#superman: secret identity

[nighhtwing]

CLARK KENT and LOIS CHAUDHARI in SUPERMAN: SECRET IDENTITY #3

[ufonaut]

Helpless, Superman-- helpless under the glow of red sun radiation! You'll remain my prisoner for eternity!

Superman: Secret Identity (2004) #1

(Kurt Busiek, Stuart Immonen)

[superbat-love]

Bruce: Hey everybody! I’m back~

Green Lantern: Oh god. Who let this menace in?

Martian Manhunter: The man did sponsor this place.

Bruce: Greenie! You didn’t tell me you got engaged! [holds up his ring] Oh, this is beautiful. Who is your jeweller? I should totally get myself one too.

Green Lantern: Hey, give that back! [snatches the ring from him]

Bruce: Fine, gatekeep all you want. I’ll just ask the other Green Goblins. [tries to light up a cigar]

Green Lantern: No smoking in the Watchtower!

Startled, Bruce fumbles with his lighter. It falls onto a stack of paper, which catches on fire. Martian Manhunter runs out of the room screaming. Green Lantern quickly extinguishes the flames with his ring.

Green Lantern: Shit, those were Batman’s reports. He’s gonna kill us. Wayne, I think it’s best that you leave.

Bruce: [pouting] But I just got here.

Superman: Mr Wayne.

Bruce: Supey baby! Great work today! You must be thirsty after working out those buns of steel for the cameras, so I brought you some tea.

Superman: Thanks, but I think I’ll pass on the suspiciously glowing green tea. Perhaps we should talk in the meeting room?

Bruce: Should have just told me you wanted me all to yourself… [tosses the drink into the hazardous waste bin and wraps his arms around Superman] Take me away, big guy!

Green Lantern: And don’t come back!

Superman: [sighing as he carries Bruce out of the room] Bruce, is it really necessary to do this every month?

Bruce: Hmph. The lack of vigilance is unacceptable. I should hold a refresher course on security measures again.

[frownyalfred]

Enough with Lois being flattered and seduced by Bruce Wayne. I want Clark blushing like a school girl every time Bruce gets within ten feet, and Lois wants to know why.

So of course she sleeps with him. Mostly to prove to Clark that Wayne isn’t all that and a bag of snacks. A little bit because hey, Wayne isn’t exactly horrible to look at, even if her vibrator has more sentience.

And then, in the middle of trying to prove to Clark that there’s absolutely nothing to get flustered about, Wayne rocks her fucking world. Not once, not twice, not a fluke — all weekend. In between rounds she spots him doing the New York Times crossword in pen and decides it’s a hallucination.

She limps (happily) back to the office on Monday and when Clark brings up Bruce Wayne again, she keeps her mouth shut.

[ckducky]

My Adventures at the Daily Planet costume contest

a redraw of one of my favorite Superman panels

In the style of MAWS

[smashedpages]

Happy Kurt Busiek Day!

Happy Birthday to Kurt Busiek!

[avasem]

Secret identity shenanigans

[ships-and-fandom]

I see your "batman has kryptonite handcuffs for sex with superman" and raise you "the situational bondage of Bruce using cheap plastic handcuffs so Clark has to put concerted effort into not moving a muscle, otherwise he'd break them"

Greatest detective in the world would think smarter not harder

[rejoiceinsilverlight]

when people start getting suspicious about your lack of superman interviews

i saw this panel from the newest maws comic and i laughed so hard for so long and had to draw something based off it:

[violent138]

Clark Kent faces about a hundred ethical dilemmas a day, but the one he'll never get used to is accidentally finding out that someone-- sometimes random strangers, sometimes his close friends-- has a serious health condition with x-ray vision, smell, or his hearing and having to figure if he should tell them, and how.

[nighhtwing]

SUPERMAN and LOIS in SUPERMAN: SECRET IDENTITY #2

[ufonaut]

I must have pinched myself a million times. But it was true. I didn't know how, and I didn't much care. But I had Superman's powers.

Superman: Secret Identity (2004) #1

(Kurt Busiek, Stuart Immonen)

[superbat-love]

Dick: And what would you do for him?

Contestant 1: I would die for Billion Wayne! I mean—Bruce Wayne!

Jason: Let’s go, you and me, in a real deathmatch. I’m itching for a proper send-off. Guys, remember to play ‘The Final Countdown’ at our funerals. None of that sad shit.

Contestant 1: No wait! Please don’t hurt me!

Jason: Weak! You, why should we consider you?

Contestant 2: I have a nice house, nice car, expensive taste, and I attract others to me like a magnet. You’ll find that I’m well-balanced in all aspects.

Tim: All except for your credit card balance. But I’m sure you already have more than enough admirers in the money-lending business chasing you. Next!

Contestant 3: I can defend Bruce from any kidnapper because I am indestructible!

Damian: The only indestructible thing about you is your ego, and unfortunately that’s also the only thing you’d ever be capable of defending. Next!

Contestant 4: Hi, I’m here for my interview with Mr Wayne. Is this the right room?

Dick: Depends. What are your special skills?

Contestant 4: T-There’s nothing special about me! I’m just an average guy with average skills and an average life! Umm, I can also make a pretty good pie?

Damian: What flavor? Weigh your next words carefully because Father is allergic to bullshit.

Contestant 4: Kansas-style apple pie. I learnt it from my Ma.

Dick: Great, Alfred would approve! What’s your name?

Contestant 4: Clark Kent.

Tim: Well, Clark Kent, you’ve just progressed to the next round of ‘All’s Fair In Love and War – Bruce Wayne Edition’. Congratulations!

[brucie-baby]

bruce calls a press conference in which he tells the world he's batman. nobody says anything. it's silent. not a single flash of a camera. "no, seriously," he says, "i'm batman."

the press starts yelling and snapping photos and bruce is relieved because for a moment there it really seemed like they wouldn't believe—

"mr. wayne! mr. wayne, is this a publicity stunt?"

"mr. wayne, did you lose a bet again?"

"are you taking the fall for someone? is it your mystery partner?"

bruce just stands there. he tries to form a sentence until dick eventually comes up laughing. "are you still drunk from last night? jesus, bruce!"

•••

he tries again at a wayne enterprise meeting. he thinks that maybe starting smaller is the way to go.

"i'm batman."

"yeah, and i'm superman," someone says. the room laughs (even lucius, the traitor).

•••

he calls the chief of the gotham gazette, refusing to let it go through anybody else. "how about an exclusive interview? been a while since you've had one of those."

the chief says, "mr. wayne, would this exclusive interview have anything to do with batman?"

"...it might. you'll have to find out."

he sighs. "let's talk schedules."

finally, bruce thinks. somebody is taking me seriously.

the headline reads: "prince of gotham genuinely believes he's batman. covering for a special someone?"

•••

several articles follow, attempting to identify the mystery man that bruce has been spotted with prior to the press conference.

•••

he goes out for patrol without his cowl. it's a quiet night. a video goes viral on twitter, and it's of him tripping on his own cape. the caption reads: "he's really dedicated to this whole batman thing💀💀"

•••

his phone rings a few days later.

"this is bruce wayne."

"hi, bruce."

"clark? whose phone are you calling from?"

"police department. i've been arrested under suspicion of being batman."

[kizzer55555]

Super Dead Soulmates

In this universe, any injury or scar you sustain appears on your soulmate. However, for as long as he could remember, Danny never gained an injury that wasn’t his own. When he was very young, his parents would always say that he was just a late bloomer and perhaps his soulmate was a few years younger than he was and thus, just wasn’t born yet. As Danny grew older, they got more absorbed in their work and just seemed to forget about the whole ordeal. Danny never asked them about it again, afraid they might think a ghost had ‘cursed’ him or something. It was hard enough to hide the lack of additional scars at school. Luckily, most people don’t get injured very often so it was easy enough to play off some of his injuries as that from a soulmate. The only ones who knew the truth were his sister and his best friends. Danny was just convinced that he didn’t have a soulmate and had accepted that fact, even if it hurt. Then the accident happened and for once, he was thankful his soulmate wouldn’t have to feel his pain. And even more so when he started to fight the other ghosts daily. Danny was content to live like this, but with more ghost fights, his injuries started piling up. Danny excused them saying that they were from his soulmate. It didn’t completely get rid of the scrutiny but most people bought it. Afterall, how else would puny Fenton get those kinds of bruises? So for a while, that excuse worked…until someone realized that Danny and Phantom’s injuries linked up (I vote Wes). Now normally, the natural conclusion would be that Danny and Phantom were the same person. But due to the fact that one of them was dead and the other clearly alive, everyone gained a new theory…that Phantom was Danny’s soulmate. It would explain the recent injuries as Phantom was often seen fighting other ghosts. And to be honest, this was the perfect cover. It’s not like Danny had an actual soulmate who might show up and this added another layer of protection against people thinking he and Phantom were the same person. So Danny remained silent and let the rumors grow. Sure people now thought he and Phantom were dating but that was fiiiiiinnnneee. (But BOY was that an awkward conversation with his parents). 

And then Kon was born.

As a clone, all he knew from the outside was implanted into his mind. He knew the color of the sky, the sound of music, academic equations and a lot of common knowledge such as soulmates. He knew that injuries were shared between a bonded pair and that everyone had a soulmate. But he was different. He wasn't born a baby and grew up alongside another person. He wasn’t even real according to some people. Yet one day, he noticed bruises lining his arms, he was confused. He should have had impenetrable skin like Superman. As far as he could remember, his skin had never been pierced before. And it’s not like he fought a godlike being that day. He shouldn’t have any injuries. Kon decided to ignore them but the injuries kept showing up. It got so bad that his team started to notice and sat him down asking if everything was alright with his powers or if he was exposed to kryptonite somehow. So, very confused, Kon had explained that the injuries just kept showing up. It was only after his team gave him a curious look and explained the concepts of soulmates did everything click with him. Sure, Kon knew about soulmates but surely that couldn't be what this was! He was a clone! He shouldn’t have a soulmate. It was impossible! But after a few more days of observation and a bit of testing, everyone determined that this was, in fact, a soulmate bond. 

To say Kon was ecstatic was an understatement. Actually, it was a mix of excitement, nervousness, worry, and joy all rolled into one. He was elated at the idea that he had someone meant for him. Someone who would accept all of him. Kon had looked at the others and there had always been a slight jealousy when he saw a paper cut bloom on their fingers or see them rub a bruised knee fondly. 

But more than anything. He was happy because this was proof that he was real. Afterall, a soulmate wouldn’t match with him unless his soul was equal to theirs. His body almost melted with relief at that realization. A weight off his shoulders he never fully grasped was still there. 

Of course there was the worry of why exactly his soulmate had so many injuries. For a hero, it was obvious they would get injured (although they tried to have as much protective padding as possible to limit that possibility. But some injuries still got through.) Yet the amount of injuries Kon’s soulmate sustained were far more than that (because Danny lacked proper padding  and didn’t think he had to worry about a soulmate. Most injuries looked worse than they were anyways due to his fast healing). And on the contrary, Kon’s skin was perfectly clear. With his kryptonian biology, even if he got hurt, it never left a mark. So all the injuries and bruises sustained on him were purely from his soulmate. And there was enough for two people. On the bright side, it helped with his cover, on the downside, Kon started to worry about his soulmate. (Meanwhile, Danny didn’t notice a difference. Sure, sometimes he would feel a temporary ache or sharp pain but no mark was left so he just assumed the pain was sore muscles from a previous battle or that one of his rogues were hitting harder than he thought.) 

As for Kon, he and his team used every resource at their disposal to try and track down Kon’s soulmate. They did this for every member of the team as hero soulmates were in more danger than most but they paid special attention to Kon’s soulmate due to the rapid accumulation of injuries. 

Kon would fantasize on what his soulmate would be like. Would they be tall? Short? They would probably be able to fight. Boy or girl? It doesn't really matter. Kon knew opposite gender soulmates were more common but he wouldn’t mind a guy either. His days were filled with dreams of a mystery person. Someone he could hold in his arms and protect. Who would comfort him after patrols and who he could introduce to his friends. 

After a while, Tim finally found a lead. Some doctor records of a boy in a small town called Amity. Apparently he was prescribed pain medicine to help with ‘soulmate injuries’. The lost of injuries were extensive and after looking at some pictures, they realized that his scars and Kon’s scars lined up. A perfect match. So it wasn’t long before they made a quick road trip to Amity. 

This place was already on the Justice League radar. It was a town that appears to have a permanent portal to the afterlife and was attacked often. (Which might explain why Kon’s soulmate was so injured). The Justice League had not interfered yet because the town had a local hero as well. Someone who seemed good at his job and who Tim was even thinking of recruiting. So this was a good opportunity to hit two birds with one stone. Afterall, not much was known about this mysterious Phantom other than he dedicated his afterlife to protecting this one town. Once they got to Amity they would probably need to check in with Phantom before anything. And despite his impatience with finding the person who might be his soulmate, even Kon was excited to meet this hero. Apparently Phantom had vast experience but also a major power set. He might gain another flying buddy or someone he could wrestle with without worrying about his strength. Afterall, Phantom also supposedly had super strength and even if he didn’t, it’s not like you can kill a ghost. Yet no matter how hard they looked, they couldn’t find him. It was only by coincidence that they stumbled upon Danny instead and his group of friends. 

The first time Kon saw Danny, it was like coming home. He wanted to do nothing more than rush to his soulmate and hug him and vow to always keep him safe. He wanted to prove that he would be the best soulmate ever and he wanted to know everything there was to know about him. He was practically vibrating where he stood in his civilian disguise and it was only his friends that held him back from flying over and surprising the poor boy.

But before he could do anything, a ghost attacked. Kon barely had enough time to grab his friends and dodge when some kind of glowing creature crashed into a building. And while normally he would immediately find somewhere to change, Kon’s first instinct was to check on his soulmate, only to see the two people he assumed to be the boy’s friends but no sign of Danny. Frantically looking around, he didn’t notice the glowing creature behind him (was that a dragon?) but before it could reach him, another glowing figure intercepted the attack. They looked almost ethereal with white hair softly floating in the air and a suit that hugged his muscled form tightly. The figure turned around and gave a sheepish smile towards Kon. “You ok?”

And it felt like for the second time that day, Kon was rendered breathless. 

Someone was protecting him.

Someone was protecting him?

Yet it felt…nice. Warm.

Before Kon could gather his thoughts though the battle picked up in earnest. He and his team found cover and changed into their suits. When they came to help, the person Kon assumed to be Phantom looked surprised at their sudden appearance but it wasn’t long before he and everyone else started working together. Unfortunately, actually fighting the ghost seemed to be impossible. Whenever they got close, their hits just passed right through so Phantom quickly regulated them on defense and citizen protection duty. Occasionally getting a hit in when the creature was tangible. Watching Phantom fight was something. Kon could understand why he was elected to join their team. He had this sort of grace and power that couldn’t be explained in words but was clearly from the experience of many battles.

Despite not being able to do much, fighting with Phantom was fun. They seemed to be completely in sync and it wasn’t long before Kon started to enjoy his loud commentary and puns as the two ghosts fought.

However, one particularly hard hit made it so that the dragon’s claws grazed his chest. Leaving three shallow gashes, but Phantom took the close proximity that attack gave him and sucked the creature into…a soup thermos?

But Kon wasn’t focused on that. He was wholly focused on the stinging pain suddenly coming from his chest, underneath his untouched uniform that clearly had not been hit. Kon didn’t know how to process what was happening. Everything suddenly became louder and he vaguely tried to move but it was like his mind became mush as he tried to process what that meant. He managed to get away for a bit and undid his shit, looking down to see three shallow scratches along his chest. Scratches that perfectly mirrored Phantom. In the corner of his eye, Kon saw a head of black hair and witnessed as Danny reunited with his two friends he had been separated from in the chaos. And as Danny twisted to hug them, his shirt flipped up enough to see another identical 3 scratches along the boy's stomach. Perfectly mirroring Phantoms. 

It was only later that Kon and his team did some more research on the town and it’s ghosts and learned the unofficial secret that Phantom and Danny were dating. That Phantom had Likely come back from the afterlife to protect the town his soulmate lived in. On the bright side, at least now he could confirm Danny really was his soulmate. And he knew where all those injuries were coming from.

Kon had found his soulmate.

Correction, he found his soumates

And they were already bonded to each other.

…

….so where did that leave him?

There are now two options. 

1: Kon decided that he just needs to woo both his soulmates and starts doing so both as Superboy and as Conner. Danny is very confused who these people are (because as far as he knows, he doesn’t have a soulmate, and since Kon doesn’t visibly show injury, there is no sign (unless Danny somehow injures himself in a place that is visible but he’s been trying to avoid that to make everyone worry less.)). Kon goes all out. He gets flowers, chocolates, writes poetry (whether good or not doesn’t matter) starts wooing Phantom in hero form, showing off his strength and skill whenever possible. (And unfortunately, also his dork side when he isn’t paying attention while flying) Asking to hang out, insist on paying for everything. Danny sees this tall Hunk who is paying attention to him and he doesn’t know what to do. And there are TWO OF THEM! (Also, in this version it might be funny if people suspect Danny and Phantom are dating but don’t know for sure and since they are never around each other, people might assume they just don’t know. So Sam, Tucker, and Jazz are all for Danny possibly starting a relationship with Kon along with Kon’s team who are cheering them on and trying to help the poor clone boy who has no experience with romance. Meanwhile literally everyone else in the town who likes Phantom is trying to run interference and get Danny and their hero together. 

2: The angst option. Kon decides that the fact that he has two soulmates who are together is likely a result of him being a clone. It’s not that he had someone waiting for him (how could he think someone was waiting their whole life just for him? How stupid was he?!) Kon had just hijacked a different bond. So he tries to stay away. Unfortunately, Tim had talked with Phantom while Kon was out of it so now they have started to team up. This makes avoiding him very difficult as he keeps running into Phantom. Moreover, he runs into Danny because they need him for the ghost hunting equipment. And slowly but surely, Kon falls in love with ‘both’ his soulmates but doesn’t want to get ‘between’ them. And Danny wants to know why one of his new teammates is avoiding him.

[magicpiano]

When Tim is 10 years old his parents force him to go to some boring party in Metropolis held by Lex Luther. This would have been relatively normal if he hadn't ended the night kidnapping rescuing a clone of superman he found when he was snooping in the basement.

The good news is Tim is literally the last person Lex would suspect of stealing his clone, so he doesn't come looking (at least for a while.) Also Tim's parents are barely home! So with Superboy's powers he can easily stay quiet and hide. The Drakes don't even notice someone else living in their home.

The bad news is Tim has no idea how to take care of a super powered clone with no life experience (or even a name) when he himself is still a child. But whatever, at ten he is old enough to raise himself, so surely he is old enough to raise his new friend too?

Something, something, hijinks ensue, Tim is adopted by the batfam early and Clark steps up to be a dad.