#Marble taro bun and geno are probably equal on the number of vivid dreams i have had

[freebooter4ever]

I've been doing my best to stay up to date on the boots brainfog fatigue lore for a while and I have two things to say. First, I am so glad the antibiotics are working and helping you and you're able to somewhat pause your symptoms. And second, your story is so terrifying I had no idea anything like this could happen and I hope the saga ends soon with you going back to a normal livable life.

Apologies for the slow reply, it took me a while to come to grips with my story being used as a 'lore' example. Legit i sometimes forget that i have a lot more followers than just the ones who talk to me on a regular / semi regular basis. So thank you to anyone who is quietly watching this painful illness play out and rooting for me <3 i hope it ends up being a happy ending, though my depression right now is being a witch and telling me it wont. As i type right now my eyes are doing the '300 times more effort to focus' thing because i ate dinner an hr ago, and im slowly getting used to putting this much work into something as simple as writing but...gosh this is all exhausting.

I didnt know this could happen either, but i cherish all the friends and strangers who have gone through this or are going through this who immediately reached out to support me. I've met one guy in person who was a casual friend until now, but who is becoming one of the few people i can randomly text depressing symptoms to and just know he at least semi understands. He also promised to take me on his motorcycle the minute i get back into a physically stable condition so i at least have a carrot on a stick at the moment.

I have also had a lot of really really enlightening conversations with my grandma who has MS, and she's told me stuff about her own illness that I don't think she ever would have divulged to me if this hadn't happened. And I now almost understand why. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to complain about a symptom and then have a friend or loved one immediately counter with 'oh, i have that!' and then go into detail about how they handle it when their symptom is obviously fleeting and passing and much less intense. Also, there's certain people in my life who i just cant get to understand how this illness is connected to food. Every time their response is 'I'm sorry you feel bad, let me make you something to eat' and i have given up trying to explain, lol.

I think it's also important for me to note that although my blog has seen a lot of this drama that i shared...the WORST parts of it i have not posted because i simply dont know how to process or talk about it yet. And also most of the worst moments happened while with my friend G, and when I'm at their house I tend to not need social media so much.

The funniest part in all this - it took a month for me to become so terrified of food because of the intense pain/reactions after eating, that I don't miss food at all despite my diet being severely limited. I miss peanut butter, although my reaction to peanut butter is not so bad that i can't eat it sometimes (but not daily like i used to). Strangely enough, I don't miss bread at all, except I do miss the easy convenient calories bread provided so I could run/dance/exercise. There is only one thing I have been craving this entire month....this fucker from 85c:

I have dreams about this guy. I vividly remember the taste and texture and how it felt to bite into one. The joy of snacking on one in the California sun under the arroyo trees. I long to be able to eat it again ;_; But with how little food I've been able to eat, I can't afford to waste calories on anything that isn't packed with nutrition so :( no taro bun.