#sorry if i talk in circles too much
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in your Rules and Guidelines you say mildly dubious consent is okay. is mildly dubious consent like. for instance, the non-monster is in a situation where they are non-consensually given or sold, but they are received by a monster who gives them as much choice as they could possibly have under the circumstances, courts them with their consent, and is only ever interested in maintaining the non-monster's overall wellbeing?
is that mildly dubious in a correct way? or is that too dubious?
Hey anon!
While there's no solidly definable line between mildly dubcon and dubcon, it's all spectrum, we generally use "mild dubcon" to reflect cases where consent is fairly clear but not explicitly given. The kind of "I just couldn't resist any more, so I kissed him, oh thank fuck he's into it" kind of situation. It's mostly included as an option for this anthology on the assumption that there's a lot of types of monsters and consent will likely look different for different creatures, and some monsters may not be capable of human speech and therefore unable to give explicit spoken consent. We want people to know that if they want to write a story where consent looks different than the standard explicit consent in human/human relationships, we're all ears for that.
I know that this description of "mildly dub con" is so close to consent that most people wouldn't even tag for it; it's just a choice that we've made as a press, as some readers are uncomfortable when consent isn't explicit. We absolutely do not require explicit consent for our stories, and consent also doesn't have to be spoken to still be clearly explicit, and there are plenty of other examples I could give, the one above is just the instance that's come up most often in our tagging. Mild dubcon should still, ultimately, amount to: it becomes pretty clear that all involved parties are into it, even if it's not clear at first, and there's no mindfuckery (such as power dynamics, magic, drugs, psionics, age difference, etc.) involved that'd make it harder for someone to give true consent.
As to a slave situation such as you describe, that's definitely a "power dynamic mindfuckery" case. I think it'd depend on the story and the characterizations where on the dubcon spectrum that would fall. If the slave creature really has no way out, I'd probably lean toward dubious consent (rather than mild) even if the courtship and everything was with their apparent consent. When one person is owned by another, their ability to give true consent is inextricably linked with that.
As long as the ownership situation exists, if the owned creature has no escape option and hasn't been freed... how much choice do they really have? What are the consequences if they refuse, and what would happen to them if they were actually free? Whether what you describe is mild dub con or dub con, or even extreme dub con or non con, would depend on the answers to those questions, in my opinion. Like, if the consequence for the owned entity is either enslavement or death, does any consent they give really mean much? Which isn't at all to say that being enslaved removes freewill, obviously it doesn't and a person who is enslaved can give meaningful consent, but as a reader, especially if I'm not seeing the story from the slave's point of view, I'd always have to wonder how much concern for their own wellbeing (understandably!) colors every decision they make. On the other hand, if the consequences for the owned entity is like, enslavement or mild inconvenience of some kind? That's different, because even the enslavement itself is sort of a choice and the entity has made that choice.
There's no hard-and-fast rule, and as I essentially acknowledged when I described what we categorize as mild dub con, I personally tag quite conservatively in this regard, but I'd say most master/slave situations would fall under more-than-mild dubcon, especially with the premise you've given, where the slavery was never the owned individuals choice (like, in BDSM/Total Power Exchange, that's an example of a master/slave relationship that could be 100% consensual. Such situations absolutely exist.)...but yeah, in a situation where the entire premise of the master/slave situation is nonconsensual, it's not that easy for me to see how the slave's choices won't at least somewhat be colored by their straits, especially if the consequences of non-enslavement are severe, especially if we don't see their point of view, and especially if the owner never frees them.
TL:DR It's not a dynamic I would recommend for this anthology, though I can definitely conceive of examples that follow this basic premise that would fall more under mild dub-con. It sounds like an interesting story and one I'd enjoy, just not really what we're looking for here.
-unforth
#monsterotica#faq#hope this helps#sorry if i talk in circles too much#these are very hard lines to discuss and the nature of consent from an enslaved person is extremely hard to quantify#i don't want to imply that enslavement automatically means zero self-agency but also like that's kind of the point of being a slave#a slave's choices aren't their own their decisions always have to be made in reference to their owner#like even if this master and slave were really truly sympatico and 10000% consensual i would still as an outsider to their relationship#sideeye it like but is it really#which is itself a pity because doubting the slave's ability to assert themselves is itself de-personing them and stealing their agency#which is to say it's absolutely thorny and the kinds of questions it unleashes are exactly why I'd say#that while it's possible this'd be mild dub con#i'd honestly still really rather not#i doubt we'd accept a story with this premise to the anthology
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DP x DC: The Most Dangerous Card Game
Ok so Danny has essentially claimed earth as his. And he is fully aware that there are constant threats to the planet. Now he can’t stop a threat that originates on earth (that’s something he’ll leave to the Justice league) but he can do something about outside threats. Doing some research on ancient spells, rituals, and artifacts, he cast a world wide barrier on the planet to protect it from hostile threats so they cannot enter. This will prevent another Pariah Dark incident. However, barriers like this come at a price. You see, there are two ways to make a barrier. Either make one powered up by your own energy and power (which would be constantly draining) or set up a barrier with rules. The way magic works is that nothing can be absolutely indestructible. It must have a weakness. The most powerful barriers weren’t the ones reinforced with layer after layer of protective charms and buffed up with power. Those could eventually be destroyed either by being overpowered, wearing them down, or by cutting off the original power source. No, the most powerful barriers were the ones with a deliberate weakness. A barrier indestructible except for one spot. A cage that can only be opened from the outside. Or that can only be passed with a key or by solving a riddle. So Danny chooses this type of barrier and does the necessary ritual and pours in enough power to make it. And he adds his condition for anyone to enter.
Now the Justice league? Find out about the barrier when Trigon attempts to attack, they were preparing after he threatened what he would do once he got to earth. How he would destroy them. The Justice league tried to take the fight to him first but were utterly destroyed, so they retreated home to tend to their injuries, and fortify earth for one. Last. Stand. Only when Trigon makes his big entrance…he’s stopped.
The Justice league watch in awe as this thin see-through barrier with beautiful green swirls and speckled white lights like stars apears blocking Trigon and his army’s advance. The barrier looks so thin and fragile yet no matter how hard the warlord hits, none of his attacks can get through and neither can he damage said barrier. That’s when Constantine and Zatanna recognizes what this barrier is. Something only a powerful entity could create. For a moment, the league is filled with hope that Trigon can’t get through yet Constantine also explains that it’s not impenetrable. And clearly Trigon knows this too for he calls out a challenge.
And that’s when, in a flash of light, a tiny glowing teenager appears. He looked absolutly minuscule compared to Trigon and yet practically glowed with power (this isn’t a King Danny AU though).
And that is when the conditions for passing the barrier are revealed. And the Justice realize that the only thing stopping Trigon and his army from decimating earth. The only way he can get through….is by beating this glowing teenager in a card game.
Not just any card game though. The most convoluted game Sam, Danny, and Tucker invented themselves. It’s like the infinite realms version of magic the gathering, combined with Pokémon, and chess. And Danny is the master. So sit down Trigon and let’s play.
(The most intense card game of the Justice league’s life).
After Danny wins, this happens a few more times with outer word beings and possibly even demons attempting to invade earth, yet none have been able to beat the mysterious teenager in a card game. Constantine might even take a crack at it and try to figure out how to play. He’s really bad though. Every time this happens, the Justice league worry that this might be the time the teenager looses. Yet every time, he wins (even if only barely).
Meanwhile, Danny, Sam, and Tucker have gotten addicted to the game and play it almost daily. Some teachers might seem them playing the game are are like ‘awww how cute’ not realizing this game is literally saving the world. Jazz is just happy they aren’t spending as much time on their screens playing Doomed.
#DPxDC#Kizzer55555 ideas#Danny makes a card game to save the world.#Technically he worded the ritual so that they had to ‘beat’ him as those are the most powerful barriers and most reliable.#keys can just get lost or stolen (like the one to Pariah’s Coffin)#A riddle would be useless once someone figured out the answer. Like how no one takes the sphynx seriously anymore.#(Sorry Tuck. But it’s true).#And there is NO WAY Danny is just leaving a hole open for anyone to pass through. No thank you!#So…beating him. But it’s not like Danny wanted to fight so…he edited the ritual a TINY bit. Card games are good. Much less painful too.#Danny Tucker and Sam made the most complicated card game they could imagine.#It’s based on their strategies for fighting ghosts. Capturing them in thermoses. And MUCH based on a on field battle strategy.#It often requires spontaneous thinking on the spot. So Danny? In his ELEMNT. It doubles as practice for his actual ghost battles too.#They had SO much fun making this.#Sam added an entire series of plant cards that act as traps and healing ointments and duds that just take up the field.#Tucker added legitimate hyroglyphics combined with Latin as well as English and ghost speak.#Yes. You actually have to speak that language to play. With proper pronunciation. (Amity Parker’s think the three are talking gibberish.)#I headcanon Sam and Tucker are fluent in Ghost.#Constantine WILL figure this game out SO HELP HIM!#Some of the cards also have combinations related to constellations either in name or placement on the board.#By the way the board is based on a Hexagonal summoning circle with Rhunes along the edges#And the placement of the cards on the board and on what rhune MATTERS.#Also the cards move disintegrate and have certain abilities. Think of Harry Potter Wizard Chess.#But they are normal when Danny plays at school. This is just for ✨effect✨ Against invaders.#Danny faces multiple opponents. He also halts alien invasions.#While Danny COULD stop crime on earth he’s not sure how to fight a normal human and hold back so he sticks to ghosts.#The Justice league are going crazy trying to figure out who this entity is and after deep research are convinced this is some sort of#Ancient being who has protected earth for millenia. They have paintings on ruins and everything.#Danny is not aware they think this.#Raven starts praying to Danny as if he is a god and wrangles the other Teen Titans into doing so as well. Danny is still unaware of this.#Danny is not a King or an ancient. Just a very VERY strong ghost.
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My (very old) loscar brooch (?) that i just now made doodles for
More pictures under cut
#loscar#logan sargeant#ls2#oscar piastri#op81#and now starts the rant#my fave detail is probably tge eye. there few beads like this and they were laying around until my friend said that they look loscar relate#so o started making making whole thing around that bc in my opinion it's genius (also sorry this is gonna have extremely long tags bc i had#run out of them once. maximum is 30 apparently)#I'll go by lains from here so first obviously eagle. i think it's hilarious and what's even funnier is that i bought those charms before#even knowing who Logan was. just for shit and giggles#also to coala i added a bead on top to somewhat match the height#also i love mixing up their colours bc I'm insane about that. how they ideal negatives of eachother and how orange fits logan while blue-os#so i also mixed it up with those animals charms and their attachments here#next stop - oscar lane. there not a lot of black which is bas but at least last heart is actually black. beads above it represents eyes#(you can see with doodles) and next one is for his hair but i couldn't find how to show it#and round see through bead i use for his helmet bc it shines with red yellow and blue#middle part - i talked about the eye but also beads above it. i tried to match tones so they won't clash#then fish and i love that it's in form of heart bc i associate both of them with water so much i needed something here#and bead underneath that is for Logan eyes ofc. for doodles there tried to use brown so oscar would have blond/logan brown but didn't work#AND READ HEART. “-WELL IT'S NOT YELLOW” “PREMA RED THEN?”#as you can see I'm totally normal about their prema times plus i love how it stands out with everything else and can be read as#usual meaning of red hearts. also made out of corals so it fits them too#and last but not least - Logan my beloved#first and foremost STARS#I added as much as humanly possible party bc of American meme party bc i fucking love stars and associate him with them#also added all williams shades of blue and even white so it covers all that#okay no I lied a bit bc i used a button for their dark blue#another thing i would like to mention is metal ring bc it has extremely small hearts on it that you need to look for to notice#I HIT LIMIT FUCK.last thing to say is how I tried to play with circles in middle of every lane. okay goodbye
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Goodbye forever, my friend.
Lucian & Valentine
When he stands over his former dead friend, once a former brother-in-arms, he thinks he should be happy. Only sadness pierced his heart. He knew, he had long since come to terms with the fact that his friend had died a long time ago, and now there was a monster lying in front of him that was supposed to die. That monster would have killed him and certainly wouldn't have mourned him. But looking at Valentine now, he hardly hates him or rejoices at his death.
Luke kneels down next to Valentin and cannot take his eyes off his pale face, which has lost its rigidity, eternal tension. Now he sees before him again the boy he fell in love with at school and whom he kept in his heart. Even before the creation of the Circle, before the deaths of Oscar Morgenstern and Seraphina. Valentin was the best in the academy, a popular boy from a wealthy family, but he never bragged about it and was not arrogant, which set him apart from other elite students who joked and offended losers like Lucian. Valentin became friends with him. He helped him with his studies. If it wasn't for Valentine…
Lucian hated to remember the times of the Circle, tried to forget about it, but never forgot about the time spent with his friend. Their joint training, numerous adventures, gatherings around the campfire, their jokes and dreams. He remembered their ceremony and how their bond warmed him when he was sick; he remembered how they hunted together as if they were a single organism, and how the parabatai rune burned. Sometimes he missed those feelings, that power, that sacred connection. Lucian remembered how comfortable and peaceful he felt next to Valentine, whom he loved.
Luke sighed, extending his hand to Valentine.
«Is it my fault?» - He whispered.
His friend, whom he fell in love with, was always so cheerful, good-natured, ready to lend a helping hand to anyone who needed it. He was always so confident and strong. He took special care of those he loved. And most of all, he was afraid of losing those he loved.
When his parents died, Lucian had no idea that this loss would break Valentine so much. He was sure that his friend would cope, withstand this blow. In fact, he had no idea that Valentine was so dependent on his father. Valentin himself did not say a word against Oscar. But there were various rumors about his father's cruelty, how harshly he treated him and controlled him. Sometimes Lucian noticed uneven scars on his friend's back, strange wounds and bruises, but Valentine only waved away all questions. Valentin rarely talked about his family at all. Only once, at Oscar's grave, did he mention that he dreamed of becoming the perfect soldier-the way Oscar Morgenstern wanted him to be. How much he wanted his father to be proud of him. He longed for that praise, for his father's pride, but he never got it. His father had turned to dust. And Valentine-his Valentine, a kind and bright boy, died with Oscar. Instead, something hateful and evil appeared, something alien.
Lucian was his parabatai, he was closest to Valentine, but what did he do to help him cope with this change, with this pain? He did not try to lead him away from the edge of the abyss. It took Lucian a moment to realize that he had lost him forever, and when he did, it was too late. Valentine is gone forever. And he hated him for it. He hated him for becoming the one he wanted to rid the world of. A monstrous monster. Completely different. Unrecognizable.
«Yes, my friend, it's my fault. I had too much faith in your powers. I thought people like you didn't break down. I was sure you could handle it. But I was wrong and didn't help.»
Lucian looks into the frozen black eyes, in which there has been no life for a long time, but it seems to him that they are glowing now. He sees his reflection in those eyes.
«I couldn't save you. Did you know that Jocelyn asked me to do this? To protect you from hate. I didn't understand her right away. I thought your hatred was just, and I didn't understand when you overstepped all bounds in your retaliation. I was your parabatai, and I failed. Forgive me and goodbye».
He put a warm palm on the cold, frozen face, which, with its extraordinary softness, reminded him so much of the kind boy from his distant past, and closed his dead eyes.
«Ave atque vale, Shadowhunter»
#I won't stop talking about how interesting the story of everyone who joined the circle is.#But I'm too intrigued by Luke and Valentine's tragic friendship. When I think about them my opinion is divided into two parts#1. Valentine befriended Lucian because of his personal benefits for example to woo Jocelyn and control Lucian.#He had never really loved him because he had never been able to love anyone at all. and it's terrible.#2. They have been friends since childhood. two lonely souls. Valentine although he lost his parents much later than Lucian#but even with living parents who played the role of mentors more he did not see any special love or warmth from them.#He found it in Lucian. support and care. They found it in each other. I want to believe in their friendship. After all they were just kids#I'm really sorry that I don't have any writing talentbut after I read the short stories about the circle and all the fan fiction for the hu#I just decided to fantasize.#I'm still waiting for the secret treason💔❤️#the secret treasons#the shadowhunter chronicles#fanfic tmi#the city of glass#valentine morgenstern#young valentine morgenstern#young lucian graymark#lucian graymark#cassandra clare#the mortal instruments#the circle of raziel
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poor roy
#mcl new gen#mcl roy#i really REALLY love this types of conversations with the LIs when we get to know certain details about them#with thomas i think it was mainly talked about how much he likes to spend time with his family for the most part and the thing is#that's of course really sweet and it furthers the concept of thomas not having much more friends apart from his close circle#but i think it didn't impact me as much as with roy because i've already knew his family#and in roy's case even candy mentions it's really enjoyable to hear someone talk about the thing they are passionate about#+ hearing a little bit about his friendship with devon's really cute too#i'm sorry if it seems out of the blue of me to drag thomas into this lol he's my main route that's why i remember
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btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.
#warning: don’t open up these tags I went on a very heated and rather unrelated rant cuz I’ve been mad#trafficblr#life series#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#jimmy solidarity#also I’m sick of seeing ppl celebrate Jimmy surviving because they hate the canary curse fans like SHUT UP!!! LET US HAVE FUN GOD!!!#LIKE LITERALLY EVEN IF NOBODY CAME UP WITH THE CANARY METAPHOR WE WOULD STILL BE TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALWAYS DYING OK WE DIDNT MAKE UP THAT#HE DIES FIRST HE JUST DOES. GOD. so what if some people make shakespeare sounding posts about the curse that I don’t understand. we are JUST#having fun and making connections where we don’t need to BECAUSE ITS FUN. NOT CUZ WE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. sorry for the past few#days I’ve been genuinely mad at this fandom’s growing hatred towards its own community.#LIKE IM FINE IF ITS NOT YOUR THING BUT GOD. WE ARENT EVEN DOING ANYTHING 😭😭😭 THE LORE LITERALLY WRITES ITSELF OR IS WRITTEN BY MARTYN LOL#I’ve just been getting SO TILTED man. like ohhh yeah okay ur right i said too much guess I won’t say anything anymore#does anyone else genuinely not know wtf ppl are talking about when they say a certain hc takes over everything about the character#cuz I literally see so much varied Jimmy content yet I’ve seen several ppl complain that ppl ignore aspects of his character in favor of#WHATEVER when I literally don’t see that happening to him. step out of ur circle or something I don’t even HAVE a circle man
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how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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Still unwell about Rilke and PH
I love the dark hours of my being.
My mind deepens into them.
There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived,
and held like a legend, and understood.
Then the knowing comes: I can open
to another life that's wide and timeless.
So I am sometimes like a tree
rustling over a gravesite
and making real the dream
of the one its living roots
embrace:
a dream once lost
among sorrows and songs.
#There's in Rilke and especially in this particular book a lot about the world‚ created in the beholding and loving it‚#and one existing to love the world. There's so much about the world being created by that loving and knowing the world of one individual#person that loves and knows it. A kind of feedback loop of existing and being by love and knowledge that is all a participation#on the act of creation. The person coming to exist to love and know the world‚ and creating the world by loving and beholding it#This is also present on Juan Ramón Jiménez‚ among others‚ but 5 yo me was obsessed with those poems. ANYWAY#This topic made me think of Lacie a lot but in this particular poem that topic + the 'I'm sorry' scene + the figure of Lacie beyond Lacie‚#a Lacie that's legend and real‚ a Lacie always sitting under a tree‚ life ending and life expanding so to speak‚...#That kind of knowing it all in a glimpse that is knowing in an instant and eternal (which again reminds me of Kierkegaard‚#fitting I'd say with Rilke). I'm explaining myself terribly but I don't want to talk too much haha But yeah it all seemed very fitting#There was another poem about spiralling so to speak around god that I also thought was very Lacie but very PH in general#('I live my life in widening circles / that reach out across the world. / I may not complete this last one / but I give myself to it /#I circle around God‚ around the primordial tower. / I've been circling for thousands of years / and I still don't know: am I a falcon‚ /#a storm or a great song?'). The spiralling around god in what is still some sort of emanence or reflection of it while being also#different iterations of the self which all reflect it also reminded me a lot of Cantor's transfinite numbers#Which again is quite fitting and coherent with the other authors and PH imo‚ but I may be biased. Anyway yes. This reminded me of Lacie#I didn't plan on drawing anything at first and now I have to flinch to read the poem#I hope I'll recognise enough of what I've written when I eventually come back to this#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#mine*
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as bad of an experience i had interacting with other atinys and arena staff at the Ateez concert i went to, it was so heartening to see how respectful and loving everyone was to Ateez themselves.
i really, really hope that i see carats giving Seventeen the same amount of love and respect on the upcoming tour
#this will be my first time seeing SVT in person (i was 13 when they debuted; this is the first US tour I haven't been in school for)#and im ngl lie.... im a little worried about how the reception is gonna be when they come to New York#im seeing the 2nd show on Sunday so we won't even be the first New York crowd- and the 4th show in the US tour total (plus the Goyang shows#and with some of the absolute vitriol ive seen directed at our boys recently? i really hope that energy doesn't come to the shows#like regardless of your personal opinion on what should be done in light of the cb/tt/spill the feels stuff-#if i hear the arena start booing the men who've been working tirelessly to get this far for over half my (and many other carats) lives?#genuinely? at that point we do not deserve them#idk man. this is probably just paranoia brain because its not a majority that are doing this in the first place#but for a short while it got really rough just seeing it constantly towards some of the members and it makes me nervous#i just want everyone to have a good time. is that too much to hope for?#shut up kugō#also this is NOT an invitation to talk to me about the cb/tt btw. i just needed to get this out and none of my irls care about kpop#rlly hope that doesn't come off as rude but i genuinely just don't have the energy to go in circles about it im sorry#also the majority of my concert experience is punk/metal where fans will openly boo and mock the performers if they don't like something-#so maybe this isn't something i need to be scared about at all? maybe kpop concerts just generally have more decorum?
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
#need a bestie so bad need to send audio messages and talk and talk all day 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 tired of using this like twt im so sorry#not that on twt i was a hit but at least some ppl would always be there to give me a like to let me know they vibe w me#it's so over to me i cant believe i am like this actually. a woman gave him a lei and he simply kissed her so gently i think im about#to pass tf out#guys guys im NOT new to this i not new to HIM SPECIFICALLY but only now im being crazy abt him this is so unexpected#i actually love when i get hit by a new obsession cuz it's often so random#even my sister was asking me what triggered this entire thing and honestly i just dont know#my friend mentioned that her grandmother likes him a lot and i was like oh me too and then i came back home and blasted some tunes and#here i am i cant stop fixation on him for a second!!!#i wonder if this is gonna be brief or if my destiny is sealed with this mf#and you knwo what??? its kinda silly that he is that great while he was basically an interpreter idek if thats a word. a cover boy.#he did covers but they are all amazingly amazing??? it takes artistry to be this good i really dont get how he did all of that#believe me i feel it his voice is a force. an energetic one idk what he had in him but i feel it so much????? I DONT GET IT#i keep coming back to add tags but holy shit i just need to talk about this here otherwise it will all stay inside and i want to say it!#its like i love him bc of his voice and then when i think about him singing i like it even more cuz i think he is so attractive and for that#his voice gets even better and he gets more handsome?? its like a circle a dialectical relationship it's the fucking combo of the person and#the skill#what a motherfucker!!!!
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Passing out in the middle of sex w/ the JJK men
Incl: Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Sukuna, Choso
Contains: fem reader, stomach bulge (geto's), rough sex, teasing, dirty talk, fluff, comfort, oral (f!receiving), multiple positions, hair pulling, masturbation, sugar baby!Toji, Virgin!Choso
MDNI
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Gojo:
"Fuck- take my fucking cock baby, take that shit-" Gojo groaned in your ear, his hands gripping your hair, right against your scalp, as he gave you the meanest fucking backshots, bullying his fat cock into your cunt.
Tears streamed down the sides of your flushed cheeks, soaking into the sheets your face was pressed into. Gojo's body was hunched over yours, his hand pressing into the sheets on the side of your body, giving him the perfect leverage to keep himself up while he fucked you nice and deep.
"Sa-toruuu-" You cried, your moans coming out strangled and choked from the way his cock was assaulting your sweet spot so deep inside you. "What is it? Talk to me, baby." Gojo cooed, sucking in a breath through his teeth when he felt your cunt clench tightly around him as his tip hit a particularly sensitive spot inside you.
"S-slow down p-pleasee~" You tried to beg, the words spilling from your lips being barely distinguishable from how slurred they were. Gojo giggled, followed by his hand gripping your hair tighter, making your scalp ache. "I dont think I will..." Gojo cooed, pretending to pout when you cried harder in response.
"You were rubbin' all up on me, interrupting my phone call with Nanamin because you wanted my cock so bad. Now you're cryin' about how it's too much?" Gojo said, scrunching his eyebrows at you in faux sympathy. "Nah, you're gonna take it, sorry mama I really am." He finished, emphasizing his words with a harsh thrust into your cunt.
Your hands dug into the pillow you were holding on to for dear life as he sped up his thrusts, rolling his hips just right so he was obliterating your g-spot, making you see stars in your vision. You tried to beg and cry for reprive, but Gojo was not listening at all, his hand shoving your face harder against the pillow instead as he silently told you to shut up and take it.
Gojo's cock always made you see stars and feel dizzy, but something was different this time. Your vision started to trickle more and more with those fuzzy black dots as he fucked you closer and closer to your orgasm, your eyes struggling to stay in their sockets as they rolled back continuously in your head.
"You cumming baby? You just got so much tighter, fuck!" Gojo groaned, his hand letting up on shoving your head down slightly so he could lean back and rub your clit with the hand that was holding you up. The sneaky thing slinking between your legs and rubbing quick circles against your bud caught you off guard, resulting in a loud cry being ripped from your lungs, making Gojo laugh as you spasmed on his cock, your orgasm taking you by surprise as it wracked your body with tremors.
You opened your mouth in a silent cry as you came, and before you knew it, you were out cold. Your arms going limp under the pillow, your eyes rolling back before they shut completely as you blacked out. "F-fuck-" Gojo hadn't noticed that you passed out, only seconds after he felt your cunt spasm around him, he released your head and placed his hand on your ass, gripping the fat as he pulled out of your pussy, his other hand immediately wrapping around his cock, jerking himself off hastily as he groaned through his orgasm, hot ropes of cum landing all over your ass and back, as Gojo decorated your skin so prettily with his seed.
Your body still trembled in your sleep, but your breathing had evened out. If not for Gojo's hand on your ass, you would've fallen on your side completely. "Shiiiiit, so fucking pretty." Gojo laughed through the last shocks of his orgasm, wringing his cock out over your ass as he made sure he painted your skin with every last drop of his cum.
"You're so quiet baby, you alright?" Gojo asked, tilting his head to the side as he tried to get a better look at your face. Usually, you whined or something when he came all over you, the sensation of his cum on your back making your body jolt in surprise--something. "Baby?" He started to get worried, tucking his cock into his sweats quickly he leaned over you, his hand sliding up your body.
The second Gojo wasn't holding you up anymore, you collapsed against the sheets, your chest rising and falling steadily as you slept. "Oh shit, came so hard you passed out?" Gojo smiled softly, scooping your body into his arms effortlessly. Gojo relaxed when your head tipped limply against his naked chest, your breath tickling his skin. "Maybe I did go too hard, sorry baby~" Gojo cooed, kissing your forehead.
"Alright~ Upsiedasiesy~ Let's go get you cleaned up you drama queen." Gojo smiled to himself, lifting you off the bed as he carried you to the bathroom to clean you up all nice so you didn't wake up a sticky mess in the morning. You were already going to beat his ass in the morning for not listening to you when you told him to slow down, it was the least he could do. Satoru listened to you during sex after that. For the most part.
Geto:
Geto had you in the meanest mating press, your legs over his shoulders, body folded over on itself as he leaned his large frame over yours, slowly but roughly fucking his massive cock into your cunt, stretching you out. Geto was obsessed with watching your eyes roll back in your head each time he thrust his dick to the hilt inside you, his ego swelling each time your face scrunched in painful pleasure from the sheer size of him.
"You feel me in there baby? Feel me in 'ur fuckin' stomach?" Geto groaned, his hand sliding between the two of you to press harshly against your stomach, feeling his cock through your pelvis. Your eyes shot open in alarm, the feeling of his cock being ten times more intense as your g-spot was now forced down to meet his cock.
"S-suguru d-dont press there!!" You tried to tell him, your hands around his neck digging into his skin, sure to leave angry red marks all over his back from your nails. "Su-suguuu!!" You cried. Each time he pulled his cock out and fucked it back inside you it felt like your guts were falling out, your body molding around him when he thrust back inside as he made room for his stupidly large cock.
"But it feels so fucking good-" He groaned, pulling his lip between his teeth as he felt his cock thrust inside you from the outside of your body. "Cmon sweet girl, look~" Geto grabbed your arm, pulling it off of his back, your nails scratching his skin in the process as he let up the pressure of his hand on your tummy, placing your hand where his once was before he pressed his over yours, returning the pressure as he made you feel his cock through your skin.
"You feel that? I'm so deep huh?" Geto cooed against your lips, feeling your rapid breaths tickle against them as you basically hyperventilated from how intense it felt. "Y-yes I feel it- fuck!" You whined, your head tipping back into the pillow, your eyes rolling back in your head, your lids following, shutting around them.
Geto kept your hand pressed there as he leaned forward, sucking hickeys into your neck, his hips fucking faster into you when he felt like your pussy was loosened enough. "Ah- ah- ah-" He fucked short, desperate cries from your lungs with each thrust, your fingers tangling in his long hair, gripping against the strands for dear life.
Your legs ached from the position as he pummeled your cunt, giving you deep thrusts as he pulled his cock out almost entirely before thrusting it back into you. "Sugu- It's too deep- too much-" You cried against his ear, your face only flushing redder and redder the longer he fucked into you.
"Shhh, you can take it, just let me give it to you princess, let me fuck you like this." He whispered back, his breath tickling your neck as he spoke, his lips going back to suck against your neck as he disregarded your words. You cried on his cock all the time, complaining about how it was 'too much' but you never meant it, always complaining and asking why he stopped when he actually did slow down, so why would it be any different this time?
"N-no Sugu reallyyy- t-too much-" You tried to whimper out, your eyes squeezing together tightly as the pressure in your stomach became too much. The pleasure was overwhelming, and his weight pressing against you was overbearing, your body couldn't take it anymore. Your jaw dropped in a gasp right before your body went limp, your mind going completely blank as you passed out, mid stroke.
Your hand loosening in his hair and falling limply against the sheets was all he needed to know something wasn't right. Within seconds of you passing out, Geto pulled his head back from your neck to look at your face, noticing how relaxed it was as your head laid to the side against his pillow. He stopped his thrusts completely, his eyebrows raising in surprise as he let your legs fall from his shoulders, his hand caressing your cheek.
"Baby?" Geto spoke, shaking your head softly, your head jostling limply in his hold. He pulled his cock out of you that instant, his thighs straddling your hips as he cradled your face in both of his hands, shaking a little harder as he tried to wake you up. "Cmon pretty, wake up for me." He mumbled to himself, tapping his fingers against your cheek.
He sighed in relief when you stired awake, gaining your consciousness. "There you are." He smiled, his cock still throbbing hard pointing upwards as he crawled off of you, sliding to the side of your body, running his hands over your cheeks. "You passed out on me baby." He explained when you looked at him slightly confused, your face instinctually leaning into his touch.
He lifted your body with ease from under your arms, making you sit on his thighs, facing him. You leaned forward onto his chest, your shaky body absorbing his body heat. "Asshole..." You mumbled into his skin, wrapping your arms under his, your hands resting on his back. His cock twitched when it was pressed against your stomach, but he did his best to ignore it. "I told you it was too much." You chastized, hiding your face in his chest as you blushed in embarrassment, you cant belive you actually just fucking passed out during sex.
"I'm sorry baby, I didn't know you were serious." He said, trying to hold back his giggles as he soothingly rubbed his hands over your back. "Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole." You repeated, one of your hands sliding out from his arm to weakly slap at his naked chest, your blush only growing deeper. You wished you would pass out again to excape how embarrassing this was.
"I know, I know. I'm an asshole." He agreed, pressing his lips together as he looked down at you fondly as you took your anger out on him. He knew you were embarrassed, so if this is what made you feel better so be it. The fact that he was still hard only added to your irritation, your face feeling as hot as the sun as you smacked him harder, "Pervert, pervert, pervert, pervert." You groaned, your chant switching between the two.
"I'm sorry, I can't help it." He laughed, squeezing tightly around your body, pressing your arms flush to his body so you couldn't hit him anymore. You blushed furiously and helplessly against him as your body was restrained by his sheer strength. "Are you okay baby? Seriously." He asked, tipping his head to the side as he looked at you, his hand stroking over your head. "I-I'm fine." You blushed at his sudden demeanor change.
"Good, also I think we might want to establish a safeword from now on." He added, your eyes darting around the room as he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of your head. You hummed in agreement, still trying to recover from the massive hit to your pride passing out had done to it.
"Let's get you cleaned up, yeah? I'll run you a bath and make you some tea, okay? Sound good princess?" Geto asked, his large hands running over the expanse of your back, making your body relax against his unconsciously as you nodded against him, feeling your eyelids grow heavy with sleep.
Nanami:
"Mmm..." Nanami moaned against your clit, shaking his head back and forth along your folds while he sucked your clit between his lips, his tongue flicking against it in his mouth. "Fff-uck!!" You cried, your thighs squeezing around his head as he ate you out like a man starved.
Your hands dug into his hair tightly, your nails raking against his scalp to ground yourself, Nanami's long fingers curled right against your sweet spot inside you, his quick thrusts only adding to the already loud squelching coming from between your legs, making the tips of your ears turn red in embarrassment. You fought your head to stay down, looking at Nanami, you didn't want to miss the sight of your gorgeous husband eating you out.
It's not like it was a rare occurrence, Nanami ate you out every single time before the two of you had sex, but it was a sight to behold every single time. You never got tired of the sight of his lidded eyes staring at yours, the entire half of his lower face covered in your slick, his usually uniform hair being strewn in every direction as you ruffled the strands, your hands pushing his bangs out of his face to get a better view of him.
One of Nanami's hands was pressed between his body and the bedsheets as he jerked himself off while he ate you out, unable to ignore the throbbing pleasure in his cock he got from tasting you. He stroked his cock to the pace of his fingers inside you, trying to mimic the way your cunt felt around him.
"Oh fuck- Nanami right there-" You moaned, your jaw dropping in a small o when he sucked your clit just right, his fingers stabbing into your spot simultaneously, causing the most delicious pleasure to wrack through your body. Your back arched as you pressed Nanami's head agaisnt your pussy, keeping him in that exact spot that had you seeing stars. "Fuck don't stop- k-keep sucking my clit I'm gonna cum-" You gasped, your words coming out breathily as you threw your head back, your eyes screwed shut from the pleasure.
Nanami groaned into your folds, his hand jerking faster over his cock when he felt your cunt pulse faster around his fingers. "Nggghhhh-" You whined as the pleasure took over your body, your thighs snapping shut around your husbands head as he continued to suck your clit into his mouth, his fingers fucking into you as he worked your though your orgasm.
Your body jerked forward, hands digging into his hair as you cried out his name as you felt your release squirt into his mouth. Nanami drank up all of you hungrily, his tongue lapping at the base of his fingers when you started to come down from your high, his adam's apple bobbing as he greedily swallowed up all of your cum.
"Good girl, good fucking girl." Nanami groaned against your clit, his voice coming out hoarse. You whined as his fingers continued thrusting inside of you, his hand still jerking quickly over his cock. You thought he was going to stop after you came, but you quickly realized after trying to push his head away to no avail, that that was not the case. Nanami was in one of his moods, and he was not done eating your pussy quite yet.
"Fuck- Ken waitttt- It's sensitive Kento-" You cried, your hands pushing at his head harder, trying to get him to let up. His hand that was jerking himself off shot out from under him to grab at both of your wrists, pushing them off of his head as he gripped them over your pelvis, his eyes shooting daggers at you.
You whined, your body thrashing and jerking in oversensitivity as he kept fucking you, continuing the same rough pace as before, your poor clit being assaulted by his ruthless tongue as he battered at it. "Oh g-oddd-" You groaned, your face scrunched in the overwhelming pleasure as he fucked you quickly towards another orgasm.
You thought the black dots that started to speckle your vision were because of your impending orgasm, but you would be sorely mistaken. Your entire body tensed before it relaxed against the sheets, your head fell back against the pillow, your hands loosened in Nanami's hair, and your thighs relaxed with the rest of your body as you fell unconcious.
Nanami's eyes were screwed shut as he shook his head back and forth, but they peeled open when he noticed how your body relaxed at once. He was met with your peaceful-looking face as your body laid slack agaisnt the sheets. He quickly raised from between your thighs, wiping your cum from his mouth with the back of his hand he reached over you and caressed your face, calling your name repeatedly.
It didn't take much for you to come to, you were only out for maybe a total of thirty seconds. You awoke to Nanami's body hovering over yours, his flushed face staring at yours with concern. "Hey there." He smiled when you fully opened your eyes. The first thing you noticed was how sore you felt between your legs, your face scrunching in discomfort.
"I'm sorry, that was too much wasn't it?" Nanami immediately apologized, his face softening as he caressed your sleepy-looking face. "I- I didn't know I was going to pass out, I'm sorry." You replied, looking away from his gaze. Sure, it did feel intense, but nothing more than you haven't felt before.
"Don't apologize sweet thing, it was my fault, I should be more careful. I got carried away." Nanami said honestly. Your shaky hands reached up to wrap around his neck, pulling his face down to meet your own. His lips met yours in a soft kiss, full of love and compassion, before you pulled away, looking at him with a red face.
"I'm okay, It's alright Ken." You reassured, rubbing your fingers over his undercut, making him practically purr. He sighed in relief before his body was pressing against yours, his arms wrapping under your body. "You had me worried. Never passed out on me before." Nanami spoke into the crook of your neck, pressing light kisses into the skin there.
You giggled, wrapping your arms tighter around his neck, keeping him tightly against you. "Kento." You spoke after a couple seconds, making him hum into your neck. "You're really hard. I can feel it on my leg." You whispered, blushing at your own words. Nanami cleared his throat before he spoke, his head pulling up from your neck to look at your face, "Ah, sorry. Ignore that, I'll go take care of it." He said, the tips of his ears turning red.
You pulled him back down towards you when he tried to get up to take care of his little problem. "That's not what I meant." You said, looking into his eyes while you bit your lip. "I uh... I'm up to keep going if you want. You haven't even put it in yet." You said, running your fingers up the back of his head, sending goosebumps down his spine.
"I don't know if that's a good idea..." Nanami said softly, trying to ignore how hard his cock twitched in his sweats at the proposition. "Ken I'm okay I promise. Please? I want you inside me." You whispered, wrapping your legs around his hips. Those words were all he needed to hear. Looking between your bodies before he pressed his clothed cock agaisnt your cunt, he looked back up at you before he spoke, "Are you sure?"
You humped your hips up to meet his as you nodded, "I'm sure, please." You said once more, moaning softly when his tip bumped against your sensitive clit. With a sigh, Nanami leaned forward, hovering his lips right above yours, "Alright... I'll be careful."
Toji: cw: toji keeps going after you pass out, breeding kink
"Dirty fuckin' girl, pussy is fuckin' swallowing up my cock," Toji growled, yanking your hips back to meet his, his heavy balls slapping against your clit roughly, making you whine in painful pleasure. You arched your back, throwing your ass against him to meet his thrusts, your hands against the sheets holding yourself up giving you the perfect leverage to fuck yourself on his cock.
"Fuck Toji- Harder- give it to me harder-" You begged, biting your lip as your eyes crossed at his cock pounding against your g-spot, his fat tip absolutely obliterating it. "Anything for my favorite client~" Toji groaned, smirking at your shameless show of your need for him, his hips pulling back further as he fucked all 8 inches into you faster, pulling out to the tip before he bullied it back inside you.
"Ohmygoddd-" You whined, your cunt gushing around him as he fucked you just how you liked, his hands sneaking under your body to rub at your clit, adding to your pleasure. "How's that feel mama? Am I giving it to you good? You like when I fuck you hard like this?" Toji cooed, groaning through his words. You fucking loved how filthy his mouth was.
Toji wasn't quiet outside of the bedroom, but he wasn't exactly a man of many words. During sex, however--this beast of a man got pussy drunk on you quick every single time, the feeling of your familiar tight, wet walls around him never failing to make his lips loose, filth spilling from his lips without a second thought the second they popped into his fucked out head.
"Yes T-toji, feels so good- you're s-so deep-" You whined back, feeling tears start to well up in your eyes. Toji groaned at your words, his finger rubbing faster across your clit, his movements becoming sloppy as your words worked him up to no end. Toji would never admit it out loud, but he had a major praise kink. He could feel his cock leak pre-cum every time you told him how good his cock felt inside you.
"Yeah, pretty girl? Feels that good? You fucking love this dick huh?" He babbled, sucking air in through his teeth when you clenched around him. "Yes Tojiiii, love it so much- fucking love your dick- g'na make me cum-" You cried, your words coming out slurred. Toji loved how easy it was to make you cum, your body was so sensitive to his every touch it drove him up the fucking walls.
"Good girl, this fucking dick loves you too." Toji laughed through a groan. "'M gonna cum with you pretty girl, where do you want it, hm? Where do you want my c-cum? he added, feeling his cock twitch inside your cunt with his impending release.
"I-Inside inside please- cum inside me-" You babbled, the upper half of your body falling against the sheets as your arms gave out. Toji's body chased yours, his hands planting on the sides of your body on the bed as he humped his cock into you, his fingers not letting up on your clit as he rubbed small quick circles into the little bud.
You felt so dizzy with his cologne filling up your nose with his proximity. He hooked his fingers into your already open mouth as he gave you hard, deep thrusts, fucking you both toward your orgasms. "Yeah? Want me to fill you up? Cum deep inside your tight little cunt?" Toji groaned against the shell of your ear. "Might knock you up, bet you'd like that though huh? Bet it makes you feel all hot jus' thinkin' about it, can feel your pussy tryna' milk my cock right now." He babbled.
You didnt even have time to respond before you were gasping agaisnt his fingers, your eyes rolling back in your head as his cock fucked your orgasm out of you, his hips rolling into your ass, the tip of his cock massaging against your sweet spot so perfectly, making your eyes roll back in your head. "Oh shit- so fucking tight-" Toji groaned as you came around him, your pussy spasming around him.
You severely underestimated how hard your orgasm was. Barely three seconds into it and you were blacking out, your arch falling as you fell limply against the sheets, Toji's hips chasing yours as he continued fucking into you with reckless abandon. "Oh shit, did'ya pass out, pretty?" Toji groaned, his hands pressing into the sheets next to your body as he continued humping into your warm cunt, his eyes taking in the sight of your relaxed face.
"Shit-" Toji laughed, feeling a whole new wave of arousal wracks through him, "You don't mind if I finish right? 'M so fucking close~" He cooed at you as you breathed steadily against the sheets, your cunt still sucking him in as tightly as it was while you were awake. Toji smirked as he picked up his pace, his cock pistoning in and out of you with loud squelches. "Yeah, you don't mind. Such a good girl for me, always so fucking good." He praised, feeling himself on the edge.
"Fuck- I'm cumming princess, gonna fill you up just how you w-wanted. Sorry, you're not awake to f-feel it. There's gonna be so fucking much." He babbled, his hips losing their rhythm inside you right before he came. Your body jostled limply as he used your cunt to get himself off, his hips stilling agaisnt your ass as he shot rope after rope of his hot cum inside you, groaning loudly through his teeth as he did so.
"Yeah take that fucking load- goddd. Suck me so good even when you're out. Heh." he huffed out a laugh as he rolled his hips agaisnt your ass, making sure he gave you every last drop of his cum. He let himself relish in the feeling of your warm walls spasming around him for a few seconds longer before he pulled out, his cum chasing his cock as it dripped out of your tight hole, dribbling down your pussy.
Sitting back on his heels, he scooped his cum up with his fingers before he shoved them inside you, making sure his cum stayed nice and deep in your pussy. "Guess I gotta wake you up now, huh?" Toji said to himself, his eyes taking in how peaceful you looked. "Time to get up sleeping beauty. Daddy needs his payment." He said half joking as he crawled up your body and slapped your cheek softly before following it up with a gently rub, trying to wake you up.
Sukuna: cw: heian era true form sukuna, monsterfucking, rough sex, cervix fucking, degradation, stomach bulge, misogyny if you squint, squirting, semi-soft Sukuna at the end
"That's the best you can do? Your reputation does not precede you, I thought you could take cock with no problem, hm? Should I have chosen someone else?" Sukuna teased, pouting as you struggled to ride his massive cock, your hands jerking his second cock in tandem as you tried to bounce on the other.
Sukuna had never picked up a girl from a whorehouse before, but with your reputation running rampant across the village he resided in about how well you supposedly took cock, he decided to give it a shot. He was only teasing when he said he should've chosen someone else. You were easy on the eyes, and he would be lying if he said he didn't love watching a pretty girl struggle on his cock.
Usually, he would be fed up with this slow, weak pace, but he was in no rush today, so he decided to have a little fun with you. "I've n-never taken someone as big as you m-my lord." You whined, your hands squeezing around his tip harder when his cock hit your cervix painfully as you sat down on it.
"No? Is that why you're being such a crybaby?" He asked, tilting his head at you as he watched fat tears roll down your rosy cheeks, mixing with the sweat beading on your neck. His eyes watched how your tits bounced as you rode him, only taking in about half of his cock as the whole thing proved to be too painful.
"Fuckkk-" You groaned, ignoring his words as you tried to focus on taking his cock the best you could. Sukuna sat back agaisnt his throne, two inhuman arms spread over the armrests on his throne, two placed on your thighs, his long nails digging into your thighs as you rode him.
The slow pace was annoying, sure, but it was doing something for him to watch your face twist in painful pleasure as you fucked him. "L-lord Sukuna, P-please, a little help please-" You whined, feeling your legs start to ache from riding him for so long, your stomach starting to cramp from how deep he was inside you.
"How shameless." He tsked, "We just met, you fuck me at the pace of a snail, and now you dare to ask me for help? What terrible manners." He chastised before his strong hands pulled you down against him completely, his cock fucking into your cunt as deep as it could go, his tip knocking painfully against your cervix.
You cried out in pain, the sound sending blood rushing to his cock, a sinister smile spreading across his face as he watched you writhe on top of him, your hands leaving his second cock to press over the bulge in your tummy, your jaw dropped in awe. "It's deep huh? I can see it poking through your skin." Sukuna growled before his hands slit to your waist and used the leverage he had there to fuck you on his cock like his own personal cocksleve.
"S-sukunaa!! L-ord Sukuna p-please! It's too much!" You cried, your hands grabbing his thick wrists as he fucked you at an inhuman pace--fitting. Sukuna looked at you almost disgusted, confused, you couldn't tell through the tears blurring your vision. "What a selfish girl." He growls. "I thought you wanted help? But now it's too much? Make up your mind, dumb woman."
You could do nothing but cry and scream as he impaled you on his cock. You've never felt anything like how you were feeling right now, it was so intense. You swore the second you walked out of here, you were going to go straight to the infirmary to check if he had punctured your stomach open, because it sure as hell felt like it.
"And now she can't even talk, how pathetic." Sukuna tsked, looking at you with a face full of disappointment. You could barely register the small sinister smirk spreading across his face before you felt the reason for his demeanor change on your body. Looking down you saw a mouth the size of a small child had manifested on his stomach, and a thick tongue was poking out between the lips to lick at your pussy.
"H-huh!?" You yelped in surprise when the tongue battered harshly against you, sending sparks through your tummy. "Surely you'll be able to move your hips now, hm? This spot here makes women so sensitive." Sukuna cooed, watching how the tongue on his stomach emphasized his words by trying to focus on your clit. The attempt proved to be a little difficult from the size difference of your small clit to his tongue, but you seemed to be enjoying yourself nonetheless.
"Wait- w-wait please p-lease wait-" you cried, the feeling of his tongue quickly becoming overwhelming. The cock not inside you was dripping pre-cum all over the outside of your tummy, the appendage having a strong curve as his tip was being rubbed against your skin. Before Sukuna could spew more mean words, a clear liquid was being sprayed across his abdomen, making his eyes open in surprise.
Sukuna had never seen anything like it before. The liquid dripped down his cock, and all over his abdomen, some of it even landing on the stomach mouth as he lapped it up greedily, tasting the liquid. While Sukuna was still taking in this new sight, your body collapsed limply against his chest, his hands freezing in place as he looked down at your smaller frame agaisnt him, breathing peacefully unconscious as if you weren't currently tending to him.
"You're kidding me," Sukuna growled, the prominent vein in his forehead popping out as he ran his hand through his hair, sighing at the current predicament. "Human women are so weak." He sighed, continuing to rake his eyes over your frame as you slept without a care in the world against him. "I have no interest in fooling around with a sleeping person. So boring." He said, his lip raising in untinerest.
His cock was still hard inside of you, his mind still replaying what had happened moments before you passed out so selfishly. How could you expose him to something like that then pass out? He wanted to see it again. His eyes studied your face, and after some time he found himself thinking you looked almost cute.
He didn't recognize the feeling, chalking it up to amusement as one of his large hands rested on your lower back. his eyes finally looking away from your frame as he looked around the empty room around him. "You better wake up soon, girl. I'm not done with you." Sukuna growled, relaxing against his throne as he waited for his little plaything to awaken.
Choso:
"Fuck- oh god this feels so good-" Choso cried, humping his big cock desperately and sloppily inside your cunt. Choso was a virgin prior to your interaction now, and you had somehow convinced him to let you take his virginity from him. You had always been attracted to the half-curse, so you thought this was a brilliant idea.
What you hadn't accounted for, was the possibility that this innocent man had a horse cock between his thighs. Choso had thought there was something wrong with his equipment when you stared at his cock like it was something foreign after he pulled it out of his pants. "I-is there something wrong?" He had asked insecurely.
Your eyes merely dragged up to meet his eyes slowly, the awestruck look still on your face, your jaw dropped in a small o shape as you stared at him incredulously. When you told him his cock was the biggest you'd ever seen, he looked almost confused, proceeding to ask you if that was a good thing. Choso clearly had no idea how big he was, and he definitely had no idea how to use it.
He was so oblivious to how much damage his dick was currently doing to your pussy. You briefly taught him how to stretch you out on his fingers, but even as thick as they were--they did little to prepare you for the girth and length of his cock. You bit your bottom lip as you tried to conceal your moans, trying your best to instruct Choso how to fuck you correctly.
His reckless, sloppy thrusting did feel good nonetheless, but you knew with a cock his size--that it could feel even better if he fucked you with some sort of a technique. "C-choso- a-aim your hips up when you t-thrust inside me," You whined, your hands reaching down to grab his hips and pull them towards you, trying to give him some direction. "L-like this?" Choso asked, thrusting into you at a new angle, the tip of his cock pistoning straight into your sweet spot.
You sighed out in sweet relief at how good it felt. "Yes~ Fuck yes, right there Choso, keep fucking me right there, just like t-that," You praised, your eyes rolling back in your head as it fell back against the pillow. You allowed Choso to have his way with your body as your relaxed against the sheets.
It was a smart move on your end to suck Choso off and make him cum once before he fucked you, he was lasting longer than you thought he would for a virgin. "God- It's so tight. Is it always this tight?" He asked, staring between where the two of you were connected, beads of sweat rolling down the sides of his face.
"Mhmm- y-yeah." You answered, only half listening to his question as he fucked you just right, his fat cock hitting all the right spots inside you. "It's so warm too... I love this, I love fucking you like this. I- I don't want this to end." He babbled honestly, quickly becoming pussy drunk as his eyes searched for yours. You looked down at him, meeting his desperate, puppy-like gaze.
Smiling at his sweet face, you placed your hands on his cheeks and pulled him towards you, your lips grazing against his. "Me neither Choso, keep fucking me. Your cock feels s-so good inside me." You whispered against his lips, resulting in a whine from the dark-haired man before you pressed your lips to his, swallowing up all his gasps and whines.
He kissed you sloppily, but his beginner technique felt good as he tried to copy you, licking into your mouth, and tangling his tongue with yours. "This feels good," He pulled away to moan aginst your lips before leaning back in to continue making out with you.
His honesty made you hot all over, you don't think you've ever been with a guy as verbal and sweet as Choso. "So good Cho, you're doing so good." You groaned against his lips, seeing stars behind your eyes each time he fucked his cock inside you.
He pulled back from the kiss as he placed leaned back on his heels, pulling your thighs over his as he fucked into you in the new position. This position allowed his cock to fuck straight into your g-spot, making you cry out loudly for him. "Holy fuck-" You groaned, your eyes rolling back in your head at how intense it felt.
Choso groaned at your response, his face heating up at the feeling of your walls squeezing around him tighter at this new angle. While the curse took in how your body moved and bounced under him, his eyes latched onto a small pearl-looking thing right above the hole he was fucking into, the bead being covered slightly with a flap of skin.
The sudden urge to touch it came over him as he reached out for it, "Can I touch right here?" He asked. Before you were able to look down at what he was referring to, you felt his thumb on your clit, the pad of it rubbing along the nub with pinpoint accuracy. The added sensation of him touching your clit made you scream out for him.
The fact that this half-curse had manifested less than a year ago, was currently losing his virginity, and had found your clit with such ease, better than most people you've had who weren't virgins and had been alive for however many years-- sent you spiraling. "Fuck Cho w-wait-" You tried to warn him it was too much, but it was too late.
Your vision went blurry and your head spun as little black dots clouded your vision before you blacked out, falling unconscious in the middle of him fucking into you and harshly rubbing at your clit. "H-huh?" Choso stopped moving when he looked down and noticed your limp body. He called out you name, and to no avail, not even a twitch of response from your out-cold body.
He stayed inside of you, frozen in place as he tried to think of what to do. "A-are you okay?" He asked, his hand shaking the side of your body gently, your body jiggling with his touch. "I don't know what to do..." He mumbled, looking around the room like the walls would come to life and give him guidance.
"Hey, you okay?" He repeated again, leaning over your body to shake your face, his cock still snug inside you. You winced and groaned as you came to, your eyes cracking open once more. You were met with Choso smiling softly at you, looking relieved. "You fell asleep. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Are you okay?" He asked, keeping his hand on your face, rubbing the sweat from your skin.
"Fuck... Choso I'm sorry, I bet I scared you huh?" You said apologetically, your hand cupping over his as you rubbed the back of his hand. Choso pouted before he responded, "Don't be sorry, I was a little startled, but I think that was my fault." He said, a light blush dusting across his cheeks. "Does that normally happen?" He asked, tipping his head at you.
You laughed, your hand caressing down his arm. "Not usually no, it's definitely never happened to me before, you're dick is just too good Cho." You giggled, watching how embarrassed he got when you said that. "I-I don't know." He said, looking away from your face in embarrassment--he really was oblivious.
"No?" You teased, purposefully squeezing your cunt around his cock, making him hiss at the sensation, his eyes fluttering shut. "Why don't you fuck me some more, hm? I'll tell you all about how good your cock makes me feel." You whisper teasingly, your hand coming up to stroke his cheek, pushing his stray hair away from his face.
"Is that okay?" He asked hesitantly, "What if you pass out again?" Choso swallowed all the saliva in his dry mouth, feeling himself throb inside your walls. He really did want to keep going, but he was afraid of you passing out again. "It's okay, just take it easy, and maybe don't touch my clit for now." You added, laughing, making him blush as he nodded in understanding.
#jjk smut#gojo smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru x reader#choso smut#geto smut#toji smut#sukuna smut#geto suguru x reader#nanami smut#nanami x you#geto x you#sukuna ryomen smut#choso x y/n#choso x reader#getou suguru x reader#geto x reader#sukuna x reader#nanami x reader#jjk geto#fushiguro toji x reader#toji x you#toji x reader
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Seeing the buzz about war within makes me think of my favorite warcraft blorbo- Arator. Wonder if he'll have anything new? With Turalyon on the throne and Alleria one of the main advertised protagonists I hope so.
He was mentioned a few times in Vow Eternal. He is on Golden's radar which makes me both nervous and excited. He was hanging out with his parents and then hanging out with Dagran which was sweet. And she did mention him in Before the Storm.
#Christie Golden has Arator writing rights so far in my book. His mention in BtS is circled in my book thank you very much#And his interaction with Dagran was really cute- I'm sure he has a way with kids from his cousins.#I think (slightspoiler?) Dagran's new alleged model made me think of him today.#Roux does not have Arator writing rights tho. Sorry girl you did not check your time line for that story Alleria told in shadows rising#I do wonder if they would touch up the lore in beyond the dark portal for him. I am pretty satisfied with my own hcs and the light recon#no double dipping for retcons tho Roux- that's my made up rules#Arator the Redeemer#Arator Windrunner#warcraft#the windrunners continue to live near rent free in my brain. I need to squeeze a stresstoy if I think about them too much I swear#fucked up elves (affectionate)#+their human partners who have one whole last name between the three of them and the kids the narrative sometimes remembers#the twins are like 16 now I think?? Wild.#give them in game models Blizzard#z talks#don't mind this absolute NOVEL in the tags
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oh to do vent art... if only
#if i do it i make fun of myself#if i do it its not gonna be decayed by mushrooms or grown over by plants or even visceral gore really#its just#bits and pieces#shapes#like im sure it stems from disassociation but my representation {idfk how to describe imp} came from dysphoria#its an orange circle head with green hair a black hoodie black shorts tall striped socks and boots#and the special part about it besides the eyebags and mouth with two fangs as the only elements of a face#is that it can take off {?} body parts#like oh my pain is going on? {forgot imp wasnt solely from dysphoria lol} not there anymore! gone! no more hip!#like i think its just stabbing at my paper and fucking up my mechanical pencils by dragging them in the paper in a way that theyre unusable#idk#im constantly stressed i think and just need to stop#like. i need to stop everything. like a break from existing#and that might be from perceiving myself as more of a movie camera than a person#sorry for all this#uh#vent#i suppose#idk i feel stupid#anyway#imps bs#mae borowski really got the shapes but its not a one-for-one for me but it helped#fuck#i should shut up#sorry#i dont even feel 'in a dark place' im just. here. everything is too much yet too little and i want to talk about it but don't know how#ugh
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Third Wheel
Dark!SatoSugu x reader
(Warnings: Yandere, dark content, dark, misogynistic language, delusional behavior, kidnapping, blood, violence, +ShokoHime x reader, choking (not in the sexy way tho), threesomes, oral!F!recieving)
Synopsis: Regardless of what Satoru and Suguru tell you, you've always felt left out in this relationship. But when you leave, you quickly find out there's no line your ex-lovers won't cross to get you back
Word Count: 7.3k
When you come home that night, they're already cuddled together, watching TV.
It's cute. Your boyfriends were always so loose with their affection. When Suguru was cooking, Satoru would lean on his back, more than happy to talk his ear off. Suguru would hold Satoru's waist, steadying him, being his anchor. At night, you'd catch them reaching for each other, trying to hold hands even in their sleep.
It's clear to even the blind: they are soulmates.
And you were just extra baggage.
You don't know how you caught their eyes, but this past year was fun. They've been sweet, both of them have. Inviting you into their lives, into their home, into their bed. Everything moved so fast, but you didn't mind. You were young and a bit spontaneous. Two beautiful men showing a glimpse of interest in you wasn't something you could pass up. This was nice, while it lasted.
But unlike them, you aren't forever. Their bond would never come close to anything they could have with you.
It took a while for you to accept that, but eventually, you did.
"Hey, babe," Satoru calls. "Rough day?" He lazily waves you over. Suguru grunts, before shifting over to make space.
Despite it all, you're a coward. You don't announce it; you just stare at them. Fondly. Yes, this was nice. You don't think you could handle telling them, though; that would be too much. Seeing how little they cared would break you.
"Yeah." You give. "Rough day."
You weave through the house. It's theirs. Not yours. That they've made clear. You're an afterthought. It's the little things. Their toothbrushes are together, yours on the other side of the sink. Their shoes were neatly stacked side by side, and yours were always tucked away in a corner. Left out. Forgotten. Why wouldn't it be like that? They've been together for years. You were still an outsider.
You only have a little to grab. You just grab your extra clothes, the hair clips you have a terrible habit of leaving around. Just a few items. And then the bedroom looks like you'd never been there at all.
When you come back out, they don't notice your suitcase. Satoru laughs loudly at something happening on screen. Suguru chides him sternly. Good. It's better this way, you think as you take your suitcase to your car. You don't need any additional heartbreak.
You make a few more rounds, collecting everything you need. Suguru only catches you when you are about to leave their house forever.
"Angel?" He calls. "Where are you going?"
He's looking at you, head tilted in mild curiosity. You manage to smile, looking down at your car keys.
"Out for a drive." You shrug. "I'll be back."
Suguru takes it at face value. He lets you go with a small 'have fun'. The walk to the car is heavy. Metal dumbbells on your shoulders.
When you get in the seat, you finally allow yourself to sob.
~
I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore
That's how you ended the wall of text before blocking them. It was the coward's way out.
"No." Utahime's quick to tell you. "It's the only way. Those bastards would've never let you go otherwise."
You shouldn't be so quick to listen to her, considering she hates them both. Still, she was more than happy to offer you her home while you picked yourself back up, and started looking for an apartment. You'll humor her for the time being.
"She's right," Shoko pipes up. Her dark circles are even more prominent tonight. You guiltily think it has more to do with you than with her patients, but she and Utahime have insisted that you stay with them.
"It was for my sake, more than theirs." You say honestly, tucking yourself into the couch. "They...don't care about me. At least, not like they do each other."
Utahime rolls her eyes. "You are blind." She says. "Those two were obsessed with you. I'm just glad you got out while you could."
You laugh, but it beats crying all over again. Utahime doesn't find what she said as funny. She chides you again, something about being oblivious before she settles down to watch the movie she put on. Shoko falls asleep right at the intermission. Her head falls against your shoulder. Utahime leans against you too. And it's nice to have friends to fill the void they left.
~
Satoru appears first.
You woke up later than you would have liked. Your eyes are itchy and red from crying all night. Utahime was more than happy to give you her guestroom, but you know you can't take advantage of her kindness for too long. Tomorrow, you'll start apartment hunting.
Today, you'd sit on the couch and eat ice cream.
When you go downstairs, you hear a hushed whisper. Utahime's by the door, using her body to keep someone out. She looks angry.
"-No one's here but me. Now get the fuck off my property." She seethes.
You recognize his voice. You aren't ready. "Have you heard anything? Anything at all?"
"No." Utahime gripes. "So go, Gojo-"
He catches your eyes. Your heart gets stuck in your throat.
He's taller than her. It takes little to no effort to barrel through her body, easily shoving her aside to get to you. You flinch, his touch burns when he grabs you, pulling you into his arms.
"Oh, baby." He sighs into your hair. "There you are. Missed you."
It's too soon. You aren't ready. You can still feel the emotions bubble up from that night, when you collapsed in Utahime's arms, sobbing your heart out. This wasn't fair. They never made it fair.
You cast a glance at Utahime. She was scowling, close to boiling right over the edge. It gives you enough strength to try to push Gojo off, but he only lets go, when he wants to.
"Okay." He smiles, reaching down to grab your hand. "C'mon. Let's go home. You had us both so worried for a sec, but if we explain everything to Suguru it'll be okay."
You find your voice then. As well as your strength. His grip on your hand isn't all that tight. It slips away when you gently shake him off. Satoru stops, confused.
"Satoru..." You start. "Didn't you get my text?"
He rolls his shoulders, agitated. "Yeah, but-but it doesn't matter."
There it was. His lovable personality. Casual careless, nonchalance. For once, you aren't annoyed by it. Maybe your grief made you numb to it.
"I did mean it," you say as plainly as you can, "every word."
He freezes. You smile at Utahime.
"Could you give us some time?" You ask.
She frowns, but she's never been able to say no to you.
"Ten minutes." She finally says, before she's marching back to the kitchen. You still hear her muttering while leading Satoru back to your room.
"I'm sorry." He says when the door shuts behind him.
"For what?"
He runs a hand through his hair, taking off those glasses he loves so much. You can't look him in the eyes for too long. It brings up too many memories.
"I fucked up, right?" He says, he sounds desperate. You've never heard him sound like this before. "I'm sorry. I dunno what I did, but I'm sorry."
You shrug, picking at the lint of your sleeves. "You didn't do anything. I just...it felt like a good point to just-"
"-Leave us?" He cuts in. "Come home, baby. I'm so sorry, just come home and we'll figure this out." You look away because you can feel the tears burn up.
"You didn't do anything." You insist, but your voice is weaker.
"Was it Suguru? Did he do some bullshit?" Satoru interrogates. "What'd he do? I'll kick his ass, I promise." You hide your smile underneath your sleeves.
"He didn't do anything either," you assure, "neither of you did."
He's getting more and more desperate. "Then why did you leave us? What's wrong with us? Why can't we go home and talk this out? Please come back, baby; home doesn't feel like home without you."
Isn't this what you wanted? A confession. Evidence that they wanted you just as much as they wanted each other. Satoru certainly did. Suguru did, too, considering how hurt Satoru implied him to be. A week ago, you might have been over the moon, too wallowed in self-pity to do anything but agree, run back into their arms, and willingly sink back into 2nd place all over again.
But the thought of going back to their home makes you feel sick.
"I can't." You decide. "I just can't. It's over, Satoru."
I'm sorry. You keep that last line to yourself because you're too scared to crack in front of him. Shatter. Splinter.
Satoru doesn't share the same sentiment. You hear movement, and when you look up, he's crying.
A part of you wants to hug him, but you hold yourself back because he isn't yours anymore, and maybe he never was. Still, it hurts seeing him like this. The piece of you that still wanted him is ready to forgive and forget. Your vindictiveness keeps it at bay.
"That's not fucking fair." He's saying through his tears, even when he's crying, he's beautiful, "You-you can't just ditch us like this. You don't get it; we can't live without you. It's killing us; you're killing us, baby." He staggers forward, in a way that makes you afraid he might fall. In the end, he just collapses on the bed. Eventually, you take a seat next to him.
He's looking around, you catch him eyeing the pile of clothes in the laundry basket. The hair ties on top of the drawer. The plushies on the bed. You think it might finally be starting to sink that that you're truly gone.
"Suguru can't sleep these days, y'know that?" He starts, a sardonic laugh in his throat. "He pretends to, but he can't. He stays up all night just wishing you'd come home. The guy is miserable without you, and you can't even gimme a fucking answer."
His voice cuts you just the way it's supposed to. You wince, feeling his words slice into his skin, finding their way into your heart. You look at his shoes for a moment. He didn't bother to remove them. Maybe that's another reason why Utahime was so pissed.
"I was starting to feel like an afterthought with you two." You speak. "I mean, it makes sense, you two were together, first. I thought the barrier would just take time to go away....but then it didn't."
How many times has Suguru taken Satoru's hand over yours? How many times has Satoru forgotten your drink but not Suguru's? How many inside jokes you didn't understand? You always felt petty for being jealous over the tiniest things, but those tiny things kept getting bigger and bigger until it felt like they'd been purposely building that barrier themselves.
You were sick of feeling like the third wheel in your relationship.
"Baby..." Satoru's voice is tinged in guilt and you can't look at him because you can feel the tears start to well up. "I-I didn't realize." He grabs your hand.
"Come home." He pleads. "We'll fix it, I promise. We'll be better. We'll do better."
You shake your head, slipping away from his grip.
"It's too late." Your voice is shaky. Please let him not notice. Please, please, please for once can his oblivious about everything but his one and only work in your favor? "You can't fix anything, Satoru. Not now."
"You haven't even given us a chance to-"
"You should go." You stand up. Satoru follows you out the door. Utahime's already outside. She catches your eyes and nods.
"Gojo." She speaks, tone clipped. "Get the fuck out of my house."
He stills, frozen like the prettiest painting in the world. His eyes turn to ice as he stares at her. Utahime doesn't budge. If anything, she advances, pulling you close, acting like a human barrier between you and your ex-boyfriend. You take it immediately, nestling into her side, taking refuge from his icy stare.
There's silence. You only relax when you hear his footsteps fade and the door slams ricochets into the apartment. And that's when you break down into Utahime's arms completely, letting her coo you into comfort.
"Maybe I am being overdramatic," you say when Shoko comes back later that day. Utahime was enraged since Satoru left, pacing around the apartment. It's only after both you and Shoko coaxed her back into the couch that she calms down enough to take a seat next to you.
"Maybe this whole thing is ridiculous. I-I should just go back and-"
"No." Shoko is immediately saying voice firm. "Absolutely Not."
You can smell the hint of smoke when she came back from the hospital. You try not to assume it's because of you.
"No way in hell are we letting you go back there after what he did." Utahime gripes.
"He didn't do anything." You argue. "I swear, I-I was just...being pathetic."
Warm hands lift your head up. You struggle, still shuddering from your sobs as Utahime forces you to look at her.
Her eyes are brown. Not as glittery as Satoru's, who's eyes shine like the burning sun itself. Not like Suguru, with his celestial purple. No, hers are just brown.
You didn't realize how beautiful brown eyes could be. Not just the color of home; the color of chocolate; the color of brownies. The way the light cast down at them made them deep and dark, like a night sky. If you looked closer, you could see tiny stars swimming around.
"Listen. Are you listening?" When you nod, her voice softens. She tucks your hair behind your ear.
"You deserve better." She insists. "You deserve better than them. So so much better. I know you can't see it right now, but there is better out there waiting for you." Her voice loses all momentum all at once. "Just...trust me, okay?"
Her desperation to be heard makes you smile a bit. You nod. Her frown loosens, just the tiniest bit. She relaxes.
"Thanks," you say after a beat. "I...I needed that. I'm glad I have goods friends."
Utahime's hands drop from your face. She collapses into the couch cushions with a groan. Shoko laughs.
"Told you." Shoko says, mirth and alcohol on her tongue.
Utahime flips her off, and Shoko takes her place. She settles into your side.
"They were assholes." She tells you. "Forget about them. And she's right, you deserve better."
You were glad they were there for you, even when you weren't there for yourself. It felt nice that they cared. Vouched, Advocated for your comfort. They made better boyfriends than your old boyfriends ever did. Their support helped heal the Satoru and Suguru-sized holes left in your heart. Every day became a bit better.
When Suguru eventually turned up, you were a bit more prepared.
He's a bit nicer than Satoru was. He actually knocks, instead of relentlessly pounding on the door. He doesn't barrel through Shoko when he spots you cowering behind her. His face betrays nothing. He's still. A polite smile is stretched on his lips. Shoko isn't happy about letting him into her home, but when she glances at you, you nod. You needed to do this. You needed closure.
And so did Suguru.
You don't speak to him until you're shut in your room. Geto cuts the silence first.
"How have you been?" He asks nicely.
"Good." You respond. "You?"
"Good."
Conversation stilts. You don't know what to say. Luckily, your ex is never the man who stays silent for long.
"How's living with Shoko and Utahime been?" He asks, "I'm surprised you've put up with them for this long. They were pretty scary in high school."
"I bet you two were scarier." You counter.
He smiles. It's soft, looks good on him. You find yourself smiling back. When you take a seat on the the of the bed, he doesn't follow. You don't know whether to feel glad or not.
"Yeah, I'm not the proudest of those times." He admits with a sheepish laugh.
It dies down, and you know the artificial barrier between you two has broken. You shift, waiting for the inevitable.
"Satoru told me what happened." He sighs. "I'm sorry, Angel. We-I didn't know how you felt. Everything was so perfect, I just thought you felt the same."
"It's fine." You assure, and this time, your throat doesn't clog up, and your eyes don't feel itchy. "Really. It's-it's fine."
"It's not." Suguru shakes his head. "You'd be in bed with us if it were."
That comment pricks something deep within your skin. You swallow, turning away from his piercing purple eyes. They were much like Satoru's. Breathtaking, you could stare at them for hours. You used to.
But now, you don't have that desire anymore.
And maybe now that you aren't so attached, maybe you could try being a little more honest.
"I was jealous." You finally admit. "I couldn't help it. I-I always felt like I was fighting within my relationship. You two were so much closer to each other than I was. Than I ever could be, honestly."
Suguru frowns, troubled.
"That's not true." He insists, soft, but something's burning underneath his tone. "Satoru and I have history, but that doesn't mean-"
"I was runner-up." You cut him off. "For both of you. Looking back, I'm not really upset. It was always impossible for anything to come between the two of you. This-" You gesture between you and him "-was always inevitable."
"It's my fault." You smile at him, hoping it comes across as sincere as you feel. "I couldn't stand being second place."
He moves then, kneeling in front of you. Eyes the widest you've ever seen them. He catches your hands in his. You let him. A parting gift.
"Angel." He starts. "We never once thought of you as that."
You shrug. "It doesn't matter." You reply. "It's how I always felt. You can't really change the way I feel about things, Suguru."
You think he's realizing that he's beginning to lose you. His grip gets tighter as if he can physically keep you with him at the very least. He shifts until he's right at your knees, looking up at you desperately.
"Come back." He insists, abandoning his persuasions. "Just...come back. At least for a little while? We can try again, can't we? Just give us a second chance?"
It's strange, they don't look too similar, but you can see the similarities. Wow, they're just perfect for each other, aren't they? Yin and Yang. Two halves; one whole.
You were always a leftover. You just had to learn that the hard way, through days of heartbreak, crying, and sobbing your heart out. It took you awhile to understand that the affection they had for each other is different from the affection they had for you.
You shake your head. His hands nearly crush yours.
"I love you."
It takes you a while to figure out what he said. When it does sink in, your world tilts. Your heart stops at his abrupt declaration and you must stare at him because why? At first, you think he's just desperate: lovebombing. And then you look into his eyes, his sincerity. No, he means it. It makes you feel worse.
"Satoru does, too, but you know him-he'd rather die than admit something like that." Suguru gives a bitter laugh, one you find familiar even after all this time. "I've always wanted to tell you but thought it was too soon. I thought we had all the time in the world." His voice tapers so he doesn't have to say the obvious but clearly you three didn't.
You want to reach over, tuck a stray lock behind his ear but you stop yourself because he isn't yours anymore. You gave it all away when you ran. Instead, you curl your hands around his in silent understanding.
You don't know how you didn't realize it before, but Suguru is less put together than usual. His hair is typically well-groomed and shiny, but now you see split ends. His eyes are clear and bright, but today...they aren't. A dull purple. Hazy violet.
He's miserable.
You did this. This was all you.
"Satoru misses you," he says, "always had. Barely smiles anymore. I don't think I can blame him."
They loved you. They love you. This was all what you wanted. Just a bit of recognition. There's a tiny part of you that's still itching to jump back in Suguru's arms, kiss him until you're out of breath 'just kidding! it was a prank! let's go home!' and then you two would leave hand-in-hand back to Satoru.
Going back to them would make them happy, but not you.
But Shoko was right. You deserved better.
"It'll get better." You assure. "You'll heal."
Day by day, the cracks in your heart start to seal. Bit by bit. It may never heal over completely, but you know you'll be okay one day. And they'll be alright too. Who knows, maybe in a couple years, you'll all laugh at this.
Suguru shakes his head and stands up. His eyes are just the bit glassy, but he's blinking them away before anything gives. It's just like him, honestly, so you're not too upset.
"You don't get it." He's smiling, not quite in humor. "I don't think you'll ever do but..." He trails off, mid-thought.
"But what?" You press.
Then he sighs and closes his eyes. When he looks at you again, his signature pleasantly cold smile is on his face.
"I did all I could, I think." He turns around, abrupt. "I'll see myself out."
You're caught off-guard by his sudden departure, but by the time you're following him, Shoko's already leading him out the front door, locking it with exasperation.
"Is that it?" She asks. "They won't be barging in anytime soon, right?"
You stare out the window, watching as Suguru gets in his car. Something bubbled in your stomach.
~
It was one of those nights. Shoko had come back early. Utahime was back from the school. You had planned a cute little evening for the girls and a relaxing night in. You had everything: wine, freshly-prepared dinner, a cheesy horror movie, and an announcement you're sure they were more than happy to hear.
You had just settled down the blanket when you hear Shoko come through the door. You take off her coat before she can even touch it, excitedly flitting around her.
"What's gotten you in such a good mood?" Shoko asks, her dark circles even more profound than before. You don't have to feel guilty about those for long.
"You'll see!" You chirp back.
Utahime strolls out of the bathroom, fresh from the shower. Her hair is still wet. You'll ask if you can blow dry it later.
"That's what you've been saying for nearly an hour now." Utahime groans. "Just tell us already. Or at least, me."
"Patience." You chastise. "But, it's a good surprise, I promise."
She's not satisfied, but she sits down anyway. They eat dinner, complimenting your skills all the while. You preen at their praise. It's a stark contrast between Suguru and Satoru, how cold they'd often been whenever you did something nice for them: tilted smiles, less-than-receptive words of 'oh baby you didn't have to'.
As you lived with both couples, you can see the similarities. Utahime's temper is close to Satoru's, but that's where the similarities stop. She's more serious and less likely to blow off your feelings with a playful huff. Shoko and Suguru share the same laid-back personality, but Shoko is always there to listen to you instead of cutting you off with condescending sympathy.
Wow, maybe Satoru and Suguru were a little more shitty than you initially thought.
Eventually, the night draws to a close. They're drunk, full, and smiling. Perfect. You clear your throat just when Shoko refills her fourth glass.
"Again, I'd really like to thank you for letting me stay." You start. "It meant so much to me to have two amazing people to support me like this. So, thank you."
Utahime smiles. "Don't thank us," she says, "again, you can stay for as long as you want-forever, honestly!"
You nod. "Well, I don't think I have to do that anymore."
Shoko freezes mid-sip.
"What?" She asks.
"I talked to my parents." You tell them, oblivious to their stone faces. "And I'm going to move back in with them, just until I get back on my feet. Isn't that great? Now, you two won't have to-"
You stop when you finally notice how cold they look. Utahime looks close to tears.
"What's wrong?" You ask.
"You're leaving?" Utahime asks, her voice nearly cracks. "Why?"
That...wasn't what you were expecting. Shouldn't they be glad the third wheel is finally out of their house? Why does Utahime look so heartbroken? Why is Shoko so quiet? What was going on?
"Isn't-isn't this what you wanted?" You fumble with your words. "Now, you don't have to share the house with me anymore. It'll be just the two of you again."
They exchange glances, and it reminds you of those secret conversations Suguru and Satoru used to have. Except this time, you can read their faces.
"What if...we don't want it to be just the two of us anymore?" Shoko starts, hesitant, reproachful like she's approaching a scared wild animal.
Your eyebrows scrunch. "I don't understand."
At that, Utahime drops her head in her hands. "Oh, c'mon! We've been doing this for weeks! You can't be that oblivious-"
And then, she stops herself. Looks at you. You stare right back, and the three of you have the exact same realization at the exact same time.
"Oh." You breathe.
"Oh." Utahime whispers.
"We're all idiots." Shoko says behind her glass.
"Wait wait. Hold on." You backtrack. "You-you two want...with me?"
"Yes!" Utahime exclaims. "Yes! God, now everything makes sense. I thought you were just trying to let us down gently, but this whole time you just weren't even paying attention!"
"No." You argue, face hot. "You two were just really subtle."
"We all sleep in the same room, these days." Shoko lists. "'Hime sat on your lap with nothing on but a bra and panties."
"I thought we were just doing friend things!"
"What kinds of friends sit on your lap, half-naked?" Utahime asks, mortified.
"I-I-" You give up.
All this time. You were mourning over something you lost months ago, even when there was something blooming right under your nose. God, you're an idiot.
Hands. They clasp your own. You look up into Utahime's pretty brown eyes.
"We want you to stay." She whispers. "We want you." You take a glance at Shoko.
"Do you want us?"
You take a deep breath.
You nod.
She's smiling, and then Utahime's kissing you. Soft, so soft, nothing like the possessive kisses Satoru gives you. It's innocent and adoring and you find yourself melting into her completely.
Utahime disappears and before you can mourn her warmth, Shoko's lips join yours. You can smell the alcohol, the slightest sting of cigarettes. You don't mind it. Her kisses are nothing like Suguru's, all powerful and domineering. She takes what you give her, asking ever so nicely for more.
You break away, panting.
"You good?" She asks.
You nod.
"Good." Shoko hums. "Cuz we're gonna fuck you now."
"What?"
Shoko pushes you down on the couch. You land with an oomph before Utahime's descends on you with a flurry of kisses.
"Waited so long to do this, baby." She's sighing into your lips, fiddling with your shirt so she can pull it off. "Weeks and weeks."
She pulls down one of your bra cups, massaging at your tits. You hadn't had action in so long, so you eagerly encouraged her movements, kissing her back with just as much fervor. Shoko takes her place next to her girlfriend, pawing at your other tit.
"Look." Shoko purrs. "One for each of us." Her soft mouth sucks on your nipple, swirling it around her mouth. Your head leans back with a pleasant sigh.
"Feel good?" Utahime asks. "She's good with her tongue, isn't she?"
"Yes," you nod, and Utahime gives out a delighted giggle, peppering your face with kisses. You gasp when you feel her hand shift through your shorts, palming at your dripping pussy.
"Poor thing." Utahime's cooing, and there's a brief hint of mockery in her tone. You've never heard that before. It turns you on even more. "They never gave you attention back there did they?" She circles your clit. "They were too busy sucking each other's dicks to pay attention to such a pretty pussy."
Shoko pops off your tits, shifting down. She kisses her way to your stomach. You blearily watch as she adjusts herself until she's right at your shorts. Utahime follows her lead, tugging off your shorts. Your panties go next.
And then you're staring down at them with trepid anticipation.
"I meant what I said." Shoko says softly. "You deserve better. You deserve someone who cares for you."
"You deserve us." With that, She and Utahime latch onto your pussy.
They're everywhere. You have to stop yourself from cumming right then and there, arching your back as one of them sucks on your clit while the other licks into your hole. She manages to stick her tongue inside of you, and it's enough to shoot sparks through your eyes.
"So tight." Utahime's hissing into your cunt. "Sho, after this, you wanna try to fuck this pussy with your strap?"
There's a soft laugh, and Shoko pulls away from your clit to answer, much to your disappointment. You whine, thrusting your hips in the air. She stills you with a hush.
"I don't think we're ready just yet." She hums. "Yet."
When you glance down, they both are making out with your clit. It's debaucherous. Their soft lips are connected, your tiny bud locked in the middle as their spit trickles down into your pussy. Utahime groans and when you look further down, you realize she's touching herself.
You don't know which part of this makes you cum, but you cum. It's the hardest you've ever orgasmed. There's so much stimulation that your hips buck up, trying to chase the sparks of pleasure. They let you, licking you through your orgasm.
When you come down, your thighs fall apart, splayed against the soft cushions. Utahime still isn't finished, licking at your clit. You shudder at the overstimulation, whining until Shoko is pulling her off of you by her hair.
"Good, baby?" She asks, crawling back up to you. You kiss her as an answer. She melts in delight.
You break the kiss, glancing over at Utahime.
Taking the silent request, she kisses you again. You can taste yourself on her lips. You don't mind it. For some reason, it's sweeter on Utahime's tongue.
When she breaks away, she stares at you, face soft. "You're staying, right?" She asks you. "You'll stay with us? Because after this, I don't think we could ever let you go."
You give a shy nod, and Utahime beams.
"Then, you're ours now," Shoko says, settling into your side. "And we're yours. Always."
"Always." You breathe, content, happy. You could almost go to sleep.
Shoko slaps your thigh.
"Not yet." She warns before propping you up. "First, I want you to sit on my face."
Hours later, you wake up delightfully sore in bed. The two girls are curled up next to you. When you move, you can still feel the bruises Utahime left. You never knew she liked to bite so much.
You can't even begin to remember what happened, but you don't regret any of it. Hours and hours had passed as they fucked you and fucked each other, and you fucked them.
Shoko shifts beside you. She was always a light sleeper.
"Awake?" She asks.
"Yeah." You softly say back.
She hums, shifting a little more to face you. Utahime's behind you, arms protectively curled around your waist. At your voice, her eyes twitch.
"Shut up." She grumbles, but her arms cinch around your waist.
Shoko stretches as she rises up. You miss her body warmth but you don't mind the view she gives as she saunters over to the dresser, pulling on some clothes.
"I'm gonna get food."
Utahime mumbles out her order. You say nothing because you don't want to come in between them, and then Shoko looks at you.
"What do you want?" She prompts.
You blink, and when you answer, Shoko smiles, and then she's out the door.
The interaction makes your heart warm.
Still, it can't last.
When you go to get up, Utahime protests, grabbing your wrist.
"And where are you going?" She prods.
You fumble. "Back to my room?"
"What? Why?" Utahime demands with a frown. "What's the point, you're already with us, now."
"Oh." You blink, but you give in and slink back into bed. "Is...this really okay?"
"For God's sake, " she hisses, but you don't count it against her because Utahime has always been a little grumpy after waking up. "Yes. We're obsessed with you. How are you so blind?"
"We want you, and we're not like them." Her voice drops in disdain. "We'll treat you better. You're ours now. You're mine."
"Yours." You repeat, something warm fluttering in your belly.
"You can't leave, we'd go crazy, okay?" She seriously tells you. "If someone else takes you away, I'd lose it. And Shoko is okay with murder."
You laugh.
"That's not a joke." She warns.
"I know." And you kiss her again.
It's like that for a couple weeks. You live in peaceful domestic bliss with two wonderful girlfriends. Now that you're in an actual loving relationship, you can't tell why you ever contemplated ever going back to Satoru and Suguru. Shoko actually talked to you about your feelings. Utahime cared about your input. You weren't treated like an afterthought, second place.
They were with each other longer than they had been with you, but they never made you feel like you had to fight for your relationship. Speaking off Satoru and Suguru, they never once contacted you after their first two attempts. They'd clearly given up.
Everything was just perfect.
And then, it just wasn't.
You were in bed with them. Fifteen minutes ago, Utahime shuffled off to go to the bathroom. She still wasn't back. Half asleep, Shoko grumbled.
"She's probably in there fighting a cockroach." She complains, but she rises anyway. "Sleep, I'll be back." She kisses you on the cheek, and then she's gone.
Their body warmth fades, but they stay because they're tired. These days, you can't really sleep without them, so you wait for the girls to return. Two minutes pass. Then, five. Then, ten. By then, the bed is cold.
You open your eyes, sitting up. It's so quiet. Are they okay?
You pull off the comforter, stepping onto the cold wooden floor. The apartment feels strangely...haunted somehow. The air felt heavier now, thick with an invisible tension, like the house itself was holding its breath. It must be because you feel alone, you're sure of it.
The bedroom leads to a dark hallway. As you make your way down, you can hear something. Voices? Murmuring. The relief almost makes you laugh. Seriously, what were you even afraid about?
The living room is horrific.
They look dead. You can't tell if they're breathing or not. Shoko's eyes are closed. Utahime's limp body is sprawled across the floor. There's blood on the wooden panels.
Suguru doesn't even blink.
"You're awake." He says it so casually, like waking up to your ex-boyfriends mauling your girlfriends is normal.
"What..." Your voice fails, you weakly try again. "What did you two do?"
Satoru answers, smiling with glinty teeth.
"Isn't it obvious? We're getting rid of the competition."
You don't understand, your brain hasn't caught up yet, you still think you can talk to these psychos.
"It's their fault." Satoru's still smiling, but there's nothing happy about his tone. He's carrying a knife. There's blood on it. "It's all their fault. They manipulated you into breaking up with us, baby. That's how these useless sluts got you into their arms." He spits on Utahime's hair. You cover your face with your hands.
"But, it's not like you aren't at fault, Baby." He points the knife at you. "You left us for them. I'm not letting you off the hook for that."
You don't know what he's saying. His movements scare you, his eyes, the knife. When you glance at Suguru, you don't know what you're expecting.
But you know you aren't expecting...that.
His purple eyes are icy cold. Utterly devoid of any emotion. You don't think you're staring at a person, anymore.
"You lied," Suguru says, "You lied about us not giving you enough attention. You just wanted to leave us. For them."
You step back. They step forward.
Those bastards would've never let you go otherwise. Utahime warned you. Looking at her limp body, you wondered if she thought they'd ever go this far.
"I didn't." You weakly insist. "I-I wasn't lying about anything! It-it wasn't like I wanted to leave-"
"Stop lying," Gojo insists. "Stop fucking lying already."
He smiles again.
"It's okay, baby. I know you'll come back with us. Right after we're done dealing with these two whores."
"You'll belong to us." Suguru promises and he steps on Shoko's hands. "Just like always."
They were both crazy. Nothing could get through to them. Now, you would sit there and watch them maul the only things in your life that made you feel complete.
The worst part is that everything was your fault.
Shoko's pinky twitches. You can see Utahime take shallow breathes.
And you speak.
"I'm sorry."
Your weak voice makes them stop in their tracks. Satoru glances at you, Suguru does too. You can't convince them. The only thing you can do is play into their delusions.
"You're right." You say, the tears finally feeling useful. "I just wanted to leave. I-I was just bored. I wanted something new." Suguru's lips curl and you quickly move on. "But-but the more I stayed with them, the more I realized...how much I missed you two."
Satoru halts. You caught him.
"I did." You stress, carefully making your way to him on feet that were close to dropping at any minute. "Every day, I thought about you two." You reach out, touching his face with shaky fingers. "I really really wanted to come back, but I was afra-afraid you wouldn't...want me back."
Satoru reaches up to touch your hand. His fingers are cold. You resist the urge to shudder.
"You missed us?" He wonders.
The lie feels like sand.
"More than anything."
His kiss is violent. He crushes you with his grip, touching and biting and everything you hate. You squeeze your eyes shut, letting him suck your soul dry.
"Don't kill them." You whisper when he finally pulls away. "Please don't kill them. Everything was my fault."
Satoru's face is pensive. His gaze drifts off to Suguru's. Those silent conversations you hated so much.
Then, Satoru gives a delighted sigh.
"You're lucky. I love you so much." He kisses your nose, before pushing you in Suguru's arms.
"I'll clean up here. Suguru, go back to the truck." He demands.
You don't fight, letting Suguru drag you away. Shoko and Utahime live in apartments, but you're afraid if you scream, Satoru might change his mind and gut them anyway. Before Suguru leads you off, you catch Gojo scoffing before he kicks at Utahime's face. You gasp and pray that when Shoko wakes up, she'll be coherent enough to call for an ambulance.
I'm sorry, you tell them. I'm so so sorry.
Suguru pushes you into the backseat of their vehicle. You obediently take a seat.
"You shouldn't have left." He tells you. "You should've stayed."
His face is cold, but his tone betrays the tiniest tremor. If you weren't so scared, you'd laugh. The irony is that he's the one who feels wronged here.
"I'm sorry," you say anyway.
He hums, not quite satisfied with your answer.
"You aren't." He responds, and you hate how well he knows your tells.
And then, he grins.
"But you will be."
Hands reach out, gripping your neck. You flail immediately as Suguru cuts of your oxygen. You can't breathe. You can't fucking breathe. No matter how tightly you squeeze onto his wrist, digging your nails into his hands, clawing at his face. He keeps you still, keeping you there as you grow weaker. Your vision gets blurry. Your attempts get sluggish. There's a kiss on your forehead, and you black out completely.
~
You wake up in a room you've never seen before. And your neck is sore.
The pain drifts in as soon as consciousness does. You feel like you have a hangover, your head throbs, your eyes struggle to remain open. You can't go back to sleep either, not when it hurts so much.
The panic doesn't settle in until you catch the cuffs on either one of your legs, keeping you attached to the bedpost. Silver chains, with enough lead to let you move around a bit. The cuffs are padded so you don't rub yourself raw. You don't care about the thoughtfulness.
They're in the room with you, watching with silent eyes. Nausea builds up in your stomach, and you wonder how long they'd stayed there, just watching you.
You miss Shoko. You miss Utahime. You missed people who actually loved you.
Not these two. Monsters that lied and pretended, but deep down, they were just too selfish to share.
"You were out for a while." Suguru comments.
"I told you to use the syringe," Satoru remarks, but he doesn't sound too upset. At his voice, Suguru laughs.
You shift in your spot. Suguru takes that as an invitation. He sits at the edge of the bed, watching you with satisfied eyes. You must look pathetic: shivering, in tears. He reaches up, catching your tears with his finger.
"So cute." And then he frowns. "You know why we're doing this, yes? You were bad. You need to be punished."
"I'm sorry." It's all you can say. You feel like a broken record, doomed to repetition over and over again.
"You aren't. You should stop lying." Suguru says sweetly. "But I'm sure, a couple hours in your new home will help you think about how much you hurt us."
You wanted to scream, but you can't cuz your throat still hurts from Suguru's hands, and you know he's not above putting his hands on you this time. Maybe he never was, you just never saw this side of him until you made him snap.
"You're leaving?" You stumble, moving as they back away but the chains only take you so far. There are no windows, and when Suguru shuts the light off, the only thing that's keeping you from the dark entirely is the light emitting out the hallway.
"Wait." You beg. "Please. Wait, don't-don't leave me here. I'm sorry. This is scary. I'm scared."
Satoru hesitates at your broken voice. Like a shark smelling blood, you pounce.
"Satoru, please."
"If you keep coddling, then the lesson will never be learned." Suguru warns.
Satoru stares at you. He's not wearing his sunglasses. You can see him for what he is now.
"I love you." He says it so sincerely, you almost believe it. "This is for your own good."
The door shuts, and everything goes dark.
#yandere jjk#yandere#dark jjk#dark gojo satoru#dark content#yandere gojo satoru#x reader#yandere x reader#yandere gojo x reader#yandere jjk x reader#yandere geto suguru#yandere geto suguru x reader#dark geto suguru#shoko ieiri x reader#utahime x reader#yandere satosugu#dark satosugu#yandere scenarios#shokohime x reader
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My life is quiet. Why do I still feel this?
#nothing is HAPPENING to make me anxious#if anything the few things i do have going on are good ones#im not overworked or going through some big life event or whatever im just existing and doing it Wrong#im not in a fight or struggling in any real way#but its like my brain is constantly vibrating out of my head#im shaky and stuttery and its been POINTED OUT that i seem off#but i dont know what it is#i dont know how to exist in a calm no pressure environment and its ruining me#ive almost broken video game controllers with the force it takes me to hold them and play without Being Weird ive ripped napkins and recipts#literally into shreds without realising im doing it#im so concious of my body and of physically existing within a space#nothing is wrong but i am so overwhelmingly anxious all the time i just cant seem to stop it#maybe i need to up my meds#but that feels so stupid and temporary like what am i meant to say#oh hi doctors nothing has happened but i feel like a pathetic shaking dog can you help me#i WANT to be around people#i want to play games and talk and watch things and feel comfortable in other peoples prescence without having to entertain them and i get SO#many chances and oppurtunities too like !!! i live with my best friends! this should be perfect! but i still cant do it#they reassure me literally constantly but my brain and anxiety just spins around in circles and then i talk about how im sorry this happens#so much that i feel that i should stop saying things because theyve heard this all before#and then they reassure me about THAT and then it happens again and again and again because my stupid brain just wont shut up#their experiance of me gets lessened and dimmer every time i dont do it right and eventually theyre going to wonder why they even keep me#around#again nothing has HAPPENED#theres not a big event or trauma to talk through im just existing in the world and it is so uncomfortable for me#i hate it i hate it i hate it#personal#tw/ negative thoughts
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