#subtitle fatigue

[mynameisakissi]

[syn4k]

[werethey]

Finally back at my apartment after more than a week at my parents' and Good God. I feel like shit. Never again. Had more panic attacks in the last week of 2023 than the rest of the year combined. If I wasn't financially dependent on them I wouldn't have gone in the first place but alas. The chronic illness and disability. My mom simply has not accepted any facet of my being sick + disabled + queer that isn't easily digestible or disrupts the view of me she has not updated since I was four. I'm just talking to a wall 24/7. And so I can feel myself getting sicker the longer I am around her. Now finally I am back in safe food/low light/full control of the tv and music land so I can really get my autism on.

[possession1981-moving]

convinced my friend to watch rookie historian so i’m starting a rewatch yay

[leatherbookmark]

I'm going to say something that's a new high of hypocrisy from me but can we like pick a day or something to focus Only on things that we love and that make us happy about the fandoms we're in (as in stories) rather than sighing about idiots who can't read? or at least use a tag for that

[mochayoubi]

Today I officially finished ぼくのなつやすみ２.

Absolutely gorgeous game. It really encapsulates what summer vacation feels like as a kid, complete with the freedom and aimlessness and melancholy. I can't recommend it enough.

In terms of Japanese learning, it's an excellent game to learn from - every line of dialogue is fully voice acted with subtitles on the side, and since you're playing as a child the conversations are generally simple. Also, since there's narrative arcs that hint at deeper things that a child might not understand, you still get a sense of complexity.

Since the game takes place in August and is separated by each day, I played "alongside" the protagonist all month, playing one day in-game for each of my real-life days. Hence, why I finished today on the last day of August. IMO this is such a good way to play the game since it feels less repetitive and more like you're checking in with the protagonist's adventures every day.

Anyway here's some random vocab words I picked up while playing:

潜水士（せんすいし）：(professional) diver 窮屈（きゅうくつ）：constrained; narrow 稚魚（ちぎょ）：fry (baby fish) 物知り（ものしり）：(someone with) extensive knowledge 燥ぐ（はしゃぐ）：to be in high spirits 線香花火（せんこうはなび）：sparkler 下心（したごころ）：ulterior motive 蜻蛉（とんぼ）：dragonfly 浜辺（はまべ）：beach; shore 夏バテ（なつばて）：summer heat fatigue 岩礁（がんしょう）：reef 夕陽（ゆうひ）：setting sun

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for hanging out with someone less in-person, and more online?

Here me out first please.

My buddy Austin (he/him) and I usually hang out at least every other week, if not every week. We've been doing this for the last few years after we both got more conformable doing in-person hangouts after the covid vaccines reached the general public in our country.

About a year ago, Austin was in a car accident (not a major one, don't worry) and walked away with a mild concussion (doctor's description). Ever since that car accident, Austin has been super sensitive to sound. In his words, walking across his floor in socks sounds like elephant stomping. His floor is carpet. Typing on a phone is so loud and distracting he can't hear anything else. Birds outside his house sound like they're chirping directly into his ear. He vents to me often that having a regular-volumed conversation sounds so loud it's painful to him.

When I'm over at his house, I try to be as quiet as I can. I'm careful to soft-step around the house and not take my shoes off. I try to shuffle or slide through the kitchen and other rooms that are not carpet so I make less noise. We whisper or half-whisper half-speak to each other in conversation. Movies we have subtitles on and the volume turned down to almost 0%. But Austin still looks like he's in pain by the end of a couple hour hang-out. Sometimes he'll get up and put in earplugs and then come back to continue the hangout. I feel really bad that he's putting himself through so much.

The last few months, instead of always hanging out in-person, I've been suggesting doing something virtual and letting Austin decide which he wants. I figure that if we're gaming, he can wear his earplugs or mute the game and we can use game chat or text each other to communicate. Same with watching movies, we can both adjust our volumes to our comfort levels (and leave subtitles on still. I don't mind them). Sometimes he wants to just do things online, and sometimes he insists on hanging out in-person. It's been about 60/40 online to in-person so far.

We hung out last weekend and first Austin said let's hang out in-person, but the night before we were supposed to hang out, he told me he rather hang out online this time. I was cool with it, but when I let my roommate Geoff (who is also good friends with Austin) know that actually I'd be home most of the day Saturday and answered Geoff's "why are you hanging out with Austin online again?" with "i don't know, Austin probably wants a quiet weekend instead", my roommate started accusing me of infantilizing Austin by hanging out online instead of in-person, that I'm abandoning Austin because his "auditory disablility is too inconvenient for fragile able-bodied feelings" (Geoff's words), and how since Austin hasn't explicitly said that in-person hanging out is too loud for him, then I'm being ableist by assuming things are too loud when he hasn't directly said that I am too loud. I argued that I don't think of Austin as lesser, I just don't want to cause him any unnecessary pain, and it's pretty obvious when things are too loud for him without words, because you can read the "Make it stop" / "No more" expression on his face. But Geoff doubled down really hard and told me i should be ashamed of treating Austin like he's incapable of making his own choices.

I was pissed and just walked out with my laptop. We did our movie day with me on the local library wifi instead. I don't think for a second I've taken away Austin's ability to choose, since I let Austin make the call on in-person or online!! But I'm also completely able-bodied. I haven't even experienced a temporary disability-experience like needing crutches during injury recovery or anything. Geoff has a chronic pain and fatigue disorder, so he has more experience with microaggressions than I do. So I don't know if I'm right about this being a non-issue, or if Geoff is right about me being ableist against Austin's noise sensitivities. It keeps eating at me now, and I don't want to bring this up with Austin since I already know he's really insecure about his new volume tolerance levels. Am I an asshole for doing online hangouts with Austin instead of sticking to only in-person stuff?

[qqueenofhades]

https://www.tumblr.com/qqueenofhades/742700762243727361/you-can-tell-you-work-in-academia-with-how-much

Hi, sorry, Asshole Anon here (I’m not giving myself that nickname to lash out, I’m saying it because I was an ass)

To clarify: I mean “I don’t know what to trust anymore” in that “people whom I normally respect and would otherwise agree with are now sharing material that I find either morally indefensible or overtly simplistic, and at the same time people on the ground in Gaza are saying that Hamas IS a liberation organization, so I trust their word, but there is also the existence of the “We Want To Live” protests, and the fact that there’s now apparently a protest against a child that got killed that isn’t widely reported, with an attached video of said protest from somebody on the ground in Gaza, but it’s in Arabic, there are no subtitles, I cannot speak Arabic, and I don’t trust Google Translate”

I just want an objective sense of what is happening on the ground. I want to know what is and is not propaganda, because I (white, raised in a liberal(?) household, surrounded by white people) am especially susceptible to it. Once I have that objective sense of what the people in Gaza want, then I will be able to effectively and efficiently advocate for shit. But that also necessitates listening to orgs like Standing Together, B’Tselem, people IN Israel who want this shit to stop, and hoo BOY that ain’t gonna fly with those people I mentioned because of:

1. BDS saying that the org “normalizes the occupation”, but they’re made up of Palestinian activists and anti-apartheid veterans, I can’t discount their statement, not fully.

2. Netenyahu’s… Netenyahu

3. Twitter’s doing a great job of asserting that everyone in Israel is a — quoting directly here from a half-remembered Tweet — “genocidal maniac”, or wants the bombardment to happen. (Which I know for a fact is not the case, if the protests calling for a new election are anything to go by)

That’s not even getting into the domestic stuff. I’m in an org rn and I’m getting the sinking feeling that they’re gonna drop this thing like a hot potato when a ceasefire gets called. Just sucks.

Anyways, back to improvement. Just closing this out

I agree that we're currently in a paradoxical state where there is simultaneously ALL THE INFORMATION EVER and ACTUALLY NO INFORMATION AT ALL, and that's what makes it difficult to sort out true from false. It's also what contributes to compassion fatigue, where we are able to get extensive real-time information and/or eyewitness accounts about pretty much any tragedy or catastrophe anywhere in the world, and social media has created a space where we are expected to both immediately react to all that information and to do so in the "right" and "correct" way. Which is basically impossible, and is also what burns out young well-meaning people so hard, where they insist that there's nothing to be done except The Revolution, because they have been so inundated with this torrent of human suffering and it seems like small steps are in fact useless. I am a historian and I can tell you upfront that humans are simply not made to process that volume of information about ALL THE BAD THINGS EVERYWHERE. It's also impossible to have an informed opinion on all or sometimes any of it, but there is still the pressure to visibly do so and to do it in a way that fits in with what everyone in your peer group is saying, even if you don't understand it. So yes -- that is absolutely very difficult, and it's hard to filter or parse it.

That said, I don't think we actually need to have painstaking piece-by-piece analysis of every single piece of information out there, because there are in fact so many competing narratives, perspectives, fake news, disinformation campaigns, opinions, etc., and it will lead you to the same information paralysis: there's just too much of it to even start processing, and so your brain just gives up and reverts to those same simplistic cliches and things that "feel" right, regardless of whether or not they are. When you're trying to decide on the fine details of something, it helps to have an overall sense of the context and narrative that they're operating in. So for reference, these are some broad and basic analytic paradigms that I personally use when reading or thinking about any material in regard to the Israel/Hamas situation in particular:

No person of basic good faith and human decency wants the current situation in Gaza to be happening. However, the person/group that has the power to call it off -- i.e. Netanyahu and the current Israeli government -- has not done so despite increasing pressure from Western allies, because the situation is beneficial to Bibi personally and he sees more use in continuing it than making the decision for it to stop.

The governments of Western allies, therefore, can voice disapproval of Israel's actions (which they have been doing more and more frequently) but unless Netanyahu himself makes the choice to end the war, it will not stop. The West has recently given more and more signals that they are not prepared to countenance the ongoing destruction and genocide of Gaza, but yet again, Israel is its own sovereign country with its own powerful government, military, intelligence services, etc. The "anti-imperialists" who think the collective West can just reach in and turn off the violence whenever they please, and have just refused to do so because they're "bad people," are not being realistic. Western allies can exert pressure and leverage, but as long as Netanyahu himself wants to keep going, he will.

"People in Gaza" and "people in Israel" are not homogeneous blocs who think exactly alike. Some people in Gaza support Hamas. Some people do not. Hamas support has recently grown as a result of Israel's post-October 7 response, but it is not unanimous or unquestioned.

Hamas is the entity that started the current war by attacking Israel on October 7 and murdering/raping/kidnapping 1,000+ Israeli civilians. Hamas is also associated with Russia, Iran, Hezbollah, and other terrorist regimes/states, which are often defended by Online Leftists simply for being "anti-Western," regardless of how heinous their actions also are.

Netanyahu was wildly unpopular in Israel for MONTHS before this current war, due to his autocratic attempts to neutralize the Israeli Supreme Court and make the country even more of his personal fiefdom. There were huge, massive, ongoing protests against his naked power-grab for almost all of 2023, and he was so preoccupied with pushing it through that he ignored warnings from the Israeli and Egyptian intelligence services that Hamas was planning a major attack. These anti-Netanyahu demonstrations have continued and ramped up in intensity even in the middle of the war/attacks on Gaza.

As such, painting every single Israeli as mindlessly supporting the current actions of Netanyahu and the Israeli government is antisemitic nonsense and reflect the current Western Leftist tendency to assume that "all Israelis" and "all Zionists (read Jews)" are evil and personally responsible for this.

Israeli Jews have a right to exist and to reside on the land currently called Israel. Modern Israel was founded in 1948, three years after the end of WWII and the Holocaust, the greatest incidence of antisemitic mass murder in history, which is a fact that cannot be ignored and which western leftists eagerly calling for its total eradication and treating it as an illegitimate "white western settler colony" nonetheless do in fact repeatedly ignore.

This is why many Jews do not feel safe in other countries, because there has literally been thousands of years of history proving that they often aren't, and which the rabidly antisemitic response to the current conflict is doing nothing to dissuade.

Jews have had a presence in the land alternately called Palestine, Israel, the Holy Land, Judah, etc., for over 2,000 years, and their entire religion and history is founded around the exile from Jerusalem. That is the history that the current state of Israel is drawing on. It does not vanish just because it is inconvenient for western leftists to acknowledge.

Israel currently has a militant far-right government (after tending toward rightist/right wing domestic politics more generally, partially due to post-Holocaust trauma) that has deliberately erased, ignored, and violated the equally valid claims of Palestine and Palestinian people to that same land, and which is currently committing full-scale genocide against them.

Palestine and Palestinian/Muslim people have the same right to exist on that land as Israel and Israeli/Jewish people (and Christian people, and none-of-the-three people). They both have equally long and historically relevant claims to this land and one of them (in an ideal world, which we do not live in) should not be artificially prized over the other.

However, this land is some of the most bitterly and violently contested in the entire world, for the last two thousand years and counting, and there is no one good guy, simplistic answer, or quick way to stop it. The three Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) have fought bitterly over Jerusalem and its associated territories for a cool few millennia, and human nature being what it is, there is no way for one person, group, organization, government, etc to just step in and make it stop.

The Western/American leftist response to the current conflict has often made absolutely no attempt to take into account any of this troubled and complex history, and has reduced the whole thing down to whichever antisemitic and/or anti-Democratic Party soundbites will get them the most traction on social media. This often rests on whitewashing any moral responsibility belonging to Hamas and defending them no matter what, labeling all Israeli Jews as "evil genocide supporters," and assuming that if Biden wanted to magically shapeshift into Netanyahu and give the order to make it stop, he would, but he's "just not doing it," ergo something something Trump Would Totally Be Better!

These people also often call themselves "anti-imperialist" while thinking/demanding that America swoop in and play Big Global Policeman Daddy (as it indeed has often done in the past) and spank all its naughty children (but if it actually did do this, etc etc it would be evil). Biden could very much do more and has not necessarily done enough, but he has also done more than any other American president in history to shift away from unconditional unquestioning support of Israel only, and to advocate for a Palestinian state, a lasting ceasefire, and other basic precepts of Palestinian self-determination and dignity of personhood. These two things can be true at the same time.

I don't necessarily expect everyone to agree with every single fine detail of these statements, but I do expect them to at least make a basic effort to let all of these facts to inform their response, and not just the ones that they most agree with and which most fit their ideology or preferred conclusion. So that's one way to approach the situation, even if we obviously can't wring every single drop of meaning out of every single competing piece of information or evidence, because there is just too much of it. When we have a broader understanding of the space that we are operating in and the precepts that are factually true, we are able to make better judgments about who is trustworthy, who is worth listening to, what message they are pushing, and whether it corresponds with reality.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll continue to think about this and take the steps that you feel are best. It is all any of us can do.

[satanicsanity]

May you please do a Wally audio scenario in which Wally comforts an exhausted person? Like, burn out or menstrual fatigue?

Mhm!! Here you are, neighbor!! <3

‼️please go support wally's ACTUAL voice actor, @DaFrankiestein!🩷🩷🩷‼️

The art & characters used are by clown/party coffin!🩷Go support them and donate to their Kofi of you can!

Subtitles, wally speaking: Neighbor?? You look.. Awfully exhausted! What have you been doing all day?? Oh my.. Neighbor that sounds like.. Quite alot! You must be incredibly burnt out! Oh my... You look awfully stressed.. Neighbor, you deserve a break! Come with me, okay?? I know i know, you can get back to that later! You deserve a break.. There you go... Were gonna step outside for a bit.. You need to see.. Something else for at least.. A half an hour?? You've been so.. Hyperfocused on this! You need to just take some time for yourself! Please???

[velvetcloxds]

Can I please request a blurb of Charlie Swan falling in love with either a vampire or wolf reader, please? Thank you so much!!

INSOMNIA | C.S.

word count: 0.7k

warnings: age gap, vampire can't sleep while her boyfriend sleeps things

Edward was wrong when he said oh so convincingly that watching the person you love sleep was enough to keep your mind busy while you couldn't, and as much as you loved Charlie, loved the way his lip twitched a little while he was dreaming or his grip tightened on you every time he moved- you simply couldn't just lay there with your thoughts waiting for the sun to grace you with its presence. So on nights when Charlie got home early and got to bed early, you were wandering the house looking for things to do. You'd read a while, some book Bella left out from school, then you'd watch some show on mute lucky that it had subtitles, and when that wasn't enough you'd take to cleaning and organizing.

After a particularly good batch of dishes, all cleaned from dust since they hadn't been used in ages, you heard the stairs creak, a soft sigh meeting the sound as you turned around to see Charlie scratching his head with dazed eyes and a yawn.

"Bear," you sighed, folding the washcloth and putting it on the edge of the sink, smiling at the sight of your sleepy boy walking to you, clearly not completely awake yet and still seeking you out. "Why are you up?" you cooed not surprised when his hands found a home on your waist, a tired kiss placed on your cheek as he took on the spotless kitchen.

"That's my line," he breathed and even in his sleepy state he managed to perfectly reprimand you for being up and not waking him up too, he didn't like you being lonely while he was peacefully away in dreamland. "Can't sleep again?" you wanted to kiss him, he sounded so pure, so unaware, so you shook your head, biting your lip with a soft sigh. "My little bat," he smiled, it was your favorite part of sleepy Charlie, he wasn't as good with hiding his softness.

"Personally, I think the bed is too comfortable," you lied, practically humming as his fingers dipped under your shirt, fingers exploring your skin and you were sure you'd shiver if you could. "What are those fingers doing?" you teased, already knowing, already thinking of a little white lie to make it make sense.

"You're freezing, again," he noted and you shrugged, brushing your hands up and down his arms, soothing him, hoping it would convince his body to want to go back to bed without you. "Is that why you're up, you cold?"

"No," you answered too quickly, shrugging when he raised a brow at you. "I'll come back to bed in a second, promise."

"Yeah? You just going to wash my car real quick?"

"Well, it could certainly use it," you felt the little tug first, then his hold tightened and before you knew it you were in his arms, your knees tucked over one arm and back supported by the other as you giggled, snaking your hands around his neck to help him support you. "Charlie."

"Yeah," he hummed his response, smooth despite his fatigue as he carried you up the stairs, just barely missing the wall with your head as you leaned into him even more. "We can stay awake together," he offered and you knew it wasn't up for discussion when he placed you down on the bed, reaching over to the floor for one of his sweatshirts, pulling it over your head, kissing the tip of your nose when you furrowed your brows at him.

"You're cold," he argued and that was exactly why he waited for you to crawl into your place on the bed, another kiss but this time to your forehead as he tucked you in, not even surprised when you scoffed at him. "You're not tired," he continued and as much as you dreaded laying still for the next few hours with nothing to do, you were less objective when he slipped into bed next to you and pulled you right on top of him, making sure to bring the blankets he'd so tightly tucked around you with. "I figure this might be a good solution to both."

"Well, if you put it like that," you settled on his chest, feeling slightly guilty when your cold skin pressed against his, knowing that it was probably not as romantic as the moment should be, but he was already moving his hands all over your body, trying pointlessly to fix that problem for you. "I might just fall asleep if you keep that up," you were lying again, something you'd rethink as soon as he was asleep but it made him smile like he'd achieved something. "But I also think this would be a good way to pass time," you'd met your words with a slow, longing kiss that had him humming into your mouth, smiling to yourself as you moved your kisses down to his neck, biting lightly and earning a low chuckle from him.

"My little vampire," he countered and you giggled, hoping that he'd remain completely unaware of how right he was. "Careful," he reprimanded and was gentle when he forced your head up to meet his gaze. "Don't think we'll get much sleeping done after that," his words were full of spice but his eyes held nothing but love, soft, enduring love as he cupped your cheek, warm fingers feeling like heaven against your frozen face.

"Shame," you tutted and couldn't stop yourself from stealing another kiss from the man, sighing contently as you felt your body melt into his, something which after all your years living as you did, you'd never had the chance to experience so often, so easily. "I love you, bear."

"Yeah?" he tilted his head, took you in, and captured your little content smile into memory and it was almost laughable how hard he had to stop himself from kissing you again, pulling you against him, guiding your head into the crook of his neck right where you'd left your little love bite. "I love you too."

[babypenguinz]

i think it's interesting how when we discuss disability, abled people are used as the control group. things abled people consider easy ARE easy, things abled people consider difficult ARE difficult, things abled people consider distressing ARE distressing. disabled people's needs and feelings are treated as an exception to the rule, distortions of the "normal".

if a dyspraxic person has trouble with using cutlery, they're bad at something easy. if an autistic person can focus on something for a long time without breaks, they're good at something hard. if someone with chronic fatigue needs a break to nap every few hours, they're asking for special accommodations.

what if we lived in a world where most people were disabled? would the things considered "accommodations" now just be seen as normal? would it be expected that some people are bothered by fluorescent lights? would it be the standard for every building to have ramps or elevators? would subtitles, audio descriptions, braille, sign language, and other accessible features be expected?

it's so easy to picture disabled people being comfortable accommodating people with completely different abilities, but so hard to picture abled people accepting disabled people being given equal opportunities. we've all had someone complain that we're getting "special treatment" when accessing accommodations, we've all heard someone oppose accessible designs because it's "impractical" or "ugly" or "no one will use it".

i think everyone would benefit from living in a world where instead of disabled people having to beg for accommodations when we need them, our infrastructure was designed with diverse human experiences in mind. you never know when you'll get sick, injured, hungover, pregnant, or become disabled. the people who think it'd be a waste of time and resources may well need the accessible option one day.

i wonder if the reason so many abled people get uncomfortable when disabled people are accommodated, declaring that it's not necessary or even unfair, is because they know they could be disabled themselves one day, and they don't want to accept that reality. they just don't want to be reminded of their own vulnerability, so they take it out on us.

[flyingwargle]

like how one might take their glasses off when they're tired of seeing the world, atsumu takes his hearing aids off when listening to the world becomes too much.

he's sitting on a bench, blissfully protected beneath the trees. a water fountain spews ahead of him, children running through the field, screaming at one another. their parents watch and laugh, other pedestrians walking by to admire the park and take pictures. there are dozens of small groups scattered across the grass, each holding their own conversations. a group of teens play ultimate, shouting at each other. birds soar through the sky overhead, squawks drowned by the airplane that passes by.

for the hearing, all of this would blend into the same layer of sound. for him, each fragment is tuned in and out, like a radio dial that can't find the right frequency, skipping through the channels without pause. it isn't always an issue, something that he's learned to tolerate over the years, but with fatigue accumulated from weeks of training and traveling, it's resulted in a pounding headache and an intense desire to hit something.

a finger taps on his shoulder. sakusa is back, a disposable cup in each hand. his expression is pinched, eyes narrowed with concern, and once atsumu takes his drink, he uses his free hand to pull his mask down and ask, "are you okay?"

"feelin' overwhelmed with all the sound," atsumu admits. "mind if i unplug fer a bit?"

sakusa shakes his head. atsumu switches his hearing aids off, one at a time, and the world becomes muted. he turns back to the park, watches the crowd around them, still engaged in the same activities, just soundless. he doesn't need context to understand them, simply understands that they're enjoying the weather and one another's company.

another tap on the shoulder. sakusa is signing one-handed. "better?"

atsumu nods. sakusa smiles, settles on the bench, and sips his coffee. he leans closer against him, shoulders brushing, legs pressed together, a steady reminder that he's here.

silence used to unnerve atsumu. he was always talking to someone, always kept the tv on with subtitles, always had the radio in the background. the only time he demanded it was during volleyball, because he had to pay extra attention to his surroundings, needing to know when to signal whom, deciding what the next strategy is, knowing where his teammates are during a rally.

it took several years before he could appreciate the quiet that came with his hearing loss, especially now that he has someone to anchor him if it carries him elsewhere.

atsumu turns at the tap on his shoulder. "are you finished?" sakusa signs, gesturing at the cup he holds loosely in his hand. he offers it to him, and his partner steps away to deposit them in the trash. sitting back down again, he signs, "want to head home, or stay a bit longer?"

"stay. need a minute more. okay?"

sakusa nods. atsumu rests his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes, the warm tea spreading through his body. while his teammates learned basic signs to make communicating a bit easier for him, his partner took it a step further to learn jsl for days when atsumu was too overstimulated. he might even be better than osamu, someone who'd learn alongside with him, all those years ago.

after a few more minutes, they rise and exit the park. it's difficult to sign while holding hands, but they have their own language through touch - subtle squeezes to indicate directional changes, stroking thumbs to ask if the other is okay, taps over knuckles to stop because there's something to see. sakusa keeps his mask tucked beneath his chin for atsumu to read his lips, a portrait of soft light and easy affection that atsumu continues to fall in love with, again and again.

at home, sakusa fetches the bottle of tylenol and a glass of water for him. atsumu flushes it down, smiling as he signs, "thanks, omi." he's about to put his hearing aids back in but looks up at sakusa's gestures.

"it's okay if you don't want to wear them. today can be a quiet day," he says, signing along. "i know your headaches are bad when you're overwhelmed."

atsumu's eyes widen, warmth unfurling in his chest. he nods, heading to their room to put on them nightstand. when he returns, sakusa motions him toward the washroom, where they take a bath together, then cuddle on the couch, atsumu resting his head on sakusa's chest to sign and complain about the awful referee's call during their last match, and how bokuto was unfairly benched. sakusa nods along, speaking and signing back. "if he's still dejected, we'll need to do something."

"drinks and board games?"

"perhaps, so long it isn't monopoly."

atsumu pouts. "you need to learn to let it go, omi. just because i bankrupted you once-"

"i'm not bitter," sakusa cuts in. his hands hover in hesitation before he continues, "i simply don't want bokuto to feel worse."

"we should play uno, instead."

"yes, we should. that'll surely strengthen our friendships," his partner deadpans, complete with an unamused expression. atsumu chuckles. sakusa somehow becomes more expressive with jsl, and he loves every face he can make.

as the conversation winds down, atsumu closes his eyes, feeling his headache subside and fade, drowned by a wave of exhaustion instead. it's easy for the silence to carry him away, but what grounds him are the fingers that card through his hair, the hand that presses over his, the rhythmic heartbeat that pulses beneath his head. past partners never quite knew how to accommodate his hearing loss, either treating him as a normal human being or completely helpless. sakusa, on the other hand, strikes a balance between the two, always quick to bark back if he isn't satisfied, yet quick to let him turn to silence and maintain communication all the same.

"i love ya," atsumu says. his own voice sounds garbled to his ears, but he's said it enough to know how the vowels are shaped, what the tones are, how to modulate so it's in a murmur.

if sakusa says something back, atsumu wouldn't hear it, so instead, his hand releases his to press over his heart, a kiss pressed to his cheek, and a whisper to his ear that tickles him, shapeless to be whatever atsumu wants to imagine. however, there's only one response to him.

"i love you too.”

--

inspiration: this fanart of sakusa and atsumu <3

[wormtoxin]

watch this space

[Image ID: A cover illustration titled "Saltdogs". A subtitle reads "Commercial-diving mech combat. W. Toxin". A round mech with bright-yellow high visibility plating stands in a blue ocean. Sitting on top of it, a dark-skinned woman in fatigues smokes a cigarette. Her right arm is amputated. End ID.]

[open-hearth-rpg]

Journeys: Great RPG Mechanics #RPGMechanics: Week Five

In Playing at the World Jon Peterson mentions the impact of the board game Outdoor Survival (1972). It influenced early D&D– framing the act of crossing wild distances as an adventure unto itself, with perils beyond monsters. This theme appeared in several early board games– traveling out into a blank map, filling it in, and dealing with random events (Source of the Nile, Magic Realm, The Mystic Wood). The third booklet of original Dungeons & Dragons, “The Underworld & Wilderness Adventures,” specifically references Outdoor Survival and using it in play. 

So, while dungeons have always captured the imagination, travelling through great spans has always been a close-run second. The popularity of hex-crawls and point-crawls, moving through unknown space, illustrates something basic. There’s no functional difference between different spaces and locations within a game. A dungeon, in terms of motion through it, mechanically operates like a forest or a city. The party moves through a space and arrives at an event. There’s some description possibly of the passage, but functionally it is the same. 

The difference lies in the trappings and mechanics: time, obstacles, physicality, travel resources, etc. There are some meta-considerations as well. I remember running a city-based campaign which had a set of maps I’d drawn of different neighborhoods and areas. I had a player complain that he wanted a traveling campaign, to see different things. I explained that the city was varied and interesting– going to other places and neighborhoods could be just as cool. We went back and forth as I tried to drill down on what he wanted. 

It eventually came out that he wanted a game where his character could loot, destroy, and shit on folks and then move on. Having a game in a city meant he’d have to deal with people and potentially suffer consequences. 

In any case, if time and distance function mechanically the same across different sizes and instances (dungeon, wilderness, city), how does a game differentiate? The most common tool has been random encounters– with chances varying based on the terrain. Different environments have different appearance rates. That’s an approach ubiquitous to early FRPGs. That might then be elaborated with guidelines for speed, exhaustion, weather, supply, and encumbrance. The level depends on how crunchy the game is. In fact these kinds of systems have been a hallmark of trad approaches. 

So it was interesting to see a more modern, story-driven game take a swing at travel and work to integrate it into play. The One Ring (with the original subtitle of Adventures over the Edge of the Wild) aims for this. TOR has some trappings of the trad game, like Encumbrance but handled simply. It has the need for a map and the calculation of possible distance and travel time. Resolution here goes through setting route, judging distance, multiplying by terrain, and comparing that to speed. That generally determines the number of fatigue tests being made. 

Those tests are made by the traveling companions, with each having a different role. We have the Guide (making decisions), Scout (setting up camp), Huntsman (finding food), Look-out Man (keeping watch). Journeys have a set procedure beyond fatigue tests with players carrying out their role and comparing it to a hazard target, with different events possible.   

Forbidden Lands takes a page from TOR, echoing this procedure. It falls somewhere between Mutant: Year Zero’s zone exploration and TOR’s role system. In practice it feels a little more mechanical and wearing than a Tolkien-esque journey. Forbidden Land’s travel can be brutal– that’s a feature of the base game system. The land is supposed to be harsh, newly opened after a post-apocalyptic calamity. In that sense it works, but in play it can seem absolutely punishing for players who don’t expect it. I definitely want to explore travel in play– with something more than just an Undertake a Perilous Journey move. In theory I love the idea of a deep journey procedure, but neither TOR or FL exactly hit what I want. The former feels like too much calculation and too many rolls potentially and the latter like a procedure for beating down the player’s resources. I love the idea of Journey mechanics, but I want something which falls in the middle of those– offers interesting play, adds to the story, and feels like the sweeping grandeur of crossing great distances.

[that-left-turn]

I saw ep 1 of TBOC. It’s not gonna be the show we want for Caryl. Reedus is trying to hang on to us to pump up his cash cow dreams of being Daryl forever. I’m no fool and he doesn’t have me anymore. He keeps telling us this is his show but MMB was always a part of it? If that’s true why isn’t it called Cherokee Rose or something that nods to both of them. If no one else smells the lie yet I pity you. Best hour of anything twd ever is bait.

I think if someone genuinely enjoyed the storytelling of S1, they might like TBOC. Realistically, viewers have to expect writing that Zabel is capable of delivering and I don't think it represents what most Carylers are looking for in the show. He has a set of tropes and certain imagery that he'll hit again and again, regardless of what the show is. If you're fine with that, maybe you'll like it, but Nicotero was in charge for a good chunk of time and Gimple was free during post to stick his grubby fingers into the pie. It's never a sign of good quality when executive power shifts hands between people with very different visions for the show.

Norman needs Daryl and this spinoff. Listen to what he says: in many interviews, he mentions being tired of playing the same character story beats over and over. That's bound to happen when you stick with a project this long; actors get creative fatigue and that's why many of them leave long-running shows. He also says that he hopes the spinoff will go on for years and years. That's an indication that he either needs the project financially or other offers (that he likes or is willing to entertain) aren't coming in. Norman wants the audience to love him, so he tries to retcon all the bts drama. He should stick to hyping the coming season instead of rehashing things that will make the target demographic less likely to watch. No matter how he tries to spin it, this is his show and no, Melissa wasn't always part of it.

Being "a part of" something is still less than being the costar. That was the core of the original Caryl spinoff. They would both feature equally because the concept centered on their dynamic and chemistry. If you're left out of the title (a 1-season awkward subtitle isn't the equivalent of being a title character), you're second on the call sheet and the title cards credit you after your colleague, then there's nothing equal about how the two of you are perceived on set and in meetings, or the respect you're given. Whether you're listened to and how serious you'll be taken.

The title is really all you need as evidence that Melissa wasn't always part of the reimagined show and that she's considered 'less than.' Even if S3 were to be titled "The Book of Caryl," Carol and Melissa are still just a footnote, but if the show goes back to just being Daryl Dixon? That definitely and definitively says, this isn't your show. The billing in the title cards is the other 'smoking gun.' Fade in/fade out billing might look pretty to the regular viewer, but to anyone who works in the industry or in an industry-adjacent field, (title) credits detail the production power hierarchy. If her name isn't on the same title card at the same time as his, there's a power differential between them. His say weighs heavier.

"Best hour of anything TWD ever" is definitely bait. AMC (and Norman) need Carylers to watch. Everything that's been said and done to placate and draw back Carylers indicate that TPTB are concerned about viewership and that they know they need the Caryl fans. Despite that, they're emphasizing the 'friends' narrative and that should make Carylers more cautious. It's an indication that the payoff to their character arcs isn't there. Like I've said before, I don't know how the emotional climax of 206 will look onscreen, but the conceit of the script—you can't change the structure of the plot in post—is problematic and very poor storytelling.

My advice to anyone who's watching is to manage your expectations. Take what we know from previous exposure to Zabel's writing, and Nicotero and Gimple's preferences into account.

Melissa has input on Carol's character arc, but how that will actually look onscreen is determined by Zabel's writing abilities and studio/EP interference. Unless Melissa's contract terms state that she has complete creative control of her character arc (and it won't unless she also happens to be the showrunner), her vision for Carol will have filtered through many other people. Don't mistake what you see on the show for "what Melissa wants." Nobody will say, "We'll do as Melissa says because she knows her character the best," during a production meeting. TV production is a collaborative process, but it isn't democratic or "fair."

Realistic viewer expectations for TBOC would include:

a focus on the external plot and the visuals

a trite "message"

action sequences (The one thing which may have improved by having Nicotero in charge instead of Zabel)

Gimple-era 'action Carol'

Don't expect talks about emotions unless it's shipbait and please, don't expect canon. Especially not explicit, unambiguous canon. If that happens, you'll be positively surprised and if it doesn't, you won't be gutted. Nicotero likes to shipbait blondes and he doesn't care for the connective tissue that binds a story together. Zabel comes from network TV where keeping the leads apart, in an indefinite 'will they, won't they' by any artificial means, is how they hooked viewers to tune in week after week.

[linisiane]

What do Rick Sanchez, Don Quixote, and Harry Du Bois Have in Common?

In all three of these stories, these characters are ‘self-aware’ in that they intentionally play into the tropes of the stories they’re satirizing (Rick Sanchez satirizing sitcoms, Don Quixote satirizing chivalric romances, and Harry Dubois satirizing roleplaying games). However, the trick to their ‘self-awareness’ is that they’re lying to themselves.

This post is LONG, so feel free to skip to the end if you're just interested in "The Self-Aware Player of Harry Du Bois" (in bolded green) if you don't feel like reading the rest of the analysis. I go into the meaning of the political vision quests, the meaning of the 4th wall breaking RPG elements like copotypes and Jamrock Shuffling, and the effect this has on the player's relationship to Harry Du Bois!

(Common) Rick Sanchez (L)

Although Rick acts like he can see the audience and uses marketable catchphrases like “Wubbalubbadubdub” to appeal to sitcom sensibilities (“Bazinga;” “Did I do that?” “Legen- Wait For It -Dary;” etc.), the truth of the matter is that WITHIN HIS REALITY, he is not a sitcom character.

He truly does not know he’s in a sitcom.

He’s just an asshole.

ID A screenshot from the show Rick and Morty, with subtitled dialogue that says: Wubbalubbadubdub! That's my new thing! I'm kind of like, what's his name, Arsenio! Wubbalubbadubdub! See you next week. Beside the screenshot is a picture of the mentioned Arsenio, who is the titular character to a sitcom called The Arsenio Hall Show End ID

Rick has ATROCIOUS main character syndrome. Truly obnoxious. We happen to be enjoying (debate-able) it from our TV screens, but he doesn’t know that! Hoe’s just calling his family ‘side characters’ and taking them on traumatizing ‘B plot’ adventures to humor-cope with his multiverse induced nihilism. (it is NOT WORKING)

Dan Harmon, as a big fan of the storytelling theory behind sitcoms, has a thing for these type of self-aware-but-not-really characters in his shows. Abed (from his other well-known sitcom named ‘Community') is basically a film student obsessed with film tropes—

Which means he’s eternally making meta self-aware quips on the show without actually being self-aware. He’s not Deadpool, he's just a movie nerd.

It's a wink and a nod to show the audience, Hey, we’re aware that nowadays people are savvy enough to comment on when they’re in a wacky sitcom plot.

This is ‘some looney tunes type shit,’ amirite guys?

(This trick is called lampshading, it got popular recently with Marvel movies and the influence of Joss Whedon's writing (@dingdongyouarewrong), but it's also going through a bit of cliche fatigue right now. "That happened" jokes are an example that I know so many people are sick of, partly because it feels like writers include self-awareness/lampshading as a shield from criticism by pretending you can't critique a problem they're self-aware about!

Let me highlight it to you in the rest of this essay as a tool in satire/pastiche.)

'Donkey Hotel' (according to my speech to text)

To explain Donkey Hotel's deal, I must remark: This guy is on some ancient mental illness type beat.

Now, in the ancient era of Hippocrates, there used to be the hot idea that there are four major human temperaments, and these temperaments are influenced by the balances of liquids in our body called humors. And that an imbalance of the four would lead to an over representing of a temperament.

Don Quixote had a 'Choleric' temperament, which is an overrepresentation of yellow bile and characterized with qualities such as 'hot and dry' and emotional irregularities such as increased anger or behaving irrationally. That's our knight!

Now obviously we know that the idea of 4 Humors in our body controlling our temperament is a BS simplification of mental health, BUT, there’s usually a kernel of truth in ancient theories. The universe really was made up of elements like Aristotle theorized, just not the fire, earth, water, air that he thought they were.

Similarly, our author our man, Cervantes, was using the 4 Humors more to develop a physical/biological explanation to Don's mental illness.

All this to say, Don Quixote is currently deluding himself into believing he is a gallant knight, off to defend the honor of his lady love, the total paragon of a chivalric romance novel because, and I quote, “he became so absorbed in his books that he spent his nights from sunset to sunrise, and his days from dawn to dark, poring over them; and what with little sleep and much reading his brains got so dry that he lost his wits.”

Let's pause.

An escapist stupor that completely wiped the mind of its host?

(FANART BY @so-engery! Check them out!)

ID Two images. One is is Gustave Dore's "Don Quixote Dreaming" drawing. The other is Disco Elysium fanart by Marie Enger @so-engery. Both showcase the main character of their respective works, slumped and surrounded by mad figments of their imagination, highlighting the parallels between the two. Harry with his Skill voices and Don with knights and fairytale creatures. End ID.

That’s our boy, Harrier Du Bois right there!

And while obviously Harry's condition at the start of Disco Elysium is more based on modern understanding of psychology (aka alcohol did it to him, not intense insomnia and a chivalric romance bookathon), it’s real neat we get this this little parallel before we even dig into Harry!

Now, with that neat explanation of why he’s self-aware out of the way, Don Quixote’s deal: Again, he’s not actually self-aware, he’s quite possibly the opposite of self-aware, and EVERYBODY (even the audience!) knows it. He’s only self aware in the sense that he’s acting like a character in a fictional story, which he is, but he’s got the wrong genre.

He thinks he’s in an action/romance, but he’s actually in real life—A satire of the action/romance genre!

Well, caveat.

Is Don Donning the 'Don' Inspirationally or is he Donning the 'Don' to Act as a Don About the Downs of Chivalry?

I read it as Don Quixote donning the 'don' title to act as a don at the college of 'please touch grass and stop romanticizing romantic chivalry.'

A super popular adaptational take, however, is to read him like he's an inspirational dreamer held back by a harsh reality.

Big Nate's Book Reviews on YouTube did a sweet review that highlights this perspective, along with his lil doobie,

that Don Quixote's perspective brings fresh child-like imagination and fantasy to the mundanity of the lives of the people around him. Nate says that Don Quixote and Sancho are "Truly the homies;" they're the first times he's ever felt that he could "find friends in characters in a book."

So there's definitely a joy and a message to the dreamer reading! BUT I tend to be a bit cynical about this, like it can feel a bit too similar to USAmerican Exceptionalism to me.

To clarify what I mean, let's do a Rick parallel.

Don Quixote, as a character, is more similar to the FANS of Rick and Morty than he is to Rick. (Which is its own commentary about how little we have progressed as a society since this book was published like 400 years ago, but also the way media is influenced by prior media.)

To explain THAT, lemme first say that there’s a sort of meta irony (which is how I describe this phenomena according to J-Reg’s theory of satire, but I don’t know the actual name of this) in the ‘he’s just like me fr’ guys. ‘Literally me’ guys. Guys who pseudo imitate Patrick Bateman, literally any Ryan gosling character, etc.

ID A youtube screenshot of 3 different videos titled "literally me" "Literally Me" or "Literally me (I'm mentally insane)" with different Ryan Reynolds characters as the thumbnail. In the "I'm mentally insane" video description, one of the tags is the word "sigma." End ID

Often these characters are meant to be made fun of as parodies of another trope, like Don Quixote is to a chivalric romance protagonist, but there’s a certain subset of the audience that is either too dumb to get it or just doesn’t have the context or background to get it.

Like the dudes who watch fight club, and just end up making fight clubs of their own. Or the way people misinterpreted Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA’ as celebrating the US, instead of its true message of lambasting the US for its hypocritical treatment of its veterans. Or the glorification of Rorschach from Watchmen despite him basically being a MAGA. Or the way USAmericans didn’t get Starship Troopers because it was a parody of US military fascism.

There are tons of examples of these because of satire usually says more about the reader/viewer than it does about the author, like a Rorschach test (he really is aptly named). (And it’s why it’s more often fascists/conservatives wildly misinterpreting leftist media. People are more likely to come with a conservative perspective than vice versa bc conservatism is, by its definition, the norm. Though this does still happen on more progressive sides e.g. TJLC.) They didn't see or chose not to see the irony.

Cue the Reddit dudebros misinterpreting Disco Elysium as pro centrist or “all ideologies are equally bad" and the INSANE 'you have to have a high IQ...' 'rick is good and objectively correct' Rick and Morty fans.

ID Two screenshots. One of the infamous "To Be Fair, You Have To Have a Very High IQ to Understand Rick and Morty" copypasta. One of a Disco Elysium Reddit post titled "Disco Elysium is Not Politically In Favor Of Any Ideology." End ID

Speaking of Rick and Morty fans, this is what I mean by the idea that Don Quixote is more like Rick's fans than he is like Rick. Much like the way Don un-self-aware-ly misinterprets his satirical reality for the chivalric romance of his favorite novels, so too do Rick and Morty fans un-self-aware-ly misinterpret Rick's nihilist satire on the sitcom for what is cool and good to do in real life. Plus, I can totally see these type of dudes unironically saying "Milady" to keep chivalry alive. But, there's one level further to this, beyond even seeing the irony, which I call the 'he's just like me fr' guys.

Now, in the case of the 'he's just like me fr' guys, it's not that they're mistaking the satire for sincerity—they totally understand that Patrick Bateman is a satirical take on Yuppie 'grind till you make it alpha' culture.

They're doing a secret third thing—meta irony—where they understand that Patrick Bateman is meant to be bad but act like they're un-self-aware and missed the irony anyway.

It's supposed to be a joke, buuuuut it's a joke the same way people will say "SLAY!" as a joke until it's unironically a part of their vocabulary. The ambiguity is key.

I'd argue that the dreamer Quixote approach is an application of 'he's just like me fr' view to Don Quixote, where he's 'a Chad rejecting reality in favor of the perseverance of man's whimsy' to some people, even as they joke that he's delusional ("Literally me (I'm mentally insane)").

Don Quixote certainly isn't doing it on purpose—again, he's un-self-aware, and he even got bullied out of it in part 2 (which admittedly I haven't read). Yet, there's a genuine sadness there of a man with such a penchant for adventure getting bullied that makes you wanna start humoring him.

It's ironic but not: Meta irony.

ID A screenshot of Jreg's "Post-Irony, Meta-Irony, and Post-Truth Satire (Video)" thumbnail. End ID

But yeah, meta irony is all fine and dandy when it's about slaying, but when it's about emulating the patriarchal psychopath, Patrick Bateman, or using edge-y humor to spread alt-right talking points, you start to wonder if there can be something insidious to the 'he's just like me fr' approach.

To put it best, the wild popularity of the Dreamer Don Quixote interpretation feels like the result of USAmerican 'grind till you make it' 'individual exceptionalism' 'it would suck for you, but i'm built different' values distorting the absurdity of being a reality denying dreamer, the same way we struggle to understand the Starship Troopers because it just feels normal/celebratory to us.

Don Quixote

So I think Don Quixote resonates strongest, for me, in the way it boldly states that reality is beautiful and worth living in without needing the opium of escapist fantasy.

For one, Cervantes is a rare ye olden feminist king who takes the time to point out that one man's escapist chivalric masculine fantasy is another woman's misogynistic reality.

To demonstrate, he has many examples of female characters telling off men for projecting romantic fantasies on them, but a more relevant way is how he writes Don Quixote as literally renaming some random woman he's never met 'Dulcinea' because he's decided she is his Lady he's given his eternal servitude to.

He renames her Dulcinea because it's "a name, to his mind, musical, uncommon, and significant, like all those he had already bestowed upon himself and the things belonging to him."

Which is PEAK satire of the misogynistic objectification of chivalry. If only the Rick and Morty "Milady" stans had the self-awareness this book had 400 years ago.

(Sidebar, but does anybody else think Don Quixote would make an absolutely killer Drag King persona? Don Queerote... Plus the ballet about him would help with the pre-existing choreo/music. Just a thought!)

But on another level, Don Quixote is full of interesting characters or stories outside of the chivalric knight conceit!

ID Pen illustrations (aka engravings by Gustave Dore) of two events happening simultaneously at the same inn in Don Quixote. The one above is of Don's assault on the wineskins in his sleep. The one below is of the reunion of Dorotea, Luscinda, Cardenio, and Fernando in the inn. End ID

People often clown on the novel for having so much time dedicated to the soap opera antics of side characters totally unrelated to the knight plot, but their antics being outside of Quixote's chivalric view emphasizes how life is interesting even when you're not following a delusional knight lifestyle!

Romance and reunions and betrayals that Don never really understands because he's too busy fighting windmills and wineskins! Yes, the delusion allowed him to go out and explore the world, but there's something so silly and sad about missing whimsy of real life in favor of living in escapist Knight Fanfiction. Reading about Cervantes's soap-opera-worthy life only reinforces this whimsy for reality and touching grass.

The Self-Aware Player of Harry Du Bois

Preface: My main experience is JRPGs, not so much other Western RPGs and tabletop games. So although I’m saying it’s a satire of these tropes, and I noticed a lot of these things as ‘satire’ and 'parody,' I’m not totally enmeshed in the subculture the creators were going for, so I might need some corrections. 

Finally, this transitions into the deal with Harry! It's fascinating to me to think about how satire is used as the 'touch grass' or 'be fucking for real' genre. Oftentimes it's making fun of tropes/conventions by humorously contrasting them with reality—so how does this play out with the RPG!?

Weeellll, it goes hand in hand with the idea of RPGs as escapist power fantasy. RPGs are often thought of as the ultimate self-insert fantasy by its detractors or worst players, ahem looking at all those DND horror stories about entitled mangsty murderhobos.

One of the most infamous criticisms of Disco Elysium is its lackluster combat.

ID A screenshot of a random forum discussion post by dungeon master Zed Duke of Banville. It reads: "Disco Elysium has neither combat nor exploration, and therefore is missing two of the three fundamental components (or sets of components) that define the RPG genre." End ID

The game has essentially bordered off your ability to make Harry into a power fantasy murderhobo because you just are physically unable to equip an longsword or cuisse to murder your average citizen on the street of Martinaise.

But even on a less mangsty level, it subverts a lot of the basic expectations of RPGs.

Like the encounter with the racist lorry driver! You never get the ability or quest to change his mind, you only choose how you react to him.

Where other RPGs might let you act as the white savior or the white knight of chivalric romance, no questions asked, you're changing the minds of everybody who's wrong so we can all get along, Disco Elysium really makes you confront your ability to whiteknight, makes you confront if whiteknighting is even helpful, and why you wanted to whiteknight in the first place.

It’s part of the fun/humor experience of Disco Elysium that you at first expect to solve the world’s problems with a couple quests and lines of ‘good’ dialogue and then get socked in the faced with the fact that yeah, you can’t do much, you’re one person, what did you expect, asshole? Cuno doesn't fucking care!

ID a screenshot of Disco Elysium dialogue YOU - "Don't call it a dump, you've made it nice and cosy here." NOVELTY DICEMAKER - "Yeah." She stares out of the window, not really hearing your words. "Or maybe it's the entire world that's cursed? It's such a precarious place. Nothing ever works out the way you wanted." "That's why people like role-playing games. You can be whoever you want to be. You can try again. Still, there's something inherently violent even about dice rolls." "It's like every time you cast a die, something disappears. Some alternative ending, or an entirely different world...." She picks up a pair of dice from the table and examines them under the light. End ID

Like, Neha is highlighting this little meta element of how you can stack your Harry in any RPG to pursue a certain ending or situation, but the actual outcome is still influenced by a dice roll out of your control.

A lot of the satirical humor in Disco Elysium comes from the absurdity that you can do everything right or everything wrong, and the dice can still fuck it up or save it for you—not just for things like high-fantasy attacks, but mundane things like remembering your name.

The dice are, at their core, about how RPGs aren't just for the control fantasy, of winning high-fantasy battles, but also can represent life as it is, mundane and uncontrollable.

Similarly, Harry is clearly written—complete with all the 'lore' that this would entail—to couch his RPG protagonist nature in the real.

If RPG characters are blank slates? Let's give ours amnesia! Need fast travel?! Kim teases the 41st Precinct for constantly running everywhere by calling it the Jamrock Shuffle. He needs to have deep and intimate conversations with everyone, even when they're strangers? Yeah, that's so weird we gave him the name 'Human Can-Opener,' and everybody remarks on his uncanny manipulation skills.

It's commenting on difference between controlling an RPG avatar and navigating in a human body.

As Kurvits said: “In reality we do not have control, or complete control, of our minds. Just like our body, it is something that we give-not even commands wishes to, and we hope it's gonna do it. We hope it's not gonna break down, we hope it's not gonna rebel against us.”

In one type of RPG fantasy, we don't even question our total control and even assume the joy is from the control. But in Disco Elysium, we lack control and find joy in it anyway. That is the fun of the game making us, the players, 'self-aware' about its RPG elements, and it especially resonates with anybody not able-bodied, anybody neurodivergent.

Harry Du Bois and Self-Awareness: Copotypes? More like Cope-otypes.

So that's on Disco Elysium and being aware of RPG elements in general, but let's deep dive into Harry and his Copotypes and political alignments like the OP!

I kind of want to round this last one out with what this all means. WHY am I, and others, linking self-awareness and satire? What's the link here?

Irony is one of the major tools of satirical writing, and there's always a little irony in being self-aware and doing it anyway, I think. It's specifically that Meta-Ironic element/Lampshading that is so rich for Touch-Grass satire because it parallels the futility/irony of self-awareness in real life.

The copotypes work this way.

ID A screenshot of a youtube comment. @jbeast3385 "Harry fundamentally takes on extreme interpretations of every ideology in the game as a coping mechanism for the tragedy that is his life, and it's amazing to see the amount of care given to extending an understanding of why each ideology appeals to his fractured mind. Each quest makes him something of a Don Quixote, searching for a purer purpose through political thought, failing spectacularly with it, but still fundamentally developing him and inspiring others beside him." End ID

The copotypes and the political alignments are a parody of classes and moral alignments. Rather than being a knight or a wizard, you're a superstarcop or a sorrycop! They don't do much, like there are no fireballs for an art cop, but they do poke fun at the ways the player is choosing to play Harry! Instead of chaotic good or neutral evil, you can be a communard or an ultralib! Which both involve spouting hilariously inappropriate talking points to the other citizens of Revachol.

What's fascinating, as @fagcrisis of this post says, is that these alignments are statements of how your Harry copes with the real world and the past/how he justifies what he does.

From the Solution to the Boring Cop Thought:

When someone says something political, the first three thoughts in your head are a ludicrous hodgepodge of communism, fascism and stock tips. When they ask you why you did something, it's superstardom, apocalypse, or the *mea culpas* of a flagellant cop monk

You start off making some choices based on the limited dialogue options of Harry's bizarre personality. If you play it like any other RPG power fantasy, BAM, the game hits you with the "Regular Law Official" thought, and you're labeled "Boring Cop." Or if you're apologizing to get the 'good' route, BAM, the game hits you with the "Rigorous Self-Critique" thought, and you're labelled "Sorry Cop!"

The game makes you 'aware' of your playing style, a little poke to say 'Stop being so scared of failures! You're boring! Sorry is not enough! Stop trying to be 'lawful good' (ACAB) and be a human!'

From the same Solution:

It's not easy, reaching for the fourth option -- the normal one. But you have. And now you're not *just* crazy, you're also *boring*.

Some people get this taste of self-awareness and fully embrace diving into the deep end of the game—Disco baby! Others lean into the sorry/boring/moralist cop in an ironic 'self-aware' sort of way—like the technique of Lampshading, since we're our own writers as RPG players.

But on a Harry level, it's also about HIM becoming self-aware of his habits, of internalizing these thoughts about his actions, his past, his coping mechanisms.

Seeking either “sweet oblivion” or to become “a different kind of animal,” many of the possible roleplaying choices are rooted in his desire to forget, evade or reframe the past. Whether self-destruction through drug abuse, fantasies of superstardom or visions of impending doom; it’s all in the service of not wanting to face the past, and the disastrous effects Harry’s continuous failure to do so has had on his life. - Vice

As the @fagcrisis of this post noted, Dora pretty much ALWAYS mentions the way Harry escapes reality by thinking of himself as an archetype, like other people are NPCs in an RPG. "like hes a self aware character but in the shitty way where him knowing he is a character and him acting like it only makes it worse because there isnt a story to escape from, he just cant cope with the real world" He's pulling a meta-ironic ''he's just like me fr" with Guillaume Le Million (who hangs himself) and superstardom the way "he's just like me fr" guys do it for Ryan Gosling.

And each copotype and political alignment are an opportunity to satirically critique the flaws and failures of each coping mechanism.

Cope-otype: Fascism

"Fascism, being marked, according to Paxton, by a need to compensate for humiliation, promises easy solutions to someone like Harry. It’s a crutch to prop up threatened masculinity, a rhetoric to shift blame for personal failings to ominous outside forces." - Vice

This game's satirical take on fascism is sort of perfect, literally making it about the lower intestines, 'gut instinct,' and bullshit (@spilledkaleidoscope). To be frank, fascists are 'full of shit,' and the vision quest highlights the way fascism isn't about a coherent ideology like 'returning to the past,' but rather it's a hodgepodge of SHIT thrown together to prop up hurt ego, threatened masculinity, of giving an easy scape-goated answer to the question of how Harry's supposed to face his past and his future.

The answer? He shoots it.

It's accurate in a way that doesn't reinforce the 'cool' aesthetics and pageantry fascism is obsessed with, what with literally calling fascists full of shit and all. Kim notices your change in expression, your stoic 'noble suffering' fascist face, and immediately calls it constipated. Bless.

Yet, even as Kim calls you out, even as you're aware of fascism's failures, how it destroys you ala Harry Du Bois -> Detective Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau, Fascist!Harry still believes because he can't face a wounded ego.

Cope-otype: Ultralib

Ultralibs on the other hand? I think it's telling that Idiot Doom Spiral is basically ultralib Harry's foil and a major questline NPC—the one who gives you Tequila Sunset.

Even the names are foils. Idiot Doom Spiral names himself that way to romanticize it, to make it into a marketable story, "but it keeps him in this state too, like a vicious cycle. The name ‘George’ is a name that still connects him to humanity," while Idiot Doom Spiral is a way to 'accept his place' even though it's miserable and keeps him from doing something about it, nor connect with other people, as @kindaeccentric put it in this post.

Similarly, the megarich light bending guy in the UltraLib quest LITERALLY is much more unlikely to connect with poorer people because the Rougon-Macquart coefficient literally dictates that we cannot see the richest people because their networth bends the light around them. It's an inversion of the way rich people are ignorant to poverty in real life, and here's a really good fic that covers this coefficient!

Finally, this mirrors Tequila Sunset as a name as well, the way it's a cope for hating himself. Instead of being miserable, he glorifies his misery by calling himself a funky, disco drink name, even as it symbolizes being washed up or even symbolizes the pale swallowing all, depending on how you play him (@palin-tropos).

So much of the ultralib plotline is about adding value — whether by sprucing yourself up with a new name like Tequila or Idiot or by 're-conceptualization' — through stuff like grind/hustle culture. An obsession with increasing networth but also 'giving back' to the community, as philanthropists put it.

But the satire of the ultralib vision quest is highlighting how hollow 'adding value' is, how much of it's just competition for wealth for the sake of wealth with no real meaningful answer or value.

ID Two screenshots of the game Disco Elysium. The first is of the horseback monument as it is. A matrix of cables and ropes isolate the fragmented bits in thin air. The second is described as this through in-game dialogue: HORSEBACK MONUMENT - The scaffolding around the old monument has been taken down, In its place are the spoils of your investment. Numerous rods and ropes still hold the original reassemblage in place. YOU- Reflect on the re-conceptualization. HORSEBACK MONUMENT - An apricot sceptre shines party-bright across the monument. Glitter balls dangle like severed heads below the eternal king of disco. It is unmistakably a vision of you in your prime -- a killer on the performance floor, icon for all. End ID

It's 'reconceptualizing' the Horseback Monument — the symbol of both the bombing of the revolution and the enduring of spirit the communards anyways, the way they've built a monument to freeze in time the moment of the profligate king being blown up — by building it in your own image. The fact that to do so you need to exploit the labor of an artist so you can make a profit, and it doesn't truly 'give back' to the community in any way. In fact, it's almost the opposite, like you've ruined the community monument by painting yourself AS THE KING.

It's why even Harry admits that "You're just insane, insane and gone. Even six billion won't fix you if she’s not there." Each copotype and political ideology contends with their own version of this as Harry learns to grow and face his past head on.

The Marriage of Fictional Conventions and Real Human Psychology

In the end, you can't just lean into an ideology or an archetype and hope that it'll answer all you problems.

But more than that — being self-aware about your issues doesn't solve anything either, no more than lampshading "fixes" any problems with your TV show.

It is this parallel between what Harry learns as he progresses and what the player learns as they progress that makes us empathize/resonate with Harry.

From acting erratically, then realizing it's part of an ideology, self-awarely adopting an ideology, to seeing how it fails and learning not to hide behind it. From "He's a blank slate so I can project my power fantasy onto him," then "I don't actually have a lot of power or control here," to "He's not just my RPG character, he's a person."

He's becoming a person, twice over.

It's ludonarrative resonance or consistency. A marriage of literary convention and real human psychology, on two scales.

And this resonance demonstrates why this genre of self-aware pastiche character is so popular: At it's best, you're forced to contend with the characters as fully realized people, paradoxically because they highlight the difference between fictional conventions and reality.

By acknowledging and poking fun of the fictional conventions, Harry Du Bois, Don Quixote, and Rick Sanchez feel more real to us.

And their stories come packaged with rich themes about dangers of disconnecting yourself from reality and the short distance 'self-awareness' alone can take you, which will resonate with almost every one of us here on the Internet. At least, I know it resonated with me.

BONUS:

Shen Yuan from Scum Villain Self-Saving System (@whetstonefires) also fits this list!!!!!!