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lonely
[ID: A limited palette of green and pink, Vashwood comic. The first page serves as a prologue. The first panel shows Vash speaking to someone off screen while Wolfwood is lingering behind him. A black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the second panel, Vash is buying donuts in the distance while Wolfwood is once again in view, lingering. and the black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the third panel, Vash is leaving a cubicle and turning towards his right with a slightly peeved expression. He sees Wolfwood, leaning against the cubicle, waiting for him, and with the black arrow drawn, pointing at him, implicating the consistent hovering of Wolfwood’s presence during Vash’s everyday. At the bottom of the page, they’re drawn out of panel with Vash turning to Wolfwood and saying with an irritated expression, “You’re really following me everywhere, huh?” Wolfwood responds, “What, you got a problem?” Vash responds without hesitation, “Yeah, kinda...”
The second page starts with a new day. In the first panel, Vash is seen alone, weighing apples in his hands at a mart, with crowds passing behind him. In the second panel, he turns to his right and starts to say, “Hey, Wolfwood...” In the third panel, he’s startled from seeing a stranger, whom he’d accidentally called out to when he was expecting to see Wolfwood. He says, “Oh, you’re not him. Sorry!” In the fourth panel, the stranger walks off and Vash muses, “Right, he said he had something to do today...”
The third page begins with a close up of Vash's miffed expression, the continuation of Vash's thoughts, "Now that he's not here, this is just like how I used to be, but... It feels lonely somehow. Oh well, I'll see him again tonight, like always." In the second panel, it shows Vash walking through the marketplace crowd, alone. In the third panel, the door panel is a close up of the door opening with a peek of Vash's head. He says, "Wolfwood!" In the fourth panel, Vash is holding a bag of food with a bright smile and says, "Are you hungry? I got you something to eat today!"
The fourth page begins with a shot of the room, two beds being highlighted, one of them being made properly with the blanket draped over the bed and the other with the blanket folded and pillow sitting on top of it. There's no sign of Wolfwood. The second panel shows Vash with a disappointed look as he thinks, "He's still not here?" The third panel shows Vash putting the bag of food on the table. Stapled to the paper bag is the receipt with a written note "For Wolfwood." Vash's thoughts continue "He does like to stay out so, I guess there's no reason to worry..." The fourth panel shows Vash sitting his bed somberly with his thoughts continued, "It's not any of my business anyway..."
The fifth page starts with a close up his blank expression as he looks downwards, thinking, "Even if he left completely... That'd be understandable and better for him. I'll just travel alone again... like before... Huh?" The next panel shows Vash's composure break, tears welling up in his eyes suddenly, as he didn't expect to cry. He starts to sob, putting his hands to his face to quiet himself and wipe at his tears, as he says, "Ugh... Dammit... I miss h..." The last panel shows Vash leaning over into his hands, still crying, and in the back, the door swings wide open with a bam as Wolfwood walks through with the punisher swung behind him. He shouts, "SPIKEY! You in here?!"
The sixth page starts with Wolfwood confused, looking at Vash and Vash looks back, just as confused, with tears in his eyes and snot out of his nose. Wolfwood starts saying, "Ah? You..." No longer in panels, at the bottom of the page, Wolfwood takes the Punisher off of himself and starts to walk towards Vash, continuing with slight concern, "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Vash, hurriedly begins to wipe at his tears, denying immediately, "No! No, I'm fine! Nothing happened!"
The seventh page, Vash points towards the table, with a hand still wiping at his tears and he smiles as he says, "I uh got you food. On the table." Wolfwood looks towards to the table and responds, "Oh. I was getting hungry, thanks." He turns his head back to Vash immediately after with an uncertain expression, knowing the other wasn't responding to his concern, and says, "But, I know you're an idiot with this stuff, so I'm reminding you again. Don't brush it off if it's an issue, alright?"
The eight page, Vash's tears have dried and he looks to Wolfwood with a soft smile and responds, "Yeah. It's okay though..." A panel at the center shows a side view of Vash approaching Wolfwood. At the bottom of the page, with no panel, is a close up shot of Vash's hand, holding onto the edge of Wolfwood's jacket sleeve, as he says, "Because you're here now. Wolfwood."
The final page is a back shot of both of them standing next to each other, Wolfwood's head tilted slightly to the left, not fully believing Vash as he says, "That doesn't answer anything, Spikey." Vash responds, "There's no need to talk about it! You should enjoy your food. Let's have a drink too?" Wolfwood responds, "Tsk, tsk. Fine, yeah. I could use one." END ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#but onto this comic... i think and talk a LOT about vash's loneliness bc trigun is just. kind of central on that for a good while! esp in#the original manga he was alone for a good portion of it and he tends to keep others away like how he ran away from meryl and milly when#they tried to tag along. and he was kind of bothered when he realized ww was following him around Too. at the core even though he loves#humans and he loves deeply the people he does know -- he isnt really much of a people person and i think thats been the case since he was#young considering his initial doubts towards humans... with the exception of kids bc kids dont give him moral conflicts. so suddenly#here comes wolfwood!!! his guide. someone TRULY affixed to him until he has to get to knives. someone who isnt budging and someone whos#really good at following him around and even seems like he goes like 5 steps ahead to make sure vash doesnt run on him#in one way its - i don't want you to follow me bc i don't want to burden you and i don't want you to kill the people i want to save.#in another way its - i like this companionship. i like waking up to you and i like ending the way with you. i like talking to someone who#knows my world. i like being in your space and sometimes i enjoy talking about our day#theyre just living together. like. roadtrip buddies or theyre also under the same roof because they're going everywhere together.#trimax they mainly spend their mornings together and if they had personal business attend the other person would usually know and itd only#be during the midday. anyway bc of this kind of companionship i figure that vash eventually grew accustom to it and he really. cant go back#to the kind of loneliness from before. it's harder to imagine and it'd be harder to withstand. esp after 2 years with lina and her grandma.#ruporas art
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guys i think ive solved all of shipping
(click for full resolution)
if only there was a joke to be made between apples and corporate tech giants
obligatory alt ending:
side by side with the original
#i took 3000 years trying to draw lucifers wings only to cover them in thought bubble#100 step plan to get vox over alastor#(spoiler it doesnt work vox is still polyamorous)#but it would be SO FUNNY#hazbin hotel#fuck how does tagging work#hazbin lucifer#hazbin vox#alastor#vox#staticapple#aroace alastor#onewaybroadcast#fucking#zero sided radio apple idk???#<adding a space so it doesnt fuck with anyones searches#fuck do i even tag the other characters#ehh#valentino#<him and him alone for filtering#applestatic#appletv#which is another one i see sometimes#one sided radiostatic#i think ive covered all my bases#myart#THE READ MORE BROKE AAAAAAAA#should be better now
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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.
no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this
#which is imo how a fandom space should be#i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by#i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post#not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird#doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like#the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out#of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators#which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills#which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing#some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was#like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like#idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette#and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like#which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences#which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8#idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative#and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to#bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos#whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason#jamies bad posts#talking in tags#serious posts#<- ig??? idk
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You know that time in the comics when the Doctor is so depressed, he shuts off the lights, turns on an interrogation spotlight, locks himself in the console room, and argues with a bunch of judgmental shadow-figures resembling his past incarnations?
And all the TARDIS' lights go out and her interior becomes a maze to keep his companions out of the console room, all from her psychic connection with the Doctor (“moodbleed”)?
And his companions are left wandering in circles for two days as the air goes “stale,” not knowing where he is but thinking the worst, while he hallucinates in a dark room?
...because I'm thinking again about the times this definitely happened when he was with the Ponds.
#when they find him- Rory (one good nurse™) asks neutral questions to check on his emotional state while respecting his space#Amy knows when he's locked himself alone long enough to call River (fortunately Amy talks to her daughter often)#River can calm the tardis and go directly to the Doctor. she sits with him and nods when he rants. she tells him hes loved.#eleventh doctor#11th doctor#doctor who#words by seaweed#(eleventh) doctor is neurodivergent tag#honestly same. I don't want anyone looking at me when im in that way because eyes are very uncomfortable lasers slicing my thoughts#so river doesn't look at him. she looks away and lets him look at her so he knows she's not looking at him. she also does active listening#the shadow-figures in this comic are beyond psychosis coded#emphasis: it isnt presented like some conference of past selves here (which the doctor can't just do anyway- see Power of the Doctor).#and the shadow figures dont have personalities anyway. the way theyre drawn is VERY psychosis coded (as is 11 this whole Si Spurrier run)#this is from Eleventh Doctor Year 2 Issue 3 (set between A Christmas Carol and The Impossible Astronaut) if anyone's wondering#note that he put on his comfort fez I love him#alice obiefune#poor Alice got drove up the wall from wandering in the dark for two days… I think Amy and Rory get to get used to it if they're together#eventually they work out a plan to calm the tardis enough to show them the comfy spot in the bunkbeds to wait and give him space#he joins them in their bunkbed for platonic snuggles. all in the same bunk. Rory doesnt mind. they make sure the doctor knows hes loved <3#I think- having been percieved as psychotic growing up- Amy would be conscious about making sure the doctor knows she still adores him#I really want this fic to exist
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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(muth being music theory!)
#FUCK IT MY OWN EDITION OF THE ODDLY SPECIFIC POLLS BC THESE ARE FUN#me when i've been obsessed with space/time stuff since i was a KID its more an interest than hyperfixation rn but man.#media with any of those?? i am OBSESSED (star wars rottmnt movie etc etc) like i hyperfixated on dr who for a year in middle school#the skateboard one is so funny. in high school my guard instructor saw me with a friend's pennyboard & immediately said no.#me when i was notoriously clumsy in middle + high school so everyone i knew was like. “this is a bad idea” when i did anything#my first semester of college i bought a longboard off someone then 5months later i turned around & ate SHIT it was so funny in retrospect#anyway fun sage lore i have only ever heavily injured the left side of my body. my knee + elbow and the SAME FUCKING TOOTH. TWICE.#also i have a high pain tolerance. like idk how or when but in middle school it just got Really Strong. me when i injure myself and just#live with it for a year before it becomes a concern and i get told to get an xray (i will live with a fractured knee the rest of my life)#also when i fell off my skateboard and ate shit my first concern was “ah fuck my glasses did i break my nose” and#“nah my elbow isnt broken! my arm is just rly sore from how i landed on it” (readers. it was in fact fractured.)#like i literally went “no im fine we dont need to tell my mom or go to the er” and my friends said “call your mom and go to the er”#me spitting out my tooth and blood bc i also busted my lip: that hurt. time to hobble back to my dorm.#anyway hiding this one in the tags bc i will never not just ignore my issues LMAO did it with my ptsd dx and i will continue to do it#another incredibly hyperspecific thing: oh this doesnt seem normal! im gonna ignore it and hope it goes away#these symptoms match up to something? nah i'm sure it's not that! (proceeds to get dx'd with ptsd five months later)
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as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3
thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!
I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:
i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.
I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.
so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all
so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...
(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)
#i dont know how to ask for attention without asking for attention because attention seeking is bad and annoying#the more needy and annoying you come off the more people will ignore you. saying i need someone to talk to or hang out with gets me ignored#but being vague gets me also ignored???? like just trying to start a convo by throwing things out randomly doesnt work either#so if i cant be direct or indirect or invite people or ask to be invited or anything else ive tried ehst do i do?#how do i satisfy this stupid social need im cursed with? it takes me a month or 3 to recover from socializing so its not like i always ask#but its still too much. and “you need to find the right people” isnt helpful. because how!!! ive been looking for that for 30 years lmao#i just need someone to invite me and always invite me every time and always reach out first every time (well not every time. just dont make#me be the one every time because thats how it usually seems to go)#but no one wants to do the work and tell me when its ok to bother them. if i bother someone too many times in a row and get no response#then i will stop and wait. and wait. and wait. and give up eventually. or after certain amount of rejections i give up.#so that i dont come off as needy and attention seeking and obnoxious. if people want me they can come to me. and when no one does#that just feels bad. i hate that it feels bad. i wish to make that stop. i wish to turn off feelings.#i cannot figure out the line between bothering someone too much or just enough. how much am i required to push people#and how much is too much where i snap the line while trying to reel them in? because ive snapped more times than ive caught#or the bait just gets completely ignored and i get bored of waiting#oops im slipping into metaphor territory now. that means its time to stop saying words.#hopefully no one reads my annoying tags. i just needed a free space to ramble and vent amd tags are lile little whispers to do that in#but also it is autism acceptance month. people should be adopting a local autistic(me) person to show them what having friends is like#lee rants#im being super particular about how i need to socialize right now as well. dont want trauma bonding/life talks/depression sharing type stuff#only want special interest light hearted goofy fun talks. but those are so hard to do. its easy for people to default into doom conversation#but its hard to keep them on my topic of interest and to stay positive 😭
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i was gonna finally sumeru since i finally dainsleifed but i cant bring myself to do it tbh.
#ask to tag#ill need a year of preparation for these too yeah#/not pos#its like. i know the discussion has mostly ended#but that doesnt mean i feel.comfortable ya know what i mean#like even if some people have the luxury of being able to enjoy it anyways while not supporting it which ofc im glad for#i jyst..... every time i see anything related i get Reminded and i just Cant enjoy it fully bc it genuinely makes me feel sick#it doesnt matter how cool the designs are or how nice the environment is or how interesting the story will be#i shouldnt Have to feel this way???? it may just be a game but like#it should just be a game for me too instead of a hatecrime or whatever the fuck#its like. that one thing where omg dont bring Politics into fandoms/games!1!!1 its my safe space!!!1!!2#why cant it be my safe space too? i shouldnt have to be treated like this and see all these stereotypes 😑#and be told to just Ignore them#i cant do that nd i shouldnt HAVE to i dont get it why is it so difficult for them to have basic respect to my culture and home country 😭#tw vent
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panem dash simulator
peeniss4everlark Follow
NOOOOOOOOOO
officialsenecacrane Follow
me when i lie
districtfun Follow
i heard from my uncle who works at hunger games that they're only pulling from everlark shippers when they do the quarter quell
gurlonfire
thats funny because when i was fucking your uncle last night he told me they're only pulling from bitchy district one stans
catohead69 Follow
we poppin the biggest bottles when cato wins
catohead69 Follow
theeclove Follow
okay but is anyone else pissed how the district 11 guy literally did favoritism for late districts or what
rues-song
the careers literally did an alliance r u fucking kidding me i hope u get reaped
theeclove
clearly SOMEBODY doesnt understand the strategy of the games
career-sweep Follow
PLEASE tag your hunger games spoilers. this is literally common sense the games have been going on for 74 years you should know better by now
#hunger games spoilers #SOOO pissed rn theres never been a live announcement and now i found out from fucking everlarks
maytheodds Follow
Yes I'm a 30 yr old hunger games watcher. I've been watching kids die since you were in diapers. You have NO idea the tragedies I've endured. Hunger games is escapism for many of us when I come home from a long day of logging the last thing I need is for some 13 yr old tribute dying in a high stakes competition that we ALL knew was high stakes starting a riot and destroying all the nations grain
corholeanussnow
lmao. get a load of this guy
girlalcoholic Follow
haymitch stans rise tf up
#yes girl get that salve #i would fuck that old man
cinnagirl3000 Follow
i wld nvr survive in thg fr baby im killing myself
#thnk goddddd im cap 😁 #i woulda stepped tf off that platform cinna its been an honor
caeserflickerwoman Follow
does anyone else think it was fucked that peeta invaded ceasar's space when he CLEARLY wasn't comfortable with being SNIFFED by a STRANGER
softgreenpillow
fuck you this is clearly so fucking capitol-centric no one in the capitol would ever be comfortable with any districtperson doing ANYTHING these days. it is capitol-boot-licking scum like you that holds the movement back. get BLOCKED idiot
butchjohanna Follow
Just something I've noticed I think we as a fandom have gotten WAY too comfortable using the phrase "get reaped" as an insult, when it's a very serious reality that many children live with and should not be taken this lightly. Some people online have had to put their names in more for necessities like bread or water and the absolute terror that grips a person waiting for their name to be called doesn't leave you even in adulthood. Please think before you speak
#many of you are not acting in a way that johanna would be proud of. get it together #reaping mention
starcrossedluvrs Follow
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Heya!
Things are lookin rough right now, huh? But here are a few reminders:
Your blorbo will still be here tomorrow.
You have people who love and care and support you.
Policies and enactments will not all be immediate. Everything will not go to shit all at once.
Things getting harder doesnt mean they're impossible.
It's okay to be upset. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to cry. That does not make you weak.
I know there are some individuals like me who did not feel safe voting due to outside factors, like living with individuals who support trump or being disabled, do not blame yourself. (Excuse me for getting personal, yes I do want to move out. Very badly. Sadly my mental and physical health are not in a space to do so yet).
This is the last term he is allowed in office. After that, I can't help but think about how the more extremist supporters- would they even want to vote? Idk. But it's food for thought. Safe to say the voter turnout for either side was insane compared to previous years, if we keep that stride up, I honestly think and hope the democrats are almost guaranteed the next election. But this is just me blabbing.
Block tags you aren't in the mindset for seeing rn. It's okay, no one is going to villainize you when the election process is giving you a panic attack. If they try, ignore them. This is for you, not them.
We've survived through one term. We can survive through another. I know it feels difficult right now while thinking about things like access to healthcare or prices skyrocketing or job security, but we really have. Things will get better. We will push through.
Here are some ideas that might help with mental health right now:
Eat some of your favorite food
Look up pictures of your favorite animal
Watch some funny or wholesome videos
Go for a walk
Exist. Because sometimes that is enough
Positive affirmations
Schedule an appointment with your therapist if you have one
Drink water. Or dont! Maybe drink a different thing that you like.
Remind yourself that these feelings will pass.
They cannot steal your identity from you. Internally, you know who you are. Even if you're still figuring it out. They can't take your mind. Your thoughts.
To those like me dealing with finals right now. Its okay. Take that break.
I love u /p
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omg i really really love your blog<3 you are such a sweet person and so kind to all your followers and others on here and your writing is absolutely amazing!
i saw ur requests were open and i was wondering if you could write something for poe dameron? a hurt comfort because in your rules you said you wouldn't accept full angst which honestly is so real of you and i completely agree :D its just, ive read so many fics where poe's best friend or squadron member is either in love with him or fwb with him and he starts dating someone and they look rlly in love but then he leaves the person for the best friend and i cant help but always wonder how the person he left is feeling! and i was wondering if you could write something along the lines of this but he doesnt leave the reader and hes not really in love with his best friend or anything im so sorry this became really long but you can totally ignore this or say you cant do it its absolutely alright!<33
thank you sm though and i hope you have a good day!
Anon, thank you so much for such lovely and kind words! You are AMAZING! (Seriously, they have absolutely made my day/week/year!)
This ask has killed me (positive), my subconsciousness had a lot to say, it seems.
Tangerine, Tangerine
Poe Dameron x GN!Reader Rating: M Masterlist | ao3 | want to be tagged?
Warnings: angst (but with a happy ending), thoughts that a partner is cheating, blood, x-wing fight, swearing (not star wars swearing, because even though Kriff is great, I need to say fuck), Moonbeam as a nickname, typos, rail road sentences, please let me know if I’ve missed a warning!
Word Count: 4494
_______________________________________
It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss.
You’d misunderstood, you’d read the situation wrong, you’d seen incorrectly. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss.
Your radio crackled, “Green Leader, checking in. We’re manoeuvring in 5. Call out.”
“Green Two check.”
“Green Three check.”
It was just a kiss.
“Green Four check.”
It was just a-
“Green Five check.”
Just a-
“Green Six check.”
Just-
“Green Seven,” you swallow. “Check.”
It wasn’t just a kiss.
You patted your helmet twice and rolled your neck, breathing deeply as you settled in. On your left, you could see some of Blue Squadron.
This mission was straightforward - on a holopad.
Two teams to escort The Harbringer, the resistance supply ship. It had been damaged by a rogue blast from a tie fighter just as it jumped to hyperspace and had had to make an emergency landing on one of Tre’Ral’s desert moons.
The crew on board had managed to fix all they could. But without proper materials, there was little chance of the ship making it out of the moon’s thick atmosphere and entering hyperspace. So Blue and Green Squadrons had been dispatched. Blue 1-4 had already made contact, jump-starting The Harbringer enough to get it airborne.
Due to Tre’Ral’s sun and planet density, the gravity on the moons was a little stronger than most world’s atmospheric pressure.
Green Leader, Sena, had repeated through briefing at how this would affect flying. How to be ready for it. And she hadn’t been wrong, it was different flying here. Tougher. And you loved it.
You’d grown up on Para, a planet with a high gravity density. You’d learnt to fly there well before you’d flown in space. Being here on this desolate moon almost felt like home. Your movements seemed smoother, precise. No longer needing to overcorrect for your naturally ingrained harsh movements. No longer spinning out and fighting low gravity, finally working with the tide.
The manoeuvre would see the ships escort The Harbringer out of the moon’s atmosphere and then the rest of Blue squadron would form a sort of 3D star formation around the cargo ship. All jumping to hyperspace at the same time to carry it along with them.
Simple.
In theory.
Everyone had spoken about how practically textbook it was, how easy.
But then, of course, why was Green Squadron going?
No one at the briefing had asked, why would they when the answer was so obvious. This part of the quadrant was teething with First Order. With a slow, busted supply ship you were all practically screaming for them to come and play target practice.
You swallow.
You should be focusing on that, on the mission. Instead of the utter nonsense that was ricocheting around your head and piercing your heart.
I hadn’t just been a kiss.
You and Poe had gotten together clumsily, three months ago, your normal awkwardness drowned out by so much Polanis Red that you almost couldn’t see straight. It had been after the battle of Hurthwen, a nasty dogfight that had everyone hyped up on adrenaline.
He had been drunk when he kissed you, you remembered that.
Maybe he had thought… maybe he had believed he was kissing her instead.
It made a lot more sense.
Sena was the Green Leader, she was a great pilot. One to be reckoned with. She was kind, she was fun, she was beautiful. She and Poe had joined the resistance together, risen the ranks together. Basically inseparable. Always laughing and joking. She had been in the same squad as Poe, under his command before she was promoted to leading one of her own.
They had always been close. Always. Best friends.
Sickness bubbled in your throat.
You remembered Frizz and Hank talking offhandedly, well before you and Poe were a thing. Both of them sure that Sana and Poe were dating or ‘knocking boots’ as Frizz had so elegantly put it.
“Two people can just be friends, you know.” You’d said, trying to hide your little crush on the commander.
“Yeah,” Frizz laughed, “But not them. You seen them together?”
Hank chortled.
Nonsense. You’d brushed it off then. Allowed it to creep into your thoughts when it was dark and the base was quiet. When Poe’s breathing was soft and light behind you, his arm around your waist.
Him and Sana just made a lot more sense than him and you.
“Yeah, but not them. You seen them together?”
Yeah. Now you had.
The Harbringer came into view over the horizon. The seemingly endless stretch of desert was cut through in the distance by a fearsome outcrop of crocks, leading up into a field of formidable mountains.
Blue 1-4 were already hooked up to the cargo ship, all five hoovering moving together as they flew towards you to meet.
You wouldn’t have said things were difficult with you and Poe. Well, you wouldn’t have said that before. It was complicated for everyone on the base, most staff were on different call schedules, off-world or on a mission at all times. Having a relationship wasn’t straightforward. There were stretches where you wouldn’t even be on the same planet for days, but…
But you had thought it was…
It didn’t matter.
You’d gone back to the briefing room, just before take off. You’d wanted to tap the main holoscreen twice, for luck. A little ritual you’d adopted early on. Most pilots were a superstitious bunch.
That’s when you’d seen them. Sana and Poe. Locked in a tight embrace, their lips pressed together in a deep kiss.
Your heartbeat had thundered so loud you’d been surprised they hadn’t heard it. But they’d been too preoccupied to notice your presence.
It was cliche but time had almost slowed, calmed and stretched like the moment you take aim, the second before you fired your ship's canons.
A flash of the control panel had flickered into your mind when you saw them, your fingers twitching as if you had the trigger in your hands.
You’d turned and left without a sound. Without a word. Without letting them know you saw. Leaving them to… whatever they did next.
Was it their first kiss? One of many? Had this been going on well before Poe had taken your hand and led you outside so he could clumsily name all the constellations, making up new ones and backstories to make you smile?
“That one here, you see it?”
“Yeah?”
“That one’s the best one, best in the sky. It’s orange and it’s right next to that other orange one, like they’re holding hands.”
You’d laughed.
“That’s me and you Moonbeam.”
Moonbeam. That stupid nickname.
You’d gone to your room quickly, the one that you and Poe shared, and taken off the necklace he’d given you.
“I want you to wear it for luck, Moonbeam.”
That stupid smile he’d given you as he’d slipped it from his own neck and onto yours. That stupid kiss he’d given you after. You’d thought that expression was cute when you’d seen it, pure. Now it just seemed like he’d been laughing at you, playing some sick joke. ‘How long can I string someone along?’, ‘how far can I go before they realise it’s all pretend?’
You’d left the necklace with the ring slipped through on the small set of shelves in the corner, the one Poe normally kept his holopad on.
It was idiotic, but your neck felt… empty without it. Cold. Every now and then you touched at where the chain normally lay.A subconscious action only brought to the forefront of your mind by the sensation of your own skin instead of metal.
Something caught your eye in the distance, a flash of sunlight glinting off the horizon. Dread twisted in your stomach as realisation dawned a second earlier than your scanners. The extra gravitational pressure and high quantity of magnetic metals in the sand affected everyone’s ship computers, causing a brief information delay.
Your alarm sounded out inside your ship, the radar blinking into life as tie fighters approached from the rock outcrop. They’d used the high mineral concentration to hide their energy signatures.
“Fuck.”
The radio screamed into life, orders out pouring over orders. Blue squadron rushed into position while Green scrambled.
“Blue in place now!”
“It’s gonna be rushed, but we haven’t got a choice!”
“No time!” “Incoming!” “Green half split! Evens left, odds right, let’s keep those fighter’s off The Harbringer and Blue squadron! Gamma pattern!”
“How far away is the Delta?”
“Calling in attack pattern!”
You swing to the right, falling in with Hank and Petal and bank hard, it takes less than a second for you to notice that your squad's movements aren’t as precise and well-timed as usual. The stronger gravity throwing everyone, except you, off their game.
That didn’t bode well.
You climb for a second, punching hard on the acceleration to get some height and a clear view of the oncoming and flick on your targeting system. The image glitches, doesn’t hold steady even as you focus. Off by half a fraction.
Shots fire out from both sides, most missing.
“Targeting not working!”
“It’s out!”
“I can’t get a clear shot!” “The read is malfunctioning!”
“Half a click 4/8!” You shout, as you take your shot, hitting two tie fighters head-on.
“Good shot Green 7!” You can hear the joy and relief in Sana’s voice. “Half a click 4/8, you’ll all have to manually adjust!”
You dive, swirling around two fighters before skimming close to the ground, trying to draw their attention away from the cargo ship. You spin, slamming your control harder than you would need to in any other situation as you turn and spike past another fighter, taking out one in the process.
“Wooooo!” Hank yells over the intercom.
You laugh. “Bet you never thought you wished you grew up on Para right?”
“Every day new things surprise me.” He banks left, you right, Petal dives down.
It’s too much of a rush, everything all at once, patterns and shots flying, your ship’s systems screaming as you push the engines a little too hard.
The tie fighters aren’t moving as fast as they normally do, bogged down even more than the x wings by the gravity. They can’t make their normal quick turns and it’s affecting their strike patterns.
Good.
But there’s so, so many of them.
Explosions fly debris out, and you climb higher. Needing a clear view and unable to rely on your targeting systems.
More shots fly out, The Harbringer is taking a battering but so far its shielding is holding the hull together.
The radio keeps screaming, overlapping voices that blur into background noise. You’re trained to only hear your call signal, direct messages. You vear off, narrowingly missing a blast to your wing.
“-On my tail.” Frizz’s voice cuts through the noise, a sharp stab of dread slicing you open as you turn, automatically looking to the reader, it’s still not clear.
You climb, twist, fall, see a Green ship, followed tightly by two fighters. Accelsorate, bank. You fire. You’re aiming in a panic now, not adjusting right, not breathing through.
The shot hits one, before you have to swerve to avoid being struck head-on.
“Thanks 7!” Cril yells over the speaker, managing to shake the other fighter.
There’s a scream, a crackle of sound over the system. A sound you know too well. You see the ship crash into the desert, exploding before it even hits the ground as the a tie fighter’s shots hit home.
Frizz.
“No…”
“Check!” Sana yells, unable to tell who went down with the system glitching. “Green Leader!”
You swerve around another fighter, everything moving so fast, too fast.
“Green Two check!” Cril.
“Green Three check!” Petal.
Nothing.
“Green Four!” Sana yells. No call replies. Balna. Not Frizz.
The momentary rush of relief at Frizz being alive is cut horribly short by the image of Balna’s kind face that bursts behind your eyes.
You bank left, right, swerve, take aim, twist.
There’s a chance, a good chance that you’ll win. All of Blue is in place, The Harbringer is moving up with them. The tie fighters are taking more hits than the resistance, their less aerodynamic design hampering them more than usual with this gravity.
All you need is…
Another alarm.
“Oh… fuck.” You slam on your intercom. “Z-Fighter!”
A chorus of yells answer you.
A Z-fighter, a quick moving ship a fraction bigger than The Harbringer, with two powerful front guns. A few shots would take the cargo ship out completely.
And with how slow the supply ship was moving, that wouldn’t be hard.
The Z-fighter storms in, moving fast but not firing, they were obviously having problems with their targeting too, needing a close clear shot.
“Take out the main cannons!” Sana yells, the panic in her voice cutting through the chaos. You turn, aim, take out a tie fighter but have to veer up at the last second. Twist.
Someone comes in after you, aiming for the cannons, a fighter clips their side and they can’t correct quick enough. They spiral off, their ship crashing into the Z-fighter. Obliterated on impact. The Z-fighter seemingly unaffected.
You loop back, adrenaline blinding you to everything, anything that’s not the goal. Take out the canons. Take out the canons. People are counting on you. Take out the canons.
You fire, a clear shot before you bank to the side to avoid a direct hit to your hull.
It’s not enough.
You need to pass again, and again. Other x wings flying in, taking shots, the gravity making them slow, imprecise. Only one blast hits and it’s not full on.You’re the only one hitting directly and it’s not enough.
It’s not enough. It’s not enough. It’s not enough.
There’s shouting and screaming, the zipping of the fighters as they cut through the sky. Someone yells your name and you don’t hear it.
Another hit lands. One canon out. Only one left. You can do this. The Harbringer is nearly in the upper atmosphere, they can jump from there. Just a few more seconds. You can do this.
“Black Leader!” Poe’s call sign cuts over the dim, followed by the call signs of half of the Red Squadron.
They must have scrambled after first contact.
The canon’s powering up, a quick glance to your panel tells you that The Harbringer’s shield is barely functioning. They won’t survive a direct hit. With how close they are and the Blue Squadron ships that are attached there’s no way they wouldn’t be pulled down too if The Harbringer fell.
The canon needs more than one hit to take it down, more than five. No way you can shoot five times before they fire.
You twist, full force. Pumping the acceleration. Fire. Fire. Fire. Three hit. You don’t slow down. Fire. Fire. Fire. They hit. The canon is still operational.
Sana is screaming orders, so many shots fire at the canon, none of them hit right, hit full on.
Two chances left.
One to fire. If it takes out the canon you just have enough time to serve up, to avoid getting smashed to bits.
Poe shouts for you over the intercom.
You don’t answer.
One to fire. If it doesn’t take out the canon then… then you crashing into it head on will.
Poe yells again, this time cutting over everyone else, sending you a direct call.
You don’t answer.
You fire. Hit.
Poe screams for you, his voice painful and panicked. He’s already worked out your plan before you had even thought of it.
The canon doesn’t go down.
You cut the call to him. Blocking out his signal. You don’t want Poe to think you did this for him.
You don’t want him to think you did this because of him.
“Green Seven!” Sana yells, seemingly knowing what you’re going to do.
Hank screams your name over the radio. It hurts. You think it’s the worst sound you’ve ever heard.
“Moonbeam!” Poe’s voice is ripped raw from yells, Sana has patched him through over her signal. You were wrong. That was the worst sound you’ve ever heard.
You dip at the last second, not hitting the canon straight on but smashing your right wing into it. The force surprises you, even though you braced for it. The impact sending you spiralling. You try to regain control, try to turn into the spin. Training taking over even though you're a wing and half a ship down.
Shouts over the radio, you barely make out-
“-cannon’s down-”
“-Jump!-”
A spark hits, your console explodes into flame, shards hit your side and you yell. Sky and sand tumbling over each other over and over, and you manage to hit the eject button.
The force rips you upwards, free briefly from your burning ship. But you’re too close to the floor, not enough time to slow down your velocity. There’s-
.
The impact of the ground hurts. Pain explodes along every nerve despite the ejection seat dampening. You scream.
Agony is everywhere, everything. You can’t feel anything else, can’t comprehend anything except floods of pain.
You hit your belt, falling out and to the desert floor. Looking up just enough to gauge where you are, where your ship fell. It’s an exploded, fireball mess far off. At least it’s not an immediate threat. You crawl to the side and sob.
There’s blood falling into the sand from your head, the right side of your face. You can’t see properly out of your eye and your left leg is definitely broken. Shattered. Still, you drag yourself forward, digging your hands in and pulling as something ribs and tears in your side, warm liquid soaking into your fight suit.
The resistance will jump to hyperspace, they’ll get out. They’ll make it.
You just needed to get away from your ejection seat, when the First Order doubles back they’ll see it, they’ll see you. You just needed to get to an outcrop. Hide.
Make it look like you had a weapon.
Make them shoot you first instead of taking you for questioning.
Can’t let them take you alive.
There's the faint sound of a ship somewhere above, landing gear coming down.
For a second you freeze, panic gripping your heart, you dig into the sand hard, pull, pull, pull yourself closer towards the outcrop of rocks. The air seems to be leaving your lungs, your breathing ragged and hot.
You cough, red hitting the dirt, iron hitting your tongue.
You crawl, pull. The pain is making you light-headed. You gasp, trying to get in a full lung full of air. It's not enough. It's not enough. It's not enou…
.
When you open your eyes your first thoughts are simple. Clear.
I'm dead.
You were either shot in the head in the sand or simply succumbed to your wounds.
But then things begin to feel… fuzzy. Not painful, but not right either.
And that's when you smell the Bacta. And then the light starts to change to distorted shapes, and finally, you recognise Hank sitting next to you.
“You better not be dead too,” you whisper your voice dry from lack of use.
Hank jumps up, goes to grab your hand and then stops himself. There are tears in his eyes. He softly places his fingers on yours and you squeeze back.
“You're a fucking idiot you know that?” He grins and you laugh. Which hurts a little, but feels good.
“One sec,” he moves away just to speak to someone outside before he comes back. “I'm the one that picked you up, you know?”
“Now who's the fucking idiot?” You smile but your chest aches, heavy with the weight of his words. “You shouldn't have done that.” You whisper.
“What?”
“You were under fire, you should have just jumped-”
“I saw you eject. Saw you moving. You think I was just gonna leave you there?” He sits. “Besides, I was closest. The commander would have blown up the whole planet to get to you.”
You swallow, turning away slightly. Going cold at the mention of Poe.
Hank mistakes the look for guilt, and squeezes your hand again. “Hey, look,” he smiles, “you took out the canons, you're a fucking idiot but you know how to fly in heavy gravity.”
You snort.
He smiles.
“Who did we lose?”
Hank sighs, “three…”
You nod, closing your eyes for a moment.
“There-”
There was shouting from outside, a crash and then Poe stormed into the room, med staff close behind him.
You swallow, sickness building in your throat.
He looked awful, drawn out and worn thin like he hadn't slept or eaten in days. His eyes red.
He rushes forward, Hank moves out of the way, so Poe can take your hand in his. He leans forward and kisses you softly, carefully stroking your cheek, being gentle with your bandages.
“Moonbeam…” he mutters and you flinch back from him. He looks at you with sad, confused eyes.
“Look, I can only allow one visitor in here.” The med staff member says.
Hank stands, and speaks when you frown. “I'll see you later, Poe’s the one that hasn't left your side. The only reason he wasn't here when you woke was because I made him go take a shower.” Hank smiled, “you can thank me for that later.”
Both you and Poe are quiet as the others leave. Poe searching your face for something, while you look away.
“Moonbeam,” he says again softly, but there's an edge to his words that you're not used to. “What the fuck happened on that mission? What the fuck is this?” He holds up his hand, his necklace and ring wrapped around his palm. His eyes are shiny as he speaks. “Were you trying to kill yourself? What the fu-”
“Poe,” you breathe. Best to get it over quickly. “I saw.”
He frowns. “Saw? Saw what?”
“You and Sana, in the briefing room… before take off.”
The small frown on his forehead relaxes slightly for a moment as his eyebrows raise. “You… saw?”
You nod.
“You, but, I didn’t see you when I pushed her away?” His voice cracks at the end, a splinter running into the muscle of your heart.
“You pushed her away?”
“You didn’t see that?” He frowns again, blinking hard, “you just, just saw and walked away and what? Took this off?” He holds up the necklace again. A tear falls from his eye and he rubs it away furiously as if it had scorched his skin. “Just, just left it and… and…”
“I didn’t know you didn’t want it…” You say quietly, emotion is making your chest tight and constricted. “I didn’t know you didn’t want her…”
“What?” He breathes, moving closer and squeezing your hand. There’s disbelief in his voice, confusion. Anger, it’s deep down and controlled but it’s there. “No, look, she kissed me. I pushed her away, I, I even logged a report, I’ll pull up the god damned camera feed to show you.”
He’s not lying. His gaze is unwavering and he’s got that painfully earnest look in his eyes.
“You thought…” he shakes his head slightly, his voice pained, “you thought I’d-”
“You both make sense together.” You blurt out. “She’s… and you’re…” you shrug and sigh, on the verge of tears yourself. “You’re both the best of us.”
“No,” he shakes his head fiercely, “Moonbeam, no.” He wipes roughly at his eyes again, glancing down for a moment and you lightly touch his head.
He looks up instantly as you stroke his curls, still lightly damp.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper.
Poe shakes his head again, grabbing your hand and kissing your wrist. “I’m sorry.” He kicks off his shoes and clambers into bed next to you a little awkwardly. He’s trying to be careful, trying not to hurt you but needing closeness so badly it’s suffocating.
You scooch to the side as quickly as you can in your current state and lean into him as he wraps his body around you softly and kisses you sweetly.
“Love you, love you, love you,” he repeats after every kiss, pressing his lips to every part of your skin that he can reach.
“Why are you sorry?” You mutter as he holds you, “I’m the one that messed up.”
He shakes his head, “I’m sorry that I don’t make you realise how special you are, how perfect.” He kisses your cheek, “you’re the best of us Moonbeam.”
You tut but his grip tightens and he holds you tight.
“And one hell of a pilot.” He grins.
You scoff.
“You are.” He kisses you again.
You nuzzle against him, settling into his touch. Knots have formed in your chest, pain that’s loosening. His warmth is comforting. Home.
“Sana said she didn’t know I was in a relationship,” he says softly, resting his chin on the top of your head. “I don’t know if that’s true, but… I do believe her.”
You nod. “She’s a good person.”
He moves so he can look you in the eyes. “Please, Moonbeam, I… don’t,” he bites his tongue, closing his eyes for a long second. “I want to tell you, I want to say, don’t ever do something like that again… don’t… don’t put yourself at risk.”
You touch his cheek lightly.
“But it’s not fair is it?” He smiles sadly. “We both do that every day… You know you were gonna be in my squadron at first?”
You shake your head in surprise and he nods.
“You were, but… well,” he blushes ever so slightly. “I was so embarrassingly head over heels in love with you,” he laughs lightly. “For months I could hardly talk to you, you know I had to down five Polanis Red’s in a row after Hurthwen just so I could ask you out? I knew I wouldn’t be able to function right if you were in my squad. I knew that I’d put everyone else at risk because if it came down to it… if there was a choice between everyone in the squad dying, everyone on the base, or you… I’d let the resistance burn instead of lose you. Every single time.”
You close your eyes, fighting the emotion that needs to break through and squeeze his hand like a lifeline. “I love you.” You whisper.
Your fingertips brush against the necklace, the ring hooking around the first knuckle of your index finger by chance.
Poe slowly moves his hand from yours and unwinds the necklace from his palm before carefully placing it over your head, giving you plenty of time to move away if you wanted.
“I love you Moonbeam,” he mutters, his voice low, reverent. Then leans in to kiss you. You kiss him back with all your heart.
____________________________________
Thank you for reading!
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#poe dameron#star wars sequels#poe dameron x reader#x reader#poe dameron x you#x you#poe dameron x gender neutral reader#x gender neutral reader#poe dameron x gn!reader#x gn!reader#my writing#fanfic#oscar isaac#oscar isaac characters
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ppl who follow me are tired of me saying this, but if i could address the aa fandom directly... i rly would just ask that people like, stop being mean about dd and soj. like thats all i want.
im not even IN the fandom anymore, so i have no reach. i draw fanart and make my little ship posts but thats all. and thats bc the wider fandom ... is so fucking mean sometimes. omg. like its just not fun!!
but really, specifically, its about the dd and soj thing. the "play ace attorney we have so many games and [MOST OF THEM] are good!" thing. like, its fine if you dont LIKE dd and soj, obviously!! im not saying you HAVE to!
but "i dont like these games" and "these games are objectively bad and no one likes them" are entirely different statements.
plenty of people like dd and soj, even have them as their favorite games. i know this bc my soj fanart gets notes 😭 i have ppl in my tags excited and happy when i draw dhurke and datz. bc we like these characters!! and like to think about them and the story they come from!
...just bc YOU dont like soj, doesnt mean a lot of ppl dont like soj! so i really dont understand the drive to constantly talk down and insult these games?! like ... why be negative. u could be nicer. its possible and easy and then doesnt drive ppl away from the fandom bc their favorite games are being trashtalked all the time.
a lot of ppl find the space family dd interesting! they LIKE the phantom and his concept as a character! they LIKE soj and all of the political settings! it doesnt rly matter that they are, by and large, A Little Flop, bc people still LIKE them and like making content for them and thinking abt them and playing in the space and...!! like. why hate that? why constantly put us down for enjoying smth you didnt?
just dont need to constantly make slights at how "bad" and supposedly unenjoyable dd and soj are. cus not only is it mean, and makes the fandom hostile, but its literally untrue. i dont even consider myself in the fandom anymore bc all the fun is taken out of it when i have to brace myself for shitty comments like this whenever i read a post abt the series!
and i rly wish i could just Not Care what other ppl say. a lot of my friends dont care. but soj is like.....ive spent the past 5 years loving that stupid ass mediocre game. like its deeply important to me. and i just feel like a lot of ppl would have some fun with it if they werent constantly told how bad and skippable it is. im sure dd fans feel the same way.
its very cliquey. its very "the popular opinion is correct and if you dont agree, you dont get to play with us". it just sucksssss
#ace attorney#spirit of justice#dual destinies#like again im sure this will flop too#but if i can at least convince One Person to be a little nicer abt these games#OR JUST. NEUTRAL? LIKE JUST DONT BE MEAN THTS ALL I ASK#then ill be happy#its all crazy cus to me ace attorney is a very unserious mediocre series#the first game is tight but even then most ppl hate 1-3 or 1-5 and think theyre boring#so idk why dd and soj are the black sheep when their crimes are NOT unique to their games lol#just uplift the entire series! its easy!#Idk or maybe im the crazy one.#i wouldnt rly know how the wider fandom is cus again im not IN it cus you guys are mean af sometimes!!!!#i sit in my little bubble of ppl who appreciate datz are'bal Amen!
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just scrolled through your hs2:oot tag, looks great looking forward to it! ^^
yeah about that...
my interest in homestuck other than certain factors of it has been dead for a while. I dont think i have the motivation for it and desire to see that storyline through.
HOWEVER.
Since its.. on permanent hiatus. I suppose i can just spoil the entire storyline and the determined outcomes of the entire thing? So click below if you wanted to see how THAT story goes.
-----v
HS2:OOT was to take place at the end of the long hiatus of hs2. After crocker targets johns house and burns it to the ground, jake comes back and finds the house, burning. BGD appears to torment Jake, arguing over fault, their relationship, and whether BGD is really saying what dirk would say. BGD also makes mention of the "cosmic asshole in space". As tensions rise, they reach a point where BGD decides to nope the fuck out and kill himself to detach himself from jake.
(ill add the pnale reference in a bit)
Jake has a breakdown.
After the breakdown, Jake seeks out john. john has just exited roxy and calliopes house (again this took place after the great pause, everything that came out this year-ish wasnt around) and talk over issues, concluding that things HAVE been off. For a long time now. That they have to do something, but what?
Hesitantly, Jake asks about Johns retcon powers. They deliberate, John hesitant even though they are "off canon" these are still their friends. They go back and forth on this before john argues that he doesnt even know WHERE to retcon to. Yet they still give it a try. MEANWHILE.. CRUSIING THROUGH PARADOX SPACE AT THE SPEED OF WHATEVER...
A SHIP GOES DARK. DAVEBOT: hey is it getting dark in here or what DAVEBOT: what the fuck is happening ARADIA: oh dear we've run out of time DAVEBOT: no no fuck this wasnt supposed to happen shit. DAVEBOT: aradia the fuck are you talking about ARADIA: we've run out of time, i'm sorry dave. DAVEBOT: i thought doomed timelines were for the game only DAVEBOT: the whole fucking point of this was that we were going to get out DAVEBOT: we were supposed to get out DAVEBOT: shit callie what the hells going on
Jades body stiffens and falls limp.
Retconning without purpose brings them to a blank space. Specifically, the black hole in which alt calliope resides. And man is she PISSED. Shes vague, condescending, and focuses on the fact they were "comfortable" and "safe". This is met by profuse denials, they want things to happen and "hasnt nothing been happening enough?"
CALLIOPE: The page and the heir were to remain. JOHN: ok. shut up.
[bickering later ]
JOHN: ok, i don't really care though, because clearly none of this is right!! this is the most garbage i've ever heard!!! They argue and bicker, and even fight somewhat. Calliope kicks their asses royally, and yet their defiance raises an eyebrow. They decide to do a trade deal. Calliope will grant them a set amount of time and they must defeat or at least put a stop to Jakes cosmic ex. If they fail to do that, she will take ultimate control and send them all back.
Calliope sends them back to a point before dave ascended and before the wormhole closed. Its a bright sunny day, and jake appears a little bit after john does. When asked, he said that calliope was asking him for something. John doesnt ask what.
John asks out of the blue if they can head to karkats house. When asked why, he talks about johns situation and the guilt he vaguely references from their last conversation. karkat isnt fully part of the revolution yet, and since the happy nuptials of jade and dave, hes been staying home and bedrotting. Isolated from human society and the new troll society, he prefers it that way as he lacks aim or purpose.
They ask for his help, explaining their situation. "We need your help beating my cosmic ex." "WHAT THE FUCK SORT OF COCAINE DID YOU TWO DO. THAT SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT. REPEAT WHAT THE FUCK YOU SAID TO YOUR LOCAL PSYCHOLOGIST." He also goes into the whole "thing with dave" (writing by august)
Karkat isnt budging, bringing up multiple points on why he shouldnt go, even if what theyre saying is true. This could really honestly be a cosmic fuck over. So when in doubt, reverse psych it out. John nonchalantly says ok, thats fine. We are going to respect your decision here. And karkat gets mad. REALLY. REALLY. MAD.
They end up reverse psychologying him into thinking its a personal FAVOUR that hes doing them by making sure they dont asphyxiate on dead air in space. Karkat and john talk about stuff happening, while Jake says he has to run a few errands. Karkat bringing up more questions about how easily john is doing this, john fumbling but probing more into what this pre-revolution karkat thinks to try and understand what the other karkat was on about. Jake returns, and the ship is ready to go.
this music
[Cue flash that shows the ship, then the town zooming out as. callback to when janes house entered the medium, and then zoom in on the ship as it takes off, entering through the wormhole into paradox space. Sollux on the roof gets blown over by the breeze, watching them. Inside the wormhole, Jake celebrates and highfives John before walking out, leaving karkat behind as he stares up into the soaring heavens. The perspective switches to the front of jakes ship, showing that its more reminiscent of a large battleship before it switches to dirks ship, flying through space he looks up at the screen. Slow pan over the members of the cast going to be relevant, terezi in front of a board of pinned papers and threads, rose watering plants, a timelapse of jakes ship and its occupants setting up and personallising the space. Alt calliope, davebot, the meat crew. etc. Cut to black and fade in text: HS2:OOT]
Ill put more later. But that was all of act one. maybe ill put up act two and other plotpoints later in another post along with the exclusive business.
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resolving loquats. badly
if i had more time i would have written a shorter letter. sorry
loquats the arc of threes - miharu with its three guardians, the two exorcists and their tag-along marriage counselor natsume, three chapters, etc etc
reading it for years ive been stuck on how none of the parallels resolve cleanly. comparisons are drawable between just about every character and every story element, but none really make a straight line to a neat conclusion.
most roadblocky to me is matoba's similarity to both masakiyo and masakiyo's would-be youkai companion. what does it mean to compare him to both the man shutting himself off from his desires and the being trying (unsuccessfully) to reach out and fulfill them? what does the actual point of miharu as an arc boil down to and why does it need to be so obfuscatory?
and then earlier this year unrelatedly i read the seminal text on metaphoric triangulation and romantic horniness. and went aha. lol. it didnt actually help me it just unleashed me but its been fun.
i still dont have it together enough to do my dream of untangling every single connection we've all been drilling into for years all in one place. i still think if i could i could unlock midorikawa's brain. but i can lay out
(dont try too hard to read these)
[a square diagram messily laying out relationships between masakiyo, the interfering youkai, matoba, and the mihashira (miharu's three guardians), the square then broken along the diagonal into two triangles showing how matoba identifies with both masakiyo and the youkai, and both of them displace a desire of theirs onto the youkai and the mihashira respectively]
[two triangles - 1. the identification/desire relationship between masakiyo, his beloved, and the interfering youkai, all able to be cast as matoba 2. the same between matoba, mihashira, and an interchangeable miharu/natori]
[two triangles showing unresolved/unbalanced relationships between 1. yorishima, matoba, and natori and 2. matoba, natori, and loquats]
at this point i started getting incoherent. and then i died for ten million years from Job
but what im still trying to work towards. is that matoba - who sits on the I Hate My Life Bench with masakiyo (with whom he shares a few on-the-nose name connections to really hammer it home), has long black hair and one eye like the youkai who wants someone stubbornly alone on their own path, is jealous of the mihashira's naive commitment to obsolete promises - has a link to basically every story element that represents Unfulfilled Desire.
everything that could mean to him in this arc - quitting exorcism, keeping promises, being the most capable vs relying on others, shouldering a legacy, enjoying a loquat - remains ambiguous. but he Wants. strongly enough that his usual mask keeps slipping bc he's having to think about it. he's The Wanterrrrrr.
and natori, well,
[spreadsheet with three categories of question marked relationship to each other - subjects with displaced desire (teen seiji, hiiragi, yorishima, touko), objects (all natori), and displaced objects (all loquats)]
well he's just in hot demand. what's he do in this arc? people want relationships with him, and the means they have available to get that is through the available loquats picking opportunity. he is. the universal object of desire. he's swept along with the flow for all the setup to this arc more than he's really an Actor (lol) in it.
(and do they both, to complete the triangle, make natsume the universal Means of Resolution, like how everyone uses loquats to get natori? don't involve natsume in your exorcist business even tho i do that, but if he was here he could solve everything for us, and now he's gonna get in the middle of our loquats reminiscing unbeknownst to both of us for unclear reasons,,, well he doesnt really solve anything for them. concretely. but he does. with his 90 chapters of development with both of them. serve as a wedge to open up some space in their closed-off relationship.)
but so anyways. matoba the wanter and natori the object to want. simple, even if all matoba wants, if he can admit it, is to enjoy a loquat with a peer and nothing more. so who's driving this car and spinning it round and round in unresolvable metaphors. midorikawa youre just making it more tragically gay by making it plausibly deniable.
but in the arc of Unfulfilled Desire That Is Also Self-Inflicted - the foolish mihashira could just stop showing up don't they know, the youkai could just go enjoy the freedom it's been given, miharu could just let his beloved share his burden - he can't admit it. he lets all the metaphors get all tangled and tangled and tangled because he's caught in between his desires for connection and withdrawal and isn't able or willing to resolve that tension himself.
but its NOT the arc of repeated cycles - matoba would let himself get stuck there, but natori in the backhalf is the one to take action to break us out. by offering his shoulder. over and over and over. and then over and over in every arc after but lets not talk about that.
so natori makes it simple again. and what we get when its simple is just direct one-to-one visual parallels of matoba and masakiyo. and what we get when this gets animated is an extra scene of masakiyo with his (romantic) beloved, pushing her away (romantically), refusing to let anyone's support in or any of his (romantic) desires be fulfilled (he didnt even succeed at keeping his house alive!!!! lol common cringefail exorcist behavior). and what we end the arc on is matoba... made up of twenty layers of self-denial... not quite able to accept it... but paralyzed by not being able to reject natori's help anymore
which is. mwah. chefs kiss beautiful incremental excruciating not-progress. makes a man want to affect the trout population
#exe#natsume yuujinchou#the spreadsheet is so large and so unused here. lol. theres simply endless and endless and endless analysis to do on loquats
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not sure if you’ve done this already but how would slenderman react to the reader hugging his tentacles? and generally showing affection to it.
Reader who hugs n kisses slendermans tentacles!
dont think i did anything like before so yahoo! honestly as much as i love slenderman, thinking of a whole boat load of ideas over the course of like. 9? years, this never crossed my mind. your brain, huge
its not often that you see his tentacles out, usually theyre for his hunting as well as defense.. and to look more intimidating. you know, generally not something that he wants you to be around for..
but i think every now and then they creep out during down time with you, perhaps during a cuddling session with your tall monster boyfriend? or maybe you even get him to indulge in "play" (not that kind of play get your mind out of the gutter) and his tentacles slip out, like you guys playing simple games
the image of someone playing tag or hide and seek with the forest demon is making me chuckle, something much needed post mini cry/freak out session LMAO
personally i like to think that he can only half way control his tentacles. like yeah sure when he needs them they're out, but for the most part they do their own thing, you know?
set up down, lets get to the actual request. his tentacles are colder than him, and admin is personally torn on making them slimy or not... perhaps slightly so? like juuuuuuust enough to be just a little oily but nothing insane, kind of feels like your hands after you just put lotion on them. smooth, too
very cold. i know i mentioned that theyre colder than him, but its like ice cold. so...
basically he doesnt expect you to show any love to this part of him, so hes thoroughly confused when you grab one of them and gently press your lips to it.. then let go. then grab another and give it a kiss as well
cue a confused head tilt before his voice comes into your head to ask what on earth youre doing
isnt it uncomfortable, with the slight ooze? isnt it too cold? doesnt it at least taste a little off?
torn about it, because on one hand hes used these things to kill. but on the other hand he mostly kills in order to protect his space and to sustain his body, and admin likes thinking that he sometimes gets a bit of guilt. call it him resenting his own existence and simply wanting to be left alone while having a natural curiosity for the world around him even though he only really destroys the life around him
also he doesnt like giving you stuff from victims, and i think he would have similar feelings about his tentacles
and yet... he cant deny, that he can hold you closer with them, that he can keep you nearby with them... and that you love him, and every part of him. undeniably, you do. i dont know, its something that when i think about it, its sweet
this creature is full of resentment, for himself and the world he was put in as well as the one who made him (zalgo cough cough au stuff) but here you are
assuming the reader is a human i think it hits even harder, because youre something that hes built to wreck and destroy. and yet youve given him pause, and that was enough for you to win him over
and you never stop surprising him
im getting off topic, but im just a sap for concepts like this, you know?
"its rotten work," "not to me... not if its you" but its you and slenderman, basically
i think the first few times when you start showing his extra appendages affection he pulls them away from you, maybe even forcing them back and tucking them away
but i think over time he melts into it and accepts it...
oh how cruel it was, for the universe to give this reclusive creature a sense of longing, which has been exasperated now that hes gotten a taste of it first hand
#creepypasta x reader#creepypasta x you#creepypasta imagine#creepypasta headcannons#slenderman x reader#slenderman x you#slenderman imagine#slenderman headcannons
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sometimes you make aus just to see how far you can push your favorite fictional little guy within the bounds of their canon characterization before they’re straight up an entirely different character
#listen i dont mind if a character is ooc so long as it doesnt straight up disregard canon#you gotta stick with that little kernel of original characterization and so long as you make sure to do that you're good as far as i care#anyawys. thinking about my au linebecks.#just barely manages to keep qualifying as linebeck on the grounds of very different environments. its fun anyways#we got. space au linebeck as a v skilled bounty hunter who struggles to find a purpose outside of bounty hunting#crimson king au linebeck finding himself in a country mouse/ town mouse situation living a double life#multiple au linebecks who struggle with feeling useless and unneeded in his group of friends and risking himself to feel needed#ough. i got a linebeck who is broken by years without support and with constant anxiety and fear and trauma who manages#to drag himself to the top to give himself a good life and to challenge what caused him so much agony in the first place and#finds that the status is empty and that he cannot move past the one person who he relied on before they disappeared for so long#and now works for the thing that shattered both of them and now finds himself stuck in a position causing him more stress#and while he's figured out that he truly wants freedom and to support the people he loves he can't tear himself from his current path#as he tears himself apart for the person he is obsessed with and for the sake of others he doesnt even know because he cannot#get himself to stop what he has started and finds himself in a dangerous spiral even as he finds support and success#sorry. this is what happens when i have gut's theme on loop for too long#im thinking so fucking hard about that last au. you bitches arent gonna see that thing written for years sorry#salty talks#the relatability of this post tanks when you read the tags#most of my aus start with the idea of 'what if linebeck was in x situation' and it goes fucking insane not long after#dont mind me just basking in the experience of being able to create stories. also enjoying wrangling linebeck's character into fun shapes
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