#spnwin 1x01

[spnwin-reader]

Sam would be odd man out on snacks even had his parents survived:

JOHN: Licorice drops? Nice choice.

Woe to Sam, continually and perpetually outnumbered, even when Jack joins the family. Hell, even when he eats, Cas like pork rinds and crap food.

Who will eat terrible rabbit-food alongside Sam? No one.

(Maybe Henry?)

SPNwin 1x01, SPN 7x10

[happilyfeatherafter]

Dean’s VOs in The Winchesters (season one!)

(LISTEN ALONG WITH AUDIO HERE)

Dean episode 1: 

( Ten Years After's "I'd Love to Change the World" ) ♪ ♪ 

March 23, 1972. The day Dad came home from the war, and the day he met Mom. Now I know this story might sound familiar, but I'm gonna put the pieces together in a way that just might surprise you. And in order to do that, I have to start all the way at the beginning. 

[END OF EPISODE]

What they didn't know is that the Akrida weren't just a threat to Earth, but to all of existence. Now, like I told you, there's gonna be some surprises. Hell, I'm still trying to find all the puzzle pieces myself. But I'll explain everything. And until then, I'll keep picking the music. 

♪ ♪ Spread them wide ♪ ♪ Rich or poor ♪ ♪ Them and us ♪ ♪ Stop the war ♪ 

Dean episode 2: 

( punchy, percussive music ) ♪ ♪  The ties that bind a family together can be complicated. Parents raise you, teach you what's right and wrong, and in some instances, how to kill monsters. But no matter who you are, there comes a time when you have to break from them and make your own way. And if you're not careful, things can get pretty ugly. 

Dean episode 3: 

( dramatic music ) ♪ ♪ ( screams ) ( sizzling ) ( growling )  There's no map to being a hunter. No playbook. You gotta follow your gut. But that can only take you so far. Truth is, you can't do it all on your own. You need other people to help guide the way... Your friends, your family. Otherwise you just end up lost. 

Dean episode 4: 

( eerie music ) ♪ ♪  Fighting the battle between good and evil isn't easy, especially when the first monster you have to face is the one inside yourself. ( soft dramatic music ) 

Dean episode 5: 

( dramatic music ) ♪ ♪ Spending a lifetime of hunting monsters takes its toll. There comes the time when you gotta let out that pain inside you. If you don't, it'll eat you alive. 

Dean episode 6: 

(Lata) I am centered. I am at peace. I create my own path, and I walk in it fearlessly. (end Lata)

Hunting has a way of changing a person. After a while, right, wrong, good, evil, they all start to look the same. And then it makes you start to wonder, "Who's really the monster here--them or me?" 

[END OF EPISODE]

Hunting's not for everyone. You have to be strong, stay sharp, make tough decisions, and it's not easy, But then again, the righteous things never are. 

Dean episode 7: 

( birds chirping ) Comes a time in every hunt when the fightin' starts. And the difference between winning and losing isn't whether you have the holy water, the wooden stake, or the silver bullet. It's whether you've got the grit to get the job done. (Mary on radio)

Dean episode 8:

(John Moran’s “Rebel”) ♪ ♪ Being a hunter, it means living a life of sacrifice-- not a lot of room for dreams. But you open your heart and get a little lucky, you'll find you gain more than you lose. ♪ ♪

Dean episode 9:

( mellow bluesy music ) ♪ ♪ This isn't how I saw things going when I pushed over that first domino. Thing is, I've had more than a few dances with free will and fate, but as my dad used to say, "Fate is what you make it."

Dean episode 10:

Hunting and happy endings don't usually mix, so when you get your chance, you got to ask yourself, "How far will I go to get it?"

Dean episode 11:

Being a Hunter means always being on the move, No matter how hard you plan, no matter how hard you work, at a certain point, we all run out of road. It's what we do with those crossroads that defines us.

Dean episode 12:

♪ ♪ ( carnival music resumes ) ♪ ♪ ( giggling manically ) ♪ ♪ ( shrill giggling ) ( whispering voices ) ( strange sounds ) 🤡🤡🤡

Hunting's a dishonest business. You gotta lie all the time about who you are and what you do. But the hardest lies aren't the ones you tell other people. They're the ones you tell yourself.

(Mary to John) Another day looking for this mystery man and still nothing. It's like this guy's a ghost. (End Mary to John).

Dean episode 13:

*RECORD SCRATCH* HE’S HERE!!!!! We’re going in universe baby.

(Opening scene, dramatic music ) ♪ ♪ 

Dean: John Winchester. 

John: Sir, can I help you? 

Dean: This is for you. 

John: Where did you get this? Who are--  [...] One ticket for Lawrence, Kansas. 

Ticket lady: Okay.

BOBBY, IT’S FREAKIN’ BOBBY!!!: We're not supposed to meddle with things, ya idjit!

Dean: You always said if I was gonna be stupid, I might as well be smart about it. 

Bobby: Yeah, that does sound about like me. We're not even supposed to be here. 

Dean: Come on, the letter was meant for him. I just, uh, you know, gave it a nudge. 

Bobby: You keep an eye on things here. I'm gonna get the damn cavalry. 

Dean: How you gonna do that? 

Bobby: I got no freaking idea. One last hunt, huh? 

Dean: One last hunt. ♪ ♪

[Insert finale including lots of chat about the ‘ruggedly handsome' mystery man here. For Akrida!Queen exposition science: You're here to talk about the man with no name...he was digging around in things that should have stayed buried. ... The Akrida. You see, our mysterious friend isn't from around here. There's only so much he could do. His hands were tied. Credit where it's due... he did manage to stay ahead of me for a while, but... I can assure you that he's not going to be a problem anymore. ... Well, there's this portal. You see--I'm sure you've heard of it. It's not quite up to code yet, but I managed to pry it open just enough to toss a certain someone and his car into it. No human can survive that gateway, so his body will be torn to shreds for centuries. Anyway, this, um... this old journal... it's all that's left of him.]

Back to the end of the show:

( electricity crackling ) ( engine revving ) ( engine revving ) ( dramatic music )  ♪ ♪ 

John: Mary! ... How did you guys survive? 

Dean (gestures at Baby): She kept Mary safe... me too. Of course, there's not a lot that can tear me apart. I'm already dead. I was stuck in the world between worlds, so I stayed close to that portal, and as soon as I saw baby come through, I hopped in and grabbed the wheel. 

Samuel: So who are you? 

Dean: I'm a Hunter, just like you. But I'm not from this Earth. 

Ada: And how did you get here? 

Dean: When I died, I made it to heaven. And she was waiting for me. So I went for a drive, and then I took a little detour. 

Latika: Through the multiverse. (Dean points ‘bingo’.)

Carlos: S-so what were you looking for? 

Dean: That's a good question, Carlos. I was looking for my family. See, I come from a long line of Hunters. I guess I was hoping that somewhere out there was an Earth that had a version where my family had a shot at a happy ending. When I was driving, I caught wind of the Akrida. Turns out that they were one of Chuck's last creations. 

Millie: Who's Chuck? 

Dean: God. It's a long story, but, uh... basically, he's a real dick. He left the Akrida behind to wipe out all of existence in case he failed. Well... he failed. Eventually the Akrida were going to make their way to my world, and I got family there, so I couldn't let that happen. 

John: T-the letter, why did you-- 

Dean: I took my little detour. The rules were simple. Don't mess with anything. Well... I gave it a little nudge. Thought it might need a little help. Looks like it worked out pretty well. So now that the Akrida are gone, you all can choose your own destiny. You can write your own story. 

Jack: And you can get back to yours. 

Dean: It's all right. It's all right. They're--they're with me. This is Bobby. That's Jack. They're family. Excuse me. You okay? 

Bobby: I told you I'd figure it out. Didn't say I wouldn't get us in more trouble. Look at 'em. Man, this is all kinds of weird... seeing Samuel with a full head of hair. 

Dean: Right? ( chuckles )

Jack (~~or is he?~~): Dean. 

Dean: Yeah. No, I know. I know, Jack. 

Jack: When I restored things, I wanted mankind to make their own fate. That meant no interference from on high, anywhere... no exceptions. 

Dean: I couldn't let our world get destroyed. Sam's still down there, okay? He deserves a good, long life. Hell, they all do. ( indistinct chatter ) So, if you want to cast me out of heaven... so be it. 

Bobby: If we're taking a vote, I'd say you give the guy another chance. 

Jack: There's always another case with you Hunters... even in death. Well... if you're going to meddle in things, finish what you started. After this... it's time to get around to the... "there'll be peace when you are done"... part of the song.

Dean to John: Listen, um... b-before I go... I want to give you two something. My dad... he, uh... Kept a Hunter's journal, looked just like this. I lived my whole life by that damn thing. Well, this is my Hunter's journal. So if you're gonna stay in this game... This will help guide you through it. 

John: Thank you. 

Dean to Mary: I know you're thinking about quitting Hunting. Believe me, I understand. But you need to do me one favor. Keep an eye out for a yellow-eyed demon. And if you even catch a hint of that son of a bitch... I need you to use this. 

Mary: Your family... did you ever find a version where they had a shot of a happy ending? 

Dean: I think I did. 

John: You never told us your name. 

Dean: Hetfield... James Hetfield. (Hetfield is the lead vocalist, rhythm guitarist, co-founder, and a primary songwriter of heavy metal band Metallica.)

( Nick Drake's "One of These Things First" ) ♪ ♪ (Dean, Bobby and Jack vanish with baby). 

Transcripts from: https://tvshowtranscripts.ourboard.org/viewforum.php?f=1550

[mad-as-a-box-of-frogs]

I brewed a potion to tap into my subconscious so I could access the echo of any remaining portion of the demon that possessed me.

Ada Monroe in The Winchesters Pilot and Teach Your Children Well (1x01 and 1x02): Best of SPN WIN Gals and Nonbinary Pals [9 / ?]

[becauseofthebowties]

THE WINCHESTERS 1.01 | 1.07

[minalblood]

Rewatching the Winchesters now that it's on HBO Max and I can at any time instead of 3 am and god the pilot is chaotic but in the best way now that I already love all the characters.

And more than that, I can actually enjoy John this time around since I can watch it without having SPN!John in my head. Still will rub me the wrong way when he says hypocritical shit that SPN!John has done, but it's sooo much easier to genuinely give him the space to be aka grow as a character without the constraints of who he would've become. And yea, he very much is still completely recognizable as the John we knew, like to the point that I believe him to be way more likely to become JDM!John than Matt's John (but we did spend very little with him tbh). But he still has time to figure his shit out and is willing to do it. Ughh, cant wait to rewatch this.

Same thing with Mary tbh, having her basically have to be honest about herself and having all this hope for a future where she can be happy and not have to keep hunting til she dies, and knowing that she doesn't have to become(and won't I think) SPN!Mary means I can see her talk about all of these things without wanting to cry. And yea, I can def see SPN!Mary in her clearly, the trying to stay detached due to her grief, the hardened hunter, the taking the initiative and not taking no for an answer whether that's good or back. But she hasn't yet lived through one death and the loss of her whole life so she can still hold onto her dreams and try to achieve them.

Now Lata and Carlos on the other hand tho were always fun. But knowing them already mean I can enjoy all the minute work that builds their chracters even from the get go and also made me realize just how much they also grow throughout the season. Still my faves tho. Like Carlos' entrence is another spn iconic entrence tbh. And also also just... the sheer disaster that Carlos is in the Pilot speaks to me personally. And Lata instantly endears me to her, she's sassy from the get go, but more reserved in the Pilot. U can see the strength and and courage and ... just potential these two have cuz it's all already therw, but it's being held back in the Pilot, they don't yet have a support system aka Carlos is in a lone wolf vibe where they cant afford to let people close and Lata just lost hers not too long ago and with Maggie, she also kinda lost and is losing Mary.

I genuinely forgot Millie's intro was pretty harsh initially. Like I knew ep 2 has the monster turning into her for a reason, but I forgot how much she reminded me of SPN!John (when he was around that is) that I had a double take. It was the passive agressive comment to John followed by soothing it with a hug and a smile thay just genuinely threw me a bit with how much of SPN!John is in her aka how much he clearly learned from her (his parenting style) which obv makes sense but damn.

There might not be too much Ada in the Pilot, but the little we do get tho and where she ends up (with Rowena ackowledging her power and herself believing in her own magic and just herself) from where we see her here with a book store and trying to lay low is phenomenal. And we have hints here of who she is, and who she grows into when she talks to John about Henry, but like with all of them its hints.

Anyways, I love this show and the Pilot is pretty chaotic but not as energizer bunny/break neck speed as I remembered, but still way faster than the rest of the show. But it does such a good job setting everyone up, both for us to understand who they are now and for us to have a jumping point to see where they end up.

And to close it, fuck is it still the best thing in the world to have Dean on the screen again. Ughh, hits just as bad this time as the 1st time. Also also, this joy really be checking the Samulet there so that Jack doesn't get close, like he really be out here on his own, fucking theripizing himself with journaling and vibing by himself in his usual hunters outfit when not being percieved and then the fashionista in him when in a crowded bus stop was like "Imma be as extra as I can be" just because he could and honestly, good for him. He's always found time for a nice outfit change when oportunity presented itself.

Long story short, I'll be writing down my thoughts this run through as they come with the episodes.

[drsilverfish]

Thinking About Alan Ginsberg and Holy Ghost Narrator Dean

The song which plays out the ending of SPNWin 1x01 Pilot is “I’d Love to Change the World” by Ten Years After (1971) which I think is pretty significant. It’s a song about the counter-culture of John Winchester’s era in the 1960s/70s: 

“Everywhere is freaks and hairies Dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity?

Tax the rich, feed the poor 'Til there are no rich no more

I'd love to change the world But I don't know what to do So I'll leave it up to you”

That sounds like Narrator-Dean telling us he wishes he could change Narrator-Chuck’s story (and hello queer culture reference).

I was thinking about how Kerouac’s On the Road inspired Kripke in the creation of Supernatural, and how Holy Ghost Narrator Dean feels inspired by Kerouac’s friend Ginsberg. 

Dean-as-Narrator-God is reflecting on war-trauma and its impacts, in his (re)telling of his parents’ stories in The Winchesters. 

John and Carlos’ Vietnam War trauma (which John visited on his sons) Lata’s father’s war trauma (which he visited violently on her) but also Dean’s own war trauma, inherited from his father John and his father God, and lived bloody in his long battle against God (externally) and his father’s ghost (internally). 

1x04 Masters of War, in which John seems to accept Mars-Neto’s challenge to become a killer in the war against the Akrida (taking on the continuing mantle of war, rather than dealing with his PTSD by going to therapy, like Carlos) is a reference to Bob Dylan’s anti-war (and anti-war profiteering) song of that name. Dylan and Alan Ginsberg were good friends, and Ginsberg was also vocally anti-Vietnam War. 

This put me in mind of Ginsberg’s own amazing anti-war poem Wichita Vortex Sutra (1966) in which he declares the end of the Vietnam War.

 Doesn’t it sound like Holy Ghost Narrator Dean to you?

Wichita Vortex Sutra - Allan Ginsberg (1966)

https://genius.com/Allen-ginsberg-wichita-vortex-sutra-3-annotated

I’m an old man now

and a lonesome man in Kansas

but not afraid        to speak my lonesomeness in a car,        because not only my lonesomeness            it’s Ours, all over America,

               O tender fellows—

           & spoken lonesomeness is Prophecy

           in the moon 100 years ago or in

               the middle of Kansas now

It’s not the vast plains mute our mouths

           that fill at midnite with ecstatic language        when our trembling bodies hold each other            breast to breast on a mattress—

Not the empty sky that hides                the feeling from our faces    nor our skirts and trousers that conceal        the bodylove emanating in a glow of beloved skin,            white smooth abdomen down to the hair                between our legs,

   It’s not a God that bore us that forbid

       our Being, like a sunny rose

               all red with naked joy

       between our eyes & bellies, yes

All we do is for this frightened thing        we call Love, want and lack—    fear that we aren’t the one whose body could be        beloved of all the brides of Kansas City,        kissed all over by every boy of Wichita—

O but how many in their solitude weep aloud like me—        On the bridge over Republican River            almost in tears to know                how to speak the right language—

       on the frosty broad road

           uphill between highway embankments

I search for the language                that is also yours—

almost all our language has been taxed by war.,,,

https://allenginsberg.org/2022/02/m-f-21/

[clairedelune-13]

Going back to rewatch The Winchesters pilot is really interesting. Especially the start, where we see Mary walking out of a theater showing of Slaughterhouse 5.

According to Dean in Season 12, Mary watched it and loved it.

But Au!Mary was just getting her snacks for a stakeout. I actually prefer it cuz Mary commenting “Book was better” is totally something I would do. 😂

[castielscarma]

Just a quick thought about 1x01 and 1x02 of the Winchesters. I don't really know what's going on still lol except some Akrida monsters wanting to destroy everything and our beloved Dean is narrating as we see young Mary and John. But something is off... I mean... I see all the parallels with Dean. Like, that monster in episode 2 ( >.> I need to google her name again) is imo basically a mirror for John and Dean's lived experience with him when Dean himself was a kid. And we get the background with John and how he was in Vietnam and that he has stuff that he's going through, and how that affects him still now. But he's much more.... adjusted and more mellow than I pictured him to be lol. I also note all the people <3 (I love Latika, Carlos) that surround Mary and John. It seems that the hunter community is much more.... a community than in Supernatural. We know that, it's pointed out in Supernatural too, and that Dean and Sam's stance and life is kind of an anomaly, (at least in regards to the community aspect), probably due to John keeping them out. And to know that John does that, when he so far in the Winchesters has used that community and really found family for help, and strength and purpose is... bad. So... I'm still kind of narrowing my eyes at John and how he acts. Honestly, the best thing I could explain it as is that sometimes I get an AU feeling (not in the sense that, oh Jensen fucked up and doesn't know the Spn Universe, he does) but that these are not quite the same Mary and John we know from Dean's and Sam's supernatural world.

[lilacocclusion]

my poor, sweet, sweet beans. there is no way that emf detector is from the 1970's 😭❤️

[spnwingifs]

DEAN KEEPS PICKING THE MUSIC (2/7) Music Playlist (2/2)

The Winchesters - S01E07 // Supernatural - S01E13/S09E23

[hotel-casifornia]

something that drives me crazy is that in the winchesters at the end of the pilot dean says hes picking the music and a song that was iN THE SAME EPISODE was Walkin’ After Midnight by Patsy Cline and well 1) dean listens to patsy cline in this day and age? gay but 2) this song is literally about a lover who goes out walking at night because shes missing her lover and walking reminds her of him and hes presumably away from her and she is walking and hopinG SHE WILL FIND HIM

crazy thing about this song is that this played as mary was walking away from john right after they fought a demon and THEN . AS a demon possessed Ada. its fitting in that if youre looking at the songs meaning to be the singer is searching for someone who is away from them its a perfect parallel for how mary and john are both looking for their fathers but also theres this weird foreshadowing about how john after marys death was so hellbent on finding her killer and theres something sour in that song playing when shes walking away from him after they met for The Second Time Ever when you know theyre gonna fall in love

but also my take on how this ties into dean is that he picks the music and he picked this song for a reason and not just because it fit for john and mary . i like to think its because he listened to it and related to it in that he might still be searching for cas post 15x18

this could entirely be me trying desperately for destiel crumbs but ive learned its fine to be unhinged and desperate when it comes to supernatural so

[spnwin-reader]

Loss in common:

Enter Millie, The Prickly-but-Hopeful Fixer

[We note that, even after all this time, Millie's building carries the MoL Aquarian star of protection, and it's still Winchester Garage, not...whatever-her-maiden-name is.]

When we first meet Millie, she's bitter. As the one who "kept the lantern on," "the one who stayed," she's hurt and defensive, a lot like how Dean grows to be in latter seasons of SPN.

(Even post-demonicity, Dean is still expected to be the soft place to fall for everyone. Even after Jack kills Mary, Cas has this expectation of Dean's soft-heartedness: "it's possible he could work through this. One day, he may explode and let it all out and breathe deeply and move on.")

Anyway, Millie!

Her reunion with John is part passive-aggressive but loving. We see that Millie, like Dean, has intense abandonment trauma. She speaks abrasively-but-affectionately. She calls John "Kid, Kiddo, etc." which was a go-to with Dean for both Claire Novak and Jack Kline.

JOHN: Love what you've done with the place. MILLIE (passive-aggressive): Well, my husband and son walked out on me, so. It's the best I could do. (growing emotional) Dammit. Welcome home, Kiddo.

Gruff, abrasive, imperfect? Maybe. But full of love.

Alt John and Millie are united by the common loss of Henry, just as Prime John, Sam, and Dean were united by the common loss of Mary.

John thinks Henry walked out on them, but I think Millie is likely more complex. With her tacit knowledge of the Men of Letters, I think it's reasonable that she at least suspects that he might be dead.

What does that tell us about her? It tells us that the loss of Henry was unbelievably painful--it's probably easier for her to consider he left than the very likely truth: his demise.

She's a fixer. That's what she does.

She holds out hopeless hope.

JOHN: I'm fine, Mom. MILLIE: The Hell you are. You've been chasing your dad since he walked out that door. I know that's why you enlisted. But it is time to let the past go, kiddo.

But Millie isn't healed either. She hasn't let the past go, even as she pursues her dream of being a mechanic and owning a garage (like her father). Letting the past go hasn't helped her heal.

In fact, carrying on hunting and the MoL business is what seems to soothe her loss, giving her new meaning and purpose. Millie and John's push-pull dynamic with hunting is much like how it was with Ellen and Jo Harvelle.

///

But overall, we see what Henry's absence wrought. It's just as Henry feared in SPN Prime (9x17 Mother's Little Helper):

HENRY: Therein lies the problem. As our initiation grows closer, I... I worry that this might be a selfish endeavor on my part. JOSIE: Selfish. How? HENRY: If anything were to happen to me, what of John? Millie? JOSIE: They'd be proud to know that you answered the call. HENRY: No. My wife would be a widow, and my son fatherless. I don't expect you to understand. You don't have a fam--[he pauses] I'm sorry, Josie. I didn't mean it that way. JOSIE: I know, Henry. You're a good man. Millie is lucky to have you.

This directly parallels Cas and his allegiance to his work, Heaven, (Heaven is a truck, and Cas is a truck-driver; Dean thinks he's Josie when he's actually Millie).

It also beings to mind the visual of ("little John") Jack's entrance as he wanders around muttering, "Father. Fa-ther. Father. I need to find him. Castiel. He was supposed to be here," while looking for his long-expected, lost father in 13x01 Lost and Found.

But it's also an off-key parallel to prime John, who would become as Millie was, a bereft widower in the cold, floundering and ill-equipped to handle the dangers of the supernatural world.

///

Enter Mary, Action Hero

(Note: Mary's got a short range, so I love how she uses speed to her advantage to get larger targets off-balance.)

///

And importantly, John...is NOT allowed to look cool. It's a RULE. He's a dorky...little...guy.

Mary knocks the demon into a blessed holy water vat, a call-forward to something prime John will do in SPNprime 01x21 Salvation.

//

When Alt John and Alt Mary meet:

Mary's father has been absent (missing) from her life for a short time, and John's father Henry has been absent for most of his life, just as when Dean and Cas meet, theirs too is a tale of missing fathers. Cas's father was absent for all of his life, and Dean's flaky dad has been gone for a (relatively) short time. It also very obviously parallels Sam and Dean searching for their missing father.

When they break inside the Men of Letters clubhouse, Mary keys into John's emotions about his father. This reminds me of of the first time Dean keyed in really hard to Cas's emotions in 5x16.

///

JOHN: How do you cope with it all? MARY (wryly, jokingly): I'll let you know when I find out. (SPNwin 1x01)

//

DEAN: Yeah, I get it. I know how you feel. CASTIEL: How do you manage it? DEAN (wryly, jokingly): On a good day, you get to kill [The Whore of Babylon]. (SPN 5x17)

///

Recent losses of friends & family:

Additionally, Mary and John have both suffered recent losses. Mary lost her narrative twin Maggie, and John lost his comrade Murph to war.

[Mary's cousin went to Hell, just as Sam's brother went to Hell in season in vintage and mid-SPN.] Mary's hunting family was torn asunder, parents separating.

And John? WIth war, John signed up to fill a void left by his father, to find meaning in life.

We can even recall Dean's words to Gordon in 2x03 Bloodlust, how Dean struggled with the idea of "The Invincible Dad" and how his death made the word more terrifying, how it left a wound of depression inside of him that he sought to fill with meaning through work:

DEAN: Yeah. Yeah, you know. He was just one of those guys. Took some terrible beatings, just kept coming. So you're always thinking to yourself, he's indestructible. He'll always be around, nothing can kill my dad. Then just like that (snaps) he's gone. I can't talk about this to Sammy. You know, I gotta keep my game face on. (clears throat) But, uh, the truth is I'm not handling it very well. Feel like I have this - GORDON: Hole inside you? And it just gets bigger and bigger and darker and darker? Good. You can use it. Keeps you hungry. Trust me. There's plenty out there needs killing, and this'll help you do it. Dean, it's not a crime to need your job.

Dean lost his dad, and Gordon lost his sister. This emptiness is depression. John lost his dad and suffered that loss all his life. He signed up to the war for the GLORY OF PURPOSE. He didn't sign up to the war for more pain and grief, but that's exactly what he got.

What's the thing Dean can't fill up, not with booze or love or even sex? It's grief and pain. It can only be filled with love, which is what Cas's confession narratively does in 15x18.

It's also what Mary's love and the love of the Core 4 will eventually do for John.

///

SPN Prime season 8 side-parallel: Connections of recent grief ALSO calls to mind season 8, how Sam connected with Amelia when they had both suffered a loss, Sam lost his narrative twin to Purgatory and Amelia lost her husband to war.

Theirs was a fast-paced reactionary relationship born of grief, something that pinged and annoyed Amelia's father, leading him to be very passive-aggressive with Sam. (Her father was a dick, but he's both a soldier himself and does know her best and probably has her best interests in mind. He recognized that was Amelia mid-freakout, OOC. He pings that her out-of-characterness is a weird reaction to grief).

He was right to be concerned about the shallowness and stability of it. These types of reactionary relationships are well-known: they can be very shaky, melodramatic, idealized, and weak when stress-tested.

Sam (and vintage Dean) both have this tendency to be all-in or all-out when it comes to The Cause. Neither strike a balance very easily. They tend to either be ALL IN for the Perfect War with Perfect War Companions at Your Side...or rushing into something tenuous that represents a weak idea that winds up unsatisfying because it's not genuine: Perfect White Picket Fence or Howling-at-the-Moon Dishibitory Party Life.

In SPNwin, John is doing a lot of running, too. He rushes into the thing with Betty (weak and tenuous), then he rushes into war, he rushes into hunting, and he runs into the relationship with Mary.

This theme of Running into Danger / Running From Danger persists. John certainly struggles with it, BUT in a departure from his past behavior, this new thing with Mary gets a lot of stress-testing, eventually moving from limerence into turbulence, power struggle, and de-idealization. (SPNwin 1x12, The Tears of a Clown)

///

SO.

Mary and her ragtag gang of friends embark on a journey to look for the missing Samuel Campbell the way Sam and Dean look for the errant John Winchester, the way the Banes twins look for their mother Tasha Banes in Twigs, Twine, & Tasha Bane.

Certainly the core 4 are all "running scared" and clinging to one another, having all lost loved ones in a variety of ways. They are united in empathy over their respective losses:

John (dad, comrades)

Mary (narrative sibling, missing dad, splintered family and parental separation)

Carlos (whole family killed by a monster)

Lata (no-contact with her family because they allowed her beloved nanny to die; nonsensical/cruel hierarchy of human society)

Ada (husband lost to madness, son potentially a puppy-destined-to-be-wolf)

And finally we get Henry's letter:

If you're reading this, then I'm gone. I'm sorry I kept the truth from you, John. There's a dangerous world out there, and our family has fought that danger for centuries. The answers to all your questions are at the address below. I love you and your mother. Always.

I think this idea of Henry Winchester as a secret-keeper, and as Mary-prime as a secret-keeper fed into what we know about John-prime turned into: a neuroses of paranoia and over-preparedness.

But thanks to Dean, Alt John has some new tools to work through this: knowledge. Even his anger is useful, openly telling his mother how disappointed and betrayed he feels over being kept in the dark. For her part, she gives him her emotional truth: that she only wanted to protect him.

It's the first healing step for both of them.

[sexybabystevie]

something something some of the earliest scenes of john we have are of him being paralleled to the demon that killed his wife and destroyed his family, and are of him passed out while drunk in a chair watching something on the tv about war/the military. something something the john portrayed in the winchesters is angry, always seeking out violence so much so that he does rash things like illegally joining the war underage and thinking he can win against a ghost/creature in a fistfight.

[mad-as-a-box-of-frogs]

John: Well, what do you wanna do with the rest of your life, then?

Mary: I don't know. I just wanna live long enough to find out.

Mary Campbell in The Winchesters Pilot (1x01): Best of SPNWIN Gals and Nonbinary Pals [1/?]

[happilyfeatherafter]

A compilation of Dean's voiceovers from The Winchesters, now in audio so you can listen along to my transcript post

(This is minus his final episode scene as that would have made it much much longer than 6 and a half minutes!)

[drsilverfish]

Murph’s Silver Cross in The Winchesters

That’s some pretty striking symbology; John Winchester lost his best buddy (lover?) Murph (Hank Murphy) in Vietnam when he was blown to bits after stepping on a landmine, and shrapnel from Murph’s sliver cross necklace ended up embedded in John’s arm (so John literally carried Murph with him).

We see in John’s flashback, Murph kissing the cross just before his ill-fated break for it:

 “I think I’m being haunted,” John tells Mary in SPNWin 1x01 Pilot:

Others have already mentioned the way in which Dean’s Purgatory One journey mirrors John’s Vietnam. Dean returned with his vampire buddy (lover?) Benny’s essence embedded in his arm (8x01 We Need to Talk About Kevin):

and he was haunted by his visions of (his beloved) Castiel, whom he’d left behind there (8x07 A Little Slice of Kevin);

John digs Murph’s cross shrapnel out of his arm to use its silver properties to fight the Men of Letters Watchdog Loup Garou (werewolf) in SPNWin 1x01 Pilot.

However, it’s not gone from haunting his consciousness.

In SPNWin 1x04 Masters of War we meet the cross again, when WW2 veteran “Patches” (killed by the God Mars-Neto) has a similar silver cross on his body, which gives John Vietnam flash-backs (here he is, holding it in the hospital morgue):

Interestingly, the lore on Mars-Neto in the same episode says this (about his amphora):

Of course, the cross is a symbolic item for Christians, linked to Christ’s immortaility (his sacrifice and return from the dead). 

The cross has been associated with Castiel at various points in the set-dressing narrative of Supernatural, perhaps most famously in the reunion scene here in 13x06 Tombstone when Cas returns from The Empty:

If The Winchesters is all taking place in Narrator-Dean’s mind (Dean’s soul in the Bardo - the liminal state between dying and rebirth) he is remixing his own loss and longing with his father’s.