#sorry im venting. just feeling weird
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Does anyone have advice for things to do on your birthday (after friends tell you they're too busy to do anything and/don't want to do anything)?
It's coming soon and the weather isn't the best for hiking to stores or anything but I might grab a cake and some ice cream, maybe some berries since they're usually too expensive? Who knows! I'll probably just chill I think, birthdays always aren't fun haha
#syncrovoid.txt#rambling#birthday#im not having a birthday party of any sorts since people are busy and its me lol#ive had 1 birthday party with friends and it was cool!#but yeah people are too far away/busy/arent close enough to do anything anyways so itl just be me myself and i once more lol#its good that people are upfront about forgetting or not caring i think? its better than nothing#<- sorry im in a weird mood and might be venting a bit#<- its all due to circumstance and stuff. i know some people get to experience those things and some people dont. its just a little awkward#its a touch like a few months ago where my best friend purposefully didnt invite me to her birthday party because she wanted to celebrate#with her new group of friends#sorry im venting. just feeling weird#hope everyone is having a good day!
3 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead insteadā it's not because I donāt think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if thatās where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. itās not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! itās good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, thatās not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we canāt change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
#aromantic#aro positivity#aspec#aroace#aro#aromantic joy#arospec#when i saw its important to 'love' yourself - pls understand i am in no way trying to exclude loveless aros from this#that was just the easiest way to express what i meant! when i say 'love' i mean positivity/respect/happiness. etc. i just used that word bc#it works for ME which is why i said it. but feel free to replace it with whatever works for you! <2#also sorry if not everything im saying makes total sense i tried my best#this is something ive been thinking about for a while and have been struggling to articulate#i maybe should have read some theory for this abt community building but im too tired + overwhelmed w school reading right now so sorry.#if anyone has additions on that front though please do add them#also ngl im kinda scared to post this. i hope i explained what i mean well enough. like i get wanting to vent and express self hate BUT.#there is nuance to this and it is not unilaterally healthy i think. also i dont see any other online community fostering the normalisation#of selfhate the way the aspec one does! which makes me feel weird abt it especially.#anyway. this is basically my personal philosophy towards aromanticism#mossy posts#āļø
419 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
king baldwin iv x reader {āflowers of my love.ā}
thinking about king baldwin iv again, and i have a personal (and also probably extremely ooc (pLEASE DONT COME FOR ME)) headcannon that heās the type to gift you flowers;
dahlias and roses and stocks and orchids, camellias and amaryllis-es and hydeangeas and tulips, carnations and sunflowers and daisies.
his growing illness confines him to his chambers far too often, and, left alone in an aching solitude that baldwin thinks he should be used to now, heāll read. and itās through this - books upon books, pages upon pages, words upon words of so, so many stories heāll never get to live through - that he discovers the language of flowers.
flowers for sadness, for fear, for anger, for hurt, for love- flowers for a whole language of feelings he doesnāt dare to confess to you.
so instead he leaves them in your chambers, the delicate things, (little confessions on their own) in silk cloth bouquets and pretty-necked vases, in twine-bound bunches and satin soft ribbons, never daring to give them to you in person.
(but, unbeknownst to him, you lovingly press them all.)
#i have no idea why but the thought of him and flowers is just HHHHHHHHHH#nd im sorry if this sounds weird but its sort of a vent so š« #i need someone like him in my life.#and i dont even mean romantically or anything#i'd just feel so calm and peaceful in his presence#far away from all the chaos for once#i feel like im rotting from the inside out#but ANYWAYSSS#hope you enjoy!! :)#king baldwin iv#king baldwin#koh#kingdom of heaven 2005#edward norton#king baldwin iv x reader#king baldwin x reader#speaking of koh#i STILL havenāt watched it yet haha#crappy ass title btw#AGAIN
152 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
i hate how wwe isnt like...widely known if rhat makes sense? like duh its widely known but ur not gonna see ppl just everyday being a fan š i always like to talk abt wwe and my wwe crushes ro my friends but i always end up feeling left out or stupid or weird bc im not simping for anyone that EVERYONE likes yk
#i tried telling my friend abt cm punk and it ended with me crying snd feeling weird#and ppl wonder (probably) why im so freaky on tumblr instead#atleast im accepted here!#like ugh taste is subjective ik but why r u able to just bully my taste while i compliment urs. make it make sense#ugh im so sorry abt the vent its just...sickening considering wwe is my hyperfix#:-(((#i just wanna talk abt cm punk freely without being considered weird since nobody fuckinf knows what wwe is šš#wwe#cm punk#wwe monday night raw#punkoween yaps
16 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
#im at this weird point in my writing where ill get a new idea / get so excited about it / then immediately get discouraged#cause 1 the idea is maybe too weird 2 some version of it has been done before & mainly#because I feel like my writing quality has dipped and I havenāt wanted to be reliant on notes but sometimes it is so discouraging to see#sorry I just need to vent anyway Iām probably gonna delete this anyway#Erika shut up tag
9 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
PSA to all alphas: let us take care of you, goddammit!!!!! Yāall donāt have to be at your strongest all the time. I donāt care what the stereotypes say; youāre not the sole leader of the pack. We are a team that relies on each other for support!!!! So let us fucking support you!!!!!!!!!!!
#>:( im angy#/lh#with love#a/b/o lifestyle#omegaverse lifestyle#miscecanis#I understand you want to be at your best but itās ok to not be!!!!#trust us: you are not weak for needing to breathe!!#you do not need to be in peak state and push yourself!!! you can still enjoy life when youāre less than 100%!!!#and!!!!! weāre not somehow ālosing outā on something bc youāre not feeling the best. weāre still spending Time with you#THATāS what matters most. doesnāt matter if that means weāre kayaking or at home playing video games#itās You that matters not what we do with you#sorry this wasā¦.a Weird rant#and I prolly should be telling to this to the person who needs it#not writing the rough draft here#but hopefully itās a message that reaches out to all alphas#not just the one Iām thinking about rn lmao#vent adjacent
96 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
I want my art to be weirder (I'm afraid of people expecting "normal" art from me because of what I make most often and them being upset with me if I deviate from it)
#SIGH. sorry i feel like this is like a thought that more serious artists should have and not like. me. lol#but especially on twitter i am afraid for some reason#like i do not want to be so palatable for everyone but like. i am most of the time#its just occasionally i wont be#and yknow. i dont want to accidentally build an audience thats gonna judge me for that#am i making sense#this is such a. NOTHING PROBLEM..#but whatever ive been thinking about it š#like i want to feel free to make suggestive art and weird sad art and self projection art and gross art#and the best way to feel free is to make that so people know to expect it#but i really just. most often draw very normal very bland things#which im not even upset about its jusf. i dont want that to be expected of me??#literally no one has said they expect certain stuff from me#no one has gotten upset at me#i am just. an overthinker and SCARED all the time#oh well#thats all#vent
9 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
how do i know if my chosen name is the right name :(
#this feels like such a dumbass question but genuinely i just. i really donāt know#iāve never really felt comfy with my given name and it never really fully felt like me#but now that iāve chosen a preferred name i like sm better iām still nervous#how is it supposed to feel when someone uses your name??#i canāt tell if it feels a little weird just bc itās a New Ne for the first time in 23 yrs#*new name#or if it feels weird bc itās not right#but also#iām planning on coming out to a lot of family during my thanksgiving break#and i feel like if im gonna do that i have to have my preferred name set in stone#:(( ugh idk#iām prob just putting too much pressure on myself#i know that technically i can always change it and itās normal and not bad to change your mind about stuff like this#but like. itās gonna make it So Much more of a pain in the ass if i have to get everyone used to one name just to change it again#and i feel like other people would just find it dumb and frustrating tbh š#but like Bro thatās my name!!! ideally this is what iāll live with for the rest of my life!!!! thatās so much pressure AGH#anyway ugh sorry this is such a dumb vent but iām sooooo. how do u say. confused and scared#silas speaks#ftm trans#transmasc#transblr#transgender#trans community#preferred name#chosen name#milo mumbles
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
vent
did not expect kissing and realizing iām lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives
#but iāve been wasting time not exploring at all!!#doesnāt have to be a forever person itās just an experience#but still#itās really weird and idk!!!!#and if i date this guy fr i would have to like go on birth control probably and holy shit i do NOT want more medication#and what if i meet someone else?#i donāt exactly want to commit yāknow???#but iām halfway through my twenties and i donāt know how much time i actually have and if i think about it too long i hyperventilate#which WOULDNāT HAPPEN if i was just continuing on with being safe and alone!!#and what about women?? i love women!#but when i really love something or someone i go crazy about it#i lose myself#so maybe realistic and neutral is better?#am i neutral?#i donāt fucking know and my friends for the most part arenāt quite grasping what iām trying to say#like yes i overthink and yes it might not be that deep to anyone else including the guy#but it NEEDS to be that deep. to me.#because thatās how my brain fucking works.#i donāt take shit lightly and i never have#thatās why iām better off alone#or with people who are also deeply unchill#but this guy is so chill! and it does make me feel comfortable!#but itās also like bro is this conversion therapy am i conversion therapying myself?#my entire identity for more than a decade has been based off being single and independent#and the lapses in that are times in my life that i see myself as unambiguously pathetic and embarassing#with men and women#i feel like a fucking unsocialized semiferal cat that wants affection but also doesnāt know how to accept it#and do i even want it? or is it want i know i should want or what would be good for me so im just slowly forcing myself into it?#itās so much easier. so much simpler. to not have to freak out about this stuff.#sorry for venting i know itās annoying itās just fuck manā¦
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Sorry to sound weird or negative here, but after spilling my inner emotions on a discord server I kinda wanna know.
Do you all enjoy what I do here?
Or do you find it repetitive and boring?
#pixel txt.#personal#vent#kinda????#rain code#tagging for the fandom#since its the fandom im inā¦#sorry to be weird but yeah idk#got this feeling of insecurity that what I do is annoying#or too weird and maybe I should do something else#idk I worry me being focused on one thing makes me boring#probably delete later idk#my thoughts are being mean to me#I think I'm just a little tired today...
25 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
i know this has been said 473773474833 times by the kavetham/haikaveh shippers and probably even nonshippers, but i'll say it again. I finally finished the genshin summer event and did the little after quest in sumeru and.....every time kaveh is sneaking around trying not to be noticed coming out of alhaithams house it's just such a gay vibe. he's basically screaming "I can't be caught being gay in a homophobic society!" even if that's not what the game writers are *actually* saying. that's just how it comes off and they can't make it come off any other way. with hoyo's gay history, it makes me wonder if it's on purpose and all a cover-up to have a technically different reason for it so they can get away with it lmao but we will never know.
#lee text#genshins#i can acknowledge how gay they are without liking thr ship#flashback to several kavetham/haikaveh (whatevwr their ship name is) shippers on here attacking me over not liking the ship#trying to āeducateā me on why theyre sk gay and why i should ship it#look i didnt say they arent gay af. and these shippers dismissed my feelings completely#i think it was after that one event with the competition thing that kaveh won? idk but just they way they interacted#the way alhaitham talked to kaveh and the way kaveh responded TRIGGERED A TRAUMA RESPONSE IN ME#which made me dislike the ship and their dynamic! i didnt CARE if he was well meaning. the way he talked to kaveh#triggered a fight or flight response in me because it sounded similar to how ive been talked to and kaveh getting upset was similar to#how ive reacted to the same words. you can also argue my family cares about me like alhaitham does kaveh and its how he helps#but it doesnt mean its the kind of help we need and it doenst traumatize us lmao#so i dont get why people were so angry at me for getting triggered by this ship and disliking it for that reason#while i can still admit that they are gay af and seem to get a long a bit better after that and i can tolerate them now#since its been a while and i dont remember it enough to have a trauma response when seeing them anymore lmao#but its just annoying that shippers can be so toxic š they care more about their fictional men ship than me. a real person. weird#not tagging the ship so i dont get more angry shippers in my notes....but they found me last time with no tags so hi. dont yell at me again!#but maybe no one will care since im putting my āanti ship propagandaā in the tags this time and not the main post lmao#just dont read my tags so you dont get mad at me for being uncomfortable by this ship dynamic. but if youre reading this...its too late#leave me alone they arent real and i am so im more important right š
#let me shame the shippers that dismissed my real feelings because they think their ship is more important than a real person lmao#you cant tell me im wrong when a trauma response isnt a choice and happens against your will š#BE ASHAMED YOU NERDS#I WILL BITE YOUR KNEECAPS#sorry i just had to vent lmao
10 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
its kinda funny that i still just. do not havr anything im good at at all
#sorryill probably delete this later im just feeling weird#nothing ive been drawing for a. while has looked ok . so im normal about that#ive been drawing for forever you would think that my art would be . better#i never seem to improve at art or . anytjing i do#and just. how is it that i dont have something im good at everyone else does ? its not fair#is there a point in trying if everything i make will never be as good asi want#uagh sorry im just. feeling weird like i said . sorry again . ill delete this when i wake up#edit: changed my mind on deleting but i will tag it as vent#vent
9 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
.
#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this š#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a ālet's live together and get a cat one dayā relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a āsex and video gamesā type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
11 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
is it weird that i donāt want to be perceived or talked to by anyone except people i exclusively know from tumblr
#socializing is so hard when im feeling depressed (unless its my tumblr mutuals)#its like weird#idk#maybe its just i cant deal with everything related to school#since im kinda fine with friends who dont go to my school#vent#I SAID I WAS DONE IM SORRY LAST ONE ON MY MAMA
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
i feel the need to gatekeep crocodile bc im kinda sick of ppl being weird abt his trans coding
#crocomom!#was crocodile a woman!?!?!?#omg crocodile is actually a woman!#what if you died#also theres weird fetishizing shit made by cis ppl and im kinda sick of seeing it#ALSO also i feel like most ppl just dont understand trans crocodile in a meaningful way but maybe thats just me#being delusionally attached to a stealth trans guy and the kinda life he had to have navigated as a trans man#sorry. im the scary trans person the media warns you about#and im gatekeeping your favs#(to be clear im joking about the gatekeeping part)#(im just venting my frustrations)#one piece#sir crocodile#transgender#ALSO IM FUCKING SICK OF SEEING PPL GENDERBEND CROCODILE#SICK OF IT#If i see it one more fucking time im going to get VIOLENT
43 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
7 notes
Ā·
View notes