#speaking of idiots whom I miss

[borathae]

If I Was Your Boyfriend

"If he was your boyfriend, he would give you the actual world. Sadly he is just your best friend with the biggest unrequited crush ever."

Pairing: Jungkook x f.Reader

Genre: Unrequited Crush!AU, Idiots in Love!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU, Slice of Life, Fluff, Romance

Warnings: OC is scared of a bug (me fr), he kills it for her, he would do anything for her, yearning, unrequited feelings (? mhhm ?), listen. he may be a lil bit dense when it comes to reading signs jsjjss bless his heart, i need him as my boyfriend, so much tension between them, jsjsjs this is pure torture i want them to kiss!!, brief mention of adult toys, miscommunication because he suuucks at love confessions, protective & slightly jealous!Kook, he is the greenest flag though like seriously, the happiest end hihi, the inspo was seven mv kook, she is shorter than him because i have the hugest size kink with him and this is so self-indulgent <3, once again i need him as my boyfie

Wordcount: 10.5k

a/n: sometimes i have ideas for one specific trope without wanting to write the whole book lmaooo, so enjoy this lil slow burn fluff scenario which is so self-indulgent and fanfiction coded. also, it was inspired by a real life event where i found a bug in my bed and i had to kill it on my own :( i was being very brave about it 😔 ps: this is very unrealistic 'cause like why would you only be best friends with HIM? that wouldn't be an unrequited crush if that was me. happy birthday to kookie 💛

The call comes around two at night. Jungkook picks up with the first ring. He was working out before that.

“Hello? Are you okay?” he asks, resting his head against the edge of the sofa as he is currently sitting on the floor. He was doing sit ups before that, trying his hardest to regulate his sped-up breathing right now.

“Kook, please help me.”

Jungkook sits up straight.

“Where are you? Are you safe?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s following me. I locked it inside my room but I can still hear it.”

“Stay with me, I’m getting dressed”, he says, jumping to his feet to hurry to his front door.

“Please hurry please. I’m so scared.”

“I’m coming, don’t worry. Are you home?”

“Yes. Hurry please.”

“I’m coming, stay strong. Yeah?”

“Yes, thank you”, you say and end the call.

Jungkook curses, shoving the phone into his pants pocket. He puts on his jacket as he runs down the hallway and puts on his beanie once he is inside the elevator. He is restless in the small space, wishing for it to go quicker. It’s too slow.

“Come on, come on”, he stresses it, knowing that it is fruitless.

You are his best friend. Well, at least that is what you would call him. Best friend. Jungkook sees so much more in you. His best friend, his person of trust, his crush. He would never tell you his feelings because he doesn’t want to make it awkward. But if there were no consequences for speaking up, Jungkook would tell you that you are his dream girl. You are funny, sweet, caring, talented, intelligent, wonderful, perfect, amazing, beautiful, pretty, stunning. Yes, Jungkook thinks that you are all of these things and more. When he is close to you, his heart races and he wants to keep looking at your face. When you are sad, he wants to make you happy again and when you smile, he wants to keep it on your face. When you aren’t with him, he misses you and when you are with him, he hopes that time stops passing. You are the person he updates on the most mundane of things and whose text messages always bring a quick flutter to his chest. Your voice is the voice he could listen to for hours and your face is the face he doesn’t get tired of staring at when you and he video chat late night till you and he both run out of things to say. And at the same time, you are the person with whom Jungkook never runs out of things to talk about, if he didn’t have to breathe, he would continue to babble to you until your ears wore off. Jungkook swears that if there were no consequences for his words, he would tell you all of this. 

But alas, there are consequences and so Jungkook is left keeping his true feelings hidden.

The outcome of tonight’s phone call obviously wouldn’t have changed whether or not he had romantic feelings for you. Jungkook loves you as a friend as well. And he will always be there for his friends. Especially when they are clearly scared by something.

Jungkook rings your bell. You open the door as if you were waiting for him, grabbing him by his wrists to drag him inside. Jungkook’s entire body flutters at the feeling of your touch. 

“Finally you are here. Come in quick, please”, you tell him.

You must have been sleeping already. You are in your pyjamas and have no make-up on. Jungkook swears that you have never looked more beautiful before. 

“What happened? Did someone break in?” he asks instead of telling you that you are beautiful.

“Worse.”

“Worse?”

“Kook, there is a huge bug in my room. Please kill it.”

Jungkook stops in his tracks. You call him over for that? You stop when you feel his strength all of a sudden, looking over your shoulder. He has his right brow cocked up.

“What?” you stress.

“You give me a heart attack for that?”

“What? Of course. It’s a bug.”

Jungkook sighs in annoyance, “seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.” You round him to shove him by his back. “Kill it for me, please Kook.”

“Fine, I’ll kill it”, he gives up and groans, letting you shove him to your bedroom. Jungkook would never dare to think this way, but right now he wished that you were shoving him to your room for something else. Nothing dirty of course, just cuddles. Lots of cuddles. He would literally trade both his kidneys so he could hold you in his arms until you fall asleep just once. He would make sure that you were warm and that you felt safe in his embrace. He would kiss your face and tell you sweet nothings like how he thinks of you when he listens to love songs and how he wishes that it was you and he whenever he sees a romantic scene in a movie.

God, Jungkook is so done for. 

“Where is this stupid bug?” he acts annoyed to make the yearning a little easier. It is difficult when you have your hands on his back and they are so, so warm.

“In there.” You open the door carefully and look around. “Follow me”, you say, tiptoeing into your room.

Jungkook follows you, smiling fondly. You are cute when you are acting like this. 

“Where is it?” he asks, trying his hardest not to think about how he wants to snuggle you for being cute.

“I don’t know. It was right there when I last saw it.”

“Maybe it’s already gone.”

“No, it was-” 

The bug flies past you, you scream instantly, jumping at Jungkook for help.

“The bug! Eeeek Kooook! I hate bugs!” you squeak, hiding away in his chest.

Jungkook hopes that you can’t feel his racing pulse, because it is racing. You never touched him like this before, let alone snuggled so close to him. 

Act cool. Act cool. Act cool. 

He wraps one arm around you, patting the back of your head. 

“There, there you big baby”, he teases.

“I hate bugs so much”, you whine, snuggling closer.

He glances down at you, feeling every beat his heart takes.

Act cool! Act cool! Act cool!

What if he wrapped both arms around you? Would that go too far? He wouldn’t mean anything dirty behind it, he just really wants to hug you and feel you melt in his arms.

“Kill it, Kook please”, you whine and move your head so you were looking up at him. Your eyes lock.

Jungkook bites down on his tongue, forgetting to breathe for just a few moments.

ACT COOL! ACT COOL! ACT COOL!

What if he cupped your face right here and now to kiss your nose and cheeks and forehead and chin and lips and eyes? What if he did that?

“Please kill it.”

“I am, you gotta let go for that”, he gets out, surprised at how normal his voice sounds eventhough he is currently losing his mind.

Please don’t let go. Please don’t let go. 

You let go. Disappointment from his side. You hide behind him and grab his waist for moral support. Butterflies in his tummy, his knees buckle a little. Holy moly. Holy moly. Wow. Oh wow oh wow oh wow. 

“You’re seriously so brave for this”, you tell him.

“Yeah, yeah or maybe you’re just a scaredy cat.”

He has no idea how he is able to talk properly right now when you have him literally messed up. 

Jungkook inches close to where the bug is sitting on the wall while his thoughts and heart are racing. He has to act nonchalant about the situation. You are only holding him like this because you are scared.

“Do you have a shoe?” he asks you, hating his hand for shaking when he presents it to you.

You bend down and take off your right slipper, “will this do?” 

“Perfect.” 

Jungkook takes the slipper and carefully moves closer to the bug. Your fingers tighten on his waist.

“Careful now”, you comment.

“I am” he gets out, concentrating vigorously. He can’t mess up now, you are counting on him. 

“Almost there. Almost there”, you cheer him on.

Jungkook slams the shoe down. The bug has no chance of escape. You scream.

“Gotcha.”

“Did you get it? Is it dead? Kook, is it dead?”

Jungkook lifts the slipper and looks at the squished bug on its sole. He shows it to you.

“Dead.”

“Yay, it’s dead. Ew how nasty, you can see the intestines.”

“Right. Give me a minute, I’m cleaning it.”

“Use acid for it. Just to be sure it doesn’t come back.

He chuckles, “sure, I’ll use acid.”

He leaves you in your bedroom to hurry to the bathroom. 

Your apartment is familiar to him. He spends a lot of time here. Mostly to chill on your couch and watch shows with you. Sometimes you also cook dinner together and then eat it by the table, while other times you do a workout together. Seriously, you are his fucking dream girl. 

One time as you and he were cooking together, he needed something from the shelf above you, but you couldn’t step away from the stove. So he got it while you were right in front of him and his chest brushed against your back and he swears that he heard your breath hitch for a moment. Jungkook wanted to hug you back then. When you later that evening turned to let him taste the cooking only to use the same fork to taste it yourself, Jungkook almost kissed you. 

One time when you were watching a show, you got cold hands and Jungkook offered to warm them for you. He didn’t think you would accept, but you did and so he ended up with your cold hands under his hoodie as you warmed them up on his skin. Jungkook swears that he wanted to pin you against the sofa and kiss your cute face back then.

One time when you were doing a workout together, you struggled with a movement and asked him for help. He ended up having to hold you by your hips as he guided you through the movement. He wanted to flip you and kiss you senseless back then. 

He never felt like this before. He was scared of these feelings at first, but now he can’t get enough. You are a foodie, a romance lover and a lover for couple workouts and it’s so impossible for him not to be in love. You are seriously his dream girl. There is no fucking way around this.

Jungkook knows that tonight will be such a memory as well. the kind of memory which tingles, but which also makes him regret that he didn’t act differently. When you cuddled into him, he wanted to hug you properly. When you grabbed his waist he wanted to turn in your grasp and kiss you against the door. But he knows that he can’t. He would ruin what you are having and he could never get over this heartbreak.

Jungkook looks at your toothbrush as he cleans the shoe. Sometimes he thinks about how it would feel to be represented in your bathroom as the second toothbrush right next to yours.  

Jungkook bites down on his tongue, burning holes into the empty space next to your toothbrush. He would put so much effort into taking care of himself so you could always look at the best version of him. He would do skincare nights with you. He would try out hair masks with you and rub body lotion on the spots you can’t reach. He would brush his teeth, floss them and use mouthwash religiously just so his kisses would always taste good. He would do all of this if it meant you had an attractive boyfriend.

Jungkook looks away. He is doing it again, he is getting delusional. He shouldn’t do that. It isn’t his right. 

He turns off the water and leaves the bathroom so he could return the slipper to you.

You are in the kitchen, looking at him instantly.

“Is it gone?” you ask him.

“Yup, it’s gone. Your slipper.”

“Thank you seriously. You just saved my life”, you say and lift a bottle of his favorite beer. “Thank You Beer?”

He shakes his head, “I need to drive.”

“Okay. Then a Thank You Water?”

“Yeah, I can drink that.”

Jungkook accepts the offer because he can stay with you longer that way.

“Coming right up. Get comfy in the meantime.”

Jungkook waits on the sofa, but stands up when you come inside the room. He accepts the water and sits back down. You plop down right in front of him, pulling your legs onto the pillow. Your knees are almost touching the side of thigh.

“You seriously saved my ass tonight. I was already in bed when I felt something tickle my arm and then I turned on the lights and it was right on my arm. I screamed so loud, you have no idea.”

“That sounds traumatic.”

“It was traumatic.” You shudder. “I hate bugs.”

Jungkook laughs softly.

“What? Are you laughing at me?”

“No, just laughing ‘cause I agree. You really hate bugs.”

“I do. Awful things, seriously.”

He laughs and you laugh as well. Your eyes meet again. He takes a sip of his water then asks a question which scares him a little.

“Why did you call me?”

“Why not?”

“I, I mean”, he stutters, feeling his heart do somersaults.

“You were my first thought. It’s probably because you’re always keeping me safe.”

Jungkook swears he wants to kiss you right now. He is the first person you think of when you need help. He is your safe person. Wow, wow, wow.

“Is that weird to say?” you ask him shyly.

“Not at all”, he gets out in a terribly hoarse voice.

“Okay phew. I knew that I could count on you.”

Jungkook gives you a smile. One you retort with a vast glance at his lips.

Jungkook brings the empty glass to the kitchen to clean it after he finishes it. You follow him. 

“You don’t have to clean that”, you tell him, trying to reach for the glass but he moves it away.

“I got it”, he assures you, looking at you over his arm.

You and he are so close again. He can’t stop looking into your eyes. He knows that he is delusional, but in his mind, your eyes are so bright when you look at him. But it’s not real and he is acting stupid when he is staring like that. He turns his head away, blind to the few more seconds your eyes seem to linger on his face.

“What were you doing when I called you?” you ask him, watching his hands as he washes the glass.

“Working out.”

“Really? At this time?”

“That’s when I get energised.”

“Of course you do. What were you doing?”

“Just stuff on the floor.”

“Nice. Like push ups and stuff?”

“Yeah and sit ups.”

“That’s cool.” 

He has his back turned to you, putting away the glass. He is wearing a white oversized shirt, but the movement makes it stick to his body, showing not only his skinny waist but also his built, muscular back. His shoulders grew so much over the past seven months. (Seven months ago was when you decided to download a dating app and told Jungkook about it. Jungkook started working out harder since then.) 

He closes the cupboard and turns. 

“Something wrong?” he asks, somehow oblivious to your stares. 

“Nothing, no uhm.” You look to the side. “You probably wanna leave now?”

He doesn’t want to leave.

“If you still need me here, I can stay”, he offers.

Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.

“Really?”

He nods his head, giving you a sweet smile with teeth. He would do anything for you, even mess up his sleep schedule.

“Maybe there is another bug, you know?” you say, playing with your own fingers shyly.

His heart is jumping in joy. He can stay longer. 

“That could be possible, yeah. Should we check?” he offers as calmly as possible.

“Yeah, please.”

Yay! Yay! Yay!

“I know I sound so stupid.”

“You don’t. Come on, I’ll check.”

You and he go to your bedroom together. Jungkook wants to hold your hand, but knows that he can’t. You close the door to your bedroom. His pulse flutters for a moment. In another lifetime, this would be the moment you pull him into a kiss. But Jungkook knows that stupid things like different lifetimes are stuff of movies, not reality.

He has to act as your best friend who doesn’t have a crush on you if he wanted to or not. He lifts your blanket and shakes it out.

“No bugs”, he comments.

“That’s good, yeah. I should probably check the pillows.”

You crawl onto bed and make it your job to flip each individual pillow. Jungkook looks at you for a moment. He hates that things like different lifetimes are stuff of movies. Because in a different lifetime, he jumps onto bed with you to hug you. He listens to your giggle and makes you giggle even harder by tickling your sides.

You, oblivious to his longing stares, flip yet another pillow. 

“No bugs here, thank god. I probably sound insane to you, but I’m actually so scared that there’s a whole bug family in this room.”

“You don’t sound insane. I’ll take care of them if we find them.”

“You’re seriously my hero.”

Jungkook is thinking. Maybe he could still make you laugh, he thinks. Not by showering you in skinship, but differently. 

“Hey, check this out”, he says.

“What? Did you find another bug?!” you gasp, whipping around instantly.

“I’m a bug. Bzzz”, he says and jumps onto bed, flapping his arms as if he was a bug flying.

You cough out air, following it up with a loud laugh.

Jungkook flops onto his back and wiggles his limps.

“Now I’m flipped onto my back and can’t get up”, he says, squirming from side to side stupidly. “Help me. Bzzzz.”

You laugh to the point it becomes just a little ugly and way too loud. At least you would call it that. Jungkook calls it the most beautiful sound he has ever heard. He loves to be goofy when it means that he can make you laugh. Some people call him childish and tell him to act his age, but Jungkook doesn’t care about these people because you love the way he is. You always smile and laugh so much when he gets goofy and childish and it is so worth every rude comment he gets. One time, he played around with a snapback hat, acting silly with it until you cackled loudly. Another time he showed you a card trick with goofy sound effects, basking in the giggles you gave him. He knows that he looks stupid in these moments, but he would literally turn into a silly jester if it meant that you could laugh just one more time.

“Help me, I’m a bug and I can’t get up”, he whines dramatically.

“Wait, I’ll help you”, you joke and place your hands on his torso. One on his chest, the other on his stomach.

He tenses up like a board of wood, forgetting all about being silly. His limbs drop, as does his heart. You are touching him! This never happened before when he acted goofy. What should he do? What is the correct reaction to this?

“Why are you such a heavy bug? I can’t flip you”, you are still being playful with him, but Jungkook can’t find humour anymore. He is starstruck. 

He chuckles deeply, letting out a breathy, “yeah.” 

You glance at him. The second your eyes meet, his heart is racing. You are so fucking beautiful. 

“Heh”, he lets out and places his hand over yours, eyes flitting to your lips unknowingly.

“Hm”, you let out, studying his gazing eyes. Your lips feel kissed just from his look. 

“Mhm”, he hums and smiles, shimmying his head just a little closer to you. He feels your minty breath swirl over his face like this, squeezing your hand in reaction. What if he just did it? What if he just kissed you right here and now?

Your smile falls.

“Sorry”, you whisper, pulling your hands back and sitting up. 

Jungkook gasps for air, coming back to reality. What was this moment? Is he going crazy? Why would he do that?

Your eyes meet for a brief second then you look away again, rubbing the side of your neck.

Jungkook sits up, “I should, uhm, probably check under the bed too, right?” he tries to change topics and rolls over to stick his head under the bed. He might die of heart palpitations.

There are a few boxes under the bed, some shoe boxes and an exposed adult toy. Jungkook does a double take. Oh god, panic.

Jungkook shoots back up, staring at you with big eyes.

“What?”

“You uhm…”

“What?” You crawl to the edge and bend down to look, shooting up again within a second, “What did you see??”

His entire face flushes, he looks to the side instantly, right hand coming to rub the side of his neck. Your entire face feels on fire, you want to die on the spot.

“I, I didn’t see anything I swear”, he stutters.

“Kook, please don’t remember this”, you insist, shaking him by his shoulders.

“It’s seriously fine”, he assures you, panicking so so much.

“This is so embarrassing.”

“No, it’s okay. Sorry for invading your space like that.”

“I’m actually gonna cry, please don’t remember this”, you beg him.

“I didn’t even see anything”, he lies, feeling his heart give up. For real, it will give up. He feels so guilty. You are so upset and uncomfortable and it’s all his fault. “I’m sorry.”

“No you, I guess, I don’t know, I just”, you stutter, unable to form any coherent sentences.

Jungkook feels just as awkward as you, suddenly needing to stand up.

“I think I should go”, he says.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s getting late.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. You fucked it. You are internally panicking, blind to the fact that Jungkook is panicking as well.

His face is so red and it’s making him scared that you can see it. He doesn’t want you to think that he is imagining you like that, because he really isn’t. But for just a second it crossed his mind and it managed to dye his face so red that he feels like crying. Of course he wants to stay with you. Of course he wants to spend every single second of this night with you, talking and laughing and looking at you, but he might not be able to get rid of this blush right now. He needs to leave.

You follow behind him, panicking more and more. You let him put on his shoes and his beanie, you watch him close his jacket unable to say anything. You swear that you always clean up after yourself, but you were busy this morning and forgot to put it away after sanitizing it. Jungkook was never supposed to see it. Not him. Everyone but him.

“I’ll text you once I’m home”, Jungkook tells you.

“You’re not disgusted now, are you?” you finally get the scary words out.

“What?”

You are both dragging out the inevitable. 

“I don’t know, just…I tried the dating app stuff. I met people, you know?”

Jungkook feels like dying when you talk about this stuff. He stands in the apartment complex hallways, looking at you as you tell him about your hook ups and he wants to fucking die as he does. He has been loyal to you ever since he started this stupid crush on you. Of course he knows that it is impossible of him to expect the same from you. But he has been so fucking loyal to you that you literally broke his heart seven months ago when you told him about your newest download. He wasn’t strong enough to get over his crush, so now he dies all over again each time you tell him about your hook-ups.

“And it just felt weird. I couldn’t do it”, you confess.

“Really?” suddenly what happened before is wiped from his mind. You never went through with it? His loyalty was reciprocated? Jungkook knows that he is being so delusional right now and yet he still hangs on to your every word like a worshipper of your syllables, staring at your lips as you talk.

“Yeah, but I still have needs, you know? Oh god, why did I say that? This didn’t make it better. Just forget I ever said anything.”

“I, I didn’t hear anything”, Jungkook stutters, feeling weak-kneed. The wall between him being a good person and a reckless person is as fragile as a sheet of fresh ice. One wrong step from you and he might actually confess how he really feels.

“Okay good, let’s keep it at that.” You push at his chest. Jungkook swears he actually whimpers as you do it. “Go home and let us forget about all of this, please.”

Should he do it? Should he be reckless?

You step back, now standing in your apartment.

Do it! Open, mouth!

“Text me once you’re home, okay?”

“Okay.”

No! This isn’t the right thing to say! Be reckless!

“Thank you for tonight, sleep tight.”

“Sweet dreams.”

Tell her! Fucking tell her!

The door closes.

Jungkook falls out of his fearful trance, gasping for air. His heart tells him to knock for another chance, his mind tells him not to. He turns and leaves, hitting his own head as punishment for being the most stupid person that ever existed. Tonight could have gone so well. He could have had more time with you, he got the confirmation that you never tried the dating app thing, he had everything and he has to ruin it by being a creep. Why did he look under your bed? That’s where most people store their sexy stuff. Why did he have to make you uncomfortable? What if you never want to see him again? What if he ruined your friendship without ever doing the one thing he always wished to ruin it with? In his dreams he always ruined it by confessing his feelings, but his reality was because he was a creep.

Jungkook cries in his car on his way home. He forgets about texting you and spends a sleepless night regretting his choices.

Maybe he did fall asleep, otherwise it would be impossible for his phone to rip him awake the next day. He barely opens his puffy eyes at first, but opens them widely when he sees that it is you calling him.

“Hello?” he picks up hastily.

“Oh thank god. You didn’t text me last night and I was worried.”

The text! Jungkook slaps his own forehead, sitting up straight.

“I’m so sorry, I…”

“It’s okay, I already had a gist that you forgot”, you assure him, “do you have time?” 

“Of course, what’s up?”

“You know, uhm.” You laugh in embarrassment. “Last night was a mess, wasn’t it?”

“No uhm, it’s fine.”

“You wouldn’t be down for a grocery trip with barbeque and beer afterwards, would you? My treat, as an apology for traumatising you.”

“Of course, I would. Today?”

“Yes, in like two hours? I’ll get off work soon and could go straight to the store.”

You and Jungkook often go grocery shopping together. You already have a favourite store to go to. Jungkook loves these moments. He loves to carry the heavy bags for you and get the stuff you can’t reach. He loves to push the cart while you tell him about your day and then load the groceries into the bags with you. In another lifetime, you and he push the cart together and he steals kisses between aisles. In another lifetime, he holds your hand and the bags in the other. And in another lifetime, you and he go to your apartment to cook dinner for date night on the couch. Jungkook really wishes to live a different life sometimes.

“Two hours sounds great”, he agrees in a cool voice even if he wants to squeal. He gets to go grocery shopping with you! How amazing!

“Nice, then we’ll see each other there.”

“Yes, we’ll see each other. I’m really excited for it.”

“Me too. See you later, yeah? My boss is coming back.”

“See you later. Good luck at work.” 

“Thanks, Kook. Bye bye.”

Goodbye, my everything, my dream girl, my love. He thinks.

“Bye.” He says.

The phone call ends. Jungkook drops back into the pillow and lets out a yelp of celebration, following it up with excessive kicking and punching of the air as well as  squeaky giggles. 

He didn’t ruin everything and he will see you in two hours. Today is the best day of his life! But wait! Jungkook gasps and jumps out of bed.

“I need to get ready! Shower and wash my hair and pick an outfit! And do my skincare and brush my teeth! There is so much to do, oh god” he talks to himself, running through his apartment.

You are pacing in front of the store. Jungkook isn’t late, you are just early. Early enough to become painfully aware of your nervousness. You wonder how it will be between the two of you after last night. You could barely fall asleep because you were so embarrassed. Work didn’t distract you either, your thoughts kept repeating what had happened last night. You hope that he doesn’t look at you differently after what he had to see. It would literally ruin you.

Jungkook is your best friend. But if someone asked you honestly, you would say that he is the boy of your dreams. He is everything you ever dreamed of and everything you will never be able to have. He is too perfect for you. If there were no consequences for your actions, you would tell him how you really feel. You would tell him that you think that he is the most attractive man and person you have ever seen, that he is the kindest soul with the sweetest heart. That he is talented and amazing and the funniest person ever. And that you feel safe with him. 

You would tell him that every time he comes to your place or you to his’ and you spend time together, you wish that it was a date instead. You want to tell him that every time your bodies touch, your heart jumps out of your chest. You want to tell him that you keep repeating all the moments with him over and over again and that sometimes at work, you text him because you can’t stop thinking about him. You also want to tell him that you thought about killing the bug yourself before deciding to call Jungkook just to have him close.

And the worst of it all? You want to tell Jungkook that the only reason why you downloaded the dating app was to get over your feelings for him because you knew that someone as perfect as Jungkook would never want to have you. But actions have consequences and so you call him your best friend whilst secretly wishing for him to just be reckless and kiss you.

Jungkook appears on the horizon, swerving through the crowd in a stoic expression. Your heart speeds up instantly. He is wearing black pants with a stripped shirt and a black jacket today. His hair falls on soft waves, his skin glows in the sun. He is so dreamy and handsome. 

His eyes find you in front of the store, his face lights up and he lifts his arm to wave at you. You wave back, bouncing on your tiptoes. He saw you! He is waving at you! 

He hurries through the crowd faster than before, reaching you within moments.

“Hey there”, he says.

“Hey”, you tell him and give him a hug. 

Jungkook short circuits. He gets no time to react before you already step back again. You just hugged him. Holy moly, wow. 

“Sorry, was that not okay?” you ask, studying his frozen features.

“What?” He flinches back to life. “No, it was amazing, I mean, it was okay. I uhm, I have this for you.”

He lifts a bouquet of sunflowers.

“Sunflowers? For me?”

“Yeah, I saw them and thought of you.”

“You did?”

You accept them with shortened breath and a quickened heart. You are currently screeching inside. You feel on cloud nine.

“A-as a best friend of course, because we’re best friends.”

“Oh. Yes.” You clear your throat. “We are. Thank you for the friendship flowers. I’ll put them in water once I’m home. Hopefully they’ll survive till then.” 

“I’m sure they will. That’s why I put the paper towel there.”

“I know, I saw. That’s so clever.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He does a little twirl so he stands next to you, hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants in a cute way. “So what do we need? Any particular groceries in mind?” 

You and he start walking to the store. He opens the door for you, holding it until you are inside. He follows and goes straight for the carts. You are next to him.

“Yes, I’m out of multigrain rice so I’m buying all of them to make my mixture again and I wanna stock up on udon because they have a sale going on.”

“Neat, a sale. I’ll get some too”, Jungkook says, leaning his elbows on the cart as he pushes it. “I wanna see if they have the lychees again. They were so yummy last time.”

“They were. Especially with that sauce you made.”

“I can make them for you again.”

“Really?” 

He nods his head, “sure, you could come over Saturday and we’ll watch a movie. I heard that there’s a few new movies to stream.”

“I should be free on Saturday.”

“Nice, then you’ll come over.”

You and he exchange a look, breaking it quickly to look at opposite sides. Unbeknownst to either, you are both panicking. Jungkook is so excited to have you come over but is also terribly nervous about the aspect of it. You can’t wait to visit Jungkook but are also scared of the yearning. 

A moment of silence where you each fill the cart with stuff you want. You and Jungkook always fill up the cart together and then separate the groceries afterwards. In another lifetime, you don’t need to separate the groceries. In another lifetime, you share the same bag and fill the same fridge to cook from the same pots and eat on your shared couch whilst a show was running. 

“How was your day?” Jungkook asks because other lifetimes don’t exist and in his real life, the only shared thing he gets with you is time.

“It was okay. Yours?”

“I woke up like two hours ago.”

You chuckle, “of course you sleep while I have to work my ass off.”

“Hey, I’m on a well-deserved break, I earned the night owl lifestyle”, he throws back, making you laugh with it.

“I’m not saying anything against it. I need a break soon.”

“Is work stressful?”

“Yeah, quite. There’s been lots of new projects coming in.”

“No, I’m sorry. If there is something I can do, let me know.”

You look at him. 

“I will, thank you.”

In another lifetime, you would hug his arm and rest your head against it and you would tell him that you don’t mind a stressful workday when it meant spending time with him afterwards. 

Jungkook meets your eyes. His heart flutters nervously, speeding up more when you look away. If he was your boyfriend, he would hold your hand and tell you that you looked beautiful after a long work day. 

“I like the way you did your hair today”, he says instinctively. He has no idea why he said that because he never says stuff like that to you. He panics because of it. His tongue worked quicker than his brain. 

You reach up to feel your hair, “you do?”

“Yes, it fits you really well.” 

“Thank you”, you murmur and cross a corner without warning, leaving him alone for a few seconds.

Jungkook follows after you hastily, confused as to why you so abruptly fled. Oh no. He went too far with the compliment. He definitely creeped you out again. 

You are squatting down in front of the grain section, reading the labels carefully. Jungkook parks the cart next to you, standing still. He tries not to, but still looks at you. You shift your eyes to him, widen them and look away again. Jungkook swears he might cry. He made you uncomfortable. 

“I’m sorry for saying that. I, I meant it as a friend.”

“Hm? Ah, it’s okay. Thank you for saying it, I liked it”, you say and stand up, filling the cart with the grain. Jungkook’s heart flutters happily. He didn’t mess up. Yay!

“Got everything you wanted?” he asks.

“Yep, except black rice. Do you see it somewhere?”

“Up there”, Jungkook says, pointing at it. The lower racks are empty, only the racks which are clearly for staff to reach so they could refill the store are stacked with the rice. 

“Nice.” You try to reach it, but fail. “Kook, can you get it?”

“Sure, let me”, he says, stepping right behind you to get the rice from the staff rack. His chest brushes against your back. You gasp. He feels dizzy, but acts nonchalant.

“There we go your….rice”, Jungkook says, eyes flitting down to you looking up at him. He didn’t even realise that you turned. 

There is almost no distance and so Jungkook tries to step back to be respectful because friends don’t stand this close. You grab him by his jacket, making him gulp and panic greatly. His left hand grabs the edge of the shelf, his chest lifts in a deep gasp. You are taller today because of the shoes you are wearing. The shortened distance between your lips is making him dizzy.

“About last night”, you begin, but he interrupts you before you apologise for something you have no reason to.

“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have snooped, I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t snoop, I just…I clean up, I was just busy and forgot and I”, you exhales deeply, “I’m not making it any better talking by about it, am I?”

He laughs softly and reaches down to cup your hand, caressing your knuckles softly. The lines blur more and more. You both feel weightless. You can smell his cologne like this, he can smell your perfume. It’s like you are high on each other.

“If it makes you feel any better, I have some toys too”, he says, making your eyes widen. You look to the side and let out a giggle. Jungkook knows that it is of shy nature and so he giggles with you. “Did that help or did I just embarrass myself for nothing?”

“No, it helped.” You meet his eyes, fingers squeezing his jacket. 

Jungkook holds his breath, fingers tightening on the shelf. He is being so greedy. It’s so unfair to you. 

“I, uhm.” He clears his throat and slips his hand from the shelf to present the rice to you. “Your rice.”

“Oh? Thanks, uhm, put it in the cart.” 

He steps back. Your hands slip from his jacket, his fingers stop holding you. They tingle in the memory of how it was to cradle you this way. His thoughts are racing, trying to calculate the weight of his confession. If he confessed, what would he lose? Your friendship, your time, the movie hangouts, the cooking together, the shared workouts, your texts and calls and video chats. All your laughter and smiles and giggles. Jungkook gulps. The loss is too great. He can’t confess. Nope, never. 

He grips the cart and pushes it, hoping that walking it off will help with the heart palpitations. You walk next to him, resting your hand on the metal cage part of the cart.

“Did you sleep well last night?” he asks you.

“Can I be honest? Not really. I was so embarrassed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m just awkward.”

He chuckles, you chuckle with him. You give him a glance.

“I think I don’t have to ask you if you slept well at night because you never sleep at night.”

He laughs, you do as well.

“That’s not true. I can sleep at night too, I simply choose not to. Oh wait. I need buckwheat noodles.”

You and he stop in front of the section. You stay by the cart while Jungkook browses the options. 

“Should I make you makguksu?” he offers mindlessly.

“Today?”

“Yeah.”

“So you don’t wanna go for barbecue and beer?” You chuckle and nudge his arm, sending tingles all over his skin. “Did you already forget again, you doofus?”

“I might have.” He gives you a sorry, cute smile.

Jungkook makes you laugh with it.

“Kook, you little scatterbrain you”, you chuckle, leaning into him. 

Jungkook leans closer, placing his arm around your waist without touching you. In another lifetime, he would close the last distance. But not in reality. He looks at your lips, asking himself why you seek him out today and why he takes the chances so greedily. He shouldn’t do that. You are just friends, nothing more.

“Uh, sorry”, you say and step away again. 

Jungkook gulps, gasps for air. He doesn’t understand what today means, but whatever you are doing is actually messing with him. He hasn’t been able to breathe properly ever since that hug you gave him. You seem so clingy, but he doesn’t understand why. 

You grab the cart and push it.

“I think I have everything I need. You?”

“Yeah, yeah sure”, Jungkook stutters, stumbling after you like a lovesick puppy. He doesn’t know where to put his hands and so he ends up stuffing them into his pants pockets while his eyes are glued to the back of your head. He is seriously under your spell. Every part of him.

You load the groceries on the conveyor belt together and then load them into separate bags. You pay for all of them and wish the cashier a good day. Jungkook carries the bags like always, while you are allowed to walk freely with the bouquet of flowers cradled in your arms.

“I’ll pay you back at home”, he says, swerving outside as you hold the door open for him.

“Today’s on me. As a thank you for yesterday and an apology.”

“What? But I bought so much”, Jungkook gasps, pouting sadly.

“It’s fine. I have money.”

“But-”

“No buts. I’m paying.”

Jungkook pouts, huffing out air in defeat.

“Fine, but I’ll pay for your stuff too one day.”

You chuckle, “deal.” 

You and he walk together.

“You should really start accepting when I offer. It’s not a competition.”

“I just feel uncomfortable making you pay.”

“Why?”

Because you’re his dream girl and you should never have to pay for him. He should be your wallet whenever you are out together, he should fulfil your every wish. 

“I don’t know, just so. You work so hard for your money.”

“You work just as hard”, you say and chuckle. “Kook, you’re so competitive.”

Jungkook smiles, shaking his head in defeat. 

“I guess am.”

You grin, hugging the flowers tighter. With a little skip in your steps, you close the distance. Just enough that one small movement would be enough for your arms to brush. 

Jungkook glances at you. You are gazing at the flowers, smiling so brightly that your nose scrunches up. He could swear that your eyes are sparkling. 

The lines blur again. He wonders if it would be okay for him to be a bad person, if he was allowed to slip his hand into yours even if you never gave him consent for it. There is not much he can still take.

You lower your nose into the flowers and smell them, closing your eyes in a happy squint. The metaphorical glass of how much Jungkook can take floats over.

He says your name and knows that the next words are coming out of him before he can think them through.

“Yeah?” You look at him.

He is nervous and scared, but still talks, “can we talk about something?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

Panic. His situation finally sunk into his consciousness. 

“I uhm…uh…I have a crush on someone.”

Microexpressions wash over your face. Shock, surprise, disbelief, jealousy, hurt, friendliness. A smile curls your lips. It doesn’t reach your eyes.

“Yeah? It’s about time you do”, the words and your voice carry a hint of teasing, but most of all forced friendliness.

You lower the flowers, carrying them in one hand by your side. They look sad like this. Jungkook doesn’t notice because he is staring at the road in front of him because otherwise he would pass out in nervousness. He is almost twenty seven, but feels sixteen again.

“She’s like really, really great and awesome and amazing and wonderful and so kind and perfect”, Jungkook continues, heart racing to the point he feels dizzy. He saw this kind of confession in movies. He always thought that it was so cute when the guy did it. It isn’t obvious enough to ruin everything just in case you didn’t feel the same, but it is still cute enough that you can’t help but be giddy.

“Mh-hm”, you hum, nodding your head. 

“And I keep thinking about her. She is so pretty when she laughs and I love being in her presence. She likes my jokes and she always makes me laugh in return. Yeah…”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah, she is so great. I really wanna ask if she feels the same.” Jungkook falters in nervousness. He is going to ask the question. He is so scared. “If you were me, what would you do?”

You take a deep breath and release it loudly, “I don’t know. I haven’t had a crush in so long.”

Jungkook falters, heart tightening. Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Oh. This is bad. This is really bad. 

“Ah, I see.” He gulps.

“But let me know if you figure it out. Then we can go on a double date.” 

Wait. Wait. This is bad. Double date? This is so bad.

“What do you mean?” he asks weakly.

“You know, you and your girl and me and my boy.”

“You have a boy?”

“Yeah, soon. I’m talking to this boy on the dating app. He is very cute.”

“But…didn’t you say that you gave up on the app?”

“No uh…no, it’s just that I only talk to this one boy now.”

Jungkook bites back tears.

“I see.” 

“Mhm, yeah. Let’s go on a double date.”

No. No this is all wrong. No this isn’t what was meant to happen. No. 

“Please.”

Jungkook doesn’t even realize that he begged out loud until you look at him in question.

“Please what?”

You and he stop. Strangers stream past you like you and he were two rocks in a river. You are facing each other, so close yet so far away. 

You lied to him. There is no other boy. There never was and never will be. But there will always be other girls for him while you stay his best friend. Lying is all that you have at this point. 

“Please what?” you repeat the question.

“I…” Jungkook breathes. “I…nevermind.”

Silence. Your eyes are locked so deeply that the world around you is blurry.

“Okay?”

“Mhm yeah.”

His jaw tightens and he breaks the eye contact, looking to the side with his tongue in his cheek. He seemed angry. You would be lying if you said that you weren’t feeling angry yourself. You turn away from him and continue walking. You don’t want to be next to him right now. It hurts to only stay his best friend.

He looks at the back of your head and how it becomes smaller and smaller from distance. He doesn’t understand you. He thought that the way you looked at him in the store meant something. And yet all this time you had another boy. He feels so betrayed that for just a second, he considers walking the other direction and leaving you to wonder where he went. However, two things hold him back; his competitiveness and his honest feelings for you.

He won’t stay your best friend any longer. He just decided that. He is going to fight for you, make you fall for him and forget all about the stupid boys you meet on this stupid dating app. He is better than any of them. He could treat you better, make you laugh harder, give you better hugs and kisses and provide you with afterglow so addicting you will get hot cheeks at work just thinking about it. He is your best friend, goddamn it, and he knows you better than any of these strangers ever will. And he is not going to lose you to some boy.

He jogs to catch up with you, calling your name with a certain harshness.

You turn. Your eyes meet. Jungkook’s brain short circuits.

“What?” you ask him, sounding small because of being called so harshly.

“I, I was just wondering, uhm, should we get ice cream after?” he asks because he panicked.

You shrug your shoulders, “I guess.”

“It’s on me, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Jungkook inches closer, saying your name softly.

“What do you want?”

“I messed up before.”

“What do you mean?”

“I, I just. I thought that I was doing a good job, but I think I made you think something else.”

“Jungkook. I had a long day, please don’t talk in riddles.”

“Don’t date other boys.”

“Excuse me?”

Jungkook gulps, panicking because of your offended and harsh tone.

“I, I, I just”, he stutters, widening his eyes.

“No. What do you mean? I can date who I want.”

“I know, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that, oh god, I meant that I don’t want you to see other boys.”

“Huh?”

“Ah no, wait.”  He slaps his own forehead. “Wait.”

You cross your arms in front of your chest, “what makes you think that you can tell me what I can or can’t do?”

“No I didn’t mean it like that. Wait just give me a moment, please I’m panicking.”

You purse your lips, studying his face intensely.

“Are you also so nervous?” he asks.

“What’s with you all of a sudden?” you ask him, honestly worried. His face is as red as ripe strawberries.

Jungkook closes the distance and takes your hands, eliciting a gasp from you. He squeezes them gently, staring into your eyes as deeply as possible.

“This wasn’t how I always imagined this to go, but I can’t stay quiet anymore. ___, the girl I have a crush on is-”

“Seriously?”

You and Jungkook turn around at the angry voice next to you.  

“Suho? What are you doing here?” you ask.

“Who’s that?” Jungkook says.

“Kim Suho. I met him on the dating app. We went on like one date a month ago”, you explain and slip your hands out of Jungkook’s hold to turn to the other guy, “what are you doing here?”

Jungkook stares at him darkly, clenching his jaw. You told him about this dude in passing. He hates him so much, hating him even more now that he interrupted this moment.

“That’s what you’re going with? Seriously?” Suho throws back.

“Yeah, you-”

“What the fuck are you doing with him? I told you to stop being friends with him, didn’t I?”

Jungkook looks at you with big eyes. You never told him that. You always said that you lost interest in Suho because of different hobbies, but never mentioned that he could have been the actual reason.

“And I told you that you can’t tell me what to do. Jungkook is my best friend and I won’t give him up for a man.”

“Yes but I wasn’t any man, I was your man.”

“Huh? No you weren’t. We went on one date and you totally lost it when I told you that I had a male best friend.”

“Because he isn’t just your friend. You’re in love with him.”

Jungkook swears that he passes out standing up for a second. Feelings? You have feelings for him? Did you tell Suho that or is he assuming because he is one of those weird men that think women aren’t allowed to have male friends? What does all of this mean?

“What?” You laugh nervously. “No? Of course not.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous. I followed you from work and through the store. I saw everything.”

“Huh? What?” you gasp, hurrying to Jungkook instinctively because you know that he will keep you safe.

“Dude, what the fuck? You creep, stay away from her”, Jungkook says harshly and steps in front of you, feeling the fire of protectiveness start to burn in his chest.

“I saw what I saw. You have feelings for each other”, Suho says, pointing an accusing finger at you and Jungkook.

Jungkook and you exchange a look. 

“No I…”

Suho scoffs and looks at Jungkook.

“And you? Gonna fucking pretend that you’re just friends or should I start punching you?”

“Dude, I’ve never even met you”, Jungkook defends himself, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“I’ll still fucking punch you.”

“Don’t you dare”, you hiss at him.

��Shut up, ___.”

“Hey, don’t talk to her like that”, Jungkook speaks up loudly, making himself bigger. He doesn’t care when people are aggressive to him, but he cannot accept aggression towards you.

“Or what?”

“You wanna find out? Don’t talk to her like that.”

Suho rushes to Jungkook and pushes at his chest. He thought that he could move him, but he can’t. Jungkook just gawks at him in utter surprise.

“What are you doing?” he asks confused.

“Why aren’t you budging? Fall over you idiot”, Suho growls and tries again with all his might. 

Jungkook takes a small step back but then stays unmoving. 

“Dude, seriously. What are you doing?”

Suho growls and punches Jungkook. Except that he is so bad at it that Jungkook can easily dodge him. He reacts calmly to the aggression, redirecting Suho by turning him and giving him a gentle push away from him.

Suho stumbles and whips around.

“You-”

Jungkook steps closer, “give it up, man.”

Suho shifts his attention to you, pointing his finger at you. He tries to get to you by swerving past Jungkook, but the latter steps in front of you again, stopping Suho with a firm hand on his chest. He didn’t show it, but the contact was definitely made with strength because Suho stumbles back from it.

“I said. Give it up. I’m not gonna repeat myself again”, he warns. For just a second his voice was deeper than usual and his eyes darker. You can’t stop staring in awe, feeling so attracted to him that it is difficult not to grab him right here and now.

Suho ignores him, talking over Jungkook’s shoulder.

“It’s over. I’m breaking up with you.”

“Huh? We weren’t even together in the first place?” you say very confused.

“Yes, well…. Now it’s really over. And just so you know, I’ll block you on everything.”

“I mean, okay.”

Suho turns and runs down the street clumsily.

A moment of silence. Jungkook turns to you. He is ready to take you into his arms if you need support.

“Everything okay?” he asks hesitantly.

“Honestly? I couldn’t care less about this tantrum. What the fuck was that? We went on one date and it sucked ass. I mean, who in their right mind expects someone to give up their best friend? I don’t even know this dude.”

“Would you have done it if you liked him?”

“What? No, of course not. I like you, not him.”

“What?!”

You look at Jungkook with big eyes.

“I, I mean…” you look at his lips and Jungkook finally notices.

Holy fuck. Suho was right.

He drops the grocery bags and closes the distance, cupping your face. To his delighted surprise, you practically melt into his hands, gazing at him with dreamy eyes and your fingers closing around his wrists greedily.

“Was he right?” Jungkook asks, looking between your right and left eye. “Do you have feelings for me?”

“I’m scared”, you whisper.

“Scared of what?”

“You are so perfect and I’m not. I don’t want to know how you feel about me, so just…let’s just forget about what happened please.”

“You’re not perfect? What the fuck? You’re literally perfect. If someone’s unworthy, it’s me.”

“What?”

Jungkook gulps. 

You touch his chest.

“Kook, what?”

“You’re my fucking dream girl, ___” he finally confesses and now can’t be stopped, “I get excited when you text me and get sad when I don’t hear from you. Each time we hang out, I kinda wish that we somehow magically end up together. I repeat every little touch and shared laughter and look. Sometimes I can’t fall asleep because of you, but wish to do so because in my sleep I can meet you in my silly, wishful dreams. Do you have any idea how in love I am with you?”

“Are you serious?” 

Jungkook nods his head, forcing your tears to finally flow. He gasps and begins wiping them away instantly.

“I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry, I promise I won’t try anything. You, you won’t lose your best friend.”

“I’m just happy. So happy.”

“You are?”

“I feel the same for you. I have done so for a long time.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” You sniffle. “You’re my dream boy too, Jungkook.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god! Yippie!” he exclaims and overtaken by happiness, he swoops you off your feet to twirl with you, making you squeal happily as you hold onto him for dear life. Strangers definitely look at you weird, but you couldn’t care less. They are non-existent for you and him. He likes you and you like him back. This day is the best day you and he ever had.

He sets you down after the twirling, cradling your face so he could hold it still for way too many kisses. He gives you kisses everywhere except your lips, making you giggle and laugh and tingle the entire time.

“I’m so happy, you’re so pretty and perfect and amazing and pretty and amazing and I’m gonna kiss you there and there and there and oh my god you’re so perfect, I’m gonna kiss you there and there, wow oh wow…” he babbles between kisses, truly sending your heart into overdrive.

He probably would have continued his babbling for hours if you hadn’t stopped him by lacing your fingers in his hair and pulling his mouth into a kiss.

“Andmhgmh”, he lets out, gawking at you first before the realisation of his situation sinks in. His knees buckle, his left hand grabs your hips and his right hand cradles your head, eyes falling closed. He is kissing you. He feels weightless, floating in time and space. His heart races so much that he feels it throb against his ribcage, the butterflies in his stomach are unbearably exciting. He dreamt of this moment a million times before, fantasised about it twice as much and yet he still wasn’t ready for it. Your kiss is like heaven on earth. He swears that he gains new life through it. He wants to kiss you until his lungs run out of air, but you break it.

“Was that okay for me to do?” you ask him shyly.

Now it’s his turn to spill tears and for you to wipe them.

“I’m sorry, I should have ask-”, you don’t get to finish your sentence, getting kissed again by Jungkook.

“I’m so fucking happy, you have no idea”, he murmurs, showing you his feelings one deep kiss at a time. “You taste so good.” Kiss, oh so deep. “Your lips are so soft.” Kiss, the kind which makes your knees wobble. “You’re perfect, you’re so perfect.”

You giggle, gazing up at him droopily. Jungkook giggles as well, peeling his eyes open to gaze dreamily. You and he cup each other’s faces, resting your foreheads together.

“I’m happy.”

“I’m happy too.”

“Wow, I’m so happy.”

“Me too. So happy.”

You giggle together, swaying from side to side. Nothing, truly nothing, has never felt as right as this.

“Were you trying to confess to me before Suho interrupted us?”

“Yeah.”

You giggle as you talk, “you were really shit at it. I thought you were talking about someone else.”

“I know, I panicked so bad. I was so nervous”, he is giggling too, “are you actually talking to another boy?”

“Of course not, you doofus. I lied.”

“Oh my god, I’m so relieved”, he gets out and sweeps you off your feet again, carrying you under your butt. He twirls with you, smiling up at you as you squeak and laugh with your head thrown back.

“Jungkook stop please, I’m getting dizzy.”

He sets you down, but keeps touching you, seeking your closeness by rubbing his nose against your cheek. He is so close that the sunflowers are getting squished between you and him. It is a price you sadly have to pay in exchange for finally being able to be glued together.

“I’m so happy, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Kook. So like barbeque and beer? Is it a date?” you ask.

“It’s the datiest date that has ever dated”, he says, making you giggle because he is so cute and funny and you like him so, so much. He giggles with you because you are so perfect and perfect and perfect and he likes you so, so much.

“I feel like we have a lot to talk about.”

“Yeah, oh god.” He kisses your cheek multiple times. “You have to tell me all the thoughts you had when we hung out. Were you also so giddy, oh god, I was always so giddy and I kept looking at you because you are so pretty. Were you looking at me too? And, and did you also wish for me to be reckless? I always wanted you to just kiss me. I’m talking so much, wow, I’m so happy.”

You giggle, cuddling into him, “you’re the cutest person ever. I can’t wait to tell you everything.”

You nudge him to leave, but stop when Jungkook exclaims a loud “wait!”

“What’s wrong?”

“The groceries. I almost left them here”, he says, bending down to get them.

“Oh god, you’re so cute”, you snicker, hugging his arm and nuzzling into him like you always wanted to do.

[emacrow]

The Watchtower found a enormous floating crystallized casket in space. Part 2.

The one idiot to accidentally open the casket was Francis whom just came to work and decided not to check the do not get near tape wrapped around the casket by Constantine who was too busy at the moment to explain why they shouldn't open it.

He wa so getting fired when one of the corpses slowly rose and stretched slowly, cracking a couple joints. It was the middle corpse that was a young boy, who rubbed his close eyes and opened them to reveal glowing lararus green eyes that was enrapturing Francis deeper and deeper as the light kept him staring deeper and deeper until...

Which seem like it was a mere 5 minutes, but unfortunately for Francis to unholy scream as his eyes, nose and ears literally bleed, his mind ruptured beyond belief as he saw the very end of what becomes of the living when they become dead.

Which alerted the justice league immediately to the laboratory section of the watchtower.

Only them to see Francis passed out on the floor, bleeding slowly from his face, and a corpse missing from the casket where the other two remains.

Batman immediately got everyone of on a man-corpse hunt around the watchtower base for 3 hours straight..

Only for Flash to speak through the comms..

"I found him. He in the kitchen." Flash spoke as he watch in slight horror and amazement as he watches this kid eating a enormous amount of unique combination of food mashed together like an unholy yet fascinating dish.

The kid looked much more ravenous then a man dying for thirst in the Gobi desert when flash found him first, literally raiding the fridge, eating every leftover and frozen food items as he almost got flash hand as well if it weren't for his extra fast reflex before getting an idea to distract the once corpse being with a large enough meal to keep him occupied.

Meanwhile danny only took a nice long vacation nap in his casket for a lil 10 days as a break from king work... which would've been about 100 years in another dimension before he gotten a not so good awakening and his dormant caveman reptilian brain went straight to hunt food instinct until his main consciousness wake up later.

[captainsophiestark]

The Shiz University Book Fair

Fiyero Tigelaar x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Fandom: Wicked

Summary: Fiyero made an enemy in his destruction of the library, but it might be just the spark he needs to find something in life that matters.

Word Count: 2,952

Category: Angst, Fluff

A/N: The actor who played Fiyero the first time I saw the musical will forever and always hold the place of favorite in my heart, but damn, Jonathan Bailey is a VERY close second.

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"That self-important, irreverent, stupid, idiot."

I grumbled to myself, using it to vent a little bit of my temper as I worked through my corner of the library. The books I'd been meticulously organizing, gathering, and cataloguing had been scattered to the winds, and even worse, some of them had sustained damage. I couldn't be completely sure yet, but it also seemed like a few were missing. I was going to kill that stupid fucking prince.

"Well, I see someone completely ignored my critical lesson yesterday."

Speak of the devil and he will appear. I huffed, then set down the stack of books in my hand before whirling around with a fierce scowl. None other than Fiyero Tigelaar stood before me, much closer than was wise if he knew how badly I wanted to hit him, staring at me with his arms crossed and an insufferable smile on his face.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demanded, absolutely seething. Fiyero just shrugged, apparently completely unaffected.

"I noticed you didn't come to the Oz Dust last night. I figured that meant I had more work to do in corrupting my fellow classmates." He gave a significant look to the stacks of books behind me. "Apparently, I was right."

"If you so much as move a finger to touch my books again, I swear, I'll knock that stupid smile right off your face. For good."

Fiyero's eyebrows raised, but his grin only widened. He held up his hands as if to placate me, but he also took a step forward. I narrowed my eyes.

"Listen, I'm just trying to say... you seem a little stressed," he said. I scoffed, but it didn't deter him. "And in my professional opinion, you need to let go of some of this stress before it eats you alive. Living in the library, working day and night, not letting go and having fun? I've seen it claim more than one attractive classmate whom I could've saved. I'm not letting it happen this time."

I clenched and unclenched my fists, barely managing to restrain myself from punching him in the nose. Clearly, his flirty charm had worked almost universally for him before, to the point that he wasn't getting a single one of the glaringly obvious signs that I did not like him and did not want to talk to him. I huffed a long sigh through my nose.

"Fine. You want me to let off some stress? Here goes!" Fiyero grinned like he'd just won the lottery, but I steamrolled over him, relishing the moment that satisfaction dropped from his face. "I've been working on putting together pallets of books and organizing everything for months for the largest reading and book fair in Oz! All for kids, who travel from far and wide to come to the Shiz University Book Fair. For some of them, this is the only access they get to important stories, reading events, and information that they otherwise can't even dream about. I've been helping to put it on since I started here at Shiz, and for the first time, I've finally been put in charge of the whole thing. My dream job, my dream event, that will do so much good. And you fucking ruined it! 

"It's going to take me SO LONG to put everything back, reorganize what you threw around the room for your stupid dance break, replace the damaged and missing books, all before the kids come in less than a week! And frankly, if you hadn't destroyed all of my hard work, I probably would've gone dancing with my friends last night, to celebrate the end of our preparations. But instead, I'm here, working all day and night to get things back in order for one of the events that I not only enjoy most, but that's most important to me and the people who attend. Some of us know how to balance important things that we care about with dicking around, and we don't need lessons from a sanctimonious asshat who thinks he has life figured out even though it's painfully obvious that he doesn't."

Fiyero frowned at me, actually looking like he was using his brain for the first time since I'd met him. Whether he was burning up his processing power trying to think of a comeback or just fuming about someone having the nerve to shout at him, I didn't wait to find out.

"You're lucky I didn't kill you the minute you set foot in my space here," I continued, the anger leveling to a dangerous simmer rather than the explosion I'd been feeling a few moments earlier. "Now get the hell out."

With that, I whipped around, putting my back to Fiyero and returning to my stacks of books. It was the clearest method I could think of for dismissing him, and hopefully, he at least got this message.

I finished running through an inventory of the next stack of books without interruption from Fiyero. After another moment, I couldn't stand the not knowing anymore, so I whirled back around with a scowl already loaded to tell him to get lost again, this time in stronger words. But, to my surprise, he was nowhere to be seen.

I hummed to myself, scouting the library one last time. He was really gone. Good. I'd expected more of a fight, but I definitely didn't have time for one. Hopefully, that would be the last I saw of that obnoxious party boy.

***************

"Babies and toddlers?"

"Check."

"Learning to read?"

"Check."

"Middle grade?"

"Check."

"Everything else? Nonfiction, second language, advanced readers-"

"Everything checked off and accounted for. Now triple checked."

I let out a long sigh as I stared around the circle of my closest, most trusted volunteers. They each had clipboards in hand, running through last inventory and organization checks with me before the Shiz University Book Fair officially began. Despite how intense I'd been all morning, they all still had smiles on their faces as they indulged my over-preparedness. This event meant just as much to them as to me, after all, and we were all recovering from last week's unplanned chaos.

"Alright. Then great job, everybody. Grab some coffee or whatever else you want, and then get in position. Doors open in ten."

Everyone nodded, sharing smiles before breaking from our circle and heading off to do whatever they wanted with their last few minutes of quiet. Some of them clapped me on the shoulder on their way past, and I gave them each a smile and a nod.

After the scene Fiyero had caused in the library, not only had everything required reorganization, but a good number of the books had also required replacing. I'd managed to track down most of them, but with only a week's notice, I hadn't quite gotten all of them. Still, on such a limited time frame, I was proud of what I'd managed to accomplish. Everything was as close to perfect as it could be, in position and ready for the arrival of the kids to go off without a hitch.

Of course, no sooner had the thought crossed my mind than a new challenge popped up out of the ether to punch me in the nose. With just under ten minutes until book fair start, Fiyero had the nerve to come riding in on a bicycle, a cart behind him and a smile on his face.

I rushed across the field space where we'd set up the book stands, trying to head him off as early as possible. I caught some of our volunteers sharing glances and looking at Fiyero with interest, but this was a problem I was perfectly happy to handle myself.

"You! Get the hell out of here, right now!" I shouted, pointing to Fiyero as he stopped his bike and hopped off of it. I raced right up to him, shoving at his shoulders and trying to shoo him back onboard the bike, but he just held up his hands in surrender while still standing his ground.

"Relax! I come bearing books!"

I froze. Fiyero's shoulders relaxed when I stopped trying to shove him out of my space, but his relief was a little early as far as I was concerned. I narrowed my eyes at him, incredibly suspicious and ready to resume my attack at a moment's notice.

"What do you mean you come bearing books? What are you talking about?"

Fiyero smiled, keeping his hands up in the air as he walked to the back of the wagon he'd pulled here on his bicycle. I watched him like a hawk, but when he flipped the tarp back to reveal a few different crates of books, I couldn't stop my mouth from dropping open in shock.

"What...?"

"I heard what you said in the library," Fiyero said with a shrug. "I'm... sorry... that I ruined some of the books you'd prepared for the children. I didn't mean to. Or, I suppose I did, but... I didn't realize how important they were at the time. I asked around, and a few of your volunteers said you hadn't been able to replace some of the books, so... I decided to do it myself."

My eyebrows shot up as Fiyero lifted the first crate out of the cart. He walked over to me, stopping just in front of me and holding it out so I could see inside. Lo and behold, it contained more than one volume of the books I hadn't quite been able to replace on such short notice.

I looked up at Fiyero with wide eyes, all the fire and impulse for violence drained away. He just smiled back at me, and this time, it didn't seem to have the same arrogant tinge as before.

"...How...?"

He just shrugged again.

"I'm a prince. I have my ways."

"You... you seriously went to all the trouble to track these down? Just for the book fair?"

The corner of his mouth tugged up into a smile. "I've been trying to find something useful to do with my title for a long time. It wasn't a problem."

I just breathed another surprised sigh. I didn't know how to react to the man in front of me. I'd written him off as a shallow asshole, quite validly in my opinion, but the Fiyero standing before me now seemed like a completely different man.

"So... is there somewhere in particular you'd like me to put these books?"

"Oh! Yes, uh... yeah. Follow me."

I led the way to the table I'd worked hard to cover up a slight empty spot on, and Fiyero dutifully followed me. I waved to a few of the other volunteers to unload the rest of his cart, and we worked quickly, Fiyero providing much more help than I'd been expecting. By the time the doors officially opened and the first few children arrived, everything was perfectly in place.

I'd been expecting Fiyero to take off not long after he dropped off the books, but he continued to surprise me. He talked to the kids and their families as they came in, and not long into the event, he borrowed a map of the table layouts from one of the more experienced volunteers. Within ten minutes, he was helping direct kids and families with questions, carrying their books, and sending them to people who could answer questions if he ran into one he didn't know the answer to.

I kept an eye on him all the same, expecting the other shoe to drop. Surely, the Fiyero that had destroyed my books and the rest of the library would make a reappearance at some point. And yet, he never did. The new Fiyero not only stayed, but he stayed later than some of my regular volunteers. The sun was setting by the time the last kids and families left, and Fiyero was still here, along with my most dedicated volunteer core. I shook my head as I crossed the space to talk to him, still not quite believing this had been real.

"Well!" he said, addressing me with a smile and his hands on his hips as soon as he noticed me coming. "That seems like it was a success!"

"Yeah. We're still looking at numbers, but... I think it might've been our most successful event ever."

Fiyero's smile took on a warm glow that made him much, much more handsome than I'd ever thought possible when he was destroying books.

"Congratulations."

Heat rose to my face as I glanced at the ground.

"Yeah, well... thanks." When I met his eyes again, that same warm smile almost knocked me flat as my heart raced in my chest. Still, I forced myself to take a breath and return to reality. "...Why are you here?"

Fiyero frowned. "Am... I not wanted?"

"No! No, that's not what I was trying to say. Seriously. I appreciate all your help, both with the books and with the kids today. Honestly, you were great. But... I don't know, I'm just surprised, is all. You didn't really strike me as the type of guy to hang around volunteering at a book fair for an entire day."

Fiyero hummed, glancing down with a self-deprecating smile on his face. I watched him with interest, especially when he met my eyes again with more sincerity than I'd honestly believed him capable of.

"I didn't strike myself as that type either. In fact, I pride myself on my ability to corrupt my fellow classmates despite the best efforts of people like you. But... it was nice to be a part of this. Speaking with you in the library... it's clear how much this matters. To you, of course, but to the kids and their families who come to this event... It obviously does a lot of good. It was nice to be a part of creating that."

I smiled at Fiyero, something I never could've imagined doing just a few hours ago.

"Not what I expected to hear from Mr. Nothing Matters."

Fiyero shrugged. "Well..."

He turned slightly away from me, rubbing the back of his neck and moving like he was going to retrieve his bike and leave. I reached out and grabbed his hand before he could get very far, to both our surprise. Fiyero looked at me with raised eyebrows, a light behind his eyes that I'd never seen before.

"It was wonderful to have your help," I said. "I kind of hate to admit it, but... you were a big part of the reason this event was such a success. You found replacements for books that families and kids had been waiting for and expecting, but more than that, you spent time with them. You're a prince. Whether or not you care about the title, taking the time to talk to, help, and encourage those kids, who all know exactly who you are? It was a big deal. So thank you. I'm really glad you decided to be a part of this."

The last of the guarded expression faded from Fiyero's face as he fixed me with a soft smile. He stepped closer to me, and after a moment, I let my hand fall from his before clearing my throat.

"Anyway..." I said, trying to break whatever intensity was currently building between the two of us. "If you wanted to keep doing stuff like this, you know, helping make a difference... I host a reading group every week with some of the kids who are more local. I'd love to have your help hosting that, if you'd be interested."

Fiyero was fully grinning at me now, the confidence bordering on arrogance back in full force. This time, though, I didn't quite mind it as much.

"I'd love to help with that," he said. "On one condition."

"...And what's that?"

"As long as agreeing to help with your reading group doesn't prevent me from asking you out to dinner. And maybe for some dancing, to celebrate Shiz's best ever book fair."

Despite myself, I smiled, my heart flipping in my chest. If he'd had the nerve to ask me out a week ago, I would've slapped him. Now, I quite literally couldn't think of anything I'd rather do to celebrate.

"I think we can make that work," I said, fighting and losing to a smile of my own.

"Perfect. How about... tomorrow night?"

"You're on."

We shared another smile, but before we could do anything else, the voices of my friends, the other volunteers who'd been the most involved in this event, broke in. We'd all made plans to go out and celebrate once this event was officially finished, and although they were probably pretty interested in seeing what happened with Fiyero and I, none of them wanted to wait any longer to celebrate.

"One second!" I called, waving to them before turning back to Fiyero. He was still watching me with a little smile, and it made my heart race when I noticed it. "...Do you want to come with us?"

His eyebrows shot up.

"Where are you going?"

"The Oz Dust. We're celebrating a successful event, and you were certainly a part of creating that success. It wouldn't feel right to celebrate without you."

Fiyero grinned, then took my hand in his. My heart skipped a beat, but I pushed through, letting Fiyero pull me along and towards the group of my friends.

"It would be my honor," he said, giving me one last look before turning with a smile to greet the rest of our group. I followed, watching him, still a little in awe. Whatever had caused this change in Fiyero, it was truly amazing to see. Everyone else in the school seemed to be smitten with the party boy, but suddenly, I found myself head over heels for the version of him that seemed to care as much as I did, now that he'd found a cause worth caring about.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen @misshale21

[coffeeshades]

credits to the gif maker!

LOVE IS COMPLICATED - PART VI

—echoes of desperation

summary: the trials and tribulations of falling in love or two idiots who can't get their shit together.

pairing: pedro pascal x actress/singer!reader.

word count: 4.2k

warnings: 18+ (minors dni). mentions of sex. angst!!! cursing, age gap, mentions of drugs and alcohol. asshole!pedro maybe? no use of y/n, if i missed something please let me know!

a/n: hi everyone, happy reading <3

masterlist!

October 19, 2019

Newport, Rhode Island

The crisp autumn air greeted you as you arrived at your friend Jennifer's wedding. The historic estate, bathed in the soft golden light of the setting sun, seemed like the perfect backdrop for such a special occasion. The large, opulent estate, adorned with seasonal flowers and fairy lights, buzzed with the excited chatter of guests.

Daniel was by your side, his arm casually draped around your waist. You’d opted for a classic blue dress, elegant and understated, which seemed to enhance the sparkle in your eyes and the quiet grace in your movements.

Jennifer greeted you with her usual infectious energy and a hug that felt like a balm to your nerves. “You two! I’m so glad you could make it!”

The ceremony had taken place 40 minutes earlier, outside in the estate's lush garden, under a canopy of white roses and twinkling lights. And now the reception was in full swing. The sound of laughter and clinking glasses filled the air.

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't have missed your wedding for the world," you replied, returning her hug. "Everything looked amazing, and you were absolutely stunning in that dress."

She beamed at the compliment, her eyes sparkling with happiness.

"Congratulations, Jen," Daniel said, raising his champagne flute. You looked at him, his brown eyes shining with genuine happiness, and smiled. Jennifer took notice of this and grabbed your hands in hers, squeezing them tightly. "Thank you both so much for being here," she said, her voice filled with emotion. "And who knows, maybe you two will be next to tie the knot."

Both of you laughed at the suggestion, but you couldn't help but feel a warm flutter in your chest at the thought. A strange warm flutter, something you haven't felt in months; sadness, perhaps?

No, it couldn't be.

For the past six months, everything with Daniel has been nothing but perfect. He's been the perfect boyfriend: supportive, caring, and always there for you. You couldn't imagine being with anyone else right now. So the idea of marrying him didn't seem too far-fetched at all. On the contrary, it made perfect sense. So this feeling of unexplicable warmth and ache must've been nerves and excitement, nothing else.

The time for your speech arrived, and you took a deep breath as you were handed a microphone. The room fell into a respectful hush, the chatter and clinking glasses fading as the guests turned their attention to you. You glanced around, taking in the elegant decor and the sea of faces, many of whom you recognized. The soft, golden light from the chandeliers cast a warm glow over the gathering, and the atmosphere was filled with anticipation.

You adjusted the microphone slightly, feeling its cool metal against your fingers. You didn’t feel nervous; instead, a calm confidence washed over you. After all, you were good at this—pretending you were the best.

“Good evening, everyone,” you began, your voice clear and steady as you introduced yourself. "I have the distinct honor of speaking about our beautiful bride tonight.”

The crowd responded with polite applause, and you smiled, taking a moment to find your rhythm. "Jennifer," you continued, “where do I even begin? From the moment I met her, I knew

she was someone extraordinary. It’s not just her infectious laugh or her incredible talent that stands out, but her heart. Jennifer has a way of making everyone feel like they’re the most important person in the room.”

A soft chuckle rippled through the audience, and you saw Jennifer’s cheeks flush with a mixture of embarrassment and pleasure. You continued, weaving in anecdotes about your friendship, each story punctuated by a touch of humor and warmth. Laughter filled the room, and you finally caught Pedro’s eye momentarily. He was sitting at a table near the front, his gaze soft and attentive. The first time you saw him that night was when you arrived at the ceremony; he was already deep in conversation with someone.

You couldn’t quite read his expression, but you felt a flicker of emotion as your eyes met for a brief second. As you moved towards the more emotional part of your speech, your tone grew softer and more reflective.

The room cheered and applauded as you wrapped up your speech. Jennifer got to her feet and walked to the front, her eyes glistening with emotion. You stepped down feeling a sense of relief. The reception continued with lively music and dancing. You and Daniel enjoyed the evening, laughing and dancing with the other guests.

The joy of the celebration was palpable, but it couldn’t completely erase the tension you felt every time you glanced in Pedro’s direction. Exhausted from all the drinking and dancing and seeking a brief reprieve, you excused yourself to the bathroom.

"I'll be right back."

You give Daniel a quick kiss, his hands coming to rest on your waist.

"All good, baby?"

"Marvelous," you reply before slipping away from the crowd and into the quiet sanctuary of the bathroom. Its marble countertops gleamed under the harsh fluorescent lights, the delicate scent of lavender soap mingling with the faint aroma of champagne and floral bouquets from the reception. You stood by the sink, staring at your reflection in the polished mirror, your fingers tracing the edge of the elegant marble as if it could ground you amidst the chaos of your emotions. You took a deep breath, trying to calm the flutter of unexpected anxiety in your chest.

The silence was briefly interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

Well, so much for peace and quiet.

The door creaked open, and Pedro walked in with his usual confident stride, albeit slightly unsteady. His suit was pristine, the dark fabric impeccably tailored to his frame. Yet the disheveled state of his dark hair and the slightly rumpled collar of his shirt betrayed a night of indulgence. The contrast between his polished exterior and the evident effects of alcohol made him appear both charming and vulnerable.

Pedro’s eyes softened as they settled on you, taking in the sight of your dress—a stunning creation that clung to your form in all the right places, the deep hue accentuating your features. He stepped closer, his gaze lingering with an almost palpable mix of admiration and regret.

"I was looking for you," he said, his voice low and filled with a hint of longing. "And I saw you come in."

He locked the door behind him, the click echoing in the quiet room.

“You look incredible,” he said, his voice carrying the telltale tone of someone who had enjoyed a few too many drinks. “But then again, you always do.”

The compliment hung in the air, unacknowledged. You kept your focus on the sink, pretending to be absorbed in the intricate patterns of the marble. Pedro’s gaze remained fixed on you, sensing your reluctance and frustration.

“Not going to say anything? I come all the way in here to tell you how amazing you look, and you give me nothing,” he said, his tone a fragile blend of irritation and desperation. The words cut through the silence, revealing the cracks in his façade.

You remained silent, and the quiet only seemed to fuel his frustration. Pedro leaned against the wall, his posture both defiant and defeated. His eyes were filled with a mix of sadness and exasperation, reflecting the weight of the emotions he struggled to keep in check.

“What’s with the silent treatment?” he pressed, his voice barely more than a whisper. “We used to talk about everything, and now you can’t even respond to a compliment?”

The tension crackled like electricity in the confined space. Pedro’s dark and aching eyes betrayed the vulnerability he usually masked with confidence. He took a step closer, closing the distance between you with a sense of urgency.

“Is this how it’s going to be, then?” he asked, his voice a tremulous echo of desperation. “We’re just going to ignore each other until it all blows over again? pretending like everything’s fine when it’s clearly not.”

His proximity made your heart race; the warmth of his body and the intensity of his stare were both electrifying and suffocating. The room, once a refuge of privacy, now felt like a cage closing in on you, amplifying the emotional turmoil swirling between you.

"If I remember correctly, we already had this conversation," you finally said, your voice steady. “You come and go as you please, and then you act like nothing happened. How am I supposed to handle that?”

Pedro’s eyes filled with regret as he reached out, his fingers trembling slightly as they touched your arm.

"I’ve been trying to move on, like you told me to, but it’s impossible when you’re always on my mind." His touch was hesitant, the warmth of his hand a stark contrast to the coldness you felt inside.

As the minutes ticked by, the two of you remained locked in this intense, silent exchange. The muffled sounds of the party outside felt like distant echoes, drowned out by the gravity of your shared history and unresolved feelings.

Pedro’s eyes, dark and glassy from the alcohol, bore into yours as he closed the distance, his body pressing lightly against you. You could feel the heat of him, the scent of whiskey clinging to his breath, mixing with something familiar—him. Your pulse quickened, the rush of emotions swirling uncontrollably as you met his gaze.

“You’re drunk,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady, but it came out softer than you intended. The barrier you’d built so carefully maintained was beginning to crumble under the weight of his presence.

“And you’re beautiful,” he murmured, his breath grazing your skin. The way he said it, with that low, gravelly voice, made your heart stutter.

You wanted to hold onto the anger, to remind yourself of the hurtful words exchanged and the distance you had fought so hard to maintain, but his nearness was intoxicating. The warmth of his body, the brush of his fingertips against your arm—it was all too much. His scent, the alcohol, his desperation—it clouded your judgment, making everything hazy.

His gaze flickered over your face, searching for something you couldn’t name. “Do you love him?” he asked, and though he didn’t say Daniel’s name, the weight of the question nearly took your breath away.

You froze, refusing to answer, instead turning your head to the side, your eyes seeking solace in the marble counter or the door—anywhere but him. But Pedro, in his drunken determination, wouldn’t let you escape so easily. He gently tilted your chin up, forcing you to face him, his fingers warm against your skin.

“Look at me,” he whispered, the words barely a breath. “Tell me.”

Your eyes, betraying you, flickered to his, and in that moment, you felt everything unraveling. The years of history, the on-and-off again, the unsaid things—they crashed over you, threatening to drown you in their intensity.

“Pedro,” you managed, your voice shaky. “You’re drunk. Stop it.”

He ignored you, his eyes locked on yours, filled with a rawness that made it impossible to turn away. “No,” he insisted, his voice low and thick with emotion. “Answer me.”

The weight of his words pressed against your chest, squeezing the air from your lungs. You could feel your eyes starting to burn, the overwhelming need to cry pushing at the edges of your control. His touch was maddening—pulling memories to the surface that you’d spent so long trying to bury.

“Tell me, princesa,” he said, his voice barely a whisper now, the nickname slipping from his lips like a plea. “Do you love him?”

Your breath hitched, and for a moment, you couldn’t speak. The question lingered between you, suffocating the space; the answer too painful, too heavy to voice.

Finally, the words came, slow and trembling, barely louder than a breath. “I don’t know.”

The admission hung in the air, fragile and heartbreaking, and you could see the way it struck him, deep and unguarded. For a brief second, his hand dropped from your chin, and the look in his eyes—the sorrow, the regret—cut through you like a blade.

But still, he didn’t move. Neither did you. The gravity of everything left unsaid, everything unresolved, weighed too heavily, pulling you both into a moment from which there was no easy escape.

“Would it change something if I said no?” you asked, your voice sharp, cutting through the charged air between you both. The words were cold, edged with bitterness, the hurt simmering just beneath the surface.

Pedro’s reaction was instant—he grabbed your face with both hands, rougher than usual, though not enough to hurt. You didn't feel afraid; he could never make you feel as such. His grip was desperate, trembling slightly with the weight of everything unspoken. His eyes, though hazy from alcohol, searched yours with an intensity that made your heart pound harder. He was trying to find an answer, a way to salvage something, but you weren’t done.

“Would it change something, Pedro?” you pressed, your voice rising as you spit out the words like venom. “Would it? If I said no, would that make all of this—" you motioned between the two of you, your chest tight “—would it make this easier? What if I told you I don't love him? What if I told you I still think about you all the time? What would you do?”

Each question hit him like a physical blow, and you could see the pain etching itself deeper into his face with every 'what if' you hurled at him. He didn’t respond, but his grip on your face tightened, as if he could somehow hold onto you through the force of his hands alone. His silence only fueled your fire.

“No,” you finally said, your voice trembling but firm, “it wouldn’t matter because you're too late, Pedro. It wouldn’t change a damn thing. You think saying something now and asking me these questions will make up for all the times you left, all the times you didn’t say anything? We’re broken. And it’s too late to fix it.”

Pedro's breath was uneven as his fingers dug into your skin, not with malice but with a desperation you hadn’t seen in him before. His face crumpled for a brief second, his lips parting like he was about to say something—something big, something important—and you stopped him.

"Don't. Don't say it, not now," you whispered. "It wouldn't change a thing, so don't."

You were suffocating under him, until a sudden banging on the door jolted you both out of the moment. A voice called from the other side, followed by impatient knocks.

“Let me go,” you said, your voice trembling but resolute. The words were for more than just this moment. You needed him to release you—not just physically. But in that bathroom, right then, it felt like the only thing you could control.

Pedro didn’t move at first, his hands still gripping your face as if he couldn’t quite let go. His thumbs grazed your skin, and for a moment you saw the flash of something behind his eyes—fear, maybe, or regret—but then it passed, replaced by the same helplessness that had filled the space between you for years.

“Let me go, please,” you said again, softer this time, but it felt like more than a request. It was the final thread holding the two of you together, and cutting it felt both terrifying and necessary.

His hands slowly dropped, the warmth of his touch leaving your skin cold in an instant. It felt appropriate, almost painfully so, that this was how it ended—here, in a bathroom at a wedding, with a banging door and the realization that no matter how much you wanted it, there was no going back.

You turned away, your body trembling, unsure if it was from the confrontation or the emotional weight pressing down on your chest. The moment felt fragile, like something you needed to step away from before it shattered completely.

You weren’t sure if it was the right decision, but in that moment, it felt like the only one you could make because someone else was involved now, and the consequences of continuing down that path were too great to bear.

November 10, 2019

Los Angeles, CA

Pedro’s day had started much like any other, but there was an added weight hanging over him, like the prelude to something significant. He woke up to the sound of light rain tapping against his windows, a rare occurrence in LA and a subtle reminder of the calm before the real storm—the Mandalorian premiere later that evening. He spent some time with his nephews, who had flown in for the event. They were excited about the premiere, already talking about how "cool" their uncle looked as The Mandalorian—though he couldn't show them much yet.

The early afternoon was a blur of preparations: phone calls from his team, final wardrobe checks, and trying to keep his mind from wandering too much into places he didn’t want it to go. Places that involved you.

He chose a classic black suit with a beige shirt, effortlessly tailored—the kind of look that made him feel composed, even when he wasn’t. The nerves were creeping in.

As the car pulled up to the red carpet, Pedro felt the energy shift—flashes of cameras, the buzz of fans, all converging in one chaotic, yet intoxicating, atmosphere. His nephews were with him, their excitement helping ground him. For them, this was magic; for him, it was part of the job. But he couldn’t deny the thrill of it—the anticipation of seeing the first episode on the big screen with an audience.

And then, there you were.

You stepped onto the carpet in a buttery yellow dress that made you look radiant—warm, untouchable, yet familiar in a way that left him breathless for a moment. The dress was soft and flowing, but the way you held yourself was sharp, like you had an invisible armor. He could tell you avoided looking at him at first, but when the group photos began, there was no choice but to stand next to each other, cameras clicking, people cheering. You posed for pictures together, smiling for the crowd, playing your parts.

Pedro could feel the space between you—so small, yet it felt like a chasm. The cameras didn’t catch that. He stole a glance at you as you laughed at something the director said during the photo op. You looked happy, at ease. He wondered if you were.

Inside the theater, the atmosphere was electric. The cast and crew gathered on stage for a brief panel discussion before the screening. Dave talked about the legacy of Star Wars and Jon about the vision of the show. Pedro listened, nodding along, just grateful for the opportunity to be a part of it all.

When it was your turn to speak, he watched you, waiting, unsure of what you’d say. Your voice was steady, confident as always, but then your words shifted.

You spoke about him.

“Pedro is... well, he’s a scene-stealer, as you’ve all seen from the trailers,” you joked, earning laughter from the audience. “But seriously, finally working with him has been one of the highlights of my career. His dedication, his talent, his kindness—it’s inspiring. I’m lucky to share this with him, and I hope we get to keep doing this for a long time.”

Pedro’s heart swelled at your words. He wasn’t sure if you meant it or if you were just saying what the audience wanted to hear. But for that moment, he let himself believe it was the truth. That you did still care, even in this small, professional way. But then again, this was your new normal—co-workers, partners on-screen, and nothing more.

December 25th, 2019

Perth, Australia

Christmas in Perth was like stepping into another world, a sun-drenched, easy-going atmosphere that felt miles away from the traditional snowy scenes of the holiday season. Daniel’s family welcomed you with open arms, not that you were expecting any less. The air was thick with the scent of roasted meats, fresh seafood, and eucalyptus from the trees outside, creating a kind of domestic vibe that you hadn't realized you craved until you were in the middle of it.

Daniel was relaxed too—his racing season over for a few weeks now; he was finally at ease, the stress that usually clung to him gone. You spent every moment together, just soaking in each other’s presence. He even traveled with you to your last film shoot, attending your workdays like you had attended some of his races, a seamless give-and-take in your relationship that made everything feel, well, easy.

It was bliss.

On Christmas Day, after the exchange of gifts and an extravagant lunch, you received a call from your mom. You sat on the veranda, watching the cicadas buzz lazily in the midday heat, and spoke to her about how things were. She asked about Daniel, about his family, and about how you were doing with everything. You promised to visit soon, reassuring her that you were fine, happy, even.

But later, as you scrolled through Instagram, something pulled you out of that happiness, if only for a moment. A post from the Rise of Skywalker premiere a couple of days ago, you assume—a photo of Pedro and Oscar standing side by side, their smiles broad, their laughter captured perfectly in the shot. Pedro, inexplicably, was wearing... pajamas? Or maybe a robe? It was such a bizarre choice, so utterly him, that you couldn’t help but laugh aloud at the sight of it. The sound surprised you, breaking through the blanket of serenity you'd wrapped around yourself. But the pang that followed was sharper, unexpected. You scrolled past quickly, trying to ignore the ache it left behind.

•••

As New Year's Eve approached, the festive atmosphere grew louder, more carefree. You found yourself caught in the whirl of it all—the parties, the lights, the endless laughter—but always with Daniel by your side. On the night itself, amidst the dancing and celebrations with his family and friends, you received a call from Oscar and his wife. They both wished you a happy new year, their voices warm and full of affection. You exchanged pleasantries, caught up for a few minutes, until Oscar, in his usual thoughtful way, asked gently, “Have you heard from him?”

You paused, knowing exactly who he meant. “No, not really,” you said, your voice steady, but there was a crack in it that even you could hear. “But it’s okay.”

Oscar hesitated on the other end. You could feel his discomfort, the weight of watching two people he cared about drift into something neither of you could quite name. “I’m sorry,” you told him quietly, not sure why. Your words were soft, almost lost in the noise of the party around you.

“It’s no one’s fault,” he said, trying to comfort you, but it didn’t land quite right. There was a shared understanding, though—one that didn’t need words.

The conversation ended soon after, and you returned to the celebration, but it felt like a weight had settled back onto your chest, one that hadn't fully disappeared, no matter how much love surrounded you.

Later that night, as the party raged on downstairs, you and Daniel snuck away to your room, laughing softly as you closed the door behind you. The moment between you shifted quickly, from playful to urgent, as his hands found your skin and yours found his. It was quick, hot sex—an eruption of need in the midst of celebration. Afterward, he whispered, “Happy New Year,” his breath warm against your ear, and you nestled into his arms, letting yourself be wrapped in the comfort of his embrace.

But as you lay there, the world outside falling quiet, that familiar ache gnawed at your chest again. No matter how happy you seemed or how full your life felt, the longing never fully disappeared. It clung to you, a ghost from the past, waiting in the shadows for moments like this to remind you it was still there.

You wished, as you lay in Daniel’s arms, for the ache to go away with the old year. To leave behind all that hurt, all the unanswered questions, and move forward into the new year with nothing but joy.

But deep down, you knew that wasn’t how it worked.

a/n: a like, reblog or comment, anything is very much appreciated <3 next part coming very soon!!

[the-fiction-witch]

I Like Him

Media - House Of The Dragon Character - Oscar Tully Couple - Oscar X Reader Reader - (OC) Jaerra Targaryen [Daughter of Daemon Targaryen & Rhea Royce] Rating - 12 Word Count - 1121

Requested -

Hello Miss Witch! Can I request an Oscar Tully story in your “Boys Yet To Have Books” please? The reader is a Targaryen (probably just the same age as him and named Jaerra) and has a he-dragon, she flew to Harrenhal to accompany Daemon and then met Oscar and just some cute interactions between them that grew into something. It’s up to how you will write it and can have lots of parts too because I will love it either way. I hope you read this request. Thank you! <33

The dark echos of Harrenhal seem to sicken Daemon the longer he remains, food seems to turn to ashes in his mouth, wine soured, his mind a mess of his own failings and falls.

“I’m surrounded, by witches, and idiots.” He sighed to himself,

Suddenly a familiar sound echoes through Harrenhal’s half-melted halls, the sound of a dragon's triumphant cry. Which caused Daemon to perk up and move quickly for the first time in months. He headed out to the courtyard part of him hopeful to see Syrax across the sky, or perhaps even MoonDancer.

But a deep blue dragon with shimmering white scales fluttered down onto the grass,

“Iēdar lilagon…” he sighed, He approached the dragon glaring down at its rider, “Why did she send you?”

“Because you're causing chaos on your own,” Jaerra answered as she climbed down from her dragon, wearing her tall boots and grey washed-out leather trousers, a deep blue jacket with a high low skirt and dragon clasps down her chest, her long Targaryen blonde hair with a single dark brown streak by her face knotted up into a tight braid.

“I already have enough to deal with,” He sighed,

“Hence why I’m here.” She said pulling off her leather gloves and walking past him, “You’ve been causing enough problems around here, so she thought I’d be best to come. Plus everyone else is far too busy to be your babysitter.”

“Busy!” He said as he followed her,

“Her grace is busy, planning wars and alliances,”

“And what does she think I’ve been doing!”

She rolled her eyes and continued, “Jacaerys is defending his claim at her side -”

“Baela and Rheana?”

“Baela is beside her betrothal, as she should be. Rheana is with Aegon and Viserys in the Vale.”

He sighed, “I’d have taken Corlys before you.”

“He is of far to high priority.” She glared, “You get me. If you’d have been more careful I wouldn’t be needed and I could be patrolling.”

“So that’s what she’s got you doing? Patrolling?”

“Ravens are slow, men even slower. Dragonback is the best way to get sights of our lands and the movements on them.” She explained, “Speaking of which, the riverlords are here.”

“They haven’t-”

“They haven’t arrived yet but they will in an hour, I flew over them.” She answered before she went inside,

“...Fucking-” He sighed following her, “We have an hour, time to change into a gown for the Riverland lords.”

“Alright,” She shrugged, “Off you go, to get dressed.” She glared,

“I meant you.”

“Seems a waste of my time.” she sighed, “We are at war, gowns seem pointless at this point,”

“You are … so much of your mother,” He barked,

She chuckled, “Is that meant to insult me?” She smiled, “I’d rather be a spitting image of my mother… than anything like you.” she spat, “Now let's get this sorted out before we all end up on spikes in Kings Landing.”

Daemon sat at the head of the table in Harrenhalls Grand chamber, Jaerra to his side with two seats between them, as in walked the Lord of the river lands. Jaerra raised an eyebrow given this was not the man from the many lords she saw from Dragonback whom she expected to be the lord. Lord Oscar Tully made his way in dressed in his fine amour, curls messy from his helmet. He simply nodded as a greeting to Daemon and his eyes flicked to Jaerra, he did a double take but focused his eyes forward.

“My condolences on the passing of your grandser.” Daemon spoke, “But the crown congratulates you on your ascension to the head of your house. And Lord Paramount of the Riverlands” He explained, “Truly Glorious well done,”

“I did nothing,” Oscar answered,

“Nevertheless, you are here which is the important thing.” Daemon nodded,

“You were quick enough to dismiss me before.”

“You were of no significance to me then.”

Jaerra sighed, rolling her eyes a little.

“Now. I shall have my great host you have a decision to make.” Daemon stood from his chair mostly to avoid the eyes of Jaerra, “Presume it is clear to you which is the right one.”

“You will forgive me, your grace… I am green. In this sort of matter. As you so kindly point out, but it does seem to me that you’ve made rather a mess here.” Oscar explained making sure to meet Daemon's eyes as he walked around him, “Countenancing barbarities in the queen's name.”

Jaerra choked back a small laugh but made no secret of her smile, as she rested her feet on the table,

“Who’s side are you on?” Daemon glared the boy down,

“... The river lands are held together by oaths.” Oscar nodded, “House Tully swore on oath to King Viserys Targaryen, We recognize the authority of the named heir Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen… And your own as her king consort.”

“Good.” Daemon nodded, “Then we should go to face your vassals and you shall call your banners to war,”

“That might be difficult my king,”

“Well… I was told they would come to heal When house tully declared it’s allegiance.”

“That… may be the case,” Oscar nodded, “But it is yet to be seen that they will heed my authority, as young as it is.”

“You are no older than my daughter.” Daemon chuckled as his eyes met Jaerra,

“... I’d further follow her than you.”

“Power and control don’t have an age. Merely a mindset.” Jaerra smiled,

Oscar nodded to her, “And there is another problem… they all hate you.” he turned back to Daemon,

“Everyone hates him.” Jaerra spoke up again, “Never stopped him before.”

“I don’t need their love, I need their swords.” Daemon glared,

The two in a deep moment of staring before the door opened,

“You’re grace, My lord, the river lords await. I fear we cannot delay them any longer.”

“Of course,” Daemon nodded, “Come along lord Oscar,”

Oscar nodded and walked out hand on his sword,

“You too.” He demanded to Jaerra,

She sighed setting her feet down on the stone floor and made her way out the door, but turned around as she passed Daemon walking backwards out the door, “I like him.”

“You would.” he glared, forcing her out with him.  

[luvkirby4ever]

Absolutely massive lore drops from Shadow Generations

Gerald Robotnik had 2 sons (which we have a picture of!!) whom he loved very much. One of them had Gerald's love of archaeology, the other his love of robotics.

The archaeology son is the one who initially discovered Emerl.

Gerald had found Angel Island and the altar of the Master Emerald but left things alone because he wanted to be respectful to the land.

^This explains why the Eclipse Cannon's core has a structure shaped like the shrine in SA2.

SPEAKING OF SA2... you know those cameos of Big the Cat in (the Dreamcast version of) SA2? Yeah, those are canon. Apparently he loses Froggy a lot which causes him to go on a ton of adventures. He even tells Shadow that he saw him running past a few times on the ARK.

Gerald was absolutely adamant about his research being used to help people, not develop weapons. He seems to have been constantly clashing heads with GUN who would not fund his research (which was to try and cure Maria) unless he was making weapons.

^Because of this, any weapons he developed (or in Emerl's case, studied) had some sort of counterbalance that Gerald would add in order to make the weapon suck less (see following couple of points).

He hoped that the technology that he developed to make Artificial Chaos (AI that can be added to any body of water to shape it as needed) would be used to help save flood victims by scooping them up out of the debris.

While studying Emerl he established a link and noted that since Emerl wouldn't listen to anybody else that at least he wouldn't be used for evil. He also attempted to change Emerl's AI to become "free-willed and emotions-based."

He didn't want to develop the Eclipse Cannon so it was purposely made to be too destructive to be useful. He figured he'd also use it to deal with Black Doom.

Project Shadow was named as such because Gerald thought the goverment were idiots for trying to make him pursue something as impossible as immortality. He saw it "as intangible as a shadow" and described the project as impossible as "chasing a shadow."

But when Maria saw Shadow she said "shadows let you know which way the light is" and Gerald remarked that she turned his bitter naming convention into something hopeful and pure.

Speaking of Project Shadow... we have a picture of Maria holding the little baby Biolizard!

Gerald developed the Chaos Drives (those things that come out of GUN robots that you feed your Chao in SA2) to try and apply Chaos Emerald energy to living tissue without damaging it. He used them on the Biolizard.

Gerald reluctantly provided GUN Chaos Drives so that he could continue researching a cure for Maria.

Maria loved the Biolizard.

The Biolizard grew large because of the experiments... which its body couldn't support. Thus the life-support apparatus on its back, though it seemed to be in great physical pain. It was hidden away in the area you fight it in SA2.

^These failures are why Gerald struck up a deal with Black Doom. Without Doom's DNA Shadow would have gone the same way as the Biolizard.

Maria has a little sister!!!

Maria was born on Earth and sent to the ARK because the low-gravity environment makes her condition more manageable. Gerald's journal makes it sound like Maria's sister was born after she got up there but in-game Maria mentions how she misses her sister so maybe not?

@nagichi-boop (I hope it's okay to tag you) has a nice post talking about the excellent "invisible disability" representation. Both Gerald's journal and Maria discuss aspects of her disability, including Gerald's anger the over ARK researchers who talk about Maria behind her back.

Maria helped develop Shadow's air shoes and inhibitor rings, her insight valuable as these are framed as disability aids.

If Shadow takes off the inhibitor rings, he'd probably explode.

Maria and Shadow were taught by a lady teacher aboard the ARK. Shadow never turned in his homework.

The only thing Maria ever saw Shadow consume was coffee.

Maria met Big in the white space and instantly loved him. Big asked Maria and Gerald if they wanted to go fishing.

Omega is not powered by Animals, Chaos Drives, or any Emerald-based mechanism. He mentions something about absorbing environmental energy or something? The takeaway is that he's probably not destined to end up like most robots in the series (dead) because he doesn't have a power source that's going to screw him over.

E-123 "I don't have emotions" Omega was worried about Rogue and values Shadow and Rogue's friendship. Just don't call it friendship.

Maria being up on the ARK for so long was causing strain and division between Gerald and his sons. Gerald was desperate to cure Maria and get his family back.

Big has met Elise.

Commander Tower was the only other kid aboard the ARK.

Gerald gave Shadow some pre-set memories so that his awakening would go smoothly. Maria and him became friends instantly.

According to Maria, Shadow is more confident now than when she knew him.

Gerald called Shadow son. I'm not crying you are.

Both in the journal and in-game Gerald mentions how he is sorry for the trouble and weight that he has placed on Shadow (because of needing to strike a deal with Black Doom).

Emerl was handed over to GUN to try and buy more time for Maria's research. GUN reestablished a link by showing him an increasingly dangerous amount of weapons until Emerl started to freak out and destroy stuff. One of his rampages caused an automatic SOS ping to be sent out...

...It was that ping that summoned the soldiers who killed Maria.

[zeherili-ankhein]

Ok guy I was feeling really bad that I didn't write out something to you guys in that moots giving chain so here's my separate moot appreciation post

Firstly

@foreignink yeah I don't know when you will come online again OR if you'll come online again but honestly speaking, you are one of my most beloved person both online and irl. You were the first one ever who listened to my endless ramblings and stupid stories I made up no matter how questionable or out of pocket they were. I loved sitting next to you and chatting away the entire break. I miss you I miss you since the day we last saw eachother after crying like idiots infront of the school. You will always be my baby mwah I love you <3 ✨💚🧡 everything orange always reminds me of you.

@randomx123 you are so cool :D You were one of the first even people I actually talked to on Tumblr and the one of the first ever Bangali too. I loved listening to your story that's really really a great story. You are like that one cousin dada I never had. I like all the random (pun included) conversations we have and basically everything else. You are one of the few people whom I send random (pun) asks with basically anything and everything. Then I loved your moodboards during Pujo and you swearing always makes me roll with laughter XD You are in my favourite person catagory

@krishna-priyatama you are literally my favourite person I met on Tumblr. Thank god to the day we started chatting, you are a literal blessing to my life if I'm being honest. The only person who ever understood my crazyness and the intensity of my love for Chhota Bheem and other cartoons and matched my weirdass freak. Chatting with you is the highlight of my day which no matter how bad the day goes it always brings a smile to my face. I have no proper words to say tbh just love ya tons tons 🫂💖

@igotadigbickandureadthatwrong yeah I remember finding your main blog on a random day in boshonto (yes pun) and that introduced me to the Vasant cult and every other funny mytho shits. We hadn't interacted at all before untill I dropped those Cult rituals into your ask box, and from then on I literally had a blast sending and receiving asks filled with theories headcanons memes metas and basically everything else. I still wait for when you'll drop your next crazy ask and it will make me take a round around my house. And then cursedblr made it more unhinged lmao :3 ✨💚 if I am being honest I wanna violently throw paint balls at you

@jeahreading NOW you, I remember our first fight over baked roshogolla and you being my roshogolla anon for some hours. I was so fun... One of the best things ever because I got to discuss sweets with someone online so frankly for the first time. You are one of my favourite person on Tumblr literally and maybe one of the very few whom I have given a nickname. I loved loved loved sharing and received pujo details with you and the love for food we share is so dear to me. I hope we can meet irl one day 🥲 I wanna squish you in a hug so bad you have no idea. We'd me unstoppable. Love you a tons 💚✨💖 the Batasha to my Chini <3

@mi-stress-of-chaos mummyyyyy I don't remember when we started interacting or when we became such crazy buddies but it was definitely related to the cursedblr which is a blessing curse in my life. Then you became chaos mummy one of my favourite internet parents. I loved every single of our cursed and normal interactions and all the other shits we did and your blog is one of the best blogs on Tumblr. You are too cool and chaotic to even be friends with a lame loner like me but I am thankful we are because you are lovely 💜💖✨

@shinchansbitch if I remember correctly ig our first interaction was when you rebligged one of my shinchan incorrect quotes... Honestly speaking I didn't knew what to say at firat and it took a lot of time for us to become proper interacting moots but I'm glad we did because you are one of the coolest moat amazing person I met here and ilysm for that. You are one of the best ever internet parent I ever had. Your shitposting is one of the best things ever, I love love love reblogging from you they are the best. 🩷💝✨

@tum-naam-sochlo-merese-ni-hora favourite person ever to overexaggerated and complicate things with. Best didi ever. The coolest person to ever walk on this planet, you are one of the funniest people on this entire universe. We also started interacting because of Vasant and it was the best thing ever. I love your art you are one of the best artist I ever know. You inspired me so much to make my own art and you were one of the first people who encouraged me to post my paper flowers. If I could I would make a tons of paper flowers, you are too good to me. Ilysm you are amazing. 💜💚💖✨

@schrodinger-ka-billa you are the best ever otter god ever and one of the best oersons with whom I interacted. And the only one whom I gave the tag of didi openly (but I'm your didi too lol) I love chatting with you here you the too funny and sweet. Even if our views on the marauders are somewhat different I love that I have found another marauders fan, that's one of the best thing ever in mankind's history. Also I loved hiw caring you are and your asks with buggies were one if the best things ever that happened to me. Ily a tins you are one of my favourite 💚🦦✨

@wulfricnavy we also started interacting during the daddymon thing I think, but anyways you are one of my favourites. I love your fanfic and I'm always waiting for when you will drop your next chapter (do it quick man). You are the best ever dadaji on the internet, a literal legend. I don't know what to say except I like the way you are interested in so many series and you are really really cool :D you are like a neighborhood bhaiya who got backpain ✨💚

@no-idea-where-i-am-lost you are a cutie :D the bestest thakuma everrrrr. Honestly I'm so glad Wulfric introduced you to us you are so sweet and one of the best people here. And one of the Bangalis with whom I enjoyed sharing Pujo moments. You should interact more it would be nice to talk and do more shenanigans together. Also cursedblr awaits you (even tho you've joined) and I really really really really like you so much you are a pookie person 🧡✨💖

@desigurlie you are so so so cool I can't even explain :D you're blog is one of my most favourite blogs, I love your metas and fic and moodboards and the way you do dhobi pachhad to shit anons and other people. You are one of the raddest most amazing didi person I even know. Our first interaction was also because of Vasant if I remember and then it was because of Mahabharat. You are one of my favourite persons online and if I could I'd give you a big fluffy hug and those paper tulips I made for you ilysm 🫂✨💖💚

@intellectual6666 cool cool person I love your fics and your vibe and in general you are kne of the coolest persons here. I don't remember how exactly we became moots and started interacting but your blog is one of the best things on this app and you yourself are one of the sweetest here. You are also like that parar bondhu jar sathe khub bhalo vibe kora jaye. I honestly want to share narkel er naru with you as we both sit quietly and enjoy the peace or gossip who knows. You are a big cutie and I would make you flower crowns if I knew you irl 💐✨💖

@hellincarnation FINALLY the bestest war criminal ever you are so cool and honestly one of the best fucking people I recently talked to. You don't even know how much your shenanigans makes me laugh or how much I enjoy talking to you. We should seriously take over the planet and then have a party. You match my crazy so much its iconic. We really are a duo for chaos. I would do cool and cringe poses with you in public if I knew you irl lol ✨💖🩵 and never hesitate to ask me any question related to thing you wanna know. And ofcourse you are one of the very few who got a nickname. Aro the car guy Satan.

@im-on-crack-send-help YOU ARE SUCH A CUTIE and you're so sweet and caring and nice and cute and basically everything nice and shiny reminds me of you. Ilysm you are one of my favourites and its sad we don't gwt to interact much we should do that honestly but anyways I'd make you all the flower bouquets with paper flowers If I can and I want to sit and eat cookies with you as we watch movies and cry ✨🧡♥️💖

@sumiyxx another cutie! You are one of the best people here and one of the pooliest too. Even if we interact less you are one of my favourite peoples here and I hope we can vibe more and do crazy. Lysm you silly darling you deserve the world and beyond and I'd give you as much as I can once I take over this planet ✨💖💚♥️

@lyrebirb you are one of my favourites easily. Your shitposting era was my favourite and you are so amazing and cool and awesome. You are my favourite birby (I say as a bird hater) and ilysm and I'm so hlad you are back. I loved the time we had a discourse over mermaid meat and eggs it was so funny and K enjoyed it so much you are so cool ✨💐💖🫂

@stxrrynxghts you are such a amazing person and I love love love taking to you :D your fics are amazing and I'm always looking forward to read them (but don't overwork yourself please) you are one of the few people with whom I shared soucha nd you are so amazing and cool and admiration amd everything all together I don't even deserve to be your friend. You are one of my favourite people here and talking to you is so great I love it 🫂💖💙

There are so many more people I'm forgetting to tag but I live y'all so much you precious pookies you all are like those fruits and nuts in my chocolate.

[wellgoslowly]

Hello! I was wondering if I can get a request please. The reader works for Lockwood and Co but she has the complete opposite personality of what Lockwood has (ex: reader is more of listener rather than a talker and when she is around new people she is more on the quiet side until she gets comfortable around them) and Lockwood falls for the reader. Thank you!

Ain't a Life a Many Splendored Thing?

a/n: a bit of a shorter post but I think I might make it into a series!! I loved this prompt and I loved writing it sm!!! it's not much but I didn't want to write more before knowing if yall would want a part 2 :) also yes the title is from hello hello by elton john from the hit movie gnomeo and juliet.

pairing: lockwood x fem!reader

word count: 1.4k

warnings: none :)

tags: @hufflepuff1619 (thank you for the request!) @oblivious-idiot @tangledinlove @ikeasupremacy @givemea-dam-break @neewtmas [if u guys want to be put on a tag list just lmk in the comments!!! also if i missed anyone im sorry!!!!]

The moment that you stepped into 35 Portland Row for your interview, it was obvious to everyone that Lockwood was a goner.

You two were clearly exact opposites- where he was confident and cocky, you seemed more reserved and humble. Where he was reckless, you seemed calculated and exact. And it was now evident that while he found it natural to talk in order to prevent awkward silences around new people (especially those whom he found to be very attractive), you were perfectly comfortable with listening to him ramble.

“And right up here is the attic.” He was saying now as the two of you climbed up the creaking stairs. “You've met Lucy, obviously- this is her room. And yours as well, if you choose to live here.” He watched you take in the room, filled with Lucy's drawings and scarce decorations on the walls, your eyes lingering on the small bed hastily shoved in the corner. He looked at you with apprehension, admittedly a little worried that you would turn to him and say that you'd changed your mind and reject the employment offer.

Instead, you turned to him with a slight smile on your face and said, “Is it ok with Lucy? If I stay here?” Instantly, Lockwood was filled with relief. “It was her idea, actually.” He said softly, watching you nod in understanding. “Alright then.” You said, a sense of finality in your voice. Lockwood smiled and watched as you walked to set the small bag of belongings you had taken to your interview on top of your new bed. “I'll leave you to it, then. Dinner should be ready soon.” He said to you. You didn't respond, but Lockwood wasn't worried- he knew exactly what your soft smile was meant to convey.

------

“Lockwood, I just- I don't know if she fits here.” It had been only 3 days after you had officially joined Lockwood & Co., but Lockwood wasn't necessarily surprised by the remark George threw him from across the table that morning. You and Lucy were asleep, still tired after facing an infuriating ambush from a large cluster of Type Ones while on a Type Two case.

“What do you mean, George?” Lockwood asked as he took a sip of his tea. “I mean, she's just so quiet. She never speaks, and when she does it's either in one word responses or a couple phrases- even then, she mostly only ever talks to you. I'm just worried about how well she'll be able to communicate in the future.” George explained, his hands moving wildly about.

“You haven't seen her in the field, George- she's brilliant. Her sight is comparable to mine, and her touch… it's like Lucy with her Listening. Yes, she's a bit… reserved, but I'm sure she just needs to warm up to us, is all.” Lockwood smiled at his friend as he took another sip of tea, peeling open the front page of a new issue of True Hauntings.

“Don't think I didn't notice how you avoided the comment about how she only seems to talk to you.” George grumbled, taking a bite out of a piece of toast. Lockwood didn't look up from the text on the page in front of him as he mumbled a soft “I don't know what you're talking about.” George scoffed in response, starting to say something that sounded a lot like “you're clearly gone for her, why do I even try”, when you walked in, hair amess and blinking sleep out of your eyes.

The kitchen fell into immediate silence, George's face flushing in embarrassment as you looked at him, your expression unreadable. “If you're going to talk about me, you could at least do it while I'm around.” Lockwood looked up at that as he didn't notice you silently entering the kitchen. He took in your sleep-addled state and the look of fear in George's eyes. And then you were softly smiling. “I was joking, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.” You said before sitting down next to Lockwood.

George snorted. “I think that's the most you've said to me the entire time you've been here.” George said, apparently taking your joke to heart. Lockwood softly kicked George under the table, but you just laughed a little.

Deciding to change the subject, Lockwood turned to you with a smile. “I'm sorry for him. What he meant to say was good morning. Would you like some tea?” You smiled at Lockwood, and he was hit with the thought that it mightve been the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. “Yes, please.” You responded. Lockwood nodded, getting up to turn the kettle on once more.

The morning passed like that- you and George softly trading barbs with one another, Lockwood making you your tea and toast, and Lucy stumbling in once you were almost done with breakfast and mumbling a “gmornin” to you and the boys. Soon, the discussion turned from an easygoing conversation over breakfast and lapsed into a more serious discussion as Lockwood started explaining the cases that you all had scheduled for that night.

You and Lockwood would be going out to a house that was reported to contain a Type Two and a couple Type Ones, George would be staying home to do some research for a bigger case the four of you had coming up the next week (he had also gotten injured a couple of days ago and his wound hadn't fully healed), and Lucy would be going to an office afflicted by a couple Type Ones.

Lockwood had been too busy dishing out the information for the night's events to realize that you hadn't been talking. It was only after Lucy and George had nodded in understanding and set out to set their own respective tasks- Lucy heading down to the basement and George getting ready to go to the Archives- when Lockwood looked to you and realized that you had been drawing on the Thinking Cloth the entire time.

He leaned over slightly, watching as you drew a small landscape on a tiny piece of empty space with a green pen that Lockwood wasn't sure he had ever seen before. He smiled as you drew, watching the concentration on your face. “Did you hear the cases for tonight?” He asked softly, watching the quirk at the corner of your lips.

“George is doing research, Lucy's got a couple of Type Ones, and you and me have got the Type Two.” You clicked your pen, signaling that you were finished with your drawing, and then you turned to look at Lockwood. “How'd I do?” You asked softly. “With the cases, or the drawing?” You shrugged, a look in your eyes that told him “both.” He smiled. “Excellent.” He whispered, making you smile.

Eventually, the two of you migrated from the kitchen to the library. Lockwood sat in his favorite armchair, surveying a stack of recent magazines as he decided which one to read first. You left the room quickly, and Lockwood frowned at your departure as he settled into the chair with a week old gossip rag.

But as quickly as you left, you had returned, a book in your hand as you sat down in the chair next to Lockwood. You two sat there for a while, Lockwood taking breaks to explain to you different London Society news while you happily listened and Lockwood smiling to himself every time you reached a point in your book that made you laugh or make some sort of exclamation of disbelief.

He was content, he realized, to just sit there and exist by your side. While he normally felt the need to make his presence known, to charm and impress anyone he might’ve just met, he found that he was very happy to just sit and read with you.

An hour or so later, Lockwood decided that he wanted to go down to the basement and get some training in before the case that night. He was about to ask you if you'd care to join before he noticed that you had fallen asleep, arms curled around your legs and head laying peacefully against the cushioning of the chair. He smiled as he closed his magazine, getting up slowly and draping a blanket over you without a sound.

As Lockwood walked out of the library, he realized that George had been right. Not about you not fitting in- no, you had definitely proven George wrong. Instead, he was forced to admit that George might've been right about Lockwood being gone for you.

hehehe thanks for reading!!! I just put in my 2 weeks at my soul sucking part time job so I'll hopefully have more motivation to work on these hehe!!! I'll also be making a masterlist very soon- I've been meaning to do that for a while

also if yall want a part 2, pls lmk! I loved writing this and I think I could do a lot more w it hehehehe. anywhom if you've read this far, thank you for reading!!! love u!

mwah, linnie

[sunflowerhae]

Ch. 35 after all, it is Christmas

You were thankful for spiked eggnog.

It’s not that you weren’t having a fun time. Seeing all your lovely friends in their adorable Christmas sweaters, surround by love and holiday cheer was exciting; there were worse ways to spend the day. Even Haechan’s friends - whom you expected would be cold and distant with you - were a delight to be around, almost as if the last couple months never happened. So, all in all the night should be perfect - which made the feeling of uncomfortableness you found yourself experiencing all the more frustrating. You sighed into your glass of eggnog, stuck in your seat on the couch whilst Giselle and Jeno shoved over you from both sides, engrossed in a conversation about cats of all things. Across the apartment you watched your friends happily intermix with strangers, the Christmas get-together becoming somewhat cramped as this 3 bedroom apartment suddenly became crowded with about 20 people.

You don’t know if it’s anxiety, claustrophobia, a mix of the two - or an oncoming sickness you’re yet to be aware of - but the idea of sticking around in the cramped living room brought dread to your stomach and forced it to drop - something you knew wasn’t from the alcohol. And maybe (possibly, probably not but could be a last minute guess) it was Haechan. Or better yet, the lack thereof. Your eyes scanned the party once again, trying to land its sight on the familiar brown colored mop of hair you spent nights dreaming of. You knew he was around somewhere, he greeted you briefly as he came in with his friends. However, as the night progressed and the space got more crowded, a chance to speak or even see the boy became much less likely. You had tried to find him - even dreadfully searching the bedrooms to see if he was…caught up - but to no avail. You’re questioning if he even stuck around the party or just dipped out of boredom when you hear Jeno calling your name.

“Yn, hello?” Jeno looked at you with raised eyebrows and a questioning glance in his eyes, and upon turning your head briefly, you see Giselle’s face stretched in the same confused expression.

“Sorry, I zoned. What’s up?” The pair chuckled, guessing correctly that you weren’t paying attention to their conversation one bit.

“I asked, what are you looking for?” Giselle tilted her head to the side, and if you didn’t know any better, you would say there was a small smirk on her lips, as if she already knew the answer. Now, you could be honest with your friends - tell them that you’re looking for haechan and have been all night, facing their judgement and questioning like the adult you are. Or,

You could lie like a little bitch.

“Oh, just trying to guess who all these people are. Like, why are there so many strangers?” Your fake chuckle was probably noticeable, as was your stupid ass lie. But it doesn’t matter if they buy it, you told yourself, just that they follow along with it.

Giselle rolled her eyes, “fucking Jaemin told like 15 people about it and they ALL showed up. Which surprise surprise right?” You knew what Giselle meant. After all, when Na Jaemin says he’s hosting a Christmas party with his friends (a singer, a model, two streamers, and a YouTuber, mind you) most people would accept the invite. Thankfully, Jaemins idiotic nature saved you this time, as you slightly scoffed while standing up.

“Well, that explains that! I need fresh air.” You don’t wait for either of your friends to respond, instead turning around and heading towards the balcony in the main bedroom. Some people stopped you on the way - Renjun saying hi, a stranger asking for a picture - but finally you made it, sitting down in the lawn chair with a sigh.

You were out there for a good 10 minutes alone, pondering your whole life - how much you miss Haechan - when God decided to directly give you confirmation of your manifestation powers when the stumbling man of the hour slams the door open and close, staring at you with wide eyes. Haechan slams his body into the chair next to you and lets out a decompressing sigh, “I’ve been looking for you.” He lets out.

He isn’t looking at you, thank god. Instead, his attention pulls towards something off in the distance - giving you the perfect opportunity to stare at his side profile. It was weird, you thought, how much you missed seeing him. How much you missed his snarky side comments or off-handed jokes under his breath, only said loud enough for you to hear. How much you longed for his gaze to burn your skin as he paid attention to you speaking, or even just being in his presence as he absentmindedly played with a torn fray on your jeans. The more you looked at the man in front of you - the more you realized you missed - the more your sadness enveloped you. You wouldn’t have even realized you were silently crying if Haechan hadn’t turned to you and pointed it out. With a small smile on his face, a sad look in his eyes, and a softness to his movement that you now see he only reserved for you, Haechan slowly lifted his hand and wiped the fallen tear off your cheek. As if the warmth radiating off his hand had burned you awake, you let out a soft gasp and quickly snapped your head away, turning to look out on the street. You heard the man next to you let out a sigh, before standing up and walking into the bedroom. You felt yourself get up and follow Haechan’s figure, watching him sit down on the bed and run his hand through his hair. You waited in the door way with a baited breath, feeling as though he was about to say something.

“What are we doing, y/n?” Haechan looks at you through his eyelashes.

Finally, you speak, “what do you mean?“

“You know what I mean,” he says with an eye roll, “why do you wait for me to acknowledge you, and then when I do you turn away? I’m done. I’m done with this cat and mouse game. One second you hate me the next you want me. It’s not fair!” You can tell he’s angry now, what with the way he stands and stalks over to your figure. You stay still, somewhat scared of what’s to come. Not scared of Haechan, of course - never that - but scared of facing the consequences of your actions, “you’re not being fair!”

“I know.” Haechan stares at you with wide eyes, somehow even more upset but your answer.

“Then why do you do it?” He’s close to you know, hovering right above you as you look into his eyes. You can see the hurt in them; the pain. You understand how selfish you’ve been, but how do you explain it to him?

“I…” you trail off, but haechan doesn’t push. Instead, he stands in front of you, waiting to hear what you have to say. “I love you.”

He didn’t quite expect that to come out of your mouth. You can tell by the way his eyes go wide, but you hurry to explain before he loses it completely.

“I’m sorry Haechan. I didn’t want to love you. I didn’t expect to. I was so mad when I found out, so…embarrassed. And it wasn’t because you were a fan and that embarrassed me, it’s because I didn’t want you to get comfortable with the girl you saw online. Because she’s not me. She’s a version of me, but I’m so much more than her. And I was scared that you find stuff out about me that didn’t hold up with that girl online and you wouldn’t want me anymore. And it hurt, thinking that I couldn’t be enough. And you never gave me any indication that you felt I wasn’t enough but, I was insecure.” You looked at your feet in embarrassment, having just shared a very real and raw part of yourself. You couldn’t bring yourself to look up at haechan, so instead you chose to finish your thoughts and hope they made sense, “and also, I was mad at you. You knew so much about me before I even knew you. I felt like I lost my choice to share some private stuff. I know you would never hold anything against me but, I still felt like it was unfair. It’s not your fault at all, but I was angry you didn’t tell me. So anger, plus embarrassment…I didn’t know what to feel or do. All I knew was that I needed space. And I’m glad I did,” you took a deep breath, “I’ve missed you. So much. I’ve missed everything about you - your face, your touch, your smell, your humor, everything. I think about you every day. I think I needed the space to understand how I felt about the situation. Because at first I didn’t know how I felt, but as time passed, and I found myself missing you more and more I realized that I do need you in my life. And, if you don’t want me I would completely understand. But I know that I needed to tell how I felt, that I loved you, haechan. I just…I wish I had found out earlier.” With a sigh, you finish your explanation. A good minute and a half go by in silence, and you’re beginning to think you broke the boy in front of you. Just when you’re getting ready to run, Haechan uses his finger to tilt your head up to look at him,

“Took you long enough to figure that out.”

And just like that, he kisses you.

You both know you had a lot to talk about, and that would all come in due time, but as Haechan kissed you and the explosion of butterflies burst in your stomach, you decided to forget about all that, and wrap your hands around Haechan, just to enjoy the moment. After all, it is Christmas.

GG! (Good Game!) 👾

Notes: can u guys tell I wrote this around Christmas time! How’d you guess? Anyway, not proofread so sorry if it’s shit!

☆ Masterlist ☆

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[sadgirlbaby]

"YOUR BOYFRIEND WON'T HEAR ABOUT THIS" - kit walker x fem!reader (smut)

CW: explicit sexual speaking, cussing, cheating, unprotected sex, p in v penetration, clit rubbing, cumming

SUMMARY: you and your co-worker kit had to close up the cafe you worked in since you finished your respective shifts but kit was up to do something else.

part 2 here

"did you clean those tables over there?" he asked you. you and kit met at this cafe some months ago, you both needed a job and your boss made your shifts match so you and kit became friends.

"oh, damn it! I forgot!" you said and sighed.

"oh don't worry, I got this" he walked towards a few tables at the back of the room holding a rag into his hand.

"thank you kit" you said and took your apron off which you left it near the till.

"done" he affirmed as he finished cleaning.

"good! let's go home" you said and pointed at the exit door with your head, meaning it was time to leave.

"uhm, I think you didn't clean that table so good..." he commented.

"kit... I gotta go, I'm tired" you complained.

"but look! it's still dirty!" he said again pointing at a table. you rolled your eyes and turned over to leave.

"oh yeah, you have to go back home to your boyfriend" he joked.

you stopped walking and looked at him. "oh stop it" you let out a soft laugh.

"yeah... I bet you miss your beautiful boyfriend so much" he said sarcastically and made a fake sad face.

you threw a rag towards him but he immediately dodged it so you ran towards him and started chasing him to hit him (in a friendly way).

"come here idiot!" you said making him laugh. you finally grabbed his arm and dragged him towards you. you hit his shoulder and he faked pain, then you laughed with him.

the funny moment got over soon as an awkward silence came. you and kit looked at each other for about ten seconds, seconds that seemed years for both of you. there were just a few inches between you and the tension was increasing.

kit couldn’t resist any longer so he leaned over and kissed you.

you didn't know what was up into kit's mind as you knew that he knew about your boyfriend but you had to admit that you had always noticed kit making fun of him.

you just couldn't help kissing him back but then realized what you were actually doing.

"what the fuck was that?!" you said getting off of the kiss.

kit looked confused at first. his breath was labored and his eyes were full of eagerness as he dreamed about this for so long.

"mhh just give me a chance... your boyfriend won't hear about this" he mumbled and immediately restarted kissing you.

you jolted but kissed him back. it was so wrong but maybe kit had a sort of curse whom made you not refuse his lips so you cupped his face with your hands and let your body be carried by him.

he made you sit on the table so you wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. none of you spoke for a while as you were both aware about what was going on.

kit pushed you backwards making you lay down on the table. he pulled your dress up so you widened your legs and moved your panties aside.

he quickly took his belt off and unzipped his jeans. then he took his pants and boxers off too freeing his pulsing erection.

"I'm not sure we should do this" you grabbed kit's hands and stopped him from roaming on your body.

"it'll be our secret" he said so you loosened your grip letting kit's hands slide off.

he leaned on the table and lined up his cock to your entrance.

"fuck" he swore.

you panted and rolled your eyes in excitement. it was quite late and no one could see you from the outiside and even if there was someone wandering, the cafe's lights were off so you weren't exposed at all.

kit's thrusts were wild and harsh and he couldn't help groaning at each thrust inside you.

"does your boyfriend fuck you like this?" he said into your ear  sounding low-pitched and slightly hoarse.

you shook your head meaning that your boyfriend had never fucked you that good. kit immediately thrusted harder as he was satisfied by your answer.

one of his hands ran up to your clit and fastly rubbed it looking at you with lustful eyes.

there was nothing to do for you but whining and whimpering because of overstimulation. you didn't know where you could cling onto and couldn't stop arching your back a bit.

kit was enjoying the sight of you so vulnerable under him. gazing at you was enough for him to make him cum into you and onto your lower belly too.

as you soon as you felt his seed filling you, you cummed too and had the most incredible orgasm you had ever had.

kit slowed down and sweetly kissed your soft lips, then he let his mouth slide to your neck leaving a few kisses there too.

"don't tell my boyfriend" you said as you were still clinged onto kit.

"don't worry about that, I can keep secrets" he replied while smirking.

he got dressed back and spoke - "would you like me to drive you home?" he asked politely.

"I'm fine, thanks" you replied and got dressed too.

"see you tomorrow then" he winked at you and left.

you lowered your head in embarrassment and closed up the cafe with a printed smile on your face.

reminder: requests are always open and you can request about whoever you want. currently taking requests for ahs only!

note: I guess I’m in my flop era :)

taglist: @demxnicprxncess @kitwalkersgfff @weirdlanafan @imdeaddearnotstupid

-> click on the ask/request bottom or just comment if you want to be added in my taglist!

[seeds-and-sins]

Light My Fire - Part Two

Pairing: Ben "Soldier Boy" x F!Reader

Rating: M (Sexual themes, Crude language, Curse words; WARNING!! Mentions of Death/Desire to Die)

Description: Soldier Boy and you don't always get along, but that doesn't mean there isn't something going on. Ben isn't very good at hiding his feelings for you. He isn't good at showing them either.

Part One

"Where the hell is Phoenix?" Soldier Boy finally noticed why there was a gaping hole in the meeting room's atmosphere. With his feet propped up on the edge of the table, he inspected the entirety of his team and found that one member was missing. Stan Edgar straightened with a sigh, an almost performance worthy somberness to his expression as he shrugged.

"Sadly, Phoenix has fallen ill." Soldier Boy gritted his teeth, the anxious energy tripled as he glared around at his team mates, whom were all unable to make eye contact with him.

"Ill?" Soldier Boy spat, "That's impossible. The bitch has an immune system akin to the Berlin Wall."

"That's what we had assumed for many years, but Phoenix is currently bed ridden with a small cold, proving us wrong." Edgar redirected the conversation then, immediately, "She will not be joining us on this mission, but hopefully she will have recovered by the time we get back."

"Bullshit." Ben wasn't falling for it. Phoenix was a goddamned firecracker-You were a firecracker. Although he had never seen it, he was certain that not even the sniffles would keep you from putting on that suit and fighting. Edgar made it seem like it was so normal, nothing to be alarmed over, but Phoenix was in her early fifties and you never got sick. Something wasn't right here. "Has anyone seen her?" He peered around the table, the awkward silence giving him his answer. "Well, that's settled then. Vought sent her on a fuckin' secret mission, and now they're trying to cover it up." He was satisfied with that conclusion, until Edgar cocked his head stoically at him, and said:

"Interesting theory, Soldier Boy, but Phoenix is actually here in the tower right this very moment. Resting. You are welcome to go see for yourself, no secret mission whatsoever." Soldier Boy, as stubborn as he was, went to stand. "I would insist though, that you go find her after the meeting. This is just a small briefing before our trip to Nicaragua." Soldier Boy's jaw tightened and he reluctantly sat back down, kicking his feet back up once more.

For the rest of the meeting, Soldier Boy remained surprisingly quiet, adrift so to speak, attention completely lost to all things around him. Usually, he had a habit of complaining and making quick insults at his teammates, but this time something more intriguing had taken up space in his thoughts. You.

Was he actually worried? He never worried about anything, he was Soldier Boy. But you were not unlike him when it came to your super abilities and the idea that you were sick didn't sit right with him.

Neither of you ever really got along: not having you around for a mission should have made him happy, but it didn't. He appreciated your grit, something that was in short supply these days. He always had appreciated your grit. You were the only idiot on the team stupid enough to call him out and he loved every second of it. You were fierce and compassionate and you were a damn good hero. If anyone asked the right question, he would very openly admit that you were the only other competent little shit in all of Payback-aside from himself, that was. And his countless attempts at getting into your pants? Well, it was sort of a coverup. Because he did like you so much that it almost hurt sometimes not being near you. You turned him down every time, forever and always was your modo, but it didn't put him off in the slightest. He loved it more than he should have.

Not having you around. Impossible. Not happening. He wouldn't allow it. He was the leader of Payback and if he said you were coming, you were coming.

When the meeting finished-small, my ass-he ordered one of the interns to go fetch him a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a bottle of brandy. He chuckled to himself as he watched them sprint away to go complete his order, knowing that if they made him wait any longer than was necessary he would not be pleased.

"You're going to go see her, aren't you?" Crimson Countess popped out from behind him, leaning against the wall beside the meeting room's double doors. Soldier Boy put on his flirtiest expression, propping an arm up beside Countess' head before grinning.

"Why? Are you jealous?" He teased, thinking it would curl those beautiful painted lips of hers. Instead, she rolled her eyes.

"What's the point even?" His eyes narrowed on her.

"What do you mean, sweetcheeks?" He wasn't going to feed any assumptions, if he didn't understand said assumptions to begin with. "You're just being paranoid. You know there is only one girl for me." He winked, caressing her porcelain cheek with the crook of his finger.

"Don't even." She shoved his hand away and he visibly frowned. "You fucked me once and that was it for you. Then you moved on to all these other girls and that's fine. But you don't want to fuck Phoenix, do you?" Her features drawn down in a sullen glare, "You want to be with her." Soldier Boy gulped, cracking his neck and then standing back from his lean on the wall to adjust his vest.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure, I don't."

"Here!" The breathless intern returned, Soldier Boy faced him with a raised brow.

"What the fuck? That was like five seconds, kid." The intern was bent over, struggling to catch their breath. They held out an open bottle of whiskey and a container of a sloshy, mushy liquid. "Are you shittin' me?" Soldier Boy snatched the container from the intern's hand. "What the fuck is this?"

"My lunch, Sir. Chicken Noodle Soup that my mother made..." He held up the liquor, Soldier Boy winced in disgust at the half empty bottle. "And this, I stole it from the Legend's office." Soldier Boy lifted his chin in thought, his features loosened for a moment and he swayed his head from side to side in consideration.

"Points for effort, fuck nut..." He snatched up the bottle of booze and then lifted his boot, using a small fraction of his strength to tip the intern over to the ground. "But the soup is cold, so you're still pathetic." He shot a look back at a discarded Countess and then carelessly began down the hallway, leaving the Intern groaning and laying flat on the floor.

He had been in Phoenix's penthouse many times, a majority of the time he was uninvited. You had to have your door replaced at least seven times in the past year because he had a penchant for breaking and entering, especially if you weren't alone. He just couldn't help himself. The idea of you being with someone else, when he was more than capable of stopping it, it itched at his skin. He sometimes would stand outside your door for hours, contemplating whether or not to knock. And obviously, why would he knock? He was Soldier Boy. He didn't knock for anyone.

But god, what a stubborn bitch you were...

This time he would knock.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

He heard some shuffling on the other end, a TV being paused, followed by footsteps.

"Yes?" A nasally voice sounded=, he almost couldn't believe that it belonged to you.

"Police. Open up." He smirked, tilting his head as he listened for your response. There was a brief silence, and then:

"Fuck off, Ben."

"Think again, cupcake, I brought you the goods." Another moment of silence, he waited, and then he was done waiting. He dug his shoulder into the edge of the doorframe, his cheek close to it as if he was listening. "God, you must love me breaking down your door."

"Urgh, stop!" You hit the door and he bounced back with a hearty chuckle. "GO. AWAY."

"Do you think that's going to work?" You unlocked the door and swung it open, Soldier Boy instantly recoiled at the sight of you. You were wearing at least three layers of sweatshirts, comically making you look thicker, sweatpants and a pair of fluffy slippers. Your hair was disheveled, dark circles under your eyes, and your skin was sickly looking. His eyebrows furrowed and a certain strictness overtook him.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Jesus Christ," He hid his concern as quickly as it had dawned on him. "Please tell me you're dying." You slumped into the door, tiredly fluttering your eyes before sniffling.

"You'll be dead in a few seconds if you don't fuck off." There it was, that fire that he loved oh so much.

"Hear me out-"

"I hate hearing you out."

"I know, but this time..." He held up the soup and the bottle. "You might give me a chance."

"Really?" You snorted, crossing your arms as a horrible shiver wracked your body. "This is what you bothered me for."

"Considering that no one else on the team has stopped by, I'd say beggars can't be choosers."

"I didn't beg to be bothered by you, asshole."

"But you thought it, didn't you?" He held the items up again, puckering his lips in an amusing pose. "Come on~" He chirped, "Let me bother you."

"I'll accept the offering, you can leave now." You reached out for them, just to shut him up, except that wasn't enough. He swiped the items back to his chest and feigned an appalled look.

"Oh, please, honey, we're a package deal." You stared at him blankly, before stepping back, about to shut the door. "You close that door, next time I'll break it down." The shift in his tone, from playful to terse, sent a bout of irritation through you. You cracked it back a little, closing your eyes and then with an exhausted exhale, you creaked it open just enough. "Yahtzee." He cheered in a sing song voice, entering your penthouse and then booking it for the couch. You slammed the door and rushed to beat him to it.

"No. Don't you dare. No. No! FUCK!" He splayed himself across the couch, blankets and all, destroying the little nest you had made for yourself. You kicked the edge of the couch, it shifted from your strength and Soldier Boy laughed.

"Ooo, what are we watching?" He sat upright, allowing some space for you to occupy. He placed the bottle and the soup on the coffee table, squinting in thought at the giant Panasonic screen ahead of him. "A porno?" You bonked him on the head as you passed in front of him to curl into the corner of the couch.

"No, dipshit, it's Footloose. VHS." He unlatched his helmet and proceeded to remove it, dropping it alongside the other items on the coffee table.

"Ahhh, who's the guy in that-uh-" He snapped his fingers aggressively, closing in his eyes to scour the farthest reaches of his being. "Steak-Sausage-He's named after some kind of meat, I know it-"

"Bacon..." You couldn't help but laugh. "Kevin Bacon." Soldier Boy smiled boyishly at you, weaving his fingers through his hair and pulling back the bangs that dropped before his eyes.

"Yeah, that Bacon guy. Not bad, I guess. Shitty movie though." You hit his arm with what strength you had.

"Don't fuck this up for me. I've never seen it before."

"Neither have I..." He snorted, "I was too busy getting a blow job in the back row. Ya'know back in my time-"

"Our time." Oh yeah, sometimes he forgot that they were almost the same age. "Back in our time." You shivered again, snatching the blanket that Soldier Boy had pinned to the couch with his ass. He showed you mercy and sat up for you, so that you could bring the fabric up and around your body. His eyes focused on you for a split second before he shook his head away.

"Back in our time, we had good actors. They'd sing and dance and do all sorts of shit. Heck, did I ever tell you about that time I-"

"Ate Audrey Hepburn out in a bathroom stall at the Academy Awards?" You finished dully, Soldier Boy chewed the inside of his cheek.

"What about when I-"

"Fucked Marilyn Monroe in the ass, in the Oval Office?"

"Okay, now-"

"When you jerked off on Lucille Ball?" He clicked his tongue and snapped at you this time:

"You made that last one up."

"Sounds about right though, you mostly only ever contribute your sexual exploits to ninety percent of our conversations, so..." You sniffled, lifting the remote from the end table and shrugging. "Unless you have a legitimate explanation, I don't want to hear it."

"Fuckin' bitch." He muttered under his breath as you pressed play on the remote, rolling the movie. It was silent for a few minutes, nothing but the music and conversation from the big screen, and then you shivered again, your teeth rattling as your body tensed. You cursed under your breath, a wave of annoyance washing over you. "Vogelbaum see you, yet?" Soldier Boy asked, from the corner of your eyes you saw his head tilt toward you. "You don't look so good."

"Why do you care?" You spat at him, shifting to stare in his direction.

"Because you're a member of my team..." You rolled your eyes back to the movie, choosing to ignore what sounded like genuine care in his words. "I mean, if I am allowing you to stay here-"

"Allowing me?" You forced out a boisterous laugh, from the pit of your belly, that slightly hurt. "What are you gonna' do? Force me to go throw myself limply at Marxist Sandanistas?"

"You still got some strength in you, kid. Squeeze my pinky." He followed this by actually holding his pinky out. You rolled your eyes, but proceeded to wrap your pinky around his and squeeze. Strong, but not that strong.

"Ben, I can hardly lift myself up from the ground, it hurts to breath, and this morning I struggled to bring my tea to a steady boil." He flicked his pinky from yours, your hand limply falling to your lap. His eyes scanned you, chest rising and falling with a heavy breath.

"You afraid?"

"No." You confessed, although you continued with, "Heck, the sooner I die, the less I have to look at your ugly mug."

"That's a brat move." He smiled at you, you couldn't help but return it. There was almost an odd way about this moment, as if you were secretly comforting each other, while trying not to comfort each other, while also trying to hate each other. Or at least, this was a much more comfortable moment compared to the usual. "Seriously. Did you get Vogelbaum in here?"

"He came and checked me out, said I was fine."

"That sit right with you?"

"Not, really, but I don't care." You bit your bottom lip, refusing to look at him.

"Why, not?" The music in the background was no longer soothing as it was needling every nerve in Soldier Boy's patience. "(Y/N)?" It was the only warning you were going to get before he destroyed the TV, he decided.

"We don't age." You clicked the button on the remote, the screen zapping into an abyssal black. You propped your head under your fist on the armrest and gazed at Soldier Boy. You hadn't slept for days and your superhuman energy could only run for so long. You were on backup at this point.

"So what..." He crossed his arms, a stern curve to his brow. "I thought woman liked that shit. No wrinkles, or whatever."

"Ben, I'm being serious."

"Me too."

"You're sixty-five years old..."

"Thanks for stating the obvious."

"And you don't look a day over thirty." He breathed, pretending not to understand the implications of what you were suggesting. He knew it already. The both of you did. You weren't the only two heroes that never aged, but it was a given that you didn't age ever and that your kind of hero was few and far between. "I'm fifty-four and look just as young as I did when I was twenty-two, getting that first injection of V."

"What are you even going on about, honey? I think you need some weed, calm ya' down, want me to-"

"Please listen to me for once." Were you crying? Oh boy, Ben thought. He cleared his throat and then sat up taller against the backrest of the couch, directing his eyes to the ceiling. "I don't want to live forever. Time gives life meaning, ya'know? And when you can't feel pain, or you're too strong to give someone normal a really good hug, it starts to get to you." You palmed at your face, willing the tears away. "I want to get married one day, I want to have kids and grow old with someone."

"Pfft, Marriage." Ben mockingly echoed, but he was silenced by your tear stained expression. He had never seen you so broken before.

"I can't believe I'm even talking to you about this..." Your breath wavered with a snicker. "You're the biggest asshole I've ever met. You don't care."

"I've thought about it..." He needed to busy himself with something, so he settled on the whiskey. He tucked in a reach for the bottle, yanking the cork out and going for a chug. The liquid left a pleasant burn behind on his throat and he winced. "Settling down with someone..." He feigned a cough into his fist. "That I care about. That I-" His head tilted back and forth. "That I might even love."

"Countess..." Hearing you say her name made his skin crawl, his fist clenched and he shut his eyes. No. Not Countess, Phoenix. "She loves you."

"She hates me." He plopped back, placing the bottle in between his legs on his crotch. "Only puts up with me because of the money, because of the fame."

"Maybe if you showed some loyalty to her, she wouldn't." His tongue slung around teeth, collecting the residue of the hardy liquid. With his head laid on the puffy pillow of the backrest, he turned it to you.

"I'm a real fuck up, I know it. My father seemed to know it too..." He fiddled with the neck of the bottle. "But I'm still afraid of failing the people I really do care about." You eyed him, not particularly sure what to do with this soft and open moment. "And Countess isn't one of them."

So you push people away.

Your breath hitched, you buried the bottom half of your face under the covers for a brief recoup in your feelings. Your face was still wet and you hate how absolutely freezing it was.

"I don't want you to die..." The admission was heaved out, shaky and choppy and all sort of scrambled, but your entire body tingled at it. "If that wasn't obvious enough." You pulled the blanket over your head, like that was going to help you.

"I don't think it was, Ben. You just told me you wished I was dying, not even a few minutes ago."

"I was joking, come on. Can't take a fuckin' joke?" He yanked at the edge of the blanket, but not hard enough to tug it from you. "What's the problem, anyways? You've got the sniffles, big whoop."

"I'm cold." You lowered the blanket to gaze at him. "I'm never cold."

"Well, you're a naturally hot person. No shame in that." He grinned, winking at you. When you didn't immediately react, as far as he could see-the blanket hiding your smile-he stretched his arm across the couch again. "I know something that can warm you up."

"I'm not going to have sex with you."

"Damn, I like the way you think." He purred, you pretended to gag at him as you settled the blanket in your lap. "But no, just come jump in my furnace for a little bit. I won't touch you." After his offer, he followed with an assertive wave of the hand that was stretch out along the back rest toward you.

"Ben-"

"I've seen you butt naked, get your ass over here." You sighed, knowing he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, he never did. You weakly shuffled across the couch and when you were close enough he dropped his arm, trapping you in his embrace. Your body melted against his and you were instantly incapacitated at the heat that drew from in thick waves. You couldn't help the moan that exited your parted lips. "Careful, you might just tempt me, honey."

"I'll-" Your eyes slid shut as you dropped your cheek to his chest. "I'll burn your dick off if you try anything." His laughter rumbled up through his chest and you felt it with a fond smile. You wished you could smell too, because you were certain he smelled amazing.

"We going to turn the TV back on, or..."

"Why don't we just..." You smacked your lips, bringing a leg over his thigh so that you perfectly curled up to his side. "Let's just stay here for a bit." He didn't promise not to touch you, his palm held the base of your skull and his other hand guided yours to rest flat on his chest.

"I'm okay with that." He allowed his own eyes to slid shut as he took a deep breath. He tucked his nose into your scalp and inhaled, you were too sleepy to stop him. "If you aren't better by the time I get back, I'm going to toss you off the top of the tower."

"Why would you do that?" You snorted, confused more than annoyed by it. You knew how he could be.

"Call it, Soldier Boy's in-home flight training experience." You smiled goofily, thankful that he couldn't see it.

"Oh yeah? Well, if I'm going down, you're going down with me."

"You won't go down though..." There was a lilt of a growl to his words. "Because you'll be brand new by then, right?"

"I hope." You didn't expect him to squeeze you even tighter.

"You will. Promise." You turned your face, your lips to his chest plate as you then looked up into his eyes.

"I promise." He wanted to kiss you so badly then, but he couldn't. He couldn't kiss you. He thought about your conversation, about how you both opened up to each other. He thought about what his father said to him all those years ago... And he didn't want to hurt you. Instead, he cupped your cheek and stared back.

Return to Master list

[altschmerzes]

speaking of greenwing and dart i cannot emphasize enough this is how i summarized my experience reading book one btw. so spoilers for the first book of that series but this should give you the gist of how things like. Go. for our pov character in that one.

me: if there is one genre of book i really enjoy in a very specific way it is the genre of “one poor bastard’s terrible horrible no good very bad 48-72 hours”

me: Everything Happens So Much All The Time, And It All Happens To This Poor Fool

friend: i love that genre of character. i make them so often.

me: like okay, I’ll admit one of my weaknesses as a reader is tracking timeline and time scale. but by my estimation this book has covered about. MAYBE three days?

me: and in it so far this poor schmuck has arrived in his hometown in disgrace, reconnected with a handful of people most of whom won’t tolerate making eye contact with him, had his first day of work, been roped into a mystery involving a suspicious pie, been jumped by a school friend with a knife who may or may not be trying to kill him, stumbled on a cult doing sacrifices in the woods, been attacked by wizards running away from the cult, fallen into a moat, had his second day of work, been informed his school friend who’s maybe trying to kill him has a kidnapped cousin, discovered a mermaid in a burning house he ran into like an idiot, jumped out of a burning house into a river, passed out on someone’s porch, learned he might have innate magic and it’s been making him very sick, learned some truly disturbing things about his ex and their relationship, discovered he did not in fact fail out of university in disgrace as he thought, got drunk and magic drugged at a tavern, stumbled into a plot to possibly assassinate some people at a dinner party because a cultist picked him up in a carriage while he was drunk/drugged, and now he’s missing like an hour’s worth of time and is still at the party

me: ITS BEEN. AGAIN. MAYBE THREE DAYS. LOCAL MAN CANNOT CATCH A SINGLE BREAK FOR EVEN ONE MINUTE OF HIS LIFE.

me: im 85% of the way through and it’s like. at this point he’s got this attitude of “well fuck, this may as well happen” and i cant say i wouldnt also have reached that point by now. by some kind of miracle he’s only had one (1) crying breakdown which i think is an achievement, all considered.

[nanaminokanojo]

THAWING ICE QUEEN (bonus chapter #1)

–one night of fooling around with the annoying campus king gojo satoru (he thinks so), turns into...well, something else more long term

CHARACTERS: gojo satoru x you | geto suguru | jjk characters GENRE: college au | eventual smut | smau | smau + prose | everything in between | ons | fubus to lovers | aged-up characters | idk where this is going

WORD COUNT: 5.5k of pure filth

⚠️ TW/CW: strong/mature language | 🔞 | mentions of alcohol | vaginal sex | fingering | overstimulation | oral fem receiving | fingering

MASTERLIST | CHAPTER INDEX

<<back to part 14 - bonus chapter

~*~

You’ve all but gone through half the bottle of the wine you have been drinking when you heard the sound of the shower from the adjoining bathroom stop. All the while, you sat by the nightstand, your senses heightened as you listened to every nuance of sounds around you. Somehow, you felt jittery, which you’ve chalked up to the anticipation of literally consummating the deal you’ve struck with the menace that was Gojo Satoru. It wasn’t as if you were doing it with him for the first time. Still, one way or another, this time felt different. 

But you soon forgot about your apprehension, replaced by amusement when you heard him listening to music, his choice in it in particular, and how he would try to sing along some of the lines. It was silly, and while you knew just what a shallow goofball he could be, the image seemed out of place somehow. 

Satoru was the campus king, and for all the right reasons, according to the supposed norms society ran on. One thing everyone knows and immediately thinks of when his name is mentioned is that he is rich. And it wasn’t as if he was the typical kind of rich with just money. His ancestry consisted of historically significant people dating back to the first century AD, and his family still held that high status. Talk about preserving their legacy. 

And as if that wasn’t enough, Satoru was painfully gorgeous and much too aware of it, aggravated by the fact that everyone else fawned over him and thought he was the most extraordinary person on the planet, thus further inflating his head and ego. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Those were the first words Satoru ever uttered to you when Suguru introduced him to you two years ago, his voice crisp in the harsh winter air. He had no sense of decorum regardless of his so-called pedigree, and he thought he could bend people to his will just by looking at them with those deceptive, blue eyes which were like treacherous vortices than tranquil seas under a perfectly clear sky.

You didn’t know much about him then, merely hearing about him through Sukuna. You did not exactly get what people saw in him apart from his face. Sure, he was blessed with looks that precisely fit the lyrics of that one Carpenters song, speaking about angels sprinkling moon dust in his hair of platinum, not gold, and starlight in his eyes of blue. He seemed to have everything underneath all that borderline idiotic façade and penchant for debauchery.

But regardless of the great things people had to say about him – one of them being the fact that he was extremely intelligent, which turned out to be true much to your dismay as it would be easier to hate on him if he was otherwise – somehow, he was just another person to you.

“Sure, I’ve seen him,” you remembered telling Suguru, whom you shared an advanced class with, when he asked if you knew Satoru.

“And?”

“And what?”

Suguru had merely blinked at you while Ieiri, who was also listening to your conversation, said, “Are you sure you’ve seen him?”

“Hard to miss with that head of white hair,” you stated, making the two of them exchange glances, the gesture injected with meaning as they high-fived. “You’re immune to him. That’s great!”

That seemed to have become the basis of your friendship with them, your seeming lack of susceptibility to their unusual friend. Among other things anyway, but that’s where it started. Still, their perception of you wasn’t entirely true. Satoru was very attractive, and his charms do work on you. You were just able to keep him at bay better than anyone else until that one drunken night a month ago when you finally caved. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe his lips just looked too kissable that night. You couldn’t be sure, but giving him the opportunity brought you to your current circumstances.

The door to the shower opened, pulling you out of your reverie, your head slowly turning in that direction. The view didn’t disappoint, and you shamelessly watched as Satoru padded barefoot into the bedroom clad in nothing but a pair of black Calvin Klein boxers. You let your eyes roam his solid form, taking in every sinew of his musculature, your tongue unconsciously darting across your lips as you lingered a little longer over his iliac furrows.

Satoru met your gaze from the reflection in the wall mirror after he was done toweling his hair, winking at you as he continued his after-shower rituals. “Like what you see, sweet cheeks?”

Taking your time to respond, you took a sip from your half-empty glass, leaning back to leisurely feast your eyes on him. “I never not like what I see when it’s you, Gojo.”

He looked surprised, but it soon turned into open amusement. “That’s quite the admission, Y/N.”

“That’s a given, don’t you think?”

“Not with you, sweetheart.” He glanced at you from over his shoulder. “I’m glad to know that, although you never failed to make me feel unwanted for as long as we’ve known each other.”

A scoff escaped your lips at his feigned offense. “What’s my opinion against that of the multitude of your adoring fans anyway?”

Satoru didn’t answer your question, his expression changing into something less playful as he tossed his towel to a nearby ottoman and turned to face you, sounding commanding as he said, “Come here.”

With a smirk swathed on your face, you strutted towards him, nursing your drink against your chest. When you were just a foot away from him, you tilted your head to the side, meeting his gaze squarely, making it very clear to him that he doesn’t necessarily have the upper hand, and your physical submission didn’t indicate anything remotely close to that. “Well?”

He took your glass away from you, gently pulled you closer, turned you towards the mirror, and stood behind you. His hands moved towards your front, fingers gingerly fiddling with the sash of your robe. Those blue eyes seemed to be luminous in the ambient lighting of his bedroom even through the mirror, and they never left your form even as he chastely kissed you on the temple.

“May I unwrap my treat now?” he softly spoke near your ear.

“Of course.”

Satoru didn’t waste any time, tugging at the sash before letting the robe slide off your shoulders, falling on the floor just behind your feet with the softest rustles and without any resistance.

“Damn…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning as he looked at you appreciatively through your reflection. “Happy birthday to me, I guess? Holy fucking shit, Y/N.”

“Indeed,” you agreed in jest but kept a straight face. “I was equally surprised.”

“It’s illegal for you to wear anything else, baby.” He chuckled, sounding breathless as he raked his eyes all over your figure, making your face grow a bit hot, as was evident in how your cheeks pinked, something you could blame the wine for if he noticed. “Second to you being naked anyway. But I made the right choice going ham with buying you lingerie. No doubt about that.”

You were about to give him a clever retort, but you noticed how his hands were just hovering over you, close enough for you to be aware of them but not really touching. “Are we just gonna admire the lingerie or what?” At your question, he visibly stiffened, meeting your gaze as you looked away from the mirror and directly at him instead. You reached up, placing a hand on the side of his face. “Touch me.”

Satoru’s lips crashed onto yours before you could even blink, the kiss starting intense and just incrementally becoming so as you pulled him close by the nape and let your head fall back on him. He held you tight by the hips like the last time he kissed you, pressing your back onto his body, your flesh pliant where his muscles were firm. As much as you hate to admit it, Satoru can kiss, and he does it so well. He was literally kissing you stupid, keeping all your attention to the taste and sensation of his probing tongue, skilled in his movements and pulling out the most delicious little notes out of you.

You’ve heard many things about Satoru as a bed partner, and you wondered how your experience differed so much from everyone else’s. You’ve always thought he was one of those men who didn’t give a damn about their partner as long as they got what they wanted, zero technique, just hard fucking. Those who have slept with him prior to you would always say he was good – something you chalked up to them not wanting to get on his bad side – but he wasn’t one to indulge anyone apart from himself.

However, he had been one of the best for you, taking his time to explore your body and getting himself acquainted to what made you feel good. He was gentle as if he was afraid he would break you, remembering how you had to prompt him to go harder, faster. You couldn’t help but agree with what he said regarding your sexual compatibility with one another, not that he had to know. That was the first time, and maybe it was just a courtesy he extended to you as someone he considers his friend, but you want to know just how he really is now that you’ve given him free rein.

You tilted your neck, sucking in a deep breath when he started leaving open-mouthed kisses on the spot just below your ear. His mouth was such a sensual part of him, the plush softness of his lips and the hungry way his tongue licked at your skin, causing you to shiver from the bottom of your spine. That, coupled with the way his fingers started creating a titillating trail from your waist to your midsection and up your chest, stirred you alive.

He started moving his mouth down to your shoulder, leaving a lingering kiss on the slope going down your arm. He opened his eyes and looked at you through the mirror, also gently making you face your reflection. “Look at you,” he whispered, nipping at the shell of your ear.

You did as you were told, taking in the person before you, flushed wherever he had touched you. The glazed look in your hazy eyes spoke volumes of just how he was making you feel if your heaving chest wasn’t enough of a testament of how much he was taking your breath away without doing that much yet.

“You’re so damn pretty for me.” Satoru kissed you on the cheek before pressing his against it as he props his chin on your shoulder, his eyes appearing like blue flames with how heated he was observing you through the mirror. “Sweetheart, I want you to watch what exactly I’m doing to you.”

His hands moved to cup your breasts over the crimson bra you were wearing, giving them a tentative squeeze and then a more deliberate one after. “They’re perfect,” he murmured absently before tugging the lacey material of the bra upwards and releasing your succulent mounds out of their confinement, replacing the garment with his large hands. He began to knead, rolling your nipples between his fingers, making your breath hitch in your throat.

Heat pooled in your nether region as he started kissing your neck again. You kept your eyes open despite wanting to close them every single time he would circle his index fingers over your hardening nubs, pressing and swirling, or when he would lick and bite down the side of your neck, all while watching you unravel.

“G-gojo –” you whined, abruptly cutting yourself short when he bit on the junction of your neck and shoulder a tad harder. And as he was doing that, he started moving one hand downwards, making the anticipation in your chest grow with the deliberate slowness of his fingers, which traced their way down your belly. He played with the elastic of your underwear, lightly dipping the tip of his fingers through it but only to tease you.

Suddenly, he brought both hands down to your hips, pulling your ass flush against the growing predicament between his legs. You felt the outline of his shaft nestling between your butt, warm and stiff through the fabric of his boxers. He moved slowly, rubbing his length against you. “See how you make me feel?”

“Should I be flattered?” You smirked at him through the mirror, but that was short-lived as he cupped your sex with one hand, his fingers deftly rubbing your clit over the flimsy lingerie. “Nnggh...”

“What a shame, sweetheart. You’ve soiled this pretty little thing. I haven’t even touched you here, and yet you’re this wet?” he cooed into your ear as ​he dry-humped you from the back and moved to insert his whole hand into your panties, tracing the length of your slit before continuing to stimulate your clit with more vigor this time.

“Ah!”

You couldn’t figure out whether it was the act itself or seeing it from the mirror that was making you sensitive and very reactive to Satoru’s ministrations.

“You like that?” He moved his other hand from your hips to the side of your underwear, also inserting it from there and seeking your quivering hole, immediately inserting two of his fingers.

“Fuck! Gojo...ah...”

He started pumping into your pussy with just the tips at first, going deeper every time he thrusts in until they were knuckles-deep. Your panties constricted his movements, but when you tried to push them down, he stopped you.

“No, sweetheart. I want to fuck you later while wearing this,” he said, his words punctuated by the wet squelching over his fingers in your pussy. “You’re squeezing my fingers so tight.”

He continued to probe even as your legs started to shake, looking for that sensitive spot he knew would drive you to the edge. And when he did, you let out such a wanton moan that had him grinding against you harder, his quiet pants audible to your ears alone.

“There you are.” He continuously rubbed the pads of his fingers against that same spot, making you cry out, “I-I’m close.” You panted, eyes focused on his hand moving under the lace.

He chuckled shakily. “Cum for me then.”

And as if with a push of a button, you did his bidding and came around his finger, but he didn’t stop, moving your legs further apart as he continued to finger-fuck you.

"Gojo, I just –​ ah, ah!" He thrust his fingers even faster, this time slightly pulling down your underwear so he could rub your clit. They easily slid in and out of you with your cum dripping from your pussy to his knuckles while your clit throbbed from his ministrations. Again, that familiar feeling of coming undone settled at the pit of your stomach, trickling down to where he was touching you.

“You’re gonna cum for me as many times as I can make you tonight,” he rasped, forcing you to look at yourself in the mirror. “You’re so fucking pretty when you’re cumming.”

And just like that, he brought you to your second high, making a panting, moaning mess out of you. He had to hold you up since your knees buckled, but even as you were already unraveling, he still moved his fingers, albeit slowly.

“Gojo...p-please stop for a sec.”

“Satoru.”

You looked at him from behind you. “Huh?”

“Call me by my name, sweetheart.” He started tracing figure eights on your clit again, making you tremble and almost fall to your knees again. “Come on, say it.”

“S-sa–Satoru!” You came again before the feeling could even register in your head. “Fuck,” you breathed out, holding onto his arm to keep yourself upright. He helped you up, quiet laughter registering in your ears as he hoisted you in his arms, carrying you bridal style.

You were still shaking from the three orgasms he managed to pull out of you, but you smacked him on the chest, making him giggle all the more. “Ow?”

“I told you to hold on for a moment, you nut!”

He laid you on the bed, propping you up on the multitude of pillows set up against the headboard. “No can do, Y/N. You signed up for this. You’re mine tonight.” He kissed you on the forehead, poking your cheek despite the glare you threw his way. “As much as I want to just shove my cock inside you, I want you to feel so good you won’t think of anything else the whole week.”

You covered your face. “Oh my god, Gojo, shut up.”

He clucked his tongue. “I told you to call me Satoru. It’s weird when you call on my whole clan when I’m the only one here.”

At that, you finally let out a quiet laugh. 

“Specifics, right?”

“Now you’re speaking my language?”

He slotted himself between your legs, peppering your face with kisses. “Yes.” He pecked you on the nose. “I want you to scream my name and no one else’s. Now let’s try that.”

“Satoru,” you said in all but a whisper, and then a bit louder and sounding needier. “Satoru.”

As if you’ve bewitched him, his usually bright eyes turned dark, and he was stealing the air out of your lungs again by kissing you, his tongue sliding past your lips. This was what you meant when you said his kisses could be so all-consuming it muddles any coherent thought in your brain.

He then moved to your chest, his mouth latching onto your right nipple and sucking and licking. At the same time, he busied his hands roaming the topography of your body, momentarily making their way to your ass to squeeze possessively before moving downward.

“Change of plans,” he muttered, his voice followed by ripping sounds as he yanked at your panties.

“What the hell?”

He let go of your nipple with a lewd pop. “What? You’ve got more in your closet.”

You grew quiet when he mentioned your ownership of that part of his place. It’s still his closet with things he bought for you. It made sense if he wanted to destroy all of them. “It’s your closet, Satoru.”

“It’s all yours if you want it.” He tossed the ruined lace somewhere behind him before taking possession of your thighs and spreading them apart. “Looking absolutely mouth-watering.”

You rolled your eyes but bit your lip when he slumped down on the bed, face mere centimeters from your slick-laden cunt. “Don’t stare at it –”

Satoru pecked your clit before nudging it with the tip of his nose. “Mine,” he growled, running his tongue through the length of your opening. You bucked your hips, still sensitive from earlier. “I want you to sit on my face next time. But for now…”

Anchoring your legs on the bed with his arms to keep them open for him, Satoru licked another stripe over your cunt, assaulting your clit with licks in quick successions before putting his lips to work, sucking on your sensitive bundle of nerves while he pushed his tongue into you. A needy moan ripped out of your throat, a combination of incoherent syllables of his name and senseless babbling. You gripped onto the sheets and whatever you could get your hands on, unable to process all the sensations wreaking havoc in your system, making every cell in your body sing.

Your legs threatened to close as you thrashed on the bed, entirely under Satoru’s mercy, unable to figure out whether you were feeling too much or nothing at all as you melted underneath him, spasms assailing your whole body.

“T-too much,” you babbled as your fingers raked through his silvery locks. You didn’t know if you wanted to pull him closer or push him away, but all the same, you earned an approving hum, choking out a high-pitched scream from the way his voice thrummed against you, catapulting you to a whole new different kind of high.  

Satoru groaned, hearing your pleasured delectations when you climaxed, your juices spilling past his mouth, which he tasted and licked despite your overwhelmed state. His name spilled out of your lips like a broken mantra, each complete utterance of it a stroke to his growing pride at the fact that he was the one winding you up to your current state, that he was the one who was bringing you to heights you’ve never experienced with anyone else.

It was worth it, the wait. You were worth it. The way you looked – all messed up and sobbing, tears spangling your eyelashes, your skin tickled pink, lips parted in quiet sighs, and your chest rising and falling, your breath hitching all at the same time – was something he saw as a reward after all those times you turned him down. Good things happen to those who wait; this was beyond good, even better than what he had imagined.

He couldn’t really put a finger as to what it was about you that drew him in since the first time he Suguru introduced you to him. It was a challenge, the way you seemed to be impermeable to his charms that no matter what he did to catch your attention, you didn’t give him the time of day. You’d scoff at him, treat him as if he wasn’t of any consequence, laugh it off or threaten him when he thinks he had gotten a step closer. The best fruits sure hung at the highest branches of a tree, but he had a ladder and wasn’t hesitant to use it.

And the moment you gave him an opening, he knew he couldn’t bear the thought of you being with anyone else apart from him. His attraction for you which he thought was something that would stop the moment he had a taste of you, grew into covetousness instead. When he said you ruined him for anyone else, there wasn’t a better permutation of words that would describe what you did to him. He wanted to own you, make sure that no one else gets to you, monopolize you in every which way he could think of, and keep you all to himself.

Fuck consequences. He would take what he could. He didn’t like the feeling of being denied. What Gojo Satoru wants, he gets. That was the case for everyone else he had been with, but he knew he could never play by the same rules, not with you. You’re one of those rare things he knew he would never wholly own, but that didn’t mean he would let it go without a fight, nor did that imply that he wasn’t ever going to try. He wanted you, and though you will never ever level the playing ground with him, enjoying your advantage over him, his desperation for you, and the fact that he needed you more than you needed him, he still wanted any part of you that he could concretely say was his.

Your agreement with him was just a step towards that goal.

You were made for him; no one can convince him otherwise. He had never felt the way he did for anyone else, and he didn’t think he ever will again. Looking at you now, all fucked out and laid out for him to feast on, he couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up his throat. He meant it when he said he would make it worth your while. This night was about you. He intended it to be that way, but what he didn’t anticipate was the immense pleasure he felt while giving you what you wanted.

With his lips and chin shining with your arousal, he rose to his knees as if surveying his dominion, you being the conquered land and him the ruler of it all, beauty and ruin all wrapped up into one to create a masterpiece in his will and liking. He swiped at the edge of his mouth with his fingers before licking it off. His eyes caught yours, clear and sparkling with open lust, while yours reflected them in the haze of your blown-out pupils.

Satoru playfully crawled on top of you, randomly planting kisses on your body before he pressed his lips onto your pliant yet unresponsive ones, making you taste yourself. You slowly blinked up at him, a dazed smile drawing itself across your mouth as you tried to even out your breathing. He kissed your cheek, propping himself up on his elbow while his other hand brushed away stray strands of hair from your face.

“Hey, sweet cheeks,” he whispered as he nuzzled your nose with his.

“Just give me a moment,” you responded, voice breathy.

“Okay.” He got off you, comically rolling onto the mattress to reach for the drawer, rummaging through stuff in there, rubbers, you surmised. “Want anything?”

You shook your head, snickering weakly as you covered your eyes with your arm. You didn’t know what was funnier: him being all long-limbed and pure muscle moving the way he did just then, or if it’s just the whole situation.

“What’s so amusing, sweetheart?” he asked as he moved closer to you, sitting up against the plush headboard beside you. You shook your head, but you were still unable to wipe the smile on your lips. “Okay…Think you can sit up?”

You rolled your eyes at him as you did just that, pausing when you noticed that he had forgone his boxers from earlier. Once again, you found yourself staring at him. It wasn’t a luxury you had the first time you had sex with him, given that it was at a party held at a frat house. You didn’t even know whose room you messed up that night, and you didn’t really stop and actually observe him that night, both of you caught up in a rush.

Everything about Gojo Satoru was pretty, that much you could say, and if it was a matter of being endowed, he wasn’t lacking in that either. You knew precisely just how his cock felt like inside of you, and you already knew you wouldn’t be disappointed. No. That had been the least of your worries, but it was somehow like finally putting a face to something responsible for a mysterious encounter.

Daring to be bold despite how he made you surrender earlier, you crawled towards him like a feline, flashing him a sultry look as you came closer. He smirked as you kneeled astride him, running your fingers through your hair to push it back before sitting your plush ass on his lap. You leveled your expression with his when you saw how his jaw went slack, his dick twitching against his abs even without being touched. You slid closer, rubbing your pussy on one of his muscular thighs. He gulped audibly, seeing as how your eyes had taken a different look from earlier, but he didn’t dislike it one bit.

“Close your mouth, sweet thing,” you said, referring to him with one of the nicknames he gave you. His teeth clacked as he did your bidding without even realizing it. You rewarded him with a peck on the cheek, tapping the other with your manicured fingers. “Good.”

You turned your attention to his throbbing cock, prolonging his agony as you ran one hand down his body before finally touching it. You felt his breath picking up pace when you traced one prominent vein that ended just by the pink tip, which was leaking with his own impending arousal. The tables seemed to have turned when you ran your thumb over his slit, smearing his precum. He was becoming harder, hotter in your hand, and you couldn’t help but feel excited as well, seeing your effect on him. 

You took the condom packet from him, tearing it open and tossing the wrapper aside. He watched with bated breath as you slid over his length, deliberately tightening your fingers around him, making him hiss. You interrupted his preoccupation with your hand by claiming his lips as you slid the condom the rest of the way, drawing out a salacious moan from him. 

“I like how you sound like this,” you murmured against his mouth, chuckling when he let out an exaggerated keen, distracting you enough not to notice when he unclasped your bra. You let the garment slide off of your arm while he pulled on it, getting rid of it like he did with its pair. You couldn’t care less as you wrapped your arms around his shoulder for support, your mouth remaining connected as he lifted you by the back of your thighs, aligning himself to your entrance.

You both gasped when the tip of his cock nudged through your folds, your breaths mingling in the sparse space between your lips. Ever so slowly, you sank down onto him, feeling yourself being stretched further open until he bottomed out. 

Overwhelmed by his size and how he made you feel, you placed your forehead against his shoulder, neither of you moving except for the seemingly in-sync rise and fall of your chests. He was in so deep that you felt so full, even breathing seems difficult to do.

“Fuck, Y/N, sweetheart, you feel so good.”

You didn’t trust yourself to speak. Your senses were on overdrive that even the slightest movements of Satoru’s fingers against your skin made you squirm and lose your breath.

“So, so good...” he said softly, utterly out of it, but his words spurred you on. Bracing your hands on his shoulders, you moved your hips, raising halfway through his length before taking the entirety of his shaft again. “Yes, baby, that’s it.”

You repeated the same thing over and over again, going closer towards his tip with each time until you found your rhythm. Starting off slow, you picked up your pace, bouncing on Satoru’s cock, your head slightly thrown back as you maneuvered the angles that best suited your desires.

“You’re s-so damn hot, sweet cheeks. Come on. Give me more,” he egged you on, hands finding their way to your breasts and squeezing possessively.

You were close again, feeling the continuous drag of his dick inside your walls, obscene moans coming from your mouth as you moved your hips to your liking. Seeing the same degree of desire overflowing from Satoru’s eyes made you clench tightly around him as the coil in the pit of your guts tightened. Your movements became sloppy as you burned out all your energy, all worth it hearing the way Satoru groaned and lost his mind because of you.

You rode him like no one’s business, feeling him becoming more engorged inside you. He started meeting you halfway with his own thrusts, seeing as how you’re growing more tired. 

“Ah...Satoru, right there,” you said when he shifted and thrust up into you a particular way, keeping that same bruising pace until you were a shaking mess, going limp in his arms as you reached your nth high.

But he wasn’t done with you just yet. Carrying you, he easily rolled the two of you on the sheets. He pulled out of you, propping you on your side, the sudden emptiness making you whimper. But that was short-lived as he pulled you close, your back against his chest. Satoru slid a hand between your thighs, propping your right leg over his. From behind you, he shoved his cock into you, making you scream.

The sound of skin slapping on skin as he fucked you hard and fast filled the room along with his own moans mingling with your pants as your mouth went slack.

“Y/N, I’m c-close. Cum with me, hmm? Give me one more,” he told you in frenzied tones.

Your brain was way too fried for you to respond to his words, merely sobbing when you felt him reaching down to where your clit was, abusing it at the same unforgiving pace at which he pumped his dick inside you.

Right when you came undone, he pulled out up to the tip before ramming back all the way in, staying there as he emptied his load into the condom, his semen coming out in hot spurts that had him seeing stars.

For a while, the pair of you lay there in silence with nothing but your heavy breaths filling up the room, blissfully spent as he held you in his arms.

When he was calm enough, he carefully pulled out of you, discarding the condom and coming back to find you dead to the world. He smiled to himself as he leaned down on your still form, kissing you on the cheek, his head filled with nothing but the thought of how amazing you were.

~*~

My sister be like: え、本当に1つのエロいシーンで5000語以上も？マジで？ And I'm like: わかんないな、なんかおかしくなってるんだよ。 It was Patricia.

TAGS LIST: @arxliana @neeneee @charlie-xo @aelynaneedsalottathing @arizzu @cloudxp @justpuddinglol

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [20230724]

[swallowedbyfandom]

Her mother is incandescently angry the following morning. The rumors that followed her last night of course being that she ungratefully ended her courtship with Lord Debling over a simple misunderstanding. Mr. Bridgerton was also seen chasing after my carriage. It seems the Ton has decided that I may have been compromised by Colin last night. They are right of course but she will deny it until she is blue in the face. She will shame everyone who questions her virtue.

Her mama starts off the fight before she is even halfway through her morning tea.

"Are you going to explain what on earth possessed you to cause such a scene last night?"

She is tired already of her family looking to make sport of her she decides to lay her cards on the table. After all she will be gone after this season and she will never have to see them again.

Slowly as if explaining to an idiot because well she was speaking to five idiots, she retorted.

"I did not cause a scene last night. Mr. Bridgerton caused a scene when he rudely interrupted my dance with Lord Debling. Lord Debling caused a scene when he allowed it rather than have the spine to stand his ground. Miss Cowper caused a scene when she whispered whatever slanderous tidbit to Lord Debling. Lord Debling once again caused a scene by being so simple minded he chose to believe a lady whom spent her season desperately trying to crawl into his coffers and his britches. I did not cause a scene."

"What I did was refuse to be disrespected and publicly shamed by a man who had no reason to call my character into question. What I did was hand Cressida Cowper my scraps. What I did was end my evening with dignity."

"Further more if Colin Bridgerton decided to chase down my carriage that has nothing to do with my conduct. I suggest you direct your complaints to the Dowager Lady Bridgerton and Lord Bridgerton, they are responsible for his upbringing not I."

"I shall speak on this matter no longer. I am not going to settle and marry the first man who shows interest if I do not believe him deserving of me. You may think me greedy or over reaching I care not. You may think me too fat to attract gentlemen I care not. I would much rather be fat and clever, than thin and vapid. You chose which daughters you wanted to succeed years ago, you can now deal with the consequences of your choices."

"I am done here. "

Let it never be said that she did not inherit the Featherington dramatics as she swept out of the room and made for her chambers to ring for a breakfast tray and to write her letters. She could tell by her sister's silence they were unaware she had just insulted them. She could tell by her mother's squawking that she would be over at Bridgerton house to raise a fuss as soon as she was done eating.

She had arrangements to make it was time to stop dragging her feet. After she shall take a soothing stroll in the park, she has a significant amount of remaining rage to work out. She just hopes she can avoid the Bridgertons. She has already filled her quota for dealing with people suffering from delusions of grandeur for the day.

[steodraws]

Crimson Snow: Mistletoe and Memories ❄️

disclaimers: this story contains angst, sad, tension, literally no happy ending feels, drama and it's bada's pov. remember it's a work of fiction, none of this represents what i truly think about bada's/bebe's character or nature! it is meant for fun and entertainment purposes only. also, i'm not a native english speaker and this is my first ever fanfiction so keep that in mind and be nice please. thank you 🩵

Summary: "Old flames, city lights, and buried memories — Bada Lee, against her own wishes, returns to Incheon for Christmas. Amidst the moonlit whispers and the unyielding snowfall, she's compelled to confront a past she believed buried beneath the frost."

WC: 2.1k

"Yes, mom, i'll be there for Christmas," i muttered into the phone, my voice tinged with a hint of disdain.

"This city gives me the creeps," i ponder.

Incheon is like a patchwork of bitter memories; every street corner bears the weight of choices made and opportunities lost. This place represents a chapter of my life I struggle to bury.

Regrets, disappointments—I tried to shove those aside a while ago, or at least attempted to.

Nevertheless, i made a promise to my mother about being there for Christmas. What foolishness it is to commit to something i might not fulfill. Yet, is it too late to reconsider? Can i claim i couldn't secure a flight on time?

Idiot; no turning back now. I wonder how much longer i'll keep evading my past.

"I just wish i don't run into her there," i murmur with a slight tremor in my tone. I knew all too well whom i was talking about.

It's exactly 9 o'clock, my train departs in about 30 minutes. Unfortunately, i'll be in Incheon in a few hours.

"I can't believe you're finally coming back here! I guess i'll have to spend Christmas at your mom's house if that's the case," a sharp, loud feminine voice speaks over the phone; Lusher, a childhood friend.

Lusher has always been with me throughout our high school years and even into adulthood. Despite me moving to Busan a few years ago, we've kept in touch. She always mentions how much she misses me and that i should visit more often, to which i consistently reply, "Maybe someday."

It seems that day has finally come.

"Stop. Don't get too excited; i don't intend to spend much time in this place," I retort, my tone indifferent.

"The entire city already knows you're coming back, Bada."

Briefly, i freeze and fall silent. I only plan to make a short visit to my family, precisely.

"Incheon is wide-ranging; i doubt everyone really knows," I reply, an attempt to reassure myself that my plans won't change.

"Lin knows."

As soon as she counters, i instinctively hang up the phone, my back colliding with the seat of the moving train.

This definitely cannot be happening.

I was praying fervently not to encounter her during my time in Incheon, and i hope it stays that way. Regardless, she wouldn't want to see me after all these years... no, she hates me. I hope she hates me.

It felt like time stood still; i couldn't tell whether i had plunged into a deep sleep during those four hours of travel or if i had ended up in a temporal lapse. I open my eyes, and there's Incheon Station outside the window.

The time has come to face this city once again, with people bustling around, knee-deep in Christmas preparations just hours away.

I step off the train, grab my luggage, and find myself compelled to smile at strangers who somehow recognized me, waving as they passed. Perhaps they did, considering i gained some visibility after opening my dance studio in Busan. Or maybe it's simply because i am notably taller than the average Korean women; either of these reasons would be plausible.

My eyes scan the surroundings, searching for a familiar figure in the crowd. Mom said she would be waiting at the end of the station, my next stop.

"Bada!" Someone yells my name amid that human sea, resembling canned sardines.

My older sister came to greet me, slightly shorter than me, with a delicate and sweet appearance framed by her impeccably cared-for dark brown hair and welcoming smile.

"Haeda!" i respond, happy to see a familiar face, rushing to hug her.

"Mom couldn't come; she's busy with preparations for the dinner later," she shares, helping me with the luggage. "Lots of people are excited to see you, little sister! We're glad you've come back."

"I haven't come back; i'm just joining you for this Christmas season," I respond seriously, making it clear my stay won't extend beyond Christmas.

"You've always been a bit grumpy, haven't you?" she laughs, teasingly.

Finally out of the station, we settle into a taxi. During the ride, we chat casually and laugh about things that happened during our time apart. I'm trying to have some fun as much as possible.

"So, how's your love life?" she asks, innocently.

Oh, crap.

"I don't really want to get into that," i reply, slightly irritated by the question. The fun and nice atmosphere that surrounded us moments ago seems to have abruptly evaporated.

"Seems like you still think about Lin," she murmurs softly to herself, sighing calmly, yet i hear her loud and clear.

I arch my eyebrows, surprised and bothered by Haeda's comment. I plan to stay silent, but i can't resist.

"Why do you always bring her into everything? It's been years since we last spoke; she was just a kid. Now, forget about it," i assert firmly aiming to put an end to the subject once and for all. The silence in the taxi becomes deafening.

Not even five minutes pass, and i ask the taxi make an unscheduled stop.

"Aren't you going home?" my sister inquires, confused.

"I promised to have lunch with Lusher; there's a café around here," i reply, still maintaining a slight arrogance in my voice.

"I'll drop your bags off at home then," she understands, nodding.

I step out of the vehicle and grab my phone, immediately calling Lusher, asking her to meet me where i am. She agrees without a second thought.

A short time passes, and i spot a girl of average height, black hair, always smiling, with a high-pitched voice that stands out in the crowd. She runs towards me as soon as she sees me.

"Is that really you, Bada? It's been ages since i saw you. Have you grown even more?" Lusher enthusiastically hugs me, talking without even taking a breath.

"Looks like you're still talkative... and no, of course, i haven't grown more. I'm already 26. Now I'm just going to shrink," i reciprocate her warm hug as we head to the café.

"Tell me, how's Busan? How's your studio doing? I want the whole scoop!"

"We don't have time for me to give you the full rundown. Overall, the city is comfy, and the studio is doing well," i say, a bit curt; i'm not one to drag out my words.

"That's it? Nothing interesting happening?" she says in a frustrated sigh, still curious about my life.

"I know where you're going with this, miss Lusher, but i'm not commenting on that. I'm kind of fed up with this topic," i respond, making my exasperation clear.

We lapsed into silence for a few minutes until someone finally spoke up; she seemed nervous.

"Listen, i messaged Lin yesterday." She pauses, intending to continue talking.

Lin, Lin, Lin—I'm tired of hearing that name.

"She seems to want to talk to you," Lusher finishes, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Unfortunate. I've already stated that I'm only here for Christmas with my family," i halt, clenching my fists, wanting to say more but finding myself unable.

"Bada, you know she was deeply hurt after you left." Lusher attempts to ease the situation. "After all, you left without telling anyone, not even me."

"I didn't have to tell anyone. I've said that before; new opportunities arose, and that's what happened. Am I to blame for considering my future?" I say, feeling a slight warmth in my body due to the anger this topic brings up

"There's no issue with you wanting to pursue your dreams; the problem was leaving her in the dark out of nowhere. I think you should talk."

"Lusher, i've had enough. I don't owe her any explanations, it's over. I've paved my own way, and she's chosen hers, end of story." Rising abruptly, i toss money on the table for Lusher to settle the bill and i make a swift exit.

I sense Lusher's gaze on me, even though i haven't cast a glance back after leaving the place.

This is why i hate this city—the people, the environment, everything reminds me of her. I despise it; I despise being so coward and weak, unable to endure an environment where her name lingers. Tears stream down my face as i silently reassure myself, "The past is the past; it'll be fine."

It won't be fine.

For quite a while, i just roam around the city, immersed in the festive Christmas decorations and the chilly yet pleasant atmosphere. Families stroll along snow-covered roads, little cafes are buzzling with events, and everyone radiates happiness, caught up in the joy of being together—while i meander alone. I'm the odd one out here.

The city lights gradually begin to flicker on, signaling the encroaching darkness. It's time to head home for the Christmas Eve feast, but before that, i need something to ease my stress.

I head to a nearby convenience store, searching for a pack of cigarettes. I randomly choose any available brand, pay, and head towards a secluded alley.

Turns out, i'm not the only one there; a woman next to me doing the same, and i can't quite see her face. I shake my pockets, searching for my lighter.

"Fuck..." i mutter softly as i lean against the wall, frustrated.

Suddenly, i notice something fall to the ground, accompanied by words.

"Pick it up," the woman, slightly mysterious but oddly familiar, says, tossing the lighter onto the snow-covered ground.

I quickly bend down to grab it. "Thanks," I express promptly, attempting to say something more. "Do you come here often?"

"Sometimes, only when i think about my ex." She pulls the cigarette calmly, allowing the smoke to envelop her face in a thin mist. An ephemeral cloud of smoke slowly wafts around me.

"We're in the same boat," i muse, giving a little laugh at her comment. "Does your ex smoke?"

"Since I've known her. She was always cautious so i wouldn't end up like her; nevertheless, here i am," she narrates with a tense tone.

"You shouldn't smoke; judging by your voice, you've quit for a long time. You should stop while you still can," i suggest while lighting my cigarette with the borrowed lighter.

"Look who wants to give me a moral lecture," she laughs, mocking. The whole situation is ironic.

"Pfft, you don't even know me; you probably think i'm a hypocritical smoker," i admit, in a casual tone.

"Definitely."

"Maybe i really am, but I still have feelings!" I laugh, playfully.

She seems serious now, and we stay silent for a few seconds.

"Have you ever thought about your ex's feelings when you two broke up?" she inquires, finishing her last drag before dropping the cigarette on the ground and crushing it under her foot.

I remain motionless, confused, and unsure of how to respond.

"I'm just messing with you; after all, i don't even know you." She lets out a nervous laugh before completely disappearing into the darkness of that dimly lit alley.

"I'm home," i announce, slipping off my shoes and opening the door.

My mother greets me with a smile as she sets the dining table with the help of my father and sister.

"You're here! It's so good to see you, dear," my mother smiles warmly and hugs me. The scent of kimchi fills the air; she must have been cooking for a long time.

"What's that smell of smoke..." She makes a disgusted face, and i quickly plan an excuse.

"There were some delinquents smoking in the streets; the smell must have clung to me," i say cautiously.

"Looks delicious," i observe the meal on the table after greeting everyone present, trying to change subjects. Despite my reservations about Incheon and the memories this city brings, i feel welcomed and relieved with my family by my side.

"Let's eat!" My father exclaims, excitedly, sitting down and preparing to enjoy the eagerly anticipated tteokguk, a unique skill of my mother.

A few minutes were left for the long-awaited December 25th, and the countdown unfolded gradually.

"I'm eager to know what you brought for us from Busan, little sister!"

"Did i have to bring a present?" I laugh ironically, joking. "Just kidding, i'm sure you guys will like it!"

1 minute to the 25th.

"Wow, i can already hear the neighbors starting the countdown," my sweet and dear mother says.

A sound echoes at the door.

"Knock, knock."

30 seconds to the 25th.

"Oh, let me get that!" I quickly get up from my seat and head to the door.

10 seconds to the 25th.

I grab the keys and swiftly unlock the door, while my family had already started the countdown.

"5... 4... 3... 2... 1..."

I can't believe who is on the other side of the door.

"Lin?"

"Merry Christmas!" the whole family celebrates in unison as i stand there, paralyzed, looking at my former love standing right in front of me.

aaand we're done! i don't know if i should make it a series or not since i'm the lazy type but lmk! also tysm for @/kiyaedits for the dividers. i hope you enjoyed this as much as i did, thank you for reading. ❄️

[mrs-snape5984]

“Help me out of this hell! Your love lifts me up like helium. Your love lifts me up when I'm down down down…”

“When I've hit the ground, you’re all I need.” (“Helium” by Sia)

This post will be a bit more personal than usual, but I think, I need to pour my heart out over this mesmerising artwork, which my friend @madfantasy made for me. There are things happening in my life, which are frightening me, even though I’m the one, who initiated them.

I’m going through a divorce (yep…the second one. I should get bonus cards for being such an idiot even twice…). This marriage has been broken for so long and I lived in my own room for years, already. I wanted us to be friends…housemates…partners for the sake of our children. I wanted to deal with the situation as mature as possible…and failed miserably. My boundaries were ignored and violently overstepped countless times…always leaving me shattered and panting…struggling to breathe, whenever I found myself in another panic attack.

It’s enough. I can’t do this anymore. I really don’t know, how I will be able to go through the whole process of moving out in my current state of this goddamn disease…and how I could offer my kids the life, they deserve to live. I want to have them with me…and yet I’m getting threatened to lose them. My standards of moral concepts and values never matched with his…and now, he’s the one with the bigger guns (financially and considering the health situation). This is a dangerous situation for me…and I’m scared to death, even though I’m trying to find responsible solutions to make sure, that our children won’t suffer. They’re the most important part of my life…and I’m deeply ashamed of myself for being such a selfish human being, who isn’t capable of enduring this way of life with their father any longer - particularly in the context of my disability and disease.

Over the past few years, especially since I’m suffering from ME/CFS, the feeling of losing myself grew stronger with every passing day. I fell silent…the lights within myself were extinguished and I became an actress in this movie, which I called my life. I played the role of the hardworking woman, who can balance her responsibilities in every aspect of her existence with ease and grace. Family, friends, workplace, household, extra duties in school and kindergarten…everything was “perfectly” balanced on my shoulders, even though I had to deal with some severe diseases, already (and this was even before ME/CFS fucked me hard). These were my days for so many years…and at nights, I couldn’t breathe anymore. Panic attacks, insomnia and OCD had me in their strong grip…choking me whilst I was wandering through the quiet house, checking on my children. This side of myself was my best kept “dirty” secret. Failure was no option for me, so I hid behind my mask at days and suffered through the nights on my own.

Two years ago, ME/CFS put a stopper into my life. I’m not functioning anymore. I lost my value here. The hardworking, overly caring, active woman, I’ve been before, is dead. Killed by pain, overstimulation, disorientation, fatigue, darkness and solitude.

About one year ago, I decided to speak up my mind by showing my longtime love for Severus Snape online for the very first time in my life. I found tumblr and started writing about my deepest feelings, fears and my devotion to this fictional character, which lasts for 21 years, already. Out of the sudden, there were people, who listened to me. People, who talked to me as if I’m still a “normal” human being. People, who became friends with me, even though we’re living thousands of kilometres apart. People, whom I never want to miss again in my life, like my beloved @vulnus-sanare. She showed me, that I’m still alive…that I’m worthy of love. And with this realisation, I found myself again…and this woman is quite okay, despite her sufferings. Magda, my heart, I couldn’t be more grateful that you’ve chosen me to be your friend…the one, you’re sharing your last braincell with. You know, what I’m feeling for you and I can’t wait to see you in person in a few weeks. Thank you for enlightening a spark in my soul, of which I thought, it was gone forever.

Something else happened to me over the past few months. This newfound light in myself seemed to be bright enough to shine across the ocean to New Jersey. I fought hard against these feelings…throwing all my ugly sides at this person in order to scare them away. I’m not loveable and I’m not able to understand this weird concept, called romantic love…at least, that’s what I always thought of myself. In my eyes, “love” has solely been an excuse for hormonal chemistry between people in order to fulfil some kind of biological goal of humanity. For many years, people shook their heads at me for this pragmatic approach to the concept of “love”. I built a cocoon around myself, determined to keep everyone else outside. And now…well, let’s just say, that I’m not convinced by my own sober, level-headed beliefs anymore. My cocoon showed a crack. I lost my heart. Undeniably. Unconditionally.

Who knows, if this love will ever have a future. Only time will tell, but for the moment, I feel home in another person’s heart and this new experience gives me hope and strength to master the upcoming journey of my existence. I’m more than my disability…I’m more than my diseases…I’m more than the actress, I forced myself to be…I’m more than this weak and exhausted mess, I’ve become. I am worthy to be seen and loved…and I’m able to reciprocate this love without hesitation. I feel blessed. Thank you, R. 🖤

Last but not least, I want to thank Mani for this breathtaking piece of art. When I described my idea for this project to you, I was excited to see, what you would do with it. Whenever I try to express something extremely personal with the help of Severus and my OC Jules (okay, I admit, that she’s actually me 😅), I know that you’re the one, who can realise it perfectly. I’m beyond grateful for your kindness and your talent and I’m proud to be seen as your friend, my dear. Feel hugged, Mani! Fly fly! 🫂🫂

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤