#superbat family ef

[superbat-love]

Clark: Uh, hi Bruce.

Bruce: Hey.

Damian: Are you two going to stare at each other forever? Because it’s getting awfully cold out here.

Clark: [clears his throat] I brought your son over. I think you left him behind at the zoo.

Bruce: Yes, sorry about that. I have Jon here, I mistook him for Damian. I’ve been meaning to drive him back to Metropolis, but you saved me a trip. Thanks.

Jon: Alfred gave me a huge bowl of chocolate ice-cream, dad! It was sooo good!

Clark: Thanks for looking after Jon. Well Damian, I’m glad to have met you again, even if it wasn’t exactly under ideal circumstances.

Bruce: What did he do?

Damian: Nothing! It was the stupid zookeeper’s fault.

Bruce: Damian…

Damian: The zookeeper’s still alive, okay? The monkey would have been happier here anyway.

Bruce: Damian, I told you to stop bringing home random animals. Don’t think I don’t know about the cow you’ve been hiding in your bedroom.

Jon: You have a cow?

Damian: Yeah! Her name is Bat-Cow. Do you want to meet her?

Jon: Wow, I wanna see her! Can I dad?

Clark: Um, sure, if it’s not a problem for you, Bruce?

Bruce: Go ahead. [Watches Damian pull Jon to his room] God, why did I decide to have kids?

Alfred: You have eight, sir. It’s a little too late to be having regrets now. [turns to Clark] Forgive us for our lack of manners, Mr Kent. Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?

Superbat Family Fics

[superbat-love]

Bruce stomped into the living room with the kids clutched under his arms—Steph and Barbara under his left arm, and Jason and Dick under his right arm. Clark followed closely behind him, carrying Damian, Jon, Duke, Kon and Tim.

Nine soaking wet little kids were unceremoniously dumped on the floor in front of the fireplace. Cass silently jumped down from her spot on Bruce’s shoulders to curl up on the armchair.

Clark: Alright, explain to us why you kids were out playing in the forest in this storm.

Dick: We wanted to play hide and seek, so we had to find a bigger space.

Bruce: The Wayne manor is on 150 acres of land.

Jason: Yeah well, if some people didn’t cheat…

Duke: Nobody hacked into the cameras around the place!

Tim: I-It’s not our f-fault you guys pick the most obvious places to h-hide.

Steph: Even without the cameras you still cheated, Tim. I saw you guys. You got Kon to fly you up the mountain! We agreed on ‘No Superpowers’! And now you’ve got hippo…hippopotamus.

Barbara: I think you mean hypothermia, Steph.

Kon: How is that considered cheating? Flying is not a superpower. Birds fly!

Jon: Dogs fly!

Dick: That’s just Krypto, Jon.

The kids huddled around together, discussing whether flying is considered a superpower.

Clark: Enough, you are all grounded for putting yourself in danger.

Bruce: [yelling over the kids’ protests] I don’t want to hear any excuses! Everyone is grounded except Cass.

Kon: She played with us too! She hid near the entrance of the forest.

Bruce: Still considered to be on Wayne property.

Damian: Can we be grounded in the barn?

Jason: The barn? That’s the dumbest suggestion I’ve ever heard.

Dick: Hey! You can’t call people dumb, dummy.

Damian: I want to play with the chickens, okay? They’ll get lonely!

Jon: That sounds fun! I want to play with the chickens too!

Barbara: Don’t listen to them! I vote for the kitchen, because Alfred is there.

Steph: Me too! Alfred makes great cookies!

Bruce: This isn’t a vote. You will each be grounded in your own rooms.

Superbat Family Fics

[superbat-love]

"Hey! Look what your kid did to my shirt!"

Bruce turned as a furious man stormed toward him, dragging a child by the arm. The man jabbed a finger at a brown stain on his shirt, clearly ice cream, given the cone still clutched in the boy’s hand.

"I didn’t bump into him! He bumped into me!" the boy protested, yanking his arm free with such force that the man nearly lost his balance. The man glared at the child before turning back to Bruce.

"Well? Aren’t you going to compensate me? This shirt’s expensive!"

Without a word, Bruce extended his hand toward the boy, silently requesting the ice cream. The boy hesitated, then handed it over. To the man’s shock, Bruce calmly dumped the remaining ice cream onto his head.

"There. Now you’ve got a matching hat. And here’s $10 for your knockoff shirt," Bruce said, slipping a bill into the man’s pocket. "Why don’t you spend the rest of the day cooling off instead of picking on kids? Come on, kid."

With that, Bruce walked away, the boy trailing obediently behind him.

Once inside the car, Bruce started driving back to the manor.

"I’m sorry your day at the zoo got cut short, Damian," Bruce said after a moment. "I’ll ask Alfred to get you a big tub of ice cream when we get home, okay?"

"Uh... I’m Jon," the boy replied hesitantly.

Bruce slammed on the brakes.

***

Meanwhile, Clark raised his hands in a placating gesture, trying to calm the angry zookeeper standing before him. A child clung to his back, occasionally hurling small sticks and pebbles at the man.

"Your kid is an absolute menace! You should be ashamed as a parent!" the zookeeper yelled.

"I’m really sorry about the trouble. Let me talk to him, okay?" Clark replied, trying to defuse the situation. The zookeeper gave them both a final glare before stomping off.

Clark sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The kid finally slid off his back and stood, brushing off his pants.

"We’ve talked about this. You have to keep a safe distance from the animals at the zoo. Why did you climb into the monkey enclosure? You know it’s against the rules," Clark admonished him.

"That zookeeper was being mean to the little monkey! He deserves to be free!" the boy argued, crossing his arms defiantly.

"Okay, but that doesn’t give you the right to throw things at the man. You could’ve hurt him. You know we’re supposed to use our powers responsibly, Jon."

"What are you talking about, old man? If I wanted to hurt him, I’d have used the tiny knives in my boots. And my name’s not Jon."

Clark blinked, then reached down and pulled the cap off the boy’s head, revealing a pair of angry green eyes staring back at him.

Superbat Family Fics

[superbat-love]

Bruce savored his coffee, relishing the peace after a challenging night tackling increased crime spillover from Metropolis. It was a rare moment alone, away from the daily hustle and bustle of dealing with the kids.

“We’re back!” A loud, cheerful voice shattered the peace from the hallway. Bruce sighed, realizing his envisioned peaceful afternoon was short-lived. Nine little kids bounded through the front door. Wait…nine kids? Bruce did another quick headcount and confirmed that, no, it wasn’t a stress-induced hallucination—there was an additional kid who wasn’t there that morning when the group left for the fair.

As the kids walked past him towards the stairs, Bruce pulled off their caps and scanned their faces one by one to make sure. Dick, Jason, Barbara, Steph, Tim, Cass, Duke, Damian… Finally, he came across an unfamiliar face. The boy stared up at him. “Dad?” The kid launched himself towards him and hugged his thighs. “You’re back!”

Bruce gently extracted the kid from his legs and bent down to take a closer look at him. The boy’s forehead creased, his lips pouting and seemingly on the verge of tears. “You’re not my dad.”

“I don’t think so, kid,” said Bruce. “What’s your name?”

“This is Jon,” said Damian, locking arms with the boy.

“Jon,” Bruce repeated blankly.

“Jon recently lost his dad. We told him that’s okay, not everyone has parents, so he can come and live with us!” Dick said.

Bruce could feel an impending headache coming on. “Dick, you can’t just-” Bruce wanted to refute Dick’s words, but his brain was doing somersaults at the moment, so he gave up. “I’m sorry to hear that,” Bruce said instead to Jon. “How did you lose him?”

“My dad got hit by a green rock by a robot and fell off the mountain. I flew over it a few times, but I couldn’t find him! So I went to the fair to see if he was there,” said Jon.

Flew over the mountain? Green rock? There was only one person that Bruce could think of who could fly and had a weakness towards green rocks. “Is your dad Superman?” said Bruce, knowing and dreading the answer.

“Yeah!” Great, the one superhero whom Bruce had managed to avoid dealing with so far, who had suddenly gone missing since Sunday and was apparently passed out somewhere at the foot of a mountain. And whose kid his own children had kidnapped. Bruce’s day just kept getting better and better.

Superbat Family Fics

[superbat-love]

Clark: I’m so sorry, Bruce. I'll make sure Jon and Kon steer clear of the merry-go-round with the kids from now on.

Bruce: It’s honestly not a big deal, Clark. The kids had a blast, even though they puked at the end.

Clark: I’ll fetch some clean clothes for the little ones.

Bruce: If it's not too much trouble, could you find a blue, black, red, and green shirt?

Clark: …You color-code your kids?

Bruce: How else would I keep track of them?

Damian: [approaches Bruce] I’m good. I threw up a little in my mouth, but then I swallowed it down.

Bruce: TMI Jason.

Damian: It’s Damian!

Bruce: Damian, put your shirt back on and give me that hairclip. And please, no more using it as a can opener. You know that Cass doesn't like it. [turns to Clark] Okay, so a blue, black and red shirt would be great. Thanks Clark.

Superbat Family Fics

[superbat-love]

Bruce: Are you sure this is where you last saw your dad, kid?

Jon: Yeah.

Bruce: Any chance that you can spot him among these dense trees?

Jon: [shakes his head]

Bruce: Your powers haven't developed sufficiently yet, huh? I don't even know if your dad is conscious and can hear us or not. [hears the rustling of leaves] Who’s there?!

Damian: Stop, don’t shoot! [climbs down from the tree]

Bruce: Damian, I should have known. Why are you here?

Damian: I just wanted to help!

Bruce: [pinches the bridge of his nose] Fine. Looks like we’ll have to do this another way then. Damian, grab the kid.

Damian grabs Jon.

Bruce: Jon, I want you to make the saddest face possible.

Jon: Like this?

Bruce: Hmm, a bit more on the sad side and less disgust maybe?

Damian: Jon, imagine that you switched on the television and realized that your favorite tv show was canceled.

Bruce: Now you look like the world just ended, but we can work with that. [turns around and raises his voice] Superman, I have your kid! Come out and face me or I’ll turn your son into the ultimate weapon of destruction and take over the world!

Clark: [crawls out of the bushes, covered in leaves, with his eyes glowing red] Let. Go. Of. My. Son.

Jon: Dad, you’re alive!

Bruce: Superman, we finally meet at last.

Superbat Family Fics

[superbat-love]

Clark groggily blinked his eyes open. Something seemed off. His ceiling appeared unusually distant, and its familiar features seemed altered. His gaze shifted to a peculiar sight—a bat was perched on the ceiling. Bats in his bedroom? Bewildered, he turned his head, only to discover a slumbering figure beside him, resembling a Calvin Klein model.

Panic surged within him. Had he followed someone home from the bar last night? What had possessed him? And what would his children think?

The man stirred and opened his eyes. Clark launched into a flurry of apologies, admitting he had never been so intoxicated and couldn't recall anything from the previous night. The man looked at him with bleary eyes.

“Relax, Superman. Your virtue is intact.”

“What happened?” Clark realized he must have revealed his secret identity to a complete stranger.

“I brought you to my med bay and extracted the kryptonite from your chest, but you were shivering and dragged me into bed with you. You said you needed to protect me from the cold,” the man explained, slipping on his pants. “Since escaping your grasp was nearly impossible, I decided to make myself comfortable and settle in for the night.”

The events of the past week flooded Clark’s mind, and the man’s identity became clear. “Oh! I’m so sorry, that was presumptuous of me. Umm, I also want to apologize for trying to attack you yesterday when you found me, Batman.”

“What does presumptuous mean?” Someone mumbled nearby, but was quickly hushed by another person.

“Call me Bruce.” Bruce yawned, rising to his feet. “Don’t fret. I did use your son as bait, after all. And consider yourself lucky, I don’t usually sleep with someone on the first date.”

Clark blushed and fidgeted nervously. “I’ll take responsibility for my actions.”

Bruce smirked. “Moving a little fast, aren’t we? Are you sure you want to be taking responsibility for me and my eight kids?”

“E-Eight kids?”

“Yes, you can start by taking one off my hands. I recommend Damian.”

“You can’t send me away! Alfred would never allow it!” Damian protested from under the bed.

“We can play with my new Xbox! Dad just got it for me for my birthday.” Jon chimed in.

Bruce bent down to address the two kids huddled underneath. “I won’t, provided you stop eavesdropping on private conversations.”

Superbat Family Fics

[superbat-love]

Teacher: Hello Mr Kent, this is Mrs Smith speaking, Jon’s teacher. Will you be picking your son up from school?

Clark: Give me half an hour. I’m just…caught up in something urgent right now. [someone screeching in the background]

Teacher: [alarmed] What was that? Mr Kent, is everything all right?

Bruce: Oh, he’s probably dealing with that nasty pest problem. [takes the phone and puts it on speaker] Clark, it’s me. Do you need help?

Clark: No, I can handle it! Take that! [more screeching in the background] Bruce, there’s more of them! The spiders are pushing us back!

Bruce: Just as I suspected, a spider infestation. [sounds of explosions on the phone] Large spiders. HUGE. Well, you know how big spiders can get in Kansas.

Clark: [incomprehensible yelling]

Bruce: Hang in there Clark, I’ll call the pest control. Jon can stay at the manor tonight with Damian, don’t worry about it. [ends the call and hands the phone back to the teacher] Come on, boys. Good day, Mrs Smith.

Jon & Damian: Bye Mrs Smith!

Teacher: [looking shell-shocked]

Superbat Family Fics