#still better than no progress at all tho yay

[aucrowne]

WIP! Without the middle Sakunyans, it looks like Nirei took one of the kids or something o mo

-- almost done with Nirei, yay ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

[notyoureve]

Well, what can I say about my feelings after LiS:DE...

First of all... I still believe in the Chaseprice supremacy, yay!!! Even tho I didn't get the same impression of flirting in their conversation in the comments as the others😅 But at least they talked! My faves since 1st game! What a blessing to a shipper!

2) Thanks for the Caulscott content — not in the ways we as the MxN shippers could ever expect, but still🤣🤝 I just knew one of the D9 crew is one of us since that little background scene in BTS — what can I say, hinting twice (if not thrice) is almost canon to me🤪😁🤭

3) Vinh, freaking, Lang... The moment I saw Vinh in the sneak-peak before the release I predicted him to be the male love interest😜 I'm so grateful I was right — their progressing relationship was so beautiful... Even though their kiss was shorter than the kiss with Amanda, but damn... butterflies in my stomach were enough to say it was one of the most romantic scenes in the whole franchise. And the way he didn't want her to leave? Oh, my man, she has a way with leaving her almost boyfriends after kisses😭 And how happy he is after the game events when he finally sees her? And their hug? I'll never recover... I also believe in the DE Langfield supremacy, their interactions were absolutely one of the best parts of the game for me!!!

4) The pretty barista I didn't expect to love❤ I liked Amanda somehow, but I don't see her with Max at all... I'll say a very controversial thing, but the girl deserves so much better than Max😃 I would rather ship Ms Thomas with Ms Chen, and yet — they have some very nice scenes together. But even as a die-hard Caulscott shipper I'll say that Pricefield>>>Caulmas, especially after the way D9 just pushed the romance with her from the very first scene... The pushing was so cringy that I literally thought I would never like Amanda🤔 But here we are! She is fun and I love her, so she's my girlfriend, not Max's, okay?

5) Safi and Moses!!! Ooh, I loved them so much💔 Didn't like what they did to Safi by the end of the game, but she's a very great character besides all the other shit. And Moses is simply one of the best characters in the franchise, beat me. And his friendship with Safi is sooo dear to me🥺 Tbh, I expected much more from his role in the game and I believed at some point that he was helplessly in love with Safi. Not sure if this is for the best it turned out absolutely differently... And IMO Max x Safi/Max x Moses still have a better chemistry (even as a friends) than she and Amanda romantically😅 But there were definitely some sparks with Safield, yeaaah (it's very funny btw that it's the only sounding acceptable name of their ship, lmao)

6) The plot... What plot? Was it there? I missed it? Ah, it was so little and hasty it didn't deserve to become a BIG game... And yet! The game was much better in some ways I didn't expect, and so much worse at the same time((( There were some great ideas I truly liked, because they resonate with some of mine, but all the same they were ruined by some plotholes and inconsistencies — ooh, disappointment is strong here. But overall I liked the game! The music — one of the best parts of the finished product indeed🔥 The narrative was very lazy in the start and too rushed in the end, and it was the main reason what ruined the full experience to me😟 As for the characters... Well, most of them were cool, but there are so few of them comparing to the previous games. I honestly expected more of them, or at least more interactions with them... But let's end here!) Even if the plot wasn't perfect, there were plenty of moments I truly enjoyed.

7) The whole Chloe thing. I didn't expect much from the start (and I mean announcement), but was quite surprised we didn't saw her in the game besides photos. Breakup wasn't unexpected for me, but I suppose I can understand the feelings of the die-hard MxC fans. I won't say that I'm fully on their side, but still I understand what it's like🙏 And btw I had no problem with revoicing her by Rhianna since announcement, but... um... Something went strongly wrong — I absolutely fell in love with her work in BtS, and was absolutely shocked with what I've heard in DE🤯 She doesn't even sounds like herself((( What they did with her..? And why did she sound so emotionless? It was the only disappointing thing with Chloe for me. But perhaps there was some reason, if some theories will turn out to be true, who knows... But her haunting the narrative in the start and in the end was delightful in some ways, I won't lie.

8) The whole NOTMYMAX thing. Well, I can agree with some statments, but I do not see anything contradictory in her actions or her design. Even if it's Max-fkn-Caulfield, it doesn't make her less human and does not forbid her to grow and change, and especially doesn't forbid to become more serious and pathetic at the same time😃😆 Aaaand... Jesus Christ, Hannah Telle gave a simply outstanding performance — I missed her so much💔💔💔 Her returning to Max is also one of the best parts of the game and it's so heart-warming that her voice hasn't change at all🥺 And in the end: the bisexual queen returned — Max still is so Max it made me involuntarily smile throughout the game)))

I can endlessly speak of everything I think about the game, but there's so much to say I won't say no more at all😆😆 But all cringe and weak plotlines aside, some sides of DE were really great to explore! And since I'm more of an optimist, I will not rate the game just to not upset myself🤣

[lesmurples]

I rewatched season 1 of Our Flag Means Death after getting bored with Veilguard, and I was surprised by how many similar character types and themes the two (loosely) share:

Therapy-speak loving mediator as the leader of a ragtag group of mismatched weirdos

A character realizing their nonbinary identity

Background elements of colonialism/imperialism and slavery which our intrepid heroes must resist

Queer found family vibes (tho with DATV the queerness is mostly incidental and does not seem to inform the characterizations much)

Pirates are there

Except while these are some of my favorite aspects of OFMD, I despise how they’re executed in DATV. The overwhelming corporate stink on Veilguard really interferes with the writing’s ability to talk about queer or anti-colonial themes meaningfully.

Comparing the two has actually helped me work through what it is that bothers me about the lackluster character writing of Veilguard and how it could have been better (besides, yaknow, comparing it against the much better-written previous games - they were far from perfect, but god Veilguard makes them look amazing by comparison). To be fair, I’ve yet to finish the game, but I’m privy to like, 50 hours worth of content at this point between playing myself and watching my sister’s playthrough, so if the game finally improves on these points after that long it feels like too little too late.

If you want to read a waaaay too long screed comparing these largely unalike properties, then boy oh boy is this the post for you!

1. The therapy speak:

So uh, the thing about OFMD’s anachronistic, HR-approved managerial therapy speak is that it’s a joke. OFMD is a comedy first and foremost, so this fits right in with the overall tone of the show, and it’s pretty damn funny if I say so myself. Watching Stede - this campy, middle-aged, 18th century theater kid - tell a bunch of hardened pirates to talk through their feelings is hilarious. And really all it does is alienate him most of the cast - the first episode is about his crew planning to mutiny and kill him as a result of his bizarre behavior.

But, as time goes on and Stede and the crew work through hardships and get to know each other a little better, they form a bond of trust and learn how to communicate more effectively. Stede still tries to mediate and resolve conflicts peacefully among the crew, but more directly and with less artifice, while the crew grows more patient with him and realizes the potential benefit of some of his ideas. It’s pretty basic character progression writing overall, but it’s competently executed, which is more than I can say for Veilguard.

In Veilguard, Rook’s youth pastor energy as they mediate every petty squabble between their teammates casts a bland veneer over a deeply bland cast of characters. Disregarding the fact that Rook is the most milquetoast DA protagonist by far, their involvement in every character interaction leaves me feeling like I’m meeting with HR, and not in a funny way. And Rook seems to attract HR-approved pep talks just as much as they dole them out, particularly from Varric but also from Solas and Morrigan of all people. It’s pep talks all the way down!

Where this flavor of therapy speak was used with intention in OFMD to say something about the characters (and to get a laugh), here its purpose just seems to be to nip all interpersonal conflicts in the bud so our cast can be a big happy family. Teamwork! Yay! Except we started with everyone on the team being more-or-less cordial coworkers, and then we end on them being… more cordial? A bit friendlier? There’s no meaningful progression for the audience to enjoy, no real change. Every argument starts bland and it ends bland, and the few that are allowed to continue through companion dialogue are so inconsequential as to be pointless.

The previous DA games had an obvious fix for this: make the characters socially and politically opposed to each other and let them duke it out, all while having to maintain an alliance against a common enemy. The player could get in on this too if they disagreed with someone - twas a grand time. These interpersonal conflicts were a microcosm of the larger political conflicts of the story, and it allowed the characters to explore the influence of their respective cultures upon their current viewpoints. The progression and tension thus hinged on whether the influence of other characters was able to change their perspective, and if it did, what the consequences would be. A somewhat different emphasis when compared to OFMD, but both understand that allowing your characters to come into conflict with each other and resolve it over time is far more engaging than fixing every little issue right off the bat. This isn’t a sitcom where we need to resolve family tensions before the half-hour mark - it’s an 80+ hour game.

(oh god i swear i’ll try not to make every entry this long)

2. The nonbinary identity storyline:

Alright, there is one thing I like about Veilguard (shocking I know), and it’s the option to be trans/nonbinary. I’m nonbinary and have never played an rpg where that was an option before, so that was pretty dope. I think Bioware’s approach to nonbinary and trans inclusion in the character creator was fairly well done and reasonably flexible - definitely better than the trans options in Cyberpunk at any rate. I also like that we have a nonbinary companion, especially since I totally called it when Taash was revealed and felt super smart and vindicated. The execution of Taash’s nonbinary journey though… eh. It’s mostly left me kinda cold.

I won’t be the first to state that the use of modern terminology for nonbinary gender identity is offputting in this setting, and others have explained it far better than I could. It’s a missed opportunity to think through the question of what gender really means in this setting across different cultures (beyond some lip-service to the Qunari being strict about it, which besides being a retcon doesn’t really tell us much), and whether there are existing nonbinary spaces that would potentially align with Taash’s experience of the world, rather than having one transplanted from our modern sensibility. Third genders have existed irl throughout history and are embedded within cultural understandings of gender, and interpreting Taash’s gender through a more historical and/or speculative mode that better fit the setting would feel far less alienating. As it is, Taash’s story just doesn’t seem to fit comfortably in this world, not least because we’re having them discover their identity rather than already have an understanding of it. Their self-discovery story feels out of place in a narrative focused on a high-stakes, end of the world scenario, unless I’m missing something. It reads more like a fanfic that was accidentally tacked onto the source material. (I love fanfic, but the tone just doesn’t mesh here.)

This is perhaps why the writers felt the need to connect Taash’s gender journey with their bicultural experience, which… hoo boy, that didn’t go well. We have to make a binary choice for which of a nonbinary character’s cultural ties should be discarded? Disregarding the fact that this is not how culture fucking works, why are we making this decision for another person? This is the Cole situation all over again, but worse.

Our Flag Means Death, on the other hand, gives us Jim. Jim has lived most of their life presenting as an AFAB woman, but when the show starts is in hiding as a cis man with a fake nose and beard. After their disguise is revealed, Jim goes through the awkward process of addressing the cis dude-heavy crew’s inane questions about them “being a woman now,” indicating that they’re not really sure if they are one. They tell the rest of the crew to treat them like normal and continue calling them Jim, and that’s that. From then on, they’re referred to with they/them pronouns - maybe they had a talk with everyone about it off-screen, or maybe the show wanted to lean on a sort-of magical realism vibe where everyone just knows Jim goes by those pronouns now. Either way, it fits within the tone of the show and doesn’t need to take up much more space than that. We later see where Jim grew up and learn about their background getting trained by an assassin-nun to murder her family’s killers - we got bigger fish to fry.

Does every queer identity story need to be handled like this? Of course not - there’s space for a range of queer stories, whether the queerness be incidental or integral, discovered or established. In OFMD’s case, they perhaps could have spoken more about Jim’s nonbinary experience and how it fits into the setting, but they didn’t really need to. They established what they wanted to about Jim’s identity, and they decided not to go into the issue of misgendering from that point forward. I personally like how normalized it makes Jim’s presence feel, even if they perhaps could have done more. But OFMD is a limited series about a large ensemble cast of different queer folks, and they chose to be economical about how some of those queer identities were communicated onscreen.

Dragon Age is likewise made up with an ensemble cast, and considering its high stakes end-of-the-world plot line, maybe it should’ve taken a leaf out of OFMD’s book and not spent quite so much time on Taash’s personal gender journey when we could’ve focused on something a bit more outwardly relevant (a big ask for Veilguard’s very personalized, individualistic style of character writing). We could have certainly related their sideplot back to their gender, but there had to be a better middle ground than what we got.

Anyway, while OFMD is fairly comfortable with anachronism, limiting the explanatory dialogue for Jim and other characters’ identities probably also helped to not break immersion. Bioware likely didn’t want to go this route for Taash, but if I might make a suggestion for our consideration: Krem. Krem was a great example of an integrated trans character who talked about his experience through the context of the culture he grew up in. Turns out, it’s very doable, and in a Dragon Age game no less.

(oh god they’re all going to be this long aren’t they, what have i done)

3. Background colonialism/imperialism and slavery:

Something that Veilguard and OFMD have in common is that the wider context of colonization, imperial conquest, and slavery that each story takes place in is more-or-less kept to the background. The characters and plots are certainly informed by this context, but the main storylines don’t often engage with it directly. And herein lies the problem: this is arguably an appropriate approach for OFMD given its comedic tone, while for Dragon Age - considering that its previous installments engaged very directly with these themes - it reeks of erasure and sanitization.

Hell, OFMD engages far more directly and frequently with these themes than Veilguard’s bloated, 80+ hour runtime, and it’s a 2-season long TV show! It’s 20 hours total at most! It explores the heterosexism of settler colonialism that chased a very gay Stede away from home, the racism and classism of the English naval crew they encounter, the power and constant threat of colonial fleets, the fact that colonizers have been slaughtering indigenous peoples, the presence and mistreatment of African slaves, and so on. They do this all while avoiding direct depictions of traumatic colonial violence, but they don’t shy away from its presence.

This has been argued to death by the community at this point, so I’ll try not to go too far into it, but Dragon Age as a series has always been interested in sociopolitical conflict and systemic oppression. It pulls quite a lot of influence from real-life history - one could say too much, perhaps - to create a fantasy world informed predominantly by the sociological forces of hierarchical society.

Past games have struggled to portray DA’s analogies for real-life racism unproblematically, but I don’t think the answer was to cast them aside or minimize their presence in Veilguard. This only trivializes the systemic oppression of this world retroactively; elven enslavement and oppression (especially in Tevinter) and Tal Vashoth and Qunari as otherized minorities are barely a blip on the radar of the game that is a) heavily focused on Solas’s past as a freer of elven slaves and b) set in goddamn Tevinter, where both elven enslavement is widespread and a longstanding war with the Qunari is still ongoing.

Yes, these story elements been handled poorly in the past, particularly with how elves mirror both African enslavement and Indigenous oppression in a way that creates unfortunate connotations when written carelessly, and how the Qunari have orientalist, Islamophobic undertones. They should not be portrayed through violent, traumatic scenes or within the same problematic scope as previous games, but they should not have been minimized to the extent that they were. It’s a structural writing issue if nothing else - the foundations of Dragon Age’s worldbuilding rely so heavily upon these forms of systemic oppression that removing and minimizing them makes the story incoherent. These elements cannot be written out of the story without completely transforming it, and because they were not willing to do that with Veilguard, we’re left with a gutted husk of a story missing most of its core elements.

Couldn’t we have just, you know, hired some sensitivity readers? Or - god forbid - BIPOC writers? Christ.

4. Queer found family vibes:

This one is bit of a stretch since the characters of Veilguard are not brought together through shared experiences of queerness; rather, they are collected randomly like Pokemon from all over the globe for their dubious skills. However, I do believe the writers are clumsily implementing found family tropes whenever you gather your team together, and they are all queer by default so that Rook can fuck them no matter what. At least that Dragon Age staple was respected if nothing else - The Characters Must Be Fuckable.

But I do think this is why we’ve been saddled with all this corporate HR team-building therapy-speak throughout the game: someone on the writing team thought this is how you write that found family thing the kids these days are so crazy about. Everyone’s super supportive all the time, no one fights too much, and when they do your character steps in to correct them (you do not get a choice in this - all of your dialogue options as Rook are effectively the same mediating bullshit). They’re all growing into a happy little family, and isn’t that sweet. Except that none of these characters are fully fleshed out because that would require giving them backgrounds that connect to the story’s wider lore and worldbuilding, and the writing team were either unwilling to do this or incapable because of production restraints. So it’s really just a bland group of pretty people being blandly nice or blandly rude to each other all throughout this bland, bloated game.

All that said, maybe we could’ve had a (queer) found family at the center of this game and actually made it work. There’s no law that says there have to be people on your Dragon Age team who will never get along or are too politically opposed to ever see eye to eye (even though I vastly prefer that in a DA story and think it reflects the series’ themes better *cough*). Absolution did a decent job of it from what I remember, though I think there were still a few conflicts between the members of that team that were used to communicate worldbuilding to us - that’s what character conflicts in Dragon Age mostly do. That is the narrative function they serve, and it’s not surprising to me that in a game with minimized companion conflicts, we likewise find minimized overall worldbuilding with respect to the various cultures of the current setting.

Anyway.

To be fair to Veilguard, I do not think we needed everyone’s entire life story in order to successfully execute the found family trope. Take Our Flag Means Death - the only character we really get much backstory for is Stede, with Jim coming in second at my estimation, and Blackbeard third. You don’t really find out that much about their histories overall, and you learn barely anything about the rest of the crew. For example, we know Lucius used to lie to his mother that he liked girls and was a bit of a pickpocket, which was not cute - and that’s all we get for him. We can infer that he was probably upper crust to a degree since he’s literate (and just from his overall vibe), but that’s about it, and the other characters are much the same.

The thing is, while I would welcome more information about the OFMD crew, I don’t actually need it. The characters are portrayed in such a way that you can infer most of what you need to know about them through the actor’s overall performance. OFMD was blessed with a wonderful cast who do an excellent job acting both scripted lines and the heavy amount of improv that was encouraged on set. Their character voices are finely honed and well-delivered, and so I’m able to get a strong sense of who these characters are, what motivates them, and how they relate with each other through their well-executed sense of voice.

Veilguard struggles quite heavily with character voice. The companions as written have some distinct qualities, but they never really have much life behind them. Davrin comes the closest to having a naturalistic voice, and I think it’s because he’s a self-serious straight man (comedically, not heterosexually). The rest of the cast relies on much more exaggerated and whimsical character tropes - a noir detective, a quirky gadget whizz, a perky necromancer, etc. - and the character writing just cannot summon level of energy these characters would usually have. We’re given a few fluff scenes with them that are sweet, but outside of that, none of these characters actually have much personality. Taash comes close with their moody teen affect, but it never quite sits well within their character arc, so it often feels incongruous.

And this brings me to my most damning criticism of the game: it is not funny. At all. Okay, maybe that’s not fair - it got a few small chuckles out of me within the 50 or so hours I’ve seen/played, but not more than like, 3 times. These characters just aren’t funny. Taash is kinda funny at first, but it dries up pretty quick. The script is just not capable of consistently good comedy. The only real humor I experienced was from Ghilan’nain acting like a goddamn Looney Toon, which was completely unintentional. Like everything else in Veilguard, the humor is bland, bland, bland.

Previous DA companions are brimming with humor, and it’s a huge part of what makes them so enjoyable. Comedy does a lot of work endearing you to a character, and you can use it in a variety of ways - it can highlight their cleverness, or reveal vulnerabilities and undercut them, or create chemistry or tension between multiple characters, all while giving the audience a sense of surprised pleasure that opens them up to connect with the characters emotionally. With a story as busy and occasionally dark as Dragon Age, using humor helps to quickly endear the audience to your characters and encourage engagement in their stories, while also releasing tension after harsher story beats.

It also works the other way around - when tragedy comes or characters are made to suffer, it can hit that much harder because you’ve become so endeared to them. When the Grey Wardens fail to halt the blight at Ostagar in Origins and are all but wiped out, the sense of loss is best communicated through Alistair, who up until this point has been a friendly, wise-cracking presence at your side. Seeing his grief and sense of despair in contrast to his usual good humor signals what’s been lost better than just being told, and because we are (assumedly) endeared to Alistair through his humorous attitude, we can empathize with his struggle and feel the weight of this story beat more effectively. It’s also shockingly, darkly funny when Morrigan is completely unsympathetic and later calls him a whiny pissbaby for missing all his dead friends. This helps to transition us out of the previous scene’s lower mood, and it tells us a lot about her character and her dynamic with Alistair.

And humor is an extremely valuable tool in executing the (queer) found family trope. Humor not only does a lot of work for characterization (especially with a larger ensemble cast), but it can also signal comfort and trust between characters, as well as highlight tensions without fully compromising the feeling of security offered by the found family. If tragedy strikes, it then offers a contrast against the usual comedic tone that can emphasize a scene’s drama to good effect. Humor isn’t absolutely necessary to pull this off, but it’s highly effective at establishing characters and their relationships quickly and enjoyably, and so it can be a valuable tool for large casts and plot-heavy stories where you have limited time to spend learning about each character.

Comedy is subjective, and so maybe Veilguard’s humor works for you in a way it doesn’t for me. Likewise, maybe the humor of the previous games and even OFMD don’t work for you the way they do for me. However, my main sense of Veilguard is that less investment was put into any comedy writing as versus the previous games. Less time is given for jokes, both in character dialogue and in the outer world, from what I’ve seen of it (I cannot imagine anything like the Golden Nug merchant in Orlais happening in this game). At best we get sorta sarcastic comments from Rook, but even Rook’s “funny” dialogue option only prompts any kind of humorous or sarcastic response like, maybe half the time. The writing staff just did not prioritize humor in this game seemingly at all, either by choice or necessity.

Add to this the lack of character depth and detail with all your companions, and they just have nothing for you to grab onto. They have so much potential with their quirky, surface-level descriptions, but no one did the work to flesh them out or make them engaging. Good humor or a strong character voice could have saved them even with the lack of detail and dimension, but it’s just not there. And because there is no real depth, detail, or good humor to unite the characters with each other, the found family trope falls flat and every interaction just feels like an office event.

If you like queer found family feels and haven’t seen Our Flag Means Death, check it out - highly recommend it. That show nails found family like a fuckin pro, doesn’t even break a sweat. And it’s gay as fuck.

5. Pirates:

Both have pirates. I vastly prefer the OFMD pirates over the Lords of Fortune tho. In case you were wondering.

OKAY. This insanely long post must end. It started as a thought experiment to see what we could learn from OFMD’s successes and if they could be applied to Veilguard, and then it turned into me giving unsolicited writing advice. All I can really add is to tell you that any time I’m playing or watching Veilguard, I’d rather be watching Our Flag Means Death.

Or playing the other DA games. They were pretty good. Yes, even Inquisition - at least Inquisition was funny.

[shwarmii]

hi, i'm @/shwarmi, and tumblr tERMINATED MY BLOG (AND ALL MY SIDE-BLOGS WITHOUT WARNING ME) and i messaged them to get it back but idk when theyll get back to me, so here i am in the meantime, hello, i guess this is my back-up account now, yes, my url is a pun on Roman numerals, anyway, sure do fucking hope i gET MY BLOG BACK JFC

edit: i've been filling out a ticket form about Account Termination once a day (here's the link to it if you ever need help finding it for yourself in the future; please don't try to help me via spamming the ticket form or anything, they explicitly ask to not involve other people uninvolved in your account AND i feel bad enough doing spam once a day already; but, anyway, yes, i recommend doing what i did and having bookmarked the aforementioned link and just copy&paste my form answers into the ticket from a seperate document, like from Google Drive or something, so you don't have to retype it everytime), and i have recieved no reply nor even a confirmation e-mail. hence the lack of updates on how my account is doing. there's no other way to contact staff, except maybe via Twitter, as their support e-mail is no longer accepting messages (hopefully bc of the following they will be in contact with you sooner than they have been with me, bc i didnt know this following tip this past week i've been filling out that ticket and noW YOU DO, you lucky bastard. do what i did with a seperate document to prep in case this is a multi-day process, but hopefully you'll get farther in less time than i have bc jfc i wasn't even getting a confirmation e-mail beforehand big McYikes)

BUT!!1! a friend of mine who was terminated last year said to attach my un-terminated e-mail's account (aka the e-mail i am using right here for @/shwarmii, and not for the terminated @/shwarmi like i had been doing liKE A DUMMY APPARENTLY) to the ticket's general "Put your e-mail here" slot and to explain within "The more details, the better" part your original e-mail attached to the terminated account in addition to the rest of your explanation. and i finally got a confirmation e-mail that my ticket has been recieved! yes, it was just an automated response but yay! finally!! progress!!1! i at least got a fUCKING CONFIRMATION E-MAIL, HAHA, VICTORY!

god i fucking wish i knew about the "just dont use your e-mail linked to your terminated account" tip a week ago jfc on a hot dog stick, my guys, finally, a confirmation e-mail, gahhh

since i now have a confirmation e-mail, i will wait five buisness days (so today is the 8th and a Monday, therefore, i'll wait until Saturday which is the 12th except i said "business days" ergoooo Monday the 14th) to e-mail them again. i hate waiting tho ughhh like, fine, i'll do what i gotta do but also ugghhhhh

↳ additional note: this update/edit was made on 8 August 2023. @/shwarmi has been terminated since 31 July 2023 (or 30 July 2023, and i just was too exhausted to make the account/post until the 31st. i forget. i was in the middle of moving and im disabled, so i was over-exerting myself big-time. i had processed that my account had been terminated at the time and just responded by taking a nap lmao rip but yeah, therefore, it's all been a blur)

NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. COOL. (Narrator: It was not, in fact, "cool".) I WAITED AS PLANNED (this update is being written on 14 August 2023) AND STILL NO FOLLOW-UP TO MY CONFIRMATION TICKET. HATE THAT FOR ME.

instead of sending in a new ticket as i originally planned, i replied to their confirmation email since it said i could do that (for permalinks or whatever) so that they will HOPEFULLY get back to me without me having to be a pest about their automated systems, ugh.. (i have cropped out my email and the Ticket Number(? i assume that's what that string if letters and numbers are anyway) for privacy reasons, but here is what the confirmation e-mail looks like and how i replied. i am including this mostly to help out anyone who may be terminated in the future have an idea of what to expect and an expectation of "OH, okay, so i can reply to THIS email-address, got it" kind of nonsense or whatever. why not lmao)

i will wait another five buisness days, so that'll be on the 21st of August 2023. hopefully, i will update with good news before then (aka: they'll haVE REPLIED MAYBE PLS PLS PLS) but i guess i will have to be annoying if not

it is the 20th (so they have one more day before i have to be annoying anD I DONT WANNA BE.. pls send me ideas of how to be annoying that doesnt include the Hateful Xitter pls, my only idea is to DM them there and i dON'T WANNA) and even my gmail thinks the lack of response is fucked up lmao rip

having a Bad Brain Day streak rn due to my (abusive) dad's failing health and unpacking and all this other shit i have to do post-moving like switching my insurance and renewing my liscence and fuck all, so bothering tumblr about not replying to me is gonna take a bit more of a backseat for a minute, hold on

it.. is now August 30. brain still in gutter, but i forced myself to make a xitter/twitter (don't follow, ill delete the account after they help me or not). and it wouldnt let me dm, so i had to just @ them and post. brain so sad that i cannot even be amused rn that @/shwarmi on there was taken by a shwarma restaurant. @/tumblrsupport's Replies tab shows signs of helping people as recently as 2 hrs ago, but idk if there's another queue here. i guess we'll find out?? i just want my accounts with all their posts and shit back pls, this has taken so long to try to do 💔

edit: if you're curious, it is 3 Sept 2023 and i am still waiting (it looks like they are looking at people who @'ed them on Sept 1 rn and iM LIKE "PLSSSS, I @'ED YOU ON THE 30TH OF AUGUST PLSSSSSSS", gonna give them until the 5th before i tweet again i guess 🥺)

i am not god's strongest soldier. i continue to cry out for help, alas, i have yet to receive an answer

it does not help that the twitter account sometimes says to people: "What is your Tumblr URL? We can check and see if there was a glitch of some sort. But be advised that if it is a TOS violation situation or a bigger tech issue, we cannot assist/reply on Twitter" so that doesnt make me panic aT ALL that maybe i broke TOS without any form of a warning or knowledge that i wasnt following tumblr's terms of services regarding things like nsfw and whatnot (narrator: they were panicking)

i hate it here. staff should at least be able to tell me (via email, if not twitter) that i wont be getting my account back or whatever else instead of just saying NOTHING??????

going to do all this again (tweet support, make a whole new ticket (i still have the info saved thankfully), reply to my old email confirmation) on September 27th (an arbitrary date based on I Have A Lot Going On Rn) if they continue to not reply. if i hit the 30 images limit, guess ill be reblogging and adding even MORE to this thread jfc juST TALK TO MEE!!!1!

[chososcamgirl]

HIHIHIHI IYAAA SOOOO I JUST CAME BACK FROM HANGING OUT W MY FRIENDSSS AND I DIDNT BUY ANYTHINGG (was gonna spend @ Sephora but ended up reasoning with myself and put everything away YAY ME) BUTTTTTT WE DID END UP WATCHING JOKER 2 SOO IM GONNA RANT ABT IT (to make up for the lost check ins) 😈

HOW WAS WORKK??? HOPE IT WAS VERY SKIBIDIIII!!! TELL ME ABTT IT SIGMA ALPHA IYA🐺💪‼️

I FORGOT IF I SENT MY ACTUALLY DAILY CHECK IN TODAY (I write them in my notes) SO TELL ME IF U DONT SEE IT AND ILL PASTE IT OVER TO TUMBLR (im pretty sure I did but I THINK I FORGOT TO TURN ON ANON SO IF I ACCIDENTALLY DID A BLOG REVEAL KEEP MY IDENTITY A MYSTERY 🤫 BUT TELL ME SO I CAN RESEND MY DAILY ASK) 

OMG I RENTED A POWERBANK AND ACCIDENTALLY BROUGHT IT BACK WITH ME… ITS NEARLY 12AM HERE SO I NEED TO GO BACK TMRW (im gonna get charged about like $40 SOMEONE SHOOT ME OMFG) AT LEAST I GET AN EXCUSE TO GO TO THE MALL TMRW THO?? 

ALSOOO I FOUND A STORE HIRING NEAR MY SCHOOLLLL I RLLY WANT TO GET A PART TIME SO I MIGHTTT CONSIDER IT BUT THEN I WOULD NEED TO FIND THE TIME TO ACTUALLY COMMIT IF I DO WANT TO PURSUE ITTTT

OMGROIGOJIOJIR REMEMBER HOW I MENTIONED I WRITE IN MY SLEEP?? TURNS OUT THAT LIKE A WEEK AGO.. I FELL ASLEEP WHILE DOING HOMEWORK AND STARTED WRITING ABOUT MY RACE IN MY SLEEP.. AND I DIDNT BOTHER TO CHECK IT WHEN I WOKE UP ON MY DESK IN THE MORNING SO I TURNED THAT SHIT IN WITHOUT NOTICING I RANTED ABOUT MY FUCKING RACE ON MY ASSIGNMENT…. MY TEACHER WAS SO FUCKING CONFUSED ON WHY I STATED I WASN’T WHITE ON MY PAPER AND TOLD ME THAT THEY THOUGHT I MIGHT OF BEEN HAVING PROBLEMS MENTALLY… THE FACT I HAD TO ADMIT IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS SLEEP WRITING??? IM GONNA END IT PLEASEEE THATS SO EMBARRASSINMGGGG IT WAS HELLA FUNNY THO.. I WOULD POST THE PICTUJRE BUT I CANT </3 CUS OF ANON *sighs* 

ITSSS SJAPP WEEKENDDDDDD IM SO EXCITED ITLL BE 5AM WHERE I LIVE SO THAT MEANS I GET TO WAKE UP TO A NEW CHAPTERRRR

SPOILER WARNING FOR JOKER 2 ‼️‼️

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.

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Okay I was a HUGE fan of the first movie which was why I was excited to see the second one with my friends but honestly… IT WAS SO ASSSSS

First, I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS GONNA BE A MUSICAL like I don’t mind musicals, they can be BANGERS and the first few songs were good BUT as the film progressed the songs just felt so unnecessary and awkward👿😭

UGHHHH OMFGGGG IM SOOOOO PISSED ABGT HOW DIRTY THEY DID MISS QUINN IN THE SEQUEL!!!! I LOVE HARLEY QUINN AND GAGA BUT LIKE HER BACKSTORY IN THIS MOVIE AND HER WHOLE PERSONALITY IS NOT ITTTTTT PLUSSS GAGA I LOVE UR VOICE BUT OMFGG I SWEAR THE SINGING WAS TOOOOO EXCESSIVE ARNTRJNSR THEY DID HER SOO DIRTYY.. GAGA WAS ROBBED.. SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SOOOO MUCH MORE BUT HER CHARACTER WAS JUST.. BLEH..

HONESTLY IF YOU TOOK OUT ALL THE MUSICAL FACTORS THEN THE MOVIE WOULD FEEL LIKE A 2HR LECTURE… AND THE RUN TIME??? TWO HRS IS INSANE FOR SUCH A PLOT 

THERE WERE NO PLANS OF A SEQUEL AND THEY SHOULD OF KEPTTT IT THAT WAYYY OMGGG THIS WAS SUCH AN OBVIOUS CASHGRAB.. THE FIRST ONE CLEARLY HAD PASSION, THIS ONE WAS JUST FOR MONEY THERES A REASON WHY THE RATING IS SO LOWWWWWW

STILL THO, THE MOVIE HAD GOOD SCENES AND ALL THE ACTORS HAD THEIR MOMENTS  .

.

. OKKKK HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY SIGMA NIGHT!!! SWEET DREAMS I LOVE YOU DAWG 💪🔥

- 🐺

HI ALPHA!!🐺

responding to ur most recent ask sent on saturday night hello‼️‼️‼️

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD FUN WITH UR FRIENDS!!! im glad🙂‍↕️ hanging out with ur friends always makes life better even if its for that moment it’s still very much worth it <33 HOORAY FOR REASONABLE SPENDING🎉🎉 u are stronger than me alpha.. sephora and i are in a current battle and i fear she’s winning😰

WORK THIS WEEK HAS BEEN SO GOOD!! i worked 4 days in a row all either opening or closing (or both) but they were all good shifts! i’m just very exhausted from this week though like mentally and physically😭 i slept most of the day away yesterday and im just trying to rest up again today because my throat is actually getting worse which KMS.

NO LMFAO UR FINE!! if u do happen to reveal urself don’t worry i’ll keep it a secret 🤫🤫🤐 WHAT? $40 OH MU GOD what the fuck that is SO EXPENSIVE TO RETURN IT i would just keep it at that point.. but atleast it’s another excuse to go to da mall🤗🙂‍↕️ YIPEE! oooo job searching! that’s exciting. though part time is a big commitment just bc you can’t change ur hours once it’s set in place but if you want to apply for it then i say go for it!! as long as u have the time for it 100%!!

OH MY GOD😭😭 NOT ON THE HOMEWORK TOO PLS that actually made me giggle please. don’t worry abt it though i’ve seen worse!! sleep writing is a talent that u should not be embarrassed abt, you’re good‼️🙂‍↕️

IVE HEARD SO MANY BAD REVIEWS ABOUT THE MOVIE LIKE the fact that they break out into song randomly etc😭 i wanted to watch it but the reviews are making me rethink spending $15 on a movie ticket… ill probably not watch it and watch the substance instead (apparently that’s fucked) BUT ILL LYK!!!

THANK YOU ALPHA!! I HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY SIGMA DAY‼️ ILY🫵🫂

[niningtori]

yay!!! i’m glad ur feeling better!! and getting back to writing after feeling sad always helps me too

U seem so fun to be around I love ur energy saur much. we could sing together omg 🧸 i am always nervous to sing a cappella in front of others so that’s why ive been trying to improve on that too bc pitch perfect changed my life in 2012 idk

i was learning bad boy by red velvet that’s one of my fav songs ever 😭 and the choreo is so addicting to me and it seemed a bit easier than learning a boy group choreo NDNFMSJ i want to eventually learn them too… i think i have the dancing spirits in me. my mom likes to brag she was a dancer back in her day but idk how true that is!

u write lyrics omg >.< we have lots in common. it’s very hard to learn to production all on ur own which is what i’m doing bc im stubborn n want to prove to myself i can do it without help… so don’t be sad that u can’t without a melody! that in itself is good bc it shows u have an ear for music :) i’m learning to produce bc i actually want to be a music producer!!! i wanna work behind the scenes in the music industry for rn i’m still too shy and not as confident to be in the spotlight. my dream is to work in kpop 🙂‍↕️ along with the western artists ofc. ariana grande and kpop really boosted my love for music like i can’t even describe..

it took me a long ass time to actually realize what i wanted to do and it felt very right even tho i haven’t done much to make my own music pls. i’m just scared but im telling myself to affirm that im fearless so i shut up and work!!!! 🐰

thank u angel 😭 u r the sweetest it's such a shame that we r not irl friends :(

and i used to sing rlly well but i had some health issues for a few years so my vocal cords aren't what they used to be unfortunately 😭 i'd still love to sing w u tho!! i'm pretty shy w singing a cappella but my brother plays a lot of instruments so i used to sing w him accompanying me a lot. also that's SO funny bc pitch perfect came out when i was in a choir class i think it changed every young singers' life not even kidding BENSJWJSJSK

also omg i LOVE red velvet... their new title track is so excellent!! i'd love to hear ur progress on learning new dances i find it fascinating even if i could never do it myself. n that's so cute ab ur mom omg u rlly might have the spirit in u !! my mom tried to teach me traditional cultural dances when i was younger but my uncoordinated ass couldn't keep up LMAO

hehe thank u sm 🥹 i wouldn't say i'm a genius lyricist by any stretch of the imagination but i do like writing poems and stuff n i've mentioned it on here before but that's what my original medium was... just poetry... i'd love to publish my poetry book someday w some doodles but alas that dream seems very far away

being a music producer is such a cool dream to have but i 100% believe you can do it!! i think having that goal and actively working towards it is just wonderful n inspiring 😭 and seriously dedicating yourself to it is so admirable to me. when u make it big pls remember nini niningtori n that she believed in u 🫡

[capaldiera]

i’m just being unreasonable here but

still thinking about mulcahy in that fanfic and like UGH the author didnt GET him.the fact i'm still thinking about the fic is a credit to them and it was really good on the other characters but it was like he was such an afterthought and it's so clear it was bc he's just.. not interesting in their mind and they just don't Understand... like i get why the others wouldn't like include him in their little group conversation bc like he is a priest and if you don't know he's gonna get it you wouldnt talk around him.and maybe he Wouldnt get it but he Could tho and maybe they don't know that but at least he could be invited into the larger group come on now... CHarles is part of the group and he's completely oblivious but you're all even here (at his wedding reception) bc of him. but like by and trapper showed mulcahy some photos of their kids and then he was just sitting talking to potter and mildred the whole time it's like everyone's married and has kids now so he has to sit with the old people.. like ik he wouldnt probably be getting involved in the shenanigans and the dancing or whatever but at least give me some real conversations with the other characters come on.. and in the epilogue the notes were like ok a mulcahy chapter bc someone asked and i was like yay :) but it's him thinking like oh i surprised myself by enjoying everyone's antics even tho i spent so much time during the war trying to convince them to stop like first of all... girl where. like a good deal less than half the time were you doing that. i'm not saying he isn't capable of that level of self-deception but thats clearly not the angle the author was taking. like this guy was on s1 characterisation and everyone else was on s15 idc if he's worse or better but make him more Something. i want character progression of some kind not regression. or at least if it's regression make it intentional and in juxtaposition to the development of the others. or like make it about the reasons he got more boring that would be interesting. like idk man he can be fun. its usually cringe and mostly only fun for him but he can be fun! there was one moment where hawkeye is feeling the toll of being forced back into his role as the social center of the group and mulcahy gives him a kind understanding look and i was like Thank God at least you understand Something like yeah! he has connections with understanding and respect and friendship and it's not just like oh yeah mulcahy. he was the priest right? he had Friends let me see them interact.. anyway this is petty and i am not the person the author wrote for and i would like to stress again i really did enjoy the fic i would recommend it in fact. wasn't always my personal interpretations of the characters but it always made sense and it was beautiful. except for boringcahy 😔🙄 (ok even that was really not bad like he was fine it was nice to see him. and he and hawkeye spoke in sign language that was nice. they just didn't get him like i do (my interpretation is not the most canonest either tbh i do know that but that's bc i Built upon canon. bc i paid attention so i have something to build from) ok bye

[nanowatzophina]

Pspspspsing you to tell us abt your wardens!!!!! Would luv to hear abt any other da ocs as well

GASP!! SURE!! You wanna hear about my wardens??? Yay!!!

This will give me a good excuse to redraw/make ref for em too!

Dragon Age Shit under the cut!!

((Holy crap. It deleted all my progress but here we go again. I hope I can remember all the details))

— Also for reference I’m only gonna talk about the pt’s I’ve actually finished. Which is only four of em.

First up we’ve got Rosal Surana!!

((Still proud of how this one turned out so she doesn’t get an update))

Circle Mage lady who just wants to learn as much as she can!! She’s my first COMPLETED pt. So I made the fact that I was always asking all the questions in each interaction part of her character.

She’s curious, a bit overly so.

She made her own outfit. This was like— designed before I got better at copying clothes fashion but I do like the idea of Rosal just… making this for herself. Not looking like she’s from any particular nation. Just herself.

She romances Zevran, whom I love dearly. She is best friends with Alistair and Morrigan. She never got as close with Leliana but they still friends.

Rosal was a Chantrified name for her. Instead of the traditional Dalish name that her mom named her. (I honestly can’t recall what it was originally. I was dumb and didnt right it down) She was born in the Denerim alienage and taken away at 8 when she accidentally used her powers against a human boy in the street who was picking on her.

I had like. This whole idea for a fanfic with her that takes place after Awakening where she goes on a search for her mother who was sold to Tevinter. Full of intrigue and drama.

Secondly! Alana Cousland!!

Grew up refusing to act like a lady, much to her mothers disappointment. Not doing her hair, running out to learn how to fight with daggers rather than manners, scaring off suitors with her blunt way of speaking and teasing. Just a real Princess Merida situation.

She grew up wanting to be like the great heroes she learned about growing up. Slaying dragons and fighting armies!

But then… her family was taken so suddenly from her. Everyone she knew and loved and grew up with, dead. She got her dream of being a heroic Grey Warden but… the cost always makes her feel guilty… like she brought this upon their family due to simply… wishing for adventure. She had a LOT of survivor’s guilt and became kind of a rude, blunt person. Cold and hardened.

But… then she met an idiot named Alistair. Who somehow managed to make her laugh despite terrible circumstances. And would listen to her and talk with her. He helped her to open up.

Despite being… herself. She managed to befriend all the companions pretty closely. Especially Sten and Leliana. Sten approves of her while Leliana is much like Alana’s mom, nagging her into brushing her hair and maybe… taking care of herself a bit more…

In the end Alana marries Alistair and became Queen. She finds it incredibly ironic that she was running from this type of life all of her youth and yet… walked right into being Queen. Because she saw it as… finally accepting her duty is important. And wanting to take that step with Alistair. She still struggles with public appearance sometimes. And would often rather be off fighting dark spawn. But she is also happy to be able to… rest. After everything…

((Tho the convincing Alistair to sleep w/ Morrigan to save their lives for the sake of the kingdom was… a little awkward. Especially since Alana is friends with Morrigan just… uncomfortable all around))

Next up we’ve got Solan Aeducan!

Solan Aeducan was on her way to being a great dwarven warrior. Which sucks. Leaving Ostagar was one of the hardest things to happen. Seeing the sky was a horrible reminder of what she had lost.

She was always a quick to anger, hot-headed woman. But after leaving Ostagar she became untrusting and just... more angry...

But then... she met Leliana. Who helped her to see the beauty of the stars... and then they fell in love. I love them so much.

Solan got Leli a nug in Ostagar. And listens to her stories, loving just how... smart Leliana is.

However... she is... the ONLY playthrough that I’ve done that she refused the ritual... and so she dies... and Leliana is left alone... So I’m a terrible person.

And Lastly! Fen’nas!

Fen’nas is a glorious himbo. He is bold and flirty though has a BIT of a short-temper. He likes doing nice things for people. Which... makes him and Morrigan a bit of a... unique situation.

He totally fell for her the second he saw her. Which is a surprise for all of us considering how Morrigan swooped in the way she did.

But he loves Morrigan and wants her to be happy. Even though she runs away after they make a baby. But he runs after her like the rom-com man he is.

And he goes through the mirror with her. And raises their kid together. And he is a great stay-at-home husband. Though... they never got actually married. But they are in love. I love them.

[innermort]

*** disclaimer: this is a very long diary type of entry that is probably quite boring for everyone else and may be ignored. it's merely a very lenghty epiphany I just had about my life and myself and I had to type it out for me, to lock in the thoughts, if you will. it was pretty therapeutic tho. 🙃 ***

10/Sept/2021

I just had the realization that I'm in the process of redefining every aspect of my self and my life.

I quit smoking cigarettes from one day to another exactly 2 months ago tomorrow and went from a heavy to a casual party smoker.

I rarely ever smoke weed anymore (plus when I did since quitting tabacco, I rolled with herbs) and now made the conscious decision to take another long break, so it doesn't interfere with my weight loss again. I get the worst munchies and have no self control when I'm stoned. I'm talking "5000+ cals in one sitting" type of binges. I'm not tolerating this kind of self sabotage anymore.

I re-discovered edblr. Yes. I know. Not the healthiest habit to get back into but it's the only thing that has actually helped me gain the motivation and willpower to put a stop to my raging sugar addiction and instead, an actual effort into losing weight again. Besides, I'm doing it in a much more careful and "responsible" way now (high restricting, taking supplements, no strict/exact calorie limit, very light to no exercise (okay, to be fair the reason for that is mainly my injured knee but still), letting myself eat/drink more than planned if I feel my body needs it). And let's not forget that I've literally been binging every day for the past 2 or 3 months. My diet nearly exclusively consisted of chocolate, pastries and pizza. Literally. I've gained 10 kgs (22lbs) during that time. That lifestyle was just as unhealthy, if not unhealthier.

I finally got to hang up and use my calender. Due to my ADHD (self diagnosed for now), I'm very forgetful and unorganized - at least in my private life. That's why I made the decision to get a big calender which I can use as a semi To Do/Buy list and appointment/meeting/bill reminder. Since I'm glueing a sticker to each day I got through without binging, I'm looking at it pretty much every day anyways. Plus, it's a motivater to not binge (reward that inner child)! Overall, it's helping me become more organized and put together which are two areas I've been lacking in in the past years. So far, I've been mostly using my phone notes but I usually write something down and immediately forget about it if it's not a grocery list or a To Do list I'm actively working through on that same day.

I have my first appointment at a psych ward since I was a teen. It's just a phone call and first get to know conversation but it's better than nothing and more than overdue. I'm finally taking the first steps towards getting diagnosed and being eligible for therapy. I'm sick of feeling like a victim of my own brain, I just want to be better. I deserve to be better.

I'm hungry for knowledge again. I deleted Tiktok from my phone because of how big of a distraction it was and because I realized that even though I'm being bombarded with new information everyday, I'm not learning anything. Our brains can't even comprehend the amount of information given in that short time span. Nothing sticks. Sure, you find out about some pretty cool stuff on TT depending on what kinda fyp you have but for me personally, it was just hours and hours of mindless scrolling in the end. It's crazy how addictive it is, too. Even despite the fact that I was already at a point where it didn't even give me that quick dopamine quick anymore. It felt boring and repetitive and I was merely doing it out of habit.

So, I got rid off the app. I started watching documentaries again. Mostly about gut health and mental illnesses like ADHD, Autism, BPD, Narcissm etc. Like TED talks or interviews/discussions by and with professionals/experts/diagnosed people. I'm back to not just craving but actually consuming something with substance, something that gives me more knowledge and insight on a topic. Something I actually want to know more about.

I realized and accepted that even though I am a creative mind, a fully creative job might just not be for me. I'm learning that maybe I'm the type of person who does something entirely different in their free time than what they do at work. And that that's very much okay. I noticed that at my job (this was the case for every job I ever had), my mind seems to work differently. When people expect me to do something, I have the needed pressure and motivation to get it done. I could also observe in myself that at work, I enjoy organizing/sorting stuff, I'm a fast and independent learner while I'm also excellent at training new employees, I'm much more detail oriented than in my private life - overall, it came to my attention that I might not actually be the ever chaotic forgetful mess who can't form a logic thought - or I can at least recognize that this is merely a part of me and not what defines and limits me as a person. I realized I actually like straightforward work, I like working alone and I like working precisely. When I was younger I would have never used any of these traits to describe my dream career. I would gag at the idea of working an office job and now I feel like this would actually suit me very well. Especially the working alone part would mean feeling less drained at the end of a work day and still having the energy to hang out with people I actually want to see. This is an extremely valuable lesson about myself that I finally seem to have learned.

After this big sub- and now concious evaluation about myself I'm also finally taking actual steps towards a possible career. I bought a course and worked through the first 2 lectures today, taking notes and writing everything down neatly for 3 - 3 1/2 hours (in total with breaks in between). I even got a notebook specifically for this new life project. I'm excited to learn. I feel scared, too. This is something I've never done before but I'm telling myself that trying won't hurt. I have my main job as a safety net, financially nothing can happen to me. I can only learn, even if I fail. And time will pass anyways, whether I get my ass up and put in the work or continue to be unhappy with what I'm doing without trying to change anything.

Speaking of finances, I also started taking those more seriously now. I stopped using my credit card (I was in negative numbers constantly, big numbers like -300 to -800€ due to constant overspending). I set up standing orders for my monthly fixed costs to make sure bills are always paid on time. Due to my forgetfulness and ADHD freeze I would often forget to pay or postpone paying bills until the reminder came in the mail and led to me having to pay on top or generating debt. I still have a little bit of debt to pay off but it's thankfully not a dramatic amount. I also have a second bank account for savings now where I transfer 200€ to every month. Even the simple act of calculating my fixed costs to see how much I can use for what was something that was desperately overdue. What I still have to do is sort out my receipts and write everything down in a housekeeping/budget book. And my first ever tax return. I am very much dreading both of these. 😃

Anyways. Wow. I really needed to type this out. I have the very harmful tendency to look at all the negative stuff and only focus on what I don't have and don't do. I really needed to take a long, deep look at all the things I've been changing around in the past couple months. A lot of it really passed me by until now. It's crazy but I really feel like a complete failure when my body isn't looking its best and it makes me blind for everything else. So, thank you to myself for reminding me that I am actually making a lot of progress, even if it has been in areas other than my fitness and looks. They're just as important (from a healthy brains point significantly more important, obviously) and deserve to be noticed and celebrated.

Conclusion: ❤️✨YAY, ME✨❤️

[lonelyghosts-stuff]

Marvel’s What If Episode 7 Reaction

No no this is the opposite of what I wanted. More Loki! Not less!

If they don’t have Thor being an absolute idiot without Loki being his voice of reason I’m gonna be upset

Wait what the hell I saw Seth Green in the opening credits lmao??? Now I’m just thinking about Chris Griffin

DARCY

Wow they got Jane back too

Soooo how do they know about aliens?

“HOLY MOLY” lmao

Hey thor my life isn’t that dull… okay fine that’s a lie

Sooo Thor is a frat boy?

YOOOO I NEED A SCREENSHOT OF THAT ART WITH THOR AND LOKI

ALL OF IT

Soooo in this world, Odin was a good dude and didn’t kidnap Loki and gave him back to Laufey? (Didnt Laufey abandon him tho since he was too small? I guess in this universe they simply… lost their prince? Lmao?)

Thor didn’t have Loki as his voice of reason I called it.

Night night Odin

Lmao Chad Frigga dipping Odin as soon as he’s asleep

I wonder if they got Idris Elba back for Heimdall?

“We are going to the most backward, backwater planet that not even Heimdall pays attention to.” D,: Thor why you gotta do me dirty like that???

Chris Hemsworth is definitely a better voice actor than some others

Oh yo it be Skurge

Darcy into probing huh?

(Romantic Music Playing) lmao

Man I love Darcy

Poor Howard the Duck lmao (oh yea that’s Seth green)

Skrulls huh

Honestly surprised Thor knows all of these planets. Including the grandmaster??? In the sacred timeline he didn’t even know Sakaar existed.

Wait so, are the Asgardians on good terms with Jotunheim then? If so, I wanna see party loki. Or maybe he’s too reserved for that. I wonder how Laufey raised him? IF WE DONT SEE JOTUN LOKI IM GONNA RIOT

Thor destroyed a star. That sounds about right

“Now that was an excellent party. You know, we lost Fandral for three days. Found him in a barn, curled up next to a baby goat. It was classic. Isn’t that right, Fandral?” “I NAMED HIM GARY!” “Yeah, you did.” “YEA GOATS!” Okay. Screw everyone else in the MCU. I love Fandral now. He’s the GOAT, pun intended

Oh not a star, he killed a whole planet.

I thought Asgardians were supposed to be more advanced than earth but making a tablet is so complicated?

Howard and Darcy was not a pair I thought expected

Yo it’s nebula and korg? So where’s Thanos? How is nebula allowed to go partying with Thanos looking for the infinity stones?

Drax too? Isn’t he in prison? And then Valkyrie? Seems like a lot more than just Thor being an only child is different in this universe. Most of these dudes should hypothetically be in prison or on super serious missions. And I just thought, isn’t Howard the duck imprisoned by the Collector? What’s the timeline for this?

DARCY MARRIES HOWARD THE DUCK? GIRL YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HIM AND HIS CORKSCREW WANG!

Aaaaaand Jane and Thor got magic and science tattoos. Mighty fast character progression.

Oh? Hookups? That took a turn.

Awwwww Fandral snuggling with a bunch of Chinchilla looking animals <3

Unknown caller?

Dammit Rumlow

Rocket???

Acting director??? What happened to Nick???

KORG NO

Damn everyone crashed at Jane’s

I mean, didn’t seem like too much of a threat

PHIL!!!

Lmao the world isn’t gonna be destroyed by parties?

Oh Carol Danvers?

Okay so…. Lemme get this straight..

Loki and an army of aliens attacking the world? Shield: “nah not a threat.” Robot with robot army threatening to destroy the whole planet “nah Carol has better things to do.” A partying dude from space with no ill intent but just doesn’t seem to understand consequences? “CALL CAPTAIN MARVEL WE NEED HER!!!” Yea okay Shield

Thor loves waffles

LOKI

JOTUN LOKI

HES HERE

LOKI!!!

HOLY CRAP HES HUGE

HE HAS ICE HORNS

See everything would be better without Odin’s interference.

(That’s what she said)

YAY THEYRE FRIENDS

“You’re my brother form another mother man.” YOOOOOO

Loki just sang “Brothers foreveeeeerrrrr!” I can’t—

Aaaaaand fart jokes… “did you boom?” “I never boom. I only boom in private.” Dammit marvel I hoped you were better than this.

LOKI MAKE A WISH

White snake? Lmao where did she get that name lol.

What’s wrong with a party tho? Is this really top priority? Yea they destroyed another planet, but you never explained how

Why doesn’t she sound like Brie Larson? She’s still acting for Marvel Studios so it’s interesting they couldn’t get her for it… unless it is her and I just can’t remember how her voice sounds

Was that punch really necessary? Dude wasn’t posing a threat to anyone.

“You know, there’s a Midgardian word for women like you.” THOR NO—

“PARTY POOPER!” Oh thank God

“This ones for fury” but it wasn’t even Thor that hit him? It was korg and on accident! Cmon carol, I had hoped you’d be smarter than this and more reasonable. Not resorting to violence when nothing has even escalated…

Haha hammer to the face

And the back of the head lmao

BAHAHAHAHA HE JUST SMACKED HER INTO ANOTHER COUNTRY

THOR DONT BOOP STONEHENGE

Dammit Thor

Lmao I love that the countries have their names on them.

Okay just stay and fight here away from civilian population

Marvel really giving us what we want with the most powerful characters fighting

Mary Sue Captain Marvel

Her lipstick has stayed perfect somehow

Fighting in a storm eh? Can’t see how this could go wrong

Haha hammer timeout

Lmao I wanna see Frigga put Thor in a timeout

They’re chanting pooper at her. Is this elementary school again?

Bruh I just realized, Thor is supposed to be acting king while Odin is in Odin sleep lmao. I bet Asgard is going to either be in the best peace ever without Thor or utterly destroyed.

Leave south and north Dakota alone lol

Lmao I love Darcy

YAY GARY THE GOAT WAS SAFE

Wow Jane used the L word fast

Kicking Jane out of the helicarrier? Yea smart move kicking off the person who actually knows anything about this albeit she is a little blinded by love

Giant Loki holding a tiny phone

BAHAHAAHAHA “hey earth girl, you haven’t got a friend, have you!” YES LOKI ITS ME. MARRY ME

Stop throwing phones lmao

BRUH HOW IS SURTUR NOT EVIL EITHER? AND STOP FLIRTING WITH THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.

NO HE DESTROYED HER ARM LMAO

There goes the power grid

NOT THE SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE

Lmao there he goes

WHY DID KORG HAVE A PACIFIER IN HIS MOUTH

Bout time Heimdall popped in

Aaaaaand Jane got abducted by heimdall

Seeing as Heimdall hasn’t said anything, I’m assuming they didn’t get Idris back lol.

How is shield so chill on murdering Thor? Yes he’s destructive but they’re resorting to killing him so fast instead of talking to him! No one has even told him he’s putting the planet at risk! Dudes too dumb to know on his own!

JANE STOP DRINKING

Damn Maria Hill I had higher hopes for you

Lying Thor

Okay so shield trusts Frigga to help, but still irks me that shield was so trigger/nuke happy… seems the opposite of what we’ve seen of them (ugh just gotta ignore it and chock it up to this being an alternate reality)

Ew Drax

Loki calling the other jotuns “ice bros” lmao

It’s also mantis and Yondu!!

wait how did grandmaster just teleport away like the bifrost?

Nice going thor. You big hunky dummy

“MY MOTHER IS COMING.” Good lord is this high school now lmao???

How do they all know Frigga and why are they all afraid?

Damn the bifrost takes a lot longer than I would have expected

No no Thor the tower of pisa is meant to be tilted—oh whatever

Wait, but I don’t see loki helping, is he gonna be up to something last minute to ruin Thor’s cover up lmao?

I don’t believe Frigga would be tricked this easily lmao

Thor you are such a bad liar

Lmao here comes carol

Hahaha how did mjolnir get so trashed

Wow thor is so much taller than Jane

Wow this Jane and Thor seem to have more chemistry than the sacred timeline version ever did

Wait I want resolve for Loki!!

Uh oh

WHAT

ULTRON VISION WITH THE INFINITY STONES?? HOW

No resolution for that??? Well then. Rip this universe too lmao

Damn I wanted more Loki

There better be a Loki centric episode sometime. If they didn’t it’d a huge missed opportunity from marvel

Okay yea looking at the credits, Carol Danvers wasn’t played by Brie Larson but a lady named Alexandra Daniels. Odd they didn’t get Brie Larson.

Probably my favorite episode so far even with how absurd it was. A lot more upbeat than the past few ones with a better resolve to the story imo.

Also, if anyone can provide me of screenshots of Loki from this episode I would be very grateful

[cassatine]

spent four days gluing labels like mad cuz we had a degustation + orders to fulfill yesterday. i didn't even go cuz my wrists were ouchie after that. i think we're gonna have to negotiate automating the process sooner than later somehow bc my mom keeps expanding with new recipes and it's just... a lot of labels to cut and glue with a stupid paintbrush. it's not sustainable, it's only been sustainable so far because i don't get paid, and if i was to take a month long holiday trip i'm leaving my mom with a week worth of gluing and her schedule can't handle that. so yeah, we need another option beyond me and my trusty glue brush.

and then today was shopping trip of doom day since we needed a bunch of stuff for the transfo lab, which is nearly finished and serviceable (yay), and also for the next batches of stuff i'll have to label (cries), and i had to drive on tiny shitty roads to pick shit up in the middle of nowhere and there's something wrong with the van's suspensions or smthg so!! it was!! highly stressful!! but also i couldn't have done last year without needing a break and turning into a puddle of nerves afterwards so u know, progress. maybe someday i'll even feel at ease behind the wheel... stranger things happened.

but most importantly my mom took pity on me and worked in a stop at the local Emmaüs to dig around for treasures and also because my only winter coat is the outside work one and she thinks it's criminal. i don't, but i do want a kitschy fake fur one (i like the kitsch, so sue me) so we've been questing for one -- to no avail, because i usually get distracted trying out the ugliest ones, plus if i'm gonna buy a kitschy fake fur coat it better be platonic ideal-perfect and the second-hand pickings are, huh, slim. i've been keeping an eye out for something actually masculine too but again, slim pickings, i don't wanna look like my grandpa would have before i was born. but while i was kinda flirting with the not-cashier lady my mom found even better than kitschy fake fur! layers and layers, really warm, knee-length and flared, floral tapestry panels on black, fake wool trims, really wide high collar. i'm in love, it's like straight out of a fairytale, and best of all it's real quality so i'm fit for a decade at least!! bestest coat you are miiine.

i still want kitschy fake fur tho.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Ok so I've been stalking your blog for the past couple of hrs after seeing your TadaAi posts (I'm drowning in the period drama that is this ship) and I find you ship Tododeku and rinharu (god i can't stand bakudeku and makoharu) and seems like we share a lot of our views on fandom and ships probably because we're older (I'm 22). Followed and looking forward to your input in the future!

Also you might've given me the motivation to finish watching Free! XD

Hehe yay, please, we need more ppl in our “house of oldies”, make yourself at home lol. And we share a lot of ships?! Even better <3

I knooow, I can’t believe we’ve got a gay “master who fell in love with his servant” ship in the anime, just what I needed for my idiotic collection lmao

But also these two have too much going on between them, so much wasted potential in my opinion, it’d be so interesting to explore (but sadly no xD), they were still the only interesting thing for me lolz. I love complicated morons, who became the victims of a huge unrequited requited love misunderstanding, bc they’re insecure morons lmao and they just have 2 of my fav ships vibes, so it’s probably mostly this haha. 

Oh, I’m inputting *wink wink*, can’t wait to finish the vid, I’m having too much fun with it. I’ve just literally spent several minutes trying to get whether I’ve put Tadashi’s sexy mole in the right distance from his eye in the “him moaning on the table” manip lolz. What can I say... I picked the best hobby, with all the support I’m getting with my vids, I’m living a dream xD

You know, I think I’ve said it before, but when it comes to bakudeku, I at least understand what ppl hope to see there and why, but like.. it’s just not happenning. Also imagining Bakugou lovingly hugging Midoriya is just so OOC I start laughing all the time. And whatever ppl say, in any ship whether they’re enemies or rivals or anything, if you can’t imagine them being tender with each other, smth is not right in my opinion. Also once again, who needs idiotic bleating Midoriya, idk. I’m just tired of the endless “die, deku/out of my way” yelling, I like watching Bakugou going to parties and amusement parks and doing silly stuff, too. Like I’ve said before, pride won’t ever let him change the way he behaves with Midoriya, even when they’re doing “great”. If he was the one, it wouldn’t have mattered, no matter how tough you are, and it wouldn’t take that long. I also don’t think they’re that kind of relationship, like they move each other for sure, sometimes, yeah (not always in a good way tho), but be together in a relationships? Can’t imagine that. Like not all rivals have the rivals to lovers dynamic, no matter what ppl say. But I get the shipping, bc 1stly these two are playing too huge of a role in each other’s lives, 2ndly Midoriya is obsessed with him and Bakugou obsessed with him too (just in a bad way lmao) and 3rd ppl want that “enemies to lovers” dynamic, since many love it (me included, when it done right and progresses right), so they’re trying to write that “to lovers” bridge, that just doesn’t fit here in my opinion, simply bc Bakugou won’t be soft with Midoriya, like ever in a way, you’d want, and I don’t think it’s possible for them to go there.

Tododeku on the other hand, 1stly they also play too huge of a role in each other’s lives, 2ndly Midoriya is obsessed with him too and Todoroki is lovingly obsessed with him in return, 3rdly they are also rivals to lovers, and I have no problem imagining the second part, it won’t be OOC, 4thly Midoriya when he’s with Todoroki is my fav Midoriya, he’s happy, he is cocooned and he’s badass af (and like when he told Endeavor to fuck off or yelled at Todoroki “the fuck are u doing?” xD are still the best), 5thly Midoriya forgets about Bakugou, when he’s with Todoroki a lot and it’s just funny to me, 6thly they healed each other so nicely, I can’t not be into that, 7thly when they’re together I have like 0 worries, idk I’m like “he will catch him” anyways haha, Bakudeku just don’t give me this vibe. It’s like yeah, they won’t let each other die, but it’s always this chaos of “out of my way”, “I don’t want your help” and “let me punch you before I punch the villain” that I’m just “oh for god’s sake, pls bring in Kirishima and Todoroki so we could just go home, it could’ve been solved in 2 minutes” lmao. Etc, etc.

Tododeku just have too many winning points over bakudeku for me, same with kiribaku over bakudeku, even tho I 100% get bakudeku as a ship ofc. Also idk whether things would be different if Todoroki wouldn’t exist in the equation, but the moment I saw that s2 scene where Bakugou started yelling and Todoroki just ignored him and was like “was Midoriya always this good?”, there was no going back to me XD. Like they both obviously see that Midoriya is wonderful, but only one reacted to that in a way that I wanted. And I’m a sucker for the ships who don’t give a fuck and like “yeah, I find him amazing and everyone should know that”. Todoroki is also one of those guys, who if you give them the much needed love, they’ll return it tenfold with a forever devotion. And all of my fav ships are like that: Yullen, Rinharu, Mikayuu, Wangxian, Akakuro, etc. They’re like “well, I ain’t an idiot to let someone this precious go”, you know lol

On the other hand, when it comes to Kirishima, Bakugou can do all kind of ridiculous thing I wouldn’t imagine he would do to keep him or make him happy, you know. Kirishima is also the only one, who can put his arm around Bakugou without it being cut off, so I don’t make the rules here lol.

So it’s not like I can’t stand bakudeku, more of like can’t imagine this work, to me it’s easier to imagine todobaku in a relationships, but not bakudeku lolz.

But when it comes to makoharu, I just have a huge problem with it and I will never get it. Bc they don’t bring anything good in each other like AT ALL, I don’t even understand what kind of relationships this is from their shipper point of view; they give each other nothing, and one of them is totally in love with someone else and wants a future with him. And that someone also head over heals with him and also wants a future with him. And I hate how 99,9 % of mh fans don’t give a fuck about Haru or Rin whatsoever and just ignore their character’s everything. Bc Makoto. I’m also like if you love him so much, the fuck would you want him to be with Haru anyways, dude doesn’t reciprocate, like at all. I’m at confusion, like name good points of this ship and what good can they do for each other characteristically. There is none, it’s like a damn swamp. Like usually I can give my notp some points, but this is like... they’re both no good for each other... like... why would anyone even want this idk. Don’t tell me “for the childhood friends” one-sided dynamic, like why won’t you also ship Shion with Safu then, like even he seemed more invested in that, than Haru in makoharu lol.

Even if you think of them from the point of view of “the two who are always walking together” ships, that are everywhere nowdays (even tho since Haru moved to Tokyo, he was always with Asahi instead), but even if... those kind of ships are usually at least make each happy and are enough for each other. Haru on the other hand, when he doesn’t have Rin, he is walking with Makoto like a ghost, not even caring if he’s talking next to him AND he’s getting ennoyed by him. Like explain, how someone’s shipping them romantically. It’s been showed like 20 times, that with Rin, but without Makoto, he can be perfectly happy, without Rin tho, he never is.

Also someone explain, what exactly is the point of splitting up two characters, who are happy together, make each other the best versions of themselves and want to be together whole-heartedly? Like I know many start shipping smth, bc the relationships are better in the other pairing, for example, but this is like... definitely not the case here. Like what exactly is missing in rinharu, that makoharu has? Lack of progression and mutual inspiration?

So yes, if you’re into rinharu, totally finish Free! They’re like doing sooo incredible and holy shit they’re inspiring, I mean, look, they’re now the tokyo olympics ambassadors, like how many of yall gay ships reached that? you can’t miss out on them, and also they’re so hilariously romantic, they literally made a wish to swim with each other since they were 13 and did everything to get each other there, I’m.. you’re lying, if you didn’t cry watching them as chibies making wishes on a star and watching them now. One of the most wonderful development in my opinion. Like who would’ve thought back in s1, that we’ll get Haru yelling on top of Rin about how he made him want a future with him, def not me lmao and now all the olympics boyfriends fanfiction are true, I mean, idk what to say anymore. I miss them so much, I can’t wait for the movie :D

[kaiayame]

I’m glad they didn’t make Wanda a villain because this show was meant to be about her confronting and overcoming her grief and trauma, if they had her become a villain at the end it would have just come across as “woman unable to deal with emotions so goes mad and evil” which would have been not great? IDK I just want her to get her kids back and have a bit of peace and quiet

I can see what you’re saying, I understand not wanting that outcome to be the case. I think I’m a little biased, tho, because I personally really like when female characters are allowed to kind of... be messy and imperfect and not deal well with their emotions. & I also had the opinion that, yes for sure, it WAS a show about her confronting her grief, but it wasn’t so much that Wanda had actually gone thru much progress in overcoming anything in an organic sense by the finale, it was just.... time for the show to end. (I might feel differently after a rewatch, tho, we’ll see.) 

it felt sort of like... the opposite of game of thrones? GoT was like “ok, we want Daenerys to be the cRaZy bad guy now, but it’s literally the end of the show & we didn’t develop this properly, but whatever she’s just gone ~mad~ and has to be taken out now, ahh!!!”

but with wandavision it was like “Wanda is dealing with so much grief that it literally thrusts her into a paracosm of her own making, and so it makes total sense that she would not be dealing well with her emotions, but she has to be relatively okay-ish by ep9 & let the town go, so even tho we didn’t really develop her emotional arc super properly -- (it was much better than GoT, at least. AND was only 1 short season, so obvs that matters, too) -- it’s just... time for the show to end which means it’s time for her to go be the hero...”

which I could understand better if something, idk, was suddenly revealed to Wanda, like that the townspeople were actual human lives that she was messing with & that she was not previously aware of. But it was revealed only a few eps in that she HAD become aware of that (we as the audience were very aware of it too, almost the whole time) and that she STILL chose to keep up the charade, “weighing the ethics” of it all & ignoring the parts she didn’t want to think about, which I thought was a VERY interesting writing choice and character beat that made me feel for & love Wanda even more. (So messy, yay!!)

but instead, it seemed like the real main instigator for the townspeople being let go was Agatha forcing Wanda’s hand... which is FINE, I kind of liked that being the resolve in comparison to how desperate Wanda was to stay in her fake world. I just wish the show didn’t act like Wanda was some kind of big hero still for her choices and “sacrifice” (as Monica put it) in the finale.

& maybe I’m just a depressing person, but I do kind of gravitate to the notion that intense grief really changes you, shakes your identity, makes you lose yourself, etc. Grief is not an excuse for doing bad things -- I just wish the show hadn’t played it so safe with exploring the devastation Wanda was generating. So again, I loved the whole concept of wandavision & the narrative itself for putting her in such a dissociative, fake environment where she made selfish choices in response to her trauma, taking innocents along with her, and I DO want her to eventually be happy & okay... but I just didn’t buy that she actually was in a “better” enough place by the end of this whole experience, as the vibe of the finale kind of implied by letting things conclude so cleanly & nicely. 

(which, maybe was intentional?? maybe the dissonance I’m feeling is intentional. didn’t seem that way. but maybe she is going to be a major antagonist going forward, I’ve seen people say that.... which, cool, lean into it is my original point in saying she should’ve been allowed to be a sort of “villain” version of herself at the end of wandavision.)

I still have to go back & rewatch, so I’m putting a pin in all these thoughts.

I really hope there’s going to be a season 2, tbh. I want more..... 👀

.......

EDIT: I am currently rewatching the episode, and I already like it a lot better the second time around..... idk, I love this show. 

[zpetlovesglitter]

The Wicked Powers Theories

The Wicked Powers has recently been getting me excited WAY too much - which says a lot about how weird I am since Cassie hasn’t even started on it yet (LOL).

aND, so, I kind of thought it’d be nice to jot down some predictions and theories on how the series might go and maybe some thoughts on THE SHIPS (that really do be the real TEA).

So.Here we go.And do let me know about any thoughts you have on this topic as well - I read anything about TWP like a crazed creature these days istg.

1)The POV has already been envisioned to be from Ty, Dru and Kit. I absolutely love this settlement since they are all very intriguing characters. Ty is an interesting person and his actions are always unpredictable, so we might enjoy this one. And,I believe he is at The Scholomance while the story progresses, followed by Livvy (Ghost Livvy, I mean).It’s still unclear what Livvy’s situation is, so I can’t wait to know more about that - it’s bound to be something unexpected. And, as for Dru, it’s kinda obvious. We all know that WE HAVE A LOVE TRIANGLE COMING UP. But, other than that, we also know she attends The Academy and finally starts to makes some friends and even has that really close Italian (..or was it Spanish???) Shadowhunter friend who’s her age and Cassie also revealed that the two are really tight indeed. And I will be honing in on the Love Triangle soon - I told you I’ll be trying to spill whatever tea I’m guessing at.  And, as for the last character WE HAVE KIT! OMFG YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE OLDER BROTHER KIT.LIKE GOSH DARN IT HE IS SO ADORABLE AND MINA IS SO EFFING CUTE I CAN’T EVEN-                          AND KIT’S TRAINING WITH JEM AND HE IS GOING TO BE A WELL-TRAINED SHADOWHUNTER IN TWP, SO YAYYYY!! And, I absolutely CANNOT wait for MinaXKit interactions, they are the cutest siblings ever and I absolutely know that Mina grows up to be sarcastic. I can’t wait for the possible sarcastic arguments between Kit and 4-year old Mina. YOU THINK I FORGOT ABOUT KITxTY? NOPE.THE REAL SHET’S COMING UP.

2)Now,we know that the storyline is going to have something to do with that Faerie Heirloom that was from the Rosales Family. And, Cassie also said it was going to be kind of an Arthurian Legend-ish story. If you don’t know the Arthurian Legend, I suggest you read on it. I’m not sure if Cassie meant the characters and LOVE Aspect of it or the LEGEND aspect of it as in the stuff about Excalibur and all. But, for now we’ll view it in both and examine it, shall we?

King Arthur's reign ends after his wife and best knight have an affair.

This is the drama in the legend.But, there are no relationships with the MCs yet. So idk. I’m clueless. Like, maybe Dru has a relationship?? Okay I’m clutching at practically nothingness so don’t judge me. :/

So,it’s obviously something to do with the LEGEND.

I am afraid I cannot say too much about it, since I have never read too deeply about it. But, here’s some of the basics:

-He managed to pull out Excalibur from the rock it was stuck in.

-He wielded Excalibur for the people and not for his own self-interest.

-He gets help from a wizard named Merlin.

-The peeps go on a quest.

And I have this reference from a website..I’ll hit u with the link as well, if you’d like to read more on it like I did

Arthurian legend, the body of stories and medieval romances, known as the matter of Britain, centring on the legendary king Arthur. Medieval writers, especially the French, variously treated stories of Arthur’s birth, the adventures of his knights, and the adulterous love between his knight Sir Lancelot and his queen, Guinevere. This last situation and the quest for the Holy Grail (the vessel used by Christ at the Last Supper and given to Joseph of Arimathea) brought about the dissolution of the knightly fellowship, the death of Arthur, and the destruction of his kingdom.

(I’ve linked it with the text above.)

So,now I thought this was interesting- the destruction part. After all, it’s something I’m expecting about the Shadowhunters. Will the Clave maybe be destroyed? Or maybe Faerie will be destroyed? So,there were three things that brought on this uh Destruction.FIRST, his wife and his best buddy were going behind his back and doing them lovey-dovey stuff. And they all go on some quest to retrieve something important to them. So, this sounds like something plausible to be the plot of TWP. Maybe the Heirloom’s missing? And who goes on the quest though? Maybe they venture through Faerie? BLAH MY HEAD HURTS SOME THINGS ARE BETTER TO BE SURPRISED WITH ;)

-----I kinda scrolled back up while writing about Janus down there and remembered CLARY MIGHT BE TAKEN HOSTAGE LIKE YESS AND THEY GO FIND HER MAYBE?

3)We will defo see Christina, Mark and Kieran at some point- no worries, Emma and Julian too. Happy Couples! XD

4)So,then we can look forward to Dru and Jaime’s interactions. I am absolutely excited for this the most, as a shipper of the two. If you remember, we saw Jaime ignoring her for a while back there at the end of QOAAD and then he says “See ya at the Academy soon ig”. I really do hope they meet and hang out as friends, at least. I am excited to see what kind of trope it’s gonna be tho. Like, do they ignore each other and remain awkward until they start the adventure stuff in the book where they eventually have to talk to each other after years or smth. Or, maybe they’re really good friends rn. But, what I’ll warn y’all shippers is that they might not end up together, and could wind up as brother-sister-ish kind of best buddies. Which is equally cute a relationship imo. It’s a really sweet thing to be, really. I lowkey hope Cassie spins something beautiful for their relationship like a sibling-like best friends kind of thing. But, I feel like they might have feelings for each other in secret. Or maybe they date. Or maybe they suppress their secret-feelings for the sake of friendship later on in the book and end up having that really sweet friendship I was talking about.There are SO many options and that is precisely why I am so freaking excited.

5)JAIME ROCIO ROSALES.       Like, I have this gut feeling that he might end up being my fave male protagonist character in TSC. He’s got it ALL. Like, the sense of humour, the looks, the bubbly yet brooding personality, the quirks and OFC THE FRICKING NAME ITSELF IS CUTE AF LIKE BRUH I CANNOT WAIT TO READ ABOUT HIM.I have so much to say about Jaime but I’d rather we let ourselves simply wait for the crumbs Cassie might give us or maybe reread all his parts in TDA like I do everyday or just wait for the book to come out rather than simp for someone we know nothing about yet....

6)Ash Morgenstern.         He’s a cute lil bean.        That was random and untrue lmao. He’s not a ‘lil bean’. He’s totally badass with dem wings and all, but we know he’s soft inside for Janus and ofc Dru, I believe. I find him the most intriguing character, honestly. I would love to know what goes through his head. He’s actually, like, the one character in TSC that I don’t have all figured out. He gon surprise us all for sure tho. He is awesome. That’s all I have to say for now. And he looks up to Janus which is SO GODDAMN SWEET AHHHH. And THE WINGS I CANNOT WAIT TO READ MORE ABOUT THE WINGS IT SOUNDED SO BADASS ISTG I LITERALLY CANNOT WAIT GOSH DARN IT. But he really do be a cute lil bean lowkey tho.

7)Kit and Ty LOL. I have no words really. But lemme tell you how it might go. There is definitely going to be some kind of reunion. AND THEN THAT’S WHERE IT GETS CUTE. They could either be awkward and we know what tension that gets us-perhaps some whisperings of My Watson...(?  ;) and maybe they go all sad and brooding with dem looks later OR, they could be the sweetie-pies they were before and be happy and all HIII BUDDDYYYY MISSED YAAA LESS GO BE DETECTIVES YAY BURN IT UP MAH BUDDY!! Either way it’s going to be cute af and we know it . TRUST IN CASSIE Y’ALL.I trust Cassie to let this ship sail the seven seas and seven more like it deserves.

8)Ash and Dru So, Ash has a strange lil fixation on Dru and I believe he even thought she was ‘pretty’ or something. It was definitely a good adjective, but I think he said ‘pretty’. idk but we know he likes her. and I can imagine a nice relationship. I can picture them with her hair flying in the wind and they meet for the first time or smth. IHNI WHAT IM SAYING. But, there will be DRAMA. They are going to be real cute with each other YOU CAN BET ON THAT.And, by cute I do not necessarily mean ‘Oh, you have the loveliest eyes’ or some shet like that. I have a feeling it’s going to be a case of ‘Well,that’s not weird or anything YOU WEIRDO - NO U - NO U - NO U’ However this relationship is going to go, I know that it’ll be a sweet one.And, for all you shippers of these two, I have no assurances that HE IS THE ONE or anything but he is definitely a candidate. Jaime is going to be some competition I can tell. So, idk. It depends on the Jaime x Dru ship to decide things for Ash x Dru ship imo, since it might be a no-brainer if the two have feelings for each other- I mean,Jaime is an actually perfect love interest in TSC, while Ash is strong potential Best-Friend material, so it’s ONLY if Jaime and Dru don’t like each other that way that Ash could make it as a love interest. So, if y’all wanna find out what’s in it for you guys, ask Cassie maybe about how the Jaime x Dru ship might go, the next time u wanna ask her ;)

9)Tavvy and maybe the kid Helen and Aline might have had We were getting hints of another baby, so HERE WE GO.Tavvy might have a playmate. :D. YAYYYYYYYYYY

10)Janus  I’m honestly worried about him. He is a worrisome character. I hate empathising with the antagonist, personally. AAAAHHHH . I hope we see some character development in him. I really don’t want to see him as an antagonist in the story. He’s sweet and feels cheated, but he should realise that it ain’t Jace’s fault but SEBASTIAN’S fault. I would like for him to make amends with Jace :( And, also, he might get the story started in TWP tho idk. But, seriously tho, when he went home in that short story and Ash asked, “I thought you were gone forever?” or something of that sort and he shook his head sadly and Ash went soft for him. Like, that fricking broke my heart. I love this relationship tho. And, i hope Clary and him can be good friends. But, I feel like he might end up dying to save her or smth and make us all cry . T_T

11)WHAT TF IS GOING ON WITH THE SHADOWHUNTER POLITICS RN THO?HOW AND WHERE ARE THEY ALL SURVIVING TOGETHER WHAT IS THEIR SYSTEM AND STUFF THIS IS NOT A POINT WITH POTENTIAL THEORIES COZ HONESTLY I WANT TO BE SURPRISED BUT I THINK THEY MIGHT ALL JUST BE IN HIDING AND THEN IN TWP THEY MIGHT HAVE TO COME OUT FOR A QUEST OR SMTH AND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE SHADOWHUNTERS AT THE CLIMAX OF THIS WHOLE SERIES??? IT IS THE END OF TSC SO IM SCARED AND KINDA SAD TOO :(((((((

12)Thule We might learn more about the Thule world and maybe they restore it or maybe the Quest is in Thule. idk. we don’t know much, but Thule will most probably be explored a lot. Cassie wouldn’t have opened up Thule for no reason.

13)Zara and Emma  Showdown? Befriend e/o ? What’s in store for these two? If it’s a showdown we get to see CORTANA YAY I AM OBSESSED WITH CORTANA NOW BECAUSE OF CORDELIA AND HER OBSESSION GOSH DARN IT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME

14)BIG WAR I see a huge war coming I just know it. It’s a climax so there MUST be a big war and so I cannot wait! Feel like there’s gonna be some deaths as well. Lowkey feel like Jia might die. I can feel it. :(

15)The best-friend shadowhunter of Dru is a nice thing to look forward to! I can’t wait to read about the two! And I love the fact that Dru is finally exposed to new people. And, for anyone who’s confused as to how she goes to the Academy, in QOAAD she only said she’ll have some maturity done AFTER some years .  Those years are over and she at the Academy now hecc yeah I BELIEVE THE BFF IS CALLED THAI AND SHE’S FROM THE SPANISH INSTITUTE CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG???

16)Magnus Bane He is literally everywhere. He gon be here too. No worries for all the Magnus Bane stans. He’ll make it here without a doubt!  Good for you :).  and the entire community of shadowhunters they literally always need him  17)THE MAIN MAIN PLOT THE SHADOWHUNTERS SHOWDOWN IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO ALSO BE RELATED TO THE PRINCES OF HELL COMING TOGETHER AND I AM TOO SCARED TO LOOK TOO INTO IT BUT WE KNOW SHIZ COMING GNJODIFPEDWEFHUGBJ VM

18)THIS IS KINDA RANDOM BUT I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE SELF-ESTEEM GROWTH IN DRU LIKE PLEASE SHE QUEEN MWAH

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Fic Writer Interview!

Thank you to the amazing @carryonsimoncarryonbaz and @bazzybelle for tagging me, you peeps are awesome!

Name: Theo [ridiculously Irish last name]

Fandoms: Carry On, obviously haha. Rn I’m very invested in MDZS/The Untamed, been reading fics nonstop! In general, I like Raven Cycle, Red, White and Royal Blue, DC comics, Locke & Key, and A LOT of web comics. Seriously, it’s a comical amount.

Where you post: Here on the Hellsite and on AO3. I used to post on FF but I stopped using that account a long time ago. The web design is garbage and the small text made my eyes hurt. No thank you!

Most popular one-shot: To my legit surprise, it’s “Love, Snow”! It’s not that this fic is bad, I actually really like it, but I though it would be “Just a Friend Date” or the Watford Cove sequel. Love, Snow was a weird af idea I had that I didn’t expect to get attention, but apparently people like it! So yay!

Most popular multi-chapter: Oh, definitely “Straight Boy.” I was also kinda surprised by how popular that one ended up being. I legit wrote it on a whim cause I thought a reddit post was funny, and in my self critical opinion, it’s not that well written, but people really liked it so yay again!

Fic you were nervous to post: Every. Single. One. I shit you not, I go through multiple rounds of anxiety before I post anything. Then afterwards I’m filled with even MORE anxiety and constantly read fics over to make sure I don’t have huge spelling/grammatical errors. I’m happy to put my work out there but it is def very nerve wracking every time.

How do you choose your titles: Usually I just think of them or I use song lyrics. If I’m completely stumped, I usually ask @carryonmylovelies for help, and she always has great ideas. (Btw none of my writing would exist without her. She usually gives me at least one suggestion for all my stories. There’s a reason I thank her in almost every fic.lol)

Do you outline: Hahahahaha fuck no! I’m a chaotic probably ADHD mess, I don’t have the patience for outlines. I do have a sort of vague idea when I start out, and I usually rant about it/run it by @carryonmylovelies before I actually write it. The middle is usually the most vague and I figure that out as I go then edit it later. It can take longer but if I write it out of order I rarely finish it.

Do you take prompts: I used to do a lot of prompts! Early followers might remember me doing an insane number of requests over the summer. The majority of my fics are from requests. However, as my health has declined, I’ve had to stop taking any prompts and sadly give up on the ones I had left. TL;DR I had two nervous breakdowns in less than a year and went on psychiatric meds. (Been on them for over a year now, I’m okay, dw.) Good part: I’m not in a constant state of crippling anxiety anymore! Bad part: I don’t have the insane energy I used to. Add that to my chronic migraines getting worse, and I can’t think of ideas or churn out fics as quickly as before, which makes prompts too stressful. Now I just do what I want when I can, which means my stuff isn’t as popular anymore as I don’t post very often. It’s a bit of ego stomp lol but imo it’s better for my health to take things slow. Huge apology to all the people whose prompts I never did btw, I’m really really sorry! Unfortunately my shitty body will not cooperate anymore. I hope you’ll still want to read anything else I put out in the future!

Complete: All my Carry On fics are complete. I write the entire thing in advance because I’m a perfectionist when it comes to continuity and plot. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation tho? Not so much lol

In progress: Rn I’m seriously working on an AU based on the old crime drama show “Medium.” Essentially you’ve got Simon, a slightly short fused psychic who ends up having to deal with problems, both from the living and the dead. And you’ve got Baz, his intelligent, fascinated, supportive but more practical normal bf who sometimes helps with psychic shit. Hijinks ensue!

Idk who to tag but here are the people I can think of off the top of my head!

@carryonmylovelies @the-lincyclopedia @annabellelux @vkelleyart @basic-banshee (sorry sorry my brain is fried I can’t think of anyone else! if you wanna do it, then do it!)

[dream-girls-evil]

Ratched: Episode 8 Reactions

Three Months Later

It’s here! The finale!!! I did watch this while slightly intoxicated

Pinecone people aren’t creepy, nope, not at all

....Shrunken Apple, however

Literally who let Louise work here (I know it’s Betsy but still)

“Louise, I love and pity you, but you terrify the patients”

Ooh Louise and Betsy aren’t on the same page about Edmund anymore—and therefore probably about Mildred as well

Ooh Mildred and Gwen 😍

Oh honey. Chemo is no fun 😞

Ahhh the classic lesbian pose! No for real, historically pictures of women posed with one sitting and the other kneeling or one standing and the other sitting, that kind of thing, was used to signify that a book or magazine or what have you was about a lesbian relationship

Well, it seems like Mildred’s come to terms with not being able to save Edmund, but does Edmund know that?

Oop and Mildred is imagining dying in Mexico. Romantic?

Aw Mildred. So hopeful. I really hope Gwen is okay.

Ah I was right it seems that Mildred doesn’t work at Lucia anymore

Betsy found a woman doctor yay!!!

Betsy really coming through with comforting Mildred! Still the must unexpected alliance

Her tune changes a little when Mildred isn’t around, but I still don’t think she really believes in execution, and she can feel sympathy for Mildred’s pain without forgiving Edmund for his crimes

What if Edmund just like, made a dashing getaway on horseback? No?

Is Mildred gonna be here watching the execution?

Ugh this asshole governor—OH the electric chair...this is going to be much more painful than an injection. Mildred’s going to panic and realize she has to figure out something to save Edmund?

Oh my god he’s on fire. This is horrible.

Ew can they kill him? The way he thinks it’s okay to talk about their bodies is disgusting.

Okay so Mildred is still not arguing for a stay of execution, just for going back to the injection.

Gwen putting her arm behind Mildred’s back and touching her hand is so sweet but like be careful

The LOOK Mildred gives him

The close ups on this guy’s mouth make me so uncomfortable

Gwen check yourself.

Aaand he knows.

Dude that is FAR from the only reason she wouldn’t sleep with you.

Oh good so at least he’s not a homophobe (insert eye roll here)

Lmao Betsy I really don’t think they’re here to talk about catered lunches

Is Mildred gonna try to kill him herself? Ah Yep.

Angels of mercy 🙃

I do not think this is going to go smoothly. Edmund’s going to get away, isn’t he? And he’s going to HATE Mildred. Maybe he already hates her for not being able to save him from this.

Haha he thinks there’s rat poison in the food. That would be far too simple.

Suddenly Edmund is just a little kid talking about animals

The Escape

Charlotte Wells!!!

Not Charlotte Wells. Technically.

...no. Don’t tell me.

Y E P omg they’re really saying she absorbed Dr Hanover as another personality after killing him?

Does Betsy even know Hanover is dead? Did Mildred ever tell her?

Omg wonder if Charlotte is gonna help Edmund escape. I mean, that was Hanover’s plan with Charlotte—spirit her away so that he could cure her and prove himself.

Nothing bad better happen to Huck. Like they’re trusting him to help with Edmund and now help with Charlotte WHO JUST FOUND A GUN.

Oh man that’s how Huck got his burns

Okay maybe reminding her of Harold isn’t the best idea. The man was murdered right in front of her.

NOOOO NOT HUCK

SECRET DOOR?! FUCK!!!

Why do people say “you’re gonna have to shoot me”? That’s like...a really good way to get shot.

YEEEP I WAS RIGHT SHE’S GONNA TAKE EDMUND

Do NOT shoot Betsy do NOT.

I love how Edmund still believes Mildred has a plan to save him.

Fuuuuck Betsy don’t tell him!!!

Fuck. I was right. He knows Mildred was going to kill him, and he’s going to hate her for it.

Fuck Mildred’s going to show up to Lucia and see that all of this has happened!!!

Lol what if she actually passed their car it would be like the meme

Omg she DID

1950

...and now suddenly it’s 1950???

Gwen!!! Well she’s got her hair back so I’m guessing she’s in remission

Edmund hasn’t killed again? Doubtful. He probably just changed his MO.

BETSY

I’m glad she’s cool with the lesbians

Good on Betsy for moving with the times and realizing her old treatments were bad

What is Mildred looking at?? Please don’t say Edmund. Is she just lost in thought or is she always on edge like this? Waiting to him to appear out of the shadows and take everything from her?

“It’s so nice to be rid of them” “Who?” “Men!” I LOVE IT

Fuck fuck fuck she’s going back to the house on her own. She’s gonna find something or he’s going to appear. She feels herself being watched. He’s there, isn’t he?

KNIFE OH NO

Good she has a gun, but this whole thing is definitely not going to get wrapped up that easy. It’s going to be a cliffhanger or otherwise drawn out.

CHARLOTTE FUCK

Bathing in blood okay Dandy

Fuuuck no bullets NO!!!

Omfg a DREAM?!?! I hate everything. That was too stressful.

Ahhh another pretty nightgown for Mildred!

I love Gwen comforting her. This is definitely a routine.

I love Betsy, she’s delightful.

Fuck I bet there’s actually gonna be something in the newspaper this time.

Multiple murder in Chicago.

Seven nurses. Yep that’s Edmund.

How long is this telephone cord?!

Someone she knows sold her out. But who knows she there except for Betsy?? Please don’t say it’s Betsy.

Ooh she’s coming for YOU, Edmund.

LOUISE GODDAMNIT

Thoughts and Theories

Well that was a ride!!! Honestly, nothing too unexpected, but that’s not a bad thing! A few plot twists are always good, but I hate stories where literally nothing is predictable, because then it’s just confusing. A good story should give you enough hints that by the end you can figure out how the pieces go together. Charlotte showing back up was a surprise, but as soon as she did, I could see where things were gonna go. Still raging about their portrayal of DID tho. And now we have the lead into next season! I still can’t believe it was Louise. She’s so kooky that it should be funny but man is she insufferable.

So now we’ve got the set up for next season: a cat and mouse game between Mildred and Edmund. Plus whoever they’ve got in tow. I highly doubt Edmund will keep Charlotte and Louise around for long, but Mildred has Gwen, and that’s worrying. Either she’s going to get left behind for safety or she’s going to get roped into this chase and something terrible will probably happen to her. There’s just really no good ending to this love story, considering we know who Mildred ends up being. Honestly, best case scenario is that Gwen leaves of her own volition because she can’t be okay with knowing there will probably be casualties in Mildred’s feud and that Mildred will consider them justified. But who knows? The last episode did redeem their relationship for me a bit though. It’s clear that there were definitely talks and negotiations during these past two years about Mildred’s past and how they communicate. I just wish we could have seen them.

Honestly, the thing that worries me most about this is that I have no idea how we’re going to end up getting to Cuckoo’s Nest from here. How and why will she end up back at Lucia after all of this? What will happen to Betsy and Gwen that they’re not with her anymore by the time she does? How is this personal fight with Edmund going to translate into her being someone who is really a product of an institutional problem? I actually have an essay in progress on the last point, which in summary is that I really don’t think they will be able to bridge that gap successfully or are even really trying to.

Final notes: I love Betsy Bucket and hope you enjoyed my reactions!