's supposed to make conversation. It does not occur to her that the timing might be inappropriate, because while she understands and acknowledges internally that they are both having feelings about what just happened, those feelings do not override her social script. She is unable to recognize the nuance of the situation, and thinks that Alex won't either-- and while she is ultimately positioned as "right" within the narrative of the show, it's interesting that she maintains this behavior (politeness script > genuine social tact) in situations where the show positions her as "wrong"

If you pay attention, Arizona is consistently very regimented in her politeness. She's been taught how to be polite, and she follows that script regardless of the situation. And when people react negatively to that, she's frequently confused

It's also important to note that 5x12 is an episode about empathy, and that Arizona is positioned as being the more empathetic person in this conversation with Alex. I've heard people--psychiatrists, even--describe autism as an "empathy disorder" which is something I choose not to engage with, and something that does not represent all autistic people. If we think of autism as an empathy disorder, then obviously we will not be able to conceptualize Arizona as autistic (Arizona who loves so much and so deeply, who goes into spiraling depressions every single time she loses a patient, who wants to be liked so, so badly)

Arizona is everything but unempathetic, but she does script and she does mask

The deliberateness she approaches casual conversation with, and her consistent inability to recognize when this script becomes inappropriate, reads as autistic to me!

Part of what makes her have such a distinct character voice is that hyper-specific scripting. You can always predict how Arizona is going to react, what Arizona is going to say, because she uses and reuses the same words/sentence patterns throughout her run on Grey's. Her way of speaking is always running along the same pattern with little to no deviation, even across years. I mean lbr, I'm calling it: script script script script script

Another perfect early example of Arizona's hyper-polite, overexuberant scripting is when she turns Callie down in 5x16

We have the smile-- and come on, that smile is masking if I've ever seen it

The rejection, followed immediately by an earnest but abrupt apology

And then-- then!!-- she literally insults Callie ("I work in peds. I spend my whole day around newborns, so I try not to in my personal life") and finishes it off with a thank you

So many viewers had an immediate negative reaction to Arizona after this scene, because it's "condescending" and "rude"-- which, yeah, that's a fair! But what's relevant here is that not only is she being entirely earnest, she's completely unaware that she's being insulting

Arizona genuinely believes that if she follows her scripts exactly, all of the time, nobody will notice. Which works insofar that people don't notice that she's autistic, they just think she's, like, super fucking rude

And isn't that interesting? Because we, as fans, recognize Arizona as someone who's extremely polite, who values politeness. But that's not how people react to her when they meet her

Arizona is straightforward to a fault, and she does not understand (and frequently does not notice) people reacting negatively to her because of it

You could argue that Arizona is completely aware that she's being insulting, but that argument would involve saying that Arizona doesn't care what people think about her, and I really do not see any canon support for that. Az deeply cares what people think about her. She cries when her boss is mad at her. She cries (rejection sensitivity much?)

This scene is also really interesting. Arizona says something truthful but insulting, and Bailey-- who knows her, and who is one of the people who unintentionally helps her manage how she's being perceived-- steps in, and she immediately backtracks. Because someone she trusts has indicated to her that she said the wrong thing. And maybe she would have gotten that just from the Chief's reaction, but at the end of the day she still said it. She said it, and she wasn't trying to be insulting-- she was just being honest. Arizona doesn't know where that line is.

I really cannot emphasize this enough: Arizona. Just. Says. What. She. Thinks.

All of the time!! She can't help herself-- she would stop if she could, but she can't, so she covers it all up with the biggest smile you've ever seen and lots of the most polite things you've ever heard in the most inappropriate contexts they could possibly be said in. And it works! Somehow, her raggedy duct-tape solution to accidentally insulting everyone she meets is remarkably effective

To me, this is masking. She's diverting attention from autistic behaviors specifically so people will continue to like her; through the smiling and the bubbliness and the gregarious chattiness, she's distracting from the fact that she regularly says extremely honest, inappropriate things

Speaking of Bailey-- let's take a look at this scene.

There's something about the genuine confusion in how JCap plays this scene that really stands out to me.

Arizona knows that Bailey has lost someone, and recognizes, empathizes, with the fact that she may be struggling to think about work-- but getting a negative reaction does not occur to her as a possibility until Bailey responds negatively (see image below)

Within the text of the conversation, Arizona says directly that she does not mean to be insensitive, but her values are too rigid for her to change tracks. More on that later.

Part 2: Maybe I don't understand people. I don't see things.

Or: Guessing how other people feel and sometimes getting it super, super wrong

This part is going to be pretty short, but I can't not include it

At the end of s5, Arizona says it, point blank:

And this is so early into her run on Grey's that it has to be understood as something fundamental about her character. The writer's want us, explicitly, to understand Arizona as someone who occasionally misses out on social cues and knows it

In either 6x1 or 6x2, After George dies Callie says, "And Arizona keeps sending me doughnuts." and we learn that that's what Arizona did when her brother died. She ate doughnuts. Doughnuts made her feel better, so she sends Callie doughnuts when George dies. That's how Arizona expresses empathy in times where she knows her script is inadequate, by treating people the way she wanted to be treated-- by caring for them in the way that makes the most sense for her

Something that a lot of autistic people do, and that a lot of non-autistics read as unempathetic, is connecting their personal experiences of an emotion to another person's experience of that same emotion. I.e., if you've recently lost a loved one, an autistic person may express empathy by sharing about when they lost a loved one. Another example is if you've just gone through a breakup, and autistic person may tell you about a breakup they've been through

This reads as self-centered and unempathetic sometimes, because it feels like the autistic person is centering their own emotions in a situation about you-- when really, they're just trying to connect

Which makes this conversation in 12x4 between Arizona and April hilarious, because she can recognize it in others but not herself

(April and Arizona are two non-diagnosed later in life autistic women with advanced masking, btw. Not only that, April and Arizona are the same kind of autistic, which is why their friendship is so special!)

Part 3: I'm a good man in a storm.

Or: Black and white thinking, moral codes, and autistic sense of identity

I've said this before, and I will say it again-- Arizona is a fundamentally moral person. She stands on her morals, and she suffers for her morals. Only the disruption of her fundamental sense of self takes this part of her away, because her sense of right and wrong is her sense of identity. Arizona sees herself as someone who is good, and she knows what, specifically, it means to be good

Love your country, love your family, protect the things you love. She doesn't deviate and she doesn't play around with it, ever. Arizona decides on something, and she follows through

In order to understand Arizona as a character, we have to isolate her fundamental beliefs. To me, these are kindness, service, and autonomy. We also must understand that outside of the post-crash decimation of her fundamental "self", Arizona does not behave in ways that go against her morals. Ever.

Arizona the idealist, Arizona the self-righteous, Arizona who lives and dies by her beliefs, who does not break her own rules. There's no room for interpretation; there's right, and there's wrong

One of the ways this manifests that I keep coming back to is her belief in autonomy. In 7x18 when it comes down to a choice between Callie or Sofia, Arizona chooses Sofia not because she, personally, values Sofia over Callie but because it's what Callie would want. It's the choice Callie would make. And, yes, Arizona hates that choice, but she honors it. Even if it means the love of her life, the woman she just proposed to, dies. Autonomy is a core value, which means she'll suffer personally to make sure it's upheld

And in s9, when her own autonomy is stripped away, she loses her shit. Not just because of the leg, but because it was her decision. Hers. And autonomy is a core value.

"What's different now? No, say it, 'cause it was perfect. It's not a decision that I should be making for you."

This isn't good and it isn't healthy, but it's a direct reflection of Arizona's sense of morality. She isn't being hypocritical here-- she's already shown that she's willing to let Callie die to respect her autonomy. It's not a 1:1 comparison because the situations are wildly different, but this is about idealism. It's not about what's best, it's about what's right.

Returning to that scene with Bailey from part 1. At first, Arizona does not realize that she is being inappropriate, but this scene is significant for more than that. In almost every situation (see: You're my old friend. Older. Older friend.) where Arizona misjudges the social landscape, she pivots very quickly.

This scene is a key example of Arizona's exception-- when being polite contradicts her core values. (In this case, service). Despite realizing that she has crossed a social boundary with Bailey, she pushes the conversation forward anyways, because not doing so would mean worse care for her patient.

"Dr. Bailey... I hear that. And I don't mean to be insensitive, but this kid? This kid's still alive. And I don't know what's wrong with him, not a clue, so I need you to work."

There are several scenes like this one, where Arizona makes this exception and only this exception to her sense of social propriety

It's rigid and uncompromising. There are specific closely held ideals, and a script, and those closely held ideals are the only reason to deviate from the script.

And she's super. freaking. judgmental. particularly when it comes to morality

One of the most horrific examples of Arizona's black and white thinking is when she tells Jackson about April's pregnancy, because it's the right thing to do. Or, it's the right thing to do... to Arizona. Because she fails to recognize the nuance and emotional undertones of April's specific situation. There is right (being honest) and wrong (lying) and she absolutely cannot recognize of the many choices between those things until she receives the overwhelming feedback that actually, she is wrong here

Arizona is an incredibly rigid character. She very rarely understands or seeks nuance unless specifically forced to. I think, in large part, this is why the cheating is such a significant character deviation for us as an audience-- and why Arizona never fully forgives herself for it. Everything that goes wrong in her life from that point forward is punishment for the cheating, and Arizona truly believes that she deserves it.

Even retrospectively, I believe there is a part of her that thinks back on the cheating as earning the plane crash, that wraps those two things up in each other until they're indistinguishable, and then justifies all of her future suffering in perpetuity through it.

The first time we see Arizona truly go against her own ideals has to be post-crash, because it would take the complete destruction of her sense of self for her to go through with something like that. She has to be completely detached from her identity first, because there is no separating her morals from her "self". There's no bending that code until she's so far gone she no longer knows who she is. Arizona simply does not compromise. When she does, it is the kind of compromise that is so unreasonable, so extreme, that it ruins her life-- and she never forgets that. No nuance, ever. She is either living and dying by her morals, and setting fire to them in one wildly destructive action

April does something pretty similar during her crisis of faith, and it reads as autistic there as well! "If I live in a world where my extremely strict morals no longer make the world make sense, then nothing matters and I must set fire to the world."

Part 4: Grey's Anatomy and accidentally writing autistic characters.

So here come the disclaimers: I do not think that Arizona was intentionally written as autistic, and if you asked Shonda Rhimes about it, I think she'd be deeply confused. Like, really confused

But, like, since when has writers writing autistic characters accidentally stopped those characters from being interpreted as autistic? Just look at Dan Harmon and Abed from Community

And Grey's is just so, so consistently guilty of this, because Grey's deals in these huge, larger than life personalities. It has to. Being larger than life is the heart of the show. Look at Cristina and April! They're these extremely different, complicated, deeply autistic-coded women, each with their own self-expressions and relationships to empathy. April is annoying and perky and lacks empathy and carries around a tear-stained notebook of self help book affirmations. And Cristina... I don't even think I have to go there, honestly

These are not characters written to be portrayals of women with autism, and frankly they'd probably be way worse representation for autistic women if they were. We don't let autistic women have varied or diverse presentations. We don't think of the pretty, charming, talkative doctor who likes babies and cigarettes as possibly being autistic but that doesn't mean she isn't. Undiagnosed adult autistic women are everywhere. Everywhere.

(And don't get me started on autistics and addictive tendencies, or how smoking is a great way to have something to do with your hands and mouth without looking weird)

I think a lot of the knee-jerk, negative reaction when people interpret beloved characters as autistic comes down to the belief that autism manifests in exclusively bad ways, ways that inherently make the character less likable

But a lot of the things I like about myself are associated with my being autistic. I'm meticulously detailed, I care very deeply about the things I'm passionate about, I approach my intimate relationships with intentionality and consistency, and it makes me a better writer. It makes me dedicated to being better. I like that I'm autistic! I wouldn't want to be neurotypical, even if sharing that with people is a vulnerable thing

So, I don't know, you don't have to agree with me but at least consider it

#arizona robbins #i do not expect anyone to read this it's a BEAST #but i had something to say so i said it!#fandom meta #character analysis #grey's anatomy

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verdemoun · 5 months ago

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I wonder, how's Kieran doing, from the side of his neurodivergency? Was it diagnosed? Does he get support? An AAC perhaps, seeing as the poor guy's semi-verbal? How'd the rest of the gang accept it? I'M JUST SO CURIOUS ABOUT HIM I AM HOLDING HIM I AM SHAKING HIM LIKE A TOY HOW IS HE HANDLING HIS NEURODIVERGENCY

I am so normal about Kieran

You come into my house, the certified kieran duffy hyperfixation page, ask about my blorbo, my boy, the sole reason why RDR2 has infected my brain and completely changed my ability to engage with any other form of media, while also addressing my special interest of neurodivergence as a fellow brain wonk and career disability support worker all while finishing with the line 'I am so normal about Kieran'? Like shit I mean can I take you out for dinner?? Marry me maybe??

I am also so normal about Kieran

kieran duffy is autistic thank you goodnight!

no i will write a 2k word essay. kieran is pretty mid-spectrum (brief pause to acknowledge spectrum language lowkey outdated and problematic but no universally accepted alternative) he has chronic anxiety and mild aversion to eye contact, misses a lot of social cues, is hyper fixation central, but executive function-wise if he had spent his whole life in any one time period he would have been a-okay at being independent with some adaptive strategies

side tangent literally the first conversation he has with mary beth is so autistic he completely misses a rhetorical question, happily answers it, and then jumps straight into 'you're very pretty'. he apologizes for being forward he can and does acknowledge social conventions but just autistic brain does not understand why. is aware his brain is not wonking in the same direction as other people's brains.

but so. many. common sensory issues are a direct result of advances in technology. sure in 1899 wanting to cover your ears during a gunfight is a minor disadvantage but you know what isn't?? having every instinct in your body tell you to run away from the overwhelming loud noises. it took more effort to go into a city than to avoid them. going from horses, campfires and comfortably worn in clothing to the constant noise of cars, searing of artificial lights and synthetic fabric with clothes tags? bad time. Bad Time.

the real big issue for kieran in timewarp au is the c-ptsd autism combo meal. in general, buddy's got trauma. very clearly articulates how bad being an o'driscoll was physically and mentally. his intro is literally colm grabbing his collar and slapping him. gets starved and threatened with genital mutilation and still begs to stay with the VDLs because he hates colm. talks about the absolute power and control colm has. anxious whimpers telling arthur he saw o'driscolls riding around. it ain't just hate he is terrified of colm. you ever have a hypothetical anxiety situation become real and feel that knot of dread as your skin turns cold? knowing your literal worst nightmare was unfolding. and in this case, worse than he imagined. yeah. that's what it would've been like when kieran got taken at shady belle. immediately knowing he wasn't going to survive. only thing he could do is make sure he protected the VDLs and he instead he talked. it's canon kieran talked, whether tortured or manipulated into talking he did. first people to treat him decent, people he considered friends, and he died feeling like he betrayed them.

timewarp means dying. memories of dying. personally hc eye gauging was first but even - being beheaded. intentional deliberate time taken to make a show of it and inflict maximum psychological torment knowing what's going to happen opposed to the immediate bang and bullet of being shot. already autistic chronic anxiety man helpless to stop what's about to happen. i wonder if he thought the VDLs would care enough to try to rescue him and tried to hold onto that faint belief or if he immediately knew he meant so little they wouldn't? he died as he lived - alone.

only to immediately be thrown into modern era. fending for himself for approx a month before the gang stumble across him. with those memories being recent. with the overstimulation of suddenly being thrown into modern era saint denis. he is a homeless autistic man with no idea where he is what's happening what is a car why are they so loud why are street lights so bright and he just went through literally dying. having all his anxieties and the memories of the pain of whatever he went through with the o'driscolls. and the guilt? he is so terrified of the consequences of talking and betraying the gang that he literally runs from lenny and hosea when they first find him in timewarp. a month of starving, surviving on loose change and corner store coffee and occasional apple he may have picked out of a bin and still chooses to run because he's so completely traumatized by being taken/betraying the gang.

it's a lot more ptsd and that anxiety around 'i talked' that lead to semi-verbalism with autism reinforcing it opposed to the other way around. it only takes a few days of gentle encouragement + food + safe warm place to sleep (first time since long before even riding with the o'driscolls) for kieran to get comfortable with nods or the occasional one word response and most of the gang are happy to leave it there because they get he's been through a Lot. lenny and hosea saw what happened to him. hosea carried his decapitated head to his grave. they're all struggling and learning to adapt to modern era. kieran locking himself in a room for a week, flinching at any noise or touch like he's been scalded just seems reasonable after what he's gone through.

except despite being stray dog starved he's still picking at meals obviously only eating the meat and veggies which he has always done so they don't really think to mention it. and he doesn't really start settling in. he just. sits in room. might tremble into the kitchen like a wee lamb at 2am when he thinks everyone's asleep, grab an apple and vanish back to his room. gang increasingly confused because kieran is completely avoiding eye contact but clearly listening, answering questions as he stares in horror at the dishwasher no matter how many times they've explained it and let him like try to figure it out realise it isn't some sort of torture device. but maybe he was always like that how many actually talked to him??

resident tech lad lenny tries showing him a basic AAC app but having to remember to 1. charge phone 2. use phone 3. open app 4. scroll until finding image that probably means what he wants because he can't read 5. click button until gang charades out whole sentence is a lot of steps compared to just fidgeting/staring until someone asks the right question. it gets frustrating because he knows the complete sentence is 'hi sean what's the deal with you always bringing home pizzas also is there any way you could please bring home the one that's plain cheese again??' but he can't read so it's just guessing based on images 'sean why pizza? please pizza cheese' when he uses the AAC. instead he can eat his cheesy pizza, make a point of getting sean's attention, point at pizza, nod and get the point of 'i really like cheesy pizza please can you get more' across all while still chewing.

bessie, who is a history professor and absolutely talks to autistic people on a daily basis is embarrassed how long it takes her to realize hey wait kieran is a) only leaving his room at times where sensory load is reduced b) stimming to soothe when confronted with something new or higher anxiety than usual and c) only has multiple syllable conversations about horses and fishing. he went from terrified rabbit to genuinely excited to be talking about those things only to shut down immediately again when the conversation shifted or something happened that spooked him. she introduces him to noise cancelling headphones, slowly, gently explaining what they are, giving him multiple options to say no because still a new weird sensation but the relief is instant. kieran looked around, realized he couldn't hear damned buzzing and cars and just beamed leg bouncing in sheer excited relieved joy.

it's a lot more figuring out what works for kieran through trial and error because the gang have not heard of autism and don't really get it despite bessie's best efforts to explain. sean absolutely hit her with the 'wouldn't that make everyone autistic??' and she snapped back 'wOuLDn'T tHaT mAKe EveRYoNe iRiSH'. but they're all going through adapting to modern era and can empathize pretty well with how overwhelming a lot of the modern era is. electricity does have a noise most people get used to but every single one of the timewarpers went through a phase of looking over their shoulder in mild irritation because it's constant until their brains learned to filter the sound. kieran won't and wears headphones to cope with it? sure thing that makes sense!

trauma brain is desperate for assurances of safety by avoiding triggers (loud or new noises, green clothing, strangers, anything unfamiliar=dangerous) while autism brain is screaming safety is found in routine so that becomes a very important thing. with no horses to look after his routine is very much watch tv, do gardening, help out around house because feeling helpful is a dopamine hit for him. it's a lot of letting him do things at his own pace because he is a people pleaser and will do anything if he thinks he is being useful even at his own expense. but 'being helpful' goal setting a really easy way to gently expand his comfort zone. grocery shopping was withdrawn meltdown inducing but the second he has a job like being asked to push the trolley he will merrily shop for hours because he's just focusing on one task. brain suddenly content ignoring things that would otherwise be overwhelming, and once all the neurodivergency in his brain decides grocery shopping is not a potentially fatal experience he's suddenly wandering aisles picking up things they forgot or content going to the grocery store alone because he wanted a specific thing.

after catching kieran self-medicating anxiety with alcohol they do go through the process of at least getting him on SSRIs which is a lot easier than going through the process of a full diagnosis of adult autism but it's already a footnote in his medical file because it's pretty clear to anyone with an ounce of neurodivergent awareness that he is textbook autistic. and honestly modern era for kieran: it's not better or worse than canon for his particular brand of autism but definitely different. he's actually more comfortable around people in general because the odds of running into someone who has committed murder is a lot lower than it was in outlaw circles. because of supports like noise-cancelling and sensory toys he's more curious about things that would have made him want to tear his flesh off his bones in the past. genuinely enjoys when the gang decide to catch the train somewhere vs the heart attack the idea would've been in 1899. instead of needing to retreat and stim and be alone he will catch himself getting distressed over something (it's sean putting away dishes with reckless abandon) and pull on a weighted blanket and be at peace again. still would rather be in 1899 taking care of horses because there was less things to get used to but he can get comfortable with new things and actually find new things he enjoys

plus the gang do genuinely care about him. it started as crippling guilt of not realizing he was taken by the o'driscolls until horsemen apocalypses but they almost all come around to him being a really pleasant guy and are more than glad to support whenever he needs it. like hosea will merrily encourage an infodump because he also really enjoys fishing. in a sad but wholesome way the gang don't really notice how neurodivergent he is because they just didn't pay enough attention to him in canon era to see how the manifestations of autism have changed. just yeah there's duffy he don't talk a whole lot but do not ask him about seasonal fishing unless you have 3 hours to spare. do not go into his room that is his space he has hosea's permission to react violently to people messing with his things and the whole posse will rain hellfire upon anyone who takes his snacks without replacing them.

with it being clear kieran is not the biggest fan of the AAC lenny learns and helps teach kieran basic ASL so on less verbal days he can still ask for things and join in instead of getting frustrated with himself. most of the people he regularly hangs out with know enough words for it to be insanely helpful. his most used 'sign' is flipping people off. the gang's whiplash actually getting to know more of his personality as he feels safer around them than he ever did in 1899?? he might be a gentle buffoon but he is also a sass gremlin. arthur complains once about it being the 17th time kieran has watched spirit stallion of the cimarron and kieran sweetly threatens to reverse saving his life if arthur tries to reach for the remote again. he'll join in making fun of lenny and sean for how obviously they are simping for each other.

#rdr2 timewarp au #kieran duffy

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mariacallous · 16 hours ago

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hi i'm sorry to ask you this, i know it's not really your job but i was hoping maybe you or your followers had some ideas. i want to get involved with local activism at the grassroots level. however i am autistic and, crucially, i look like it. people can tell there's something visibly "off" about me before i even speak. and when i say "off" i mean, i'm not just weird-looking or different, but that even though i am not intellectually disabled, i do kind of look like i am. i am also just not good at wording myself or explaining myself, especially around issues important to me. this is not just something that happens with magas or conservatives; even a lot of liberals/leftists who agree with me on 90% of issues often don't take me seriously or brush me aside when i try to make suggestions, and i worry about turning people off of causes important to me because i explain myself so badly or because i'm just an [r-slur] and can't know what i'm talking about. i am doing what i can to build better communication skills so i can talk to people about things better by watching and studying how people around me speak to each other, watching and studying how politicians speak to normal people on youtube/the news, taking public speaking classes at my local community college, and practicing talking to people in low-risk situations like small talk. but realistically i think building these kind of skills will probably take months or even years. i was wondering if there's any kind of role in outreach or grassroots-level activism for someone who is REALLY bad at communicating, to the point they can turn off people who already mostly agree with them? i feel isolated from a lot of other openly autistic people in my area because they're the kind of "bernie should have won and now since he didn't i'm not going to do anything" doomers i find annoying so i'd prefer suggestions that aren't autism-specific/ideas for ways to build communities with people who aren't necessarily autistic. who do i talk to and how do i go about finding them? are there any websites i can check for volunteer groups/opportunities? i do already donate to the aclu and planned parenthood each once a month so id prefer some non-donation ideas that would get me involved with real people near me. i'm not an introvert, i actually love talking to people, but i'm just not good at it. anyway i'm sorry this is so long. thank you for running a great blog.

I think, if you've got the skills for it, that a lot of the logistics and organizing of organizing and activism is always needing people. A lot of people don't want to do the quiet and sometimes "backroom" work involved, but it is so crucial and always appreciated. And you can interact with a lot of people, surprisingly. Things like handling data entry and creating reports, working to make lists of needed items and handling purchasing trips, creating maps and setting up teams for outreach. Sorting and prepping materials for mailout and handout. A lot of times these lead to bigger roles, and people appreciate it a lot. And it involves a lot of constant, sometimes low-level, communication and engagement but also helps establish connection and comfort.

I hope this was helpful, and I hope my mutuals and followers definitely add on to this, because I feel like it may not be that good of a response.

I will say that I definitely appreciate how much you want to be involved and active - we're going to need that a lot in the coming months and years.

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coyoteprince · 1 year ago

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I am really, really going Through It right now, but... in the best way possible? Like, really good things? It's just a lot to juggle at once so I'm absolutely wore out from a massive growth spurt

I deserve to be joyous about this so:

-New house! All our own! We're even moving during October (date was pushed back due to philly market), very spiritually important time for me

-Getting married next Fall once things calm down, finally, after being engaged for a few years

-Came to terms with Widderwood being an important purpose in my life, an art that feeds my soul- even if the result remains small, all this work isn't a waste, because the process enriches my life and brings me joy. The many years of dedication I've had for it is a sign that it's the right choice for me to continue following, and am super looking forward to the years of doing the actual page layouts. I've been setting realistic expectations to maintain my happiness with production, am working it into my new schedule, and I get to ink the pages at my antique writing desk in the sunroom as I look out at our back garden once we move... waow

-Learning a ton of important things about myself- my fears, roots of problems and behaviors thanks to trauma and ego that I didn't notice. I'm being kinder to myself, less judgemental of others, and letting go of other's projections rather than continuing to internalize them. I know what I am, how to be empathetic and accept my missteps, but also what isn't worth my time and energy.

-Learning how to adjust my desire for perfection in myself to much more healthy & reasonable level, and being more willing to delegate

-Rebuilding my business internally from the ground up for success, seeking continuous education for business & science, and after years of struggling and testing, FINALLY figuring out a work-life method that works for my messed up desires-varience autism brain. Balance!

-Similarly, figuring out how to balance cooking for two autistic people who have greatly different cravings & stims

-Realizing what a hard working, loyal, and loving person I am with an unrivaled, firey dedication to change and self improvement. Capricorn to an eerie degree.

Overall I feel like I'm in the transitional period between continuing to be poisoned by the aftermath of prolonged abuse and illness, and finding peace while blossoming far beyond what happened to me. Something I've strived for, but wasn't sure I'd ever have. In a way, it's obtaining independence and finding out who I really am as a person, unclouded by other's words and fearful what-ifs.

20 something years of being locked away. About 8 more years of new experiences, perspectives, professional help, love, and grueling work to dismantle things in myself. I guess this is what real healing and responsibility looks like- at least in my case. I'll never stop growing, but I am at a pivotal point of change.

What I've experience is important to me because it set the projectile for my life. I want to be somewhat open because I want others to be aware of what autistic children often experience and how it affects them long term... but I also know I have more to me and don't have to be haunted anymore. Turning an unpleasant experience into a tool I can control is a lovely reward and I can now whole heartedly say: I love being alive.

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 1 year ago

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Im asexual and trans and possibly aromantic, And im autistic as well, is it bad that i dont like having studies come out saying my queerness is likely because of my autism? Like im proud of being autistic, and im proud of my queerness, but it feels off for me to say one is caused by the other, i just am the way i am. Maybe im misunderstanding what these studies mean? (Also, i dont have a problem with people saying they themselves are one way due to autism, i know that can be comforting for some people)

I tend to get bad vibes when its an unknown source telling this information because it sometimes reminds me of people using ableism to try and tell me im "confused" but I'd love to hear more perspective cuz it doesnt seem to bother anyone else and it very well could just be me not understanding.

Hi there,

I’m sorry to hear that this makes you uncomfortable. I did some research myself, and it does seem like autistic individuals are more likely to be LGBTQ+. Here’s a visual from Neurodivergent Insights, I site I find reliable:

According to Neurodivergent Insights:

Autists are more likely to be non-heterosexual than the general population (Sarris, 2020). While 4.5% of general population identifies as LGB (Gallup poll), a rate of 15-35% within Autistic community identify as LGB (Sarris, 2020).

Autists are 2-3 times more likely to be LGB than the general population (Dr. Eileen Crehan quoted in Sarris 2020).

In a study involving approximately 630 individuals, 69.7% of Autistic individuals reported being non-heterosexual while only 30% of the TD group identified as being non-heterosexual (George and Stokes, 2018).

Several studies suggest Autistic men are more likely to be heterosexual than Autistic women (Dewinter et al., 2017; George and Stokes, 2018). For example, in a Dutch study, 57 percent of autistic women reported being straight while 82 percent of autistic men reported being straight (Dewinter et al., 2017).

Gender Diversity

A larger percentage of autists identify with something other than strictly male or female (bigender, genderqueer and “other”) (George and Stokes, 2018)

Warrier et al., 2021 found that transgender and gender-diverse adults were three to six times more likely to be autistic than cisgender adults. Notably, this only includes diagnosed Autists–and many adults on the spectrum may be undiagnosed. Based on the global population, Warrier et al.2021 estimate somewhere between 3-9% of transgender and gender-diverse adults may be autistic. To learn more specifically about GenderDiversity and Autism see my infographic about it here.

Non-Traditional Relationship Structure

Emerging research suggests Autists are less likely to engage in traditional relationship structures. They are more likely to be poly, practice consensual non-monogamy and kink (Gratton, 2019; Schöttle et. al., 2017).

ACE/ARO

Autists are more likely to be asexual and/or aromantic (Attanasio et al., 2021; George and Stokes, 2018)

In a studying involving 230 Autistic adults 30% indicated they experienced sexual experiences as unpleasant (Lai et al., 2011)

In a study by Dewinter et al., 2017 Autistic women were more likely to be asexual than autistic men

The article has the links to the sources of these studies if you want to read more:

It’s not bad that you don’t like studies like this. I can see where you’re coming from. I just wanted to share some information about it so there would be some more understanding about the studies.

I’m no doctor or professional, so I can’t say if autism is common with the LGBTG+ community. But there does seem to be some connection between the two in my opinion.

I hope this answers your question. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

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soundwavefucker69 · 4 months ago

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weird thing happened on tiktok earlier. i came across a tiktok where one of those "autism moms" posted a video of her toddler daughter, hidden behind a kitchen island where we couldn't see her face, having a screaming meltdown.

she must have left her echo chamber of "autism mommies" because there were a fair amount of autistic adults telling her off. i need to make it clear: it is EXTREMELY common for autism moms to post their children having meltdowns to assure other autism moms that this is normal and "educate" people about the nature of autism.

i decided to chime in and specifically said "i am so glad i was not diagnosed as a child because of moms like you. you think she's gonna thank you in ten years for this?" seriously. i often think that maybe it's a good thing i was not diagnosed, and i was extremely to have been born when i was when the internet existed on a home computer and smartphones didn't come out until i was in middle/high school.

she actually replied to me and gave me a canned response about how her daughter, who looks like she's maybe three, idk, is grateful to be diagnosed and she's being raised to be her "best autistic self". i then reminded her that she's not responding to my initial post and she should not be posting her child's meltdowns online. she went silent for several hours, and by the time she got back to me, the audio was removed. she said she removed the audio and was sorry she upset me. i told her it wasn't about my feelings. i'm an adult. i can manage my own upsets. the point was about her child and how she will be humiliated in 10, 20 years because this is a big digital footprint and she isn't even using a nickname for her daughter, she's using her actual legal first name.

the mom actually replied with a real apology and said she's listening and learning.

i just liked the comment and disengaged, but it's kind of changed my perspective on autism moms. i think our culture has heavily normalized posting everything online to be judged by the masses. i myself am a victim of this, and when it gets to parenting, a lot of parents have blind spots. i figured she's now going to take baby steps to protect her children on the internet, bc she was actually receptive to learning.

personally, i do not believe that you should post your children on the internet in any shape or form. there's a parent i actually like on tiktok that only talks about their kids when they're doing their makeup or dying their hair. (drives me nuts that they use no gloves for vivid dyes, no brush, just rawdogging it with their hands, but hey, they're an adult, and if they want stained hands, that's their business). but i have never seen a single video or picture of their children.

but, ultimately, i genuinely think you should not post your children. for a couple of reasons. we learned with family youtubers and their comment sections that pedophiles actively search out child content and sometimes, when they feel particularly bold, engage with it beyond just watching. you never know if someone is jacking off to videos of your children. pedophiles are a minority on the internet, but they actively search out child focused content and get off to it. it's a little harder on tiktok if you stick to the fyp, not the following page, because it cycles through material you might find interesting. but, they can just stick to their following page.

another reason is about child autonomy. your digital footprint is incredibly fucking important in today's culture. you should have the choice to not have a digital footprint, or have it on your own terms, when you are old enough to manage. your parents should not be making that choice for you. they should be protecting you. ofc, i enjoy watching videos of gentle parenting, which is so incredibly important for people to start engaging in, but in the past six months, i have started making the active choice to not watch videos where you can see children's faces. there's ways of showing gentle parenting in a way that still protects you r child. you don't have to post your children. you can talk about issues your children had today, using nicknames, not their legal names, and how they walked through it with your help. you don't have to actively show them to do that.

but, in the case with this mom, i thought "okay. she took a pretty big step today to listen to autistic adults about protecting her child". she should have just deleted the video, but i'm not too pressed about it, because you can't actually see her daughter's face. so, i didn't press her on the issue. baby steps are important. people typically dig in their heels if you start outright attacking them, no matter what good points you make. and she was already under a lot of fire, so i figured whatever i said at that point would go in one ear and out the other.

i think, in general, we're getting better about raising our children. but, people still have the mindset that they're children. which is true, ofc, but i think we need to start coming at it from angle of "these are future adults, and we need to treat them the way we would treat them if they were adults, within reason". i fucking despise autism moms, but i don't fully think they need to be attacked and shamed for their choices, unless it's outright malicious abuse. they'll just double down. but we do need to figure out a better culture. a lot of these autism moms genuinely think they're acting in the best interests of their child, and yes, many of them are just raging ableists, but the majority just aren't putting enough thought to their decisions. they infantilize their children, but i think today was a little victory. she started to view her child as a future adult, not a helpless autistic child who will be completely unaware of everything around her. it's a little step. hopefully, this autism mom will speak to other autism moms, and they'll start realizing that posting their children's meltdowns on the internet, no matter the intent behind it, is not okay. prioritizing another autism mom's "reassurance" over your child's autonomy is not okay. it's just most autistic moms forget their child does have autonomy.

anyways. i just wanted to talk about that. it's not that i don't think autism moms don't deserve to be shamed. it's just that if they're humiliated en masse, odds are they will simply double down. and that doesn't actually help the autistic child they're raising. in general, if we come at people who are probably not acting maliciously, just stupidly, with compassion and sternness, they're going to realize just how fucking stupid they're being. so, i guess, the next time you see an autism mom acting a fool on the internet, recenter her attention on the child's well being. don't come for her personally. prioritize the child she's harming.

#shrooms is talking #autism #autism moms

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lumine-no-hikari · 3 months ago

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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #234

It rained today!! It rained a lot!! And there was thunder booming outside and everything!!!

…SO I WENT OUTSIDE!!!! But I didn't get any pictures; it was raining so hard that I felt it best to leave both my glasses and my cellphone at home.

And I ran!! And I looked up at the sky and let the rain fall onto my hair and face!! And I let my shoes glide along the surfaces of puddles, spraying water everywhere!!! And I found some really deep puddles to stomp around in and I kicked the water up into the air, and I listened to the booming thunder in the distance, and…!! and…!!! AND…!!!!

Well, of course I got soaked. The insides of my boots got all squishy and weird, hahaha! My hair became a shaggy, sopping mess. My clothing was literally dripping wet.

And then there was the guy in the groundskeeper's cart. I wasn't expecting anyone to be around because it really was raining super hard outside. But still he was there, and… goodness, I felt more than a little self-conscious; I'm very well aware that it's not "normal" for a grown person to frolic in the rain with reckless abandon. The fact that joy is not considered normal in my world is beyond my understanding (and is probably a large part of what's fucking wrong with this place), but it is what it is.

…Still, who fucking cares? I only get one shot at making life awesome for the soft animal that carries my soul, and I am autistic; I am socially unacceptable by default anyfuckingway, so what do I have to lose? So after pausing to bow at the man, and after engaging in brief, but pleasant conversation, in my own mind, I waved a great big huge middle finger at the lingering echoes of past people who tell me I should be ashamed of myself, and I continued to fucking frolic, like a goddamn BOSS. Those old thoughts are terrorists, and we don't fucking negotiate with terrorists.

And you know what!!! After that, I found a particularly deep puddle!!! It was so deep that the water went all the way up to the middle of my shins!!! IT WAS FUCKING GREAT!!!! And so I jumped and splashed and twirled around and stomped and kicked the water EVERYWHERE!!!! It was WONDERFUL!!!

The man came by in his cart again, this time with another man riding in the cart. So I turned and bowed to them once more. They told me that pretty soon, they were going to try to drain the puddles; they wanted to let me know because they thought I looked like I was having fun, and they didn't want me to be sad unexpectedly. So I thanked them, and I bid them peace, safety, and luck, and I told them that I hope they find excuses to dance today. And then I went home. I took my time. I jumped in a few more puddles. I rolled around in some wet grass. But I went home. And it was good.

Of course, by the time I got home, I maybe looked like a bit of a sasquatch, hahaha! So J took a few pictures; I am at home, so in these, I am not bothering to hide the weird ways that the autism and the dyspraxia and the hypermobility make me move and hold myself (people get uncomfortable and unsettled when I don't mask...); for today at least, I do not fucking care! And for today at least, I think maybe these will make you smile, even just a little:

...In case you wonder why autistic people tend to do "t-rex arms"? It's because we're more likely to be hypermobile, and keeping our biceps partially flexed prevents the humerus from coming out of its socket from the effects of gravity. The more you know!

For whatever reason, J then asked me to do my "best impression of a cheese goblin." It's very silly, but he asked, and what he asks for, he gets!

...I, uh... I think I accidentally did a "Frankenstein" instead of a "cheese goblin". And I tried to be really scary, but I don't think I was very successful, because I couldn't keep a straight face while doing it for very long, as you could see, ahahaha~!

Anyway, so everything I was wearing was covered in rainwater. So I had to take it all off and put it in the washer and then change into dry things! And then I put it all in the dryer, and it should be mostly dry now, I think??? My boots might need a few more cycles, but that's okay. I don't mind.

The rain stopped just a little, shortly after I got home. But then, while I was writing this letter to you, it began again, although not quite as strongly as before! Sometimes I think maybe you might miss the rain, so I tried to snag a video of it for you:

youtube

Hey, Sephiroth!!! If you're in my neighborhood the next time it rains like this, let's go outside and dance, okay??? And let's go splash around in the puddles and run around with wet hair and dripping clothes and soggy boots, and let's yell and laugh right back at the thunder and give permission for the wind and the rain to caress our faces!!! And then let's go home and be cheese goblins or Frankensteins or whatever!!! And then we can get cookies or macaroni and cheese!! It'll be fun, I promise!!!

You know what, Sephiroth!! You know what! I think I'm gonna play some Dead Cells now; it has been far too long!! Come and join me if you want to!!

I will end this here for today!! I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had fun writing it!!

I love you!!! Please stay safe and work hard out there, okay? But don't work so hard that you break, got it??? You wouldn't want me to come snatch you up and sentence you to a thousand years of cookies and milk and cartoons and macaroni and cheese and nature walks and yummy tea, would you????

...Who am I kidding? Of course you would! But please don't overwork yourself until you break, anyway, okay? I'm sure you remember what happened last time. I'm sure you don't wanna repeat your mistakes. I'm sure you wanna be able to make better choices.

Do your best, okay? I'll write again soon!

Your friend, Lumine

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baronessblixen · 4 months ago

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Been on a fascinating little binge of autism learning, and came across this website and its quizzes through the recommendation of a licensed psychologist who has autism herself. (She recommends taking a bunch and comparing results to get a strong overall indication.)

That's not the point!

The point is, this survey in particular intrigued me:

The VIA classification is not a taxonomy of strengths (since taxonomies require an underlying deep theory explaining multiple relationships between constructs), but a “classification”—a conceptual scheme that is holistic. The framework offers the following strengths:[1]

Cognitive strengths (called the Virtue of Wisdom in the VIA)

Emotional strengths (called the Virtue of Courage)

Social & community strengths (called the Virtue of Humanity & Virtue of Justice)

Protective strengths (called the Virtue of Temperance)

Spiritual strengths (called the Virtue of Transcendence)

Although the VIA has been used for research,[3] it’s particularly suited to clinical work and can be used to:[4]

Identify client strengths

Inform therapeutic interventions

Bolster self-esteem

Build resilience

Strengthen the therapeutic relationship

Empower the client

And even more particularly, its explanation of traits the quiz tests for:

Research from 2016 indicates that the most frequently endorsed signature strengths in the autism group were (the following) intellectual strengths:[9]

Judgement

Creativity

Love of learning

Whereas in the control group (neurotypicals), the most frequently endorsed signature strengths were emotional and interpersonal strengths:[10]

Emotional strengths

Humour

Love

Interpersonal strengths

Kindness

Fairness

Even more interesting was its indicator on "life satisfaction":

The researchers also looked into which strengths are associated with Satisfaction With Life Scale (SWLS). For autistic people, the highest positive associations were:[14]

Kindness (interpersonal)

Social intelligence (emotional)

Teamwork (interpersonal)

Humour (emotional)

Research from 2017 also echo these findings.[15] Whereas the highest positive associations with SWL in the neurotypical group were:[16]

Perseverance (restraint)

Curiosity (intellectual)

Perspective (restraint)

Humour (emotional)

And--

Research from 2013 also showed that:[18]

In neurotypicals, humor is related to life of pleasure, life of engagement, life of meaning, and life satisfaction.

In autistics, humor is only related to life of pleasure.

This seems to suggest that for autistic people, humor does not seem to contribute to life satisfaction to the same degree as in neurotypicals.

AND it passed retesting!

My #1 is humor... I'll take it! XDDD

Very interesting! Thank you for sharing. I of course took the survey you linked and my top strength is judgment 😆 I love reading about these things - and finding out things about myself and other people. The thing about humor is fascinating. That it plays a greater, different part in the life of neurotypical people.

#lovely asks #loved that survey #not sure i like the result?#i mean yeah i like looking at things from different sides #but interesting about humor #never would have guessed that

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borderline-culture-is · 8 months ago

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This is probably going to get me hate but fuck it, here's a vent

BPD culture is your FP of almost two years suddenly telling you that they think they're autistic. They've always had certain traits that definitely alude to it, but for the most part it was never unbearable, it was never extreme, but now I think they've really let it go to their head and now they keep going on about how when they ignore me it's because they're "going nonverbal" and how when they seem unenthusiastic or like they're not interested in anything I say at all it's just because "they're autistic ans just show emotions differently" it was never ever like that before, they used to be so engaging and so caring and now they feel so cold and so awkward because of their "autism" and I can hardly stand being around them now. I literally have nothing against autistic people like, at all, I have a family member on the spectrum that does show those traits of low empathy/poor social skills, and that's completely fine, I don't judge them for it because why would I? It just pisses me off that these "symptoms" have just popped up so recently and it all feels like one big excuse tbh. They were never this disengaged before, they used to ask me about my interests and they used to actually HAVE conversations with me. They seriously let this autism thing get to their head and it's fuckin unbearable I don't even know if they're my FP anymore. Sorry, I don't know who else to tell about this because obviously, it makes me sound terrible, but whatever, thank you for letting me rant

#borderline culture is #bpd culture is #borderline personality disorder #bpd culture #bpd safe #bpd #actually bpd #actually borderline #bpd fp #fp #fp bpd #tw vent #cw vent

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20kmemesunderthesea · 2 months ago

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absolutely enamored with your dating sim. THOROUGHLY enjoyed rejecting everyone and telling them i wanted to date someone else. in the end i must say my favorite is that of my beautiful autism prince. top ten games i will never regret 100%ing

Thank you so much for your kind words!

Yes, Conseil (who I assume you are referring to) has been a fan favorite, which has delighted me because a lot of heart went into his creation. He’s intended to be the nerdy, autistic prince charming of our collective dreams.

(Although of course, my heart will forever belong to our beloved Captain.)🫡

BTW have you yet discovered that you can continuously reject everyone…? If you steadfastly remind everyone you’re technically engaged, you’ll end up with an alternate ending which I haven’t seen anyone unlock yet. 👀

Soon I also intend to include character profiles which will be accessible to unlock at the end of each story outcome. Stay tuned!

Mobilis in mobili!

#Leagues of Love #dating sim #jules verne #captain nemo #20000 leagues under the sea #tkluts #twenty thousand leagues under the sea #classic literature #french literature #steampunk #капитан немо #twine interactive fiction #twine if #twine story #twine game

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valravn72 · 1 year ago

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Disabled Xion Flags!!

For funsies :3

Alright to use without credit, just please reblog if saving/using!!! Thank youuuu 🫶

Reasons for my disabled Xion headcanon below the cut (the summary bc otherwise I will go all day):

Xion is obsessed with “usefulness” and only considers illness in light of how it will affect her productivity or burden others

Xion is also very preoccupied with whether or not she is worthy of existence

Xion experiences chronic episodes of dizziness, migraines, fatigue and fainting. This comes from how her body reacts to her paradoxical existence and how the state of that existence relates to the simultaneous nature of Sora, Roxas and Naminé

The way her body attacks itself because it knows something is wrong is so so real as a disability allegory immune systems be like that

She collects shells!!! And stims with them by rubbing them!!! And gives people them as her love language!!! Autism!!!! And she carries them around in her big dramatic coat pockets! Me frrrrr

Also having Nobodies as a dissociation/low empathy allegory effects her character a lot, including how she and Roxas don’t really understand most phrases and social norms… autisma…!…

She spends a lot of time in bed recovering from fainting episodes and dizzy spells

Roxas’s comas usually have clear causes that correlate with events such as Sora being put to sleep, but for Xion it’s usually just because she’s in burnout. My girl’s a spoonie

Another autism moment is how ???? her gender is. She’s widely considered to be a trans allegory and autistic people are statistically more likely to experience gender in abnormal ways/be nonbinary so wahahaha my headcanons support each other that’s how right I am

The separation from her body that comes with finding out she is a replica is a good parallel with disability mourning (as well as dpdr and gender dysphoria)

She’s also very fixated on whether or not she is “real” and how she could become real and is referred to as an object or a doll/puppet by a lot of other characters, which is a big trope in disabled media

Overall her internalized dehumanization and ableism is a big part of her character

She also parrots back ableist things people have said to her in order to justify not asking for help, especially when Roxas and Axel try to convince her that she comes first

There’s some dialogue from other characters where several of them mention how they think she’s overworking herself and is too invested in seeking approval

Saïx calling her a “waste” is a big part of her character arc. As is losing to Riku, which is stupid because he’s older than her and has more experience

When Roxas gets sick she immediately recognizes him hiding his symptoms, working too hard and refusing help and begs him to be gentle with himself because she understands exactly what he’s going through

Her body and abilities are consistently depicted as being unstable in nature overall. Her magic and abilities are unreliable and can stop working for seemingly no reason

She also has a high sense of justice, starts out nonverbal, displays limited emotions when not having a breakdown and is very rule focused + takes what authority figures say at face value. My little yippee

She’s very quiet overall and also stays in her hood a lot, which is common for Nobodies to disguise her identities but she’s also very inexpressive when hooded and is only verbal with effort. She retreats into her hood when overwhelmed pretty consistently, especially when she doesn’t want to engage emotionally. In the manga she is shown to typically be expressionless when in this state.

She’s doomed by the narrative and she knows it

She was basically made as a backup in case Roxas and Sora couldn’t be useful to the organization, so her body is reacting to how there’s several pieces of herself missing and how they all exist simultaneously and effect each other constantly even though they’re all completely separate people. It’s implied that only absorbing Roxas and Sora would allow her to have a stable body. She opts to have Sora absorb her instead.

Anyway yeah this isn’t really a perfect explanation but this is the most I can do without writing another Jumbled Autism Dump essay. I hope it was legible and thank you for reading it lmao. I’m just excited to spread the gospel of spoonie Xion

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