#supergirl humor

[browsethestacks]

Click

Art by Mike Maihack

[olailamajnoon]

Kara Zor-El was sneezing out into a clump of tissues what sounded like heavy glutinous nasal discharge.

Clark was looking at her without much sympathy. The rest of the Justice League were looking at Kara with fascinated revulsion.

"You have a cold," Bruce observed.

"You are the world's greatest detective!" Kara replied, awed.

"How," said Bruce. "How did this happen."

"She was exposing herself to Kryptonite," said Clark, turning to Kara with a look that said she deserved every bit of what she was going through.

"To build my resistance!" said Kara." I'm not going to be vulnerable to and at the mercy of a puny green element!" She sneezed again for a long time into the napkin, and by the time she was done the entire Justice League looked faintly like they were about to throw up their breakfasts.

"So your compromised immune system got infected by an Earth virus," said Bruce calmly.

"He's a brilliant man," said Kara, turning to Clark. "I can see why you keep him around."

"If you die," said Clark, "don't you dare come haunt me. Let the record show that I tried to dissuade you from hurting yourself."

"Ghosts don't do rules. I will come haunt both of you," said Kara, pointing at Bruce and Clark. "Just for shits and giggles, and because I can."

Bruce was giving her a Look.

"Hey, don't you dare look at me like that!" said Kara. "It's not my fault I don't feel safe around you, Mr. Contingency Plans Consisting Mostly of Kryptonite."

Bruce was still staring at her, saying nothing.

"He's still giving me the Look," Kara said, pointing and turning to Clark. Clark opened his mouth and closed it.

Kara sneezed again, noisily and moistly.

"Take your disgusting mucus-filled sinuses elsewhere," Bruce snapped.

"Don't tell me you're a germaphobe." Kara smiled serenely.

"I'm an idiot-phobe," said Bruce.

Kara sighed. "I just want to be a better fighter. A better...whatever it is I do. If I get taken down everytime by a green glowy rock, it just...sucks."

Bruce steepled his fingers and leaned forward, and began talking earnestly. "When you joined the League, you signed a few papers, making your health and well-being a League monopoly. You do not own your person anymore. Your body is a Justice League asset, and what that means is, you cannot hurt yourself—for any reason—without permission from the team. You do not so much as stub your toe without our say-so."

"That sounds deeply disturbing," said Kara.

"If you find it deeply disturbing, you are free to leave." Bruce's mouth was firm. Kara turned to look at Clark. Clark was looking at the table.

"Clark?"

"It's one of the by-laws," Clark said finally. "Technically the Justice League can hold you responsible for any self-harm. That's why I told you to read the papers before you signed them."

"What?!"

"Now the JLA can sue you for damages to League property."

"I don't—I don't even have a legal presence, oh my god!"

"So, Kara," said Bruce, frowning. "What's it going to be? The door or the rules?"

"I wanna punch you both so bad right now!"

"Understandable," Bruce said. "But ultimately your health is a priority. You're not to do this again."

"I have to second that, Kara," said Diana softly. "If you had mental health issues that would be one thing. But you did this not to escape from any pain, but simply to...I don't know, prove yourself?"

Kara's face was white. "You people," she said finally, "are the world's biggest arseholes."

Hal Jordan huffed a laugh. "We can sue you though. So knock it off."

"I guess I have no choice?" Kara said hesitantly.

"None whatsoever," said Bruce. "The next incident of you injecting Kryptonite into your body, you will be suspended."

"Indefinitely," said Diana. "We are not a group of friends who hang out in silly costumes. We are a team, with definite goals and objectives. The fate of humanity very often lies in our hands. Being vulnerable isn’t a weakness, not trusting your team is."

Kara felt guilty and relieved at the same time. The Kryptonite was humming in her blood. Weakness. "Fine," she said, sulkily. It wasn't worth it, getting kicked from the League just to be a cold-ridden Kryptonite-laden corpse.

"You'll have to do better than fine," said Hal gently. "Give us your word. No more idiotic experiments."

"I give you my word, dipshits," said Kara bitterly, and looked at Clark.

Clark looked relieved. "You'll be fine, Kara. It's okay to feel...like you've got to carry the whole world's weight on your shoulders. But sometimes you gotta let go, kid."

"Letting go is the story of my fucking life!" Kara snarled. She got up and tottered out of the room, slamming the door in her wake. The sound echoed silently for a while.

"So," said Hal once she was gone. "Whose brilliant idea was it to come up with that bullshit? About that clause in those documents?"

"She was hurting herself," Clark said dimly.

"And I knew," says Bruce, "that she wouldn't listen to reason. She needed a compelling...threat."

"You fucking a-hole control freak," Hal muttered.

"But Bruce, what if she goes searching the contracts for those by-laws?" asked Barry timidly.

"It's a long afternoon for me," said Bruce, holding up a sheaf of papers, "of retroactively editing signed documents."

"You mean forgery," said Diana.

Bruce smiled grimly. "Potato po-tah-to."

"So, I'm guessing," said Hal, "that I can sue you for that time you forced me to take my League salary on pain of expulsion."

"You’d lose," said Bruce casually, getting up. "I have better lawyers."

[theriu]

Thinking about how every story where some guy travels across dimensions involves him meeting a bunch of himself with different unique traits, and then one of them is just “you but a girl.” And you know what, it would be frankly hilarious to me if there was a story where dude goes to other dimensions and every alternate version of him is a woman. Surprise, he is the token guy variant of a usually-female character. :D

[superfandomcorp]

😅

[lonelydiary]

Alex: Oh no.

Kara: What's wrong?

Alex: An angry wife is coming towards us.

Kara: Uh... Mine or yours?

Alex: Does it really matter?

Kara: Well, if it's Kelly we might survive, but if it's Lena, we're totally dead.

[jpollens]

Kara *waking up in bed*: What are you doing here?

Lena: What do you mean? We've been dating for 6 weeks

Kara: Wha- how? Really? Oh ok, cool. I'll go make us some breakfast , my love

Lena: Sounds good!

Nia: *coming out of the closet* It's official you guys are dating!

Lena: I can't believe that worked.

[bluejay-the-geek]

Baby One More Time...

Frank: We have to stop the ritual before it's too late!

Hazel: We need a distraction.

Percy: Say no more.

[Later]

*a groupe of monsters is performing a ritual in an underground cave*

*"Baby One More Time..." by Britney Spears starts playing and interrupts the ritual*

*the monsters turn and realize the source of the song is percy, who is driving a car slowely towards them*

Percy, cheerfully: Hiii!

*one monster growls*

Percy, casually: I'm sorry to bother you during, ummm... whatever it is you're doing,

Percy, turning the volume up: But I think I took a wrong turn at the underworld and...

Percy: Can any of you give me directions back to Olympus?

*the rest of the monsters start growling*

Percy, exiting the car: You know, I thought I took that tunnel... but my GPS is all screwed up down here,

Percy: ...and it keeps trying to get me to make a suicidal left turn

*the monsters growl louder and move towards Percy*

Percy, pointing behind the monsters: Might wanna check your rear view.

*Hazel and Frank show up behind the monsters and the trio starts fighting them together*

*"Baby One More Time..." is still playing in the background*

[kryptonite-week]

It's almost time to torture some Kryptonians!!!

...I mean...

no, there's no better way to spin that. 😳

We plan to torture Kryptonians for your entertainment.

Come join us for Kryptonite Week June 24th - 28th. It'll be fun!!!

...unless you're a Kryptonian, then it might not be. 😅

[thinking1bee]

When It Reigns Final Part

Requested by Anonymous

Pairings: Kara Danvers x Reader 

Tags: Angst, Kryptonian!Reader, Parent!Reader, Parent!Kara, Estranged Parent, Graphic Depictions of Injuries, Blood, Humor, Bad Dreams, Memory Loss

Everything Taglist: @sammy90682 @nobody13 @owloftheshadows @captain-josslett @camslightstories @worldovart @finleyfray @acertainredhead @sammm9068 @reginassecretlover

When you came to, it was slow and arduous. You felt weak, incredibly so, but you felt two weights snuggled by your sides. You groaned, and that’s when you felt a hand against your cheek.

“Hey there, beautiful.”

You smiled and leaned into the touch, knowing instinctively who the hand belonged to.

“Beautiful isn’t the description I would give myself this moment,” you groaned.

You blinked your eyes open and focused on Kara, who was watching you with the softest smile that you had ever seen. You watched as she tucked some of her hair behind her ear before she cupped your cheek.

“You will always be beautiful to me.”

You rolled your eyes and chuckled. “Charmer,” you quipped before you looked around. “Where’s Angel?”

“Right here.”

You looked down to see her cuddled into your other side, her cheek buried into your neck, and when you saw her, tears came to your eyes. She was here, and she was safe. You leaned down to kiss her hair, sniffling as you tried to hold her closer. Your little girl was safe. And she was so brave.

“She wouldn’t leave your side,” Kara whispered as she ran soft and gentle fingers through her daughter’s hair.

“If it were me, you would have to pry me away from her, so I understand.”

Kara chuckled and kissed your cheek. “How do you feel?”

“Like I just got absolutely decimated by a runaway train. How are you?”

“Nothing the sun lamp couldn’t fix,” she replied.

“How’s Alex?”

As if on cue, she shuffled into the med bay. She groaned as she held a massive ice pack to her head. Alex didn’t say anything. Instead, she walked to a cabinet, opened it, and took out a large bottle of Advil.

“I know it doesn’t look like it, but I’m so happy that you’re awake,” she grumbled.

Alex readjusted the ice pack on her head. “My head is beating like a goddamn drum.”

“Are you okay??” you asked her.

“It’s a result of the psychic link we had with you and J’onn. It hit her a little harder,” Kara explained.

“Sorry that I’m not super awesome and have superpowers,” Alex mumbled sarcastically.

“Yeah, bummer,” Kara cackled. Alex shook her head.

“Bitch,” she said under her breath as she walked out. You watched her pop at least four pills in her mouth before she disappeared from view.

Kara giggled and you stared at the door she left out of. “I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure that she took way more than the recommended amount.”

“She’ll chase it down with some wine in about an hour. She has never been one to listen to doctor’s orders.”

That made you laugh. Beside you, Angel stirred awake. She yawned before looking up.

“Hey there, beautiful,” you said, and her eyes widened.

“Mom!”

She circled her arms around you and hugged you closely. You held her back, your nose buried in her hair.

“Hi, babygirl,” you murmured against her skin. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too!”

She was full on sobbing now, and you held her closer to you, smiling as she released the emotions that she’d been holding in for so long.

“You’re okay, right? Like you’re back to normal?”

“I’m not quite sure. Reign is gone but I have no idea if I’m me again.”

“Actually, I do have an answer for you,” Lena said with a smile as she walked in.

“Yeah?”

“The results from your blood examination came back. You are 100% human. There’s no trace of Kryptonian DNA anywhere.”

You breathed a sigh of relief as you sank back into the bed. That was so reassuring to hear. Angel pouted a little though, her eyes crinkling at the sides.

“What’s wrong?” you asked her.

“It would have been kind of cool to have another mom with superpowers. Could you imagine if you and Momma fought bad guys together?”

It was a thought, but you still shook your head. “There’s no way I would be remotely responsible if I had powers. All it would take would be for someone to cut me off in traffic and then I’d throw their car off a bridge.”

Angel snorted and Kara frowned. “No, we don’t need that.”

You turned to face Lena. “You protected my daughter from Reign. You protected her with your life. I don’t even know how to thank you.”

Lena smiled softly and held her hands together. She looked away as a slight blush colored her cheeks. “You don’t have to thank me at all.”

You shook your head. “No, I’m going to, because had anything happened to her, or you, or anybody else that I care about, I wouldn’t even know how to cope. And yet, you put yourself between Reign and her like it was nothing. You could have been hit or worse!”

Lena took your hand and held it tightly. “But I wasn’t, and neither was Angel. We’re all safe and relatively unscathed. You have nothing to worry about except for you to heal. We’re all okay and now you should focus on being the same.”

You nodded. Lena waved shyly to Angel and Kara before she took her leave. Everything was silent for a moment as you held your two favorite girls.

“I’m hungry,” you said a moment before your stomach growled.

Kara sat up. “Potstickers? Pizza?”

“All of it, please.”

Kara chuckled as she gently got up from the bed.

“Yes, ma’am.”

***

It was two more weeks before you were cleared to leave the DEO. After extensive tests that proved that you were no longer affected by Reign, J’onn practically pushed you out the door and told you not to come back. All of it was said with a smile on his face, of course. You were back at L-Corp with Angel doing her homework on the desk across from you.

“You’re okay with being here? It might be an all-nighter.”

Angel shrugged and smiled adorably. “No, I don’t mind. I wish to spend more time with you. Even if we’re not doing anything together, I still want to share a space with you. If that’s okay.”

You smiled, a bubble of emotion welling in your chest. “Of course, it's okay. It’s more than okay.”

Angel gave you the widest smile. More time passed when Lena checked in on you. You had to reassure her multiple times that you were more than okay to do this. By comparison, it was infinitely easier to stay at work all night than to be some alien doomsday device for all of mankind on planet Earth. That one made her laugh, and she took her leave after making you promise that you wouldn’t overdo yourself. As the time continued to tick on, and the day turned into night, you heard the sound of Kara’s boots landing on the balcony.

“Hello, gorgeous,” she said to you as she stepped inside.

Angel was already asleep. With a stomach full of pizza and her homework completed, she snoozed on the couch, and you even tucked her in.

“Hello, hello.”

You got up and hugged your wife, your face burrowed into the skin of her neck. She cupped your cheek before leaning down and kissing you deeply. You melted into her, Kara’s lips warm and strong against yours as she continued to hold you close.

“Wow, I missed that,” you admitted when she pulled away.

“Well, if you have some more energy later tonight, I would be more than happy to oblige. Maybe more kisses, or maybe something much more.”

You went to respond when Angel dry heaved.

“That’s so freaking gross.”

You chuckled and held Kara close. Everything was okay. You were okay. Your family was okay, and for the first time, you felt more than prepared for the future, whatever it may bring.

[paigegonerogue]

Tumblr is cool because every day I find out that other people noticed the same gay ships in tv shows I watched years ago that I thought was just me being delusional at the time.

[browsethestacks]

Success

Art by Mike Maihack

[empressgeekt]

WE NEED TO HELP THIS SUPER CINNAMON ROLL!!!

alright, my father dragged me out of town for the weekend so this is once more this is on mobile so sorry in advance.

I have never been that into the Superman Fandom, however I decided to bite the bullet and watch the new MY ADVENTURES WITH SUPERMAN (MAWS). Long story short, I loved it. Clark is such a sweet little big dude. Which after seeing overally serious, angry, godlike, swallow and blandly written Superman, this was such a breath of fresh air. Clark actually has character now. Its nice to see a supeeman who doesn't really know whats going on and still learning. And the interactions and dynamics are so funny and not annoying.

So it utterly hurts me that Clark, our now 100% canon cinnamon roll, doesn't know the real reason he's on earth. He thinks he's a weapon or conquerer. Despite saying that he would never fulfill the "plan" that was for him. Clark probably still has lingering fears and worries about being some kind of sleeper agent? Especially after seeing the evil versions of himself.

Now, fellow fanfic authors!!! I call upon our soldiers armed with pens, pencils, word processors, and headcanons! Help this poor doubting child take a timeline and forge a story arc that aids pur young hero! Through the power of fiction and the multiverse!

Send our boy mentors! Be them good versions of himself or other hero kryptonians! Bring in Kara! Connor! Heck! I've seen a story where Jon is brought into explain things.

I can totally see either the live action Kara or Unlimited Supes hearing MAWS Clark think he's ment to destroy the earth and asl how does he stop an invasion, and they are like, "no no we need to set you straight! First you are not a sleeper agent of any kind. Second their can't be an invasion because no one is left. To invade."

"What?"

Im totally planning to a story like this one day.

[roboartrevolution86blog]

[superfandomcorp]

Lena: You have a plan?

Kara: Making plans is your thing, ruining them is my thing

[wwprice1]

Ha! So much truth here!

[laysean87]

Supergirl needs help. She has an addiction to chocolate that's bad. Very, very bad. So on the way to a rescue mission, she goes to Green Lantern for his personal advice.

Based on an old picture that I have on here somewhere on Tumblr. If you've seen it before, then you know what picture I'm talking about.

Let me know what you think of this story.