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The Acolyte Brendok Re-write

I went ahead and reworked the entire Brendok storyline to flesh out and improve on character development. This rewrite ends up to the same outcomes but is set to be one long episode or two back to back if need be, with a much deeper focus on our star POV character:

This rewrite is very long (5.3k words) so I'm putting it under a cut. If anything is confusing let me know. Some scenes are not fleshed out at all as they're intended to be mostly the way they are in the show.

Thanks to my friends Paula and Vincent who helped craft this plot.

Torbin POV — He's our focal POV character for Jedi sections.

Instead of picking moss for 7 weeks they have been on a hyperspace survey, hopping from blighted world to blighted world, exactly what they expected to find. Torbin makes a deprecating joke about how excited he is to sample new rocks.

They drop out of hyperspace and discover the lush green world of Brendok.

Cockpit scene with the Jedi arguing loudly, strong emotions : excitement, confusion, lots of back and forth with words we and Torbin don't understand, and some of the conversation made all the more confusing by Kelnacca's shyriiwook.

The audience gets to be educated about vergence alongside padawan Torbin. But clearly the Jedi aren't sure this is what it is, and the vergence is made to be a very mythical and improbable thing. Sol argues it must be one, and Indara says he's being far too hasty.

> Establishing early the theme of Sol seeing what he wants to see in things and getting ahead of himself.

Torbin seems excited that they can finally report something significant and go home.

Kelnacca laughs and says something. Torbin is crestfallen and asks "Really?"

Sol, fixed on the world with poorly veiled enthusiasm, says "Of course, we can't pass up such an opportunity. We have all the tools we need as well."

Indara agrees and says they will land and take samples. When Torbin gives her a wounded look, she smiles and says this is definitely the last world on this mission before going home, but they can't not investigate.

They crash land or damage their ship in some way as they come down. They try to call for rescue and find their comms broken. They trigger their distress beacon and prepare to wait. Indara decides to deploy the team collecting samples and data to not waste their time, since they're here either way.

On that first night, Torbin has nightmares. We don't get in them but see him have tremors and kicking.

Montage of how tedious and boring the life is, collecting moss and not finding the clues they expect. They have a camp OUTSIDE their ship (like a campervan extending so they can process samples and cook on fire, etc.) Field biologist vibe, and the adult Jedi all give off that field tech nerd vibe enduring the elements to get stuff done.

Torbin (who is shown rubbing his forehead on occasion and blinking at his samples/at the horizon) is complaining a lot about the feeling that this is pointless, and Sol—who is very excited for the possibilities of a vergence—keeps trying to uplift and reassure him, getting in the way of Indara's training. They have a chat about it like in the show, making it clear that Sol is overstepping, despite it being in good spirits.

Torbin goes and has another nightmare, this time we're in it with him.

He's running through a forest, and spirit/demonic smoky figures are running around him, laughing, cackling. He's being hunted. The trees part before him, shining bright. He comes to a hard stop. When the brightness equalises, we see the vista before him is the coruscant skyline.

Cut to his face, teary-eyed, quivering smile of relief.

An arrow shoots through his throat. He goes to fall to the ground—next cut, the thing that actually hits the ground is an animal, shot there with an arrow by the witches.

(It's a scene transition to daytime in the real world)

Osha POV

Mae and Osha are there, being taught how to hunt. Mother Koril makes them rehearse their lessons on how to poison their arrow tips, and what poison is used for what season, establishing their mentor/student relationship and the future poison name-drop. The witches hunt as a group, and we see them using the smoke power to get ahead of an animal or away from danger. It is shown to be positive and useful.

Mae uses the Force to freeze one of the animals Osha is supposed to shoot and she takes exception to that. She starts an argument between them over how to hunt, saying Mae always does stuff like that and to stop. She wants to prove herself alone. Mae doesn't get it: they are always together so they should hunt together.

A scout crashes the end of the hunt by reporting the presence of intruders further in the forest. Koril is first curious and cautious, but the witch says they seem to be Jedi and Koril goes into panic mode and repatriates everybody home.

The girls bicker the whole way home and wonder what Jedi are like and how dangerous they really are, with the adults too busy hurrying to really mind them.

Their settlement is in a crater/mountain/old mine too, but many of the buildings are made out of local wood. Only the inner chambers and private quarters of the girls and mothers seem to be in the stone buildings. However, LOTS and LOTS of lush carpets and tapestries are everywhere within these areas. Despite the abandoned mine setting, things are warm and cushy. That will also be great fuel for fire later. It gives the witches a strong visual aesthetic. They clearly do a lot of crafts. Visual representations of the Thread abound, and lots of spirals and dot work.

It becomes very clear that the girls are the only children and treated as little princesses.

Koril goes to talk to Aniseya. She reveals the presence of Jedi on the world. Aniseya smiles at her and says 'I know.'

Start of an argument, Koril demanding, 'When were you going to tell me about this?'

Aniseya saying it's fine, she's just keeping an eye on them through the eyes of their weakest member (Torbin). They crashed down in a valley beyond the river and should pose no threat. There's only 4 of them and they seem to be scientists/researchers/academics.

Koril remains angry and says they can't afford to take any risk as the ritual is fast approaching and they can't miss this chance to tie the girls to the coven.

Aniseya has strong words then, challenging Koril over how much she thinks she cares for the girls and asserting she would never endanger them and only thinks about what's best for them.

Here is when the girls come running in, having changed, and Aniseya flips to good mom and feeds them treats. Insert some cute family time together. Here is a good moment to have Osha voice how scared she is of the coming ritual and further the bickering between the sisters. Osha can complain about how Mae got in the way of her hunt, that she won't let her do anything on her own and this isn't resolved when Aniseya interrupts the fight and makes them hold hands, just like in the show.

Torbin POV

It's morning and Sol and Torbin are eating rations in the sun, sitting on crates by the ship.

Sol gives a sheepish look over his shoulder to the ship's entrance, but approaches Torbin asking him if he's OK. He heard him scream early this morning.

Torbin breaks and confesses to his nightmares (and maybe headaches, triggered from Aniseya taking glances through his eyes). He's distraught and Indara approaches, annoyed, thinking that Sol is overstepping again. Kelnacca is on her heels. She arrives in time to hear Torbin say he thinks they're not alone on this planet. He's seen them. He sees them in his dreams. Adds something cryptic like "they live in the mountain".

This should be shot almost like a horror film moment.

The masters exchange looks, but can sense his unease and agree to go investigate. Sure enough, they find proof of habitation.

Torbin looks relieved at the news: it wasn't him losing it. But he's extremely aloof and clearly torn between going to confront these people and ask for hospitality + broker peace, vs. keeping clear of them since his dreams are so ominous. Anyway it's clearly not his call to make and they are very low on resources + have only a distress beacon and hope to send a message to the order.

Emphasise that the knights are more hopeful and open and consider themselves welcome anywhere in the galaxy, highlighting how unusual Torbin's anxiety seems. He looks like he's overreacting as far as the jedi know.

They bang on the door and after an awkward wait, a woman comes out and asks what they want.

They explain they crashed and have low food and no comms, and hope to trade and send out a message/confirm they're being picked up.

The woman frees the way and invites them in.

The vibes are off the entire time, but more in an awkward or uncertain way.

When they are allowed to step in and talk to the mothers, the witches at the door perform a small welcoming ritual, dabbing their foreheads with a dash of white paint. Something intrusive and unconventional. Indara and kelnacca care the least/are used to putting up with weird local stuff, while Sol seems a little put off or wary, and Torbin is outright uncomfortable with being touched.

They go inside, get to be shown around a bit. The witches are very standoffish. Kelnacca strikes off to inspect their craft and is curious about the spirals and chats to an artisan who speaks shyriiwook. Indara is focused on getting a message out. Aniseya insists on sending it themselves (to make sure they don't plot against them). Indara promises them safety though if they could help understand the planet it would be great.

Aniseya plays dumb about the vergence (IDK what you mean?) but says they can answer their questions. Sol starts asking, more and more questions about the planet and the witches (when they arrived, where they landed, was the mine operational when they arrived, etc) making them grow visibly uncomfortable, as it seems like he's asking to figure them out, rather than the planet.

Meanwhile Osha and Mae are spying on them. Mae insist on going back to their room as they were ordered to stay out of the way. Osha distracts her. She says look at the mighty scary jedi. They're not so bad. Sol is smiling as he asks his questions, Indara laughs politely with someone. Kelnacca is now trading food. They aren't that scary and also... There's a boy.

The girls fixate on Torbin, who looks tweaky and uneasy. They nudge each other, comment on his curls and wonder what he's like. Osha spots his lightsaber and points to it. She decides to go have a closer look. Mae insists it's not safe and that they should go back to their room.

Osha goes and pspspshhhs Torbin. He spots them and follows them to a more secluded area. He makes fast friends and shows off his lightsaber when asked. He looks much more at ease seeing kids around.

They start quizzing him with dozens of questions all at once. Mae and Osha have different interests (Osha asking about other kids and what life is like on Coruscant, Mae asking why he's carrying a weapon and can she see it, or something like this).

Torbin, who is clearly good with younger kids, answers them and starts reminiscing about what he left at home. The temple, his classes, his friends... he seems increasingly homesick. Osha asks how many other children there are and is shocked when she learns there's hundreds of them, living equally all together.

The chat goes in the direction of Torbin being the one asking questions and the girls guard is down. They tell him about the ritual they're about to take part in. Maybe he likens it to a knighting and they clarify they will become the leaders of their coven. Torbin asks how come they can become leaders if they're kids still learning. The girls don't really have an answer, but maybe Mae says it has to do with how good they are with "pulling on the Thread". They reveal they are FS that way (maybe pulling Torbin's saber out of his hand with a victorious smirk, which would make Torbin freeze in realisation).

They are then caught. Torbin is dragged away and the girls are forced back into the building. He is made to swear to not speak of the girls to anyone. He does. He gives his word.

The Jedi go back to their ship and very quickly Torbin says they are force users. This immediately clicks for the Jedi. "ah so that's why the vibes were so off. They're witches." sort of realisation.

When asked how he knew, Torbin hesitates but quickly reveals the girls' presence. He says they claimed they too can "pull on the thread", which the older jedi immediately understand to mean use the force.

Sol shows interest and curiosity and some concern. Only two children? Twins? And why are witches hiding them? Again we get to hear more about the Jedi's relationship with force cults via dialogue between Torbin and the masters. They explain to him why some force cults are seen more negatively, and he has only heard of nightsisters.

Torbin is asked for details and mentions what the girls said about being part of a ritual and becoming the coven leaders.

Sol continues to worry and the POV shifts to him.

In the morning he goes to spy on the witches, climbing the side of the walls.

At first he only sees normal life scenes, but then he follows a large group that makes its way to the pit to begin a ritual. They carry a very elderly witch. Then they head to fields set in terraces carved from the rock wall. There he witnesses with increasing distress a death ritual, in which the elderly witch, clearly at death's door but still alive, is levitated between chanting witches with black eyes. She dissipates into smoke.

We experience and see how incredibly wrong and disturbing this feels to Sol. Dune-style montage of his vision/sensation of this, to highlight that her passing into the force was not usual. This is not peaceful or light. Maybe he feels nauseous. Visible reaction.

But then the plants in the fields experience a mad growth spurt (close ups of sprouting seeds, things rotting faster, soil shivering with worms and insects, buds exploding into flowers and seed). Would go with whoompy and base heavy, oppressive soundtrack.

The witches come out of their trance delighted and go observe the results in the fields while Sol makes his shaky exit.

He goes back to Indara extremely concerned and insists on "rescuing" the girls. Torbin feels more guilty now that he spoke up at all. He just wants to leave and is against going to fetch the kids. Outvoted again. Indara accepts the risk seems great and they can use the Jedi looking for kids as an excuse to confront them about this.

Osha POV

The girls are still arguing as they prepare for the ritual. Talk with Aniseya. Very little needs to change. The ritual proceeds and is again interrupted. Make that ritual look a little spookier but remain visibly just as safe.

Torbin POV

We go back to the show's scene of a home invasion by the Jedi, interrupting the ritual for the girls. The girls are hidden but this time Indara says she knows there are children here. Koril glowers at Torbin who tries to make himself very small.

Dialogue remains similar. The girls are brought forward. Sol softens and mellows and clearly is smitten with them and tries to recruit them. Torbin blurts out the mark on Mae's forehead is new, which makes everyone tense up.

Indara insists the children be tested. Osha wants to. Koril argues. Sol argues. The camera pans to Torbin instead and their voices fade out to a hum. His face is twitching. Voices around him accuse him of lying, breaking his word, and being spineless. Intruder, child snatcher, etc. He breaks, blinks, and whispers "I'm sorry", and the moment the word is out, his eyes instantly go black.

Scene proceeds as in the show. The witches promise to bring the girls in the morning for their tests.

Sol is vindicated and extra worried due to the way they treated Torbin. Unlike in the show though, Indara cannot ask for council guidance. She sticks to the rules and says Sol can't be for real, the girls are too old, the witches too weird, they won't let them go. Torbin may add they're here with their mom and it's fine and to please leave it.

As they walk to their two speeders, the celestial bodies overhead separate (the opportunity has passed and the ritual cannot resume)

Osha POV

Chat with their mom about the test with the Jedi the next morning. Girls arguing. Mae says there's no point as they're part of the coven now. Osha saying she isn't. Aniseya tells her that of course she's part of them, even if the ritual wasn't fully completed. She tries to reassure her, says she must lie.

Osha whines and says she wants to show her progress and what Aniseya taught her. Aniseya explains that it would be dangerous and that the jedi have to know as little as possible about their true capabilities. Both girls ask why, as they still both think the Jedi were nice and don't seem like bad people.

Aniseya explains that the Jedi aren't bad as individual people and that maybe all of them here are very kind and good, but the order they belong to is enormous, wields power and controls it. It gets to decide who can use the Thread and in what way. Then she segways into a gentle and kid friendly explanation that many generations ago, their coven already had to flee a world to escape from the Jedi. She may say that they claim to be peaceful, but have gone to many wars against the Sith, and that you can't even call it a war when they wipe out a small coven.

The girls go to the ship and make their promise to lie.

We see Mae lie and tell worrisome things about becoming "one with all" to the masters like in the show.

Then Osha goes in. The same happens but she already knows about other kids and she simply asks what it was like for Sol and is shocked to hear they have babies too and that Sol was given pretty old at 4 yo.

Once she's done with the test she's now not failing, we get to see her try more things. The remote and saber, a little spar with Torbin with sabers on low settings, push-feather with Indara. She's exhilarated and bright eyed and admits she wants to become a jedi. We SEE her be happy with them and ask questions she likes the answers to.

Indara is looking quite displeased with this. Torbin is very uncomfortable standing in the doorway, and Sol is smiling brightly and encouraging Osha, clearly bonding with her through the test.

When Osha steps out Mae already knows she must have told them the truth because she stayed in the ship for so long.

We go back with the witches. Have same scene as in the show with osha deciding she wants to go, Aniseya promising to take her opinion into consideration, the witches being against it, and Aniseya choosing to let her go.

ASIDE :

The reason why the girls are so OP, must become leaders and the witches have no other kids (all relevant to the back and forth with Aniseya and should inform dialogue)

The coven uses group action. Most of the witches are fairly weak individually but can be powerful as a group working as one. The power of many. They rally behind powerful leaders. On their last world they were subject to attack, lost a lot of their children in particular, and their OP leader. Mother Aniseya/Koril were younger then, but the two next OP. They fled to Brendock in hiding, and discovering the vergence, Aniseya created the twins. Seeing their potential they were made as next leader. This would mean leading group rituals and protecting the Coven. They are only as powerful as their best witch, and Mae and Osha are like multipliers.

The witches don't make it sound like this is taboo, and more like Jedi would definitely take the girls away to study them and never return them. They can't afford this because of protection, they are not even done recovering from the damage of their last conflict.

Back to the story, with Mae furious. She is kicked out before Osha leaves the room. We now see her lock the doors and break the pad without anyone knowing, before she runs back into the building to get to Osha.

Torbin POV

The Jedi rescue finally arrives at the crash site. It's just one man in a small ship. He's here to give them a ride back. Torbin wants to go now, Sol wants to stay. The blood test ping right then.

The girls are suspicious to them immediately. Sol concludes they were born of the vergence. Indara suggests they might have been created from it, split somehow. She goes to use the new ship's comm to go as the council for guidance.

They are all in their camping area, half packed up. The new jedi is watching them argue while sipping on his soup, looking confused. Indara comes back out saying the Council said NO.

Osha is too old, and with her alone there's no proof they're the product of a vergence. They said they must come home, and will send another crew later on to mediate with the coven and investigate the matter.

Sol is distressed and says the girls are in danger. Mae is already marked. Osha outright said she wants to come. And if they bring back BOTH girls then the council will see they are a vergence and must be trained/studied. This is where he says he feels OSha is meant to be his padawan.

Indara goes to protest, but Sol runs for a speeder to say he can negotiate with the witches.

Indara yells for Torbin to follow him and stop him. (there's only two speeders and Torbin being lighter will be faster alone to catch up). She and Kelnacca run for the new ship telling the new guy that they'll be right back and please mind the camp. He looks very confused but resigned.

Torbin catches up to Sol outside the coven and begs him to stop. They can finally go home. They don't belong here. Sol ignores him and instructs him to shut off his mind so they don't get to him again and breaks in, Torbin on his heels.

Witches on high alert. Koril and Aniseya rush to the yard to confront the men.

Osha POV

Fight/argument with the girls in their room. They vent a lot of their usual criticism, push and pull over Osha's notebook, and in it Mae sees doodles of Torbin too (bit of a "turning Red" style acknowledgement that girls get crushes, but it also helps establish Osha as turned to other people and Mae perceiving this as a threat.

Now Mae mocks Osha for having known Torbin for barely a day and she's already boy-sick.

Osha rips the book from her hand and goes to hit her with it. Mae reacts by pushing her with the force out of reflex. Osha doesn't block (as she didn't with their earlier training which still can happen when they come home from the hunt). She sends Osha flying across the room, hitting her head. She passes out and doesn't see the lamp breaking on the carpet, igniting it.

Mae freezes, watching the carpet flare up. She tries to tamp it down, screaming Osha's name. She runs to her and tries to lift/drag/shake her but she's heavy and the fire is spreading. She rushes out screaming for help.

Torbin POV

The situation is heating up as Kelnacca and Indara arrive together. Sol has dropped the fact they should be taking both girls if they can and the witches are reacting like this is child snatching and straight up won't surrender Mae.

Indara tries to calm everyone. She's starting to make sense, and Aniseya goes to say something (maybe say she's OK to let Osha go), only for Mae's scream to be heard. She comes out screaming "Fire, fire!"

Sol yells "Osha!" Only for Mae to give him a weird look and say "Osha's trapped in the room!"

Sol blinks his surprise away. The witches turn on the jedi, many voices heard at once, asking what have you done!? Indara says "Nothing, we're all here, we just want to talk."

The witches fire back they are lying/they have a new jedi/he must be here.

Torbin whips out his lightsaber right as the witches begin firing at him.

All at the same moment or in very quick succession:

Koril goes for Indara and is deflected by Kelnacca

Aniseya goes to smoke rescue Mae, only for Sol to freak out at the sight of the smoke effect again and stab her. She still tells him "You could have taken Osha, she chose to go and I was going to let her".

Mae screams and rushes forward, falling over Aniseya. Indara leans over her and says they have to put down the fire, asking where Osha is.

Koril attacks Sol.

Kelnacca and Torbin block arrows while Indara picks Mae up and asks to show her the way.

Osha POV

Osha wakes up alone in a room in flames. To her, she was left for dead and left to burn. She makes her escape as in the show. She can't get to the door due to flames. We hear screams and explosions as the whole place flames up. She makes her way through the tunnels.

Jedi POV

Cut back to Mae and Indara, discovering the room is empty. Indara is calling out for Osha, tries to sense her, says she's not here. Mae has already spotted the open pipe and darts away.

Cut to the Koril vs. Sol fight and Torbin blocking arrows. Things proceed as in the show, with Koril disappearing to smoke and the witches taking over Kelnacca, except Indara stops her efforts to contain the fire and find Osha when she hears Torbin scream.

She winces in shared pain and rushes back out to see the end of the fight with Kelnacca. She intervenes again. This is way more visceral. We actively see depictions of her mental state. When the witches are cut off it's a thread snapping/strong sound design. Indara is shaken, mumbling an "oh no... I... I...' (clearly didn't intend to kill when she severed the bond)

There are still screams about the place as women try to escape the flames and smoke. Several explosions then.

Indara snaps at Sol "Find the girls!" before rushing to Torbin's side. Kelnacca is KO. Torbin is much more grievously injured. A sweating and visibly strained Indara takes a deep breath before trying to use force heal on him.

Sol POV

Sol, running inside to find the girls, stumbles on the witches all dead. Koril is WITH them, to highlight the fact she wasn't dissolving with the smoke effect, but teleporting, meaning Sol must have overreacted to this effect (and now he can guess what Aniseya most likely attempted and we know he knows).

He hears screams and follows them.

Instead of the girls being in a split gangway about to collapse just yelling each other's name, he finds Osha trapped outside the exit of her pipe system. She is still over the same drop, though it'd there is a lot more smoke that obscures the real depth of the shaft (and there's more coughing/strong impression things are burning all around).

Mae appears from the side and at a higher point (she's been tracing the path of the pipes trying to find where Osha would emerge and is getting to her now). She proceeds to move forward despite how dangerous the damage gangplank is, to try and reach Osha.

Sol yells for her to move back. He tries to find a clear pass, crying from the smoke in the air. Mae is saying she's sorry, she's also crying and saying "Mom's dead" to a horrified Osha who asks her "what did you do?!"

Mae says "The Jedi came for you!" as an accusation. "I didn't—" and then the ramp drops a bit, they both scream. Sol yells for them to hang on and gets closer.

Mae gets back up at the edge of the ramp and Osha grabs her hand and joins her. Their combined weight is too much. The ramp breaks and falls down over the pit. They hang on, screaming, and Sol grabs the entire ramp with the Force.

He's crying, blinking, straining. Mae is slipping, her grip on Osha loosening. She has one hand on the ramp and one on Osha's top.

Sol slips in the Force and the ramp falls. Mae and Osha are shaken loose, but Sol grabs Osha with the Force, letting Mae fall (She was behind Osha, grabbing the back of her shirt, so she doesn't really see what's happening in the moment).

Things proceed as in the show, with heavier smoke and fire and Osha being dragged away from Aniseya not just because Sol doesn't want her to see the wound but also because there's real urgency in leaving. They run past the main door, where we can maybe see collapsed bodies. Sol runs to the weird black pit, on the edge of the settlement, the only place still clear of smoke. The music distorts around it, ominous. He looks around, desperate, passed out Osha in his arms.

Light falls on him from above : the jedi ship, piloted by Indara.

Cut to the same scene as in the show with them in hyperspace, except they're not in their own ship but the much smaller rescue vessel. Kelnacca is passed out right next to Osha in a cramped room, and Torbin is sitting nearby, hugging himself, face swollen and eye shut by crusted blood. He's mumbling he's sorry again and again and Indara is actively soothing him/rubbing his back before the confrontation with Sol begins and she decides they have to cover this up.

Argument remains the same : Mae started a fire, everybody died, but we know the mom allowed Osha to be a Jedi, and she's the sole survivor. She also wanted to join, and though they can't exactly prove she was created by a vergence, they have blood samples and she can still be studied while she trains.

Osha screams and cries as Sol holds and hugs her. Camera cuts to Torbin. Pale faced, bloodied. He's finally still, his one good eye fixed dead ahead as we listen to Osha's wailing.

Indara places a hand over his shoulder and whispers, 'It'll be all right. We're going home.'

Cut to Mae POV

Close up of her face, stone grey. Flakes of ash fall on her and coat her as the camera pans out. She's on her back on a lower gangplank in the shaft. She wakes up coughing, confused.

She took a hard fall and is limping and hugging her arm, but she crawls to an exhaust port and emerges in the woods.

She's covered in soot and dried blood. Much, much dirtier than in the show. She turns back around : it's dawn, her coven is still burning/emitting a huge plume of smoke.

She looks around, the camera is far away, making her small and alone in the shot. She asks, in a trembling voice, "Oshie?"

Cut to black.

39 notes · View notes

warsamongthestars · 1 month

Note

I became curious about something; how different do you think things would go if someone else but Crosshair had a 'functioning chip'? Say Hunter was the one 'loyal' to the Empire. Because then the rest of the Batch would suddenly stand leaderless for instance. Ignoring the bad writing of the show of course. (Sorry if you've covered this somewhere already.)

I prolly have covered it? I don't think so, but I also don't remember, and I am doomed to inevitably repeat things as all who forget their history are will to do...

I think that the situation is an interesting story to explore.

But if it followed TBB's logic, it would be one that, unfortunately, would inevitably done the same things that occur in TBB, without fail and maybe with only minor to insignificant one-line differences.

( Almost word per word, exactly like a fanfiction rewrite that spends a majority of its time just copy pasting lines word per word without taking it stories into new directions... just merely adding scenes that get a Mature Rating slapped on )

Because TBB is not, in fact, written to tell stories but sell you something for attention and subscription money. It was never going to be deep, it was only going to bank on hype, rush and attention-of-the-moment; and it was never going to follow any kind of character or character arc beyond how it affects their OC and the OC's rival character.

So to follow the lines of this logic, to follow TBB, is to place Hunter as Omega's anime rival... and it would be just like Crosshair's arc, if not exactly. Maybe a change of planet, maybe a change from sniper rifle to combat knife, exchange the energy bow for a vibrosword, but the result wouldn't be any different.

BUT.

If we were to follow the line of thinking, with the idea that unique characters make the plot, they are not made by the plot... And that means following the character as they are introduced and presented, with all implications in mind, with the world build of Star Wars and the set up of the Clone Wars...

And of course, adding the best parts-- human experience and human imagination in a beautifully gruesome mesh-like disaster...

It starts with the fact that the Bad Batch are killers first and foremost. They brag about putting down insurrections and killing the people involved [the Yalbec story from the Bad Batch arc of season 7. The implications behind their bragging are horrifying, so I grabbed popcorn.], as well as the fun additional information that suggests why there was an insurrection [ I'd be pretty pissed too if my giant bug mother was hunted down and killed because her stinger was delicious to some cultures, and even more so if the Republic we're apart of does nothing about it. ]

They all follow the Empire, because its easy. Even better, they're highly regarded for their skills, probably finally get a paycheck with benefits. To the bad batchers, there really isn't much difference between the Empire and the Republic, the Empire is just the Republic with the shackles off anyway, and they're just continuing what they've been doing since deployment.

But because the chip runs on regular clone genome, not their mutant modified brains, that's when conflict would begin arise.

That's the sciencey-bullshit explanation.

The narrative-bullshit explanation, is that the strongest parts of each character can break through the evil-artifact's influence, provided that what is strong about them isn't what the evil-artifact attaches / attacks.

That's a general set up. So let's add your suggestion as a spark point to get stories going moving forward. Setting up the setting is all nice and dandy, but we need Ideas now.

So let's add in the idea that while everyone knows something is probably wrong, but can't quite put their finger on it, they know that there is obviously up with Hunter.

He's colder, he's more vicious, he's not the anxious compulsive snarker now, he's seemingly more a perfect soldier than any reg. Orders are absolute and be damned to anyone in the way.

( It was already noticed that the regs are acting like that too, regardless if they were like that before, and this on the backburner of the minds of the Bad Batch. But because most of the Bad Batchers are "special" (save Echo, who is freaking out) they don't consider themselves to be as knee deep in the cacky as they actually are. )

Echo is the very first one to call it out. He knows something is wrong. His brothers aren't acting right, the Bad batch have been getting these odd headaches, and Hunter has done a total 180. But given that Echo is new, the rest of the Batch try to confront Hunter.

( The jedi are dead. Echo saw the massacre reports and recordings via his new built-in hacking skills. Rex is dead, Jesse is dead, Kix is dead--everyone he has ever known, is gone. And if they're not gone, they are certainly not them anymore. Echo wants desperately to trust his squad--they're the only ones left... )

They send Wrecker first, because its hard to do anything to Wrecker. Wrecker's general warmhearted rough housing, results in being yelled at and given a vicious cold shoulder. Wrecker leaves Hunter alone, and becomes depressed.

Then its Tech, who isn't a socialite by any means, and tries to break the ice, so to speak, with fun information facts he's learned. When Hunter ignores him, Tech skips right into direct confrontation, breaking down that there is something wrong going on and they're in the middle of it, Hunter shuts him down. Tech leaves Hunter alone, and copes by putting his mind to a nearby droid project, and never saying a word to anyone.

Then the big one, Crosshair. Second in command, confident and in control, and the biggest asshole when he has had it with someone. He straight up confronts Hunter, no preamble, though unlike the avoidant Wrecker or the bullheaded Tech in confrontations, Crosshair hits his marks.

"You weren't like this before." "You're acting like a Reg." "Since when did we care about Orders?" "Since when did we care about missions beyond surviving them and the GAR?" "You notice how the Empire is killing regs enmass?" "You're going to led us to our death with that attitude."

( It should be noted, that Hunter's original self, has just enough capacity over his chipped brainwashing to not report his brothers, nor to execute them for defying Order 66. )

( This is not enough, however, to stop him from retaliating with the full force of a wild animal. )

Hunter and Crosshair end up in a fight. Hunter, at his worst, is a vicious dirty fighter who uses his environment and flexibility and stealth, to take down an opponent. He is wicked wiht a knife and small arms, Crosshair's absolute weakness as a primarily long ranged fighter. Hunter, chip or no chip, does not attack to kill his brothers, but Crosshair is dragged to medical afterwards for an "incident with a training droid".

Echo has had enough. Lines have been crossed, he has been told to sit back and wait for the team to handle it, his own feelings are a chaotic mess, and now his alarms are going off.

Whatever is going on with the clone army and with Hunter, its not something that can be reasoned with, and its certainly not something that can be done about when under the scrutiny of these natborn officers.... These new officers who would order public staff executions, and gods knows what else they do to the planets they occupy...

The only decision is to run and maybe, find a way to help from the outside, because they're not doing shit here.

( with dragging of feet and looming disaster in their minds ("We're just, leaving Hunter behind!?"), it doesn't take much for Echo to convince the remaining squad that they can't handle Hunter right now, but maybe, just maybe, they can find help and get him later. )

( "He'll be fine, he has to be fine, they aren't going to kill him because of our failure, that'd just be a... waste of resource," says Echo, "We just need to sell it like its a mutiny." )

They do. Hunter is hard to deal with one on one, but collectively (well, minus a wounded Crosshair) its easy to cause a scene and punch his lights out in front of cameras.

The tricky bit is running to the Havoc Marauder. They are, of course, successful, but not without some strange, unseen, outside help from a blond haired clone cadet we haven't seen up onto this point. To CF99, it just seems like coincidence that the blast doors reopen as they're closing, and that training droids are suddenly flooding hallways.

They fly off.

And that would be... well, at least the first five episodes maybe? No TV show movie or 1 hour episode start, just, full on first quarter of season 1.

This is just my idea of it... but it starts with setting Echo up as the leader of the Bad Batch, and it does not involve Omega having center stage, but merely being an implied part of plot to be revealed later.

As for what happens going forward, that depends on what we want them to face. Do we want them inevidably heading to Wayland? Does Wayland even exist as it does in TBB or is it something else? Does Pabu exist or maybe are we canonizing old media planets into the Disney verse? Does Cid exist or is someone else around?

The best thing about a over arching episodic story... is that you can literally do anything, as long as you know the world build and the rules of the "game". There's a lot more that can be done in the STar Wars sandbox than just rehashing familiar shit for kudos and likes.

But we can set up a few things from what we know prior and from what this set up already has.

Rex is out there, starting the Rebellion, and he's working to free clones--which is perfect in order to get Hunter back. This also sets up the reveal of the chips as well as the fact that it was Fives who discovered them, and it was only by slim chance, that Rex ever escaped in the first place.

Crosshair would understand the logic of leaving Hunter, but the emotional impact of leaving a brother for potential dead, would immediately make him a rival challenging character to Echo. The writing rules of this situation, however, is to make him merely a rival, not a saboteur. Just because someone is a dick, doesn't mean they're going to unscrew the ship engine and tell the enemy where you're at. This is very important to keep in mind.

Each Bad Batcher would have an episode to come to terms with leaving Hunter, facing what their relationship with him meant to them, and dealing with the possibility that he may or may not come back. Part of this is returning to a post-battle Kamino and finding 99 was killed, which would play into why each Batcher is anxious.

Just as well, for emotional character scores that doesn't involve the plot or grief, each Batcher gets an episode to face the galaxy on their own merits, potentially leading them to a finale arc later on for when this initial over-arching plot is over, as a way to either allow the next over-arching plot or to retire the character for now. Rule of writing? It has to bee on their merits alone, not detailing their relationship with their team.

Of course we're going to have team episodes that help define to the audience what kind of relationship with batcher has with one another.

And we're gonna need episodes where the Bad Batchers butt heads with Echo as Echo leads a team that he wasn't a vital part of, and didn't share much history with.

Obviously we have to save Hunter. None of this 3 years separation-dangle-him-in-your-face shit. And Just as the other batchers get their own character episodes, both for their histories and themselves facing the world--Hunter needs those too without the looming threat of the chip. But before we get there, we're going to have fun with his chip episodes but allowing him to have an evil arc with obvious internal conflict--as his true self fights with the evil outside forces controlling his life.

I know I don't like her as she's treated in TBB, but Omega would be an interesting character to use without putting her in the spotlight. We do need someone around who knows their medical. Just maybe she's integral to freeing Hunter...

Because I love a dose of self indulgence, and every writers needs that in their stories, each Batcher gets a Chip episode or Chip Arc in some fashion. Enough to ensure character conflict and growth, and also to inspire fans to create their own Chip AUs. Could be that, because of how CF99 was made, removing their chips are a lot more complicated than just a brain operation on a derelict ship.

New Clones introduced of course. Perhaps those who would've filled in for clones who died in TCWs--like, since Commander Ponds die, who was Windu's new Commander for the rest of the war? And those from TBB, cos let's face it, thems were awesome too. Mayday might just survive this time!

No Guest Characters. If there are, they need to have a serious connection to clones, other wise, someone is robbing story and character for cameo rights, and that's not how you make a story. This is a clone story.

If we're gonna have Rex, we need Cody. Cody needs to be totally chipped as a foremost example of how bad the chip gets. He's meant to serve exactly as he's intended, as he's done in all his appearances, and in this case, he needs to additionally be Rex's rival and antagonist character.

And the final writing rule, the most important one...

Clone stories need to have an element of tragedy and finality. You don't have to kill a main character to get it, but there is no happy ending here.

The happy ending is performed by Luke Skywalker in "Return of the Jedi".

We can only achieve Bittersweet, at best. Everyone can live, and still lose.

Its by this rule, that Order 66 really is the tragedy its born to be and not just an excuse for the plot to get rid of all the Jedi characters.

We should see its direct effects as a clone story, and not just some one handed episode that never becomes relevant again. When this story ends, the loose ends should be on purpose as a message of "Because of the events leading to this story, this rope is permanently cut and can never be tied again. This is not a place of honor, we are survivors of the worst and the world cannot be fixed."

...

I wasn't expecting to write a full episode with a concept board attached, but damn, here you go, a full novel for your question.

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annymation · 8 months

Text

The Kingdom of Wishes- A “Wish” Rewrite

Chapter 12- Magic Pencil

Chapter 11

The rain is still falling as we see Aster flying faster and faster through the woods. He knows where Asha is and he doesn't want to keep her waiting a second longer.

Aster is animated with sketchy lines all over him, reflecting the rain that is falling down.

Aster stops flying once he reaches a clearing in the forest. This is where he sent Asha to... But she's not there.

"ASHA! ASHA I MADE IT! WHERE ARE YOU?!" The star yells for her name as he looks around.

No response... So he might as well ask to the ones who were there when she landed here.

Aster flies to a tree and use his magic to bring it to life. The tree now has two holes for eyes and another for a mouth. The tree gives Aster a concerned glance, noting how distressed the star seems.

"Excuse me, have you seen a girl wearing a purple dress around here?" The star asks politely even though he's very worried.

The tree uses one of it's branches to point towards a cave on a mountain nearby.

"Thank you!" Aster thanks the tree while already flying to the cave at full speed "ASHA?! ARE YOU IN-" And sure enough, she was.

Aster is standing on the entrance of the cave as he sees Asha sitting there, leaning on the stone walls while hugging her knees.

The walls of the cave are filled with shiny gems and diamonds, it would be a beautiful sight in any other situation.

Asha heard Aster but she didn't move. Still remaining with her face hidden between her legs

Aster is relieved to find her "There you are! See? I told you I'd be back before you knew it, didn't I?..." Aster asks with a smile on their face...

Asha remained on the same position, but she lifted her face up so Aster could see her, she looks... Hopeless.

The star realizes this isn't a moment for celebration yet... And notices also that she's shivering because of the rain.

Aster sits next to her in silence. And uses his cape as a blanket to wrap around her back. Asha doesn't react to that, still remaining with her head down.

He tries to light up the mood with an forced smile this time "... So umm bet you're wondering how I made it, right? Ya know it's actually kinda funn-"

"They didn't believe me." Asha's voice came out as a hollow whisper.

Aster stops talking... He looks at her like he wants to tell her something but they can't find the right words. So she just continues:

"I thought- I REALLY thought I could make them see the truth... But... He did it, he won." Asha hides her face between her knees again.

Aster tries to interrupt that thought "No he didn't, actually- He-"

"YES HE DID!" Asha exclaims, quickly lifting her head to look at Aster... He notices the tears running down her face "They managed to convince EVERYONE that I'm a traitor. Do you understand that? I can't ever go back." Her voice sounds broken with pain.

Aster places a hand on her back to try calm her down "W-we'll figure this out, trust me, you just gotta believe in-"

"What? Believe in myself? "Implicitly and unquestionably"?" She quotes what Aster told her on the previous night, now she looks at the star irritated.

Her voice is exasperated as she speaks "Well, I did, just like you said Aster, I believed I could inspire them, I BELIEVED I could save their wishes, and I didn't question myself for a second, and look where that got me." She extends her arms to indicate the cave they are in right now.

Aster is staring at her with sadness clear in his eyes, still at a loss for words. Asha can tell how the light coming from his hair seems dimmer than before... She tries taking some deep breaths as she continues, now with a disheartened tone:

"*sigh* I- I don't know WHAT you see in me that made you think I could make a difference but... I can't, okay? We were wrong..." She puts on the hood of her mother's cloak to cover herself.

Aster hears those words attentively, trying their best to think on what to say, what can he do to show her that this isn't true?...

With one hand, he carefully moves the hood so she can look at him, and she does, her teary eyes are now looking to the side to keep eye contact with him.

"... You wanna know what I see in you?" He asks with a hopeful smile "I see a girl who inspired a whole lot of people with just her voice, YOU DID make a difference-"

Aster doesn't even know about how she also managed to convince a lot of people to question how things were in Rosas when she was confronting the king... But if he knew he'd definitely be mentioning this now.

He's just talking about the song they played together.

"That wasn't me, that was my father’s song" Asha says with downcast eyes

"That WAS you!"

"Aster! Listen." She looks at him seriously "We've only known each other for a day... You don't know me. You think I'm some kind of hero, but I'm just some girl who accidentally found out a horrible truth about my home." She turns to sit with her back away from Aster "And now, no matter what I do the king and queen are always one step ahead... I.can't.do.this." She says slowly so the star can understand.

Aster can see the light of her star dimming... Her hope is vanishing. He can also feel his own light growing weaker...

She says that he doesn't know her, but Aster knows that couldn't be farther from the truth.

... He promised himself he'd never tell her this but... It might help her see what he sees in her... Aster takes a deep breath and says:

"... I know you a lot more than you think."

"Oh yeah? What do you know?" Asha says, doubting him completely.

The star thinks for a moment on what to say... He remembers something, and starts making a butterfly with his star dust, as he tells her with nostalgia in their voice:

"Well... For starters, I know that when you were little, every time you found a butterfly... you'd chase after it, trying to draw the patterns on their wings perfectly" Asha's eyebrows arched in surprise when she heard the star casually speak about a childhood memory of her's "And you never gave up on it, even if it was really hard to draw them... You were always... SO so happy when you got at least a little bit of the pattern right..." Aster talks about it with a feeling of admiration, while he looks at the glowing butterfly on his hand.

Asha turns back to look at the star, her sadness now replaced with confusion.

"... Wait, what?"

Aster makes the butterfly disappear as continues talking while looking Asha in the eyes, he's smiling serenely but his eyes carry a hint of pain.

"I also know that when you met Dario, you inspired all your friends to learn sign language. And even if learning it was hard, you didn't give up."

"Y-you know my friends?" She asks now perplexed... Was he just pretending he didn't know Dahlia and Simon earlier?

Aster voice becomes more heavy and the light from their hair dims slightly as he says:

"And I know that even when you felt sad after failing... The many, many times you felt sad, and... All I could do was watch from the sky... You always managed to get up and try again..." As he get's to the last line his voice changes from heavy to showing a sense of wonder, like he admires that aspect of her immensely.

Asha is at a loss for words... Aster has known her even before she made her wish? But didn't say anything?... Why?

"... Aster, how do you know all that?" She asks him with her mind full of other questions.

The star lets out a sigh, he really REALLY hopped he wouldn't have to tell her this... They always get emotional thinking about it... But again, he gotta prove to her that he really does know her, and he knows she's the one who can save Rosas.

"... Remember how I told you wishing star's gain conscience from their first wish?" The boy asks now looking down on the floor of the cave, he has a distant gaze and his smile is no longer present.

Asha slowly nods positively.

Aster closes his eyes as he quotes the first words he ever heard:

"... "May my granddaughter's days be filled with joy, and she never experiences sorrow such as this."... That was my first wish."

And just like that, Asha understands... Her Saba made that wish.

The two share a glance for a moment, Asha is speechless as she process this new information, Aster lets it all sink in for a moment.

He then continues explaining, now sitting in a drooped posture with his voice sounding numb:

"These words are my first memory... followed by the feeling of grief, the sound of a baby crying, and the smell of smoke..." Asha knows what he's referring to. The fire that took her parents away. "I didn't understand any of it at the time... But as I grew I learned what the words meant. What a "Granddaughter" meant for my wish maker... What the word "joy" meant... What the feeling of "sorrow" meant... So I learned my purpose was to make YOU happy..." Aster confesses with a heaviness in his voice, like the memories of all the times he couldn't make her happy are flowing back to him.

The light from his hair is flickering and his animation becomes even more sketched out and unfinished.

Asha sits closer to him as she asks "... Why didn't you tell me?"

"Cause' I knew reminding you about Sabino would make you sad... And I'm supposed to make you happy..." Aster voice cracks with that last sentence, and Asha sees something she never expected to see from the star... He's tearing up.

Tears start running down their eyes. The tears look like a liquid blue night sky. Aster continues to speak, his head is down as he's now trying to hold a few sobs while speaking:

"But I'm just terrible at it, aren't I? *sob* I don't know what I'm doing... And I was so SO excited when you wished upon me of all stars, because I thought "That's my chance! I'll finally be able to do something, to make her happy, right?"... But look where I got us." The star extends his arms to indicate the cave they're in, the same way Asha did earlier.

Asha looks around the cave filled with diamonds on it's walls... She didn't notice them before...

She looks back to Aster and realizes some of his tears are falling on the grassy floor... The grass quickly wither and decays once the star's tears get in contact with it. That surprises Asha even more, she thought all that Aster could bring was life...

She looks at the star with pity as he continues:

"Sabino is gone and I never managed to grant his wish... Wether I try doing it from the sky or from land... I keep failing him... I keep failing you." Aster's light is so dim that a candle inside the cave would probably create more light.

The roles reverse, as now Asha is the one who tries to show the star what she sees in him.

"... That's not true... You made me happy a bunch of times." She says placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Like when?" Aster asks, still not looking at her.

... A serene smile crept across her face as she remembers everything they've already been through, she starts to list all the things that made her happy:

"When we first met and you were so fascinated by everything around you... When we danced together in the forest, or when you jumped inside my sketchbook... When you woke me up to tell me you made friends with the sun... When you gave me flowers... When we played music together at the plaza... When you fixed my wish... " She places a hand on her chest, feeling that sensation of having her wish back with her again, as well as the joy all those moments brought her.

"And you did all that without even trying to make me happy, you did it just by being yourself." She adds, giving Aster a reassuring smile.

The star is looking at her from the corner of his teary eyes, with his face still turned downward, though he's still upset some light returns to him, now he's about as bright as an old lantern.

"...hm" He simply hums, not sure of what to say.

Asha tries to dry his tears with her finger, a shiver runs down her spine, the star's tears are cold as ice, a contrast to how warm Aster usually is. So instead she lets his tears flow some more, as long as he needs them to.

"Also, of course you can't make me happy all the time... That's not how life works." Asha explains calmly.

Aster nods slowly at that, as if it's something he already knows but he doesn't like that it's true "I know... I just wish I could..."

Aster's eyebrows raise in surprise by his own words... There he is again, "wishing" for things.

"When you were in the sky... How could you make me happy?" Asha asks curious, trying to talk about this might make them both forget about their problems for a while.

The light on Aster's hair starts to glow slightly brighter.

Aster begins to explain, his tone sounds less sorrowful "Just by throwing some subtle magical interventions in the form of "luck"... Sometimes give you a good dream after a bad day... Or, as of recently, BEFORE a bad day." Aster says with a smile slowly forming in the corner of his lips.

Asha looks confused for a moment, she was about to ask what he meant by that but... She remembered.

The dream she had the night before her birthday, of a boy made of light trying to warn her not to give away something important... It was Aster.

(Yeah bet ya'll forgot that was mentioned in chapter 2, right?... Also, hi! I've been awfully quiet huh? This scene means a lot for me y'all, they're so cute GAAAAAH.)

"It was you, wasn't it?... The boy I saw in my dream. You tried warning me to not give away my wish." She says with a smile, the realization that Aster tried to protect her even before they formally met, that makes her feel even safer with the star.

"Yeah... Couldn't have predicted the lengths they'd go to steal it from you though." Aster's eyes become a bit downcast as he remembers how he could only watch as Magnifico and Amable manipulated Asha into giving away her wish.

(Side note: I imagine Aster kicking and screaming in the sky during the whole "Wish Away" music sequence, our boy was distressed.)

"Well, you did what you could... Thanks." Asha tells him with a tender smile while holding his hand.

Aster eyes light up with those words, and so does his hair and cape. Asha notes how he just became warmer, like a small sun. She holds his cape that is wrapped around her closely.

They spend a few seconds like this, just quietly sitting close to one another as Asha feels some of the warmth coming from the star... Aster can't feel warmth, but he's feeling really good too, no more tears running down his face.

The previous storm outside now a small drizzle.

Asha breaks the silence while looking up at some of the shinny gems on the cave's ceiling. They look like a night sky.

"So... You've known me ALL this time... Wow." She says, still reflecting on how this explains why Aster talked to her sometimes like he already knew her.

"Is that weird?" Aster asks, also looking at the cave's ceiling.

"Wouldn't say weird... I actually had a feeling you knew me somehow... But I assumed you just knew everyone in Rosas because you watched from the sky." She admits.

Aster blinks a few times... She's not wrong actually, Aster knows a lot of people in Rosas, from watching them go about their lives... Heedless of the gift it is to be them.

"... There's some truth to that too. At first when I was younger I'd just keep an eye on you, but then I started observing your friends too, then to other people in Rosas, then I payed attention to the things you'd try to draw like the plants and the animals... And before I knew it I was fascinated by everything down here."

Asha chuckles at that, saying Aster is "Fascinated" almost feels like an understatement.

"Heh yeah, that I could tell."

Aster looks at her as he says almost like he's venting "It got to the point that... I wished I could be human too... But that's dumb right?"

"Dumb?" Asha asks now turning to look at the star.

"A wishing star, making a wish? That's like... I don't know, like a dog wanting a pet. I'm supposed to be the one who GRANTS wishes, not MAKE them." Aster explains... But those words feel like something that someone else told him, and he's trying to convince himself they're true.

Asha doesn't really think before she blurts out:

"And who said a dog can't have a pet? Once Valentino wanted a ladybug as a pet and I let him keep it." She mentions this weird scenario with a very serious tone like it's the most normal thing ever... Which makes it sound even funnier.

Aster stares at her, caught off guard by her random comment

"..."

Asha stares back at him, now realizing what she just said

"..."

After a few seconds in silence, the two teens both start trying to hold in a laughter, but fail to do so:

"Pffft haahhaahhaHAAHAHA HA HAAAAHHHAH HAHA"

Their laughs echo through the walls of the cave, they almost can't remember the sadness they were both feeling a few minutes ago.

After taking some deep breaths, Asha manages to keep it together to get to the point she was trying to make "Haha *sigh*... I don't think you wishing to be human is dumb at all Aster, it's beautiful really." She speaks with her voice full of compassion "...If anything my wish is the dumb one." She lets out this thought that has silently eating her up inside.

(She's referring to the wish that she gave away to Magnifico, not the "More for us than this" wish)

"What do you mean?" Aster tilts his head to the side.

""Make other's happy"... I couldn't even wish for something for myself, it's like all I want is to please others" She explains, slightly frustrated that she cares so much about what others think.

Aster ponders for a moment on how to explain to her something that, to him, as a wishing star, is a concept they're familiar with... About what a wish really means to a human.

He begins to explain with that same cheeky smile he had when they first met, when he explained to her what a wishing star does:

"It's not about what the wish IS... It's about what it MEANS. On the surface it may seem like you only care about what others think, but really it's so much more than that..." He begins to talk with an admiration clear in his voice "Asha, you care about others well being, you're altruistic, you feel joy by spreading joy to others... That's what your wish means, it's a beautiful... And It's just ONE of the many beautiful parts of you." He says while looking at her with a beaming smile.

Asha can feel herself blush with those words. "Can you see all those other parts?"

"As clearly as the smile on your face." Aster tells her softly, quoting what he said the previous night about how he could see people's wishes as clearly as the smiles on their faces

(It's blowing my mind that this "previous night" was 5 chapters ago)

Asha smiles as she goes in to hug the star tightly. Aster is, for the second time, caught off guard by her hugging him... They hug her back with no intention of letting go this time.

"You know... If my Saba's wish was for you to make me happy then... I think you're doing a pretty good job, Aster" Her voice is filled with warmth.

... Aster really needed to hear that. The star is smiling as one tear runs down his face, but this time when the tear hits the ground... A purple flower blooms.

Asha notices that and asks "heh heh... Happy tears?"

Aster nods positively "Yup heheheh... I know what they are now." He says, referring to how in the previous night he didn't know what happy tears were.

The two of them notice it stopped raining outside. They decide to get up and take a walk around the forest.

The sky is slowly starting to clear up as some rays of sunshine begin peaking through the clouds. Asha breathes in the earthy sent of the woods after the rain, as she and Aster start walking, both still reflecting on everything that happened.

Note that Aster previously never walked, just floated, and he's on his 2D form now so he sure can float, but he's making the conscious decision of walking because he wants to feel his feet on the wet soil... Like a human.

Asha had a pondering look as they walked. And that pondering becomes a question to the star.

"... Aster... You say that all wishes have some meaning behind them, right? That makes us who we are."

"Yup, that's pretty much it." Aster says with his usual cheerfulness.

"Well... I have a wish, a VERY strong one... But I don't know what that wish means for me." She hopes that he can help her figure it out.

"What is it?" Aster smile widens, already excited with the possibility of helping her with a wish.

Asha takes a deep breath before saying it "... I've always wished I could make drawings move, like my mom did... I've been trying to do it but I can't figure out her technique." Asha grabs her sketchbook and shows Aster an attempt she made on flipbook 2D animation of Valentino hoping, it looks really good but clearly not perfect.

"Looks great, if you ask me" Says Aster, the literal character that is hand drawn 2D animated.

(Thats the kind of wholesome meta humor I live for)

"Thank you, but that's not the point... I don't know the meaning behind this wish besides it being something my mom used to do too..." She explains while flipping the pages of her book.

Oh Aster does know the meaning of this wish... It's actually what he has been trying to make Asha see in herself from the start.

Aster has a playful smile as he says "I actually know the answer to that... Buuut I won't tell ya"

The girl stops looking at her drawings and turn to the star confused "Why not?"

"Like I told you, only you can figure out who you are."

(He said so in chapter 7)

"I can give you a hint though!" They say enthusiastically "Think, what do you love most about drawing?"

... What she loves most about it?... Asha never really stopped to think about this, it always just came naturally to her... She tries to put the feeling into words:

"... I love to create. To practice over and over again so I can get better at it... So it's all the more rewarding when I manage to draw something new... To put myself into it and see a part of me come to life." She says looking at him, trying to find the right words.

Aster nods "Keep going, why do you want to make moving drawings like your mother?" He encourages her, she's almost getting it.

"Because it's magic..." She says with the same wonder in her voice that she had as a kid, and believed that her mom was a fairy "Magic that you can't do with the snap of your fingers, it takes time and dedication. But eventually when you do succeed, you create something fun to watch, something that brings simple joy to others... That's what I want... To create something that inspires people." She says all that like a huge weight is dropping off her shoulders, like the words were always there but she couldn't find them.

Aster jumps and for the first time since they left the cave he starts flying "And there you have it! That's who you are!" He gives her a hug, happy and even proud that she managed to find the answer. He lets go of the hug as he continues with a huge smile "Asha, you have this... This undying hope inside of you that makes you persist no matter how hard things get, not just when you're drawing something new, but also in LIFE." the words come out like he has been waiting to say them since the moment they met.

Her smile is hopeful, now she understands why Aster had so much confidence in her since the beginning.

"And that's why I can defeat them, right?" She asks, already knowing the answer.

The star nods "Um-hum!... Now you see what I see."

Asha chuckles... The star really helped her understand who she is, and all he did was listen to her as she explained why she loved drawing so much.

"Heh heh you're getting pretty good at this "guiding stuff", ya know?" She mentions, referring to how he seemed insecure about guiding her before.

The star shines even brighter upon hearing that, his animation becoming even more fluid and detailed.

"Thanks!" That means a lot to him... And also... Gives him an idea. The star has a confident look as he says "But a wishing star can do a lot more than just guiding though... Asha, give me your pencil and your sketchbook, please."

Asha looks puzzled for a second but doesn't hesitate as she hands them both to Aster, her pencil is already inside her sketchbook.

"What you gonna do with them?"

Aster has a cheeky grin as he explains "Weeeeell you wished you could make moving drawings like your mom, didn't you?" He asks as he takes the pencil out of the book "That's a very strong wish, and like I said, the stronger the wish, the more I can do!"

Aster focus as he uses his stardust flowing from his hands to make the book float, the pages flip as the stardust begins to make the lines in each and every drawing shine. And once all of the drawings are glowing, Aster makes their glow return to the tip of his finger. With their other hand, the star is holding the pencil.

"Aaaand boop!" He touches the pencil tip, the glow that was on his finger is absorbed by the wood "There! Try it now!" Aster says excitedly as he hands her the pencil and the sketchbook.

Asha looks at the two objects in her hands, she can tell what Aster did was pretty much the same thing he did last night with her Saba's mandolin, so is she a better artist now?

She tries to test that by drawing-...

"What should I draw?" She struggles to think of something, looking to Aster for some guidance.

(lol art block am I right?)

"Anything! Come oooon" The star spins in the air, he just can't wait to see her reaction.

Asha thinks for a moment... She draws a butterfly.

She expected she'd know how to make the process of making a flip book animation perfectly, but she doesn't feel anything different.

Once she's done with the drawing she looks at the finished product confused, while Aster smiles eagerly.

"... Nothing happened." She points out to the star boy floating in front of her.

"Hmmm... Try waking it up." Aster says with knowing smile.

Asha eyes widen... She starts to put together what Aster just did... She taps her finger on the paper and-

The drawing of the butterfly starts flying off the sketchbook. It's a black and white hand drawn animation.

Asha is surprised at first, but as the butterfly begins to fly around her she smiles widely in amazement.

"Y-you made me a magic pencil!"

"YUP! Now if you can think it, you can make it!" The star spins in the air.

Asha is thrilled to see everything she can do, she runs to the clearing in the forest that Aster send her earlier. As she's now in the middle of the circular clearing she begins to test her abilities.

Asha begins to draw other things, she draws leaves and lines of wind that becomes literal wind flowing out of her book.

She draws dolphins and they swim off the page into the air, growing into the size of normal dolphins, and they begin doing flips in the air. She can even hear their sound.

She then draws a bow and arrow. Asha taps the page and the bow is now normal sized, she can actually hold it. And so she does, to test it on a tree and-

"OWWWW!"

She shoots the tree that Aster brought to life earlier with her bow and arrow.

"Do you MIND?! Some of us just wanna take a nap in peace!" The tree yells at Asha sounding very peeved, her voice is of a woman.

Asha holds he bow and arrows close to her, embarrassed and confused to why is this one tree alive.

Aster intervenes, flying close to the tree "I'm so sorry mam! She didn't mean it! Hold on let me just uuh put you back to rest" He takes away his star dust that was in the tree, thus turning it back into a normal tree. Aster turns to Asha with an awkward expression "Heh hehe that was weird, huh?"

Asha chuckles a little as she rushes over to where Aster is

"This is AMAZING! Aster, thank you so much!" She exclaims jumping up and down with excitment.

"Youuuu're welcome, just another day as your wishing star." He bows down elegantly while flying above her "And the best part is that since you've practiced drawing your whole life, the magic on the pencil will be permanent, unlike the one in your grandpa's mandolin that only lasted till midnight."

(Just wanted to point out that this rule is based on my main inspiration for Aster's powers: the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio. Think about it this way, Pinocchio got to become a real boy permanently because he EARNED IT, so Asha get's her wish of bringing drawings to life like a fairy permanently because she earned it after practicing for so long. And also because her want to do it was really strong, making Aster's magic stronger too.)

"This is perfect! With this pencil I actually have a chance to face off against King Magnifico!" She has her back turned to Aster as she starts to think of all the possibilities, all the things she can draw in combat, and the sorcerer won't even see it coming.

She's unaware that behind her Aster just has the biggest:

O_O

Face you can imagine, as he remembers one little detail... Oh yeah... King Magnifico... The king he saw being struck by lightning earlier... Asha should probably know that, right?

"... Uuuuuuuuh yeah hah ha ha- um about that... The craziest thing happened." Aster says as he slowly flies back down with a nervous smile.

Asha doesn't really notice his tone as she turns back to him and asks

"Oh yeah, how DID you escape Magnifico? Must have been quite a fight huh?" She asks curious, wanting to know all the details.

"... It was shocking, I'll tell ya that" Aster can't resist the pun, but then continues to explain the situation "Sooo let's say theres a 50/50 chance that Magnifico is either... dead... OR he's alive and really really really really really REALLY wants us both dead."

...

Aaaand with that we cut to Magnifico's scarred face on a broken mirror.

"I'll give those kids a fate worse than death."

(Jump scared you didn't I? Yeeeeah I know I promised a feel good only chapter, buuuut I kinda need to cut to our villains real quick so we can do a time skip to the next day... Ya know when you're watching a movie and the POV changes to some other people involved in the narrative so then later when you cut back to the protagonists it's another time of day? Yeah that's what I'm doing, but don't worry, their cameo in this wholesome chapter will be brief so lets goooo.)

The royal couple are in the king's study next to the wishes room. The study looks like a hurricane passed through it, it's a complete mess, with almost all the books on the floor.

Amable is sitting in a comfortable chair petting their lynx, Bravo, while Magnifico just stopped what he has been doing for a moment to look at himself in one of the many... MANY mirrors in the room that he broke with his own hands in frustration, as a response to seeing his new scar.

But he quickly turns back to do what he clearly has been doing for the past few hours, pacing around the room angrily while using his magic to bring books to him. He does so with the few that are still on bookshelves, reading their covers quickly

"101 Damnations- NO" He throws the book away and immediately brings in another "The Black Cauldron- Ew NO" He repeats the process while stepping on some books on the floor "Tales of Chernabog- UGH NO! NO! NO!" He throws the book on the wall with his magic, creating a crack on the wall.

"ALL THESE BOOKS ARE USELESS!" The king yells at the top of his lungs while kicking the spell books on the floor "There HAS to be SOMETHING I can do to free you of this curse." Magnifico says to his wife, who has just been watching her husband have a nervous breakdown with a serious expression.

"I've already told you, darling. A spell to raise the dead comes at a GREAT price. The price I've payed to save you was my youth, and nothing can change that." She explains with a calm and collected voice as she pets their lynx on her lap. "You should be thankful really, had I not been quick enough when brewing that potion and you would've been turned into a ghoul." She adds casually.

"Oh and I AM thankful my love, and it's BECAUSE I'm thankful that I want to restore your youth and strength... But it's clear there's only one way to do so..." The kings look outside their window with rage filled eyes "We need that star's magic... Only with it you shall be whole again." His voice comes out as almost a growl.

The queen agrees with a nod, while pouring a cup of tea for herself "Well then, what are you waiting for? Why rely on those hopeless soldiers that can't even capture the little brat when you can do it yourself?" She sips the tea.

"I gave captain O'danohue a magic mirror that grants him direct contact to me, if he finds the star, he'll let me know where it is, so I may take care of it... Personally." The king explains as a wicked smile starts creeping in the corner of his lips "But really, what's the rush? After all, like our little star said himself... The girl is stubborn... She'll come back to save her precious Rosas soon enough." The king is now on the window looking down on his kingdom “And once she does… We’ll make her wish she never met that star in the first place.”

We fade away focusing only on the Magnifico’s eyes, like this

(Because it would be insanity to not reference this in your 100th anniversary movie… Oh wait they didn’t, cause they’re cowards, I forgot.)

So we now fade into a sunrise in the woods of Rosas, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming

(In days like these, kings like Magnifico should be burning in h- sorry, anyway it's DAY 3! THE DAWN OF THE FINAL DAY.)

It's a beautiful morning, as we then see the cave that Asha and Aster were in the previous day.

We see Asha sleeping in a hand drawn black and white bed-

(Okay how many times did we have Asha waking up in a bed in this story? Like, without counting the intro song sequence we had 3, this kinda bothers me... But there's a reason I'm doing it this time, aaaaand you guessed it, it's for the sake of a reference.)

Asha is sleeping peacefully, but then she hears Aster whispering

"pssst... Asha… Asha wake up"

She opens and blinks her eyes slowly as the image of a smiling Aster floating above her comes into focus, the star is not as close as he was to her face in the previous morning, looks like he's getting the hang of personal space after all.

"*Yaaaaawn* Good morning, Aster" She stretches her arms while still laying down.

"Good morning... We got visitors!" The star says cheerfully

Asha's eyes are quickly shot open when she hears that... VISITORS???

She sits up on the bed to see...

Dahlia, Gabo, Safi, Hal, Bazeema, Dario and Simon.

All lined up in front of her staring at her from the other side of the bed... Gabo's small so he can only be seen from his nose to the top of his head.

(Yuuuup! It’s a Snow White reference, that’s why Asha is waking up in a bed again... I really wanna get to 100 of these references.)

Chapter 13

Final Thoughts

WOOOOOOO ASHA GOT THE "Hi I'm _____ and you're watching Disney channel" WAND LETS FREANIN GOOOOOOO I'VE DREAMED OF THIS MOMENT!!!!!

Okay okay OKAY so many thoughts OOOOH let's see.

I'm starting to notice a trend in this rewrite that is basically this:

Scenes with the royal couple:

AAAAAAAA💀🔥🔥🔥🔥AAAAAAAAAH🔥🔥🔥HAAAAAAAAAH⛈️AAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Scenes with Asha x Aster or Asha and the 7 teens:

🎶… All the time 🎶

✨I'm grateful all the time ✨

❤️I'm sexy and I'm kind ❤️

I'm pretty when I cry

I really could've foreshadowed Aster knowing Asha the whole time better, I kinda just:

Had him appear to her in a dream.

I mentioned he knew where she lived as a kid

Said he seemed to know the lyric to a song Sabino sang for her

And I left it at that, when it would've been so easy to add one more clue in chapter 9, like this:

Asha drags Aster away as he says "Bye Dahlia! Bye Simon!"

Simon waves goodbye still a bit confused... then he realizes

"Wait... I never told him my name..."

THERE! At least one more clue, I'm gonna edit chapter 9 and add that in, because it's such a simple change that does wonders for the reveal.

Anyway, you guys probably already noticed that this whole story revolves around the theme of working hard to achieve your dreams, as well as being a celebration to the medium of animation, because guess what fellas, animation IS HARD AS HECK to do, and I feel that's not talked about enough.

So basically what I'm doing here is saying that "Hey, life is hard, and it's gonna throw obstacles at you, but you can get up and try again. Trying over and over until you succeed, just keep moving forward" and all that sweet stuff we've learned in Meet The Robinsons.

So I'm taking THAT life lesson and turning into a metaphor for being an animator, because to be an animator you gonna fail in drawing things a lot of times, actually, you gonna fail a lot of times trying any form of art at all before you get good at it, and that's totally cool, it's part of life.

But not only that metaphor applies to Asha wanting to be an animator, it also applies to her wanting to free her kingdom in general, because as you all seen in the previous chapters... Those two don't quit.

The villains represent rich white people all the problems that put us down in life, things that make us feel like we can't do it. But Asha finds the strength to keep trying, no matter what they throw at her, she'll never let her hope die out, and neither will Aster.

Speaking of our boy, would you believe if I told you this draft is the LESS SAD version of how I was planning the story to play out? Initially I was gonna have a scene where Asha said that Aster CANT help her, and thus Aster spiraled down into a crying mess, crying while revealing that he has known her all this time and that he feels like the worst wishing star ever because he just can't make her happy... But then I remembered I promised wholesome vibes in this chapter so I toned it WAY DOWN and made him more mature, still cried, but he showed that he can be a guide in his own way, and honestly that's a WAY better turn around than what I was initially going with.

Sooo yeah, what else can I say? The 7 teens join the party the next chapter hahaha here I go rewrite "Knowing What We Know Now"... I hate that song but oh well, it fits my story, so I'll use it.

As always, see you guys next time

Thank You For Reading!

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hanasnx · 2 months

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*through clenched teeth* mass effect 3 would be so good if it was good

#idk if this is a meme format or someone’s meme but someone did this with star wars first #every day i’m plagued with how i could personally rewrite and fix it #mass effect

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xx-maemae-xx · 2 months

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No, but I’m so glad I’m not the only one salty about Maemir.

—

Oshamir is fun, but Maemir can be fun too! I need more of y’all to multiship bcs the Mae/Qimir tag on AO3 is barren and I’ve already read all the fics under it. Feels like I’m cursed to fall in love with smaller ships atp.

#the maemir erasure in this fandom is strong and I’m so over it #maemir #like I’m writing my own maemir fic as fast as I can but I’m only so fast #star wars: the acolyte #the acolyte #mae aniseya #mae ho aniseya #mae and qimir #mae x qimir #qimir #star wars qimir #sage speaks #extra (unrelated) tag directory shit:#the acolyte fanfiction #the acolyte rewrite

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starbeltconstellation · 17 days

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HEYYYYY!!!

i hope you’re well ❤️! i just wanted to come on here for a second to express how grateful im currently feeling for your story. i found it on ao3 a couple of days ago (wish i would’ve found it earlier but now i got a nice chunk of chapters to read through and hyper fixate over 😄😄) and i have been obsessed ever since. genuinely, you’ve made my august with this story.

this story feels so special to me. i’m so excited and giddy everytime i open the website back up to continue reading it (mannn i never wanna finish it) and it’s like the best part of my day.

i just wanna say that you’re a mf-ing genius. a. genius.

everytime something happens in the story i genuinely GASP. LIKE OH MY GOSH. im going insane over this fic. (the theories are bubbling inside of my brain about melanie and what’s gonna happen later on, i also love reading about people’s theories too man its so nice to see how invested everybody is cuz girl I AM.)

this story, man, it’s GREAT. it’s not only very well written, which im sure everybody appreciates as the flow is so nice, but it is also exciting, intense and beautiful. every single character had been on point, mischaracterising isn’t in your vocabulary. it’s like you know these lot personally. but anyway, it is a pleasure to read, like i said, VERY exciting and entertaining. i love our girl mel so much, she is so relatable and honestly just so real 😭 her reactions to most things are so valid like, girl same! she’s amazing, i don’t think i’ve ever encountered an OC as interesting and cool and well written as her. her whole storyline is just insane, bless her having all of this pressure and stress on her too lol 😭😭😭 but what can she do ahah, i mean?! the scene with the shopkeeper telling her to go back to her world had me absolutely stunned i was SHAKING. but i do think she made the right choice, she’s so strong.

like despite the fact that she knows all the hell she will have to endure there, she DID chose to stay, which is such a sacrifice. man i just wanna hug her and say thanks (i am not in the star wars universe but …)

everybody else too though, like ahsoka, obi-wan, anakin, the clones, mace, etc.. are also really cool to see the OC interact with, this is such a comfort fic for me, genuinely. it feels like i know them personally through this fr 🥲🥲🥲

i love reading the other’s comments on your story, it’s so nice to see this community form😭 like i’ve found my people LOL

thank you for feeding our star wars and anakin obsessions with your lovely story, i can’t get enough of it i swear im making a playlist for melanie as we speak.

anyhoo, just wanted to let you know how much i love this story and how much i appreciate you putting effort into creating something we can all take comfort in <3 i hope to stay and interact a lot more as i go on about reading the story!

Ahhhhh, oh my goshhh. Thank you so, SOOOO much, my dear little commenter. Haha. 🥺🥹❤️ This message was a big surprise when I first received it (which was a while ago, I know. 😭😅 I’m really sorry for the delay in response. Life gets the best of me at times. I’m trying to catch up on my asks), because at that time, I was still stuck struggling on the final bit of my huge whopper of a chapter that is now FINALLY out. ✊😖 Haha. And I just want you to know that your comment was SO helpful and motivating to me. Like… I’m not even joking. 😭 Your comment and a handful of other loyal readers (like my dear @ensomniaa ! 😌😆❤️) are probably the main reason I was able to trudge through my writer’s block and depression to get out the next chapter. So, just… thank you. 😭❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for taking the time out of your day to write out such a long and in depth comment with such gushing words about my work and about how I’ve been writing the Melakin romance dynamic. It makes me feel like my writing isn’t half bad. Haha.

I always like to take my time responding to comments, because I feel I should always take the time and care to write out a detailed response that isn’t just copy pasted. You all take the time out of your day to comment to me, so it’s only fair I do the same! 🥺💕💕💕 So… my point is… I’m SO sorry this response took so long. 😭 I hope the wait time won’t have discouraged you from messaging again in the future. They truly do bring me such a big smile. And while I might not get to asks or comments immediately—ALL of my reader ducklings WILL eventually see a response. 😭💕❤️ I have made that my life’s goal. Lol.

Now, onto the ask! 😁✨💕 I’ll put the rest under a read more.

I’m soooo happy to hear that you’re so obsessed with my story and that it made your August! 😁✨❤️ Haha, it’s always exciting when I see someone new has stumbled over my fic. And I feel you with that hyper fixation. 😭✊ I’m BEGGING for my brain to give the SW hyper fixation back to me so I can churn out chapters at the speed of sound like when I did first starting this massive project. Lol. 🫠 So far… it’s still not working. But don’t worry! I shall NEVER abandon this story. I swearrrr, this thing will be my magnum opus. 😭✊Loool.

The fact my writing makes you giddy??? 😭 The fact it makes you theorize (which I ADORE when my readers do and ramble in the comments so I can muah-ha-ha to them. 😈😈💕😂) and gasp out loud?? 😭😭 The fact that you ENJOY reading through the different comments and seeing other readers’s theories and reactions?? 😭🥹💕❤️❤️❤️ You are what us writers call a rare GEM, dear reader. 🥺🥹❤️ To not only LEAVE a comment, but also just how you seem to genuinely enjoy commenting/reading other commenters’s thoughts because it feels like a fan community?? (And how SWEET to say I’m a big enough writer to have a little community. 🫠 I’m cryingggg. 😭❤️❤️) The fact you think I’m… a genius?? 🫣🥺😭❤️❤️❤️ (Idk about that, but I’ll put aside my anxiety issues. 😌 It is a lying liar who liessss).

Thank you. Thank you from the very BOTTOM of my heart. Idk what else I can say besides that, because rare reader gems like you keep us starving writers chugging along. 😭✊❤️

I’m SOOO glad you feel like everyone is in character. 😭❤️❤️ I worried about that a LOT. Especially for Anakin and the clones. There’s just a certain way about them that you have to get right, or they become 2-dimensional if you don’t write their little quirks and ticks. And I LOVE getting to explore the clones’s and Mel’s sibling-like relationship. 😭 I based most of their personalities on how they act around Mel off my annoying brother (affectionate 😌💕😂). I’m also so happy you feel the Jedi are also in character as well, and that it feels like a comfort to read them, like you’re learning about them along with Mel. 🥺💕 That was actually a lot of the idea with this fic (besides me living vicariously through Mel to romance Anakin, of course 👀😂❤️) over how I would slowly write scenes to SHOW the audience the misconception about the Jedi/their culture/certain characters. I didn’t want to PREACH to them. I wanted to present them with the evidence that maybe the Jedi aren’t “repressive” and “emotionless 🙄🤢” as they might’ve been led to believe by a big chunk of the fandom’s harsh perception. It would be like it was happening in time with Anakin as his thoughts change into something better and less self centered.

And I HAVE actually received a comment on Wattpad from a reader that my fic helped change their minds about Mace and the Council! 🥰🥰❤️ And it was just… such a joy to hear. 😭❤️ That’s the idea with this fic. I hope to reach across the aisle towards EVERYONE—maybe anti Jedi fans will read my work and have their minds changed about their culture. Maybe someone who despises Anakin to the bone will read my fic on a whim and slowly grow to care about him/see the humanity underneath the surface, just like Mel has. And maybe by the END of this fic… I’ll have convinced some people that the Jedi are not at fault for their own genocide by “failing” Anakin—because the truth is that it was HIS choice. Maybe by the end of this fic, there’ll be fans who’ll read the work and grow to see that you can love a character while still criticizing them/knowing they’re in the wrong (ie; Anakin 😔💔), while ALSO still acknowledging that he went through such horrible trauma as a kid while a slave on Tatooine… but it still DOESN’T absolve him or give him the right to hurt others just because he’s hurting himself.

That’s what this fic is all about, after all. GENUINE growth and change. Not placating a man by changing a few moments that he won’t have to go through in the timeline that will suddenly make him all “warm and fuzzy inside” and see the light. TRUE redemption and change means that Anakin will have to grow and ADMIT he was wrong while not becoming defensive when his actions (*cough* the Tuskens *cough*) are brought to light. Essentially, I’m trying to “Zuko-ify” him. (Loool, I know. Pretty high hopes for myself there. 😭😂❤️)

I’m also soooo happy you love and relate to Melanie so much. 🥹❤️❤️ Almost all readers have told me similar things, and it’s so wonderful to know that I’ve made a character that has been accepted by a small portion of the “SW/Anakin fandom”. 😆😁💕❤️ Mel came about when I was one day reading over an isekai story and just… not being able to fully immerse myself, because the OC’s reactions just didn’t seem realistic to me. 😭 And so I remember sitting down and imagining how I would react in such a situation (immediate freak out/think I was dreaming/would run in terror from Anakin’s hot ass at every opportunity 😌❤️‍🔥😂), and then that’s how Melanie Bains came into being! Haha. ❤️😁

So, while Mel IS somewhat of a stand-in for the audience (it IS an isekai fic after all 😭🤷‍♀️), it was still very important to me to make her three dimensional and—while yes, very relatable—also make sure she became her own character who could grow into herself. So a hero’s journey was important, along with giving Mel an antagonist (The Shopkeeper) separate from Anakin’s antagonist (Palpatine), because it was SOOOO important to have Mel have her own character arc/story AWAY from Anakin. It was important that Anakin wasn’t ALL she was about. Mel has friends (Ahsoka/the clones), she has her own plan she’s dealing with to try and save the galaxy while barely giving Anakin a second thought besides terror at first, and most importantly—Melanie is NOT begging Anakin to change. That was soooo important to me. She doesn’t have TIME to beg him to change. There’s too much at stake already, and if Anakin changed FOR Mel, it’s not even true change in the first place. Instead, as you’ve probably guessed from my latest chapter, Mel is INSPIRING him to change himself, because of the qualities about her he is coming to admire which in turn makes him take a look at his own selfish actions. This is always where I think “bad boy/I can fix him” writers get things lost in translation. It’s not true redemption if they change FOR the girl, because—as the Marvel movie Shang-Chi has recently shown us 🥶—if the girl ever dies… then the “bad boy/villain” goes right back to being evil. 😭🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ What REAL redemption would be is meeting someone you grow to love who INSPIRES you to become a better version of yourself—not FOR them—but because you want to become someone like them. You want to stand by their side in the light and feel proud.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve ranted a lot. 😭😂❤️ But I just wanted to thank you soooo much again for your beautiful words that were so kind and truly brought a ray of light to my dreary days! 😭😭❤️❤️❤️ I only hope my long response time doesn’t discourage you from writing me messages in the future. 😅😓😭🫠 I’m so sorry again for the long wait.

But I have ADORED rereading your comment these past few days while I’ve been writing out my response. It’s so thoughtful and long and in depth and I lovveeee itttt. 😭❤️❤️❤️ THIS is what feeds our writer brains. Haha.

A playlist sounds awesome! 💕💕💕💕💕 I already made one for Anakin and Mel and the Melakin romance, as you can see from my last response. But I would still ADORE getting to know songs that you think fit with my fic and Mel and Anakin’s journey! 😭❤️❤️ If you ever do make it, please hit me up and send a linkkk! 👀👀🙏

Thank you so much again for letting me know my writing brought you such comfort. 😭💕 I hope you’ll stay and interact more as well! 😭❤️ I always love hearing theories or getting a comment to see a reader is rereading or that two readers are discussing something about my fic together. Haha. 😄✨❤️

And so, I suppose I’ll leave it here! I ADORE you and love you so much, dear reader. I am picking you up and hugging you like a stuffed animal. (Glomp!) 🤗🫂

I hope to hear from you again soon! 🥺💕 I’m so sorry again for the wait. 😭

And now… off to reply to four more asks. Lol. ✊

Gotta blast! 🏃‍♀️💨✍️👩‍💻

To any readers that stumble across this and are curious enough to check out my fic:

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inquisitor-apologist · 9 months

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Out of all of the MANY missed opportunities and shit in the Ahsoka show, I think one of the biggest was not exploring the really unique time period that the galaxy is in at all.

Like, think about it. The Ahsoka series takes place in ~10 ABY. The Rebellion is gone. The Galactic Civil War is over. The New Republic has established itself. The last Imperial remnants have been driven all the way out into the Outer Rim. People are rebuilding. The First Order and Imperial resurgence is still pretty far off.

The galaxy in Ahsoka is about as peaceful as it ever gets in the main timeline. And they do nothing with it.

What does peace feel like for Ahsoka, who was forced to fight literally every war in the past ~35 years just for being force-sensitive? (Drafted into the Clone Wars, fighting for survival during the Imperial and Rebellion Years, probably returning to the fight in the Civil War because she’s one of the last Jedi/trained force-sensitives) How does she deal with not having a fight she needs to help with? How does she move on from an entire life of exhausting, terrifying war? How does she look at the Jedi coming back, knowing that they’ll never be the Order she chose to leave at 16? Does she want to come back, but not know how? Is she afraid of returning because she knows that there’s no one left to recognize her?

What about Hera, who dedicated her entire life to a war that’s won? The ongoing struggle that defined her childhood, her teenage years, the first two decades of her adulthood is… over. The Republic she fought for, the Republic she gave everything to restore, is restored. How does she adjust to serving in peace? Does the reality of the New Republic compare to the ideal she did it all for? How does she look back on a whole life as a soldier, knowing that it can be over now, if she wants it to be? Is she even able to accept that it’s over, or is she constantly looking for the next threat, the hidden, upcoming war?

And Sabine, who sacrificed her teenage years to the Rebellion, probably her 20s to the Civil War, how does she deal with living on a Lothal that’s long since moved past the need for a protector, in a galaxy that’s completely unrecognizable without a battle to fight? Does she look back at the Rebellion, the Rebels years, as the good old days? Does the rest of her life feel empty and dull without the constant rush of a desperate, uphill war? How does she reconcile a New Republic without Mandalore? How does she feel about the future she always envisioned missing the people she rebelled for in the first place?

But no, Felony was like: Ahsoka sad :( and unemotional bc Vader. Hera smart and 💯% justified about Thrawn. Everyone else just stupid and hates her. Sabine conflicted bc Not Jedi & misses Ezra. Whole family dead 💀 but let’s not focus on that.

Like, come on.

#haha besties no way totally not getting into an Ahsoka rewrite kick #haha just wiiiild speculation I don’t already have a character arc and early story half-written in my head no no of course not #star wars #rebels #star wars rebels #sw rebels #sabine wren #ahsoka show #ahsoka series #ahsoka tv #sw ahsoka #Ahsoka #ahsoka tano #hera syndulla #general hera syndulla #Ahsoka rewrite #is this the original post tag

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toaverse · 9 months

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Imagine this about the sequel trilogy for a moment.

Imagine Rey wondering about her parentage, wanting to discover where she came from and why she was abandoned by her parents, and having clear abandonment issues after befriending Finn and Poe. She gets easily over-attached, and often doubts herself and overthinks things. But her heart is in the right place and has a chance to have a better life.

Imagine Finn becoming a hero, escaping from the First Order in which he was raised to serve and kill as a soldier with only a number as a name, and joins the resistance to fight against the very faction he grew up in, if only to rescue fellow soldiers who are still trapped there. He discovers he is force sensitive along the way, and is encouraged by Leia to find and train under the famous Luke Skywalker to become a Jedi.

Imagine Poe standing up for himself and the resistance against a sketchy commander. After Leia's death, he truly takes up command against Holdo and becomes a true leader for the resistance, one his parents and Leia can be proud of.

Imagine Kylo and Rey completely switching sides. Kylo realizes the error of his ways and joins the resistance to make up for all that he has done, to make up the pain he caused to his parents and reclaims his identity as Ben Solo. While Rey grows more angrier and doubt about her parentage and friendships consuming her, which Snoke uses to push her to the dark side.

Imagine Hux staying the terrifying general TFA established him as, showing that he shouldn’t be messed with and staying loyal to the First Order until the very end.

Imagine Phasma being an intimidating soldier who had slaughtered many resistance fighters. She also oversees the troopers in training, and makes sure under brutal measures that the soldiers will never betray The First Order like FN-2187 did.

Imagine Snoke being the next powerful big bad of the series, having manipulated both Kylo and Rey to his side and using them as pawns to get to power.

Imagine Palpatine staying dead.

Imagine Disney had a fucking plan...

#star wars #star wars sequel trilogy #star wars sequals #rey palpatine #finn #poe dameron #rose tico #kylo ren #ben solo #armitage hux #general hux #captain phasma #supreme leader snoke #sheev palpatine #sw #star wars rewrite

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plusultraetc · 1 month

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oh how the poor sleeping habits tables have turned

#liza writes #fake dating real feelings #erasermic #q #a surprising amount of this fic has been like #aizawa: damn you live like this #mic: not a word. not. a word.#‘you live like this? no. WE live like this’#this is actually my wip wednesday snippet for twitter tomorrow but i'm posting it here first this time #also trying to decide if i should just like. post the first chapter like just do it!!!#last week i found myself rewriting again and i'm not sure if it's because it needed to be rewritten or i was just so tired of looking at it #that i started rewriting it to look at something different #those seconds have been guessed!!#but every time someone likes or reblogs or replies to or asks me about this fic my heart grows three sizes #and is then immediately seized by terror #which is totally worth it but like #ack and alack and so forth #also i've made a promise to myself not to post anything else until i get the first chapter of this out there #so like the star wars au and brave the dark and the expansion pack are all just twiddling their thumbs #and i don't want to accidentally give myself writers block lol #okay ramble over idk what to do but by neptune i will figure it out #gondor calls for aid and whatnot

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adragonsfriend · 3 months

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Shooting Anakin like Padmé

So I've mentioned this before, but for most of ROTS, Padmé is shown pretty much only in her own apartment, and she's only allowed to leave to (1) go to see Anakin to tell him about the baby, (2) go to the Senate to deliver an (admittedly devastating) line about Palpatine declaring himself Emperor, and then (3) go to Mustafar to find Anakin. Besides those times, the camera only looks at her when Anakin goes to see her in her apartment, or when Obi-Wan goes to her apartment to see her about Anakin.

This relegation of Padmé to the domestic sphere--even if it's less obvious in that it's not a cooking or cleaning domestic space--is strange for a character who is obviously active and present in the previous movies. Why isn't she in the Senate building before the last scene? Why doesn't she have an office? Paperwork to do at least? Why don't we see her preparing to give birth? Hell why can't she and Anakin just talk somewhere else for once?

The answers to these questions are not ones I'm going to bother with right now. Whilst they are probably complex and interesting on some level, ultimately, they largely start and end with and "the narrative stopped being interested in its main female character other than in how she affects its male lead." Instead, I'd like to demonstrate how stupid it is by imagining ROTS scenes if Anakin was shot the same way Padmé is.

Rescuing the Chancellor

Start by cutting the whole space battle and rescue. We open on Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Palpatine returning to the ground and being greeted by the Senators and the press. Padmé pulls Anakin aside as in the movie. Since we didn't get to see Anakin execute Dooku, Anakin summarizes those events to Padmé, during which he tells her that he's not sure he should've killed Dooku and that he's afraid Obi-Wan would be disappointed in him. Padmé avoids confronting/is distracted from this revelation by her own news--she's pregnant. Continue the scene as written, with Anakin dismissing her worries to tell her to be as happy as he is.

Impact

Because it would probably reveal too much plot-wise for Anakin to tell Padmé that Palpatine directly ordered him to execute Dooku, this would deeply minimize how much Palpatine has over Anakin's decision making, as well as obscure how Dooku being executed even happened when Obi-Wan should've been right there to stop him (audience has no idea he was knocked out). Also, the audience would not see Anakin disagree with Palpatine to save Obi-Wan, and would therefore be deprived of the understanding that Obi-Wan is important to Anakin.

Even if all of this information was included in Anakin's summary of events, it would replace all of the showing done in the rescue scenes with telling, thereby destroying all of the emotional weight the audience experiences actually witnessing the events.

Appointment to the Council & The Opera

Instead of seeing Anakin talk to Palpatine and Obi-Wan, and throwing his fit to the Council, we instead get Anakin sitting in his quarters in the temple after the council meeting. He gets angry, standing up and pacing the room, talking to either himself or R2-D2 about how annoyed he is about not being made a master and that Obi-Wan would ask him to spy on Palpatine.

Instead of Anakin sitting with Palpatine in the Opera, we are treated to another scene of him in his quarters, this time we see him in his quarters, reading some texts, maybe muttering about trying to find the story Palpatine told him about.

Impact

Instead of seeing Anakin being manipulated, being inept at politics, his inability to manage his emotions in front of the Council, the tension of his argument with Obi-Wan about spying, and the way he's immediately drawn in by Palpatine's story about darth Plageuis, we just get him pitching a fit in private. Pitching a fit in private is a pretty reasonable thing to do--most people do it at some point--and so on top of doing nothing to show any of his interpersonal relationships with Obi-Wan, the Council, or Palpatine, it also shows very little of the complete breakdown he's headed toward.

Order 66

Instead of seeing Anakin go into the Temple, leading the clones, we are instead shown him getting dressed in his new sith cloak, which matches Palpatine's.

Impact

The audience gets none of the horror of seeing Anakin about to kill people. They only gain the information that he killed the Jedi children when Obi-Wan tells Padmé--there is none of the symbolism of him being shown to kill that one kid who looks just like his younger self. It reduces a horrific act and character decision to less than a news headline, and--especially with Padmé's later denial about it--makes it sound like more of a rumor than anything.

Mustafar

After Anakin puts on his new sith cloak, we cut to him on a ship to Mustafar. Only it's not his fighter, it's a ship large enough to have sleeping quarters, or maybe a kitchen. We see Anakin in one of those two spaces, again pacing, but this time he has set his lightsaber on a table, and keeps glancing at it agitatedly. On arrival, he picks it up and leaves the ship. Cut to him announcing over comm to Palpatine that the Separatist leaders are dead, without showing any of the killing involved. Then he sees Padmé landing and goes to greet her.

Then, keep the strangling Padmé and dueling Obi-Wan the same as the movie.

Impact

Now imagine seeing that final duel after an entire movie in which we have hardly seen Anakin and Obi-Wan interact, never seen them fight together, and only witnessed Anakin draw his saber once, to cut off Mace's hand in one wild swipe. It wouldn't mean nearly as much. We wouldn't know where Anakin suddenly got all these crazy lightsaber skills from--it would be crazy that he can go toe to toe with Obi-Wan who we just saw fight Grevious. We wouldn't know that Obi-wan's death was something Anakin would've died to prevent only days earlier.

Overall Impact

While some of these altered scenes do have potential to communicate some important things about Anakin (staring at lightsaber = guilt, picking it back up = choosing violence), on their own, they fail to tell his story well, and give little depth to his character.

He doesn't really talk to anyone on screen -> seems like a total loner who doesn't talk to anyone but Padmé. What do you mean Obi-Wan is supposed to be his best friend-brother-dad-teacher? (Why does Obi-Wan say he loved Anakin at the end or bother to personally look over Luke?)

Anakin doesn't really do anything for anyone but himself -> what do you mean he's supposed to have been a caring person who was corrupted?

Anakin is called a General and a war hero, but we never see him lead troops or even fight -> was he just given the title to make him seem more important?

Anakin and Palpatine only interact for like two seconds -> why does Anakin believe him about the Sith story or follow his orders to commit atrocities?

Anakin doesn't have any strong feelings about the Jedi, positive or negative (let alone both simultaneously) -> why do we care that he betrayed and killed them? why didn't Palpatine just let the clones do it?

Basically, it makes him seem stupid and inactive, and completely fails to show the audience his ongoing struggle with violence and torn loyalties, unless of course the audience is willing to go to lengths to imagine the depth he might've had if the narrative had prioritized him a little more.

There's lots of fic and meta that does that for Padmé, but the movie itself does not force the average view to see her as anything but Anakin's girlfriend who loves him more than anything, for some reason (he's pretty?) and is a Senator for some reason (she talks about politics for a minute?).

Like, I'm being a bit reductive, but all the scenes I cut of Anakin doing violence? Those are the equivalent of Padmé doing politics. All the interactions with Obi-Wan, Palpatine, and the Council? Those are Padme talking to other senators, her handmaidens, maybe even her parents. Anakin's mounting stress? That's a bit about Padmé seeing a doctor, worrying about her own health.

Padme isn't the main character, but she's not a side character either. The screen time she got could've been better used, even simply by letting her look busy when Anakin talks at her. ROTS makes her seem silly and inactive, and fails to show the audience the full depth of the ongoing conflict between her duty as a political power and her relationship with Anakin.

#star wars #padme amidala #anakin skywalker #revenge of the sith #star wars prequels #star wars meta #rewrite

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