#tag vent incoming ->
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God I wish I could be on a different planet rn. @ any clone take me into your fucking arms
#tag vent incoming ->#god i fucking. hate. not being able to be normal abt people talking in other rooms#the moment the MOMENT i hear my parents voices in their bedroom or in the living room or wherever the fuck that isnt my bedroom#i immediately just. freeze up. i lock tf up and hone in everything into listening#searching for intonations to determine moods#waiting for raised voices#waiting for screaming waiting for crying waiting for absolutely foundation-quaking yells of fury and frustration#things have been mostly alright lately but#hell even back at college i would end up locking up when i heard people yelling down the hall#when i was 50+ miles away from home with complete strangers#but my body jumped to 'your parents are yelling again and youre caught in the middle again'#i just want one day. one day where i can feel safe#one day where i can hear people talking in the next room over and not turn into a statue intent on listening and playing crowd control#re;my post: @any clone take me into your fucking arms. please.#any fucked up backwater planet youre deployed on is better than here
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i want to delete my twitter account so fucking bad
#i grew my following off of anime stuff and now i'm into completely different stuff and i feel like posting about it -#will alienate my audience way too much#(if you wanna know - these days i hardly even watch one anime a year)#i wanna post about the fuckin saw movies and postal and weird video games and metalocalypse and music i like#and i want to post about my ocs without it feeling like i'm speaking gibberish to a crowd#but none of my followrs GIVE A FUCK#also i find it impossible to make friends on twt 😭😭😭😭 i have like 5 mutuals i'd consider friends#but alas i have too many industry pro followrs to just deactivate#and 40k followers is invaluable as someone whose only form of income rn is comms#tumblr has similar problems but at least i can talk about my ocs properly cuz of tagging#i don't like how monetized my account has become it feels so fucking disingenuous#it's just retweet retweet retweet post art retweet retweet#if twitter went under it'd be a blessing in disguise for me#oh well. suffering from success i guess#maybe one day i'll move accounts and KILL STARRYSHARKS ONCE AND FOR ALL#this is all 13 yr old me's fault#sorry for ranting/venting ig??? on main lol
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Besties I am straight up not having a good time rn
#rats smp#rats smp 2#rats in paris#squeaksblr#squeakblr#venting in the tags incoming soz>>>#can i just rot can i just perish and die can i just stop existing i was not build for any of these#the week just started and i am suffering greatly#why can things just go my way once
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Did I mention that I want to cut my skin off?
#self h@rm#vent post#cw vent#personal vent#vent blog#vent#vent art#vent in tags#vent incoming#cvtt!ng#sh cvt#selfharrrm#tw selfhate
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[RANT ALERT]
I HATE HATE HATE MY COLLEGE ADMINISTRATION OFFICER !!!!
They literally treat to you as if they did you a favor by giving you admission! Like bruh aren't you the same person who was marketing your college (actually begging) to me to get admission here?! I could've easily gotten admission anywhere else with my grades... But fuck my luck and stupidity!
This guy talks to me as if he's paying my fee😃🔪
Like I love my college and other faculties but this one mf-
I never curse irl but oh my god this guy got me wanting a murder registered in my name 👹
His job is literally to help students with their issues but all he does is asking 'Why the hell did you fuck it up at first place?!' for at least a 100 times before making a disgusting face at me and giving some poor solution.
My lord with all due respect fuck u and your solution🥰
Why would someone mess up intentionally if they already know they're gonna face you at the administration office? I'm telling you guys he holds some past life grudge against me😭
#agar ek khoon maaf hota to yeh banda aaj zinda na hota#kamine ne pure din ki maa behen krdi#rant post#personal rant#rambles#ramblings#ranting#rant in tags#rant i guess#rant incoming#rant i think#rant ish#rant#mood swings#university#college#college life#university life#college student#university student#desi teen#desi humor#desi tumblr#desi shit posting#desiblr#desi tag#stuff that nik rants about<3#vents
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Peak gluttony
#I love being the biggest eater#his face at the end like he didn’t just eat an Asian family sized portion of popcorn#more screenshots most likely incoming in the upcoming days-#I’ve been working on projects but I wanted to prioritise time with friends and family#also it’s cleaning night Friday and I can’t afford to not follow this routine#the tags always end up being my funky vent space don’t they#identity v#idv#jose baden#idv first officer#idv jose baden
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Actually I think it's a bit unfair that I can't be an astrophysicist and a historian and a game developer and a marine biologist and an archaeologist and an author and a seamstress at the same time
#I think I have a quarter-life crisis /hj#like I want to make space discoveries but I also want to analyse ww2 battles and I want to-#study the behaviour of whales and I want to create fictional worlds and I want to sew costumes and and and#there's so much knowledge out there to be learned and things to try out how are you supposed to do this all in one lifetime?#when you're expected to start working a fulltime job and stay in that line for the rest of your life??#though my problem isn't necessarily that I don't wanna be doing that job - it's more that I don't *only* wanna be doing that job#I just wish I could just try different job fields and see what they're like for like 2-3 years before trying out something else#but since they're all so different I'd have to start from the bottom again every time which probably also means worse payment etc#and I just don't have the time for that because I'd also like to build a stable life and maybe have a family later on#plus some of these jobs are just don't pay very well to begin with#I swear if I was rich and didn't have to worry about regular income I'd probably just be a forever student and study a whole bunch of stuff#just because I want to#unless I win the lottery I'll probably just start working fulltime though once I hopefully finish my master's#however I've already been thinking about signing up for studying history afterwards regardless - just for fun without pressure#I love the topic and then I wouldn't have the pressure of *needing* to find a job in the field afterwards#bc it's hard to find something unless you go for the teacher (or maybe professor) route plus pay seems kinda meh either way#but we'll see#I don't even know what this post is supposed to be. like not really a vent but. still complaining? idk#I don't know how to tag this#selnia talks
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OH I am so tired
#banana fish#ash lynx#ks sketches#idk how to tag this#body horror#soft guro#there isnt even any blood so i mean#caught up on the art now yahoo#anyway I am SO SAD so I drew this oh no#minor vent incoming#you ever feel like youre full of the most vile and awful things in the world and you just want to scoop it all out#and there feels like nothing good left and you cry every day and you ponder about whether this is better than when you never cried at all#woooooooo#queue
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kids these days will want anything to be a trauma story for them
"my dad groomed me" and "im a ramcoa survivor"
and then when you ask them about it they end up describing their dad being a normal loving parent and they just left a church because the pastor was mean once (he was probably pointing out bad behavior in sunday school)
and as a survivor of grooming, i can't say anything on the ramcoa bit, its fucking disgusting how many kids will call me a groomer for wanting to be friends, or for calling them a nickname, you can be friends with people of other ages and not be romantic
and im sorry if this part specifically offends you, but 2-3 year age gap IS NOT GROOMING, grooming is 5 or more years apart when one or both is under the age of 18!! and 17 year olds, stop trying to make every adult out to be a groomer for trying to help you
ive met people who are actual groomers, and people who have been groomed, if an adult inconveniences you YOU ARE NOT BEING GROOMED, being groomed is when the intent is specifically and clearly romantic and or sexual INITIATIVE FROM SOMEONE OLDER, if you are making advances on an adult, youve been groomed or your fucked up, but that is on the adult to stop or block you!!! YOU making advances and them stopping you IS NOT GROOMING and im tired of people acting like it is!!!
stop pretending to have actual trauma from something non traumatic, when you ACTUALLY get groomed i will listen and console you, if you say your groomed i will believe you UNTIL i hear your story, if your story is just a normal encounter with someone 2 years or older and YOU interpreted it as romantic or sexual, im leaving you and your trauma at the door because I couldn't care less
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here are the definitions if grooming and pedophilia, YOU ARE NOT BEING GROOMED!! if your experience does in fact fit into these definitions, i recommend getting help from a friend or a professional to get out of this problem, whether you are a pedophile, or are being victimized by one, and i sincerely hope everything gets better, my prayers are being sent to you and to a safe recovery 💜
#tw vent#vent post#vent#tw grooming#tw ramcoa#small mention#fake trauma#trauma#this is mostly directed at minors in the plural community#putting endo tags because they are also responsible for doing this#my ex LoreandCo (name dropping yeah) was convinced someone was a groomer when in reality it was just a power dynamic#a power dynamic is not grooming#its just abuse#stop adding more onto something that doesn't need it#endogenic#traumagenic#plural#system#faking#its getting to the point im ashamed to be a system#minors are getting closer and closer to my DNI#rant post#personal rant#rant into the void#ranting#rant#venting#vent incoming#anti endo#stop watering down the words “pedophile” and “groomer” THEY HOLD MEANING FOR A REASON dont ruin it to validate your system
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spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍
#vent incoming i apologise in advance for the long tags#we've lived together just the two of us since dec 2021 (although her boyfriend is here like 2/3 of the time as well)#and since i got my job in march 2022 i have been paying half of all the bills (literally down to like tv license when i barely watch the tv)#which is £300 a month#plus i buy all my own food + pay for the amazon prime she uses + contribute to various household things like toilet roll etc#and she doesn't have a mortgage so i am paying the same amount as her to live in her house#(and it is very much her house not our house)#and I've never been very happy with any of that but never complained either#but then recently it turned out she never set up the water bill when we moved in (it's one of the only bills i didn't sort for us)#so we have a huge backdated bill from dec 2021 and i knew she was going to tell me to pay half#so for the past month or so I've been preparing myself for this conversation and sure enough today she came and said 'we owe £700'#so i was like 'oh i thought maybe it would've been covered by my £300/month' which is the biggest stand I've been able to work myself up to#and she immediately started going on about how i live here too and use water too so it's just as much my responsibility to pay#and how when we're both earning i should be paying my share and i was like yeah i know that's why i never complained about paying before#but also i already pay more than most people would to live with their parents#and she went off about how actually most people charge their grown up kids rent on top of the bills so really i'm lucky i don't have to#(when she got the original £300 figure it was actually rounded up from like £240 to include 'rent' but i wasn't gonna bring that up now)#and in conclusion she doesn't see why she should be subsidising my bills#like i don't know maybe because you're my MOTHER and i am your CHILD who is just starting out in the adult world#and maybe that entitles me to being treated better than some lodger???!!!!!#anyway i paid the bill and now i'm trying and failing at not crying at my desk 😃#talking
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maybe i need to apply for ssi [ssi requires 25 steps many of which are highly involved] maybe i need to be deceased actually
#ask to tag#vent post#it feels like giving up to go through with it too. it isnt but it Feels like it#but trying to push through the end of this course has really reminded me once again#that i just. cannot do it. I Just Cant Do It#and after all those steps i dont even know if id get it because my parents make good income#even though living in that house is Actively Damaging to my mental health
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"The more that I grow, the more that I've come to know; it's hard to be someone and it hurts to be nobody."
#I'm thinking about making a personal tag for all the music I post#something like 'Mel's Mixtape'? I feel like I've already seen that somewhere though so I don't wanna be copying anyone#if anybody has any ideas let me know!#+ that lyric gutter punched me when I first listened to COAP#(bit of a vent/rant incoming so nobody feel pressured to read)#I've spent the majority of my life with anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression#so I got stuck on the idea of being a 'nobody'; a person you never even notice just drifting through It All#but then I got jealous (per say) of people who had big friendgroups and were 'popular' etc and wanted to become 'somebody'#a person maybe even in the public eye#so I spent years trying to make myself into someone I wasn't and spent the whole time suffering#and eventually people realised I was not what I wanted to be (I wasn't like *them* in that sense) and they spent their days making sure ->#I knew it#so yeah#it is hard to be someone but it hurts to be nobody#even so I've found myself a good middle spot with a few friends who know me for *me* a good major and a lot of lovely moots#I ain't someone but I ain't nobody either <3#mel's thoughs#spotify#half•alive#half alive#conditions of a punk#coap#nobody (song)#melitunes
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Why did I wake up.
#self h@rm#vent incoming#personal vent#vent in tags#vent art#venting#cw vent#vent post#vent blog#vent
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.
#vent tags incoming!!#not having a very good few days in terms of self harm recovery ngl#im ok! i dont think i need to be worried abt or anything#but god do i just. wanna.#i miss feeling pain that im in control of. thats all
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how to stop crying about mushimizo
#bsd#bsd mushitarou#bsd yokomizo#vent incoming beware!!!#well... vent? idk just many tags lul :3#it's a problem especially bc i made a playlist for them#i rewatched the perfect crime arc 3 times yesterday + the episode were atsushi and kyouka get him out of jail#the mushimizo scenes break my heart#and when mushitarou writes to yokomizo in the afterlife I'M CRYING AAAAAA#he just thinks about him laughing and drops the pen and i just sdfksjdksd#he doesn't even cry#he just buries his face in his hands and i can't stop THINKING about it bc me too bro me too#thats exactly what i do when i write about my old friend (i mean i obv didn't kill her but i cut her out of my life bc she was abusive af)#and the way he seeks out the memories I FEEL YOU I FEEL YOU I FEEL YOU#“so i can always find you in a locked room?” BRUH#ahhhhhh#he's just like me fr#kind of a personal post#i'm sorry
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I'm really sorry for this but I could really use some cheering up tonight
#hella heavy venting incoming so i'm trying to hide it in the tags#so here's another otherwise useless tag that will hopefully bury it#anyway#suicide tw#i've been suicidal for a damn decade at this point#and it's gotten worse lately#way worse#and i'm struggling a lot#and the post by inkskinned i rbd earlier today hit me so hard and i wasn't expecting it#and it's hard to talk about this stuff to people you know irl#so i'm bottling it up and i feel like i'm going to explode#being alive hurts rn#so much#and i don't know how to handle it#and i just need a damn hug#marti vents#delete later#suicide cw#suicidal thoughts tw#i'm sorry if it's not tagged properly tumblr doesn't suggest any popular tags for this topic
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