#telling me to focus and do my work when i physically cant

[bunnychiffon]

i really want to leave now. /srs

[good-beanswrites]

Heyo!! :D uhh I was just thinking about prompts!! I have two that I've just been thinking of! You can do one or the other, I don't mind ^^ Yuno with Blanket (if you havent done that yet :o) and Muu and Yuno with Honesty :D

Thank you so much :D!! Your writing is so funky I love reading it, it's like my daily newspaper abejfncjcn

Hi Mug :D thank you so much aah!! I really loved these combos, that's so sweet for both of them ;-; Here's Yuno and Blanket -- something lighthearted from the beginning of t1, with a bit of her unfortunate people-pleasing habits.

“Requests are in!” Mikoto’s voice sang from down the corridor. The prisoners perked up from where they’d been lazing about. One would have thought he'd announced a jailbreak with the amount of energy that rippled through the room. Yuno leapt to her feet.

"You seem excited," Kazui chuckled as he stood. "What are you getting?"

She suddenly felt a twinge of shame for her reaction. Things weren’t bad in Milgram by any means, but the atmosphere was beginning to creep under her skin now and then. There was an old comfort she’d been dreaming of the past few weeks. It felt embarrassing to say to someone as concerned with his maturity as Kazui. 

"Oh, nothing much,” she said. “Just something that reminds me of home, like the cigarettes you ordered." She didn’t know him well enough to say so, but she was secretly grateful for his request. The smell of smoke was familiar to her as well. "But mostly it's something new around here -- isn't the whole thing exciting?" 

It was the first time they’d received a delivery, and everyone was eager to see if they got what they ordered. Though Yuno found the system surprising, it made sense. Milgram allowed more unique freedoms than a normal prison, given it also inflicted more unique restraints. 

She joined the group heading down the hall, all chattering in anticipation. 

"Yuno!" Mahiru waved her over. The woman had talked about the products and creams she'd requested, in the hope of keeping up her skincare routine. Yuno would be following suit soon, though she wanted those things to keep herself feeling refreshed rather than looking a certain way. There was no one here to impress. With her looks, that was.

Mahiru’s eyes gleamed. "What did you order?"

Yuno knew she wouldn't satisfy her appetite for gossip as much as Shidou testing his luck with medical supplies or Amane’s taste in high-level study materials had. 

"Something real cute~" was all she needed to say to get her giggling. 

Es instructed them to line up in front of their room to distribute everything. Yuno found her place behind Haruka. 

"Hey, hey! What are you getting?" She wasn't immune from that same gossipy curiosity…

His cheeks immediately reddened. "Uh, well, I h-hope I can get some c-candy. It -- I mean, it's kiddish, I know."

"Don't worry, some might think my request is childish, haha! Plus, I think Muu ordered sweets, too."

This seemed to calm him a bit as he walked ahead. Fuuta nudged her from behind.

"Oi, what did you ask for?"

She'd overheard him and Kotoko discussing what would likely be caught as a tool to escape, and knew her answer would disappoint him.

The bright smile she’d given Haruka angled into a more jaded smirk. "Eh, just something to get me through the night, you know? A practical comfort."

Fuuta grunted, respecting the choice. 

Her attention returned to the front of the line, where Haruka was returning with loose treats spilling from his hands. She took his place in Es' doorway.

"Prisoner 002," Es scanned a piece of paper. "For you… ah,” They read it again. “Just a blanket? Was that all?" 

She beamed. "Yup! Just a blanket." 

“You strike me as the kind to ask for a lot…”

“Mmm, you’ve read me well, Warden! Not this time, though. Gotta start small, then see what I can weasel out of you!” She winked. As usual, Es pretended to be unimpressed. Yuno knew she was wearing them down, bit by bit.

She offered a bouncy bow as Es handed it over. She hadn’t given many specifications, but it certainly looked as big and fluffy as she had hoped. Milgram had gone with pink -- the same shade as some of her uniform accents. 

"Thanks!" 

The prisoners' excitement died down fairly quickly afterwards. Amane began reading in silence. Kazui retreated to the smoking room alone, though Shidou and Mikoto promised to join him after the next round of requests. Haruka had nearly finished eating all of his candy by nightfall. Kotoko sat by herself to jot things down in her new notebook. Yuno’s good mood lasted much later. 

Once the bell had rung and silence fell onto the prison, she could feel the usual chill start to creep into her cell. It had gripped her with fear the first few nights -- that unshakable coldness that reminded her why she was here in the first place. Sometimes, when her body jolted her awake with the feeling of falling, she'd blame it on the temperature rather than a universal human experience. It brought up too many painful memories to be something so ordinary, after all.

But not tonight. 

Tonight there would be no falling, and no chill. No stepping into bed with enough skin showing to make her shiver. No more crafted conversations or flashing certain expressions.

A goofy grin spread across her cheeks. Yuno unfolded the blanket with a flourish. She swept it around her body, then flopped down on her bedding. With nothing more to worry about, she sank into the cushy blob.

‘Just a blanket’ her ass. This was the warmest she’d felt in a very long time.

[bullet-prooflove]

For Carmy Berzatto

Injury + Cheerful + Community?

Tagging: @wabi-sabi1090 @kmc1989 @turtle-cant-communicate @fallout-girl219 @morgthemagpie

Companion piece to:

The Farm - Carmy recalls the day you met.

Good People - Richie and Carmy discuss a potential relationship with you.

Pears - It starts when Carmy makes an order he doesn't remember.

Something Important - Carmy knows the two of you have something important together.

Mornings - Carmy sleeps better with you around.

Bubble - You have no idea that you saved Carmy's life.

Crazy, Stupid, Fucked Up World (NSFW) - Carmy tells you he lvoes you for the first time.

Doing Something - Carmy owns up to something he's been doing without telling you.

When Carmy hears about the accident at the farm, his heart stops. He’s in the middle of dinner service, surveying the plates for Table Seven when Sugar rushes in with that tone in her voice, the same one she had when he told him Mikey died. His world falls apart in that moment and he reverts back to his old patterns.

He doubles down on the work, firing off orders, getting plates out that door, because it’s the only thing that makes sense to him, the only thing that stops the terror from suffocating him.

When Sugar tries to pull him away, to get him to go see you at the hospital he brushes her off. This is where he needs to be right now, making sure everything flows just the way it needs to.

It’s then she gets Richie. Richie who knows just how hard it is to love again after you’ve been torn apart, how frightening it can be, how overwhelming. Carmen tries to block him out, to focus on his tasks but Cuz he’s persistent, he always has been, it’s the reason Carmen both loves and hates him.

It gets into a fight, shouting at first and then physical. Carmen shoving at Richie because he just wants him to fuck off and Richie, grasping Carmen to him, holding him because this violence right now, it comes from fear. The fear of losing the person you love, the fear of being shattered all over again.

“If you don’t to this.” Richie tells him, his grip on the back of Carmen’s neck tightening as the other man tries to fight him. “If you’re not there for her when she needs you, you’re going to destroy that thing that you love and you will hate yourself for it, you will regret it every damn day of your life.”

All of that aggression, it drains from him then and he finds himself clinging to Richie, his fists bunching the fabric of his suit jacket as his body begins to tremble.

“I’m scared.” He whispers unable to force the rest of the words out. “I can’t…”

He can’t lose anyone else. He simply won’t survive it.

“I know.” Richie murmurs. “But she’s scared too and sometimes it’s a little easier when you’re scared together.”

He’s still a wreck when he turns up at the hospital. He tucks his hands into the pockets of his jacket so the nurse he speaks to can’t see them shaking. She’s alarmingly cheerful as she dictates your condition.

A broken arm, a concussion, a couple of fractured ribs.

They’re keeping you in overnight for observation.

When he’s escorted to your room, the relief he feels is palpable because you may be a little battered, a little bruised but you’re still here, still with him and in that moment that’s all that matters.

You’re sleeping when he approaches the bed, your face tilted towards him, your hair falling across your features. He uses his fingertips to tuck an errand strand back behind your ear and you start to stir under his touch.

“Hey.” He says softly, his thumb tracing gently over the apple of your cheek.

“Hey.” You whisper back, your lips brushing over the palm of his hand. “You came.”

“Yea.” He says, his voice breaking as his eyes meet yours. “I’m really fucking glad I did.”

Love Carmy? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[jakesangel]

'studying' w jake -requested

tw// make out, suggestive, it's just kisses

jake is a sweethear. he is always willing to help others and never failed to make other's lives easier. and that only got intensified when you came around. you don't even need to voice your needs, jake would always be there for you. but once he is looking too munch at you, his pretty baby, his boyfriend duties will stop. so studying with jake always goes the same : he will help you w your homeworks then lose himself in you and finally he would try to steal your attention, and, obviously he always succeed, ending up to kiss you.

he was so happy when you texted him expressing your dismay towards ur physics studies, and he would come to your rescue, wanting to help you. and as he always wants to be with you and is always willing to be good for you, he would arrive, full of excitement, imaginary tail waving, hi baby, thank you for calling me, he would say giving you a quick peck before entering your apartment. he would sit next to youur stationary on your desk, waiting for you to sit.

as he started to help/teach you your studies, he was really focus on your understanding and your upcoming exams, but as times passed by, and seeing your pretty focused face, he couldn't help but be pulled by you. he couldn't care less about whatever you guys were doing, he just wanted his attention to be on you n yours on him. so he would give u a hard problem so that he can taste the waters, knowing if it possible to steal you from your studies and so he can stare at you. the sight of seeing you being so hardworking, understanding so fast n so well that you can do a whole new exercice, is so hot to him. your furrowed eyebrows and your pickered soft lips, would make him so dizzy. but the worst for him would be you playing around with your pen, putting it near your lips, a motion that display your focus. that single movement turn something in him and he wouldn't wait anymore time.

as you finished your exercise, you'd show the paper to him w happy words coming from your mouth. he wouldn't listen to you nor look away from your lips, them being hypnotizing to his weak mind. his body works in automatic, only needing you, taking the paper away from your hands. i'm so proud of you, baby he murmur sensually, i knew you could do it, my smart smart girl, he would add, then taking your now free hand forcefully leading you on his lap. you could try to protest, telling him he only came to help you study but he'd show you your well done exercice back, so for what reason would he let you off ? can i get a kiss from my smart pretty girl ?ᩚ just one and i'll let you finish, i promise, he'd say smile shamelessly lying, before leaning it with a slow kiss. he'd have his hands on your waist, keeping himself steady from. during your small makeout w him he would talk you thru it you're so hot when you focus do you know that, baby ? or my smart little princess. after showering you with kisses and hot words, he'd stop mid make out, successfully getting your attention. of course it hasn't enough for him but he wants you to want him, so he would give you another problem, not even caring about your current state, you still facing him. go ahead baby, you still have your exam soon, we can't have you taking too munch break umh ? he would tease you, putting s stray if your hair behind your ear. you obsviouky cant focus anymore, feeling his body underneath you n his hands still strocking you in allthe places he wants. he knows what he is doing and if he is rralky in a teasing mood he would kiss your neck. can't do the exercice baby ? is something bothering you ?, you we're doing so well earlier, what happened ? he would say w faux honnesty. he knows he wons you over your studies and will have you as he wishes.

if he isn't in the teasing mood and is just bored, he wouldn't let it pass too, finding that you've studied enough. baby could we cuddle ? he would bluntly ask not caring after ur successful attempt on doing his exercise. if you say no, n that you still need to study, tho you don't, he would just stare at you, giving you his puppy eyes paired w his adorable pout. that would only last minutes, his patience running low n his needs running high, before he'd ask you again please baby, you don't need to study anymore, his head hanging low on your shoulder, you're puppy is missing you words shining of neediness. if u can hankde his puppy eyes or his whines, he would level up, his face coming further into your neck, finally strating to take what he wants. please my love, i miss you, he murmurs, his hot breath hitting the crook if ur nap. he would also staring kissing you there, his hand softly stroking your arm reaching your hand. and finally, when he realizes you're not fighting against his temptation by letting him removing the pen in your hand, he would make you look at him, haven't i been good to you for you to just cuddle me ?

notes : hi anon i hope that you enjoyed it >< i feel like jake is makeout kinda guys, specailly when he thinks youre pretty i hope it wasn't too munch for u as ive never written them before,,, i made the second part in case it is for u <3 please lemme kno what you think in the inbox >___<

@imaluckygirl @luvj4key @heeheeswifey @stwrjvke @goldenretrieverjakezgirlbaby @jaeyunpinkyring @pockettwinzz @jwsdoll

[sillygoblinantics]

I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

I’ve held my tongue for too long about my feelings on madhouse but fucking hell!

Unless by some fucking act of arceus or universe hands me the fucking concept art that went into this horrible webcomic- I got room to rip and tear!

This is:

Goblin’s Valid Autopsy of Lily Orchard’s PokéMadhouse

Before we go forward!

Hi. I’m Gobbo or Bri (pick ya poison), I’m a current student at Savannah College of Art and Design (as for campus I ain’t saying nothing) Im working on my bachelors in Animation and minoring in Creative Writing. My Concentration starting as 2d animation later switching it to Story and Concept in animation (back in 2021). I started in 2019 and it’s… 2024 now. Don’t judge me! I’ve been mentored by comic artist, storyboarders and many more in the industry! I’ve taken storyboarding and a plethora of writing classes to have enough qualifications under my belt to properly discuss the shit writing, lacking worldbuilding, disorganized plot hole ridden lore/arcs and horrible inconsistent art. So let’s not waste another moment and dive fucking in!

Story:

I’m not using Lily’s self review tvtropes to cover this. It’s disingenuous ego stroking at full blast.

We follow the highs and lows that are the “will they won’t they” relationship between the stated as sisters, Lily and her Gardevoir, G (yes that’s her fucking name). In a Sunday newspaper comic page esc structure. With bits and pieces of trivia and lore that rarely comes up if not to push and pull sympathy points for lilys self insert as she gets assaulted and violated in physical and mental ways. An arc being called “Violate” and later following the would be time span for gestation of a baby that would then become the labeled cryptid child.

I’m gonna be real there’s no point in reading it because the moment something big happens out of the blue there wasn’t a page missing to explain it which god fucking dammit Lily do I need to give you one of those brainframe sheets or outline templates if you decide to write a story? Because I’ll gladly provide them!

How do you consider yourself a fucking writer at all with your fundamental lack of care for lore and story like- for fucks sake woman it won’t kill you!

Characters

Lily

G

Mikayla

Marah

Bonnie

Mismagius

Other hardly seen or used Pokémon that get thrown away out of nowhere

Countless stolen ocs

And Dr Ponytail (yes that’s the fucking name of one of the “antagonists” and I’ve reread it so many times and found nothing!)

Lily has her “antagonists” being either ex friends or partners or someone who tries to call out bullshit! Fucking hell, the way Lily has g written it’s hard to not see HER AS ONE!

You have all these characters and you neglect so many of them to focus on making your favorite Dollies kiss and scissor or do nothing!

You don’t punish actual rapists either like legit what do you do when your Pokémon who’s been raised like a sister your whole life admits to mindfucking you in a weird soul bond type deal (that you wrote the explanation of yourself), then out of fear swaps dna of a Pokémon of her CRITICALLY ENDANGERED SPECIES can match with to save it with your own dna to baby lock you to staying together, what’s the thing you decide to write?

Case in point: stick an entire cactus up your urethra Lily.

I need a break from this… I’m moving on to the art misdirection.

Lily you are the one commissioning these panels from Mikayla. Meaning you are telling her how to draw these making you the literal art director of this shitty comic!

You want my advice?

USE MODEL SHEETS

Like holy shit. I need to copy paste my spiel about what it is one second:

Make a turnaround for your character(s)!

(Excluding front and back you need to make left and right versions of the rest!)

Front

Back

over-the-shoulder

3/4 view

profile

expression sheets

color pallet reference

(if it’s online/digital rgb if it’s for print it’s cmyk)

include the hexcodes for artists if it’s a small production!

lineup for height and scale for comparison to:

other characters

backgrounds

props

etc.

elements of the world + floor plan in small settings

action poses

hair guide (trust me it’s important)

these are the elements every artist who wants to tell a visual story be it animated or comic always needs:

✨A PITCH BIBLE✨

And Lily, if you’re making any story that is

A. Tied to an existing property

B. Has real world/geopolitical/historic relation

C. Needing a basic understanding to science

Do everyone and yourself a favor

AND DO YOUR FUCKING RESEARCH IN MLA FORMAT INSTEAD OF SOMEONE ELSES OPINIONS AND YOUR ASS OF HOLDING BULLSHIT!

Class

Dismissed

Your homework is to get these books:

[saguette]

What do you think Johnny's art looked like before he was stripped of his powers? This is something that bugs me a lot, and I'm curious about what you think.

ok i needed to draw a few shitty pictures to demonstrate cuz i wanted to talk about more than just his previous art but his art journey in general IDC if there's some canon tweet that proves something i said wrong or out of timeline these are my headcanons and projections so you either like it or not.. anyways I think his style pre-pre-JTHM (lets say 15-18) depicted many things, He was good at realism and fluctuated just fine between stylized art and big hefty works with a lot of detail. His stylized works looking similar to Jhonens and the whole 2000's artstyle cuz its fitting.

Of course he's like, a late teenager around this time so its GOOD but not perfect. If you pulled up a few of his drawings from this time he would probably be embarrassed by all the disproportionate limbs and goth girls he sketched and thought were badass. He probably has old sketches of friends in his style regardless if they asked to be drawn or not since his art was something he was proud of and people around him made him feel proud of. His old art also feels like it'd have anime elements unintentionally to add to that amateur artist swag. Johnny doesn't like anime copies but stuff he rips inspo from was anime inspired so it rubbed off on his work too. Moving onto PRE-JTHM (18-20) Is when his art started to get more serious and complex. In his happy era he took to drawing lovecraftian horror sometimes but it was always the secondary focus of any drawing.

Moving out and growing up was around the time his mental state started to worsen and he started using art to cope with emotions rather than just use it for fun, drawing complex monsters was a subconscious way to depict underlying mental illness that's out of his hands. He cant depict what he doesn't know he has, he can only scribble things that feel someone close to him because there is no physical appearance to emotions. He never liked his art around this time because it always felt unfinished or wrong or like it just didn't interpret what he wanted right. Overtime his art lost coherent appearance, quality, and meaning which made it feel worthless. It wouldn't be all that bad but it reached a point not even he knew what it was trying to be and it was frustrating. How can your own art not make sense to you? Its weird to let your hands go and do their own and you not recognize what they're trying to say. Which leads to SHORTLY BEFORE JTHM-and later.. Johnnys NEW preferred method for art currently is a little abstract, it became two extremes of the same thing; nothing. his art lost alot of what it used to be so he says he cant draw anymore.

Johnnys lovecraftian horror art slowly engulfed itself over time and always becomes an abstract mess. Its purposely made to be incomprehensible by having too much, regardless if its creation is poetic, an outside view not being able to tell what it is or how much work went into it is on purpose. its metaphorical or whatever.. Johnnys fucked up or something.. Whereas Noodleboy i imagine was made by him drawing a stickfigure one day to see if he can still "draw" and overtime gave him his features like angry eyes and that big hair, creating his own sort of vent sona to replace the sketchy abstract art he used before. Noodleboys chaoticness is too sporadic to rip any meaning off of, he also purposely represents nothing. His existence uses up paper the same way, just without all the extra effort. SORRRYYYY long tangent thats probably super messy i just winged it. but i cant help myself ive thought about this for a while ik i didnt strictly answer the question but i had so much more to say

[urautismdiagnosis]

A Really Self Indulgent Sea Monster AU

the design is inconsistent because I drew them on different days lol

theres lore after my doodles

spider

we still love you <3

i feel the need to clarify that he's doing that snake thing where they stick out their tongue to sniff things, bro is not coming in for a smooch, he's trying to see if barnacles has more fish biscuits LMSO

"big kitty <3 he loves me and I love him<3"

"he brought me food so I have to stay"

alright so this au is basically "lol he talks about sea monsters all the time what if he WAS one?"

first off, what even IS he? well he's sorta a fire spirit with some inspiration from Japanese yokai! split tails and split ears in cats are representative of nekomata. I'm not really extremely well versed in Japanese yokai or their possible alternate stories, but from what I can tell nekomata are essentially older domestic cats that have a more sinister side and strange abilities that are often associated with death and manipulation? anyways side tangent over-

Time for weird *ss biology that doesn't make sense!

The fur is actually more like sharp quills

venomous biter, for the main mouth and the snakes

the fire on him isn't actually fire, it is energy and it is warm, but it shouldn't actually hurt you, if anything its more of an illusion

^^^ however if the fire makes contact with the venom it is... very explosive and can cause real actual fires that are very hard to put out

he scampers like a weasel or a marten on all his legs

like 14 feet tall at full strength

very bendy, great climber and jumper, very twisty, can also swim very well too

snakes have lil gills and the eye on his underside (under the first chest) is actually a false eye, its still sensitive to light, but it really acts as another source for breathing in the water lol (or spitting out venom at things trying to get his more soft and sensitive underside)

gonna be real he absolutely would eat a deer alive womp womp

6 eyes on the face, the two main ones function like normal, the two lower ones kinda work like a snake seeing heat and the two top ones are less "eyes" but more like electricity sensors lol

yes he's so over done and over detailed but he's not supposed to be a natural creature, he's supposed to be a giant freak and I love him with all my heart

also he has absolutely zero braincells like this

THE THREE SNAKES AYY!!!!:

Ok so, the snakes are essentially just his subconscious brought out,

Noodle: Survival and awareness, very serious always alert

Worm: Nuturing and seeking comfort/shiny things

Aepep: Has adhd

Noodle is more physically seperated from worm and aepep and has more length to move around. Each snake has one "eye". Noodle has the normal eyesight, while worm has the infrared and aepep can sense things the same way a hammerhead shark can. they can all sniff, only noodle can spit venom tho, but dont tell the others theyre not venomous or else that WILL hurt their feelings.

the snakes themselves can function independently with their own behaviours and even interact with eachother, however they're still part of the main entity.

Kwazii can choose to look through them (would have to close off all eyesight from his face though, it would take at least 10 minutes to get it back) or they can basically "tell him" because they are literally his subconscious. he cant "see" what they do when they tell him things, but its more of just an innate understanding? like closing your eyes and still being able to tell what you're touching with your hands ig

because he's so long and large he also uses the snakes for balance and as a way to prevent injuries. them being able to move on their own uses a lot less of his mental energy and helps him be able to prioritize his focus, which is important when u got SO many limbs

He also sees the vegimals as little kittens just thought I'd share that

anyways onto the ACTUAL AU

i havent really developed it all that much ngl, I just wanted to make a Feral Lil Guy

but essentially the idea is that kwazii got cursed a long time ago while treasure hunting and grabbing the wrong treasure or something (thats a lie, he was the treasure being hunted LMSO lil runaway babyyyyyyyyyyyy

(the idea is that essentially that there was some treasure or something that was more like a source of energy or whatever the hell, and if some forest animals went "damn people keep trying to get this rock so they can ruin our houses and nests>:( ooh! lets get rid of it by throwing it at the next person we see!" and then they kinda just threw it into a lil kitten kwaziis skull (who was out exploring alone when he shouldnt have been) and then it just... went straight through him and he just... fcking absorbed it....

lil guy didn't even know until some years later when "SHT went down" and oh nooooooooo another evil pirate clan against ur lone crew because they think u have some weird *ss treasure y'all haven't even heard offff who could've foretoldddd... Oh noooooooooooo you discovered that you're a daemon in the worst way possible, talk about a crazy puberty transformation

all he remembers is a storm and that he's cursed and was the only one to make it out smh <:(

ill probably change the details later tho ngl but this is what I have for now LMSO

anyways he managed to seal it away, but it comes back out if he breaks the seal. how is the seal broken? why by stabbing right where the "eye" on the abdomen is, right below the rib cage! wonder how they'll find that out :)

Alot of this will probably change but this is what it is rn

If u couldn't tell by now he can't really talk like this, also the size and amount of limbs and etc is pretty dependent on how safe he feels?

So basically when the seal was undone it was just... releasing repressed emotions is what I'm now realizing

And also it kinda happened as a last resort kinds thing that was very dangerous...

I'll probably get into some of my ideas for that later on a reblog or seperate post,cuz my little "plot" for what happens isnt really that developed other than "omg he calms down when barnacles plays his accordian shttily 🥺" and "oh he brought them a dead deer like how irl cats bring mice after he realized that they weren't dangerous "

If yall have any ideas tho I am interested 🥰🥰 cuz I'm still developing the plot or whatever yk?

[mirage-aera]

can we please get more angst? 🙏

like what if reader decides to unalive herself? cant take the grief anymore and knowing that drinking and binge eating will not do anything but just burn money and delay the inevitable. and simon is too late to save her. cue simon grieving in return and drowning in guilt and self hatred for putting her in that situation.

•°. *࿐ Drowned

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Let Me Down Slowly - Alec Benjamin

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Reader

pt. 1 - pt. 2

Synopsis: By the time Simon returns to your shared home, it's already too late for you. You've hit rock bottom in the rabbit hole, and Simon is ready to jump into that same hole.

Word count: 2.606

Masterlist

First of all I’d like to apologise for my two month(?) absence. I got overwhelmed with school work that I needed to focus on and some personal problems happened. For anyone who has stuck around, this is the long waited part 2 that I promised a while ago. I haven’t written anything in my long break so bear with me. Second of all you guys really want more angst from me. I was planning on doing a happy ending but this will do.

TW!! Suicide, alcoholism

For the people that wanted to be tagged: @somehopeatlast @yyiikes

It’s too much. Everything is too much. Everyone has been telling you that healing takes time. When in reality, all that you feel is despair. Instead of the wound gradually closing, all that’s really happening is your heart getting ripped out day by day. You don’t know how much longer you can keep this charade up. You’re throwing people fake smiles left and right, and ‘I’m fine’ has left your mouth more times than you could actually care for. It’s as if you’re living life as a mindless zombie. Barely doing the bare minimum to sustain yourself. Every time someone checks up on you, you tell them you’re doing okay, could be better but you’re fine. At least, that’s what you want them to think. You’re just a shell of the person you were when Simon was still here and alive. You’re blowing through your money like no tomorrow. But can you get yourself to care enough to do anything about it? No, and not for the foreseeable future. You spend your days drinking away, either at home or in bars. You’ve tried moving on, but the only thing you’re able to see in them is Simon. You chicken out before anything can get serious. Your bingeing habits haven't changed a bit, you’re on the same routine.

It's been months and you can’t get out of this rabbit hole you’ve dug yourself. Months.

It’s crazy to think about the chokehold Simon has on you, even when he isn’t physically here himself.

You’ve had enough. You’re not living life as is. You’re practically a dead person walking, a mindless being. All you’re doing is blowing money when you could be doing anything else but that. You’ve contemplated long and hard about this decision, and to be frank. You see no negatives to this option. Taking the way out seems like a way better alternative for you than continuing to waste the air around you with useless breaths.

The hooded figure that you sometimes see outside your window has started showing up less and less. You’ve made eye contact before, but before you can even mutter a word out the shadow has vanished. As if he never existed and is a figment of your imagination. You could’ve sworn that those were the eyes of Simon. His sharp brown eyes are unmistakable. You can recognize them from anywhere. But, he is dead. The possibility of it being him is simply impossible. You stare solemnly out the window. You want to see whether the shadow really is a figment of your imagination, or if it’s actually a person. But they never show up. If the shadow had shown up, would you have gone through with your plan? Probably not. As insane as it might sound, you feel a sort of pull for the shadow. As if it’s calling out for you.

When all you can see is the dark starry night. You sigh and shut the blinds. No one needs to see what you’re going to commit. You head upstairs to your once-shared bedroom. You walk absentmindedly to Simon’s bedside drawer. Revealing a small handgun. He always keeps weapons on him, or around him. To keep both you and him safe in case anyone ever dares to try anything in your own home. You pick up the piece of iron. Simon has taught you how to use it, in case there’s an emergency and he isn’t there to protect you. Back then it felt like a light piece of metal. Now, it sits heavy in the palm of your hand.

You slowly sit on the floor. Your back against the side of the bed. You expected to feel afraid. But to your surprise, you don’t feel anything at all. As if everything is numb. For that part you are a little thankful for, it’ll make this so much easier for you to do. You turn the gun in your hands. Inspecting your executioner. Minutes pass, and you’re still sitting idly on the floor. You’re waiting for the right moment. Deep down, you’re hoping that Simon will walk through the door. Wrap you up in his arms and tell you how everything is okay now. That it was simply a mission gone wrong, which made it so he couldn’t come home at the promised time frame. But as the silence of the house engulfs the house in an eerie peace. You close your eyes. This is the right moment. Simon won’t show, and he won’t show. You need to get that in your thick skull.

You look around your shared bedroom for the last time. Picture frames litter your dressers. His clothes are still hanging in his section of your closet. You put the gun away and back into his nightstand. You can’t do this, not here at least. Not at the serenity that belongs in your bedroom.

You scramble up from the floor. You pick up the crinkled piece of paper sitting on Simon’s desk. You go downstairs and pin it on the fridge with a magnet. Visible for anyone who comes looking for you. You rush outside, not bothering to bring a jacket with you. You’re not going to need it anyway. You run outside, not noticing the shadow blending in the night watching you. He wants to follow you, like he usually does, wanting to make sure you don’t do anything stupid or that you’ll regret. But this time, he can’t bring his feet to move. He simply watches you run off to whatever destination you have in mind.

You run off to the bridge you frequent with Simon. Not a lot of people go across it during the day. No one ever comes through at midnight. Giving you time alone to think and reminisce. You lean on the metal railing. Images of the various late-night dates Simon would take you on during his off days flash through your mind. You crack a small smile at that, embracing the pleasant memories once again. Your smile drops. Memories, that’s all they’ll ever be. You won’t be able to recreate them or make new ones anymore, not with Simon or anyone else. You brush away stray tears and let out a soft sniffle. You climb over the railing. You stand on the other side, peering down at the frigid cold water below. You look behind you, making sure no one is there. You suck in a deep breath, close your eyes, and let yourself slowly tip over the edge. One to two seconds feel like minutes. You feel the wind rushing past your face. Soon the cold water greets you. Despite the freezing temperature, it feels like a warm embrace. As if it’s welcoming you. You let yourself sink, letting more memories of you and Simon flash through your mind. Soon enough, everything goes black. You’ve lost this battle. Was it worth it? Some would say not, but to you? It was. You were miserable day after day. This was a peaceful alternative.

***

The shadow gets worried when hours pass by and you don’t return home yet. A bad feeling settles in the depths of his stomach. A nauseating feeling overwhelms him. He emerges from the shadows of the night. His mask was illuminated by the moonlight. He wants to know where you’ve gone. He shoves a flowerpot on your front porch aside with his foot, revealing a spare key. He grabs it and unlocks the door. It opens slowly. He steps inside, he takes off his worn boots. Not wanting to have anything traced back to him, anything that’ll show someone has been in the comfort of your own home. He looks around with confusion. He spots your phone and keys on the dining table. That’s weird. You never leave without those items, something Simon has drilled into your mind. He frowns behind his mask. He looks around everywhere. Eventually, he finds himself in the kitchen. At first glance, nothing seems out of the ordinary. He squints his eyes at the fridge. A note is pinned on the piece of metal. He takes big strides towards the fridge and reads the note. His heart sinks to his stomach. The urge to throw up is getting to him.

To anyone who finds this note. It’ll most likely be you, Price. I’m sorry. I know I’ve said that I’m fine, that I’m getting better. But I think you know this as well, that I’m not. If anything, I’m getting worse by the day. I’ll keep it short. I have nothing much to say anyway. Not that anyone would care. Don’t come looking for me. I’ll be long dead by the time you find this note. I don’t even know where I am. I might be in my bedroom, bathroom, in a ditch somewhere, or even floating in a river. On the bright side, I’m happy. Happier than ever. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. I have Simon to keep me company.

I love you Simon, I’ll see you soon.

He rips the note off the fridge. He rereads it over and over. Hoping, no, praying that his eyes are deceiving him. That this is just some sick joke being played on him. You’ve done your fair share of pranks on him, but they’ve never been this extreme. He crumples up the note and shoves it in his pocket. He rips his mask off and throws it on the table near your phone and keys. He lets out a snarl. He slams his palms on the wooden table. “Fuck!” He exclaims. He pulls out his burner phone. He dials a number. They immediately pick up on the third ring. “Simon.” A low voice comes through. “Price.” He replies. He clearly doesn’t sound happy. He can’t let out tears, not now. He doesn’t deserve to. “Did you find something?” This sets something ablaze in Simon. He lets out a dry chuckle. “I’ve found something alright.” He sneers. He can’t help but convert the feeling of anguish to anger, and frustration. Anything but sadness. A low hum follows. “What did you find?” He takes a deep breath in. “I’ve found a suicide note in my own home.” He spits out. A painful silence ensues. “What?” He glares at the wall, lined with your pictures together. “You’ve fucking heard me. Want to explain that to me? You said she was doing fine!” A sorrowful sigh could be heard through the fun. “That’s what she said. I-” Simon interrupts him. “And you believed her?! How didn’t you see what was going on?! I told you, I fucking told you to keep an eye on her while I am gone!” He snaps. Something he probably shouldn’t do to Price, but he can’t bring himself to care right now. Another sigh could be heard. “Simon, listen. The mission-” He scoffs. “I don’t give a damn about the mission right now. My girl is dead for fucks sake!” He shouts. He continues. “I wasn’t happy with this mission. I already told you, I’d only agree to do this if you keep a close eye on her. I trusted you, Price. Now look at what happens. I faked my death, and now she’s dead!” He takes another deep breath to calm himself. “After this mission, I’m done. I’m pulling out. It’s about time I retire from this shithole anyway.” He sneers and hangs up. He throws the phone down on the table as well. He runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

He takes a seat at the table. He runs his hands down his face. A million thoughts run through his head. How did it end up like this? Multiple what-ifs pop up in his mind. What if he showed himself to you on the first day he came back to see you, would you still be alive? He lets out a low growl and slams his fist down on the table. Silent tears stream down his face. How does he always fuck up whatever good comes in his life? At this point, he’s just cursed. He can’t have happiness without something ruining it.

After he collects himself he gets up, but he still has work to do. And as much as he wants to drown himself in guilt and self-hatred. He understands that he still needs to finish his mission. He narrows his eyes as he walks out of your house. The people at the other end of his wrath need to watch their backs. Simon will make anything and anyone suffer, to make them feel the same pain he’s feeling. Deep down, he knows nothing will compare to it.

***

A fucked mission later, a hell of debriefing, he comes back home as a retired soldier. A home that has turned into a cold, haunting, and uninviting. Everything that made this house a home was you, you were his home. You aren’t here anymore. And it’s all his fault. If only he went against orders, let you know what was happening. You would still be here. If only he came to check on you more often, he could’ve seen the signs and stopped you. If only he could’ve shown any sign he’s still alive, you would probably still be here. Alive, breathing, at home, doing whatever you love to keep yourself busy while he’s gone. But no. He fucked up, and he’s paying the price for it.

For days on end, he will feel the remorse, the regret, the guilt. He would fall into the same rabbit hole you dug. Instead of you going down it. You’re already rock bottom, he’s simply joining you. He spends his time drinking. That’s what he knows helps best in this situation. Whenever he’s not drinking he’s spending time in his home gym.

A thought crosses his mind. The same one that has yours at one point. He lays in bed, your pillow still has your smell and it haunts him. He reaches over to his nightstand and opens his drawer. What he sees breaks his heart all over again. His gun. It has been moved. He’s certain this wasn’t how he left his gun before he left. He always made sure that the grip was facing him so he could grab it quickly in a time of emergency. It isn’t lying in that position anymore. He sits up with the gun in his hand. He plays around with the piece of iron in his hand. Unloads and loads the bullets over and over. Pushing the safety back and forth. Anything to distract him from the void he’s feeling in the pit of his stomach. Your note that you’ve left on the fridge rests on his nightstand. You said you were going to be okay. That you’ll have Simon to keep you company. Well, he isn’t fucking there, is he? He wants to join you so desperately. But he’s afraid, not of death. But even if there is an afterlife, would you accept him? He lied to you. A lie that cost you your life. He doesn’t know if he could endure that on top of the grief he’s feeling. But even seeing you one last time would be better than this.

So he sits there, in the darkness of your shared bedroom. Contemplating if he should join you. Something you were doing a few nights prior. If only he didn't accept the damn mission. He wouldn’t be drowning in his grief and self-hatred if he let the mission go. You would be here, in his arms. And that thought would forever haunt him until he does opt for the other route.

I’m sorry lovie, for everything.

[cyberbabyangell]

₊˚⊹☆ sorens formula

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

HELLO.

jst wanted to try out the biggest text sorry

lately ive been focusing on the void and waking up there every morning, because with school i cant rlly actively attempt to go there awake anymore. just during the weekends. so here's everything i do, not only void related but also jst shifting and manifesting wise.

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི goals : shift in seconds, enter the void every time i wake up, have the 3d bend to my will more easily

. ݁₊ ⊹ morning: i get ready for school, as painful as it is. this is when i like to remind myself of stuff the most, like how i shift in seconds and stuff. i usually have something in the background like a show or subliminals depending on how i feel. in the shower is where i start visualising my dr a lot. random thought but this is literally my last year of school in this reality and i swear im feeling smth 😭

. ݁₊ ⊹ school: on my way i daydream a lot. i daydream hours per day and its not rlly something i can control BUT i have been trying to lately, and have it 50/50 like daydreaming half the way and affirming the second half or daydreaming on the bus and affirming when i walk. during class, if the teachers allow it i put on calm songs that i'd put in the innerspace and visualise myself studying there. during launch i listen to stuff for the void :P whenever i find myself bored at school with a notebook laying around i write down my robotic affirmations.

. ݁₊ ⊹ afternoon: i put on void affirmations (no music) because i automatically repeat them when i hear them :D and i add a morphic field with that. its usually layered (field in one tab and affirmations in the other) but i also like to listen to the field after the affirmations. usually the field triggers physical symptoms like motion sickness, slight headache, shivers/goosebumps and stuff so i dont like listening to it more than 3 times. then i take a break and do whatever. at some point ill put on my void playlist and lay on my bed and affirm. if i finished school hyper early or its the weekend i do enter the void awake! but i like waking up in it better.

. ݁₊ ⊹ night: i put on a shifting reprogramming sub! to remind myself that i shift effortlessly and in seconds. at first id listen to any subliminal so i could give my subconscious the "choice" of either waking up in my dr or in the void, but i narrowed it to changing my shifting mindset while i focus on the void. i check the formula to make sure they dont include immediate shifts/waking up there 😾

. ݁₊ ⊹ manifestation: this is something i do throughout the day without much thought, its been a week and a half honestly and im already used to it. like, first of all every time someone pisses me off i try to not let it get to me and i instantly tell myself, "It's 3D stuff, it won't matter for too long." and since i talk to myself a lot about shifting, i have the occasion to persist! so to remind myself "Only my 4D matters, I'm already in the innerspace, I already shift whenever i want" blablabla. i also have a vision board

the stuff i listen to!!

these two usually once or twice a day! ↑

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

this ↑ playlist contains classic void subliminals, a void morphic field and a self-hypnosis! ive been doing the self hypnosis for 5 days now :3 its what i listen to when i lay down and affirm.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

↑ this is what i listen to at night, with a morphic field :D usually the same one as above lol.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

↑ these are all manifestation subs, i used to listen to them but i dont wanna overload my subconscious :3 and also i dont need them anymore because i keep manifesting naturally 🫶 i jst dont gatekeep ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩

" what works for me may not work for you, but that doesn't mean you can't explore! and listen to your gut! "

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 　　 　　　　 ੈ✧̣̇˳·˖✶ ✦　　

[8turning]

HII can u do a 8turn headcannon abt how they r like crushing on the reader and what they do to show the reader their love for them ?

thank you for this request!! apologies that it took me so long 💔

☆⠀⠀8TURN — when they're pining for you !

hyung line + jangshinz (separately) x gn ! reader ★ fluff. mutual pining. ★ headcannon

warnings: swearing. physical affection. let me know if i missed anything!

n. i have a similar headcannon here about how they'd show their love; this fic will focus more on how they pine for reader since a lot of my thoughts are already shared on that post!! ♡ also this derailed a bit,,, there's implied confessions HELP sorry 🤒

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀〈 REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED ! 〉

⁰⁰¹ : JAEYUN.

wouldn't realize he liked you until someone pointed it out to him 1/2 🤕

^ he would regret thinking deeper about what yoonsung had told him: "are you sure you don't feel anything for them?" . . . queue a montage of every single memory he has with you where his stomach did a "weird flip" that he never chose to acknowledge.

basically. jaeyun was fucked LOL

BUT despite his revelation, he managed to keep himself composed pretty well. he was never overly affectionate with the members so him suddenly getting lost in his thoughts a lot wasn't exactly foreign.

what was foreign, though, was his very apparent distance.

to be fair, he wasn't fully aware he was doing it. it was more so "when i'm around them i get this Feeling. i cant handle that Feeling right now," then he kinda just. goes somewhere else for the time being.

you'd realize it, overthink it all, and text him on a whim that you needed to talk to him.

he'd get so nervous and only then would he really think about his behavior and . . . yeah you deserved an explanation, even if it resulted in rejection for him :(

he wouldn't speak first. he'd want you to feel welcomed to let out any emotion you were feeling; you were the one who wanted to talk, it wouldn't be right of him to take over.

he'd know that no matter his reason, him suddenly avoiding you and saying "i didn't realize" wasn't going to cut it, so swallowing whatever anxiety he had, he confessed then and there. it wasn't too in depth, of course, but it didn't feel right for him to hide it any longer - especially after everything.

but, the silence that followed his confession made all the anxiety bubble up again, only for you to speak about your reciprocated feelings.

in an unknown way, him pulling back from you is what brought you two together in the end; strange how that works.

⁰⁰² : MYUNGHO.

he's not shy in the slightest LMFAOO 💀 it'd be more shocking if you didn't know he liked you.

it doesn't even matter if you two were hanging out with other people either, he'd make a point to sit by you during a movie. even if it wasn't a horror movie, he'd still tell you that if you're scared, you can cling to him (as if he is any better with scary movies . . . his arm ends up around your shoulder anyways).

he's not usually one for talking during a movie, but he cant help but crack jokes here and there, using that as an excuse to lean in closer to you and watch as you try to hold your laughter in, his eyes watching you adoringly.

myungho would pull you into your own little world when you're with one another,,, he'd literally be so obvious about his feelings for you i'm crying.

openly flirting and complimenting you non-stop,,, holding eye contact if you ever caught him looking at you,,,

myungho would literally tell you how much he liked you straight up 🤭 "i like you a lot, y'know that?" "i'm so glad i met you." "you'll let me stay with you, right?"

the only time EVER he'd get shy if it was you who initiated something. he'd actually lose his mind.

it'd be such a stark contrast to the myungho you knew previously that you couldn't help but laugh a bit whenever you caught him like that.

holding his hand out of nowhere or leaning your head on his shoulder is a surefire way to make heat rise along his neck and make him go speechless.

he's so open about it and talks about you so much. his members are SICK OF HIM!!!! /j

minho probably threatened that if he doesn't make a move soon that he'll ask you out himself . . . you'd get a message from myungho the next morning ♡

⁰⁰³ : MINHO.

bye he's so so playful and he'd be able to cover up how he truly felt pretty well, which was both a positive and a negative for him.

positive: he'd be able to hug you nonchalantly or tap his cheek asking for a kiss and you'd think nothing of it.

negative: you'd think nothing of it.

since minho often acts this way with his friends as well, he slowly becomes self-conscious of his actions, worrying that that's all you saw him as - a friend.

he'd probably slowly try to either a: be more forward with you, or b: reserve certain actions for you only.

minho would stop blowing kisses to myungho and asking seungheon to kiss his cheek. he might even go as far as to not be as physically affectionate with his members anymore.

slowly letting you come to the conclusion yourself that the way he treats you is different from his members.

if you weren't the type to fight against him when he acted this way, if you suddenly started reciprocating the same actions towards him, his head would start spinning.

if it was a normal occurrence for you to return his energy, he'd start to wonder if you treated your friends like this as well.

but . . . he never saw you cling onto jaeyun's arms like you do with him . . . and you don't look at haemin the same way you look at him . . . hm . . .

minho crushing on you would be hard to detect until he made more of an effort to let his guard down about it.

you'd pick up on his behavior change pretty quickly which only opened the conversation of "why are you suddenly treating me like i'm special?"

(hint: its because you are special to him).

⁰⁰⁴ : YOONSUNG.

he is taking this to his GRAVE!!! he'd try to be so so so secretive and discreet.

yoonsung falls hard and doesn't want to overwhelm you with how he feels and everything :( wants to try and soak in the feeling of crushing on you but every time he sees you he just gets so overjoyed and just wants to confess right then and there.

which is why he feels he needs to take this to his grave 😭 he's not sure if he will ever be able to fully "calm down" around you enough to properly confess to you the way you deserve to be confessed (he thinks you deserve the world).

tries to act as Normal as he can around you, but most of the time i think he'd fall kind of silent.

whether you're with a group of friends or just talking one-on-one, he'd get so wrapped up in his thoughts and become uncharacteristically quiet.

it was a constant internal battle for yoonsung. he wanted to be near you but also knew he likely couldn't hide how he felt for much longer.

unlike minho, yoonsung wasn't going to hug you or hold your hand out of no where. he did this with his friends, sure, but he didn't see you as just a friend, which made physical affection towards you that much harder.

the lines would get blurred in his brain and he feared if you reciprocated, even if it was platonic, he'd make an assumption that could end up hurting him.

of course, yoonsung was unaware of your feelings towards him as well, and seeing him seemingly pulling away from you, you subconsciously do the same :(

he doesn't realize just how different he was acting towards you until that moment, and as if his heart took control over his brain, he'd spill all of his feelings for you, doing his best to explain away his behavior.

and it worked - who could stay mad at him for too long?

⁰⁰⁵ : HAEMIN.

wouldn't realize he liked you until someone pointed it out to him 2/2 💔

everything would be going perfectly fine for haemin,,, until minho jokingly commented about how much he liked you. then that became all he thought about.

begin haemin's internal debate of if he liked you romantically or not! and if it was true (it was), how long? upon actually giving it a lot of thought . . . he's liked you for a while without really processing his feelings effectively.

and now,,, he cannot properly face you!! at least, not in the beginning.

everything hits him so fast and he's forced to process his emotions at a rapid pace now. he does a decent job at hiding his inner turmoil about the topic, but he eventually confides in kyungmin about it (though it wasn't on purpose),, kyungmin just caught him while he was dazed!! totally not like he went to kyungmin stressing about possibly ruining your friendship hahaha . . .

once he was able to fully "recover" and process everything, he's a goner. heart eyes are permanent.

just so absolutely infatuated with everything you do and say. comes around more often and always manages to take the spot next to you if you're with a group of people.

always always always joking around with you because he loves the sound of your laugher and how happy you seem when you smile, especially when you smile because of him.

in a twisted ending, haemin is grateful that minho made him fall into a crisis. if he hadn't, he wouldn't have been able to have these moments with you.

once you end up together, minho rightfully takes full credits for the relationship starting, kyungmin taking credit for helping haemin get over his fear of ruining everything between you two.

so - albeit his disagreement - haemin accepts that they should get some credit for their help.

but how it all came to be doesn't matter much, as long as in the end, he ended up with you.

⁰⁰⁶ : KYUNGMIN.

i'm not usually fond of the trope of someone who brings up the person they like every time they can but,,,, kyungmin does exactly that. his members get so tired of him for it too HELP (he's gotten into the practice of just,, thinking of you instead of verbally bringing you up so often).

his members' anger (/j) doesn't stop him though!! every chance he gets he talks about you,, the only time that stops is when you're around 🧍‍♂️

you BET the members are gonna poke fun at him for that too LMFAO

when you're around, he'd be much more into listening rather than speaking himself.

"platonic" kisses on the backs of your hands. "platonic" hand holding. (nothing about it is platonic).

kyungmin would love love love to rest his head on your shoulder!! whether he's standing behind you while talking with a group of friends or sitting next to each other watching a movie, he just likes the feeling (bonus points if his arm is looped under yours to play with your fingers).

he'd be in his own head a lot,,, daydreaming and such,,, even though you're right next to him 🧍‍♂️

if you were to nudge him while he was like this, he'd look at you with the most love-filled gaze.

he didn't have to say anything to you, just from the way he looked at you and the light blush forming on his cheeks, you knew. the way your stomach filled with butterflies as you held his gaze was also a great indicator that his look meant something more.

it was then when he saw how your gaze changed too - it changed to one that matched his own. with a deep breath, he'd squeeze your hand before a smile spread across his face.

© 8turning 2023.

[artsyacorn]

Yooo I'm so excited to have someone new in the fandom making art and fics! (Like damn you talented af to be doing both)

I just wanna ask about your NYC AU and your HCs cause I really cant wait for it. How long was Mabel in Paris before he up and left? What exactly made him leave? Like the straw that broke the camel's back

Also who do you hc as the one who fell first and the one who fell harder?

🐿️

hello! first of all thank you so much for the excitement!! ahh it makes me hyped knowing there's still pinecesters in 2024.. i've been shipping them ever since i was 10? 11? i'm 20 now and it's so crazy how fast time flies but the pinecest community is just as alive as ever 🤎

now onto your questions!

NYC AU⊹ ࣪ ˖🗽₊ 🏙️ ⋆🍎₊ 🚕₊🍕⋆. ₊⊹

So, the first chapter I'm publishing would practically answer your questions.

Mabel left the Bay Area for art school in Paris under a 3-year Bachelor's Degree in Fine Arts as soon as the twins graduated from high school. Unlike his sister, Dipper decided to work a few internships to build his portfolio up as he was still trying to make up his mind which college or university he was gonna apply for. His GPA was high enough for him to be enrolled to an Ivy League, but he was still picky about it and being anxious about whether it will affect his career or not.

In the first chapter, Mabel just completed her first year of art school and it was her first time going back home as she skipped the first semester break to focus primarily on her projects. Dipper moved out of the Bay Area to NYC when Mabel was still in the first semester.

Without spoiling too much, Dipper left home because of a certain discovery his Mother made which sparked an argument between his parents, with his Father coming to his defense (for a reason that will only be revealed in the sequel much later). This entire conflict happened when Mabel wasn't around. He moved out a week after the conflict.

General HCs

For all my fics, including the NYC AU, I headcanon Dipper to be the one to fall first regardless, but Mabel would always be the one to reach out and confess first. Secretive man, he is.

As for who fell harder, I don't have a particular twin in mind? I like to think that with each passing moment they're in the room together they both fall harder at the same time — the only difference is the way each twin show how much they've fallen for the other.

Dipper is a man of his words. He would do anything to make Mabel happy, sticking by her side, defending her when people wrong her, and fulfilling any and all request whether it be in or out of bed. That man gives her pleasure both romantically and sexually. Lots and lots of physical touch.

As for Mabel, she shows her love through her art. I headcanon her to be an art student not just in my NYC AU, so I visualise her as the twin who sees her brother as not just her lover, but her muse. Her inspiration. Her lifeline. He keeps her going —bringing in that light and colour into her canvas. If Dipper's insecure about his body? Heck, Mabel would tell him to stand there and pose for 15 minutes while she sketches out a gorgeous figure drawing of him just to prove him wrong because she loves him the way he is.

Again, without spoiling much about the NYC AU, in the sequel, it's all about their love being expressed through Mabel's eyes, reflected on a canvas.

Essentially: The first part which I'm working on is love through Dipper's point of view while the second and final part is through Mabel's.

That's all! Thank you so much for your questions!! I love receiving them it keeps me motivated to write and draw more🤎

[oceanwithouthermoon]

ok putting my saiki k pony ideas here, mostly so i can maybe draw them someday, but also i put so much thought into these ideas and i want everyone to see them

tried to do EVERY character

kusuo- alicorn, no cutie mark

hides his wings under clothes and pretends he doesnt have them, would rather hide his horn but cant and just pretends he doesnt have much magic instead

why does he not have a cutie mark, you may ask?? because he hasnt accepted his quirks+powers as a part of himself.. his special talent is probably helping people but he thinks he only does that because the magic he has makes him basically obligated (its not true ur just a good person!!)

nobody really calls him out on constantly wearing clothes with so much coverage because they think hes just insecure about being a blank flank so late in life (kinda true, but it defeats the point if everyone KNOWS..)

will he ever get his cutie mark?? um.. i dont know.. maybe ?? definitely not in his high school years

chiyo- unicorn, baking cutie mark but idk what specifically, maybe a heart shaped chocolate like the one she made for kaido

specialty magic for tracking, she was a late bloomer with her cutie mark because she discovered her tracking talent really young and thought that had to do with her special talent for a longgg time

shun- pegasus, black feathers cutie mark

underdeveloped wings (like scootaloo obvi)

convinced hes just a late bloomer but hes almost an adult and still cant fly (never will but he doesnt know that)

gets these cool wing extensions that allow him to glide but still not fly

tells people his cutie mark is his "jet black wings" but its actually writing quills

riki- earth pony, heart shaped ramen bowl cutie mark ?? idfk what his special talent is i just think he has a lotta love in him..

HUGE stallion.. HUGE..

aren- a kirin..

has a huge scar where a cutie mark would be on a pony in the shape of an exclamation point

used to let his anger free when he was a delinquent and when he transferred, he was pretty self deprecating about his control of himself but he actually has a crazy amount of self control..

chisato- pegasus, hammer cutie mark maybe ?

almost made her an earth pony cuz of the brute strength thing but i like this better

got her cutie mark REALLY late because she was absolutely convinced her special talent had to do with food, and when she got it while doing a job she was like "WORKING IS MY SPECIAL TALENT??" but it wasnt about the job, shes just really strong, hardworking, and adaptable

kokomi- zebra, golden heart cutie mark

couldnt decide if she was a crystal pony or a zebra, decided on zebra

her mark LITERALLY seems to glow golden light, it doesnt actually but.. it really seems that way

ik her being a zebra may not sound like it makes sense because zecora got a bunch of NEGATIVE attention, but HEAR me out okok.. this pony au would be in a modern setting with more diversity and people would focus less on her being a zebra and more on her being beautiful and having such a unique pattern..

zecora is the only zebra we see in mlp so theres no reason to think other zebras couldnt have blue hair, esp in the era of saikis mind control (idk how that would tie into this universe cuz ponies already have crazy colors but shhh) so her hair is prob blue with dark and light stripey highlights

mikoto- griffon

ik she might make more sense as a unicorn but her fortune telling strikes me as more of an.. outside magic ?? like.. she was born with the ability, but its not a physical magical power, its like pinkies pinkie sense!!

so yea i like her as a griffon, its unique and i like the idea of her feathers having a unique pattern around her eyes thats akin to gyaru makeup (see: gilda but make it gyaru esque)

and yes she can still be colorful, we see colorful griffons in the late seasons of mlp

metori- a crystal pony, diamond ring cutie mark

tells people thats his cutie mark because its expensive and hes rich as hell but his special talent is actually MAKING jewelry..

i like the idea of him lying about his special talent so i had to think of something that he could say its cuz hes rich.. i kinda wanted his talent to be baking for some reason but i couldnt think of how that would work

reita- earth pony, cutie mark is like a cartoon-like ghost surrounded by a scary purple and black aura

was gonna make his mark something more meaningful but i think its funny if people see it and are immediately scared of him but literally all it means is like he SPEAKS to ghosts, like in the most normal way possible

and same thing as miko, he doesnt need to be a unicorn cuz his powers are different from unicorn magic..

touma- unicorn, magnifying glass over a thought bubble cutie mark

the mark is hard to explain but tell me u get me when i say its because hes got stupidly good detective skills and can tell what people are thinking

jokes around and manages to convince people he has crazy magic and his cutie mark actually means he can read minds but he actually isnt very good at unicorn magic at all

kineshi- is a changeling..

why ?? because he just is!! doesnt it make sense for him to be a creature that feeds off of making other people feel happiness and love ? it totally makes sense

honorable mentions 😛

saikis parents are both earth ponies, and i have no idea what their cutie marks would be but heres some silly ideas: kurumi has a cradle cutie mark (meant to be a mama😋) and kuniharu has a boot and he tells people that it's symbolism for like hard work but people know hes lying and think it means hes a boot licker METAPHORICALLY, which is almost right but.. it means literally

kusuke is an earth pony and his telepathy canceler is probably shaped like a unicorn horn in this universe hehe, and his cutie mark is maybe like a microscope or something ? hes just a mad scientist idk

btw chono in this au would def be like trixie lulamoon if u know what im saying.. he would be a unicorn but his special talent is STAGE magic and his horn doesnt do anything☠️

satou prob has that little hourglass cutie mark thats really common in background characters for animation purposes, idk what his special talent is but that would be really funny

[blkkizzat]

Sighh- queen, I need help with motivation bc this hoe here is extremelyy lazy and even though I have ideas to write I just seem to Neva write em (bc I'm a lazy ass😔)

So please do tell, how do you motivate yourself to write even when you no wanna?

hey bae! hmmm idk honestly my issue is more getting in the mood/having energy to write than being motivated to write. idk if its the same thing to y'all but it feels different to me. cause usually i will want to write and be looking forward to it all day but by the time i can im like mentally/emotionally/physically drained and know i cant give my best. like after working, then class then im home at like 9-9:30 my brain is just fried. like gg go next and ill just have to wait and hope i can the next day.

but i tend to treat writing like self-care so i have a whole routine. i like to be fresh so i will shower, do a face routine (if y'all want my skincare routine lmk!) to make some coffee or tea [kirkland brand green tea is fire], light a candle [my fav candles: 1 | 2 | 3 ], get cozy, and taking care of yourself gets the endorphins going and helps you be creative. optional smoke or drink but i only do a TINY bit, getting too drunk/high then you can't write either lol. ooh i also listen to binural beats and i have the aura app for like creativity meditations. find a routine that works for you! honestly alot of writing is setting the mood to focus for me especially with my ADHD.

[razzmothazz]

wxs physical build headcanons for me to draw later!!

before and way later on after joining wxs edition

cw: mention of a lot of different eating habits and small mentions of body image issues

TSUKASA!!

before: a bit underweight, i imagine he got a bit too into eating "healthy" at times and would refuse a lot of foods he deemed unhealthy, which caused him to not get certain nutrients at times even tho he needed them, add to that his forgetfulness especially when it comes to taking care of himself and you can see why hes skinny like that. i also imagine he would often burn more calories than he consumed in a day with all his practicing and just running around in general, which is definetly not that good when youre already underweight. he would often wonder why he seemingly just cant gain any muscle and assumed its just kinda how he naturally is, tho he didnt mind much since his build was similar to a lot of his idols

after: he gained some healthy weight!!!! yippieee!!! with wxs constantly reminding him to take care of himself + with emu bringing some food/snacks nearly everyday he gained some healthy weight, hes now pretty average with maybe a bit of chub in some places. he also finally started building some muscle thanks to all the practice and ruis "training"? if you can call it that? he does get a bit insecure about it at times, wishing he would be back to his build that was like his idols, but wxs are quick to remind him that the best star is a happy and healthy one!! his natural state definitely wasnt skinny, at least not as skinny as he was before

NENE!!!!!

before: you already know she was malnourished and looked like she barely saw the light of day... she had a very weak appetite and her horrible sleep schedule didnt help. she tried to eat well but she struggled with it a lot, tho she never exactly knew why, she would just very quickly feel full and wouldnt feel hungry untill way too many hours later. she would eat like. 2 small meals a day and maybe some snacks in between.

after: you guessed it she gained weight and is chubbier!!!!!! yayayyaa!!!! i think she would hear others motivate tsukasa to eat better and seeing him want to improve on that motivated her to do the same. because of the low appetite thing she struggled pretty hard at first but with time she managed to figure it out and now eats more and is feeling good!!! this is thanks to mostly emu who would love to bring foods and snacks nene loved so they can share it any time the 2 would hang out, but also thanks to the practices and stamina building she was able to kinda feel like she was burning the unnecessary calories? i imagine she struggled pretty hard when she realized how much weight she put on thinking its a bad thing, but with a lot of support and care from wxs she realized this is way healthier for her than wherever she had going on before!!! she doesnt gain muscle easily tho, so not much of that going on + she does focus more on stamina itself rather than gaining muscle and physical strength

EMU!!!!!

before: chubby, obviously. fat even!!!! definetly overweight and not bothered by it at all! she definetly thinks it makes her look cuter :3 my girl loves foods and snacks and nobody can ruin her mood for those. she also had a fair bit of muscle and liked that its not visible so shes strong but nobody can tell, and she can suprise them with it for funsies

after: still pretty much the same!! tho since she started training and working out even more i imagine a bit of her weight turned into more muscle, so shes even more muscle now!!!! she loves it!!! its still not visible unless she flexes, which makes the muscles pretty prominent and she LOVES jumpscaring people with that because nobody expects it for some reason, despite how athletic she is. besides her arms i imagine her legs are pretty built as well seeing how much she runs, especially from one school to another in a matter of minutes to visit her friend. what can i say my girl loves to eat and run around!!! her love language is soooo sharing a meal with her friends btw. its canon i just know it.

RUIIII!!!!!

before: barely eats doesnt sleep much, just a mess honestly. he doesnt rlly have friends atp and yet still he takes care of others more than he does himself..... needless to say hes tall, lanky, underweight as hell and palest of them all despite not staying inside all that much. lives off of whatever his parents make him if he remembers to eat it and random store bought/school cafeteria foods. malnutrition for sure too like fym u eat no vegetables and ur fine??? bro doesnt even take any vitamins atp to make up for it

after: gained a bit of weight!! hes still skinny because thats just kinda how he naturally is, but hes getting tricked into eating veggies or at least stuff that can replace veggies with the needed nutritions otherwise. he also started taking some vitamins to make up for that too, and despite being naturally pale he did tan a bit!! he still forgets to eat way too often but wxs make up for it with tsukasa always being willing to share his food with him [at times even bringing bigger portions just in case rui needs it] and emu often bringing food to share with them all!!!!

can u tell im a little bit obsessed with gaining weight as a sign of healing. because i am and i love that trope. with the power of love you will stop being underweight and malnourished god bless.

[may-bee-its-just-me]

✨Trauma dump sesh;

but make it classy because effort was put into the wordage and I cant count how many takes i did for the recording

"I’ve a naturally hyper personality; I dance while I work, sing while I clean and I try to brighten everyone’s day. I get asked why I am the way I am. “Oh it must be the coffee, that’s why she’s so quirky again after her lunch break”. Truth is, I push myself to my limits daily and crash by the afternoon. Any spare physical energy is immediately used up; taken advantage of. I’m a one woman circus act walking the line of energetic and productive, over a hundred ft. drop into despair, with nothing but the safety net that is God’s grace to protect me. I go through swings like nobody’s business, taking the highs as they come; Until I swing too high and fall out the back of my seat. In rough waters, I take every moment above water breathing heaps of fresh air up until the millisecond the next wave engulfs me; Breathing salt water with it. I’m Icarus, taking my temporary wings for a joyride; Flying too close to the sun. Sometimes this worries people. They ask if I’m okay, seeing me hunched over the kitchen table praying for another ounce of strength. They want to help but, seeing as how it’s daily, I tell them “same ol’” and let them move on with their day. And, when they ask me why I haven't seen a doctor after a year, I haven’t much to say. I can’t explain it, I don’t have the energy and they won’t understand.  People look at me like I’m crazy. My knee jerk reaction is to deny. I’m not crazy, I’m just struggling, I’m trying really hard, I’m. Not. Crazy. But the truth is, who wouldn’t be? No one understands how hard it is to live every single day in pain, until they experience it themselves. To have every motion of your hand matter. To have every action, reaction, tone of voice matter. To be ever conscious of every maneuver your body makes -  trying to limit mistakes and dropping things but still go fast enough to keep up with your job. To be hyper-aware of every micro-adjustment to your posture; In hopes that one of them makes the pain lessen and allow your mind to focus on something else for a moment. And, when needing to lift heavier objects, be careful not to lift too long or to speed-walk with them too fast, lest you cause your arms to flare up again. And, when the flare up inevitably happens, how much of the muscle spasm in your shaking hands do you allow others to see in hopes of being cut a break, but not enough that it makes your work sloppy? What do you do when your mind is fuzzy, and the room is spinning - Your heart is beating harder and you’re losing your balance - Your ear keeps ringing intermittently, and your chest feels heavy - You think you’re going to pass out, but your body isn't ready - and you don’t want to, but your heart rate still unsteady - you’re catching yourself from falling, and you’re just trying to get through the work day - So you’re stuck in limbo, between conscious and fainted - Until eventually it tapers off and you begin to question; Am I somehow faking it? Did it ever even happen in the first place? You make mention of everything hurting, all the time, just for older family and coworkers to joke about “becoming an adult - Not understanding just how deep that cuts, or what they’re really joking about. . I’m exhausted. I’m broken. I’m weak. I’m frustrated. I’m burnt out. I’m beat. I want to rest, but even after a long day of hard work and minimal issues - The pain creeps up when I lay my head down for sleep. I don’t want to be a miserable person, I don’t want to be consumed by my struggle. I want to keep hold of faith for healing, stay hopeful for better days. I want to spread joy. So I break my body to keep up in the day, deal with the consequences by night, and repeat in the morning. I’ve a hyper personality, tied down by my body. A personified contradiction, walking a tightrope, swinging forward and back, halfway underwater, too close to the sun."

~ Bee, 11/20/2024 [Wannabee poet and rich person]

[freebooter4ever]

I've been doing my best to stay up to date on the boots brainfog fatigue lore for a while and I have two things to say. First, I am so glad the antibiotics are working and helping you and you're able to somewhat pause your symptoms. And second, your story is so terrifying I had no idea anything like this could happen and I hope the saga ends soon with you going back to a normal livable life.

Apologies for the slow reply, it took me a while to come to grips with my story being used as a 'lore' example. Legit i sometimes forget that i have a lot more followers than just the ones who talk to me on a regular / semi regular basis. So thank you to anyone who is quietly watching this painful illness play out and rooting for me <3 i hope it ends up being a happy ending, though my depression right now is being a witch and telling me it wont. As i type right now my eyes are doing the '300 times more effort to focus' thing because i ate dinner an hr ago, and im slowly getting used to putting this much work into something as simple as writing but...gosh this is all exhausting.

I didnt know this could happen either, but i cherish all the friends and strangers who have gone through this or are going through this who immediately reached out to support me. I've met one guy in person who was a casual friend until now, but who is becoming one of the few people i can randomly text depressing symptoms to and just know he at least semi understands. He also promised to take me on his motorcycle the minute i get back into a physically stable condition so i at least have a carrot on a stick at the moment.

I have also had a lot of really really enlightening conversations with my grandma who has MS, and she's told me stuff about her own illness that I don't think she ever would have divulged to me if this hadn't happened. And I now almost understand why. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to complain about a symptom and then have a friend or loved one immediately counter with 'oh, i have that!' and then go into detail about how they handle it when their symptom is obviously fleeting and passing and much less intense. Also, there's certain people in my life who i just cant get to understand how this illness is connected to food. Every time their response is 'I'm sorry you feel bad, let me make you something to eat' and i have given up trying to explain, lol.

I think it's also important for me to note that although my blog has seen a lot of this drama that i shared...the WORST parts of it i have not posted because i simply dont know how to process or talk about it yet. And also most of the worst moments happened while with my friend G, and when I'm at their house I tend to not need social media so much.

The funniest part in all this - it took a month for me to become so terrified of food because of the intense pain/reactions after eating, that I don't miss food at all despite my diet being severely limited. I miss peanut butter, although my reaction to peanut butter is not so bad that i can't eat it sometimes (but not daily like i used to). Strangely enough, I don't miss bread at all, except I do miss the easy convenient calories bread provided so I could run/dance/exercise. There is only one thing I have been craving this entire month....this fucker from 85c:

I have dreams about this guy. I vividly remember the taste and texture and how it felt to bite into one. The joy of snacking on one in the California sun under the arroyo trees. I long to be able to eat it again ;_; But with how little food I've been able to eat, I can't afford to waste calories on anything that isn't packed with nutrition so :( no taro bun.