#sorry to vent on main over here

[the-writing-mobster]

Hey guys! This is gonna be a tough post but I just need somewhere to vent a bit, I've been through the ringer this past week. This is kind of a personal post too? So by all means scroll by if you don't want to read stuff about medical emergencies...

...

Kay. So... I had to take my mother to the ER due to complications with a recent surgery. Scary. Emotional. Exhausting.

Recovery for her will be a long and very difficult journey. Painful. She's doing better now and she gets stronger everyday but it's still a deep concern for me. I know the first week after she's released from the hospital will be extremely tough for everyone, especially her.

Personally, I've been really emotional. Crying on and off. Trying my best to be strong for her. So tired. So tired.

We were hit with a bombshell that she could have cancer, but the very next day were relieved to hear pathology reports showed the mass that'd been removed last week was benign, so that's def one less thing to worry about and a huge weight lifted off our shoulders....

All that being said — Honestly?

I could really use some kind words. Encouragement to help me get back into the right mindset to continue with art and writing. That's my safe space, you know?

Anyway, thank you all, and thank you to my wonderful mutuals who have been listening to me vent these past couple of days.

🫶🏻

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

if one more thing happens. respectfully. i am going to Lose It

[alchemiclee]

i know this has been said 473773474833 times by the kavetham/haikaveh shippers and probably even nonshippers, but i'll say it again. I finally finished the genshin summer event and did the little after quest in sumeru and.....every time kaveh is sneaking around trying not to be noticed coming out of alhaithams house it's just such a gay vibe. he's basically screaming "I can't be caught being gay in a homophobic society!" even if that's not what the game writers are *actually* saying. that's just how it comes off and they can't make it come off any other way. with hoyo's gay history, it makes me wonder if it's on purpose and all a cover-up to have a technically different reason for it so they can get away with it lmao but we will never know.

[skittlespizza]

AUGHHH

[erikatsu]

okay, i had my laughs last night but i feel like this needs to be said because im still a bit irate and this is serious. rant about plagiarism under the cut.

if you are going to accuse someone of plagiarism, you need to be 100% sure they actually did it. you need to have your proof ready before you even say a word. as someone who has had 4 different blogs + 29483929 urls, i have reposted some of my own works at least twice.

receiving a comment asking people to report my work as stolen nearly sent me into an anxiety attack my mind was thinking, “i wrote this fic a year ago and bc im just now reposting it, im going to be the one who gets the hit for plagiarism… not on my watch. i’ll call them out before they do it to me.” so i scoured ao3 for any trace of this fic and found nothing besides a toji fic with the same title but different premise, because the comment was made that it was originally on ao3. so i figured “what are the odds this ao3 poster has a tumblr” and went to the accusers blog. low and behold– and only after two minutes of scrolling– i find they had reblogged it when i had posted it on this account for literally an hour. i don’t even rmr why i posted and priv’d it that quickly but i did.

i originally posted this fic on. april 24th 2022 on my blog first nsfw blog, touyaphoria. reposted here when i was tumblr user bladiez, for a split second on august 1st 2023 (which i forgot until i saw their rb). i reposted and left for good on the 8th of this month on my now writing blog tomuras. it was stated in the final repost that it was a repost (i have since changed the note to specify which blogs it was posted on beforehand). and it would’ve taken them less time to realize both fics were posted by the same person had they scrolled their own blog instead of me figuring it out myself. it could have been totally avoided.

now, i do appreciate someone looking out for my work like that, i really do. but on the other hand it felt so shitty to be somewhat publicly accused of something that i didn’t even do. and it felt even shittier that i received no apology for it. i didn’t even send them the pictures i posted here as proof, i sent them proof straight from google docs + my initial idea being discussed with a friend of mine and that seemed to be enough because they never responded and they never made a callout post like they said they would. the usual tumblr drama and discourse i can let roll off my shoulders. but an allegation like that is heavy and not just on tumblr. if an actual published author was accused of plagiarism the backlash would be outrageous and have extreme consequences.

tdlr: please heed the notes on posts, not just warnings. do your research before falsely accusing someone. or, if you can be bold enough to accuse someone, at least have the decency to apologize for it if you are wrong.

[sunnys-sonnets]

After seeing the art that inspired you- why Hint Of Magic? how was that idea even formed, how did you come up with all the world-building and the smut? (I am always in awe)

I remember looking at the art and trying to make it make sense. And that made a story come of it. A fairy sitting on a knight's shoulder? How did that come to be? Especially with this pairing? Shouldn't they hate each other? Why don't they hate each other? No one is stopping them? Or maybe these meetings and "relationship" is a secret that they both want to keep. But why would Heimdall care about a random fairy? There has to be an incentive for him to keep seeing and meeting with this fairy until they're going to eventually get along. Alright. Give Heimdall a mission from Odin. Easy. Gather fairy dust. They fairies? They're like the Jotunar in GoW. Dangerous and mysterious. But Atreus cute and sweet so Heimdall would have to find it endearing eventually. Their relationship grows, oh no, but they are enemies and Heimdall knows it'll never work and Atreus is stuck in the forest never to leave it even if he wanted to. Boom plotline scraped from cute fanart and GoW.

Ploy's artwork for sure inspired me (and other artists too!) and I think I wanted more of it or stuff like it. And at the time, I needed some variety in what I was writing, I needed a little break from "Mischief and Foresight" so I devised a plan. If I made a fanfiction on the artwork and it was well-liked and well-received then that would mean that more fanart would be made of it, right? Wrong and egotistical. But it was super fun to write and then Lore accidentally kept coming up and it kept expanding??? Like, pretty sure it was going to only have like one or two chapters but it kept growing and I still hope people like it but I often leave it to the side since it's just a side AU

[bisexual-ashe]

the trans british experience is hoping someday you'll be able to afford private healthcare because the nhs literally makes you wait 5+ just for your first appointment

[pasta5284]

feels like i lose (fail at least one person i love, if not multiple, in some way) no matter what i do. no matter how hard i work for a compromise or just try to act reasonably/rationally or whatever. even when the majority or even everyone says i'm doing the right thing, at least one of them ends up miserable/etc anyway. even when it's not my fault it becomes my fault somehow. ok. that's fine. i'll keep trying anyway. things are slowly getting better and they will continue to and i will keep trying until they are. it's not like everything is shambles there are just some unfortunate circumstances. i won't stop trying until everyone wins. even though sometimes i do just want to disappear forever

[broodparasitism]

that meme of the guy screaming at the “when a fictional woman decides not to have an abortion” has literally sent me into a spiral about my WIP. i stand by [redacted] keeping her baby for narrative reasons but. is that just my internalised misogyny. maybe i should not stand by it.

[girlhorse]

truly been at my limit for a long time now and i dont know what to do anymore

[chazz-is-a-zelda-fan]

i’m not saying i’ve got unresolved trauma but i am saying that this alex rider fanfic is making me remember how shit my dad is

[tiniest-cosmos]

.

[fma03envy]

.

[nomaishuttle]

my theme on my vent blog is like ugly but also its kind of cute...

[crashedsea]

Sorry but it really does upset me sometimes seeing childrens/teens emotions just being boiled down to being a kid.

Like. For a lot of people the struggles theyre going through and even just emotional ones will effect them for the rest of their lives.

And at the same time I get it like theres stuff that seemed so important to me as a teen and that I grew out of and gained perspective on but also like... There was so much i was stuggling with that was very real and practical concerns and it just like all got dismissed.

And it just upsets me so much. Because I'm still carrying all that with me and its like I would watch people say well you'll grow out of it you'll get over it and I fucking havent that shit was real and just because i was a teenager doesnt mean I didnt know what I was feeling. And it hurts so bad too because so much of it I just didnt have the vocabulary/exprience/perspective to fully understand or explain what I was feeling but it didnt stop me from hurting. And that also gets dismissed.

[heegyukeluv]

love-battery (lhs) - req

pairing: heeseung x afab!reader

synopsis: Heeseung always would make you feel recharged just by being around. And you did the same to him.

my's note: hi hello here's a very fluff cute little thing! it's a request (thank you for requesting <3), so i hope you like it!!!! (have to say that when i chose the name of this fic, the jinyoung's song with similar name started to play on my head non-stop help)

warnings: skinship, established relationship, fluff, pet names, explicit language (i can't help myself. i'll always use at least one 'fuck' lol).

wc: 3k

NOT PROOFREAD.

Even with your boyfriend’s tight schedule and the fact you both lived quite far from each other, you and Heeseung always managed ways to meet up and hang out for at least an hour or so – enough to work as a full recharge for Heeseung.

However, for the last whole month you only saw Heeseung three times. You were used to seeing him almost every day, either by going to his and staying for a bit or he coming to yours for the same reason, and it was pissing you off how annoying adult life was being so far, unabling you to do your daily basis chores, let alone drive to Heeseung’s studio to be with him.

Heeseung normally had a tough routine as a producer by spending long hours in his studio, staying up all night working on his music and constantly dealing with tight deadlines. Your favorite hobby was to grab a coffee and some snacks to surprise him by showing up unexpectedly; and of course, to sit on his lap while he kept doing his things. 

But now you were the one fighting against time, as you had to deal with your last year in college, struggling with your final project and with your respective project partners – who would have thought that working with people would lead you to be that stressed, huh?

Your life was a total mess at this point, your sleep schedule chaotic, your body aching, begging for a pause to get some proper rest, but you really couldn’t give yourself that luxury; all the submission dates getting closer and closer making you go crazy in desperation.

And on top of that, you haven’t seen your boyfriend, the main source of your happiness, in almost two weeks.

“This is so frustrating, Hee,” you said with a realistic sad tone, when you decided to ignore the blank page on your laptop waiting for a new plot to pop up in your mind, and give your love life a little more attention, calling Heeseung. “It’s almost like the world doesn't want us to be together.”

“Don’t say such things, my love. Not even as kidding,” he interrupted you to say with a gentle voice. “We’re going to figure out something, yeah?”

“I’m sorry, Hee. But– I’m dealing with a bunch of stupid assignments with stupid deadlines in this stupid degree I chose, and you’ve told me early this week that you were pretty chill with your work. But I didn’t even have time to invite you over the days you said you’re free! Not to mention that if you were here I’d be paying more attention to you and getting fucked with my project.”

“Y/N–”

“And when I’m free you’re the one swamped with work! And, please, I’m not blaming you, babe, please don’t take it the wrong way. I love you and I love that you can work with the thing you’re passionate about. I’m just… Frustrated,” you unloaded with a long sigh, voice trembling a bit since your feelings were, also, a mess and your heart aching. “And I miss you so much. I wish we lived a bit closer, so we could meet more often in moments like this.”

You heard Heeseung soft breathing through the phone. He decided to let you vent instead of cutting you off, because he, more than anyone, knew how overwhelmed you felt whenever you had to deal with submission dates and projects. It was your third project in your whole degree, this one being the most important one, and Heeseung saw you in shambles during your working time in the smaller ones, fully understanding how hard it has been with this final one.

“I’m sorry you’re having to go through all of this, pretty girl,” you could feel the comfort in his tender, sweet tone. You wiped out a single tear that tried to escape your eyes, curving yourself into a little ball on your couch. “But you don’t have to do this alone, my love,” you heard a weird noise through his phone, very similar to a door unlocking. Your door unlocking. You frowned. “Don’t freak out, bae. I’m entering your apartment right now.”

Your heart dropped in your chest. “What?” You whispered in disbelief, your phone falling off from your hand, your eyes widening as you watched your boyfriend walk through the front door, smiling big and bright at you.

His dark red hair was attractively messy because of the motorcycle helmet. He also carried a big backpack on his back and a plastic bag with the logo of your favorite food place.

“You’re kidding me,” your voice was barely a whisper at this point, your lips curving into a smile that grew bigger and bigger, still finding it hard to believe that the man talking to you on your phone was now in front of you. Your beloved boyfriend was now in front of you. “Lee fucking Heeseung!” You almost squealed, walking in his direction right after he put his helmet and his backpack on the ground, to jump on his open arms which were waiting to embrace you in a tight hug.

Your legs instantly wrapped around his waist and your arms on his shoulders, his firm hands gripping on your thighs to hold you close and steady as you buried your face on his neck, inhaling his scent as if it was your favorite drug. You heard Heeseung chuckling at your reaction and you finally noticed how fast your heart was beating, everything feeling unreal. All the frustration you felt waving off your body quickly.

“Hi, baby,” Heeseung said in an affectionate way, with you still hidden on the curve of his neck, making him let out a small laugh at your adorableness. He missed you so much.

Your fingers tangled in his soft hair, pulling him into yourself as if you could become one before you started to kiss every piece of his exposed skin, from his jawline to close to his ear, to his cheek, the tip of his nose and finally his glistening, dreamy lips.

Heeseung let out a contented sigh when he felt your sweet taste, walking carefully through the living room so he could sit on the couch with you on his lap, the contact never breaking. He deepened the kiss by slightly brushing his tongue on your bottom lip, electricity running all over his body once you let him in to feel him closer, so intimately; his hands sneaked into your shirt, caressing the bare skin of your waist just because he needed to touch, to feel you more.

“I missed you so much, my love,” you whispered when you parted away to catch your breath, pecking his lip countless times as you said “Missed. You. So. Much. Oh. My. God,” and the last one lasted a bit longer, making Heeseung giggle and kiss you properly one more time. 

“I missed you too, pretty.”

Heeseung was looking at you with so much love, his eyes sparkling in joy for finally having you that close, touching, kissing you. He caressed your cheek while his gaze wandered all your face features, as if he was trying to memorize every one of them, completely endeared by your beauty.

Heeseung looked at you as if he just discovered what love is. 

You weren’t different, though. Your soft touch on his strands of hair, scratching slightly as your contemplated every piece of your very good-looking boyfriend, not holding yourself when your fingers started gently to trace his face; his big deer eyes now turned into little crescents, his pretty nose that you loved to kiss, the little charming mole on his forehead, and his so, so attractive lips adorning the most beautiful smile you ever had the chance to see. You were so in love.

Heeseung felt like he could stare at you all day and he would never feel tired, actually to have you close always worked as a battery recharge. And for you, Heeseung did the same, making all your bad feelings wash away easily because you had him, and you knew you could rely on him.

Ironically, the sound of your laptop on the coffee table indicating that its battery was running out, pulled you both out of your little love bubble, startling you slightly. The reality check hit you with full force, and the bottom of your stomach sank immediately.

You gulped, looking at Heeseung with a hint of sadness before you sighed and said, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m super happy you’re here, but I–”

“You have things to do, I know,” Heeseung cut you off mid-sentence. His kind voice, the small peck on your cheek, and his cute smile making you shiver and melt. “But don’t worry about me, okay? You do your things, I’ll be around for whenever you finish, and then we can cuddle,” he said simply, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“You’re staying?” You questioned with eyes sparkling in confusion. “I don’t want you to mess up your sche–”

Heeseung now stopped your talking with a sweet kiss, and then another, and another, and one more just in case. “I’m staying, baby,” he chuckled at your tilted head, expressing that you were very much confused. “As I said before, I’m pretty chill this week,” he explained with a warm smile, mirroring yours. “Anything I have to do, I can do from my computer or phone, so I’m all yours this weekend, my love.”

Heeseung fell even deeply for you when he saw your eyes shining like you received the best news of your life. And for you, you actually did. To have your boyfriend for a whole weekend after days without being able to see each other, you truly thought you were dreaming. 

So to have Heeseung feeding you while your hands worked on your writing was definitely something that you hadn’t planned for your friday. He was openly giving his opinion as well after you cutely asked him to, paying attention to every detail you shared with him about the plot you were working on. 

“So your idea is that after he leaves the house, you give an extra zoom on the door knob because someone is going to open, even though the house is supposed to be empty?”

“Yes! And then it’s revealed to be actually his ‘dead’ twin!” You explained excitedly, noticing Heeseung gazing very passionately at you. You blushed, feeling suddenly too aware, because your story now has been read by someone other than you. “I– I know it’s kinda simple and boring, but I mean– I got the approval to keep working on it, so…” You shrugged, trying to act cool, but your pout was showing how insecure you actually felt.

“It’s not simple or anything bad, my love,” Heeseung couldn’t resist the urge of kissing your small pout as he reassured you. “It’s impressive how your creative mind works, I’m really proud,” he said with his voice filled with sincerity.

You gave him a shy smile before going back to writing, heart beating fast with his genuine words.

Heeseung never left your side. You needed him around you every single second, not only to compensate for the days you were apart, but because Heeseung was really your source of energy. So to write on your computer while having his fingers intertwined with yours became a natural activity during the moments you were working on your project. You could feel Heeseung’s love stare at your face during those moments, completely in love by your focused expression. 

Sometimes he would leave your touch to reply to some of his co-workers on his phone, giving them the attention they needed, but in the meantime his head would be resting on your shoulder, completely addicted to your touch and to having you close – his hair tickling your neck making you lose focus for a few minutes.  

You both wanted and needed each other with the same intensity. Heeseung always loved your clinginess, emphasizing how lovable you looked with your pouty face whenever he had to leave the bed to go to the bathroom or grab some food in the kitchen and “leave you to die alone”, like you normally would say in a very dramatic way. Especially because he himself was pretty clingy too, holding you in a tight back hug whenever you had to go back home after visiting him at his studio, refusing to let you leave his side.

To move in together was a big dream. However Heeseung always talked with you about finishing your studies first before committing your relationship on that instance, so you could have your freedom without him disrupting your focus; he also knew that he wasn’t ready to have you so close for that long, afraid of scaring you off by how much he would be around you, maybe losing his own concentration on his work. 

And this behavior was being shown at that moment, by you doing the lunch and him hugging you from behind.

“I have to be honest, I don’t really see this as ‘helping’, Hee,” you said with a playful chuckle, not really bothered by his big hands resting on your hips as well as his chin on your shoulder while you did all the work. He was clinging like a koala, making it challenging to move around the kitchen.

“What do you mean? I’m clearly helping you,” he said with a babyish voice, making you giggle. You could tell he was pouting too. “What if you get hurt? I have to be close, y’know? To save you from danger.”

You laughed hard, throwing your head behind and profusely resting it on his chest. “The danger?”

“Yeah, the knife and fire and stuff…” He explained like it was obvious.

You turned down the heat on the stove, moving away from it so you could face your boyfriend, just to meet his big, adorable eyes looking at you with a dramatically pleading expression. “You’re right,” you said softly, cupping his cheeks and planting a kiss on his lips. “Thank you for protecting me from the dangers of my kitchen,” you added a hint of sarcasm to your very affectionate tone, without holding your smile when he nodded proudly, before pulling you closer to kiss you properly as now your self-proclaimed hero. 

After you finished cooking – with Heeseung’s help, of course –, you both shared the meal, doing constant “love shots” but with your food, just so you could feel each other’s touch.

Heeseung didn’t let you go back to work on your project when you finished eating, saying you needed a bit of resting time with him. And how could you oppose such truthful words? 

So you spend quite a long time of your Saturday afternoon embraced in Heeseung’s arms and scent all over you, making it difficult to choose anything different from being on the bed cuddling him. 

After changing positions many times, you now were on top of Heeseung, face buried on his neck while he hummed some random song, hands gently caressing your back and scalp, making you wonder if taking a quick nap at that moment would mess up too much with your project work.

As if a sense of responsibility hit you, remembering all your deadlines and especially that you had to finish at least the plot writing by Monday – in two days –, you forced yourself to try to move away. Your body refused, though.

“I should go,” you said, muffed into his skin.

“Yeah, you should…” Heeseung added, not moving an inch to help you with that. In fact, he held you closer. Your warm body against his own helping him to relax. 

“Like, reeeally gotta go…” You didn’t move as well, trailing kisses all over his neck as you refused to get up.

“Definitely you do…” His voice was a bit raspy in a sweet, tender way that made it even harder for you to leave. He was about to fall asleep.

You sighed, “I missed being like this with you.” You lifted your head just enough to see his serene expression; eyes closed, lips slightly parted and a calm breathing. You almost cried with the fact that you truly needed to go back to your life instead of staying there with Heeseung. 

Your hands caressed his face with all the care in the world, making him open his eyes, “I missed it too, pretty. I miss you every moment I’m without you, actually.”

You noticed a soft flush  on Heeseung cheeks and giggled at the sight of your ‘so cool’ boyfriend blushing in front of you. 

You always appreciated how Heeseung was not only a good listener to your worries and maybe overwhelming thoughts, but also unafraid to show you his most sensitive and vulnerable side in order to make you comfortable on doing the same. You cherished his presence in your life with all you had, not being scared of loving him so openly, because he did the same for you. 

“I love you,” you whispered, leaning in to tease a kiss. He smiled against your lips, closing his eyes again.

“I love you too, my love,” he murmured, mirroring your tone and capturing your bottom lip with his own, to pull you near and finally kiss you. 

You decided to stay for a bit longer, because Heeseung’s hands roaming your body with such care and tenderness, his sweet mouth working on yours, and his loving whispers against your skin were too irresistible.

The best excuse you found for yourself was that you were revitalizing so you could work better, your creativity would flow easily and you would finish it in no time.

And, well, he would be around you anyway, because he just couldn’t never get enough of your pretty face, or your joyful presence, or your addicting warm touches.

After all, Heeseung always worked as a recharger to your love battery, and for him, you were no different.