#suicide ideation mention

[rose022]

its crazy to think that it really does get better when youre an adult. not perfect, you still have a lot of work to do, but better. and i never believed it when i was young because its so hard when youre in the thick of it. im aware people wont believe me when i say this either.

one day youre 12 and cutting yourself for the first time, then you get to highschool and are so depressed you fail a class for the first time, then youre 15/16 and wanting to die almost every night. then youre 18 and the good days outnumber the bad by a decent bit. you're older and you still waste away in your room for days on end sometimes, but you also go out with friends more, try new things, explore, do things you've always dreamed of. and sometimes its not so bad anymore. sometimes you think back to when it was. sometimes you see people where you were and you know how bad it is but you dont know what to say. you dont know what you would have wanted to hear then because you know you wouldnt believe it but you want to help so bad.

[sneakerdoodle]

this may be petty but i think it's just a bit silly that both the comic (very openly) and the movie (less so but still deliberately) used Nimona's shapeshifting combined with her immortality as a source of distrust for Ballister, causing him to look at her differently, no longer seeing a vulnerable young person (and that hurting her and hurting their bond) - that in the movie, they had the director use footage of Nimona allowing herself a moment of vulnerability, of being a child reaching out to a child, and tell everyone "see? this monster will PRESENT as harmless and vulnerable and choose seemingly helpless forms to fool you", had the director point at this battered traumatized suicidal teenager falling into the arms of the first adult in a thousand years who chose to protect her, and say "this is deception, it's TRYING to appear vulnerable and young and defenseless" - and she is wrong, and we're supposed to know that the narrative asks us to TRUST what we see despite the things we do not get to fully know or understand -

and now a portion of the fan base is debating whether Nimona choosing a vulnerable young form is disingenuine and inauthentic to her actual degree of "maturity". is just weird!

[gray--abyss]

I wanted to figure out a likely timeline of Dan/Phantom/Whatever-his-name-is's spiral into evil, for writing him and stuff.

CONTENT WARNING: Discussion of suicide and themes of suicide starts below cut.

1. nasty patty incident

2. danny is grieving, but hopes for at least his parents to come back- after all, they had unfinished research, an obsession and thirst for knowledge. his justifications for how Sam, Tucker, and his sister would come back are flimsy, and he knows it. He can't stand the pitying looks from his former tormenters. His aunt, Alicia- not a gentle woman, but doing her best- comes out from the country to supervise him.

3. End of month 1: the funeral. Danny starts to grow more outwardly volatile, instead of directing his despair inward. He exchanges contact information with Vlad, and the two enter an uneasy truce as they enter closer contact.

4. After 6 months, he tries to tell Alicia about the half ghost thing, and she doesn't take it badly- but she admits that she doesn't know how to help with that. Danny isn't sure what he's been expecting, but it's not what he wants. He can't stand to be in Amity Park anymore, and asks Vlad and Alicia if he can move in with him. they both agree, and he moves in with Vlad.

5. month 7: Danny is miserable at this new school, in this new, empty house. He feels like a ghost here more than he ever has before. the fear and hatred he harbors towards Vlad has only amplified with the closer proximity, and the mans security measures certainly don't help. His hatred for himself grows, being too weak to save his family, too weak to tough things out in Amity while waiting for his family.

Content warnings apply below. I promise it's not All doom and gloom, but given it's Phantom... there's a lot of it.

6. Month 8: Danny decides that if his family doesn't come back, he will commit a kind of suicide, removing his ghost half, then his ghost half removing and dispatching Vlad's ghost half. He decides that 2 against 1 will be the best method, and that's where the idea of fusing with Vlad's ghost half comes in. After all, if either of them can kill their combined ghost, that'll be safer for everyone. One last "heroic" act. He just has to trick Vlad.

7. Month 10: Danny gives up, and executes on the plan. He's sick of wasting time being sad. Phantom doesn't want to die, and successfully kills Danny, and fails to kill Vlad. He doesn't realize Vlad didn't die in that explosion.

8. After the rush of revenge, Phantom feels really weird about it. It was only fair, Danny was going to kill him, but he realizes he didn't think through what it'd be like living as part Vlad. But hey- he doesn't have to juggle school, politics, or feigning humanity anymore. He can go keep an eye on his home now, and figure out how to spend his afterlife! He gets in contact with Alicia, letting her know a less... scary version of his suicide, and that he's going to be hanging around in Amity Park again. (... He still hasn't really given up on someone coming back.)

9. When he finally gets back to FentonWorks, he's furious to find his former schoolmates partying in his house, and nearly attacks them, but calms down just enough to only yell at them. He doesn't care about keeping things secret anymore, and lets the secret slip. He doesn't miss how their treatment of Phantom changes. He can almost accept this not-as-pitiful respect.

10. For the next 3 months (at 1 year 1 month post incident), he tries to protect Amity Park. He causes more property damage than before. He notes and tries to ignore his increased aggression, but after he actually injures Valerie, the only person left that he "trusts", he panics, and drops her off at the hospital. Enough is enough, and at a town hall meeting that he doesn't attend, they decide to bring in the feds to deal with the local phantom.

11. Upon FentonWorks being raided, he's furious. He's been protecting these people, and for what? This isn't fair! Phantom kills a few of the GIW, before making a declaration to the whole of town with a souped up megaphone he stole from the GIW: If they don't want his help, then he'll be what they think he is- just an another evil Phantom.

12. In the next 2 months, he causes mass chaos, but fails to cause much damage to GIW and the government. He's just one ghost, after all. He retreats into the ghost zone, and convinces Skulker to take him on as an apprentice. He does have fun hunting and fighting ghosts, after all, and it can help him hone and perfect techniques.

13. for the next 3 1/2 years (4 years 9 months post incident), Phantom almost entirely lives in the ghost zone, only traveling to the world of the living for special occasions. He's figured out how he wants to look by year 2 post incident- basically an idealized version of how he would've wanted to look as an adult. He sets out on his list of revenge, targeting ghosts and enemies that he feels have personally wronged him.

14. To graduate from his apprenticeship, he and Skulker have a hunt-off. Obviously, Phantom wins, and graduates. The hunt lasts 3 months. (5 years post incident)

15. This isn't to say Phantom had no social afterlife... with ghosts he was previously allied or friends with, he tried to keep those relationships. Wulf isn't about what he's up to, and distances himself to an acquaintance. Phantom parties with Dorathea, allies himself with Fright Knight, actually befriends Klemper for when he just needs a chill hangout, convinces Poindexter to help him in researching ghost stuff, and helps Bones babysit Youngblood, just for examples of relationships he has with canon ghosts. He's a combination of two very social and dramatic ghosts, so he's honestly kind of goofy when he's not being actively menacing.

16. He does not acknowledge the not-being-able-to-be-seen-by-adults thing that Youngblood has going on, deciding that he must be an adult at this point, and the fact that he can see Youngblood is a Fully Ghost thing. Youngblood thinks it's a bit he's doing and plays along- it is Not a fully Ghost Thing

17. He does some trial runs on attacking security companies and billionaires in the month before the next Incident Anniversary.

18. On the 5 year anniversary of the Nasty Patty Incident, Phantom launches a successful attack on the GIW, destroying their facilities. He begins razing USA government agencies and offices, because genuinely, they have been such a pain for him. He doesn't attack postal offices or bus systems. When other countries allied with the USA try to attack Phantom, he starts targeting them as well.

19. Something that... basically everyone but Phantom himself notices, is that the only average-people civilians he targets are people in Amity Park.

20. At year 6, the USA as we know it is gone- people still live there, the only places actually uninhabitable being former military bases, and a 50 mile radius around Amity Park. Phantom starts making a concerted, focused effort to attack Amity Park, starting an arms race between him and Valerie.

21. It's unnerving for Valerie to see how little he's changed, even with a shiny new coat of evil paint and an adult-ish appearance. She can't help but think it looks an awful lot like a superhero that Danny used to like.

22. At year 9, he decides that he's done all he's wanted, and that Valerie will be strong enough to kill him- so he plans one last fight with her- either he'll win, and be uncontested in strength... Or he'll lose, setting the balances of justice right once again. He's excited to see how strong she's gotten. ... Despite all he says, he hopes she'll win, and he'll get a "happy" ending, even if it isn't his.

[shmorp-mcdurgen]

TW: mentions of blood/bodily harm

The following is a transcript between Thatcher Davis and [REDACTED] Heathcliff, recorded on September 22nd, 1992 on Heathcliff’s account of the recent disappearances of Mark Heathcliff and Cesar Torres. It is to be noted that Heathcliff has chosen to stay anonymous to the public, requesting to have her name censored on all public documentations of this event outside of classified MCPD files. Interview goes as follows:

[DAVIS BEGINS RECORDING, AUDIBLY SIGHS.]

Davis: State your name for the record.

Heathcliff: [REDACTED] Heathcliff.

Davis: Do you know why you’re here today?

Heathcliff: It’s…because of my son, isn’t it…

[ANONYMOUS OFFICER IN THE ROOM SPEAKS]: I’m sure you’re aware of his recent disappearance, along with his friend, correct?

[HEATHCLIFF REMAINS SILENT.]

[NAME REDACTED]: Do you know of anything that might’ve…gone wrong between them, Miss Heathcliff?

Heathcliff: They…they were best friends, Mark…he…didn’t have many people like that; Cesar was like…a brother to him.

Davis: He was at the Torres household a few nights before Cesar’s disappearance, correct?

Heathcliff: I believe so.

Davis: Do you know why?

Heathcliff: It was a visit…staying the night.

Davis: Visiting…for what reason?

Heathcliff:…He…mentioned that he wanted to talk to Cesar. He didn’t say what he wanted to talk to him about.

[DAVIS WRITES ANSWERS DOWN. OFFICER IN THE ROOM SPEAKS]

[REDACTED]: You mentioned that your son has been acting…strangely, correct?

Heathcliff: Yes…but…not violent.

[REDACTED]: I wasn’t implying he was. Why do you mention that?

Davis: I can take care of this myself, [REDACTED].

Heathcliff: I-I don’t know, he just…felt…I don’t know.

Davis: Can you describe these behaviors?

[HEATHCLIFF REMAINS SILENT FOR AROUND FIVE SECONDS, PRESUMABLY THINKING.]

Heathcliff: He…seemed more distant; more than usual.

[REDACTED]: Do you believe it has to do with his diagnose?

Heathcliff: He…never acted that way before. He liked staying in his room and kept to himself but…it almost seemed like he was…avoiding everyone, even his sister. Though, I don’t…think his depression had to do with it.

Davis: Is there anything else you’d like to mention, regarding these changes in behavior?

Heathcliff:…He started…sleepwalking. Knocking on his sister’s door and…talking, though I never knew what he was saying.

[DAVIS SIGHS AND SLIDES NOTEBOOK TOWARDS HEATHCLIFF]

Davis: This seemed to have belonged to Mark, is that correct?

Heathcliff: Yes. He liked writing in a journal…it was a suggestion by his therapist.

[DAVIS GOES TO SPEAK BUT IS INTERRUPTED.]

[REDACTED]: There are multiple entries inside that imply that he and Torres’s friendship was starting to become potentially toxic. Were you aware of this?

Heathcliff: N…no.

[REDACTED]: Ma’am, it seems that…Mark had…been feeling bitter towards Cesar shortly before his disappearance, stating things like “he won’t listen to me” or “he’s ignoring me” and similar things.

[HEATHCLIFF APPEARS WORRIED, AND REMAINS SILENT.]

[REDACTED]: If you don’t mind me asking…was Mark a particularly…violent person?

Heathcliff: He…n-no, he wasn’t. He…got into a few fights at school, but he wasn’t naturally violent or-

[REDACTED]: Ma’am, that could be a sign of an underlying problem. You mentioned on his report that he had problems regulating his emotions, including anger. It could be possible that he was particularly angry at Cesar that night, the night the supposed visit took place.

Heathcliff: My son is not a murderer. I came here hoping that you could stop all the rumors going around town that my son is some sort of…twisted psychopath. Do you know how many calls I get, yelling at me about how my son killed one of the most popular kids in school?

[REDACTED]: Now, I’m not making any conclusions, I’m simply stating that…it’s certainly possible.

Davis: I’ll take care of this myself, [REDACTED]. You’re free to leave.

[REDACTED]:…Lieutenant, I must-

Davis: That is an order.

[OFFICER LEAVES THE ROOM, SHUTTING DOOR BEHIND HIM.]

Davis: Apologies…as I was saying, your son—

Heathcliff: It doesn’t matter what I say, does it?

Davis: Pardon?

Heathcliff: No matter what, you’re going to…pin all of this on Mark, aren’t you?

[HEATHCLIFF APPEARS TO BE HOLDING BACK TEARS.]

Davis:…No. Not enough evidence to pin anything on anyone. Your son is not being accused of anything…I’ll make sure of that.

Heathcliff: Your friend seems to disagree…

Davis: Are there…any…particular events you’d like to mention before we wrap our conversation up?

[HEATHCLIFF AVOIDS EYE CONTACT. APPEARS NERVOUS.]

[THERE IS SILENCE FOR AROUND 10 SECONDS BEFORE DAVIS CLOSES FOLDER]

Davis: Then I suppose you’re free to—

Heathcliff: Yes.

[DAVIS PAUSES AND SITS BACK DOWN.]

Davis: Can you…describe them?

Heathcliff: He…for a period he…God. He was so…polite.

Davis: That sounds…like a good thing.

Heathcliff: Not this time, no. He was…too polite, before that he was so cold and…irritable, but for a day straight he was so…soulless. I don’t know what got into him; Sarah even told me he was banging on her door one night…asking her to…follow him somewhere.

Davis: Did she tell you where?

[HEATHCLIFF REMAINS SILENT.]

Davis: Did Mark say where he wanted Sarah to go?

Heathcliff:…Home.

[DAVIS WRITES ACCOUNT OF EVENTS DOWN.]

Heathcliff: It all ended when…I…oh God…opened his bedroom door.

Davis: What did you see?

Heathcliff: He was…kneeled on the ground…almost like he was…praying. But he wasn’t, he was…biting his hands until they bled. There was blood all over his face and arms and…I don’t…I didn’t know what to do—

Davis: It’s alright, Mrs. Heathcliff. Was he…typically this…self-destructive?

Heathcliff: No. I…don’t…believe so. After that he seemed…normal. As normal as he had been lately.

Davis: Ma’am, you have been told of the gun found in his nightstand, correct?

Heathcliff:…yes.

Davis: Do you believe he may have been…contemplating—

Heathcliff: I wish to go now.

[DAVIS PAUSES.]

Davis:…Very well. I believe we’re done here. Contact me if you have anything else you’d like to mention.

[HEATHCLIFF REMAINS SILENT AS DAVIS RETRIEVES EVIDENCE FROM THE TABLE. DAVIS FLINCHES.]

Davis: What did you say?

Heathcliff: I…didn’t say anything.

[SILENCE FOR AROUND FIVE SECONDS. DAVIS APPEARS PERTURBED.]

Davis: Very well…you’re…free to go.

[END TRANSCRIPT]

Notes: Will investigate the Torres household with Ruth in three days. There has to be something more to this case, I know it. I’m not letting a young man be blamed for a crime he didn’t commit.

I heard something. I know I did. But it didn’t sound like her.

[just-antithings]

TW suicide ideation. Anti rhetoric is eerily similar to the validation of thoughtcrime. There is literally something called l'appel du vide, or call of the void, which is like that feeling you get when you're driving and you suddenly think what it would be like to crank the wheel and throw the vehicle and yourself off the side of the road. But that doesn't make someone guilty of mischief or arson or other property damage. It is literally conceptual. I don't know where I'm going with this but.

.

[burinazar]

Whenever I'm sitting and working on furthering my career by seeking out opportunities and contacting people etc there is a constant, constant feeling of rising horror at how much of my life I've already wasted, how underqualified I am, how pointless the ways I've spent my years are. (If you’re one of the people who happens to know part of my volunteer work stuff I do involves equipping others to seek out career opportunities in a constructive and efficient way, yes, I see the irony...my actual job is sort of ironic in that way too, I’m sending the kids off to uni way better equipped to take advantage of and thrive during their time there than I turned out to be...) 

Anyway. The sense of shame and horror builds and builds and when it reaches a tipping point I have to stop for the day. It's really goddamn taxing but other than pushing forward thru it I don't see how I'm ever going to manage to change my situation and achieve a career trajectory that brings me something other than shame, disappointment and exhaustion. It'd be cool if I could find a way to do it that's less mentally exhausting and doesn't sometimes lead to literal suicide ideation as the concluding point of the day, a la 'aw fuck, no this is NEVER going to happen and i need to literally kill myself, that way when the people I’ve crossed paths with wonder how I’m doing, ‘that person killed themselves’ will be a less shameful reality for them to find out about subsequently than ‘that person made nothing of their life’ and they will be less disgusted by the fact that i fell out of touch and didn’t achieve anything' But...like...*not* doing it was just leading to literal years of stagnation at a dead-end job...like this is probably the good outcome, the fact that I'm doing it. Maybe I’ll get desensitized? ‘Make yourself cry every day while job hunting’ is probably not Good but like, Don’t Do The Thing is not an option any longer.

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[paintedcrows]

Ever think about how Bill Cipher has canonically threatened every member of the Pines family, except Stanley, with suicide? I think about that a lot... Kid's show villain everyone!

Individual Panels below the cut!

[frownyalfred]

hurt/comfort superbat fic where Bruce occasionally has to chase Clark down when he's being a little more Kryptonian/Eldritch-y than normal (it's fine, he has the resources/ships/etc). when Clark's happy, he's in orbit outside of the Watchtower, floating and absorbing the sun. but when he's down or depressed? he avoids the sun. because the sun means energy, it's a reminder of his powers, of everything he's lost, a reminder of difference down at the very cellular level.

that's all to say, sometimes I think Clark goes down instead of up and hides away from the sun the only place he can: deep, deep underwater. somewhere maybe even Arthur only goes sparingly, deep in a trench where the water isn't oxygenated or habitable. and he just floats down there, trying to block it all out and failing miserably.

[rinnysmuses]

"...."

So. She could feel it. She could feel her attempts to cross over but never quite getting close. Because Rhea, in her mind, always chickened out. Couldn't quite make the decision because the idea of making Astraeus and Demeter sad made her very sad. And then her mother would blame herself and...

Rhea looked up at Emet-Selch, her own, reddish eyes locking with the woman's of a deep purple. Heh...

"His eyes are of a lighter shade, but yours remind me of Hythlodaeus'." She furrowed her brow.

"I really don't like the fact that you would bring me back kicking and screaming. While I understand that it is your job, you'd really do that? Because it is not my time? I know I'm young and I may have things ahead of me but..."

She just didn't feel good most of the time anymore.

"It's just stupid feeling this way, I guess."

Nyx tried not to bite her lip as she deliberated on her next action.

And, eventually, she pulled off her mask, revealing a pair of dark purple eyes amidst the aging wrinkles.

"...As Emet-Selch, it would be my job to bring you back kicking and screaming even if you did succeed at 'not being here'," she said. "I could feel it, you know. Your pain and your sorrow. These kinds of things reach through the Underworld. There's a pulse, every time somebody crosses over and returns to the Star, but I kept feeling this odd, unexpected, half-pulse, like someone reaching into a place they shouldn't."

She put a hand on Rhea's head. "You're still so young. And you still have much ahead of you. To return to the star is not a decision you should be making lightly, or on a whim. If it's something you truly want, and have truly thought out-- seek me out. It is my duty to grant you safe passage. ...But you need to come to me, lest I be forced to retrieve you against your will, and you need to convince me it is time."

[honeypleasejustkillme]

date idea: take me to the closest lake and drown me

[letsplaythermalnuclearwar]

hey you know what would be like. the WORST possible thing? if no time had passed for mortals during God Games. if the entire time, Odysseus had just been frozen on that ledge. and at the start of the Vengeance Saga, Ody's still on the ledge. he looks to the skies, to the trees, out over the ocean. he looks for an owl with knowing eyes and strains to hear her voice over the waves, because surely, surely she'd come for him. the haven't spoken in nine years and he ruined whatever relationship they had when he stupidly, foolishly let the cyclops live, but she has to still care, right? she was his mentor. she was his patron. he meant something to her. he's sure of it

but she's not there. he waits, but she's not there. he closes his eyes, sparing himself the view, and steps off the ledge

and is saved by Hermes. and Odysseus briefly thinks that he has died, since Hermes escorts souls to the underworld. but Hermes assures him that, no, he's alive, Athena heard him, she bargained with Zeus, he can go home now. he can finally go home

his friend came through

[daily-crabbys]

This Friday's meme is: you always do this

[ossiethegreat]

kimya dawson and color spectrum duo … grrr….

@howlsofbloodhounds

Color belongs to superyoumna

Killer belongs to rahafwabas

Song - Anthrax by Kimya Dawson

there’s so much fanart of killer sinking in water or something and honestly it’s kinda funny

[daniclaytcn]

♡ countdown to the madney wedding ♡ (2 days) ↳ 5.12: boston

[slyandthefamilybook]

I'm gonna say it

as someone who has had suicidal thoughts as recently as yesterday, the primary factors keeping me personally from killing myself are:

It would make other people sad

I can accomplish more by living

From my conversations with other depressed people, these seem to be similar threads. It's well-known that the majority of tumblr users suffer from one mental illness or another, with depression being arguably the most common among them. Whether this airman was mentally ill or not, and whether that mental illness played a factor in his suicide or not, the example being set by tumblr users is incredibly dangerous. The reactions I've seen to his death have made two things very clear:

People are proud of him for his actions

People think his suicide has helped in an important way

If you're paying attention, you will have noticed that those two reactions exactly contradict the reasons why many depressed people abstain from suicide. This is going to put people's lives at risk. People with depression do not need another reason to think they should kill themselves. Gazans have already spoken out about their disapproval with these methods. This needs to stop before more people die

If you or a loved one are considering suicide, call 988 to be connected to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline