#still not actually posting but this is the best place to keep this

[glowettee]

✧˖° how to stop self-sabotaging your success (and finally commit to doing the work)

post 1 post 2

hi angel, mindy here. let’s talk. because i know you want this. you want to be that student who shows up for herself/himself. you want to stop making excuses. you want to feel proud of yourself when this is all over. so why do you keep putting up roadblocks in your own way? why do you keep pulling yourself away from the very thing you know you need to do?

self-sabotage is not laziness. it’s fear, it’s perfectionism, it’s comfort, it’s this deep, quiet resistance that whispers, what if i try and fail? so you never fully try.

but guess what? we’re breaking that cycle today. right now.

✧˖° the illusion of "i’ll do it later"

procrastination is a liar with a pretty voice. it tells you that you’ll do it when you feel more ready, when you’re in a better mood, when the circumstances are just right. but the truth? later is just a hiding place.

so next time you catch yourself saying “i’ll do it tonight” or “tomorrow is better,” stop. ask yourself: what makes later better than now? if you don’t have a solid answer, it’s just fear talking.

✧˖° you’re scared of what happens when you actually succeed

self-sabotage isn’t just about the fear of failure. sometimes, it’s the fear of what happens when you actually get what you’ve been working toward.

because success? means expectations. it means proving that you can do it again. it means stepping into a version of yourself that no longer has excuses. and that can be terrifying.

but here’s the truth: the version of you that’s waiting on the other side of this work? she’s not a stranger. she’s still you, just with more proof of what you’re capable of.

✧˖° your study habits are built around guilt, not discipline

if studying always feels like punishment, if your entire academic routine is built around the feeling of “i should be doing more,” of course you’re going to resist it.

so let’s shift this. instead of studying because you have to, start studying because you deserve to succeed. because you want to feel prepared. because the version of you who walks into that exam room with confidence? deserves to exist.

make studying feel like an investment, not a punishment. romanticize it. find ways to make it an experience you don’t want to run from. pinterest is your best friend, studytok is your motivator and me (@glowettee is your mentor 😉)

✧˖° you wait for motivation instead of creating discipline

motivation is like a guest who shows up unannounced. sometimes, she arrives when you least expect it, and sometimes, she ghosts you for weeks.

discipline, though? discipline is the friend who always shows up. she’s reliable. she doesn’t wait until she “feels like it.” she just does it, because that’s who she is.

so stop waiting for motivation to hit like some kind of magical burst of energy. instead, set up routines that make studying non-negotiable. that make it feel natural. like brushing your teeth, like making your bed, like second nature.

✧˖° self-sabotage is a pattern. patterns can be broken.

if you’ve spent years avoiding hard work, of course your brain is going to resist when you suddenly decide to commit. your instincts are wired to avoid discomfort.

but the good news? self-sabotage is a learned habit. which means you can unlearn it. every time you choose to sit down and do the work, even when you don’t want to, you are rewriting your patterns. you are proving to yourself that you are not the same person who gives up.

and eventually? showing up for yourself won’t feel like a battle anymore. it will feel normal. it will feel like who you are.

✧˖° this is the moment you choose differently

look, you can close this post and keep doing what you’ve always done. you can keep waiting for some magical day when it all feels easy. or you can make a decision, right here, right now.

you can decide that you are done getting in your own way. that you are done letting fear win. that you are done delaying your own success.

because the version of you who is already succeeding? she is not far away. she is right there, waiting for you to step into her shoes.

it’s time, angel. show up.

love you all sooo much <3 i hope this post can help you understand; self-discipline > motivation

with love, mindy

[your-unfriendlyghost]

🌼Evie🌼

Had this drawing of her that I haven’t posted (I think) and I like it so here we are (the background is a stock image fyi I just edited it some- coulda easily done my own but man I just don’t feel like it)

Anyhow I have a few headcannons about her that’re partially for the Steviepop-Tex AU, and here feels like a good place to put ‘em- so they’re under the cut

-She used to smoke, but medical school turned her off of cigarettes.

-She never seems to remember to pick up after herself. She’s very clean- can’t stand dirt or dust- but very messy. 

-She wanted to be a model or a cowgirl back when she was a kid. She’s older now, and she’s a part-time nurse, part-time hairdresser. Deep down she still wants to be a cowgirl.

-She’s a good mechanic, but she hates the feeling of motor oil and the smell of gasoline. Not enough so to keep her from working at the DX gas station for three years, or to dislike the way grease and gasoline cling to her boyfriend, but enough to turn her off of wanting to be a mechanic as a career. Besides, she’s a girl. She doesn’t wanna work such a masculine job. She feels masculine enough as is. (it’s the 60s-70s I’m sorry lol)

-She had a crush on Soda before she met Steve. And then when she first dated Steve she thought Soda was kinda annoying and airheaded. But when she got to know him the crush came right back.

-Evie lets Ponyboy get away with everything- she’s an only child and she kinda immediately latches onto him in a sisterly sorta way. Steve hates this. So much. God he hates it.

-Her and Soda have come to the agreement that if steviepop has kids Steve’s carrying them (Steve is unaware of this conversation) (this makes no sense but they also agree that they can figure it out w/ “modern science”)

-Her mom doesn’t like Steve but does like Soda. …However, she likes how Steve has more money than Soda does.

-Her and Soda are both into horses- she learned to ride illegally in Buck Merril’s stable (Sylvia convinced her sneaking in at night was a good idea) (She’s still shocked they never got caught) (They actually did get caught- Buck just never mentioned it or stopped them)

-Sylvia was her best friend for years (sorta the Dally to her Johnny). They met at age 12, and stuck together until Evie went off to college.

-After that though, Sylvia stopped returning Evie’s calls and letters. Scared of being forgotten, Sylvia sort of self sabotaged herself. Evie still wonders what happened years later but has too much pride to reach out and ask (she cried about it to Steve for months though. Took it more seriously than a breakup.)

-Part of why she’s always been chill with the idea of Steve being bi and into Soda, even tho it’s the 60s, is that she was the only one who knew Sylvia was a lesbian.

-Really wanted to be a mod girl in high school but couldn’t really afford it. (That yellow dress I draw her in is homemade w/ Sylvia’s help)

[shopwitchvamp]

Despairing frustrated rage about tariffs, and only having bad choices ahead:

I've been avoiding making this post for some time now, but today in the latest tariff threats we're staring down the barrel of an additional 25% tariff being put in place on April 2nd for any country that imports Venezuelan oil. If it actually happens that'll put tariffs on Chinese made goods up to 45% (as far as I understand it at least..) and with that, we will have certainly passed the point that I can continue to just eat costs and hope to hold on until things calm down again someday maybe.

With that said we'll be facing a number of pretty much only bad choices in figuring out how to survive this.

A look at those and what might have to change soon under the cut-

I'll be at a decision point on April 2nd, if +25% tariffs happen on top of the 20% that's already in place. Here's the potential actions I'll have to take to keep the shop from crashing & burning within a few months:

1) Raising prices. Well it's obvious that this would be one way to deal with costs going up. Even if my costs are going up 45%, I can't exactly raise prices by 45% and expect anyone to want (or be able) to buy our clothes though. But price increases of 10-20% would have to happen to keep the business sustainable. This would look like mini/skater skirts going from $49.99 to $59.99 (+20%), midis/joggers going from $64.99 to $74.99 (+15%), and maxis going from $69.99 to $79.99 (+14%). I don't want to do this, I will not be making more profit from this (profit would still be down compared to pre-tariffs), and I don't expect it to be received well, but if tariffs are in fact that high.. I don't see any way around a price increase.

2) Not keeping D Size on hand / Additionally raising the price on D Size. So the first part of this, not keeping D Size on hand, already happens at times because certain designs sell so rarely in that size that I can't justify ordering D Size anymore. I always make it available during preorders though, and if any preorders come in for D Size then I'll always get at least a little extra of them (if nothing else than because I usually have to order more than what comes in for preorders to hit the order minimum). I will need to consider making this the way things work deliberately and all of the time because I can't afford the higher cost of D Size only to have it end up sitting in our inventory and not selling when it's on hand. To give an example, D Size skater skirts cost me nearly twice as much as A or B Size. I've been relying on things averaging out alright since I sell so many more A/B/C than D, but with the potential of +45% costs in tariffs it will make D Size so much more expensive that this no longer works. I'll be approching a point of losing money on D Size, and unfortunately the quickest way to lower my average cost is to not order D Size as often. For part two of this one, I could consider raising the price for D Size in the shop so that it's not affecting the overall cost average as much. It may come to that, but I don't think it's the best or most useful idea because I know it will not only upset people- it will also drive down D Size demand even lower, and when it's already the size that sells the least it makes it make even less sense to keep D Size on hand most of the time. So we circle back around to probably just making D Size available mainly during preorder & not keeping them on hand.

3) Purposefully scaling down. There's three parts to this one. One has to do with guest artists, one has to do with my partner, and one is just the scale of the business altogether. For guest artists- with tariffs cutting into profit margins I may end up at a point of not having much to pay them (profits are split 50/50) for their art or to pay me & my partner for our work. We were starting to plan another large collection including guests artists for this summer, but I'm having to rethink if it will be possible or if it makes any sense now. Projects like that might need to be put off until the situation changes. For my partner- my partner was able to quit his job in 2022 and since then he's worked with me full time on the business. If things start looking rocky enough, he would be looking at job hunting for at least part time IT work and pulling back on how involved he is with the business. For the business as a whole- I had a lot of plans in the works for new designs, new collabs, new collections, new types of clothing, etc etc. and all of that could have to be put off, slowed down, or not happen at all. Especially if my partner ends up going back to a "regular" job, I'd be looking at returning the shop to something more like how it was in the 2020-2021 era. Far less new releases, less restocks, keeping less inventory on hand, and so on. Because money/tariffs aside, I would have to go back to handling most things on my own and I can't operate at our current scale solo.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading and I hope I haven't instilled too much fear & panic. We are doing ok right now. We can keep doing ok for at least a few more months even if the tariffs happen. But I want to keep you all informed about what things my look like further down the line. It really sucks to have been doing so well and grown so much over the past few years and to have it all crushed seeminly overnight, but that's what we might be facing. I'll do my best to keep Witch Vamp alive even if it means going backwards to where it's more of a hobby level project and not a livelihood sustaining kind of thing. Then maybe in the future we can power back up when conditions are better..

And who knows, since things are so chaotic and uncertain there's always the chance we luck out and don't get hit with a bunch of this stuff. Right now chances are sounding slim.. but it's possible.

I'll let you all know how things are looking when we maybe know more on April 2nd. See ya then 🖤

[thethreefaes]

“Smart man. He raised a good chief.” Molten complimented him. It seemed the Viking ways were similar to the Fire Opal’s. The leader was glad his son had been so curious of this new court.

“You’re learning our ways fast. You handled yourself just as any high fae would have.” Monarch added.

“You also have fae magic all around you. I’ll not be surprised if it turns out no fae can take your name.” Luna chuckled. “Your… sisters? It seems they’ve given quite a bit of their magical signature to you.” Kiara and Rose both blushed at being caught. Lyra smiling and hiding behind Altair’s neck.

“It is only proper I stay with my clan leader and courts.” Kiara answered to shift the topic. She had returned to her professional court self. Though her steps were more light and there was a smile.

“I am going home. Ya can have fun without me. I need a nap.” Rose broke off from the group to head towards their hut. Lyra watched everyone silently as she thought over what she wanted.

“I’ll follow you. I like showing off our home.” Lyra climbed of Altair once they got back to Berk. She still lagged behind, not wanting to get in the way. She felt safe again. Like she could breathe. Still… her thoughts kept wandering.

The Mossyhill pair were in awe of the size of Hiccup’s village. Everything and everyone towered over the smaller fae race. Monarch was fascinated by the architecture and Luna their wares.

“Do you have a trade post? I do say I’d love to start a trade deal with you. Not everything we deal in is magic. Clothes, gems, crafts. Your work is so fascinating.” Luna gushed.

“You’re thinking of trade when there are these beauties all around?” Ash wished he could use his wings. The dragain flew over everywhere. They walked down the paths with the humans. It was like seeing their home but… more!

“There’s a dragain for every human! In our home there’s only maybe a hundred dragain in our territory.” And they were no where as diverse as these. Molten eyed the forge as they passed.

“You’ll have to let us know of your work on fae iron as well. We are a warrior clan but not all fights can be won with magic. Having actual weapons we can wield would be beneficial.”

————————

As they returned to the circle, the Mossyhill were the first to say goodbye. Luna pulled out a small bag and handed to Hiccup.

“A gift. Should you wish to contact us, simply write a letter. Take one of the crystals from the bag and place it on the envelope. It’ll transport it to my office.” Molten, not one to be showed up, also pulled out a bag.

“Same concept. Except these are my wing scales. Place it on the envelope and I’ll get the letter. Best keep in contact.” Molten and Luna looked to Kiara who shifted uncomfortably.

“I’m afraid I do not… possess that kind of magic to return the favor.” Luna waved off the young fae’s worry.

“Should we need you we’ll send a brownie or pixie. The little creatures do love exploring new lands.” The Mossyhill bowed to the chief and chieftess.

“Honor to your court, Hiccup. Astrid.” The pair stepped through to return home. Molten looked over to his son that was talking with Lyra. Altair’s head low as Ash looked over her horns.

“That boy. I could leave and he’d not notice so focused on the dragain.” Molten whistled loudly to get his attention. Ash running over looking annoyed.

“Time for us to return. I’ve a few ideas I’d like to discuss with our builders. Those feeding and care stations are brilliant.” Ash agreed with his father. Both bowing to the others.

“Strength and growth to your court! We will see you again.” Molten stepped through first. Ash hanging back.

“I’ll return in a week with the books, Chief Hiccup. Look forward to this alliance.” Taking Hiccup’s hand in a quick grip he headed through the circle and home as well.

With the last of the visitors gone, Kiara sighed and rubbed her head.

“I… still cannot believe how well this went. I thought for sure all courts were like the Emeralds.” Kia looked between Hiccup and Astrid. She first pet Hiccup’s head and then caressed Astrid’s cheek fondly.

“We’ll never be able to repay you. Never be able to say thank you enough.” Lyra stepped up beside Kia and tried to keep her composure. But with the others gone and everything finally okay… she hugged Hiccup. Holding onto him and hiding her face against him. She was too tired to cry but she shook as everything hit.

“We did it. We… we have a home.” Lyra muttered against her brother.

The Berk Clan @thethreefaes

Since that day in Kiara's circle, some time had passed.

Things were going well. The additions to Lyra's hut had been completed, and she was steadily recovering.

Hiccup was excited to show Rose all of his creations, and had already begun work on fae-friendly iron.

Today, they were in the forge again. Gobber had left, telling Hiccup, "If the forge blows up, I'm holding you responsible!"

There was ash smudged on Hiccup's cheek and leather apron as he bent over to get a closer look at what they were working on.

"Do you think it's strong enough? I just, I get the feeling it wouldn't hold up a Terrible Terror, let alone a person..."

[nagichi-boop]

Why I Love Shadow the Hedgehog

So it seems a few of you actually wanted me to make this — thank you for encouraging me to express myself! Hopefully my thoughts are cohesive enough to follow. I don’t really have an order to this, so uhh…buckle up lol.

(In a way this is sort of a vent post, so if you’re here for good times, maybe this post isn’t for you. There’s a reason the PTSD hedgehog is my favourite.)

Spoilers for Dark Beginnings, Shadow Generations and Sonic 3 movie throughout the post

I suppose the overarching reason for why I love him so much is how much I relate to him. It’s a bit ironic that I love a character I relate to yet am so hard on myself, but maybe this is my brain’s weird way to compensate for my lack of self-love.

Shadow is a lonely, hurt person. Even before Maria’s death, he felt out of place and even saw himself as a monster. I feel that distance and emotional disconnect from others myself. I feel like no matter how hard I try to fit in, I am always an oddity. I wouldn’t say I prefer being alone, but it’s definitely easier. (I touch more on the idea here.)

Shadow lost his sense of purpose and his best friend in one fell swoop. I haven’t had something quite as intense happen to me as Shadow has, but when I was around 13 years old, I lost my friend group seemingly overnight because of a miscommunication. (TL;DR I opened up about being depressed/anxious and unbeknownst to me, my friend concluded I shouldn’t be invited out with the group for my benefit but didn't tell me she did this until much later, and by then I’d assumed they all got bored of me.) I spent the rest of my teenage years basically alone — I’d come home, go to my room and sleep, eat dinner and then retreat to my room again. At best I would be invited out once a year, but that was it. It really shattered my self-esteem and self-worth because I felt like I was unlovable. In hindsight, I think it was the side effect of being unknowingly AuDHD, so I had no support and was left with only myself to blame for not being able to maintain friendships.

As a result of what happened to Shadow (and also in part because of the autism I headcanon him with, but that’s for another post I intend to make), he became aloof and distant with others. Even with people he cares about deeply like Rouge, he would still prefer to keep his issues hidden. In Dark Beginnings, he only stops to think about Maria and have a panic attack when he is alone. And in Shadow Generations, he doesn’t talk Rouge after leaving Maria and she is only aware that he is upset because a tear of his hits her cheek. It’s clear he likes Rouge and trusts her, but he still feels the need to keep a distance. Part of that is probably his pride as the titleholder of Ultimate Lifeform, but part of it is probably a fear that history will repeat itself.

Again my situation isn’t the same, but I find myself having similar feelings. I have a few friends now and get invited out more than I did as a teenager (not that the bar was high), but I don’t feel close to anyone or really trust them. Unlike Shadow, I tend to mask by being bubbly (think Prime!Sonic), and if I bring up something that is important to or sensitive for me, I tend to say it with a tone that basically mocks it, almost as if I’m trying to minimise the hurt if someone tries to hurt me because of it? I prefer to just handle my problems on my own. I even stop myself from crying at a movie in front of people because I am scared of being mocked.

That’s not to say Shadow is always cold with people. In Sonic Prime, he helps Sonic, despite being frustrated at their predicament. And in The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, Shadow attends a party, despite it being clear that he doesn’t enjoy them (it’s shown in both the IDW comics and Dark Beginnings/Shadow Generations). Why? Because he cares about Amy. He even ends up looking suspicious because he was trying to hide the surprise present he got for Amy and ends up going to a concert with her. He also compliments Sonic and Tails in the game, even though he’s not necessarily friends with them. And if you take into consideration the Twitter Takeovers (I’m aware they’re not canon), he has done this multiple times since and has gone shopping with Amy, too. Despite his trauma and his difficulty socialising, he still makes an effort to be cordial with them at the very least, but in the case of characters like Amy and Rouge, he has a genuine concern and kindness for them.

Whether or not you believe Shadow is autistic, it is undeniable that he is disabled. I may develop this idea in another post, but I’ll briefly cover it here. For one, it’s heavily implied that he has PTSD. Not only did he watch his best friend die in front him, but he also had multiple people gaslight him (Gerald, Eggman, Black Doom) in his vulnerable mental state. In Dark Beginnings, it’s implied that he has nightmares and he even stops himself short of a panic attack in the last episode. I’ve also mentioned in a previous post, but Shadow is also implied to be physically disabled because of his chaos energy, with his inhibitor rings and air shoes or more-or-less outright stated to be mobility aids. I won’t go into my issues here cuz I already feel like I’ve yapped too much about myself, but having the Ultimate Lifeform be disabled like I am feels so refreshing as representation.

I would be remiss if I didn't also mention Maria. In the games at least, Maria is disabled. More specifically, her condition is a dynamic invisible illness — that means it fluctuates and you can’t ‘see’ it. I mentioned it in the post I linked in the previous paragraph, but the way they talk about Maria’s disability in both Gerald’s journal and the game is such refreshing representation. Some days she can be more lively, some days she uses mobility aids like wheelchairs, and other days she is completely bedridden. Shadow loves her through all of this. He doesn’t see her as a sick girl, but as his dear friend. He doesn’t like it when she pushes herself, but his care for her is out of love, not pity. It’s just so refreshing to have a young disabled character in media spoken about in such a realistic way, especially in one I already love so dearly. And for the Ultimate Lifeform to view her as a best friend is just…chef’s kiss. (I know some people could argue Shadow is only friends with her because she is sick, but his purpose was to cure her — being her friend was not a requirement.)

Even if he shows himself as being cold and uninterested, ultimately Shadow deeply craves emotional connection. He may not be good at communicating it and he most certainly tries to push people away, but we have seen how deeply he misses Maria and the comfort she provided. He quite literally daydreams about her sitting with him and having her tuck him in with a blanket! She is one of the few people he felt comfortable being touched by and I think he misses that connection very deeply. I’ve never personally had that strong a connection with someone, but not a day goes by where I don’t imagine being held and comforted by someone I care about, albeit imaginary. I feel really uncomfortable being touched by basically everyone, but I so deeply crave that physical closeness with someone I love. I want to have a deep connection like the one Shadow and Maria had. I want to have someone important and to be important to them.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense. It was supposed to be a post about why I love Shadow, but it was mostly me blabbing about my own issues (even though comparative to Shadow I’ve lived luxuriously). I hope this wasn’t dreadfully boring to read. I did try not to go too expositional on my personal stuff.

Maybe I’ll delete this at some point, idk.

[angeliteeyes]

Hailo~ Let's do one for our beloved madam herta~ with an Oni S/O~

The Oni S/O sneaks onto Herta's space station disguised as a human. Why? Cause they're a masked fool , of course, and they're bestie Sparkle dared them too. So they successfully sneak in and actually remain undiscovered, Illusion powers are really the best. They can't just leave, though. So, like any masked fool, they decide to pull pranks on the researchers there while remain undercover, that is, until madam Herta makes a very rare visit to the space station.

She keeps getting reports from her puppets and about all the pranks that keep happening, and since she was in the area and was just a bit curious, she decided to investigate.

Imagine her surprise when she finally tracks you down and corners you. Then, after a brief battle, she strips away your illusionary disguise she and gazes upon two bright red horns sticking out from your forehead.

Oh man. I had sooo much fun brainstorming this idea with you, you have no idea. And with that, I present to you...

The Herta x Oni Reader

Here's the origin post with the rest of our Oni ramblings

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Ever since Aha glanced at you and saved you from the destruction of Izumo, you'd become dedicated to upholding THEIR values. Every day was an opportunity for wild adventures, silly jokes, and lots and lots of laughter.

Admittedly, though, you weren't exactly the best at staying out of danger.

As you look around at the wide expanse of the Herta Space Station, you grin to yourself. Sneaking in here really was a piece of cake. Of course it was. After all, you're the number one member of the Masked Fools! Ah—but Sparkle can't hear you say that, even if it's true. Still... now that you're here, isn't it kind of boring? There hasn't even been a single human that's noticed you or gotten in your way. It's not much of a dare if nothing even happens here.

You could always just spice things up yourself, though. Now that you think about it, all the people here seem practically glued to whatever devices they're using. Maybe that's why they didn't notice you? How annoying. If they're not going to give you the attention you deserve, you might as well mess with them somehow. Maybe by playing with the power supply. A couple of lightning shocks in the right places should do the trick.

Sneaking your way around the station, you happen upon a delightfully vulnerable power panel. Looks like today's about to get a lot more interesting after all.

Purple zaps explode from your hands as they're held in front of you, extending their reach towards the many cords held within. And... bingo! Before long, the light coating the room flickers, then comes to a halt. You can already hear the whiny voices of the station workers groaning and complaining outside, and barely suppress your laughter. Those morons are probably running around like headless chickens out there.

Your glee rapidly turns into panic as you hear voices draw closer and closer. In hindsight, you should've seen it coming that they would check on the power supply after a blackout, but whatever. You're not about to let them ruin your fun.

As the doors burst open and a trail of people walk into the room, voices raised, you turn to them with a blank expression—a perfect replica of the many Herta dolls you saw passing by earlier. Now, the hard part: actually acting like one.

"Oh, it's you, Herta. What's the situation?" Their many faces peered at you.

"Well, uh... it would appear the circuit's fried on this thing. Not to worry, though, I've already gotten it taken care of. Run along now." You pray to Aha that your acting skills are up to the task. Thankfully, whether it's because of your outstanding talent or their laziness kicking in, they readily scurry off. So simple.

If they're that easy to play around with, can you really be blamed for pushing your luck a bit further?

Before long, the entirety of the space station morphs into a sea of chaos and confusion. People being sighted in two places at once, Herta dolls malfunctioning and saying strange things, and all the while, the lights remain woefully nonexistent. Laughter burst out from you as you hid yourself in one of the many vacant rooms. Oh, if only Sparkle was here to see this masterpiece you've created. Space station? More like a total trainwreck!

"What's so funny?"

Your body stiffens. That voice... it sounded vaguely familiar, yet you couldn't quite place it. The blood in your body pulsed violently through you all at once, as if it recognized the danger you were in before you could.

"I said, what's so funny? Is it the blackout you caused, or perhaps you find pretending to be my dolls amusing? Come on now, don't make me wait for an answer."

You may not be the best at staying out of trouble, but you could definitely tell when you were in it. Something about her voice made your blood run cold with its power alone.

Wait, her dolls?

This is bad, like reaaaally reallyreallyreally bad. How could you mess up so badly? You could've sworn your reports stated that she was out on some business trip and would be gone for a whole week. All you wanted today was some nice, harmless fun. And now here you are, very much going to be harmed by none other than the owner of the station: Herta herself.

Okay, well, you'll just have to improvise a way out of here. Somehow.

As the clack of a moving boot hits the ground, you too glide across the floor. With one of your trusty kanobos in hand, you cut through the air in one swift motion. Herta, untouched by the weapon, smirks at you.

"Not today, sweetheart."

She lifts her arms to swing her own weapon at you. As you two make eye contact, you can't help but laugh at her idiocy. She's even more of a fool than you are if she thinks that's all you've got up your sleeve.

Herta's eyes narrow at you as she processes your reaction, or lack of the expected one. The questions running through her mind are quickly answered by an automated voice. Its robotic tone echoes through the dark room.

Detonating in 3... 2... Now.

Before Herta can even react, a loud series of bangs rushes out from the kanobo—or more accurately, a cheeky toy kanobo Sparkle made for you that dispenses a bunch of adorable fireworks if you swing it hard enough. A real shame that you have to leave it behind as a distraction.

You only hope you can make it out of here before she catches up with you.

Surprised screams of passersby ring in your ears as your legs slam into the ground faster than you've had to make them in years. A couple of Herta dolls even try to get in your way, blocking you off, but you manage to maneuver through them all the same.

As you make a final turn, you see it; the exit is right up ahead, looking grander than ever. Despite your rapid breathing and strained limbs, this was heaven to you. A truly joyful end to your adventure, filled with fun, energy, and a couple of vibrant fireworks. Just one more step and—

Your vision goes black for a second as vibrations flutter within you. Why... why aren't you running anymore?

"Pathetic. Did you really think that you could escape me, the great Madam Herta?"

Those damned boots strolled over to where you were sprawled onto the cold floor, calm and melodic as ever. Her form slowly crept into your hazy field of vision, with her hovering over you like a vulture. You grimaced. You were so, so close. Or maybe you weren't, after all. Maybe she had been the one toying with you all along.

"Let's go over all of the problems you've caused me today. First was the blackout, then a series of poor acting. Oh, and how could I forget having a bunch of fireworks blowing up in my face?"

Still in a daze and with your consciousness waning, you could hardly keep up with her words. Pieces of her flowy hair draped onto your body as she crouched next to you. Was this the end? After all you suffered through just to get to this point, an impulsive dare was what sealed your fate? It was so pathetic, so dumb, you couldn't help but giggle to yourself deliriously.

"I assume you're done with playing dress-up. You know, now that your horns are on full display?" Her fingers glide down one of them smoothly.

"Ha! So tell me, oh great Madam Herta, what do you got in store for me next? Some kind of torture or execution?"

She hummed in response. "I was considering that, but..." Her lips brushed against the exposed skin of your ear, making you shiver.

"You'll be a lot more fun to play with."

[wompwomp56]

Someone pls write this as a full fic 🙏

Pre season 3 au where Steve suffers from migraines and nightmares so he seeks out Eddie for weed so he can finally get some sleep. Eddie, wary at first, eventually takes pity on the guy and they strike up and unlikely friendship. Things basically follow canon, maybe looking into Steve and Dustin’s friendship and Steve dealing post Nancy breakup. Anyway eventually we get to Star Court and Scoops (again canon compliant) except when Steve and Robin escapes from the movies to go have their bathroom conversation, Eddie (who was also there just watching the movie or smt) sees and follows them. And high Steve is like “omg Eddie I’m so happy to see you love you omg”. Meanwhile Eddie is just super confused because, why is Steve high? None of the drugs Eddie has given him are this strong? Has he got a new dealer? Why wouldn’t he tell me? And also: wtaf happened to his face? Essentially Eddie gets really scared for Steve and tries to get him to leave the mall and go to the hospital but Steve isn’t making sense and keeps saying “no no I gotta stay the kids need me”. Eddie hasn’t met the kids yet and this just makes him more confused. Then high Steve decides he wants to kiss Eddie and so he does and then Eddie is even more confused (not mad abt it just confused). Steve suddenly realises that if Eddie stays he’ll get mixed up with all the Upside Down shit and so to protect Eddie he yells at him to leave etc.

Eddie is now extra confused cause to him it looks like Steve kissed him then got mad at him for kissing (eg he thinks he’s homophobic or smt) and so Eddie leaves confused, angry and still worried. Canon timeline again for a while, Steve has started to get panic attacks whenever he gets high (with weed from Eddie before they still haven’t talked) because of the Russians and so naturally he stops getting drugs from Eddie. He still thinks they’ll hang out tho cause they’re best friends. Anyway eventually Steve’s like: “hey I haven’t seen Eddie in a while I wonder what’s up with that?” And he happens to run into him when picking the kids up from Hellfire. Steve is so happy to see Eddie meanwhile Eddie gives him the cold shoulder. The whole time Dustin has been insisting that Eddie and Steve would get along not knowing that they were already friends and had had a falling out. It goes on like this for a while, Eddie being lowkey mean cause he thinks Steve hates him cause he’s gay and then Steve’s being nice but confused bc “wtaf did I do to this man”

Eventually things come to a head idk I’m thinking Steve goes over to Max’s place to check up on her cause she’s been withdrawing from the kids and Eddie just sees Steve knocking on her door and he assumes Steve is harassing her and goes and confronts him. Steve is like wdym man I’m just checking up on my friend while max stands there like 🧍‍♂️… hey. This leads to Steve asking “what did I do to piss u off so bad, tell me so I can make it better. The last time I saw you was in like June” and Eddies like “no the last time we saw each other was July 4th” Steve’s like “wdym man, I was at that fire in Star Court if you were there then that means…” then Steve remembers what happened and is like oh fuck. He start’s apologising cause he assumes Eddie’s mad he kissed him. More miscommunication ensues. Not sure how this would end but either season 4 happens and Eddie lives and they work their shit out or they actually talk it out but who knows. Thanks for reading, if anyone has any recs or wants to write this PLS let me know xx

[roots-symphony]

Devon slander is going to be my villain origin story I stg

Why did she call Cobel?

Okay, well let’s take a moment to actually think of things from her point of view with the extremely limited amount of information she has managed to claw away at instead of assuming she knows the same as us and reading everything she does with bad intentions:

Starting with the otc, she and innie Mark are able to talk for a limited time, during which Mark tells her that lumon is treating them poorly and doing shady shit (or something along those lines because unfortunately it was not a conversation we were privy to). The only part of the conversation we do get to see is at the end. Devon tells iMark why it would be a bad idea to go to the police and instead says they can talk to journalists Ricken knows* who can break the story. And it’s only then, as an afterthought, that Mark brings up Cobel.

And the way he asks makes it sound like confused and vaguely concerned but not in ‘hey this lady abuses me on the daily’ way but more like ‘that’s weird wtf??’ And when Devon doesn’t know what he’s talking about, her voice gets more freaked out while she comprehends that information while his voice is much more neutral. So, the take away from that (from Devon’s point of view) is that in all the time talking (limited as it was) Cobel while a contributor is not what is torturing her brother.

Unfortunately she can’t find out more information because she’s (rightfully) concerned for the life of her child. Only to find out that not only did Cobel calm Eleanor down, she placed her safely in her car seat so she couldn’t get into trouble and out of the way of Ricken’s friends (i would not trust them with a baby either) before leaving.

After the otc, when they are trying to piece together the night, I don’t see oMark not mentioning that right before it happened he told Cobel he was quitting and she was not only glad, but told him to ‘get away from them.’ I mean, maybe he didn’t say it that night because Ricken was there and then Milchick came, but I have no doubt this information was relayed to Devon at some point, maybe while they were trying to get a message to his innie even. The second conversation Mark had with Cobel before she took off, I think could go either way in whether he told Devon or not. I mean, I think no matter what he kept the end part to himself even if he told her about how Cobel was disappointed in him for going back. But even if he didn’t tell her about, I absolutely believe he told her about the one right before the otc.

Now on to when Milchick showed up to talk to all of them. His reassurances are that it won’t happen again, to blame Cobel, and to say she was fired. Except Devon talked to iMark and it wasn’t Cobel he was telling her about, it was lumon as a whole. So it’s very clear to Devon that not only is he lying but that Cobel is being made to be the scapegoat.

All that plus Cobel has spent two years ingratiating herself with the Scout siblings. Mainly oMark, but Devon would have been a part of that as well because not just because they’re already close but also oMark just lost his wife so she would have been there even more often. It was shown to us in season 1 that she was really the driving force that would get him to go out and socialize (that terrible dinner, setting him up with Alexa) so Cobel would have definitely been friendly already with her and, considering oMark does not have memories of about 40 hours each week, she would’ve probably heard a lot about her from oMark. And yes, it’s was all a lie, but it’s also clear, especially with all the other evidence, that there is some kind of actual care there.

So Devon continued to find a way to communicate with iMark, not just accepting that the light thing would work, which is where she got the idea of using the birthing cabin. The only thing is to do that she would need the help of someone from Lumon. Unfortunately her only two connections to Lumon are her brother (who is only slightly less in the dark than her) and Cobel who had been ousted and scapegoated. She was already thinking of calling Cobel before oMark collapsed, before she even stepped foot in his house honestly because with the limited and terrible options available to her, it was literally the best one, the only one that made sense. She came that night with the intention to argue her case to oMark because obviously she wouldn’t just do it without his consent (unless something wild happened like a seizure that he then wouldn’t wake up from after).

Now why did she actually call Cobel when Reghabi was already there?

I feel like this should be obvious but she does not know Reghabi, all she knows is that she won’t answer her questions, she’s clearly used oMark’s grief and desire for Gemma to agree to experimental basement brain surgery (kinda like Lumon did), she has or had some connection to Lumon, but most importantly: she leaves. Like Reghabi doesn’t even give her an ultimatum, the minute Devon said she would call Cobel, she started gathering her stuff to leave. I mean I don’t blame her, Reghabi told oMark she was the only one who could do reintegration and if that’s the case, then unfortunately for oMark, she cannot take risks with her life. Reghabi already had to kill in cold blood and she may not want to leave Mark (her face was genuinely so worried when she looked back at Mark) but it’s bigger than just him or her or Petey, so she leaves. Which just leaves Devon with an unconscious brother with a hole in his head and she can’t take him to the hospital and she has no one to lean on or who can help. Literally there was no other option. She may not trust Cobel, but she had to trust in her instincts that Cobel would at least not wish Mark’s death.

Last thing I want to talk about is the birthing cabin scene with iMark because I’ve seen multiple times now people talking about how she’s using him or she’s being condescending or she’s why he shouldn’t trust outies, and like all other kinds of nonsense and I’m over it so here goes:

*First let me bring this back because she had said to iMark they would go to Ricken’s journalist friends before the whole ‘she’s alive’ moment. However I do not think that is an avenue that’s actually open to her any longer because Ricken is buying into the Lumon bullshit. Which means while worrying for Gemma and oMark and her newborn baby (which I swear we don’t talk enough about how she’s doing all this as a brand new mom which is already a very stressful thing), she’s now also worrying for iMark and what’s happening to him and if he’s being punished. She told him she would help him and she hasn’t been able to do anything except try to find a new way to communicate with, which she finally did.

She’s probably feeling so guilty and afraid for him and she doesn’t know what he’s been through, so she talks soft and reassuring and is gentle because he’s her brother and she wants him to know he’s safe and he’s okay.

The tragedy is that even though the love is there, she doesn’t know what he’s been through actually so she has no way of knowing how triggering her words are when she tells him if he leaves oMark will come right back in. But she knows her brother and when confronted with negative/overwhelming feelings, his m.o. is to distance himself either physically (getting out of the car after reghabi confirmed gemma was alive; leaving Irving’s funeral as soon as he can) or emotionally (both having said ‘[theyre] not dead, just not here,’ shredding Petey’s map, tearing Gemma’s photo, his confrontation with Helly in the bathroom after the ortbo) or both (attacking Devon at pip’s after she claimed Gemma as her family too and then immediately leaving). So she knows in this situation that he’s going to want to move, to go out the door and just have a moment, which is something he was able to do at the otc, so she’s telling him that it’s not something he can do here because if he goes out the door instead of getting the moment to breathe, he’ll just turn off and then turn on right back in the same spot.

Like Devon so clearly does care for iMark and she did her best to take her cues from him (reaching for him but immediately pulling back and apologizing when he moved away), and while their time may not be as limited as it was during the otc, they still don’t have a lot of it. So, she makes sure he seems good then leads him upstairs to where Cobel is.

Why didn’t she warn him about Cobel?

Because with the limited information she has, she did not know nearly enough to know that it could be potentially upsetting for him as it probably was. Because she knows Cobel cares about oMark so why wouldn’t that extend to iMark because it’s the same for her, Devon. Plus the fact iMark did not seem traumatized by her when they lasted talked and was just neutral (as I already explained), and because she was scapegoated so who knows how much power or control she actually had since she was so expendable. Like if Devon had any idea of how Cobel truly treated iMark, she would’ve gone about the whole thing differently but she doesn’t know.

Also, she had no idea Cobel was going to be auditioning for a role in a new shining movie when they got up there. But also after 2 years of hearing about Mrs. Selvig’s nonsense, I do think she chose to just roll with it.

————

Tldr: put some respect on Devon’s name, she knows the least out of everyone and is doing the absolute best she can for everyone with what she does know. And by everyone, I mean both oMark and iMark and Gemma. She loves them all and just wants them to be safe and happy.

[kathybluecaller]

Finally got around drawing Aioros :D

[softdreamlesssleep]

God, "I missed you" sex is the best

[pipperoo]

how the fuck is it already november 25th?!!?!!?

(time is so fucked up)

anyway, happy one year anniversary to my fic “if only there was more time” and posting on ao3 for the first time!

sincerely can’t believe that i’ve been writing for a year, how did that happen???

[gifti3]

i think i might just like harems when theyre toxic af

[teaboot]

Things you can do as a security guard instead of acting like a dickhead: a vent post disguised as advice

Offer alternatives: IE, “Sorry, nobody’s allowed to hang out over there, but we have seats over here you’re welcome to use”. I recommend getting familiar with local parks, public seating, free food programs, outreach, mobile aid, etc., just in case those are needed.

Be polite: IE, “Excuse me, sir”, “I beg your pardon, miss”. This should go without saying but everyone deserves dignity.

Avoid phrasing requests as orders: IE, “Don’t stand in front of that” VS “Excuse me, could you move a bit to the side?”. This works best with an explanation, like, “There’s a sign behind you”, or, “you might get clipped by someone”. This helps communicate that you are asking for a reason, not just throwing your weight around. If you don’t have a reason, rethink whether or not you need to be doing anything.

Avoid directing blame or fault. Don’t say, “The owner says you gotta go” when you could say, “I’m not supposed to let people be here for X period” or “do X thing”. Again, try to have alternatives ready so people can use other resources or do something else instead of just abruptly changing plans.

Come from a place of compassion whenever you can. People are gonna tell you to get rid of the crazy screaming guy. They say that because they’re frightened and don’t know what to do. Your best approach is, “Hello sir”, followed by, “How are you today?”, “how’s it going?”, “are you doing alright?”, etc., depending on what the person is ACTUALLY doing / saying when you get there. You can offer help from there if needed, or leave them alone if they’re not in danger or a risk to anyone.

Remember you’re not a cop. This can mean whatever you need it to mean. For me personally, that means that with incredibly rare exception (like trying to sell to kids, contaminating other’s food or drink) I won’t report you for drugs. If I find you doing drugs on my site I’ll tell you a different place where you can do them instead and ask you to do them there. I have interrupted drug deals to ask the client and the salesman to both kindly move 15 feet to the left, I’m not kidding, I do not care.

Know who you can throw under the bus. Sometimes you gotta enforce rules and be the bad guy and if that’s the fault of some dipshit in a suit 200 miles away, you can say that. Sorry man, I can’t let you park your car on the lawn. I know you’re not hurting anyone and frankly I think lawn culture is stupid but there’s other parking stalls and if my boss sees you I’ll get a write-up for not doing my job. Shit sucks sometimes but if it wasn’t me telling you it’d be the new guy, and between you and me he’s an idiot and he’ll probably just report you to bylaw.

Don’t just act like you’re their friend, genuinely try to be a good friend. If you know that someone is doing something that will only result in a bystander phoning police, don’t let them go down like that. Let them know, “hey man, you seem like you’re having a shit time and I get it, I’ll do what I can, but we gotta have this conversation somewhere else ‘cause we’re freaking out the old ladies.”

Swallow your tongue. You can’t fix the world. People are gonna bitch at you about communists and 5G and gangster rap ruining the neighbourhood, that’s just part of the deal. Nod along, remain neutral, shut down any hate speech, redirect if you can, and keep a limit in mind where you’ll have to shut things down.

Accept that sometimes there are no solutions. Yes, that angry guy who blasts music will be back tomorrow. That homeless woman who asks you to help her find her dog that she hasn’t had in 30 years will ask again, and yes, you’re still going to take a description and promise to keep an eye out. That kid who smokes crack behind the building has been clean for a few weeks and still stops by to say hi, and you hope he’ll get his life together and be happy, but he also might relapse and OD before he hits 25. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can, even if nothing is guaranteed.

Be kind to teenagers. Being a kid is hard, and everyone’s on their ass all the damn time for everything.

Remember that the vast majority of bad people aren’t bad, just unhappy. The guy who keeps showing up drunk and puking on the carpet is unhappy. The lady who bitches about the service every single time and keeps coming back anyway is unhappy. The guy who leaves trash everywhere is probably unhappy. If they were happy, maybe they’d do better, but they’re not, and that’s kinda sad. You don’t have to let them get away with their shit, but they probably aren’t actually a worthless human being either.

It doesn’t matter if 12 is true or not. You need to believe it or you will become a harsh and bitter person. Look for evidence that people are not terrible and invent it if you have to

Don’t let yourself become a bastard

[namelessprince]

oh fuck lovebomb started playing and it set off my fight or flight instincts

[almadelsur]

💋 The Secrets One Keeps

summary: You're in love with jj but he's with kie, so in moments of pure desperation you often find yourself turning to the person he hates the most...rafe

warnings: some good old angsty pining, very very slight smut if you squint, fem!reader, one or two uses of y/n, plz let me know if I missed anything

a/n: SHE'S BACKKKK, so I've decided to completely reformat and re-post this fic with a few tweaks and editing considering i first wrote this like 3 years ago, and yes for those of you who have been asking, I fully intend to finallly continue this fic....more info on that later ;)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・

JJ’s eyes change the moment Kiara steps into any room. Immediately his presence is ripped away from your immediate atmosphere, popping the little bubble you'd spent all afternoon crafting as he sprung up to greet the olive-skinned enigma that captured his affections.

“Kie!” The joy in his tone was incomparable to anything he’d directed at anybody else. Nothing could draw out such happiness from the blonde. You hated that about her.

In an attempt at self-defense, your brain shut itself off. Shielding you from processing the scene in front of you, your emotions ran cold like cement pouring down and across your neurons. It was the only way you could survive such a beating to your heart.

You figured that by distancing yourself mentally, you wouldn’t have to raise suspicion and distance yourself physically. In reality, you knew the real reasoning was your inability to stay away from JJ but the facade helped you cope.

“Hey J” she embraced him and his body relaxed around her as if she was the only source of his happiness. The only way he’d find alleviation from what he perceived as a shitty life being through her. “Sorry I’m late my parents had me running like crazy at the wreck today.”

Scattered greetings filled the air from the rest of the pogues, yet you could only focus on the way his eyes fixated on her like she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Here come sit baby” he offered her the seat he had just previously been place holding. What you thought had been quality time with your best friend, presented itself to you now as momentary attention to pass the time until his actual desire arrived.

Settling herself down and offering you a wide smile, her shoulder bumped against yours gently as a sign of acknowledgment.

“Hey dude” she directed at you, but you didn’t reply. You just couldn’t bring yourself to pretend. Not today anyway. Instead, you offered her a small smile, it was minimal but it was the best you could do under the circumstances.

“Yo" A crumpled tissue paper flew at your head, jj attempting to refocus your attention on him, "didn’t you say you were gonna get some water or something?” He spoke up, the scheme evident in his tone.

“um yeah I guess” You lifted yourself up and took a few steps before jj used the opportunity to slump himself down where you had been sat and sprawled his arms across his girlfriend’s shoulders.

“snooze ya loose sucker” he joked as he turned to Kiara to start up some mindless conversation. Leaving you behind in the dust.

Your teeth gritted as you focused on making your way to the kitchen hoping the distance from the scene unfolding would lift the iron grip on your heart.

You made the fatal mistake of glancing back and you were met with the image of jj nuzzling up to kiara in a picturesque display of love. The lump building at the base of your throat indicated that it was your time to get the hell out of there before you broke down in front of everyone. 

“Shit guys, y’know what I just realized I gotta go” You spoke quickly, your tone matching your pace as you rushed to the exit of the chateau. 

“You’re still coming to the party later though right?” John B asked, not tearing his eyes away from the screen in front of him. 

“Mhm yeah sure” you opened the door ready to depart. 

“Shit I forgot about that! Me and jj are gonna be late, we got dinner at the wreck tonight.” kiara added as you stepped out, unable to control the escape of a rogue tear.

“Date night babyyyy” You heard JJ cheer before you slammed the door behind you. 

“Is Y/N okay? She seemed a bit off.” Kie nudged JJ as she questioned. 

JJ furrowed his eyebrows momentarily. Glancing out the window, he saw you jog away from the house, and a brief flash of worry flashed through his mind. As quick as it came, it dissipated. He shook his head figuring that if there had been something wrong, he’d have been the first to know. 

“Nah she’s okay don't worry.” he offered to kie.

Boy was he mistaken. 

——————————————————————

“Fuuuck me” you moaned out, sinking into him one last time. You were hot, sweaty, and heaving as you pulled him out of you.

“I thought I just did” Rafe taunted leaning back to lie down, arms crossed behind his head causing his taut abdomen to flex.

You scrambled off the bed, picking up your garments and shoving them back on your body forcefully.

“What, no pillow talk?” He tried again.

“Rafe..” you trailed off. Whenever you’d finish fucking, you’d struggle to even look at him. The self-hatred flooded your body as soon as the orgasm poured out.

“Hey you called me” he eyed you intently but you knew he didn’t actually care. To rafe cameron everything was just a game. At this point it was pretty much common knowledge. “In fact” he moved closer to you so that he could speak directly into your ear “It’s always you that calls me.”

“Don’t be a dick” you stood up and eyed your heels contemplating whether you could face the walk back in them. “You know it makes me feel like shit.” It might have sounded brutal but that’s how things were with rafe.

“Yeah, it’s like you punctuate your orgasms with self-hate.”

“I'm a pogue, rafe.” You argued back as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“So? Kooks and pogues can fuck you know.” You couldn’t comprehend why you were even having this conversation. Why now, why tonight.

“Yeah maybe, not you though.” You didn’t want to tell him the reason explicitly.

“I fuck pogues.”

“You fuck anyone.” The words came out almost instantly and without thinking, yet rafe took no offense.

“Exactly so what’s the issue?”

“The issue is, rafe.” You paused trying to find the words without actually having to say the words. “The issue is that if my friends found out they’d hate me, probably more than I already hate myself.”

He just chuckled, the look in his eyes changing as he figured you out.

“What's funny?” You challenged.

“You don’t have to bullshit me princess.” He looked up at you with a devilish glint in his eye. “You just don’t want jj knowing about your little escapades huh?” Bingo.

“He’s with Kiara.” You shrugged him off.

“Uh huh, you like him but you can’t have him.” Every word he spoke striking a nerve deep within you. “So you’re fucking me to fuck him over.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You grabbed your heels and shoved them on, wincing as you buckled them up.

“Don’t I?” He threw his joggers on lazily as he stood, the level dynamics changing significantly. The older boy towered over you. “Where are they tonight?”

“Back at John B’s, we had a little get-together.” You crossed your arms. More often than not you usually called rafe after a few drinks left you feeling lonely. “Sorry, your invite must have gotten lost in the mail.” You attempted to jab at him with sarcasm yet he clearly held the upper hand with his line of questioning. 

“So all of them are there now?” He stepped towards you.

“Mhm,” You lied.

“Even jj?” Moving closer until your neck was craned upwards to meet his eyes.

Taking your silence as an answer, he reached up and ran his palms across your upper arms, prompting you to uncross them.

“He was uh- him and kie should be getting there soon” You mumbled.

“So would i be wrong in guessing, that might have prompted your call then?” You let yourself be guided by his movements leaning your neck further back as his hand trailed up to your jawbone.

“rafe…” you called out insignificantly.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against your neck, right over where he could feel your pulse, and pressed down.

You couldn’t help the gasp that left your mouth. Because as much as your heart belonged to jj, rafe was just so fucking good at raising your temperature.

“Round two?” He mumbled against your neck.

“Yeah..” you attempted yet it came out as a whisper. He grabbed you swiftly and lifted you, moving you across the room and throwing you down onto his bed, crawling on top of you in a predatory manner as he did so. As your back hit the bed, the ringing of your phone brought you back from the haze he had you under. 

“Wait rafe stop stop” you pushed him off and grabbed the screeching mobile, pressing it up to your ear. “Hello?”

“Dude, where are you?” The sound of jj’s voice came through over the pumping sound of music and party chatter. “Me and Kie just got back and John B says no one’s seen you for like over an hour.”

“Oh I’m uh, I had to go do something for my mom” The lie pouring out of your mouth caused rafe to chuckle which was of course met by a slap from you signaling for him to be quiet.

“Oh well, when are you getting back? I have to tell you about this date. You’re gonna be so proud of me I actually think I’m ready to tell Kie I love her” you screwed your eyes shut as he spoke.

“Yeah I- you know what I can’t make it back my mom needs me to stay and help out but uh I’ll see you tomorrow or something.” You hung up before he could even reply, throwing your phone down uncaring of its state.

“What’s wrong? They getting hitched?” Rafe spoke up from behind you.

You turned to Rafe, the fire in your veins pushing your arms to grab him, roughly pulling him back onto you.

“Just shut up and fuck me rafe.”

And fuck you he did.

——————————————————————

The next morning you woke up to the sight of rafe’s bare back. Not much of a cuddler, you figured.

Quietly you pushed the covers off and began to dress yourself back up. As you got to your shoes you sighed and shook your head, as if there was any way in hell you were going to walk home in heels. You scooped up your shoes and your now-cracked phone shaking your head, slightly ashamed at your outburst.

Without even a second glance at the sleeping body you were leaving behind, you made your way over to the door. As you turned the knob and stepped out to leave, a husky voice spoke up.

“I’ll keep my ringer on for you babe.”

You rolled your eyes looking back at him, “Fuck you rafe.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m counting on.” He didn’t even open his eyes as he answered, instead just rustling around in the bed and turning to the other side, once again facing his back to you.

You scoffed as you exited. Your internal rant clouded your vision, body on autopilot with an excellent self-navigation of the Cameron house from the countless times you’d made this exit.

“Y/N?” The gentle voice wiped your thoughts clean as the shock stilled you dead in your tracks, slowly turning to come face to face with none other than Sarah.

“Sarah” you drawled out. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s my house?” Her head was cocked to the side, equally shocked to see you.

“No I just mean- I thought you were spending the night at John B’s.” You forced the small talk, avoiding the topic of why you were here, sneaking out at 8 in the morning.

“He had to work today, did you spend the night here?” She glanced up at the door of rafe’s bedroom.

“Umm-“ There had only been two other instances where you had been at a complete loss for words. The day jj told you he and Kiara were dating, the morning after your first sexual encounter with rafe, and now this.

“Are you sleeping with my brother?!” She whisper-shouted, eyes wide as the realization hit her. Busted.

“No?”

“Oh my god!” She grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you to her room, slamming the door as soon as you were both inside. “How long has this been going on?!” Her tone was loud and her hands wild as she interrogated you.

“Just a little under a year.” You sat on her bed and looked at your lap as you spoke. Reminiscent of a child being scolded.

“A year?! Oh my god!” She repeated. “Who knows about this?!”

With that, you looked up at her desperately. “No one. No one knows so please don’t tell them.” You didn’t have to name names for her to know who you were referring to.

“Are you two like” she paused “together?” She scrunched her nose up, disgusted at the thought of her bully of an older brother dating anyone.

“No god no. It’s just sex” you were just as uncomfortable as Sarah was, having to tell her about boning her older brother.

“Disgusting.” She turned away from you with her arms crossed, looking out the window.

“Look I’m not proud of it okay? Just-“ You sighed “Just please don’t tell anyone” pleading again.

Sarah let out a long sigh and uncrossed her arms. She walked over to you and joined you on the bed, her eyes showing concern mixed with something you couldn’t quite place your finger on.

“I thought you were into jj” she spoke softly, there it was. Pity.

“Yeah well, jj is with kie and instead of sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I decided to do something about it.” As the words left your mouth, you realized how weak the explanation was.

“So you just use rafe to bang the jj out of you.”

“It’s not like Rafe cares, if anything he’s also using me.” You tried to reason.

“I don’t doubt that. But I mean, that’s- It’s not healthy, you’ll never move on if you don’t actually process your emotio-“

“Look Sarah, I don’t need to do any of that shit okay? What I have here works, when I fu- when I’m with rafe, I don’t think about jj.” Tears began to swell in your eyes “Sleeping with rafe helps me forget about everything, even if it’s only for a little while he uh- he makes me feel good.” To an extent, there was truth behind your words, while you and rafe fucked the rest of the world went away. It was only after, that the crippling self-hatred hit you along with the return of your immense feelings for jj. 

Sarah shuffled over and threw her arm around you. “That’s not good for you, it’s just momentary. It’s easy and it's a cycle, you’re never going to get better going down this path. Especially not with rafe.”

“Rafe he’s- he’s not that bad.”

“Yes he is. But i bet it gives you satisfaction fucking him knowing jj hates him. Feels like revenge right?” She’d always been so perceptive your Sarah, you hated how she could see right through you.

Tears ran down your cheek silently. “You’re not gonna tell anyone right?” You sniffled.

She gave you one of those classic salt-of-the-earth Sarah Cameron smiles, the kinda smile that would light up any room she walked into. “Takin' it to the grave babe.”

A loud beeping caused both your heads to whip towards the window. “Shit, I completely forgot I was supposed to go on the HMS with pope and jj, we were gonna chill there until John B and Kie finished work.” She rose to her feet and extended an arm towards you. “Wanna come? Or we could drop you home if you’re not up for it.”

With a sigh you took her hand and pulled yourself up, walking beside her as you mentally prepped yourself to face the blonde you desperately pined for.

“Well rise and shine campers.” jj yelled out of the window of the drivers seat.

“Y/N! Where you been dude? you totally bailed last night.” Pope was next to speak as you and Sarah filed into the Twinkie. As JJ began to drive you avoided any form of eye contact in his general direction.

“I had to go help my mom out, blackout at mine again.” You didn’t even look at pope either, instead focusing your attention on the blur of trees and houses pacing by the window as JJ sped down the winding roads.

“Isn’t that what you were wearing last night?” pope, observant as always, pointed out.

“Uh yeah, I didn’t really get any time to change cause…”

“I called her last night when I got home, I was so drunk I don’t think I was ready to stop the party.” Sarah covered for you.

“Yeah I wrapped up helping my mom out and then this one calls me talkin bout a sleepover or something so I didn’t exactly have much time to change.” 

Thankfully pope had lost interest as soon as he had asked the question, otherwise, your overcompensating ass would have been caught out straight away. You always had to add to the lie until you felt like you had sold it completely.

Keeping your eyes trained on the outside meant that jj’s frown directed at you through the windscreen mirror went completely undetected. He always knew whenever there was something up with you and right there and then he knew something definitely was.

“Hey, you okay?” He didn’t need to address you explicitly for you to know he was talking to you.

“Yeah just tired.” You shrugged him off in an attempt to distance yourself from him yet again.

He knew you were lying but he didn’t understand why, you never lied to each other. Apart from John B, the pair of you were closer to each other than with anybody else in the group. You’d been best friends since kindergarten, and since then you’d sworn 3 things to each other.

1- You’d always share your snacks.

2-You’d always be best friends even if you argued.

 3- You would never ever lie or keep secrets from each other.

Of course, as the both of you grew older the rules became more and more lax. The snack sharing was limited only to when you felt nice enough and sometimes you’d go for days without making up if you had argued particularly badly. Having kept two friendship-breaking secrets from him, the childhood rules seemed pretty insignificant by now.

“Mhm,” he responded, flickering his eyes between you and the road. “Are we taking you home to change first?”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I’ll join you guys afterward though.” You chewed down on your nail anxiously as the tension from being in the same space as jj paired with the guilt from having fucked rafe prior, suffocated you.

JJ made a face as he focused on the road, something was wrong with you and he’d be dammed if he wasn’t going to put his everything into finding out what that was.

[colesstar]

oh my gosh i love harumi so much im going to be sick