#take 15 minutes out of your day to watch this video it’s great and i love music

[sob-dylan]

mr. rain

[wave2tyun]

make your heart stop | ☆

pairing: yeonjun x reader

genre: friends to lovers, fluff<3

prompts: - “are you jealous?”

- “you’re blushing���

- “stop looking at me like that”

warnings: mentions of alcohol

word count: 1.1k

a/n: comforting kitty anon THIS ONE actually goes out to you!!!!😼😼💖 i don't know if you had a chance to see my silly little mishap- i think my brain was just not working properly in the morning asbdhjab i was looking through my old docs trying to find something when the realisation hit and my face dropped.......😭😭

☆ = repost from my old blog!!

you don’t know how, or when, but late-night karaoke with the tubatu boys somehow became a regular friday thing. ordering unreasonably priced alcohol, sharing food, screaming your lungs out as you sang trot songs together- it was possibly the best activity to shake off all the stress accumulated throughout the week.

the owners already recognised you as regulars; every week, they would make sure to have at least one booth free for the six of you, catering to all your needs. it was heaven- and you could barely bring yourselves to leave.

this time though, you ended up parting ways quite early, the reason being beomgyu drinking one can of beer too much, falling down to his knees whenever he tried to take a step. he insisted on singing to you all one last song, despite stumbling over each and every word he said even in casual speech. soobin and taehyun were the ones to carry him out, shily apologising as they exited through the door. meanwhile, kai took videos of the drunken boy, the joy of teasing him in the morning already bubbling up in his chest. 

yeonjun, however, remained with you and walked you home. he ended up staying over at your place, as neither the singing nor the alcohol were enough to tire you out. turning on the tv, you decided to end the day by watching a movie together, hoping, that at some point, the two of you would doze off.

slumping onto the couch, you searched for the movie you agreed on as yeonjun took care of preparing the caramel popcorn. 

“taehyun killed it tonight” you exclaimed, eyes gleaming as you reminisced the earlier events “like seriously- his voice suits that song even better than the original singer. and that high note at the end? how are his vocal chords even able to do that?”

yeonjun stared at his reflection in the microwave, shifting his focus to the popping sound coming from it rather than your voice. he loved hearing you talk- but now? his left eye was twitching, and he didn’t get why.

a mixture of anger and something he couldn’t quite pinpoint was spreading throughout his chest, starting from the heart, then all the way down to his stomach, creating an almost nauseating feeling. was it jealousy? hm, no. he knew very well himself that his fellow members were great singers, their capabilities were definitely worth praising- he just wished that you’d have paid more attention to the way he, too, sang his heart out in that tiny karaoke room. okay- maybe yeonjun was, indeed, jealous. maybe, just slightly- actually more than slightly, he was quite very jealous. 

yeonjun seemed a bit out of it ever since he returned to the living room with the popcorn bowl, his lips were stuck in a pout even while talking or eating. at first, you didn’t give it much thought, assuming that the exhaustion was beginning to take its toll on him. 

15 minutes further into the movie, he still had that same absent-minded expression on his face, now combined with a frown. it was clear as day that his attention towards the plot had simply perished, eyes preferring to watch his own fingers fidget with the blanket on his lap. 

did you say something out of pocket? it was never your intention to make him feel bad in any way. you backtracked a little bit, thinking about your earlier conversation. you got to your apartment, picked a movie and snacks, then waited for the popcorn to be ready. did you talk about anything else during that time? hm- you scratched your head, trying to concentrate better. then, it was like a lightbulb had been turned on inside your head.

“are you jealous?” you said, almost shouting the question. (how discreet-) the realisation hit you like a truck, and you spoke without thinking. the chances of finding out the truth from him could be close to zero now.

“no” yeonjun was quick to give you the answer you expected. he jolted out of his seat, like a cat taken by surprise. for a second there, he actually wondered whether you were able to hear his thoughts, or whether he had been unknowingly speaking out loud this entire time. 

unconvinced, you continued to stare down at him. that ‘no’ was a pitch higher than his usual voice and it was only adding more to your suspicions “i’m not jealous-” he spoke again in that same tone “y/n, come on- stop looking at me like that” he whined, giving your shoulder a slight push as he sat back down on the couch.

“jun? you sure you’re not jealous?” you inched your face closer to his, yeonjun moving his head back at the same time. he was unaware of his surroundings, too focused on keeping some sort of distance. you cupped his cheeks to stop him from slipping away any further, afraid that, at some point, he would fall off the couch. his cheeks were squishy, and you pinched and stretched them like a kid playing with pizza dough. his constant yearning for your attention was becoming -somehow- fulfilled, and he didn't know how to handle it.

as his heart felt close to jumping out of his chest at any given moment, he placed his hands over yours, muttering a quiet “stop that” before breaking eye contact with you.

“you’re blushing” you chuckled, your fingertips brushed against his soft, reddened cheeks. yeonjun wasn’t one to easily get flustered. he wasn’t a great liar either- not in front of you, at least. 

“you were sitting too close to me- it was suffocating me” he attempted to defend himself.

“oh?” you tilted your head, as you reduced the gap between the two of you once again, a sly smile tugging at the corner of your lips “since when does me sitting close bother you?” his chest was beginning to raise up and down more rapidly underneath you. yeonjun gulped, the audible sound giving away his sheer nervousness. it didn’t bother him- he liked it. in fact, he was more bothered by the fact that he didn’t have the guts all night to just hold you in his arms.

your tongue darted out to wet your lips, taking away all of his focus. he couldn’t take it anymore- it was getting too much, too overwhelming: the scent of your perfume, the warm breath on his face, the rosy lips sitting just a few centimeters away from his. sighing, he gave in, his hand coming to the back of your neck as he closed the gap that kept on tormenting him. your eyelids fluttered shut, taking in the slow rhythm of his kiss, indulging in the way your lips felt against his.

and once he parted away, he admitted, completely out of breath: 

“okay. maybe i was a bit jealous”

taglist: @huekalover3000

[the-littlest-lily]

30 Days of G/t Self Care

I'm not fully sure where this idea came from, but here we go! I do enjoy a fun little daily challenge, and like most things my mind went to “but how can I make it G/t?” And here we are! Just in time for the new year, a 30 day self care challenge but… sizey. I wanted to make an actual calendar thing, just in time for the new year (though it can be started at any time, it's not specific to January). Check the days off, spread them out over a longer time, pick out just the ones that speak to you, whatever you want to do 😊 Here's the guide to go with it.

Day 1. Set aside a few minutes to take some deep breaths and focus on the present moment. To help ground yourself, perhaps wrap yourself in a blanket and imagine you are in a large, lovingly grasping hand, or hold a small item and imagine it's a tiny friend.

Day 2. Revisit some nostalgic G/t media. What first got you into this? Let yourself reminisce and remember why you love this in the first place.

Day 3. Make G/t art. It can be anything! Drawing, writing, crochet, pottery, you name it. No need to hold yourself to a certain standard or show anyone else, just take some time to be creative. Even if you don't deem yourself an artist, give it a shot and see if you enjoy it!

Day 4. Relax with a word search puzzle. I made a G/t themed one for you right here!

Day 5. Try out this journal prompt. If you could be tiny/big at will, what types of things would you do to relax? How might you extrapolate from this and apply it to your real life?

Day 6. Stretch your body today. What imaginary setting could you give yourself to make it G/t? Are you surrounded by gigantic furniture in your mind’s eye? Perhaps the yoga video on your phone helps you pretend you have a tiny instructor?

Day 7. Listen to some G/t music. This could be anything, from sizey music videos to songs with sizey lyrics to the Arietty soundtrack.

Day 8. Practice gratitude by listing out all the little things you're thankful for. (See what I did there?) Add some big things to the list for good measure.

Day 9. Practice stepping out of your comfort zone a little bit by talking about G/t, out loud if you’re able. Whether it's discussing with a friend (you brave soul), recording yourself on your phone (you can immediately delete it), or just mumbling to yourself in the shower. Maybe you’ll realize you want to make a G/t podcast and we all win!

Day 10. Here's a little creative prompt. Arrange everyday items to make a G/t scene (use toys, miniatures, or even fashion a tiny person out of paperclips or paper). Take a picture, share it if you like!

Day 11. Create a cozier space today to enjoy your G/t content. Grab some blankets, make yourself a snack or some tea, light some candles, whatever sounds nice to you. Sometimes it's making a mundane moment special!

Day 12. Make yourself something healthy to eat. While you prepare it, imagine how different the task might be to carry out if you were very big or very small. Maybe even have some fun making your snack in miniature too.

Day 13. Try out some affirmations today and see if you can make them both sizey and relevant to your life. Ideas of mantras could be “I am allowed to take up space,” “I choose to appreciate the little things today,” “I will achieve great things through small steps.”

Day 14. Go out into nature for some fresh air. Lean in close and pay attention to the small details, perhaps imagining a shrunken version of yourself or a small friend exploring.

Day 15. Challenge yourself to learn a new skill today to bring your Gt ideas to life. Maybe it's learning how to code, or making your own VR avatar, or learning a new art tool or technique. It's finally time to watch that tutorial you've been saving! 

Day 16. Pull out your dream journal, or start up a new one! Maybe we’ll figure out the whole lucid dreaming thing and come close to experiencing Gt, wouldn't that be the dream~ If this doesn't resonate with you, maybe start a journal to jot down your Gt daydreams instead!

Day 17. Relax with a crossword puzzle. I made a G/t themed one for you right here!

Day 18. Try to cross a few to dos off your to do list someday. Make it more fun by adding in some joke tasks in there, like “leave out a snack for the fairies” or “prep for borrowing trip tonight” or “meet with giant friend for coffee.” Maybe even schedule some real life Gt tasks - such as “work on chapter 2 of (Gt story you're writing)” or “plan a VRC hangout”.

Day 19. It's time to dress the part! Is there any way you can dress up or accessorize yourself in a sizey way? Maybe you have an oversized hoodie, or a necklace of a tiny Eiffel tower, or an old shirt with Tinkerbell on it. Did you know you can actually buy Arietty’s giant hair clip thing? Or if this better scratches your creative itch, maybe your objective is to make tiny accessories for a toy or figurine.

Day 20. Take some time to rest. Just allow yourself to lay down in a quiet, cozy setting for at least a few minutes and have some dedicated G/t daydreaming. 

Day 21. Try out a new exercise routine and use your G/t imaginings to make it more fun. Watching a new workout video? You’re a giant visiting the gym and that's your human instructor on the screen. Spontaneous dance session in your room? You're a fairy frolicking in a field of enormous wildflowers. Going for a swim? You're actually crossing a vast ocean, or maybe a small glass of water.

Day 22. Check out a new G/t story. Not a big reader normally? Just give it a shot!

Day 23. Give yourself a pamper night, whatever that means for you - face masks, cucumber water, a warm drink, candles, the works. Pamper night (face masks and stuff)

Day 24. Make or buy something for your G/t interests (miniatures or toys, “max”iature like a giant flower pillow, fairy-themed stationary, make a giant paper mache strawberry, etc)

Day 25. Relax with a coloring page. You can use any of your favorite artist’s lineart (just make sure to get permission and/or proper attribution if you want to post it). Here's an example option from me.

Day 26. Make a list of all the things you love about G/t. It's always nice to remember the various ways this interest might benefit our lives.

Day 27. Motivate yourself to try out a new hobby by making it G/t. Take that pottery class you've been meaning to take and make a giant acorn-shaped mug. Get into cosplay so you can dress up as a borrower. Dabble with watercolors and you may end up becoming a G/t artist. Study a new language and enjoy new sizey media you couldn't understand before. Whatever speaks to you! 

Day 28. Do a favor for your future self and make a self care kit for when you're having a hard time. This could include a journal or affirmation cards, or perhaps some grounding items like fidget toys, stress balls and mints. Add a little something G/t in there too. Perhaps some kind of miniature with an interesting texture, or a fidget toy in the shape of a person, or a stuffed animal of a giant ladybug to hug. 

Day 29. An act of kindness can do wonders for our mental health. Send someone in the G/t community a kind comment today, whether it's a long-time friend, someone you just met in a Discord group, or a comment to your favorite G/t artist. 

Day 30. Reflect on all the activities you’ve tried during this self care challenge and journal about it. What have you learned about yourself? What might you incorporate more into your self care routines going forward? Pat yourself on the back for investing some time and attention into yourself - you deserve it!

[crippling-pages]

random kotlc headcanons :p

*clears throat* *puts fancy suit on* *pulls out whiteboard* @swans-chirping-in-the-distance you wanted headcanons, right? sooooooooo

Tam wears glasses, mainly to see things farther away better. He didn't know it until sometime during Flashback, he just thought everyone sees stuff that way. Tiergan helped him figure out that he needed them and helped get the perfect pair.

Biana buys Tam flower bouquets. He mentioned that he really liked flowers, and the next day she comes up to the door of Solreef, and blushing very, very hard, she gives Tam the bouquet. Linh had to spend a full 15 minutes with a dazed Tam.

When Keefe comes back from the Forbidden Cities, he uses all these weird slang words. One time, he told Councilor Emery that "You have no rizz, man. If you wanna become the alpha, you need to up your aura."

Emery is scarred for life after that exchange.

Sophie is a Red stan. She doesn't listen to Taylor Swift often, but she is forever a fan of the album Red.

When Fitz was looking for Sophie, he found a video of one of those kids baking competitions, and he was just amazed. It's how he started to get into baking.

Tam and Dex have this amazing friendship no one really knows about. It's not like they kept it a secret, it's just no one really notices either of them.

Tam can be chaotic as heck when he wants to be. Most of the time, he's the quiet and chill yet quite comfortable introvert. Though if he's got the right energy, BOOM he's as crazy as the triplets with enough energy to make the world explode.

One time, Dex asked Tam to watch the triplets (feeling pretty bad because the triplets are you know, the triplets) for him and his parents because they all were out that day, and when he came back home, they were asleep. And they stayed asleep, for hours.

It was one of the best days ever in the Dizznee household.

The reason Tam got them to sleep was because his chaotic side clicked in. It was a hour and a half game of tag.

(It was only that one time though. Next time Tam babysat, the triplets were prepared).

Even after making up with Tam, Linh still didn't really trust Rayni. But for every little conversation they have, they both start to ease up on each other.

One morning, when everyone's up for breakfast, Linh comes down and Rayni grins and goes, "What's up, Water-Gir?" and everyone is doing a double take because Linh was gonna kill Rayni. But it gets worse when Linh replies, also grinning, with "Good morning, RayRay."

Everyone else almost had a heart attack because it seemed like yesterday they were about to kill each other.

At one point, Keefe cracks a joke about Tam having a crush on Rayni (before he knew about Tam and Biana already dating), and Tam says, "Okay, for one: She's like, 25 and I'm like 16, I think, so that's disgusting, and secondly: Rayni is old and ugly, and-"

But he doesn't get to finish because Rayni hears and runs downstairs, pissed and yelling "WHAT THE HECK TAM?! WELL, AT LEAST I DON'T USE THE OVERUSED SHADY AND EMO IMAGE" and then that gets Tam pissed, so then there's this whole argument that goes on for about 10 minutes.

Basically, Tam and Rayni are siblings. Rayni is the oldest sister, and Tam is the annoying little brother.

Marella and Tam have gossip sessions during lunch; they also just have this really great friendship. (And by friendship, I mean they each have blackmail on each other and are forced to interact so the other doesn't spill their secrets).

Keefoster and Tiana double dates :>

At Solreef, Tiergan has this huge library, filled with elven books and even human books.

Tam has read almost every book in there. His favorites are the fantasy books.

His favorite book series ever is Percy Jackson. He's read every single PJO book in the library.

When Sophie finds out, oh boy do they geek out about it.

Forkle set them up on a sleepover one time, because "You kids need to be kids" or something like that.

None of them expected to have much fun, but they did. They even made a plan that once a week, at someones house they'd meet up and have a sleepover or just have fun.

TA-DA!!!!!!! KOTLC HEADCANONS YAYYYYYYYYY!!! Most of the are about Tam but Tam's amazing so its fine <3

hope you enjoyed! <3

[jmdbjk]

Wow.

I can't leave to enjoy a few days vacation without the world falling apart?

Hybe vs. Min HeeJin. Not on anyone's bingo card this year. I have not caught up on everything but who tipped off Hybe about her dastardly plans? The timing of it all... and her little extemporaneous skit she did for a press conference was perhaps part of her plan to turn public opinion in her favor? She claims to have invented kpop or at least made it what it is today but out the other side of her mouth says she hates idol culture?

Hybe's not here to play, they will not be nice. I see no benefit to her for showing us the not so pretty side of the idol industry. Maybe that's her problem, she can't see what she's doing because she's too far into it. Thirty years in the business will make you lose your objectivity. She has no idea she is coming across as a greedy, spoiled, entitled, manipulative, narcissistic, emotional female in a male dominated industry. Basically a nut case.

The lady had a tremendous opportunity to perhaps take ownership of her company in due time, become a great example for female leadership in a country where corporate culture is steeped in chaebolism. Instead she squandered that and thinks she will come out on top. Did she miss the Hybe vs. SM Entertainment episode from last year?

Anyway.

RM's new album! RPWP!

The Monochrome pop up store is doing well!

Jin will be back after 6 Fridays!

In other news. I went to Las Vegas. This is what I saw:

The Bellagio Fountains. They're huge. The Bellagio is SWANK. I looked for Jimin in Dior and Tiffany, Hobi in the Louis Vuitton store, Namjoon in the Bottega Veneta store, but none of them were in there. There was no Calvin Klein store.

When Hobi, JK and Tae were there watching the fountains dance to Dynamite, they were standing here:

Passed by Allegiant Stadium a few times. It's huge.

Drove out to Seven Magic Mountains. I am happy to report the lowest boulders had no writing or graffiti. They were amazingly huge as you can see.

Joon's pic of the above rocks:

Went to AREA 15 and it was HUGE and amazing! It's impossible to show everything that its about, there are multiple buildings and installations and activities, gift shops, bars, etc. We went into the Omega Mart (mega art) experience which led to a maze of fantastically created chambers, each different from the last one, all pulsing with animated lights, texture walls, ceilings and floors.

And ate at Hobak Korean BBQ. We couldn't find out which tables the members of BTS sat at but I got a pic of the Butter album they all signed. There were other autographs from other famous Korean celebs but the BTS signatures were displayed in a more prominent place on the wall.

We also scoped out The Sphere. Also HUGE. The concert space is arena sized. I don't know who was playing there that night but the parking lot was filling up.

We also walked the Strip.

The Fremont Street Experience. That's an animated video screen overhead with ziplines running through the length of it. It's two blocks of casinos, restaurants and gift shops. People are also doing busking and shows at street level.

Hoover Dam, view of the dam from the highway bridge and view of the highway bridge from the dam. Spent a few minutes on the Arizona side.

Hiked in the desert. Saw cactus and wildlife. Drank a lot of water.

Drove to the Mojave Desert Preserve in California just to say we did.

We hated leaving. It was a fun trip. But damn, I have so much stuff to catch up on now. Hiatus my ass.

If Vegas is on the BTS comeback tour I promise I will be there this time.

We gambled at the airport on our way out. The slot machines were next to our gate. And in the baggage claim area. But as you can see, its not just about gambling there.

In case you didn't get it, everything in Vegas is HUUUGGE and FARRRR. Walk a lot, spend a lot of money.

Overall, Las Vegas was clean, the people were extremely friendly and welcoming of course, they might be teaching hospitality as a school subject there, I don't know.

[rigelmejo]

'lazy' study activities

Yes, this is an extension of the big monster 'study plan' post I am working on. The big study plan post will link more tools and articles to use, this is more like a short suggestion of study activities you could try.

(Scroll to the bottom to see the SUMMARY)

If you already watch cdramas, continue to do so. Download Google Translate app on your phone (and Pleco, and any other translation app you like). Watch cdramas that have hard chinese subtitles on the videos - many youtube cdramas already are like this (you see chinese hanzi subs on the videos). Keep watching with english subtitles on too. Every 3-5 minutes, look up a word or phrase you're curious about. Google Translate allows you to type in words or phrases with pinyin, so if you see 小心 or 你放心 or 他死了 in the cdrama, you can type what you hear 'xiaoxin' or 'nifangxin' or 'tasile' to get the translation. If you don't hear the pronunciation clearly, or don't know pinyin letters-pronunciation well, then you can also do writing input and write in the hanzi you see on the hard chinese subtitles. I'm left handed and didn't know the stroke order as a beginner, my handwriting is usually incomprehensible to writing recognition software, and google translate still usually figured out which hanzi I was writing. So yeah, just watch what you'd normally watch and look up a word/phrase every 3-5 minutes as curious. This activity will ADD up. In a few months you might know a lot of words. If you are a beginner, maybe start with this activity and just keep doing it for a while. Eventually you'll start to pick up dozens of words, maybe even a few hundred. You'll probably eventually get curious about what grammar you're looking at, how to parse the sentences, how to remember hanzi better, and you can use that curiosity as motivation to push you to do some of the more 'intensive' study activities like learning about hanzi and grammar.

Not the laziest activity, because it does require reading an education material: but all you have to do is read it. You don't need to memorize, or study intensely, just read leisurely through it once. Read this dong-chinese pinyin guide, when you have decided you're a bit annoyed you can't figure out the pinyin to type the words you're trying to look up in cdramas. Or read it when you're eager to try typing with a chinese phone keyboard so you can type in hanzi instead of using writing-input, since typing the correct hanzi will make looking up new words easier. (To type hanzi you just type the pinyin, then pick from the hanzi suggested). Reading through this will take as little as 15 minutes, to as long as several days if you're just reading 1 section of it a day in 3-5 minutes. If you enjoy re-reading and reviewing, you might spend a few hours total on this pinyin guide. But if you're lazy? Just read through once, and know you can always come reference it again later if you're confused and want to clarify something. If you plan to learn zhuyin, you can check out the zhuyin guide at the top-right tab of the linked page.

Also not the laziest activity on here, as it will require reading educational material for 20 minutes to 2 hours depending on your reading speed and if you split it into different days and if you personally enjoy reviewing or not. Again, just read through these once when you have a few free minutes to spare. If you're a beginner, you'll appreciate the basic information about hanzi and how they work.

Part 1: Chinese characters in a nutshell

Part 2: Basic characters and character components

Part 3: Compound characters

Part 4: Learning and remembering compound characters

Part 5: Making sense of Chinese words

Part 6: Learning and remembering compound words

If you are a beginner and don't know much about tones, you may also want to spend 20 minutes to 2 hours on some days/weeks you have free on these informational things on tones:

Four Tones Explanation (great explanation video)

Tone Combination Practice (with some useful notes in it)

When Do Chinese Tones Change (good explanation, helpful 3rd tone explanation)

Accent Lab Mandarin Tone Pairs (I recommend this tool for listening practice, and later in your study to check on increasing your listening skills)

And finally, 2 textbook explanations of tones that I've found useful here and here.

Learning new words: if you find the pace of learning slow from just shows, are getting eager to learn more words FASTER so you can understand more? There's a few options.

There's SRS apps like Anki (or Pleco app's flashcard area), and if you enjoy flashcards or can focus on flashcards better than me, then if you do SRS apps 15-30 minutes a day the studying WILL add up. I cannot focus on such apps though, and once my focus burns out it takes me 1 hour to study 5 words... when for most people, they take 5 minutes to study 20 words or more in these apps.

If you're like me and can't focus long term on doing something like flashcards. Option 1: you can still use an SRS app like anki. Just cram 'new words/sentences' ONLY for a few days or weeks (so when you can get through as many words as other people you try to get through as many words as you can in 30 minutes to 2 hours), and when you start to feel the focus fade then switch to only review cards (and only New review cards until you've reviewed everything once). Quit reviewing when the focus is totally gone. You may finish reviewing everything, or you may not. Doesn't really matter. The initial 'new words/sentence' cards were to get an initial exposure of this means X, just like watching shows gives you that initial exposure the first time you look up an unknown word. You will 'review' these words more by seeing them in cdramas and other things, especially when you're still a beginner who needs to learn a few thousand common words. Option 2: same activity, but use a word list (or word list with sentence examples) online or printed on paper. Read through the list once over a matter of days until focus fades, then try to read through the list a second time (review) until focus is lost.

Option 3: Audio flashcards my beloved. If you REALLY do not want to look at flashcards for 15-30 minutes a day, or like me you REALLY can't focus at all on flashcards sometimes (because if 5 minutes take an hour to study like for me it's not very time effective ToT), audio lessons and audio flashcards will be your friend as a beginner. If efficiency is not your highest priority, I suggest you go to the Hoopla or Libby library apps, and looking up 'chinese lessons' or 'learn chinese' and try out some of the audiobooks and audio courses. Also go on Spotify and look up 'learn chinese' and try out some of the podcasts (I used to listen to Coffee Break Chinese), look up lessons on youtube (and things like "chinese sentences english translation"). ANY lesson that speaks chinese sentences, then speaks the english translation? Perfect, you can use it. Anything that tells you the chinese, then the english translation, is making sure you understand the chinese being used enough to start learning it. If you want to be particularly efficient with your time, you'll want to prioritize listening to audio that has MANY new chinese words per lesson. I listened to the chinese spoonfed anki audio files, chinese/english sentence audio, with new words or grammar in every sentence, but also a lot of words re-used in new sentences so i'd get some 'review' of words I'd heard before even if I only listened to new audio files until I finished. Those audio files have ~7000 sentences and probably a bit less words but still thousands. Immersive Languages (library audio lessons you can use) and Chinesepod101 would probably also have fairly information dense lessons.

Why are audio lessons and audio flashcards lazy? Well, particularly when it's just english/chinese sentence audio, you can listen to it while doing your regular daily schedule. Fit 30 minutes or even hours of listening a day, into when you're driving, commuting, walking, cleaning, cooking, grinding in video games, exercising, doing busy work you can listen to something in the background during. I tested this by doing it myself, and even if you are not paying full attention and just in-out of listening in the background, you will learn new words. So listening in the background while you play video games you would anyway? Easier, versus trying to focus on flashcards (very hard for me lol)? As far as 'intentional study' of educational materials, listening to audio lessons and audio flashcards is the easiest to do while continuing your regular daily schedule (aka not needing to carve out extra study time). The main drawback is it is very listening focused, so if you aren't working on reading skills with cdrama subtitles, graded readers, or webnovels eventually, then your reading skills will fall behind.

As an extension to the 'listening is easy to add to a daily schedule' idea: if you are an upper beginner, you can listen to learner podcasts entirely in chinese or graded reader audiobooks. If you're an intermediate learner, you can listen to audiobooks of webnovels you've read, or listen to audio dramas of stuff you've read subtitles for before, or if it's comprehensible enough for you then just listen to new audiobooks and audio dramas. You can listen to cdramas you've watched before playing in the background, or condensed audio (audio of shows with the silence cut out). Not only that, but when it comes to stuff like this, where you know SOME words but not all words? Or where you can read the words, but can't understand them when listening? Re-listen to the audio a LOT. I'm talking 10-20 times, or at least 5 times. Play chapter 1 of an audiobook on loop in the background while you clean your room, or while you level grind in a video game, or while you mull through doing a spreadsheet or lifting boxes at work (if you can work fine while listening to audio), or while you commute. You will, genuinely, notice your comprehension improving the more you re-listen even if you only paid half attention and didn't follow the plot the first few times. It is one of the easiest study activities to do, once you're at the point you can listen to audio materials. Just keep re-listening until you're bored and want to pick another, or until you feel you've understood as much as you can in that audio file (although I bet you if you've listened 5 times and think 'that's all I'll understand,' if you let yourself listen 10 times you'll be surprised how much MORE you end up understanding by then).

If you're getting ansty (as a beginner) about not understanding the grammar of the sentences you see in cdrama. Use that as motivation to spend 5 minutes to 30 minutes a day (or if you enjoy reading just read for 4 hours one day and be done) to read through some chinese grammar guides. You can either look up "basic chinese grammar" and read a few articles, or find a chinese grammar guide and just work your way through reading it. I personally suggest that, if you're bored by it or unable to focus: either JUST read the grammar point TITLES and then read more into the topics you've been seeing in cdramas that you want to learn more about. Or you just read HSK 1-4 grammar points, since they're the basics. Or you skip to the 'grammar point example' and read the examples to get a visual of what's going on. Or only look up specific grammar points as you watch cdramas, if something seems confusing.

I personally felt... it was easier in the long run, for me, to just read a whole grammar guide as a beginner. Did I understand everything? NOPE. I didn't understand like 2/3 at all. But skimming through an entire grammar guide made me aware of all the ways to expect past tense: 去 过 过了 了 以前 etc, ways to expect the future and ability and desire 会 要, how to ask yes/no questions 吗 and suggestions 吧, 有 没有 i have/dont have and how have can be used to express past tense things, 不 don't/not, how 的 地 can make descriptive phrases (地 is like english -ly) (and how in chinese a sentence clause-的 usually goes in FRONT instead of in the middle like in english), how 得 is both 'must' and also has several grammatical functions to look out for (that I didn't get used to until I read a lot to be honest), and 着 has grammatical uses too (the first of which was it seemed similar to the english verb ending -ing to me). These were basic things, and a lot of their more particular aspects went over my head.

But knowing roughly how to pick out 'that's a verb' and 'that's probably a descriptive' and 'that's a clause' and 'that's negative' and 'that's past tense' or 'that's present or future tense' helped me start guessing the overall main idea of sentences and paragraphs WAY sooner than it otherwise would have took me. If I'd only looked up 1 grammar point occassionally... it could've taken years to recognize these basics. Instead it took a month of reading a grammar guide, then several months of seeing that grammar in cdramas and webnovels just to fully recognize what I saw. I did still look up a particular grammar point when confused, but usually I already was vaguely familiar with the grammar point to look it up (like seeing 把 in the sentence and knowing THAT is what i should look up because it's confusing me). So yeah: feel free to do it the way you prefer, as we all will have different preferences and things that work better for us. But for me, it was worth just reading 4 hours of a grammar guide in 15ish minute chunks over the course of a month.

Unfortunately the grammar guide summary i read (chinese-grammar.org) no longer exists. So I will link some options I've found, but if you find more concise and simpler grammar guides please share them! Introduction to Basic Chinese Grammar. AllSetLearning Chinese Grammar Wiki (way too long to read easily in my opinion but I used this to look up specific grammar points later in learning a Lot), Basic Patterns of Chinese Grammar: A Student's Guide to Correct Structures and Common Errors (this one is a print book but the only modern book I bought for grammar), and Wikipedia's Chinese Grammar Page (which is the grammar guide I'm currently reading through to consider as a resource - i think as far as summarized it may be one of the shorter options).

Whenever you feel ready to learn hanzi? Honestly the sky is the limit on options. If you like SRS apps like anki, Skritter is an app I've seen recommended for hanzi, I used some "chinese hanzi with mnemonics" anki decks (while I could focus lol). I personally found the easiest way for me to start was to just read through this book (which is for free as an ebook in many libraries/library apps, and can be found in free download book sites):Learning Chinese Characters: (HSK Levels 1-3) A Revolutionary New Way to Learn the 800 Most Basic Chinese Characters; Includes All Characters for the AP & HSK 1-3 Exams. I liked this book because it made up a story to help me remember meaning, pronunciation, and tone. Along with providing example words. It's only 800 hanzi, and all I did to study it was read a few pages every couple days until I finished it - it took me around 3 months to finish the book. I didn't review (though you can re-read and review if you enjoy that).

But the mnemonics really helped form that 'initial recognition' memory and so when I started reading graded readers (once I'd studied 300 hanzi in the book), the graded readers helped 'review' those new hanzi and I learned them fast. For the 1000 hanzi I learned on my own after this book, I utilized the mnemonic story strategy that this book taught, and it was fairly doable to just keep picking up hanzi by looking them up when reading, coming up with a mnemonic story in my head, then moving on. As I kept seeing hanzi again, I'd eventually remember them. (And they say it takes 12-20 times of seeing a word to remember it, so at worst that's how much I was looking up new words... sometimes only 1-2 times though).

I would suggest that if you don't use SRS apps like anki or Skritter for hanzi, use some tool with mnemonics like a hanzi book with mnemonic stories (like the one I linked or a few others that exist). And when you look up new words in cdramas, and later graded readers and webnovels, please listen to the word's pronunciation a few times. So you're getting a bit of initial recognition of the hanzi's components/visual AND the word's pronunciation. If it takes 20 times or less to learn new words, then you'll want to get that much reading AND listening exposure.

When you have some basic grammar knowledge (or if you're really tolerant of ambiguity), keep watching cdramas as you have been. But try to pause the show every 3-5 minutes and read a chinese subtitle sentence. You can use the english subtitles to try and parse the chinese word meanings, or look up keywords using your translation app, whatever you want. Since a LOT of cdramas have chinese subs, and you watch with english subs, you can utilize these dual subtitles to start practicing reading skills and practicing guessing new words from context (in this case the context is the scene, the chinese words you already know, and the english translation). Later in your studies, when you stop using english subtitles sometimes, this will have been good practice of getting used to trying to read chinese. This pausing every 3-5 minutes to try and understand a chinese sentence should not take much time, maybe adding 5-10 minutes of watch time to a cdrama episode (depending on how long you pause). So it should be fairly easy to work into your schedule.

So yeah. The big summary of all this is:

If you want to make progress at a pace most people are going to find not too slow, I suggest 1-2 hours on average of doing stuff with chinese a day. (Or more hours a day on average if you want to get through the beginner phase faster). It'll take thousands of hours to learn chinese. Your pace will be extremely slow if you do less than 1 hour with chinese a day on average.

If you already watch cdramas, then keep doing that and just start looking up words (and eventually trying to figure out some sentences) once every 3-5 minutes as curious.

Spend 5 minutes a day reading articles on chinese writing system, and pinyin, and basic grammar, for a few months. You don't need to memorize or review, just get a basic initial exposure.

Approach other educational materials that way: if and when you start more 'intensively' studying, you can just get an initial exposure to the ideas (like a hanzi book, a grammar guide, reading word or sentence lists if you like to do that). You don't need to memorize or review, you don't need to understand everything. Just get an initial impression. (If you enjoy memorizing or studying though, go wild lol)

Audio lessons and audio flashcard study materials will require no time to fit into your schedule, you can do those while you do daily activities that you can listen to audio while doing. As an intermediate learner, these can also be used the way extensive reading is used - to pick up more vocabulary, improve grammar understanding, improve comprehension speed.

New words take (lets rough estimate) 20 times of seeing to remember. So you'll be looking up new words up to that many times when watching cdramas, or later when reading, and that's okay. It'll take a while to fully solidify this new information and you can just keep watching cdramas and doing things in chinese, and the information will eventually be learned. Especially as a beginner: you'll run into the few thousand most common words CONSTANTLY, you will eventually learn them as you keep looking words up and doing stuff in chinese. You do not need to do any special scheduled review (like SRS anki cards, skritter, pleco flashcards) unless you personally enjoy doing it, or want to speed up your progress and are okay with carving 15-30 minutes of time specifically for doing that.

The process of transitioning to graded readers, cdramas with no english subs, and webnovels is it's own beast - which I can cover if you want (and will in the bigger post's step 3). But the short of it is: if you keep doing activities until you've learned around 1000 words, you should be able to start reading easy graded readers and gradually increasing their unique word count until you're reading graded readers with 1000+ unique words. (And you can start graded readers knowing only 200 words if you want! Mandarin Companion has books for beginners if like me you'd like to practice reading ASAP). At that point, you should be able to transition to easy webnovels (using Pleco Reader/Clipobard Reader, Mandarinspot.com annotation, Readibu app, or highlighting and right clicking and using google translate in a webpage) and to watching cdramas you've seen before or with simple plots in chinese only. How many words you look up, or if you look up zero, is all fine: as long as you grasp the main idea of the plot. If you look words up, and can grasp at least the main idea? Then you can watch/read as long as you look words up (and you'll learn the other detail words from context) If you can grasp the main idea without looking any words up? Then you can watch/read without looking words up (and learn new words from context). The first few months (or even year) of transitioning to webnovels and cdramas with no english subs will feel hard, even if you know all/most of the words. It's just part of adjusting to actually comprehending all the things you've studied. I suggest following Heavenly Path's Reading Guide as soon as you're ready to start trying to read - first graded reading material, then webnovels once you've learned around 1000 words.

[texasagocarafe]

I. a Breath and a Sigh | AJ SHABEEL

word count: 700+

warning: none

a/n: this story is a slow burn so therefore, the beginning of this story will be SLOW. please bear with me as this story progresses.

oktylybyexx.

texas.

She lives in music, in words, in the fires of heart.

You locked your eyes into your reflection as you sat on the wooden floor. One long breath in, one long breath out. You focus on steadying the rhythm of your heartbeat before sitting back up. You pause the music on your phone, unplug it from the speakers, and open the camera. Sitting in the window pane light of the setting sun, you press record.

With the slightest smile on your face, you speak into the camera, "Dance tip of the day: When dancing in heels, I usually wear a pair of socks," you giggle as you lift your feet up to show the camera, "I know I look crazy, but trust me, it works! My heels have been blister-free ever since I found out about this hack."

Your giggles subside into a smaller smile as you begin to conclude your video log. "Anyways, I think I'm rambling, so I'm gonna wrap this up," Using your teeth, you drag the hair-tie from your wrist and tie your hair up into a ponytail "I love you all, and I'm grateful beyond words could ever describe for all your support, I'll talk to you guys later!"

You stop recording and place your phone down. You rename the title of the video to 'V-LOG part ii' and place it in the folder titled 'SUPERNOVA: DOCUMENTARY CLIPS' With a content sigh, you overlook the bustle of the city down below.

In New York, you couldn't decide whether you loved or hated the city that never sleeps. You guessed the dilemma could be attributed to the love-hate relationship you've seemed to harbour for your career.

Waiting a day - maybe an extra two, if you're feeling a little more paranoid than usual - before posting any detail about your day. Constantly changing your number due to the previous one being leaked. Creepy fan-mail. Fantasizing about the mundane activity of grocery shopping, knowing damn well you'd get swarmed by the public before setting foot in said grocery store.

Sighing at your thoughts, you take your phone and leave the studio, not before locking it and heading straight to the elevator.

As your phone buzzes, you glance down and roll your eyes at the caller ID. You know exactly what to expect when Leia, your manager, starts hassling you about your schedule. Particularly, the upcoming charity gala.

"I know Leia, this may just be the 50th time you've reminded me, and I'm not being hyperbolic." Don't get me wrong, you love Leia; she's great! But sometimes she can get a little bit brain busy and heavily nit-picky when big events are coming up.

"I'm just saying! This has to be perfect. After all, you're the guest of honour!" You've exited the studio building about 5 minutes ago and are now walking down the busy streets of Brooklyn adorning the usual mask and sunglasses. You quicken your steps, trying to escape the growing buzz behind you.

"Are you even listening to me?!"  You can't help but chuckle.

"Yes, bub, I'm listening. What if I meet you at your place in like" you check your watch "15 minutes and we can sort everything out by tomorrow? How does that sound?" A silent pause of about 5 seconds hangs in the air before you hear Leia sigh and mumble something along the lines of a 'yeahokthatsfineyeah' before hanging up.

You're just about to meet your usual spot where your driver meets you when you hear incoherent unintelligible teenage sounds. Your vision pans to the line of stores across you where a swarm of people have managed to spot your figure across the road. You hurry along to your driver's car parked a few steps ahead and tell him the address as you speed off. You turn back around to see a crowd chasing - and failing - to meet the ends of your car, the screams and chants of your name meeting your ears before you sigh at the following silence. Looking to your side, you spot your hoodie. Must have left it. You put the hoodie on and lay your head against the window.

The shine of the setting sun long gone and replaced with the glorious blues and blacks of the night. The pitter-patter of the rain on the window created a consistent rhythm that hummed you to sleep.

-

Welcome to my new story! I'm surprised I'm actually writing lol. This is just my little world I've created for myself mostly because I'm tired of the lack of source material about my monthly hyper fixations. Aj Shabeel is one of the many cases in point. Right now, I think a hopeful [!!!!] and emotional and funny story is needed. I'm excited to share more of my world to you all.

Ok ty ly bye xx.

Texas.

[eliteprepsat]

Nowadays, the internet is woven into the fabric of our lives. While there are any number of reasons why we may connect to the world wide web, how often do we use this vast resource specifically for inspiration and education? It’s easy to hop on social media and seek out instant gratification, but what about nourishing your intellect and spirit? Fortunately, there are plenty of opportunities to do so, and in this article we’ll focus on TED Talks designed with students in mind. If you’ve never heard of TED Talks, they are speeches under 18 minutes long defined as one of two things:

Something that’s new and surprising; an idea or invention that your audience has never heard about.

A great basic idea (that your audience has maybe already heard) with a compelling new argument behind it that challenges beliefs and perspectives.

These are great videos to check out at any time of day, perhaps first thing in the morning or when you have a 15-20 minute break. No matter when you watch, I highly recommend the following seven TED Talks that cover a variety of topics that students will find relevant and thought-provoking.

1. WHAT YOUR GRADES REALLY MEAN

We begin with a TED Talk by Eva Ren, who delivered this talk when she was a high school senior. In a hyper-competitive society in which everyone is striving to achieve the best marks, Ren offers insight on why grades aren’t as indicative of success as is commonly thought. Whether you are stressing over your grades or have a perfect GPA, this talk should resonate and give you perspective on your unique role within the learning process. 

2. GRIT: THE POWER OF PASSION AND PERSEVERANCE

We tend to think that IQ and talent determine an individual’s success, but Angela Lee Duckworth, Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, explains the science behind what it actually takes to reach success in this quick, yet effective TED Talk. Exploring a relatively unstudied phenomenon, Duckworth makes the case for shifting our perspectives of what it takes to be successful and how we can better prepare students for their own future success. At under six minutes, this talk may be one of the shortest, but it packs 

3. THE SECRET TO STUDENT SUCCESS

Building on the concept of grit, Arel Moodie delivers an intensely personal TED Talk that reveals his own struggles as a student, from elementary school through college. The peaks and valleys that characterize any meaningful journey are on full display as Moodie grapples with the realities of growing up in a tough New York neighborhood. Many of the elements in his story will be familiar to students, but he ultimately ties in the lessons learned into a broader message that should be received by all.

4. THE POWER OF BELIEVING THAT YOU CAN IMPROVE

The previous two TED Talks both incorporate the primary theme of this talk: growth mindset. Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, discusses the science behind motivation and reward to explain how all students are capable of improving their abilities. She mentions studies conducted on the brain to support her message while also rooting the science in real-life scenarios to show how students can be helped in practical ways. As one of the pioneering researchers in the field of motivation, Dweck ensures listeners that the power to improve lies within us all.

5. INSIDE THE MIND OF A MASTER PROCRASTINATOR

Procrastination. It has a tendency to get the best of us all. Easy to slip into and difficult to escape, procrastination can derail your greatest intentions. In this TED Talk, Harvard graduate Tim Urban shares an entertaining and insightful take on procrastination and how it can affect even the most well-meaning among us. He introduces a familiar (and hilarious) cast of characters to help frame why we procrastinate and what can be done to procrastinate less. There’s something here for everyone. 

6. THE POWER OF INTROVERTS

Extroverts are all around us. We see them; we hear them; we easily recognize them. There seems to be an emphasis on extroversion in modern society, but what role does introversion have to offer? In this TED Talk, Susan Cain offers a poignant perspective on the power of the inner self. She traces how we have reached a point in today’s culture in which extroversion seems to have more value than introversion and offers historical and personal examples to show why we should strive for more balance between the two.

7. EVERYDAY LEADERSHIP

Our final TED Talk deals with the power of connection and how it relates to a type of leadership we all possess but may not acknowledge. Drew Dudley uses an entertaining extended anecdote to introduce the concept of Lollipop Moments, a straightforward and easily applicable technique that can be used to change the world. His story will evoke many laughs, but the overall message contains a dynamic approach to how we understand leadership and the effects it can have on the people around us.

[fr-wiwiw]

15 questions, 15 people

I was tagged by @lienwyn! it's been ages but i have time to do this one now! Thank you for the tag dear ✨

1. Are you named after anyone?

I'm not. My mom's eldest brother gave me my name collaboratively with my parents. It was supposed to be something different like great figure from my country but it felt like a huge responsibility, so they changed it thank God for that lol

2. When was the last time you cried?

Just today. I wouldn't say full on crying, just a minute or less type of crying when you feel overwhelmed by something or when your brain decides to rewind a certain event in your head.

3. Do you have kids?

No but I have a baby turtle that I love <3

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Sometimes yea when I'm having certain conversations with my group of friends or when we're playing online games and if there's a current event (ex: politic figure doing something foolish), it will jump out if i'm flabbergasted once or twice.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Hmm.. depends. But my eyes would scan them up and down- and I realized that can come off as eyeing them like i'm some kind of arrogant person. I'm sorry to these people, I never meant to come off like that. But i like observing creatures and I draw too, so I tend to see them as a whole or if they behave and talk in certain ways and tone. I just notice things

6. What's your eye colour?

Dark brown almost black if there's no lighting. Typical asian eye color

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

Happy ending. I cannot watch scary movies bcs of my strong visualization and imagination. I can visualize almost anything from my memory and imagine them do anything next to me right here right now. It's... uncomfortable especially when my brain decides to scare me when I see dark places. it's the downside of being an artist

8. Any special talents?

So far.. I'm good at art related things. I want to try my hands on sculpting, painting in canvas, diorama, play more music instruments as a hobby and many more. But I don't have the time and money, hopefully in the future. I just love being involved in my curiosity and see what I can make out of it xD

I'm also good at reading people and situations. I'm a big empath too which comes in handy when I imagine or write. Or connect to people. I'm people's go to listener usually hahah but I create some more boundaries for this. It drains me because I feel deeply.

9. Where were you born?

Indonesia.

10. What are your hobbies?

Uh.. drawing, reading, playing video games, writing, listening to music, sing, eat out and take walks in mall or just strolling through shop marts.

11. Do you have pets?

Yes. I once had 2 red eared slider turtles for 11 years. Then 2 mini pomeranian, and another baby read eared slider turtle which sadly didn't make it for only a month. But my friend gave me another baby turtle, she's always ravenous and lively ^^ so cute.

12. What sports do you/have you played?

Oh man.. I played a lotta sports I even got a tan back then lol. Futsal (indoor soccer), soccer, kasti (kinda like softball / baseball), swimming, running, basketball, badminton. Would love to try snowboarding tho ngl it looks fun but I heard it's damn expensive. And horse riding. The only sport I play now is playing console games😂 would love to be active at sports again in the future

13. How tall are you?

156cm (5'11)

14. Favourite subject in high school?

English and art (but depends on the teacher)

15. Dream job?

Right now? A freelance or full time artist with stable income or good amount of followers to pay off my day to day living without a worry. I am a freelance artist, just not financially stable yet. Hope I can get there

I'm so late to this particular tag game so I apologize if any of you have been tagged before. @gaylilsherlock @uhhhhmanda @gayautisticraccoon @briwates @technitango @kdramastrix

[orionares]

BTHB: Depression

BTHB: Depression 

NCIS: Los Angeles 

@badthingshappenbingo

—---

A/N: Trigger Warning for descriptions of depression.

A/N2: Takes place during 12x08 "Love Kills" and 12x09 "A Fait Accompli"

—-----

Glynco, Georgia

It's pouring out.

It's storming actually, dumping up to two inches of rain on Glynco and the rest of the Georgia coast. With the outside night classes canceled, Marty Deeks lies on his dorm bed and watches his ceiling fan spin. 

He could go to the dining hall and attempt to socialize with the other cadets or walk over to use the dorm building's gym.

But instead, he lies on his back with bruised ribs and shoulder pain, and just….lays there. 

Hey, Cadet! How was your day?

He could answer Kensi's text, received two hours ago. He really could. Hell, Deeks could picture himself rolling onto his stomach, taking his phone in hand and texting- I'm fine. The usual. Miss you and the team. 

It'd be easy. Simple. It'd also be a lie.

He isn't fine. 

—--

"I'm so sorry, Deeks."

His eyes fly open at the memory of the four words he's heard dozens of times since being cut from NCIS and LAPD. He can picture Sam and Callen's solemn expressions, the pat on the backs from other agents and even the glances from officers on the day he had turned in his badge.

God, the looks he'd gotten walking into LAPD-

Deeks lets out a slow long breath before glancing over to the clock on the dresser. 

8:15

I've only been here for twenty- five minutes. Great, he thinks before gingerly pushing himself into sitting up. Deeks rubs his bruised ribs- earned from an overeager ex- Marine during sparring- and winces. 

In the silence of his room, he can feel his chest tighten at the sudden surge of intrusive thoughts.

I hurt and I'm exhausted. I can’t sleep and I’m running on empty.

Unexpectedly,  he lets out a sob.

I can’t fail-

I can't-

His cellphone rings from behind him, causing him to flinch. Deeks grabs the phone and looks at the screen to see a video request from Kensi. He takes in another slow breath and musters the closest he can to a smile.

"Hey, Kensalina," he greets and sees Kensi laying back on her pillow on their bed. The sight of her makes his heart skip a beat and he takes a long moment to take in the sight of her. 

"Hi," Kensi answers softly. "It's what- 8 or so over there? I just wanted to check on you. How was your day?"

"I'm hanging in there, Kens. There's a storm that canceled a few classes," Deeks replies. He swallows and glances off to his left. "How's…how's it going over there?"

Kensi frowns and sits up on the bed. "It's fine….Baby, are you okay?"

He stiffens at her question and looks away from his phone. The tears forming in his eyes sting as he looks away and feels his wife's eyes on him even from a thousand miles away. "I'm getting it done, Kens-"

"You didn't answer my question."

 "I didn't.." He chuckles sadly before looking back at the phone. "Kens, I…I'm drowning and I don't know how to get out of this. I know I have two weeks left but I just….I don't know."

Kensi tucks a loose hair behind her ear. "I'm so sorry. I can come up for a weekend if that'd help?"

 "No, no, no- don't waste a couple of days on me," He mutters. "I just need to finish and maybe us driving back and taking some time for ourselves will help."

Kensi nods in understanding before a small warm smile appears on her face. "I have an idea that may help. Tell me three things that you are looking forward to when you come home."

"What?"

"Tell me three things that you are looking forward to when you come back home," Kensi repeats. She holds up the familiar desk pad and holds it up in front of the camera. "We can both list three things that we'll do when you come home, whether it's sleep in all day, surfing or whatever. Just three things."

 Deeks drops his head and sighs. "Kensi…I…. fine, I guess I could go see my surf students over in Malibu. They know I went to a work thing and might get a promotion." 

Kensi nods and scribbles 'surfing lessons' on her pad. "That's one. By the way, that taco truck that you've been fangirling over finally opened yesterday."

It's not fangirling, it's- He smirks at the thought and mumbles,"That's two. Look, Kens-"

Kensi sits up suddenly, cocks her head slightly and smiles with chin resting on her hand. "And I think…I'm pretty sure that there's another activity that we can catch up on when you come home."

"Kens-"

"The attic had been in need of cleaning for forever!" Kensi jokes. 

Corny as it is, Deeks lets out a chuckle, the first one in weeks. He settles in the warmth it brings.  "I miss you."

"Deeks,"Kensi smiles. " I'm going to ask you the same question every day until I drive up to you. You've been through so much and you are so loved and so amazing. You are almost done. Hold on to the things we talked about. Promise me."

God, he loves her. "I promise."

"Ok." Kensi sits up. "New topic- I've got a new story about Tiffany, Mindy and a six year old Facebook post. Up for it?"

Deeks lays back on the bed and replies, "Of course."

—-----

2,500 miles away, Kensi Blye listens to the soft snoring on Deeks via video chat. He'd only made it four minutes into the story before he'd gone quiet on his end. 

I knew telling him a story would work, Kensi thinks proudly. She places the pad back on her dresser , recalling the idea from a phone call from Nate.

"I'm really worried about him, Nate, and I don't know how to help him across the country."

He'd told her to start with something simple- "Just be there for him. Give him something to hold onto."

"I love you," Kensi repeats again as she relaxes into the pillow. "Good Night, Deeks."

[rastronomicals]

  So, how was your day?

I've tried for 15 years to keep this just to music or maybe occasionally movies, but sometimes this shit's gonna spill out. And apologies, that time's today.

You might say I was disappointed by the results of the US election last night . . . but disappointed wouldn't be the right word.

While driving home this eve in my foul mood, I wrote a buddy in the great State of Alabama who I knew could sympathize (and since I dictated to the phone let's keep its censorship):

I feel broken, I feel set free. All my platitudes and my illusions, flying away.

Guess what? We're NOT better than this.

There's no doubt we've got the president that we wanted and that we deserve.

Also angry. I told M--- I was blow something up angry.

I spent my day in between counter sales, surfing across Substack, alternately leaving bitter comments about the piggish electorate, and trolling the exultant Republican trolls. On one blog I told the maghat to 'eat it for dinner you Nazi f***'. On Wonkette, I very pedantically corrected the awful grammar of another one.

Self-destructive I know, but also funny.

I am, I'm all f***** up.

Apologies if you're not ready to read something like this, if I had sent myself this text this morning I would have thrown my phone out the window. But I just laughed for the first time all day, somebody let me in; I was trying to change lanes, so I gave them the peace sign and said to myself 'ah, Harris voter!'

So, some light returning, but still I feel like it's f****** war.

So there's that.

But then another buddy, one who *just might* have voted for Trump, but more likely didn't vote at all, sent me the SOD video, just as a way to say what's up, and listen, Milano might have voted for Trump, too. So I watched the video and some good times listening to some good music came back, so I wrote him this

Okay, it's been a tough day, but I figured out how to get my car stereo to play the music through my phone and I watched the SOD video and that s*** made me f****** smile. That band is so much f****** fun. It's a shame I/you/we never saw them.

Thank you for that

and boy did I ever mean that Thank You, whoever the fuck my bud voted for. And whoever Billy Milano voted for.

'Cause I needed it.

Let it be a reminder that no matter what fucking clown is fucking up your shit, music can always give you an escape, as I escaped for a few minutes there watching Billy Milano stagedive as I drove down 22nd avenue in that weird six o'clock darkness right after DST expires.

But the other thing going on is, I still wanna blow something up. I need to do something.

I'm an old man. It's late in life but I will do something to fight this incoming President and fight this country who so dearly loves him. We'll see what form it takes.

File under: Metal that will melt your face

[hashtag-girlblogger]

how to live like it's 2014 again

If you're anything like me, you're nostalgic for everything. I am constantly wishing to be somewhere else or in some time else. I'm nostalgic for the 60's (I was born in 2001), nostalgic for the early 2000's (pop is just not the same), and most of all–I am nostalgic for 2012 to 2016. I think it is widely agreed that these years, especially on Tumblr, were the last best years many of us have ever had. I was a baby, still in middle school and just 15 years old in 2016. But wow, what a time to be alive. Music, movies, TV, pop culture, fashion, the internet–the world was a better place.

I have been toying with the idea of exiting mainstream society (as best I can) for sometime now. I've been thinking, "Is it possible to live in another era while stuck in the constantly evolving 2024?" Can I abandon social norms or things of "the time" and just live like it's 2014 again?

I've thought about what this would mean, what it would look like. Only listening to Halsey, Calvin Harris and Marina. Splurging at Victoria's Secret and wearing the iconic Tease perfume at all times. What's TikTok? You don't use Valencia on your Instagram posts? I'm obsessed with WeHeartIt. Look at my new Penny board!

Alternatively, I could take the Arctic Monkeys, soft grunge, American Apparel and Marlboro cigarettes route. All black, watching AHS Coven and wondering if I have secret witchy powers too.

I think where all these feelings come from is that the current state of the world is just not feeling so good (to put it nicely). The world is accelerating at a speed I do not want to keep up with. Social media and technology are great but it has literally become this crushing weight. "Just delete social media then." Yeah fair. I guess I just feel so disconnected from my life. From my real life. Like I spend so much of my time venturing into other worlds I've made up in my head. Like 2014 Tumblr. It's not here anymore, it's gone, but I live there. A part of me is still there.

I'm like 12 or 13 years old. Was still a competitive cheerleader, which I regrettably quit when I got to high school. I spent everyday after school with my friends, making video stars or doing gymnastics in the field. We would walk around our neighbourhood, talking about god knows what and enjoying every minute of it. I looked at the future and it could be anything. I could be anyone and do anything I wanted. I feel like that's what I really want. Maybe I miss the music and clothes and vibes of that era buy what I'm really craving is how purely simple and free I felt, how connected I felt to my own life.

Now I'm 22, soon to be 23. Graduating college soon, heading into my big girl job, big girl career. Totally terrified and also excited. But I spend my time alone, so much time alone. My social battery is always empty, I rarely catch up with friends. When I do, we always have to be doing something. Dinner, drinks, movies, parties, dancing, classes. It's never, just come over let's hangout. And I get it, we're young adults, we are supposed to be doing stuff, we are meant to be out and about living our best lives. I guess I just want it to feel different. I want it to feel like it used to.

Okay sooooo.

This is how to live like it's 2014.

Talk to your friends, often and without any agenda. Create the ultimate playlist, this one's pretty good:

Binge CW shows and trashy reality TV. Totally freak out when someone says you look like Violet from AHS (this actually happened to me at work the other day and I couldn't stop smiling). Say screw the trends and wear some skinny jeans and those Alexander McQueen ankle boots, Alexa Chung approved. Get off your phone and be alive now. It's 2014, you don't have a worry in the world.

[invitationtoher]

You're in my Way, Cage. | Chapter 2: Kitana

Masterlist

Summery: Kitana Edenia, smart, beautiful, and stressed. With dreams of becoming a doctor due to her sister, Mileena, having a major case of chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). Throughout her entire school life she's been focused on her goal of getting into the very same college that her mother and father went to and fell in love at, Mortal Kampus University (MKU), an ivy league school where the only people are intelligent as they are talented. Kitana vows to make her mother proud with no distractions, at least that was the plan until she met an obnoxious dirty blonde in her English Class.

Jonathan Carlton? No, he's Johnny Cage! Hollywood's next big star! He may not act as smart as he actually is, but he shines when it comes to entertainment, if it's on the screen or behind the scenes Johnny can do it all, thanks to the Carlton family being in the film industry for generations. Thanks to his parents money and his acting and martial arts talents (as well as writing), he got a scholarship to MKU's theater department! He knows MKU will be a good time, it's his chance to make his own name. When he sees a pretty girl in his English class whose walls seem unbreakable, he vows to break down those walls and see the real her by showing her a film.

                Keeping your head down in college is much easier than keeping it down in high school, it seemed like most of my classmates had the same idea. Yet, it was only the first day, anything could happen, just like how those planners to help students stay on top of their work will disappear next week.

            I was grateful that our professors seemed to be rather chill today, yet again, it was only the first day. We learned a little bit about the history of computers, mainly that ENIAC was the first electronic computer, and that the Colossus was the first programmable computer, I’m no tech nerd but so far it makes sense to me. Chemistry was about the first chemists, since it was a lecture instead of the LAB, Microbiology about LAB safety by watching a cheesy 80’s video (I have a gut feeling I’d have to rewatch it in my chem LAB tomorrow), the day was long but still not over.

            I was lucky that the academic resources building was right next to the technology building, my whole schedule today was pretty much walking a huge square, and I’d most likely do the same thing tomorrow as well. I was the first person to arrive in the lecture room, my professor greeted me and made a playful quip about how early I was that I must be excited to learn English. I gave him a pitiful laugh to entertain him, his friendly expression turning into a prideful one that I laughed at his lame joke.

            I sat down in the second row before the last on one of the edge seats, I always preferred to sit closer to the back during my dual enrollment classes I took, it kept me out of the sight of people and usually by the end of the second week the people that sit in the back eventually move to were ever their friends were sitting. No one ever sat next to anyone either, which means I have enough space to scatter my planner, my laptop, and notes that I took on my iPad. It also meant that I was free from unwanted socialization.

            I pulled out my phone from my bag to check in on Mileena when I noticed the time, 12:15. I felt heat rising to my cheeks in embarrassment after realizing that I was 30 minutes early to my class, I bit my bottom lip, tasting that same strawberry lip gloss I just reapplied after Micro-bio ended.

How’s your day been? ┃

            I sat there and waited for the three dots in the bubble to appear, it didn’t take long for Mileena to text back, it never does. She was a fast texter, always replying as fast as she could with her thumbs going fast enough to leave a trail of fire behind them.

┃Good, boring, how’s urs been?

  Just great. ┃

I arrived at my English class half an hour early. ┃

And my teacher thinks he’s a comedian. ┃

┃Oh u poor thing 😢

┃I’ll make you some cookies for ur troubles

            I rolled my eyes at her words; I could practically hear the sarcasm spewing through the screen.

            Mileena’s day seemed… uneventful. We talk about our classes and what we’ve done so far to kill time, she already decided that her world history class would be her “fucking around” class since she so happens to be an expert on it all (doubtful, since they’re starting with a government unit.), as she so gracefully puts it.

            She’s always been good at history, she’s definitely one the biggest history buff I know; she says that the class is like reading a whole book on the world and the mysteries of what happened before us, that the history textbooks we were forced to carry around were just a book filled with short stories that happened so we could learn from our mistakes and triumphs.

┃Have u talked to anyone?

┃U know dad’s gonna ask when he calls tonight

┃He wants u to get out there and meet people this year

┃And so do I…

┃I’m tired of them asking when I’m gonna meet a guy 😭

┃And have brats 🤢

┃As if I go outside at all even on a good day

            I pressed my lips in a thin line, the once fun mood turned into a serious one as those three dots bounced on my screen message after message with her horrendous texting grammar.

┃Look

┃I’m gonna bffr Sis

┃Ur pretty and smart

┃Just like me 🤭

┃U listen too much to mom

┃U work too hard

┃Have fun this year

┃Meet a guy (or girl if ur into that😉)

┃It’s time for some romance in ur boring dull life

            I looked up as I heard the door open and a stampede of shoes walk into the classroom to try and get a seat away from people, the professor smiling and welcoming them all to the class and to sit anywhere they pleased, but the class just studied the seats, trying to figure out where to sit and who to sit by. The grilled chicken wrap churned in my stomach at the feeling of all the eyes of my peers on me.

            I looked back down at my phone, reading the text choppy strings of text again. She was right, I know she was right. But I’m not going to just push all my hard work aside just for someone who I’m not even sure I’ll end up with. My thumbs dance across the screen in a rush to respond- something to show her that I’ll take it into consideration but it’s not definite- as the class is about to start.

I’ll try.┃

            As I put my phone away, I heard a chair scrap against the floor of the classroom, a chair that sounded way too close to me for my comfort. I glance beside me to see a bulky man leaning back against the chair, he had Ray-Ban sunglasses that prevented me from seeing his eye color, his head was tilted back and supported by his large hands that were interlaced behind his head and into his dirty blonde locks that were styled, his elbows pointed up and his large muscles on his biceps slightly covering his face. His blue button up shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, the fabric of the shirt that was held closed by the buttons stretching across his broad chest. His legs spread out in a man spread, his knee barely grazes my thigh.

            My face turned pale at the slight contact, I quickly pulled my leg away and turned my head. I hear a small chuckle from beside me, from him. I bit my bottom lip and hesitantly turned my head to face him again, his hand pulled down his sunglasses to the bridge of his nose, his sparkling brown eyes staring at me. His lips formed a smirk as he gave me a flirty wink just like the kind a jock would give a cheerleader in a Hallmark movie my mother plays for the cats when she leaves the house.

            I scoffed and rolled my eyes before looking in front of me, great, looks like I got stuck next to a guy that can only think with his dick. I’ve encountered a few people like that today, but I was watching from a distance. Looks like it’s my turn to have an interaction with one of the most insufferable types of people that could be on a college campus.

            I know it’s not exactly nice to assume that about my seat neighbor, but what happened to “Hi, how are you?”, “My name is blank, what’s yours?“, or any sort of chivalry. I could hear him grumble quietly, disappointed that I didn’t give him the reaction he wanted.

            As I looked around the room, I noticed that everyone was sitting side-by-side, but there was enough room for another chair in the middle between each group of two.

            “I like the buddy group system.” He says, answering all our silent questions, “I was always a shy kid in school, never wanting to get up and ask for anyone to be my partner for a project. Think of it as useful for when you guys do your peer reviews and projects. If you have an issue with your buddy after the first essay, then you can talk to me about switching, fair?”

            The class all mindlessly nodded. Great, now I’m stuck with him until our first essay. I sigh and rest my face in the palm of my hand, my neighbor letting out a small hum in amusement. ‘The buddy peer review system’ was always a pain in my ass in high school. I usually just asked if I could have my sister at home review it, most of my teachers said sure, but others said no. Which is understandable, they wanted me to get out of my comfort zone

            “Now, we’re going to do an activity to get to know your partner, that way you guys get to know each other. Maybe you’ll find things you guys have in common, maybe you’ll end up as friends. Don’t be shy.”

            He explained, as he placed a paper in front of each student. My shoulders slump, I glanced slightly at my “peer review buddy” to see him smiling playfully, his sunglasses off and his eyes glancing at me as well. As soon as our eyes met, I looked away quickly, he let out another small chuckle.

            “Keep staring, princess, looks like you’re not going to get rid of me that easily.”

            I try not to roll my eyes and look up at the clock, silently praying that whatever is out there will have mercy on me and speed up the clock, I don’t think I can last the semester without strangling this guy.

© invitationtoher 2024

[study-with-aura]

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

It was strange not having my robotics course today. I did have more time to study, which was nice. I am also able to add in a second hour of piano practice on Wednesdays now. I almost have my second piece memorized. I don't want to consider it memorized just yet, despite playing without sheet music, because it isn't fluid.

Midway through the week. I have seen several blogs I follow stating that their mental health has not been too great, so please remember to take your breaks and do something nice for yourself that isn't studying. This can also mean getting in more sleep or relaxing your brain by playing a game or watching a show or even better, getting outside if the weather is nice where you are. Socialize with people too, whether that's family, friends, or another you person you trust like a therapist, teacher, or school counselor. We have to remember to look out for ourselves and give our bodies and our minds what they need. This is easier said than done for many based on personal situations and circumstances, but we can aim to do the best we can given our situations and circumstances. It will look different for everyone, and that's okay. We are all doing amazing things!

Tasks Completed:

Geometry - Review of second quarter topics

Lit and Comp II - Reviewed Unit 20 vocabulary + read chapter 35 of Emma by Jane Austen + read the news

Spanish 2 - Pretended to write to a prospective renter about an apartment I am trying to rent, which included details about the apartment in Spanish (I found a local listing and described the apartment using that)

Bible I - Read Judges 6

World History - Ungraded quiz + watched a presentation on the end of WWI + watched videos on the Treaty of Versailles and its impact + answered questions about the Treaty of Versailles + viewed maps before and after the treaty

Biology with Lab - Read about the history of life according to evolution scientists + read an article on carbon dating from a creationist scientist

Foundations - Read more on reverence + completed next quiz on Read Theory + read more about what propaganda is

Piano - Practiced for two hours in one hour split sessions

Khan Academy - Completed World History Unit 6: Lesson 5 (considering the ongoing conflict, this was very interesting to watch) + completed High School Biology Unit 7: Lesson 1 (parts 1-3)

CLEP - None today

Duolingo - Studied for 15 minutes (Spanish, French, Chinese) + completed daily quests

Reading - Read pages 209-244 of Nigeria Jones by Ibi Zoboi

Chores - None today

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (Psalms 34)

Ballet

Variations

Journal/Mindfulness

-

What I’m Grateful for Today:

I am grateful to have more study time even if I do miss the robotics course and the people I met through it.

Quote of the Day:

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.

-Nelson Mandela

🎧Tidepools from Isla Vista Suite - Martha Hill Duncan

[arcadekitten]

How do you stay as motivated as you usually are? I... I'll be honest and I'm sorry for sounding so personal, but I've been going through some rough times, I can't even pick up a pencil to draw, and I've been feeling so unenergetic... Which sucks, I want to become as great as you, as I really do!!

I'm crazy /hj

I'm just very passionate about my characters and work!! It's no exaggeration when I say I am thinking about them every second of every day. I mean it with my whole chest, I am always thinking about them. They make me happy and so I'm always happy when I get to do stuff with them!!

HOWEVER!! That doesn't mean I'm immune to burnout either! I don't know you or what you're going through--maybe it's burnout, maybe it's a depressive episode, maybe it's something else entirely! etc--but when I'm feeling in a rut (which I actually have been this week, I'd say!), there's some things I like to try and do to make myself feel better. I don't know if they'll work for you, but it's worth a shot!

-Take dedicated breaks. Not just like, a 15 minute break. Like a whole day or 2 or even longer break. Of course if you have responsibilities like school and/or work you might not be able to take a break from those, but take a break from your creative endeavors for a bit. Play a videogame, watch a tv show or movie or video you want to/like, go outside if you're able to even if just to sit in the sun or listen to music! (Though it's winter in the nothern hemisphere, so maybe just dance around to music in your kitchen or something haha!) I often find that once I've been able to actually let myself have fun in other ways, I then want to come back to doing all my creative stuff and I feel more energetic about it!

-Be creative in other ways! Try to branch outside your normal mediums. If you draw a lot digitally, make something traditionally! If you usually illustrate, try playing with something like clay or strings or building blocks! Cut apart magazines and try to make collages! Of course, this isn't always accessible to everyone, especially if you need to spend money to buy some of this stuff. But even if it's as simple as filling a notebook page with doodles, it's still worth doing! The MOST important part of this though is to do it for yourself--do not worry about how the end result will come out, do not worry about sharing it to other people. You can later on if you want to, but you need to go into it knowing that your goal is to HAVE FUN! not to make a successful or consumable product.

-Draw what you want to draw. It's not secret that my most popular games are games like INMIMB and Crowscare. I could probably be attracting a lot more attention on that stuff if I drew those characters more. But Mary and Reggie are my favorite subjects to draw, so that's what I draw! And when I do that, it makes art feel like not-a-chore, but something to be enjoyed! When making my games, I have to make a lot of art for them too! Sometimes I can choose between getting a new cutscene image done, or drawing an idea I just really want to draw. And sometimes choosing the latter is rewarding because I had fun drawing it and then I can come back to the cutscene image satisfied! Draw the things you like and it will help remind you why art is so fun! Hope this isn't too long of a read! Keep your head up, champ! Just because you're not where you wanna be now doesn't mean you'll never get there! I believe in you, but most importantly believe in yourself!

[whousesheartsanyways]

What do you think hunters favorite Taylor album would be? 👀👀

Woow. Such a great question! Actually, I have thought about this before.

Okay, so, I believe that for Hunter is impossible to actually pick ONE album as his favorite. He's an anxious person, and he switches from music preferences depending on how he feels, so I imagine it would be something like this:

When he wants to feel a little more like a teenager, he listens to 'Taylor Swift'. Singing 'Picture to burn' or 'You should've said no' to the top of his lungs is something that makes him feel strangely powerful. Plus, listening to 'Fifteen' makes him a little emotional.

For days when he wants to feel all badass, he probably listens to 'Reputation'. I can totally picture him playing shooter games and whenever he kills something, he goes "Ohh! Look what you make me do!" with a weird shoulder movement while shaking his head from side to side.

Cleaning days are always '1989' and 'Fearless' days. He does the dusting while dancing to 'Shake it off', or takes out the garbage walking backwards to 'You belong with me'. (Because then he goes back to the house at the beat of 'Ohh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night, I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're bout to cry -clap-clap'). However, he never listens to 'wildest dreams' if he knows he might get some company. He blushes too much at the song. That's the main reason why he only plays 'Lover' album at nights, after Gus is sleeping. 'Paper rings', 'Daylight', 'Cruel summer' and 'Lover' keep him daydreaming. It is too easy for him to imagine alternative universes in which he lives all those lyrics, always with the same person *wink wink*.

When he's starving happy stamina, he listens to 'Speak now'. He always leaves 'Mean' for the end, so he is full of himself when the 'but all you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life, and mean' part comes and he feels it deep in his heart.

Hunter definitely listens to 'Red (Taylor's version)' when feeling melancholic. The first time he watched the 'All too Well' video (15-minute version), he cried. Gus and Willow found him an hour later checking on Jake Gyllenhaal's Instagram. He also uses the 10-minute version as a timer when he needs to do things quickly. He loves to listen to this album when sewing because the songs are like little stories he can picture as movies in his head.

When 'Midnight' album came out, Hunter didn't sleep. He spent the whole night listening to it, deciding which songs were his favorites. Still unsure, but his top three are: 'You're on your own, kid', 'Anti-hero' and 'Mastermind' because 'no one wanted to play with me as a little kid, so I've been scheming like a criminal ever since to make them love me and make it seem effortless...' ... I don't think it's necessary to explain why he likes it so much. *Fun fact, once, he was helping Willow to remove some undergrowth from Camila's garden and tiny little flowers popped up from the dirt. She explained that from what she had read, it was uncommon for those to grow and live without help. He used the analogy of 'Snow on the beach' and she beamed at him. Since then, it is also one of his favorites.

Anywways, I do believe with all my heart that Hunter discovered Taylor in her pandemic era. Plus, he's an indie soul, so he fell for her music when twinnies 'Folklore' and 'Evermore' came out. And those are his comfort albums. He listens to both of them once a week. However, once, while he was answering a survey for a random guy at the supermarket, this question came. He thought about it for a couple of seconds, then replied 'Evermore'. Gus, who was with him at that time, asked him later why (knowing that his friend is a massive swiftie nerd). Hunter blushed, then looked aside and said "I guess I just like the line-up".

If anyone reading this doesn't know what I mean, I cordially invite you to check what's the name of the first song in the said album. Then, you can draw your conclusions and understand why Hunter thinks being a swiftie is part of his fate and why he does so fondly think about the album as one of the most beautiful things in the human realm.